T
HE
B
ANGLE
S
ELLER-13
To Press without images.
08.06.2012
(The position of some poems are changed for which check the printed book)
(A series of Psychological Themes)
By
D. John Antony, OFM.Cap.

©
D. John Antony, O.F.M.Cap., 2012
Other Books by the Author:
1. Dynamics of Counselling (1994)
Microskill Model
TA & NLP included
2. Skills of Counselling (1995, 2003)
Microskill Model
Kinesics & Focusing included
3. Types of Counselling (1996, 2011)
Lifespan Developmental & Situational Approach
Developmental Psychology included
4. Psychotherapies in Counselling (2003)
Includes Theories of Personality
5. Self Psychology Counselling (2005)
A Textbook of Self Psychology
6. Family Counselling (2005)
The Classic Schools
7. Trauma Counselling (2005)
8. Emotions in Counselling (2005)
9. Mental Disorders Encountered in Counselling (2006)
A Textbook of Clinical Psychology Based on DSM-IV
10. Personality Profile Through Handwriting Analysis (2009)
A Textbook of Graphology
11. Principles and Practice of Counselling (2009)
Kinesics & Clinical Psychology included
12. The Body Never Lies (2011)
The Basics of Body Language (Kinesics)
13. The Flute of a Broken Reed (2012)
(A Series of Psychological Themes)
A Journey in Vulnerability
14. Mw;Wg;gLj;Jk; fiy (1996)
Ez;jpwd; khjphp
15. Mw;Wg;gLj;Jjypd; tiffs; (1997) tho;T KOikf;fhd tsh;epiy kw;Wk; #oy; mZFKiw tsh;epiyf;fhd cseytpay;
,izf;fg;gl;Ls;sJ
First Edition : June 2012
Published by :
Printed at :

Dr. Fr. A. J. Mathew, OFM.Cap., Ph.D. He is the new Servant — Minister Provincial — recently blossomed to serve the Capuchins of the Northern Tamil Nadu. He carries a heavy responsibility on his young shoulders. He ruminates on the origin and destiny of man as a philosopher and indeed a cousin to poets in essence. His encouragement made the manuscript see the light of the day as a book.
Dr. K. Soundar Rajan, Ph.D., from the hillside village of Pachalur. He uses his talents and skills in farming, teaching and proof-reading. He did the ever-vigilant editing and proof-reading of the poems with his versatile expertise.
Dr. Pearl Kittu, Ph.D., from Namakkal, a rare pearl born in the depths of the Bay of
Bengal in the Pearl City of Tuticorin. She breathes English and sings poetry in prose. She disciplined the poems in the strict jacket of the English language with the subtle nuances of literature.
Mr. S. A. Rajan from Dindigul, a multi-talented wizard who measured the poems as he fathoms people as a clinical psychologist and found images to make the poems come alive and aflame with life and designed the mantle of the book with his dexterous fingers and took care of the vagaries of the press work till this book was born in his midwifery hands.
My words touch only the fringe of the cascade of your generosity poured out on me in overabundance. May I murmur a prayer for all of you to the Lord who listens in silence and rewards you without measure!

1.
The tempest
2.
Transitus
3.
Heartless
4.
Passing through
5.
Anklets
6.
Past midnight
7.
Faceless relation
8.
Addiction
9.
Sanyasa
10.
Dawn
11.
Vedanthangal
12.
Why waste your beauty?
13.
Where is your vulnerability?
14.
Have you forgotten me?
15.
Gift at the doorstep
16.
Start with yourself
17.
Allow me to touch you once
18.
Perplexed
19.
The group photo
20.
Taking leave
21.
The stolen bangle
22.
Daydreams
23.
How will I communicate?
24.
Body language
25.
Slept in your bosom
26.
Selamat Pagi
27.
Love at first sight
28.
Noon
29.
Your smile enticed me
30.
It is grace
31.
Stone pillar witness
32.
Kissing your hand
33.
You are responsible
34.
Forgiveness
35.
In His sweet time
36.
Out of love
37.
Refused to marry
38.
Love letter on the river
39.
Stealing?
40.
With what excuse?
41.
Nothing to give you
42.
Prostitution!
43.
Happiness is now
44.
You have blue eyes
45.
In the evening
46.
Saints are more human
47.
Passion dies
– friendship lasts
48.
I shall sing unseen
49.
A little sadness

50.
Hiding
51.
Gratefulness
52.
Saying more yes
53.
The pursuer and the distancer
54.
A humble giver
55.
The long night
56.
Stealthy watch
57.
Who will console me?
58.
Faded flowers
59.
Of what?
60.
Key at the door
61.
Designs
62.
The now experience
63.
United in tears
64.
His arrival
65.
Why a poem on me?
66.
Self-pity
67.
Freedom
68.
Immobility
69.
Music
70.
Let go
71.
Silence versus betrayal
72.
Sunshine
73.
Accept it
74.
You made me vulnerable
75.
Honesty
76.
Smile
77.
Judgement
78.
Dance
79.
Non-possession
80.
To my beloved you
81.
Unconditional love
82.
Time test
83.
Your name on the cactuses
84.
Dream a dream
85.
The love-tryst
86.
Dusk
87.
The hut
88.
Listless heart
89.
At night
90.
The peace of sadness
91.
Purpose
92.
Failing strength
93.
Vague musing
94.
Giving
95.
The unknown
96.
The great refusal
97.
Not impoverished
98.
Robbers
99.
Possibility
100.
Palanquin

101.
102.
103.
Two in a blanket
Receiving
Farewell

Before we were born we were securely embedded in our mothers’ womb. It was a symbiotic attachment where everything was measured and supplied without any demand made. The amniotic fluid kept us cushioned so that even the slightest turbulence could not be felt by the foetus.
Transition
But alas, after the birth which itself could have been traumatic for the emerging infant things change dramatically. First of all he has to breathe by himself to get oxygen to his body systems.
Then there is the temperature which varies according to the climatic condition of the place. The environment with its light, pressure and all the stimuli arising from every sense impinges on him overwhelmingly. With the birth cry he makes his entry into a harsh world emerging from a secure world. Now he is an individual and not an enmeshed person with his mother though the bond has not been severed.
As an individual he makes his demands. He has to demand for nourishment, to be securely held, for assistance to eliminate waste products and to be kept warn and clean and thus his demands are many. Not always are all his demands met adequately with all the care of the parents especially the mother.
Separateness and Anxiety
His separateness as an individual produces anxiety. As he grows he has to fend for himself.
Slowly he has to take the responsibility for his own life and future which exerts a considerable effort and energy from his part. From now on he will look for ways to get united and get attached symbiotically to his mother. But he can no longer physically do that with his mother physically.
Therefore he seeks to unite with somebody who will reproduce the feeling of being attached to his mother. Thus he seeks union with others.
Union or Fusion as a Solution
This search for union can take many forms; he may like to be united with one individual or to a group of persons, or to a group as such, to a race, nation and to humanity in general. Being united to somebody relieves his feeling of aloneness or separateness.
Humans long for and seek union with others. A lot of research has been done on the type of union people tend to have or manifest in their lives. Especially the family therapists have noted with great clarity our relationships with others. Depending upon the experience of our relationship in the family of our origin we may maintain three types of relationship. They are correlated with boundaries. Boundaries are the psychological barriers we maintain with one another. In relation to others we always maintain certain boundaries. There are three types of boundaries noted in our relationship with others. They are: rigid, diffuse and clear boundaries .
Boundaries
In rigid boundaries there is no give and take; others can hardly enter into our privacy. The individual stands alone and is fortified, ultra-independent, self-focused, over-involved with oneself.
The other could be a threat or an intruder into his privacy. Any involvement from others is seen as

