SHOWCASE EVENT
What is Child-to-Parent Abuse?
Paterson and co (2002) consider a child behaviour as abusive if
others in the family feel threatened, intimidated or
controlled by it and if they believe that they must adjust
their own behaviour to accommodate threats or anticipation of
violence.
Behaviours include:
Yelling, arguing, challenging, sarcastic and belittling comments, threats, name
calling and swearing...
Hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, shoving and pushing, breaking and
throwing things , punching holes in the walls, throwing down the stairs,
spitting....
Intimidations, controlling the running of the household, mind games, unrealistic
demands, running away from home or staying out all night, lying, threats to
hurt or kill, to run away, to commit suicide or hurt themselves, degrading the
parent or other family members or withholding affection....
Stealing money or parent's belongings, selling family possessions, destroying
the home or parents' belongings, demanding parents buy things they can't
afford, incurring debts the parents must cover ....
Showcase agenda
Background to the project
Research background and the international context of
child to parent abuse (CPA)
The group programme. Resources, tools and
methodologies used in the young peoples group and
the parents group.
Testimonies from parents and young people
Outcomes of the programme
Our learning – things we will do differently
Future plans, referral pathway and criteria, tool kit
Film and music by the group
Q&A session
Background to the project
2007: Agencies seeing an increasing
prevalence of child to parent abuse.
2008: Partners begin discussions in Brighton &
Hove on how to respond to local CPA
2009. Pilot Break4Change group starts in
February. Agencies involved include FIP, YOT,
Rise, TYS, Audioactive, Community CAMHS.
RESEARCH BACKGROUND
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Our definition: Child-to Parent Abuse “any act of a child that
is intended to cause physical, psychological or financial damage to gain power and control over a
parent” Cottrel 2001
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Wide spread:
Quantitative surveys: 7-18% two parent families, 29% of one
parent families
Qualitative surveys: 4% of all families
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Who and why: 50-80% boys. Avoid assumptions
What are we starting with?
Both parents and kids shamed, don’t talk about it.
Lots of victim blaming, and guilt. Parents feeling disempowered,
isolated. Some parents have defended themselves or retaliated.
Many professionals work on assumption of child as victim, with an
assumption of parental incompetence, abuse or neglect
Violence often seen as “acting out”, as expressive not instrumental
Attempts to get child out of home, or use legal process, alienates
some parents
Young people: often feeling insecure, stressed, alienated by their
behaviour, convinced they are ‘like their dad’, bad, or hopeless.
Guilt, ambivalence, disrupted education, depression,
homelessness. Tendency for low empathy, egocentrism,
stubborn and strong willed. Self esteem varies ( high,
unstable, low)
Working with CPA
- The story so far:
One to one work: therapeutic strategies ( supporting parental
authority, repairing dislocated, containing conflicts, discovering and supporting competence. Increasing
accountability, standing up to abuse, rules and consequences, increasing emotional awareness,
increasing motivation to change etc..)
A few parents programmes: who's in charge (Gallagher),
Breaking the cycle (Paterson),Toughlove
- Break4change is a first
http://break4change.blogspot.com/
BREAK4CHANGE:
THE PROGRAMME
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Context ( parallel groups, creative element,
group facilitation skills of workers, Brief
Solution Focused Approach, pre/post
assessments)
Referrals process: referring professionals
involvement pre-questionnaire
Wanted people to be at least at pre- /
contemplation stage on cycle of change
Funding : time, money to commission
audioactive, worker costs
Young persons programme
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Session 1 – Hopes and fears – Goal setting
Session 2 – Incident report – Self esteem
Session 3 – Vignettes – Values and beliefs
Session 4 – Gains and losses – Behaviours
Session 5 – Body map – Cues to anger
Session 6 – Aggression replacement
Session 7 – Cycle of abuse
Session 8 – Feedback and ending
Audioactive
Parents group
Parents programme
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Session 1 - Introductions - What will be different?
Session 2 – Goals – causes of children’s behaviour
Session 3 – What is abuse? – Power/control
Session 4 – What you do for your child Consequences
Session 5 – Parenting styles/behaviours Assertiveness
Session 6 – Consequences – Anger – Self esteem
Session 7 – Love, affection, self esteem, care,
security
Session 8 – looking after yourself – What has
changed?
Entitlement versus responsibilities
Entitlement
Money
Care and attention
Washing
No rules
No time at home
Pay for phone’s
Latest computer game
Rules and remote control
Servant
Entitlement
Unconditional love
To be cooked for
Freedom
No criticism
No questioning
No limits on internet acess
Latest clothes
Shopping
Smoke drugs at home
What has changed
Teenagers taking responsibility for their own behaviour
Teenagers managing their own anger
The violence has stopped
Not so argumentative
?
