Write short and clear sentences
Complexity is
the greatest enemy
of clear communication.
Resist the
Express
temptation
only one
to put
idea in
everything
each
in one
sentence.
sentence.
Use short sentences
“The genius is having a ten-dollar idea in a five-cent
sentence, not having a five-cent idea in a ten-dollar
sentence.”
US Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas
“The more complicated your information is, the
shorter your sentences should be.”
(from “Writing to Win: The Legal Writer: The Complete
Guide to Writing Strategies That Will Make Your Case—
And Win It” by Steven D. Stark)
Use short sentences
“Short sentences are a supreme advantage when
communicating with people from a non-English
speaking background. If you want your English to be
understood worldwide—write short sentences. If
you want to avoid embarrassing grammar mistakes and
excruciating international misunderstandings—use
short sentences. If you want your international clients to
read your documents easily, confidently and
accurately—use short sentences.”
“Global English for Global Business”
by Rachel McAlpine
Recommended average number of words
per sentence in legal documents
 15 words (Federal Register Document Drafting Handbook, October 1998)
 Between 15 and 18 (“Plain English: Eschew Legalese” by Judge Gerald
Lebovits, New York State Bar Association Journal, November/December 2008)
 18 words (“Appellate Practice—Including Legal Writing From A Judge’s
Perspective”, by Judge Mark P. Painter)
 20 words or fewer (US Federal Aviation Administration “Writing Standards,
 20 words (“Legal Writing in Plain English” by Bryan A. Garner)
 20 words (“How to write clearly” from European Commission)
 20 to 25 words (“How to create clear announcements” Project on the Use of
Plain Language, by Hong Kong Securities and Futures Commission”)
 20 to 25 words (“Tips for Better Writing in Law Reviews and Other Journals” by
Joseph Kimble, Michigan Bar Journal, October 2012)
 22 words (“Just Writing: Grammar, Punctuation, and Style for the Legal Writer”
by Anne Enquist and Laurel Currie Oates)
 25 words (“Mightier Than the Sword: Powerful Writing in the Legal Profession”
by C. Edward Good)
Variety in sentence length
While sentences should
average about 15 to 25
words, they need not all
be the same length, nor
is this desirable.
If sentences are all long
or all short, paragraphs
may still be hard to read.
Caution:
Should you write all
long, or all short
sentences,
you’ll present
too few or too
many points of
emphasis.
Variety in sentence length
Don’t make all your
sentences
because it makes
them
the same length
monotonous.
long
dense and hard
to read.
short
choppy, telegraphic,
and juvenile.
Sentence is too long
I learned I was selected
for the job, so I called
Jennifer immediately, and
I told her the good news,
and that evening we
celebrated by going out to
dinner.
31 words in four stringed
thoughts
Revision 1
Original sentence
I learned I was
selected for the job, so
I called Jennifer
immediately, and I told
her the good news,
and that evening we
celebrated by going
out to dinner.
Rewritten with
conjunctions (and, so)
deleted
I learned I was
selected for the job. I
called Jennifer
immediately. I told her
the good news. That
evening we celebrated
by going out to dinner.
Revision 2
Original sentence
I learned I was
selected for the job,
so I called Jennifer
immediately, and I
told her the good
news, and that
evening we
celebrated by going
out to dinner.
Rewritten using a subordinate
and an independent clause,
combined first three sentences.
Upon hearing I was
selected for the job, I
called Jeanne and told
her the good news.
That evening we
celebrated by going out
to dinner.
Sentence lengths just about right.
Emphasis
Bad example
Good example
I called Jennifer
and told her the
good news,
upon learning I
was selected for
the job.
Upon learning I
was selected for
the job, I called
Jennifer and told
her the good news.
Good test for sentence length
If a person has
to read the
sentence more
than once to
understand it,
the sentence is
too long.
Break up a long sentence into two;
start new sentence with ‘And’ or ‘But’
Every
accomplished
writer of the
English language,
whether a legal
writer or not,
begins sentences
with But and And.
