Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Add more variations for younger students
Chart format vs. narrative, less explanation, leave more up to the educator
Introduction note on teaching tough, “touchy” topics?
1
Educator Guide Created by Amy Dorsch
Key to Symbols:
Page numbers from Love Your Neighbor Sourcebook
Grey Box- Shabbat-friendly alternative to activity
Box- Key Concept, Big Idea or Essential Question
Activity
Alternative for younger participants (below 6 th grade)
Taking it Home/Application to “real life”
A note on timing: Time frames were not indicated in these lesson plans. Depending on the time slot you have, you can stretch the lesson with a longer discussion, give learners more time for activities, or shorten the lesson by leaving out certain parts or cutting the discussion time down. These lessons are meant to be learner-centered, flexible (if they’re “into” one element of the lesson plan, you may not necessarily want to cut off the discussion), definitely adaptable!
A note on materials: The purpose of this Teacher’s Guide is to help you utilize the Love Your Neighbor:
Building Healthy Relationships sourcebook. Lessons depend on using this book. You may add your own creative elements to the lessons by changing the set induction to include something else you found online or a song, video, image, etc. Due to copyright issues, we were limited with the materials we were able to include and kept outside materials to a minimum. Do not let this inhibit your own creativity!
1 Sourcebook Credit: Created as a Joint Project of United Synagogue Youth and Jewish Women
International. Edited by Karen L. Stein, 2009

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Jewish Value/Mitzvah: Defining and understanding Ve’ahavta L’reyacha Kamocha
Goals:

Participants will define the term relationships through mitzvot of Bein Adam L’chavero (person-
person) and Bein Adam L’atzmo (person-self), both types embodying the relationship of Bein
Adam LaMakom (person-God).

Participants will explore the different communities of others of which they are a part and their role in those communities.

Participants will understand that they live in a world connected to others. Their attitude and interaction toward others in their different communities will help them understand what is meant to Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself.
Materials: Soureboks, pens, pencils, flip chart/poster paper and markers if you choose to do activities on flip chart paper.
Time frame: 1.5 hours
Have group members form a circle. Explain that we are all connected to others according to the different communities to which we belong. Ask for one person to start by mentioning a community

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, he/she belongs to such as a grade at school or a soccer team. Someone who also belongs to such community should reach his/her arm out and grab the hand of the person who started. Ask for another volunteer and repeat the process until you have formed a human web or “pretzel” where everyone is connected by their different, but same communities.

What did you find interesting about this exercise?

What does it teach you/prove to you?

What does this teach us in particular about relationships and about our connections to others?

Did you include your online communities (blogs, social networking media) as part of your communities? Do these count as “communities of others?” Do the same rules of interaction apply?
Sample responses: We’re all connected, in same communities, in different ways, but all part of communities of others.
Core Concept : Connectedness to others, communities of others: What does this look like and how do we define our own communities and relationships to others?
Explain idea of Global World and constant connectedness to communities of others. Even when we are alone, if we are watching TV, texting or online, we are connected to others. Whether you play soccer, or simply go to school and nowhere else, you are part of community of others. We do not live in a world of isolation. We live our lives according to interactions with others. We call this interaction with others relationships.
Pages 1, 5-12
1.
Jewish concept of community and connectedness to others
2.
Jewish concept of our treatment of others
Explain that you looked at the different connections you had in the opening activity. What connections do you share as Jews?
Page 5- do activity in box on things we share as Jewish community members, read texts 1 and 2 on page 5 and answer questions provided (you may also include Pirkei Avot text on page 8 here as well,

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, emphasizing the need to be part of different communities). Paraphrase or read bottom paragraph, continue on to page 6 and stop at activity box.
Explain that it is not enough to know that we are always connected to others, in Judaism, it is how we connect with others that is also a key value, how we treat others through our connections and interactions that matters more than anything. Actions speak louder than knowledge (you may refer to
Hillel/Shammai debate on study vs. action, but not necessarily)
Read texts on page 1 and Talmud text and page 2. Pose some of the questions provided and ask for their definition of Ve’ahavta L’reyacha Kamocha (VLK). You can try to explain it as a whole or break it down by word. Explain that you will further explore this idea throughout your discussion on relationships. (Session 2 will focus specifically on defining this text.) This is one (if not, the most) of the most important concepts in Jewish tradition, as expressed by Rabbi Hillel.
For fun: Challenge them to think of any pop culture songs that reflect these ideas.
Leon on Me, We’re All In This Together, We are Family, That’s what Friends are For, You’ve Got A Friend in Me, I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends, etc.
Explain: As you begin your exploration of the idea of VLK as defining your relationships with others, first define the types of relationships you have with others. To what communities do you belong? What are the types of relationships you have? Who do you interact with most and at what level do you place those interactions?
*Activities can be done in small groups or chevrutot. Use flip chart paper and markers if you wish to make the visuals in the book larger.
Option 1: Pie chart activity on page 9
Option 2: Human Pyramid, activity page 10
Shabbat: For pie chart activity, do a human pie chart using a pre-drawn pie chart on paper and construction paper “pie pieces” or use human bodies to indicate lines of the pie chart.
Human Pyramid Activity- use bodies to indicate each layer of your pyramid
Have participants share their responses both in terms of levels and priorities of relationships.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Look at the different types of relationships in Judaism, outlined on page 11. Ask group to categorize some of the relationship examples previously discussed into the Bein Adam L’atzmo, Bein
Adam L’chavero and Bein Adam LaMakom and decide which level(s) they feel is most important/priority to them right now.
Pose some of the questions provided in the discussion in the book as well as some other key questions:

Do you make time for your relationship “Bein Adam L’atzmo? Can you love/appreciate your neighbor without first loving yourself?

What are some of the toughest challenges with relationships in each category?

Do you often struggle with each of these three types? In what ways?

With which relationship type are you most confident? What could help you strengthen the other two?

Are you comfortable with the Bein Adam LaMakom relationship? How do the other two reflect the person-God relationship? How do positive interactions between self and others exemplify a positive relationship with God (you will explore this idea in other sessions)?

How does our discussion on the different communities of which we are a part tie into these categories of relationships, the varying levels of relationships and how we treat others in those communities? How do the Jewish texts we looked at help us better understand our role as individual members of communities of others and how we behave towards others in our different communities (inter-dependence on others, respect for others, love for others)
[if time permits or the participants are well responsive to this part of the discussion, you may try the activity on page 12].
Wrap up discussion by reiterating key points of your discussion on belonging to different communities and the types and levels of our relationships and in particular, Jewish text highlights:

Love Your Neighbor text- page 1

Talmud Text “the rest is commentary”- page2

Hillel text- page 5

Types of relationships- page 11
Taking it Home/Application to “real life”
Focus on the pie chart activity on page in more detail. Do you think you need to change your relationship priorities and where you focus your efforts and energies? Do you give yourself (Bein Adam

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
L’atzmo) enough “me time?” You need this! Do you give your parents the kavod of spending time with them? How about your siblings? Do you spend 5 minutes alone with God each day? Do you spend enough time interacting with your teachers at school? Look at your relationship pie chart and try to refocus your energies and priorities so that you feel you have a nice balance among your different communities of others and between Bein Adam L’atzmo, L’chavero and LaMakom.
Session 1 Recap:

We live within communities of others, in constant interaction with other people, with ourselves and with God.

Our interaction with communities of others are on varying degrees and levels, categorized by
Bein Adom L’atzmo, L’chavero and LaMakom

Judaism places the highest value on interaction with others through the mitzvah of Ve’ahavta
L’reyacha Kamocha, and its associated texts.
Materials:

Sourcebooks

Sheets of 8.5x11 printer paper

Markers

Tape

Magazines and glue (if doing part 1 of activity on page 64)
Session 2 Goals:

Participants will further explore and define Ve’ahavta L’reyacha Kamocha: Love Your Neighbor,
Love Yourself

Participants will understand the individual as part of the other, as inter-connected

Participants will understand that in order to treat another with kavod (respect) and dignity, one must first appreciate or value oneself, which is often harder to do.
Core Concept: Different ways to define VLK, but focus is on loving oneself to love another. We are all inter-connected. To love, appreciate or value another, we must see ourselves as part of the other and love ourselves to love another.
Split the group into three. Give everyone a piece of construction paper. Group 1 will draw out their
“head,” either what their face looks like or the intellectual or emotional qualities they possess as

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, individuals. So, Jonny will draw his head, Rachel will draw hers, and label it according to how she/he views her/himself, using only positive qualities. Group 2 will draw the body- what each individual is capable of from neck to waist. It can be serious or humorous but must be positive and individualized.
The third group will draw themselves from waist to toes, explaining what he/she is capable of or positive associations with that part of the body.
Shabbat: Instead of drawing, have each person come up with adjectives they would use to describe their section of the body (the use of that body part and physical features) so that when their pair up with the other sections, they can describe a complete person.
Have each person explain the qualities/features/character traits they came up with. Ask them to explain why they are proud of those features or why they value them and why this may have been a challenge to do.
Create new groups of three with a head, torso and legs in each group. Ask them to put their three papers together to form a human body or if on Shabbat, group together to describe their complete body.
Explain: What does this lesson teach us about ourselves as individuals and our connection to others?
(this will help you recap session 1 if done previous to this one)

We all have something great to contribute to others

Each of us as individuals is connected to others as a whole

Although often challenging, we must learn to value and appreciate ourselves first, before we can learn to appreciate others and understand our connection to others.

We’ve created a new person by connecting ourselves to others. When we love our neighbors, we are loving ourselves and vice versa [Ve’ahavta L’reyacha Kamocha]
Explain: The most important prayer in Jewish tradition is the Shema. Following the opening line of
Shema Yisrael is the first paragraph, with the first word being _____ [ve’ahavta] or “you shall love.”
Open books to page 1 and read the Ve’ahavta L’reyacha Kamocha text out loud.
Explain: This is also the first word of our key text on relationships from Vayikra/Leviticus: Ve’ahavta
L’reyacha Kamocha. The cover of the book defines it as Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself. Some others define it as “Love Your Neighbor As Youself.” Why would we define it as such for this book? How would you define VLK?

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Have each person pop up like popcorn with their own definition of the phrase Ve’ahavta L’reyacha
Kamocha (VLK) quick and instant, with the first definition that pops into their heads.
Examples:

Treat your friend as you would want to be treated

Appreciate each person unconditionally

To love your friends, you must love yourself

All human beings are equal

To love your neighbor is to show appreciation for God
On the back of your “body part” paper, draw a symbol or image of your own definition of VLK.
What do you think this means?
Share your definitions (or images) and read the paragraph on the definition on page 1 of the book.
Discuss:
What do you think about the explanation given in the book? What does this explanation/translation as well as our own definitions teach us about: a) How we view ourselves? b) About how we treat others?
Explain/paraphrase: VLK defines not only our relationship toward others but also our relationship to ourselves. We purposely did not use the common definition of VLK for the translation of our sourcebook. The common translation is “love your neighbor as yourself.” One of the ways we define VLK in this book, is “Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself.” What is the different in translation? P
Page 64
Love Yourself…
Explain: To love your neighbor, you must also learn to love yourself, which is oftentimes harder to do. Do the activity on page 64. Depending and time and supplies, you may need to adapt the activity to include drawing instead of magazine cut-outs or to just do the second “mirror” activity of an “inside-out” mirror. Make sure each participant has a private, personal space in which to work.
Once they have completed their second mirror, the “inside-out” mirror, discuss.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

Was this activity interesting to you? Challenging? What made it fun or difficult?

How do you aim (what do you do) for your “inside mirror” to reflect who you are for others to see?
 Do you think we are practicing the mitzvah of VLK when we look at others by their outside rather than inside?

Why is it so much more difficult to focus on our “inside mirror” than the outside one?

Why do you think it is difficult for others to do the same?
 How do you think this activity helps us define/interpret/understand VLK?
 Can you view another’s “inside mirror” when you only physically see the “outside” initially? How? How does the ideas of VLK help us do this?
Try this activity to reinforce the “inside-outside” discussion.
Have everyone grab a partner and stand face-to-face, looking into each others’ eyes. Ask them to look closely and call out what it is they see in the others’ eyes.. Reponses may be: hazel, black dot, white, eyelashes…literal responses such as color, shapes, or vague such as “the soul.”
If you happen to have someone mention “myself” or “my reflection,” this is what you’re trying to highlight. If this isn’t mentioned, prompt the response by asking them to look beyond the literal or the cliché and see if they notice anything they may not have recognized before.
Give away the answer eventually, by asking if anyone sees their own reflection, themselves in the eyes of the other.
Wrap up: In another human being, we see ourselves. This is the essence of VLK. We can learn to love ourselves, we can learn to love another, but we cannot have one without the other. We are part of one another and our relationships reflect this. How we treat ourselves, how we treat others, are inter-dependent.
Re-enforce goals of session:

VLK can be defined in different ways. We examined the definition as to love another, you must also love yourself.

We view ourselves differently than how others view us. However, we are interconnected as individuals. In order to love (or value, appreciate) another and be loved,

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, we must love ourselves and see this love as mutual. This is what relationships are all about in Jewish tradition.
 As young people, our primary relationships are those between family members. As we grow, the more influential relationships become those between friends [alluding to session 3).
Taking it Home
How do you show others the “inside you?” Do you treat yourself with the same respect you treat others? Choose one thing to do this week that shows self-appreciation or respect. Do you treat others with the same respect you treat yourself? Try and catch yourself before you do something that goes against this idea, against VLK. Before you gossip, make a mean or sarcastic remark, talk back to a parent or teacher or take your sister’s shirt without asking, remind yourself that you wouldn’t want someone to behave this way toward you and live what you’ve learned!
Session 2 Recap:

Explored different definitions of “Ve’ahavta L’reyacha Kamocha” and recognized that in order to love (respect, appreciate) another, one must value, love oneself, work toward others seeing our
“inside” selves on the outside.

Recognition that VLK means that we are all inter-connected as individuals through our relationships, each separate and unique, but part of one another.
Session 3 Goals:

In our pre-teen or teen years, friendship becomes our most influential relationship. We shift from the family being the center of our interactions toward more intense relationships of those outside the home. To a young child, there is little life outside the home. To a teenager, there is little to life without friends. Participants will spend some time exploring this.

Participants will then look closely at making friends. How do we acquire a friend? How do we
 choose certain people over others? What do you look for in a friend? Participants will explore these questions with an activity on what we look for in our friends.
Given the discussion on what we look for in a friend, participants may recognize that they are not surrounded with the types of people they seek as friends. This does not mean they are alone. Participants will ill look at different outlets of how we make friends in the 21 st century.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Materials:

Sourcebooks

3 pieces of large poster paper for tracing a human body
 markers
Option 1: In two teams, in two minutes or less, make a list of every song you know about friendship.
Alternate answers between 2 teams by asking the teams to sing a verse or chorus. Your discussion will focus on the value of friendship, of being a friend and how these song lyrics reflect this. *Bonus points for Hebrew songs!
Examples:

That’s What Friends Are For (Dionne Warwick)

Lean on Me (Bill Withers)

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends (The Beatles)

You’ve Got a Friend in Me (Lyrics by Randy Newman)

You’ve Got a Friend (Carole King)
Option 2: Note- this exercise can be done physically, in circles (great for Shabbat or for a group that likes to move), or can be adapted to be done on paper for older participants who may be more reflective.
Stand in a small, tight circle (or on a piece of paper, write down) shoulder-to-shoulder. Explain that this circle is your “social circle” at age one. Who would be in your social circle at age one? (usually parent or guardian).

Age 2-4- Your social circle expands (move the circle outward a little bit). Who would now be included in your circle? (play group, kids in activities you are part of with your parent/guardian, but still small and not determined by you).

Age 5-12- Your social circle increases (move circle outward more). Who does this now include and how are these friendships determined? (people in your extra-curricular lessons,
 different kids in your grade who are now in your class, etc.)
Ages 13-18-Your social circle has now greatly expanded (widen circle) Where do these friends come from and what determines your friendships at this point in your life?
Circumstance, proximity, similar interests/values, familial connections?
What did you recognize about the evolution of friendship from this exercise? How is it that different people enter our lives and play significant or minor roles?
Points to make:

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

We start out with our primary social circle being those who provide care and sustenance. When you’re 2, mommy/Caregiver is your BFF. As you grow, you learn to make new friends with Billy in your play group or Janie in your preschool. These friendships can be determined by Janie’s pretty dress (insignificant) or by familial connections (moms are friends).

As you age and mature and gain independence from your primary social circle, you learn to
“make friends” in different social settings and your social circle greatly expands.