invasion. Here the god of individualism is highly exalted and adored, and relationship is sacrificed at the altar of individualism. “I am sufficient unto myself and I am not in need of others and nor should I go to others.” In this is contained the principle that others should not enjoy at my expense.
If you have enjoyed on account of me you need to pay me or you need to be punished. It is simply the exaltation of oneself to the detriment of other relationships. It is a philosophy of selfish hedonism. If our parents practiced the philosophy of selfish hedonism we would not have been existing now. Two persons have sacrificed their life for us but now we are reluctant to give love in any form to others; because we think that all that we have belong to us. Nobody has the right over what we possess. In fact we forget that all that we are and possess come from others.
In diffuse boundaries there is a lot of give and take; others are free to enter into my privacy. In fact I do not need so much privacy. I cannot stand alone, I am dependent and otherfocused. Your evaluation of me affects me terribly. Sacrifice comes naturally to one’s life. One’s life is defined in terms of others and society. Dependence on others is the key word that describes the relationship of the individual. I myself am nothing, but in relation with others I am somebody.
In clear boundaries there is dependence and independence. It is characterized by interdependence. I have my privacy and guard my individualism and when needed I can let you into my privacy. I have the freedom to let others enter into my life, and restrict entry to others when needed.
I also feel comfortable to enter into the privacy of others and respect others and their privacy. I have value as an individual and also as a person in relation to others.
Relationship
Corresponding to the boundaries one maintains, one entertains relationship. In rigid boundaries there can be a relationship that is cut-off or disengaged . Others are not easily permitted to enter into my privacy nor will I desire to enter into the territory of others. Others are kept at a safe distance. There could be a lot of mistrust in others. An extreme of this may lead to paranoia.
In diffuse boundaries the relationship is enmeshed.
Fusion is the word that characterizes the relationship of one with another. Entanglement in relationships and sub-systems is noticed in such relationships. You can enter my privacy readily. Perhaps I do not have any proper privacy at all.
Your life is an extended form of my life. Therefore you can enter into my life and I can enter into yours.
In clear boundaries there is healthy relationship . Here one is not entirely ruled by emotions and reason plays a role. I can maintain and at the same time loosen my boundaries and let others into my life and I can enter into the lives of others.
In the distant past history the society was ruled by diffuse boundaries with enmeshed relationship. This almost amounted to our symbiotic attachment with our mothers. Then came a swing to the opposite, that is, rigid boundaries. This characterizes relationships in a number of countries and with the mass media and communication it easily contaminates the other countries of the world. Clear boundaries with healthy relationship are the ideal and our goal.
Present Scenario
Being highly disengaged makes people more vulnerable to isolation and depression and in some cases to suicide. In certain societies people do not belong to anybody, not even to one’s spouse nor to one’s children or parents. Children may sue parents and parents may sue their children. The root cause is individualism. Every involvement of the other is seen as invasive. In a

society where people are lonely and isolated, the result is mental breakdown. It is not surprising that to the extent people have isolated themselves from one another they are prone to mental illness and suicide.
The basic thing required is union or fusion with others. In every relationship we seek the symbiotic fusion of our mother with another individual. As we may not be sure if we get that attachment we had with our mother with any other individual, we manipulate in such a way to get what we want. And thus we have different faces of love, love being the reason for fusion or union.
Now the Goal
The societies that remain closer to nature and to others maintain psychological health and those who distanced themselves from nature and others suffer isolation, depression and mental illness. They have forgotten how to touch another in a healthy manner and are in need of rehabilitation. Any physical contact is a taboo.
If we take away the concept of sacrifice in any relationship that relationship is not genuinely a human relationship. Love and sex are primarily giving. In the act of giving we have bliss and joy.
If you grudge to give, you do not love nor share sex. When one gives you his love or shares his sex, he enjoys. To say that you should not enjoy on account of me is a contradiction. It is in giving love or sex you enjoy as well as the other enjoys. We are selfish when we say that others need not enjoy on account of us or at our expense. What completes you as a person and makes you healthy is to love and thus fuse with others without being calculative. As a byproduct you will have the highest joy or pleasure which is indicative of your fusion with another.
Love and sex are not for getting something out of them but for giving. The very act of giving gives you joy, pleasure and happiness. If one intends to get the maximum out of love or sex then that person misses the mark. Love and sex become calculated. In sex when one intends orgasm, one may not attain it; on the contrary if one intends to give joy to the partner then that very act gives pleasure (orgasm). Joy, pleasure or orgasm cannot be the direct object of striving; they are byproducts. It is like friendship. Friendship is not directly intended. When doing something or being together for something, friendship blossoms.
Love and sex are primarily meant to give birth to a new person. Therefore what marks love and sex is giving joy, pleasure or life itself. Whenever love, sex, pleasure, orgasm or friendship are attempted as the direct object of our striving then what is achieved with great difficulty is the pseudo realities which are resemblance of those realities we long for. Therefore one remains incomplete and the longing to be fused remains unabated because there had never been genuine giving.
Here in the poems I have sought to highlight humans seeking union or fusion and how they are happy or unhappy or frustrated in their longing taking form or not being realized. They are simply one’s yearning for intimacy and thus you have the different faces of love. Hope the poems will strike a chord within you and resonate with your experience.
The characters in the poems do not represent any person in real life nor any religion. It is the human person in general and human situations in general and religion in general.

1. The Tempest
When you slide bangles over my forearms
I was only thinking of the pain
I might experience.
But to my surprise I feel not pain but something that I am not able to describe.
It is a feeling I never experienced in my life before.
When I asked my friends what is this feeling like that I am possessed of, they tell me that love-gods secretly enter our bodies through the hands of the bangle-seller.
If you have the love-gods with you, come and bangle me till I am fully possessed.
I am overjoyed and I stand on the limit of joy and my heart pounds like the pattering of the rain on the thick of the forest.
But I have only one request to make:
“please don’t touch my soul, let the love-gods touch only my body.”
For when you bangle me my whole body and soul are astir and aflame and I tremble like leaves in rain and I may not survive such a tempest of feelings in a small pond sheltering cozily sleeping wild ducks.
*****
Feelings are part and parcel of our existence as humans. Ignoring them or denying them we delude ourselves. Becoming aware of them and acknowledging them and owning them are the right way to live a healthy and wholesome life.

