Managing Conflict
in Relationships
Topics covered
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Defining Interpersonal Conflict
Principles of Conflict
Orientations to Conflict
Responses to Conflict
Communication Patterns During Conflict
Social Media and Conflict Guidelines for
Effective Communication During Conflict
you should be able to . . .
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Define interpersonal conflict.
List six principles of conflict.
Identify your orientations to conflict.
Identify your preferred responses to conflict.
Evaluate when you can ethically exit conflict
that takes place in social media.
• Apply chapter guidelines to increase your
ability to recognize and engage in conflict
productively.
Defining Interpersonal Conflict
• When people in “I-You” or “I-Thou”
relationships have different views, interests,
or goals and feel a need to resolve those
differences
 Expressed disagreement
 Interdependence
 The felt need for resolution
Principles of Conflict
• 1. Conflict is natural in relationships
• 2. Conflict may be expressed overtly or
covertly
 Passive aggression
 Games
– “Blemish”
– “NIGYYSOB”
– “Mine Is Worse Than Yours”
– “Yes, But”
Principles of Conflict
• 3. Social groups share the meaning of
conflict behaviors
 Cultural differences regarding conflict
 Differences among social communities
• 4. Conflict can be managed well or poorly
• 5. Conflict can be good for individuals and
relationships
Orientations to Conflict
• Lose-Lose
• Win-Lose
• Win-Win
Responses to Conflict
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The exit response (refuse to talk)
The neglect response
The loyalty response
The voice response
Communication Patterns During
Conflict
• Unproductive Conflict Communication
• Constructive Conflict Communication
• Conflict Management Skills
Unproductive Communication Patterns
During Conflict
• The early stages (3 min., listen poorly, unproductive)
 Communication that fails to confirm individuals
 Cross-complaining (dual perspective is low &
defensiveness is high)
 Negative climate and mind reading
• The middle stages
 Kitchen-sinking
 Frequent interruptions
Unproductive Conflict Communication
• The later stages
 Counterproposals
 Excessive miscommunication
Constructive Communication Patterns
During Conflict
• The early stages
 Communicators confirm each other by recognizing and
acknowledging each other’s concerns and feelings
• The middle stages
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Stay focused on main issues (agenda building)
Bracketing (deal with them later)
Don’t interrupt except for clarification
Recognize and acknowledge each
other’s point of view
• The later stages
 Contracting
Constructive - Unproductive
Communication
Conflict Management Skills
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Attend to the relationship level of meaning
Communicate supportively
Listen mindfully
Own your feelings, thoughts, and issues
Check perceptions
Look for points of agreement
Look for ways to preserve the other’s face
Imagine how you will feel in the future
Guidelines for Effective Communication
During Conflict
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Focus on the overall communication system
Time conflict purposefully
Aim for win-win conflict
Honor yourself, your partner, and the
relationship
• Show grace when appropriate