• Communication Skills
• Nonverbal communication
• Oral communication
• Written communication
• Interpersonal Applications
• Business Applications
Why Study Communication?
• The Only Completely Portable Skill
• You will use it in every relationship
• You will need it regardless of your career path
• The “Information Age”
• The history of civilization is the history of information
• Language and written documents facilitate the transfer
of information and knowledge through time and space
Why Study Communication?
• Your Quality of Life Depends Primarily on
Your Communication Skills
• You Cannot Be Too Good at Communication
• People Overestimate Their Own
Communication Skills
We Want Others to Change
What Is Communication?
• Transfer of Meaning—No
• Influence of Mental Maps—Yes
• Redundant
• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthestic
• Energetic
What Is Communication?
• Conscious and Intentional
• Nonverbal
• Verbal
• Unconscious and Unintentional
• Nonverbal
• Verbal
Unconscious Processing
Conscious Processing = 7±2/Second
Unconscious Processing = 200,000,000/Sec.
Short-term Memory
Long-term Memory
• Physical
• Mental
• Learned Behavior
• Established Over Time
• Practice
• Self-talk
• Change
Unconscious Incompetence
Conscious Incompetence
Conscious Competence
Unconscious Competence
External Reality
• The Map is Not the Territory
We delete information
We distort information
We generalize
We assign meaning
• Models of the World
Sensory Data
• The Building Blocks of Subjective Experience
• What we see
• What we hear
• What we touch, taste, and smell
• The Four-tuple
• Meanings and Memories
Filtering Experience
• Primary Mediation
• Secondary Mediation
Genetic predisposition
Personal profiles of behavioral type
Beliefs, values, core questions, and core metaphors
Physical and mental state
Perception Can Be Tricky
The Communication Process
Questions &
Beh. Type
Sensory Data
Sensory Data
Questions &
Beh. Type
The Bowman Communication Model, 1992-2003
Metaphor: The Language of Perception
• Metaphors and Similes
• My love is a flower.
• My love is like a flower.
• Core Metaphors
Argument is war
Business is war
Business is a sport or a game
Business is a building
Core Metaphors
• Metaphors, Similes, and Analogies
• Perceptual Filters
• Common Operational Metaphors
Time is…
Learning is…
Men/Women are…
Success is...
Life is…
Experience, Language, and Meaning
Mental Maps
Sensory Data
Symbol Systems
• Language
• Words and sentences
• Meaning and labels
• Mathematics
• Money
History of Communication
• Nonverbal:
• Oral:
• Written:
150,000 years
55,000 years
6,000 years
Early writing: 4000 BC
Egyptian hieroglyphics: 3000 BC
Phoenician alphabet: 1500 to 2000 BC
Book printing in China: 600 BC
Book printing in Europe: 1400 AD
Communicating Meaning
• Physiology and Appearance:
• Paralanguage:
• Language:
55 percent
38 percent
7 percent
Sensory Data and Mental Maps
• Bridge Between Internal and External
• Internal and External Processing
• Internal Processing
• Posture and breathing
• Language and paralanguage
• Eye accessing cues
Sensory Modalities
• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthetic
Emotional responses (feelings)
Preferred Sensory Modalities
People Use All Their Available Senses
Some Prefer Visual
Some Prefer Auditory
Some Prefer the Kinesthetic Cluster
• Senses of touch, taste, and smell
• Associated emotional responses
• Some Prefer “Digital” Processing
• Vocabulary
I see what you mean.
It looks good to me.
Let’s stay focused on the problem.
She has a bright future.
He’s always in a fog.
• Physiology and Appearance
• Paralanguage
• Vocabulary
I hear what you are saying.
It sounds good to me.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
That’s music to my ears.
He’s always blowing his own horn.
• Physiology and Appearance
• Paralanguage
Kinesthetics (Kinos)
• Vocabulary
I can grasp the concept, and it feels right to me.
It smells fishy to me.
It left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
She’s still rough around the edges.
He’s a smooth operator.
• Physiology and Appearance
• Paralanguage
Eye Accessing Cues
Exercise: Observing Eye
• Ask questions that require internal processing.
• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthetic
• Taste or smell
• Touch
• Emotions
Exercise: Flexibility
• Determine your preferred system.
• What are you doing when you “think”?
• Speak for two minutes using predicates
from one sensory modality, then do the
the same for each of the other two.