2. Transitus
(Transitus refers to the death of St. Francis of Assisi)
Praised be the Lord for calling me.
When I left the world I did not turn back in regret.
Kissing the lepers was the delight of my soul.
When I went begging my food what I received was the choicest food.
I never knew that you would give me brothers.
You made everyone and everything brother and sister to me.
Thank you Brother Sun; praised be Sister Moon.
Oh my Lady Poverty who covered my nakedness with your ragged mantle, and tattered attire, hold my hand for you cannot be separated from me.
Welcome my beloved Sister Death.
Where had you been all these days when I searched for you ardently over mountains and valleys?
Come and embrace me ever more tightly.
Let not my beloved Lady Poverty desert me at the last moment; for I am espoused to her all my life.
Let her accompany me and stand hand in hand
when I stand before the Master naked as I am after this brief sojourn on Earth.
When I shall stand before Him
I will not have anything in my hand to offer Him; for all through I was only a beggar.
I am sure the Master will not reject me naked as I am, deprived of everything standing before Him dumbfound and humbled like the dust of the Earth.
*****
If you have lived with any virtue, that virtue will stand on your behalf as you face the Master after the threshold of your departure from here to the after.

3. Heartless
I was a lonely traveller among a huge crowd of passengers waiting for the flight in Rome airport with a water bottle in hand crooning some songs I myself did not know what.
From a distance you smiled at me like the gleam of the rising moon falling on my face.
Your beaming face pleased me like blossoms that coveted the bees.
As you came towards me your smile became broader like the rising sun and your white teeth sparkled at me.
As you came very close to me you asked me where you could buy a water bottle like the one I had in my hand.
I said that I brought my water bottle from home
and I took you around to show the shop where you could buy water and I bought one for you.
You spoke in broken English and meagre Italian but you said you spoke French which I did not know.
As you spoke you forgot to blink for no apparent reason — I did not know why; as I was taken up by your smile
I forgot to breathe for a while — I did not know why.
You thanked me profusely with all smiles and left me turning back and giving a glance.
You disappeared like the moon behind the clouds.
It is already time for my flight.
As I have crossed the security check
I realized that I have lost something.
When I turned back you were still there standing and looking at me.
I shouted to you from where I was across the security check:
“Give me my heart back, you have stolen it away, for I shall return home heartless!
*****
Who knows if you return home heartless many times!

4. Passing Through
Let me pass through the street like a wind that comes from the arid desert parched for many days without the caressing touch of the cooling clouds.
I have passed through thick forests and vast desert lands of Arabia without a day of repose enchanted by the wandering clouds that I chased ceaselessly without success.
Allow me to pass through your hut.
I have no strength to disturb your thatch.
I may not want lofty places in your dwelling but only would lie down on the floor humble as the dust that covers the earth.
I may not remain there long.
For it is only a little repose by your side, because I only want to be a passing wind in your house for a while.
*****
If not making a permanent abode one would like to be a transit traveller. This is the least you expect of your beloved to grant you.

5. Anklets
For the temple festival I asked my uncle
to buy me a pair of anklets.
I would proudly walk
in the streets to reach the temple jingling
the anklets surrounded by my companions.
I was overjoyed when my uncle announced that he would take me to the market to buy the anklets.
It was late evening and the sky was overcast with imminent shower of rain.
The peacocks and peahens were screaming in the harvested paddy field behind the house.
The turkeys were gobbling about
the house clamouring for more food.
The chickens were busy picking up the tiny worms fiercely scratching the earth in the rose garden.
The little lambs are bleating for their mothers as it is getting too late for their arrival from the pastureland.
I was thrilled at the thought of getting the anklets and wearing it on the feast day.
I went to the cage of the noisy parrot and told him how happy I was.
Then I slowly put my index finger through the cage bars and stroked his head at which he gently nibbled my finger as though it were a nut.
I went to the cowshed and took the calf in my lap and the little lamb in my bosom and caressed them till they drowsed and slept in my lap.
I rushed to the rose garden and
plucked a crimson rose and planted it on my hair and
stroked the long trail of my hair flowing down to the hip and fitfully glanced at the men who passed by my house smiling.
The whole surrounding and nature is joyous because I am going to get a pair of anklets.
*****
When you feel happy for whatever reason the whole world too seems to be happy with you; you are exuberant, you croon a song and hum it all along, run about whistling and you would like to share your joy with everyone you meet. Happiness is contagious and you can spread happiness in the life of others just by being happy.

6.
Past Midnight
I waited for the moon to hide her face after amusing the children at dusk when day touches the fringe of the night.
The birds ceased to twitter; the trees shed not the dead leaves.
The quacking ducks in the pond deserted the water and are lodging in the weeds near the landing step for the night.
The frogs timidly start their orchestra of croaking from one end to the other end of the pond with limpid water.
Snakes follow the frogs sneakily with their hissing to gobble the unaware frogs.
The owls occasionally hoot and scream imagining their nest being invaded by nocturnal birds.
Except for the howling of some jackals from beyond the river where the flames of the funeral pyre are dying out, there is no sound from anywhere.
Where I stand in the dark the mosquitoes whine
and whirl round my head every now and then sitting on my exposed face.
The crickets chirp hiding near the grass roots.
The glow-worms at a distance make a display of their luminous bodies perhaps waiting to die in a short while.
The water in the pond is silent except once in a way a frog jumping inside
as an idle sport to amuse himself.
The water in the river runs unruffled but at the bend where the river turns it makes a gurgling noise loud enough amplified by the hush of the night.
At a distance I hear the echo of the roaring waves of the sea pleasantly beating the shore
as though singing a lullaby to put the fisher-folk to sleep
in their shattered sheds blown out by the gusts of wind occasionally dashing in the direction of the village.
I just silently step out of my hut that has no lock and walk tiptoe lest anyone be ruffled in his sleep.
I do not know why I walk away from my home and for what destination.
*****

At times you may not be aware of why you act in a particular mode; you may not have a very compelling reason or a conscious conviction and yet you feel impelled to act in a particular way.
7. Faceless Relation
As a bee rushed drunk with the honey of yesterday and stumbled on a beautiful flower and fell to the ground and got up
to search for honey you chanced to meet me on a carnival day.
You seduced me to intimacy and spent a few moments and parted company.
I dared not ask for your name nor for your address for fear and shame.
With endearing words you talked and left me abruptly as though we did never meet.
I thought you would ask my name and my address but you would not take note of these.
On my part I wanted to tell you my name and give you my address.
I wrote them on a slip of paper and pressed it on your palm as you parted with a bye.
As you took a few spaces you dropped the slip and did not turn back to say adieu while
I stood looking at you from behind wondering if this was your idea of intimacy.
*****
One may be greeted by chance meeting and onetime intimacy without knowing who the other is or revealing who one is. It is indeed a non-personal intimacy that amounts to nothing except a moment of closeness to relieve one’s loneliness!

