Barry Gilmore
Hutchison School www.barrygilmore.net
@barry_gilmore

MaryBeth:
College
Essay

In regards to the object I would bring to college with me, I have chosen the cork bulletin board that hangs on the wall above my bed. This object may seem to be just a bunch of simple words and pieces of paper to the casual observer, but due to a large number of years during which the bulletin board has been collecting scraps and mementos of my life, it has become a meaningful repository of memories that I treasure. There are a pictures, concert tickets, and even immature love letters, all of which are like a puzzle that together forms the pieces of my life. Knowing its with me, college will be easier to take and I won’t feel homesick, but instead I will look forward to the new tacks, nametags and bumper-stickers I can fill it with depending on my future.

It was the playbill that won the first tack in the cork board;
“The Phantom of the Opera” inspired me not only to seek out the ones refused compassion from the world, but also to learn the ways of the theatre, to desire to create the next Don Juan who would bring the ghosts of people’s hearts up from the basements to the center stage. Then, rolling across the board, a time-stream of pictures: friends, family, boys, better times. The one my eyes always find amidst the multitude is of a young girl and a handsome boy, his arms wrapped around her with a smile and glowing face, the same tack pinning down a ticket to a concert, a first date, a first kiss.

The simple words, the simple pieces of paper, the simple incidents that make a person; how can someone put into words the colorfulness of the mind and soul without showing the cork board, filled with not only thousands of tacks, but empty holes, from papers taken out and never replaced? Try reading between the lines of immature love letters, asking what happened at the birthday parties, concerts and movies after reading the invitations and tickets, studying the expressions of faces in the dozens of pictures, attending the various conventions commemorated by nametags, laughing at all the cheap bumper-stickers with mind-provoking sayings, or crying on the drawings from appreciative camp children. Here before me, staring me in the face at every break and eve, is all the inspiration I need to fit together the puzzle of my life: just a smaller piece of the puzzle I will find myself connected to when my new cork-board is being filled on the first day of college.

Modeling Revision
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Sarah:
Voice
Lessons

Daniel:
Struggling
Learner

In MDSN Lysander quote “The course of true love never did run smooth” is based on real life situation. There are many ways such as: confusing, hurt, and happiness. Those are the things people that love go through. Lysander quote also applies to Midsummer night because even though it has a happy ending and deals with magical things, they still went through things to get what they wanted.

Daniel in 10 th Grade
Autonomy
Inquiry
Technology
Use
Group Presentation
Relevance
Audience, Purpose,
Context

Dear Mom,
We are reading the book No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. One thing I like is how the detective character Mma Ramotswe lies because she has to throughout the story. When she tell her friend Mr. J.L.B. the plan to get the truth out of a character named Mr. Gotso there is no if, ands, or buts about it, he’s going to do what she says, even though it involves a lie. The idea of lying comes up again throughout the novel and each time Mma Ramotswe believes her conscience is clear again and that it is okay to lie if lying is for a good cause. I think this is a strong lesson for readers to learn because we always hear about how lying is wrong but telling the truth is not really as easy as we might think.
Your son,
Daniel

Mrs. Fromm’s Feedback
The “Three Tasks” Rule
Conferencing

Embedded Formative Assessment (Solution Tree, 2011)
Three types of feedback:
1. Giving students a score;
2. Giving students constructive feedback – specific comments on errors, suggestions on how to improve, and at least one positive remark;
3. Giving students constructive feedback and a score.
Students in the second group learned twice as fast as students in the first. But students in the third group (comments and a score) made no
progress. Those with the highest scores felt no need to read the comments and those with the lowest scores didn't want to read the comments. The score was all they remembered.

Mrs. Fromm’s Feedback
The “Three Tasks” Rule
Conferencing
Sentences, not rules

Sentence
Combining
Separate
Simulate
Integrate
Embedded
Instruction
The Olympic games were founded in ancient Greece.
The games were reinstated in the modern era.
The games are meant to unite multiple nations and peoples.
The Olympic games, which were founded in ancient Greece, were reinstated in the modern era as a means of uniting multiple nations and peoples.

Sentence
Combining
Separate:
Explicit teaching of a rule
Use a semicolon between two independent clauses
Separate
Simulate
Integrate
Simulate:
Write a short passage
Write a paragraph in which you use a semi-colon
Embedded
Instruction
Integrate:
Ongoing use of the rule
Use a semicolon in writing two weeks later

Mrs. Fromm’s Feedback
The “Three Tasks” Rule
Conferencing
Sentences, not rules
Provide an audience

Mrs. Fromm’s Feedback
The “Three Tasks” Rule
Why is this important?
Conferencing
Sentences, not rules
Provide an audience

