Station 1
Thesis Writing
Instructions:
1. Read the handout.
2. Do Assignment Parts1, 2, and 3 (on the handout). 20 points
3. If you do not understand thesis statements, continue reading the additional articles
and/or refer to your book (Chpt 2)
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What is a Thesis Sentence
A thesis is a one- or two- sentence statement that explicitly outlines the purpose or point of your
paper.
 It is generally a complex, compound sentence
Where does it go?
 normally placed at or near the end of the introductory paragraph.
What does it contain?
 Your topic + What you’re going to tell the reader about that topic!
 an arguable point.
What it determines?
 control the entire argument: what you will and won’t say
 Every paragraph in your paper exists in order to support your thesis
 if one of your paragraphs seems irrelevant to your thesis you have two choices: get rid of
the paragraph, or rewrite your thesis
 Understand that you don't have a third option: you can't simply stick the idea in without
preparing the reader for it in your thesis.
 It is a contract
 It provides structure for your paper
 In other words, your thesis sentence should either directly or indirectly suggest the
structure of your argument to your reader.
An Equation
thesis statements are basically made up of your topic and a specific assertion about that topic,
therefore,
 THESIS = TOPIC + SPECIFIC ASSERTION
The “shoulds” of a thesis statement:
 a good thesis statement should take a stand - don't be afraid to have an opinion; if after
your research, your opinion changes, all the better - means you have been thinking; you
can write a new thesis statement!
 a good thesis statement should justify discussion - don't leave your readers saying to
themselves "So what" or "duh?" or "like what's your point?"
 a good thesis statement should express one main idea or a clear relationship between
two specific ideas linked by words like "because," "since," "so," "although," "unless," or
"however."
The SHOULDN’Ts of a Thesis Statement
- Don’t just announce topic
- Don’t clutter with “I think”
- Don’t just state a fact
- Don’t ask it as a question
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Assignment 1: Thesis
In the thesis portion of your paper, write whether each statement below is S(strong), B (too Broad), or N
(too Narrow).
1. Media violence is harmful to society.
2. The death penalty is wrong.
3. School uniforms provide many benefits to students, parents and educators.
4. Technology has changed our lives.
5. Violent crime is up.
6. The recall election will do more harm than good.
7. I like my apartment.
8. Taking care of older pets can be challenging.
9. Participating in volunteer work is essential to the development of strong character.
10. The neighbor’s cat is unfriendly.
Assignment Part 2: Thesis
Write 5 thesis statements based on your choice of the following topics:
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Explain the major reasons for the high dropout rate in college.
Explain the effects of noise pollution.
What are the causes and effect of the computer revolution?
What effect has the automobile had on the American society?
What effects can be attributed to phenomena such as the hippies of the 1950s and 60s?
Explain the causes for the popularity of fast food restaurants.
Problems that city causes for people and environment.
What effect does the Internet have on businesses and corporations? (how business is conducted; the
size, nature of markets, etc)
What effect does the business participation on the Internet have on privacy considerations?
What are the effects of illiteracy?
Explain the effects of learning to write well.
How mood is affected by weather?
What are the causes of unrest in Ireland?
Explain your interest or lack of interest in sports or a specific sport.
What effect and after-math can have the vanishing of the animal and plant species?
Analyze the effects of excessive television viewing on a particular audience.
The influence of TV advertising on gender identity.
Discuss three or four good effects of a college education.
What are the actual and potential consequences of nuclear leaks and meltdowns?
What caused the proliferation of the bubonic plague in the Middle Ages?
Technology and its effect on human freedom and happiness in society.
Assignment Part 3: Thesis
Write your thesis statement from your Compare/Contrast paper (or your statement for your Benchmark
paper).
Answer these questions
1. What stand is the thesis taking?
2. What main idea is your thesis expressing?
3. Does the thesis have the words “I think”, “I will” or “this paper will” (or any variation thereof)?
If it has any combination of those words, rewrite it now.
4. Is the thesis written as a question? If so, rewrite it now.
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How to Generate a Thesis Statement if the Topic is Assigned
Almost all assignments, no matter how complicated, can be reduced to a single question. Your first step, then, is to
distill the assignment into a specific question. For example, if your assignment is, “Write a report to the local school
board explaining the potential benefits of using computers in a fourth-grade class,” turn the request into a question
like, “What are the potential benefits of using computers in a fourth-grade class?” After you’ve chosen the question
your essay will answer, compose one or two complete sentences answering that question.
Q: “What are the potential benefits of using computers in a fourth-grade class?”
A: “The potential benefits of using computers in a fourth-grade class are . . .”
OR
A: “Using computers in a fourth-grade class promises to improve . . .”
The answer to the question is the thesis statement for the essay.
How to Generate a Thesis Statement if the Topic is not Assigned
Even if your assignment doesn’t ask a specific question, your thesis statement still needs to answer a question about
the issue you’d like to explore. In this situation, your job is to figure out what question you’d like to write about.
A good thesis statement will usually include the following four attributes:
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take on a subject upon which reasonable people could disagree
deal with a subject that can be adequately treated given the nature of the assignment
express one main idea
assert your conclusions about a subject
Let’s see how to generate a thesis statement for a social policy paper.
Brainstorm the topic.
Let’s say that your class focuses upon the problems posed by changes in the dietary habits of Americans. You find
that you are interested in the amount of sugar Americans consume.
You start out with a thesis statement like this:
Sugar consumption.
This fragment isn’t a thesis statement. Instead, it simply indicates a general subject. Furthermore, your reader
doesn’t know what you want to say about sugar consumption.
Narrow the topic.
Your readings about the topic, however, have led you to the conclusion that elementary school children are
consuming far more sugar than is healthy.
You change your thesis to look like this:
Reducing sugar consumption by elementary school children.
This fragment not only announces your subject, but it focuses on one segment of the population: elementary school
children. Furthermore, it raises a subject upon which reasonable people could disagree, because while most people
might agree that children consume more sugar than they used to, not everyone would agree on what should be done
or who should do it. You should note that this fragment is not a thesis statement because your reader doesn’t know
your conclusions on the topic.
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Take a position on the topic.
After reflecting on the topic a little while longer, you decide that what you really want to say about this topic is that
something should be done to reduce the amount of sugar these children consume.
You revise your thesis statement to look like this:
More attention should be paid to the food and beverage choices available to elementary school children.
This statement asserts your position, but the terms more attention and food and beverage choices are vague.
Use specific language.
You decide to explain what you mean about food and beverage choices, so you write:
Experts estimate that half of elementary school children consume nine times the recommended daily
allowance of sugar.
This statement is specific, but it isn’t a thesis. It merely reports a statistic instead of making an assertion.
Make an assertion based on clearly stated support.
You finally revise your thesis statement one more time to look like this:
Because half of all American elementary school children consume nine times the recommended daily
allowance of sugar, schools should be required to replace the beverages in soda machines with healthy
alternatives.
Notice how the thesis answers the question, “What should be done to reduce sugar consumption by children, and
who should do it?” When you started thinking about the paper, you may not have had a specific question in mind,
but as you became more involved in the topic, your ideas became more specific. Your thesis changed to reflect your
new insights.
How to Tell a Strong Thesis Statement from a Weak One
1. A strong thesis statement takes some sort of stand.
Remember that your thesis needs to show your conclusions about a subject. For example, if you are writing a paper
for a class on fitness, you might be asked to choose a popular weight-loss product to evaluate. Here are two thesis
statements:
There are some negative and positive aspects to the Banana Herb Tea Supplement.
This is a weak thesis statement. First, it fails to take a stand. Second, the phrase negative and positive aspects is
vague.
Because Banana Herb Tea Supplement promotes rapid weight loss that results in the loss of muscle and lean
body mass, it poses a potential danger to customers.
This is a strong thesis because it takes a stand, and because it's specific.
2. A strong thesis statement justifies discussion.
Your thesis should indicate the point of the discussion. If your assignment is to write a paper on kinship systems,
using your own family as an example, you might come up with either of these two thesis statements:
My family is an extended family.
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This is a weak thesis because it merely states an observation. Your reader won’t be able to tell the point of the
statement, and will probably stop reading.
While most American families would view consanguineal marriage as a threat to the nuclear family structure,
many Iranian families, like my own, believe that these marriages help reinforce kinship ties in an extended
family.
This is a strong thesis because it shows how your experience contradicts a widely-accepted view. A good strategy
for creating a strong thesis is to show that the topic is controversial. Readers will be interested in reading the rest of
the essay to see how you support your point.
3. A strong thesis statement expresses one main idea.
Readers need to be able to see that your paper has one main point. If your thesis statement expresses more than one
idea, then you might confuse your readers about the subject of your paper. For example:
Companies need to exploit the marketing potential of the Internet, and Web pages can provide both
advertising and customer support.
This is a weak thesis statement because the reader can’t decide whether the paper is about marketing on the Internet
or Web pages. To revise the thesis, the relationship between the two ideas needs to become more clear. One way to
revise the thesis would be to write:
Because the Internet is filled with tremendous marketing potential, companies should exploit this potential by
using Web pages that offer both advertising and customer support.
This is a strong thesis because it shows that the two ideas are related. Hint: a great many clear and engaging thesis
statements contain words like because, since, so, although, unless, and however.
4. A strong thesis statement is specific.
A thesis statement should show exactly what your paper will be about, and will help you keep your paper to a
manageable topic. For example, if you're writing a seven-to-ten page paper on hunger, you might say:
World hunger has many causes and effects.
This is a weak thesis statement for two major reasons. First, world hunger can’t be discussed thoroughly in seven to
ten pages. Second, many causes and effectsis vague. You should be able to identify specific causes and effects. A
revised thesis might look like this:
Hunger persists in Glandelinia because jobs are scarce and farming in the infertile soil is rarely profitable.
This is a strong thesis statement because it narrows the subject to a more specific and manageable topic, and it also
identifies the specific causes for the existence of hunger.
Produced by Writing Tutorial Services, Indiana University, Bloomington, IN
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Thesis Statements
This handout describes what a thesis statement is, how thesis statements work in your writing, and how you can
discover or refine one for your draft.
Introduction
Writing in college often takes the form of persuasion—convincing others that you have an interesting, logical point
of view on the subject you are studying. Persuasion is a skill you practice regularly in your daily life. You persuade
your roommate to clean up, your parents to let you borrow the car, your friend to vote for your favorite candidate or
policy. In college, course assignments often ask you to make a persuasive case in writing. You are asked to convince
your reader of your point of view. This form of persuasion, often called academic argument, follows a predictable
pattern in writing. After a brief introduction of your topic, you state your point of view on the topic directly and
often in one sentence. This sentence is the thesis statement, and it serves as a summary of the argument you'll make
in the rest of your paper.
What is a thesis statement?
A thesis statement:
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tells the reader how you will interpret the significance of the subject matter under discussion.
is a road map for the paper; in other words, it tells the reader what to expect from the rest of the paper.
directly answers the question asked of you. A thesis is an interpretation of a question or subject, not the
subject itself. The subject, or topic, of an essay might be World War II or Moby Dick; a thesis must then
offer a way to understand the war or the novel.
makes a claim that others might dispute.
is usually a single sentence somewhere in your first paragraph that presents your argument to the reader.
The rest of the paper, the body of the essay, gathers and organizes evidence that will persuade the reader of
the logic of your interpretation.
If your assignment asks you to take a position or develop a claim about a subject, you may need to convey that
position or claim in a thesis statement near the beginning of your draft. The assignment may not explicitly state that
you need a thesis statement because your instructor may assume you will include one. When in doubt, ask your
instructor if the assignment requires a thesis statement. When an assignment asks you to analyze, to interpret, to
compare and contrast, to demonstrate cause and effect, or to take a stand on an issue, it is likely that you are being
asked to develop a thesis and to support it persuasively.
How do I get a thesis?
A thesis is the result of a lengthy thinking process. Formulating a thesis is not the first thing you do after reading an
essay assignment. Before you develop an argument on any topic, you have to collect and organize evidence, look for
possible relationships between known facts (such as surprising contrasts or similarities), and think about the
significance of these relationships. Once you do this thinking, you will probably have a "working thesis," a basic or
main idea, an argument that you think you can support with evidence but that may need adjustment along the way.
Writers use all kinds of techniques to stimulate their thinking and to help them clarify relationships or comprehend
the broader significance of a topic and arrive at a thesis statement.
How do I know if my thesis is strong?
If there's time, run it by your instructor or make an appointment at the Writing Center to get some feedback. Even if
you do not have time to get advice elsewhere, you can do some thesis evaluation of your own. When reviewing your
first draft and its working thesis, ask yourself the following:
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Do I answer the question? Re-reading the question prompt after constructing a working thesis can help you
fix an argument that misses the focus of the question.
Have I taken a position that others might challenge or oppose?If your thesis simply states facts that no one
would, or even could, disagree with, it's possible that you are simply providing a summary, rather than
making an argument.
Is my thesis statement specific enough?
Thesis statements that are too vague often do not have a strong argument. If your thesis contains words like
"good" or "successful," see if you could be more specific: why is something "good"; what specifically
makes something "successful"?
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Does my thesis pass the "So what?" test? If a reader's first response is, "So what?" then you need to clarify,
to forge a relationship, or to connect to a larger issue.
Does my essay support my thesis specifically and without wandering? If your thesis and the body of your
essay do not seem to go together, one of them has to change. It's o.k. to change your working thesis to
reflect things you have figured out in the course of writing your paper. Remember, always reassess and
revise your writing as necessary.
Does my thesis pass the "how and why?" test? If a reader's first response is "how?" or "why?" your thesis
may be too open-ended and lack guidance for the reader. See what you can add to give the reader a better
take on your position right from the beginning.
Examples
Suppose you are taking a course on 19th-century America, and the instructor hands out the following essay
assignment: Compare and contrast the reasons why the North and South fought the Civil War. You turn on the
computer and type out the following:
The North and South fought the Civil War for many reasons, some of which were the same and
some different.
This weak thesis restates the question without providing any additional information. You will expand on this new
information in the body of the essay, but it is important that the reader know where you are heading. A reader of this
weak thesis might think, "What reasons? How are they the same? How are they different?" Ask yourself these same
questions and begin to compare Northern and Southern attitudes (perhaps you first think, "The South believed
slavery was right, and the North thought slavery was wrong"). Now, push your comparison toward an
interpretation—why did one side think slavery was right and the other side think it was wrong? You look again at
the evidence, and you decide that you are going to argue that the North believed slavery was immoral while the
South believed it upheld the Southern way of life. You write:
While both sides fought the Civil War over the issue of slavery, the North fought for moral reasons
while the South fought to preserve its own institutions.
Now you have a working thesis! Included in this working thesis is a reason for the war and some idea of how the
two sides disagreed over this reason. As you write the essay, you will probably begin to characterize these
differences more precisely, and your working thesis may start to seem too vague. Maybe you decide that both sides
fought for moral reasons, and that they just focused on different moral issues. You end up revising the working
thesis into a final thesis that really captures the argument in your paper:
While both Northerners and Southerners believed they fought against tyranny and oppression,
Northerners focused on the oppression of slaves while Southerners defended their own right to
self-government.
Compare this to the original weak thesis. This final thesis presents a way of interpreting evidence that illuminates
the significance of the question. Keep in mind that this is one of many possible interpretations of the Civil War—it is
not the one and only right answer to the question. There isn't one right answer; there are only strong and weak thesis
statements and strong and weak uses of evidence.
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Let's look at another example. Suppose your literature professor hands out the following assignment in a class on the
American novel: Write an analysis of some aspect of Mark Twain's novel Huckleberry Finn. "This will be easy,"
you think. "I loved Huckleberry Finn!" You grab a pad of paper and write:
Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn is a great American novel.
Why is this thesis weak? Think about what the reader would expect from the essay that follows: you will most likely
provide a general, appreciative summary of Twain's novel. The question did not ask you to summarize; it asked you
to analyze. Your professor is probably not interested in your opinion of the novel; instead, she wants you to think
about whyit's such a great novel—what do Huck's adventures tell us about life, about America, about coming of age,
about race relations, etc.? First, the question asks you to pick an aspect of the novel that you think is important to its
structure or meaning—for example, the role of storytelling, the contrasting scenes between the shore and the river,
or the relationships between adults and children. Now you write:
In Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain develops a contrast between life on the river and life on the
shore.
Here's a working thesis with potential: you have highlighted an important aspect of the novel for investigation;
however, it's still not clear what your analysis will reveal. Your reader is intrigued, but is still thinking, "So what?
What's the point of this contrast? What does it signify?" Perhaps you are not sure yet, either. That's fine—begin to
work on comparing scenes from the book and see what you discover. Free write, make lists, jot down Huck's actions
and reactions. Eventually you will be able to clarify for yourself, and then for the reader, why this contrast matters.
After examining the evidence and considering your own insights, you write:
Through its contrasting river and shore scenes, Twain's Huckleberry Finn suggests that to find the
true expression of American democratic ideals, one must leave "civilized" society and go back to
nature.
This final thesis statement presents an interpretation of a literary work based on an analysis of its content. Of course,
for the essay itself to be successful, you must now present evidence from the novel that will convince the reader of
your interpretation.
Works consulted
We consulted these works while writing the original version of this handout. This is not a comprehensive list of
resources on the handout's topic, and we encourage you to do your own research to find the latest publications on
this topic. Please do not use this list as a model for the format of your own reference list, as it may not match the
citation style you are using. For guidance on formatting citations, please see the UNC Libraries citation tutorial.
Anson, Chris M. and Robert A. Schwegler.The Longman Handbook for Writers. 2nd ed. New York: Longman,
2000.
Hairston, Maxine and John J. Ruszkiewicz. The Scott, Foresman Handbook for Writers. 4th ed. New York:
HarperCollins, 1996.
Lunsford, Andrea and Robert Connors.The St. Martin's Handbook. 3rd ed. New York: St. Martin's, 1995.
Rosen, Leonard J. and Laurence Behrens.The Allyn& Bacon Handbook. 3rd ed. Boston: Allyn& Bacon, 1997.
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Station 2
Introductions
Instructions
1. Read “Introductions” (attached)
2. Do the assignment (10 points)
3. If the information is unclear, refer to Chpt 4 (at least Pgs 81-85) in your textbook
Assignment 1: Introductions
Refer to your Compare/Contrast paper (or your Benchmark paper, if you’ve completed a draft).
What type of introduction is it (choose from the list on pg 81-82)?
Write 5 DIFFERENT TYPES of introductions to your paper. You may use your
Compare/Contrast or you may use this to plan for your benchmark.
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Introductions
This handout will explain the functions of introductions, offer strategies for writing effective
ones, help you check your drafted introductions, and provide you with examples of introductions
to be avoided.
The role of introductions
Introductions and conclusions can be the most difficult parts of papers to write. Usually when
you sit down to respond to an assignment, you have at least some sense of what you want to say
in the body of your paper. You might have chosen a few examples you want to use or have an
idea that will help you answer the main question of your assignment: these sections, therefore,
are not as hard to write. But these middle parts of the paper can't just come out of thin air; they
need to be introduced and concluded in a way that makes sense to your reader.
Your introduction and conclusion act as bridges that transport your readers from their own lives
into the "place" of your analysis. If your readers pick up your paper about education in the
autobiography of Frederick Douglass, for example, they need a transition to help them leave
behind the world of Chapel Hill, television, e-mail, and the The Daily Tar Heel and to help them
temporarily enter the world of nineteenth-century American slavery. By providing an
introduction that helps your readers make a transition between their own world and the issues
you will be writing about, you give your readers the tools they need to get into your topic and
care about what you are saying. Similarly, once you've hooked your reader with the introduction
and offered evidence to prove your thesis, your conclusion can provide a bridge to help your
readers make the transition back to their daily lives.
Why bother writing a good introduction?
You never get a second chance to make a first impression. The opening paragraph of your
paper will provide your readers with their initial impressions of your argument, your writing
style, and the overall quality of your work. A vague, disorganized, error-filled, off-the-wall, or
boring introduction will probably create a negative impression. On the other hand, a concise,
engaging, and well-written introduction will start your readers off thinking highly of you, your
analytical skills, your writing, and your paper. This impression is especially important when the
audience you are trying to reach (your instructor) will be grading your work.
Your introduction is an important road map for the rest of your paper. Your introduction
conveys a lot of information to your readers. You can let them know what your topic is, why it is
important, and how you plan to proceed with your discussion. In most academic disciplines, your
introduction should contain a thesis that will assert your main argument. It should also, ideally,
give the reader a sense of the kinds of information you will use to make that argument and the
general organization of the paragraphs and pages that will follow. After reading your
introduction, your readers should not have any major surprises in store when they read the main
body of your paper.
Ideally, your introduction will make your readers want to read your paper. The introduction
should capture your readers' interest, making them want to read the rest of your paper. Opening
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with a compelling story, a fascinating quotation, an interesting question, or a stirring example
can get your readers to see why this topic matters and serve as an invitation for them to join you
for an interesting intellectual conversation.
Strategies for writing an effective introduction
Start by thinking about the question (or questions) you are trying to answer. Your entire
essay will be a response to this question, and your introduction is the first step toward that end.
Your direct answer to the assigned question will be your thesis, and your thesis will be included
in your introduction, so it is a good idea to use the question as a jumping off point. Imagine that
you are assigned the following question:
Education has long been considered a major force for American social change,
righting the wrongs of our society. Drawing on the Narrative of the Life of
Frederick Douglass, discuss the relationship between education and slavery in
19th-century America. Consider the following: How did white control of
education reinforce slavery? How did Douglass and other enslaved African
Americans view education while they endured slavery? And what role did
education play in the acquisition of freedom? Most importantly, consider the
degree to which education was or was not a major force for social change with
regard to slavery.
You will probably refer back to your assignment extensively as you prepare your complete
essay, and the prompt itself can also give you some clues about how to approach the
introduction. Notice that it starts with a broad statement, that education has been considered a
major force for social change, and then narrows to focus on specific questions from the book.
One strategy might be to use a similar model in your own introduction —start off with a big
picture sentence or two about the power of education as a force for change as a way of getting
your reader interested and then focus in on the details of your argument about Douglass. Of
course, a different approach could also be very successful, but looking at the way the professor
set up the question can sometimes give you some ideas for how you might answer it.
Decide how general or broad your opening should be. Keep in mind that even a "big picture"
opening needs to be clearly related to your topic; an opening sentence that said "Human beings,
more than any other creatures on earth, are capable of learning" would be too broad for our
sample assignment about slavery and education. If you have ever used Google Maps or similar
programs, that experience can provide a helpful way of thinking about how broad your opening
should be. Imagine that you're researching Chapel Hill. If what you want to find out is whether
Chapel Hill is at roughly the same latitude as Rome, it might make sense to hit that little "minus"
sign on the online map until it has zoomed all the way out and you can see the whole globe. If
you're trying to figure out how to get from Chapel Hill to Wrightsville Beach, it might make
more sense to zoom in to the level where you can see most of North Carolina (but not the rest of
the world, or even the rest of the United States). And if you are looking for the intersection of
Ridge Road and Manning Drive so that you can find the Writing Center's main office, you may
need to zoom all the way in. The question you are asking determines how "broad" your view
should be. In the sample assignment above, the questions are probably at the "state" or "city"
level of generality. But the introductory sentence about human beings is mismatched—it's
definitely at the "global" level. When writing, you need to place your ideas in context—but that
context doesn't generally have to be as big as the whole galaxy!
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Try writing your introduction last. You may think that you have to write your introduction
first, but that isn't necessarily true, and it isn't always the most effective way to craft a good
introduction. You may find that you don't know what you are going to argue at the beginning of
the writing process, and only through the experience of writing your paper do you discover your
main argument. It is perfectly fine to start out thinking that you want to argue a particular point,
but wind up arguing something slightly or even dramatically different by the time you've written
most of the paper. The writing process can be an important way to organize your ideas, think
through complicated issues, refine your thoughts, and develop a sophisticated argument.
However, an introduction written at the beginning of that discovery process will not necessarily
reflect what you wind up with at the end. You will need to revise your paper to make sure that
the introduction, all of the evidence, and the conclusion reflect the argument you intend.
Sometimes it's easiest to just write up all of your evidence first and then write the introduction
last—that way you can be sure that the introduction will match the body of the paper.
Don't be afraid to write a tentative introduction first and then change it later. Some people
find that they need to write some kind of introduction in order to get the writing process started.
That's fine, but if you are one of those people, be sure to return to your initial introduction later
and rewrite if necessary.
Open with an attention grabber. Sometimes, especially if the topic of your paper is somewhat
dry or technical, opening with something catchy can help. Consider these options:
1. an intriguing example (for example, the mistress who initially teaches Douglass but then
ceases her instruction as she learns more about slavery)
2. a provocative quotation (Douglass writes that "education and slavery were incompatible
with each other")
3. a puzzling scenario (Frederick Douglass says of slaves that "[N]othing has been left
undone to cripple their intellects, darken their minds, debase their moral nature, obliterate
all traces of their relationship to mankind; and yet how wonderfully they have sustained
the mighty load of a most frightful bondage, under which they have been groaning for
centuries!" Douglass clearly asserts that slave owners went to great lengths to destroy the
mental capacities of slaves, yet his own life story proves that these efforts could be
unsuccessful.)
4. a vivid and perhaps unexpected anecdote (for example, "Learning about slavery in the
American history course at Frederick Douglass High School, students studied the work
slaves did, the impact of slavery on their families, and the rules that governed their lives.
We didn't discuss education, however, until one student, Mary, raised her hand and
asked, 'But when did they go to school?' That modern high school students could not
conceive of an American childhood devoid of formal education speaks volumes about the
centrality of education to American youth today and also suggests the significance of the
deprivation of education in past generations.")
5. a thought-provoking question (given all of the freedoms that were denied enslaved
individuals in the American South, why does Frederick Douglass focus his attentions so
squarely on education and literacy?)
Pay special attention to your first sentence. Start off on the right foot with your readers by
making sure that the first sentence actually says something useful and that it does so in an
interesting and error-free way.
13
Be straightforward and confident. Avoid statements like "In this paper, I will argue that
Frederick Douglass valued education." While this sentence points toward your main argument, it
isn't especially interesting. It might be more effective to say what you mean in a declarative
sentence. It is much more convincing to tell us that "Frederick Douglass valued education" than
to tell us that you are going to say that he did. Assert your main argument confidently. After all,
you can't expect your reader to believe it if it doesn't sound like you believe it!
How to evaluate your introduction draft
Ask a friend to read it and then tell you what he or she expects the paper will discuss, what kinds
of evidence the paper will use, and what the tone of the paper will be. If your friend is able to
predict the rest of your paper accurately, you probably have a good introduction.
Five kinds of less effective introductions
1. The place holder introduction. When you don't have much to say on a given topic, it is easy
to create this kind of introduction. Essentially, this kind of weaker introduction contains several
sentences that are vague and don't really say much. They exist just to take up the "introduction
space" in your paper. If you had something more effective to say, you would probably say it, but
in the meantime this paragraph is just a place holder.
Example: Slavery was one of the greatest tragedies in American history. There
were many different aspects of slavery. Each created different kinds of problems
for enslaved people.
2. The restated question introduction. Restating the question can sometimes be an effective
strategy, but it can be easy to stop at JUST restating the question instead of offering a more
specific, interesting introduction to your paper. The professor or teaching assistant wrote your
questions and will be reading ten to seventy essays in response to them—he or she does not need
to read a whole paragraph that simply restates the question. Try to do something more
interesting.
Example: Indeed, education has long been considered a major force for American
social change, righting the wrongs of our society. The Narrative of the Life of
Frederick Douglass discusses the relationship between education and slavery in
19th century America, showing how white control of education reinforced slavery
and how Douglass and other enslaved African Americans viewed education while
they endured. Moreover, the book discusses the role that education played in the
acquisition of freedom. Education was a major force for social change with
regard to slavery.
3. The Webster's Dictionary introduction. This introduction begins by giving the dictionary
definition of one or more of the words in the assigned question. This introduction strategy is on
the right track—if you write one of these, you may be trying to establish the important terms of
the discussion, and this move builds a bridge to the reader by offering a common, agreed-upon
definition for a key idea. You may also be looking for an authority that will lend credibility to
your paper. However, anyone can look a word up in the dictionary and copy down what Webster
says—it may be far more interesting for you (and your reader) if you develop your own
14
definition of the term in the specific context of your class and assignment, or if you use a
defintion from one of the sources you've been reading for class. Also recognize that the
dictionary is also not a particularly authoritative work—it doesn't take into account the context of
your course and doesn't offer particularly detailed information. If you feel that you must seek out
an authority, try to find one that is very relevant and specific. Perhaps a quotation from a source
reading might prove better? Dictionary introductions are also ineffective simply because they are
so overused. Many graders will see twenty or more papers that begin in this way, greatly
decreasing the dramatic impact that any one of those papers will have.
Example: Webster's dictionary defines slavery as "the state of being a slave," as
"the practice of owning slaves," and as "a condition of hard work and
subjection."
4. The "dawn of man" introduction. This kind of introduction generally makes broad,
sweeping statements about the relevance of this topic since the beginning of time. It is usually
very general (similar to the place holder introduction) and fails to connect to the thesis. You may
write this kind of introduction when you don't have much to say—which is precisely why it is
ineffective.
Example: Since the dawn of man, slavery has been a problem in human history.
5. The book report introduction. This introduction is what you had to do for your elementary
school book reports. It gives the name and author of the book you are writing about, tells what
the book is about, and offers other basic facts about the book. You might resort to this sort of
introduction when you are trying to fill space because it's a familiar, comfortable format. It is
ineffective because it offers details that your reader already knows and that are irrelevant to the
thesis.
Example: Frederick Douglass wrote his autobiography, Narrative of the Life of
Frederick Douglass, An American Slave, in the 1840s. It was published in 1986
by Penguin Books. In it, he tells the story of his life.
Works consulted
We consulted these works while writing the original version of this handout. This is not a
comprehensive list of resources on the handout's topic, and we encourage you to do your own
research to find the latest publications on this topic. Please do not use this list as a model for the
format of your own reference list, as it may not match the citation style you are using. For
guidance on formatting citations, please see the UNC Libraries citation tutorial.
All quotations are from Frederick Douglass, Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An
American Slave, edited and with introduction by Houston A. Baker, Jr., New York: Penguin
Books, 1986.
15
Station 3
Academic Language
Instructions:
Read the articles attached.
Do the assignments (10 points total, not each)
If the information is unclear, refer to Chpt 6 &7
16
Writing for an academic audience
When you choose words to express your ideas, you have to think not only about what makes sense and
sounds best to you, but what will make sense and sound best to your readers. Thinking about your
audience and their expectations will help you make decisions about word choice.
Some writers think that academic audiences expect them to "sound smart" by using big or technical
words. But the most important goal of academic writing is not to sound smart—it is to communicate an
argument or information clearly and convincingly. It is true that academic writing has a certain style of its
own and that you, as a student, are beginning to learn to read and write in that style. You may find
yourself using words and grammatical constructions that you didn't use in your high school writing. The
danger is that if you consciously set out to "sound smart" and use words or structures that are very
unfamiliar to you, you may produce sentences that your readers can't understand.
When writing for your professors, think simplicity. Using simple words does not indicate simple
thoughts. In an academic argument paper, what makes the thesis and arguments sophisticated are the
connections presented in simple, clear language. Keep in mind, though, that simple and clear doesn't
necessarily mean casual. Most instructors will not be pleased if your paper looks like an instant message
or an email to a friend. It's usually best to avoid slang and colloquialisms. Take a look at this example and
ask yourself how a professor would probably respond to it if it were the thesis statement of a paper:
"Moulin Rouge really bit because the singing sucked and the costume colors were nasty, KWIM?"
When writing academic papers, it is often helpful to find key terms and use them within your paper as
well as in your thesis. This section comments on the crucial difference between repetition and redundancy
of terms and works through an example of using key terms in a thesis statement.
Repetition vs. redundancy
These two phenomena are not necessarily the same. Repetition can be a good thing. Sometimes we have
to use our key terms several times within a paper, especially in topic sentences. Sometimes there is simply
no substitute for the key terms, and selecting a weaker term as a synonym can do more harm than good.
Repeating key terms emphasizes important points and signals to the reader that the argument is still being
supported. This kind of repetition can give your paper cohesion and is done by conscious choice. In
contrast, if you find yourself frustrated, tiredly repeating the same nouns, verbs, or adjectives, or making
the same point over and over, you are probably being redundant. In this case, you are swimming aimlessly
around the same points because you have not decided what your argument really is or because you are
truly fatigued and clarity escapes you. Refer to the "Strategies" section below for ideas on revising for
redundancy.
Assignment for Academic Writing:
Review your graded/commented Essay: Are there any sentences written to “sound
smart” that end up confusing the reader? Rewrite on your paper.
Appropriate Language
When writing, it is very important to use language that fits your audience and matches purpose.
Inappropriate language uses can damage your credibility, undermine your argument, or alienate your
audience. This handout will cover some of the major issues with appropriate language use: levels of
language formality, deceitful language and Euphemisms, slang and idiomatic expressions; using groupspecific jargon; and biased/stereotypical language.
17
The following is a short overview of the different aspects of using appropriate language. Review the other
sections of this handout for a more complete discussion.
1. Levels of Formality: Write in a style that your audience expects and that fits your purpose is key
to successful writing.
2. In-Group Jargon: Jargon refers to specialized language used by groups of like-minded
individuals. Only use in-group jargon when you are writing for members of that group. You
should never use jargon for a general audience without first explaining it.
3. Slang and idiomatic expressions: Avoid using slang or idiomatic expressions in general
academic writing.
4. Deceitful language and Euphemisms: Avoid using euphemisms (words that veil the truth, such
as "collateral damage" for the unintended destruction of civilians and their property) and other
deceitful language.
5. Biased language: Avoid using any biased language including language with a racial, ethnic,
group, or gender bias or language that is stereotypical.
Levels of Formality
The level of formality you write with should be determined by the expectations of your audience and your
purpose. For example, if you are writing a cover letter for a job application or a college academic essay,
you would write in a formal style. If you are writing a letter to a friend, writing something personal, or
even writing something for a humorous or special interest magazine when informal writing is expected,
you would use a more informal style. Formality exists on a scale—in the example below, a letter of
application to a known colleague can result in a semi-formal style.
Here is an example:
Formal (Written to an unknown audience): I am applying for the receptionist position advertised in the
local paper. I am an excellent candidate for the job because of my significant secretarial experience,
good language skills, and sense of organization.
Semi-formal (Written to a well-known individual): I am applying for the receptionist position that is
currently open in the company. As you are aware, I have worked as a temporary employee with your
company in this position before. As such, I not only have experience and knowledge of this position,
but also already understand the company's needs and requirements for this job.
Informal (Incorrect): Hi! I read in the paper that ya'll were looking for a receptionist. I think that I am
good for that job because I've done stuff like it in the past, am good with words, and am incredibly
well organized.
Assignment for Formal Writing:
Review your graded/commented Essay: Are there any sentences what have “you” or
“we” in them? Rewrite those sentences on your paper.
Deceitful Language and Euphemisms
You should avoid using any language whose purpose is deceitful. Euphemisms are terms that attempt to
cover up that which is wrong, unethical, taboo, or harsh.
Here are some examples from the military:
18




