Taylor Olsen
FHS 2450
Professor Banta
11/26/13
Love is in the Air-waves
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Love exists in the media. It’s a pretty general statement that holds an incredible amount of
truth. But why does love often show its face more often in music than in any other form of media?
Perhaps it’s because music has always had an elusive hand tugging on the emotional heartstrings of all
who listen to it, or because music has long been a common form of expression for individuals since the
medieval period. Music today has evolved into many forms of genres from its humble beginnings. But
the question remains to be answered regarding love in music. What genre of music best exemplifies
companionate and/or compassionate love? Is it dangerous to rely on the media definitions of love and
relationships? And between companionate or passionate love which is one or the other more or less
frequently expressed or even? To answer such question I have chosen to cross compare five of the most
popular genres in today’s world with Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love and Lee’s Styles of love
based upon their lyrical content. This should answer the questions of how love is most characteristically
portrayed in each genre and what is the style of love that is present and how consummate is it.
Of the most popular genres that are present in the world today the five most relevant in today’s
media are as following from most popular to least popular: Hip-Hop/Rap, Country, Alternative, Rock and
then Metal. For each of these genres of music I fond searched for what the media, fans and artists
themselves consider to be the most defining love song of their genre. For rap I found Method Man ft.
Mary J Blige- “You’re All I Need” , for Country I selected Rascal Flatts’ cover of “Bless the Broken Road”,
Alternative: Mumford and Sons- Winter Winds, Rock: Pearljam- “Black”, and finally the Metal world
agreed that Opeth- “Face of Melinda” was their ultimate metal ballad.
However, before going into any further depth it is necessary to explain both Sternberg and Lee’s
theories, and go further into depth on how they are being used to explain each song’s credentials in the
ideological aspect of the term love. It must be taken into account what the English speaking world
defines love as. More accurately how the term “Love” is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary
which defines love as: “ A feeling of strong or constant affection for a person; attraction that includes
sexual desire; the strong affection felt by people who have a romantic love; a person you love in a
romantic way. “
Beginning with Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, this theory is where the distinction is
made between several versions of love and that of consummate love. Within the textbook “Our
Sexuality Edition 12, by Crooks & Baur” the section based on Sternberg’s Theory reads “The distinction
between passionate and companionate love has been further refined by psychologist Robert Sternberg
(1976, 1988), who has proposed an interesting theoretical framework for conceptualizing what people
experience when they report being in love. According to Sternberg, love has three dimensions or
components: Passion, intimacy, and commitment. Upon further analysis of this fundamental idea is
that Passion is the motivational component that fuels romantic feelings and physical attraction as well
as desire for sexual interaction. While Intimacy, is the emotional component of love that encompasses
the sense of being bonded with another person. Furthermore, Commitment is the thinking or cognitive
aspect of love. It refers to the conscious decision to love another and to maintain a relationship over
time despite difficulties that may arise.
Sternberg also theorized that passion peaks early in a relationship and then declines over time,
whereas the other two will continue to grow or build gradually in time. Each varies in a fundamental
form and function and when compared and combined there are seven possible outcomes, this includes
consummate love. Three of these seven are based upon the extremes in any of the categories. If a
person has only an intimate relationship with someone it is considered Liking, a relationship that is void
of passion or commitment. Then Infatuation, a relationship of only passion, and empty love, a
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relationship based solely upon commitment. Each of these categories requires the other for a
consummate relationship to work out. The other categories are Romantic, Companionate, and Fatuous
love. Going in order the first is intimate and passionate, the second being intimate and committed, and
the third is passionate and committed. These characteristic versions of love generally are all expressed
at one point or another in an individual’s life. The extremes are shown in fast acting loves that don’t go
anywhere, commitment usually ending in a divorce, and passionate burning out and being left behind.
Intimate portions can be shown as the liking or crushes that children and prepubescent children show
during early ages in development. This should not be confused with Sigmund Freud’s psychosexual
ideas of the Electra and Oedipus complex that is discussed in his ideas of the Id, Ego, and Super Ego
during the development of a child.
Visual representation of the Love over time and Triangular Theory of Love, courtesy of google images
search.
