ALL THE SAME
ALL THE SAME
A photo essay by Maya Arden
A photo essay by Maya Arden
In the past few years, gay and lesbian people have been gaining respect. But some are still
struggling being themselves and coming out. These stories show that gay and lesbian people
are only different because of who they love.
Here are some stories of people who have come out, and have found love and happiness.
Stephen Lechner
Age: 28
Grew up in Atlanta , GA
Lives in New York City
Profession: Graphic Designer
When did you realize you were gay?
I first knew I was gay when I was around 5 or 6 years old. Although I didn’t know the correct
terms or how to verbalize my feelings, I knew I was different. It took me a long time to
personally accept I was gay because I wanted to be like everyone else.
When did you come out and what was the reaction?
I came out in January 2012 when I was 25. I grew up in a very religious household and at the
time I worked for a church in Georgia. I lost my job, my friends, and even though my family told
me they still loved me, they were very unhappy. There were lots of tears and meetings as my
parents tried to convince me I wasn't gay and that I needed therapy.
Were you ever discriminated against?
Not since living in NYC but one time I was visiting friends in Georgia and we went to a fast food
establishment to grab a bite to eat. There were about five of us, all gay, and when we
approached the counter to order the cashier walked away and said, "I'm not serving them." The
manager wasn't any different so we left and went through the drive-thru to place our order.
Since they couldn't see us through the speaker, they didn't realize they had just served the
same group of people they refused to acknowledge until we pulled up to the window. We had a
good laugh seeing their faces as they handed over our food.
Jason Schultz
Age: 46
Grew up in Brooklyn, NY
Lives in Baltimore, MD
Profession: Actuary
When did you first realize you were gay?
I realized I was gay when I was 8 or 9.
When did you come out and what was the reaction?
I didn’t come out until I was 22. I had a cousin who was a lesbian and I used to hear my
family talk about her so I was afraid they wouldn’t accept me. It was hard to tell
everyone, but I was immediately accepted by my family. My mother said she always
thought I might be but wanted me to figure it out on my own.
Were you ever discriminated against?
Where I used to spend my summers, the kids called me names and some beat me up. I
begged my parents to not go there, yet we went every year.
When I went to college in Binghamton, there was a lot of homophobia at the time. It
was at the height of the AIDS epidemic. All of my roommates in the dorm were afraid of
gay people and the floor was homophobic. One of my friends figured out that I was gay
and he told me he supported me but, if I was smart, I wouldn't say anything to anyone
else, because if certain people found out my life would be miserable. So I stayed
closeted to them for my 4 years there.
In the last 25 years of my adult life I really have not had anything bad happen to me. I
graduated with a Ph.D., received awards, got a job, have been promoted to
management and will soon be in the front office.
James Milligan
Age: 32
Grew up in Sacramento, CA
Lives in New York City
Profession: Make Up Artist
When did you realize you were gay?
I realized I was gay when I was 15.
When did you come out and what was the reaction?
I pretty much told my mom right away. I asked her not to tell anyone in our family until I was
ready, but she can't ever keep secrets so by the next day everyone knew. My dad didn't really want
to talk about it at first, but a few months later he took me to a play and it turned out the play was
centered around an old gay couple. I think that was his way of telling me he was okay with it.
My mom asked me not to tell anyone at school because we lived in a small town and people would
be angry.
Were you ever discriminated against?
I was picked on mercilessly every day all through elementary, middle and high school, and
sometimes teachers even joined in. Most of this I kept to myself until I was older because I thought
that if my parents knew, they would make a big deal of it and things would get worse. By my senior
year, I had decided I'd had enough of trying to fit in only to have people make fun of me anyway. I
decided I would do whatever I wanted and wear whatever I wanted, so that at least I could be
happy with myself, even if nobody else was. A few girls talked me into trying out for the
cheerleading squad. Everyone told me not to do it, including my mom. I did it anyway, and I made
the team. Something amazing happened when I decided to take my own path: people stopped
making fun of me as much. I had the most fun I'd ever had on the cheerleading squad, and I made
some really good friends.
As cruel as it was, in the end I'm glad I went through what I went through because it taught me that
the more I focused on doing my own thing, the more I attracted friends who loved me for it. I
believe it also made me very sensitive to the feelings of others.
Gayle Troberman
Age: 49
Grew up in Rhode Island
Lives in New York City
Profession: Marketing
When did you realize you were a lesbian?
Some people have this feeling when they realize they are different. I never really had
that feeling. I dated guys and I never thought about being gay until I explored it. It
was more about the person and decisions that I made.
When did you come out and what was the reaction?
I went home for a visit on Christmas Eve. I am Jewish so it wasn’t a big deal. I hadn’t
really planned to tell my mother, but within five minutes of being home she was asking
who I was dating and I just told her. She was not happy and told me “I am going to kill
myself with a steak knife.” My dad said, “What you told your mother – it’s wrong and
she cried all night.” But he hugged me and told me he loved me. Now they love Sue
(my girlfriend) and know how lucky they are. They say she is the best “son-in-law” they
could ask for. For them it was about what other people would think.
Were you ever discriminated against?
No, I think I’ve been really lucky. Living in New York, working for a company like
Microsoft who had partner benefits way before anyone did.
Every once in a while we hit weird moments, checking into a hotel where they think
we’ll need two beds. It’s a little annoying, but I haven’t had anyone turn us away.
Sue Turner
Age: 49
Grew up in New Jersey
Lives in New York City
Profession: Teacher
When did you realize you were a lesbian?
I realized I was different when I was little, maybe around 8. I didn’t really
know until I was in high school and everyone else was talking about these
things and I didn’t feel the same way.
When did you come out and what was the reaction?
I told my dad first when I was 23 or 24. He was very sick and didn’t have
much time to live. He was really angry at me, he yelled me. He was really
mad. Later I understood that it was because he wasn’t going to be able to
protect me and thought I would have a really hard life. I told my mom a
few years later and she was so happy. We were in a restaurant and she was
so happy that she jumped up and told everyone, “MY DAUGHTER JUST
CAME OUT!” She told me that she and my father always knew and she
had spoken to doctors about it and they told her to “just let her be who she
wanted to be and not to worry about it.”
Were you ever discriminated against
No, I think I have felt more discrimination as a woman than I have for being
gay. Personally, I think gay men have it a lot harder.