The Last
Cupcake
Your Guide To Eat And Hang out With Friends
Jabu Casey
2|The Last Cupcake
This is for Keziah Magerman --Who never needed to hang up
3|The Last Cupcake
4|The Last Cupcake
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
5|The Last Cupcake
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
6|The Last Cupcake
7|The Last Cupcake
The Last Cupcake, by Jabu Casey
July 5, 2014
8|The Last Cupcake
-1-
People strike up friendship for so many reasons. These may
include having similar interests and backgrounds, sharing
common situations at home, studying or working in the same
field, having the same hobbies, or circumstances. But we may
also be attracted to people who are not like us, but who
complement our personalities. Shy people may enjoy being
approached by easy-going people or strong individuals may
enjoy people who follow their lead. Sometimes friendship is
like falling in love. There’s chemistry between you and
someone from the start, so you click and the friendship
deepens quickly. In most other cases, you may have some mutual
interests or a process of increasing disclosure happens – when
you tell each other more and more personal things because you
trust each other. This mutual sharing is exactly what makes
friendship such a crucial part of our lives.
To make Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Yahoo News asked
women who had breast cancer or are going through treatment to
write about the people in their lives who stood by them and
cared for them. Carrie said that she never thought that breast
cancer would happen to her. She never would’ve thought that a
routine yearly check-up would reveal such ugly results. It
didn’t run in her family. She didn’t feel or see a lump during
any of her self-exams. So, she was completely shocked when her
gynecologist expressed concern and wanted her to get a
mammogram. It also didn’t feel comfortable for her to share
the news with just anybody. She also couldn’t share her
feelings with her family. A few years prior, her sister had
cancer, and it put her aging parents on an emotional roller
coaster. She just couldn’t do this to them again. But she did
have a friend named Melanny who had been through a similar
experience with a family member, so one day over lunch, Carrie
felt safe to disclose her scariest secret to her friend. And
she was glad she did. Melanny was understanding, supportive,
and compassionate, and it is what Carrie needed indeed.
She didn’t need a million questions. She didn’t need to
hear a reactive response. She didn’t want to hear “Did you try
this? Did you do this?,” type of questions. She just wanted to
9|The Last Cupcake
be heard with love and understanding, and that’s what her
friend did. And throughout 2007 when Carrie had several
mammograms, MRIs, and even a biopsy, Melanny was there with
her every step of the way. She went with her to almost every
appointment and if she couldn’t make it, she would meet her
for lunch or after work. And when Carrie found out that she
had to have surgery, Melanny took a week off from work to take
care of her. “I remember we would camp out in front of my TV
watching Lifetime movies and eating chocolate cupcakes that my
friend baked,” said Carrie. And this is what friendship is all
about. In times of need, we often see who our friends are
truly are – the qualities that make an excellent companion
shine through, not only when you’re having fun, but especially
when you’re not. Friends motivate you to do better, they give
you advice, and they listen to you when you’re tired of
listening to yourself, and friends weep at your failures, but
dust you off and help you begin all over again.
Friends give us a sense that we are not alone and they are
often a wonderful source of support. A friend is someone who
you can share all the good times with, now and also in the
future, and they can help us to make long-term decisions
because they know us so well. Having friends to spend time
with is the most beautiful thing in the world because it gives
us a sense that we’re both valuable and loved. After all, it’s
the little things that keep a unit bonded, such as hanging out
and eating together. These activities have many benefits and
instill a sense of belonging. Friends are also there for our
good and bad times. It’s really important to have a broader
base of support and companionship so you can fulfill all
aspects of yourself. Having friends to spend time with lies in
having a history to reflect back on with someone else, and
sharing valued memories and experiences with them.
It’s like having had someone shadow you through your life’s
journey like a cameraman, tracking your memorable moments to
recall and reflect on later. But what makes some stick with us
while others don’t? And how exactly do we choose the right
friends? Well, it’s not a happy moment when you lose
friendship, but it’s normal to outgrow certain friends. Growth
is part of learning who we are and what we will or won’t
accept. Every person in your life is there for a reason. When
it’s time to move on, you may feel bad about cutting your
friends loose, but if you’re not happy with where you are and
who you’re spending time with, it’s about time for change. It
takes courage but sooner or later it has to be done. You can
always look for a comfortable life of complacency, but who
really wants that? When you do find a true friend to spend
time with, it’s worth it to invest energy into the
relationship. You get what you give, as in all areas of life.
To be a good friend, you need to know what it is you would
expect from a friend, and then do the same in return.
You have to make sure the friendship is reciprocal.
10 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
The more you spend time with people, the better you
become, and the basic rule of thumb is that a good person to
spend time with is someone you can rely on to be honest and
trustworthy. Someone who accepts you as you are without
expecting you to change for them. A person who will not be
afraid to tell you the truth and will support your goals and
dreams. So what should you look for in a true friend, and how
do you know when to invest time and energy in that person?
Trustworthiness, loyalty, acceptance, fun, the ability to care
and support another person and being able to relate to their
values, even if you are different.
11 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-2-
When it comes to nurturing, strengthening and soldering our
relationships with our friends, little things (which are
unnoted sometimes) are the most significant. At the end of the
day, it’s the little things that we remember the most. The
seeable, touchable and the extraordinary don’t often change us
but they influence us; while little things influence us and
change us at the same time. If you think friendship is always
reinforced by prominent and extraordinary togetherness which
necessitate what is always top of the line, then think again.
According to my study with the help of relationship coaches
and
psychologists,
most
relationships
are
corded
and
influenced by the little things we do everyday, whether
intentionally or unintentionally. The little things we do in
our relationships - whether eating or hanging out - increase
our intimacy and elicit more loving connection. It’s actually
the
little
things
we
do
everyday
that
fortify
our
relationships. Chivalry used to be a great example of doing
little things for people. Even though by the 20th century a
watered-down version of chivalry had been translated into the
polite behavior expected of a gentleman towards a lady:
standing when she enters the room, pulling out her chair for
her, paying for her meal, walking on the outside of the
pavement and offering her his coat. When people use the word
"chivalry" they often mean gentle and courteous behavior,
particularly courtesy shown by men to women.
This meaning has come down through the centuries from the
true "age of chivalry", which stretched between the 11th and
15th centuries when "chivalerie" was the principal force in
war. Brave and noble knights were expected to follow certain
rules of conduct. They were to show not only powers in war but
also reverence for religion and honor and devotion to their
ladies. That's why it’s known that a knight of those days
devoted a great part of his life to three things - war,
religion and the service of ladies - and all his training from
childhood taught him what was the duty of a gentleman
according to the ideas of that time. There’s a tenuous
difference between doing little things for our friends and
12 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
chivalry. Sometimes I think that “chivalry” is dead: it takes
us back to a world very different to the one we inhabit now.
If men try to do what was done in the 11th or 15th
century,
such as walking on the outside of the pavement and offering a
women his coat or paying for her meal, many women will stifle
a giggle or even flatly refuse, such as gestures, regarding
them with suspicion. It's obvious the rules have changed.
While the principles underpinning chivalry are still valid,
I think many chivalrous acts (such as opening the door for
women) have become exactly that: publicly performed acts that
often hold no substance and no depth of conviction for the
underlying principles of courtesy. What is the point of a man
letting a woman walk through a door first if, once behind the
closed door, he feels free to abuse the woman verbally,
emotionally or physically? Acts of chivalry became, over time,
protocols that men were obliged to perform, rather than
springing from faithfulness to the principles of courtesy and
honor. So a revision of the somewhat dated concept of chivalry
seems necessary. It can (should) be practiced by – and towards
– people of any gender, age, income group, or cultural or
ethnic background. It should range from vacating your bus seat
for a pregnant woman to defending the bullied, exploited and
homeless, or other victims of prejudice. Modern chivalry
should be redefined as acts of kindness from one to another.
13 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-3-
Thoughtfulness, respect and politeness should be applied to
all, regardless of sexuality. Treating women differently
perpetuates patriarchy - it sets up power differences that
play out in other ways (perhaps even as far as sexual assault
- an act of power over another).If doing little things is the
old-style of chivalry, then we will be sorely disappointed to be veracious - we should think about our changing times and
how we need to conduct ourselves in present-day situations.
I'd rather teach people to respect all their fellow human
beings than teach them that respect can be performed through
certain acts reflecting outdated and unnecessary rules of
etiquette. I think with true respect come good manners and
politeness. If we teach people that respect is merely a matter
of a few pointless actions performed every so often, we teach
them that they can do what they like behind closed doors
provided they conform to a code of behavior in public.
It is attitude, not performance, that matters. And with
the right attitude comes the right performance. I genuinely
want you to apprehend that by 'doing little things' I'm not
asking you to precisely comply to the obsolete medieval
principles of knighthood, but to be astute and smartly pick
out or practice what is important and will ameliorate your
relational relatedness. For knighthood, boys were taught the
basic rules of chivalry, such as never to strike a man in the
back or attack an unarmed man; never to touch a man who had
fallen; never boast, but to give willing praise to others for
their achievements. Even though chivalry is outdated and
sexist in the traditional sense, I still think there are
important things that can change our relational relatedness if
they can be picked out, revolutionized and redefined.
Most women are not fond of the old-age chivalry because
they think chivalrous behavior doesn't affirm both genders it makes boys feel courageous, confident and strong, and girls
feel more feminine, weak and vulnerable. It also - not my
sentiment - stymy equality, perpetuate patriarchy (or even
gender hierarchy) in the home or workplace. Wives and mothers
carry many hidden pressures for which they are not always
given credit - organizing family schedules and meals, keeping
14 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
the house tidy and giving kids lifts from one engagement to
another. Working mothers face a challenging dilemma: how to
cope with dual roles of mother and businesswoman. It's not so
much about how having employed mother effects the child - in
fact, research shows kids with working mothers do quite well.
If the mother is happy, usually the child thrives. In
contrast, with working mothers it was more of a 'glass half
empty' scenario: they saw their lives as more difficult and
felt that they faced greater challenges than the previous
generation. It's a double-edged sword. Women in the business
world feel they are short-changing both their families and
their jobs - juggling two roles poses quite a tough challenge.
But because of their feminineness - as I said treating
women differently perpetuates patriarchy - even though more
women are working, their professional circumstances will not
be equal to those of their male counterparts. They will not be
given the most important or responsible positions, but
supporting and caring roles such as that of nurse, secretary
or human resources coordinator. I think women need to be
involved in the upper echelons of companies - and, perhaps
more importantly, trade unions - in order for positive change
to be effectively facilitated. For as long as women continue
to be inadequately represented in corporate leadership roles,
for as long as their voices are not given a space in which to
be properly articulated, it's unlikely that progress will be
anything other than minimal. Men and women were created equal
in the sight of God, but with distinct differences and
complementary; of course we should know that.
Chivalry doesn't or shouldn't - munch, scrumptious support treating people differently because of power, but
love. What primarily distinguish doing little things from
"old" chivalry is simply because most knights only carried out
its rules in their dealings with men and women of their own
class, and were too often overbearing and contemptuous towards
people
of
lower
rank.
Little
things
should
be
done
unconditionally with open, loving and caring attitude. By and
large, big things in our lives are done with pride, little
things are done with heart, and big things make us happy on
the outside, while little things make us happy on the inside.
The difference between doing little things for our friends and
modern chivalry is; even though little things involve
chivalric
acts,
they’re
done
wholeheartedly,
and
most
importantly, truthfully. So doing little things for our
friends - listening to them, making time to eat and hang out
with them - means nurturing our relationships and resurrecting
the rattling and demise acts of kindness that are unnoted in
our modern culture.
Listening is powerful enough that it rules out the mind and
arouses the heart which can be expressed freely in silence.
When you're broken down, beaten-up and having a hard time, you
really need someone who will be willing to listen in as you
15 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
pour your heart to him. Speaking helps fight down the stress
and a good listener helps you outlet the weight, stress and
rollercoaster you're going through. The reason why listening
to our friends is so important is because: 1) We cannot expect
people to listen to us if we ourselves don’t give an ear to
other people 2) It helps a person relieve what's buried deep
down inside them, and 3) It makes a person feel like somebody
cares. I think listening is an act of humbleness and meekness.
It is the art of paying attention or hearing with intention.
And a good friend/listener 1) listens without distracting 2)
listens patiently and attentively 3) listens curiously and
meekly, and 4) listens closely and openly.
And this is about active listening. You need to drop your
own agenda and preconceptions, and really listen to what the
other person is saying. And once they’ve finished talking,
show you’ve paid attention by paraphrasing what they said.
This allows the other person to rectify any misunderstandings.
You’ll be able to respond appropriately and not defensively or
based on an assumption. Be honest with yourself and others,
and
don’t
play
communication
games.
Open
and
honest
communication is crucial when it comes to friendship. But what
if it leads to an argument or disagreement? Well, that’s not a
bad thing. No one is the same and there will be occasions when
we don’t see eye to eye. In fact, conflict is good for a
relationship; it’s how we fight that should be addressed.
Disagreeing with someone can be done respectfully, and it’s
also a good opportunity to see matters in a different light.
If we present our thoughts and ideas in an articulate way
(with no blaming or shaming) our bond is strengthened, we grow
together and the depth of our emotional intimacy increases. To
do this, you need to be able to recognize your triggers. It
seems the people closest to us have the ability to bring out
irrational anger or irritation (sometimes intentionally,
sometimes unintentionally), and the key is not to impart
blame, but rather take responsibility for our own actions.
It’s really important to figure out what your ‘hot spots’
are. This will help you to see them coming and disengage from
the raging emotions they create. In doing so, you consciously
choose an appropriate response instead of being driven by
emotion. It also helps address the cause of the hot spot, and
potentially eliminate it altogether. Honest questions are both
the paintbrush and palette of Rabbis and Therapists. And they
are the building blocks of relational incarnation. If we are
going to begin to engage right conversations, healthy and
helpful conversations, we must begin with questions. Not the
kind of questions that are accusations in disguise, or
questions that start with assumptions and are just trying to
validate what I already think. I mean real questions, the
invitations to know and be known, based on assumption that we
do not know yet. It is important to recognize the application
of a question in the first place. A question is the verbal
16 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
equivalent of the incarnation.
It begins a conversation saying, “I am choosing to enter
your world, rather than to plant my feet resolutely in my
own.” You don’t know anyone until you know them. Until you sit
down and ask them questions, all you have are observations and
your own judgments. All the word means is that we have
opinions
and
images
based
on
observation
separate
of
relationship. We all do it, and in fact it is impossible not
to have judgments if we have not asked questions. The meaning
of a question is simply and powerfully this: “I choose to
start by allowing you to be the way I know you, instead of any
other source. Let me find out what it is like to be in your
world” Right conversations begin with questions because this
expresses honor and openness. Second, a question says this: “I
know that I cannot understand you separate of you, help me
understand.” Having declared that the person matters enough to
ask, we also make clear that their perspective is valued and a
necessary part of understanding their world, experience, and
motives. We are telling them that we have set aside preconceived ideas until they help form our ideas. When we start
with answers and positions, it is an invitation to debate.
When we start with questions, it is an invitation to know
and to be known. The first is less personal and therefore less
frightening. The second, more difficult, but, it just seems to
be more eternal. It’s much easier to declare God’s position
about an issue than it is to engage people who struggle with
that issue. Incarnation says that God Himself begins by
entering our condition before any issues are addressed.
17 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-4-
Perhaps doing little things is not your cup of tea, it's duck
soup, as easy as pie - you are genuinely brawny and you need
something grueling and it will make you perspire. Not easy
pickings or having bubble and squeak - that's for muggins and
muggles. You want to be treated with respect - like a real
Zulu King.When you grow up in the deep villages of Africa more especially when you're a boy - there's nothing in your
mind except being a 'men'. Somehow - in the obscure hamlets there's a difference between 'father' and 'daddy'.
I used to see strong and muscular Zulu men who punish their
kids for calling them 'daddy'. Crikey Moses! I think it's
balmy, but I swear to God, I'm not making it up - it's too
crazy. If your tiddler calls you 'daddy', then it means you're
not a real ‘men’ but a spineless wimb. 'Daddy' is a
fainthearted poor fish - that's what they think, or used to and 'father' is the Biblical Samson – the Hulk - Captain
America and the Spider-man; Father always want his children to
be exceptionally docile – precious Olivia Holt - he finish the
quarry alone and command that women are not supposed to eat
meat but broth. Yes, ‘broth’. But things are changing - women
are tardily becoming the head and not the tail - and young
African boys are in deep pressure from the elders who
perpetually tell them that they're becoming fools - real men
should be unbendable, lead the house rigorously and spend most
of their time in the jungle hunting, not playing video games.
The old-age chivalry awakens us to the fact that what
we're always glued at is not always important and requisite they're too splashy and invigorate pride and jactitation, not
intimacy. In medieval times to become a knight a boy would be
sent to the castle of some friendly noble, where he would
begin serving as a page - varlet has some weight, pow! - and
she would teach him good manners and he would do small
services to her. When it comes to friendship, it doesn't cost
much to keep your friends happy and reminded that they're
appreciated - material things only make us happy in a sense all that matters is love, time and attention. Small treats
enhance the ongoing bonds of love and affection in friendship.