8. Addiction
When it was midday with the sun scorching from above
a tired pilgrim came to my house and stood under its eaves
and asked for water to drink.
I brought water in my brass vessel
and poured it on his cupped hands.
When in the evening the air in the garden was sweet and deserted by the bees he asked me if he could enter my garden just to see the flowers.
When I said yes he entered and came out with a handful
of flowers and some already hidden in his lap.
I was startled but did not say anything.
When the sun was about to set,
there arose a screaming wind from the north and collected the scattered storm clouds.
As it began to rain ceaselessly, he asked me if he could only enter in and stand near the door in order not to wet
his only pilgrim garment he wore. Gladly I let him in.
When the day was no more my house was dark and lonesome.
I lit my lamp and sat on the mat.
He only begged if he could spend the treacherous night
in my dwelling sitting quiet in the corner.
I had no heart to turn him away and I said he could be my guest.
When he asked me if he could stretch out his tired legs and lie down on the floor, I offered him my cot
and I slept on the floor covered with the dust.
In the morning when I got ready at dawn to go to the field with a lowing cow and a bleating lamb and a little lamb in my arms, he said that he would conveniently
leave my house and pursue his pilgrimage.
When I returned in the evening after my work it was already dusk and there was no passerby on the lonely lane of the village;
I saw my door closed from inside.
When I knocked and asked the door to be opened, a voice came from inside asking me who I was.
When I said it was I and wanted to enter in,
the voice said that there was no place for me
and I could seek shelter elsewhere.
*****

An addiction starts with all humility appearing as a passing phenomenon and gradually gains ground and finally takes control of you. Then it is no more you who is in control but your addiction.
You would become a slave to whatever you started as an idle sport.
9. Sanyasa
(Sanyasa = a life of renunciation, Sanyasi = one who took up sanyasa, Saree = a garment worn by women in India, Pottu = a black or red dot placed on the forehead)
What made you to distance yourself from me all of a sudden, I know not.
You say you want to undertake sanyasa for the rest of your life.
Like the moon circling the earth my life revolved around you constantly and now I wonder whom shall I circle.
You will circle your God and what about me?
I do not want to soil your soul but my heart will not forget you though I may not disturb you.
Remember that all our past life will haunt you but I wish you peace.
Only this I want to tell you that I shall remain a widow as my heart is married to you.
For I can never think of giving my heart to any other person for it is stitched with yours.
As you give the centre of your heart to your God only give me a corner seat in your heart where I shall weep over my widowhood.
Hereafter I shall wear only the saffron saree of detachment.
There shall neither be any flower to adorn my hair nor a pottu on my forehead for from now onwards I am your sanyasi .
*****
You would have taken a course of action because of someone whom you loved. Yet you do not regret your choice and you bear every inconvenience for the sake of the person you loved. Nothing is a burden if you bear it for the sake of love. The baby is no burden to its mother. A pain that is integrated is no more a pain.

10.
Dawn
Languor is still on the morn as the early birds begin to tweeter when the fog has slowly passed the valley and
rises to the mountain slopes to meet the rays of the sun.
The mist covers the tall grasses on the edge of the pathways to the fields ripe with rice to be harvested before the birds descend
as a swarm and eat the grains.
The farmers with their ploughs and cattle
march through the marshy ground to a distant field.
The ladies carry the meal on their heads and the babies on the hips following the male folk.
Some pet lambs run bleating behind the women.
The young maidens on rising from sleep
sweep the courtyard and sprinkle clean water.
They put their flour designs at the centre of which they plant a blossomed flower of pumpkin
perched on a lump of cow dung.
A pair of sparrows run to and fro their newly built nest under the thatched roof of the cowshed while the dog being tired after the night watch sleeps flat on his side occasionally raising the head to give a snarl at the passerby.
The granny lifts the basket and lets out the hen with her chicks and drives them to the garden to fend for themselves while the chicks cheep
following the cluck of the mother hen.
When the eagle screams swiftly flying over the hut the chicks run to hide under a cover warned by the hen.
The lazy boys who rose up after much coaxing
got ready with their unbuttoned trousers and torn school bags
hung from their shoulders.
The ascetic after a blissful bath
in the river Cauvery marches to the temple with the beads of rosary in hand chanting aloud.
At the temple he falls prostrate still wet with the towel that covers his loins and mutters his mantras.
*****
When the day dawns everyone is busy with his work or duty however simple and insignificant it might be. To be healthy one needs to be occupied. Being idle and whiling away your time will make

you sad and depressed eventually. Occupational therapy will ward off depression and mental illness.
11. Vedanthangal
(Vedanthangal is a birds’ sanctuary in Tamil Nadu, India)
Like the migratory birds come once a year you visit me on your holidays.
The birds roost and raise their chicks then fly away taking their fledglings to their homeland.
The trees that sheltered the nests and the nests that nurtured day and night
the birds and their chicks remain empty for a year vowing to wait
for the birds next year.
Like those trees and nests I shall wait for your arrival next year.
But I am not sure if you would return to me for you may choose some other sanctuary next year.
Sure, I shall be waiting looking up the sky for your arrival next year.
It is only my hope that you will definitely come and if you choose not to come send me a message through the breeze that passes this way to some destination not known to itself.
I shall not give up my hope for if by chance you would lose your way and come and land on the trodden path that will lead you to my familiar dwelling like the migratory birds that lost their way and arrived on the sanctuary of the previous year,
I am still there waiting for you.
*****
Love is hopeful. It makes you believe that somehow the beloved will return to you. This hope precisely makes love what it is.

12. Why Waste Your Beauty?
(Sanyasa = Life of renunciation; Sanyasi = One who renounced the world)
From the moment I met you
I thought you are for me and I am meant for you; both of us are created for each other.
But you coolly said that you are a sanyasi which shook me to the very foundation and shattered all my dreams.
My instincts tell me that you are the incarnation of all my dreams.
I will never suit any other person and many desires within me resonate with you.
I had no convincing arguments to ask you to renounce your sanyasa .
You seemed to remain firm and turned a deaf ear to my pleading.
I am convinced that you should have your way though my heart will never permit you.
You will belong to nobody and nobody will ever enjoy your beauty.
But still I have one question to ask you in all humility if you permit me:
“Why do you waste your beauty for nobody will have enjoyed your beauty?”
*****
At times it looks ridiculous that a person dedicates his/her life for God and His service; it looks like a colossal waste of a person and his/her life potentials! Life’s purpose need not be judged by its utility. What fulfils your longing as a person is noble; for you need not live only for the expectation of others.

