Running head: HOW COMMUNICATION AFFECTS RELATIONSHIPS
How Communication Patterns Affect our Relationships with Others
Katherine Bickwermert
University of Kentucky
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HOW COMMUNICATION AFFECTS RELATIONSHIPS
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Abstract
This paper discusses the relational behavior patterns that dictate how we communicate
with our family, friends, and partners. The main focus of this paper is to analyze how our
family’s communication patterns influence our future relationships. How our parents taught us to
respond to different emotions and triggers become the foundation of every relationship we have
including our romantic relationships, friendships, and social media friendships.
Key words: family, communication, behavior, romance, friends, siblings, relationship
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How Communication Patterns Affect our Relationships with Others
“YOU ARE THE FATHER!” You see how family communication patterns and
behaviors affect people and the relationships they have with others on a daily basis. One of the
most obvious places you see this is on TV shows like Maury. The guy who sits on the stage
adamantly refusing that he is the father is displaying a behavior that is typically derived from a
dysfunctional childhood where communication patterns are characteristically based on putting
the blame on others, refusing responsibility, yelling and slandering others. It’s important to study
and understand our behaviors because they affect our relationships every day for our entire lives.
These behaviors can determine whether you have a successful relationship or an unsuccessful
one. Communication patterns and behaviors among family and friends shape how we interact
with others.
According to Fowler, Pearson & Beck, there are four types of families: Consensual,
Pluralistic, Protective and Laissez-faire. Consensual families are families that are highly
communicative, and they regularly stress their values, ideas, and beliefs. These categories are
based on conversation orientation and conformity orientation (Ledbetter, 2009). Pluralistic
families have frequent communication but do not discuss their values and beliefs. Protective
families are the opposite of Pluralistic-type families, Protective families do not have high
communication but they do share their values, beliefs, and ideas. Laissez-faire families do not
communicate often and do not stress their beliefs or values.
Communication among families is important because they are the first people we interact
with as babies; we grow up with them and learn many things through observation and
interaction. However the most overlooked lesson is communication. Growing up we see how
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our parents fight, laugh, love and support one another. When our parents fight we see their
darkest side, we see their anger, pain and jealousy. Through their actions and responses to those
feelings we learn how to handle ourselves in our darkest hours. When our parents and happy and
loving we see how they smile, caress, and complement each other, through these times we learn
how to lift up the ones we love. These emotions and responses unknowingly creep into our
minds and our hearts and lay the foundation for every relationship we become involved in until
the day we die.
Not only do parent relationships affect our communication patterns but our siblings do as
well. They are the people we test out our communication tools, which we observed from our
parents, on first. When your sister took your favorite toy you either: (1) screamed, hit and fought
with her, (2) didn’t say anything and occupied yourself with another toy, or (3) you told your
parents. Depending on how the adults in your life handle themselves, you react in a similar way.
Since your siblings are your first friends in life, they have a major impact on your future
friendships. Sibling relationship satisfaction is dependent on positivity, openness, assurance, and
networks (Myers). If you and your sibling fought a lot growing up then once you find a friend
you may find yourself constantly defending yourself or looking for reasons to either fight or end
the relationship to avoid any potential fights (Fowler Pearson & Beck, 2010)). However if you
and your sibling practiced the relational behavior patterns listed above, you would have been
able to talk through and negotiate who gets to play with what toy without arguing.
One of the most important and crucial relationships one can be involved in is a romantic
relationship. Sadly almost half of all romantic relationships across the globe fail or end in
divorce. A commonly ignored reason for divorce is the negative communication behaviors the
adults learned as children (Fowler, Pearson & Beck, 2009). “Maintenance and ritual behaviors
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have been found to be consistent predictors of satisfaction and stability” (Fowler, Pearson &
Beck, 2009), that said, a person’s romantic relationships fundamental building blocks are a direct
result of the adults childhood communication patterns.
Parental romantic relationships have a pretty significant impact on a child’s own romantic
relationships. The more loving a couple is toward one other and the longer they are committed to
one another the more likely it is that their children will have the same values and strive for long,
happy marriages. Although if a child grew up with a single mother then the potential for that
child to grow up and become a single mother, or be the one to abandon his family, is higher.
Computer use is a relatively new thing. It wasn’t until about ten years ago that a majority
of households owned a computer. Now social media is taking over our communication patterns.
Nowadays it’s common for a brother and sister to be in the same room and simply text each other
instead of having an oral conversation. This advancement of technology creates a new family
dynamic; there is less communication between members face-to-face.
While computers and technology are in almost every household, family members often
have mixed feelings about their use. Traditional families that would rather sit at the dinner table
and talk to their family are typically cautious of online use. While families that are always on the
go are more open to technological communication. The children of traditional families are more
likely to refuse relationships with people online, especially people they’ve never met. (Ledbetter,
2010). But more and more teens are connecting with people all over the world despite their
parents’ opinions of the internet and creating a new set of relational behavior patterns specific to
this generation.
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We interact with others based on how our family and friends communicate. It’s important
for people to understand how and why their family communicates and behaves the way they do.
These patterns and behaviors affect every aspect of their relationships with others because it’s
their primary source of interactions with other human beings. Friendships can allow a person to
practice new behaviors and monitor their old behaviors so that they can consciously reflect on
themselves and decide how they want to react.
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References
Fowler, M., Pearson J. & Beck, S. (2009). Family communication patterns influence an adult
children’s romantic rituals and relational maintenance. Retrieved from http://ehis.ebscoh
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Fowler M., Pearson J., Beck, Stephenson, (2010). The influences of family communication
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Ledbetter, A. (2010). Family communication patterns and communication competence as
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Myers, S. (2001). Relational maintenance behaviors in the sibling relationship. Retrieved from ht
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