Kara DeVito
Technology Ruining Interpersonal Communication
Technology has a way of coming along and changing things, often before we even realize
what has happened. Sometimes technology brings good changes, and sometimes the changes
may not be the greatest. For example, in the early part of the 20th century, the development of
cars and planes changed things. All of a sudden it was easier to travel and to transport goods.
This was a positive impact for shipping goods and for traveling. Yet, at the same time, people no
longer were restricted to the same area. So over the years, rather than families living within
blocks of each other, today we travel with ease, and it is not uncommon to find family relatives
living all across the country or world. When my ancestors came to this country they all settled in
one town. Grandmothers, grandfathers, children, grandchildren, aunts and uncles, nieces and
nephews were living within the same house or if not, at least within walking distance from each
other. This meant a closer knit family. With the increase in transportation, people found it easier
to travel, and before long, relatives were often separated by miles. This is an impact to society
caused by the new transportation technology that most people did not see coming. Similarly,
today technology used for communication has dramatically changed. We now have flip phones,
phones with full keyboards to speed up texting, voice mail messaging, and I-phones. And
parents, wanting to make sure that their children are safe and can readily call if they need help,
are providing these devices to young children at an early age. These tools do provide certain
advantages and help to make staying in touch easier. However, this new technology has brought
along with it a decrease in social skills for many. This essay will explain the ways that new
communication technology is adversely affecting social skills.
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In preparing for this essay I had a lot of thoughts of my own, but I also wanted to find out
what others thought about this subject. I bounced the topic off of some friends, and they did not
think that the technology was having an impact on them. Similarly, I searched the internet and
went to the library to research this subject. Yes, there was some level of discussion on the
subject, but not as much as I thought I would find. I believe that the lack of research on this
subject is very interesting, and is most likely due to the fact that there is often a lag between the
time that a new technology is rolled out and the time that people realize some of consequences or
“side effects” of that technology. Similar to when a new drug comes out to cure something and
everyone is very excited about it. Then years later, as more data is collected, more and more side
effects are often uncovered. I believe that this relatively new technology is having a profound
social impact on people, but most people are not able to see the impact because this is the only
way of life they are familiar with. Having a lived half of my life (approximately 9 years) in the
pre-cell phone and texting era and half (another 9 years) in this era, I believe that I am in a
somewhat unique position of having a taste of life in both eras. From my observations I strongly
sense that the new technology is bringing about real behavioral changes in people.
One of the problems with the new technology is that it has made communicating too easy. By
just reaching into your pocket, grabbing your phone, typing out a few key strokes and hitting
send, your message is launched. Compare this to communications in the pre-cell phone and pre-,
voice messaging era. If people wanted to communicate they had to keep go to a land line phone
to call. If the person didn’t answer, they would have to try again. Sometimes a family member
would take a message. Then you would have to wait until they returned your call. Just getting a
hold of someone was a challenge. But when you did get a hold of them you felt like you
achieved something, and valued the phone conversation with that person. However, today, with
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some teens sending out hundreds or thousands of texts per month, communication has become so
easy that it is taken for granted. This phenomenon is similar to how you might appreciate a good
meal, if you are hungry versus how you might be uninterested in the same meal if you had been
overeating snacks all day. Ellen DeGeneres tackles this issue by stating, “What’s not so great is
that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing
letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to
texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have
Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger. Now we answer, “What happened? Is someone tied
up in the old sawmill?” “No, it’s Becky. I just called to say hi.” “Well you scared me half to
death. You can’t just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don’t the tips of your
fingers work?” With excess texting that often occurs today, communication has become diluted,
and the text communications are not as valued by both the sender and the receiver, in comparison
to more direct forms of communications in the past.
However, it is not just the excess in the number of texts sent and received that is causing
problems. Another problem is that texting is a very superficial form of interaction with another
human being. This is because when you text someone you are not able to see the emotion in
their eyes, or observe their body language or hear the tone in their voice. This gives an important
depth to the communication process. Additionally, if a person starts to communicate by texting
more than through face to face conversation, the social skill of interpreting emotions through
visual observation or auditory tones will not be practiced as much, and this important skill may
not be properly developed. A psychiatrist Doctor Robert proves a point when he states, "What it
can do is reduce the skills that they otherwise need to develop for interpersonal face-to-face to be
able to say difficult things, to build relationships.” In addition to losing social skills, technology
may also be pushing the new generation to be more abrupt or rude in their communications. It is
easier to be harsh when you are typing behind a cell phone than if you were in front of the person
and receiving emotional and body language cues that are reflecting the hurt or pain of your
statements. In the past, when a relationship would come to an end, usually the couple would
have a parting discussion no matter how awkward that discussion would be. But today, I know
of many young people who have actually broken up by text. That is extremely cold hearted
behavior. The new technology makes this possible. When someone is “dumped” by a text, or
“defriended” on Facebook, it is a display of dehumanizing behavior, treating someone as if they
are a word file that is no longer needed and sent to the recycling bin. In an online article Jennifer
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Aniston was referred to. We see that even celebrities go through this breakup nonsense. "Can't
do this anymore. It's over. You're a fantastic woman -- but I'm not the man for you. Call me?"