13. Where Is Your Vulnerability?
A monk lived an ascetic life in an exemplary manner
to the admiration all in the monastery.
People from far and wide flocked to him for advice towards the progress in their spiritual life.
All his advice and guidance were willingly accepted by the people and they made great progress in their holiness.
When at last the holy monk died he was taken up to heaven for his life of holiness
by the angels bearing him in their arms and
held him in front of the throne of God.
The whole heaven rejoiced at the arrival of a new and rare saint in heaven.
Even the cherubims who were constantly circling
the throne of God without respite took a holiday and enjoyed themselves at the arrival of the holy monk.
Then the angel of the book of life wanted
to settle his account in front of the divine presence.
He opened the great book of the arrivals into heaven
and searched for the name of the holy monk and
found innumerable acts of virtues.
Then God asked the angel to check on the weaknesses of the holy monk.
To his and to everyone’s surprise there was not a single weakness mentioned in the monk’s book of life.
Then the angel who guards the book of life
told the holy monk:
“Most Reverend, heaven is meant for people who have lived a life of vulnerability on earth.
Therefore, will you go back to the earth and live your next life with vulnerability and then when you come, you will enter heaven.”
*****
Human life is essentially a life of vulnerability. Invulnerability is defiance in attitude which prevents the grace of God to act in you and carry out His designs.

14. Have You Forgotten Me?
We had lived an intense and colourful life; that was once upon a time.
Like the plants that have knowledge of the bees that constantly visited them during the spring my heart remembers you.
You said that you need to leave me to care for your parents.
I did not want to prevent you from your noble cause.
I kept waiting for you all these years thinking that you will return after your errand.
I am already old and my hair turned grey.
My strength has failed like the flagged evening shadow.
Years have elapsed but no news from you but I keep constantly waiting for your arrival.
Will the void remember the trackless path of the breeze that blew at will?
Will the sky remember the passing of the vagrant cloud of the summer morning?
Will the autumn remember the spring
that married the meadow?
Is it like this ….. our relationship forgotten?
Looks like everything is forgotten.
Like the water that sends ripples when a duck descends on it all of a sudden my soul stirs a question in my aching heart:
“Have you forgotten me?”
*****
You may forget many a relationship but it may not be the case with others. Somebody may still be waiting for your return because a memory is a promise made covenant!

15. Gift At The Doorstep
As I came to meet you I thought
I should bring something to offer you with songs of dedication to sing my love for you and your benevolence to me.
I went to the pavement market to buy something precious I can afford.
Inquired the price of every article you would like but I found the prices beyond my poverty.
Noticing my anxiety and my desire to buy something which the vendor understood that I desperately needed he offered to give me a piece of silken cloth to take for a price all that was in my wallet.
I enfolded the silken cloth under my arm; kept it warmly not allowing the breeze to touch it lest the silkiness should disappear; and reached your palace by walk sweating all over.
On reaching your palace I was overcome by shame at the meanness of my gift.
I did not have the courage to hand it over to you personally and so
I kept the gift at your doorstep lest you should reject my gift if I offer it to you in person which I may not endure.
I went and hid myself nearby to see if you would take my gift left at your doorstep.
*****
When you want to offer to someone something as a gift, your thought may be whether the gift is worthwhile to the dignity of the other. You doubt whether it is worthy of acceptance. Until the gift is received gracefully this doubt may linger on in your mind.

16. Start With Yourself
In a fraternity a monk was notorious for his evil ways that brought disgrace on himself and the monastery.
Even when the days of visitation were announced
the renegade monk was perverse in his ways not minding the censure he might receive
from the angry provincial who was known for his strictness.
At the visitation a pious monk of the same fraternity came and pleaded with the provincial:
“Father, you should take serious action on this erring rascal
who brings disgrace to all of us.”
The provincial was trying to change the subject and divert the attention of the complainant.
But the pious monk would not be satisfied unless he had a direct answer from the provincial.
Realizing the persistence of the pious monk the provincial replied with sadness:
“In that case I must start with you for being so uncharitable towards your brother.”
*****
Charity is the queen of all virtues. When she is lost every virtue is lost and your adherence to any other virtue at the neglect of charity is in vain and of no use.

17. Allow Me To Touch You Once
Clouds come around the moon to touch her at least once.
The little lamb goes about bleating
to sit on your lap and drowse and dream
of a green pasture.
The jasmine flowers want to adorn your thick, dark and flowing hair.
The passing bees want to hum
a tune to your sorrowful ears.
I do not know if I should ask you a favour which I longed for many years like a cyclone that was gathering momentum in the Bay of Bengal.
Let me not allow this cyclone to devastate my life any more.
Therefore I have ventured to ask you this favour with timid voice and shame and trembling frame of my frail body.
Let me put it plainly
“Allow me to touch you once.”
I shall not ask for any other favour; let it not be more than once that will be enough for my entire life.
*****
At times your longing for the beloved is such that you begin to beg for intimacy in different ways.

18. Perplexed
I was pleasantly surprised when you invited me for a lunch and
I was overjoyed when you gave me a gift.
Then you told me there was your temple feast which I should attend.
You proposed that we see a film together seated in the balcony.
I was more than pleased to oblige you in whatever way you wanted me.
Then one evening you asked me to take a stroll in a lonely path late in the evening as the cool breeze caressed our faces.
As you were enthusiastically talking to me you held my hand and squeezed it perhaps to emphasize a point.
At that moment I took your hand and kissed it reverentially for all your tender kindness towards me.
All of a sudden you shook my hand, turned red in your face and with a fiery face accused me of inappropriate touch while I remained perplexed in wonderment and shame asking the question within me
“What wrong did I do to deserve your fury and untrue accusation?”
*****
It may happen that someone entices you only to trap you and when you respond positively turns against you and accuses you of mal-intention. At those moments one plays the psychological game
“Rapo”
(Eric Berne: 1910 - 1970 ) in which one entices the other and when the other is trapped turns against and punishes him. It is a game played from the role of “persecutor” to put others down. It is an instance of vulnerability.

19. The Group Photo
I never knew that it would happen like this when the photographer called us to assemble and arrange as we like in a group
I would ever stand near you.
The photographer insisted that we press together as we were too many to contain within the frame.
He asked me to stand near you to fill in the gap as I was short and small.
As I nestled for a post near you with heavy sighs and palpitating breath
I felt myself close to your bosom that beat so fast as though your heart was out over there.
I was afraid when I was pushed by the crowd to press against your breast if you would push me away with a glance.
But you remained silent and allowed me to rest on your bosom and I remained with downcast eyes — the photo was taken.
When we received the photo all remarked why I should stand with downcast eyes.
But I will never be able to tell them why I did so.
Whenever I meet you on the way again
I do not look at your face and walk with downcast eyes and faltering steps because I am filled with fear and shame as my shoulder still feels the beat of your breast.
*****
There are times when you might feel ashamed of yourself for the physical closeness you had with another and perhaps you had a liking for the person or fell in love with the person. Otherwise there may not be shyness or fear.

