COLLEGE
APPLICATION
ESSAY
WORKSHOP
Cathedral High School
- Credits to Westford Academy 2012!
PURPOSE OF THE ESSAY
 Personalize the application
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Show who you are as a person vs. numbers
The closest you will come to introducing
yourself to the admissions committee
Sets the tone for the rest of the application
Can demonstrate fit
 Writing sample
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No matter your intended major/career, ability
to communicate effectively in writing is critical
SCORING YOUR APPLICATION
Academic Performance
Academic Rigor
Writing
 Quality of writing within your college essay
 Quality of writing on other parts of your college
application
Extracurricular Involvement & Personal
Qualities
Community
Common Application Essay Questions for 2013-2014
 Some students have a back ground or stor y that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be incomplete
without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your stor y.
 Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it
af fect you, and what lessons did you learn?
 Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
 Describe a place or environment where you are per fectly content.
What do you do or experience there , and why is it meaningful to you?
 Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked
your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture,
community, or family.
Writing
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A personal essay that is exceptional presents an engaging and vivid story or stories linked by an
insightful idea. The story acts as a metaphor or analogy for a larger issue or the author uses the
story to reflect on an important question about human nature. The introduction and title grab the
reader’s attention, the vivid details maintain the reader’s attention and the conclusion contains a
surprising or novel analysis that makes the reader rethink his or her assumptions. The overall
organization, paragraphs, sentences, word choice and mechanics enhance the meaning.
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A personal essay that is commendable presents an engaging story or stories linked by a
distinctive idea. The author uses the story to reflect on an important question about human
nature. The introduction and/or title pull in the reader’s attention, the details maintain the
reader’s attention and the conclusion makes the reader reflect on his or her own experiences.
The overall organization, paragraphs, sentences, word choice and mechanics are coherent with
few errors.
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A personal essay that is average presents an intelligible story or stories that may be missing
some information. The stories lack a clear linking idea, but comes close to having a cohesive
theme. The author attempts to or does not use the story to reflect on an important question
about his or her own life. The introduction or title establish the focus, but some of the the
supporting details are undeveloped or are numerous but not always pertinent, and the
conclusion attempts to wrap up what is learned by the writer. While errors are few, some errors
in the overall organization, paragraphs, sentences, word choice and mechanics distract
somewhat from the meaning.
2
A personal essay that is below average presents an unintelligible story or stories that is missing
some information. The stories lack a clear linking idea. The author attempts to or does not use
the story to reflect on an important question about his or her own life. The introduction or title
fail to establish the focus, the supporting details are undeveloped or are numerous but not
always pertinent and the conclusion attempts to wrap up what is learned by the writer. Many
errors in the overall organization, paragraphs, sentences, word choice and mechanics distract
from the meaning.
1
A weak personal essay presents no coherent story or stories. It lacks an idea to hold the pieces
together. The introduction or title does not tell the reader the focus, supporting details are
missing or unclear and the conclusion is confusing. Errors in the overall organization,
paragraphs, sentences, word choice and mechanics interfere with the meaning. A poor personal
essay is unclear, undeveloped, disorganized, confusing, lacks detail and riddled with errors.
OVERVIEW OF PROCESS:
FOUR STEPS TO A WINNING ESSAY
Brainstorm topics
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Start small
Think about what makes you you
Pick a positive quality you would like to convey to the admissions
committee
Tell a story
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Accomplishments, attributes, favorite book or music, difficult times
you’ve struggled through, an epiphany
TOPICS - START SMALL
For example…
Red hair
Shoes
Bus
Pancakes
Golf course
restaurant
Bookshelf
Bag Lady
Play
Museum
Narrow the list of possible topics
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Is this something many applicants might write
about? If so, do you have a unique approach?
Does your idea have good supporting examples
or stories? You’ll need one or two concrete
details to make it memorable.
Can you express your idea within the word
limit?
Will this topic show the real you? Is it about
something that really matters to you?
Answer the Question Uniquely…
Time to Razzle and Dazzle!
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Some ideas that sound good don’t translate well to paper
You won’t know if something works until you start to write!
Be creative and choose your words carefully
Help the reader experience your essay, not simply read it
Write for Perfection
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Rewrite
Edit
Rewrite
Edit Again
Use your resources
STUCK?? TIPS FOR GETTING UNSTUCK
Ask for help from parents and friends
Consider your childhood
Who are your role models?
Read sample essays
Think about your goals
Let it simmer…
TAKE-AWAYS: TIPS
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Be YOU – This is your college essay, so make sure
it’s a representation of your best work and who
you are.