18 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
But our whole society is dominated by modernists who disregard
the importance of coming together. Web 2.0 is efficient;
social networks are always more efficient. In medieval times,
a knight to be was nurtured by little things, and when he
becomes a squire, he would practice with knightly weapons lance, sword and battle axe, and he had to take care of his
knight's amour and help him to put it on and take it off; he
also served at table, helped in the stables and took care of
his horses. These are little things that made a knight,
because no matter how many thousands he could kill, if he
didn't show respect, reverence and devotion - that would be
nothing. He could be justifiedly censured.
When it comes to friendship, no matter what we do, if we
overlook and snub little things, then we're unintentionally
scrubbing
the
mucilage
of
a
fruitful
and
inviolable
relationship. It's really important to have munchies and chinwag. I'd give my right arm – it’s skookum. Besides, the more
you have Brussels biscuits or Johnny cakes together as little
whippets, fashion plates or newsmongers - the more you grow
together and the level of your intimacy increase. You'll be
gobsmacked by how your relationship fructify. I think most of
the things that our current generation desolate and disregard
as useless and wimpy are actually important when it comes to
relationships. We are inordinately innovative and blinded to
what's really real and matters; I wish I could use
contumelious epithets because what we indulge make us delicate
and wilted when it comes to relationships - it's a
corroborated
truth.
But
there's
nothing
wrong
with
contemporaneity: the preventive of coming together has to do
with our thinking over contemporaneity. But you're not a geegee for Christ's sake! You should do what will ameliorate your
relationship, and don't follow the mainstream if it disregards
coming together but perpetuate being a muggins and couch
potato that depends on Social Network to nurture friendship.
I sound like a matriarch but don't sweat it - I don't want
you to dance holes in your soles to something detrimental.
Purge your mind - Jimminy crickets - throwback your shoulders,
stick out your chin and become refractory. Society is
controlled by contemporaneity because it's the only way to be
accepted and people want to be loved and accepted. Coming
together is one of the most important things we can do in
friendship or any relationship. But I don't think we should
wheedle and coerce people to shed their skins and bumble
towards little things; people can be wedged to do wrong and
evil, but not right and good. The value of anything is when
they're done wholeheartedly and willfully. Martin Luther was
the first of the Protestant reformers of the 16th century, and
in 1517 his ideas caused him to make a strong protest when a
fair named Tetzel arrived near Wittenberg selling what were
known as indulgences. It was thought at that time that even
after God had forgiven a man's sin, the man still had to be
19 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
punished for them in this world or in purgatory. Indulgences
were issued by the Pope and it was claimed that they cancelled
out punishment for forgiven sins. Men could obtain indulgences
by good works such as giving money to church funds.
But Luther saw that this did not agree at all with his
belief about the way in which God saved man - believing, as he
did, that it was by forgiveness only. Therefore he posted on a
church door in Wittenberg a list of criticisms of the idea of
indulgences. But nobody wedged him (perhaps the guy upstairs,
I don’t know), but I'm sure as shooting that Luther wasn't out
of his tree - he did it willfully and wholeheartedly. I'm
genuinely certain you've grasped it already: little things
comprise being altruistic, helpful and empathetic. You should
be prepared to be a man bereft of his cheap little pride
because it is not for those who relish to cock-a-hoop.
20 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-5-
Small courtesies or surprises can make a big difference in
your relationship. The most important things in life are
really little things; it's the small and simple things that
make people happy - like a surprise ticket from a friend or a
little note on the pillow when they wake up. It's invaluable
and
reinvigorates
intimacy
that
is
mysterious
and
incomprehensible - and makes you inviolable and unfaltering.
Little things suppress pridefulness and jactitation in
friendship and squelch an individual - wring their unhealthy
motives. It necessitate truthfulness and sincerity – and they
unveil a peeled and inexplicable love; it’s peeled because
it’s not rooted on things that are conspicuous, and it’s
inexplicable because it’s not enkindled by corporeal things
that are top of the line and fancy. Compliments are little
things, but they're misunderstood by most people. I think
compliments have become trite, trivial and tedious in our
relationships, and I'm just hoping they don't become insults.
To compliment is not to conciliate or cajole a person that's genuinely wussy to be veracious - but to invigorate a
person. To invigorate means to impart vigor, strength, or
vitality to. When you don't have pelf - give compliments.
That's all - it's the little you have. But keep in mind that
it means a lot, and it might obliterate someone's suicidal
thoughts. Everyone deserves to be loved and told that they're
beautiful. We all need that funny lunatic friend that
compliments us, and complimenting a friend is expressing
gratitude, not being splashy. Nothing is nothing - everything
is something and has weight and import: that's what we learn
from little things. I'm sure as shooting that those piffling
hobnobs you have with your bosom crony mean something - in
Molly Roloff's voice - the best portion of your life will be
the small, nameless moments that you spend smiling with
someone who matters to you. You might not see it or feel it you don't have to anyway because what's important is to love
beyond your feelings. Veracity recites that feelings are
unstable, they're serial thrillers, and that's why love is not
a feeling, but feelings are symptoms of love.
21 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
I think everything is nothing when we look at the wrong
side of them – like we mostly do, oh God - and everything is
worthless when it doesn't befit our criterion; don't expect a
friend to meet all your needs and fulfill you – do you need
Jesus or Chuck Norris? - that's impossible. You should cook
your own food - you can't always have Nutella with Landry
Bender (Hello Landry) - and have your own ambiance, because if
you don't, then you'll perpetually complain about the
seasoning and that will kindle piddling conflicts in a
relationship. We spend so much time wrapped up in the
excitement of petty drama or mindless relationships that we
often forget who and what is important to us. We all know that
friendship is jaggy, and it has sharp curves and steep
inclines, but when we always have Mickey Mouse arguments and
scrape over things that doesn't mean a bag of beans - we
tardily
subvert
love.
There's
nothing
diverting
about
meaningless
contention
and
piddling
pugnacity
in
a
relationship; we should grasp each other like acrobats in the
circus, and just live freely and gayly.
We should be careful what we say about and to people. Your
words are not decrepit fists, but a double-edged sword or a
wimble that can perforate a person.
We shouldn't overlook
little things - if they can build, strengthen and nurture a
relationship, then - put on your seatbelt - they can also
disunify or crumble a relationship. What can build us can also
destroy us, in a New York minute, God can destroy the whole
human race in a simple breath - that's the picture of it.
Nicotine is a great synapse enhancer, but it’s killing you at
the same time it’s helping you compose. When a relationship is
falling apart, it's actually little things that vanish first,
You'll find out that there's no greeting, compliments or
hanging out anymore. And that's when you realize how little
things like ‘greetings’ and ‘compliments’ are very important.
22 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-6-
To paint as clearly and truly as possible exactly what he saw
in front of him was the aim of the French painter, Edouard
Manet. To do this he experimented with new ways of using light
and colour as he tried to catch all the light and movement of
everyday life around him and put it down on the canvas. Well,
I'm not Edouard Manet, and I'm not a damn painter. But I think
it's inordinately rattling to explicate the ineffable - no
matter how difficult and baffling it may be - and always use
the tools in your toolbox to excavate, nurture and evince your
universal thoughts. My name is Jabu Casey. I'm writing the
first draft of this part on my laptop with two notebooks right
beside me and a conference table with two peanut butter jars,
pile of papers, Oatmeal canisters, a pocket flashlight, a dull
pair of scissors and a small screwdriver.
And to my right a weight of magazines, guitar pickups I
mean to sell soon, leftover waffles, brass plated Lions club
paperweight, my favorite guitar on the stand, draft of my
novel and a stack of guitar books I plan to get to. I think
one of the main grounds why most people don’t have any friends
or someone to spend time with is simply because they’re lone
wolfs; it is possible to be an undesigned lone wolf, to blame
the people around you for not wanting to spend time with you
while at the other hand you’re unintentionally pushing them
away. So many of us are convulted riddles and avoid the
company or assistance of others. We purposefully want to be
alone because we’re depleted of strength and energy to coexist
with pestering and stonyhearted Jekyll and Hyde's that
perpetually
perforate
our
fragile
hearts
(tranquility
genuinely thaw coagulated blood?). Some of us are lone wolfs
because we have perpetual scars. In fact, everyone has a scar,
and our scars secern, explicate and delineate us.
Our scars conduct our itinerary - a horrendous and grievous
itinerary - decelerate our yearning for relationships and
impede our progression in our current relationships. It is our
scars that makes us not to have anyone to spend time with
because they remind us how much we’ve been hurt in the past,
23 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
and it is our scars that give us fear and respect for the
upcoming and make us to predict our downfalls (experience
somehow make us seers). Scars are capable of planting a seed
of fear to be in a relationship in our hearts. That’s why our
scars can either convert us to do the right things, obviate
conspicuous routes to ruinations or half-baked snares, and
help us not to tumble into the same pitfall over and over
again. Or they can withhold us from doing the things we really
want to do. It is important to know our scars and to help them
heal because time doesn’t. The worst thing you’ll ever do to
yourself and others is being engulfed by the spirit of
hastiness, almost potent and unassailable that you jump to
another relationship without first healing from your past.
I think it's exactly what ruins our relationships these
days – we don’t exactly give ourselves a chance to heal. There
are scars that heal quickly, but there are some that don’t. As
humans, when we get scars on our physique’s flesh we don’t get
baffled or distressed because we know we will heal. But when
we get scars in our hearts is something else, because it might
take months or years for us to heal. Perpetual scars are
irremovable, spiritual and everlasting, and for them to heal –
one has to forgive (after all, we need pain, we need cuts, we
need bruises, because then, we learn to heal).
Sometimes God use pain to mold us and prepare us for the
challenges ahead because there are much ceaseless and raging
war fares we should combat in our lives, and we can vanquish
some of them by faith, prayer, humility and endurance. But the
thing is: the greatest battle you’ll ever fight is with
yourself, because nobody hates you like you hate yourself, and
nobody calls you “ugly” like you call yourself “ugly”.
Veracity recites that we’re our own enemies – we bully
ourselves. And we discourage and tear ourselves down (did you
know that some people don’t drink alcohol because they want
to, but they drink alcohol so they can get over themselves?)
24 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-7-
Having someone to spend time with doesn't necessarily mean to
randomly meet someone in a coffee shop, hobnob and schmoose
about how much you're addicted to coffee and how your dreams
came
true
through
a
cat
and
then
clinch,
perhaps
unintentionally, and finally split, not to see each other
again. You should always remember that bumping to a hoodad or
spinny and have Timmy's doesn't recite you are bosom chums Bosom chums are made-up and it does not take a New York
minute. I should say that any soul you schmooze or have a
Poutine with in Winnipeg is not your friend - please, oh,
please. I am sure as shooting Madison Chapel agrees with this
one - it is a process. It takes a cupcake to enkindle
friendship but it takes little things to bond you together.
Being a lone wolf does not always have to do with
complacency, damn it, it radical from fear - some people are
lone wolfs just for the sake of their fragile hearts. However,
you can't stop being afraid, and if you think being courageous
is being fearless, then think again. Pow! Fear is part of the
human nature - what is important is to go beyond your fears,
and that means be afraid of heights, but climb anyway. We will
never know our full potential unless we push ourselves beyond
our fears. Fear creates insecurity. There is a handful of
huffy, peckish and sensitive people pottering and bumping to
apathetic souls who don’t care a hang or seem troubled by
paradoxes, injustice or anything. You're puritanical - still
prefer hobble skirts not AJ's short shorts - and perpetually
alert. It takes a piddling report or affair to make you go
ballistic. But at the same time you're biffing yourself
because you think you make a federal case of anything and a
mountain out of a mole hill. You're not a trifler and you
think you'll never be happy as a clam. You take care of the
hot dogs and the guy upstairs will take care of the orange
drinks. Fear regenerate fear; hold it there Benedictus;
crippling fear of escalators can regenerate greater fear.
Most of our troubles in life have to do with being afraid,
and that’s why most of us don’t dream big – we’re afraid our
25 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
dreams will never come true. People go to school out of fear
of poverty. Our lives are controlled by fear of failure and
fear of tomorrow. And it’s the same thing with relationships.
We are afraid to commit ourselves because we’re afraid of
being hurt, and that’s the reason why most of us don’t have
any friends or someone to spend time with. Fear holds us back
and it is too protective. It doesn’t want us to do something
as long as there’s a possibility to fall. But courage and
passion are different, but dangerous too. Because passion
sometimes doesn’t show you the booby traps or the falls, it is
almost a blind leader; it just wants you to get there,
disregarding carefulness and rightness, and most importantly,
consequences. That’s why it is important that someone who is
led by passion to have self-control and not be overhasty.
According to me, the most fundamental instinct in any
relationship including with our friends, is not trust or
communication - even though they’re important too - but its
endurance. Because no matter how much you trust each other and
communicate, if you don’t endure, then you’re vulnerable. When
it comes to dreams, aspiration, vision and desire is what
makes you to endure. There are greater possibilities to become
or archive something in life for those who aspire than those
who don’t. Aspiration is a desire or hunger that gives you a
reason to live and drives you to your destiny. One of the
hardest things in life is to try to inspire someone who
doesn’t aspire. Inspiration connects with aspiration. If you
aspire, then it will be easy for you to be inspired and
empowered to live your dream.
26 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-8-
It's unbelievable how there are more than 7 billion people in
the world (the world population began the 21st century at 6.1
billion and grew to about 7 billion within a decade) yet most
of us don’t have anyone to discuss important matters with or
spend time with. There are several estimates and indicators of
loneliness. It has been estimated that approximately 60
million people in the United States, or 20% of the total
population, feels lonely.
Another study found that 12% of
Americans have no one with whom to spend free time or discuss
important matters with. Other research suggests that this rate
has been increasing over time.
A 2006 study in the American Sociological Review found that
Americans on average had only two close friends in which to
confide, which was down from an average of three in 1985. The
percentage of people who noted having no such confidant rose
from 10% to almost 25%, and an additional 19% said they had
only a single confidant, often their spouse, thus raising the
risk of serious loneliness if the relationship ended – that’s
why you cannot rely on your current relationship to keep the
wolf of loneliness away, more especially with compatibility
being replaced by a new doctrine which makes more people in
relationships vulnerable to loneliness.
Contrary to what people tell you or what best-selling books
and top articles tell you, compatibility matters, and matters
big time. Attraction is not the lifeblood of a healthy, longlasting
and
loving
relationship.
Of
course
I
don’t
misunderstand
attraction
reducing
it
to
a
physical
attraction which ultimately means a fleeting force based on
novelty. I’m talking about attraction that is inexplicable,
mysterious, magnetic pull of polar opposites – of the feminine
to the masculine, the masculine to the feminine, not sure if
it leads to compatibility which people say it is not enough to
keep man and woman together for a long haul, thank you very
much. I disagree that couples who embark on a lifelong
commitment to one another based on compatibility are bound to
fail. The insistence on compatibility as opposed to attraction
is not what’s making relationships fail these days, but the
insistence of attraction as opposed to compatibility is what’s
27 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
making relationships fail these days.
It is not surprising that in America almost half of the
first marriages end in divorce while many relationships that
stay together do so with much regret. People are trying to
replace compatibility with attraction. They say things like:
“there’s no such thing as compatibility”, “compatibility is a
weak force” and “being compatible means you don’t get along
very well”. But you know what? That’s not true, but the truth
is: our generation finds it difficult to face reality. We are
really good at turning things around to work our way.
For instance: ignorance is actually not bliss. But people
made that saying so they wouldn’t have to face it. And it’s
the same thing with compatibility. To be compatible means
you’re having similar disposition and tastes. You know what
that means? You get along very well. To be compatible also
means to exist and perform in harmonious or agreeable
combination – that’s what “I do” means when two people get
married. Compatibility exists, and it will never be extinct.
But it’s really important to have friendship – a broader
base of support and companionship so you can fulfill all
aspects of yourself. An American banker and philanthropist who
served as chairman and executive of Chase Manhattan bank,
David Rockefeller, once said, “I am convinced that material
things can contribute a lot to making one’s life pleasant, but
basically, if you do not have very good friends and relatives
who matter to you, life will really be empty and sad and
material things will cease to be important”.
Our relationships with our friends are a fundamental aspect
of our lives and will also influence personal growth. Having
friends to spend time with contributes to an increased sense
of emotional well-being and these positive emotions boost your
immune system. Even hormones are programmed to make friends;
when woman are having a difficult time and a hell to fight
their way through, they look up to other woman for support. We
tend to mirror the habits of our close pals on a sub-conscious
level – which can lead to a better, or worse, health. If they
are healthy, we tend to be too. And people who have friends in
the workplace often feel happier and are more productive at
work.
28 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-9-
The whole Universe looks like a midget grain of sand in the
hand of God. If we genuinely languish to be humble and
dependant, then we should first know how small and vulnerable
we are. Folks like Felix Baumgartner know it - for Red Bull
Stratos, he jumped to Earth from a helium balloon in the
stratosphere and set the altitude record for a manned balloon
flight, parachute jump from the highest altitude, and greatest
free fall velocity. Kudos to Red Bull: they support adventure,
embrace risk and empower people to break bones and boundaries.
