Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
Some Truths about Feedback
a. It doesn’t necessarily mean telling students what’s good or bad. In fact, it
doesn’t necessarily mean telling them anything. Instead of telling, try
asking.
b. Feedback is not merely cognitive in reach or merely corrective in function.
i. Feedback affects the way students understand themselves and one
another – how they perceive themselves as writers. By modeling
my own writing, I am drawing the students’ attention to the
compositional choices I have made. (I did x; the consequence was
y.)
c. Optimal feedback is responsive. It’s adjusted to what the individual writer
is likely to need. Optimally, it should be a conversation between teacher
and student.
Key Principles of Giving Effective Feedback
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Bass, B. 2013
Students will seek feedback when they are working on something
meaningful to them – give them choices at the very least. Best approach
is to commit to involving students in personally meaningful projects.
When we give a grade as part of our feedback, students routinely read
only as far as the grade. They value feedback less after the work is
completed than when it’s still in progress.
When we give a writer more control over the feedback – such as by asking
what aspect of the work he or she would like feedback on – the writer is
more likely to tune in.
Peer feedback can be helpful if designed effectively.
A focus on process empowers students.
Students’ choices affect their final products
Feedback turns the students’ attention to the writing process.
Positive feedback motivates students and gives them tools to improve.
Positive is not the same as Praise. Drawing attention to the successful
parts builds a foundation for further productive writing.
Feedback shifts how students see themselves.
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Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
Evaluating Writing
Here is a sample diagnostic essay written by a student during the first session of a
college introductory writing class. How would you respond to this student’s work?
My job for this past summer was a very interesting one indeed. I worked on an
assembly line at a fish cannery near the Washington coast. I had various jobs ranging
from fileting to packing to shredding.
Assembly line hours began at 6 AM and ended anywhere between 2:30 and 4:30
PM depending on whether or not there were any breakdowns in the system. We
recieved two breaks at 23 minutes apiece and one lunch period which lasted thirty
minutes during the course of the day. We only worked when there were fish.
There were many other college students working at the cannery. There were
over 150 of us who did this seasonal work. They were a friendly group. We used to
meet for coffee after we punched in before the first shift. Soon we would hear the call,
"fish on!" and everyone would rush to put on their assembly line gear. There were
several different positions you might end up at on the assembly line, such as the slime
line and the spoon line. I liked the spoon line better.
The company cans food and also packages them in flexible pouches. The
pouches have become the fastest growing part of the business. Other canneries in
Salem can fruit and vegetables. There used to be many more canneries but many of
them have closed.
Cannery work is hard, but it pays well and I was able to earn enough money in
the summer to keep me in spending money for school supplies and some of my tuition.
Bass, B. 2013
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Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
It was hard standing on my feet all day. I’m not sure how the older factory workers
were able to do it. Also, I didn’t have to do much thinking which was boring, but it
gave me time to do a lot of daydreaming. The job did not typically require me to
exercise my own judgment. I felt like a cog in a machine.
Bass, B. 2013
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Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
Evaluating Writing
Here is a sample diagnostic essay written by a student during the first session of a
college introductory writing class. How would you respond to this student’s work?
My job for this past summer was a very interesting one indeed. I worked on an
assembly line at a fish cannery near the Oregon coast. I had various jobs ranging from
fileting to packing to shredding. You have had a unique experience. Think
about how you might grab your reader’s attention here to show
what made this job “interesting.” Your first paragraph should also
let your reader know what your essay is going to be about. What
message do you want to send to your reader about your job?
Assembly line hours began at 6 AM and ended anywhere between 2:30 and 4:30
PM depending on whether or not there were any breakdowns in the system. We
recieved two breaks at 23 minutes apiece and one lunch period which lasted thirty
minutes during the course of the day. We only worked when there were fish. I’m not
sure you need all of the details regarding your time, but I’m quite
interested in your last sentence here. I’d like to know more about it.
There were many other college students working at the cannery. There were
over 150 of us who did this seasonal work. They were a friendly group. We used to
meet for coffee after we punched in before the first shift. Soon we would hear the call,
"fish on!" and everyone would rush to put on their assembly line gear. There were
Bass, B. 2013
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Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
several different positions you might end up at on the assembly line, such as the slime
line and the spoon line. I liked the spoon line better. I love the detail here about
the call “fish on!” as well as the names of the spots on the assembly
line. What is a slime line? A spoon line? Why did you like the spoon
line better? Think about where else you might add sensory
descriptive detail in your essay.