Your essay can turn the tide.
Remember your audience.
PROOFREAD!
Be really comfortable with your essay – imagine
that your essay is the only thing that an admission
office is going to use to evaluate your candidacy,
and write for that scenario.
TAKE-AWAYS: THINGS TO AVOID
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Topics that seems “safe” or “easy” (unless you put
your own unique twist on that topic) They don’t want
to read their 400 th essay that year about the cross country team or your job as a camp counselor. They
also don’t want to read about your love life…
Negative essays – essays that bash an organization,
group, school, or person. Also, no complaining!
Inappropriate topics – If you wouldn’t want your
grandmother to read it, it’s of f limits. This includes
drugs, alcohol, anything having to do with breaking the
law.
Lack of resolution – It’s great to recall a challenging
time in your life, but without resolution it is probably
not the best essay. Your reader is not a therapist!
An essay not about you – unless the college
application calls for it.
Overly casual – Remember, you are writing in an
attempt to impress your reader – so avoid slang and
other things that make your essay too casual.
TAKE-AWAYS: PITFALLS
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Naming another college in your essay
Humor doesn’t always translate well in writing.
Not proofreading your essay.
Plagiarism
19 COMMON APPLICATION MISTAKES AND HOW TO
AVOID THEM BY LYNN RADLAUER LUBELL
 As an independent college admissions consultant, I read many
application essays and see many common application essay
mistakes. Here’s some helpful advice:
 Select t he Best Topic a nd Subject. The Common Application, as
well as many individual college applications and supplements,
give students a choice of essay topics. Resist the temptation to
quickly make a selection. Instead make an inventor y of your key
experiences and achievements, adjectives that describe you,
anything significant in your back ground, as well as what you can
potentially “of fer” (e.g. athletics, music, dance) a college. Then
read the options carefully and decide which topic(s) provides the
best oppor tunity to por tray your self in a desirable manner. If the
application requires more than one essay, select distinct topics
and subject areas so the admissions people get a broader, and
more complete, picture of you. If you are an athlete, for example,
tr y not to write more than one essay about spor ts.
 Answer the Question. Read the prompt carefully and pay
par ticular attention to two par t questions. For example, if you
choose to “evaluate a significant experience, achievement or
risk you have taken and its impact on you”, make sure you
thoughtfully and critically analyze both the situation and its
impact. If you choose to “discuss an issue and its impor tance
to you” make sure you focus on its impor tance to you. The
admissions people are looking for a window into your
character, passion and reasoning.
 Be Per sonable and Specific. Colleges don’t learn much from a
generic essay. If you are asked to describe your reasons for
your interest in a par ticular school that you are applying to,
make sure your essay addresses the par ticular features of that
school that appeal to you and explain why. Brainstorm with
other s. Don’t be afraid to think creatively. Don’t be afraid to
reject ideas! Most strong essays have more “show” than “tell”.
 Make Your Essay The Right Length. Many prompts specify a
desired number of words or a range. If it’s 200 to 250 words,
don’t inser t your 500 word essay. In fact, many on -line
applications will not even accept more than the stated limit. If
there is only an upper limit, don’t stress if your essay appears
too shor t. Lincoln got his points across succinctly in the
Gettysburg address — in less than 275 words. Be concise. Omit
irrelevant details, clichés, and poorly developed ideas. Do not
distract the reader with unnecessar y words and repetition.
 Watch Your Tone. If you come across as a spoiled child, a
stuck-up rich kid, lazy, sarcastic or a cynic, the admissions
team might decide that you are not the right fit for their
school. A bit of well placed humor is fine, but don’t tr y to be a
comedian.
 Don’t Appear Self -Interested or Materialistic. While few applicants are
genuinely altruistic, most colleges are turned of f by students who
appear more focused on what the school can do for them, rather than
how they can benefit from the education and at the same time be a
contributing member of the campus community. If you are applying to a
business program, the average star ting salar y of recent graduates
should not be your stated motivation for seeking admission !
 Don’t Rely on Your Computer’s Spell Checker. Applicants who rely
solely on their computer’s spell check program may find themselves
submitting applications with poor grammar and word choice. Just
because ever ything is spelled properly doesn’t mean it is correct. A
good way to catch mistakes is to read your essay ver y slowly and
out loud.
 Don’t Overlook the Mundane. Some of the best and most
memorable essays are based on a simple conver sation
between people. The impressions and takeaways from such a
conver sation can be extremely engaging and provide a
valuable window into the per sonality and values of the writer.