20. Taking Leave
As you prepared your baggage to depart you were all smiles wishing everyone.
You went to the garden
to bid goodbye to the cats and dogs.
You went to the stall and took the little lamb
in your bosom and kissed it and
caressed and stroked the ewe.
You tenderly passed your fingers on the plants you nurtured watering everyday.
You softly stepped over the lovely meadow
and spoke something secretly; and tenderly caressed the buds that opened at your touch.
You plucked a flower with a delicate touch and gave it the pride of honour by placing it on your head.
You looked into the pool at your image and grinned at it and splashed the water at the birds
sitting overhead on the tree.
When you came to wish me your eyes were downcast and moist.
As you wished me you burst into tears that flowed profusely and you left me in tears.
And I wonder why you were in tears when you came to me!
*****
There will come a time when we have to take leave of every relationship however good it had been.
That might be painful if you had really loved that person. There are relationships that we cannot easily forget.

21.
The Stolen Bangle
When I spread my bangle-wares at the makeshift market
during the village temple festival
I never imagined I would chance to meet you at my stall.
I sat soliciting clients to sell my bangles when you appeared gracefully strolling
in front of the stalls inspecting the bangles.
I only wished secretly that you step into my stall.
My intention was not to sell bangles but at least to feel your presence near me in the stall.
To my great surprise you chose to enter my stall to wear bangles on your forearms.
You chose the bangles and asked me to put them on.
I became nervous and fidgety.
With trembling hands I touched your hand and got a shock.
With water to smoothen the skin I did put on the bangles.
As I removed the old glass bangles and replaced them with new ones I secretly slipped one of your old bangles into my bangle box.
When I finished the job you offered my payment which I resolutely refused to accept.
I only said that you are the first client and so
I do not receive any payment.
You doubted not my intention and left the place.
That day I did not continue my vending but wound up my work and went home forthwith.
Joy filled my heart to the full till the nightfall.
My eyes refused to sleep and kept awake the nightlong.
At midnight I opened my bangle box,
took the stolen bangle, fondled it in my hands,
pressed it to my breast and kissed it tenderly.
I dreamt of you as a goddess of beauty benevolently blessing me with a golden bangle.
Believe me: “The stolen glass bangle is
the most precious treasure I have in my possession.”
*****
A thing in your possession according to your heart is better than many valuable things that you may have or things others may value.

22. Daydreams
I know not where the breath of my dreams will lead me on.
I have dreamt many idle dreams with languid heart and vague imageries.
Many of these vagabond dreams are cherished in my empty heart
aching with pain and sorrow.
All these dreams have always prompted me to pursue a trackless path in a forlorn forest of thick trees with howling wind and
the shirks of uncommon birds.
I rouse up from my slumber and shake the dust of my dreams.
Only the traces of the shadows of my dreams linger in my heart.
Though I do not understand them
I press them ever closer to my heart.
I count myself blessed for having sheltered my dreams that will one day blossom into reality.
Like the lotus that opens its sweet petals at the rising of the sun my heart will open and let the dreams unfold in myriad actual realities.
*****
Daydreaming is one of the best ways to realize something worthwhile in your life. You achieve what you have daydreamt about. Daydreams have the capacity to pool your energy in a focused way to your desired goals unconsciously.

23. How Will I Communicate?
I am young, I do not know how to communicate my love for you.
I have no words to express it, for my love goes beyond the words.
I struck on a plan to execute and let you know how much I love you.
As you pass by I will come from the opposite direction but will not look at you for shame.
When you read the newspaper
I shall pass that way as though
I am on an errand.
As you leave the place to another village I shall stand on the road as though grazing the cattle.
When you drive the cattle to water
I bring my pitcher to fill it to the brim.
When finally you left my village with no intention to return
I ran in front of you and shouted with streaming tears and choked voice
“I love you.”
*****
You communicate your love to someone in some indirect ways and when finally no response is forthcoming you make bold to express your love in unequivocal terms.

24. Body Language
My official work took me to your beautiful country Thai many a time.
You knew not my language nor did I know yours.
My fear was how I will communicate my needs and get them on time so that my official work may not suffer.
The first day passed by and our transactions went unhindered.
The second day brought us together still closer.
The third day we chatted longer than usual.
Later we would continue to chat
the whole evening till the sun sets.
The others used to wonder how we could talk so much without knowing any common language.
Every time I visited your place our friendship would grow with longer chats.
But when I returned home for good my problem was how to write a letter to you.
So I sent you a blank paper with my finger prints on it and you replied to me in a blank paper with your lips pressed on it with lipstick.
*****
Our communication is composed of: 57% body language, 38% paralinguistic behaviour (like pitch, loudness, speed, fluency, and punctuations like full stops, pauses, accents and emphasis) and only
7% through spoken words (Albert Mehrabian: 1939 - ) . Then why do you look for language? Is not your body enough? You will never miss the signs of someone loving you and likewise someone hating you.

25. Slept In Your Bosom
When I got up early morning you had already left the house.
There was a little note on the lonely table
in the corner telling that you left me.
I wonder why you should leave me; you knew that I will not be able to live without you.
The sun has risen in the east with red flames; by now you should have reached Karur.
Who will prepare and give me a cup of tea?
I go around the house and I search for you at the backyard but you are not there.
The sun has climbed the mid-sky;
I open your cupboard and it is empty.
Your box is taken; the gift I gave you for your birthday has not been opened.
The photo taken of us together pressing against each other lies down on the floor.
It is already evening and the sun has set silently.
The evening sank into deeper gloom.
Looks like you will not return and
I wonder what I did to deserve this desertion.
By now you would have reached Palladam.
It is already night; there is none to light the lamp and it weeps in the corner.
The birds’ nests are shrouded with silence; there is no music in the leaves and the branches droop down; there is an eerie silence around the house.
Who will put me to bed and close the door.
By now you would have reached Ooty;
I will not be able to sleep this night for I always slept in your bosom.
*****
When you are used to persons, places, and things (medicine, drugs, telephones, Internet), then without them you cannot function. To come to normal you need time and at times rehabilitation.

26. Selamat Pagi
(Selamat Pagi = Good Morning)
When I visited your fabulous place of Indonesia covered with beautiful mountains, green meadows and colourful flowers I was only content to be a mere visitor with the permission to stay for a month.
When I got up early morning you passed by me with the glitter of the morning light on your round face and a half-hidden smile that tickled me, doing your usual daily chores with the apron tied around your waist.
You greeted me warmly saying Selamat Pagi ;
I understood that you said
“Good morning.”
I replied you in English and you smiled and shook your head which meant that you knew what I said.
I was supposed to leave your place to visit different parts of your country but I forgot all these motives and stayed the whole month there at Nias where you worked.
Every day I would wait for your good morning after which I would never see you again till the next morning.
I wrote back home telling that
I stayed in the island of Nias
to learn Indonesian.
The secret of it is that the whole month I learned with all longing the only phrase from you
“Selamat Pagi.”
*****
When you fall in love, then the other activities or motives are easily forgotten except the fact of your love and the love object.

