Junior English
[UNIT 19: BRINGING AMERICA TO THE WORLD]
Narrative Essay: This I Believe Response and Presentation
THE ASSIGNMENT:
Take the time to brainstorm various life events and memories that have shaped your philosophy on life. How
do you live your life? What advice do you have for other people? What do you believe in? After doing so,
compose a thoughtful, personal narrative and presentation about your philosophy of how to live life.
ESSAY REQUIREMENTS:


Composition should be 350-500 words.
PROMPT: Share your background or a story that is central to your identity. The story should
reveal your philosophy of how to live life.
PRESENTATION REQUIREMENTS:



Presentation should be 4-5 minutes long.
Presentation must include three visual/auditory aids and an extended metaphor that support your
claim (life philosophy). These will be collected each week to help you pace the assignment.
o 1 piece of artwork you create
o 1 piece of artwork you find
o A recorded version of your Narrative Essay
All items should be organized in a colorful, neat website that can be accessed on the day of the
presentation.
“This I Believe” DUE DATES:
DUE DATE 1: These components are due to turnitin.com on Friday, May 9th:
1) First draft of Personal Narrative Essay(turnitin.com)
2) Two Pieces of Art that reflect your American Dream (brought into class)
___ One piece of art is by a recognized American artist, and it depicts elements of your American
Dream. (A photograph or a computer printout of the piece of art is acceptable.)
___ The other piece of art is your own creation in any category of art that you choose to express
your talents and your American Dream.
DUE DATE 2: These components are due to turnitin.com on Friday May 16 th
1) Final Draft of Personal Narrative Essay (turnitin.com)
2) Speech outline and Extended metaphor proposal (handwritten in class)
DUE Date 3: These components are due in class on Friday May 23 rd
1) Completed Website that holds all information
__Using a website of choice, (Wix.com etc) create a website that houses the two pieces of art (take
pictures, the personal narrative essay (word doc), the audio recording of the personal narrative, and
the typed essential question reflection. This will allow all of the information to be organized neatly.
2) An audio recording of your personal narrative (uploaded to the website)
3) Typed Essential Question Reflection
___ The reflection must be typed in the MLA format
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[UNIT 19: BRINGING AMERICA TO THE WORLD]
Your reflection must be at least 250 words and have no spelling or mechanical errors.
Steps for “This I believe “Narrative Essay
Crafting a College Application Essay (300-500 words)
Attention-Getter: Fred Hardagon, retired Dean
of Admissions at Stanford University, offers this
advice about college admissions essay writing:
“When you write your essay, consider simply
telling a story […] I long ago figured out that
some of the best essays I’ve ever read are
simply stories well told. Considering the
demands of the prompt, conceive an attentiongetter that illustrates introspection in relation
to the prompt. Consider creative ways that you
could paint this self-examination: anecdote,
poem, interview, etc.
Insight: A personal narrative should reflect the
deeper understanding or emotion impact that
developed through the course of your
experience. This insight may be in the form of a
lesson learned or an epiphany about your
world, the people in your world, or simply
yourself. Revelations are not always positive.
Real revelations are nuanced and most likely
cannot be reduced to bumper sticker adages.
Contextualization: Explain the attentiongetter in relation to your prompt. You need
to show your comprehension of the
prompt, so make the context of your
attention-getter clear here.
Contextualization may be brief and should
function as a transition into the “insight” of
your story.
Writing into the Contradictions: Avoid the clichés.
Contradictions are natural in life, and a good story
should reveal these natural contradictions. For
example, a student may write about the lessons
he/she may have learned as an athlete, musician, a
science student, etc. However, students often write
only about positive revelations, but these tend to be
half-truths. All learning experiences involve struggle,
discomfort, and eventually insight. Writing towards
this type of discomfort will be much more interesting
for your audience – the admissions officers.
Connection to the Institution: The inclusion of this element is contingent upon the essay prompt. If the essay prompt
demands a specific appeal to the college (i.e. “Why do you want to attend our school?”), you will need to explicitly
address the school. This type of essay typically requires some research. Visit the institution’s website and study the
news on academic programs and extracurricular activities that interest you. Be careful not to deliver a report on all the
school’s accomplishments or excessively plaudit the school. Demonstrate that you know what specific aspects of the
school have captured your interest and how you intend to become a part of this school community. (P.S. Be careful not
to submit the essay with the wrong university name. More common than you would think).
