Heating Up and Cooling Down:
Managing the “Temperature” of
Communication
SHARON ZYGOWICZ, PH.D.
COUNSELING & ADULT RE-ENTRY
JOHN PORVAZNIK
PUBLIC SAFETY
GATEWAY COMMUNITY COLLEGE
Overview
 Frame of Mind
 Nonverbal Communication
 Verbal Communication
 The Conflict
 The Aftermath
Frame of Mind
How Do We Get Our
“Game Face” On?
Ways to Get in the Game










Ownership – internal locus of control
SLEEP
Eat Well
Talk to Your Support System
Deep Breaths
Exercise
Meditate
Alone Time
Laugh
Relax
Types of Communication
Nonverbal
Verbal
What % of each?
How Do We Communicate
Nonverbally?
Ways to Communicate Nonverbally
 Facial Expression
 Eyes/eye contact
 Brow
 Mouth
 Body Language
 Posture
 Open vs. Closed
 Rate of Movement
What Nonverbal Messages Could “Heat Up”
Communication?
Heated Nonverbal Messages
 “I don’t care.”
 “I’m annoyed.”
 “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
 “You’re crazy.”
What Nonverbal Messages Could “Cool
Down” Communication?
Cooled Nonverbal Messages
LISTENING
 “I’m concerned.”
 “I have empathy.”
 “You make sense.”
 “I want to help you.”
What Verbal Messages Could “Heat Up”
Communication?
Heated Verbal Messages
 Tone of Voice
 Sarcastic
 Annoyed/Hostile
 Apathetic
 Loud/raised
 “You”-messages
 Should statements/blame or shame
 Debating/Arguing
 Interrupting
What Verbal Techniques Could “Cool Down”
Communication?
Cooled Verbal Techniques
 Acknowledgement/Validation
 “I can see how this would really upset you.”
 Agreeing – 2% truth
 “You’re right about ___________.”
 Reassurance
 “We can figure this out.”
 “Let’s do this…”
 Sympathizing
 “I’m sorry you’ve had such a difficult time.”
 Modeling
 Use the calm tone of voice you would like the student to use.
The Conflict
 Behaviors of the student
 Upset, Aggressive, Threatening, Creepy
 De-escalation techniques
 Speaking softly
 Remain calmer than the other person
 Understand the objective (RDC vs Citrix)
 Stay focused on the objective – don’t take it personal
 Listen and convey empathy
 Ask questions rather than making statements
 Nonpublic discussion
The Conflict
 When to call (threatened, harassed, overwhelmed)
 Who to call (co-worker, supervisor, Public Safety)
 How to call (IM, phone, hand signals)
 What to say (co-worker, Public Safety)
 Role of Public Safety
The Aftermath
How do you “regroup” after
conflict?
Ways to “Regroup”
 Deep Breathing
 Take a Walk
 Listen to Music
 Talk to Someone
 Positive Self-Talk
 Healthy Distraction
 Reporting Procedures