These are just some ways others go about ending a relationship in today’s day and the sad part is
a lot of us teens are guilty for it as well. Not only in teens, but we even see this in older couples
who you think would have matured by now. Apparently some out there still believe in this “get
me off the hook easy plan”. Jennifer Aniston was actually dumped this way by ex lover John
Mayer according to article “Relationships And Technology: Is Texting Ruining Romance?” This
has almost become the norm in our generation and since communication is so key to a
relationship this is what causes a majority of break ups. Communicating information that is not
pleasant is a necessary skill set that people today are often avoiding by hiding behind the
technology tools.
People also hide behind technology tools in another way. Sometimes when someone is in an
unknown or awkward situation, rather that strike up a conversation with someone on the elevator
or in the grocery line, they will pick up their cell phone and call someone or pretend that they are
talking to someone. They use the phone to send a message out to others which says “I’m a busy
person, I have a lot of people that want to talk to me” or “I’m busy, so don’t even look at me or
talk to me”. It is good to have the social skills to be able to talk to other people that you do not
know, but hiding behind technology can hinder people from developing these important skills.
Erik Anderson is a 13 year boy and who believes texting is easier than talking. When asked he
replied, “It does get awkward. You take awkward pauses. You don't know what to talk about.”
“When you're texting you have time to think about what to talk about, so it's less awkward.
"How many great connections between people have not occurred because people are busy
disengaging and hiding behind their communication devices?
Hiding behind communication devices does not only happen with people in public, but also is
commonly observed in actual social events. When we think of dances we think of partying,
hanging out with friends, laughing, giggling, being wild and not being afraid to show it. But
today, this is often not the case. Dances are held purposely as a break away from school. It is a
time to let the stress go. New memories are formed and for those who decide to show up it is a
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way to relax in order to have some fun. It is a time for people to come out of their shell a little
bit in order to come together with friends and even make new friends. But this often does not
occur in today’s dances Often times, you will see phones lighting up in the dark as young people
hide behind the electronics, rather using and developing their real world, face to face
communication skills.
I grew up during a transition into these new communication technologies. From my own life
time experiences, I can see a difference in the way this technology is influencing people’s
behaviors. One would think that these tools would help to bring people together for activities but
it seems to have an opposite effect. Before the time of cell phones and texting, my friends did
more face to face meeting, handing out and playing. We would gather in groups and spend as
much time together as our schedules would allow. However, after cell phones and texting
became common, there appeared to be much less actual hanging out, and much more superficial
communications back and forth. Sometimes the people I found myself texting to lived just
across the street. Although I was communicating more with my friends, I found myself actually
seeing them less. It seems that the technology tools have provided a substitute for face to face
interaction.
Some words displayed on a screen just cannot fulfill a person’s needs for human
interaction the way that real face to face encounters can.
The convenience of today’s communication technology does not come without the side
effects of reduced social skills. The generation using these tools will need to be aware of the
issues noted in this essay. The dangers of over communicating through texting, the challenges of
communicating without emotional or body language feedback, the negative impacts of hiding
behind communication tools, and the need to practice face to face human communication are
important impacts that new users of this technology need to understand. Once the new
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generation fully grasps these points, then the communication tools can be used in a more
controlled manner to help mankind communicate instead of reducing social skills. These new
communication “tools”, should be just that, tools that help us to effectively communicate, not
devices that hinder meaningful human to human communication.
Gray, Emma. "Relationships And Technology: Is Texting Ruining Romance?" The Huffington
Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 20 Jan. 2012. Web. 06 Nov. 2012.
<http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/20/relationships-technology-textingromance_n_1219841.html>.
"Texting May Be Harmful to Social Skills." Texting May Be Harmful to Social Skills. N.p., n.d.
Web. 21 Sept. 2012. <http://www.wndu.com/mmm/headlines/35766129.html>.
DeGeneres, Ellen "â œWhat's Not so Great Is That All This Technology Is Destroying Our
Social Skills. Not Only Have We given up on Writing Letters to Each Other, We Barely Even
Talk to Each Other. People Have Become so Accustomed to Texting That They're Actually
Startled When the Phone Rings. It's like We Suddenly All Have Batphones. If It Rings, There
Must Be Danger. Now We Answer, "What Happened? Is Someone Tied up in the Old
Sawmill?""No, It's Becky. I Just Called to Say Hi.""Well You Scared Me Half to Death. You
Can't Just Pick up the Phone and Try to Talk to Me like That. Don't the Tips of Your Fingers
Work?†•." Goodreads. N.p., n.d. Web. 21 Sept. 2012.
<http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/528710-what-s-not-so-great-is-that-all-this-technology-is>.