Junior English
[UNIT 19: BRINGING AMERICA TO THE WORLD]
“This I Believe” Presentation Rubric
Delivery (HOW you present)
__/5
VOLUME: You speak loudly and clearly—no mumbling!
__/5
EYE CONTACT: You maintain good eye contact with everyone in the class—not just with your teacher!
__/5
FILLER WORDS: You avoid filler words (um, uh, like, so…yeah, etc.) or distracting physical movements
__/5
MOVEMENT: You avoid standing in one place; you move about smoothly and purposefully
__/20 CREATIVITY: Your overall presentation is creative/imaginative/engaging/authentic
Content (WHAT you present)
__/10 You begin with a strong, effective Attention Getter
__/5
You use a clear, logical Bridge transitioning from the Attention Getter into the Thesis
__/10 You use a clear Claim that establishes your American Dream and what you will discuss
__/10 You use well-developed Evidence with strong anecdotes and examples to support your Thesis
__/15 You make effective use of your Binder Components, along with Visual Aids/Auditory Aids
__/10 You use a strong Conclusion that recalls your Attention Getter and creatively ties together all of
your main points
___/100 Points Possible
Reductions/Disqualifications (Everything you need to AVOID)
__ You may refer to an outline, if you get stuck during your presentation, but you may not read from it to
us. This is about you and your life philosophy; you must be able to present to us without reading!
__ If your speech is shorter or longer than 4-5 Minutes, you will lose points!
__Video and song clips can be no longer than 30 seconds. If they are, you will lose points.
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[UNIT 19: BRINGING AMERICA TO THE WORLD]
This I Believe Speech Outline:
I. Introduction
A. Attention Grabber (Use extended metaphor to help!)
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________
B. Claim Statement
My philosophy of life is (similar to, symbolized by, learned by etc)
________________________________________________________________________
II. Describe how extended metaphor connects to your life philosophy:
A. Reason and Evidence (Why?)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________
B. Supporting example for extended metaphor (Give a specific example(s) from
your life!!)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________
III. Share Your Visual Aids
A. Share how Visual Aide #1 connects to your claim: Art work you created
_____________________________________________________________________
a. Reason and Evidence (Why?)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
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b. Supporting example for portfolio component (Give a specific example from
your life!!)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
B. Share how Visual Aide #2 connects to your claim: Art work you created
_____________________________________________________________________
c. Reason and Evidence (Why?)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
d. Supporting example for portfolio component (Give a specific example from
your life!!)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
C. Share how Aide #3 connects to your claim: Recorded Narrative
_____________________________________________________________________
e. Reason and Evidence (Why?)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
f. Supporting example for portfolio component (Give a specific example from
your life!!)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
III. Conclusion (Review Extended Metaphor/Visual Aides)
A. Summarize how your extended metaphor relates to the dream
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________
B. Creatively tie together main points
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________
D. Clincher (Something that leaves the audience on the edge of their seats!!)
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_____________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________
“This I Believe”
Presentation Ideas for Extended Metaphor
How to create an extended metaphor
It’s important that your project be uniquely yours. It also needs some continuity. You must
choose one of the four options below to organize your presentation. BE CREATIVE! You are
limited only by your own imagination.
The Options:
1. Object: Select an object as a symbol of your life philosophy. In your introduction, tell
us (and show us) the object to grab our attention. Throughout your speech, continue
to relate your points back to the object.
2. Activity: This would be along the same lines as the object idea, but you would pick
an activity instead (skiing, sailing, cooking, babysitting, singing, etc.). Explain how
the activity metaphorically relates to your life philosophy.
3. Story: Begin with a great personal story (your own or from someone you know).
Use it to connect with the audience and introduce the essential components of your
dream. Show the class different pictures that represent that story. Continue
referring to your story/picture with each point.
4. Lesson: Open your speech by sharing an important lesson life has taught you.
Explain what you learned and how you learned it. Bring in different visual
representations of that lesson (pictures, drawings, symbols etc). Tie all of your
points together with this one lesson.
**In order to meet the requirements of the speech, you must choose one of the four
options and include visual aides to support your ideas. Your presentation will be
centered around one idea and the visuals should support the extended metaphor of
your choice.
