What is always coming, but never arrives?
What can be broken, but is never held?
What is it that lives if it is fed, and dies if you give it a drink?
What word would you use to describe a man who does not have all his fingers on one hand?
Normal, because people usually have half their fingers on one hand.
What can one catch that is not thrown?
What is it that if you have, you want to share me, and if you share, you do not have?
If a plane crashes on the border between the United States and Canada, where do they bury the survivors?
Survivors are not buried.
If it takes eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men?
No time, because the wall is already built.
If you have a bowl with six apples and you take away four, how many do you have?
The 4 you took away
If you had only one match and entered a dark room containing an oil lamp, some kindling wood, and a newspaper, which would you light first?
If you spell “sit in the tub” s-o-a-k, and you spell “a funny story” j-o-k-e, how do you spell “the white of an egg”?
a-l-b-u-m-e-n or e-g-g w-h-i-t-e
Is it legal for a man to marry his widow’s sister?
No, but since he is dead it would be hard to do so.
If Mrs. John’s bungalow is decorated completely in pink, with the walls, carpet, and furniture all shades of pink, what color are the stairs?
There are no stairs, because bungalows do not have a second floor.
How did the boy kick his soccer ball ten feet, and then have it come back to him on its own?
He kicked it up.
How could a man go outside in the pouring rain without protection, and not have a hair on his head get wet?
He was bald.
If an electric train is moving north at 100mph and a wind is blowing to the west at 10mph, which way does the smoke blow?
An electric train has no smoke.
How was it possible that every single person in an airplane crash died, but two people survived?
The two survivors were married.
What breaks and never falls, and what falls and never breaks?
Day breaks and night falls
Some months have 31 days, others have 30 days, but how many have 28 days?
All the months have 28 days.
“The attorney is my brother,” testified the accountant. But the attorney testified he did not have a brother. Who is lying?
Neither one, because the accountant was his sister.
Uncle Bill’s farm had a terrible storm and all but seven sheep were killed. How many sheep are still alive?
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time?
What do you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?
A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush
What goes up and down, but always remains in the same place?
What is it that goes up, but never comes down?
What happened when the wheel was invented?
It caused a revolution.
What has a head, a tail, but does not have a body?
Who is bigger, Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, or their baby?
The baby, since he is a little Bigger.
Of you sit a cup on the table facing south while you are on the north side of the table, on which side is the cup’s handle?
No matter which way the cup is turned, the handle is always on the outside.
What did one campfire say to the other?
Shall we go out tonight?
Why can’t a woman living in the Europe be buried in Canada?
A living woman cannot be buried anywhere.
Why are movie stars considered cool?
Because they have so many fans.
What is white and black, but red all over?
The newspaper is “read” all over.
What is the biggest problem with snow boots?
Snow boots melt
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they cannot remember the words.
What becomes wetter the more it dries?
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing; it waved.
Where is an ocean with no water?
On a map
What type hair does an ocean have?
Why did the clown visit the doctor?
Because he was feeling a bit funny.
What is sticky and brown?
What happens if you throw a white hat into the Black Sea?
The hat gets wet.
What provides the strength and power to walk through walls?
Why did Superman cross the road?
He wanted to get to the supermarket.
Which nail does a carpenter try to miss?
What do you always see at the beginning of a parade?
The letter p
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
What happened to the human cannonball?
He got fired.
Which room has no walls?
How can a woman go eight days without sleep?
She sleeps at night.
How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor and not crack it?
No problem, because concrete floors are very hard to crack.
How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
You cannot, because you will never find an elephant with one hand.
If two waves have a race, who wins?
They “tied” (tide).
Why did the cowboy ride his mule into town?
Because his mule was too heavy to carry.
What goes up and down, but never moves?
What happened to the lion when he ate the clown?
He felt funny.
If a rooster lays an egg on top of the barn roof, which way will it roll?
It will not roll, because roosters do not lay eggs.
How many animals did Moses take into the ark?
None, because it was Noah who built and loaded the ark.
How many legs does an elephant have if you count his trunk as a leg?
Four, because calling the elephant’s trunk a leg does not make it one.
How much dirt is there in a hole that is 3 feet deep, 6 feet long, and 4 feet wide?
None, because a hole does not have any dirt inside.
What did the quilt say to the bed?
I’ve got you covered.
Why did the woman run around her bed at night?
To catch up on her sleep
What can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch or dinner
What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck
How many sides does a circle have?
Two, because it has an inside and an outside.
If you imagine you are in a sinking rowboat surrounded by sharks, how would you survive?
If ten birds are sitting in a tree and a hunter shoots one, how birds many are left in the tree?
None, because after one bird got shot, the rest flew away.
If a monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree, who will get the banana first?
None, because you cannot get a banana from a coconut tree.
What two words, when combined, hold the most letters?