Mark Cooney “The Truth
About Conjunctions as
Sentence-Starters”
(Michigan Bar Journal,
August 2010)
Charles Dickens
Mark Twain
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Edgar Allan Poe
Pearl S. Buck
J.R.R. Tolkien
The DaVinci Code
Tuesdays with Morrie
Angela’s Ashes
Harry Potter books
Newsweek
National Geographic
Forbes
Discover
Smithsonian
The New Yorker
US Constitution
Declaration of
Independence
Federalist Papers
Gettysburg Address
Past and present US
Supreme Court
justices: Chief Justice
Roberts, Stevens,
Scalia, Kennedy,
Thomas, Breyer,
Ginsburg, Alito,
Sotomayor; Oliver
Wendell Holmes,
Benjamin Cardozo, and
Thurgood Marshall.
Use positive statements
From Plain Language Initiative of Florida Governor Charlie Crist
Positive sentences are shorter and easier to
understand than their negative counterparts.
Before
After
Persons other than
the graduates may
not sit in the
auditorium.
Only the graduates
may sit in the
auditorium.
Avoid dummy subjects (expletives)
Dummy subjects are
empty expressions that:
 obscure the real subject;
 make the sentence
longer;
 delay the point;
 encourage passive
voice; and
 hide responsibility.
Examples: Starting
a sentence with
 It is
 It appears
 There is (are)
 It will be
How to avoid dummy subjects (expletives)
Delete the dummy subject and move
the real subject to the front.
Instead of saying
Try saying
It is my intention to
I intend to
There is one thing
bothering me
It appears to me that
One thing bothers me
It is essential for you
You must
I think
Exception to the use of “it is”
Beginning a sentence with “It” is
permissible when the pronoun refers
to its antecedent in the previous
sentence.
Example:
“In spite of efforts to eradicate it, poor
writing still survives. It is embedded in
the bureaucracy.”
Avoid unnecessary preambles
 It is important to add that...
 It may be recalled that...
 In this regard it is of significance
that...
 It is interesting to note that...
Use the active voice
Sentences in the
active voice:
the subject performs
the action expressed
in the verb. The
subject acts.
Order: Who does
what to whom
Active voice:
The dog bit the
boy.
Passive voice:
The boy was
bitten by the dog.
So what? Does it make a difference?
Sentences
init
Either but
Right,
way,
active voice are:
takes
the
boy
the reader
• generally
has
less
atime
biteand
clearer
and the
and
effort
the
to get
more
direct;
dog
message
is in
when
• more
trouble.
you
useconcise
active
because fewer
Right?
voice.
From “The Power of Plain Talk”, State of Washington resource
words are
required to
express action.
Active voice vs. passive voice
Passive Voice Hits
Whitney Houston: “You will always
be loved by me”
Eric Clapton: “The sheriff was shot
by me but the deputy was not shot
by me”
Minimize using the passive voice
The use of
passive
voice is one
of the
biggest
problems
with
government
documents.
More than any
other writing
technique, using
active voice and
specifying who is
taking an action
will change the
character of your
writing.
Identifying passive sentences
Passive sentences have two basic
features, although both may not appear in
every passive sentence.
1. The person doing the action
follows the verb (“by phrase”).
2. A form of the verb “to be”
combined with the past participle
(generally with “ed”)
Avoid forms of verb “to be”
Created
by David
Bourland
in 1989:
E! = E - e
Examples of E-Prime
Before:
After:
Doe’s assertion that he was
prejudiced by the joint trial is
without merit.
Doe’s assertion that the
joint trial prejudiced him
lacks merit.
Generally, an order denying a
motion for reconsideration is
not an appealable order
where the only issues raised
by the motion were disposed
of by the original judgment or
order.
Generally, the party
moving for reconsideration
may not appeal an order
denying the motion if the
original judgment or order
disposed of the only issues
raised by the motion.
US cases dismissed due to passive voice
By Mark Cooney, Michigan Bar Journal, June 2005
 Coroles v Sabey, 79 P3d 974,
981 (Utah App 2003)
In re MJB, 140 SW3d 643,
656 (Tenn App 2004)
 J & A Vending, Inc v JAM
Vending, Inc, 757 NYS2d 52,
55 (2003)
United States v Wilson, 503
US 329, 334–35 (1992)
 Castro v Hastings, 74 Fed.
