Running head: DEVELOPMENT OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
Development of a Romantic Relationship
Kathleen Smith
University of Kentucky
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DEVELOPMENT OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
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Abstract
In this paper, Knapp’s Model, a ten step illustration of a romantic relationship, will be broken
down. The main focus will be put on the first six steps of the model: initiating, experimenting,
intensifying, integrating, and bonding, and how they are important in developing a successful
romantic relationship. These six steps will illustrate four major points in the relationship:
“Meeting”, “From ‘Friend’ to ‘Friendlier’”, “Making the Commitment”, and “In it for Life”.
Keywords: romantic relationships, Knapp’s Model, satisfaction, true love
DEVELOPMENT OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
Development of a Romantic Relationship
From the first hello, to “I do”, there are steps in a romantic relationship that each couple
takes to develop it. Adler and Procter (2011) illustrate these steps, in the diagram below, using
what is called Knapp’s Model, a ten step illustration of the building of the relationship and the
potential of a relationship breakdown. Following the first six steps of this model, we will
examine research that supports Knapp’s Model and illustrates how each step of the process
works at these four points: “Meeting”, “From ‘Friend’ to ‘Friendlier’”, “Making the
Commitment”, and “In it for Life”.
Meeting
It is impossible to build a romantic relationship if two people have not even met.
Therefore, at the beginning of each relationship, meeting is, naturally, vital. Knapp defines this
stage as “Initiating” (Adler & Procter, 2011). Everyone knows that the first time meeting
someone can be quite cliché, such as “It’s so very nice to meet you” or “We have to talk again
sometime”, but these short conversations are important in beginning a relationship. By initiating
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conversation with another person, we are telling them, without coming out and saying it, that we
want to build some sort of relationship with them (Adler & Procter, 2011).
There are many reasons why a person would approach another to initiate conversation.
People tend to initiate conversation with people who are similar to us, whether that is looks,
beliefs, or maybe even favorite sports team. It is important to share common ground with a
person, or a conversation with them could go nowhere. In contrast, some would approach
another person because of their differences. If a person is different from them, their differences
may complement each other (Adler & Procter, 2011). Another reason for approaching someone,
though it may seem superficial, is their appearance. Humans are attracted to humans that are,
well, attractive (Adler & Procter, 2011). Attraction just in one channel, though, is not good.
One is more likely to start a relationship with someone, if they know that the other person likes
them or finds them attractive, as well (Adler & Procter, 2011). Lastly, each person is influenced
by relationships they have seen as they have developed into an adult (Collins, Welsh, & Furman,
2009) Whether it is influence from their parents’ successful relationship or a relationship formed
on an MTV reality show, each person is influenced by another relationship in some way.
From “Friend” to “Friendlier”
This section will cover three steps of Knapp’s Model: experimenting, intensifying, and
integrating. In the experimenting stage, it is merely testing the waters with small talk to see if
one wants to further pursue a relationship with the other. As was said earlier, people are
attracted to people that are attracted to them. Therefore, if reciprocal attraction is found, then
people are more likely to pursue the relationship (Adler & Procter, 2011). In this stage, topic
avoidance is key (Knobloch & Carpenter-Theune, 2004). While not enough disclosure could
DEVELOPMENT OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
prohibit full awareness, too much disclosure could be simply too much information at this
delicate stage in the relationship.
The step from the experimenting stage to the intensifying stage is found to be taken with
the full disclosure of feelings (Baxter & Bullis, 1986). With new forms of computer mediated
communication, however, these steps seem to move quicker than when these forms of
communication were not available. These forms of communication allow people to be more
forward with their feelings and thoughts than they would if they were in a face to face
conversation (Adler & Procter, 2011). Therefore, the step from experimenting to intensifying is
much quicker than it once was. Once true feelings are divulged, it is up to the couple to decide
whether or not take the next step, integrating.
Integrating is an important step in the relationship process. This step is an important
turning point in the relationship. At this point, the relationship could have gone two ways,
exclusiveness or termination (Baxter & Bullis, 1986). By becoming exclusive, the couple has
decided that the rewards of the relationship outweigh the costs, and they decide to make the
relationship official. In this stage, Facebook relationship statuses change; the couple’s friends
and family see them as a unit, and things are done together more than individually (Adler &
Procter, 2011).
Making the Commitment
In the bonding stage, the couple makes a public gesture, such as marriage, to show that
they are a unit. The step from integrating to bonding is primarily based on if satisfaction and
true love coexist in the relationship (Hendrick, Hendrick, & Adler, 1988). It was found by
Hendrick, Hendrick, and Adler (1988) that satisfaction, true love, and the longevity of the
relationship are all closely related. With satisfaction in the relationship, comes more longevity as
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well as a greater likelihood to really divulge true feelings and be more committed to the
relationship. Satisfaction, too, was strongly related to the divulgence of deep feelings and the
true commitment to the relationship. Therefore, it was found, that without one variable, it is hard
to truly have another (Hendrick, Hendrick, & Adler, 1988).
The bonding stage is important because it sets up the couple for the rest of their lives.
Once the couple has reached the bonding stage, they are truly a unit and have made it publicly
known. From this point forward, it is about staying at the top of the staircase of Knapp’s Model
and not slipping down the steps as the relationship grows older. There will be many trials and
transgressions along the way, but if the couple can maintain their status on top of the staircase,
then the longevity and satisfaction of their relationship is in a positive place.
In it for Life
The bonding stage is the last step upward in Knapp’s Model. From the bonding stage
forward, it is all about relationship maintenance (Adler & Procter, 2011). To keep this
relationship, good communication is of the utmost importance. It is important to try to not take
steps down in Knapp’s Model because after the circumscribing stage, it is difficult to climb back
up the staircase.
Finally, both parties in the relationship share different roles in the relationship, but they are
both in it for the same reasons. They found love and satisfaction, and this love and satisfaction
will keep them mentally and physically healthy (Moss & Schwebel, 1993).
Research Evaluation
Research has been conducted on many aspects of romantic relationships for some time
now, but it is hard to truly pinpoint exact turning points or moments that will happen in a
relationship. There are so many factors that influence romantic relationships, or any relationship
DEVELOPMENT OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
for that matter, that it is hard to conduct a truly flawless study. With limited participants in the
studies that were used as support for this paper, there is a limited truth to what can be found in
these studies. Without further research on many more participants, it is hard to be sure what to
exactly expect from a romantic relationship.
Conclusion
A romantic relationship is a delicate, intricate relationship that has to be maintained
properly. With more research, more exact definitions of what can be expected at certain points
in a relationship will be defined. Until that time, Knapp’s Model does an excellent job of
generally laying out how a romantic relationship should and does progress or digress.
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References
Baxter, L. A., & Bullis, C. (1986). Turning points in developing romantic relationships. Human
Communication Research , 12(4), 469-493.
Collins, W. A., Welsh, D. P., & Furman, W. (2009). Adolescent romantic relationships. Annual
Review of Psychology, 60, 631-652.
Hendrick, S., Hendrick, C., & Adler, N. (1988). Romantic relationships: Love, satisfaction, and
staying together. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54(6), 980-988.
Knobloch, L., & Carpenter-Theune, K. E. (2004). Topic avoidance in developing romantic
relationships. Communication Research, 31(2), 173-205
Moss, B. F., & Schwebel, A. I. (1993). Defining intimacy in romantic relationships. Family
Relations, 42(1), 31-37.
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