Chapter 11
Writing Effective
Sentences
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Good tech communication sentences should
be clear, correct, and graceful
Structuring effective sentences
 Choosing the right words and phrases
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Use lists.
Emphasize new and important information.
Choose an appropriate sentence length.
Focus on the “real” subject.
Focus on the “real” verb.
Use parallel structures.
Use modifiers effectively.
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Set off each listed item with a number, a
letter, or a symbol (usually a bullet).
Break up long lists.
Present the items in a parallel structure.
Structure and punctuate the lead-in correctly.
Punctuate the list correctly.
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We recommend that more work on heatexchanger performance be done with a larger
variety of different fuels at the same
temperature, with similar fuels at different
temperatures, and with special fuels such as
diesel fuel and shale-oil-derived fuels.
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We recommend that more work on heatexchanger performance be done
with a larger variety of different fuels at the same
temperature
 with similar fuels at different temperatures
 with special fuels such as diesel fuel and shale-oilderived fuels
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We recommend that more work on heatexchanger performance be done (1) with a
larger variety of different fuels at the same
temperature, (2) with similar fuels at different
temperatures and, (3) with special fuels such
as diesel fuel and shale-oil-derived fuels.
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Set off each listed item with a number, a
letter, or a symbol (usually a bullet).
Break up long lists of 10 or more items.
Present the items in a parallel structure.
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Starts with a verb phrase
Nonparallel
Parallel
1. First draft
1. Write first draft
2. Revision of the first draft
2. Revise first draft
3. After approval, write final draft
3. Prepare final draft after approval
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Structure and punctuate the lead-in correctly.
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If lead-in is independent clause, use a colon
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Following are the three main assets:
If lead-in is dependent clause, use dash or no
punctuation
The committee found that the employee–
 The committee found that the employee
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Punctuate the list correctly.
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items are phrases
The items are complete sentences.
Others. See page 228.
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Place new information at the end of the sentence.
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Because of labor shortages, we expect a three week delay.
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Do not end the sentence with information that blunts
the impact of the new information.
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Three week delay is the new information.
The joint could fail under special circumstances. (Weak)
Under special circumstances, the joint could fail. (Better)
Put new or difficult terms at the end of the sentence.
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You use a wired glove to point to objects. (Weak)
To point to objects, you use a wired glove. (Better)
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Average sentence length of 15 to 20 words
Use variety of lengths
 10 words is too choppy
 Series of 35+ word sentences is too demanding
 Succession of same length sentences too
monotonous
 Avoid overly long sentences
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Break apart or use lists
Avoid overly short sentences
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Combine sentences
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Don’t bury the real subject in a prepositional
phrase.
The weak subject will hide the real subject.
Weak: The use of this method would eliminate
the problem of motor damage.
 Strong: This method would eliminate the
problem of motor damage.
 Weak subjects usually precede the of.
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Reduce number of expletives (there is, it is,
there are).
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Watch out for inappropriate verb
nominalizations.
Verbs turned into nouns
 Weak: Each preparation of the solution is done
twice.
 Strong: Each solution is prepared twice.
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Search for character strings such as tion, ment, sis,
ence, ing, and ance.
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Coordinated elements follow same
grammatical form
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Verb form
Nonparallel: Our present system is costing us profits
and reduces our productivity.
 Parallel: Our present system is costing us profits and
reducing our productivity.
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Overlap in a series of items
Overlapped: The speakers will include partners of law
firms, businesspeople, and civic leaders.
 The speakers will include businesspeople, civic
leaders, and partners of law firms.
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Distinguish between restrictive and
nonrestrictive modifiers.
Avoid misplaced modifiers.
Avoid dangling modifiers.
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Avoid misplaced modifiers because placement may
determine the meaning of the sentence
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Only Turner received a cost-of-living increase last year.
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Turner received only a cost-of-living increase last year.
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Didn’t receive a merit increase
Turner received a cost-of-living increase only last year.
