Running head: RAP
CONF 741 Negotiations: Reflective and Analytical Paper #5
Maria J. Pallotta
George Mason University
24 April 2014
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Reflective and Analytical Paper #5
Self-Analysis
This semester’s negotiations class has proven eye-opening in some cases and experienceconfirming in many others. Because I have existed on this planet for over four decades, I had
already learned firsthand many of the lessons documented in our textbooks and assigned articles.
For example, it does pay to be nice and to start out nice like the commons dilemma taught us, as
tit-for-tat responses are almost always guaranteed when humans negotiate (Brams, 1993). I have
also learned previously how difficult it can be to discuss important issues via email, especially if
emotions are involved (Ebner, Bapphu, Brown, Kovach, & Schneider, 2009; Lewicki, Saunders,
& Barry, 2010; Thompson & Nadler, 2002; Volkema, Fleck, & Hofmeister, 2011). Finally, I
tend to avoid conflict and can be quite impatient, so any distributive bargaining situation, like the
salary negotiation exercise, makes me uneasy and I dread almost every minute of these
situations; if the other negotiator is a man, then this feeling increases, as men still possess the
majority of power in our society (Diamond, 2012). It is even more clear to me after this class
that I am in some ways very typically female and prefer to negotiate as a woman with other
women, as long as they are nice (like all the women in our class); this should actually benefit me,
as recent research shows that integrative bargaining is more effective than distributive
bargaining, and women tend to negotiate better than men this way (Diamond, 2012; Lax &
Sebenius, 2004; Lewicki, Barry, & Saunders, 2010; Stamato, 2004) In sum, this semester
placed me in various new situations, both comfortable and uncomfortable, and forced me to
assess my strengths anew and work on my weaknesses. The experience often took me out of my
comfort zone while at times reinforcing lessons I had learned in previous negotiations throughout
my life.
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It was not until I graduated from college that I realized the true value of being nice to
others, especially over the phone with customer service representatives. Unfortunately, I did not
grow up with this example, as my parents are screamers and yelled at everything and anything
(especially each other) from my earliest memories. My dad seemed often to relish conflict,
regularly entering into loud arguments with others. This is ironic, as he is to this day a
successful salesman. He had a short fuse and did not hesitate indulging his emotions. He
seemed to see all situations as zero-sum, mistakenly thinking that this leads to positive outcomes
when it, in fact, does not (Stamato, 2004). Basically, he regularly set a poor negotiating
example, breaking just about every rule for effective negotiations that we have studied. Research
consistently shows that these negative interactions are not worth it: “People who threaten are
only half as likely to reach an agreement at those who don’t” (Diamond, 2012, p, 139). This
poor and emotionally laden example did not serve me well initially or set me on the right track in
life, and I discovered quickly that this is not how the regular world works or how I could
accomplish anything of real merit—least of all communicate with strangers with whom I
disagreed (Anderson, 1992). People in general want to be made to feel important (Carnegie,
1981); the best results occur when you clearly value them and they know it (Diamond, 2012).
Normally, I am able to keep my emotions in check when I am negotiating with others.
Any indulgence in emotion makes me lose credibility (Anderson, 1992; Diamond, 2012; Fisher
& Ury, 2011). Remaining calm makes integrative negotiating easier and allows me to remain
positive and nice, which are key to success. Melissa reinforced this impression when she told me
that she like negotiating with me and worked easily with me simply because I acted nice. This
may have been a more important factor for success even than my verbal or persuasive skills.
When Melissa and I negotiated in the Toyonda exercise (I worked for the dealership) and the e-
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mail negotiation (I was the concert organizer), I felt I possessed more of the power in both
scenarios. When I have more power, I do try to use it in a pie-expanding and generous way, and
I try not to alienate my negotiating partner; to do so would invite retaliation and resentment,
damaging any future relationship (Diamond, 2012; Fisher & Ury, 2011; Stamato, 2004;
Thompson & Leonardelli, 2004). To me, this effect feels naturally intensified when a woman
has more power, especially when it is over a man.
However, I recognize that each situation is unique and different, even if the same people
are negotiating but on a different day (Diamond, 2012). I know I am inconsistent like every
other negotiator, and much of it depends on my mood at a given time. Therefore, one of my
bigger weaknesses—impatience—will naturally play a bigger role on some days than on others.
