Good Descriptive Writing: Pay attention to the SENSES!
Sights, sounds, how things feel to the touch, smells, tastes, whole-body sensations and gut feelings –
these are our senses. In order to transfer an experience to your reader, you must rely on these.
Here are some examples from college freshmen that I found on a professor’s website:
The Longest Race: Description of a Person
As Chad Reed pulled into the pits, I could tell just by looking at him that this had been a
grueling race. His dirt bike was plastered with so much brown, wet, sticky mud that I couldn’t
even read the number plates. A pair of boots, resting comfortably on the foot pegs, were a mess
of muddy brown dirt, bright white plastic and black buckles. His riding pants were soaked and
covered with mud on the front, while the back remained a brilliant white and blue. The chest
protector seemed to have kept most of the mud off of his blue and white jersey, although his
sleeves had turned the same swampy brown color as his bike. His goggles hung looped over the
handlebars of his bike, dripping the ooze it had saved from Chad’s eyes. And although it was still
on his head, his helmet was a greasy smeary brown, save for the thin line of white and blue
where his goggle strap had been. His body looked beaten, but his eyes, peering through the
helmet, seemed relaxed and happy. He had just won a very long and tiring race.
~Kristian Anderson
The Stallion: Description of an Animal
Standing on his hind legs, this rare Andalusian stallion is fearless. His ears are turned
back while his noble looking head is held high. His all-black coat glistens in the late afternoon
sun. The horse’s face displays a strong confidence with his nostrils flared, his veins bulging
from his cheek bones, and his fiery black eyes burning holes into the souls of those who stare
into them. His neck muscles are tensed and thickened with adrenaline, and his black mane is
thrown into the wind like a flag rippling in the wind. His muscular front legs are brought up to
his chest, displaying flashing gray hooves that could crush a man's skull with one blow. His
backbone and underbelly are held almost straight up, his hind quarters tensed. The stallion’s
back legs are spread apart for balance, with the two back hooves pressed into the earth, causing
deep gouges in the soil. His black tail lies straight down, though every once in a while a burst of
wind catches it, and then it floats down back into place like an elegant piece of silk falling from
the sky. This horse’s bravery and strength are what once made his breed prized as war horses.
~ Jamell Wilson
The Hot Fudge Sundae: Description of a Thing
In front of me on the table sat a beautiful pure white bowl, simplistic in design, hiding a
decadent surprise. In the bowl was hidden an irresistible indulgence was worth every calorie it
contained. On the bottom of the bowl lay a hot, tender brownie loaded with macadamia nuts.
I knew the nuts had a creamy and smooth texture, almost like white chocolate. On top of the
brownie sat two firmly-packed scoops of ice cream, side by side, each one a different flavor.
The scoop on the right was a rich vanilla, flecked with dark specks of vanilla bean. The scoop
on the left was a dark, smooth, bittersweet chocolate. The scoops were just starting to melt tiny
rivers of melted cream down the sides of the hot brownie, pooling on the bottom of the pure
white bowl. These scoops of ice cream were draped with a sumptuous, rich, hot fudge sauce.
Topping the luscious sauce was an ample dollop of whipped cream that was in perfect contrast to
the dense, almost too-rich dessert below. The whipped cream was topped with a shower of
chocolate sprinkles and finely-chopped walnuts. What completed this wonderful creation was a
perfect maraschino cherry, its red juice sending tiny streams down the whole mountain of dessert
delight. The contrast of colors, textures and flavors in this dessert appealed to every part of my
senses. I could not wait to eat it.
~Kelly Cofske
Glenveagh Sunset: Description of a Place
When the upper arc of the sun disappears below the horizon, the brilliance of Mother
Nature becomes apparent. On my left across the lake, low-lying hills crawl upward across the
horizon. In front of me, covered by a few trees, is a lone, secluded island. It looks as if it were a
boat attempting to escape to tranquil waters. On my right, the hills gradually turn to mountains,
though from where I stand, a tall and slender lodge-pole pine conceals them. Her finger-like
branches delicately reach down toward the lake, trying to touch her own reflection. High above
me, moisture-laden clouds span out over the mountain tops, resembling a magenta quilt. In front
of me, a widening break in the clouds crests with a final burst of violet blue, in an effort to avoid
succumbing to the shroud of night. The island balances upon the waters, reflecting its perfect
counterpart shimmering beneath.
~Kyle Shearin