Overview
• Communication Skills
• Nonverbal communication
• Oral communication
• Written communication
• Interpersonal Applications
• Business Applications
Why Study Communication?
• The Only Completely Portable Skill
• You will use it in every relationship
• You will need it regardless of your career path
• The “Information Age”
• The history of civilization is the history of information
• Language and written documents facilitate the transfer
of information and knowledge through time and space
Why Study Communication?
• Your Quality of Life Depends Primarily on
Your Communication Skills
• You Cannot Be Too Good at Communication
• People Overestimate Their Own
Communication Skills
We Want Others to Change
What Is Communication?
• Transfer of Meaning—No
• Influence of Mental Maps—Yes
• Redundant
• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthestic
• Energetic
What Is Communication?
• Conscious and Intentional
• Nonverbal
• Verbal
• Unconscious and Unintentional
• Nonverbal
• Verbal
Unconscious Processing
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Conscious Processing = 7±2/Second
Unconscious Processing = 200,000,000/Sec.
Short-term Memory
Long-term Memory
Habits
• Physical
• Mental
Habits
• Learned Behavior
• Established Over Time
• Practice
• Self-talk
• Change
Learning
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Unconscious Incompetence
Conscious Incompetence
Conscious Competence
Unconscious Competence
Mastery
External Reality
• The Map is Not the Territory
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We delete information
We distort information
We generalize
We assign meaning
• Models of the World
Sensory Data
• The Building Blocks of Subjective Experience
• What we see
• What we hear
• What we touch, taste, and smell
• The Four-tuple
• Meanings and Memories
Filtering Experience
• Primary Mediation
• Secondary Mediation
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Genetic predisposition
Conditioning
Personal profiles of behavioral type
Beliefs, values, core questions, and core metaphors
Physical and mental state
Perception Can Be Tricky
The Communication Process
Filters
Beliefs
Values
Questions &
Metaphors
Beh. Type
State
DecisionMaking
Sensory Data
Sensory Data
Message
Encoding
Sender
Channel
Filters
DecisionMaking
Beliefs
Values
Questions &
Metaphors
Beh. Type
State
Encoding
Receiver
The Bowman Communication Model, 1992-2003
Metaphor: The Language of Perception
• Metaphors and Similes
• My love is a flower.
• My love is like a flower.
• Core Metaphors
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Argument is war
Business is war
Business is a sport or a game
Business is a building
Core Metaphors
• Metaphors, Similes, and Analogies
• Perceptual Filters
• Common Operational Metaphors
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Time is…
Learning is…
Men/Women are…
Success is...
Life is…
Experience, Language, and Meaning
Language
Meaning
Mental Maps
Sensory Data
Experience
Symbol Systems
• Language
• Words and sentences
• Meaning and labels
• Mathematics
• Money
History of Communication
• Nonverbal:
• Oral:
• Written:
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150,000 years
55,000 years
6,000 years
Early writing: 4000 BC
Egyptian hieroglyphics: 3000 BC
Phoenician alphabet: 1500 to 2000 BC
Book printing in China: 600 BC
Book printing in Europe: 1400 AD
Communicating Meaning
• Physiology and Appearance:
• Paralanguage:
• Language:
55 percent
38 percent
7 percent
Sensory Data and Mental Maps
• Bridge Between Internal and External
• Internal and External Processing
• Internal Processing
• Posture and breathing
• Language and paralanguage
• Eye accessing cues
Sensory Modalities
• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthetic
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Touch
Taste
Smell
Emotional responses (feelings)
Preferred Sensory Modalities
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People Use All Their Available Senses
Some Prefer Visual
Some Prefer Auditory
Some Prefer the Kinesthetic Cluster
• Senses of touch, taste, and smell
• Associated emotional responses
• Some Prefer “Digital” Processing
Visuals
• Vocabulary
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I see what you mean.
It looks good to me.
Let’s stay focused on the problem.
She has a bright future.
He’s always in a fog.
• Physiology and Appearance
• Paralanguage
Auditories
• Vocabulary
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I hear what you are saying.
It sounds good to me.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
That’s music to my ears.
He’s always blowing his own horn.
• Physiology and Appearance
• Paralanguage
Kinesthetics (Kinos)
• Vocabulary
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I can grasp the concept, and it feels right to me.
It smells fishy to me.
It left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
She’s still rough around the edges.
He’s a smooth operator.
• Physiology and Appearance
• Paralanguage
Eye Accessing Cues
Vc
Ac
K
Vr
Ar
Ai
Exercise: Observing Eye
Movements
• Ask questions that require internal processing.
• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthetic
• Taste or smell
• Touch
• Emotions
Exercise: Flexibility
• Determine your preferred system.
