The Art of Midlife:
Myths & New Realities
Nancy McCaughey
Hudson Institute Coaching Certification
June 2003
Why Midlife?
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My specialization
The original idea
Turning 50
More questions than answers…
Previous Paradigms
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“Contemporary” concepts of adult
development date from 50 years ago
Jung - 40 “the turning point” to old age
Erickson - developmental tasks
Levinson - development by decades
Realities of Midlife in the 21st Century
Three reasons why midlife is not what it used to be:
1. “Permanent Whitewater”
2. Longer life expectancy
3. By 2004, 76 million Baby Boomers will be 40+
Who Would I Ask?
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Anyone between 38-65
Self-defined in midlife
Sources
Final group: 20 women & 3 men
Eight in 40s
Eleven in 50s
Four in 60s
Interviews
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10 Questions (past, present, future)
Conducted by phone or in person
Average 30-40 minutes
Recorded Results: transcribed, formatted, tallied
Ten Questions About Midlife
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What is your definition of midlife? (theory)
When did your midlife begin and how did you
know? (reality)
What have been the most significant changes?
What was it like for you? What helped? What
got in the way? What did you learn?
How does midlife differ from your 20s and 30s?
Ten Questions About Midlife
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Where would you say you are in midlife? Are
you in transition?
What is the best thing about midlife? What
would you change?
If you were to give this time in midlife a name,
what would it be?
Ten Questions About Midlife
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When will midlife be over and how will you
know?
What are three qualities you want to possess by
the time your midlife is over?
Myth #1
You know you are in midlife
when you turn the big 4-0!
Reality: Midlife Is More Than An Age
First Question: “What is your definition of midlife?”
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Only 13% - AGE ONLY
39% - OTHER INDICATORS ONLY
48% - BOTH AGE & INDICATORS
Internal - reflection time, new world, values
changing
External - kids gone, physical changes,
retirement
Ages of Midlife
Theoretical Definition:
 61% did give an age or
time as their definition
 7% in 30s
 79% in 40s or “midway”
 14% in 50s
Their Reality:
 100% gave an age when
midlife began
 7% in 30s
 58% in 40s
 35% in 50s (mostly 50somethings)
Midlife Is More Than An Age
How did you know your midlife began?:
 64% external indicators: career, physical
changes, kids leaving/recoupling
 36% internal indicators: time to think, new
stage, ability to say no.
Only 4 of 20 women mentioned menopause – never
the only trigger
 Most of those married rated their relationship “best” in
midlife
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Myth #2
Midlife is just another
transition.
New Reality: Midlife Is Different
“We are unprepared for the
afternoon of our lives” – Carl Jung
 Not easier or more difficult than the 20s-30s
 1 to 8 significant external and internal
changes (often at same time) within 10 years
Myth #3
When you hit your 40s expect a
“midlife crisis”
“crisis of confidence or identity occurring in midlife,
characterized by the feeling that one is growing old or that
life is passing one by.”
New Reality:
Midlife Crisis No Longer Exists
“Give up on a stable view of things. The view
depends on where you are.” - William Bridges
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Old model: More stability with age
New model: More than half of each decade
group were “in transition”
Harder to discern
Midlife Crisis No Longer Exists
“Midlife is really the best place to be.”
- Orville Brim, PhD, director of MIDMAC study
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MacArthur Foundation’s Successful Midlife
Development study
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More stressors, but better equipped in
midlife
Midlife Crisis No Longer Exists
“The way we describe our lives and understand
them is ultimately and inextricably
connected to the way we live them.”
- Mandy Aftel
Midlife Crisis No Longer Exists
When asked what midlife was like:
 Confusing
 Roller Coaster
 Scary & So Right
 Feeling Empowered
 Slow & Steady
 Deeply Personal
 Fear of the Unknown
Midlife Crisis No Longer Exists
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Rebirthing Myself
Spring Cleaning
Yahoo!
Heavenly
The Liberation
The Train Goes On
Engaged Period
Evolving
Myth #4
Just grin and bear it. It’ll pass.
New Reality:
There Are No Role Models
What helped?
#1 spirituality
#2 relationships and family
#3 friends
What didn’t help?
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Negative self talk
Fear
Old beliefs and patterns
Not forgiving
Friends who didn’t support my change
Finances
There Are No Role Models
What did they learn?
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Take care of myself, relax
I am smarter than I think
I know I am valuable
Don’t be afraid – just do it!
I can create it
OK not to be perfect
It’s healthy to laugh and have fun
What’s important is who I am, not what I do
Myth #5
You know you’ve “made it”
by your status, accumulations,
and bank balance.
New Reality: New Meaning for Success
Top 3 Best Parts – Relationships, family, spiritual life
 Top 3 Changes - More time to relax, purposive work,
simpler & gracious home environment
 $ only for more security
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“This (health, diet, exercise) is an important focus
for the next 20 years so they will be a quality 20 years,
if I get 20 years”
Myth #6
When midlife is over, it’s all
downhill after that!
New Reality: Midlife Isn’t Over Yet
Where are you now?
 40s- most said “in the beginning”
 50s and 60s – most said still “in the middle”
 Only one said, “Toward the end.”
When will it be over?
 41% - Over by 60
 47% - Over by 60s or 70s
 12% - Over by 80s
Midlife Isn’t Over Yet
How will you know?
 Objective indicators: decline of health, physical
changes and retirement
 Subjective indicators: when it happens, more
back than forward, the autumn or winter of life
Midlife Isn’t Over Yet
What three qualities do you want to possess after
midlife?
#1 Loving
#2 Compassionate
# 3 Passion
#4 Wise
# 5 Peaceful
#6 Joyful
Conclusion: Midlife Is An Art
“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be
lived forwards.” Kierkegaard
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No simple definition or timing for midlife
“Becoming period” - between doing and being
Each person’s story is a different painting
No formula for success – value comes from
what’s learned and shared
What’s Important for Coaching
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Give up assumptions
We’re valuable resources
Holistic coaching is essential
Midlife clients mean longer agreements
Help clients write their own definition of success
Help clients embrace the opportunity of midlife
Huge market and resource for repeat bus & referrals
Interviewing is a great way to create a niche
Personal Lessons About Midlife
Just the beginning
 What I’ve learned for my
own life
 A great time to be alive
& turning 50!
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