Some essays of this type center on a moment of
enlightenment or illumination when the writer views life from
a new per spective and/or gains new confidence.
 Skip the Volunteer Trip. Dedicated community ser vice over a
period of time can be a strong topic for an application essay.
Volunteer day at the local park , or two weeks of school
building in Africa, will probably not impress the admissions
committee. They see many essays of this type. Not only is it
dif ficult to stand out from the pack , but these experiences are
of ten more about the experience than about you, or convey
that money buys oppor tunity.
 Don’t Rehash the Resume. The admissions committee relies
on essays to learn additional things about you such as your
initiative, curiosity about the world, per sonal growth,
willingness to take risks, ability to be self directed, motivation
and ability to make the most of a situation. They are
interested in your per sonal qualities such as leadership,
confidence, ability to work in a team, strength of character,
resilience, sense of humor, ability to get along with others and
what you might add to the campus community. In shor t, use
your essays to showcase a side of you not visible from other
par ts of the application.
 Peruse the Entire Application. Many applications, especially
for some of the more competitive schools, are complex and
require multiple essays and shor t answer s. Don’t look at each
question in a vacuum, but rather view the application
holistically when deciding how to best por tray yourself through
responding to the various prompts. For example, if you have
five key areas you wish to cover, and there are five essays, tr y
to strategically focus on one area in each essay.
 Don’t Fall in Love with the Thesaurus. Resist the temptation to
be a sesquipedalian or come across as a pedantic fop! There’s
no need to use a big word in ever y sentence. Use caution when
showing of f your extensive vocabular y. You risk using language
improperly and may appear insecure or overly eager to
impress. Admissions people aren’t keen about picking up a
dictionar y to under stand your essay. Wor se yet, if your essay
vocabular y is at a much higher level than what would be
expected from your English grades and SAT/ACT scores, it may
appear that your essay is not your own work . Most teenagers
don’t use myriad and plethora in their daily vernacular.
 Check Your Ego at the Door. Even if you are impressed with
your self, most admissions of ficers don’t respond favorably to
students who brag, put down classmates, or wax eloquent
about their amazing achievements. While self doubt is
generally undesirable, a bit of humility can be well received,
especially in an essay about overcoming adver sity.
 Accentuate the Positive. Few students have a per fect resume, which
is apparent in the application. Drawing attention to weakness in an
essay is generally not a good idea, unless you were able to
overcome a weakness, and make it a strong suit .
 Proofread Carefully. Don’t let your eagerness to submit an application
cause you to overlook careless mistakes. Error s can doom your
other wise excellent application. Make sure you schedule suf ficient time
for a thorough review. When possible, have at least one other per son
proofread your essay. They may catch something impor tant that you
missed. For example, you don’t want to tell Ohio State that you really
want to be a Wolverine! A gain, read your essay out loud.
 Organize Your Essay. An impressive essay generally contains a
strong opening, well organized content, and a power ful
closing. If your essay lacks structure and seems to ramble,
chances are it won’t impress the reader. Star t with an outline
and design your essay paragraph by paragraph. Make sure you
include enough back ground information about whatever topic
you are writing about so that the reader can put it into
context. For example, one student wrote an excellent essay
about a horrible fir st day of school, but forgot to include that
he had just moved to town, from halfway around the world,
and was struggling with English. Resist the temptation to run
of f and star t writing. Exper ts will tell you that up -front
planning of your essays is well wor th the time invested. Not
only will the quality of your essays be much higher, you’ll
probably end up saving time in the long run!
 Research t he College Before Writing t he Essay. Almost ever y
school has its own identity and mission. Some universities even
have a slogan. Other s have niche areas of study that they like to
promote. Pay attention to what is impor tant to the par ticular
school and, when appropriate, consider including it in some
manner in your essay.
 Invest in a St rong Introduction. Admissions people read a lot of
essays and may not be energetic and fresh when yours reaches
the top of their pile. That’s why it’s essential to attract their
attention up front. It is critical that the fir st few sentences
capture their interest. A boring opening may cause the reader to
not pay close attention to the remainder of the essay. Design the
introduction to draw them into your essay. A well -planned essay
may omit some key details in the opening forcing the reader to
pay close attention to the rest of the stor y.
 Star t Early and Take Your Time. Don’t wait until the last minute.
Application essays almost always take longer than you anticipate.
Invest the time necessar y to do it right. It should be your best
work . Ask other s to review your draf ts and of fer comments and
suggestions. Take comments and suggestions seriously – behind
ever y good writer is usually at least one good editor!