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[UNIT 19: BRINGING AMERICA TO THE WORLD]
Organizing my American Dream Speech Proposal
I choose option #_____ to create my extended metaphor for my presentation
Explain what you will do specifically to organize your extended metaphor.
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
I will need to create the following items to support my extended metaphor (object,
activity, story, or lesson) that my speech will be centered around:
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
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[UNIT 19: BRINGING AMERICA TO THE WORLD]
EXAMPLE COLLEGE NARRATIVE ESSAYS: Some may help with this assignment, some may
just help you with your college essay writing  Use as you will.
Essay #1 (University of Pennsylvania)
Describe a challenge you overcame.
The stiff black apron hung awkwardly on my hips as I casually tried to tie the strings around my waist. I
had been at Gino’s Restaurant for only ten minutes when Maurizio, the manager, grabbed my arm
abruptly and said, “Follow me to the dungeon.” Unsure of whether or not he was joking, I smiled eagerly
at him, but his glare confirmed his intent. I wiped the smirk off my face and followed him through the
kitchen, which was louder than Madison Square Garden during a Knicks/Pacers game. A tall woman with
a thick Italian accent pushed me while barking, “Move it, kid, you’re blocking traffic.” I later learned she
was a waitress, and waitresses did not associate with the low-level busboys. Maurizio brought me to a
dangerously steep staircase that looked like it had been purposely drenched in oil to increase the chance
of a fall. As he gracefully flew down each step, I clutched onto the rusty tile walls, strategically putting
one foot first and then the other. Eventually, I entered the “dungeon” and was directed to a table to join
two men who were vigorously folding napkins.
Pretending to know what had to be done, I took a pile of unfolded starched napkins and attempted to turn
them into the Gino accordion. I slowly folded each corner, trying to leave exactly one inch on both sides,
and ignored the giggles and whispers coming from across the table. When I finished my first napkin, I
quickly grabbed another and tried again, hiding my pathetic initial attempt under my thigh. On my second
try, I sighed with relief when I saw that what I had constructed slightly resembled an accordion shape.
However, when I looked up, I saw that the other two men had each finished twenty perfect napkins.
“Hurry up, little girl,” they said in unison, “We have lots left.” They pointed to a closet overflowing with
white linens as I began to fold my third. The next couple of nights afforded me the opportunity to master
such tasks as refilling toilet paper dispensers and filling breadbaskets. Just as I began to find solace in
these more manageable jobs, I felt a forceful tap on my shoulder. A heavyset waiter who was sweating
profusely barked, “I need one decaf cappuccino. Understand?”
“Um, okay,” I stuttered, unable to get up enough courage to admit that I had never attempted to make a
cappuccino. I glanced over at the intimidating espresso machine and started to pace back and forth. The
waiter reappeared and with a look of irritation snapped, “If you didn’t know how to do it, why didn’t you
say so? I don’t have time for this!” Returning to the unnecessary re-cleaning of silverware, the only job I
could comfortably perform, it dawned on me that my fear of showing ignorance had rendered me
incompetent. I had mastered the art of avoidance and had learned nothing. I continued to clean
vigorously, making sure to keep my eyes on the silverware so that no one would ask me to make another
cappuccino.
Having barely made it through my first weekend at the restaurant, I was amazed at how relieved I felt to
return to the familiarity of physics class. We were starting a new chapter on fiber optics. Moving through
the material with greater ease than I had anticipated, we hit upon the topic of optical time domain
reflectometers, and sweat began to form on my chest as I frantically flipped through my notebook. I
marked my paper with an asterisk so that I would know to ask my teacher to explain this material when I
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met with him privately during my next free period. My teacher then said, “So, I’m sure you all understand
OTDR, so let’s move on.” As all of my peers nodded in agreement, I suddenly realized that I was still not
asking how to make cappuccino. I took a deep breath and the fear of not learning overcame my usual fear
of looking foolish and I raised my hand. After my question had been answered, I felt like the Red Sox
lifting the curse. I erased the star I had made on my notebook and confidently listened as we moved on to
the next topic.
I’m not suggesting that raising my hand and asking a question in physics class was a life-changing
moment. It did not suddenly rid me of my fear of showing ignorance, but it definitely marked a new
willingness to ask questions. When I returned to Gino’s the next weekend, I continued to spend some time
unnecessarily cleaning silverware, but after asking Maurizio how to use the espresso machine, I soon
added making cappuccino to my list of life skills.