Dear Mom,
I recently enjoyed reading the book No. 1 Ladies Detective
Agency. One thing I like about this book is how the detective character, Mma Ramotswe, lies when it is necessary throughout the story. For instance, when she tells her friend Mr. J.L.B. what the plan is to get the truth out of a character named Mr. Gotso, there are no if, ands, or buts about it, he is going to do what she says, even though it involves a lie. The idea of lying comes up again throughout the novel and each time, Mma Ramotswe believes her conscience is clear again and that it is okay to lie if lying is for a good cause. I think this is a strong lesson for readers to learn because we always hear about how lying is wrong but telling the truth is not really as easy as we might think.
Your son,
Daniel

Daniel,
Thank you for sharing your ideas about this book with me. It sounds very interesting and I will try to read it as well. I look forward to discussing the truth and lies in the book with you to see whether or not I agree with you.
You are a wonderful thinker and you make me proud.
Your mother

SAT
Does a person’s character determine that person’s success in life? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
ACT
Write a letter to the school board in which you argue for lengthening the school day or for offering elective courses during the summer. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

PARCC
Use what you have learned from reading “Daedalus and
Icarus” by Ovid and “To a Friend Whose Work Has Come to
Triumph” by Anne Sexton to write an essay that provides an analysis of how Sexton transforms Daedalus and Icarus.
As a starting point, you may want to consider what is emphasized, absent, or different in the two texts, but feel free to develop your own focus for analysis.
Develop your essay by providing textual evidence from both texts. Be sure to follow the conventions of standard English.

• Interpret words and phrases as they
ACT are used in a text (R4)
• Interpret information presented in board in which you argue for for offering elective courses during the summer. Use
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•
text, or issue under study. (SL2.6)
to support your position.
• diverse media and formats (e.g.,
logical inferences from it (R1)
• Analyze and interpret data to provide evidence for phenomena. (NGSS, MS-
LS2-1)

Narrative Non-Narrative Scientific
Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences (W3)
Develop a topic for an informational or analytical essay or presentation (W2)
Develop a model to predict and/or describe phenomena such as the earth-sunmoon relationship
(NGSS)

(before)
Mental moves for “develop” (before) building (during)
The writing process leading to summative writing (after)

Introducing: discussion and writing
(before)

Gather
Information
Ask
Questions
Qualify
Make
Connections
Organize and
Discuss

Poison
Churches and tombs
Flowers and herbs
Eyes and ears (sight, etc.)
Sun, moon, and stars
Disguises and masks
Blood
Names
Weather: rain, storms, sunshine
Animals (especially birds)
Weapons
Light and Dark
Gestures (thumb-biting) Mythological allusions
Natural and civil laws Religious symbolism

Gather
Information
Ask
Questions
Qualify
Make
Connections
• Choose a symbol
• Return to the text (search online)
• Find quotations
• Include citations
• Discuss or fast-write: what do the quotations tell you?

Sarah: Romeo vows to Juliet “by the moon” in act two scene two.
Jasmine: Is that the balcony scene:
Sarah: end of it
Carter: But Juliet he shouldn’t swear that way cause the moon is inconstant
Jasmine: why is the moon inconstant
Carter: I guess cause it changes not like the sun.
Sarah: So this is about whether or not love lasts.

Romeo uses stars, sun, and moon imagery to elevate his love for Juliet, but he may really be referring to her beauty more than true love. Meanwhile, Shakespeare use the stars, sun, and moon as symbols of predetermined fate, giving love an inevitable outcome.

In Romeo and Juliet Shakespeare uses celestial bodies, such as the sun, moon, and stars, to enhance the speakers’ dialogue and contribute to
Romeo and Juliet’s relationship. In their love towards one another,
Romeo and Juliet tend to speak of symbols such as stars and the moon to evoke their love and passion for each other, despite the difficult situations that they are forced to endure. Because the sun, moon, and stars are seen as symbols of prosperity, strength, and happiness, they are continually applied to the two lovers. These symbols help explain the role of beauty in Romeo and Juliet’s love as well as the effects of fate predetermining the outcome of the play. However, while comparisons of Juliet to celestial bodies elevate Romeo’s love towards
Juliet and show his romantic personality, Romeo’s ability to make Juliet’s beauty equivalent to the stars and heaven prompts readers to consider whether beauty and attraction are the primary basis of Romeo and
Juliet’s love. Yet even though the two lovers are forced to endure many hardships and difficult times, their love for one another never terminates, even at their death. The celestial bodies help explain the role of beauty in Romeo and Juliet’s love, the effects of fate predetermining the outcome of the play, and the necessity to overcome their family’s wishes for true love.

references to the stars.
for each quotation.
evidence from the text.
Develop a lesson that compares star images in this play to those in
Hamlet.

Does an individual have the right to violate an unjust law? If so, under what circumstances? Write an essay in which you argue that individuals do or do not have this right. Use examples from history or from your reading to support your argument.

