IPC
Chapter 10
Communicating in Close
Relationships
Develop a definition of
close relationships
Close Relationships
Endure over time, consist of
interdependent partners who satisfy
each other’s needs for connection
and social inclusion, feel an
emotional attachment to each other,
are irreplaceable, and enact unique
communication patterns
Various Theories of
Communication Dynamics
Dialectics Theory
Focuses on the tensions
relational partners face as a
result of desiring two opposing
things at once.
Rejects “either-or” approaches
for “both-and”
Dialectics Theory
• Most common relational dialectics
– Autonomy and connection
– Openness and protection
– Novelty and predictability
Dialectics Theory
• Additional dialectics found in
friendships
– Judgment and acceptance
– Affection and instrumentality
– Public and private
– Ideal and real
Social Exchange Theories
• Rewards – Costs = Outcomes
• All various forms are based on:
“Theory of Interdependence”
• People stay in relations where rewards
outweigh the costs.
Theory of Interdependence
• Comparison levels
– Person’s expectations for a given relationship
• Comparison levels for alternatives
– Comparing the costs and rewards of current
relationship to the possibility of doing better in
another relationship
• Relative power position
– When people believe they have a higher power status
than their partner’s, they will engage in risky strategies
without fearing the costs
Stage Models
Concerned with how
relationships develop and
how communication
changes as we deepen or
weaken our relational ties
with another.
Stage Models: Coming Together
• Initiating - when relations begin
– Short-term attraction
– Long-term attraction
• Experimenting – people become
acquainted by gathering information
about one another
– Small talk
Stage Models: Coming Together
• Intensifying – deepening of intimacy
• Integrating – partners seem to coalesce
– Also called coupling
• Bonding – public commitment of the
relationship
Stage Models: Coming Apart
• Differentiating – when partners begin to
notice ways that their partners differ
• Circumscribing – restraining
communication behaviors so fewer topics
are raised
• Stagnating – the couple no longer talks
much
– Imagined conversation
Stage Models: Step by Step
• Avoiding – partners try to stay out
of the same physical environment
• Terminating – ending a relationship
Improving Skills
1. Beginning relationships
2. Maintaining relationships
3. Repairing relationships
Communication Skills for Beginning
Relationships
• May Include:
– Networking
– Offering
– Approaching
– Sustaining
– Affinity seeking** (important for ALL improved communication)
Communication Skills for Maintaining
Relationships
• Preventative maintenance
– Offering assurances
– Expressing openness
– Reflecting positivity
– Sharing tasks
– Social networking
Communication Skills for Maintaining
Relationships
• Support
– Make descriptive comments
– Speak in provisional ways
– Be more spontaneous
– Strive for problem orientation
– Provide empathy
– Establish equality
• Using humor
Communication Skills for Repairing
Relationships
• Metacommunication
• Apology
– Accounts – explanations for the
transgression