It was really awesome to have the X Games at the Union
Buildings
in
Pretoria.
Whether
intentionally
or
unintentionally, the little things we do irrigate our
relationship and increase our intimacy - I can't say it
enough. If we misconstrue contemporaneity - disregarding
little things will be a tralatitious demeanour and it will
deprive human the incomprehensible feeling of closeness.
Little things are not intended or shouldn't be intended to
fob and conciliate a friend - damn it - but to change your
relational relatedness.
29 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-10-
There's a story that the architect of the Flatiron Building
committed suicide when he realized, just before the ribboncutting ceremony, that he had neglected to put any men’s rooms
in his prototypical skyscraper. It's definitely not true, but
it teach us something unnoted and significant: we all bumble.
Think about it, that guy was trusted; he was the best man for
the job and a professional - ice it with his experience. But
nevertheless, he muffed. You shouldn't biff yourself because
of your friggin bungles, cumbrous fragments - they invigorate
discipline. It's normal that when sometimes people bring up
your past - you always look like death warmed over and after
all the talking you look like you were dragged through a
knothole - it's a horrible trudge. But you're forbidden to
beat up on yourself. You don't have to raise the roof or go to
a loony bin, you've let the chips fall where they may - to be
veracious, screw-ups happen to everyone.
What's
detrimental
to
friendship
and
crumbling
our
relationships quietly and tardily like the creeping rust that
spreads insidious is actually living in our yesterday. What
made the Israelites perambulate in the same desert for 40
years was not exactly their lack of faith, but it's because
God still wanted to untangle the webs of their past so they
can live the way He wanted them to live in the promise land.
But they found it difficult to leave the past, embrace change
and accept the new normally. That was their problem. Perhaps
that's our problem too; we are bound to the past and twisted
together in a tangled mass of what we should let go.
That's the reason why we can't love people or our friends
the way they deserve to be loved. Love is the greatest gift
you'll ever give - and love is like a force of gravity. If
pride gives us wings to fly and hatred lifts us up, love keeps
pulling us down to where we belong. What hurt us the most when
it comes to love are predictions: you can ask yourself if
anyone will love you, but don't predict who will love you,
don't point your finger and foretell.
30 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
You're not a vaticinator for Christ's sake. At least we can
see eye to eye on that one.
31 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-11-
You should kneel on the floor, and if the hem of your skirt
don't touch the linoleum - it tells something - you should
change it. Don't prostrate and inconvenience oneself by
heartily imploring because nothing will do - I'm afraid my
sense of tact doesn't forbid veracity. Unlike what you're used
to in the contemporary world, when it comes to relationships,
you should be willing to sacrifice everything that will be
detrimental to friendship - that genuinely include your putrid
ego, pestiferous jactitation and swollen pride - because
that's exactly what makes the hem of your skirt not touch the
linoleum. You should put on a raddled dress that fits even if
you languish sunday-go-to-meeting clothes - perhaps ones by my
ducky, AJ Lee; a cut of shirt, baby blue short shorts, high
black converse with folded parts on the end, or just anything
that doesn't. I mean if you have your short dress on (which
can also mean pride that makes you sparkle) in friendship,
then you should be willing to put it off - this is weird.
Anyway, a skirt that touch the linoleum means wholeness and
completeness in a relationship - and it mean you are focusing
on soldering and nurturing your relationship with your friend,
not glistening with pride, control and ego. When I am not
writing (sometimes it’s gratifying, diverting and inspiring;
your mind is sharp, imagination is high, and your words are
unpredictably witty and satirical as well as eloquent, but
sometimes it feels like climbing an unsurmountable mountain or
facing treacherous waters, you find yourself caked with sweat,
and your mind is like, not working; writing chapter one is
like kettle of fish) or watching Modern Family or Two And A
Half-Men, then I'm probably watching Your Style In His Hands
which gave me an idea of Your Underwears In His Hands.
It's not a sin and it's not repellent, I just can't
imagine myself stuck in wad shop with a garrulous wench
brandishing a breechblock. I'm completely uncomfortable with
that stuff, but fuhgeddaboudit! I can blithely purchase
comfortable girl's vestures - joseph leggins, short shorts,
Minnetonka 3 layer fringe boots, cut of shirts etc., with a
32 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
meg clam grin. But this broadcast tardily helps me in a lot of
different things - seriously - men do what they do out of
love. But it doesn't mean everything will always be right and
comfortable. We're human, why is it difficult for people to
understand? What is important is to do what makes you happy,
and it's good when people are themselves, and they do what
they actually love or want to do. I think friends change, and
people change, but what's important is to know that change is
not a downfall and it's not the end, but the it's beginning;
it is the beginning of becoming who you are, to spread out
your wings and to see things from a different perspective.
Change makes you see how small and vulnerable you are, and
it makes you agnize that all this time you've been wrong. It's
really arrogant to be self-absorbed. I think change is the
next level in your life and it happens to meliorate your
relationship, and it obliterates some of things that held us
hostage. I also think change is a mirror that makes us look at
our old selves and weaknesses (weaknesses are simply those
things we overlook in our lives) and I also think the human
skin shedding - that means to forsake all the wrong and
negative stuff - happens when we experience change.
The thing about change is that it crumbles our useless
ramparts, blocks, and teach us to go with the flow. This is
very important - go with the flow kiddo! I think change also
teach us to accept people, embrace our weaknesses, and endure
insecurity. Insecurity in a relationship is one of the most
difficult hurdles to overcome. It's more of a psychological
problem and not much involving the body as distinguished from
the mind or spirit. Insecurity is attached to fear, which
makes you vulnerable and experience anxiety, which are all the
attributes of insecurity. We always think if we were half way
interesting we'd be Brett Manning or Gwen Stefani, and we'd go
on a date with America's sweetheart, Rachel McAdams.
We wouldn't be dysphoric nitwits and waste every minute of
our lives watching programs that are only watched by people
who don't know where the remote is. In friendship, sometimes
let things work themselves out. Don't be easily shaken, but
become trusting. I don’t want to write about trust because a
lot of people have already done it. But serious, not
everything in life needs you to work it out or solve it.
Sometimes you have to sit back and wait. And it is the hardest
thing you'll ever do in your life. You'll not always be in
control and things will not always go your way. That's
impossible. I think friendship grows with you - the more you
grow, the more friendship grows, and the more you change, the
more it change too. That's why I always tell people that
they'll experience change of relational relatedness with age.
You don't relate with your friends the way you used to when
you were both kids. Being honest brings out much more of you,
and you should also allow your friends to be honest, to grow
and become who they are. I think the main ground why girls
33 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
‘kill’ me is simply because they're honest - they always have
mirthful expressions about men, and by God, it's who they are.
Think about Hugh Jackman's six pack and muscles - Oprah
Winfrey expressed that they look like a mountain, and she
feels like she can climb them (only God knows why) I sometimes
think girls should spare this kind of locutions when they're
around novelists - their imagination is high. I mean, the
third eye will not fail to show you a girl grinning and
climbing a six pack. Whoof. I swear to God, it's too crazy.
On American Idols, Nicki Minaj once told a contestant that
his voice sounds really good, and it feels like a waffle. At
my house I once heard my sister talk about how she met a
tiddler and how he was so cute - he almost looked like an
apple, and she felt like she could just eat him. On Top
Billing a girl presenter once held a men's hand, made fun
about how it is so big and looked like a pizza. I used to
prefer having Made-Eye Moody's magical eye, but not anymore. I
now prefer having the ability to know what girls are thinking
because they kill me. And the reason why, I think, is because
those mirthful expressions girls make come out naturally, it's
who they are, they never force it. Here's a lesson: we
shouldn't force everything in life, and sometimes if it is too
difficult, then you're using the wrong tool. Pow!
34 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-12-
Relational conflicts can occur in every relationship, whether
it’s with our spouse, family, colleagues and friends. But
generally, conflicts are unplanned and unwanted, but they’re
actually good for a relationship; it’s not about how we fight,
but how we react. After all, a relationship that is unscathed
and unchallenged is a notable exception, but can actually be
rickety, undeveloped and unproductive. The greatest and most
gratifying thing about relational conflicts is that they never
flunk to teach us something unnoted, important and mysterious.
There’s nothing wrong with theory, but pragmatical experiences
are more efficacious. When you find yourself in a conflict
with a friend, as you all know, you’re not ensorcelled and
it’s not anomaly (some might say it’s an exemplary sign), but
it’s a luggage crammed with personal and relational lessons
that will make you a better person in the art of
relationships. But think about this, there are some people
that are seeking perfect relationships, but how are we
supposed to have perfect relationships if we ourselves are not
perfect? Perfection is simply out of this world.
It is alienism. But you know what I think? Striving for
perfection is what makes us imperfect - precious Olivia Holt.
We try too hard to attain the highest level of perfection
which is impossible. God is not interested in a life that does
it a cookie cutter, but He's interested in a life that is a
total train rack because His power is made perfect in
weakness. The reason why most of us struggle and strive to be
perfect is because we haven’t accepted who we are yet, or we
simply don’t know who we are (how can we accept ourselves if
we don’t even know who we are?). It is one thing to know about
yourself, but it’s another thing to know who you are.
Knowing yourself means understanding your strengths and
weaknesses, your passions and fears. It means being aware of
your eccentricities and idiosyncrasies, your likes and
dislikes, your tolerances and limits and your insecurities.
But knowing who you are simply means knowing your purpose on
earth. Finding oneself has puzzled a lot of people for
35 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
thousands of years. But does it mean we should give up in
knowing who we are? An author writing in self-help, Stephen
Richards, once said, “Whatever it takes to find the real you,
don’t be daunted if the rest of the world looks on in shock”
In some ways, it may seem contrary to common-sense or
expectation to have to know who you are. Our experiences
clearly helped to shape us into people we are today, but this
does not mean that we necessarily know who we really are.
The journey to self-discovery whereby a person attempts to
determine how they feel personally about spiritual issues or
priorities, rather than following the opinions of family,
friends, neighborhood or peer pressure can help you to know
more about yourself, but it cannot help you to know who you
are. Self-discovery is all about building self-esteem and
mastering the seventh (inner) direction that happens little by
little through the formation of the self —the container of our
separate,
unique
identity
that
can
adapt
to
changing
situations by expressing and realizing authentic wishes.
Psychologists can administer and interpret a number of tests
and assessments that can help diagnose a condition or tell
more about the way a person thinks, feels, and behaves.
These
tests
evaluate
intellectual
skills,
cognitive
strengths and weakness, vocational aptitude and preference and
personality
characteristics.
And
whatever
the
problem,
psychologists will consider what scientific research says and
will be likely to help. But when it comes to telling who you
are, even the wisest psychologists will be just guessing. You
are not who you think you are, and you are not what people say
you are. That always sad and angry person who hates everyone
and everything is not you - it was only pain expressing itself
through you; you’re better than that. You just don’t know it
yet because you’re still to discover who you are – the real
you – not the “you” that is defined by failure or the past,
but the real you that is far greater than what people say or
think. Your career, success or failure doesn’t define who you
are. Your past doesn’t define who you are, and where you are
doesn’t define who you are.
You didn’t create yourself, so there’s no way you can tell
who you are. If you really want to know who you are, it all
starts with God. He’s the creator, and the only one who can
tell who you are. He knows you more than you even know
yourself. He even knows the number of your hair (Matthew
10:30), and in Jeremiah 1:5, He said, “Before I formed you in
the belly I knew you”. God gave us a manual to know who we are
and our purpose on earth: it is called the Bible. You know who
you are by looking in the mirror of God’s word. You know who
you are by looking at the one who created you, and you define
yourself by what he has done for you on the cross. So many
people pretend to be who they are not so they can edify
themselves and please the people around them. We all struggle
with the need to impress other people at some level.
36 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
And much of the pressure, fear and stress we experience in
our lives is caused by our need to impress others. Relational
conflicts are not supposed to devastate and separate us, but
evoke more intimacy. The more conflicts we have, the closer we
become, and the more conflicts we have, the more we learn
about each other. Relational conflicts should be naturally
unleashed. We learn more from war than peace, and relational
conflicts give us the much needed experience to become better
people in relationships. Being in a relationship is not
vulnerability to being scathed, suppressed, changed, emptied
and wretched. Of course people get hurt and miserable in a
relationship, but the truth is: when it comes to getting
miserable or happy in a relationship, ultimately friendship,
it all depends on you.
There is no one or anything in the world that can make you
happy if you don’t want to be happy. It’s your responsibility
to be happy. And there is no one in the world that can make
you sad if you don’t want to be sad. As an individual, you
should create your own ambiance of felicity, bask it and
invite your friends to come and share that happiness and
delectation with you. This is very important because if you’re
waiting for someone to make you happy, then you’re tardily
perpetrating a piteous felo-de-se. Pow!
37 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-13-
Friends were a game for that crazy spur-of-the moment road
trip you will never forget, but they also showed up at your
front door with ice cream and advice when you needed a
shoulder to cry on; they're there to help you, carry a portion
of your troubles, to share those subtle laughs with, and to
help you work out life’s puzzles. Friendship is about feeling
accepted for who you are, regardless of your faults or weak
moments. Sometimes you knuckle down and hang on like grim
death, but when you're at the brim, you throw a spanner in the
works. It's difficult, and the idea of hanging tough wears you
out. That's what it's like. We mostly disregard little things
and sweat about nothing that ameliorates our relationships.
How dare you assume your smack and make dough hand over
fist but only have frills? Don't be an idiot stick. Let's here
some lingo: little things like eating and hanging increase our
intimacy and make us to have that indescribable connection.
It's mysterious - inexplicable, it flummoxes capacious minds.
It's also recondite - like why gubbins use little things for
bucolic cudgeling. Friends don't always want us to fix their
problems and give them our two cent advice - they just want us
to be there, and that makes a big difference. You shouldn't
always be in your boilersuit brandishing a screwdriver - it's
very important to stand aside sometimes and let things work
themselves out. I think twaddling makes people squabble, don't
mop and mow, it's not mickey mouse, you should stand aside.
And when your friends are dangling on a cascade and they
have sore boils that they use a potsherd to scrape themselves,
as a friend, sometimes you just have to be there, and simply
belt up. That's all. I wish this was a bag of tricks, but it's
not. Keep mum, bluejacket, and there by God, don't you feel
better? I know it's one of the most difficult things to do,
but don't be high and mighty - silence is a great physician.
It knows how to mend a broken heart and give rest to a weary
spirit and mind. There are a handful of people - I think that crucify themselves in friendship. They're too hard on
themselves. I need something yummy because this makes me
hungry, I swear to God. I'm thin-skinned and punch-drunk with
38 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
my bloomers - that's honesty. But let me jam the brakes: when
we mistakenly hurt our friend, we should be careful not to get
stuck in the mud. Or we shouldn't nail ourselves for Christ's
sake, there are already potty fellows that take care of that.
In relationships, little things means much. I'm pretty sure
you've heard it viva voce from that shock-headed slugabed with
stubby fingers - brawn because of slinging heavy laundry bags
and trucking piles of wet sheets - it's the little things that
fortify our relationships to defy every weapon people use
against us. There are really stubbled folks that languish to
tumble your relationships, and courtesy will not always fend
for you, it's shoot-'em-up with spurious rubbles of their
past, boo-boos, and prevarication. But don't skedaddle, simply
have a gimlet or planter's punch. I sometimes think that in
the real world, little things are merely little things. It
makes me queasy, a cockroach is a cockroach, and a collte is a
collte, perhaps I didn't have anything to eat in a few days.
However, when you become appreciative, love-full enough, and
your inner eyes open and you behold - in crystal clarity - the
secret chamber of relational relatedness, you'll understand
that little things means much and are exactly what keeps a
unit bonded. I already told about listening in the first-half
of this manuscript smoking a damn cigarette. But I fuckin know
you're imploring. I’ve touched it already, but indirectly. It
looks like I don't want to face it head-on. So not true.
39 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-14-
Friends to spend time with are like fossils on the ground –
you have to excavate to find them. They’re relics, rara avis’
that languish unfeigned friendship rather than irregular
connections that make us feel terrible at times. Rara avis'
are rare fossils indeed, singular and exceptional, and most
importantly, sceptered to execute the enthralling and unusual
deeds, even when trodden by spitting images that inhabit the
wrethched and atrocious terra firma. Veracity recites that
true friends haven’t vanished, and that each and every one of
us has a tool box called personality – the complex of all the
attributes – behavioral, temperational, emotional and mental –
that characterize a unique individual.
But here’s something that is very important: Your tool box
can either be crammed with utile and needful tools, or it can
simply be crammed with inappropriate and useless tools. If
you’re understanding, accepting, loving, appreciative, and
able to see other people in a positive light, then those are
your delicate tools. You have to use them to get as much of
each fossil (friend) out of the ground intact as possible. But
sometimes the fossil you uncover is small, scraped, melancholy
or hard-pressed. It doesn’t really mean you should dispose it.
Because the job doesn’t end when you find the fossil, it’s
only the beginning. There is the exploration and adjustment
part. When you have a friend to spend time with, it doesn’t
really mean you’ve explored that person, it might depend on
how long you’ve been together or how much you’ve rubbed
elbows. That’s another thing. But what I mean is this: the
right people to spend time with are indefinite but relatively
small, so when you do find one, you’ll go through a process of
mutual disclosure or difference exposure.