Laws shape and define the structure of any group of people by setting boundaries, justly or unjustly. However, at a certain point, laws might infringe upon the basic universal human rights of any individual if the law is not carefully thought out and planned. Unjust laws are broken in modern society quite often, and there are points at which individuals not only may break a law, but should break it.
An example of this is the Civil Rights movement, in which individuals such as Martin Luther King, Jr., violated laws through civil disobedience in order to fight injustice. One might claim that such disobedience creates chaos and incites others to break the law, but without the ability to protest such laws, how will change ever occur?
Examples from history (Civil Rights) and two plays (Antigone and The
Crucible) demonstrate this fact. If humans can’t violate a clearly unjust law, any government could oppress its people without fear of consequences—there must be a way to stop bad government and bad laws.

Argue Persuade
Example lead sentence:
While some might argue that students should be expelled for the complaints they make about their teachers online, the law supports their freedom of speech in the digital arena as well as the real word.
Example lead sentences:
Should schools allow students to post negative comments about their teachers online?
Absolutely not; recognizing the potential damage of posts to real human beings is a vital component of any student’s education.

Make a Claim

Make a Claim
Support the
Claim
Anticipate
Opposition

Make a Claim
Support the
Claim
Anticipate
Opposition
Agree Disagree

•
Consider Your
Audience
•
Integrate
(Structure)

Make a Claim
Support the
Claim
Anticipate
Opposition
Consider Your
Audience
Integrate
(Structure)

represent the collective the majority group in a wisdom of a society, no
right to violate those society can overlook the rights of minorities or can be misled by a laws.
Citizens should obey: “I will obey those in powerful view,
Citizens should resist: “I’ll lie down there forever. clearly unjust.
forced to do.” (Ismene) wish, you can show contempt for those laws the gods all hold in honour.” (Antigone)

Laws shape and define the structure of any group of people by setting boundaries, justly or unjustly. However, at a certain point, laws are broken in modern society quite often, and there are points at which individuals not only may break a law, but should break it.
An example of this is the Civil Rights movement, in which individuals such as Martin Luther King, Jr., violated laws through civil disobedience in order to fight injustice. One might claim that such disobedience creates chaos and incites others to break the law, but without the ability to protest such laws, how will change ever occur?
Examples from history (Civil Rights) and two plays (Antigone and The
Crucible) demonstrate this fact. If humans can’t violate a clearly unjust law, any government could oppress its people without fear of consequences—there must be a way to stop bad government and bad laws.

Laws shape and define the structure of any group of people by setting boundaries, justly or unjustly. However, at a certain point, laws might infringe upon the basic universal human rights of any
Support the at which individuals not only may break a law, but should break it.
An example of this is the Civil Rights movement, in which individuals such as Martin Luther King, Jr., violated laws through civil disobedience in order to fight injustice. One might claim that such disobedience creates chaos and incites others to break the law, but without the ability to protest such laws, how will change ever occur?
Examples from history (Civil Rights) and two plays (Antigone and The
Crucible) demonstrate this fact. If humans can’t violate a clearly unjust law, any government could oppress its people without fear of consequences—there must be a way to stop bad government and bad laws.

Laws shape and define the structure of any group of people by setting boundaries, justly or unjustly. However, at a certain point, laws might infringe upon the basic universal human rights of any individual if the law is not carefully thought out and planned. Unjust laws are broken in modern society quite often, and there are points
An example of this is the Civil Rights movement, in which individuals
Opposition disobedience in order to fight injustice. One might claim that such disobedience creates chaos and incites others to break the law, but without the ability to protest such laws, how will change ever occur?
Examples from history (Civil Rights) and two plays (Antigone and The
Crucible) demonstrate this fact. If humans can’t violate a clearly unjust law, any government could oppress its people without fear of consequences—there must be a way to stop bad government and bad laws.

Laws shape and define the structure of any group of people by setting boundaries, justly or unjustly. However, at a certain point, laws might infringe upon the basic universal human rights of any individual if the law is not carefully thought out and planned. Unjust laws are broken in modern society quite often, and there are points
An example of this is the Civil Rights movement, in which individuals
Audience disobedience in order to fight injustice. One might claim that such disobedience creates chaos and incites others to break the law, but without the ability to protest such laws, how will change ever occur?
Examples from history (Civil Rights) and two plays (Antigone and The
Crucible) demonstrate this fact. If humans can’t violate a clearly unjust law, any government could oppress its people without fear of consequences—there must be a way to stop bad government and bad laws.