Pacification = The act of forcefully exerting outside government over a previously autonomous
people
Friendly Fire = Being shot at (unintentionally) by your own allies
Collateral Damage = Destruction of property and killing of innocent civilians during war efforts
Sunshine Units = A term for a power plant that is leaking radiation into the surrounding areas
Complex or Confusing Language
Language can also be deceitful if it is overly complex or confusing. Confusing language is deliberately
created complex and is used to downplay the truth or to evade responsibility. Here is an example:
The acquisition of pollution permits by individuals and corporations that produce toxins has now
been allowed by the recently amended Clean Air Act of 1990. Institution of permits simplifies and
clarifies obligations for business and industry, making environmental protections more accessible
for these constituents. The government and the Environmental Protection Agency will be greatly
assisted in their endeavors by monitoring the release of all substances and having the substances
listed on one individual permit.
Although this paragraph makes it seem like this facet of the Clean Air act is helping the environment, the
EPA, and the federal government, in reality all it is doing is explaining the new permit system that allows
permit holders to release pollutants into the environment.
Group Terminology
Depending on your purpose, however, some terms that may be considered euphemisms may be
appropriate or even sanctioned by groups they affect. For example, it is more correct to say "persons with
disabilities" or "differently-abled persons" than to call someone "handicapped" "crippled" or even
"disabled." In these cases, it is important to use what is considered correct by the group in question.
Assignment for Appropriate language:
Review your graded/commented Essay: Look for slang, jargon, informal words,
deceitful and biased language. Highlight the problem and then rewrite the
sentence/paragraph on your paper.
19
Appropriate Pronoun Usage
First, each pronoun that you use MUST have a antecedent – in other words, it must be absolutely clear what you are referencing
with each pronoun.