-- END -Essay #2 (Stanford University)
As you reflect on life thus far, what has someone said, written, or expressed in some fashion that is
especially meaningful to you. Why?
According to Mother Teresa, “If you judge someone, you have no time to love them.” I first saw this
quote when it was posted on my sixth-grade classroom wall, and I hated it. Rather, I hated Mother
Teresa’s intention, but I knew that the quote’s veracity was inarguable. I felt that it was better to judge
people so as not to have to love them, because some people don’t deserve a chance. Judgments are
shields, and mine was impenetrable.
Laura was my dad’s first girlfriend after my parents’ divorce. The first three years of our relationship
were characterized solely by my hatred toward her, manifested in my hurting her, each moment hurting
myself twice as much. From the moment I laid eyes on her, she was the object of my unabated hatred, not
because of anything she had ever done, but because of everything she represented.
I judged her to be a heartless, soulless, two-dimensional figure: she was a representation of my loneliness
and pain. I left whenever she entered a room, I slammed car doors in her face. Over those three years, I
took pride in the fact that I had not spoken a word to her or made eye contact with her. I treated Laura
with such resentment and anger because my hate was my protection, my shield. I, accustomed to viewing
her as the embodiment of my pain, was afraid to let go of the anger and hate, afraid to love the person
who allowed me to hold onto my anger, afraid that if I gave her a chance, I might love her.
For those three years, Laura didn’t hate me; she understood me. She understood my anger and my
confusion, and Laura put her faith in me, although she had every reason not to. To her, I was essentially a
good person, just confused and scared; trying to do her best, but just not able to get a hold of herself. She
saw me as I wished I could see myself.
None of this became clear to me overnight. Instead, over the next two years, the one-dimensional image
of her in my mind began to take the shape of a person. As I let go of my hatred, I gave her a chance. She
became a woman who, like me, loves Ally McBeal and drinks a lot of coffee; who, unlike me, buys things
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advertised on infomercials.
Three weeks ago, I saw that same Mother Teresa quote again, but this time I smiled. Laura never gave up
on me, and the chance she gave me to like her was
a chance that changed my life. Because of this, I know the value of a chance, of having faith in a person,
of seeing others as they wish they could see themselves. I’m glad I have a lot of time left, because I
definitely have a lot of chances left to give, a lot of people left to love.
Essay #3 New York University
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the
educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you
would bring to the diversity in the college community or an encounter that demonstrated the
importance of diversity to you.
I feel sick. I’m nervous and my stomach’s turning. The room is lined with neat rows of desks, each one
occupied by another kid my age. We’re all about to take the SATs. The proctor has instructed us to fill out
section four: “race.”
I cannot be placed neatly into a single racial category, although I’m sure that people walking down the
street don’t hesitate to label me “caucasian.” Never in my life has a stranger not been surprised when I
told them I was half black.
Having light skin, eyes, and hair, but being black and white often leaves me misperceived. Do I wish that
my skin were darker so that when I tell people I’m black they won’t laugh at me? No, I accept and value
who I am. To me, being black is more than having brown skin; it’s having ancestors who were enslaved, a
grandfather who managed one of the nation’s oldest black newspapers, the Chicago Daily Defender, and a
family who is as proud of their heritage as I am. I prove that one cannot always discern another’s race by
his or her appearance.
I often find myself frustrated when explaining my racial background, because I am almost always proving
my “blackness” and left neglecting my Irish-American side. People have told me that “one drop of black
blood determines your race,” but I opt not to follow this rule. In this country a century ago, most mixedrace children were products of rape or other relationships of power imbalance, but I am not. I am a child
in the twenty-first century who is a product of a loving relationship. I choose the label biracial and
identify with my black and Irish sides equally. I am proud to say that my paternal great-grandparents
immigrated to this country from Ireland and that I have found their names on the wall at Ellis Island, but
people are rarely interested in that. They can’t get over the idea that this girl, who according to their
definition looks white, is not.
Last year, at my school’s “Sexual Awareness Day,” a guest lecturer spoke about the stereotypical
portrayal of different types of people on MTV’s The Real World. He pointed out that the white, blondhaired girls are always depicted as completely ditsy and asked me how it felt to fit that description. I
wasn’t surprised that he assumed I was white, but I did correct his mistake. I told him that I thought the
show’s portrayal of white girls with blond hair was unfair. I went on to say that we should also be careful
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[UNIT 19: BRINGING AMERICA TO THE WORLD]
not to make assumptions about people based on their physical appearance. “For example,” I told him,
“I’m not white.” It was interesting that the lecturer, whose goal was to teach students not to judge or make
assumptions about people based on their sexual orientation, had himself made a racial assumption about
me.
