Stop & Think Parenting:
A Guide to Children’s
Good Behavior
A Project ACHIEVE Component
from the
State Improvement Grant
Arkansas Department of Education,
Special Education Unit
Marcia Harding
Associate Director
Special Education Unit
Howard M. Knoff
Project Director
State Improvement Grant
The Stop & Think Social Skills Program
(within Project ACHIEVE)
An Evidence-Based National Model Prevention
Program through the
U.S. Department of Health & Human Service’s
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services
Administration (SAMHSA)
and
U.S. Department of Justice’s Office of Juvenile
Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP)
Character is doing the right thing. .
. . . when no one is watching.
J. C. Watts
Choice,
not chance,
determines
one’s destiny.
Unknown
The Goal of the
Stop & Think Social Skills Program
TO:
 Teach Children Interpersonal, ProblemSolving, and Conflict Resolution Skills
 That facilitate their Social-Emotional/
Behavioral Development, and
 Help them develop Self-Management Skills
The “BIG THREE” Interdependent
Positive Behavioral Support
Components
Skill
(Interpersonal,
Problem-Solving,
Conflict Resolution
Social Skills)
Accountability
Consistency
The Definition of “Skill Mastery”
Skills are mastered when they are successfully
performed under conditions of emotionality
“Special Situations”—
Dealing with Emotions
Skills:
The Emotional Reaction Paradigm:
Prevention
Triggers
Cues
Behavior
Prepare
Skills can be demonstrated as long as a person
is not past the “Physiological Point of No Return”
STEP 1:
STOP
AND
THINK
Time to calm down and think
about how to handle the
situation.
STEP 2:
Do You Want to Make a
Good
Choice
OR A
Bad
Choice?
Opportunity to decide what kind of
choice to make?
STEP 3:
What Are Your
Choices or Steps?
Teaching Step
and then
Thinking or Planning Step
STEP 4:
Just
Do It!
Do the behavior or action
STEP 5:
Tell Yourself
“Good Job!”
Child reinforces self for
making a good choice
then doing a good job.
THE STOP & THINK SOCIAL SKILLS
UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE
1.
________, you need to Stop & Think.
2.
Are you going to make a Good Choice or a Bad
Choice?
You need to make a Good Choice.
3.
What are your (Good) Choices or Steps?
[Tell/Guide your student here using a specific “Skill
Script”]
4.
All right, now let me see you Just Do It ! ! !
5.
Great job! ! ! Tell yourself you did a great job ! ! !
Preschool to Early Elementary School
Stop & Think Social Skills
At the preschool to the early elementary school level, the ten
primary skills are:
Listening
Following Directions
Using a Friendly Voice
Waiting for Your Turn
How to Interrupt
Asking for Help
Asking for Permission (May I?)
Dealing with Being Bothered
Apologizing
Dealing with Losing
At the preschool to early elementary school level, the ten
advanced skills are:
Sharing
Joining an Activity
Dealing with Being Left Out
Dealing with Teasing
Dealing with Consequences
Planning What to do Next
Deciding How You Feel
Dealing with Anger
Dealing with Being Blamed
Deciding with Being Afraid
Middle to Late Elementary School
Stop & Think Social Skills
At the middle to late elementary school level, the ten primary skills are:
Listening
Following Directions
Asking for Help
Taking Turns/Interrupting
Ignoring Distractions
Apologizing
Dealing with Consequences
Dealing with Teasing
Dealing with Anger
Walking Away from a Fight
At the middle to late elementary school level, the ten advanced skills are:
Setting a Goal
Understanding Your/Others’ Feelings
Evaluating Yourself
Dealing with Being Rejected or Left Out
Responding to Failure
Dealing with Accusations
Beginning/Ending a Conversation
Dealing with Fear
Giving/Accepting a Compliment
Dealing with Peer Pressure
Teaching Social Skills:
The Importance of Skills & Script


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“Stop & Think”
“I’m going to make a Good Choice!”
“What are my Choices or Steps?”
THE SKILL BOX: GO TO SKILL SCRIPT