Parents stopped asking teenagers things repeatedly
Teenagers being more patient
More tolerance
More compromise
Helping out in the house more
Testimonies
Parent quote
“We
all had the same problem.
We all thought we were alone.
We are not. It’s good to
know…..”
Parents quote
“I
am a lot stronger in myself
now, a lot more determined. It’s
been brilliant, my life has totally
turned around by going on this
course, it’s 100% better.”
Parents quote
“Respect
is what I want from him,
you learn this. I’ve got a lot of
work to do to earn this, it’s work in
progress, but I feel I now have the
tools in my box to do the job.”
Parents quote
“She comes and sits down calmly
because I’m listening more, she has to
learn she won’t get my attention by
screaming, now I refuse to engage if
she does.”
Parent’s quote
“Understanding that his feelings are what need to be
dealt with, rather than the actions of his feelings, that’s
been so useful… Understanding why he behaves like
he does, talking about the root cause rather than the
manifestation of his feelings. Now I look deeper at what
is happening …knowing this has made me stronger, I
get my point across by understanding. I have a name
for it, so I don’t get frustrated that he is ignoring me…
before I would have met his violence with force.”
Parent’s quotes
“We do talk now instead of ignoring each other or
arguing and shouting. She is calmer. If I do ask
her to do something I don’t get screamed at
anymore. She knows I love her now, as before
she used to think I loved her brother more. Now
I tell her I love her and I praise her much more.
Before there was so much tention, I was always
telling her off.”
Parent’s quote
“I felt able to explain that I have the right to say no
and felt more confident doing it. I’ve got rights
as well. Now I am not feeling guilty for saying
no. I used to cave in for a quiet life.”
Young Person’s quote
“Now if she asks me to do
something I don’t like, I moan but
do it anyway, As long as it’s not
dancing, I do it. Now we manage to
come to some agreement.”
Parent’s quote
“ I had been trying to do things for her or I’d help
her out or stop her from messing up her life or
dropping out of college…. Actually I’ve learnt to
hand over some of the responsibilities. Pointing
out choices and responsibilities to her and
getting a lot less involved, which is a really hard
thing for a parent to do.”
Young person’s quote
“Before it would just carry on and on for ages but
now its like a short slice, 2 days we have a row,
then its all better for a long time.. before, it
would be we'd row for a month”
“He is a lot better, calmer, takes more interest
when i am a bit down, he is like…more involved,
like ringing up and checking that am in, and
things like that, its good. He is definitely more
strict, too”
Young person’s quote
“Now when we have a row, saying I’ll come to see
you and we talk about it. Before i would not
have wanted to see him and would have just
gone out. .. Now after i have been angry I think
about what to do, and try to make it better”
Young person’s quote
“ I am more in control of my temper. The group
has kind of made me look at what happens. I
now see it as a pattern, that I have some kind of
choice in what happens... made me see it more
as unacceptable. Made me think that i want to
have a good relationship with my mum, i do love
her really
“I take myself away from the situation probably
sooner. Just more like a boundary of stopping
the physical stuff again.”
Evaluation
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How: pre/post questionnaires, semi structured interviews. Action research
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What was I looking for?
- The ability of parents to break the silence and isolation regarding CPV
- Parents' growing sense of empowerment regarding this issue
- Change in parenting behaviour and responses, parents becoming more
assertive and more able to defuse and decrease escalation
- Parents increasing their awareness of the impact of their own behaviour on
their son/ daughter
- Young people change in attitude regarding entitlement and responsibilities
- Young people able to use some strategies to stop their violent response
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Bias/ Limitations: small sample. Need for follow up at 3&9 months
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Outcomes
Outcomes
• Growing sense of empowerment
• Increased awareness and understanding of
their own and their child’s behaviour
• Parents becoming more assertive
• Parents were developing a broader range of
strategies
• Young people were making real progress
• Significant reduction in violent incidents
Things we'd do differently
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Intervention needs to be longer
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Both to be run on same night
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One topic per session for parents
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More time for discussions
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Creative work to be introduced to the parents
group
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Adding more creative elements to the young
people's group
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Insisting on more support from referrers
Future plans
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New Break4Change programme, starting 30th
September, for 12 weeks
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Group at new YOT building in central Brighton
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Follow up evaluation Jan 2010
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Toolkit development starts early 2010
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Training for professionals to be designed and
run from Spring 2010
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Raising awareness ( blog, newspaper
articles etc..)
Future group
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Referral process
Referring to Break4Change
• Secondary age children (11 – 16yrs)
• Motivation to change must be evident in young
people.
• Lead professional input must be ongoing and linked to
programme.
• Ideally, both parent/carer and young person to attend
– but not essential.
• Referral Forms for both parent/carer and young
person to be returned 9th September
• Group starts Wednesday September 30th at a central
Brighton location 5.30-8pm
Questions and answers
http://www.blizzard.com/diablo3/?rhtml=
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