I often find myself wishing that racial labels didn’t exist so that people wouldn’t rely on race alone to
understand a person’s thoughts, actions, habits, and personality. One’s race does not reveal the content of
their character. When someone finds out that I am biracial, do I become a different person in his or her
eyes? Am I suddenly “deeper,” because I’m not just the “plain white girl” they assumed I was? Am I
more complex? Can they suddenly relate to me more (or less)? No, my race alone doesn’t reveal who I
am. If one’s race cannot be determined simply by looking at a person, then how can it be possible to look
at a person and determine her inner qualities?
Through census forms, racial questionnaires on the SATs, and other devices, our society tries to draw
conclusions about people based on appearance. It is a quick and easy way to categorize people without
taking the time to get to know them, but it simply cannot be done.
-- END -Essay #4 (Duke University)
Topic of your choice: Me(s): A One-Act Play
(Several of me occupy themselves around my bedroom. Logical me sits attentively in my desk chair.
Lighthearted me hangs upside-down, off the back of my recliner. Existentialist me leans against my door,
eyebrows raised. Stressed me, Independent me, and Artistic me are also present.)
Stressed: So, come on, what’s this meeting about?
Logical: (Taking a deep breath) Well, it’s time we come together. It’s time we create “Jeremy.”
Lighthearted: (Furrowing his brow, but smiling) What? Is this “Captain Planet,” where all the characters
join fists and out bursts the superhero?
Logical: No, this meeting is an opportunity to evaluate where we are in life, like a State of the Union
Address.
Existentialist: Speaking of which, I’ve been meaning to ask all of you: college? Honestly, is it worth it?
You . . . (gestures toward Logical) you’re writing that philosophy book, which should do well. And look
at Artsy over there! He’s composing music, making beautiful art; why don’t we see where we can get
with that? Not to mention the endless possibilities if Lighthearted aims for Saturday Night Live. Think
about the number of successful people in this world who didn’t go to college! (Logical shakes his head) I
mean, let’s be realistic: if we go to college, eventually we’ll be required to declare a major. Once we earn
a degree, it might be harder to pursue our true passions—comedy, music, art . . .
Logical: Not true. First of all, you failed to mention my fascinations with neurology and psychology,
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which are potential majors at every university. Furthermore, opportunities to study comedy, music, and
art are available at all colleges too; we just have to go after them. (Sends a reassuring nod toward Artistic)
In fact, if anything, college will facilitate our involvement in activities like drawing, improvisational
comedy, piano, psychological experiments, Japanese, ping-pong ...
Artistic: Yeah—imagine how much better I’d be at writing music if I took a music- composition course.
Logical: Exactly. And what about our other educational goals such as becoming fluent in Japanese,
learning the use of every TI-89 calculator button . . .
Independent: I agree. Plus, I was thinking of college as a social clean slate. I am looking forward to living
on my own—away from our overprotective, over- scrutinizing family. No more hesitating to ask girls out!
Lighthearted: (He has not been paying attention to the discussion) What ever happened to Captain Planet?
He was like, really popular in 1987 and then . . .
Stressed: Enough out of you. (Lighthearted makes a mocking face at Stressed) You’re giving me a
headache. By the way, everyone, we’re not making much progress here, and I’m beginning to feel a
stress-pimple coming on. (All except Existential gather around Stressed and comfort him)
Existential: There’s really no reason to be stressed about anything. If you think about how trivial—how
meaningless—all this worry is, it’s kind of pathetic that your anxiety is about to get us all stuck with a
pimple.
Independent: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr. I-Know-Everything-And- It-All-MeansNothing, but mightn’t we as well calm down Stressed?
Existential: If you consider that your top priority right now. I thought we came here to do something else.
Stressed: He’s right, I’m fine. Let’s just get back to work, and the problem will heal itself. Where were
we?
Lighthearted: We were searching through the late 80s for Captain Planet’s mysterious disapp . . .