We have friends of varying degrees, on various levels, many acquaintances, but fewer true, genuine friends (if time permits, you can illustrate this point with activity on page 34)
Core Concept: What does it mean to “make friends?” How do we choose our friends? Under what circumstances/environment does one “become friends?”
Pages 19, parable on bottom of 21-22
“Acquire for yourself a friend” text (page 19) and story beginning on page 21 with “There were two close friends…”
Depending on time restraints, you can choose to include the story that goes along with the text.
Otherwise, focus on the Pirkei Avot text on page 19.
Explain: Both the text and the story reflect the same idea, that everyone needs friends. Throughout your life, you will “make” many friends in different settings, under different circumstances. Read the Pirkei
Avot text on page 19 and answer the questions below it and the paragraphs explaining the text as well.
Read the bottom paragraph of page 19 and discuss these ideas. Do you agree with this explanation/interpretation of the text? Points to reinforce:
1.
You have to work for it- “having a friend” beings it was given to you. Friendship is a privilege, not a right. You have to make an effort to have friends.
2.
Rav- teacher- our friends teach us so much about life, about relationships, about ourselves
[reinforcing previously discussed ideas of inter-connectedness].
3.
Dan L’chaf Zechut- everyone deserves a fair shot at being your friend. Do you judge everyone you meet favorably? Do you give everyone you meet a fair chance?
How do you decide who becomes your friend and who is just someone you know? How can you trust someone you first meet to be a good friend and not someone who will hurt or betray you?
Part I: What Do You Look For In a Friend? [WHO]

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Part II: How do you acquire your friends? [HOW]
Page 25-26 Read story at bottom of page 25-26 (Wisdom of Ben Sira).
Ask group if anyone has ever been betrayed or hurt by someone you thought was your friend (we have all experienced this).
Explain to participants that although we are advised to judge everyone favorably and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, we must also be cautious not to assume that everyone we meet should become our friends. You don’t have to be friends with the entire world. With friendship, quality matters over
quantity. This is how we get easily hurt. We view someone as a friend, who really isn’t. We’ve all had acquaintances we thought were our friends only to have them turn on us. Judge everyone favorably, but know that not everyone will remain loyal and true to you. What are some signs of a friend who may only be a “friend” when it suits them? How can you tell the difference between a true friend and someone who will use you?
The key in seeking genuine friendships is to know the qualities of the type of friend you need!
Page 22- “Everybody Needs Somebody”
Materials: 3 pieces of large poster paper to trace a body outline, markers
Split group into three teams.
Explain that everybody needs friends, but some people have an easier time “acquiring” friends than others. Friendship is not based on quantity however, but on quality. The friends you “acquire” should be quality friends, not mere acquaintances. Perform an adapted version of the activity on page 22 by asking participants to draw a human body outline and point to the different body parts that one uses to
“acquire” friends. Use the shoulders example to start.
Questions: What do you need to “acquire a friend?” What characteristics do you look for in others when seeking friends? Consider these questions when drawing out your body [NOTE- the following session will focus on what is required to be a good friend, what characteristics we should have ourselves to attract others to us].
What do you look for in a friend and how does your drawing depict that?

Did you highlight character traits that you look for in friends? Physical features? What do you look for in a friend?

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

Did anyone provide a logical, basic example of proximity or association? I am friends with this
person because we are in the same class together at school. This helps! Most of your friends at this point in your life are likely determined by association or proximity.

You participate in extra-curricular activities. You’re social at school and you have close family friends with kids your age. Why is it that you sometimes feel that you haven’t “acquired” any real friends? What do you do in this case?
Have you ever felt “left out,” like you “had no friends” or struggle to “acquire” friends? What can you do when you don’t feel like you belong in the different social circles in which you find yourself?
Page 17
Read (or sing!) quote on top of page 17 (Hinay Mah Tov). Focus on the words “shevet achim gam yachad.” Pose the bolded, bulleted questions near the “screen bean” image.
Explain: Luckily, we live in an age where you don’t necessarily have to be physically near your friends in order to “dwell” with them. Your best friend may be someone you met at camp or
USY that you only see once a year, but Gchat with or text every day. Some of our most sacred and innermost thoughts are communicated via email or text message and not to someone’s face at all! Does this mean these friends are not “real friends?” You may feel alone in the halls at school but have a huge network of camp or USY friends that are your BFFs!
How does technology help us “acquire” friends and also hurt our friendship opportunities?
(Some people who socialize in front a computer all evening, miss face-to-face social interaction they really could use).
Take this friendship test to help us understand “shevet achim gam yachad” in today’s terms!
1.
On a piece of paper (or to a neighbor), list your three closest friends
2.
Beside each name (or following each name) make 2 columns. In one column, write the number of times you see each other or physically hang out. In the other column, estimate how many times you interact with that person through technological means
(each text message is one time).
3.
Column B is likely much higher than Column A! What does this prove to us?

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

We acquire friends differently throughout the stages of our lives. Some friends are friends of circumstances, other friends, we choose.

When we seek friends, we seek certain traits that matter to us. Not everyone in close physical proximity to us or who are part of our different communities fulfill our friend requirements. We may often feel alone.

We do however, have other communities outside of our immediate social circles through which we may find the friends we seek- you don’t have to “see a friend to be friends.”

These types of friendship, like all friendship may require a bit more effort, but can help one
“acquire” the types of friends he/she seeks.
There are days when you likely feel all alone. What can you do when you’re feeling that way? Send an email to someone in another city, send a text to your closest camp friend or a friend from your softball team that doesn’t go to your school. Use the circles of friends you have outside of those you see every day and realize, you’re not alone- you’ve acquired a whole community outside of your community!
Recap Session 3: What does it mean to make a friend? What do we look for in a friend?

“Acquring” friends or making friends changes as we grow and mature. We make friends through our different communities, shared interests and certain qualities or traits to which we are attracted.

No one is ever alone. Even if you do not “dwell” among those with the friendship traits you seek, you may “acquire” friends who share our values and common interests through various means, including online media.
Session 4 Goals:

It is not enough to have friends. As previously discussed, friendship takes work. In order to have a friend, one must be a friend. What does it take to be a good friend?

Using Biblical examples of friendship and a parable from the Talmud, participants will explore characteristics and qualities of being a good friend. We discussed what we look for

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, in a friend, now we will discuss how we behave in order to be that friend that others seek, reinforcing the value of Ve’ahavta L’reyacha Kamocha.
Ask participants to imagine themselves at age three and to consider the teacher comments on their pre-school report card. Explain that at this age, teachers usually comment less on ABCs and 123s and more on social interaction.
Stand up and share what your Jr. Kindergarten teacher may have said about your interactions with the other kids.
Examples:

Struggles with sharing

Plays well with others

Is kind to others in need

Tends to boss the other children around

Cries when she doesn’t get her way

Leaves others out

Includes others in play

Listens attentively
What do these comments tell us about who you are today? Are they reflective of who you are now or do they reflect how far you’ve come in improving your social interactions?
Explain: Some children are born knowing what it takes to be a good friend. Others must learn it as they mature. Just because you may have had trouble sharing, doesn’t mean you don’t share today!
Page 20
Read the Emerson quote (not Jewish) at the top of page 20 and compare it to the Jewish value of
VLK.
Next, use this quote to recap session 3: We discussed what we look for when we “acquire for ourselves a friend,” but do we behave toward others in a way that would want others to seek us as friends? What do you think it takes to be a good friend?

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Pages 17-18 “A Story of Brotherly Love”
Have groups act out the story as a Moving Theatre. Split the group into 4 smaller groups and give each group a paragraph of the story to act out. Go from one paragraph to the next in “scenes” like a
Moving Theatre. [if short on time, read story aloud as one group].
What does this story teach us about being a good friend? The brothers were being good to each other, not fair to themselves. Do you have to give to receive? Friendship is give and take. Any friendship that is all give or all take is not a genuine friendship. What is a genuine friend? How can you tell if you are one?
Part 1: Are You a Good Friend Activity on page 23. Have participants work on this activity in partners. Instead of the list of qualities we look for in a friend, as requested at end of the quiz, write qualities you feel are required to be a good friend. You can list examples of when you have demonstrated those qualities (or wish you had!)
Discussion: Review your lists and discuss reasons why they selected the choices they did. Discuss the qualities one looks for in a friend and examples of when they may have exhibited those qualities or when their friends may have. Write out some of those qualities on poster paper or a white board as these qualities will shape your discussion.
What would you vote as the top quality?
Read the Kohelet text on page 23. What quality(ies) do you think is illustrated by this text? Would you consider these the most important qualities of a good friend? Can you think of examples from your own life of when your friends have demonstrated these qualities?
(loyal, compassionate, supportive)
Explain that the Tanach is an entire account of some of the first lessons in friendship and relationships we learn. Through famous friendships such as Ruth and Naomi and David and
Jonathan, we learn qualities of friendship, we can strive to emulate.
Pages 31-33
Split the group into two teams. Assign the text of David and Jonathan on pages 31-32 (including the paragraphs of discussion), to one group and the story of Ruth and Naomi on pages 32-33 to the

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, other group. To make it interesting, more personal, you can divide the two teams by males and females and assign the Ruth and Naomi text to the females and the other to males. If you do this, add to your discussion questions about “bro-mance” or “sisterhood” bonds.
Have one group summarize their story of friendship to the other group and explain which characteristics of genuine friendship were illustrated in this story.
st
If Ruth and Naomi and David and Jonathan were around today, what would their friendship look like?
In your teams, come up with a comparable test of friendship to those faced by these characters, but in 21 st century terms. Maybe Naomi is leaving for college and Ruth doesn’t want to be left behind so they both apply to the same schools? Maybe David and Jonathan begin a romantic relationship
(which some interpretations allude to)? Have them act it out in a skit or if time is limited, to just explain/describe it.
Ask groups to be able to present the following and include a discussion following the 2 presentations:

Describe the situation.

How would the character respond to the situation given his/her character traits?

How are these character traits useful or appreciated in today’s social interactions among friends? What can we learn from these biblical examples of genuine love for one’s friend?

There is discussion in the book about the idea of friendship being a brit or covenant of loyalty. How does this situation exhibit loyalty, a key trait of genuine friendship?

What does it mean to be loyal to someone?
Loyalty Line: Page 34
Ruth and Naomi and David and Jonathan are two wonderful examples of genuine friendship because both stories illustrate the core of genuine friendship- compassion, loyalty and support. How loyal does one have to be? Do you have to sacrifice your own safety, wants and needs in order to demonstrate loyalty? Where do you draw the line?
Analyze your own commitment to yourself and your friends with the activity on page 34.
Option 1: draw an imaginary line and do this activity out line as a spectrum. Have them physically walk to a point in the line that represents their response

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Option 2: work on your own in the book. Have everyone share their answers by drawing their mark on the line drawn on a white board or poster paper
Option 3: do this activity in partners with different colored pens. Compare the two colors along the line for each response to compare the different levels of loyalty each one of us values according to the responses to each question.
Discuss answers and whether they are positive or negative (loyalty to a friend that creates disloyalty to yourself or your family isn’t good). Highlight the difference between loyalty and compromise and sacrifice and risk.
Take Home Piece: Types or degrees of friendship
Explain Take Home Activity: The loyalty or commitment you have to a friend depends on the degree or level of your friendship. When you’re alone, contemplate the different relationships you have in your life. Complete the “Taking Stock” list on bottom of page 34 and decide where your loyalty should really lie. Are you sometimes more committed to your “fun friend” than you really should be? Just because you have fun with him/her, does this mean he/she is a loyal, genuine friend?
Decide for yourself where your loyalty lies depending on which level of friendship this person holds.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Jewish Values/Mitzvot: B’tzelem Elohim, Kavod, K’dusha
(Embracing your suckiness, highlighting your talents)
Individuality, Self Confidence and B’tzelem Elohim
Goals:

Learners will understand that each of us is unique and special, made B’tzelem Elohim.

By understanding our uniqueness made in the Image of God, learners will gain self appreciation and self confidence by exploring their own uniqueness and how they may learn self confidence and self appreciation.
Materials:

Sourcebooks

Large pieces of white paper (such as butcher paper)

Washable paint

Paint brushes

Disposable table cloth or paper to cover table

Trash bags to wear as paint smock or aprons

Pens or markers

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Recap previous sessions where you discussed the idea of VLK and mentioned that in order to love others, you must learn to love yourself. Explain that “loving yourself” is the most important step to building healthy relationships and is often the most difficult to do. You will explore ways to do this in the next few sessions.
Option 1: Play the song “Firework” by Katy Perry and ask the group to pick out one or two lines that they relate to. They should jot down key phrases or lines on a piece of paper.
Shabbat-friendly alternative- Print lyrics from online source and have them remember which lines or phrases they relate to for your discussion.
Discuss some of the lyrics such as:-

“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind”- have you ever had those days or moments where you felt worthless or less than other people?

“One blow from caving in”- We often hide those moments when we feel despair, like nothing is going our way. But these feelings are common! What do you do when you feel this way

“There’s still a chance for you, there’s a spark in you”- Never give up! How do you find that spark in you when you’re just “not feelin’ it?”

“Baby, you’re a firework, show ‘em what you’re worth”- do you recognize your own
“awesomeness” or uniqueness? How do you let your “fireworks” shine through? How do you see your own greatness?
Set Induction Option2:
“I Love That I Suck”
Ask for 2 people to act out the scene from the film “Keeping the Faith” (Touchstone Ptcures, 2000).
Share the description of the scene below with the volunteers and have them ad-lib their own version of the scene for the others. Explain that this scene is a take-off of a scene from the film.
*The script excerpt is available online if you so wish to use it.
2 characters: Rabbi Jake Schram and Bar Mitzvah Boy sitting in lesson
Bar Mitzvah student is struggling with his Haftara blessings and tells the rabbi that he’ll never be able to do it because he “sucks.”
Rabbi Schram tells him that it’s okay to struggle, that we all have challenges and that he should
“embrace his suckiness” and appreciate the fact that he “sucks” or finds this challenging. He asks him to repeat after him and says over and over “I love that I suck, I love that I suck.” The boy repeats the mantra over and over and starts drumming to the rhythm on the table. Rabbi Schram tells him to go with that as he continues his lesson.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Ask group if they relate to this scene at all. Have you ever uttered the words “I suck at…” or admitted you found something challenging?
Explain: We all have our own challenges and tend to beat ourselves up over these difficulties. How can we learn, like this Bar Mitzvah boy, to “embrace our suckiness” and love that we have our individual challenges and strengths?
Core Concept: We are all unique as individuals, made B’tzelem Elohim- in the Image of God. We need to embrace our differences and learn to value both our challenges and what makes us special.
What does Judaism have to say about the our individual differences, the fact that we all have our talents and challenges? Shouldn’t we aim for perfection as human beings?
Page 39- Read text and ask learners to explain what they think this means. Examples could be:
“We all look differently” or “there is no one definition of how someone should be,” illustrating the idea that we are all unique in our own way.
Introduce concept of B’tzelem Elohim by explaining that each of us is unique. As individuals, we all have our skills and talents and our challenges. We are each made differently, but special, in God’s
Image. Different components comprise an individual that makes them who they are.
Page 40. Try activity on page 40 “Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?” Complete the exercise, including the paragraph below it and discuss the differences among you and each learner’s uniqueness. Explain that sometimes, it is difficult to be ourselves, to know ourselves. These types of exercises help us uncover who we are, but also illustrate each of our differences.
Option 2 for “Real Me” activity: Have learners fill out questions about themselves such as:


What is one particular moment in your life that helped define who you are today?
What different roles do you play? What is the difference between you as a sibling and you as a student? Which of your roles are you most comfortable with?

Write one word that describes who you want to be in 5 years

Something that makes my life perfect is…

Something that makes my life challenging at times is…

When I’m uncomfortable I…

When I am stressed I….

What’ve I’ve been told about me (what other people like about me)

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

What I tell myself about me
(following these last two, ask: DO THESE TWO MATCH? Do you see yourself as others see you?
Why or why not?)

I’m happiest when…

I feel anxious when…

I wish that…

I hate it when…

Something I’d like to have, do and be is…
Option 3: Have learners create a chart with the following headings:

I’m good at this, I’m comfortable with my ability with this

I’m okay but can improve with practice

I need to work on this, it’s not my greatest strength

I find this incredibly challenging, it’s really not “my thing” (and that’s okay!)
List a number of different skills, talents or aptitudes and get them to mark an “X” in the column that describes the level of aptitude they feel suits them for that skill. Skills should encompass physical, intellectual and emotional aptitudes.
Examples:

Playing a musical instrument

Listening to a friend in need

Sports

Sense of humor
Whether you did the activity on page 40, answered the additional questions above, or completed the
“My Skills and Talents” chart activity, share answers learners are comfortable sharing and ask them what learned from this activity. Note that some people may have similar answers. Point out that each of us has our individual skills, talent or aptitudes and that just because we’re not “good” at something, doesn’t mean we can’t practice or it doesn’t mean that we’re “losers” or “suck” (to use youth-friendly language). Additionally, point out that our commonalities bond us as much as our differences distinguish us. This activity is to help learners focus on who they are and what makes them who they are- highlighting varying degrees of skill and talent and both strengths and challenges.
Shabbat-friendly alternative: Assign the column headings as different points in the room or corners. To make this easier, you may print up signs of each column heading in advance. For each skill or talent, have them walk to the assigned “column heading” for their answer.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Real You to Ideal You
Explain: We’ve explore how we’re all different, made in God’s image, but unique from one another in terms of skills, talents and what makes you, “you.” You’ve all had a chance to share the “real you.” On a piece of paper, draw out a grid that makes four boxes (vertical axis and horizontal axis). Ask learners to imagine the “ideal you.”

Top right box- draw (or list) what he/she looks like?

Top left box – list what are his/her qualities?

How is he/she different from the “real you” you shared earlier?

What would you have to do to get to the ideal you? Is this something you can achieve or is it unrealistic, unsafe or unhealthy?
Discuss the differences between the “real” and “ideal.” Explain that we first recognize who were truly are before we examined who we wished we could be. Why? We’re always trying to change ourselves before truly knowing ourselves. It is better to know oneself before we try to be someone different! We should always strive to be ourselves- that is the ideal you!
Page 42
Explain: Made in the Image of God (B’tzelem Elohim) means exactly what we’ve spoken about. Each of us is unique in our own way. We strive to be different but we must recognize and value our individuality.
To illustrate these points, read text on bottom of page 42 and share this classic Hassidic story:
There is a powerful story told of the great Hasidic Rabbi Zusya. When Rabbi Zusya was about to die, his students gathered around him. They saw Rabbi Zusya's eyes break out into tears. "Our master," they said with deep concern, "Why are you crying? You have lived a good, pious life, and left many students and disciples. Soon you are going on to the next world. Why cry?" Rabbi Zusya responded, "I see what will happen when I enter the next world. Nobody will ask me, why was I not Moses? I am not expected to be Moses. Nobody will ask me, why was I not Rabbi Akiba? I am not expected to be Rabbi Akiba. They will ask me, Why was I not Zusya? That is why I am crying. I am asking, why was I not Zusya?"
Give each persona piece of butcher paper or space in front of a long sheet of butcher paper (make sure table is covered and aprons or trash bags are covering clothing), paint brush and paint. Ask them to use the paint and paint brushes and splatter paint enough times to create somewhat of a picture.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Next, ask them to connect the dots of the splatter paint to make an image that they feel represents who they are as individuals. This is similar to a Rorschach test- everyone will see and interpret the image differently. Everyone’s “splatters” will look different, but what makes this interesting is what each person does with their splatters that is unique. This exercise really drives home the moral of the
Chassidic story about Zusya as well as the Talmud text on page 42.
Have each person describe their design/picture and how it represents who they are.