Using a pronoun when readers can't tell whom/what it refers to.
Example: My cousin Jake hugged my brother Trey, even though he didn’t like him very much.
Revision: My cousin Jake hugged my brother Trey, even though Jake doesn't like Trey very much.
Because English has no generic singular—or common-sex—pronoun, we have used HE, HIS, and HIM in such expressions as
"the student needs HIS pencil." When we constantly personify "the judge," "the critic," "the executive," "the author," and so
forth, as male by using the pronoun HE, we are subtly conditioning ourselves against the idea of a female judge, critic, executive,
or author. There are several alternative approaches for ending the exclusion of women that results from the pervasive use of
masculine pronouns.
Recast into the plural
 Original: Give each student his paper as soon as he is finished.
 Alternative: Give students their papers as soon as they are finished.
Reword to eliminate gender problems.
 Original: The average student is worried about his grade.
 Alternative: The average student is worried about grades.
Replace the masculine pronoun with ONE, YOU, or (sparingly) HE OR SHE, as appropriate.
 Original: If the student was satisfied with his performance on the pretest, he took the post-test..
 Alternative: A student who was satisfied with her or his performance on the pretest took the post-test.
Alternate male and female examples and expressions. (Be careful not to confuse the reader.)
 Original: Let each student participate. Has he had a chance to talk? Could he feel left out?
 Alternative: Let each student participate. Has she had a chance to talk? Could he feel left out?
Indefinite Pronouns
Using the masculine pronouns to refer to an indefinite pronoun (everybody, everyone, anybody, anyone) also has the effect of
excluding women. In all but strictly formal uses, plural pronouns have become acceptable substitutes for the masculine singular.
 Original: Anyone who wants to go to the game should bring his money tomorrow.
 Alternative: Anyone who wants to go to the game should bring their money tomorrow.
An alternative to this is merely changing the sentence. English is very flexible, so there is little reason to "write yourself into a
corner:"
 Original: Anyone who wants to go to the game should bring his money.
 Alternative: People who want to go to the game should bring their money.
Assignment for Appropriate Pronoun Use:
Review your graded/commented Essay: Look for problems with pronouns (Error #1).
Highlight the problem and then rewrite the sentence/paragraph on your paper.
Using Active Versus Passive Voice

In a sentence using active voice, the subject of the sentence performs the action
expressed in the verb.
20






The arrow points from the subject performing the action (the dog) to the
individual being acted upon (the boy). This is an example of a sentence using the
active voice.
Sample active voice sentence with the subject performing the action described by
the verb.