This is the exploring part. It’s when you learn who your
friends are truly are, and hopefully, if you like them and
feel they’re the right people to spend time with, then comes
the adjustment part because it is impossible to share all your
interests of need with your friend. At the adjustment part is
when intersections are refashioned and few habits altered so
you can exist and perform in harmonious or agreeable
40 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
combination. But it’s a process, a disposition, an attitude
and unwavering willingness to see the other person in a
positive light. Things are easy when you have the right tools,
except that people with the right tools are unsophisticated
and gullible - self-absorbed and avaricious pricks.
But
if
you're
thin-skinned,
bumptious,
vainglorious,
sordid, swollen-headed and censorious - I put on the
Invisibility Cloak and whisper in your ears: those are your
tools too. But they're useless and prejudicious to friendship
and you'll have to get rid of them before you can say Jack
Robinson. They're actually dirty, malodorous and space-taking
things that wad your toolbox - and you shouldn’t perambulate
with it jammed with useless and old rusty tools. When it comes
to excavating the fossil in your boilersuit, no matter how
dolt and butterfingered you are, with the right tools - like a
jackhammer - you'll liberate much fossil from hard ground. Let
me show you:
After dark, chased by a monster in a boulevard alone, I run
home and use the power of the magic box to fight the monster.
When it fell, I appeared in my room, became myself again and
went to my sister's bedroom. It was horrible.
This is bullshit - genuinely bald. Didn’t exactly get your
heart racing, did it? What is missing from this ever so brief
passage is quite obvious — everything. It doesn't have the
right tools - dialogue, scenery, narrative, color, sounds and
smells. There's nothing worse you can do as a writer or
literary entertainer than to feed your hungry and long waiting
audience with nothing but a glorified synopsis. I'm not
Stephen King or Elizabeth Gilbert, but check this out:
Death is at hand and I'm trapped in the magic box, drenched
with rummy perspiration that pour off my brow, and scampering
in a horrendous and grievous sable hamlet boulevard that is
ineffably still and void. By this time at midnight the
boulevard is usually scrawling with werewolfs and unspeakable
creatures that revel to amble in the dark. But today the black
cinder streets are empty, and the hovels are quiet and
lightless with the shutters firmly closed. I thoughtlessly
assay to climb a fence topped with barbed-wire loops indicating that the crosscut to Mallay has been shut - but I'm
impotently quivering and that makes me lose my grip easily.
So I flatten out on my belly and promptly slide under a I
metre-long stretch that’s been loose for years. There are
several other weak spots in the barbed wire, but this one is
so close to home. It has been here (and the same too) as long
as I can remember, and whenever my perpetually inebriated
father - a lop eared demon-ridden pettifogger and impudent
hypocrite - deliberately mucked my elegant braided updo
featuring braided roses to amuse his bunch of stumpy and
41 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
stonyhearted friends, I would slide under this same metre-long
stretch and lam to Benhince. I wipe the sweat off my face with
my sleeves, and Mallay is bare before my eyes - composed of
thatched and shingled stout log edifices with low roofs,
jumbled together cheek by jowl; white smoke perpetually rise
from the chimneys, defiant of the wilderness around it. I
strung my bow with a sure touch, then drew three arrows and
nocked one, holding the others in my left hand.
You're never sure what is perambulating in the woods at
this time of the night, and growing up in Mallay didn't only
make me an enduring little whippet, a thin exploding
contrivance, but also a hardhearted live wire. You should
always be ready to fight and defend yourself in Mallay. My
teeth are chattering so hard and I'm afraid I might bite my
tongue off. I shouldn’t have worn this cut off shirt, baby
blue short shorts and high black converse with folded parts on
the end in the late November wind. I quietly and cautiously
crawl on a creepy and always-there trail that leads to
District 6 - treading on translucent pebbles and perhaps tiny
little flesh-eaters sauntering in this woodland.
Crosscuts have their concerns. District 6 is the worst
place any normal mortal can set their foot on. It is populated
by werewolfs, scrawny fleshless creatures with sunken faces
and empty eye sockets, and extraterrestrial beings who
perpetually drip green scalding spittle. They perambulate the
hamlet and oblivious to the unattended corpses lined up on
almost every boulevard. To be veracious, my heart is
inordinately pounding, and the darkness of my own hall is
suddenly menacing and malevolent, just as it had been when I
was six years old and knew for certain that hideous monsters
existed, lurking in the darkness, waiting to rip young girls
to pieces with long sharp talons.
'Hello? Anyone there?,' I said. There was a gravelly sound
behind the devil's walking stick. But the the dark shapes
stand their ground. Nothing. No movement. Not a sound. The
dark cool air plainly announce I'm not alone, but the harsh,
shrill silence dispute the point. But I feel a strange
horrendous presence of a vicious mortal lurking and snooping
quietly and expectantly. As I took another step, I heard
another sound – a different sound, and in a New York minute my
sleeve was ripped. I didn't want to know what it was or why it
ripped my sleeve, I shrugged off disheartenment and scarpered.
I can't think straight; my breathing is intemperate, and my
mussy hair vacillate vigorously. I gulped deep lungfuls of
air, and I know something big and ferocious is after me - an
ugly flesh-eater or something - I'm sure as shooting. I propel
myself, my feet crashed through the underbrush, my eyes
scanned ahead anxiously in the dark. My one goal is to escape.
Nothing else matters.
When I look over my shoulder, I see flaming darts shooting
after me like angry little bees with a hell of a sting. But I
42 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
promtly squeeze my eyes and in a New York minute, a gold and
sharp flaming sword appears in my left hand, and I jumped into
the hair, the flaming sword shot from my hand to the creature.
When I fall back to the ground with a thud, I quickly glanced
over my right shoulder which is stinging in blood, and
clutched my atrocious lesion as the the enormous creature with
scales all over its body, giant claws, huge teeth, sharp fins
and deformed arms and symmetry feets tails me - I can hear the
intense and horrendous thuds. I squeezed my eyes and there was
a great ominous and boisterous god-awful racket underground.
It was a sound of a clump of violent and raging small rocks
striking
sand
and
metal
ferociously
and
devising
an
underground movement like there’s a fault plane of from
volcanic activity. Out of thin air water gushed out from the
ground and the creature couldn’t secure its position; it
yanked and felt the violent vertigo of falling backwards, and
the painful, abrasive sensation of hitting the pavement.
In a New York minute I reappeared in my chamber with a
thump. And there was myself lying in bed - having a nightmare
- and perspiration has exudated and slumped down my hair which
rested with dispirited sogginess. I must have wailed, jerked
and kicked furiously in the real world while I was chased by
that horrible creature in the magic box because my face has
reddened, and I'm breathing laboriously. I tardily walked
towards myself, kissed my forehead, and then stoop down and
clutched the magic box that I stuck under the bed. I pulled it
out - small, sable and dust-covered - and opened it, a shaft
of light illuminated my face, and I immediately floated back
to my body. I jolted upright in bed, gasping, my hand over my
heart. The temporary armour that protects me from my perpetual
horrendous perturbation has abruptly vanished.
I can hear my heart thumping and the pestiferous whizzing
as I assay to curb my shallow breaths. I swing my long legs
off the bed and slide into my well-worn boots. My body ache
everywhere; I'm nauseated now as I’d been when I’d fallen
asleep. I put on trousers, a shirt, and pocketed the magic box
carefully as I slip out. The only person I want to clinch and
osculate before I scarper is my precious little sister, Mara.
When I pivoted her bedroom door open, I instantaneously
scented a disgusting putrid smell - genuinely similar to a
horrible concoction of rotten meat, bad eggs and sour milk and I squalled and winced. The room has enough light with an
odd yellowish cast sparkling from the shivering crystals of
the cobwebbed chandelier, and the shabby carved wooden
headboard is virtually falling because of the batch of novels
that rambles on and jogs piled helter-skelter.
The chamber also has a window obscured by long velvet
curtains, a shaft of light revealed bits of paper, and small
objects scattered over the carpet. The wardrobe doors stood
open, and there are drawings of Anne Frank and Beverley
Williams hanging askew on a thumbtack, and bagels, feathers,
43 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
and disorderly pile of clothes on the old polished oak
hardwood floor (it looks like there was tidal wave). It used
to be a spic-and-span chamber of Rip van Winkle, it would be
scrupulously clean as if she spent everyday digging in obscure
crannies for minuscule pieces of filth. I scrunched and
hurriedly accumulated Mara's clothes on the floor, creased
them with my hand and meticulously piled them. She eased her
eyes open, and then prop herself up on one elbow.
'Katherine,' says Mara, and she buries her head in her
hands and squeezes at it hard like she’d rather make her
brains ooze out her ears. 'Lilith- no, thought you were-'
'An indolent booger gobbling calabar beans and brandishing
a wimble?,' - Mara is inordinately thoriated, she flopped on
her stomach on the bed and sandwiched her head on the motley
pillows. She pretty much laughs at anything - 'Not by a blame
sight kiddo! A scrawny pinhead with a shelf crammed with booby
prizes covered with gossamer cobwebs-'
'No- Limbo? Katherine yo' have a limbo?,' says Mara. You
could hardly understand her with that goddam pillow over her
head. I stand up, and by God, have a wrenching pain on my
scruff - vision promptly dissolving too. I twitch, beshrew
pain, waggle my delicate hand, and with eyes squeezed and
heart thumping, promptly place it on the back of my neck. It
is inordinately burning. I constrain to open my eyes infinitesimal amount - and have an unspeakable glimpse of
disquieted and appalled Mara. I crawl to her bed, unsighted,
I'm covered in darkness, and I have no idea what is going on.
I scrunch, grind my teeth, and disappear into nothing in a
flash. There is a shadowy and amorphous hirsute colossus
tardily sauntering in the gloom, and I'm floating upside-down
in midair, extremely dark. Brandish a homburg, it tilts its
mussy hair and looks at me - dangling in midair by God - with
a baleful scowl. I can hear my heart pounding as much as
against my breast bone. Trembling, I put a hand inside my
pocket and clutch the magic box. I open it and a shaft of
light illuminate my perspering face, and instantaneously, I
toppled and woke up in Mara's bed sopping. I wipe my sweaty
brow, clutch my hair in frustration, and with a quick twist of
my neck, I see Mara patiently sitting on a raddled wooden
armchair beside the bed with an inscrutable face - twirling
her ringlets with unspeakable sadness and staring at the
irksome curtilage through the window. I'm still not over the
fact that me and this cute little thing have to go through
blaze because of the magic box. Because it has all the powers
and it makes its possessor herculean, the Wizards will never
rest until I'm dead, until they have their dirty hands on the
magic box so they can take over the world. I cough, and Mara
turns to look at me - startled, she gives a sigh of relief in
a medieval expression of a miffed au pair, and bend down, pick
her ugly dog - named Teacup, only God knows why - and made him
sit on her thighs.
44 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
'Holy Christmas nuts, Kathrine, thought yo' were goin' to
die," says Mara. 'It was horrible- was quivering an'yo' puffy
reddened eyes protruded - yo' were: - 'I'm burning, I'm
burning' an' I poured-'
'It was only a jinx, cheesecake-,'
'A jinx? What's a jinx?,' says Mara.
Bob's your uncle! I know it's not perfect. You might see a lot
of gaps, mistakes and perhaps too much swifties, but at least.
The tools you have play a big part when it comes to
strengthening and nurturing your relationship with your
friends. But I should say it's not enough to only have the
tools, you should also know which ones to use and when.
45 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-15-
There was the usual Anne Frank - confident, obnoxious and
garrulous - and the second Anne, which bob up sporadically.
This second Anne was unnoted, misread and unfamiliar - she
wanted to love and to be gentle. You know there's - to borrow
words from the coherent and articulate Anne - the 'finer' and
'deeper' you. But is perpetually diffident and suppressed.
Perhaps she's quiet, mild-mannered and priggish, not a
frivolous and gullible jabberer or exploding contrivance
you're labelled. But it's difficult, and oftentimes, people
don't want the finer and deeper them to bob up, it will be
weird, and people have a warped sense of humor.
Besides, you'll probably knock them over. The first Anne
always showed herself up and wouldn't allow the second Anne
out. She tried, but it didn't work. The first you is
peremptory while the second you is taciturn and sober.
Bringing out the second you for good or at least a year - hell
no - a week - precious Olivia Holt - three days is a tough
sledding. It's like working hard or sewing because you're
necessitous and people think you're light in the loafers, but
anyway, nowadays a fag means 'a female tooshie grabber'.
Crikey Moses, it's exactly what you would like to be called I'm laughing so hard. But anyway, when you bring out the
second you, you're likely to retrogress and it's not a bad
thing. You know what's a bad thing? It’s watching Chelsea lose
a crucial match. Let’s be honest: we all sob inconsolably and
curse at the wind. For others, the next morning, snug as a bug
in a rug, they potter in their Hodie and ginch - God please,
oh please - and look for articles online about how the referee
fucked up. There's nothing comforting than knowing that
there's someone to blame; that's why we blame everyone for our
flubs. However, people who blame other people never change.
The second you is obsessed with quietness and is veracious.
But the second you is not meant to take over the first you.
God doesn't want anything taken away from you and He doesn't
want anything added - He wants the real you. He wants that
cheerful and amusing Anne that enjoys a kiss or a rude joke.
He wants the ‘lighthearted’ Anne who doesn't care when people
46 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
laugh at her or call her a 'chatterbox'. There's a flame
leaping inside my chest and searing my throat: you're
forbidden to betray yourself and you're forbidden to hurt
yourself. The house-elf kind of behavior is genuinely
prohibited - not by me - but by Jesus. You belong to him, not
to yourself - understand that kiddo - and his wondering why
you are paying the price that he already paid in full for you.
Don't prove yourself and don't waste your life trying to be
somebody else. Be a barrel of laughs, rabbit on, do something
unconditional, listen to Willow Smith - Jesus Christ - make
mistakes, and laugh yourself silly. But most importantly, love
deeply because we are protected by our ability to love.
47 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-16-
Understanding the power of recognition in friendship is very
important. Recognition brings a drastic and far-reaching
change in ways of thinking and behaving. It is a turning point
that changes our inner dialogue and helps us to see things
from a different perspective. We live in an environment that
promotes unhealthy food choices, saturated fats and caloriedense food have gone up while the intake of fresh fruit and
vegetables has gone down. Obese children are stereotyped and
teased by their peers, and this often leads to low self-esteem
and can result in depression. But if you can recognize the
fact that with most people, stress and depression doesn't
radical from being corpulent but the mind, then we're getting
somewhere. Because the big problem is not exactly your body,
but it's your thinking: a healthy mind = a healthy body.
People are exceedingly strategic and occupied. You should
potter, be frivolous and do things spontaneously, even if it's
sporadical. Scud upstairs, grab that small black bag with
sparkly sequin and put your manicured hand inside - clutch
those motley pocket-size notes - you can recognize your
sprawling handwriting - and throw them out of the window.
There, by God, don't you feel better? You have a behemoth
lifted off your shoulders. What you do doesn't really make you
tired - you don't exactly uproot giant trees barehanded - it's
actually what you 'think' you should do that run you ragged.
If you’re frazzled, your mind is fagged, your whole body will
be bushed. It all happens when you niggle and throng your mind
with fiddling notes and to-do lists. You're not Superman for
Christ's sake, so you should be bone-idle sometimes because
it's healthy for your mind. The most important issue to deal
with is how you see your body - both literally and
figuratively. Do you see your body as it really is?
Studies have shown that women, in particular, perceive
themselves to have a very different body shape than what they
really have. This is not helpful. How can people love their
bodies if they can’t even be honest with themselves? People
ought to stand in front of the mirror and assess their
appearance in a non-judgmental way – that means drop any
thoughts about how your thighs ‘should’ look or how muscular
48 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
your tummy ‘should’ be. Chances are, you’ll be surprised by
what you see. Once you have healthy view of your body, you’re
in a better position to really live in it. The physical side
is only half the story. What feelings arise when you think
about the way you look? So many of us dislike our bodies.
We wish they were different – a little fuller here, less
wobbly there. We spend so much energy trying to change them
and disguise the bits we like least, we become consumed by it.
Take the focus off trying to look like the next Kate Moss and
aim to be healthy instead. When you develop an exercise or
meal plan, do it with a caring attitude rather than out of
guilt. You deserve to feel good – when we take good care of
ourselves, our confidence and self-worth increases.
Recognition also touch the depths of our being and lead us
to profound consciousness and awareness, but most importantly,
recognition lead us to exploration of 'terra incognita' in
mind and heart that will take us to the next level in our
lives. The forlorn territory of appreciativeness is generally
accessed by recognition - knowledge is not enough; we
recognize to access reality and what impedes you is the
bullshit you keep telling yourself as to why you don't need to
explore. Change and transformation happen on the inside and
radiance on the outside, but change itself begins with
recognition. Human beings derive pleasure from labor and
appreciation from recognition: we can't appreciate little
things if we don't recognize them first. Moreover, what
inspire us in life are the things we recognize.