Appx. 607, 609 (CA 7, 2003)
 Zito v Leasecomm Corp, No.
02 Civ. 8074 (GEL), 2003 WL
22251352, at *10 (SD NY Sept
30, 2003)
DaimlerChrysler Serv No
Amer, LLC v State Tax
Assessor, 817 A2d 862,
865 (Me 2003)
Arlington Educ Ass’n v
Arlington School Dist No. 3,
34 P3d 1197, 1200 (Or App
2001)
100 million dollars worth of passive voice 1/3
Pendergest-Holt et al v. Certain
Underwriters at Lloyds of London,
No. 10-200069 (5th Cir. March 15, 2010)
Robert Allen Stanford
(born March 24, 1950)
was the chairman of
Stanford Financial Group
of Companies. He was a
prominent financier,
philanthropist, and
sponsor of professional
sports.
He is in a Texas prison awaiting trial on
charges his investment company was a
massive seven billion dollar Ponzi
scheme and fraud.
100 million dollars worth of passive voice 2/3
Passive voice: “it is determined”
Issue:
Whether thethe
D&O
(directors and
“Notwithstanding
foregoing
officers)
policy
required the
carriers
to
Exclusion,
Underwriters
shall
pay Costs,
advance
defense
costs
Chargesthe
and
Expenses
in for
theAllen
event of
Stanford
andact
three
other defendants.
an alleged
or alleged
acts until such
time that it is determined that the
Defense
of insurance
companies:
alleged act
or alleged acts
did in fact
They
need
not front
of
occur.
In such
eventthe
thecost
Directors
and
Stanford’s
defense
because
of
the
Officers and the Company will
“Money
Laundering”
exclusion
in the
reimburse
Underwriters
for such
Costs,
policy.
Charges and Expenses paid on their
behalf.”
100 million dollars worth of passive voice 3/3
US Court of Appeals Fifth Circuit ruling: The
insurers must advance the costs for the
defense. Courts interpret unclear language in policy
exclusions against the author -- the insurers.
The underwriters -- as drafters of the policy -- could
have unambiguously reserved a unilateral right to
determine that the alleged acts in fact occurred. Rather
than saying "until it is determined . . . in fact, they could
have said “until Underwriters determined”. The parties’
word choice – “it is determined” -- leaves us guessing,
but it hardly seems a drafting error, at least not an
inadvertent one.
From passive to active
Passive voice
Active voice
The report has been
submitted by the
committee.
The committee
submitted the report.
A decision will be made
by the mayor.
The mayor will
decide.
Comparison: passive and active voice 1/2
Passive voice can be awkward:
Consultation from customers was
obtained to determine the estimated
expenses.
Active voice is more direct:
We consulted with the customers to
determine the estimated expenses.
Comparison: passive and active voice 2/2
Passive voice is often longer:
The application must be completed by the
applicant and received by the financial
office by June 1st.
(17 words)
Active voice cuts down the number of
words:
We must receive your application by June
1st.
(8 words)
Rewriting from passive to active
Passive voice
Active voice
The river was polluted
by the company.
New regulations were
proposed by us.
The following information
must be included in the
application for it to be
considered complete.
The permit will be approved
by our office.
The company polluted
the river.
We proposed new
regulations.
You must include the
following information
in your application.
Our office must
approve your permit.
Variety in using the active voice
By Mark Cooney, Michigan Bar Journal, May 2005
During the hearing, the hotel’s attorneys
argued that the Consumer Rights Act could
not be extended so far.
After reading the parties’ briefs and listening
to their arguments, the court issued a written
opinion denying the defendant’s motion.
Therefore, members of the House majority
supported the proposed amendment.
Exercise: from passive to active
By Mark Cooney, Michigan Bar Journal, June 2005
Original
sentence
Possible revisions
It is essential that
editing from
passive to active
voice be learned
by writers,
whether lawyers
or non-lawyers.
Writers must learn to edit from
passive to active voice.
Whether lawyers or non-lawyers,
writers must learn to edit from
passive to active voice.
