Sexist Society
Many people—both women and men—have often been acculturated into
accepting this false notion of male superiority and thereby disregarding equality
rather than seeing it as essential to their creation. As such, there is a long history
of Muslim practices that are based on a double standard. One standard of
behavior is applied to men, and another standard, which views women as having
a subordinate status, is applied to women. To grow beyond these attitudes and
structures of inequality we have to move towards reforms that acknowledge the
equal significance of women’s creation, women’s ways of thinking and being, and
their equal rights in obtaining an education.
By establishing a system of social justice that practices mu‘awadhah,
relations of reciprocity and equality between women and men, gender relations
can be shifted towards a more egalitarian society. This system would
acknowledge both women and men as competent contributors in both the home
and the society. Such competence can only come about by the proper education
of these individuals. Through this system, women and men are stimulated to
excel in whatever they do and would not restrict them to one area over another.
This would encourage people to believe and do good deeds in all spheres rather
than placing undue constraints on themselves based on gender roles. In this
way, the multiple competencies of the persons who perform these good deeds
can be emphasized over and above the gender of those who perform them.
In earlier history, society was far from egalitarian. Fast-forward to modern
times, and it is evident that society still hasn’t shifted to equality. An important
factor in this shift is the prominence or lack of education. This is not to say that
education has not become more readily available, rather, this gender equality
cannot be reached because males and females are not given equal opportunity
in attaining said education. Through this accusation, I argue that this educational
inequality is more prominent in different religions and cultures, and more
specifically, this gender discrimination in terms of education is significantly
common within Muslim families.
Through this research, I studied the opinion on various students at the
University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign regarding the double standards within
families when it comes to educating children. The target subjects of my research
were female students who live at home and those who live on campus. I
extended my research to Muslim male students who live on campus but have
sisters who live at home for college. I completed my research by interviewing
subjects who are international Muslim male students. Despite the advancements
of society and the increase of literacy amongst Muslims, I argue that many
Muslim families are reluctant to send females away from home rather than
males.
For the purpose of this interview, I interviewed eight students, all of whom
are Muslim. Of these eight students, one was a female students who lived at
home as an undergraduate and continues to live at home as a graduate student;
one was a female who lived at home for two years and on campus for two years
through her undergraduate schooling; three were males who live on campus and
have sisters who live at home while attending college; three were international
male students from Pakistan. All of my interview subjects are friends or
acquaintances. Because the majority of my subjects are of South Asian decent, I
emphasize the prevalence of a double standard amongst Pakistani Muslims.
In regards to this topic and my specific subject pool, it is important to
emphasize that a majority of my interviewees were personal friends. I stress this
because these specific interviews were done in an informal manner. I learned
early on in my research that many individuals do not feel comfortable sharing
personal information about their families and their views on this topic. This is not
to say that they did not comply with my interview, but rather, their responses
remained quiet vague and reserved. My original intention was to focus on Muslim
female students who lived at home and the restrictions that may have been put
on them. I quickly realized that female students did not want to see themselves in
this negative light, let alone admit that their families may support the notion of
double standards. As a result of this, I extended my research to Muslim males.
Their views were definitely different. Of the men that I interviewed, the
international students were more willing to speak about personal issues and were
open about their family’s viewpoints. The final few interviews were formatted as
discussions rather than formal question and answer sessions. From this, I was
able to observe my subjects debate the topic amongst themselves.
My original hypothesis regarding educational limits was that this double
standard on females existed because of parental influence and their way of
thinking. I prematurely assumed that students wouldn’t agree with this double
standard, let alone support it. Although I may perceive this to be a backwards
way of thinking, the majority of my subjects disagreed.
The questions I posed to subjects varied but the general topics of
discussion covered are as follows:






Do you feel like your parents put any limitations on you when
choosing a college?
Did living at home or on campus play any role in deciding on a
college?
If/when you have children, will you send them away for college?
How do you think Muslim girls can make their parents more
comfortable with the idea of them living away from home?
Why do you think this double standard exists? Why do you think
that many Muslim parents don’t let their daughters go away for
college?
What effect does religion have on this type of double standard?
I began my interview process with Lina, a Muslim female who lives at home.
Lina’s family is local to the Champaign-Urbana area. As an undergrad, she lived
at home and after graduating in 2011, Lina is continuing her education to get a
masters degree in Engineering at UIUC, for which she also lives at home. When
asked about her decision to live at home for college, she told me that it was a
financial decision more than one of distance. In-state tuition is cheaper than out
of state and with a combination of scholarships and financial aid, UIUC was the
best option for her. My initial response to her interview was that she was
incredibly defensive of her living situation.
