Gender Communication
Differences:
Men are from Mars. Women are
from Venus, and I’m your
interpreter.
Childhood Study:
Development of
social skills begins at a very early age.
BOYS:


group-oriented
teamwork= strong group of
friends
GIRLS:


individual-oriented
one-on-one talking= one or
two best friends
Differing Perceptions:




STATUS LENS:
CONNECTION LENS:
(males)
(females)
looking for differences to
achieve status
young boys try to “one up” each
other
stronger personalities give
orders= leader=
HIGHER STATUS
weaker personalities accept
orders= subordinate=
LOWER STATUS


look for similarities to achieve
connection
try to achieve equality
Non-verbal Communication:
LISTENING RITUALS
“Parallel Chairs” Study: when speaking, boys kept chairs side by side, but
girls turned their chairs to face each other.
MEN:



avoid direct eye contact
are still listening, although
they may not look directly at
you
misinterpret direct eye
contact as confrontational or
flirtatious
WOMEN:



direct, face-to-face gaze
used to focus on connection
misinterpret no eye contact
as a sign of not listening
VERBAL COMMUNICATION:
CONVERSATION RITUALS
not to be taken literally
 tools used for establishing friendly
connections to facilitate communication

– example: “How are you?”... “Fine, thanks”
CONVERSATION RITUALS
RITUAL OPPOSITION:
RITUAL APOLOGY:
(MEN)
(WOMEN)



boys “play fight”
playing Devil’s Advocate
used NOT to challenge but
rather to explore possibilities
Women misinterpret oppostion as:


indication of bad idea or
mistake
personal attack




“I’m not sorry I’m sorry”
means I’m sorry that happened
NOT a personal apology
used as a transition in
conversation
Men misinterpret apology as:


disorganization
incompetence
CONVERSATION RITUALS


MEN:
use playful insults
and teasing
related to the status
dimension


WOMEN:
use compliments
related to the
connection
dimension
SMALL TALK: “Greasing the Wheels”

REPORT TALK:
RAPPORT TALK:
(men)
(women)
focuses on information-- details,
statistics
– sports and hobbies

talking about personal subjects
in order to give sense of
connection
– “How’s your family?”
GIVING ORDERS:


DIRECT:
INDIRECT:
(men)
(women)
dictate orders
not bossy or offensive
Women misinterpret direct orders as:


impoliteness
overbearing

use strategies not to appear
bossy
– “could we do this…”
– “do you think it’s possible…”
– “I would do it this way…”
Men misinterpret indirect approach as:


not being managerial
easier to say “NO”
THE “DOUBLE BIND” FOR WOMEN:
Expectations for how an authority figure should speak is based
upon men in authority.

If a woman is direct (masculine) she appears pushy
or bossy.

If woman is indirect (feminine) she appears
incompetent.
Quick Tips:
FOR MEN:



give compliments more
freely
use praise to temper
criticism
asks for another’s opinion to
make them feel included
FOR WOMEN:


give ideas outright without
disclaimer
be more concrete when
giving orders