(Stressed plugs his ears and momentarily steps out of the room; Independent shoves Lighthearted; Logic
buries his face in his hands; Artistic begins doodling; Existential laughs)
Existential: We’re a bunch of fools. It amazes me that we all squeezed into the same person. You know, if
you think about the conversation we just had, it does reveal a lot about “Jeremy.”
Artistic: (Chewing his pencil) He’s got a point. And I thought of a cool song. So we were productive,
after all. We should congregate like this more often. We can go places if we stick together.
All: Yeah, we can. (They all put their right fists together, and there is a sudden burst of light and
thunderous sound, as in the old “Captain Planet” cartoons, followed by a knocking on the door)
Parents: Jeremy, are you OK? What’s all that noise?
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Jeremy: Yeah, I’m fine. Just puttin’ myself together. I think I’ve got a good idea for a college application
essay . . .
Essay #5 (Yale University)
Looking for directions
Alex Wolf/ Francis W. Parker School
As vital as religion has been to me in the defining moments of my life, it has also been a serious point of
internal conflict and meditation. I have contemplated how a reasonable person like me could ever buy into
the speculative nature of religious belief. By far the most complicated concept for me to grapple with has
been the belief in God. Simply put, how can I believe in something that has no fact-checked foundation
for belief? The difficulty for me has been that I do believe in God's existence, but that I have never been
able to explain why, a phenomenon that upsets me. And while I find it preposterous to try to understand
everything, I find it essential to not only understand, but to
be able to substantiate that which we believe in; otherwise, how can we be sure that we do believe?
My curiosity led me in a variety of directions, including conversations with friends and family, readings
of various religious scholars, and long hours of meditation; however, none of these avenues provided me
with answers. Frustrated, I approached the only person I knew who could provide me with at least some
direction in my search. After formalities, I straightforwardly asked my rabbi, "How do I know if God
exists?"
"You could start by finding Him," he pointed out. "And how do I do that?"
"By looking," he strangely replied.
"I know that," I said. "But where should I look? Where will God be?"
He thought for a second, stroked his beard and replied, "I don't know. We all discover God in different
places."
"What about you?" I quickly asked. "Where did you meet God?"
He paused again, then responded, "How
far are you from the east?"
I looked blankly, but figured he had a point, so I said, "Um, we live about a
mile . . ."
"No, I mean how far are you from the east?"
Confused again, I responded, "I guess, one step."
"Go there." I stood up and took one step toward the back part of the room. "Are you east now?" I
pondered, then said, "Well, no, really. I mean, east is still one step away."
"And so is God. He is as far
from you as east to west, and as close to you as north to south."
I left his office with a funny feeling. For a while, I took his words to mean that I could never find God.
After all, no matter how far I traveled east, or for how long I ventured south, He would be one step away,
eternally past my arm's reach. Dejected, I temporarily ended my search in the same, explanationless state
as I had entered it.
However, as I thought about the rabbi's statement more, I realized that this may not have been what he
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was trying to say. It wasn't that I could never find God; it was that I could never be away from Him. The
rabbi was simply trying to tell me that while we may never actually meet God, we are
always under His direction and that His guidance is one step away so that even if He's not in the form that
we would expect to find him in, we see Him, in the face of a distant friend, and hear
Him, in the wise words of a grandparent, and touch Him, in the embrace of a loved one. He's there, urging
me to go a little farther, pushing me to work a little harder, striving to make me a little better.
! Worst memory: I knew I wanted to go to Yale. I applied early there and got deferred. I had slacked off
on some of my other applications. I had wanted to go there so much that I sort of didn't leave the
possibility of not getting in, which was, in hindsight, extremely unintelligent. I think I wrote three essays
in one day, and I was really nervous at that point.
! Advice: Don't do things just to make your resume look good. Instead, I would say, "What am I
interested in?" and then find something awesome that you can do in that. Put your best foot forward, but
don't put forward a foot that you don't have. Just be yourself, but be the greatest version of yourself that
you can be.
Essay #2 (Harvard University)
Homeland insecurity
Ria Tobaccowala, University of Chicago Laboratory School
Tornadoes have the horrific ability to disrupt and rearrange everything. Two years ago, a tornado struck
my life and made me reexamine myself, question my country and almost give up my passion.
In the burnt yellow cornfields of the Prairie State, I gazed at the world through a 50 mm lens. An array of
electrical towers stood tall in the moribund monotony of cornhusks. Click. This seemed to be the exact
abstraction my assignment demanded. Hoping for a little beginner's luck, my index finger made final
contact and the shutter winked.
