Resolving
Conflict
Debate vs. Dialogue
Ways to relieve stress
Assertive vs Aggressive
Discuss interests not
positions –
win/win solutions
Debate
vs. Dialogue
A debate focuses on what we
have to give to a
conversation, often turning
our opinions into “facts” for
the sake of argument.
A dialogue engages people in
a conversation that
encourages exploration,
knowledge acquisition, and
an understanding
Skills needed:
 Persuasion
 Assertion
 ?
Skills needed:
 Listening
 Reflection
 Understanding
Behaviors associated with a
“Debate”
 Accept nothing at face
value
 Challenge everything
 Assert one’s own point
 Talk more than you listen
 Judge what the person is
saying
Behaviors associated with
“Dialogue”
 Listen more than you talk
 Try to understand, not just
hear
 Ask questions to clarify
points of view
 Reflect, not react
Which do you prefer?
Arguing Positions rather than Interests…
We often enter into heated arguments
where we feel that the other person just
doesn’t understand what we’re
saying…either that, or they’re not
listening! Maybe it’s not the other
person, but rather, what we’re arguing
about. If we explain our “interest” in the
situation, rather than being stubborn on a
position, we may get our points across
better.
You and your roommate are fighting with your
roommate because he or she borrowed a brand
new shirt without asking.:
Positions:
 “You shouldn’t just
take my stuff!”
and
 “I just borrowed a
shirt…relax!”
Interests:
 “I’m a very private
person and I don’t
like people using
my belongings
without my
permission.”
and
 “I’ve always grown
up borrowing my
sibling’s clothes
without having to
ask. I’m a very
sharing person and I
want to share with
you too.”
Your best friend has just eaten every bit of food
you had left in your refrigerator. You argue and
argue but can’t get your point across:
Positions:
 “I can’t believe you
at everything and
never asked!”
and
 “I was hungry! It
was just food!
What’s the big
deal?”
Interests:
 “I was brought up to
wait and be offered
food rather than
eating it without
asking. I think it
was rude to eat that
food.”
and
 “My family always
has people over and
everyone searches
through the
refrigerator on their
own to eat what
they want. It’s just
the way I am.”