We all started with the same material and produced something different. How does this reiterate the concept of B’E as well as the Talmud text and Chassidic story about Zusya?

You turned a mess into a personal identity piece. How can we do that in terms of our own self esteem and self worth? How can we look at something we may see as “nothing special” and make it mean something?

How can this activity help remind you of your own awesomeness? You created this product and turned nothing into something. How can you do this with your own life and do and be what you want?

How can you use these ideas we discussed today to remind yourself of your awesomeness (both strengths and challenges)
Shabbat-friendly alternative- Finding Your “ ness”
What is the essence of you? What makes you who you are, unique to others? What is your
“-ness” or distinguishing feature?
To figure out your “-ness,” think about:
What do people love about you?
What are your special skills or talents? What do you value about yourself?
In a circle have each person step forward and declare their “person’s name-ness”
“My Jenny-ness is that I love to smile”
“My Brett-ness is basketball”
“My Emily-ness is compassion for animals. I love my dog.”
“My Jacob-ness is my close family.”
The challenge is to repeat the process more than once or in themes such as talent or skill and personality trait or interest. It’s difficult enough to think of one “-ness” about yourself, to keep thinking of more will really encourage learners to value different components of what makes them great. Your discussion will relate to concepts of B”E, the Talmud text from page 42 as well as the Chassidic story provided.

B’tzelem Elohim, made in the image of God, means that we are all unique but equal. Each of us has our strengths and challenges and my know ourselves to appreciate ourselves

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

It is difficult for one to appreciate or value oneself when we are always wishing we could be different, but we need to recognize our individuality and uniqueness and highlight what makes us different, yet special as individuals.
Take Home Piece- Awesomeness List- Make a list of all the things you value about yourself, or a list of your awesomeness features. It can be small and insignificant such as “I put up with my little sister today.” Place it somewhere safe and add something to it every day. On days when you’re feeling down or need a “pick up,” pull out your list.
Jewish Values/Mitzvot- B’tzelem Elohim, Mishaneh Habryot
Recommendation: Body Image is an extremely sensitive and personal topic. It is best to discuss this issue in gender-separated rooms as you will get into a much deeper, more meaningful discussion in a “safer space” however; this may not be possible given limited resources and staff. Whatever you situation, please be aware of the sensitivity of these issues and modify the discussion and activities accordingly.
Symbols indicate activities or questions for females ( ) and males ( ).
Recap Session 1:

B’tzelem Elohim, made in God’s image means that we are all unique, but equal. We all have
our challenges and strengths.

It is difficult to appreciate or value ourselves when we are always wishing we could be different. We must recognize our individuality and highlight what makes us different, yet
special.
These ideas will be reinforced in this session on body image, looking specifically at our differences in body and appearance.
Session 2 Goals:

Learners will understand the perception of beauty and the ideal male and female body comes from the media

Using positive pop culture messages to counter negative media messages, learners use songs to be reminded of the concept of B’tzelem Elohim and recognize the blessing of differences (Mishaneh Habryot).

Final step- Learners will design an real human body where both physical and personal traits are highlighted, pointing out imperfections that can be positive .
Materials

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

Men’s Health Magazine (or any muscle and fitness magazine for men)

Women’s magazines (covers that highlight changing your physical appearance or focusing on weight loss)

Optional: images of male and female Disney Characters of muscular men and tiny women

Poster Paper and Markers (if weekday)

Post-It notes (if Shabbat)
Excerpts of Song lyrics (not included in this Guide) for:

“Beautiful” by Christina Auguilera

“Video” by India Arie, “UnPretty” by TLC or “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga

“Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars

“MuscleMan” by Salad
Perception of Self: Give each person a pen and paper. Ask them to draw an oval shape that is their mirror. Imagine they are looking in the mirror. Instruct them to write down the first thought that comes to mind or the first thing you notice (if Shabbat, think it and keep it to yourself or if you can, hold up a mirror for them to use as a shared prop).
Perception of the Other: Ask each person to pair up with their paper in hand. Now, as you face that person, write down the first thing you notice about that person (If Shabbat, think it).
Ask learners to compare answers on paper or by sharing aloud.
They don’t have to share their answers if they do not wish to, but discuss the two exercises. Does your perception of self match the perception of the other? In other words, do you see yourself as others see you or are you more critical?
Page 63- Quickly read the paragraph and quote under the sub-heading “Perception of Others,
Perception of Self. This is a nice way to segue from opening exercise to continue the discussion on
B’tzelem Elohim, focusing on differences in physical appearance.
Explain: We all look in the mirror and see ourselves differently from how others may view us physically.
Why is it that whenever we look in the mirror, we self criticize or wish we saw something different (and we’re all guilty of this at times)? Where does this negative self perception come from?

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Explain: Although Jewish tradition teaches us that we are all created differently, but equal, made
B’tzelem Elohim (in God’s Image), as North Americans, we are oftentimes more influenced by the world around us than by a Jewish value. Media tells you that you are “cursed” by your scrawny arms or “love handles,” Judaism on the other hand, has a blessing for these physical differences.
*NOTE: This bracha is often used to teach about Judaism and disabilities but also relates well to this discussion. It is not in the book, but can be found in another USY sourcebook titled “Who Makes People
Different.”

Baruch Ata Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam, meshaneh et ha’bryot.
Blessed are You Ruler of the Universe, Who makes people different

Recap ideas discussed in previous session or ask learners for their understanding of B’tzelem Elohim. In the previous session, we discussed the idea of B’tzelem Elohim or made in God’s image. We recognized that although we are all different in our strengths and challenges, we are each unique and special, as beings made in God’s image. The same is true for our physical features and shapes. Made in God’s
Image means that no matter your size or shape, what you’ve got (or not), every BODY’S different. This bracha reinforces idea.
Explain: The Message Behind the Media: The Messages of Magazines and the counter messages in Music
Page 63 “Image is Everything,” Page 54 “The Messages Behind the Media”
If possible, split the group into teams of male and female. Preliminary to activity: Ask learners to fill in the blanks to in the activity box on “the Manly Man” and the “Girly Girl” to get an idea of the perception of what males and females should look like.
Explain: This perception of the ideal male or the ideal female is determined primarily by the media. It is this influence that created your own self perception, as well as the perceptions others often have.
Give the males the “female” magazines and the females the men’s’ health magazines (this will make the discussion a little bit different and hopefully, more interesting). Have the teams work through the activity, including the questions using the magazines.
Ask them to tear out (or use Post-its if Shabbat) images or ads that really stick out their minds as examples of where the female or male image of beauty comes from or highlights particular parts over

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, other that would cause a reader to question their own features. Choose images that may or may not match the answers you gave on page 63 of the ideal girl or manly man.
As they look through the images, challenge them to find a picture that doesn’t portray the stereotypical beauty.
Choose questions to review from page 54 that you find interesting. Ask groups to share images. Ask male group to respond to what the girls discovered about the physical portrayal of men in the media and the female group to respond to what the male group discovered about the portrayal of females.

Do you appreciate the struggles the other gender has in trying to fit a certain standard of beauty by the media?

Do you see beauty differently now that you had a chance to view the male/female perspective?

What did you learn from this activity?

Do these magazines reflect B’tzelem Elohim or Mishaneh Habryot or is there a “cookie cutter” image of beauty here?
Page 55- image of cat and mirror
Ask someone to describe the meaning behind the cat and mirror image and as a group read the text from “The effects of the media…to healthy relationships.”
Explain: if the media influences such negative self perception, can it also help us gain a more positive self perception? YES!
Page 55 “Popular Music” (adaptation)
*if you don’t have song excerpts, ask them to come up with songs they know of instead and jot down key lyrics (if Shabbat, be prepared to sing the line or verse of the song).
Hand out excerpts from songs such as

“Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera

“Video” by India Arie, “UnPretty” by TLC or “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga

“Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars” (a great message for males to consider for how their view and treat women)

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

“MuscleMan” by Salad (great song for males if they are insecure that they are not “muscle men”)
You may also compare these with negative songs that reinforce negative media messages:

“Bootylicious” by Beyonce

“Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-a-lot
Lyrics to discuss:


“Beautiful”- “I am Beautiful, no matter what they say, words can’t bring me down.”
“Video” - I'm not the average girl from your video and I ain't built like a supermodel but, I learned to love myself unconditionally because I am a queen.”

“Just the Way You Are” – “When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change, because you’re amazing, just the way you are.”

“Unpretty” –You can buy your hair if it won't grow, you can fix your nose if he says so, you can buy all the make-up that M.A.C. can make, but if you can't look inside you, find out who am I to, be in the position to make me feel so damn unpretty.

“Muscleman”- He's a muscleman, such a muscleman, muscle in with him, he'll let you hold his hand
I'm now an apple, that suits me fine and I'm out of time, but we'll all be fine
And now I'm knackered and feeling kind, but I'm not even worth a dime, and that suits me fine, And that suits me fine

“Born this Way”- I'm beautiful in my way 'cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby,
I was born this way. Don't hide yourself in regret Just love yourself and you're set”
Questions for Discussion:

These songs can help counter the messages of the other media. How?

Do you feel differently when you hear songs like “Just the Way You Are” and “Beautiful” than you do hearing songs like “Bootylicious?”

What lyrics would you want men to better understand or recognize?


What lyrics would you want women to better understand from a guy’s perspective? What lyrics influence your own perception of females that counter the messages of other media?
Which song(s) would be a good theme song to understand or address the Jewish concept of
B’tzelem Elohim or Mishaneh Habryot? (“Born This Way” reminds us that being made in God’s image means that God makes no mistakes!)
(OPTIONAL) Interesting to discuss if time permits and in a male only session: Male Body Image

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Use the song “MuscleMan” and Page 65 to discuss male body image. Explain that body image is not a “girl issue.” Boys too feel insecure about their bodies and are rarely given the opportunity to discuss their physical insecurities. Discuss quiz on page 65 and top of 66 and ask for males to share if comfortable. Use the song and magazine images to prompt their expression of feelings as males often do not do this easily.
Materials: poster paper and markers (Shabbat- use Post-it notes and attach to a “model” and use adjectives to describe your person).
Note: You can decide how to divide the groups- either keep them gender separated or mix now that new ideas have been introduced.
Instructions: Media focus on the appearance of the body- what it looks like to others, not what it can achieve or produce. Using the negative messages of magazine media and the counter messages explored through the songs, design the ideal male and female. Your task is to point out physical features that are appreciated for what they do and not for what they look like.
Examples: A girl without muscle on her legs may not be as strong an athlete, broad shoulders help carry groceries, lanky arms fit better in clothing than muscles that burst seams, hips are great seats for the kids you babysit for to rest on, etc.
Present drawings, summarize and Wrap up

What is the difference between the “ideal” that we see in magazines and media and the “real”- the bodies we drew on paper? The “real” helps you function, gives your body purpose beyond an object of desire or beauty.

Is there a trick to learning to see the parts of your body that you criticize as functions and not features that are rejected by an unrealistic standard of beauty? Imagine your body differently.
Would you still have the same skills or advantages you do?

Before you criticize your body, figure out what you can use those features for! The cat image you see is a lion (image on page 55)!

Recognize the influence the media has on your self- perception and perception of others.

Your worth is not determined by your waist size or muscle mass. God made you that way,
B’tzalmo (in God’s image).


A mirror reflects a creation of God, not an image rejected by media
We are all created differently and must recognize our differences as a blessing and not a curse
(Mishaneh Habryot).

Try to use pop culture for positive messages instead of negative

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Really pay attention to the different media you’re exposed to each day. Ads may be in your face and impossible to avoid. However, what you watch on TV, the magazines you pick up and the music you play are your choice. Try to find positive media messages as much as you can. Focus your attention on famous role models who truly are role models (Queen Latifah) and magazines that highlight health and intellect and not just image. Throw away any messages of physical inferiority or anything in your house that makes you second guess that you are a unique, special, holy being!
Gender Differences and Kavod
Recap session 2:

Our physical self perception, often negative is influenced by the media.

The media presents an “ideal” image of beauty that does not reflect the beauty of differences among us and the idea that we are all creations of God, made in God’s image.

We can use other media such as songs, to positively influence our body image or attitude about our physical selves. We can learn that our bodies as unique and different from others is a blessing and not a curse as the media would have us believe in convincing us to change our bodies.

The “ideal” human body is one that is a sum of parts useful to accomplish simple and great tasks, and not what the media deems as “perfect.”
Session 3 Goals:

Flowing from session 2, we will continue our discussion on the body and B’tzelem Elohim, focusing on gender differences.

The most obvious difference in our bodies is that between men and women (at this age, both genders really begin to notice this as their bodies change)

This session will focus not so much on physical difference, which is obvious, rather on gender equality, stereotypes and what it means to treat someone with respect vs. objectification.

Learners will understand gender stereotypes and learn to appreciate each other for the gifts each gender gives to the other.
Materials:

Sourcebooks
 pens/pencils, markers
 poster paper or flip chart paper

Optional: Images of Disney male and female characters (not included in this Guide)

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

Optional: information on the Lieberman Ketuba clause, female Rabbinic Ordination or
Egalitarian Jewish Prayer (available at www.uscj.org)
Using images of Disney characters online, ask learners to describe physical and character features of the male characters and features of the female characters.

Females- tiny, thin, beautiful “damsel in distress,”

Males- Big, strong, handsome, muscular, “hero,” cocky/arrogant, saves the damsel in distress
Shrek and Mulan- what is the difference between Shrek and Mulan and the other male and female cartoons? What message do you think kids learn from these characters (Beast from Beauty and the
Beast included)
These characters defy the typical male/female character stereotypes. They are atypical “male” and
“female” characters featured in cartoons. Mulan is aggressive, a fighter who raises above societal expectations of a female to become the hero. Shrek is ugly. He is silly, insecure and unheroic. He can make fun of himself, ends up in ridiculous situations and is not the typical “manly” cartoon hero.
Divide the group into two. Using flip chart/poster paper and markers, ask one group to think of the
“hottest” or most famous Hollywood actors and the other group to think of the “hottest” or most famous actresses. Write a few names at the top of the page and underneath, write character traits that make them “hot” or popular as an actor or as an actress. Since we don’t really know these people, focus on their physical features.
Shabbat-friendly alternative- A variation of “Manly Man, Girly Girl” activity from page 64 of sourcebook.
In 2 groups, instruct one group think of one movie scene where the female is acting quite “girly”
(emotion, fear, insecurity, doubt, desperate, dependent) and act out the scene, exaggerating the stereotypical female character traits. Have the other group choose a movie scene where the male character is acting very “manly” (violent, aggressive, tough, rough, loud, etc.). Act out both scenes and have the other group comment on which stereotypical character traits were obvious in the scene. Move to discussion.
-OR- Male/Female Word Association game
Split the room into 2 categories- male on the right side and female on the left. Explain that you will call out a word and learners must choose a side(male or female) that they feel is best associated with that word.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
BLUE, GRACE,MECHANIC, PINK, JUDGE, GOD, TALLIT, CONSTRUCTION WORKER, MATH, RABBI, KITCHEN,
SENATOR, MITZVAH, WISDOM, DOCTOR, SECRETARY, RABBI, KOHEN, PEACE, CREATION, etc.
After each word, ask learners why they associate that word with the gender they chose.
You may also use the career stereotypes list on page 47 as an alternative
Share responses and discuss, highlighting what you will then discuss as gender stereotypes.

As we can see, Hollywood in particular, really stresses a certain image of “female” and
“male.” These are called gender stereotypes (make sure you clarify the definition of
stereotype as a simplified and standardized conception or image held in common by members of a group). What gender stereotypes did we notice from this exercise? Where do these stereotypes come from?

What is the difference between a character like Shrek and Gaston (Beauty and the Beast) or
Brad Pitt and Jason Alexander (tall and handsome, plays “manly roles” vs short, bald, usually plans idiotic characters) in both appearance and role?

Why is it that the larger or more manly women usually play roles of women who can’t find love and large, goofy men usually plan roles of guys who can’t seem to find any luck?