The company cans food and also packages them in flexible pouches. The
pouches have become the fastest growing part of the business. Other canneries in
Salem can fruit and vegetables. There used to be many more canneries but many of
them have closed. You were pretty lucky, then, in getting a job. I
wonder how you managed that. I’m not sure how the other
information in this paragraph connects to what you have already
written, though.
Cannery work is hard, but it pays well and I was able to earn enough money in
the summer to keep me in spending money for school supplies and some of my tuition.
It was hard standing on my feet all day. I’m not sure how the older factory workers
were able to do it. Also, I didn’t have to do much thinking which was boring, but it
gave me time to do a lot of daydreaming. The job did not typically require me to
exercise my own judgment. I felt like a cog in a machine. Here you are getting
somewhere. It’s as if you had to write everything down in order to
Bass, B. 2013
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Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
come up with what you want to say here. Each of your last three
sentences might be a good theme for your essay. Choose one to
develop for your next draft.
Bass, B. 2013
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Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
Praise – Question – Polish
First, point out the STRENGTHS in the writing (Praise):
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To
To
To
To
counteract fear of criticism
build confidence
keep the writing from revising all the good stuff out
show the writer what he/she already does well and should keep doing.
o
I like the point you made about the hidden costs. I hadn’t
thought of that before.
o
The best part was where you gave examples from your
experience. It was convincing
o
Your use of analogy in this part makes your meaning clear.
o
You’ve given the topic a compelling twist.
Next, ask QUESTIONS (Question):
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To
To
To
To
To
find out what the writer is trying to do
help the writer elaborate ideas
help the writer find more natural language
help the writer get the ideas flowing
help the writer see what is confusing or unclear
o What do you think your piece needs next?
o I don’t understand what you mean here. How might you make
your point clear to the reader?
o I’m not sure of the connection between these two ideas.
Finally, MAKE SPECIFIC SUGGESTIONS for improvement (Polish):
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To make the writer aware of strategies he/she might try
To help the writer see other perspectives on his/her work
To help the writer sharpen and the form of the essay
o Have you thought about how you might catch the reader’s
attention right from the start? Your essay is much more
exciting than the intro leads me to expect.
o Try reading your essay out loud to hear what it sounds
like. Think about which sentences you wouldn’t say if you
were having a conversation.
Bass, B. 2013
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Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
Creating a Dialogue for Revision: Sample Questions
1. Where might this idea make more sense?
2. What words might you eliminate here?
3. Are all of these sentences/words necessary?
4. Where might you create some paragraphs?
5. How you might help the reader follow your ideas?
6. How might you build up more gradually?
7. What transition might be more appropriate here?
8. How might you tie these ideas together?
9. I’m not sure why you included this information.
10. How might you expand upon this point?
11. What evidence can you produce for support?
12. Remember that each sentence should add new information to your essay.
Where are you repeating/restating your ideas?
13. How can you show, rather than tell what is happening?
14. How did you feel when this happened?
15. How did you react?
16. What was your reason for including this information?
17. How can you more clearly explain what you mean here?
18. Think about how to organize your ideas to illustrate how important each was to
you.
19. What might you do here to sustain your reader’s interest?
20. Is this fact or opinion?
Bass, B. 2013
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Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
Praise – Question – Polish
First, point out the STRENGTHS in the writing (Praise):




To
To
To
To
counteract fear of criticism
build confidence
keep the writing from revising all the good stuff out
show the writer what he/she already does well and should keep doing.
o
I like the point you made about the hidden costs. I hadn’t
thought of that before.
o
The best part was where you gave examples from your
experience. It was convincing
o
Your use of analogy in this part makes your meaning clear.
o
You’ve given the topic a compelling twist.
Next, ask QUESTIONS (Question):





To
To
To
To
To
find out what the writer is trying to do
help the writer elaborate ideas
help the writer find more natural language
help the writer get the ideas flowing
help the writer see what is confusing or unclear
o What do you think your piece needs next?
o I don’t understand what you mean here. How might you make
your point clear to the reader?
o I’m not sure of the connection between these two ideas.