Writers, whether lawyers or nonlawyers, must learn to edit from
the passive to active voice.
Exercise: locate and rewrite
the passive voice (DOT website)
RP bags 2 AsiaSpa awards was named (passive voice)
The Farm, the country’s own holistic healing and
wellness center in San Benito, Barangay Tipakan,
Batangas, was named “Spa Cuisine of the Year,” while
Mandala Spa and Villas in Boracay took home the “Spa
Treatment of the Year” award for its “Hilot trilogy,” at the
recently-concluded 2009 AsiaSpa awards held at Armani
Bar, Hong Kong.
took (active voice)
Tourism Secretary Ace Durano acknowledged the
awards, “These recognitions are continued testimony to
the excellence of our Philippine spas. The winners and
all nominees serve as an inspiration to the entire tourism
industry.”
Possible revision using active voice 1/2
RP bags 2 AsiaSpa awards
The Farm, a holistic healing and wellness
center in Batangas, and Mandala Spa and
Villas in Boracay took home the “Spa Cuisine
of the Year” and “Spa Treatment of the Year”
awards, respectively, at the recentlyconcluded 2009 AsiaSpa awards held at
Armani Bar, Hong Kong.
Problem word
Possible revision using active voice 2/2
RP bags 2 AsiaSpa awards
The Farm, a holistic healing and wellness
center in Batangas, took home the “Spa
Cuisine of the Year” award while Mandala
Spa and Villas in Boracay got the “Spa
Treatment of the Year” award at the recentlyconcluded 2009 AsiaSpa awards held at
Armani Bar, Hong Kong.
Exercise: locate and rewrite
the passive voice (CSC website)
Historical Highlights
The civil service system in the Philippines was formally established under Public Law No. 5
("An Act for the Establishment and Maintenance of Our Efficient and Honest Civil Service in
the Philippine Island") in 1900 by the Second Philippine Commission. A Civil Service Board
was created composed of a Chairman, a Secretary and a Chief Examiner. The Board
administered civil service examinations and set standards for appointment in government
service. It was reorganized into a Bureau in 1905.
The 1935 Philippine Constitution firmly established the merit system as the basis for
employment in government. The following years also witnessed the expansion of the Bureau’s
jurisdiction to include the three branches of government: the national government, local
government and government corporations.
In 1959, Republic Act 2260, otherwise known as the Civil Service Law, was enacted. This was
the first integral law on the Philippine bureaucracy, superseding the scattered administrative
orders relative to government personnel administration issued since 1900. This Act converted
the Bureau of Civil Service into the Civil Service Commission with department status.
In 1975, Presidential Decree No. 807 (The Civil Service Decree of the Philippines) redefined
the role of the Commission as the central personnel agency of government. Its present
mandate is derived from Article IX-B of the 1987 Constitution which was given effect through
Book V of Executive Order No. 292 (The 1987 Administrative Code). The Code essentially
reiterates existing principles and policies in the administration of the bureaucracy and
recognizes, for the first time, the right of government employees to self-organization and
collective negotiations under the framework of the 1987 Constitution.
Spot the errors and areas for
improvement: DOLE website
complaints (plural)
NCMB settles complaints on illegal dismissal
was settled (singular)
Labor and Employment Secretary Rosalinda Dimapilis-Baldoz yesterday
announced the resolution by the National Conciliation and Mediation
Board (NCMB) of the complaints of two area managers of Accent Micro
Products / PC Live Enterprises through the Free Legal Assistance and
Voluntary Arbitration (FLAVAS) program.
Citing a report from Executive Director Reynaldo R. Ubaldo of NCMB,
Baldoz said that the complaints of managers Marivic Catena and Corazon
Tobias against their employer was amicably settled through NCMB's Free
Legal Assistance and Voluntary Arbitration System (FLAVAS) program
which the NCMB extends to individual and unorganized workers using the
single entry approach (SENA).
“The Department of Labor and Employment-initiated reform measures in
labor arbitration and adjudication—a key item in the 22-point labor and
employment agenda of President Benigno S. Aquino III—continues to be
a better alternative than arduous and expensive litigation in settling labor
disputes as the complaints of illegal dismissal or forced resignation “by
two managers against their employer was settled amicably and speedily,"
said Baldoz.