The active voice sentence subject (watching a framed, mobile world) performs the
action of reminding the speaker of something.
Each example above includes a sentence subject performing the action expressed by the
verb.
View examples of these verb tenses in the active voice.
Commonly confused words
Take a look at these two sentences – one of them contains a mistake:
I poured over book after book.
We pored over the catalogues.
Are you uncertain which one is right? There are a lot of words in English that look or sound alike but
have very different meanings, such as pore and pour or flaunt and flout. It’s easy to get them confused
and most electronic spellcheckers won’t be much help in this type of situation: they can tell you if a word
has been spelled wrongly but they can’t generally flag up the misuse of a correctly spelled word.
Here’s a quick-reference list of pairs of words that regularly cause people problems. The words follow the
accepted British English spelling. Some of them do have alternative American spellings and you will find
these at the main dictionary entry on this website. http://oxforddictionaries.com/page/easilyconfused
Word 1
accept
adverse
advice
affect
aisle
all together
along
aloud
altar
amoral
appraise
assent
Meaning
to agree to receive or do
unfavorable, harmful
recommendations about
what to do
to change or make a
difference to
a passage between rows of
seats
all in one place, all at once
moving or extending
horizontally on
out loud
a sacred table in a church
not concerned with right
or wrong
to assess
agreement, approval
Word 2
except
averse
advise
Meaning
not including
strongly disliking; opposed
to recommend something
effect
a result; to bring about a result
isle
an island
altogether
a long
completely; on the whole
referring to something of great
length
permitted
to change
not following accepted moral
standards
to inform someone
the action of rising or climbing
up
allowed
alter
immoral
apprise
ascent
21
aural
oral
relating to the mouth; spoken
barmy
bear
baited
foolish, crazy
to carry; to put up with
with bait attached or inserted
bazaar
berth
relating to the ears or
hearing
pleasantly warm
naked; to uncover
in phrase 'with bated
breath', i.e. in great
suspense
a Middle Eastern market
a bunk in a ship, train, etc.
bizarre
birth
born
bough
having started life
a branch of a tree
borne
bow
brake
a device for stopping a
vehicle; to stop a vehicle
to break through, or break
a rule; a gap
to raise a subject for
discussion
a type of strong cloth
to criticize strongly
break
strange
the emergence of a baby from
the womb
carried
to bend the head; the front of a
ship
to separate into pieces; a pause
breech
the back part of a gun barrel
brooch
a piece of jewellery
canvass
censor
serial
chord
a grass producing an
edible grain; a breakfast
food made from grains
a group of musical notes
to seek people’s votes
to ban parts of a book or film;
a person who does this
happening in a series
climactic
coarse
forming a climax
rough
climatic
course
complacent
complement
smug and self-satisfied
to add to so as to improve;
an addition that improves
something
a group of people who
manage or advise
a signal for action; a
wooden rod
to keep something in
check; a control or limit
a dried grape
complaisant
compliment
to make a situation less
tense
a waterless, empty area; to
abandon someone
careful not to attract
attention
impartial
a current of air
an even score at the end of
a game
having two parts
drawer
to draw out a reply or
reaction
to make certain that
something will happen
illicit
to cover or surround
physical activity; to do
physical activity
a young deer; light brown
envelope
exorcise
to provide compensation if a
person dies or property is
damaged
a paper container for a letter
to drive out an evil spirit
faun
a mythical being, part man,
balmy
bare
bated
breach
broach
canvas
censure
cereal
council
cue
curb
currant
defuse
desert
discreet
disinterested
draught
draw
dual
elicit
ensure
envelop
exercise
fawn
cord
a length of string; a cord-like
body part
relating to climate
a direction; a school subject;
part of a meal
willing to please
to praise or express approval;
an admiring remark
counsel
advice; to advise
queue
a line of people or vehicles
kerb
diffuse
(in British English) the stone
edge of a pavement
happening now; a flow of
water, air, or electricity
to spread over a wide area
dessert
the sweet course of a meal
discrete
separate and distinct
uninterested
draft
not interested
a first version of a piece of
writing
a sliding storage compartment
current
duel
insure
a fight or contest between two
people
not allowed by law or rules
22
flaunt
flounder
forbear
foreword
freeze
grisly
hoard
imply
loath
loose
meter
militate
palate
pedal
pole
pour
practice
prescribe
principal
sceptic
sight
stationary
storey
titillate
tortuous
wreath
part goat
to disregard a rule
to fail
to display ostentatiously
to move clumsily; to have
difficulty doing something
to refrain
an introduction to a book
to turn to ice
gruesome, revolting
a store
to suggest indirectly
reluctant, unwilling
to unfasten; to set free
flout
founder
a measuring device
to be a powerful factor
against
the roof of the mouth
a foot-operated lever
a long, slender piece of
wood
to flow or cause to flow
metre
mitigate
an ancestor
onwards, ahead
a decoration along a wall
a type of bear
a large crowd of people
to draw a conclusion
to hate
to be deprived of; to be unable
to find
a metric unit; rhythm in verse
to make less severe
palette
peddle
poll
a board for mixing colours
to sell goods
voting in an election
pore
the use of an idea or
method; the work or
business of a doctor,
dentist, etc.
to authorize use of
medicine; to order
authoritatively
most important; the head
of a school
a person inclined to doubt
the ability to see
not moving
a level of a building
to arouse interest
full of twists; complex
a ring-shaped arrangement
of flowers etc.
practise
a tiny opening; to study
something closely
to do something repeatedly to
gain skill; to do something
regularly
proscribe
to officially forbid something
principle
a fundamental rule or belief
septic
site
stationery
story
titivate
torturous
wreathe
infected with bacteria
a location
writing materials
a tale or account
to make more attractive
full of pain or suffering
to surround or encircle
forebear
forward
frieze
grizzly
horde
infer
loathe
lose
Assignment: Commonly Confused Words
Review your returned papers. Do you see any “#2” errors? If so, write the word(s) you confused
with their definitions.
23
Station 4
Wordiness
Instructions:
Read “Wordiness” (attached)
Do the assignment (on last page of the handout. 10 points)
If the information is unclear, refer to Chpt 7 in your textbook
24
Wordiness: A Lesson in Writing Concisely
•
“[Y]ou can think of your draft as a puzzle; to solve it, you have to find and eliminate the superfluities that obscure
your meaning. The object is to delete as many words as possible without sacrificing substance or nuance.” -Claire
Kehrwald Cook
Avoid “Be” Verbs
1.
•
•
•
am
are
is
•
•
•
•
was
were
being
been
“Be” verbs are considered actionless verbs and should be changed to active verbs when appropriate.
The boring textbook was being read by the students.
It is better to become a nurse instead of a teacher.
change to
The students read the boring textbook .
change to
Nursing pays better than teaching does.
_________________________________________________________________
“Be” Verb warning. WARNING!!!
Sometimes you should use “be” verbs.
 I am 21 years old.
If the agent—the one performing the action—is unknown, you may use the passive voice.
• The walls had been defaced by graffiti.
2. Active vs. Passive Verbs
In sentences written in the active voice, the subject performs the action expressed by the verb. In academic writing (with the
exception of scientific writing) active sentences are preferred over passive ones. In sentences written in the passive voice, the
subject receives the action expressed by the verb.
•
•
Active: Roseannewrote the paper.
Passive: The paperwas written by Roseanne.
Passive: The Old Man and the Seawas written by Hemingway.
Active: Hemingway wroteThe Old Man and the Sea.
Passive: It is believed by some critics that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film.
Active: Some critics believe that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film.
WARNING! Active Vs Passive
At times, it may be appropriate to write in the passive voice.
The passive voice is preferred in scientific papers.
• Experiments have been conducted to test the safety of generic pharmaceuticals.
English and Humanities papers, however, are written in the active voice.
• Dr. Harkerconducted experiments to test the safety of generic pharmaceuticals.
25
3.
Condense Phrases into Single Words
All these phrases can be condensed into one word.
The employee with ambition got the promotion.
The ambitious employee got the promotion.
Rob decided to retake the class at a later date in time.
change to
Rob decided to retake the class later.
Because," "Since," "Why" =
the reason for
for the reason that
owing/due to the fact that
in light of the fact that
considering the fact that
on the grounds that
this is why
Must," "Should" =
it is crucial that
it is necessary that
there is a need/necessity for
it is important that
cannot be avoided
4.
•
•
•
•
•
•
the reason for
for the reason that
due to the fact that
in light of the fact that
considering the fact that
this is why
“When" =
on the occasion of
in a situation in which
under circumstances in which
“about" =
as regards
in reference to
with regard to
concerning the matter of
where ________ is concerned
"Can" =
is able to
has the opportunity to
has the capacity for
has the ability to
"May," "Might," "Could" =
it is possible that
there is a chance that
it could happen that
the possibility exists for
Avoid Repetitive Wording
end result
past experience
share in common
small in size
= end
= past
= share
= small
I thought in my head
I thought to myself
In my mind, I think
In my opinion, I think
= I thought
= I think
made a discovery
made an attempt
made an accusation
made an appearance
made a decision
= discovered
= attempted
= accused
= appeared
= decided
5. Avoid overusing expletives at the beginning of sentences
Expletives are phrases of the form it + be-verb or there + be-verb.
Wordy: It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills. (9 words)
Concise: The governor signs or vetoes bills. (6 words)
Wordy: There are four rules that should be observed: ... (8 words)
Concise: Four rules should be observed:... (5 words)
Wordy: There was a big explosion, which shook the windows, and people ran into the street.
Concise: A big explosion shook the windows, and people ran into the street.
26
The Paramedic Method
Use the Paramedic Method (originally developed by Richard Lanham in Revising Prose) to edit any kind of professional writing.
Editing your professional writing using the Paramedic Method will make your prose easier to read. Sentences that are easy to read
are more persuasive and more user-centered.
Follow the seven steps below to improve the readability of your sentences.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into)
Draw a box around the "is" verb forms
Ask, "Where's the action?"
Change the "action" into a simple verb
Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking whom)
Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups
Eliminate any redundancies.
Paramedic Method Example
Use the Paramedic Method in the sentences below to practice.
Use the Paramedic Method in the sentences below to practice making your sentences more concise. After you use the Paramedic
Method on these sentences, check your results against the sentences at the bottom of this handout.
1.
The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money.
2.
It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs have become active participants in the Search and Rescue operations in most
years.
3.
After reviewing the results of your previous research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study,
there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures.
This handout adapted from a larger piece by Richard Johnson-Sheehan.
27
Example Concise Solutions:
1.
2.
3.
Employees at this company need a better money manager. (Original word count: 26. New word count: 10).
In recent years, engineers at Sandia Labs have participated in the Search and Rescue operations. (Original word count: 24. New word
count: 16).
After reviewing the results of your research, and within the context of the study, we find evidence supporting significant changes in
our operating procedures. (Original word count: 36. New word count: 25).
Assignment 1: Eliminating Wordiness
Revise these sentences to state their meaning in fewer words. Avoid passive voice, needless repetition, and
wordy phrases and clauses.
1. Although Bradley Hall is regularly populated by students, close study of the building as a structure is
seldom undertaken by them.
2. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for him to help support his family.
3. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next few days.
4. There are many ways in which a student who is interested in meeting foreign students may come to know
one.
5. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose.
6. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of all.
7. A campus rally was attended by more than a thousand students. Five students were arrested by campus
police for disorderly conduct, while several others are charged by campus administrators with organizing a
public meeting without being issued a permit to do so.
8. The subjects that are considered most important by students are those that have been shown to be useful to
them after graduation.
9. In the not too distant future, college freshmen must all become aware of the fact that there is a need for
them to make contact with an academic adviser concerning the matter of a major.
10. In our company there are wide-open opportunities for professional growth with a company that enjoys an
enviable record for stability in the dynamic atmosphere of aerospace technology.
11. Some people believe in capital punishment, while other people are against it; there are many opinions on
this subject.
Need more practice? Go here! http://owl.english.purdue.edu/exercises/6/9/56
If you are having trouble with sentence structure, go here: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/exercises/5/
Assignment 2: Eliminating Wordiness
Review your essay. Are there wordy constructions? Reword 2 sentences.
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Station 5
Introducing Quotes
Using MLA format
Instructions:
Read the articles (attached)
Do the assignment (25 points for the paragraph organizer)
Assignment: Quoting
Choose at least 1 quote to integrate into your Benchmark paper (or, if you are unsure of the Benchmark, into
your Compare/Contrast paper).
Fill out the “Paragraph Organizer” form. Attach this to your assignment paper and turn it in when this
activity is complete.
29
Quotations
Used effectively, quotations can provide important pieces of evidence and lend fresh voices and perspectives
to your narrative. Used ineffectively, however, quotations clutter your text and interrupt the flow of your
argument. This handout will help you decide when and how to quote like a pro.
When should I quote?
Use quotations at strategically selected moments. You have probably been told by teachers to provide as much
evidence as possible in support of your thesis. But packing your paper with quotations will not necessarily
strengthen your argument. The majority of your paper should still be your original ideas in your own words
(after all, it's your paper). And quotations are only one type of evidence: well-balanced papers may also make
use of paraphrases, data, and statistics. The types of evidence you use will depend in part on the conventions of
the discipline or audience for which you are writing. For example, papers analyzing literature may rely heavily
on direct quotations of the text, while papers in the social sciences may have more paraphrasing, data, and
statistics than quotations.
1. Discussing specific arguments or ideas.
Sometimes, in order to have a clear, accurate discussion of the ideas of others, you need to
quote those ideas word for word. Suppose you want to challenge the following statement made
by John Doe, a well-known historian:
"At the beginning of World War Two, almost all Americans assumed the war would end
quickly."
If it is especially important that you formulate a counterargument to this claim, then you might
wish to quote the part of the statement that you find questionable and establish a dialogue
between yourself and John Doe:
Historian John Doe has argued that in 1941 "almost all Americans assumed the war would end
quickly" (Doe 223). Yet during the first six months of U.S. involvement, the wives and mothers
of soldiers often noted in their diaries their fear that the war would drag on for years.
2. Giving added emphasis to a particularly authoritative source on your topic.
There will be times when you want to highlight the words of a particularly important and
authoritative source on your topic. For example, suppose you were writing an essay about the
differences between the lives of male and female slaves in the U.S. South. One of your most
provocative sources is a narrative written by a former slave, Harriet Jacobs. It would then be
appropriate to quote some of Jacobs's words:
Harriet Jacobs, a former slave from North Carolina, published an autobiographical slave
narrative in 1861. She exposed the hardships of both male and female slaves but ultimately
concluded that "slavery is terrible for men; but it is far more terrible for women."
In this particular example, Jacobs is providing a crucial first-hand perspective on slavery. Thus,
her words deserve more exposure than a paraphrase could provide.
30
Jacobs is quoted in Harriet A. Jacobs, Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl, ed. Jean Fagan
Yellin (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1987).
3. Analyzing how others use language.
This scenario is probably most common in literature and linguistics courses, but you might also
find yourself writing about the use of language in history and social science classes. If the use
of language is your primary topic, then you will obviously need to quote users of that language.
Examples of topics that might require the frequent use of quotations include:
Southern colloquial expressions in William Faulkner's Light in August
Ms. and the creation of a language of female empowerment
A comparison of three British poets and their use of rhyme
4. Spicing up your prose.
In order to lend variety to your prose, you may wish to quote a source with particularly vivid
language. All quotations, however, must closely relate to your topic and arguments. Do not
insert a quotation solely for its literary merits.
One example of a quotation that adds flair:
Calvin Coolidge's tendency to fall asleep became legendary. As H. L. Mencken commented in
the American Mercury in 1933, "Nero fiddled, but Coolidge only snored."
How do I set up and follow up a quotation?
Once you've carefully selected the quotations that you want to use, your next job is to weave those quotations
into your text. The words that precede and follow a quotation are just as important as the quotation itself. You
can think of each quote as the filling in a sandwich: it may be tasty on its own, but it's messy to eat without
some bread on either side of it. Your words can serve as the "bread" that helps readers digest each quote easily.
Below are four guidelines for setting up and following up quotations.
In illustrating these four steps, we'll use as our example, Franklin Roosevelt's famous quotation, "The only
thing we have to fear is fear itself."
1. Provide a context for each quotation.
Do not rely on quotations to tell your story for you. It is your responsibility to provide your
reader with a context for the quotation. The context should set the basic scene for when,
possibly where, and under what circumstances the quotation was spoken or written. So, in
providing a context for our above example, you might write:
When Franklin Roosevelt gave his inaugural speech on March 4, 1933, he addressed a nation
weakened and demoralized by economic depression.
2. Attribute each quotation to its source.
31
Tell your reader who is speaking. Here is a good test: try reading your text aloud. Could your
reader determine without looking at your paper where your quotations begin? If not, you need
to attribute the quote more noticeably.
Avoid getting into the "he/she said" attribution rut! There are many other ways to attribute
quotes besides this construction. Here are a few alternative verbs, usually followed by "that":
add
remark exclaim
announce reply
state
comment respond estimate
write
point out predict
argue
suggest propose
declare criticize proclaim
note
complain opine
observe think
note
Different reporting verbs are preferred by different disciplines, so pay special attention to these
in your disciplinary reading. If you're unfamiliar with the meanings of any of these words or
others you find in your reading, consult a dictionary before using them.
3. Explain the significance of the quotation.
Once you've inserted your quotation, along with its context and attribution, don't stop! Your
reader still needs your assessment of why the quotation holds significance for your paper. Using
our Roosevelt example, if you were writing a paper on the first one-hundred days of FDR's
administration, you might follow the quotation by linking it to that topic:
With that message of hope and confidence, the new president set the stage for his next onehundred days in office and helped restore the faith of the American people in their government.
4. Provide a citation for the quotation.
All quotations, just like all paraphrases, require a formal citation. For more details about
particular citation formats, see the UNC Libraries citation tutorial. In general, you should
remember one rule of thumb: Place the parenthetical reference or footnote/endnote number
after—not within—the closed quotation mark.
Roosevelt declared, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" (Roosevelt, Public Papers
11).
Roosevelt declared, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."1
How much should I quote?
As few words as possible. Remember, your paper should primarily contain your own words, so quote only the
most pithy and memorable parts of sources. Here are three guidelines for selecting quoted material judiciously.
1. Excerpt fragments.
32
Sometimes, you should quote short fragments, rather than whole sentences. Suppose you
interviewed Jane Doe about her reaction to John F. Kennedy's assassination. She commented:
"I couldn't believe it. It was just unreal and so sad. It was just unbelievable. I had never
experienced such denial. I don't know why I felt so strongly. Perhaps it was because JFK was
more to me than a president. He represented the hopes of young people everywhere."
You could quote all of Jane's comments, but her first three sentences are fairly redundant. You
might instead want to quote Jane when she arrives at the ultimate reason for her strong