“My parents did not make me stay home for college. I believe I made the
right choice in choosing to attend UIUC. I would not say that I “stayed
home” for college. I did not “stay” anywhere. Similar to all of my peers, I
graduated from high school and went to college. I went out, made friends,
and had all of those experiences. There is this tendency to subconsciously
belittle students who choose to attend universities in their towns or live
with their families by using terminology as “staying home,” rather than
“living at home.” It implies that these students are not making progress or
moving on with their lives. On the contrary, these students are progressing
and learning about themselves just like any other students who attend
schools far from home and live on their own. It is unfair to make these
students always justify their choices to live at home and make them feel
as if they are not moving on with their lives.”
Whether it was an issue with the way I presented the question or her
misunderstanding of the subject of my research, I felt that I was unable to get her
views on the double standard that exist, maybe not in her family specifically, but
that which is common in any Muslim community. Although Lina may have felt that
my interview was targeting her as someone who “stayed home” and wasn’t able
to leave the comfort of her home, that was in no way the intention of my study.
There is no doubt that Lina has been successful in her educational endeavors,
but this is not to say that the gender discrimination doesn’t exist in her community
in some form.
Treading careful in a similar subject pool, I interviewed another female
Muslim student who is local to the Champaign-Urbana area. Sarah, a recent
graduate of UIUC, spent the first half of her undergraduate studies living at home
with her family. She moved out of her house and into a campus apartment for the
second half of her education at UIUC. Sarah was a perfect candidate for my
research because she had seen the best (and worst) of both worlds. My initial
response to Sarah interview was similar to that of Lina’s. Sarah emphasized that
she chose to go to UIUC because it was the most logical financial decision for
her family. Learning from my mistakes in my previous interview, I chose my
words more carefully while interviewing Sarah. Rather than asking her about her
personal experiences while living at home, I asked her to answer my questions in
reference to the Muslim community in which she is involved. From Sarah’s
analyses of her fellow students and community members, I learned that her
family initially set boundaries that were strictly enforced in order to satisfy her
parent’s expectations of her sisters and her. Growing up, Sarah’s parents
believed that their daughters should be home at night rather than out with friends,
they had the entire day at school to spend with friends and there was no reason
to extend that past school hours. Being the middle child, Sarah also pointed out
that her parents, and many other parents that she has observed, are most strict
and set the tightest rules with the first-born child. The same rules and
expectations exist, but parents become more lenient.
Through her interview, I learned why Sarah preferred to live on campus.
She is strong believer of independence and responsibility.
College is a time where you accustom yourself to making friends and
developing a more independent lifestyle. You do a lot of your growing up
in college, not all but a lot. Living on your own gives you your first taste of
freedom and independence, an independence that you don’t necessarily
get while living at home. At home, your only responsibility is to get good
grades. But when you live on your own, you develop so many crucial life
skills. You learn to maintain work and social life. In college, you generally
live with a random person. This gives you the opportunity to develop a
tolerance of people, which will be very important when you start working.
You’re going to have to work with people you don’t know or get along with.
This is new to people because high schools are placed within
neighborhoods so, everyone comes from the same socio-economic
background as you. When you’re in college, you meet people from all of
the country, and all over the world. It’s such a new experience. You meet
people you wouldn’t have met naturally or on your own. It’s hard to
maintain a friendship with people if you live at home because there are a
lot of bonding things that you do if you live in a campus environment that
you can’t do if you go home at the end of the day. When you live on
campus together, you create a family with these people.
This was completely different from the response I attained from Lina. Lina
believed that were was no difference in the college experience she was getting
as compared to someone who lives on campus. You can’t miss what you never
had, this is to say, Lina has nothing to compare her experience to and is
comfortable with the way things are.
When both girls were asked the question of balancing independence and
responsibility, their answers differed quiet drastically as well.
Many Muslim students, specifically females, are not used to the freedom they
get when they go away for college. Many of these girls do not know how to
balance freedom with responsibility. Do you agree with this? Why or why not?
Lina: I think a better word to use would be independence, rather than
freedom. Muslim women are intelligent and they definitely know how to
balance independence with responsibility. I have seen it first hand.
However, some Muslim students use their newfound independence to
express a rebellious side. I don’t believe this happens because they do not
know how to balance. I believe it is because they lack firm convictions,
which then cause them to be susceptible to the overwhelming peer
pressure that surrounds people that live on their own. I believe this
happens when parents instill rules rather than beliefs in their children.
When people are told they cannot do things, they will inevitably break
those rules unless they have personal conviction in them.
Sarah: It isn’t just girls, its guys as well. You’re seventeen years old, what
do you know about the world. Of course you’re going to go crazy!
