Mrs. C: I know. You were all
expecting the big man himself. Well,
he’s a little busy these days so he’s
sent me, his adoring wife and former
Broadway diva - you shoulda’ seen
my Mama Rose, (sad Twinkle
enters)…Um…Twinkle. What are you
doing? I’m getting ready to do the
showstopper from my Tonynominated turn as Eva Peron.
Twinkle: Sorry Mrs. C, but the
holidays are always tough for me. I
see happy elf couples running
around the workshop, rubbing noses
and rollicking in the snowdrifts. It’s
just so depressing always being
alone.
Mrs. C: So why don’t you get
yourself a cute little elf friend, or
even little fairy?
Twinkle: Oh (nodding in agreement)
(Mrs. C)
Assume the formation!
Ready? OK
Look at my bells, Look at my bows
Ms. Claus she surely knows
When she wants love or Santa’s
glance
She can put him in a trance
(Mrs. C)
All the elves wanna’ come and play
Snap my fingers and they obey
Why do they follow me 'round all
day?
Watch me while I walk away
(All)
Bend and snap
(Twinkle)
OW!
(Mrs. C)
Look how good you're getting
(All)
Bend and snap
(All) I bend and snap
(Mrs. C) Feel how hot it's gettin'
Mrs. C: Oh, Twinkle. I wasn’t always
universally loved and adored. I
started out huffing it in the chorus
until the diva of all divas herself,
Patti (that’s Ms. LuPone to the rest
of you) plucked this wilting flower
from the back row and cultivated her
into the glamorous poinsettia you
see before you today. I think it’s time
I pass on Patti’s secret to success to
another worthy, young protégé.
(Mrs. C)
And when you got them sweatin'
Twinkle: Me? (Mrs. C nods) Thank
you, Mrs. C. You’re wonderful.
(Twinkle)
Oh, that's easy for you to say
Mrs. C: I know. Let’s get started. First
I’m going to need some help from
my girls. Pineda-ettes!
(Pineda-ettes run onstage)
(Mrs. C)
And you
Mrs. C: Lesson number one. A true
diva always travels with her on backup dancers.
(Mrs. C)
No wait before you walk away
Just...
(All) Ho Ho!
Twinkle: That’s easy for you to say.
You’re a former Broadway chorine
and I’m just a schlumpy little elf.
Twinkle: Where’d they come from?
Please
Sorry girls, that ain't how I play
This wouldn't work if I tried all day
I gotta go get my asthma spray
Watch me while I walk away
(All) Bend and snap
(All)
Spring the trap
They cheer and clap
(Mrs. C)
There’s no elf
Can defend himself
‘gainst the bend and snap
(Pineda-ettes)
Girl, if you wanna make the team
Then fake some self-esteem
The more you jump around and
scream
the sexier you seem
(Twinkle)
(Mrs. C)
I'ma bet right now you sweatin'
(All)
Spring the trap
They cheer and clap
(Mrs. C)
So depend
On your friend
Called the...
(All)
Bend...
(Mrs. C) It's not the time to overthink
Just try it once, he'll buy you a drink
(All)
Now-a-days on stage its kicks and
twirls
But here's how we did it in the Laker
girls
Come on, Paulette
(Mrs. C)
Doesn't this look fun
(Pineda-ettes)
Look, do it and we'll go away
(Twinkle)
Okay, okay, okay, okay
Bend and...
(All) and snap
(All)
Bend and snap
(Guys)
Oh Holy Night, Twinkle!
(Paulette)
Hey wait a second when I beckoned
Look how the guys came running
Like I'm...'
(Guys) Kickin'
(Twinkle)
I'ma bet right now you’re sweatin'
(All)
Spring the trap
They cheer and clap
(Twinkle)
I depend on my friend
(All)
Go Twinkle, Go Twinkle
(Paulette) Finger...'
(Guys) Lickin'
(Twinkle) Like I'm
(Twinkle and guys)
friggin', wicked stunnin'
(Twinkle) Will you pay for stuff I buy
(Guys) Yes
(Twinkle) And bake me cake and pie
(Guys) Yes
(Twinkle) And hold me when I cry
(Guys) Yes
(Twinkle)
And I will tell you why
I'm too rockin' to walk away
All the boys come and gawk away
Droppin' jaws from a block away
Watchin' how I walk away
(Guys)
We love to watch her walk away
(Twinkle) I bend...
(All) and snap
(Twinkle)
Now look how hot it's gettin'
(Twinkle)
I depend on my friend
(All)
Go, go, go Twinkle
(Twinkle)
I depend on my friend
Called the bend and snap
(Everyone)
Bend and snap
Bend and snap
Bend and snap
Bend and snap
(Santa)
Oh, ho, ho, ho, Mrs. Claus. How
about we go up to our bedroom for
some - milk and cookies.
(Mrs. C)
Works every time!