emotions:
Jane Doe grappled with grief and disbelief. She had viewed JFK, not just as a national
figurehead, but as someone who "represented the hopes of young people everywhere."
2. Excerpt those fragments carefully!
Quoting the words of others carries a big responsibility. Misquoting misrepresents the ideas of
others. Here's a classic example of a misquote:
John Adams has often been quoted as having said: "This would be the best of all possible
worlds if there were no religion in it."
John Adams did, in fact, write the above words. But if you see those words in context, the
meaning changes entirely. Here's the rest of the quotation:
Twenty times, in the course of my late reading, have I been on the point of breaking out, 'this
would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it!!!!' But in this
exclamation, I should have been as fanatical as Bryant or Cleverly. Without religion, this world
would be something not fit to be mentioned in public company—I mean hell.
As you can see from this example, context matters!
This example is from Paul F. Boller, Jr. and John George, They Never Said It: A Book of Fake
Quotes, Misquotes, and Misleading Attributions (Oxford University Press, 1989).
3. Use block quotations sparingly.
There may be times when you need to quote long passages. However, you should use block
quotations only when you fear that omitting any words will destroy the integrity of the passage.
If that passage exceeds four lines (some sources say five), then set it off as a block quotation.
Here are a few general tips for setting off your block quotation—to be sure you are handling
block quotes correctly in papers for different academic disciplines, check the index of the
citation style guide you are using:
1. Set up a block quotation with your own words followed by a colon.
2. Indent. You normally indent 4-5 spaces for the start of a paragraph. When setting up a block quotation,
indent the entire paragraph once from the left-hand margin.
3. Single space or double space within the block quotation, depending on the style guidelines of your
discipline (MLA, CSE, APA, Chicago, etc.).
33
4. Do not use quotation marks at the beginning or end of the block quote—the indentation is what
indicates that it's a quote.
5. Place parenthetical citation according to your style guide (usually after the period following the last
sentence of the quote).
6. Follow up a block quotation with your own words.
So, using the above example from John Adams, here's how you might include a block quotation:
After reading several doctrinally rigid tracts, John Adams recalled the zealous ranting of his former teacher,
Joseph Cleverly, and minister, Lemuel Bryant. He expressed his ambivalence toward religion in an 1817 letter
to Thomas Jefferson:
Twenty times, in the course of my late reading, have I been on the point of breaking out, 'this
would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it!!!!' But in this
exclamation, I should have been as fanatical as Bryant or Cleverly. Without religion, this world
would be something not fit to be mentioned in public company—I mean hell.
Adams clearly appreciated religion, even if he often questioned its promotion.
How do I combine quotation marks with other punctuation marks?
It can be confusing when you start combining quotation marks with other punctuation marks. You should
consult a style manual for complicated situations, but the following two rules apply to most cases:
1) Keep periods and commas within quotation marks.
So, for example:
According to Professor Jones, Lincoln "feared the spread of slavery," but many of his aides
advised him to "watch and wait."
In the above example, both the comma and period were enclosed in the quotation marks. The main exception
to this rule involves the use of internal citations, which always precede the last period of the sentence. For
example:
According to Professor Jones, Lincoln "feared the spread of slavery," but many of his aides
advised him to "watch and wait" (Jones 143).
Note, however, that the period remains inside the quotation marks when your citation style involved
superscript footnotes or endnotes. For example:
According to Professor Jones, Lincoln "feared the spread of slavery," but many of his aides
advised him to "watch and wait."2
2) Place all other punctuation marks (colons, semicolons, exclamation marks, question
marks) outside the quotation marks, except when they were part of the original quotation.
Take a look at the following examples:
34
The student wrote that the U. S. Civil War "finally ended around 1900"!
The coach yelled, "Run!"
In the first example, the author placed the exclamation point outside the quotation mark because she added it
herself to emphasize the absurdity of the student's comment. The student's original comment had not included
an exclamation mark. In the second example, the exclamation mark remains within the quotation mark because
it is indicating the excited tone in which the coach yelled the command. Thus, the exclamation mark is
considered to be part of the original quotation.
How do I indicate quotations within quotations?
If you are quoting a passage that contains a quotation, then you use single quotation marks for the internal
quotation. Quite rarely, you quote a passage that has a quotation within a quotation. In that rare instance, you
would use double quotation marks for the second internal quotation.
Here's an example of a quotation within a quotation:
In "The Emperor's New Clothes," Hans Christian Andersen wrote, "'But the Emperor has
nothing on at all!' cried a little child."
Remember to consult your style guide to determine how to properly cite a quote within a quote.
When do I use those three dots ( . . . )?
Whenever you want to leave out material from within a quotation, you need to use an ellipsis, which is a series
of three periods, each of which should be preceded and followed by a space. So, an ellipsis in this sentence
would look like . . . this. There are a few rules to follow when using ellipses:
1. Be sure that you don't fundamentally change the meaning of the quotation by omitting
material.
Take a look at the following example:
"The Writing Center is located on the UNC campus and serves the entire UNC community."
"The Writing Center . . . serves the entire UNC community."
The reader's understanding of the Writing Center's mission to serve the UNC community is not affected by
omitting the information about its location.
2. Do not use ellipses at the beginning or ending of quotations, unless it's important for the
reader to know that the quotation was truncated.
For example, using the above example, you would NOT need an ellipsis in either of these situations:
"The Writing Center is located on the UNC campus . . ."
The Writing Center " . . . serves the entire UNC community."
35
3. Use punctuation marks in combination with ellipses when removing material from the end
of sentences or clauses.
For example, if you take material from the end of a sentence, keep the period in as usual.
"The boys ran to school, forgetting their lunches and books. Even though they were out of
breath, they made it on time."
"The boys ran to school. . . . Even though they were out of breath, they made it on time."
Likewise, if you excerpt material at the end of clause that ends in a comma, retain the comma.
"The red car came to a screeching halt that was heard by nearby pedestrians, but no one was
hurt."
"The red car came to a screeching halt . . . , but no one was hurt."
Is it ever okay to insert my own words or change words in a
quotation?
Sometimes it is necessary for clarity and flow to alter a word or words within a quotation. You should make
such changes rarely. In order to alert your reader to the changes you've made, you should always bracket the
altered words. Here are a few examples of situations when you might need brackets.
1. Changing verb tense or pronouns in order to be consistent with the rest of the sentence.
Suppose you were quoting a woman who, when asked about her experiences immigrating to the United States,
commented "nobody understood me." You might write:
Esther Hansen felt that when she came to the United States "nobody understood [her]."
In the above example, you've changed "me" to "her" in order to keep the entire passage in third person.
However, you could avoid the need for this change by simply rephrasing:
"Nobody understood me," recalled Danish immigrant Esther Hansen.
2. Including supplemental information that your reader needs in order to understand the
quotation.
For example, if you were quoting someone's nickname, you might want to let your reader know the full name
of that person in brackets.
"The principal of the school told Billy [William Smith] that his contract would be terminated."
Similarly, if a quotation referenced an event with which the reader might be unfamiliar, you could identify that
event in brackets.
"We completely revised our political strategies after the strike [of 1934]."
36
3. Indicating the use of nonstandard grammar or spelling.
In rare situations, you may quote from a text that has nonstandard grammar, spelling, or word choice. In such
cases, you may want to insert [sic], which means "thus" or "so" in Latin. Using [sic] alerts your reader to the
fact that this nonstandard language is not the result of a typo on your part. Always italicize "sic" and enclose it
in brackets. There is no need to put a period at the end. Here's an example of when you might use [sic]:
Twelve-year-old Betsy Smith wrote in her diary, "Father is afraid that he will be guilty of beach
[sic] of contract."
Here [sic] indicates that the original author wrote "beach of contract," not breach of contract, which is the
accepted terminology.
4. Do not overuse brackets!
For example, it is not necessary to bracket capitalization changes that you make at the beginning of sentences.
For example, suppose you were going to use part of this quotation:
"We never looked back, but the memory of our army days remained with us the rest of our
lives."
If you wanted to begin a sentence with an excerpt from the middle of this quotation, there would be no need to
bracket your capitalization changes.
"The memory of our army days remained with us the rest of our lives," commented Joe Brown,
a World War II veteran.
Not
"[T]he memory of our army days remained with us the rest of our lives," commented Joe
Brown, a World War II veteran.
Works consulted
We consulted these works while writing the original version of this handout. This is not a comprehensive list
of resources on the handout's topic, and we encourage you to do your own research to find the latest
publications on this topic. Please do not use this list as a model for the format of your own reference list, as it
may not match the citation style you are using. For guidance on formatting citations, please see the UNC
Libraries citation tutorial.
Barzun, Jacques and Henry F. Graff. The Modern Researcher. 6th Edition. Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 2004.
Booth, Wayne C., Gregory G. Colomb, and Joseph M. Williams. The Craft of Research, 2nd Edition. Chicago:
University of Chicago Press, 2003.
Gibaldi, Joseph. MLA Handbook for Writers of Research Papers, 6th Edition. New York: The Modern
Language Association of America, 2003.
Turabian, Kate L. A Manual for Writers of Term Papers, Theses, and Dissertations. 6th Edition. Chicago:
University of Chicago Press, 1996.
37
You may reproduce it for non-commercial use if you use the entire handout (just click print) and attribute the
source: The Writing Center, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
The Writing Center • Campus Box #5137 • SASB North Suite 0127 • UNC-CH • Chapel Hill, NC 27599
phone: (919) 962-7710 • email: writing_center@unc.edu
© 2010-2011 by The Writing Center at UNC Chapel Hill.
38
Quotations: Integrating them in MLA-Style Papers
The MLA-style in-text citation is a highly compressed format, designed to preserve the smooth flow of your own ideas
(without letting the outside material take over your whole paper).
See also: Academic Writing; Using Quotations Effectively; Thesis Statements
One engineer who figures prominently in all accounts of the 1986 Challenger accident says NASA was
“absolutely relentless and Machiavellian” about following procedures to the letter (Vaughan 221).
The standard MLA citation uses just the author’s last name and the page number (or line number), separated
by a space (not a comma).
Diane Vaughan cites an Challenger engineer who says NASA was “absolutely relentless and Machiavellian”
about following procedures to the letter (221).
When your own sentence mentions the author, do not repeat the author in the parenthetical citation.
In high school, you may have been rewarded for introducing every quote with a full sentence identifying the author and
mentioning the author’s credentials. In the examples below, the bold text is useless filler.
Diane Vaughan, a professor of psychology at Boston College and an expert in corporate reactions to
emergencies, published an extensive study of the 1986 Challenger disaster, called The Challenger Launch
Decision. In that book, on page 221, she cites a prominent engineer who says NASA was “absolutely relentless
and Machiavellian” about following procedures to the letter.
In The Challenger Launch Decision, by Diane Vaughan, it says that an engineer who figures prominently in
all accounts of the disaster believes NASA was “absolutely relentless and Machiavellian” about following
procedures to the letter (Vaughan 221)..
An MLA-style paper does not ask you to give the full name and credentials of your sources in the body of your paper, or
even the full title of your source. (Save that information for the Works Cited list.)
In high school, where you might write a whole paper using only one or two sources, you got points for calling attention
to the fact that you found a good source and were able to use it successfully in a paper. But in a paper you write for
college, you may use three or four different sources in the same paragraph, and you may refer to several additional
sources without actually quoting from them. If you bring your essay to a screeching halt in order to introduce the full
name and credentials of each author, you will bury whatever argument you were trying to make.
Any college writing handbook will have multiple examples of how to cite multiple pages from the same source, multiple
works from the same author, and other variations. This handout does not attempt to cover those details; instead, it
emphasizes the stylistic and intellectual value of integrating brief quotes from outside sources, using those words to
make your own original point. That’s very different from the wordy, high-schoolish method of introducing a quotation,
presenting the quoted words, and then summarizing what those words mean.
Integrate Brief Quotations from Outside Sources
Don’t interrupt the flow of your own argument to give the author’s full name or the source’s full title. Spend fewer
words introducing your sources, and devote more words to expressing and developing your own ideas in ways that use
shorter quotations, or even just a few words, from your outside sources.
Have you ever noticed how some people just won’t shut up? In the book Why I Love Words by the authenticsounding fictional humorist Ira Talott, a similar point is made on page 45: “The streets are full of people who talk
to themselves, who write journal entries to nobody. Do they feel that speaking and writing is more important
than listening and reading? These people are boring at parties, but are they arrogant? They are compulsive
39
communicators. It’s more likely that they simply live in perpetual fear of silence.” This quote shows that people
who talk too much may not actually be able to help themselves, so we should be kind to them.
The above example makes a very small point, quoting a much longer passage than necessary, and expending far too
many words on the buildup.
If you draw so much attention to your sources, your paper will end up sounding a little like this:
Hi, there, I’m about to introduce a quote now. I’m really proud that I found it because it took me a whole 15
minutes to find it in a book. Are you ready? Okay here is my quote. [Several sentences from the outside source.]
Now listen up, because now that I’ve shown you the quote, I’m going to re-state every point in my own words, in
order to make sure I get points for knowing what the quote means.
Our first revision will simply trim out the unnecessary words, removing all references like “here is a relevant quote” or
“here is what I think this quote means,” and instead simply focusing on writing a single sentence that not only introduces
the quoted material, but also uses it in a sentence that drives an argument.
Talott is sympathetic towards “compulsive communicators,” who are “boring at parties,” but who are not actually
arrogant; instead, they “simply live in perpetual fear of silence” (45).
This revision is marginally better, but only because it uses fewer words — it’s still just summarizing Talott’s argument,
rather than using the outside quote to advance the author’s own argument. What this revision is missing is the application
of the quote, in the service of advancing the author’s original point.
Resist the temptation simply to add a sentence that says “This quote supports my thesis because…” Instead, make your
argument flow naturally from your presentation of the borrowed material.
Three Potential Ways to Apply Borrowed Material
The following examples show three different ways that the same quoted material could be used to advance an original
argument, by directly tying the material from one source to related material from another source.
Talott is sympathetic towards “compulsive communicators,” who are “boring at parties” (45), but who are not
actually arrogant. These people “live in perpetual fear of silence,”which makes them “especially susceptible to
bottom-feeding advertising campaigns” (Jones 132) that prey upon low self-esteem and body image.
Talott is sympathetic towards “compulsive communicators,” who are “boring at parties” (45), but who are not
actually arrogant. These people “live in perpetual fear of silence,” not unlike in Miss Bates from Emma, whose
well-meaning but dull conversation makes her an easy victim of the heroine’s insensitive teasing.
Talott is sympathetic towards “compulsive communicators,” who are “boring at parties” (45), but who are not
actually arrogant. These people “live in perpetual fear of silence,” which contrasts sharply with the title
character in Melville’s “Bartleby the Scrivener,” who would “prefer not to” leave the silent prison of his
own making. [Note: In this last case, Bartleby repeatedly says that he would "prefer not to" do various things... I
didn't cite a specific page number, because the phrase appears in multiple places. --DGJ]
Note the absence of phrases like, “This quote supports my claims because…” or “Another quote offers a useful contrast
with this quote.” These revisions aren’t wasting any words talking about “quotes” or “sources,” just as a good carpenter
won’t call attention to nail holes or sawed joints.
Integrate Borrowed Material Smoothly and Efficiently
Avoid clunky, high-schoolish documentation like the following:
In the book Gramophone, Film, Typewriter, by Fredrich A. Kittler, it talks about writing and gender, and says on
page 186, “an omnipresent metaphor equated women with the white sheet of nature or virginity onto which a
very male stylus could inscribe the glory of its authorship.” As you can see from this quote, all this would change
when women started working as professional typists.
The passages “it talks about” and “As you can see from this quote” are very weak attempts to engage with the ideas
40
presented by Kittler. In addition, “In the book… it talks” is ungrammatical (“the book” and “it” are redundant subjects)
and nonsensical (books don’t talk).
In the mid 1880s, “an omnipresent metaphor equated women with the white sheet of nature or virginity onto
which a very male stylus could inscribe the glory of its authorship” (Kittler 186), but all this would change when
women started working as professional typists.
This revision is marginally better, but only because it uses fewer words — it’s still not integrating the outside quote into
the author’s own argument.
Don’t expend words writing about quotes and sources. If you use words like “in the book My Big Boring Academic
Study, by Professor H. Pompous Windbag III, it says it says” or “the following quote by a government study shows
that…” you are wasting words that would be better spent developing your ideas.
Using about the same space as the original, see how MLA style helps an author devote more words to developing the
idea more fully. We shall continue to revise the above example:
Before the invention of the typewriter, “an omnipresent metaphor” among professional writers concerned “a very
male stylus” writing upon the passive, feminized “white sheet of nature or virginity” (Kittler 186). By contrast,
the word “typewriter” referred to the machine as well as the female typist who used it (183).
This revision is perhaps a bit hard to follow, when taken out of context. But if you put a bit of introduction into the space
you saved by cutting back on wasted words, the thought is clearer.
To Kittler, the concept of the pen as a masculine symbol imposing form and order upon feminized, virginal paper
was “an omnipresent metaphor” (186) in the days before the typewriter. But businesses were soon clamoring for
the services of typists, who were mostly female. In fact, “typewriter” meant both the machine and the woman
who used it (183).
The above revision mentions Kittler’s name in the body, and cites two different places in Kittler’s text (identified by
page number alone). This is a perfectly acceptable variation of the standard author-page parenthetical citation.
While MLA Style generally expects authors to save details for the Works Cited pages, there’s nothing wrong with
introducing the work more fully — if you have a good reason to do so.
For example, in a paper on the history of the typewriter, you might want to refer to the typist who appears in T. S. Eliot’s
poem, “The Waste Land.” If so, you should identify the source as a poem, so that reader won’t mistake the reference for
an academic article. In a similar way, if your paper mainly cites poets, you might need to identify somebody else as an
editor or literary critic. Or, perhaps you feel that a particular author’s nationality, ethnicity, gender, age, or education
level may affect the relevance of a particular point raised by the author.
Don’t give the full, high-schoolish introduction without a good reason — the presence of irrelevant details is a signal
to your reader that you don’t know what you want to say.
http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/academic1/integrating-quotes-citing-sources-effectively-in-academic-papers/
41
Integrating Quotes: Citing Sources Effectively in
Academic Papers
Posted by Dennis G. Jerz, on November 4th, 2011
If your college instructor wants you to cite every fact or opinion you find in an outside source, how do you make room
for your own opinion?