In what ways does Hollywood reinforce gender stereotypes and in what ways does it challenge them? How is this reflected in our own self perception and perception of each gender?
You may also use page 47 “What are stereotypes?” for this discussion
Given all we’ve learned about equality, appreciating our differences and B’tzelem Elohim, how can we challenge gender stereotypes and expectations in our own society? Gender roles and stereotypes prescribe the way we should act and behave and how we treat others. How can we challenge these stereotypes to treat our friends and romantic partners with Kavod?
Pages 39, 41, 53 and 65
Ask learners to review B’tzelem Elohim text on page 39 from a another angle. Ask learners to intperpret this text though a gender framework. Does this mean that man is better than women as man was

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, created first? Read the explanation of the contradiction as explained by Rashi in the paragraph above the box.
Turn to top of page 41 and read the Bereishit texts and ensuing paragraphs from to the bolded “what can we learn…” line.
Finally, flip to page 65 and read Vayikra text at the top on holiness.
What do the Bereishit texts (the creation of the first man and woman…so right from God’s first creation in God’s image) the Shir Hashirim text (commonly used at weddings) and the Vayikra text teach us about gender equality?
Each of us, made in God’s image is holy. We must see ourselves, male and female as equals. Hollywood and other cultural influences, reinforce stereotypes that impact out behavior and attitude, often causing objectification vs. the kavod or respect that Judaism values.
Gender Equality and Language
Explain: You may think that you treat the other gender with kavod or respect and equality. But look very closely at the phrases, terms and slang you and your friends use every day.
For phrase below, ask for 2 different volunteers to act out a situation they have experienced where the phrase was uttered (whisper the phrase to the pair). These scenes should be one minute, quick examples. After the phrase has been uttered, callout “freeze,” and ask the group to respond to these words. To keep it going, get them to think of situations where they may have used gender stereotypes or used language that objectified the other gender. Following each scene, ask:

What could you say instead?
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What could you say to the person who said this? Is this acting with kavod and equality in mind?

If you can’t change what others say, what could you do?
EXAMPLES:

That’s so gay (usually referring to something that is not “manly”)
 what a ho/slut (a girl who is assertive toward those she likes is a “slut,” a guy who acts this way is a “man”)
 be a man
 don’t be such a girl (or a derogatory term for female)
 she’s so butch
Make sure the words and phrases you choose are age-appropriate. For younger groups, try:

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

Don’t be such a girl/you throw like a girl

It smells like “boy” in here
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She dresses like a boy
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“look, he’s crying like a little girl”
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Have learners come up with their own!
Explain: using language like this illustrates that we do not respect the other gender, rather objectify it.
We can however, train ourselves to choose kavod over objectification
Turn to page 53 (“Objectification vs. Respect”) and read until “Would you treat your shoe with the same respect.” Explain that Buber’s “I-Thou” relationship was used to explain the human-God relationship.
How does this help us understand the nature of our relationships to each other and our treatment of one another? How does relate to our discussion on gender and equality?
For Conservative Jewish settings- this Teacher’s Guide is meant to be used in pluralistic settings. An interesting inclusion to this session is a discussion on Egalitarian Jewish prayer, female Rabbinic
Ordination and the Lieberman Clause of a marriage contract (Ketuba) which gives status and protection to the woman in case of divorce. This clause was added to traditional K’tubot by the Conservative
Movement and is meant to prevent the issue of the agunah, a woman not allowed to re-marry because the husband refuses to grant her a get or Jewish legal divorce. For more information on any of these gender-related issues in the Conservative Movement, visit www.uscj.org
.
Objectification Vs. Respect Sing-OFF!
We’ve seen how our language can be used to objectify the other gender. We can be more mindful of the words we use. How though, can we go beyond that and show appreciation and kavod for the other gender?
Sing-Off! Instructions
Explain:
In traditional Jewish homes, on Friday nights, the family sings a selection from the book of Proverbs called “Eishet Chayil” or “Woman of Valor.” Members of the household sing a song of appreciation and praise for the woman of the home (or a woman in the family who is present) for her hard work and intellect. In the 21 st century, many egalitarian families are choosing to sing Ashrei ha’ish, a text selection from Psalms 112 in praise of the man of the home. Many love songs we hear are tributes to the men and women we love. Appreciation for the other gender isn’t just a Jewish thing, although it is always interesting when North American and Jewish values collide!
Instructions:

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
This is a males and females sing off. The girls are going to write a song in tribute to the boys. The boys are going to write a song as in appreciation of the women in the room.
You can adapt a song you already know. Be sure to include at least 2 Hebrew terms we learned
(B’tzelem Elohim, kavod, kadosh from the Vayikra text).
Shabbat Alternative: Using benchers, read Eishet Chayil and come up with some ideas to update it for the 21 st century. For what would you praise a woman today? Ashrei Ha’ish is one option for a song for men. What Words ofpriase would you include?
Younger learners may find this activity embarrassing. Have them work in gender separated teams to write songs of Girl power or “you ‘da man” to show kavod for their own gender and perform it for the other group. Your discussion should focus on helping both groups recognize the need to treat the other with the kavod and k’dusha (holiness) discussed in this session and expressed through the songs.
This activity is light and fun, but is meant to help express appreciation from one gender to the other.
Make sure to reiterate goals by pointing out how each song expressed the ideas discussed in this session: kavod, equality, B’tzelem, k’dusha or holiness and respect over objectification.
Allude to next session: We’re always told to “act like a lady” or “be a man!” We see that this, along with other influences, reinforces gender stereotypes and inequality. What our parents or elders are trying to teach us, is more to be a mensch (which actually translates to “man”) or a good person.
Boyfriend or girlfriend aside, every one of us has a special male or female in our lives. Do you let that person know how much you value them? Take home ideas include showing or telling the special male or female in your life how much you value them, being more cautious of the words or phrases you use that gender stereotype or trying a new activity that may not be so “manly” or “feminine.”
Respect, Menschlechkeit and Being a Good Person
Jewish Valuves/mitzvoth: Derech Eretz, Kavod, Meschlechkeit
Pages 56-59, 75-80
Recap Session 3:

B’tzelem Elohim means that we are created unique, with differences we must learn to value, including gender differences

Stereotypes are reinforced through our culture, but also through our language and actions

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

Judaism emphasis equality between genders as we are all created equally (B’E) with k’dusha or holiness and must treat each other through kavod vs. objectification.
Session 4 Goals:

Learners will understand that treating one another with respect means behaving like a mensch or a decent individual.

This includes Derech Eretz (ethical behavior), watching what we say, doing good deeds and behaving with kavod in mind.

Learners will examine “menschly” people by looking at the role models in their lives and menschly actions by planning a service project they initiated themselves.
This session should be divided into two- one for teacing the theory of menschlechkeit, the other
for practicing menschlechkeit with a Gmilut Chassadim or service program. They will not have time to discuss ideas and do a meaningful service project they planned themselves in one session. Another option is to plan a quick G’milut Chassadim project for the class to do within the lesson itself. The goal of having them plan it is to practice menschlechkeit on their own through their own idea.
Materials:

Sourcebooks
Ask them to recall Session 3 on gender stereotypes and equality and respect and review some of what was discussed (if you didn’t do session 3, do a brief introduction to the idea of gender stereotypes by going right into activity on page 46).
Do activity out loud together without questions at bottom.

What does it mean to “act like a man” or “act like a lady?” what is the person who is saying this, really telling asking?

When you thought of that person who was a “real man,” or “real lady,” what type of person was he/she? Would you consider him/her a good person? A role model?

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Core Concept- being a “man” or “acting like a lady,” doesn’t necessarily mean you need to fit gender roles or stereotypes, rather it means you are expected to behave with Derech Eretz, be a good person or a mensch. This includes things you say, how you treat others and things you do- to act with Kavod,
K’dusha and with understanding that you are made B’tzelem Elohim.
Derech Eretz and Menschlechkeit
Explain that you already spoke about what it means to be made B’tzelem Elohim- in God’s image- and what it means to treat women and men with respect (kavod). We should not limit respect to the other gender alone, rather learn to treat all individuals with kavod.
Pages 56-57 “Respect in Relationships”
Read page 56 including the discussion questions. What is Derech Eretz? You will explore Derech Eretx of action and speech this with the activities on pages 57 (“The Way”) and 58 (“Watch What You Say.”
Derech Eretz in our actions- “The Way”- Adaptation: clear desks or chairs and make four invisible
“paths.” Explain the each “path” marks derech eretz at school, home, extra-cirriculars and other social situations. Have each person choose a path to walk down and give an example of what they think is derech eretz in each setting.
Examples:
Derech eretz in school- person should walk the path as she/he gives his/her example: “ I helped my friend who was struggling with a school assignment.”
Derech Eretz at home- “I was angry at my sister for taking my sweater without asking but I brushed it off and let her wear it.
Derech Eretz in my extra-curricular activity- I sat beside the girl who no one really pays attention to in band practice, because she seems so lonely.
Derech Eretz in another social setting- I helped my friend’s mom clear the dinner dishes when I was a guest for dinner.
Derech Eretz with our words- what we say

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Page 58
Adaptation- Call out each disrespectful phrase and have them cross out it out and re-write the words using more respectful language.
Shabbat- Instead of crossing out and re-writing, pair up each person and have one person recite the statement and the other to provide a more respectful alternative.
You may add discussion/clarification on Derech Eretz here on “the way” meaning the way we behave, the way we act toward others, the way we speak to others).
Summarize activities by explaining that the bottom line of derech eretz is being a good person, treating others with respect (kavod) and being a mensch.
Explain that “mensch” is probably the most commonly used and known Yiddish word. It literally means.
What does it mean to be a mensch? Derech Eretz gives us an explanation of the words and actions of a mensch, but what is it exactly to be a “mensch?”
Read all of page 75. This chapter was meant to be a guide for males on what it means to be a
“man.” Adapt the last question to “what makes a mensch? Who do teenagers look to as “menschly role models?”
Pages 76-79
Explain that pages 76-79 offer a number of different examples of male role models or those who exhibited menschly behavior in the Tanach (feel free to point out femal examples as well such as Ruth who demonstrated loyalty or Rebecca who showed kindness and compassion). In pairs, ask learners to skim through the different examples and think of one person in their own lives who may have exhibited similar menschly behaviors.
Writing exercise
Instructions: With this person in mind, write out what makes you consider him/her a mensch or a role model to you? We often don’t think about role models in our lives and why we regard them as such.
Usually, it is because of some menschly behavior or instances of Derech Eretz that gives them their role model status.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Describe this person, their qualities or behaviors and what makes that person a mensch or role model to you. If you were to tell him/her this information, what would you say?
Ask each person to share the person they chose, the text example that inspired it, and describe a bit about that person’s “menschly” behavior.
Explain that we all have been blessed by different role models in our lives who were true menschen
(plural for mensch) who treated us with kavod (respect) and Derech Eretz (doing the right thing). As we grow into adults, it is our responsibility to become those role models, those mensches we so much admire!
Part of being a mensch is giving to others, treating others with kavod and derech eretz. How can your group act in menscly ways by giving to others. As a group, come up with a service project or “Mitzvah” project that demonstrates menschlechkeit in deeds. It can be something for the synagogue, something for a neighboring community institution, a visit to an assisted living facility, a creative Jewish holiday initiative, etc. You can even use the biblical examples for inspiration such as a hospitality initiative to welcome a new group to the synagogue, preparing something special for siblings in the group, using your bodies like Samson did to help build a Sukkah or clean a park, etc. The remainder of this session will be brainstorming ideas. Part II of this session will include putting the idea into action. You want them to leave with the skills and knowledge for being a good person, a decent human being, who treats others with kavod and derech eretz. Remind them that these concepts only work if lived in real life.
Summarize and Wrap Up
As you wrap up, remind them of concepts discussed in this session and really challenge them to take it home- the little things do count, challenge them to be the mensches they can be!
As facilitator, you may have to do the actual logistical planning or prep work, but it is important to empower them to come up with the idea on their own.
Create a Mensch Meter or Derech Eretz path on paper for you classroom or for your learners to take home. Make it a competition where they compete for “mensch points” and have a sibling or parent initial a piece of paper every time they demonstrate menschly actions or words. Really hype up the competitive component, offer prizes and check in the next time you see them to keep the competition going. You can add challenges throughout the contest to make it interesting and to keep them into it.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Jewish Values/Mitzvot: Shmirat Halashon, L’shon Hara, K’dusha, Kavod/K’vod Habryot
st
L’shon Hara, cyber-gossip, Shmirat Halashon on and off-line
Friendship to Romantic Love
st
Gossip and Digital Media
*Note- Since this is such a largely relevant topic for young people, it is suggested to split this session into two different sessions on L’shon Hara and Shmirat Halashon. Different options will be given for activities in order to make this feasible.

The basics of L’shon Hara- pages 81-90 of book

Gossip and digital media and Shmirat “Ha’etzba’ot”- pages 92-99, 158-160 of book
Goals:


USYers will learn the power of words in Judaism and the three types of evil speech
USYers will discuss the consequences of evil speech (L’shon Hara), with particular focus on online gossip

USYers will understand the need to practice both Shmirat Halashon (guarding one’s tongue) as well as “Shmirat Ha’etzba’ot” in today’s world, in terms of guarding what we type or text while using digital media.
Materials:

Sourcebook

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Option 1: Demonstrate the classic Chassidic feather story on page 90 using glitter, salt or pepper or any other small particles on a plate or trash bag (be mindful of Bal Tashchit or not being wasteful and only use enough to get the point across).
Option 2: Broken Telephone- playa round of broken telephone to illustrate how the message tends to change the more it is repeated and shared, furthering one from the truth.
Option 3: Pass the following poem “Nobody’s Friend,” around and ask each person to read one line and pass it to the next person. After the last line of “What am I,” challenge learners to guess the subject of the poem.
I have no respect for justice.
I maim without killing.
I break hearts and ruin lives.
I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age.
The more I am quoted the more I am believed.
My victims are helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face.
To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become. I am nobody’s friend.
Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same.
I topple governments and wreck marriages.
I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartaches and indigestion. I make innocent people cry in their pillows.
I make headlines and headaches.
Even my name hisses. What am I?
Option 4: Like fire, the more it spreads the more it destroys
Materials: 10 plastic cups
Ask for a volunteer to come up. Explain that she/he will have 30 seconds to build a pyramid of cups- 4 on bottom, 3, 2, then 1. At the count of 3, say “go” and time him/her 30 seconds. After he/she is done, knock the pyramid down with your hand in one sweep.
Option 4 discussion:

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
This is what we call gossip. How is what we just did comparable to Gossip?
Solicit responses but provide this explanation if they don’t quite get it:

Gossip and rumors start with one person, it not only spreads to more people, but the rumor itself builds upon the original piece of info and becomes larger than ever expected

Like fire, the more it spreads, the more it can destroy. Gossip gets bigger and bigger, spreads farther and farther until it gets so out of control, it eventually leads to destruction- destruction of a person’s soul, reputation, morale, spirit, destroys social circles, families, friendships, relationships, lives, etc.
Your discussion will depend on the set induction you chose to do but points you should make:

What did you learn from this activity?

What/how does this demonstrate/illustrate the effects/power of gossip?

Why is gossip so hard to avoid?

Why is it so hard to stop or ignore?

Why do you think it is human nature to gossip? Why is it that we sometimes cannot stop until it really does get out of hand and hurt people?

What is the difference between gossip and sharing positive information (like someone getting married) about someone?

How can gossip maim, kill or destroy?

Think about the last piece of gossip or info you heard about someone else. What did you do with that piece of information?

What is the Hebrew term for evil speech such as gossip?
There are three types of evil speech in Judaism- L’shon Hara, rechilut and motzi shem ra. All are destructive. We must guard our tongues and carefully watch what we say (Shimrat Halashon) in order to prevent evil speech. In today’s world of digital communication, this extends to guarding what we type as well.
Explain: In Judaism, the power of speech has no boundaries (feather story). Once words have been spoken, we cannot retrieve them. Words have the power to help or heal or to hurt and destroy.
page 81- read Mishlei text and sentences underneath. Ask for learners to interpret the text.
Introduce the 3 types of evil speech with box on page 83, under “terms to know.”