Students don’t have a curfew; they don’t have to be home at a certain
time, they just go insane. I think its like playing with a new shiny toy.
You’re going to play with it and take advantage of it because no one is
there to say no to you. But it really depends on what kind of person you
are. Some people will take complete advantage of it and other people will
see it, stick their toes in it, but realize its not for them and find their own
niche and do their own thing.
Although both girls lived at home for college, or part of college, they have such
varying views on such topics. This goes along with my hypothesis that parental
influence plays a drastic role in forming the way children think. Lina, who states
that her parents put no restrictions on her growing up, does not support the
notion of double standards within Muslim families. Whereas, Sarah, who had
strict limitations and expectations, supports the idea that Muslim families view
their daughters as being more fragile and vulnerable.
The idea of feminine vulnerability was prominent in the remainder of my
interviews, all of which had male subjects. My next three interviewees can be
clustered together, not to say that they weren’t all valuable to my research, but
more so because they had many overlapping views. Saad, Tarik, and Ahmed are
all Muslim male students at UIUC. Their families live in the Chicago suburbs and
they all, coincidently (or not), have sisters who attend college at Benedictine
University (BU). BU is a small, private university located in Lisle, IL. All of the
three male subjects mentioned live within a twenty-mile radius of BU, and
because of this, their sisters live at home while completing their undergraduate
degree. I asked all three of these men why their sisters chose to go to BU rather
than coming to UIUC or another school farther away from home. Interview after
interview, I got the same answer: it is cheaper for her to attend BU.
With minimal research, I was able to determine that although parentsare
saving money in terms of housing and food by sending their children to colleges
closer to home, the tuition for Benedictine University is in fact greater than that of
the tuition at the University of Illinois. Of the three men that I interviewed, two are
seniors and one is a junior. Based on this, the tuition for an undergrad in 2010
was $9,500. At BU on the other hand, undergraduate tuition was $12,500. Not
only is the tuition greater, BU is a private school, meaning that those students are
generally granted lower financial aid than those who attend public universities.
With this evidence, I concluded that there are other underlying reasons as to why
these Muslim families put greater educational restraints on their daughters rather
than their son.
I was able to get amore clear and straight forward answer to all my
questions from the remainder of my interviewees. My final three interviewees,
Ammar, Omar, and Nasir, are international male students from Pakistan. This
must be greatly emphasized because, as I learned during my interviews, the
society in Pakistan is completely different than that of American society. Once
again, I will cluster these individuals together on the biases that their opinions
overlap greatly. Their opinions on the matter of educational double standards in
regards to religion were drastically different from those of my previous five
subjects. Ammar and Omar are graduate students pursuing a master’s degree in
Engineering. Nasir, the last of my interviewees, is an undergrad majoring in Food
Science and Nutrition. It is also important to note the role of religion in Pakistani
society. As I learned from my interviews, religion and culture in Pakistan tends to
mesh and, a lot of times, cultural beliefs are supported by adaptations of Islam.
There was very little, if any, variation in the way of thinking of these
international students. Born and raised in Pakistan, they agreed that their way of
thinking was greatly influenced by their society. They began by identifying the
roles of men and women in a Muslim society, more specifically in Pakistan. The
traditional model of the relationship between male and female is one based on a
relationship of domination such that a man is generally viewed as qawamun:
responsible, and, in some interpretations, superior. As a result, the woman must
be subject to, inferior to, and therefore dependent upon, the man. Although this
resembled the practices at the time of revelation, it is a patriarchal model
irreconcilable with women’s agency and integrity in the present circumstances.
Women have made and will continue to make valuable contributions in all areas,
at home and in society, and these realties must be reflected in the reform of laws
and policies to acknowledge women’s valuable contributions in society. My
subjects, on the other hand, believe that a woman’s sole contribution should be
at home. Her role in society is shadowed by that of her male counterpart.
An important idea that many people overlook in terms of these gender roles
is that of ijtihad. Ijtihad is a practical effort to adapt religious concepts to the
transformations of evolving lifestyles. During their debate, Ammar and Nasir
quickly shot down Omar’s take on ijtihad. Instead, they emphasized that it is
close to impossible to have an idealistic mentality in Pakistan. Although there are
a few families in Pakistan who are financially and educationally advanced, the
majority of Pakistanis are illiterate and of middle/lower working class. These
individuals do not put an emphasis on education, let alone gender equality in
education.
Growing up in Pakistan, these men were raised in a patriarchal society.
Their families were openly misogynistic. Ammar, Nasir, and Omar all agreed that
this mentality was largely influenced by society; it was what they, their parents,
their grandparents, and generations before them grew up following. When asked
about the next generation, how they would raise their children, they agreed,
without a doubt, that they would continue to follow the examples set forth by their
families. They strongly believe that the role of a woman is so different from that of
a man, and therefore, the standards for each gender should be set accordingly.