• What are you doing when you “think”?
• Speak for two minutes using predicates
from one sensory modality, then do the
the same for each of the other two.
• Work in groups and take turns speaking
using sense-based predicates in a systematic
way.
Rapport
• Finding Commonalities
• Values
• Vocabulary and paralanguage
• Physiology and appearance
• Matching and Mirroring
• Cross-over Matching
People who are like each other,
like each other.
Developing Rapport
• Nonverbal (what you see and do)
• Physiology
• Appearance
• Congruence
• Verbal (what you hear and say)
• Sense-based predicates
• Values, beliefs, and criteria
• Voice tone and rate of speech
Reading Nonverbal Messages
• Sensory Acuity
• Agree and Disagree
• Posture and Movement
• Associated or dissociated
• Bodily response
Exercises: Rapport
• Matching and Mirroring
• Observing others
• Practicing
• Calibration
• Like/dislike
• Yes/no
Congruence
• Physiology
• Left/right body
• Left/right brain
• Nonverbal and Verbal Messages
• “Parts”
• Groups
Strategies
• The Structure of Subjective Experience
• Four-tuples
• Syntax
• Learned Behavior
• TOTE (Test, Operate, Test, Exit)
• Habits
• Skills
Common Strategies
• Spelling
• Auditory (spell “phonics” phonetically)
• Visual
• Making Decisions
• Communicating
• Listening and speaking
• Writing
Decision-making Strategies
• Purchasing
• An inexpensive product
• Dinner in a nice restaurant
• An expensive product or service
• Relationships
• Career Choices
Communication Strategy, 1 & 2
• Pace
• Match (nonverbally and verbally)
• Meet expectations
• Lead
• Set direction
• Maintain interest
• Maintain rapport
Communication Strategy, 3 & 4
• Blend Outcomes
• Understand objectives and desires
• Create win-win solutions
• Motivate
• Clarify who does what next
• Future-pace possibilities
• Presuppose positive results
Exercise: Eliciting Strategies
• Ordering a Meal in a Restaurant
• Learning Something New
• Teaching Something for the First Time
Personal Profiles
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Achiever
Communicator
Specialist
Perfectionist
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Profile Characteristics
• Achiever
• Likes to set goals, challenge the environment and win.
• Sees life as a competition.
• Communicator
• Likes to achieve results by working with and through people.
• Finds more enjoyment in the process than in the results.
• Specialist
• Likes to plan work and relationships.
• Finds enjoyment in knowing what to expect.
• Perfectionist
• Enjoys jobs requiring attention to detail.
• Complies with authority and tries to provide the “right” answer.
Metaprograms
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Action
Direction
Source
Conduct
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Initiate or Respond
Toward or Away From
Internal or External
Rule Follower or Breaker
More Metaprograms
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Response
Scope
Cognitive Style
Confirmation
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Match or Mismatch
Global or Specific
Thinking or Feeling
VAK and Times
Exercise: Eliciting Metaprograms
• Metaprograms are revealed by
• Nonverbal messages
• Language
• Questions
• What do you mean?
• How do you know?
• What’s important to you about that?
Changing Behavior
• Patterns and Pattern Interrupts
• Anchors and Anchoring
• Stimulus-response conditioning
• Visual, auditory, and kinesthetic anchors
• Advanced Language Patterns
• The Metamodel
• The Milton Model
Exercise: Anchoring
• Setting Anchors
• Kinesthetic
• Visual
• Auditory
• Stacking Anchors
• Collapsing Anchors
• Using Sliding Anchors
The Structure of
Subjective Experience
• Sorting for Time
• Past, present, and future
• Timelines
• Sorting for Like and Dislike
• Creating and Changing Meaning
Modalities and Submodalities
• Visual Submodalities
• Location, size, distance, brightness, point of view
• Color or black & white, moving or still
• Auditory Submodalities
• Location, tone, rate, pitch, inflection, rhythm
• Language, voice (your voice, the voice of a parent)
• Kinesthetic Submodalities
• Location, strength, duration, movement
• Quality (warm, cold, “tingly,” etc.)
Exercise: Changing Submodalities
• Select something, someone, or an activity
you want to like better.
• Elicit submodalities for
• Things you like.
• Things you dislike.
• Change the submodalities with which you
represent the thing, person, or activity.
Belief Systems
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Cultural
Parental
Group
Individual
• Global (Identity)
• Cause-effect
• If X, then Y
• If I study, then I will...