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Ask for three volunteers to stand up and introduce themselves as one of the three types. Ask them to read the definition o f the term as an “I” statement (see example). After each statement has been made, ask the group to give you an example.
Example: Person #1- I am rechilut or gossip. This type of Lashon Hara involves talking about someone to another behind his/her back, causing a negative opinion
Person #2-I am Lashon Hara- evil speech about another…
Explain: So we have met three types of evil speech: Rechilut, Lashon Hara and Motzi Shem Ra. All are hurtful, all are damaging, all are unnecessary and all are common in our lives. How can Judaism teach us to deal with Lashon Hara and other types of negative speech? What does Judaism say about this and how can we use this insight from our traditions to help us when we encounter either rechilut, lashon hara or motzi shem ra?
Read the paragraphs underneath that box. Next turn to page 84 and read the text from the Talmud. You may choose to continue reading to the end of page 85. There are a number of excellent texts to discuss but will depend on how much time you have. You will want to save time to discuss digital l’shon hara and do the activities included in this lesson plan.
Discuss how to respond to rumors and gossip, emphasizing the concept of Shmirat Halashon (page 92) and the power of words. Review tips on page 91.
Explain: We have spoken about the power of words to cause harm. We have discussed Shmirat Halashon and the need to guard whatw e say. However, nowadays, we communicate on an entirely different level- by what we type, not by our tongues or speech. Do L’shon Hara and SHmirat Halashon apply to online communication?
EVEN MORE SO!
It is said that the most dangerous word in the English language today is “send.” Why? Ask learners if they have ever regretting hitting “send” to a text message, email or online post.
Why is digital communication so much more dangerous than word of mouth?
You can mention the lessons of the feather story or share this text that is not in the book and ask them to explain how they both relate to digital media use and gossip:
“What is spoken in Rome may kill in Syria.” (Midrash)
Pages 94-99
Read the paragraph on page 94 that begins with “Click!” Explain that what distinguishes digital L’shon
Hara from word of mouth is what was exemplified by the feather analogy in the Chassidic story. Once

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, you click, not only can you not get the words back, but it travels far beyond your control, to a limitless number of people.
Read pages 95-97. Focus on the concept introduced on top of page under Scenario 5- Shmirat
Ha’etzba’ot. Ask them to share their own experiences on: digital gossip, “sexting,” “cyberbullying” and accidental exposure online.
Before You Hit “Send”
Use scenarios on pages 86, 95, 96, 97, 159
Option 1: “After” and “Before”- There are a number of digital gossip scenarios provided in the book.
Assign one scenario to a group of learners and have them think of an “after” situation and a “before” situation. The “before” situation is something they could have done to prevent the situation- either
Shmirat Ha’etzba’ot or Shmirat Halashon, considering the consequences of l’shon hara, rechilut and motzi shem ra. The “after” situation is pointing out the consequences of the scenario when Shmirat
Halashon or Ha’etzba’ot is not practiced. What are the consequences if the “before” opportunity is not practiced?
Ask groups to present their scenarios as an “after” and “rewind” it to the “before” scene, had they taken the time to practice Shmirat Halashon or Ha’etzba’ot.
Present skits.
Option 2: You Be the Judge
Using the different digital media and gossip scenarios, assign one scenario to each small group of learners. Have them put themselves in the shoes of the subject of the scenario and judge what they would do. These scenarios may have actually happened to some of them. if they can adapt the situation to a personal scenario, they may use that example. Each group should present their situation and their response to it and the other group members will judge their actions whether they agree with the chosen response or if there could have been a better choice. Discussion should focus on responses to these situations, consequences and preventative measures through Shmirat Halashon/Ha’etzba’ot.
Option 3: Campaign for Shmirat Halashon
Review some of the scenarios or ask learners to share their own personal “horror stories” about digital media misuse and L’shon Hara. Do the activity on page 91 “Campaign for Shmirat Halashon.” Use poster paper to create a campaign sign with slogan, challenges, contests, etc. Have the group plan a week of activities to promote Shmirat Halashon and Ha’etzba’ot in reference to digital L’shon Hara. They can work in small groups or break the larger group into pairs and assign roles as to who is in charge of what.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Present the campaign and discuss the benefits or goals of what the campaign will achieve in teaching students to practice Shmirat Halashon and Ha’etzba’ot and raise awareness of the consequences of digital and word of mouth gossip.
Bonus if they use a slogan that is from a Jewish source such as “Shaming another in public is akin to murder” or “death and life is in the power of the tongue.”
Other sample slogans to suggest if they get stuck for ideas:

Stop it, drop it, let it roll

If you see it, stop it

If you click, it’ll stick
“After-“ discuss consequences of digital gossip and why we often fail to recognize these consequences.
Discuss the idea that anyone can instantly become either a victim or perpetrator and consequences can be quite serious, even fatal. Emphasize the need to practice guarding your tongue/fingers, particularly when using digital media.
“Before”- discuss the idea of preventative measures and what we can do ensure that we don’t regret hitting send. What can you do when you see something digitally offensive? What can you do so that you don’t find yourself a victim or perpetrator of these awful situations?
If you did other options:

Review consequences of gossip, both word of mouth and digital (you may want to mention issue of cyberbullying by referencing both news stories and pages 158-160).

Review and reinforce the necessity of practicing Shmirat Halashon and stopping rechilut, l’shon hara or motzi shem ra before it gets out of hand and potentially ruins lives (referencing the text on page 92 “shaming another in public is akin to murder.” (Talmud Bava Metzia)
Preventative measures: Review the list on page 97 “Five Thinks to Think About Before Pressing ‘Send.’”
Reinforce each ideas under the premise of Shmirat Halashon and “Shmirat Ha’etzba’ot.” You can suggest they copy this page and post it by their computer or where they plug in their cell phone chargers so that they are constantly aware of “digital dangers” and their behavior.

Words can hurt and destroy. L’shon hara, rechilut and motzi shem ra are all forms of negative speech with hurtful, destructive consequences

Judaism emphasizes the power of speech and the necessity to practice Shmirat Halashon

We can translate Shmirat Halashon into 21 st century terms

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
As a community, look at page 98 and challenge the learners to tell you where they may have seen this text before. Show them a the last paragraph of the Amidah in the siddur that begins with
ה ָמ ְר ִמ ר ֵב ַד ִמ י ַתָפ ְשוּ ,ע ָר ֵמ יִנוֹשְׁל רוֹצְנ ,י ַהלֱֹא
or “My God, guard my tongue from evil…”
Take Home Piece: Check all the social media and digital profiles you engage with. Is there something you see that shouldn’t have been posted or sent? Is there anything you can get removed?
Keep the “5 Things to Think About Before Hitting Send” sheet near your computer or print up one of the slogans you came up with in your Smirat Halashon campaigns and place it somewhere as a constant reminder of the need to guard your tongue and watch what you say and type. What can you do that will really enforce the practice of Shmirat Halashon.
Jewish values/mitzvot: V’ahavta (you shall love), ahava sheh t’luyah al davar, sheh loh t’luyah al davar
Chapter 8, Pages 111, 120-124

Learners will understand the Jewish concepts of love and recognize the difference between conditional (ahavah she’tluyah al davar) and unconditional love (she lo t’luyah al davar)

Learners will understand what it means to seek a romantic partner and that love is rooted in friendship (re’im ahuvim, dodi li, va’ani lo, based on “we,” vs. “me”)

Learners will understand what qualities one looks for in a romantic partner and recognize when one is or isn’t ready for a romantic partnership.
Materials

Sourcebooks

Poster paper and markers

Paper and pens
On a piece of paper (or if Shabbat, share with a partner), write out the following:

The name of a song you love

The name of a clothing brand you love

The name of a food you love

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

The name of a movie you love
 the name of a city you love

The name of a person you love
Have two people act out the script selection from the film “10 Things I Hate About You” on top of page
121.
Read the paragraph under it.
Explain:
Many of the most famous songs, poems, movies and books focus on the topic of love. Love, they say,
“makes the world go ‘round.” But many of us are unsure exactly what love really is. We often use the same word for our favorite place to visit, favorite movie or favorite pair of sneakers that we do for our parents, family members and best friends. What is the difference between “like” and “love.” How can we distinguish these feelings, particularly as our social interactions shift from friendship to more than friends?
In Jewish tradition, true love is based on respect, tolerance and mutual understanding. Real love is not dependent on a condition (such as physical attraction), rather is independent of ulterior interest or self motivation. Only love rooted in friendship, between two people prepared to look out for the interest of another and treat that person with mutual respect is ready to be in a loving romantic relationship, usually with one who shares common values, interests and ideas.
Pages 120-121
Read page 120 and discuss different ideas, definitions and concepts of love highlighted by the text and discussion Ask learners to define love on their own terms and pinpoint different examples of love such as love for God, love for parents, love for animals and finally, romantic love.
Read the text on page 121 on conditional (ahava sheh t’luyah badavar) unconditional love (she’eno teluyah badavar). Ask learners to give examples of each and to explain the difference.
Example: Love that is dependent on physical attraction, does not last.
Love that is dependent on respect, admiration, commitment, loyalty, common values, etc. is lasting. This kind of love is rooted in friendship, first and foremost.
Depending on time, you can continue the discussion on pages 122-123. Highlights to point out on these pages or points to bring up:

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
 material gain- conditional love is dependent on one person taking from another, one person loves another for something he/she gives to her. What happens then when that thing is taken away?

Is there ever a time when it is acceptable and necessary for love to be conditional? Example: remaining faithful in marriage

Unconditional love means partners remain loyal to one another no matter what. What happens though, when one partner abuses that privilege?
Healthy Love: from “me” to “we”- page 123
Bottom line: Love is when another person always has your back, when the other person, is focused on his/her needs as well as your own, when one learns to live with another and for another. Focus on the idea of love being when you’re focused more on the needs of the other person than your own interests, when you have shifted from “me” to “we.”
Transition: If we now have an understanding of the different types of love in Jewish tradition and the most important fact, that lovers begin as friends, which are some of our key relationships in our lives, how can one tell when they’re personally ready for friendship to turn to love?
Key question to explore: Love is intense. Teenagers oftentimes confuse love with lust or infatuation.
How do you know if you’re ready for true, romantic love? Are you ready to go from “just a friend” to
“boyfriend?”
Option 1: “Are You Ready for a Relationship?” Activity on page 103- remind everyone that this is a personal exercise and they don’t have to share their responses.
Explain: you may not be quite ready for a romantic relationship (or you may find that you are ready).
Right now, your relationships focus on friendship. What is the difference between your “friendly” relationships and your “more than friends” opportunities?
Option 2: Do “Friend Vs. Romance” activity on page 106 as a group. Point out the similarities between the two columns because friendship is the foundation of what becomes a romantic or loving relationship.
Whichever activity you chose, stress the idea that love is rooted in friendship, both generally and in
Jewish tradition. To illustrate this, read texts on Page 111 where lovers are described as friends or companions. Ask learners how text 2 (ani l’dodi) relates to your discussion on “me” versus “we” and how love is a mutual give and take. Point out that these phrases or texts are commonly used on wedding invitations or Jewish love songs (if you have time, for fun, teach the tune to ‘Dodi Li’).

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Explain: Your relationships now are primarily friendships. But most romantic relationships begin as friends. Most lasting intimate relationships, we illustrated by the texts on page 111, are rooted in friendship. Refer to previous activity: what qualities do you look for in a romantic partner? Are they similar to the qualities you look for in a friend? How would you market yourself to a potential romantic partner
Personal Ad/Dating Profile
Option 1: Presenting yourself to a potential mate- Create a dating profile
Option 2: Seeking a mate- who are you looking for/attracted to?
[you can ask them to look at activity on page 110 to get them thinking about the type of person they would seek]
Hand out poster paper and markers to every 2 people. (if Shabbat, pretend you are recording a personal ad for a dating website and work in pairs to act out your video).
Instructions: You are going to create either a personal ad or video to promote yourself to a potential mate. What type of person are you looking for in a partner? What is important to you? What should be important when seeking a romantic partner?
OR: Create an ad where you seek a mate and describe the type of person you are looking for as your potential romantic partner. What would you seek in a romantic partner that could lead you to a healthy, loving relationship? What are your priorities that reflect the values Judaism emphasizes when it comes to a loving partner?
If preferred, learners can work in partners but this really is a personal, individual exercise. Remind learners that they want to attract the right person and want the right person to be drawn to you- BE
CREATIVE!
Learners may be embarrassed or may feel silly sharing their profiles but encourage them to have fun with it, that it’s more for the discussion and to explore the topic than for “real.”
Discussion:
*Note that you may enter into the discussion on inter-dating with this discussion on “what type of person would you date.” Tread carefully with this discussion and remind learners that inter-dating is definitely a topic worth discussing, but this session focuses on finding the right friend-to-romantic-partner through character traits and

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, types. Being Jewish should be a priority but you may want to use the sourcebook to enter into this discussion at another time.

What was the purpose of this exercise? What did you learn about yourself? About your interaction with others? About your priorities in terms of who you’re looking for as a romantic partner?

Do you think that teens today consider character traits that matter or know what they’re looking for? Why are teens more likely to be in “conditional” relationships (such as physical attraction) rather than relationships that are based on traits and values?

Do you have limits on who you should or shouldn’t date such as the person has to be Jewish?

If you’re not ready for marriage, why do you think your parents or others don’t want you dating non-Jews *Be cautious with this discussion, know the family make-up of your learners before you get in to the inter-dating discussion. This session was not meant to focus on the interdating dilemma.

If the person you date doesn’t share you background, lifestyle or values, could you date them?
Would you feel comfortable at a Christmas dinner? Would it be difficult for you to have to explain a Seder to your significant other? What about the impact of an Israel trip? How would you handle the fact that he/she just doesn’t “get it” because you come from such differne backgrounds?

From this exercise, do you think you’re really ready to be in a committed romantic relationship?
If you struggled with this activity or maybe didn’t take it seriously, maybe you’re not quite ready- and that’s okay!
Summarize and Conclude
Everyone looks for someone different in a romantic partner. Healthy, loving romantic relationships are rooted in unconditional love or love that is not dependent on something. Mature love is when the “me” turns to “we.” You’ll know you’re ready to be in a relationship when you find someone else who you are willing to cherish and support and look beyond yourself and your own needs.
Taking it Home: Looking for Love
1.
Think about the last person for which you felt romantic feelings. Write down what you liked about him/her. Was it because you thought she was “cute” or did you bond over a shared interest and are friendly with him/her regardless?
2.
Think about someone in your class that you wouldn’t normally pay attention to, maybe someone who you may not find physically attractive or who may act in an annoying manner sometimes. Have you ever sat down and had a conversation with him/her? You never know, people can “grow” on you. Someone who you may have rolled your eyes at the prospect of a romantic partner, could end up being your long term love! Everyone you meet deserves a chance at getting to know you and vice versa. Someone out there has a list of qualities and traits that perfectly describes you!

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
K’dusha, Love and Companionship
Jewish concepts values: re’im ahuvim, K’dusha, B’shert
Pages 115, 124-127
Recap previous session:

Healthy romantic relationships are based on unconditional love and support, rooted in friendship

Only those who are prepared to view their needs along with another’s is ready to be in a relationship.

To know who is deserving of your romantic partnership, you have to know what type of person you’re looking for and not just who you find physically attractive.
Goals of Session 3:

Learners will understand the sanctity or holiness of Jewish marriage as the most sacred partnership between 2 people (K’dusha)

Looking at biblical examples of married couples, learners will better understand the building blocks of marriage through concepts of re’im ahuvim and dodi li (loving companions) and reiterate the notion of love and therefore marriage being rooted in friendship.

Learners will discuss the idea of matches “made in Heaven” or the concept of B’shert and decide what B’shert truly means.
Materials:

Building blocks or Legos for “levels of K’dusha”
Trust Exercise
Have everyone stand in a circle, shoulder to shoulder with their hands held up in front of them. Have a
(brave) volunteer stand in the middle with his/her eyes closed and arms crossed over chest. The person in the middle with fall back in one direction, trusting that the members of the circle will keep him/her standing by lightly pushing him/her back up. He/she should keep “falling” in different directions, and pushed back onto his/her feet by members of the circle.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
To person in middle: how did you feel putting your safety and security, your well being into someone else’s hands? Did you trust that they were going to take care of you?
To members of the circle: What did it feel like to make sure you supported your friend in the mdidel?
What did you do to ensure that she/he was safe?
From the perspective of those who have yet to experience it, how do you think this exercise symbolizes marriage (building off ideas from previous session)?
Points to make to connect activity to concept of marriage (if they did not pick up on it)

Marriage means looking out for someone else’s needs as well as your own

Marriage means always having your partner’s back

Marriage means trust and support (literally and figuratively)

Marriage means we may sometimes fall but our partner is there to pick up back up

Marriage means spouse protect each other
Explain: Right from the beginning, from the moment the first two people were created, we were meant to find a loving partner. Marriage in Judaism, is the most sacred of unions, the ideal human state within
Jewish tradition. From Adam and Even to your cousin who may have just gotten engaged, human beings are meant to share their lives together in a most holy union [point this out with text on page 115, one of the first p’sukim of the Torah!]
Core concepts to explore”
Marriage begins with love and love begins with friendship (review from previous session). Marriage is the ultimate expression of friendship, love, support and trust. Remind learners of this idea by review texts on page 111. Remind learners that these two texts are present at Jewish weddings, text 1 found in the Sheva Brachot of the Jewish wedding ceremony, and text 2 often found on invitations or bencher covers!
Key Question: What is the difference though, between a friend you date (from friend to romantic partner) as we explored in Session 3 and a life-long mate?
Page 127, then page 115.
Materials: building blocks or Legos
How do we elevate our relationships from date to mate? It helps to look at it through the levels of
K’dusha or holiness.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Do activity on page 127 using building blocks or Legos to illustrate the difference between person and friend, person and dating partner and finally, person and spouse (you don’t need to include the other types of relationships for this discussion). Ask learners to explain their “ladders” of K’dusha and how this activity helped them see the spousal relationship as different from a dating partner. Ask them to explain why they think this is so or if they disagree, why.
Explain: Who you look for in a date, at age 17 will vary from who you’ll look for as a mate a number of years later. This is because although you want to find someone to love and respect as a dating patner, the level of K’dusha or holiness or on an entirely different plane for a life-long partner. Married couples, as seen from the text on page 115 “cling” to each other and “become one flesh.” This doesn’t allude only to sex, but rather helps us recognize that marriage is a whole other level of K’dusha than a boyfriend or girlfriend- married couples become one entity, 2 individuals who share everything in life, including values, experiences, the most intimate of secrets, moments, joys and challenges.
We can see examples of this type of K’dusha in some of the first examples of Jewish spouses.
Split the group into three. Have one-third read the love story of Isaac and Rebekah, one-third, read about Jacob, Leah and Rachel on page 124 and the final third read the story of David and Batsheva on page 125.
Ask the different groups to analyze the story and describe how these relationships reflect the K’dusha of marriage (positively and negatively). Remember that not all behavior in these stories is perfect or entirely moral. What actions, feelings, thoughts, behaviors took place here that teach us about the level of love, respect, and K’dusha that exists between spouses.
Talk Show Midrash
Present the stories to the other groups as a talk show. Have each group present their story in 2 minutes or less and then have the other learners interview the characters about his/her relationship. Those being interviewed by represent their characters based on previous knowledge they may have or based on what they can infer from the text (what ancient rabbis used to do to come up with drashim on the primary text!) Explain that this is a creative way to explore the idea of Midrash- when we come up with possible explanations for texts that may not give us all the information we need to know.
Possible responses:
Isaac and Rebecca Rebecca is modest in her behavior, Isaac chooses her as his wife because he loves her (point out that in earlier p’sukim, she was seen giving water to her camels and offers some to Eliezer, Isaac’s servant.
Isaac loves her because of her beauty, which is

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Jacob, Leah and Rachel
David and Batsheva also noted and her selflessness and kindness), she offers him comfort when he is mourning.
Is Jacob’s love real or is it based on physical attraction? He’s willing to work 14 years for it, but it seems like nothing because her love is worth it.
Love takes work!
Use this case to explain how not to win over the love of a spouse. Or argue that sometimes love comes after heartache and terrible circumstances.
Step 5: Discussion

How are these positive or negative examples of the highest level of the K’dusha of marriage?
What do we learn about finding your spouse from these stories?