• Work in groups and take turns speaking
using sense-based predicates in a systematic
• Finding Commonalities
• Values
• Vocabulary and paralanguage
• Physiology and appearance
• Matching and Mirroring
• Cross-over Matching
People who are like each other,
like each other.
Developing Rapport
• Nonverbal (what you see and do)
• Physiology
• Appearance
• Congruence
• Verbal (what you hear and say)
• Sense-based predicates
• Values, beliefs, and criteria
• Voice tone and rate of speech
Reading Nonverbal Messages
• Sensory Acuity
• Agree and Disagree
• Posture and Movement
• Associated or dissociated
• Bodily response
Exercises: Rapport
• Matching and Mirroring
• Observing others
• Practicing
• Calibration
• Like/dislike
• Yes/no
• Physiology
• Left/right body
• Left/right brain
• Nonverbal and Verbal Messages
• “Parts”
• Groups
• The Structure of Subjective Experience
• Four-tuples
• Syntax
• Learned Behavior
• TOTE (Test, Operate, Test, Exit)
• Habits
• Skills
Common Strategies
• Spelling
• Auditory (spell “phonics” phonetically)
• Visual
• Making Decisions
• Communicating
• Listening and speaking
• Writing
Decision-making Strategies
• Purchasing
• An inexpensive product
• Dinner in a nice restaurant
• An expensive product or service
• Relationships
• Career Choices
Communication Strategy, 1 & 2
• Pace
• Match (nonverbally and verbally)
• Meet expectations
• Lead
• Set direction
• Maintain interest
• Maintain rapport
Communication Strategy, 3 & 4
• Blend Outcomes
• Understand objectives and desires
• Create win-win solutions
• Motivate
• Clarify who does what next
• Future-pace possibilities
• Presuppose positive results
Exercise: Eliciting Strategies
• Ordering a Meal in a Restaurant
• Learning Something New
• Teaching Something for the First Time
Personal Profiles
Profile Characteristics
• Achiever
• Likes to set goals, challenge the environment and win.
• Sees life as a competition.
• Communicator
• Likes to achieve results by working with and through people.
• Finds more enjoyment in the process than in the results.
• Specialist
• Likes to plan work and relationships.
• Finds enjoyment in knowing what to expect.
• Perfectionist
• Enjoys jobs requiring attention to detail.
• Complies with authority and tries to provide the “right” answer.
Initiate or Respond
Toward or Away From
Internal or External
Rule Follower or Breaker
More Metaprograms
Cognitive Style
Match or Mismatch
Global or Specific
Thinking or Feeling
VAK and Times
Exercise: Eliciting Metaprograms
• Metaprograms are revealed by
• Nonverbal messages
• Language
• Questions
• What do you mean?
• How do you know?
• What’s important to you about that?
Changing Behavior
• Patterns and Pattern Interrupts
• Anchors and Anchoring
• Stimulus-response conditioning
• Visual, auditory, and kinesthetic anchors
• Advanced Language Patterns
• The Metamodel
• The Milton Model
Exercise: Anchoring
• Setting Anchors
• Kinesthetic
• Visual
• Auditory
• Stacking Anchors
• Collapsing Anchors
• Using Sliding Anchors
The Structure of
Subjective Experience
• Sorting for Time
• Past, present, and future
• Timelines
• Sorting for Like and Dislike
• Creating and Changing Meaning
Modalities and Submodalities
• Visual Submodalities
• Location, size, distance, brightness, point of view
• Color or black & white, moving or still
• Auditory Submodalities
• Location, tone, rate, pitch, inflection, rhythm
• Language, voice (your voice, the voice of a parent)
• Kinesthetic Submodalities
• Location, strength, duration, movement
• Quality (warm, cold, “tingly,” etc.)
Exercise: Changing Submodalities
• Select something, someone, or an activity
you want to like better.
• Elicit submodalities for
• Things you like.
• Things you dislike.
• Change the submodalities with which you
represent the thing, person, or activity.
Belief Systems
• Global (Identity)
• Cause-effect
• If X, then Y
• If I study, then I will...
• Rules
• Can/can’t
• Must/must not
• Should/should not
• A Type of Belief
• Hierarchical
• Either Positive or Negative
• Something desired
• Something to avoid
• Congruent or Incongruent
Core Questions
Remain Out of Conscious Awareness
Focus Attention
Influence Interpretation of Events
Influence Psychological State
Influence the Range of Possibilities
Exercise: Belief and Disbelief
• Elicit the submodalities of something you
believe absolutely.