Possible revision using Plain English
NCMB settles amicably complaints on illegal dismissal
Labor and Employment Secretary Rosalinda Dimapilis-Baldoz yesterday
announced the amicable and speedy settlement by the National Conciliation
and Mediation Board (NCMB) of the complaints of two area managers of
Accent Micro Products / PC Live Enterprises against their employer through
the Free Legal Assistance and Voluntary Arbitration (FLAVAS) program.
Citing a report from NCMB Executive Director Reynaldo R. Ubaldo, Baldoz
said the FLAVAS program settled the complaints of managers Marivic
Catena and Corazon Tobias. The NCMB extends the program to individual
and unorganized workers using the single entry approach (SENA).
Baldoz said, “The Department of Labor and Employment-initiated reform
measures in labor arbitration and adjudication—a key item in the 22-point
labor and employment agenda of President Benigno S. Aquino III—continues
to be a better alternative than arduous and expensive litigation in settling
labor disputes.”
When to use passive voice 1/2
Use the passive voice
when the
Example
receiver is the focus of
the action
John was awarded
the medal.
doer of the action is
unknown
The store was robbed.
doer of the action is
irrelevant
The paragraphs will be
numbered.
situation calls for
discretion
No decision has been
made.
(Your boss is sitting on the application.)
When to use passive voice 2/2
Frontloading (placing the most important
keywords and phrases at the beginning of
the line, since users scan web pages in an Fpattern, and often read only the first 2 words
of a paragraph.
Use the passive voice for:
 headlines
 captions
 subheads
 hypertext links
 summaries
 bulleted lists
Parallelism
Written English is most clear and concise
when ideas are expressed in a parallel
pattern.
Patterns fall into four areas:
 Words and phrases
 Forms
 Clauses
 Lists
Parallelism: words and phrases 1/2
Not parallel:
Parallel:
The construction
manager established a
protocol that includes
reviewing plans every
morning, asking
questions at stated
intervals, and the
summarization of work
at the end of the day.
The construction
manager established
a protocol that
includes reviewing
plans every morning,
asking questions at
stated intervals, and
summarizing work at
the end of the day.
Parallelism: words and phrases 2/2
Not parallel:
Parallel:
A daily protocol was
established to review
plans, field questions,
and summarize work.
A daily protocol
was established
to review plans,
to field questions,
and to summarize
work.
Parallelism: forms
Not parallel:
Parallel:
The production
manager was asked
to write his report
quickly, accurately,
and in a detailed
manner.
The production
manager was
asked to write his
report quickly,
accurately, and
thoroughly.
Parallelism: clauses
Not parallel:
Parallel:
The coach told the
players that they should
get a lot of sleep, that
they should not eat too
much, and to do some
warm-up exercises
before the game.
The coach told the
players that they
should get a lot of
sleep, that they should
not eat too much, and
that they should do
some warm up
exercises before the
game.
Parallelism: lists
Not parallel:
Parallel:
The dictionary can be
used for these purposes:
to find word meanings,
pronunciations, correct
spellings, and looking up
irregular verbs.
The dictionary can
be used for these
purposes: to find
word meanings,
pronunciations,
correct spellings,
and irregular verbs.
Keep subject, verb, and object
close together
The natural word order of an English
sentence is subject-verb-object. This is how
you first learned to write sentences, and it’s
still the best.
When you put modifiers, phrases, or clauses
between two or all three of these essential
parts, you make it harder for the user to
understand you.
Example 1: gap between subject and verb
From Prof. Joseph Kimble, Michigan Bar Journal October 2007
Subject: deposition
Verb: may be used
Example 2: keep S-V-O close together
Original:
When any member of the
board retires, the company,
at the discretion of the board,
and after notice from the
chairman of the board to all
the members of the board at
least 30 days before
executing this option, may
buy, and the retiring member
must sell, the member’s
interest in the company.
Rewritten:
The company
may buy a
retiring member’s
interest.