I fight my impatience and strive to improve and develop patience with practice. Perhaps the best
advice in this area is to accept it and own it by telling others that I am having a bad day or a
negative moment (Diamond, 2012). This encourages openness, transparency, and maybe even
some empathy, all of which tend to enable better results for both sides (Diamond, 2012; Fisher &
Ury, 2011).
The most enjoyable negotiating scenario I can imagine incorporates my strengths and
favorite hobbies while minimizing my tendency toward impatience. My favorite negotiating
memories involve travel and shopping. Since I love both, I relish opportunities to visit exotic
cultures different from my own. Bali, Indonesia and various cities in Mexico have provided me
with negotiating opportunities that flex my best negotiating muscles—communicating
effectively, showing interesting foreigners that I am curious about them, shopping for beautiful
items, and haggling over the price. I enjoy the dance of this back-and-forth, I love the fun
challenge of it, and I absolutely thrive on the good feeling of acquiring something beautiful at
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(what I understand to be) a good price. Even if I do not end up with the better end of the deal, I
still enjoy these experiences; it helps also to consider that the final haggling usually occurs over
an extremely small amount of money in a less wealthy nation—normally less than an American
dollar. Therefore, the negotiation practice is fun without costing me much money. I purchase
something I want, and I practice my social and negotiating skills. Since I also need to practice
my Spanish, this result is magnified in certain locations because it forces me to use additional
speaking skills.
This semester studying negotiations was time well spent, and I wish I had taken a course
like this much earlier in life. The books that were most compelling and full of good information
were Getting to Yes by Fisher and Ury (2011) and Getting More by Stuart Diamond (2012). I
will keep these books on my shelf for easy reference, especially since I have marked them up
with pen and made many notes in the margins. I am also considering purchasing several copies
of Getting More for my family members. Unfortunately, my three brothers have inherited my
father’s tendency toward angry emotion as if it is their birthright; this will continue to prevent
constructive negotiations with them in the future, as “Emotion destroys negotiations and limits
creativity. Focus is lost. Decision-making is poor. Retaliation often occurs.” (Diamond, 2012,
p. 137). As for me, I will continue to challenge myself by practicing good negotiation
techniques as often as possible and by re-reading and re-learning the tactics and techniques we
learned in this class.
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References
Anderson, T. (1992). Step into my parlor: A survey of strategies and techniques for
effective negotiation. Business Horizons, May-June, 71-76.
Brams, S. (1993). Theory of moves. American Scientist, 81, 562-570.
Carnegie, D. (1981). How to Win Friends and Influence People. New York, NY: Simon and
Schuster.
Diamond, S. (2012). Getting More: How You Can Negotiate to Succeed in Work and Life. New
York, NY: Three Rivers Press.
Ebner, N., Bhappu, A., Brown, J., Kovach, K., & Schneider, A. (2009). You’ve got agreement:
Negotiating via email. Marquette University Law School Legal Studies Research Paper
Series, Paper No. 09-16.
Fisher, R. & Ury, W. (2011). Getting to Yes. B. Patton (Ed.). Penguin Group: New York, NY.
Lax, D. & Sebenius, J. (2004). How no-deal options can drive great deals: When actions away
from the table eclipse face-to-face negotiation. Ivey Business Journal, Jul-Aug, 1-9.
Lewicki, R., Barry, B., & Saunders, D. M. (2010). Essentials of negotiation (5th ed.). New
York: McGraw-Hill/Irwin.
Stamato, L. (2004). The new age of negotiation. Ivey Business Journal, Jul-Aug, 1-6.
Thompson, L. & Leonardelli, G. (2004). Why negotiation is the most popular business
school course. Ivey Business Journal, Jul-Aug, 1-7.
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Thompson, L., & Nadler, J. (2002). Negotiating via information technology: Theory and
application. Journal of Social Issues, 58(1), 109-124.
Volkema, R., Fleck, D., & Hofmeister, A. (2011). Getting off on the right foot: The effects of
initial email messages on negotiation process and outcome. IEEE Transactions on
Professional Communication, 54(3), 299-313.