"As writers, we learn most of what
we know just by watching the
pros, don't we?" ~John R. Trimble
Mentor Sentences
 Mentor Sentences:
What do you notice about the following sentences?
2. Using an image/sentence from your own writing,
or something random, write your own sentence
using the structure and concepts from the
following.
1.
Mentor Sentences
 "The moon was a thin, bright machete cutting its way
through patches of clouds"
- In the Time of the Butterflies, by Julia Alvarez, p. 89.
 "From above, Assef's screams went on and on, the cries of a
wounded animal."
- Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner, p. 291
 "On occasion the war was like a Ping-Pong ball. You could
put fancy spin on it, you could make it dance."
- The Things They Carried p. 32
Tips to Create Metaphor/Simile
 Isolate a Characteristic. Novelists often try to pick a single remarkable
feature of a character to describe. Trying to give a complete image of an entire
person would be incredibly difficult.
 Vivid is Better. Which creates a stronger image in your mind, “She was
cold”–or–“She felt as if the wind was biting at her with small, icy teeth.” When
looking for metaphors, visual impact is more important than perfect accuracy.
 Draw it Out. If finding a metaphor is difficult for you, pull up a piece of paper
and start drawing concepts out.
 The 10-Year Old Rule. Ask yourself if you could explain your metaphor to a
ten-year old. Your goal with metaphors is to take an abstract or complex idea
and anchor it down into something easy to understand.
Mentor Sentences
 “Lydia was scrawny with brown hair that fell
limply to her shoulders. She dyed it from time to
time.”
- Jodi Picoult
 “The woman’s figure was slender and accentuated
by the curve of her close-fitting belt.”
- Anne Lemont
Style Analysis: DICTION
Diction Review
 The words diction and language are terms that you
will use interchangeably when you analyze an
author’s style. These words all refer to the author’s
word choice.
Denotation vs. Connotation
 Denotation  dictionary definition
 Connotation  suggested meaning
 The words plump and obese both literally describe a
person who is overweight. This is the dictionary
definition of both words.
 The word plump has the connotation of being
pleasantly fat, almost cutely overweight. Its
connotation describes women more often than
men. It is this extra “emotional” feeling that shows
how we use the word.
 The word obese, often used by medical personnel,
has a more technical connotation. It carries a less
emotional, more scientific or clinical emotional
tag.
Now you try
 Generate a list of words you would use to describe
a dwelling where a person may live.
 Discuss, with your partner, the various emotional
“tags” associated with each of the dwellings you
listed. How are they subtly connotatively different
from one another, even though they share the same
connotative meaning?
What about this sentence?
The boy surveyed the class, congratulating himself for
snatching the highest grade on the test.
What about this sentence?
The boy surveyed the class, congratulating himself for
snatching the highest grade on the test.
Two words are important here: surveyed and
snatching. They are the words with the strongest
connotations.
Writing commentary for your diction analysis
 “surveyed”
 conveys the idea of
someone looking around
as if he were a king
gazing down on lesser
beings
 “snatching”
 YOU TRY THE
COMMENTARY
Group practice/model:
“The Rattler”
 Read “The Rattler”
 Annotate the excerpt for words that have strong
connotations, especially words that reflect the man’s
attitude toward the snake and his task at hand
Diction paragraph: brainstorming
Diction paragraph: brainstorming
 “arrested”
 frozen in time, caught
 “live wire”
 “little tocsin”
by a force stronger
than the snake
 adversary meets
adversary, electric
feeling, potential
danger
 an alarm, a warning
bell on a ship
Mentor Sentence
 "Just as we were reaching the car, we heard a commotion coming
from the woods. Something was crashing through the brush –
and breathing very heavily. It sounded like what you might hear
in a slasher film. And it was coming our way. We froze, staring
into the darkness. The sound grew louder and closer. Then in a
flash the thing burst into the clearing and came charging in our
direction, a yellow blur. A very big yellow blur. As it galloped
past, not stopping, not even seeming to notice us, we could see it
was a large Labrador retriever. But it was nothing like the sweet
Lily we had just cuddled with inside. This one was soaking wet
and covered up to its belly in mud and burrs. Its tongue hung out
wildly to one side, and froth flew off its jowls as it barreled past."
 Marley and Me p. 9, John Grogan
Style Analysis: DETAILS
Part III: DETAILS
 Details are literal, concrete, or factual description (in
other words, NOT figurative language); think
“imagery”
 Who, what, when, where
 Remember 


Diction  connotative vocabulary
Details  literal description
Details are literal
 Who? What? When? Where? Why?
 Example:
“turned a little to watch what I would do”
This supplies CONCRETE detail to the reader; it
helps us visualize the snake turning around as it
sits on the desert sand
Group Practice:
 Read “The Rattler” (again )
 With a different color pen or highlighter from what
you used for the diction analysis, highlight any
examples of details or imagery that strike you as
significant
Sample Analysis for
“The Rattler”
Quotation
 “turned a little to watch”
Commentary
 afraid or hesitant
 casual reaction to trivial
interruption
 go “back to the ranch
 calm watching of a
house, [get] a hoe, and
[return]”
possible threat
Mentor Sentences: What’s the difference between the two
sentences structurally?