If we can recognize the small things that people do to
hurt us (people hurt people) then we can also recognize the
small things that people do to make us happy. One of the
things that we do to hurt our friends is simply not
recognizing the little things that they're trying to do for
us, and this should change, even if it means overcoming your
pride and opening your mind beyond what is comfortable.
Friendship is nurtured by recognition and recognition begins
with determination. What we don't recognize - we despise. With
recognition comes truth and acceptance, but most importantly a step forward. How are we supposed to become better people if
we don't first recognize what we should change? The power of
recognition leads to the power of knowing. In addition, if
friendship doesn't cost you on the outside, then it will cost
you on the inside - you'll have to unwrap yourself and
eliminate thoughts and beliefs - they should know the painting
of your heart and the governing of your mind.
49 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-17-
Accept your differences. It’s more pleasant when you stop
trying to modify and start paying attention to who the other
person really is – you may discover how much there is to
admire. Inability to accept our differences radical from our
perspective; our differences are not meant to separate us but
teach us acceptance and understanding which is absolutely
indispensable in friendship. When we accept our differences,
then we start working towards our potential and goal to
increase our intimacy instead of scrapping - for Christ's sake
- over everything. The unnoted and most important thing about
acceptance is that it lead us to gentleness and serenity.
Gentleness fastens our inner self. It is gentleness that
chill and engulf us to become better people of serenity and
discernment.
Perturbing
circumstances
in
our
everyday
existence imbibe our tranquility and leash us from felicity
and enjoyment. The absence of mental stress or anxiety is the
presence of joyfulness and delectation. But they can also be
absorbed from ignorance to intromit worry and guiltiness, but
visualizing your lustrous future through vitreous silica possessing an undying faith and believe in the unseen morrow
that you languish. Surely serenity is a gift from above –
accompanied by happiness, love and pleasure.
This outstanding and rattling gift is freely bestowed to
each and everyone of us. There are people who are inviolable
and confident in the mist of difficulty and mystification –
visual perception of their enduringness and joyousness even
when facing treacherous water or climbing insurmountable
mountains recites that the pelter of serenity has irrigated
their dear lives. Again, one of the most important things
about acceptance is that it lead to appreciation, and I simply
define appreciation as taking pleasure and delight in what you
have instead of worrying about what you don’t have or
complaining about what you should have.
After finding the right person to spend time with and
adjusting to fit their course of conduct, then it's important
that we appreciate them. Appreciating people should be our
mental attitude and precedency, willingness to relinquish our
50 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
negative and ignorant thoughts, assumptions and feelings to
behold what is unnoted and express gratitude is the most
tremendous thing we can ever do. After all, how long will we
hold off our appreciativeness to those that are meritorious?
I'm talking about the people that are always there for us,
the friends we eat and hang out with, ultimately, the patiable
and hungry old lady we always pump to cleaning the public
toilets. It shouldn't be rarity. Appreciation is taking
pleasure and delight in what God has given you, but
unfortunately, it is disregarded and overlooked by most people
- we are simply unappreciative and ungrateful bastards.
51 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-18-
We appreciate what we have when we stop worrying about what we
don’t have, and we appreciate what we have when we stop
complaining about what we have. The moment you start worrying
about what you don't have, that's when unappreciation, anger
and jealousy grips hold of you. Ever since I began penning
this book, my mission and priority has been to encourage
people to become like little children: Selfless. Forgiving.
Unretentive. But most importantly, appreciative. “I tell you
the truth, unless you change and become like little children,
you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” Appreciating
people is divulgence – exposing, declaring, disclosing,
revealing and giving away what it unavowed. It is an act of
courage; disposed to people that are effulgent adequately that
our eyes become benevolent enough to behold their brilliant
side. Mary Daly once said, "Courage is like - it's a habitus,
a habit, a virtue: you get it by courageous acts. It's like
you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging"
Acts of appreciation gives you a heart of appreciation, and
the more you do it, the better you become. One of the things
that make us to be unappreciative is simply anger, oh well,
again: anger - busted. Unappreciative people are angry people.
I sometimes define anger as a useless blindfolder, because at
the end of the day, we gain nothing from being angry, only
frustration and setbacks. Don't waste your life being sad and
stuff. But be appreciative - rightfully and sincerely. Saying
'I appreciate you' to someone can release strength, endurance,
self-acceptance and change to that particular person. When
you're appreciated, you find strength to keep doing the good
that you do and never give up; when you're appreciated, you
endure; when you're appreciated, you accept yourself; when
you're appreciated, you change - change all the negative
thoughts about yourself. That’s why we shouldn’t hold off our
appreciativeness to those that are meritorious.
It can inspire them and ultimately change their lives.
The problem with acceptance is the fact that people have
identity; which I think makes them delusional - thinking
52 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
everything contrary to their normally is actually wrong in
every way. I've seen people who don't befriend certain people
with different religions because they're striving, by God, to
protect their identity. I don't think I'll stifle my yen to
stay and make a lot of friends in Burma because almost all the
residents are Buddhists, and in the countryside many still
worship the nuts - the spirits of forests and mountains.
Religion is good but it can also be an inviolable rampart when
it comes to many different things in life, we become
circumscribed and unintentionally egoistical to protect our
religious beliefs. Eckhart Tolle once said that religious
people equate truth with thought, and as they are completely
identified with thought (their mind), they claim to be in sole
possession of the truth in an unconscious attempt to protect
their identity. They don't release the limitation of thought.
The Burmese are a polite and cheerful people, and most of
them live in small villages built, whenever possible, on the
banks of a river and surrounded by a bamboo or wooden stockade
for protection against wild animals. It's a beautiful country,
and they had a lot to go through. Several ruined and deserted
capitals, the largest of which is Pagan on the banks of
Irrawaddy, show plainly what difficulty the Burmese must have
had in past centuries in trying to work out a lasting and
united government of their own. From the 11th to the 19th
centuries, the history of Burma was one of the violent wars
between princes. When in 1820 the great Burmese general Maha
Bandula invaded the Indian states of Manipur and Assam and set
out for Bengal, the British government declared war on Burma.
Maha Bandula was driven back and the Burmese had not only
to give up their claim to Assam and Manipur but also to
transfer Arakan and Tenasserim to the British. There's nothing
wrong about befriending people with different religions, and
besides, there's always something profound and unnoted to
learn in every religion. Take for instance the Hindus, they
had many gods and most of them represented the forces of
nature like lightning, fire and water. As time went by, the
Arya took religious ideas from the people whom they had
conquered, and also began to worship some of their gods. Then
the priests and thinkers began to study the religion more
deeply, and began to have clear ideas about it. They wrote
books which are still held in great honor, and started to
teach the type of Hinduism that the priests teach today.
They teach that God is present in everything and every
place, and shows himself in many different ways. Men can find
God in three ways: by dedicating their work to him, by prayer
and love, and by living alone and spending their days in
prayer and contemplation (thinking about God). There are many
relational ramparts that impede love and friendship. If two
magnets are hung so that they can turn freely and are brought
close together, the two north pointing poles swing away from
each other, but the north pole of one swing towards the south
53 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
pole. This can be expressed shortly by saying that "unlike
poles attract each other but like poles push each other
apart". If you cut a magnet into pieces, each piece becomes a
little magnet with its own north and south poles.
In 1600 William Gilbert, court physician to Queen Elizabeth
I, wrote a book in which he concluded that the earth itself
was a huge magnet, with its poles at the north and south ends.
He was almost right, except that the earth's magnetic poles
are not at the true North and South poles. But here's
something very important: if a straight bar magnet is dipped
into iron filings (powdery iron) we all know that they'll
cling thickly near the ends but not all in the middle, and
that if a sheet of paper is laid down on a bar magnet and
sprinkled with iron filings, the filings will arrange
themselves in pattern called "lines of force". I would like
you to think of people as iron filings, sprinkled in
everyplace and there's a giant mantled magnetic chimney placed
in the centre of the world. But even though you're all iron
filings, none can possibly connect with the huge magnetic
chimney because it's wrapped with a cloak. This is what it's
like: love is wrapped with religion that even though we're all
the same people, we don't exactly connect. We respect and care
to much about our flimsy differences - which actually hinders
love the freedom to make the world a better place
54 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-19-
Dishonesty and pretension are serial killers of relationships.
A relationship can fall apart if it starves the truth. If
you're always dishonest with yourself and other people, then
you should know that "you" as the person who is dishonest will
not virtually be miserable as the person you are dishonest
with. That's why no matter how it might hurt - our friends
always want us to be honest. The truth perpetually rub elbows
with honesty. Honest people are truthful people. Throughout
his career, Mexican journalist, Jesús Blancornelas, has
reported
the
truth
and
exposed
crime
and
corruption,
regardless of personal cost. He has devoted his life to
shinning a light on Mexico's notorious "narco traffickers".
The New York-based Committee to Protect Journalists once
called him "the spiritual godfather of modern Mexican
journalism" because despite death threats, an attempted
assassination
and
murder
of
three
close
associates,
Blancornelas never stopped reporting the truth and publishing
the colorful weekly newspaper. We should make up our minds to
be courageous, stubborn and ruthless pursuerers/admirers of
the truth. The truth will hurt a man for a day, but honesty
will liberate him. Pretention will hurt a man for a day, but
dishonesty will lock him up in the donjon of hatred and anger.
There's nothing worse than finding yourself in an untruthful
and dishonest relationship. Friends are there to support us,
help us and most importantly, spend time with us.
The least we can do is to be truthful and honest with them.
It will actually strengthen and nurture your relationship
because you'll both know where you stand. Being untruthful and
dishonest can be induced by fear, and can be the lack of
responsibility induced by unawareness. The rattling and
amusing pictures we watch every single day on television have
the power to control us and determine how we live. You might
bear witness that most people who spend most of their time
watching horror movies - I know a person who still calls them
"films" - or movies that have to do with occult or witchcraft
are sensitive, horror-imaginative and inordinately fearful
mortals. And most people who watch movies that have to do with
55 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
violence can become unsympathetic, merciless and...violent
(which has become zilch to them). What we watch creates our
paradigmn and our paradigmn determine how we live.
I think everyone has a paradigm, and our paradigms
influence our relationships with family and friends. An
egoistical paradigm, wilful or unitentional, makes you limited
to or caring only about yourself and your own needs, and it is
capable of posing any relationship in your life on the dropoff. Since the 1960s, the term “Paradigm shift” has been used
in numerous non-scientific contexts to describe a profound
change in a fundamental model or perception of events. People
define a paradigm shift as radical change in thinking from an
accepted point of view to a new one, or a radical change in
thinking from an accepted point of view to a new belief.
Or is when you (or the powers that be in a society or
culture) move from using one model of thinking to a completely
different way of thinking. For example, Newtonian Physics to
Einstein Physics or Modernism to Post-Modernism. Or a paradigm
shift is when a significant change happens – usually from one
fundamental view to a different view. A paradigm is a
structured concept, idea or a practice. Any change in that due
for any reasons leads to a paradigm shift. Some simply define
it as how we think of most things. For instance, drunks are
old men swigging from bottles in paper pags in an alley-way,
when in reality, a drunk can be anyone. There are lots of
definitions for a “paradigm shift” some say it’s the way you
have thought about something all of your life. Shifting a
paradigm happens when you open your mind to a fact that you’ve
always thought about something and may in fact be different.
History and events often influence our paradigm. Or a
paradigm shift is when a person has an epitome that is so
profound that it forever changes the way a person perceives
and reacts to a certain set of circumstances or more
importantly a certain belief system. According to Bob Proctor,
a paradigm is a multitude of habits logged in our subconscious
mind. Paradigms are the reason your life is the way it is.
Your paradigm is the program running and creating your life.
So in order to change your life, then you’ll have to change
your paradigm first. Cartoonists are one of the most adroit
people. Because cartoons are for children, they make them
funny, unstoppable and able to do and achieve anything they
want. I'm talking about flying, speaking things into existence
and all of that. The reason why cartoonists do this is to
inspire children at a very young age that anything is possible
to those who believe. What we spend most of our time watching
can actually determine how we think, speak and what we do.
If we watch movies that promote being untruthful and
dishonest, slowly, we will assimilate and digest that kind of
conduct, and it will really affect our relationships.
Dishonest people ought to be bestselling novelists, and being
dishonesty is suicide and a game played by characters who
56 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
escaped from the authors head. Friends want us to be honest,
and never to sacrifice the truth, even when sabotaged by fear.
It's easy to forgive the hurting truth than pretention and
dishonesty. Divulgence is showing heart. Kissing is positive
but it doesn't actually indicate people being in love, and
when someone is in love with you, you'll first see by their
actions before they actually say it. So if your partner cheats
on, and decides to tell you the truth about what happened, of
course you'll be angry. But it will be easy for you to forgive
him not just because he asked for forgiveness, but also for
the fact that he was honest with you. That's why it is hard to
forgive people who are pretending and dishonest, and the
worst, never decide to tell you the truth until you find out.
Because you somehow feel like you're forgiving someone who
is actually not ready to be forgiven. Whoa! For years people
have talked and preached about forgiveness. We seem like an
unforgiving generation and it's not because we haven't heard
or read about forgiveness, but it's because people who wrote
and preached about forgiveness only focused on the people who
should forgive, and forget about the ones that should be
forgiven (what's the big deal?). So we find ourselves
forgiving people who are not ready to be forgiven (you're not
wrong though). Being truthful and honest can be supported by a
decision. Decisions are important. When you decide to do
right, there will be no room for wrong. Speaking the truth and
being honest begins with making a decision and dearly
committing yourself to be veracious. And veracity should be
inviolable not to be subverted by circumstances, and also
ingenious to understand circumstances. This is tricky.
Anyway, being honest is: 1) Giving in to love, and 2)
Putting yourself in their position. And being dishonest is: 1)
being unintentionally egoistic because you don't actually care
about how much it will hurt the person you're dishonest with
by being dishonest, and 2) Sabotaging yourself. The reason why
I said it is giving in to love is that unlike hatred, love
rejoices with truth. Sometimes the reason why people hate you
is because they don't agree or rejoice with the truth of who
you are. Another thing to know about haters is that they're
not visionless and missionless people - they hate you with
intent. Nobody hates you for nothing, is either you’re doing
something virtuous or something terrible.
It's true that vulnerability to objectionableness abides
within everyone, and difficulty to apprehend this mortal
affliction puts us in a nerve-wracking and atrocious position.
People who think are not being hated are the ones that are
hated the most, while those who constantly complain about
haters are not really hated, they just want attention. Here's
something very important: people who hate you can be the same
people who encourage you. Not everyone shows you the way
because they want you to get there – some show you the way
because they’ve already set traps. But you’ll begin to live
57 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
freely when you understand that being hated is being loved
upside down. It is love that is hard and harsh. In the long
run you’ll learn that haters are not really haters, but people
who loved you in a different way and helped you to become a
better person and do better in life.
58 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
A Postscript
59 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
When It Comes To Relationships, by Jabu Casey
October 6, 2013
Unedited
60 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-20-
Certainly, present people make a difference, not ones that are
absent. Of course, some folks will fuss themselves and bust
their brains trying to create a valid testing process to
isolate it, but come hell or high water, it shall endure – its
been true since the beginning. You have probably kicked one's
heels; let us stick to making a difference and being present
in a relationship since it's what we came here to talk about.
Your presence is sceptered and embrocated (je ne sais quois)
to make an enormous difference; it will emphatically propel
and instigate an individual. But it's deplorable - in everyway
- that people that can make a difference doubt themselves and
people that can change the world - inhales - trammel
themselves. There's a universal fault - well, almost everything is virtually helter-skelter and our stars are not
found in the sky, but they're drowning in doubt and fear.
They're spitting images of Sandro Botticeli, Peter Brueghel
and John Millais without a paint box and a canvas. We're in
deep doo-doo. Our stars look up to other people to do what
they should be doing but it never happens; it's a Joe-job. But
even if some folks do try, it will be probably be a snowball's
chance in hell. You should make volition and have uncoerced
seclusion to experience tranquility and have a veritable
spring-cleaning of the soul - it will obliterate the haunting
and horrible sense of insecurity. You will come back to a
place where you rightfully belong and be pure as the snowy
leaves that fold over the flower's heart - no avalanche of
vituperation. But always remember that whatever you do is done
through you and not done by you. Our stars might be
mendicants, but their wealth is within them, and surrendering
to the inner exhortation will make a difference.
If you're waiting for something to happen, then you're the
person that is sceptered to make it happen. Jesus came to
earth to make a difference, not history, and God put within
each and everyone of us the Jesus ability, empowered by the
holy spirit, to make a difference. All you have to do is take
the steps and make it happen. And by God, don't be a chicken,
61 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
snub everything that holds you back and irresponsibility that
makes you sit down and watch, and make up your little trepid
and doubtful mind that you'll come out of your little shell
and make a difference - there's no scale of measurement. But
first, check yourself, find out what drives you - fear or
belief? - and do something about it. You don't need
qualifications to make a difference, something has told you
that you can do it, you just have to close your eyes and just
believe.
Making
a
difference
is
being
present
in
a
relationship - not merely in the flesh, but also in mind and
emotion. People have the ability to sense if we are not
present, mindfully and emotionally with them, and it can
enkindle frustration and extinguish unity and trust.
