A Big Fish Story
By: Shannon Lee Kearns
From - http://www.righteousinsanity.com/freestuff/skits/bigfish.html
Person 1: Once upon a time God told Jonah to go to Nineveh.
Person 2: The people there were wicked and God wanted Jonah to tell them to stop
their foolish ways.
Person 1: Jonah didn’t want to go so he ran away to the tar pits.
Person 2: The tarpits? Are you sure about that?
Person 1: Yes. It says in Jonah 1 that he fled to the tarpits.
Person 2: No, it says he fled to Tarshish. He got on a boat at Joppa and ran to
Tarshish to hide from the Lord.
Person 1: Tarpits are easier to say.
Person 2: But anyway,
Person 1: Yes, anyway, while they were on the boat a storm came up. They were going to
capsize, so they started to throw cars overboard to lighten the ship.
Person 2: They threw cargo overboard, not cars.
Person 1: Why do you have to be so picky about everything? They’re getting the story
aren’t they?
Person 2: Not the way you’re telling it, they’re not.
Person 1: Fine, you tell it then.
Person 2: I will. Jonah was asleep under the boat...
Person 1: He was under the boat? If he was under the boat he would be drowning.
Person 2: I meant he was asleep below deck.
Person 1: Then why didn’t you say that?
Person 2: Because everyone else understood what I was talking about. So, the
captain of the ship woke Jonah up and told him to cry out to his god for help. They
thought that his god would take notice of them and save them. Meanwhile, the
sailors were trying to figure out whose fault the storm was. They cast lots to find out
and the lot fell on Jonah.
Person 1: What kind of lot? A parking lot, an empty lot?
Person 2: Not that kind of lot. A lot is sort of like a bet.
Person 1: They were betting in the Bible. Shame on them.
Person 2: They weren’t Christians and besides that’s not the point. Jonah told the
sailors to throw him into the sea to calm the storm.
Person 1: They didn’t want to get into trouble for killing an innocent man, although I
don’t see why, 'cause they were already gonna be in trouble for betting.
Person 2: Anyway, the men tried to row back to land, but couldn’t because the sea
was so rough. They finally decided to throw Jonah overboard. When they did this
the sea calmed down immediately.
Person 1: I know this part of the story. Then a giant elephant came along and swallowed
Jonah and..
Person 2: An elephant? An elephant did not swallow Jonah. I thought you said you
knew this part.
Person 1: Well, the story was getting boring. I thought I’d liven it up a little.
Person 2: This is a true story. You can’t liven up a true story. Tell it right.
Person 1: Alright. He was swallowed by a giant fish. He spent three days and nights in
the stomach of the fish. Then God commanded the fish to spit Jonah out onto dry land.
Person 2: Very good. The Lord commanded Jonah a second time to go to Nineveh
and this time Jonah obeyed. The people repented of their sins and God forgave
them.
Person 1: And the moral of the story is don’t ever go near the ocean.
Person 2: What!?!? Don’t go near the ocean? What kind of a moral is that?
Person 1: Well, if Jonah hadn’t gone to the ocean he wouldn’t have been stuck on a
sinking ship in a storm, almost hit by flying cars, no one would have thrown lots at his
head and he wouldn’t have been swallowed by an elephant!
Person 2: I’m not even going to try to fix that one. The real moral of the story is to
go where God leads you when He leads you. If Jonah had done that none of the
things that my misguided friend was telling you about would have happened. There,
now wasn’t that a better way to tell the story?
Person 1: I guess so, but it wasn’t half as interesting.
Person 2: You’ll never learn will you?
Person 1: Learn what?