Finally, MAKE SPECIFIC SUGGESTIONS for improvement (Polish):



To make the writer aware of strategies he/she might try
To help the writer see other perspectives on his/her work
To help the writer sharpen and the form of the essay
o Have you thought about how you might catch the reader’s
attention right from the start? Your essay is much more
exciting than the intro leads me to expect.
o Try reading your essay out loud to hear what it sounds
like. Think about which sentences you wouldn’t say if you
were having a conversation.
Bass, B. 2013
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Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
Creating a Dialogue for Revision: Sample Questions
1. Where might this idea make more sense?
2. What words might you eliminate here?
3. Are all of these sentences/words necessary?
4. Where might you create some paragraphs?
5. How you might help the reader follow your ideas?
6. How might you build up more gradually?
7. What transition might be more appropriate here?
8. How might you tie these ideas together?
9. I’m not sure why you included this information.
10. How might you expand upon this point?
11. What evidence can you produce for support?
12. Remember that each sentence should add new information to your essay.
Where are you repeating/restating your ideas?
13. How can you show, rather than tell what is happening?
14. How did you feel when this happened?
15. How did you react?
16. What was your reason for including this information?
17. How can you more clearly explain what you mean here?
18. Think about how to organize your ideas to illustrate how important each was to
you.
19. What might you do here to sustain your reader’s interest?
20. Is this fact or opinion?
Bass, B. 2013
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Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
How one student revised her introduction:
Growing up with close ties to the military has its advantages and disadvantages, such
as medical care, travel, and educational preference.
Think about how you might refocus your essay, directing it
specifically to your own experience. Also, what would you like to
focus on, the advantages or the disadvantages?
Growing up with close ties to the military, I have seen these advantages over civilian
life: free medical care, spontaneous travel, and educational preference.
Even though you are focusing on the advantages here, lots of
disadvantages have crept into your essay. Which do you think are
more interesting to read about? Can you add some more personal
examples?
Growing up with close ties to the military, I have seen the disadvantages over civilian
life, such as an unreliable medical care, spontaneous travel, and an unstable
educational system.
You don’t have to list your main ideas in your introduction. How
can you get your topic sentence across without actually stating it?
Do you remember our discussion of starting with a “small moment”?
Do you remember any anecdotes from your military childhood that
might capture the reader’s attention and clearly infer your thesis?
Naval battleships and aircraft carriers are outlined by the sunset of an Indian summer.
A man in uniform walking down the pier with a duffle bag swung over his shoulder
catches the attention of a two-year-old girl held in her mother’s arms. As she begins to
turn her gaze toward a hungry seagull, her sisters and brother dart toward the stranger
with open arms. The woman squeezes the girl affectionately to try and stop the tears
swelling in her own eyes. With children at his heels, a gentle looking man embraces
the woman, crushing the child between them. Smiles, kisses, and tearful hugs are
exchanged before the man turns to the girl with outstretched arms. She clings to her
mother with fear of the stranger. Suddenly, the child’s mind is bombarded with
confusion as her mother says, “Say hi to Daddy, Tracy.”
Wow!
Bass, B. 2013
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Responding to Student Writing: Feedback and Evaluating Writing
Question-Guided Dialogue between Student and Teacher
Dr. Bass,
Every time I write another revision it is different. I focus on so many different points of
Morrison’s life that each revision goes in another direction. However, this revision
discusses some facts about Jim before The Doors and then during his years with The
Doors. Here are my questions:
1. I’m not sure if the anecdote I included in this draft has any meaning to the body
of the paper.
I like how your anecdote draws the reader into the paper. It’s
quite effective in making me want to read on.
2. Is the paper in chronological order?
Yes, it is. Remember how in this kind of writing we might begin
with an anecdote, but then there needs to be a deeper
meaning, a message you want to get across to your reader
about the subject.
3. Does the paper discuss Morrison’s life before the Doors for you to understand?
Yes, it does. You may want to include quotes from his poetry to
demonstrate the kind of poet he was. Remember to show more
than you tell.
4. What direction should I go in now? Should I stick to this idea but develop it
fully? I like this revision best. Please add your comments and tell me what you
think. Unfortunately, I know so much about Jim that I could write a novel
instead of an essay. What are your thoughts?
I like this revision best, too. I’ve made a few suggestions within
the essay, mainly regarding doing more reflecting that
narrating, but I think you are ready for your final draft.
Good work. Your drafts demonstrate lots of thinking and
planning.
Bass, B. 2013
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