The moving walkway of life carried me away from the incident and forward to the future. Support from
my photography teacher, school officials, friends, and family rekindled my passion for photography.
After a bad first experience with photography in the cornfields, now as I peer through the lens, the world
looks different. Initially all the colors had blended together and I couldn't understand this situation, but at
this moment, I see all the hues distinctly. I see the three perspectives of the FBI agent, the electrical
company employee who made the initial report and my venture in the fields. Through rose-colored
spectacles, I saw art in the corn and electrical towers as a sublime union between nature and man. The
employee observed a girl standing in the middle of a cornfield taking pictures of electrical machinery, and
the dutiful agent followed up on a report in order to protect America.
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[UNIT 19: BRINGING AMERICA TO THE WORLD]
Today, I believe seeing life from alternate angles and other peoples' points of view is critical in our world.
All of us saw the scene with a different perspective, like every photographer views the world through her
own unique lens.
! The process: I think kids always complain that applying for college is a horrible process, you know, just
cruel and unusual punishment. But I actually learned a lot about myself and a lot about how the world
works. You have to evaluate yourself and kind of think about who you are at this point. That is always
interesting. Do I have any regrets? Do I have things that I cherish as the best thing I've ever done? It also
made me a stronger person, more tough-skinned. Yeah, you are being evaluated, but you are who you are,
so accept that.
! What's the best role for parents: For parents, they have to be hands-on. A lot of parents think their kids
will do it, this is their thing, but it really helps when your parents are sitting with you, brainstorming ideas
with you, reading your essays critically, and, you know, maybe not pushing you and hitting you on the
head to write an essay tonight, but they are your best outlet. More than counselors or friends. Your
parents know you the best.
A winning hand
Jose Acevedo, Pomona College / Walter Payton College Prep
Pedro Camuy, my grandfather, is the strongest man that has ever graced my life. His influence has
affected my spirituality, my ability to take risks, and most of all my sense of identity. He's touched my
life in the most profound of ways; making me feel that at his age of 63, he's experienced more than I ever
could even if I lived to be 200 years old.
Over dialysis machines and hospital meals, because of failure of both kidneys, his heart, and
complications of infection due to diabetes, Pedro Camuy has taught me to be at peace with God. While
lying in a hospital bed for weeks on end he's taught me to not curse the situation you are in, but to pray
that you are given one more day to live, regardless of how hard that day is. With the recent birth of a
grandchild, my cousin, he's shown me more than anything that if you believe enough, you can survive
anything. With a new life to guide, he's been given a new reason to fight through every day. He has been
in and out of the hospital since I was 10 years of age, yet he has always emerged stronger. He is a fighter,
claiming that it was a love for his family and faith that brought him home.
Over poker tables, amidst the thickest of tensions, he has taught me to play the odds. He told me when to
set your cards down on the table and take a loss, but he also taught me something else more important. He
taught me when it is worthwhile to lay down every dollar you have for what you think is a winning hand.
It is with this in mind that he came to America, knowing that the well-being of himself and his family was
riding on his ability to succeed here. He did this with fear in his heart, but a poker face exposed to the
world. This is how he taught me to think about life. He showed me to not be afraid to lose it all, because
that could be the one experience that makes you a better person. He told me to never be afraid to bet the
deed to your small business on a poker game, because you just might have the other guy beat. He lost that
hand; he has lost a lot of hands. But, more then anything, he picked
himself back up after every big loss. That's how he played poker; that's how he lived his life; that's how
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[UNIT 19: BRINGING AMERICA TO THE WORLD]
he showed me who I was.
On couches in houses surrounded by the most overt display of heritage, we have talked. We've talked
about me, and all the things that came before me. We've talked of family lost, family gained, and told
stories that you can only believe when coming out of the mouth of those that lived them. He has told me
the stories of my people, of the discovery of America, and the people that all Puerto Ricans originate
from. During these talks, the look in his eyes was one of fire. It is a look I could never duplicate, but I can
only hope that my DNA has allowed me to give an imitation of this look that would prove I was my
grandfather's grandson. These were the talks that made me Puerto Rican; these were the talks I'll have
with my grandchildren one day.