I'm not sure if my mind is playing tricks on me, but I
think I’ve once read an article about men talking about women
who quetch about ‘them’ not being present even though they're
actually there in the flesh - tardily sipping their goddamn
coffee and reading articles about Olivia Holt. But their heads
droning with unhinged vociferations "You're not listening to
me, where are you?". It happens oftentimes that people - more
especially women - have a feeling (which I call a quick note
from the house elf) in the middle of a conversation that the
person they're talking to is only present in a flesh, not
mindfully and emotionally. How frustrating!
I have always thought about words as an individual's
servant, defender and aggressor. A servant because they do
anything we want; as you perambulate a meticulously amassed
heap of burnt and colossal stones in your pitch-black
curtilage, inordinately rapid, words can make you vanish in a
fume to Mars and back. And in a New York minute, words can
build you a tidy and odoriferous bungalow equipped with the
most expensive furniture from Britain. With the walls
roughcasted in gilt and have attractive paintings (including
one of the marble hall), photographs of nature (lustrous seas,
black eagles, scampering cheetahs, raging lions etc) and
argent pocket-size lamps dangling on the walls that gives the
room a golden glow. Nothing is impossible with words. They can
inspire, change and connect people. They're one of the most
powerful, yet exceedingly venomous things in the world.
Recently, speakers, quoters, psychologists, directors,
authors - the list goes on like names and numbers in a phone
book - have been perspiring and striving to crumble the
mainstream by a cantillate: "No one is perfect". And they've
accomplished it - they're damn right. Eric you’ve done it.
Give that man a Bell’s - no one is perfect. But I think that
our perspective of perfection stray us from the definition of
perfection according to the Bible, which defines a perfect man
as one who knows how to control his tongue - precious Olivia
Holt. It's emphatically capricious and implausible, why not he
who doesn't sin? But he who controls his tongue?
To climb Mount Everest, I think we are horribly wrenching
62 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
and
stinging
with
defensive,
contemptuous,
encouraging,
hateful
and
endearing
words,
and
that
somehow
makes
controlling our tongues one of the hardest things to do in the
world. But what's important to know is that as potent words
can be, they'll perpetually ricochet if you try to convince
your friend or partner that you're present mindfully and
emotionally while you're actually not. I've learned that true
feelings - ones that we perpetually snub and brush aside - are
actually dementors that kibosh dishonest and untruthful words
that try to convince us otherwise – as always.
Another thing about words is that they're an individual's
defender. We don't promptly perforate or spade someone if they
do wrong, but we give them a chance to explain themselves.
They'll use words to rationalize their behavior. And the last
thing is: word's are an individual's aggressor. What can build
us can also destroy us. I said it before. Words can be wrongly
used to agress people, and we often see it on TVs, media etc.,
and often experience it in relational conflicts. Your mindful
and emotional presence can be felt in a relationship, and I've
just shared with you that when we are not present mindfully
and emotionally, words cannot bail us out because "true"
feelings are dementors that halt our words to convince our
partner/friend that we are present mindfully and emotionally
even if we are not. The matter of being honest, first with
ourselves and then with other people in relationships is
mostly unnoted, but it's really important. How can you define
friendship, or any relationship without honesty?
Ultimately, how can you define love without honesty?
Honesty is the cardinal of inordinate felicity and incredible
productivity in relationships because it extricates us from
personal entanglement. Being dishonest with yourself about
what you actually want or need in a relationship is actually
sacrificing your peace, joy and the worst of all: embroiling
yourself. If a particular relationship has codification or
inclination
that
entertain
crapulence,
larceny
or
intimidation, and to be veracious, you're not really into that
- you want to live a better life and become a better person disclosing honesty, God, it's the damn thing you should do
instead of tangling yourself. Jesus Christ. With honesty comes
freedom. Being honest is to tear off everything that's
actually holding you down. It is coming out of a murky dungeon
where you've been starving and dying to be who you are and
live the way you want to live. It is saying, "this might hurt
a little, but I'll have to stick with who I am, not what you
want or expect me to be". Being honest in a relationship
doesn't mean being unaffectionate, egocentric, Mr. look-at-meI'm-better-than-you or whatever people might call you.
But…brace yourself… it actually means you're a committed
and unashamed stable cookie with a dream, vision and a course.
63 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-21-
Perpetual Pain
In The Street Of Rain
Without A Name
Only A Suicide Hymn
Written By Lynn
And The Suicidal Jane
I'm still not certain if writing this book is the right thing
or it's to fall arse over tit or gulping Cynade. I can't help
it but perpetually think I'm making a monkey out of myself - I
should probably grab a corterfield winter coat, have a plonk
and be on the piss. I'm officially snookered; it would be
better to wash off pavement pizza in Tottenham Court Road or
furbish Peter Stanley's raddled brogue, or perhaps have a
jerry-built hutch - sell bubble and squeak in overalls; that
would be great. I can perish - Crikey Moses - I have already
seen Jerry Springer get his butt kicked by the Bella twins.
Perhaps there wouldn't be plenty of opportunity for selfdoubt and I wouldn't feel it's bombastic prating if I was
writing about Beverly Williams or Anne Frank - but friendship?
Jimminy Crikets. I was stunned by John Green's masterpiece,
Looking For Alaska. Not just by its realness, its beauty, and
by his willingness to excavate the fossil and explicate the
ineffable, but by its meaning - the maze. We all find
ourselves in a labyrinth - jinxed that we can't apparate - no
matter how astute and audacious. It is genuinely baulking and
afflictive to be in the maze, or perhaps it's just me because
I'm a huffy and sensitive guy who spends most of his time
perusing books with inscrutable face and has a terrible case
of foot-in-mouth disease. You can bide, perhaps belch - having
a
terrible
case
of
foot-in-mouth
disease
is
merely
fabrication, and for guys it's a mortifying fillip - to be
veracious - genuinely execrable and extraterrestrial.
You can have a butterbeer, I'm just saying. But think about
it, veracity recites that our ultimate scourge is actually our
64 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
labyrinth. Of course we're all antipathetic to being in the
maze, but it's inevitable, and we all find ourselves bilked by
it and stuck in the Charnel without an auxiliary. I
perpetually think of Simon Bolivar's last words in Garcia
Marquez's novel —"How will I ever get out of this labyrinth!"
Perhaps because I'm a writer, I don't know, I mean, really.
You don't need to open a book to know that most of us live
shitty lives. We are writers - wallflowers and the Peter Van
Houtens with stinking lives; either divorced, addicted,
suicidal, alcoholic or impoverished. It's genuinely baffling
when no matter how hard you try - you always think of suicide.
Well I'm jiggered! It's all about snogging, a pen and a
paper - too principled not to feel guilty for not putting a
single word down, might even think about self-annihilation. We
are actually pilot biscuits and extraterrestrial beings with
accolades of finding ourselves in fine how-do-you-do's; clods
with muddled ideas about blinking characters and nothing more.
This is being a muggle! And by God, I don't want to be a
muggle, I want to apparate. I spent my teenagehood mentally
abused, depressed, suicidal and melancholy. It was unbearable
and it obliterated my good intentions. Pain can change anyone,
and that's the main ground I don't want kids to grow up like I
did: pain is poison, it literally kills your little dreams and
that desire to live - everything becomes meaningless and you
wake up every morning hopeless. It's a horrible trudge.
I indescribably despised myself, perhaps more than an
indigent cobbler diddled a meg clam or Judas Iscariot - and
the mirror was my worst enemy. I also wrote scads of
complaintive notes to God - if my memory serves me correctly,
there's one I had written that God is cagey and He gives pain
to those who are too weak to live and too scared to kill
themselves. But I wasn't scared. I always pined to be Spencer
List or Brett Manning, not a miserable failure and necessitous
wimp. Unfortunately, I don't even have a single one of those
notes because with unspeakable and intolerable misery, I
burned all of them together with my finished manuscripts and
quotes; I don’t say that with pride but a vague sense of
sorrow and loss. I inordinately scorned myself but mostly God.
I was stressed, hungry, depressed and melancholy genuinely frustrated, overdosing and wearing the same clothes
for more than seven months - and I felt like God was laughing
at me. I'm this vulnerable pip-squeak and God is this behemoth
who prod my forehead with his giant finger and I fall back
like I've been hit by a truck and he split a gut. He finds it
amusive. I fell from a skyscraper and my little wimpy faith
which the guy upstairs ineffably despised fragmented - I broke
my snot locker and went from believing that there's a caring
and loving God to a whiskered old geezer up in the clouds,
apathetic and deciding which team is going to win the
Champions League. I'm glad I'm telling you the truth even
though it literally puts me in the mud of being an atheist and
65 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
unbeliever. I detest lies - whether it's a piddling lie or a
white lie, I cannot brook them. I spent so many years
grappling with God - I'm not sure if he was biffing me or I
was stumping him - but it made me think he's a misanthrope,
and he put me in an impenetrable gloom to shlep humongous
pebbles while he is inordinately riant and perpetually nudging
me. But I was wrong, well – almost.
66 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-22-
Folks, lets sit down for a minute - you can have a chair,
stool or you can be a spoilt rotten, the couch - and talk
about ourselves, not our friends this time, but ourselves.
It's a little strange; it's like having dinner with a
Talapoin.
But
anyway,
lets
nibble
this
cracker.
It's
difficult, and I'm an unskilled pudding head trying to fix a
contraption. I know. Besides, I can't do well with goodlooking damsels and prickteasers who mope around here.
Anyway, when it comes to 'ourselves' as human beings brace yourself, we are about to cruise the neighborhood in a
convertible - I don't think people understand, or at least
languish to understand the pestiferous, stonyhearted and
herculean swayer of our universe. It's complicated – let’s
just put it that way. There is a small-guy that perpetually
disoblige us, prattle and smoke a cigar. Of course there is.
Believe me, I know. I bumped to him a lot of times, and one of
them was at the Hospital - Crikey Moses! Twice I've been there
and at death's door in the process of writing this book.
I have my head droning, and then someone speaks into my
ear, loudly so as to be heard in Frinton “We’re going to put
something in your pecker. You’ll feel some pain, a little
pinch. Hold on.” There's a great whack taken out of the
memory; there are flashes, confused glimpses of faces and
delusion fed by too many injections and giant putrid pills
that might choke you. When I wake up, it occurs to me - in a
muddled sort of way - that the day before I was happy and
healthy, about to have forty winks in silence that seemed
heavy and dark; like a passing cloud. But God, I'm at the
hospital, it means something has happened. It's all quiet,
sable and strange, perhaps I'm hallucinating, only God knows.
After hours of being hag-ridden, I ease my eyes open, and then
prop myself up on one elbow. I'm inordinately hurting and
queasy, and by God, I look around giddy, and what gets my
dander up is the fact that I can't spend a penny - something
is hurting right there and it drives me batty. I scream.
A medical person - who took forever and a day - finally
comes in, I swear to God he looks pissed off and washed-out.
This might be the same guy I read about last week who killed a
67 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
rat as big as cat with a brolly. He stands beside my bed
spitting mad as a gaffer. With a sweet voice caroling like a
gold-caged nightingale, I ask him to remove the thing in my
pecker because it hurts; and that my stomach hurts; and that
my right arm hurts; and that my head hurts, and that....
He shush me, run a hand through his hair and inject me and in a New York Minute I'm numb again.
He is in our minds actually - he is the mind master the
small-guy, and he somehow control our feelings too. He is a
fuckin genius. When he is not sitting on a mop-headed cabbage
palm and snorting a cigar in a rabble, then he is prowling in
your mind - he knows how to tickle you, and always ready to
give you a kick in the butt when you look away. He wants to
mess you up the small-guy, vituperate your friends (he’s a
traducer), and make you brabble with yourself. His job is to
delapidate your relationships actually.
If we find ourselves in friendship because we're merely
palavered, then we're in peril of having loopholes to
discharge anger and hatred because there was no will and
spontaneity. Imagination, of course. It's one of the most
wonderful and easiest thing to do - tiddlers daily bread - you
don't need vigour or forty winks to woolgather, you just do
it, and that's the great thing about it. Okay - imagine
yourself stuck in a cavernous and dingy dungeon and there are
cumbrous fragments and the king of beasts prowling. You're in
the raw, scraped and stinging in blood. You can't walk
decently but hobble, and you know that a single claw in a New
York minute from the king of beasts - you might kick the
bucket. Do we see the same thing?
Your third or middle eye is not blind as a bat. But you're
never sure - always have an extra chocolate chip cookie. I'm
talking about the gloom so anyone who haven't heard of Mary
Wilkinson can see. Anyway, in relationships - everything will
not always be Worcester and Tulbagh in blue-tinged mountains
and emerald-green vineyards graced by elegantly stark of fine
wines. Sometimes it will be like walking in a bleak rocky hill
or being bound with rigid strip of metal chains in a frigid
cubicle. He is also a high-muck-a-muck the small-guy, he has
artillery, and he spends his afternoons collecting stuff and
piling them higgledy-piggledy in your head. I know him the
small-guy, he's great bellied with a mustache, and size of the
Hobbit. He also has a crush on Eda Rose and always gibber
about Molly Roloff's sexy voice. Right after penning the first
page of a diary novel, Say Hey Kid:
My parents bought me Diary Of A Young Girl for my 11th
birhday. To be veracious - I thought it was one of those
boring novels that rambles on and jogs. But I was wrong. First
of all, it wasn't a novel. But a real diary which young Anne
Frank wrote in the Secret Annexe - the family's hiding-place
68 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
in Amsterdam. I've read the book without respite and I'm taken
with young Anne Frank. I swear to God. I mistakenly told my
bosom crony's sister named Carol Carrots and she thinks I'm
barmy. And that is honestly her name, I swear to God, I’m not
making it up.
It’s too crazy. I mean - just think of it. Imagine going
through life with a name like Carol Carrots? Anyway, it's the
first time this happened to me - I mean falling in love - and
I'm relentlessly spurring my parents to take me to Amsterdam
to see the Secret Annexe. In return they make me babysit our
dog. It's horrible! Wherever I put the pad down the
incontinent dog decides the place without it is where he wants
to lie down. So I spent the day cleaning up dog chemo pee,
either it's toxic or he's pissing holy water as if it gets on
my skin it burns! I tried a 40 days fasting - for my parents
to take me to the Secret Annexe - but it flunked in three
hours, and If I had enough money I would pay a priest to do it
for me, I think God doesn't mind does he?
I'm terrible at spiritual things - hold it right there
Benedictus - and many other things. For instance, I am the
most mechanically-challenged person I know. I only know the
difference between a hammer and a screwdriver - after that, it
gets kind of fuzzy. I'm genuinely sorry for throwing you head
in my dirt, I should've introduced myself first. Bad manners,
if my parents see this they're going to kill me. My name is
Holden Frankenstein - I'm awake and aware to the fact that it
sounds little too odd for a 11 year old and to be veracious
Holden Frankenstein sounds like a lawyer with oily hair and is
not really a lawyer but just a guy who rip peoples teeth - and
I'm from Burbank. I'm the youngest and hopefully last of my
parent's (I will explain why later), and my sister's name is
Olivia but I call her Carly Rose even though she can't sing
(by God, I fortuitously heard her once in the bathroom and I
couldn't figure it out if she was singing or crying) and she's
always moody and stuff. That tells everything.
Anyway, I have nice and truthful family and friends - mom,
dad, Olivia, Peter and Carol Carrots - and I'm also a
footballer. I'm not illustrious, and I have nothing to tell
you about myself except my failures. And you probably guessed
that. Instead let me tell you about my dad. To begin with,
he's the most impatient person I know, and I think I should
tell you about him because we always have a fight over minor
things. Anne Frank was not ashamed to write about the things
or people that pissed her off, so that's what I'm going to do
right now - takes a deep breath- serious. I sometimes think
that old people intentionally piss us off because we promptly
forgive and forget. We are kids but we don't have robotic
love.
We do get pisssed off and stuff. I hate it when people
think that other people don't get pissed off. As I was telling
you about my dad, he always gets angry over things that
69 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
doesn't mean a bag of beans, and the worst thing is that when
he gets angry he'll throw anything at you, whether a spade,
chair, book, remote, or anything. There was this other day he
was watching Monday Night Football, and I stood in front of
the television. I didn't take a minute and when I twiddled,
Dad was already throwing the remote on me. But I don't know
what happened or how I did it, but I swerved in a New York
minute and the remote somewhat missed my rips and boom-bamboom, crushed the television. He got nuts! He started yelling
at me. "But dad, I didn't break the television, I just swerved
for Christ's sake," but he couldn't listen.
And to be veracious, it is the worst day of my life imagine a hirsute men with shaggy beard yelling at you. Well,
I'm not sure yet but I think it's followed by the one I was at
my friend's and we had spaghetti mixed with butter and ketchup
with Bordens cheese for breakfast. Disgusting!
Like it? Here's another one:
I'm genuinely enthusiastic when it's time to pen something to
you. I had a great day and I met my friend, Peter Carrots and
her sister, Carol Carrots. We spent the noon making pancakes
which flunked because Peter and I unintentionally miffed Carol
(she was tempestuous) and she angrily chased us around the
bungalow (she threw a frying pan and missed Peter by an inch).
