Chapter Five
Employing
Interdependence
Employing Interdependence
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Developing Mutually Supportive
Relationships, Journal 15
Focus Question
– How could you make accomplishing your
success a little easier and much more fun?
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Kinds of People
DEPENDENT people believe: I can’t achieve my goals
by myself. I need other people to do most of the work for
me.
CO-DEPENDENT people believe: I’ll pursue my goals as
soon as I’ve helped others get their goals.
INDEPENDENT people believe: By working hard, I can
get some of what I want all by myself. I’ll just do without
the rest.
INTERDEPENDENT people believe: I know I can get
some of what I want by working alone, but I’ll accomplish
more and have more fun if I give and receive help.
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Understanding How People Relate
• Most destructive relationships are those
based on codependence.
• They are motivated not by their own
successes, but by someone else’s
approval or dependence upon them.
• They tend to abandon their own dreams
and even endure abuse to keep the
approval of others.
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Giving and Receiving
• The Giver – tends to be codependent
• The Taker – tends to be dependent
• The Withdrawler – tends to be
independent
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Signs of Maturity
Interdependence
I
Independence
l
Codependence
I
Dependence
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Interdependence
• The Creator – know that life can be
easier and more enjoyable when people
cooperate.
• Maximize their success in college by
seeking assistance from all available
resources.
• Find a healthy balance of giving and
receiving, and everyone benefits.
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Creating a Support Network, Journal 16
Focus Question
– How could you create and sustain an
effective support network to help you
achieve your greatest dreams in college
and in life?
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Creating a Support Network
•
•
•
•
Seek help from Instructors
Get help from College Resources
Create a Project Team
Start a Study Group
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Guidelines for Starting a Study Group
Guideline 1: Choose only Creators
Guideline 2: Choose Group Goals
Guideline 3: Choose Group Rules
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Strengthening Relationships with
Active Listening, Journal 17
Focus Questions
– Do you know how to strengthen
relationships with active listening?
– What are the essential skills of being a
good listener?
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How to Listen Actively
Step 1: Listen to understand
Step 2: Clear your mind and remain silent
Step 3: Ask the person to expand or clarify
Step 4: Reflect the other person’s
thoughts and feelings
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Be Assertive, Journal 18
Focus Question
– How can you communicate in a style that
strengthens relationships, creates better
results, and builds strong self–esteem?
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The Kinds of Communications
• Placators – are Victims who are dominated
by their Inner Critic. They place themselves
below others, protecting themselves from the
sting of criticism and rejections by saying
whatever they think will gain approval.
• Blamers – are Victims who are dominated by
their inner Defender. They place themselves,
above others, protecting themselves from
disappointment and failure by making others
fully responsible for their problems.
• Levelers – are Creators who are dominated
by their Inner Guide. They communicate
purposefully, honestly and responsibly.
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Delivering I-Messages
Step 1: A statement of the situation:
“When you ….”
Step 2: A statement of your reaction:
“I felt/thought/decided…”
Step 3: A request: “I’d like to ask that you…”
Step 4: An invitation to respond: “Will you
agree to that?”
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