27. Love At First Sight
I had gone for the flower show in Ooty with a group of my friends.
We climbed the mountain and dale to finally arrive at the botanical garden packed with the visitors of every rank.
We made our way through the thick crowds intending to reach the platform where the flowers were arranged for prizes.
In the delirious crowd that was anonymous and huge we held our hands tight lest we lose any one of us as we marched.
When I felt that someone snatched at me from behind I looked back and behold, I saw your bright face; my eyes fell on yours.
I smiled in response to your smile without being aware of it, swallowed, forgot to blink my eyes, my lips trembled, and my voice chocked.
I shook the hands of my friends who held me tightly lest I be lost.
When I came to my senses I found myself transfixed in wonderment at facing you.
My friends have left me in their mad pursuit of the flowers.
I lost everyone who accompanied me and
I found myself following your footsteps for now I have no one except you to follow.
*****
The course of your actions or life will drastically change just because you fell in love with someone and that may become a valid and compelling reason for you for the decisions you make about your life!

28. Noon
The sun is at the mid-sky; the whole village is silent scorched by the summer heat; not a leaf stirs on the tree while the cuckoo ceased cooing from the unseen foliage as a cover.
Time stands still and the children are either sleeping inside the huts or confine themselves within the precincts
of the courtyard warmed by the granny not to move about noisily.
The cat mews and finds a comfortable place to doze
where the children are huddled together
on a tattered piece of mat.
The travellers have halted under a big banyan tree with its innumerable roots
hanging from the branches as though to kiss the ground.
Some boys hold the roots and swing
from one side to the other
as if sitting on a swing.
The cattle after a drink from the river
lie down on the river bank under the shade of the trees while some of them nibble at the dry grass on the river banks.
The shepherd boys spread their dirty towel
on the dusty ground and drowse
for a while shouting once in a way
at the cattle that stray from the fold.
*****
There is a time to work and a time to rest. When you are all the time engaged tightly you may run the risk of burnout. If you are in a high administrative post or in a helping profession you need to take a distance from your commitment and sit back and relax and have your own time.

29. Your Smile Enticed Me
Frown at me and I shall endure it willingly but your smile makes me
go without sleep for days.
Why do you smile and put me to trouble the whole day?
I was only roaming about freely like the breeze that came from the north visiting the flowers and the tender leaves
of the forest but what made you cross my way and smile at me?
My life would have been different if you had not smiled at me.
But who is responsible for this turmoil in me?
Who will be able to quench my thirst and the quest of my eyes to behold your smile again and again.
I pray, please leave me alone
and not smile at me again because that creates in me a cyclone
that no one can calm.
*****
Smile is a universal language that makes the other immediately respond to you without ever knowing. Attraction may start with a smile. Smile is a sign of happiness and it is contagious.
Electrical activity surges in the “happy zone” located in the left hemisphere of the brain when people smile or laugh. Therefore, intentionally producing smiles or laughter makes the brain activity towards spontaneous happiness. Smile or laughter releases endorphins (chemicals) which are natural painkillers and “feel good” enhancers. Happy people rarely get sick while complaining ones often seem to be ill.

30. It Is Grace
I am not in need of your tenderness nor your love, for I am strong and fortified; nothing will ever shake me and make me weak.
I shall profess that I do not need your love.
I would prefer that you leave me alone, for I am better off without you.
I would like to sit all alone and meditate on the origin and the destiny of man and feel the ecstasy of arts and sculptures and not your attention.
But the breeze however wild it is, is a grace for the cloud to go around;
a shower is a blessing of grace for the earth to soften her soil.
Likewise if someone shows a gesture of kindness and love that is indeed grace.
Let me have the humility to acknowledge every single gesture from every insignificant person because that is grace given in a hidden way by the Lord.
*****
Grace comes in many ways. Any little gesture of goodness towards you by any insignificant person is a grace given by the Lord to bless your life. It is grace that someone shows signs of kindness and love; accept it with gratefulness for you do not deserve it. To say that I do not need you is arrogance. Pride and arrogance cannot stand before the Lord and also before men.

31. Stone Pillar Witness
When you promised to love me
I did not know where to register it.
I opened my heart and let the words
hide within but my languid heart
let them out and my memory was fugitive with its vagrant waywardness.
I looked for someone to call to witness to what you told me in secret; but there was no one nearby.
As I looked around I found the stone pillar as a demarcation in the field.
I took you to the pillar and embracing it held your hands and made you
pronounce your vow of love to me.
You left me and returned not.
I went to the stone pillar and sat at the foot and wept.
Who is there to bear witness to your promise of love?
I can only call the mute witness of stone.
Like the strength of the stone pillar will remain my steadfastness, but what about your promise?
*****
Covenants are to be honoured by both parties and when one of them disrespects it, it is a betrayal and let-down.

32. Kissing Your Hand
It is evening.
The travellers have halted for the night.
The farmers have come home with their ploughs.
The moon light struggles through the branches of the banyan tree to lick the dust of the ground.
I just keep musing seated on the courtyard where the glow-worms flash their dim light.
With the murmuring sound of the stream at the back and the jingling anklets of the dancing girl at a distance memories of you come flooding my mind.
My desire is great to possess you fully but I dared not ask for anything of that sort.
I wanted to tell you with stammering voice but I was restrained by shyness.
You will not rebuff me, I am sure if I really tell you my desire.
It is not much; only a small desire that keeps gnawing at me all day and night.
Let me express my desire with timid voice and trembling lips to allow me only to kiss your hand and that will be enough for a lifetime.
*****
At an intense moment of desire even a small contact with the beloved is a great blessing.

33. You Are Responsible!
I do not know what is happening
in me as never before.
I am not myself;
I wish I had not met you, not even seen you.
It is taking a heavy toll on me.
I have not slept for days; you haunt me.
I feel drawn like a bee to the nectar flower, irresistible like the wind that blows without a will.
Leave me alone for I am done for.
I would like to be at peace but peace has left my life forever.
The joy of living has departed altogether.
I shall never be again my former self.
All these are due to you;
on account of you I am miserable; you are accountable for what
I am at present — a miserable creature.
*****
Attraction has its own logic! One attributes his state of misery for the love he has for the other, as though the other is responsible; he is convinced of it and suffers.

34. Forgiveness
I thought that I am shattered and I can never pick up my life again.
You have harmed and ruined my life.
You continued to insult me and put me to shame before all.
All these I endured and I was afraid that you will relentlessly assail me.
You never came and asked for forgiveness, but you go about casting a pitiful
glance every now and then.
Now you stand at my door and long for my glance of forgiveness.
I have no heart to forgive you for every memory comes to me like quicksand swallowing me.
I cannot forget the grievances but I can let go and forgive you for I love you.
.
*****
Forgiveness born of love will survive, otherwise it is fragile and maybe revengeful in the sense of feeling more powerful than your enemy. When you forgive your enemy, you are not doing any favour to your enemy but a favour to yourself otherwise, resentment will eat you up.