• Elicit the submodalities of something you
• Elicit the submodalities of something you
• Select a limiting belief and change its
Frames and Reframes
• The Filters That Determine Meaning
• Influence State and Behavior
• Creating and Changing Frames
• Anchoring
• Reframing Context
• Reframing Content
Reframing Context
• Key Questions
• Where would the characteristic or behavior be useful?
• When would the characteristic or behavior be useful?
• What would have to be true for this to be useful?
• Common Context Reframes
• Rudolph’s red nose
• Oil
• Procrastination
Reframing Content
• Key Questions
What else could this mean (or be)?
What am I missing here?
How can he or she believe that?
How could this mean the opposite of what I thought?
• Common Content Reframes
• The ugly duckling
• Plastic or sawdust
• Failure
The Metamodel
Used to Understand Another’s Mental Maps
Used to Recover Lost Information
Used to Help Correct Distortions
Universal Metamodel Questions
What, who, or how specifically?
What do you mean?
How do you know?
What would happen if you did (or didn’t)?
Metamodel “Violations”
• Unspecified Nouns
• Abstract nouns (a student, teachers)
• Nominalizations (freedom, justice)
• Unspecified or Missing Pronouns
• Someone you know. . . .
• It’s wrong to think that.
Metamodel “Violations”
• Unspecified Verbs
• You have to learn this.
• You will solve your problems.
• Unwarranted Generalizations
• You never want to do anything.
• Politicians are crooks.
Metamodel “Violations”
• Unwarranted Comparisons
• Brand X gives you more.
• Sally is the best.
• Unwarranted Rules
• You can’t do that on television.
• Clean your plate.
• No pain, no gain.
The Milton Model
• Used to Change Another’s Mental Maps
• Used to Create New Possibilities
• Used to Influence
Milton Model Techniques
• Metamodel “Violations”
• Unspecified nouns, pronouns, and verbs.
• Generalizations
• Comparisons
• Shifts in referential index
More Milton Model Techniques
Embedded Questions
Embedded Commands
Negative Commands
Basic Language Skills
• My automobile prefers to warm up slowly.
• The organization is in excellent shape. For
example, the record profits last year.
• The company has decided to purchase new
• While busy working at the computer all day
was no doubt the cause of her eye strain and
stiff neck.
More Basic Language Skills
• Not only will Alex need to justify his
behavior to his boss, but also to the
company president.
• The data is from “Service Is the Key”, by
Eileen Johnson in the May issue of The
Journal of Customer Relations.
Language Skills for Case 1
• As an employee of Con-U-Tel, it is my
responsibility to set up our companies
annual convention.
• I am writing this letter to inquire about your
hotel’s accommodations.
• How many people can your hotel
accommodate at one time?
More Language Skills for Case 1
• Does your hotel have banquet facilities?
• How many conference rooms does your
hotel have with audio/visual equipment?
• I must have your answer by July 10th so
that I can make a decision.
• Thank you in advance for sending this and
other helpful information.
Block Format and
Mixed Punctuation
• Date goes on left margin
• 5 January 2004
• January 5, 2004
• NOT: 1/5/2004 or 5.1.2004
• Inside address includes the following:
Name of the individual with courtesy title
Professional title and/or office or department
Organization plus “mail stop” information
City, state, and ZIP code information
Block Format and
Mixed Punctuation—Part 2
• Salutation
• Dear Ms. Goldman:
• Dear Director:
• Ladies and Gentlemen:
• The signature block includes the following:
• An appropriate complimentary close (Sincerely,
Cordially, Best Wishes)
• The signature of the person who wrote the letter
• The typed/printed name of the writer
Message Structure for Case 1
• Ask the most important question.
• What is the make-or-break question?
• Why are convention facilities more important than guest rooms?
• Why is it important to include the dates in the opening question?
• Explain your needs.
• What does she need to know to help you?
• What does she not need to know?
• What is required for transition to the list of secondary questions?
More Structure for Case 1
• Ask your secondary questions.
• What is implied by the numbered list?
• How do you ensure that the information you receive
will help you make a decision?
• Set and justify an end-date.
• Is it possible that she can help you in ways you haven’t
asked about?
• Why do you need a time index to justify a specific enddate?