Women are predisposed to get married and raise a family whereas men are
expected to work and support the family financially. They explained Pakistani
mentality. Pakistani families send their sons away from home to obtain a topnotch education, this bring prestige to their families. Not only that, but their
parents believe that they are making a sound investment. By spending money to
send their sons to respectable colleges, they believe that their sons will in turn,
produce a return to that income. This is to say, they will make use of that
education by getting a job and supporting their family. In term of their daughters
on the other hand, it would not be a wise investment. Sending their daughters
away from home for higher education would not only be a waste of money, but
also disgraceful to their family. The consensus they came to was as follows:
Muslim parents are reluctant (or not in favor) of sending their daughters
away for college because they feel that their daughters would stay
protected under their own supervision. This attitude is heavily influenced
by [Pakistani] society. Parents are highly concerned about their daughters'
reputation because if a girl indulges in any irresponsible or immoral
activity, her reputation will get ruined. Our narrow-minded society does not
allow second chances for girls. Considering the sensitivity of this situation,
parents find it best to keep their daughters close to them and keep them
protected. Parents take all these measures just to ensure a bright future
for their daughter. I believe that girls can be responsible and can be
trusted, but at the same time they are naive at such a young age. Girls
can have bad influences in college, which can convince them to do things,
which their parents would never approve of.
For parents in Pakistan, it is a huge deal to send their daughter away from
home to study. Education is important but their priority is to make sure that
their daughter marries a good, responsible man and lives a happy life. For
them, sending their daughter abroad would be a difficult decision because
the foreign education would be of no use since they believe that their
daughters would be more suited to stay home and raise a family.
The three international subjects of my interviews failed to mention any
restrictions set on themselves as men or on Pakistani men in general by their
parents. Rather, they stated their parents had less control over them and their
freedoms were endless.
A controversial question that came up between this debate was: If a
woman becomes pregnant before marriage, with both parties consent, who is to
blame? Without hesitation, all three men agreed that the woman would be at
fault. They agreed that both man and woman were wrong in their actions, but by
societal norms, the woman has crossed more boundaries than the man. Society
expects men to chase after women, there is no boundary stopping a man from
coercing with a woman. On the other hand, if a woman is seen in the proximity of
a man to whom she is not married, she is crossing societal, cultural and religious
boundaries. The main concern for any Pakistani parent is to protect the
reputation of their daughter.
It is not only parents who live in Pakistan and influenced by the society of
the country, but rather all, or a majority of, Muslim Parents who put a greater
emphasis on marriage than education for their daughters. Whether it be the
international subjects or domestic interviewees, there was a general consensus,
that amongst the Muslim community, a females reputation is more fragile and
delicate than that of a man. A woman’s reputation can be tainted by the smallest
slip-up, where as a man has no limitations.
It is hard to say that I reached a concrete conclusion with this research.
As I began my research, I was disappointed with the reserved answers that I was
getting from my subjects. Of the five interviews that grew up in the US, all of
them used the excuse of finance to support the notion of woman staying close to
home for their education. I don’t doubt that the expense of education played an
influential role in their educational decisions, but I find it hard to believe that there
were no other factors in the said decision. From the information gathered from
my international subjects, I conclude that parental views are a driving force
behind double standards in education for different genders. From further
dissection, I conclude that parental views are strongly formulated by society.
Amongst Muslims, reputation and honor are some of the most important
things families strive for. This reputation is a very delicate possession that is
based on one's goodness and respect in the community. There are clearly
different limitations some families put on their daughters to maintain this
reputation. Every family has experienced the need to set boundaries and
limitations in order to raise children with discipline and integrity while
simultaneously allowing the freedom necessary for maturation and self-reliance.
While family reputation seems to be the greatest force behind the double
standards within Muslim families, there maybe other reasons why families feel
the need to set various standards for daughters and sons. Yet, it is still important
to make the distinction between what are equal rights in Islam and what society
has imposed. It is clear that in Islam, males and females have equal but different
rights based on gender roles. The gap between gender roles is slowly narrowing,
but, as long as that gap exists, there will remain to be a gap between educational
standards for men and women.
The solution to such an imbalance is not to impose upon sons and
daughters the same boundaries. Rather, it is to understand the roles of men and
women in Islam and base their upbringing upon these factors. This progression
can only come about by educating parents and creating understanding in Muslim
communities. Thus, understanding the nature of gender roles and differences in
Islam is most crucial to create equality amongst children within Muslim families
and the foundation for their education.