Sex, love and marriage
Who am I and what kind of
person do I want to become?
 Why do we study?
To learn
Inheriting knowledge and
accomplishments of earlier generations
Initiated into a tradition
Learn the art of loving
Learn the art of living a good life
A learner needs a teacher
 In the past parents knew more than
their children and could teach them and
advise them about the world
 Today children know more than their
parents about technology etc.
 Everything is changing so what is the
use of old-fashioned morality?
Do we have anything in
common?
 We are all human beings
 We have similar emotions
We grieve when a person we love dies
We feel sympathy for a person who is
grieving
We want to be happy and live in peace
What makes us happy?
 Happiness comes when a desire is fulfilled
 Hungry man finds food -> happy
 Different levels of desire
 To live -> Physiological desires
 To be safe -> Desire to be safe
 To belong -> Desire for love and community
 To live a worthwhile life -> Desire for self-esteem
 To realise potential -> Desire for self-actualisation
Are all desires good?
 Excessive desire
 Premature desire
 Unrealistic desire
 Growing up involves understanding which
desires are appropriate and which are not
 There are right and wrong ways to satisfy
desires
How about sexual desire?
 If we don’t have sex will we die?
 Are there right and wrong about sex?
 Rape - universally condemned
 Incest - universal taboos
 Adultery - who wants?
 All societies have rules about who can have
sex with whom, when and where
 Customs represent cumulative wisdom
 All teach wrong to have sex outside marriage
Are they all as good as each
other?
 Polygamy versus monogamy
Approximately same number of men and
women -> not fair to have more than one
Extenuating circumstances
 Monogamy better than polygamy
 Polgamy better than free sex
What is love?
 Love is unselfish desire for good of
another person and unity with that
person on some level
What are the qualities of
true love?
 Unique
 Love a person as they are
 Absolute
 Wholeheartedly: intellect, emotion and will
 Unchanging
 Constant, stable
 Eternal
 ‘Till death us do part’ and beyond
What are the qualities of
selfish love?
 Self-centred
 General
 Impure
 Changeable
 Temporary
How good am I at loving?
 Intensity - how strong
 Duration - how long
 Extent - how widely
 Purity - motivation
 Adequacy - how appropriate
What are the different kinds of
love?
 Children’s love
 Filial piety
 Sibling, friendship
 Many is good
 Conjugal
 Unique
 Fidelity
 Parental
 Unconditional
What is sex?
Sex as gender
 All the traits, emotional, physical and
mental that make a person masculine
or feminine
 Men and women are different
Men are from Mars
Women are from Venus
Sex as union of the sexes
 Through the act of sexual intercourse a
man and a woman become united into
one
 They are joined into one on the
physical, emotional and psychic levels.
It is spiritual union as much as a
physical one
Sexual love
 Sex should be an expression of love
 The greater the love, the greater the
sex
 The deeper the love, the more
satisfying the sex
 Sex without love leads to emptiness
and is dehumanising
What is the difference between
human beings and animals?
The sexual act compared
Animals
 Mating season
 Reproduction is the
whole meaning
 Mating rituals
 Uncontrollable
drive
Humans
 Sex all year
 Meaning beyond
reproduction
 Sex pleasurable
 Sexual drive
controllable
What is the meaning of sex?
 Deep personal encounter with another
person
 Many different levels
 Way to express and receive love
 Mystical experience
What is the most appropriate
relationship for sexual love?
Marriage
A socially recognized lifelong union of a
man and woman for





love,
companionship,
mutual support
procreation
upbringing of children
So, what is marriage all
about?
Aspects of marriage
 Social
Couple
Partnership
 Emotional
Sustaining
Healing
Growth
Aspects of marriage
 Sexual - quality of sex depends on
quality of love
Affirmation of personhood
Affirmation of sexual identity
Reconciliation, healing
Act of hope
Expression of thanks
Aspects of marriage
 Intellectual
Enjoy talking to each other
 Spiritual
Faith
Values
Why get married?
 Personal commitment
 Public commitment
 Joining of families
 Change of status
 Celebration
 Children
How about sex before marriage?
 Devalues self
 Devalues sex
 Break ups
 Stds
 Unwanted pregnacy
Why wait?
 Practice self-control
 Have self respect
 Time and place
 Beautiful and meaningful