Laws shape and define the structure of any group of people by setting boundaries, justly or unjustly. However, at a certain point, laws might infringe upon the basic universal human rights of any individual if the law is not carefully thought out and planned. Unjust laws are broken in modern society quite often, and there are points at which individuals not only may break a law, but should break it.
An example of this is the Civil Rights movement, in which individuals such as Martin Luther King, Jr., violated laws through civil
Integrate without the ability to protest such laws, how will change ever occur?
Examples from history (Civil Rights) and two plays (Antigone and The
Crucible) demonstrate this fact. If humans can’t violate a clearly unjust law, any government could oppress its people without fear of consequences—there must be a way to stop bad government and bad laws.

Make a Claim
Support the
Claim
Anticipate
Opposition
Consider Your
Audience
Integrate
(Structure)

Step One: Planning
Landon’s teacher asks students in the class to list elements of a poem that might be useful in supporting an analysis of the poem’s meaning.
She writes the ideas on the board for reference: tone words metaphor punctuation imagery personification symbols word choices (diction) allusions meter interesting rhymes characterization juxtaposition similes setting repeated words dialogue

The Task
Read the poem “The Chimney
Sweeper,” by William Blake, closely. Then, write an essay in which you analyze how the speaker’s experience is conveyed through such elements as tone, structure, and imagery. Support your answer with evidence from the poem.

Body para. one: first two stanzas—little boy is abandoned and his world is dark
“my father sold me . . .”
His tongue “cannot speak,” so he is helpless
“weep, weep,” etc.
Repetition shows how helpless he is
“chimneys I sweep and soot I sleep” internal rhyme give emphasis to this line and makes it stand out soot = dark and depressing world
“Hush, Tom . . .”
Very casual like someone is speaking, narrative style
“soot/white hair”
Black vs. white connects to the salvation later in the poem

Spencer

Spencer (10 th grade)
Considered one of William Shakespeare’s greatest plays, A
Midsummer Night’s Dream reads like a fantastical, imaginative tale: however, its poetic lines contain a message of love, reality, and chance that are not usually present in works of such kind. All characters in the play are playful, careless and thoughtless, and Puck: one of the central characters in the play: is significant to the plot, tone, and meaning of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, thus becoming a representative of the above-mentioned themes. In the last stanza of the play, he shows that he is a catalyst for almost every single one of these themes.

Puck:
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend.
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call:
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
(A Midsummer Night’s Dream V.i.)

Puck:
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend.
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call:
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
(A Midsummer Night’s Dream V.i.)

Puck:
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend.
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call:
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
(A Midsummer Night’s Dream V.i.)

Come up with one essential / big / thematic question about the play based on words you identified.

Sample student-generated questions (prompts)
• Does the play suggest it is okay to lie?
• Why is it called a “dream?”
• Why do both Theseus and Puck use the word
“shadow”?
• Why are some people “pardoned” in the play?
• Why do only Puck and Bottom break the fourth wall?
• Is Puck ultimately benevolent or malicious?

From question to prompt
• Create topics
• Go back to the text—find examples
• Discuss in pairs or groups
• Write a thesis
• Share and discuss (PINE)
• Write an essay

Spencer’s Revision
When Puck asks us to “pardon” him at the end of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, he points out the deep irony of the play: there is no justice in
Shakespeare’s comedy, poetic, legal, or otherwise. We have no more power over Puck than the humans have over the fairies, their own fates, or love itself. Shakespeare’s world seems to include justice, but it can be seen that events in MSND are decided by power, not right and wrong.

In the first two stanzas, the reader meets a little boy, the speaker, as an abandoned infant and soon realizes how dark the world is for this little boy. In the first stanza, the speaker shows that the world is dark by telling readers that “my father sold me while yet my tongue / could scarcely cry weep weep weep” (2–3). Because the speaker cannot speak or scarcely even cry, he is helpless against being sold away from his parents. His world is dark from the beginning. Blake uses repetition of the word “weep” to show how helpless the speaker as an infant is. When said aloud,
“weep” isn’t a word that commands much attention; therefore, the speaker has no power to do anything but be sold away. Blake also uses internal rhyme when he writes, “So your chimneys I sweep and in soot I sleep” (4). The true rhyme of sweep and sleep brings attention to the line. This boy’s life is sweeping and sleeping and waking up to sweep again then drifting off to sleep afterwards. This quote also shows how dark and gloomy the speaker’s world has become. In the second stanza, readers meet Tom Dacre, a timid little chimney sweep. This stanza is very narrative; it tells of how Tom cried when having to get his head shaved and how the speaker comforted him saying, “Hush Tom never mind it, for when your head’s bare / you know that the soot cannot spoil your white hair” (7–8). Blake juxtaposes the word soot with the white hair knowing that soot is dark black and the white hair is pure white. The juxtaposition symbolizes how darkness and suffering can fill one’s life, but a perfect, white salvation can follow it. Overall, the first two stanzas display how gloomy, dark, and melancholy the chimney sweep’s world is from the very beginning.

Barry Gilmore
Hutchison School www.barrygilmore.net
@barry_gilmore