And thankfully she settled down and we came back to the
kitchen to find the cupcakes cremated. Oops! But we didn't
worry much because at least we had someone to blame.
I told you something is going to happen, and I'm biffing
myself for forgetting to say "bad". But anyway, today is also
the first day Carol and I got along very well - she's really a
nice person (but she has uncontrollable anger). Peter's mom
made us popcorns and we watched Transformers (the movie) and
The Dreamer. Carol looked at me and said:
"Holden, you've never kissed anyone yet, right?
"Ah-huh"
"You also don't have a girlfriend, right?"
"Ah-huh"
"Would you like to kiss me?"
"Ah-huh"
She started to laugh. I mean so hard - was this kind of a
joke? Of course she's sixteen and I'm eleven, but I can kiss
her, right? When I went back home I thought about this whole
thing and I told my sister - she's also sixteen. She first hit
me with her pillow and asked me if I'm not in love with Anne
Frank anymore, and I explained the mystery to her.
And so she told me that Carol is dating this other guy from
her school and she'll not waste her time snogging with kids.
But it's okay. I shouldn't be kissing people anyway,
70 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
especially sixteen year olds.
I was hit by this. Anyway, In life, it's always delightful to
see something built - we become jocund, ululate, give our gaptoothed grins, and walk in the air. It's great after all. But
we often forget the people that made it happen, and we don't
give a shit about what they went through to make it happen.
You might be a talker, and your friend might know
everything about you, but come on, let’s be veracious - he
doesn't really know what's happening behind the closed door.
You didn't really like his millionth draft of that novella,
still don’t fuckin like going to that same coffee shop with
him every single day - you're embroiled, you're feigning, and
it is a horrible trudge. He is there the small-guy, telling
you not to tell him that you'd rather have cupcakes than what
he's giving you every single day because you don't like it you might hurt his feelings. So many times, we are not afraid
of the dark but the light. Folks like Joe Purdy know it - they
really do. We are more afraid to tell a single truth than a
thousand lies. Anyway, I think everyone is a sporadic
scrubber. When you don't potter, scrounger, you scrub the
rust-stains off a slothful stranger's wall until your fingers
bleed and abraded. It's not a cushy job, but a deadlock.
If you don't do what he wants, remember he is bounderish,
he'll will bridle at you, clutch your scruff with his hefty
hirsute hand and stuck your popeyed face in a midden. Perhaps
better than being clobbered. When we don't scrub a stranger's
wall, then we scrub our own past - mortifying dirty walls.
Nobody decides that they want be perfect in the present so
they don't regret in the future. Or at least a few. I'm
scrabbling this part, and I'm not trying to parry the
important stuff I brought up, there's just a lot of things
that can elude the writer - I can’t keep up with the lines
forming in my head. But as I was saying, we are all scrubbers
- we don't even wait for the nuts and bolts - we scrub our
bungles and knavery. This is not Irish bull.
I
don't
care
if
you
scour
your
wall
openly
or
surreptitiously, a skirt that humped her teacher might think
she's got clots of blood, but I don't think the most important
thing is to get a scrub brush and begin scrubbing your flubs besides, that will hold you back and you might recidivate but it's to keep walking. When it comes to the small-guy in
your head, it's more like a connection. Remember Harry
Potter?: "But then you've got to close your mind!" said
Hermione shrilly. "Harry, Dumbledore didn't want you to use
that connection, he wanted you to shut it down, that's why you
were supposed to use Occlumecy! Otherwise Voldemort can plant
false images in your mind, remember-"
And that’s exactly what Old Nick wants, because his a bung
- a brittle, underbred and wet blanket. Nevertheless, I don't
71 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
think he is belligerent. I don't think he pine to dabble you
in a scalding cauldron – precious Olivia Holt. After all, it's
not enough, it doesn't make him happy. What gratify old Nick to be veracious - is to put you in a coop stinging with blood,
give you a knife, and impel you to hone it. And then invite
the guy upstairs to watch you stab yourself to death with
self-hatred, peevishness and diffidence. Old Nick has some
game, as the basketball players say these days.
72 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-23-
At some point in time - mostly when we're lonely and dejected
- we all want to know if we're valuable to anyone. But nobody
can answer you with words, but actions. To be veracious, we
don't want people to tell us that they care about us while
their actions don’t actually bear witness. You shouldn't just
say it - be prepared to do anything to show it.
Your actions are more important than what you actually say;
people and children observe your actions to see if they
correspond with what you preach. When it comes to children,
when they claim they saw Father Christmas doing his midnight
delivery then they're simply giving expression to their very
active imaginations, and this fantasy-type talk, where the
child is playing "make-believe" in an age-appropriate way,
should actually be encouraged. Young, school-going kids fib to
avoid blame or punishment, to get something they way, to
protect their friends or get attention. Pre-teens on the other
hand, will bend the truth to boost their self-esteem or social
status, as this age is about establishing identity, and
telling lies could help them to connect with peers.
As they reach their teenage years, withholding the truth
becomes a form of control - hiding or omitting facts is a sign
of rebellion against restriction and a way of challenging
authority. More often than not, when kids and adolescents tell
tall tales, it could be the result of modeling a caregivers
behavior. Adults need to amend bad habits and be aware of how
actions speaks louder than words. Parents may not be able to
control every aspect of their child's behavior, but there's a
lot you can do. Model good behavior by taking responsibility
when you slip up - if you admit to making a mistake and
apologize, your child will be willing to spill the beans when
it's their turn. Moreover, whatever the nature of the
deception, punishment is not always the right response. It is
too superficial and doesn't address the underlying problem.
There are many things that can make you happy (Disney,
French fries or smooching Carly Rose) but knowing that you're
valuable to someone means the world - it's like having a
scrumptious chocolate cupcake. In Tottenham Court Road,
besotted and great-bellied folks that bar hop perpetually
73 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
chin-wag about Xavi being divine, of course, no question about
that. But here's a beer bottle: they always overlook the man
behind the magic, Sergio. It's a thigh-slapper. But I think
Sergio is the ram, magic and rampart behind Xavi. And the ram
and rampart of the Christ was knowing the fact that even
though the world hated him, he was valuable to the guy
upstairs - it made him endure the pain of salvation.
I don't think there's anything that can be compared to
living your life knowing that whatever you're going through,
there is always someone out there that you mean a lot to him
or her - you're a valuable mom, dad or friend. This is real
freedom; real freedom is knowing so much that you're valuable
to someone else, that you're celebrated and not tolerated.
If someone values you, he will put you first. Does that
ring a bell? Yes! You know that person who always puts you
first. Even though you may not know that particular person,
but always know that you're valuable to someone. Even if you
don't believe it, it's the truth. We are all valuable to
someone. The truth is not the truth because you believe it,
but the truth is the truth because it is the truth. Being
valuable to someone means the world and knowing the person you
are valuable to and getting together is love embrace. But
knowing the person you're valuable to and not care a hang
about that person is love disgrace.
To be valuable is not something to strive for because it
will be fragile, and the moment you fag out and don’t endeavor
anymore, then it’s all over. I think to value someone
sometimes
its
orphic
and
unintentional.
It
can
look
intentional but isn't. It can take a memory, a meet-cute or
spur-of-the-moment. To be valuable means having worth, or
merit or value, and that's why to be valuable - be yourself. I
know it's such a vague adage, threadbare, and irksome. But if
you're yourself, then you won’t have to force it, strive for
it, or ask for it. You don’t buy valuableness, it is
priceless,
and
you
don’t
garner
valuableness,
it
is
spontaneous. There are no cheap-jacks or jerry-built shops
that sell value. Think about it, Christ was valuable to God
before the world even began. He simply valued Christ for who
he is, not what he has done or what he will do. To be valuable
to someone must not come from striving – that’s wussy.
I think the problem is not what you're doing but it's you
trying to prove yourself. Something or someone worth to be
valued doesn't strive. Sometimes valuableness is a deceptive
thing, just like feelings. There’s a difference between being
unworthy and feeling unworthy. Being unworthy simply means
lacking value or merit while feeling worthy means having value
and merit that you yourself don’t recognize.
Those
little
self-doubting,
self-berating,
judgmental
things we see, think, feel and believe about ourselves are our
worst enemies – they make us feel unworthy. That’s why in a
long run, all you’re trying to be free of is your own
74 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
ideologies, morals and emotions. Feelings are deceptive
things. There is a difference between being unloved and
feeling unloved. The reason why you feel unloved is because
there are certain people who you want or expect them to love
you but they don’t. Human beings have a vacancy that can only
be filled with love, and the feeling of being unloved is not
by being hated by everyone but it is being unloved by certain
people whom you expect/want them to love you.
75 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-24-
The significant ground why children seem to have better
relationships with their friends than most adults do - put on
your seatbelt - is simply because children are open, caring
and loving enough to do and behold little things in life. They
genuinely merit a coronet. Old folks don't give a hoot, give
them a good deal of different kinds of spice in containers and
bottles, they'll probably end up poisoning the cutlet. But
give it to Chef Ramsay; he'll zest it, soak it in marinade and
it will emphatically be mouth-watering because he's a great
cook. That's what children are when it comes to relationships
- they know the right stuff (I think I like that one)
I have a reckless faith that if we can doff our lids and
put away our ego, then we will come to a point in life where
we've never been before, and we can actually see what it truly
means to be human, to live and to love. Trust me, true love is
often expressed in the little things in life. For instance, I
told you about listening. Can you imagine how much it will
mean if we can learn to listen to our friends even if we have
a lot to say to them than they have to say to us? You know
what’s great about Psychotherapists? Not only because they
give you good advice or something. What makes Psychotherapists
awesome and lovable is because they're willing to spend some
time and listen to their patients when they speak. They don’t
mind listening to someone for hours. They just sit there and
listen to you and that makes you feel better. That's why
sometimes you don’t need to do much to people, what people
really need is someone who will be willing to listen to them.
The reason why most people disregard doing little things
is because they seem contrary to power and control. And what
most people want these days is everyone to know that they're
powerful and they're in control. Before you prognosticate, I
genuinely promise that I'll not nitpick. Trust me. The real
problem in the world these days are definitions. When Jesus
came to the world, he redefined power not as merely authority,
dominion and control, but submission. When it comes to power,
what we do (or say) in life doesn't precisely define power,
control and dominion. Hold it right there Bennedictus.
When Jesus came to earth, I'm sure you'll blithely concord
76 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
with me: I cannot falter nor hem and haw because I'm sure as
shooting that He said and did the unimaginable, anomalous and
miraculous. But most people didn't really believe in him
anyway. And the reason why is precisely what I told you
before: what we say and do doesn't precisely define power,
control and dominion. That's why in order for people to
believe that he was really the messiah, Jesus had to display
power, control and dominion not merely by what he "does" and
"says", but how he REACTS. They crucified him, he later died,
and they buried him. And waited to see if he will actually
display power, control and dominion by reacting - rising from
the dead and that’s exactly what he did. He is alive. Another
thing about power is that if a nation is powerful, other
nations will not actually fear what that nation does but how
they will react if they do something to them. Makes sense?
When it comes to submission, it is exactly like courage
because it is often displayed in the little things in life,
for instance, surrendering. Submission is actually one of the
most
powerful
things
that
display
power.
Because
the
Israelites rebelled and grieved the Holy Spirit, the Lord
turned and became their enemy, and He fought against them
(Isaiah 63:10) You see, the Holy Spirit was there even in the
days of Abraham, he was there when the Lord led Israel out of
Egypt. But the thing is, they didn't know him personally.
He was with them but he didn't live in them. The Bible says
"They rebelled and grieved the Holy Spirit." The Israelites
resisted control or authority of the Holy Spirit, and that
means they didn't surrender to His will. They'd exhibited
great independence in their own thought and action, and
because they did, they grieved the Holy Spirit and God turned
against them and became their enemy. We should trust in the
LORD with all our hearts and lean not in our own
understanding; in all our ways we should acknowledge the LORD,
and he will make our paths straight. Kathryn Kuhlman once
said, "It's not about your prayers. It's all about your
surrender" In these days, I strongly believe that the LORD is
seeking people who don't have any reputation - ones that will
not be ashamed to surrender all to Jesus. When you decide to
become a yielder, and not only once in your life, but in
forever, then be prepared to be unnoted, unvalued and
underestimated. But most importantly, be prepared to be
truthful and obedient. A yielder is a person who is willing to
surrender all to Jesus, including his title and reputation.
It's no longer about you, it's all about Him - His message,
His way, wherever He sends, no matter the cost.
77 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
-25-
Praise and worship is the most powerful force on earth because
it was born in heaven. When you find true worship in the
Church - it commingle into a corporate anointing, and it
release' an atmosphere - a visitation moment from heaven. It
ascends like sweet-smelling smoke, odoriferous to God's
olfactory organ. Praise and worship is also the highest form
of giving; When you give worship, God will eat it from your
mouth, and when you give praise, God will dance on your beat.
But the thing is - to be veracious - we’ve lost the ministry
of praise and worship. I think it has become 'play' in the
church - entertainment rather than worship. It has become
frippery and trivial. I don't think the guy upstairs genuinely
concur with this; worship is now Toll house cookies - yummy.
But the thing is; they're cheap and bad ones, there's no
need to higgle, poisonous too. They're sold by the same
stubbled pip-squeak who sell secondhand Chevies with overalls,
a jack and screwdrivers in Gilmour Hill. If you think about
buying one, you should know that it’s going to be trouble. You
should befriend a grease monkey to make your life easier. The
sons of Aaron: Nadad and Abihu were ignorant and hard-boiled.
They were too used to God and self-absorbed (it's really
arrogant to be self-absorbed). And they end up straying from
the right itinerary, like an alley cat that vagabond, and
offered strange fire to the Lord. It was a disaster - Jonathan
Edwards' sermon to say the least. And to be honest, I don't
understand the main ground we do the same thing.
People no longer go to Church to worship God in spirit and
in truth, but to be entertained through nice messages
(blarneys with loopholes) and music that sounds 10 ft tall and
barb wired. So lethal. There's no wonder God said, "Take thou
away from me the noise of thy songs; for I will not hear the
melody of thy viols."
(Amos 5:23)God is calling us to be
intimate in our worship, not to speak platitudes and
picturenize him. And because we’ve lost true worship in the
Church, a lot of people are bound with the spirit of the pagan
culture, and they think it's better to go to live concerts of
well-known worship leaders and worship groups, but they can't
even worship God in your own homes. Worship is not an event,
78 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
but it's a lifestyle. We worship God not by Him controlling
us, it must come from the depth of who we are, and say God
this is really who you are. Satan knows that if he can stop
true worship in the Church, then he will destroy the Church.
After all, he was the chief worship leader in heaven - praise
and worship was created in him. He was the one making music in
heaven, and the music in him made him shine with the glory of
God. Old Nick knows the power of the presence of God; he knows
the effect of the presence of God. Let me tell you: I respect
Satan. Old Nick was a Cherub Thou art the anointed cherub that
covereth1. He was the one that covered the tree of life in the
Garden of Eden Thou hast been in Eden the garden of God2.
Besides, he is full of wisdom Thus saith the Lord GOD; Thou
sealest up the sum, full of wisdom, and perfect in beauty3, and
he has more knowledge than the children of God Behold, thou
art wiser than Daniel; there is no secret that they can hide
from thee4. He even has the ability to change into the angel of
light for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light5.
When God casted Old Nick down from heaven, He didn’t
remove the power of worship in him - I don't think it was
clemency though, but I'm cocksure God knew he will not
mollycoddle its inhabitants - and that made him a powerful
force on earth. I told you about him making music in heaven,
look at the circular world - music is one of the most powerful
forces on earth. You can promtly dash to your chamber and grab
your IPod - you'll blithely trip the light fantastic or lean
on the nook dolefully. It will arouse your inner peeler or
Ludwig van Beethoven. So irresistible - it has a jinx that is
virtually impossible to rebuff, you'll probably tap your hulky
hirsute foot unintentionally because music is power.
Look at Black Sabbath, they play music and thousands of
people cut themselves, and stinging in blood, sell their souls
to the devil. Music is the loudest and most powerful voice in
the world. So don’t preach it, sing it and people will listen.
Old Nick lost the name son of the morning star and got the
name Satan which means deceiver. But when he fell from heaven,
he brought the third of the angels with him because worship
has the power to influence people. Satan took the attention
off God and put it on himself. But when Jesus came to the
world, he disarmed the rulers and authorities, he made a
public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in the cross6.
When he was in the wilderness, Old Nick showed him all the
kingdoms of the world and their splendour. ''All this I will
give you,'' he said, “If you will bow down and worship me.''7
Look, he didn't say “preach to me”, and he didn't say “perform
a miracle”, but he said “worship me” and in other words Old
Nick was saying “Restore me; give me back who I was.”