Paraphrase. You can introduce studies that agree with you (Smith 123; Jones and Chin 123) and those that
disagree with you (Mohan and Corbett 200) without interrupting your own argument. (Note how efficiently I did
that — the parenthetical citations are designed to preserve the flow of ideas in the sentences that refer to outside
ideas.)
Quote Selectively. If you must use the original author’s language, work a few words from the outside source
into a sentence you wrote yourself. (If you can’t supply at least as many words of your own analysis of and
rebuttal to the quoted passage, then you are probably padding.)
Avoid Summary. If you must quote several lines of another author’s language, don’t interrupt the flow of your
own argument in order to summarize the material you have just quoted. (Generally speaking, summarizing
someone else’s ideas is one of the easiest ways to churn out words; while students often turn to summary when
they want to boost their word count, paragraphs that merely summarize are not as intellectually engaging, and
therefore not worth as many points, as paragraphs that analyze, synthesize, and evaluate. See “Writing that
Demonstrates Thinking Ability.”)
If you’ve already found good academic sources (including peer-reviewed journals) for your college research paper,
you’ve got a good thesis and you’ve begun drafting your college research paper, this document will help you make your
paper sound like a coherentargument, rather than a bunch of paragraphs strung together from other sources.
Note: laboriously rewriting source material so that it doesn’t use any of the original words is pointless effort; even if
you completely rewrite the original, you still need to cite the original author (except, of course, when the information
is common knowledge).
Avoid long quotes. If your 10-page paper offers 6 or 8 long chunks taken from other sources, stitched together with
sentences like, “This quote shows the idea that…”, then you are not demonstrating the ability to write at the college
level. Borrow shorter passages, even single words; integrate those passages into your own original argument.
Use quotes to launch discussion, not silence it. There’s nothing actually wrong with ending a paragraph, section, or
paper with a quotation. But if you have a habit of asking a bunch of random questions, poking around the issue, and then
“proving” your point by finishing up with a quotation, as if there is nothing more to say about the topic now that you’ve
presented your quote, then you’re not demonstrating the ability to engage critically with a complex problem that might
have numerous plausible solutions. You may instead be trying to discourage your reader from questioning your claims.
Include quotes from sources that disagree with your thesis. Rather than silencing an alternate or opposing claim, aim
to show your reader how a careful consideration of all the evidence — both for and against — leads a reasonable skeptic
to agree with your perspective.
Avoid encapsulated, serial summaries of your outside sources. Your high school teachers may have rewarded you for
writing good summaries. But a college paper requires you to think on a much more advanced level than a string of
paragraphs, each of which summarizes a separate outside source.
Avoid a rigid, simplistic organizational structure focused only on summarizing or reflecting on the sources you have
found.
42
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Introduction to topic X.
Summary and ideas about Source A.
Summary and ideas about Source B.
Summary and ideas about Source C.
Conclusion: “Therefore, this paper has shown presented ideas
A, B, and C all relate to topic X.”
This structure won’t permit you to make original connections between your
sources and your main idea. You will end up writing too much summary and
not enough original argument. The organization of your paper should flow
from the argument that you plan to make.
Consider instead the following, more intellectually complex use of sources:
 Introduction
 Point 1 (Sources A and B agree, but source C disagrees.)
 Point 2 (Sources A and C agree, but source B doesn’t
mention it directly.)
 Point 2, continued. (Based on things that source B says about
related issues, suggest that source B would likely disagree
with sources A and C.)
 Point 3 (Sources B and C both disagree with A, but for
different reasons.)
 Conclusion
Note that the revised outline deals with each source in more than one
paragraph, and due to the complexity of Point 2, the author devotes two
paragraphs to it. This student might need to do additional research.Perhaps
source D only appears to support claims made in one section, and perhaps
source E only exists to support a minor claim made about source B. If a
source is not that important to your argument, but it helps you make one small
point, then refer to the source where you need to and forget about it.
If you ask yourself questions about how your sources relate to one another,
then you can avoid summary and still have plenty to write about.
if source A is the only evidence in favor of point 3, while B
and C oppose it. Source D doesn’t mention this point at all.