Lee’s Styles of Loving propose a theory that uses terms derived from ancient Greek words to
describe six different styles of loving that characterize intimate human relationships rather than
attempting to show patterns or types of love. Full name being John Allan Lee, his six different styles
were Eros, ludus, mania, storge, agape, and pragma, each translating out to be (in order) romantic,
game-playing, possessive, companionate, altruistic, and pragmatic. Each in a general sense is selfexplanatory and shouldn’t require an in-depth explanation.
Understanding what each of these theories expresses it would seem only appropriate to begin
with the most popular genre and proceed to the least popular so as to assist in assuaging any concern
that the author may be in any way bias towards one or the other genres.
Hip-Hop/Rap
The song chosen for this genre was “You’re All I Need” by Method man ft. Mary J. Blige. This
song hit the top 100 Billboards in 1995 and has ever since been considered the epitome of the genre’s
love song. For a remix of Method Man’s song “All I Need” on his 1994 album release this song has
become one of the most well-known songs in the genre and is regarded highly throughout the genre’s
musician atmosphere. Lyrically I can’t see this falling very far from Fatuous Love (passion +
commitment). With various lines within the song like “…Never ever give my p***y away and keep it
tight ‘aight, And I’ma walk these dogs so we can live in a fat ass crib with thousands of kids” and “I got a
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love jonz for your body and your skin tone, Five minutes alone I’m already on the bone” Sternberg’s
Triangle would dictate that this particular song would live more comfortably in Romantic Love but could
also fit into the Fatuous Love. The song contains elements of all three areas of the triangle but in good
conscience it doesn’t serve enough commitment for there to be a Companionate Love.
This song’s content most closely represents the love style of Eros or Romantic; this is made on
the same ideas as the previous lyrics and the overall nature of the song, which puts high emphasis on
Method’s love interest’s body and her acts of affection.
This song gives an entirely compassionate love with minute amounts of companionate love.
This song holds a great deal of truth within the genre itself and that of the real world as a great deal of
what people are looking for in a potential lover is generally very physical (At least in the younger crowd)
and holds aesthetics in high regard as something that should be considered before deciding on whether
their personality is ideal or not. The song however isn’t as excellent of an example of ideal love, but this
song does bring to light a great deal of what much of the younger population more highly desires, but
also shows how gritty life can be at times as well.
Country
The remake of “Bless the Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts was one of the most highly regarded
songs in the entire country genre. The reason I chose this was that it breaks the mold on the generic
country romance song. When the song originally was recorded in 1994 by a band called Nitty Gritty Dirt
Band, the song didn’t really fit in with all the other songs that had been showing up. And today it still
hasn’t been among the norm for country singers. It’s inspired some songs such as “Wagon Wheels”
which was recently covered by Darius Rucker, but in terms of the genre this song is a different breed.
Lyrically the entire song is about someone coming home to the ones that they love after a
particularly long and difficult journey and they are thanking God that they’ve made it home or back. In
the Triangle, this most accurately portrays commitment, as well as intimacy between their lover and
God. This most accurately portrays the combination of Companionate Love. On Lee’s Styles it most
accurately portrays that of Companionate as well. Ultimately it does show a companionate love over a
compassionate, but it still delivers a very compassionate message. That being said I would like to
remind the reader that this song doesn’t generally fit the stereotypical country love song.
Alternative/Indie
When Mumford & Sons first made their big appearance with two of the most renowned singles
in the alternative world on the same album it wasn’t very shocking to find out that they were on the top
five lists of best alternative love songs. Nor was it overly shocking to see that this song is now one of the
most highly regarded songs within the circle of alternative musicians. “My heart told my head, let love
grow, But my head told my heart, this time no, this time no.” The story takes place in the heart of
England during a particularly rough winter and two individuals fall in love, but one of the lovers decides
this wasn’t meant to be. Braced with soaring melodies and a tempo that beats with bleeding hearts this
song is most definitely Sternberg’s Romantic love on the Triangle; however, this song is in Lee’s Styles
Pragma more so than Eros. The song deliberately states “Was it love or fear of the cold that led us
through the night? For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt.” This leaves the listener with the idea
that the lovers were meant to be, but then proceeds to give allusions that one of the lovers abruptly
ends the relationship.
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The song shows a highly compassionate type of love and is highly relatable for a good deal of
people. This song doesn’t show an entirely accurate portrayal of love, but it does give an example of
something that isn’t uncommon in the world today.