Ernest Hemingway once said, "There are some things which cannot be learned quickly, and time, which is
all we have, must be paid heavily for their acquiring. They are simple things, and because it takes a man's
life to know them, the little new that each man gets from life is very costly and the only heritage he has to
leave." My grandfather has never heard this quote, but has proved Hemingway's words as the truth. All
that a man has to leave is what he has learned in his life.
What my grandfather has taught me is where I came from. His teachings have made me want to take a
risk, put on a brave face, and go to a college away from home, knowing my heritage and that I am under
the protection of God. His teachings have given me the lessons that no classroom ever could. For this, he
is the most influential person to ever grace my life.
! Advice: It's never too early to start looking at colleges and to make sure your GPA is where it needs to
be. As much as we all like to think that they only look at the person, a lot of it goes into grades and how
well you are performing. It is just the fact of it.
! Advice for adults: I would say to parents that they need to let their child leave the nest. If is in Juneau,
Alaska, let them leave.
Essay #6 (Georgetown University)
Samantha Wanling Tsang/ New Trier Township H.S.
My name is Samantha Wanling Tsang. Or at least that's what it says on my birth certificate, but in real life
I have many aliases. No, I'm not a secret agent working for the CIA. In fact, as we all grow up, we gain
many aliases-what others may call nicknames. Although seemingly meaningless, these nicknames all
define a certain era in our lives. I have gone through many nicknames, and each reflects a vital aspect of
who I am.
Fai JuJu. This Chinese nickname translates into "fat little pig." Like my two older sisters, I had to endure
this nickname for seven years. As part of the Chinese culture, it is considered a form of affection to relate
your child to an animal, usually a pig. However, my parents also say that this nickname was a reflection
of my love for food. They recalled my first steps, claiming that the only way I was willing to take my first
step was if there was a cookie waiting for me. I guess you could say that, in a way, the "little fat pig" is
not only still in me, but is hungry for more. Not only do I have a hunger for all types of food-Chinese,
Thai, Italian, French-but now I also have a hunger for new experiences-traveling, sports and learning.
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Sunny. When I was born, my mother debated between Samantha and Sunny, and although she chose
Samantha, Sunny became my alias for four years. These were the years when my creativity developed.
Playing off my nickname, my sisters would joke that my boyfriend was the man on the moon. They
would write me love letters, claiming that they were sent from my boyfriend. At this gullible age, I
readily believed them. I would write my own letters and think of ways that I could visit the moon.
Although I eventually realized the fictitiousness of the man on the moon, I never lost my ability to
imagine.
Samantha. From 11 to 16, people knew me as Samantha. This name reflected a period of my life when I
matured tremendously. In church, I took a more active role that developed my responsibility: teaching
3rd-grade girls in Sunday school. At school, I became immersed in my studies and learned to love so
many subjects-biology, English and Chinese-as well as endure other subjects-U.S. history and precalculus. Outside of school, I became interested in many eclectic extracurricular activities such as varsity
badminton, Chinese Club, Christian Club, piano, and social service. The "Samantha Era," however, was
perhaps too much about standards of achievements, titles, rankings and winning. What was lacking was
an active social life, and this imbalance has led to Sam.
Sam. This is my current nickname, marking a new era of balance. Nowadays you can find me, if done
with my homework and studying, hanging out with friends at the beach or various restaurants. Knowing
how to work hard is essential, but so is knowing how to relax and socialize. Instead of imagining a friend
from the moon, I now have real friends that I write to and think about. Instead of my hunger for just food,
I have grown to hunger for so much more, like experiencing different cultures. And instead of being a
reclusive bookworm, I am now-yes, still studious-but social as well. I guess you could say that Sam has
become an embodiment of all: Fai JuJu, Sunny and Samantha.
Although three of these eras in my life have come and gone, I have taken something from each one. I
know that this is not the end of my many name changes, and I can't wait to see what the future holds. But,
for right now, you can just call me Sam.
! Advice: I wish I had researched colleges at the beginning of junior year. I could have seen the ones I
wanted and their requirements, and then worked toward them. I would have been more prepared.
Sources: MLA Citations
"12 College Admission Essays That Worked." Ed. Peter Buckley. N.p., 2008. Web. 25 June 2013.
<www.How-to-Write-College-Essay.com>.
Reaves, Jessica. "The Naked Truth." . Chicago Tribune, 22 Aug. 2006. Web. 25 June
2013.
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