Is that a weakness in D’s argument?
A sign that D isn’t a reliable source?
Or is that point simply outside the scope of the argument D
was trying to make?
did now know about?


Maybe source D was published early, and new information
has come to light since then. Is source D now irrelevant, or
did the author raise good questions that are worth reconsidering now that there is additional evidence?
Maybe source D was only looking at a problem in America,
43
while the other sources also included Canada and Europe.
Should you respond by narrowing or broadening your focus?
These are subtleties that you cannot really investigate when you introduce
outside sources only in self-contained paragraphs that reference no other
sources.
MLA Parenthetical Citations
The MLA-style in-text citation involves just the author’s last name, a space (not a comma), and then the page number (or
line number, for verse).
One engineer who figures prominently in all accounts of the 1986 Challenger accident says NASA was
“absolutely relentless and Machiavellian” about following procedures to the letter (Vaughan 221).
See the following pages for how to format a college paper in MLA style and how to write an MLA style Works Cited
list. Any college writing handbook will have multiple examples, but the main point is that you should leave the details
out of the body of your paper — save them for the Works Cited list.
Integrate Quotations from Outside Sources
Don’t interrupt the flow of your own argument to give the author’s full name or the source’s full title. Spend fewer
words introducing your sources, and devote more words to expressing and developing your own ideas in ways that use
shorter quotations, or even just a few words, from your outside sources.
Avoid clunky, high-schoolish documentation like the following:
In the book Gramophone, Film, Typewriter, by Fredrich A. Kittler, it talks about writing and gender, and says on
page 186, “an omnipresent metaphor equated women with the white sheet of nature or virginity onto which a
very male stylus could inscribe the glory of its authorship.” As you can see from this quote, all this would change
when women started working as professional typists.
The passages “it talks about” and “As you can see from this quote” are very weak attempts to engage with the ideas
presented by Kittler. In addition, “In the book… it talks” is ungrammatical (“the book” and “it” are redundant subjects)
and nonsensical (books don’t talk).
In the mid 1880s, “an omnipresent metaphor equated women with the white sheet of nature or virginity onto
which a very male stylus could inscribe the glory of its authorship” (Kittler 186), but all this would change when
women started working as professional typists.
This revision is marginally better, but only because it uses fewer words — it’s still not integrating the outside quote into
the author’s own argument.
Don’t expend words writing about quotes and sources. If you use words like “in the book My Big Boring Academic
Study, by Professor H. Pompous Windbag III, it says it says” or “the following quote by a government study shows
that…” you are wasting words that would be better spent developing your ideas.
Using about the same space as the original, see how MLA style helps an author devote more words to developing the
idea more fully. We shall continue to revise the above example:
Before the invention of the typewriter, “an omnipresent metaphor” among professional writers concerned “a very
male stylus” writing upon the passive, feminized “white sheet of nature or virginity” (Kittler 186). By contrast,
the word “typewriter” referred to the machine as well as the female typist who used it (183).
This revision is perhaps a bit hard to follow, when taken out of context. But if you put a bit of introduction into the space
44
you saved by cutting back on wasted words, the thought is clearer.
To Kittler, the concept of the pen as a masculine symbol imposing form and order upon feminized, virginal paper
was “an omnipresent metaphor” (186) in the days before the typewriter. But businesses were soon clamoring for
the services of typists, who were mostly female. In fact, “typewriter” meant both the machine and the woman
who used it (183).
The above revision mentions Kittler’s name in the body, and cites two different places in Kittler’s text (identified by
page number alone). This is a perfectly acceptable variation of the standard author-page parenthetical citation.
While MLA Style generally expects authors to save details for the Works Cited pages, there’s nothing wrong with
introducing the work more fully — if you have a good reason to do so. (See “Quotations: Integrating them in MLA
Style.”)
Assignment: Quoting
Choose at least 1 quote to integrate into your Benchmark paper (or, if you are unsure of the Benchmark, into
your Compare/Contrast paper).
Fill out the “Paragraph Organizer” form. Attach this to your assignment paper and turn it in when this activity
is complete.
45
Station 6
Verb Tense Shifts
Instructions:
Read “Verb Tense Shifts” (attached)
Do the assignments (on the last page of the handout – 10 points)
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Verb Tenses ~ Correcting Shifts
Shifts in tense are among the most difficult errors to find, since they often "sound" just fine while you proofread.
The only sure-fire way to find errors in tense is to become well acquainted with the basic tenses. Then, you simply check
each verb to make sure its tense agrees with the tense of your essay or narrative. You should also be aware of a few
special instances in which tense shifts are particularly tempting.
Remember that tense in writing is a matter of correct and consistent form, and not merely of the time setting of
an essay or story. Tense is not identical with time in writing. You may express ideas about the past in a present tense
essay or story without shifting tense, just as you may portray a sense of the present time in a past tense story. The key is
to be consistent with tense even when your portrayal of time is complex.
There are times when a shift in tense is allowable, or even necessary, but these times are few. One of the most
common times in which you will shift tense is in subordinate clauses which deal with the past in a present tense piece.
You may also make a complete change from one tense to another if you prepare your reader for the shift by leaving a
white space before it, or by dividing your piece into numbered sections. Changes in tense usually occur only in narrative
essays. In the vast majority of writing, it is necessary to be consistent with tense.
Present Tense
Use the present tense to write essays about literature and to write narratives in which you want the action to seem
as if it’s happening while it's being told. Remember that if you begin an essay in present tense, you must be consistent in
that tense throughout the entire essay. Check all the main verbs in your essay after you review the following forms of the
present tense.
1.
The present tense of a verb is its infinitive form; that is, the simple verb: I know, you know, he knows. (The s on a verb
with a third-person subject, such as he, does not change the tense.) There are several more complex forms of the present
tense:
2.
Present progressive: (present be+verb+ing) I am walking, he is walking, you are walking.
You will often use this form of present tense to signify action that is ongoing at the time of speaking. The form of present
progressive is the present tense of be plus the main verb, plus the ingsuffix. Remember that the present forms of be are is,
am, and are.
3.
Present perfect: (present have+verb+ed) I have known, you have known, he has known.
This tense is used to signify action that has been completed prior to the time of speaking. The present forms of have are has
(for singular subjects) and have.
These are the basic tenses, but don't be surprised to find yourself using these forms of the present tense as well:
4.
Present perfect progressive: (present have+been+verb+ing) He has been walking
5.
Present passive: (present be+verb+ed) He is kissed .
6.
Present perfect passive: (present have+been+verb+ed) He has been kissed.
Other auxiliary verbs (besides have and be) also have tense. Do and does are present, as are May, can, should. All of these
modal auxiliaries are followed by the simple infinitive form of the verb. He may go, I can go, sheshould go.
Past Tense
Most narratives are written in the past tense, as are many essays which deal with events rather than ideas. Work on the
forms of past tense, not only so you can be consistent with tense in your past tense writing, but so you can recognize past
tense where it doesn't belong in present tense pieces.
1. Change a verb to the past tense by adding the -ed ending; or, in some verbs, by changing the vowel.
I walked, she slept, he knew.
Here are some forms of the past tense which you may need to use:
2. Past progressive tense: (past be+verb+ing) He was sleeping. This tense is used to indicate action which
 occurs simultaneously with other action in the past: Nero was fiddling when Rome burned. The past forms
of be,which is the auxiliary for progressive tense, are was and were. Nero was fiddling, but you were
fighting the fire.
47
3. Past perfect tense: (past have(= had)+verb+ed) He had eaten. This form of past tense is used to show action
which occurs before the action you are writing about. The past form of have is had. Before she became a dentist,
she had vowed never to treat patients for free.
4. Past passive: (past be+verb+ed) He was kissed.
5. Past perfect passive: (past have(=had)+been+verb+ed) She had been kissed.*
6. Past perfect progressive: (past have+been+verb+ing) Theyhad been camping.*
Some other auxiliaries you will use in the past tense are did, might, should, would, and could. They are followed
by the simple infinitive form of the verb: He did eat; She thought he would leave.
Future Tense
Technically, the future "tense" is really a subset of the present tense. Ideas about the future are therefore
expressed with various phrases (I am going to eat) and auxiliaries (She may/will recover) in pieces which are otherwise
in the present tense. However, many grammar texts list the form of the future as will/shall+verb. Regardless, we use the
future tense in present tense writing to express ideas that may happen after the present. In an essay written in the past
tense, ideas after the time being spoken about may be expressed with the modal auxiliary would. He would later go.
*See the "Trouble Shooters Guide" for when to use perfect tense.
Trouble-Shooter's Guide To Tense Shifts
There are a few times when shifts in tense are particularly tempting, and when their correction seems impossible or
awkward without ruining the sense of the passage. These situations generally have fairly simple solutions. Here are a few
of the most common mistakes in tense, together with suggestions for their correction.
Shifting to the past tense in a present tense essay
The most common error in tense is shifting to the past tense when discussing other people's writing, which we almost
always write about in the present tense. This error occurs for the following reasons:
1. The tense of past tense literature bleeds into the tense of your summary. (Tense shifts are in bold face.)
At the beginning of Anna Karenina, Oblonsky is introduced as an unfaithful husband. His wife, Dolly, was
furious because of his affair with the French governess. Oblonsky's sister, Anna, soon arrived and persuaded
Dolly to forgive him.
Although putting the bold-face verbs into present tense may sound strange at first, it will soon become clear that
discussing past tense literature in the present tense sounds just fine:
At the beginning of Anna Karenina, Oblonsky is introduced as an unfaithful husband. His wife, Dolly, is furious
because of his affair with the French governess. Oblonsky's sister, Anna, soon arrives and persuades Dolly to
forgive him.
The correction is simply a matter of finding the past tense main verbs (see the forms of verbs above) and changing them
into the present tense.
2. Two separate actions in the literature, one of which occurs before the time-frame you are summarizing, can create
awkward situations in the summary:
Ellen Goodman sets down some good rules for relationships in her essay "Being Loved Anyway". Her childhood
recollection of her father is her main example. Every morning, he stared into the mirror and said, "You're no
bargain", and this ritual kept him easy to get along with.
The action which has been tense-shifted occurs long before the time of the essay, so we cannot simply change
the verbs to present tense without creating time confusion. The solution to this problem is deceptively simple: put the
past tense material in a subordinate clause, the tense of which can be whatever we wish it to be. When summarizing
passages of prior action, it is often helpful to subordinate, not only to eradicate tense problems, but also to clarify the
48
relationship of the two time periods being discussed. Compare the following revision with the shifted passage:
Ellen Goodman sets down some good rules for relationships in her essay "Being Loved Anyway". She recalls
that, when she was a child, her father would stare at himself in the mirror every morning and say, “You're no
bargain." Goodman asserts that the ritual kept him easy to get along with.
The revision does not change the tense of most of the problematic verbs, it merely places them in a subordinate, "that"
clause, in which past tense is permissible. The main verb, in the revised passage, is the present tense "recalls," which sets
the tense of the entire sentence. The revision also solves another problem: attributing the comments to Goodman sorts
out which assertions are Goodman's and which are the essay writer's.
3. Reminding readers of an earlier event in the literature, while discussing a later event, can cause tense confusion:
Romeo rushes to the tomb and finds Juliet, as he thinks, dead. Juliet took the sleeping potion given her by the
Friar and was put into a death-like sleep.
The problem the writer faces here is of reporting an earlier action while discussing a later one. The problem is
easily solved by putting the prior action in present perfect tense:
Romeo rushes to the tomb and finds Juliet, as he thinks, dead. Juliet has taken the sleeping potion given her by
the Friar and has been put into a death-like sleep.
Remember the present perfect: it is an extremely handy tool for keeping present tense essays in the present tense.
Shifting to the present tense in a past tense essay
1. You can slip into the present tense in the story-teller mode.
It is natural to tell stories about ourselves in the present tense; we do it in conversation all the time. However,
this habit becomes a problem in past tense narratives:
I drew the shades in my house and sat down in front of the TV. This guy comes on, talking about how the C.I.A.,
the car companies, and Johnson and Johnson are all involved in a plot to overthrow the government.
Correcting tense is simply a matter of changing the present tense verbs into the past:
I drew the shades in my house and sat down in front of the TV. This guy came on, talking about how the C.I.A.,
the car companies, and Johnson and Johnson were all involved in a plot to overthrow the government.
2. Relating past events which are still true can cause tense confusion.
My mother told us to be ever vigilant for chances to help others; she wanted us to give part of what we were
blessed with to people less fortunate. My mother, to be quite candid, is more conscious of the community's needs
than her own.
While the writer's mother may still be alive, it isn't necessary to change the tense of the story. Past tense here is a
matter of form, and bears no comment on the mother's health. The correction is to change present tense is to past
tense was.
Avoiding other common errors of tense
1. Be aware of when to use perfect tense.
Any time a sentence contains a specific reference point in time (usually a prepositional phrase beginning with "by"),
use the perfect tenses. Here are some examples in which the perfect form is inappropriately left out; the first is a future
tense example, the second is past.
a. By noon, I will eat all of the leftover pizza.
Correction: By noon, I will have eaten all of the leftover pizza.
Note the specific reference point, "by noon." The correction is to change the future present tense to the future perfect
"have eaten." Here is a tense-shifted sentence from a past tense essay:
49
b. As early as July 3, 1934, Augustus met everybody who was anybody in St. Louis.
Correction: As early as July 3, 1934, Augustus had met everybody who was anybody in St. Louis.
Here, we change the simple past tense "met" to the perfect "had met".
2. Be careful not to use "extra” tenses.
A surprisingly common tense shift is the use of perfect or progressive forms where they are not required. Note the
awkward verb forms in the following excerpt from a past tense essay:
Though the Department of Defense had classified information about the use of the Harrier aircraft during Desert
Storm, we can assume the aircraft were probably flying night-time missions fairly regularly.
Here, the verbs should be simple past tense:
Though the Department of Defense classified information about the use of the Harrier aircraft during Desert
Storm, we can assume that the aircraft probably flew night-time missions fairly regularly.
3. Speak of things which are always true in the present tense. Things which you should speak of in the present tense,
even in a past tense essay, are truisms, such as laws of nature, geographical facts, and maxims or proverbs.
In 1939, I learned that the moon went around the earth.
Since the moon still goes around the earth, change the clause to the present tense:
In 1939, I learned that the moon goes around the earth.
4. Subordinate clauses governed by a past tense main verb must be in the past tense:
Mr. Magoo saw poorly because he never wore (not wears) his glasses.
5. Verbals are also subject to tense shift; make sure that sequence of action is clear:
Enraged by the accusations, Paula regained her composure.
Since Paula was clearly enraged before she was composed, let the perfect form of the passive participle reflect that
fact:
Having been enraged by the accusations, Paula regained her composure.
Verb Tense Shift Quick-Reference Chart
For your brief reference, here is a chart of a verb in each tense, plus a list of the auxiliaries and modals. Check any verb
you are wondering about against the examples under the appropriate tense, substituting your verb for stir; remember that
some verbs form their simple past tense and past participle with a vowel change rather than by adding ed/en/t.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Simple:
Perfect:
Progressive:
Perfect Progressive:
Passive:
Passive Progressive:
Present
stir/stirs
has/have stirred
is/am/are stirring
has/have been stirring
is/am/are stirred
is/am/are being stirred
Past
stirred
had stirred
was/were stirring
had been stirring
was/were stirred
was/were being stirred
The verb you're checking may also be part of a verb phrase which begins with one of the following auxiliaries.
Auxiliaries:
Present
Past
50
will
can
may
shall
do/does
must
(be)> is/am/are
have/has
would
could
might
should
did
was/were
had
Assignment 1: Verb Tense Shifts
Rewrite these 2 paragraphs, correcting the verbs. Highlight the verbs.
1. My brother don’t like coconut. Can you believe it? I never met anyone else in my life who felt this way. It seem very
strange to me. What was there about coconut that he don’t like? It seemed very inoffensive to me. Perhaps, he says he
don’t like it in order to get attention. When he refused to eat a coconut cookie or cake with coconut frosting, he gets a lot
of attention and people try to figure out why he disliked it so much. Of course, my brother always will deny this, but I
think that was the real reason.
2. When I first move here 10 years ago, it gets cold in December and January. In fact, the first two years, we have a freeze
which killed all of my outdoor plants. As a result, I decide not to try to grow anything else. Now, however, it is staying
pretty warm all winter. In fact, just the other day I wear shorts and a T-shirt. The sun shone and I felt as if it were
summer! I can’t resist calling my family and friends back home to brag about the good weather here.
Assignment 2: Verb Tense Shifts
Review your returned paper(s). Do you see any errors marked #10? If you have #10 errors, write an explanation of the
problem. Then rewrite the sentence to correct problems. If you do not have any #10 or #12 errors, draw a pretty picture
in the time remaining.
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Station 7
Organization and Outlining
Instructions:
Read the article below about why people should outline
Assignment 1: Organizing & Outlining
Complete one of the outline forms for your Benchmark Essay(25 points)
Outlines: How They Can Improve Your Writing - 02 Mar 2001; by Dennis G. Jerz
http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/academic/outline.htm
"Measure twice. Cut once." -- Construction workers' saying.
An outline is a tool that helps writers determine whether they have enough raw material (in the form of
quotations from scholarly sources and/or data from original research) to construct a particular argument. With
experience, many writers learn that using an outline leads to better work, in less time.
Let us imagine that Sally Slacker and Gus Goodwright have both made a false assumption that causes them to
misunderstand a writing task. Both begin to work under the influence of that falsehood, and both recognize
their mistake while they are trying to formulate a conclusion. While Sally Slacker needs to throw away a lot of
work and start over, Gus Goodstudent recovers easily.
Sally Slacker's Approach
After skimming through a few web pages, Sally launches directly into writing a detailed introduction, based
upon her initial understanding of the issues. She is convinced that she will save time by producing her whole
paper, in one sitting, from start to finish, without bothering with an outline.
Figuring that she will be finished as soon as she reaches the required number of pages, she invests a lot of time
crafting each sentence and paragraph. But when she starts searching for supporting evidence, she discovers that
there is no way that she is going to be able to support all the claims she has written. In fact, she learns that
some of the claims she wanted to make are flat wrong! She only notices her mistake when she got to page 4 of
a 5-page assignment, when she finally has to admit that her argument simply falls apart.
Perhaps she misunderstood the definition of a word, or she had only skimmed a textbook chapter that her
professor expected her to know thoroughly. Whatever the cause of the problem, Sally has two options: either
she turns in an unsupported paper (after struggling valiantly to distort the conclusion into something that might
sound acceptable), or she deletes almost everything she has written and starts over from scratch.
52
How much time do you think she has saved herself in that case?
Gus Goodwright's Approach
Gus, meanwhile, has misunderstood the writing task just as badly as Sally did. He is not particularly smarter
than she, nor does he know any more about the subject. The crucial difference is that, instead of rushing to
churn out pages right away, Gus writes down lists of words and ideas, finding quotes and statistics, and
arranging his findings in an outline.
Instead of dividing his mental energies by trying to fill pages while at the same time exploring the topic (as
Sally has done), Gus sensibly focuses on one thing at a time. He first figures out what he wants to say (which
requires some research). After he has developed a basic understanding of the topic, he composes a thesis
statement that he thinks he can support with the research he has already done. Then, he starts collecting
quotations from his sources. (If he is the rugged pioneer type, he might actually copy the quotations down on
index cards... but he might also save them in a separate word processor file, grouped according to subject.)
Gus makes sure that his thesis makes a clear, supportable statement, and that his thesis paragraph includes a
blueprint for the argument he wants to build. Once he is happy with this basic structure, he starts assembling
the quotations that he has already found. Then, he roughs out the connections he wants to make and the
transitions that show how the relationships between the various sub-points all advance his argument. If he does
not have enough evidence to support a particular point, he has three options: he may go back to the library and
find additional support, he may drop that point and hope the main thesis will stand without it, or he may
actually change the thesis to something that he can support with the evidence he has already collected.
Because Gus has not, at this point, invested any time in crafting any of his supporting paragraphs, he has little
to lose by exploring, backtracking, cutting, and trying again. Each of his later paragraphs examines one point
in detail, and provides a conclusion that demonstrates the progress that paragraph has made towards proving
the thesis statement.
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Station 8
Titles
Instructions:
Team members should choose one of the 2 essays to read“How to Write the Perfect Essay Title...” Or
“How to write academic style titles” (attached)
Discuss the differences between the articles. Decide on the main components the title MUST have.
Do the assignment (10 points)
Assignment 1: Titles
Write 3 different titles for your Compare/Contrast (or Benchmark) Essay, following the rules below.
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How to Write the Perfect Essay Title...
Most of your academic life, you will be given a title on which to write an essay. This is a skill that you acquire
over the years, developing a methodology of response. However, when you are asked to select or create your
own essay title, perhaps for a longer piece of work such as a dissertation or thesis, you suddenly realise that
what might have seemed greater freedom becomes instead a challenge: you have a blank sheet of paper and
simply do not know where to begin to choose a topic and word an interesting title. This is perfectly
understandable, as most learning is guided and you are being asked to ‘fly solo’, but there are certain
guidelines which can be applied to help you to choose a title that will be interesting and appealing to both you
and the reader.
Focusing on the type of essay you're writing:
First of all, you need to focus on what kind of essay you are going to write. Clearly, a descriptive essay will
need a very different title from a critical essay or an evaluative essay, for example. Decide which type of essay
you intend to produce before you even begin to think about a title.
Generating ideas:
Having decided what type of essay you are going to write, you need to jot down as many ideas related to the
main theme as possible. In other words, you are working almost in the opposite way to your normal practice of
responding to a question or topic by listing ideas as a reactive process by allowing the ideas to generate a title.
In most cases, this will give you a strong essay title that engages with your ideas so you are accomplishing two
things at once.
Choosing a good title:
Most academic essay titles have an implicit or explicit question. In other words, they will ask you, directly or
indirectly, to consider a topic. An example of an explicit question in a title might be:
‘Do you agree that Victorian Literature is reflective of the era in which it is set? Discuss this with reference to
works by a number of authors of the time’.
If the same essay were expressed implicitly, I might look something like this:
‘Victorian Literature reflects the era in which it is set’: discuss this with reference to chosen authors of the era.
You can see that the basic content of both titles is exactly the same and the same sort of essay will be expected
in response to both. However, the direct question gives the writer a good starting point in responding to it by
providing a point to argue ‘for or against’ and it is therefore always worth considering including a question in
your essay title as the response will take you a long way towards the formulation of your thesis statement. You
need also to decide whether or not your title has more than one part to it as these do.
Similarly, if you are intending to focus on a particular aspect of a topic, you need to include this as a ‘key’
word in your title. You will be very familiar with this process but again, in reverse - you will be used to finding
the ‘key’ words to address when writing an essay as identifying these assists you to answer the question
correctly. Now, you will be using these words yourself to focus your essay and help define the points you want
to make. Some frequently used key words are:
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