 “Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach yesterday
when she was attacked by a walrus. Her body was
dragged into the ocean and was later found by
beachcombers.”
 “Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach when a
walrus attacked her. The walrus dragged her into the
ocean and ate her, resulting in a massive case of
indigestion. Beachcombers later found her remains on
the shore.”
- Dave Myers
Mentor Sentences: What’s the difference between the two
sentences structurally?
 “Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach yesterday
when she was attacked by a walrus. Her body was
dragged into the ocean and was later found by
beachcombers.”
 “Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach when a
walrus attacked her. The walrus dragged her into the
ocean. Beachcombers later found her remains on the
shore.”
- Dave Myers
Active and Passive Voice
“TO BE” VERBS:
AM
IS
ARE
WAS
WERE
BE
BEEN
How to Recognize Active and Passive Sentences
Identify the subject of the sentence.
Identify the action that the sentence identifies.
Examine the relationship between the subject and
verb.
1.
2.
3.
•
•
Does the subject perform the action of the verb? (If so, the
sentence is active.)
Does the subject sit there while something else -- named or
unnamed -- performs an action on it? (If so, the sentence is
passive.)
Basic Examples
 I love you.
 subject: "I"
 action: "loving"
 relationship: The subject ("I") is the one performing the action
("loving").
 The sentence is active.
 You are loved by me.
 subject: "you"
 action: "loving"
 relationship: The subject ("You") sits passively while the action
("loving") is performed by somebody else ("me").
 This sentence is passive.
Difference between Passive Voice and
Past Tense
 Many people confuse the
passive voice with the
past tense. The most
common passive
constructions also happen
to be past tense (e.g. "I've
been framed"), but "voice"
has to do with who, while
"tense" has to do with
when.
Active Passive
Voice Voice
Past
tense
I taught; I
learned.
I was (have been)
taught [by someone];
It was (has been)
learned [by
someone].
Present
Tense
I teach; I
learn.
I am [being] taught
[by someone]; It is
[being] learned [by
someone].
Future
Tense
I will teach;
I will learn.
I will be taught [by
someone]; It will be
learned [by
someone]..
 Can't tell? If the main verb is
a linking verb ("is," "was,"
"are," "seems," etc.), then the
verb functions like an equals
sign; there is no action (either
active or passive) involved -- it
merely describes a state of
being.
Mentor Sentences
 “And the uncles, the aunts, the cousins, the nieces,
the nephews, that lived in those walls, the gibbering
pack of tree apes that said nothing, nothing, nothing
and said it loud, loud, loud.”
-
Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, p. 44
 "I was too good for this war. Too smart, too
compassionate, too everything."
- Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried, p. 41
Anaphora
 Origin: From the Greek ἀναφορά (anafora),
meaning “to bring back” or “to carry back”.
 In plain English: Repetition of a word or phrase at
the beginning of successive sentences or clauses.
Anaphora
 Effect:
o Key words or ideas are emphasized, often with great
emotional pull.
o Repetition makes the line memorable.
o The speaker’s words have rhythm and cadence.
Anaphora Examples
 “I came, I saw, I conquered.”
— Julius Caesar, shortly after the Battle of Zela, 47 BC
 “We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the
seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing
confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall
defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We
shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the
landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in
the streets, we shall fight in the hills …”
— Winston Churchill, House of Commons, London, England, 4 June 1940
Anaphora Examples
 “If Margret Thatcher wins, I warn you not to be
ordinary, I warn you not to be young, I warn
you not to fall ill, I warn you not to get old.”
— Neil Kinnock, Bridgend, Wales, 7 June 1983
 “As you know, we’ve got the iPod, best music
player in the world. We’ve got the iPod Nanos,
brand new models, colors are back. We’ve got
the amazing new iPod Shuffle.”
— Steve Jobs, Macworld 2007 Keynote Address
Epistrophe
 Origin: From the Greek ἐπιστροφή (epistrofi),
meaning “turning about” or “upon turning”.
 In plain English: Repetition of a word or phrase at
the end of successive sentences or clauses.
Epistrophe
 Effect:
 The emphasis is on the last word(s) of a series of
sentences or phrases, so it can be dramatic.
 It is particularly effective when one wishes to
emphasize a concept, idea or situation.
 Repetition makes the lines memorable.
 The speaker’s words have rhythm and cadence.
Epistrophe Examples
 “… that government of the people, by the people,
for the people, shall not perish from the earth.“
— Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, 19 November 1863
 “There is no Negro problem. There is no Southern
problem. There is no Northern problem. There is
only an American problem.”
— Lyndon Johnson, Washington, D.C., 15 March 1965
Epistrophe Examples
 “Our struggle has reached a decisive moment. We call on
our people to seize this moment, so that the process
towards democracy is rapid and uninterrupted. … I have
fought against white domination and I have fought
against black domination.”
— Nelson Mandela, Cape Town, 11 February 1990
 “I left campus knowing little about the millions of young
people cheated out of
educational opportunities here in this country. And I
knew nothing about the millions of people living in
unspeakable poverty and disease in developing
countries.”
— Bill Gates, Harvard University address, 7 June 2007