Why include positive, moral stories of finding love in addition to corrupt or immoral examples?
What does the happy ending to a sad story teach us about finding a partner for marriage? Does this teach us anything about divorce? Widowhood? Tragedy in general?

What was the role of Eliezer (teach the word/concept of Shadchan here and the Jewish matchmaker, today’s version of it being J-date or online dating sites!)

What role did Lavan play? Parents may not always approve of your significant others. You have to prove your worth and work for your spouse’s love- it is not unconditional!

How is the story of David and Batsheva a good lesson in finding a life partner (tragedy, widowhood, immoral acts are destructive but may have happy endings if the commitment is there and the person is willing to do what is right, etc.)?

Another example you may point out of married couples of truly offer love and support in times of need is the story of Elkanah and Hannah (Samuel 1). Hannah was desperate and depressed when she couldn’t conceive a child and it greatly pained Elkanah to see her in distress. He reminded her that she had him and even without the love of a child, she could be complete with his love alone.
Tie concept of B’shert into your discussion:
Explain: We can’t discuss the Jewish approach to finding a life-long mat without mentioning the idea of
B’shert . Have you ever heard someone say “He’s my B’shert” or “you found your B’shert!”
Middle of Page 105- Bereshit Rabah text
Read Midrash on page 105 or explain: According to the Talmud, 40 days before a child is conceived, angels in Heaven work to find him/her a partner, that marriages are made in Heaven and are B’shert
(Yiddish for fate or destiny, also refers to any fortuitous situation that seems meant to be). Given what

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, was discussed in Session 3 on love and finding a partner, and the level of K’dusha we explored today between married partners, do you think that Jewish unions are in fact “made in Heaven” or b’shert?
Think about all the circumstances that lead up to 2 people eventually meeting and becoming life-long partners. Think about the effort it takes to keep the union strong. It is circumstance, coincidence or indeed, B’shert?
Debate it by sharing their personal onions and by tying in biblical examples:
Jacob- he really had to work to marry Rachel. Maybe Lavan was testing his determination and to see if he really, truly wanted her. Anyone willing to work 14 years, must truly love the person.
Isaac and Rebecca- Eliezer brought Rebecca home to Isaac. He could have found any girl. He happened to see her acts of kindness and knew she was special, at a time when Isaac really could have used her kindness.
David and Batsheva- What could have been B’shert here? That their son conceived in an affair died?
That David turned to God for his actions or became more sensitive to the needs of his wife following tragedy? That Uriah was one of David’s solders and he had his life in his hands?
You may not come to any conclusion on this idea. They should understand the concept as a Jewish idea in terms of how people choose or come to a decision about a life-long mate. Some people truly believe that every decision we make in life as a single person, eventually leads us to our soul-mate or B’shert.

Marriage is the ultimate or highest of human relationships within Judaism, people are not meant to live without a life-long partner. It is rooted in love, which is rooted in friendship- first and foremost, spouses are beloved companions

A spouse differs from a romantic partner in the level of K’dusha or holiness between individuals

We learn from different biblical examples of examples of K’dusha between married couples, examples of love, support and companionship, as well as tragic or immoral circumstances that could have happy endings.

B’shert is the Jewish idea of fate or “meant to be.” Within love, this means that couples are destined to be mates are paired with each other before birth. Every decision we make in life leads us to find our B’shert.
Physical Intimacy and the Jewish Teenager
Mitzvot/Jewish concepts or values: K’dusha, B’tzelem Elohim, Tzniut, Kavod or K’vod Habryot
bottom of page 108 and Chapter 10, pages 126, 128-136

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Note to Educator:
This is an extremely sensitive and touchy subject (excuse the pun). Remember that you may not have all the answers and have the ability to greatly influence teenage understanding and behavior based on this discussion.
Content is obviously important, but also allow time for learners to share their thoughts and feelings. We cannot deny the experiences our teenaged learners have in this department. But, we can give them the tools to make healthy safe, Jewish choices when faced with incidences of physical intimacy. You may share your own perspective but try to be cautious about personal information you reveal .
Recap Session 3:

Married couples differ from romantic partners in the level of Kdusha or holiness. Marriage is an entirely different plane of intimacy and is the ideal intimate situation between two individuals.

Marriage and the K’dusha of marriage is based on love, support and loving companionship
(re’im ahuvim).

There are different examples of what it means to express this love and support of marriage, exemplified by biblical characters

B’shert is the Jewish idea of destiny or “meant to be.” In marriage, B’shert means that couples are destined for each other before birth.
Session 4 goals:
Judaism and Sex- General discussion

After discussing romantic partnerships of dating and marriage, the next obvious discussion is on the physical intimacy between 2 people in love.

This session will focus on ideas of K’dusha or the holiness involved in physical intimacy, K’vod
Habryot or the respect for the other individual with whom one is intimate, Tzinut or modesty, and Btzelem Elohim, that we are made in God’s image and are partners in God with treating our bodies with dignity and respect.

Physical intimacy is a way for human beings to connect to one another, for souls and bodies to connect and for God’s presence between two people.
Judaism and Sex and the Jewish teenager

Session will focus on making healthy choices in terms of physical intimacy with the aforementioned Jewish concepts in mind as well as general health and safety issues.

Through the values reflected in the book on pages 133-134, this session will help teenagers understand physical intimacy through the framework of “right time, right person, right place.”
Materials:

Sourcebooks

Teen or pop culture magazines (if doing option 1 for set induction)

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

Poster paper and markers (if doing option 2 for set induction)
Option 1: Sexuality in our culture/ “Sex Sells”
Instructions: Look through the magazines provided and look for particularly provocative or sexual images or messages, including subliminal messages in advertising. How is sex portrayed in our culture and society? What words would you use to describe sexuality in North American culture?
Share some of the images or messages that are the most disturbing or effective in terms of getting a particular message across.
Examples: use our bodies to sell sex, provocative, immodest, objectification, women as toys, men as machines, sex as common as getting dressed, sex everyone, anyone, anytime, any place, etc.
Option 2: Colloquial Terms- On large poster papers, split group into 2 teams and have them come up with a list of colloquial terms for sexual intimacy and sex. Write it out as a graffiti board.
Examples: “hooking up,” “getting some,” “getting laid,” “tap that,” “booty call,” “Scuking face,”
“frenching,” etc.
Option 3: Myths and Facts
To understand our understanding or misconceptions about Sex and Judaism, try this quiz:
(it may be more interesting to try this quiz by vote of hands with eyes closed to ensure complete honesty. As facilitator, mark down responses beside each statement and share afterwards)

Judaism does not have much to say about sex. It’s taboo and private [myth]

Sex within Judaism is a gift from God [FACT]

Judaism should not dictate rules for sex. Only the big stuff like God, soul, life and death, and human suffering should be determined by religion [myth]

Sex is too private and personal to be a topic of Jewish debate/discussion [myth]

Sex in Judaism, because it involves bodily functions is unclean [myth]

Sex within a loving relationship is holy and beautiful and is part of God’s plan of creation
[fact]

Jewish sex is only for procreation [myth]

Observant Jewish couples have sex through a hole in the sheet so that they’re unclean bodies do not touch.
In your discussion, share responses and ask if anyone was surprised by the group responses or the facts.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

What kinds of images, messages and attitudes are you exposed to every day when it comes to sex and physical intimacy?

Do you think this causes us to objectify the human body instead of respect it?

What are the implications, ramifications and consequences of a culture that views sex this way?

How does this shape your own attitude and behaviors about sexual intimacy? How do images in magazines make sex “no big deal” instead of the very intimate, meaningful and holy act that it is?
What do you know about Judiasm and physical intimacy?
If you didn’t do option3, ask for some common myths and misconceptions such only for procreation, the hole-in-the-sheet myth, Shomer N’giyah or that its only for married couples.
Jews have many misconceptions about Jewish attitude toward physical intimacy. Contrary to the images we see in the media, Judaism regards sex as an intimate act between two people and God. Sexual intimacy is holy and sacred and should be shared between two loving and committed partners with the values of Kavod/Respect, Btzelem Elohim, Tzinut/modesty, health and safety, honesty, and fidelity in mind. Sex should be limited to the right person, the right place and the right time.
It all starts with a kiss- the simplest and primary form of physical intimacy.
Ask learners to compare list of sexual terms on page 104 with texts on kissing on page 119.
What is the difference between words and phrases like “hooking up” and “tapping that” and the expressions of intimacy from the biblical texts?
Explain that the big distinction between physical intimacy for the physical pleasure and physical intimacy and the most sincere or deepest expression of love and commitment is an idea discussed in the previous session: K’dusha.
Read the second half of page 126-top of 127 and ask learners to summarize what the book is telling us. Renforce importance of K’dusha in intimate relationships and explain that K’dusha entails that
God is also involved when two people are physically intimate. God connects two soul when 2 bodies are joined. Physical intimacy does not happen for 2 mintues in a closet at a party, it is a serious and really intense exchange between two respectful, loving partners.
This only mentions sex within marriage though. So, does this mean sex between loving, committed partners is a no-no?

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Page 128- summarize top paragraph or explain that you are not here to give the red light or green light on sex in the lives of the learners, rather give them the Jewish tools to make informed healthy choices. Feel free to bring in biblical examples provided on page 128 to introduce physical intimacy in Judaism, otherwise, turn to page 130 and read from “Right time, right place, right person.” Skip activity and continue onto pages 131-132. You can include discussion at any point, allowing learners to interject to ask questions, make comments, agree to disagree.
Explain the source of this excerpt from a short pamphlet by Rabbi Elliot Dorff entitled This is My
Beloved, This is My Friend: A Rabbinic Letter on Intimate Relations.
Focus on list of values on pages 131-132, reiterated in discussion on non-marital sex on page 133.
Finish reading with paragraph on bottom of page 134 and discussion questions on top of 135.
Option 1: Scenarios
Apply the list of values discussed on pages 133-1345 to the scenarios on page 135 and top of 136.
How can the characters adapt their behavior by considering one or more of the values listed?
Option 2: Sex Sells. If sex sells, can you “sell” the Jewish perspectives on sexual intimacy?
You go to a Jewish school and the guidance councilor challenges your class to spearhead a K’dsha
Campaign. You will be teaching the rest of the student body how to view sex Jewishly and how to make decisions regarding sexual intimacy using Jewish values. You need to sell you campaign by coming up with a slogan and campaign poster so that your fellow students will:
a)pay attention b) care c) be influenced by the campaign and actually take these values seriously.
Slogans should be witty and should include a catch phrase as well as include at least a couple of
Jewish terms discussed in this session.


Do you think this would impact Jewish teenagers and their decision s?
How can teens help other teens recognize the seriousness of their sexually related decisions through something like this?

How were ideas from the sourcebook reflected (K’dusha, B’tzelem, Tzniut, health and safety, love, honesty, Kavod, etc.)

How was the message of “right person, right place, right time” reflected?

How do you think these ideas are helpful to teenagers facing issues of physical intimacy?
How can these values influence over peer pressure and media?

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

How can we replace colloquial terms of “getting it on,” “hooking up,” “getting laid” with
Jewish ideas of K’dusha, Kavod and Tzniut?

Do you think about physical intimacy differently at all? In what ways?
Wrap Up/Taking it Home

Stress that Judaism regards phyiscal intimacy as one of the highest expressions of love between two committed individuals. Physical intimacy is beautiful and holy and an act that connects human beings to each other and to God on the highest level.

Repeat concepts of Kavod (K’vod Habryot), K’dusha, Tzniut, B’tzelem Elohim, honest, safety, love, etc.

Jewish teenagers and physical intimacy- when making choices of physical intimacy, the Jewish teenager must weigh decisions based on aforementioned concepts and understand that sex should be limited to “right person, right place, right time,” and never considered due to pressure.
Taking it Home-
You will likely face some of the scenarios presented in the book in the near future. Keep some of the catchy slogans or phrases presented in the K’dusha Campaigns in mind. Apply them to the situations you face regarding physical intimacy, whether it be giving a friend advice or your own personal experience.
Even if you consider 2 of the entire list when making your choices, you’ve made a Jewish decision and are on a path toward a healthy one.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Jewish Values/Mitzvot: Shalom Bayit, Kibud Av Va’em, Rodef Shalom, Loh taamod al dam reyacha, kavod, dan l’chaf zechut, VLK, yetzer hatov and hara
The Common Love-Hate Relationships with Parents/Caregivers and Siblings
Jewish Values/Mitzvot: Rodef Shalom, Kavod, Kibud Av Va’em, Shalom Bayit
Pages 143-146. 161
Transition from Unit 3:
Unit Three focused on love, intimacy, romantic relationships as beautiful and healthy components of intimate relationships. What happens though, when intimate relationships (romantic and familial) suffer clashes and conflict? How do we deal with conflict in our various relationships?
Session 1 Goals:

Learners will understand that the conflicts they face at home with parents/caregivers and siblings can be as common as the loving moments of interaction.

Learners will recognize that how we handle conflict at home depends on how we respond, vsesus react to the situation. Responding with kavod (respect) or Kibud Av Va’em in mind, as
rodfei shalom (pursuers of peace) can help minimize conflict and create an atmosphere of
Shalom Bayit

Shalom Bayit, can make iving together bearable and even enjoyable.

Materials:
Sourcebooks
Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Adapt activity on page 144 and ask learners to just share the first thing that comes to their mind following each situation. If weekday, they can write out their immediate gut reaction. Or they may simply call it out loud, but do not provide much time to think about it.



First, how many of you have experienced these situations in your own lives (most likely all have experienced each situation). Notice how common these situations are. Your frustrations are shared! You’re not the only one who has thought your parents were being “stupid” or has an
“annoying” little sister at home.
What was the issue with some of your responses?
What is the difference between your responses and say, simply explaining to your sister why you don’t like when she uses your stuff without your permission.
Relationships, starting at home, aren’t always roses and sugar. Relationships are complicated, conflictfilled interactions. What matters most is how you handle those conflicts as a Rodef Shalom (Pursuer of
Peace). We all need to learn to respond versus react to situations that arise between our loved ones In order to maintain Shalom Bayit and an atmosphere of Kavod.
familial relationships between you and your parents/caregiver and siblings. Sometimes, we want to hurt our siblings or curse at our parents. Conflict is normal and natural. Its how you deal with it that can be helpful or consequential.
How can you deal with the issues you have at home with the people you love, but oftentimes, want to hurt?
Read the text at the top from Pirkei Avot and pose bolded question underneath. What does it mean to pursue peace (be a rodef shalom)? How do we do that?
Introduce Key Terms:

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Turn to page 144 of sourcebooks and then bottom of page 161. Ask learners to interpret the texts and define what is meant by Shalom Bayit after reading both selections. How does a rodef shalom ensure or contribute to Shalom Bayit? What is the result of a home where there are people who pursue peace and insist on Shalom in the home?
Explain key terms as:
Rodef Shalom  Shalom Bayit
Shalom Bayit  Kavod for residents of the home
Kibud Av Va’em  particular term for Kavod for parents
Detailed explanation: Pursuing peace means, you should always try to work things out, no matter how frustrated you get, for the sake of Shalom Bayit or Peace in the Home. You do this by being a Rodef Shalom (pursuer of peace). The result of being a rodef shalom, committed to
Shalom bayit, is a home where Kavod resides with the residence. Kavod for parents is one of the 10 Commandments known as Kibud Av Va’em. There is no term for Kavod for siblings but
Shalom Bayit means kavod for everyone, especially parents.
The difference between attacking your sibling with harsh words or throwing a fist and seeking help or explaining your needs means you being a rodef shalom. You do this by responding to a situation versus reaction (as illustrated in opening activity)
Ask learners to explain the difference between responding and reacting.
Explain: to create Shalom Bayit and treat our family members with the Kavod they deserve, we have to learn to handle conflict at home using responses versus reactions.
Read brief explanation on page 144 of reacting vs. responding and try activity on page 144
(repeating hook activity but with idea of responding vs. reacting in place). Instead of the situation between friends on the basketball court, ask learners to replace it with a situation between parent/caregiver and son/daughter in order to tie in idea of Kibud Av Va’em.
Ask learners to present their responses to the given situation.
Next, ask them in small groups, to come up with their own personal example of conflict at home in 2 scenes: a) How they handled it (and the conflict that may have ensued)

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, b) How they could have handled it by responding vs. reaction.

You were able to apply these ideas to your own lives and can continue to do so.

How did you feel in both situations? What is the difference between your feelings in both situations?

What was the result of the situation when you reacted?

What could you predict would be the result of the situation when you become a rodef shalom, and learn to address the situation by responding thoughtfully?

How does responding help contribute to Shalom Bayit? How can you use these ideas in your own homes?

Do you often fight with your parents and siblings? Do you think about ideas like Shalom
Bayit and Rodef Shalom and your role in minimizing conflict at home through this concepts?

Teenagers and pre-teens are constantly in conflict with family members. How can these
Jewish concepts, and how we practiced them help a young person handle their home-based conflict?

Another issue that may come up- how do you treat a family member with Kavod (Kibud Ave
Va’em) that may not necessarily deserve it? (Emotionally or physically abusive)? How can you handle your bully of a big brother who really doesn’t deserve the respect you’re expected to give him as a rodef shalom?