All the rest of the material
modifies the basic idea, and
should be moved to another
sentence or at least to the end
of the sentence.
Example 3: gap between parts of the verb
From Prof. Joseph Kimble, Michigan Bar Journal October 2007
Verb: may move
Ways to achieve sentence clarity
Use a syntactic
arrangement that
enhances clarity, logic,
and readability.







Conditions
Exceptions
Interruptive phrases
Modifiers
Prepositional Phrases
Antecedents
Enumerations
Avoid interruptive phrases
Subject: court
Avoid
interruptive
phrases
between the
subject and
the verb by
moving them
to the
beginning or
end of the
sentence.
Verb: may reduce
Enumerate at the end – not at the
beginning – of a sentence
Example of long enumeration
at the beginning of the sentence
BSP Circular No. 702, Series of 2010 (unfair credit
collection practices)
enumeration
The net take home pay of applicants who are employed, the
net monthly receipts of those engaged in trade or business, or
the net worth or cash flow inferred from deposits of those who
are neither employed not engaged in trade or business or the
credit behavior exhibited by the applicant from his other
existing credit cards, or other lifestyle indicators such as, but
not limited to, club memberships, ownership and location or
residence and motor vehicle ownership shall be determined
and used as basis for setting credit limits. The gross monthly
income may also be used provided reasonable deductions are
estimated for income taxes, premium contributions, loan
amortizations and other deductions.
Revision: enumeration placed at the
end of the sentence
The following must be used as basis for setting credit limits:
1. net take home pay of applicants who are employed;
2. net monthly receipts of those engaged in trade or business;
3. net worth or cash flow inferred from deposits of those who
are neither employed nor engaged in trade or business;
4. credit behavior exhibited by the applicants from their other
existing credit cards;
5. gross monthly income less deductions for income taxes,
premium contributions, loan amortizations, and others; or
6. other lifestyle indicators such as:
 club memberships;
 ownership and location of residence; or
 motor vehicle ownership.
Avoid using provisos (‘provided that’
or ‘provided, however, that’)
[1] David Mellinkoff, Mellinkoff ’s Dictionary of
American Legal Usage (1992): ‘‘The proviso is
one of the horrors of legal writing.’’
[2] Thomas R. Haggard, Legal Drafting in a
Nutshell (2003): ‘‘Provided that . . . defies
grammatical analysis. Provisos produce
single sentences that are often hundreds of
words long. Knowledgeable drafters have railed
against them for years.’’
“Down with Provided
That” (Michigan Bar
Journal, July 2004) by
Prof. Joseph Kimble
[3] G.C. Thornton, Legislative Drafting (1996):
‘‘On both historical and grammatical grounds
the proviso stands condemned. . . . The case
against the proviso is established beyond
reasonable doubt by the ambiguity and
uncertainty of the phrase.’’
Reasons to avoid provisos
1. The meaning is unclear –
it can mean
•
•
•
•
Bryan A. Garner, editor
in chief of Black’s Law
Dictionary
if
except
also
but
2. Its reach is uncertain – it
may modify the preceding 12
words or the preceding 200.
3. It causes sentences to
sprawl.
Two provisos produce one long sentence
Provided, That
in BSP Circular No. 702
Banks/quasi-banks and their subsidiary or affiliate credit card companies shall also provide
the following information to their cardholders:
1. A table of the applicable fees, penalties and interest rates on credit card transactions,
including the period covered by and the manner of and reason for the imposition of
such penalties, fees and interest; fees and applicable conversion reference rates for
third currency transactions, in plain sight and language, on materials for marketing
credit cards, such as brochures, flyers, primers and advertising materials, on credit
card application forms, and on credit card billing statements: Provided, That these
disclosures are in addition to the full disclosure of the fees, charges and interest rates
in the terms and conditions of the credit card agreement found elsewhere on the
application form and billing statement; and
2. A reminder to the card holder in the monthly billing statement, or its equivalent
document, that payment of only the minimum amount due or any amount less than the
total amount due for the billing cycle/period, would mean the imposition of interest
and/or other charges;
Provided, That such table of fees, penalties and interest rates and reminder shall be printed
in plain language and in bold black letters against a light or white background, and using the
minimum Arial 12 theme font and size, or its equivalent in readability, and on the first page, if
the applicable document has more than one page.
