Domestic Violence
Domestic abuse is a cycle of abusive actions done by one person to gain dominance over
another. It entails an intricate system of interconnected hostile acts that frequently worsens
with time. The video on domestic violence by Leslie Morgan Steiner discusses the who, what,
why, when, where, and how domestic violence has affected her entire life significantly. Leslie
was a victim, but it took her a long time to figure this out because she was crazy in love. Her
husband, whom she introduced as Conner, was the abuser. It is not that love is blind; love leads
to blindness at times. Can you imagine someone you should feel secure and at peace with
instead abuse you?
Leslie said that his behavior showed no anger or frustration for the first two years of
their relationship. She mentioned that the abuse started five days before her wedding. She had
been frustrated due to difficulties while writing her paper, and he got angry and choked her.
Little did she know that this would become her lifestyle, because this became a routine. She
eventually married her abuser days after because of her love and made excuses for his actions.
It is sad to say that feeling love for an individual who is abusive towards another person is not
uncommon. Moreover, if the love came before the abuse, these feelings do not necessarily
vanish.
The next question is, what caused Connor to abuse Leslie? Based on Leslie’s
information, she stated that Connor had also been a victim of abuse in his childhood. Not all
abuse victims become abusive to loved ones, but this shows that everyone handles abuse/pain
differently. It is evident that Connor was carrying much anger from his past, and abuse can be a
way to express that anger. It could also be that he thinks he is not good enough to deserve a
loving relationship and retaliates by abusing her. However, this is never an excuse for abusing
her. Leslie repeatedly admitted that she fell into a psychological trap. She stated she stayed
because she did not know it was abuse. Instead, Leslie saw herself as a powerful woman in love
with a distraught man, thinking she was the only person who could help Connor with his issues.
She knew it was unsafe to leave an abuser. Conner had already isolated Leslie from her family to
weaken her connections with them. Isolation also helped prevent her from recognizing his
behavior as abusive and wrong. This situation shows that women in abusive relationships need
support and understanding, not judgment.
Finally, another question is, how did she leave? Leslie mentioned that finally, she was
able to leave after a sadistic beating that broke through her denial. Leaving an abuser puts the
victim at risk for violence, stalking, or psychological torment. Many persons who went through
abuse confess that what prevented them from going back was writing all the horrible things the
abuser did. Throughout those years, while Leslie was abused, she thought she was unique and
the only one in that situation. However, sharing her story with the world gave her the courage
to leave. Before it was too late; she broke her silence and told everyone.
Based on Leslie’s information, it is evident that she stayed because she was hoping for a
change in her relationship. However, after years of abuse and beaten twice a day for two and a
half years of her marriage. The truth is that staying and accepting repeated abuse reinforce and
enable the behavior of the abuser. Leslie mentioned that when Connor was abusing her, often
days after, he would justify his actions and apologize. Connor might have meant that in the
moment, but his true goal was to stay in control and keep her from leaving him. Leslie was able
to protect herself after she left Connie, which is very important. The scars of domestic violence
can ruin anyone. Leslie wrote her book to share not only her story but also others who are going
through abuse.
Reference
TEDtalksDirector. (2013, January 25). Why domestic violence victims don't leave | Leslie
Morgan Steiner. YouTube. Retrieved September 26, 2022, from
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1yW5IsnSjo