Could you also apply these ideas to your relationships outside the home [alluding to next session on conflict between peers and bullying]
Review goals and discussion highlights of responding to conflict vs. reacting. Review key terms and how they apply to real life situations of conflict at home (Shalom Bayit, Kibud Av Va’em,
Rodef Shalom).
Taking it Home
Press the fast forward button on your life and imagine the next time your mom/dad/sibling makes you angry or frustrated. Press pause! Count to ten! Breathe! How will you ensure you are a rodef shalom at home and take a second to respond vs. react to the situation. With Shalom
Bayit in your bayit, you’ll see, your relationships will greatly improve and maybe make your life a little less stressful!

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Cliques, Bullying and Bystander
Jewish Values/Mitzvot: VLK, K’vod Habryot, Shmirat Halashon, Al Ta’amod al dam re’echa, dan l’chaf zechut pages 44, 19, 147-160
Note: This is a very heavy topic, prevalent in the lives of pre-teens and teens. This session will offer a number of options for activities and discussions for you to select your path and where you will take it. You may also wish to split it into two or three sessions. It will be near impossible to effectively cover this topic in 1 one-hour session.
Recap previous session
Conflict at home is natural and normal. It is how you handle it that can create an atmosphere of tension and frustration or Shalom Bayit- Peace in the home. You can be a rodef shalom (pursuer of peace) and learn to respond vs. react, in order to treat your family members with the Kavod (Kibud Av Va’em) that they deserve.
Goals:

Learners will explore ideas of conflict between friends and relational aggression associated with cliques and bullying.

Learners will recognize that all people can become both victims and perpetrators of bullying and cliques- no one is immune to feeling left out or making others feel less than them.

Learners will explore ideas of acceptance and giving everyone a chance through Jewish values of
Kvod Habryot, Shmirat Halashon, dan l’chaf zechut/

Learners will recognize their responsibility to stand up against bullying as a bystander (al ta’amod al dam reyecha).
Materials (materials will depend on which activity you choose, however, you will need sourcebooks regardless of choice).

Sourcebook

Mailing labels

Markers

Poster paper

Index cards

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Option 1: Labels (use standard mailing labels for this activity)
Before the session begins, create labels using a page of mailing labels with Jr. High and High School social groups written on them such as geek, jock, glee club, musician, cheerleader, etc. Have each person walk around and introduce themselves to the others, playing that character. The group members should treat one another as their characters (example: “geeks” may be socially intimidated by the
“jocks”). Finally, ask learners to join together with members of their group to show the formation of cliques based on labels and stereotypes. Explain that we label people based on who we think they are and who they hang out with, without really knowing them.
Option 2: Alternative to Labels activity (use standard mailing labels for this activity)
Give a half sheet of labels to each person and have them write on half of the labels how they think others see them using one word adjectives. Ask their partners to put the labels on their back illustrating that these are often the labels others place on us, regardless of whether they’re accurate. Share as a group. Next, have them write out how they wish others saw them. Discuss: We often let our own self worth be determined by the perception of others. Why do we let others determine who we are? Do we become he labels others place on us? These are labels that others have placed on you. Is this really who you are? Why can’t we feel free to just “be” instead of wishing we were someone else?
Ask learners to fill in the other labels with how they each see themselves or how they wish others saw them, similar to the “all my hats” activity on page 43 of the sourcebook. Place the labels on your front so others can see them. Share your responses.
Discuss the idea of labeling people and how we can get others to see us for the labels on our fronts compared to our backs. Explain that cliques, which occur everywhere and are natural, form based on the fact that others don’t often see the real you and leave you out. Bullying is also a result of not really knowing someone or giving them a chance. How can you learn to look at people from the “front” (for who they really are) instead of how others judged them (the back labels, the perception of others).

How can we learn to assert our own individuality instead of letting others determine who we are so that we can survive outside of cliques and the effects of bullying?
Option 3: Cliques

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
This activity is meant to illustrate how cliques form naturally, but still result in leaving others out based on something the clique members have in common that the “outsiders” don’t share.
Have everyone assemble into small groups based on:

Round 1: Month of birth

Round 2: Number of siblings

Round 3: neighborhood or proximity to place of learning (form a line from closest to farthest)

Round 4: shade of eye color from darkest to lightest

Those under a certain height and those over

Those who play on an extra-curricular sports team and those who don’t

Any other type of classification that will place learners in different groups
Option 4: Assign each person to be a horse, chicken or dog. They must walk around making their animal sound to try and find the other horses, chickens or dogs. This is a fun, silly way to illustrate that cliques form when people seek out others like them and leave out others unlike them. It also illustrates that there are those who wander around for some team (often feeling frustrated or alone) looking for somewhere to belong until they finally find others who accept them.
Option 5: Cross the Line
(Adapted from the Challenge Day activity featured in “If You Really Knew Me,” an MTV reality show)
Goal: The purpose of this activity is to draw on differences and similarities and to get to know people beyond stereotypes, assumptions and rumors. Cliques and bullying are a result of people not really knowing each other or seeing commonalities between each other. You will highlight this in a discussion following the activity.
Place a straight line of string or tape on the floor. Ask learners to stand on one side of the tape. Explain that you will call out a statement instructing them to cross the line if the statement applies to them. You can use this list and/or make up your own.
Preliminary: Explain that this is a “getting to know you” activity that is serious and can get intimate in terms of information sharing. Everyone should be as honest with themselves and the group as possible.
There will be NO judging, laughing or accusations made. We are here under the premise of tolerance, understanding and respect.
You will read each statement and learners will cross the line if this statement applies to them. Following each statement, allow a few seconds for the group to observe the numbers of those who crossed the line and those who didn’t.
Activity:
Cross the line if:

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Stage 1: Easy/Common

You’ve ever been to a concert

You’ve ever worn your shirt inside out by accident

You’ve ever been to a foreign country

You speak more than 1 language

You have a friend you know you’ll be friends with forever

You have a friend or family member who embarrasses you

Have an allergy

Have been in love or loved a non-relative

Have spread a rumor
(depending on how well the group knows one another, you may want to add a few more Stage 1 comments)
Stage 2: More Emotional

You’ve ever been hurt by a best friend

Someone has confided in you with a serious or dangerous secret

You’ve ever felt different/like an outsider

You’ve ever felt that you don’t belong

You know someone who is gay

You know someone who has a learning disability or who learns differently than most

You know someone who is physically different than most

You know someone who constantly puts others down (bully, “Mean Girl,” etc.)

You have felt that you would never get through a difficult time or situation and your world was ending

You have felt ugly, fat, unattractive, small

Felt like a “loser” or felt you weren’t good enough

Sent an email/text/post that you shouldn’t have or regret
Stage 3: Tough Stuff (but more common than you think)

You know someone who puts him/herself down

You have suffered a rumor or been humiliated by a rumor

Know someone who has suffered a substance abuse problem

You know someone who has intentionally hurt him/herself physically

Know someone who has attempted suicide

Know someone who has carried out a suicide
Option 6: Who Gets Picked Activity on page 149

Discussion questions will be different depending on which activity was chosen.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

Pose some of the questions on cliques and feeling left out on page 149.

Discussion questions should help learners understand that cliques are natural in almost every social setting and form because of commonalities or because of unfair judgments, not truly knowing individuals for who they really are and giving each person a fair chance.

Bullying is often a result of cliques, judgment, labels and a lack of compassion for anyone who seems different (see paragraph on top of page 150 that connects cliques to bullying).
We have all been members of cliques or an exclusive group of people, leaving others out. We have all felt left out. Both situations often result in each of us being both a perpetrator and victim of bullying at different points. Judaism teaches us to judge each person favorably, to love each person as we would want to be loved and to not stand idly by when we see bullying occur.
Values to mention and apply to discussion: VLK, dan l’chaf zechut (page 19), K’vod habryot
(respect for all), empathy (page 44) loh ta’amod al dam reyacha (page 156), kol Yisrael arevim zeh bazeh (page 156)
Conflict Between friends in Jewish tradition. How does Judaism respond to bullying and cliques?
Read the texts together and connect them with hook activity and discussion
Text 1: Particularly applicable if you did either of the Labels activities or the Who Gets Picked activity
Text on Page 19- Dan l’chaf zechut (second half of text on page 19)- judge everyone favorably
Text 2: Particularly applicable if you did the “Cross the Line” Activity- Page 44- “don’t judge your friend until you have put yourself in his place.”
Text 3: Page 1- Vayikra 17-18- VLK (review)
You may also choose to study examples of bullying such as Jacob and Esau on page 150 or Joseph and his brothers on page 151 (both happen to be examples of siblings).
Discuss why people bully using information on page 152 but mostly use their feelings, opinions and responses to guide your discussion. Other questions will depend on your discussion following the hook activity. Be sure to include the ideas of empathy and compassion in your discussion (related to text 2).
Other thoughts:
How do these texts help us respond to cliques and bullying and not suffer the pain and torment associated with both? Give examples of how the idea of each text could help prevent cliques and bullying or help one deal with cliques and bullying at school.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
You may also wish to discuss how to handle bullies if you are a victim with ideas suggested on pae155.
Explain how if individuals could behave according to these ideas, people wouldn’t so easily be both victims and perpetrators of bullying. The frightening thing is, even a victim of bullying can become a perpetrator. These stories and texts can help us prevent both the victimhood and perpetration of bullying.
To demonstrate the fluidity between victim and perpetrator and how easily one can shift from one to the other,
Barnyard Bullies- page 153. The idea of “predator” and “prey” illustrates that anyone can be a predator and prey at any time.
In and Out
Form an inner circle and an outer circle, with the inner facing the outer. Explain that this formation represents high school cliques. Ask those in the inner circle what it feels like to be “in,” or part of the
“cool clique.” How does your status affect you? How does it affect you at school or in any other youth community?
Ask those on the “outside” what it feels like to be an outsider, left out of the “cool clique.” How does one feel when they don’t fit a certain social status?
Now, have the inside circle switch (the “cool kids”) and become the outsiders or outside circle. Point out that the “cool kids” are now on the outside, no longer the “cool ones” and the ones on the outside are now “in.” Ask the group what it feels like to shift in social status.
Discussion:
What is your reaction from this activity? What does it teach us about social order and social circles?
What did you learn about cliques and “insiders” and “outsiders” and the idea that a perpetrator can become a victim and vice versa?
Read bottom of page 153 under activity box and stop at the end of page. You may choose to explore the
“real life” scenarios on pages 154 and 155. Allow learners to open up about their own experiences, share stories and feelings.
Making it personal: Ask them to share their own tips for how they may have handled being teased or bullied and share “tips” on page 155. Make sure learners understand the importance of sharing their experiences with a trusted adult. Especially given the fact that bullying online can be completely hidden from any adult witness, young people need to know they are not alone.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Explain: We see that we can are all personally affected by bullying. But even those who aren’t personally affected are still involved. Even bystanders, those who witness bullying, are affected by it. How?
If you run out of time and would like to split the session into two, this is a good spot to do so. Because time is always limited but this is a crucial topic to discuss, you may choose to go down two different paths and discuss either cyberbullying (pages 158-160) or being a bystander to bullying. Being a bystander is a crucial topic for discussion because it is not limited to digital media. If you choose the former topic, use pages 158-160 to guide your discussion. Otherwise, continue here.
Read bottom of page 155 and page 156. Ask learners if they have ever witnessed bullying and if they chose to intervene. We often do stand “idly by” when a neighbor is “bleeding.”
Why would you or wouldn’t you step in as a bystander?
”I’m hesitant to respond because…” Stand in a circle. Explain that a boy in your class at school is being tormented in the classroom, lunchroom and hallways for having feminine tendencies. He’s very sensitive and you can see the pain in his eyes but you do nothing. Sometimes, we’re hesitant to respond.
Why? Ask each learner to consider themselves in this situation and one by one, in random order to step forward and complete the sentence “I’m hesitant to respond because…” and provide reasons why they wouldn’t say anything as a bystander. Discuss their insecurities and reasons why they hesitate to do something.
Explain: As Jews, it is our responsibility to say something if we see injustice occurring. We have been victims of bullying (slavery, persecution, near genocide, etc.) as a people and are obligated to step in.
We must practice empathy (putting ourselves in their shoes) and try to help.
Discuss with Jewish texts/examples
Look at Texts 1 and 2 on top of page 156 or read the examples of biblical bystanders such as the Moshe story that most will know. You may also look at the text on top of page 157 to try and understand an approach to take in responding to a bully.
Questions: Do you think bullies are just insecure and need friends? Would it help to befriend a bully as seen in the Talmud text on page 157? How else can we deal with bullies as bystanders?
Address the reasons they mentioned as to why they are hesitant to respond. Ask the group to come up with a game plan of ideas of how one can respond when they witness bullying. Come up with a list and

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, have each person choose one method which they are comfortable applying in their own lives. Remind them that they too can become victims and would want someone else to step up for them.

Conflict will always exist in your different social circles. Conflict often is a result of cliques or exclusive social circles that are based on fears and insecurities of those unlike them.

Bullies can become victims, victims can become bullying

Rooted in a lack of empathy, lack of understanding or really knowing someone or putting ourselves in another’s shoes, bullying can be traumatic, but there are trusted adults and friend who support you.

We can deal with bullying by judging everyone favorably, not standing idly by when we witness it and learning to treat our neighbors as we would want to be treated (VLK).
Wrap up discussion reiterating the idea that no one is alone as a victim and even the most well intentioned person can become a bully. No one is immune to this social disease, but everyone is responsible to be the medicine that heals it!
Apply bullying to the way you treat your siblings! You may not experience bullying or cliques at school (lucky you!) but you may bully your little brother or sister or vice versa. What can/are you going to do about your own “backyard bullies?” OR think of one student in your school who you often see being picked on. Pause and think about some of the things we discussed in this session on being a bystander. What could you do to help this person? Should you do anything? IF YOU SEE SOMETHING,
SAY SOMETHING!
Dating Abuse
Jewish Values/Mitzvot: VLK, K’vod Habryot, Shalom Bayit pages 161-169
Recap goals of previous session:

Cliques are exclusive groups that form when people exclude others based on a lack of understanding or empathy for anyone different

Bullying is a result of cliques. Anyone can be a bully or a victim and the experiences can be traumatic.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,

There are ways to deal with it as a victim and bystander. We can also prevent it by learning to better understand one another, judge everyone favorably and practice empathy.

As bystanders, we are affected by bullying and obligated to do something about it so as not to stand idly by the blood (suffering of a neighbor)

Following session two discussion on cliques and bullying, learners will understand that bullying can sometimes be masked when it comes from those who are supposed to love us.

Dating abuse is a serious issue. Most teens don’t even know how to recognize it when they see it. Learners will explore how Judaism forbids any form of abuse between those in loving relationships, types and signs of dating abuse and learn how to spot it when they see it.

Learners will learn empathy and understanding of this issue by stepping into the shoes of someone who may be suffering from dating abuse.

Take-home piece- After recognizing the signs and symptoms of abuse, learners will discuss how to help a friend who is in an abusive relationship.
Ask for 2 volunteers. Pull them aside and tell them to act out a conversation where one person is telling another person a story and asks the other for advice what to do about a particular dilemma. The other person should respond with “well, I know what I would do, but you’re too dumb to figure that out.”
Before the volunteers act out this scene, explain that these two people have been dating for over a year and then begin the scene.

Have you ever had a conversation like this with a friend? How about a boy/girlfriend? How did you feel at the time? Did you ever justify comments like these, thinking you deserved it?

How do you think it feels for the other person to hear this from someone they are supposed to like/love/trust?

Is it worse to be treated this way by someone who is supposed to love/trust you or a bully?

How can you tell the difference between someone getting frustrated and saying something they soon regret and a behavior that becomes habit or abusive?

What are the warning signs of behavior that goes beyond teasing or rough-housing? What can you do if you see it/experience it?
Judaism forbids domestic violence. We must apply these prohibitions to dating abuse as well. Anyone can become a perpetrator or victim of dating abuse. There are specific signs as well as ways to get out/help another.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Pages 161-170
Explain that you’ve spoken about love, and healthy friendships, a bit about conflict at home. But what happens when friendship becomes love and love becomes pain? Love isn’t supposed to hurt. When someone you love hurts you, we call this abuse. Abuse exists in both Jewish and non-Jewish homes and relationships. Abuse is an extremely taboo topic in traditional Jewish circles. It is a hidden monster that is rarely discussed. In this session – you’re going to discuss it!
You may also choose to paraphrase opening paragraphs of page 161.
Explain that we apply traditional Jewish text that prohibits marital abuse to dating abuse. Assign pairs of learners to the two texts on page 161 and each of the four paragraphs on page 162. Ask them to paraphrase what this text teaches us about domestic violence and provide an example.
Terms to review or point out- VLK, K’vod habryot (respect for all living things), Shalom Bayit (Domestic
Peace, also relates to dating mates)
Transition:
If abuse is prohibited, what are the signs? How would you even know if you were witnessing or involved in a an abusive relationship?
Sometimes, the line is very thin and it’s difficult to tell. You may think you’d never be a victim or you could never abuse someone else, but just as we saw with bullying, anyone can become a perpetrator or victim.
Recognizing the signs: a Fine Line (a variation of activity on page 163)
Place a line of masking tape on the floor and have learners stand on one side of the line. Call out a particular behavior ranging from acceptable to questionable to definitely abuse. Have learners think about it and decide whether this action “crosses the line” into the territory of abusive behavior and explain their choice. Read or paraphrase paragraph under activity box on page 163 to explain this activity.
Examples found on page 163 in “Healthy Or Unhealthy” activity box
Walking in their shoes-types of abuse and what it could feel like
Split the group into 4 and have each sub-group focus on 1 of the three types of abuse found on page 164 and use of technology as a tool for abuse on page 165. Ask each group to read their section and come

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, up with a dramatic role play of an abuse victim telling his her story. Encourage the learners to really try and feel the person’s pain and imagine what it could be like for him/her to endure the suffering of abuse caused by a loved one. Try and come up with an explanation of why he/she stays in that situation so learners can attempt to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships. The goal of this activity is to try and empathize or better understand the pain and victimization of abuse. Ask each group to present their scene and discuss.
Abuse is difficult to understand. We can practice empathy and attempt to put ourselves in the shoes of a perpetrator or victim, but the dynamics of abuse are far more complicated.
Read the bottom of page 165 and 167.