He wanted to taste worship one more time. He was actually
bone-dry, and he said it dauntlessly because it will spawn who
he used to be - he wanted to taste worship once more. After
all, he is the guy who left a palace in pursuit of the wind 79 | T h e L a s t C u p c a k e
perspiring and dibbling the hard ground with a gimlet was all
for nothing but a bag of beans. But at least he can get a
credit or a book of hoary lackluster yaks for crossing the
Atlantic Ocean in a bathtub. Worship is power, and I think
people with the most competition in the body of Christ are
worship leaders. I wish Lydia Stanley can help me with this
one. But anyway, if you’re a worship leader and you don’t walk
in the spirit of God; Satan will overpower you and you’ll fall
into his trap. I'm sorry to kick your face, but your enemy is
not a fool. Old Nick was there when Abraham was there; He was
there when Adam fell, and he is the master of tricks, lies and
deceptions. I told you before that I respect him.
When the angel of the Lord was at war over Moses’ body, The
bible says even the angel didn’t blaspheme against Old Nick
Yet Michael the archangel, when contending with the devil he
disputed about the body of Moses, durst not bring against him
a railing accusation, but said, The Lord rebuke thee8. As a
worshipper, you must be led by the spirit, know the word of
God and have a backbone. A true worshipper doesn't worship to
please people because man-pleasing lead us to stupid foolish
ways and we will find ourselves in this rollercoaster, trying
to please people who don't even care about us. But a true
worshiper worships in spirit and in truth to bring people face
to face with the father. That's what it's all about - having
the right spirit and connecting people with the father.
If a worship leader is bound with the spirit of
pornography, as he comes as a worship leader to lead worship,
intentionally or unintentionally, he'll release that spirit
within him upon the congregation. That's why when his on stage
young girls begin to scream not because of the spirit of God,
but they scream because the spirit of pornography in him
connects with the young people. But if you’re a man with the
spirit of God you'll connect with the spirit of God. Worship
draws, it is like a magnet - spirit draws spirit. Old Nick was
a chief worship leader in heaven, and when he fell, you and I
took that place of worship. That’s why Old Nick hates you. He
hates who you are, and he hates what you have inside of you.
Because what he had, God put in you. You’re not the bright and
the morning star but you're a child of God, and inside of you
- you have the ability to bring heaven to earth.
You’re the one that gives a beat to spirit of God to come
down because you’re a worshipper.
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-26-
Friendship is friendship, not church or politics, and if you
can take it seriously, then the depth of your intimacy will
increase. People have dreams, passions and goals. It's
actually these entrancing cardinals that make them wake up
every morning and do something - whether good or bad, big or
small. Hell, the fact that you wake up to do something makes a
difference - as the fact that you have friends. It's important
to have vision for your relationship and do what you're
supposed to do - nothing is impossible until you declare it to
be. I don't want to take you all around Robbin Hood's barn,
but the excuses we use in the beginning will never be there in
the end, and limits are set by your own ideologies.
Friends are not that dabbler or shock-headed plumber with a
little hitch in his getalong, and always leave you in the
lurch. But friends are like a dirty shirt - Johnny on the
spot, and they don't always solve all our problems, but they
face them with us. Jumping Jehoshaphat, this just hit me:
Unforgiveness and grudges are killer of relationships. It is
not often raw talent or aptitude to forgive, but practice.
People hurt people; pain is poisonous, and it is the ability
to forgive that sucks the venom - forgiveness is the antidote.
One of the most important things in friendship is to be a
giver (we give ourselves by giving to other people), and by
giving I don't simply mean things that are corporeal, visible
and tangible. But I'm talking about time, understanding and
love. Every relationship is nurtured by giving and paralyzed
by constant takers. In order to have a better relationship we
shouldn't be mingy, and we should be willing to sacrifice part
of ourselves for better - precious Olivia Holt.
We become better people when we start focusing on the needs
of others, and givers always receive better things in return.
Our goal should be to redefine friendship - make it better relate impressively. Definitions are not final; everything
should be constantly updated and redefined - precious Olivia
Holt. I think life defines itself with time and our dreams and
goals are constantly redefined. Of course we are humans and we
will make mistakes in friendship. But the more mistakes we
make, the better we become, and what is important is to be
flexible and keep focus. There are many defunct principles
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that made people lose focus of what really matters in
friendship: giving. You know, I’m a lover of people who know
what matters. People who even sacrifice time, work or maybe
everything just to follow their heart and do what really
matters. I love the way they envision the world and make every
second of their life count. St. Jude has the freedom to focus
on what matters most – saving kids regardless of the financial
situation. In 2013, designer, Sabrina Soto, and actress,
Olivia Holt, unveiled custom holiday products they designed
for the 2013 St. Jude Thanks and Giving campaign.
Olivia Holt also spent time with children at St. Jude
hospital and hosted a Twitter party – it mattered to her. When
something matters to you, then it means it has weight and
import. It is a vaguely specified concern or it is a situation
or event that is thought about. In the Bible, we read that
when Jesus finished teaching, he said to his disciples, “Let
us go over to the other side”. Leaving the crowd behind, they
took him along, just as he was, in a boat. But on their way,
there arose a great storm, and the waves broke over the boat,
so that it was nearly swamped. And the disciples were like,
freaked out. But Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion
like he just doesn’t even care. They woke him and said to him,
“Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” And Jesus got up,
rebuked the wind and the waves and it was completely calm. He
said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still
have no faith?” There are only few passages like these in the
Bible where you can kind of feel the feelings of Jesus’ heart
break. Almost when you read the prophets you can feel that
God’s heart was broken. Do you remember what happened in
Gethsemane? Jesus was about to be arrested and he prayed more
earnestly and in anguish that his sweat was like drops of
blood falling to the ground. Something important was going on.
But guess what? The disciples were asleep. They couldn’t
even stay awake for an hour. When the unimportant happened
when they were on the boat, the disciples were awake. But when
what really matters took place in Gethsemane, they were
asleep, couldn’t even stay awake for an hour. We seem to
always care about what isn’t real and doesn’t really matter.
And what matters puts us asleep. The reason why giving is so
important - to be veracious - relationships are nothing
without givers: from a time giver to a love giver. We don't
give to become better people, but we give to have better
relationships, and we don't do it for credit, but we do it for
love. When we only focus on the big, seeable and extraordinary
things in life; we often tend to forget and disregard the
simple things. There's nothing wrong about doing or yearning
for things that are top of the line and out there.
But I wholeheartedly advice you not to do it for selfaggrandizement, to always stay true to who you are and become
inviolable not to give in to the temptation of proving
yourself. This happens when you crack your inner shell and
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grow out from your old self; it comes with personal
development. Personal development is very important, but,
because everything else seems more pressing, we never seem to
get to it. If living an authentic life is in your agenda, it
needs to be a priority. The process of self-discovery and
growth involves making time to work towards what we are
capable of achieving. We all have unique strengths and
talents, but we also have blind sports when it comes to our
potential, as our vision of ourselves is not always accurate.
Our minds are essential for personal growth. The expression
‘mind over matter’ has never been more valid: if you decide
you can’t do something, after a while, you’ll believe it’s
true. We all have ‘problem patterns,’ ways of thinking and
behaving that don’t serve us. When we come across a dilemma,
we tend to fall back on using the same solution we’ve used in
a similar situation. But this can lead to a fixed mindset that
doesn’t allow us to think creatively. To get around this,
accumulate all the facts so that you can understand the
problem, then decide on your desired outcome. Consider the
possible solutions, even if they seem impractical, and once
you have decided on the best one, work on implementing and
fine-tuning
it.
Turning
those
“problem
patterns”
into
“solution patterns” requires noticing them first, then
responding by doing something different, and not simply
reacting. Also, be aware of what’s going on around you in each
moment. Cultivating the ability to be present and mindful has
been shown to reduce depression, regulate emotions, and
increase immune functioning and mental processing speed
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Second Postscript
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Five Ultimate Questions, Jabu Casey
January 18, 2010
Unedited
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-27-
Friendship doesn't satisfy the flesh, but it satisfies the
soul. It's not really about the cupcakes, but it's all about
intimacy - it's all about the unhinged conversations you have
while eating and hanging, and it's all about the silence and
sense of belonging you get when you eat alongside each other.
God, I mean God, it's all about doing something together.
Spending time with someone is one of the most beautiful,
selfless and Godlike act that we should cherish. If you don't
understand why I say it's Godlike, then you should consider
reading the book of Genesis again. What most people don't
recognize or conceptualize is that the book of Genesis has
very much to do with friendship. The Bible tells us: "And they
heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the
cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the
presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden. And
the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art
thou?"
A question - Interesting. Here are 10 revelations
about a question:
1. Questions are intuitive and they host answers on the earth.
It is hard to find an answer to something never asked. Answers
are attracted by questions.
2. There are some questions you ask yourself and you also
answer yourself but there are some questions you ask yourself
but you cannot answer yourself. They have to be answered by
other people both known and unknown.
3. Questions determine the level of your knowledge and
understanding (Luke 2:46-47) and they host deep preservation.
4. Easy questions bring inferior answers. Hard questions bring
superior answers.
5. You can define a person by the questions he asks. You can
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honor a person by the answers he gives.
6. The questions you ask can tell who you are, what
believe and can also show the level of your wickedness.
you
7. Questions are distance visions. They make you see beyond
the horizon. They take the mind out of the comfort zone.
8. Those that are mostly asked questions or ask themselves
questions are great thinkers because questions are a mind
provoker.
9. Questions are a solution attractor, and they increase the
level of your knowledge and understanding.
10. Questions expand your thinking ability. When someone asks
you a question, whether you like it or not, you'll think.
There's a profound, unnoted and deeper revelation about
friendship in the verse I shared with you at the beginning.
Every time I read it, I have to think. I mean, why did God
have to walk to the Garden of Eden? Or what if it wasn't the
first time that God walked to the Garden of Eden? Or what if
God used to walk to the Garden of Eden to hang out with Adam?
Most people misunderstand the question that God asked Adam. It
wasn't just any question - asked out of anger or fury. God
already knew that Adam ate from the tree. In fact, He knew it
before it even happened - but it was a relational question.
In the New Testament, Jesus asked Peter a relational
question: "Do you love me?" but Peter couldn't answer the
question, because he was still asking the question. Peter was
so ashamed by his denial of Jesus that he couldn't answer it.
But I’m glad that he asked. People who are intelligent and
enlightened are not merely recognized by their ingenious
answers, moral excellence or witty, satirical and eloquent
words. But people who are intelligent and enlightened are
recognized by their majestic art of asking questions. Jesus
said, “Ask” To ask means to enquire about, consider
obligatory, require as useful, just or proper, or address a
question to and expect an answer from. To ask shows humility,
passion, focus and curiosity. Asking is extracted from the
heart of people who want to be in the realm of the invisible
world. People think asking is being dense and unintelligent,
alternatively, asking means you’re intelligent enough to
elicit someone else to add to your knowledge.
Asking means using a given opportunity to know what you do
not know yet. Asking shows humility and it specifies that
you’re
not
self-absorbed.
Asking
is
a
high
way
to
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understanding. Asking can be used to know what you do not know
yet, and asking can also be used to validate what you already
know. Asking is art, answering is science, asking is
receiving, and receiving is becoming. With asking comes
knowledge and understanding. And asking is confrontation, and
confrontation host cognizance, apprehension and solutions.
Now let us be fair. Not all questions are created equal.
Attorneys (and Pharisees) ask questions in order to trap
people “Then one of them, [which was] a lawyer, asked [him a
question], tempting him, and saying, “Master, which [is] the
great commandment in the law?” Matthew 22:35-36. Questions can
actually be accusations in disguise. Questions can be asked
with intent of proving a point. Pharisees, Sadducees and
Herodians asked Jesus questions in order to test and trap Him
so that they might have evidence to accuse Him.
Questions are positive but they can also be used as a snare
to the unwise “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask God,
that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it
shall be given him” James 1:5. Beside all of that, every
temptation of Satan is a question “Yeah, hath God said, Ye
shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” Genesis 3:2.
If you don’t read what God asked Adam in the Garden of Eden
like a Chinese restaurant menu, then you kind of feel the
feelings of God at that moment - longing for Adam to lie down
on his shoulders and rest. There are more scriptures in the
Bible that tells about how much God values friendship. In
Genesis, we read that Enoch was the friend of God, and God
took him away and he was no more. Another scripture is found
on the gospel of John. Jesus said, "Greater love has no one
that this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are
my friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you
servants, because a servant doesn't know not know his master's
business. Instead I call you friends..."
Because after our friendship with God was broken because
of sin, God sent His son Jesus, and he died to restore God's
friendship with us. He died to bring us back into intimacy
with the father. Because that's what God wants. When nobody
loves you, He wants you to know that He cares about you, and
that He favors your life. God really want you to be intimate
with Him - He really longs to be your friend, and the blood of
Jesus crumbled the ramparts to unlock God's next to me place.
Prayer lead us to experience that intimacy. God loves to play
hide and seek with his children. “Verily thou [art] a God that
hidest thyself, O God of Israel, the Saviour.” But I’m glad to
know that if we seek Him with all our hearts, He will be found
by us. “And ye shall seek me, and find [me], when ye shall
search for me with all your heart.” Sometimes God hides
Himself so that we may seek Him. In others words, you need to
realize that you need God. Prayer is important; every time you
pray you’re actually building yourself up in the most holy
faith to fight in the fight of life. There is no posture that
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prayer demands, all that is demanded is that you pray. Thess
5:17 says “pray without ceasing” To pray without ceasing means
walking in union with the spirit of God. But laziness is a
killer of prayer. For what our human nature wants is opposed
to what the our spirit wants, and what our spirit wants is
opposed to what our human nature wants. And these two are at
war meaning you cannot do what you want to do.
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-28-
Parents assume that if they lump children together with some
toys, or in a playground, they’ll want to – and instinctively
know how to – get along. While for some it is that easy, it is
certainly not true at all. Children need to learn how to form
relationships with kids their own age. From birth, a child’s
primary attachment is to a parent or career. This bond is
vital and the quality of this relationship forms fundamentals
of learning how to connect with others.
From there, children move on to engaging in play, which is
the key to the development of social skills. Play teaches
children how to share. It develops their self-esteem and
confidence, and it helps them to express emotion and learn
empathy and affection. They are also taught more difficult
lessons: conflict resolution, cause and affect (consequences),
as well as problem-solving and decision-making. It also helps
them to understand roles in a group (such as leader versus
follower). Ultimately, it is through play that children begin
to acquire the basics of socially acceptable adult behavior
while developing their personality. It can be a very painful
for parents to watch a child struggling to connect with their
peers. Seeing a child’s sadness at being excluded from play or
trying to deal with feelings of isolation can leave the parent
feeling ostracized as well. We should pour into our friends
life, not drain them; the goal is to be productive, not
famous, and the mission is to love, not derange (people rarely
tolerate friends who perpetually throw out of kilter).
If we turn friendship into a game of thrones - certainly
not that intriguing novel that saved me from one's that
rambles on and jogs - where everyone wants to be the leader
and in control, then love is slowly decomposing and the
meaning of friendship is being overwritten by manipulation
which love has nothing to do with, but its unnoted antagonist,
ego. You have to understand that self-importance generally
deputize the fundamental qualities that every relationship
needs. And if it already did, I comprehend it hook, line, and
sinker. You're in a lethal relationship bunny; I'm just
pulling your leg. But serious, manipulation is not a
resemblance of leadership by hook or by crook, but it’s
actually weakness - a game played by losers. Great leaders
don't pull wires, they have the human spirit and they think
first and act second. So many times we hasten to do whatever
we want to do without first thinking about it, only to regret
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later. It's highly recommended to think first, then act second
- it's actually the way of eradicating regrets that
incessantly
bombard
people
since
they're
perpetually
challenged to become quickies and act faster.
Cogitation allows us to make the right decisions in our
everyday
existence
eliminate
regret
and
necessitate
satisfaction, and not only in the now, but also in the future.
This is very important. We can transform our relational
relatedness if we can have intellect, emotion and passion in
our relationships. There is the human spirit in the deep
center of ourselves. We were born with it, it is never
completely satisfied, and it never dies. We are often unaware
of it, but it is always there as an undeniable press to have
inviolable desire, endurance and courage to stand strong and
move on in a relationship. I'll never bow down to mediocrity,
but the triumph of the human spirit. The human spirit thrives
- it is a freedom freak that crumbles the walls of limits and
doesn't prostrate to impossibilities but worships victory
because with one step at the time, everything is possible.
The triumph of the human spirit in friendship is the
intellect to understand, passion to love and emotion to be
sympathetic. Friends are almost our cornerstones - we don't
want them, but we need them, and if we fall, then love should
be our parachute. Most relationships are obliterated by egoism
(ego comes with reputation). The great thing about recognition
is that it humbles and looses us from our inflated feeling of
pride in our superiority to others. When you don't have
reputation, then you have nothing to lose - you do whatever
God wants you to do. He wants people who don't compromise and
believe tenaciously. God isn't interested at all in feeble and
meaningless buffs and fans, but true committed followers of
Jesus Christ who don't distort themselves with trifles.
These begins with understanding that God is not a man that
you can cheat and swindle, but a herculean divinity infinitely wise, possessing unlimited power and present
everywhere at once. He didn't create man because He was bored,
but He created man because He needed someone to love; so He
loved us into existence. Our reputation can also be our
labyrinth: people are ensnarled by their own intentions of
maintaining their reputation.
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