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No one else received one
Received as recently as last year
Turner received a cost-of-living increase last year only.
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No other year
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Select an appropriate level of formality.
Be clear and specific.
Be concise.
Use inoffensive language.
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Two problems with informal writing
Informal writing tends to be imprecise.
 Informal writing can be embarrassing.
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Consider audience, subject and purpose
More formally to executives than students, etc.
 More formally about serious subjects such as
safety procedures vs. office party
 More formally in a formal report than a
newsletter
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Err on the side of formality!
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Levels of Formality
Informal
The Acorn 560 is a real screamer.
Moderately With its 3.8 GHz processor, the
formal
Acorn 560 can handle complicated
spreadsheets quickly.
Highly
With a 3.8 GHz processor, the
formal
Acorn 560 is a high-speed personal
computer designed for handling
complicated spreadsheets.
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Active vs. passive voice (pp. 236-237)
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In most cases, active voice is better
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Active: Dave drove the launch vehicle.
Passive: The launch vehicle was driven by Dave.
Emphasizes the agent
Shorter sentences
Passive better in four cases:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Agent is clear from the context
Agent is unknown
Agent is less important than action
Referencing the agent is inappropriate
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Be specific
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Use precise words
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Provide adequate detail
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Ford Taurus is an automobile, a vehicle, a machine,
and a thing.
An engine on the plane experienced some difficulties.
(Which engine, what plane, what kind of difficulties?)
Avoid ambiguity
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After stirring for 10 seconds, add three drops of the
iodine mixture to the solution. (stirring what?)
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Use jargon (shoptalk) only with a technically
knowledgeable audience.
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cold-swap the drive
Avoid unnecessary jargon because:
It can be imprecise.
 It can be confusing.
 It is often seen as condescending.
 It is often intimidating.
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Use positive constructions: what something
is instead of what something is not
most vs. not all
 few vs. not many
 on time vs. not late
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Avoid long noun strings.
Preregistration procedures instruction sheet
update
 Fine if the reader understands them:
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Flat-panel monitor, passive-restraint system
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Avoid clichés.
thinking outside the box, pushing the envelope,
mission critical, paradigm shift
 Good writing is original and fresh.
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Avoid euphemisms (polite way of saying
something offensive)
use the restroom
 dehiring, downsizing, personnel surplus
reduction
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Avoid obvious statements.
The market for the sale of flash memory chips…
 Better: The market for flash memory chips…
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Avoid fillers.
Commonly used in speech: basically, essentially,
sort of, kind of
 Redundant expressions: collaborate together,
past history, end result, completely eliminate
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Avoid unnecessary prepositional phrases.
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The increase in the number of students enrolled
in the materials-engineering program at Lehigh
University is a testament to the regard in which
that program is held by the university's new
students. (Better version on p. 242)
Avoid wordy phrases (Table 11.1)
a majority of vs. most
 a number of vs. many, some
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Avoid pompous words (Table 11.2)
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Advise vs. tell; initiate vs. begin
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Let’s be PC!!!
Replace the male-gender words with non-gender-specific words.
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Switch to a different form of the verb.
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Sexist: The operator must pass rigorous tests before he is promoted.
Better: The operator must pass rigorous tests before being promoted.
Plural: Operators must pass rigorous tests before they are promoted.
Switch to he or she, he/she, s/he, or his or her.
Address the reader directly.
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Chairperson, businessperson, firefighters
You, your
Alternate he and she.
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Refer to the person first, the disability second.
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Don't confuse handicap with disability.
Don't refer to victimization.
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People with mental retardation rather than the
mentally retarded people
A person with AIDS not an AIDS victim
Don't refer to a person as "wheelchair bound"
or "confined to a wheelchair."
Don't refer to people with disabilities as
abnormal.
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Use short sentences.
Use the active voice.
Use simple words.
Include a glossary.
Use words that have only one meaning.
Use pronouns carefully.
Avoid jokes, puns, and culture-bound
references.
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