An emotionally intensive exercise. How did this feel?

What common questions come up with abuse?

What constitutes abuse and what constitutes someone just lashing out in bad mood? (review signs of types of abuse on page 164 and the discussion you had using the activity on page 163)

Why doesn’t the victim walk away (see page 167 to help explain this)?

What types of people are more susceptible? If you think you may be a victim of abuse, where can you go for help?

If I see it, is it my business to step in? What if my two friends are just having an argument and
I’m not really sure if it is abuse? (stopping an abuser is everyone’s responsibility…if time permits, try some of the scenarios on pages 168-169 to discuss options of what to do).

Jewish tradition forbids any form of abuse. Shalom Bayit goes beyond the home to include peace among individuals in (what should be) a loving relationship. VLK and K’vod Habryot means respect for all individuals in how we relate to them.

There are 4 main types of abuse between dating partners and signs that may not always be obvious

It is your responsibility to step in if you sense that either you or your friend is suffering abuse form a partner. Stopping an abuser is everyone’s responsibility!
Taking it home: helping a friend (page 167-169)
On your own, read some of the scenarios and the paragraphs that explain what one could do to seek help. Think really carefully about either your own relationship or what you witness between your friends. Have you seen evidence of signs of abuse among your social circle? Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? Do you have a trusted adult you can mention this to? DON’T KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. VLK means you are responsible to do something, for yourself or for a friend.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Peer Pressure
Jewish Values/Mitzvot: Yetzer Hatov and Yetzer Hara
Chapter 13
Recap:
Before you begin, explain to learners that throughout each session, one common theme keeps resurfacing as you explore the compleixities of relationships- the idea of making choices. Whether it be choosing who we hang out with, how we view our own bodies, what we post online or who we choose to date. All decisions in relationships come down to making healthy choices. Who determines your decisions?
Goals:

Learners will recognize who and what influences their decisions and recognize when the influence of others determines their choices

Learners will distinguish between yetzer hatov and yetzer hara and understand the basic human characteristic of free will.

Learners will understand how peer pressure impacts their lives and how they can exercise their
yetzer hatov to make better choices, under their own influence.
Supplies:
Small squares of colored construction paper if choosing Option A for set induction/hook
Peer Pressure – who is in control of your decisions?
Option A: Conduct the activity, "Follow the Leader," found on page 173 of the sourcebook. The purpose of this game is to illustrate how one can easily fall into the trap of peer pressure- actions are mimicked without thinking, you just follow what someone else is doing without thinking about whether it makes sense or whether you really want to.
Option A discussion/explanation: Ask what they think is the point of this exercise in terms of choosing our own actions. Explain the idea of free will- what separates us from animals is our ability to make choices and to determine between right and wrong and decide what is best for us. This exercise illustrates our tendency to follow the lead of others. Even though you may feel like you are always in control of your own decisions, and exercising the human trait of free will, peer pressure can take over your decision making and even though you know right from wrong and are able to make your own

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, healthy decisions, you are always influenced by others (in some shape of form, positively and negatively) when making decisions. Continue with Step 2 questions in lesson plan.
Option B: The second activity involves colored pieces of construction paper. Each color represents a different option one has to choose from when faced with a dilemma. Ask each USYer to pick one color that best represents them. Do not tell them what it represents. Present a scenario such as "you're invited to a party and you know there will be tons of drugs and alcohol being passed around and you're not comfortable being there. However, all your friends are going and will be talking about it on Monday at school and you don’t want to feel like a “loser” if you don’t go.
Explain to the USYers that the color they have chosen represents a decision they’ve made, based on their preferences. In this situation, the colors represent different choices or options of what to do
(different colors) and by selecting one color, they made their decision. They exercised their ability to make a choice when presented with a dilemma. In your discussion on the game, explain the idea of choice and free will: what separates you from animals is human free will- our ability to choose, to make a decision that is right for us given certain options.
Depending on what you've just chosen, you have made a decision about what to do about the party
(change colors to whichever construction paper colors you have)
Red- go to the party knowing you'll be uncomfortable and possibly put yourself in a risky or unsafe situation, but still able to be part of the conversation on Monday.
Yellow- call another friend who you know won't want to go either and make it a movie night
Green- go to the party and whatever happens, happens...you don't want to look like a "loser."
Black- stay home and hang out by yourself- you need some "me" time
Blue- you decide to go to the party but plan a "backup" option B in case it gets kind of lame.
Pink- you go to the party, confident that you know better and will make the right choices, but also have your parents "on call" in case your ride has consumed drugs or alcohol.
Option C:
This is a fun drama exercise that can demonstrate the point of others being in control of one’s own decisions. Ask for 2 volunteers. Have one place his/her hands behind his/her back with a slight space between elbows and body and ask the other to stand behind him/her and slip his/her hands through the space between the body and elbows so that it looks like the person behind is the arms of the person with hands behind back. Ask for a third volunteer to interview the person with hands behding back about what he/she did over the weekend or last summer. Person should respond but the “hands” person should move his/hands in humorous ways as the other person speaks. Example: smoothing the

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, other person’s hair down or other interesting hand gestures. This will create a laugh but make a good point about others being in control of your movements or decisions.
Discuss how this exercise illustrates peer pressure and the influence of others on our own decisions. You may think you’re in control of the decisions you make, but are you really the one deciding what you do?
Remainder of Lesson Sequence:
Step
Step 1: Opening exercise A, B or C
Step 2: Discuss the activity
Instruction
See above
Step 3: Integrate experience and discussion with questions Explain:
Even though you may feel like you are always in control of your own decisions, and exercising the human ability of free will, peer pressure can take over your decision making and even though you know right from wrong and are able to make your own healthy decisions, you are always influenced by others
(in some shape of form, positively and negatively) when making decisions.
Focus Questions
What does this game teach you about your own actions?
How much do you let others influence your actions and thoughts? Are you a leader or a follower? Do you really make your own choices or are you easily influenced by others? Think about it. Do you ever follow someone else’s actions without really thinking about it?
Additional for Option B Which decision would you choose
(realistically)? Which would most teens choose?
How do you come to a decision when faced with a dilemma? What and who influences your choices and how can you make the most rational, responsible decision, influenced by what’s right instead of by the actions of others?
Once you begin reading, from the book, pose discussion questions included.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Step 4: introduce core concept
Your ability to choose/decision making and
Free Will
Core concepts: Yetzer
Hatov/Yetzer Hara
Explain to the group that you will be looking at what it means to exercise free will from a Jewish perspective, and come to our own healthy decisions.
Begin reading on page 171 of sourcebooks beginning with
“the freedom to choose.”
Continue reading onto page
172 and as a group, perform the activity “The Who of
Decision Making.” Use the flip chart paper to record answers and have them check off their own list in their books. Finish with the section on peer pressure on page 173, including questions on top of
174. For fun, if time permits, use example from “Mean
Girls” on page 174.
Optional: One of the Torah’s best examples of peer pressure: Adam, Chavah, the snake and Gan Eden. Read or act out text on page 178 as a famous example of peer pressure and lessons of free will.
Step 5: Practice concepts-
Peer pressure, Yetzer hatov and Yetzer Hara (The “who” of decision making)
Peer pressure, Yetzer
Hatov and Yetzer Hara
Ask for 3 volunteers. One person will play the “Yetzer hara” and one will play
“Yetzer Hatov.”
Ask the rest of the learners to come up with a typical decision a teenager would
“The Who of Decision
Making.”- peer pressure-
Ask USYers to share their thoughts and experiences on peer pressure. Why do we
“follow the leader” or fall under the influence of others?
Is peer pressure always a bad thing? Can it lead to good?
What other terms do you know for Yetzer Hatov
[intuition, the little “voice” in the back of your head- your conscious].
Discussion:

Adam and Chavah- skim through discussion on page
179. Decide who is at fault in this story
(each are to blame) and the key lesson learned that God gave us the power of free will, the ability to make our our choices.
Adam and Even fell victim to peer pressure when not making their own choices.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, make and typical responses to this decision. The third volunteer will play the decision-maker. Explain that the typical responses offered are what “everyone else is doing.” Have each “yetzer” offer an option to the decision-maker and ask the rest of the group to be the
“peers who pressure” showing the influence of outsiders on the decision maker (they can taunt or heckle the decision maker to show the challenge of using yetzer hatov or hara). You may also act out the analogy of a boxing match between the two yetzerim (with the
“audience” cheering for Hara in the background) to show the struggle of peer pressure in decision making.
If time permits, repeat this process with new volunteers and a different situation.
-Ask learners to consider the last dilemma or decision they faced and to truly consider who/what influenced their decision. If they can honestly say that all of their decisions are solely up to them, they’re in good shape. If they are brave enough to admit that their friends/family influenced their choices, they need to be aware of this.
Challenge: Think about a decision you need to make that is plaguing your mind.
Write out two columns on a piece of paper as your two yetzerim. Weigh your options by attempting to balance outside influences and your

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Step 6: Discussion and reflection on peer pressure two yetzerim (alludes to next lesson on the decision making process)
Re-group following activity for discussion

Exercising your Yetzer
Hatov over hara is really challenging, especially when the
“who” of your decision making is your peer group. No one wants to be different or stand out but standing up for what is right and doing the right thing can also be rewarding.
How?

In what ways can the influence of others really get you into a situation you may not want to be in? Have you ever faced regret before, knowing you were influenced by others? What can you do about this?

You have the power to be influenced but the positive forces in your life over negative. How can you allow the positive to beat the negative?
What skills or thoughts would help your Hatov beat your
Hara?

Are there decisionmaking steps you can take when considering your options? What do you need to take into account when faced with choices and

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Step 7: Wrap up/Taking it
Home
Ask learners to consider one decision they’ve recently made that led to regret. Ask them to press their internal
“rewind” button and imagine they are faced with that last decision/dilemma that led to their regretful choice. Try this exercise at home: Write two columns on a piece of paper- one indicating their yetzer hatov- what they knew to be the right thing to do and one being the yetzer hara, outside influences and peer pressure that may have led them to the wrong decision. Ask them to really consider the “who” of this recent decision and whether they truly exercised free will or whether their decision was based on the influence of others. influence from you peers (alludes to final session on making healthy choices)

Apply what you’ve learned/discussed to a recent decision/dilemma in your life. ARE YOU
TRULY IN CONTROL
OF YOUR CHOICES?
How do you come to a decision so that you’re the one making the decision and not your peers? How can you learn to exercise your own free will and battle of yetzerim?
(alludes to next session on making healthy choices and the decision making process)
Jewish Values/Mitzvot: B’chira chofshit (not in sourcebook), Yezter Hatov, Yetzer Hara
The goal of this unit is to wrap up the entire curriculum through the theme of making healthy choices. All relationship decisions come down to exercising our ability to choose wisely with our God-given b’chira chofshit and the battle between our Yetzer Hatov and Hara. Only one session is outlined, but this can be broken down into two
Chapter 13

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Recap end of Unit 4:

We’re not always in control of our choices. Peer pressure may often lead us to access our evil inclination (yetzer hara) instead of our good inclination (yetzer hatov).

When faced with a decision or dilemma, outside influences impact our choices which may lead us to regret or trouble.

We have the ability to exercise our yetzerim and lead our yetzer hatov to victory over hara.
Goals of Concluding Session:

Peer pressure impacts our decision making abilities. However, we have God-given free will
(B’chira chofshit) that allows us to go through a decision making process and make healthy choices.

It is with this free will and yetzerim in mind that learners s will explore the process of decision making and determine how they come to their own decisions regardless or above the influence
 of their peers
Your life, your choice: Finally, USYers will wrap up the educational program with the understanding that everything they’ve explored in terms of relationships in their lives are all about choice- your response to others and the influences around you is your choice. How they mold and shape their friendships, their relationships and their communication comes down to mature decision making and the ability to exercise their right to making an appropriate choice.
*note- an excellent secular source for additional reading for adolescents and making healthy choices is
My Choice, My Life: Realizing Your Ability to Create Balance in Life, by Jay M. Greenfeld (Outskirts Press,
2009).
Source addition not found in sourcebook: Pirkei Avot 3: 15. All is foreseen, and freedom of choice is granted. The world is judged with goodness, but in accordance with the amount of one’s positive deeds.
(Jewish value/mitzvah: B’chira chofshit)
Materials:
Pieces of construction paper and markers
Step
Step 1: Hook/Set Induction:
Game of Life
Step 2: Introduce concept and
review previous learned
Instruction
In teams, challenge learners to come up with a list of at least
100 decisions we make every day (it’s possible…keep pushing them to complete the list or get as close to 100 as possible!)
Explain that although our lives are dominated by minute by
Focus Questions
What does this activity teach us about our own lives?
Fate vs. Free will- what do we leave up to the Heavens to

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
concepts.
Step 4: Applying learned concepts to a decision making technique minute decisions, there is debate between fate (what we let just happen) and free will. God gave us the power to make our own decisions when God gave us free will or B’chira chofshit (share
Pirkei Avot text). There are definitely arguments for both in
Jewish tradition, this session will focus more on B’chira chofshit
(or free will), and practicing all of our relationship decision making through a specific process so that Yetzer Hatov wins over
Yetzer Hara.
Building healthy relationships comes down to the power to make the right decisions. determine and what can we choose for ourselves? Are you a wait-and-see type of person or do you use your ability to choose more often?
How can we apply the idea of free will and making healthy choices to everything we’ve studied throughout this book?
How do you think we can apply the concepts of the yetzerim and
B’chira chofshit to making healthy choices? With these ideas in mind, how do you make a decision? (see steps to decision making in middle of page 176)
REVIEW: Ask learners to think of a dilemma they’ve faced and give examples of when yetzer harah won over hatov (such as the peer pressure/everyone’s doing it situation) and vice versa
(page 172 for review, including activity box on bottom and top of 173).
Explain that you have learned
Jewish ideas of our ability to make choices. We can understand this but still struggle to make the right ones when faced with a dilemma. We know to exercise free will, we know we have a yetzer hatov, we still however, struggle to make

Why do you think that given our ability to make choices, we still are challenged by dilemmas and decisions? When you’re feeling pressured to decide, do you have a thinking process you go through that helps?

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide, healthy choices. The DEWS
Process can help! Assign 4 volunteers as D, E, W, S and ask them to a) read what each letter stands for in the healthy decisions process b) think of a decision one has to make and give examples for coming to a decision through each step of the DEWS process.
Step 5: Ideas In Action
Decision Making and the Game of Life
Shabbat: Prepare the game squares in advance.
Give learners pieces of construction paper and markers.
Ask learners to write out 8 different life stages on pieces of paper (example: baby-toddler, elementary school years, high school, etc.). Place them on the floor around the perimeter of the room. Ask one person to play the role of human board game piece and choose a number between one and four (you can create a set of dice out of square tissue boxes before the session if you wish). Ask for another person to think of a scenario or decision one has to make in that stage of life that pertains to a relationship topic you’ve discussed using the book. (A list is included at the end of this chart for you to reference). The person acting as the board game piece must exercise his/her b’chira chofshit and make a decision what to do based on the

Which decisions do you feel are tougher than others? Which relational decisions (focusing on topics discussed in previous sessions) are most challenges?

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
Step 6: Discussion
DEWS process. Other learners in the room will be the judges and decide whether there were better options throughout the
DEWS Process. They will decide whether he/she proceeds or gets kicked off the board game for another person to be tested.
Challenge learners as they play the Game of Life and exercise both B’chira chofshit and the
DEWS decision making process, challenging their yetzarim. Argue their decisions, create debate in the discussion and challenge them to consider obstacle and roadblocks that may get in the way.
Challenges/dilemmas that relate to other themes/topics in the LYN sourcebook:
- balancing your time. Where are your priorities? How do you balance your time?
What do you choose when you’re feeling overwhelmed and over-scheduled?
- Do you walk out on a friend when a rumor is spread about him/her and risk your own reputation?
- Your mom is forcing you to buy a new dress/suit for your brother’s Bar Mitzvah. You try something on that is hot! You feel amazing in it. Your mom says it’s not “Bar Mitvzah Couture” but you really love it.
- Your best friend forwarded pictures from a convention to her friends.
Within the file were pictures of her in her underwear that she may not have realized were in there. Everyone has been forwarded them like crazy.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,
- your high school pep rally is the same day as your Bubbe’s 75 th
birthday. You are so excited to be on the basketball team but know it’ll be so disappointing to her if you’re not there… but you can’t miss the pep rally!
- your mom is absolutely driving you crazy with all her nagging to get you to do your chores. You want to give her a piece of your mind because you’re just sick of her always being on your back.
- Your parents always taught you it was really important to date only Jews. You’ve never had a boy/girl friend and you seem to hit it off with the cutie from your French class.
- You’re at a party and the boy you’re crushing on has been drinking and starts flirting with you. This is your chance! Then again, this isn’t exactly how you imagined a potential relationship starting.
- your brother steals your laptop without asking…again. This means war!
- your boyfriend sometimes calls you mean names but most often is so much fun to be with.
- Your friend gave you a lift to a party. At the party, you saw her holding a beer. Your parents will be so angry with you for not being home before curfew so you don’t want to call them for a ride.

Love Your Neighbor, Love Yourself: Building Healthy Relationships Teachers’ Guide,