“Now, I’m ready to ‘Just do it!’”
“Great! I did a Great Job!”
“Skills and Scripts”-In Step 3’s “Skill Box”
Listening:
(For Younger Students)
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Eyes are forward.
Hands are quiet.
Mouth is closed.
Ears are open.
“Show me Listening!”
Prompt: “Show me listening.”
Following Directions:
[“Show Me Listening”– Get into the
Listening position]
1. Listen to the entire direction.
2. Repeat the direction to yourself or
out loud.
3. Ask a question if needed or if you
don't understand.
4. Get ready to follow the direction.
REMEMBER:
“Bad Choices” are not failures;
They are opportunities to teach, reteach,
reinforce, and demonstrate consistency with
children and adolescents.
The “BIG THREE” Interdependent
Positive Behavioral Support
Components
Skill
Accountability
(Incentives, Consequences)
Consistency
Necessary Components of an Effective
Discipline/Behavior Management Program
Accountability:
Children make “good choices” because they
are either motivated toward incentives and/or
motivated to avoid consequences.
Implication:
We need to identify meaningful,
developmentally-appropriate incentives and
consequences for children/adolescents
Some Basic Principles of Accountability
1. A positive home environment occurs when children
experience FIVE positive interactions for every ONE
negative interaction.
TO
2. Incentives and consequences impact only after a
child has learned and mastered specific social skills
(Think about the non-swimmer).
Implication:
When incentives and consequences are used
too early in connection with skill mastery, frustration
(emotionality) results.
Some Basic Principles of Accountability
3. When consequences are needed, the mildest
possible consequence needed to motivate a
student’s “good choice” should be used.
4. Even when used correctly, as consequences get
more negative or intense, some children need at least
the same level of intensity in order for them to
maintain their “meaningfulness” over time.
Implication:
This can result in a “death spiral” where parents
are continually increasing the intensity of their
consequences in order to get their children to
respond.
Some Basic Principles of Accountability
5. Punishment may immediately stop behavior but it
does not change behavior;
Consequences: Communicate. . . and Motivate.
BUT. . . .
“If you consequate, you must educate!”
Implication: Once the consequence is over, the
child needs to understand and practice the
appropriate action to change the behavior.
Positive Home Behavior Matrix
Positive Home Behaviors
Listens
Follows Directions (Cleans room,
makes bed, puts
clothes/toys away, gets
ready for bed easily, good
personal hygiene,
____________________)
Uses a friendly voice (not angry,
loud, whiny, __________)
Waits their turn (when you are on
the phone, visiting with a
friend, busy cooking,
____________________)
Walks away from a fight (when
hit by younger sibling,
when being bullied or
teased, ______________)
Tells the truth
Shares, Shows kindness
________________________
Incentives – (What does your
child like?)
1. Tell child “Thank you”
2. Special privileges (Play with
computer or Playstation, extra
TV time, outside play)
3. Have a snack
4. Smile and affirmation (“Good
Work” “Good job” “I appreciate
you/what you did” )
5. Say, “I love you”
6. Spend extra time together (Story
time, Cooking, Wal-Mart)
7.
Hug, high five, or a loving pat
8.
______________________
Level 1 Mild Inappropriate
Behaviors
Does not listen (TV watching,
you are reading a story, giving
directions, or helping with
homework, _____________)
Does not follow directions
(Delays going to bed or
bathing, leaves toys or clothes
on floor, slams door, _______)
Uses a loud voice, makes loud
noises, or has an attitude
(when asking for help,
interacting with others,
frustrated, _______________)
Interrupts your phone call or
interrupts you when you are
busy
Teases a sibling or friend
Corrective Responses
(Organized along a
Continuum)
Parent proximity
Parent non-verbal redirect (“The
Look”, point, Stop & Think hand
signal, )
Parent verbal redirect
“Stop & Think” process
Child practices desired action/
appropriate behavior
Parent ends activity
Child apologizes
2 minute “time out”
Mild reduction of privileges:
(Computer, Playstation, TV,
Outside Playtime, ____________)
____________________________
The “BIG THREE” Interdependent
Positive Behavioral Support
Components
Skill
Accountability
Consistency
(Structured, Predictable, Dependable)
Examples of the Types of
Consistency/Inconsistency
Need Consistency:
Across Parents
Across Expectations
Across Time, Settings, and Situations
Across Siblings (taking into account the age)
The Necessary Components of an Effective
Discipline/Behavior Management Program
Skill
Skill
Accountability
Accountability
Consistency
Consistency
The Stop & Think Parenting DVD
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Introduction
Listening and Following Directions—The Basics
Listening and Following Directions—Advanced
Procedures
Using Rewards and Consequences
Teaching Children to Wait their Turn and How to
Interrupt
Children’s Emotions and Dealing with Losing
Teaching Children How to Accept Consequences
Teaching Children and Parents How to Deal with
their Anger
Summary
Applying Social Skills toward Prompting
Behavioral Change

Targeting Behaviors for Change:





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
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Increasing or establishing new behaviors
Decreasing or eliminating inappropriate behaviors
Teaching attention & engagement skills
Teaching social, self-management & self-control skills
Addressing externalizing behavior (anger, acting out,
aggression)
Addressing internalizing behavior (anxiety, withdrawal,
depression)
Increasing student motivation
Peer engagement & management skills
Identifying Replacement Behaviors

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Replacement behaviors describe desired
skills or outcomes
Replacement behaviors cannot be
described using “not,” “stop,” or “don’t”
Replacement behaviors must be:
 Observable
 Measurable
 Attainable/realistic
Identifying Replacement Behaviors
Problem Behavior
Interrupting
Taking Sibling’s Toy
Verbal Taunts
Throwing Food
Slamming Door
Swearing
Begging in store
Replacement Behavior ?
THE STOP & THINK SOCIAL SKILLS
PRACTICE ACTIVITY
1.
2.
________, you need to Stop & Think.
I’m sorry that you are making a Bad Choice right now
(by __________________________ ).
You need to make a Good Choice.
3.
Your Good Choice is to (state Replacement Behavior) .
[Tell/Guide your student here using a specific “Skill Script”]
4.
All right, now let me see you Just Do It ! ! !
5.
Great job! ! ! Thank you for making this Good Choice and
following my directions! ! !
Questions to Ask Yourself

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Have I effectively taught my child the social skills
I expect him/her to perform?
Has my child reasonably mastered those skills?
Am I using meaningful incentives and
consequences to motivate good choices and good
behavior?
Am I being consistent in how I use and apply
incentives and consequences?
Am I getting the good-choice behavior that I want
from my child?