Discuss
Compare
Analyse
Contrast
Evaluate
Assess
Obviously, these are just a few of the many words you might choose to assist in creating a good essay title there are many more. Questions which include these words explicitly define the type of essay that is to be
written, examples might be something like:
‘Compare the effectiveness of two different writers on the creation of the welfare state in Britain.’
Or,
‘Evaluate the contribution made to the study of psychoanalysis by the early work of Sigmund Freud.’
In both of these questions, you can see that the key words used help you to focus attention very precisely on
the particular aspect of the topic you intend to write about and, as with the inclusion of a question, assist with
the formulation of a thesis statement.
If you're not conducting research:
The essay titles we have discussed so far have been largely of the sort you might use for an academic work of
the type that involves research of some sort. However, it is very likely that you might be asked to find a title
about which to write a descriptive essay or an imaginative or personal piece. In fact, it is probably true to say
that these areas of writing are more likely to involve you in the process of evolving a title, since they are, in a
sense, more creative. If you are asked to find a title of this sort, again try to write a list of your ideas about the
topic because these might generate a title for you. This time, however, your focus needs to be very much on
capturing the attention of your reader, just as a headline does in a newspaper, to make them want to read on.
Examples of titles that might be applicable to each of the above are:



Descriptive title – ‘A Paradise on Earth’ (this invites the reader into not only your descriptive piece but
also your conception of what constitutes ‘paradise’ and how this differs from the reader’s own)
Imaginative title – ‘The World in Fifty Years’ (this again encourages engagement with the reader’s
own ideas and gives you scope to base your imaginative ideas on things around you)
Personal title – ‘The Most Difficult Decision I ever made’ (here you tell the reader a lot about yourself
in the title and encourage them to proceed by stimulating interest).
Remember that the main objective of every essay title is to help you to examine a topic of your choice in the
way you wish and to engage the reader’s attention sufficiently to make them, like Oliver Twist, ‘want more’!
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How to write academic style titles
http://writing.markfullmer.com/academic-style-titles
Summary: Typical scholarly titles for essays follow a very clear pattern. They consist of three distinct
components, listed below. They should give the reader a good sense of what the scholarly paper's substance is,
and therefore are best settled upon near the end of the essay-writing process.
Here are some examples of academic titles. What do they have in common?





"Female Consumerism and Household Authority in Early National New England"
"Strength through Joy: Consumerism and Mass Tourism in the Third Reich"
"Workers and the Wild: Conservation, Consumerism, and Labor in Oregon, 1910-30"
"Creating the New Egyptian Woman: Consumerism, Education and National Identity 1863-1922"
"The Poet in Society: Art, Consumerism, and Politics in Mallarme"
"Good Bye, Lenin! : Free-Market Nostalgia for Socialist Consumerism"
Academic Titles Have Three Parts
(A) A catchy "hook" that introduces the paper in a creative way (Like "Buy Me a Date," "Just Do It," and "Is
That a Horseshoe in Your Pocket?")
(B) Specific keywords that identify the concepts the scholar will be exploring (like consumerization, risktaking, and male movie-star archetypes)
(C) The "location" where those keywords will be explored (like 21st century online dating, multiplayer video
games, and cowboy western films)
Put together, an academic-style title might sound like these:
1) Buy Me a Date: Consumerization and Theories of Social Interaction in 21st Century Online Dating
Sites
2) "Just Do It: Risk-Taking and Collaborative Learning Theory in Multiplayer Video Games"
3) "Is That a Horseshoe in Your Pocket? Homosocial Male Archetypes in the Cowboy Western"
Finally, Let's Turn Some Bad Titles into Good Ones
Note how not only the words have changed, but you can imagine that the substance of these essays would be
very different.
So-so title: "Necessary Tools: Lack of Textbooks in America's public schools, K-12"
Better title: "Necessary Tools: K-12 Textbook Visual Accessibility and the Soundbyte Model of Information
Theory"
Commentary: While the first paper could be arguing anything from the cost of textbooks to the poor
information contained between their covers, the second title indicates a specific component of textbooks that
will be examined, and on top of that, identifies the main scholarly theory that the paper will use to explore that
component.
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Station 9
MLA Format
Instructions:
Read the articles attached.
Do the assignment(s) – 10 points
Refer to both books (green handbook and textbook) for further information
Assignment: MLA
Write your MLA works cited entry for at least 2 of your sources for the Benchmark paper.
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MLA Style Papers: Step-by-step Instructions for
Formatting Research Papers
Posted by Dennis G. Jerz, on May 29th, 2011
If you’ve been asked to submit a paper in MLA format, your instructor is asking you to format the page and
present the content in a specific way. Just as football referees dress a certain way, and Japanese chefs cook a
certain way, writers in certain disciplines follow a certain set of conventions, known as MLA format or MLA
style. This document will show you how to format a paper in MLA style.
1. Document Settings
(1 inch margins; double spaced; 12-point)
2. Page Header
(name and page number, upper right of every page)
3. Title Block
(assignment info and an informative title)
4. Citations
(no comma between the author and page number; commas and periods go outside of inline quotes)
5. Works Cited List
(lots of tricky details! sort alphabetically by author, not by the order the quotes appear in your paper)
For the most complete information, check your campus library or writing center for the MLA Handbook for
Writers of Research Papers, 7th ed.
1. Document Settings
Your word processor comes with default settings (margin, line height, paragraph spacing, and typeface) that
will likely need adjustment. For MLA style, you need:
1. 1-inch margins all around
2. 2.0 line height (double-spaced)
3. no extra spacing after paragraphs
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4. 12-point typeface (usually Times New Roman)
(Jump directly to instructions for adjusting MS-Word settings in Windows or Mac; or, skip ahead to 2) Page
Header.)
Adjusting Document Settings in MS-Word (Windows)
My copy of Microsoft Word for Windows defaults to
1.
2.
3.
4.
1-inch margins all around
1.15 line height
10pt spacing between paragraphs
Calibri 11-point typeface.
Changing to MLA Style (Windows)
1. The default margins in my test run were fine, but if you need to change them:
Page Layout -> Margins -> Normal (1-inch all around)
2. The default line height is too low. Change it to 2.0.
Home -> Line Spacing -> 2.0.
(You could try fudging it to 1.9 or 2.1 to meet a page count, but any more than that and your instructor
may notice.)
3. The MS-Word default adds extra space after paragraphs.(MLA Style instead requires you to signal
paragraph breaks by indenting the first line.)
CTRL-A (select all your text)
Home -> Line Spacing -> Remove Space After Paragraph
4. Change the typeface to Times New Roman 12-point.
Home-> Font Face Selector (change to Times New Roman)
Home -> Font Size Selector (change to 12)
Adjusting Document Settings in MS-Word (Mac)
My copy of Microsoft Word for Mac defaults to
1.
2.
3.
4.
1.25 inch left and right margins, 1 inch top and bottom
1.0 line height
no extra spacing after paragraphs
Cambria 12-point typeface
Changing to MLA style (Mac)
1. In my test run, the left and right margins are too big. To change them:
Layout -> Margins -> Normal (1-inch all around)
2. The default line height is too low. Change it to 2.0.
Home -> Line Spacing -> 2.0
3. My Mac copy of MS-Word does not add extra spaces after paragraphs. If yours does:
Home -> Line Spacing -> Line Spacing Options… (a new window will pop up)
Don’t add space between paragraphs of the same style (check this box) -> OK
4. The 12-point Cambria will probably be fine, but to change the typeface:
Home -> Font Face Selector (change to Times New Roman)
Home -> Font Size Selector (change to 12)
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2. Page Header
In the top right of every page, use your word processor’s “Page Header” function add an automatic page
number and your surname.
Adding the Page Header in MS-Word (Windows)
1. Insert -> Page Number -> Top of Page -> (choose the right-justified “Plain Number” option)
2. The cursor will jump automatically to the right place for you to type your surname.
3. Click anywhere in the body of the paper to exit the header area.
Adding the Page Header in MS-Word (Mac)
1. Insert (in the top menu) -> Page Numbers… -> (Set “Position” to “Top of Page (header)” and
“Alignment” to “Right”)
2. Click just to the left of the new page number, and type your surname.
3. On my test document, my name was too far over to the left; grab the triangular tab adjuster just
above your name, and drag it a notch to the right.
3. Title Block
In the upper left corner, type your name, your instructor’s name, the course number and section, and today’s
date. Centered on the next line, type an informative title that actually informs the reader of your main point
(not just “English Paper” or “A Comparison between Hamlet and Macbeth”).




Like all the other text in an MLA style paper, the title block is double-spaced.
The title is in the same font as the rest of the paper — it is not boldface, or enlarged.
There is no extra space above or below the title.
A truly informative title will include the general topic, and your precise opinion on that topic. (So, if
you pan to compare Hamlet and Macbeth, your title should state the unique point you want to make
about Hamlet and Macbeth. Reuse part of your thesis statement.)
4. Citations
This handout presumes you already know why you should cite your sources (to establish your authority, to
introduce persuasive evidence, to avoid plagiarism, etc.), These instructions focus on how.
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To fully cite a source requires two stages. The first happens in the body of your paper (the “in-text citation”)
and the second happens in a list at the of your paper (see “Works Cited List,” below.)
Citing a Block Quote (more than three lines)


Long quotes can start to look like filler. Only use a block quote if you have a very good reason to
include the whole passage. (You can usually make your point with a shorter quote.)
If you do have a good reason to quote a passage that is several lines long:
Select the text and click the “Increase Indent” icon (see image, right).
Place the parenthetical citation (the author’s name and the page number) after the period.
(This is different from inline quotes, below.)
o There is no comma between the author’s name and the page number.
o If the quotation runs across more than one page: (Wordsworth-Fuller 20-21) or (WordsworthFuller 420-21).
Skip wordy introductions such as, ”In his informative guide The Amazing Writing Book, published by
Elizabeth Mount College in 2010, the noted composition expert Maxwell Wordsworth-Fuller describes
the importance of citations in MLA style papers.” Cutting the filler leaves more room to develop your
own original ideas.
o
o

Citing an Inline Quotation
When the passage you want to quote is less than three lines long, use inline style. Here we have two brief
passages, taken from the same page of the same source, so we can handle both with a single parenthetical
citation.
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



The parenthetical citation appears outside the quoted material.
The period that ends the sentence comes after the close parenthesis. (This is different from block
quotes, above.)
In this example, we have changed the first word a little, lowercasing it in order to fit it into our own
sentence. To let the reader know what we changed, we put [] around it.
Again, note the absence of a full sentence that explains who Wordsworth-Fuller is and where the quote
comes from. All that info will be in the Works Cited list, so we leave it out of the body of the paper.
Citing a Paraphrase
Let’s imagine we want to reference Wordsworth-Fuller’s general idea about citation as a way to establish
credibility, but we don’t need to include any of the technical details. We can save space, and make it much
easier on our reader, if we paraphrase:


Use paraphrasing for variety, or to make a passing reference without taking up much space.
If we use an author’s idea, rephrased in our own words, we must still cite the idea.
5. Works Cited List
A research paper isn’t a research paper unless you end with full bibliographical details on every source you
cited. This part can be tedious and tricky; leave yourself plenty of time to do it.
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

Start a new page.
o MS-Word Wind: Insert -> Page Break -> New Page.
o MS-Word Mac: Document Elements -> Break -> Page.
Title your new page: Works Cited
MLA style calls for no extra spaces above or below the page title; no special formatting.
5.1. How to Create an Individual Works Cited Entry
Exactly what goes into each item in your bibliography depends on what kind of item it is. The following pages give you
some questions to answer, then let you push a button to get an individual works-cited entry.
MLA-Style Bibliography Builder: Create Works Cited Entries by Filling in a Form



Article (in a periodical, or chapter; printed or electronic)
Book (printed or electronic)
Web Page (corporate web page, blog entry, YouTube video, etc.)
If you prefer a more narrative explanation, see Purdue OWL’s handouts for how to create a bibliography entry for
a book, an article in a periodical (such as a journal or newspaper), or an electronic source (such as a web page or a
YouTube clip). See also this list of other common sources, such as a personal interview or a movie.
5.2. How to Organize Your Works Cited list
Sort the entries alphabetically by the author‘s last name.


If the author is an organization (such as a government agency or non-profit foundation), alphabetize according
to the name of the organization.
If you are citing a painting, or a composer, then obviously “author” has to be interpreted a little loosely.
Unless your instructor ask you to organize your Works Cited list differently, everything should be alphabetized
together, in a single list. MLA does not require that you separate works of different kinds, or that you cite works in the
order that they appeared in your paper, or that you write annotations to go along with each.
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