Rock
Pearl Jam has dominated the scene of rock since their initial arrival into the scene. Their song
“Black” is an excellent example of why they are considered one of the best in the business. This song
goes into depth of a particularly harsh break up, but the former romance that is referred to appears to
be one of companionate love, with a splash of passion. Even though the romance didn’t work out it is
certainly a grand example of love in the media. For Sternberg’s Triangular Theory I would place it under
companionate love, even though the relationship failed. In Lee’s Styles, I would have to say that this
relationship was romantic (eros), but it wasn’t strong enough to last.
Relative to the world today, this song gives an example on what happens when a relationship
fails. It’s not something that can be avoided if a relationship isn’t working out. Even if that person
you’re trying to make it work with is trying too, if the relationship fails it fails. More so, some breakups
are harder to get over than others. Most people have been there before or time and time again. This
song keeps true to what it feels like to go through a breakup in a relationship that you really wanted to
have work. It is an excellent source of emotion, but it doesn’t compare to the unfortunate feeling of
actually experiencing the event.
The song shows a highly relevant image of what happens when a companionate love fails
though, and that is something that should be marveled over. A ‘love’ song in the media that shows the
darker side of the relationship is rare, and even more so rare to find one that is as popular as this song.
This song shows great character in a companionate relationship.
Metal
The genre of metal hasn’t been known particularly for a love song or even the power ballet of
hard rock from bands like Guns n’ Roses; However, with as compelling of a story that is told in Opeth’s
song “Face of Melinda,” it is difficult to say that it isn’t something that is desired. The song is told by a
young man’s perspective as he chases after his love Melinda, who has already been married away to the
man she was promised to instead of the man she loves. Sternberg’s Triangle would put the young boy’s
love under Romantic Love or Fatuous, but it’s evident from the song in some of the lines like “She
Sworn her vows to another, This is when n-one will bother” and “endlessly gazing in nocturnal prime,
She spoke of her vices and broke the rhyme, but baffled herself with the final line, My promise is made
but my heart is Thine.” She loves the young man but since she made the vows to her newly betrothed
she cannot be with him anymore.
Lee would put their love as Eros, since it carries out to follow the same path as many of the
Shakespearean romantic tragedies, but the marriage that occurs within the song is entirely a
relationship based off of Pragma, or Pragmatism since it would have been a marriage that would
improve the daughter’s families standing within society.
While this type of marriage or relationship doesn’t necessarily take place in our society anymore
it is still something that occurs within other countries and makes for a good representation of what love
is like in some other regions of the world, as well as what finding a spouse would have been like during
the Dark Ages.
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Conclusions
Media is a dangerous weapon in the world. It isn’t something that anyone should ever put all
their faith into. It does at times serve a purpose in education, and in other matters. I wouldn’t say that
media or music in particular is one of the best places to go to learn about love however, but it does
show just how varied and different love is for every individual and gives a variety of different responses
to what love is about and how people go about it in day to day situations. More often than not the
Companionate Love was expressed during these songs but each song held elements of whatever it
didn’t best represent. While Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love was meant to find Consummate
Love, most of the popular genre songs didn’t show enough of all three areas to be a style of love that is
more often represented in audio media. Of the genres that best showed Compassionate or
Companionate Love, “Bless the Broken Road” best showed the Companionate Love that so many
desired. Compassionate Love didn’t ever show up in full force in any of these songs.
Love is a fickle creature and it is difficult to represent in a true face. Love has too many faces for
it to be appropriately placed under one specific archetype, it varies from person to person. That is what
makes love such a unique and sought after thing. We all want to feel loved at one point or another; it’s
only a matter of time before we figure out what kind of love it is that we want to have. So to say the
least, media isn’t the best place to learn about love, nor is it aptly represented for everyone to learn
from it. But music does share an intimate connection with emotions and events that are tied to love,
and that is why it still has some value in matters.
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Works Cited
"25 Best Country Love Songs." : People.com. N.p., 12 Mar. 2008. Web. 03 Dec. 2013.
"Best Rock Love Songs." About.com Rock Music. N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Dec. 2013.
"Metal Riot." Metal Riot Top 10 Heavy Metal Love Songs Comments. N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Dec. 2013.
"Top 10 Hip Hop Love Songs." The Urban Daily RSS. N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Dec. 2013.
"XFM's Top 100 Indie Love Songs Of All Time." XFM. N.p., n.d. Web. 03 Dec. 2013.
"Love." Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 03 Dec. 2013.