• Rules
• Can/can’t
• Must/must not
• Should/should not
Values
• A Type of Belief
• Hierarchical
• Either Positive or Negative
• Something desired
• Something to avoid
• Congruent or Incongruent
Core Questions
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Remain Out of Conscious Awareness
Focus Attention
Influence Interpretation of Events
Influence Psychological State
Influence the Range of Possibilities
Exercise: Belief and Disbelief
• Elicit the submodalities of something you
believe absolutely.
• Elicit the submodalities of something you
doubt.
• Elicit the submodalities of something you
disbelieve.
• Select a limiting belief and change its
submodalities.
Frames and Reframes
• The Filters That Determine Meaning
• Influence State and Behavior
• Creating and Changing Frames
• Anchoring
• Reframing Context
• Reframing Content
Reframing Context
• Key Questions
• Where would the characteristic or behavior be useful?
• When would the characteristic or behavior be useful?
• What would have to be true for this to be useful?
• Common Context Reframes
• Rudolph’s red nose
• Oil
• Procrastination
Reframing Content
• Key Questions
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What else could this mean (or be)?
What am I missing here?
How can he or she believe that?
How could this mean the opposite of what I thought?
• Common Content Reframes
• The ugly duckling
• Plastic or sawdust
• Failure
The Metamodel
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Used to Understand Another’s Mental Maps
Used to Recover Lost Information
Used to Help Correct Distortions
Universal Metamodel Questions
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What, who, or how specifically?
What do you mean?
How do you know?
What would happen if you did (or didn’t)?
Metamodel “Violations”
• Unspecified Nouns
• Abstract nouns (a student, teachers)
• Nominalizations (freedom, justice)
• Unspecified or Missing Pronouns
• Someone you know. . . .
• It’s wrong to think that.
Metamodel “Violations”
• Unspecified Verbs
• You have to learn this.
• You will solve your problems.
• Unwarranted Generalizations
• You never want to do anything.
• Politicians are crooks.
Metamodel “Violations”
• Unwarranted Comparisons
• Brand X gives you more.
• Sally is the best.
• Unwarranted Rules
• You can’t do that on television.
• Clean your plate.
• No pain, no gain.
The Milton Model
• Used to Change Another’s Mental Maps
• Used to Create New Possibilities
• Used to Influence
Milton Model Techniques
• Metamodel “Violations”
• Unspecified nouns, pronouns, and verbs.
• Generalizations
• Comparisons
• Shifts in referential index
More Milton Model Techniques
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Presuppositions
Embedded Questions
Embedded Commands
Negative Commands
Metaphors
Quotes
Ambiguities
Basic Language Skills
• My automobile prefers to warm up slowly.
• The organization is in excellent shape. For
example, the record profits last year.
• The company has decided to purchase new
furniture.
• While busy working at the computer all day
was no doubt the cause of her eye strain and
stiff neck.
More Basic Language Skills
• Not only will Alex need to justify his
behavior to his boss, but also to the
company president.
• The data is from “Service Is the Key”, by
Eileen Johnson in the May issue of The
Journal of Customer Relations.
Language Skills for Case 1
• As an employee of Con-U-Tel, it is my
responsibility to set up our companies
annual convention.
• I am writing this letter to inquire about your
hotel’s accommodations.
• How many people can your hotel
accommodate at one time?
More Language Skills for Case 1
• Does your hotel have banquet facilities?
• How many conference rooms does your
hotel have with audio/visual equipment?
• I must have your answer by July 10th so
that I can make a decision.
• Thank you in advance for sending this and
other helpful information.
Block Format and
Mixed Punctuation
• Date goes on left margin
• 5 January 2004
• January 5, 2004
• NOT: 1/5/2004 or 5.1.2004
• Inside address includes the following:
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Name of the individual with courtesy title
Professional title and/or office or department
Organization plus “mail stop” information
City, state, and ZIP code information
Block Format and
Mixed Punctuation—Part 2
• Salutation
• Dear Ms. Goldman:
• Dear Director:
• Ladies and Gentlemen:
• The signature block includes the following:
• An appropriate complimentary close (Sincerely,
Cordially, Best Wishes)
• The signature of the person who wrote the letter
• The typed/printed name of the writer
Message Structure for Case 1
• Ask the most important question.
• What is the make-or-break question?
• Why are convention facilities more important than guest rooms?
• Why is it important to include the dates in the opening question?
• Explain your needs.
• What does she need to know to help you?
• What does she not need to know?
• What is required for transition to the list of secondary questions?
More Structure for Case 1
• Ask your secondary questions.
• What is implied by the numbered list?
• How do you ensure that the information you receive
will help you make a decision?
• Set and justify an end-date.
• Is it possible that she can help you in ways you haven’t
asked about?
• Why do you need a time index to justify a specific enddate?