Better alternative to provisos
Better way of making an
exception to something just
said:
Insert a period and start a
new sentence with a
capitalized But.
(This pattern was used in the
US Constitution eight times.)
Example from the Family Code
Art. 33. Marriages
among Muslims or
among members of the
ethnic cultural
communities may be
performed validly
without the necessity of
marriage license,
provided that they are
solemnized in
accordance with their
customs, rites or
practices.
Art. 33. Marriages
among Muslims or
among members of the
ethnic cultural
communities may be
performed validly without
the necessity of
marriage license. But the
marriage must be
solemnized in
accordance with their
customs, rites or
practices.
Before and after 1/6
Before
If there are any points on which you
require explanation or further particulars
we shall be glad to furnish such additional
details as may be required by telephone.
After
If you have any questions, please call us.
Before and after 2/6
Before
Rapid implementation of this proposal will
be facilitated by our previous experience
in delivering similar solutions.
After
We can do this quickly because we’ve
done it before.
Before and after 3/6
Before
I trust this clarifies the matter for you
and look forward to hearing from you in
due course in respect of your decision
whether or not you intend to take out a
loan.
After
Please let me know if you want to take
out a loan.
Before and after 4/6
Before
High-quality learning environments are a
necessary precondition for facilitation and
enhancement of the ongoing process for
children.
After
Children need good schools if they are to
learn properly.
Before and after 5/6
Before
It is important that you shall read the notes,
advice and information detailed opposite then
complete the form overleaf (all sections) prior
to its immediate return to the Council by way
of the envelope provided.
After
Please read the notes opposite before you fill
in the form. Then send it back to us as soon
as possible in the envelope provided.
Before and after 6/6
Before
Your inquiry about the use
Afterof the entrance area at the
library for the purpose of displaying posters and leaflets
about Welfare and Supplementary
Benefit
rights, gives
Thank you for
your letter
rise to the question of the
provenance
and to put up
asking
for permission
authoritativeness of theposters
material
displayed.
in to
thebelibrary.
Before
Posters and leaflets issued
by give
the Central
we can
you an Office
answerofwe
Information, the Department
of Health
Social
will need
to see and
a copy
of the
Security and other authoritative
posters tobodies
make are
sureusually
they
displayed in libraries, but
items
of aanyone.
disputatious or
won’t
offend
polemic kind, whilst not necessarily excluded, are
considered individually.
Short sentences and short paragraphs
Clear writing is as much about
organization as it is about using
the right words.
Short sentences and single-idea
paragraphs give readers information
in bite-size pieces that are easy to
digest.
Logical organization: from words
to sentences to paragraphs
1. anticipating the
reader’s
questions, and
What
will they
think
of
next?
2. answering them
in the order they
occur.
The Power of Plain Talk, from State of Washington resources
T-R-I model for paragraphs
University of Wisconsin
The time a person spends
preparing for a project will
go wasted.
What
The time a person spends never
preparing
for a project
willwill
be wasted is the time
never go wasted.
people spend correcting
Restrictive sentence:
mistakes in a poorlyproject.
her
What will be wasted is the planned
time people
spendIncorrecting
book,
Success Step-bymistakes in a poorly-planned
project.
Step, efficiency expert
Illustration:
Caroline Jefferson says,
“The old efficiency
adage is true:
In her book, Success Step-by-Step,
expert
most
failmost
to
Caroline Jefferson says, “The
oldpeople
adage who
is true:
plan,
plan to fail.”
people who fail to plan, plan
to fail.”
Topic sentence:
Several illustrations
The time a person spends preparing for a project
will never go wasted. What will be wasted is the
time people spend correcting mistakes in a poorlyplanned project. In her book, Success Step-byStep, efficiency expert Caroline Jefferson says,
“The old adage is true: most people who fail to
plan, plan to fail.” Poorly-planned projects leave
people wondering how they should proceed, so
they spend their time addressing small details
instead of working on big issues. At the end of the
project, they have no time, lots of stress, and,
considering the hours they’ve spent on the project,
little to show for it.
T-R-I variation (with several illustrations)
The time a person spends preparing for a project
will never go wasted. What will be wasted is the
time people spend correcting mistakes in a poorlyplanned project. In her book, Success Step-byStep, efficiency expert Caroline Jefferson says,
“The old adage is true: most people who fail to
plan, plan to fail.” Poorly-planned projects leave
people wondering how they should proceed, so
they spend their time addressing small details
instead of working on big issues. At the end of the
project, they have no time, lots of stress, and,
considering the hours they’ve spent on the project,
little to show for it.
T-R-I variation (two restrictive sentences)
Topic sentence:
Illustrations:
Ina1687,
helike
published
Never before had the world known
thinker
Sir IsaacPrincipia
Newton.
Mathematica, which explains his
laws of motion and his law of
Restrictive sentence (1):
universal gravitation.
As he developed
these laws,
He prompted a revolution in mathematics
that still influences
the he
way
also developed calculus, a math
scientists think about empirical world.
system that is still taught to
mathematics and science
Restrictive sentence (2):
students.
Although Newton’s ideas were similar to those of other
mathematicians of his era, his writing is more elegant, so he is
usually credited as a revolutionary genius.
Topic sentence
Restrictive sentence 1
Restrictive sentence 2
Illustrations
Never before had the world known a thinker like Sir
Issac Newton. He prompted a revolution in
mathematics that still influences the way scientists
think about empirical world. In 1687, he published
Principia Mathematica, which explains his laws of
motion and his law of universal gravitation. As he
developed these laws, he also developed calculus, a
math system that is still taught to mathematics and
science students. Although Newton’s ideas were
similar to those of other mathematicians of his era,
his writing is more elegant, so he is usually credited
as a revolutionary genius.
Another paragraph pattern:
topic, expansion, and conclusion
This court does not have subject
Topic
matter jurisdiction over this matter
for three reasons. First, no federal
question is involved. Second, the
amount in controversy is less than Expansion
$50,000. Finally, both the plaintiff
and defendant are citizens of
North Carolina. Consequently, this
court should grant defendant’s
Conclusion
motion to dismiss.
Paragraph with deductive structure:
from general to specifics
The Democratic Party is the party of the
middle class. Democrats believe that the
middle class is the bedrock of this country.
Democrats support lower taxes for
workers, higher taxes for corporations,
and child-care credits. They also advocate
greater funding for education and
expanding the availability of student loans.
Finally, they support a woman’s right to an
abortion.
Paragraph with inductive structure:
from specific to general
Republicans support traditional family
values. They also believe in hard work and
patriotism. Republicans oppose abortion,
restrictions on school prayer, and
pornography. They also favor limiting
welfare and criminals’ rights. Obviously,
the Republican Party is the party of the
middle class.
Chronological, spatial, or climactic
organization of paragraphs
Our tour visited the Louvre while we were in
Paris. We first saw the Greek art, where we
viewed the “Venus di Milo” and hundreds of
vases. Next, our group moved to the ancient
art, and we examined the “Code of
Hammurabi.” Our tour then proceeded to the
painting collection to view the Mona Lisa. While
in the painting section, we also saw French
paintings by David and Delacroix. Finally, our
group visited The Egyptian collection, and we
left the museum by “Pei’s Pyramid.”
Judge Gerald Lebovits, New York City Civil Court;
faculty member: Columbia University - Law School, Fordham
University School of Law, and New York University School of Law
Recommendations
 A sentence with more than 25 words is hard to digest. Each
sentence should contain one thought and about 15–18 words.
 A paragraph should rarely be longer than six sentences. It
shouldn’t exceed one thought and two-thirds of a doublespaced page or 250 words, whichever is less.
 Varying sentence and paragraph length makes your writing spicy
and more readable. When in doubt, shorter is better.
 Reserve one-sentence paragraphs for those sentences that must
have great emphasis. If you use too many one-sentence
paragraphs, the emphatic effect will be lost.
 Also, too many short sentences or paragraphs in rapid order is
angry-sounding, choppy, and distracting.