35. In His Sweet Time
I had longed to learn and become famous with knowledge but you gave me only primary education.
I so much longed to roam about the world
but you confined me to a little forlorn hamlet.
I longed to be associated with high ranking-officials but you made me sleep on the street with the vagabonds.
I wanted to be rich and glorious but you blessed me with penury.
Then came a military recruitment to my village that took me to foreign lands and conferred on me degrees for my bravery and valour and pressed my palms with plenty.
And now I got everything at one stroke.
*****
Everything in your life happens in time, nothing is in a hurry, — never before or after. In your life everything will fall in place in His sweet time.

36. Out Of Love
You would want me to talk to you and take you to a restaurant; walk a lonely path hand in hand and write to you endearing letters.
I am grateful to you for what you are and for all done for me with great dedication.
But somehow I did not share the same feelings with you.
You noticed my reluctance, felt hurt and was wounded gravely.
You attempted many times to draw me but something held me back.
Then I saw a change in your relation.
Your attitude turned into anger and bitterness and started calumniating me.
Yes, your calumnies cost me dearly; ruined my name and made me faceless.
It looked impossible to forgive you but somehow I consoled myself saying:
“You did it all not out of hatred but love.”
*****
One of the reasons why you need to forgive those who loved you but became angry when not reciprocated and harmed you even most grievously is that the person did it because he loved you.
There are times when we are harmed more not by hatred but by love, maybe a distorted love.

37. Refused To Marry
Chaste water of the stream giggling and hopping from rock to rock, caressing the cattle and quenching their thirst, touching the meadows at the fringe of her skirt runs to the ocean only intent on meeting with him and give herself up without struggle and get married to him in ecstasy.
On the way many travellers cooling their hands beg to be caressed by the chaste water of the stream.
But she refused to pay heed to any of them for she was intent on only meeting with the sea who waits for her.
On the way she carried the dead leaves of the forest, played with the paper boats of the children and bowed in reverence to the floating lamps of the maidens.
She cast a glance on the clamouring branches of the trees
that bend low to touch her if they could on her flight to the sea.
The sea eagerly welcomes her on reaching him.
As a virgin is married to a mature adult he embraces her to his heart’s content and
celebrates the chastity of the stream.
From now onwards they will remain
as spouses eternally married.
*****
Erotic love is not to several persons but to a particular individual at a time in most cases.

38. Love Letter On The River
As you bathe alone on the lonely river
I am stirred to meet you but am afraid that you would disdain my approach and so
I keep myself away.
If I shout and call your attention you will be disturbed and might become indignant at my crudeness.
Then, I thought, I shall write a love letter and post it on the flowing water that surely will reach you as you bathe in merriment.
So I wrote a letter pouring all my love,
packed it with my feelings of longing and shame, and pasted it with pain.
I wondered how you will take the verses I have written exalting your beauty and expressing my dream.
With my hands still trembling I dropped the letter laden with pain, sorrow, and love.
I floated it on the foam of the water and kept a secret watch on the course of the post passing through many hurdles.
I followed the letter walking on the bank and hid myself near where you bathed.
You finally spotted my letter, took it hesitantly, opened it with fear, read it with delight and looked around to see the author while
I stood behind a tree with tears flowing down my cheeks out of sheer joy for my love letter reached the addressee.
*****
When you are possessed of love, you become ingenious to find out ways to approach and communicate your love to the beloved.

39. Stealing?
I was travelling in the general compartment
of a train from Chennai to Mumbai.
There were many passengers who were strangers but we made friends on the way.
Towards evening I went near the entrance to feel the breeze mightily caressing my face.
A vendor came in with her basket full of guava fruits and leaving the basket at the entrance
she entered the compartment
to sell the fruits held in her hand.
There was already a young man squatting on the floor of the entrance where the fruit basket stood still.
Often he looked at me and the vendor and all of a sudden took two guava fruits and hid them in his clothes when the vendor went inside.
At this I was indignant for his stealing and I looked at him sternly; but he remained calm and looked down with shame.
At the next station he got up to descend and then I realized that he had no legs below the knees.
I saw him crawling on the platform with the guava fruits still hidden in his clothes.
At a distance he looked back and met my eyes.
My face fell, I felt guilty, retired to my seat and sat pensively.
The vendor continued her selling and
asked me if I wanted to buy fruits; but I could hardly hear her words for I was filled with remorse and compassion.
*****
From your thought flows your feeling and from your feeling flows your behaviour. When your thoughts are negative, your feelings and behaviour are negative. If your thoughts are positive then your feelings and behaviour are positive. Change your thinking and your behaviour changes.
(Albert Ellis: 1913 – 2007)

40. With What Excuse?
A heap of clouds thinking
that your face is the moon keeps coming around to envelope and elope with you.
There is a swarm of bees that has come competing to sit on your face thinking that it is a sunflower fully blossomed.
There is a virgin stream that flows winding around your palace
intending to wash your feet to feel sanctified by the touch of you.
A holy ascetic asks for food
to be given by your dainty hands.
He longs to touch your hand secretly in thanksgiving as though by chance.
I wish I were a cloud or a bee
that can come close to you but I do not have any such an excuse.
I wonder:
“With what excuse can I come close to you!”
*****
Your approaches to the beloved may not be always direct in the beginning. It is with a lot of excuses.

41. Nothing To Give You
When you came to my humble hut
I was overjoyed to welcome you with open arms.
I spread a tattered mat and sprinkled water on the courtyard as a sign of honoured welcome.
In my house all provisions had run out,
I am on fast this day so I do not have anything.
But the joy of seeing you overfills my heart to breaking point beyond my imagination.
There is a deep sorrow within me even as I am pleased with your presence.
What would I offer you from my house to make you feel at home?
I have no money, nor possessions to pawn and that puts me in deep sorrow.
And when you leave my house without having had anything from me
I would not be able to endure the shame.
*****
Abject poverty is degrading, it deprives the people of the joy of giving. There is more joy in giving than in receiving; you feel potent in giving.

42. Prostitution?
I commute to my work in train every day.
Constantly I used to meet a middle aged lady asking for alms.
Then one day I saw her bargaining with men for money in exchange for intimacy.
This almost became a usual sight
in my routine train journey.
One day I found the lady surrounded by four emaciated and fragile kids who were clinging to her demanding food.
She was trying to console them,
meanwhile looking for clients.
Then there came a client of middle age who offered to give her something.
They both disappeared, then they appeared again after half an hour.
The man had left her but she continued to solicit clients and thus she went ahead and earned her meagre living.
I would see this scene again and again and ask within myself “Was she prostituting?”
*****
Put yourself in her shoes, and what do you think you will do? Who will feed her children and by what means?

43. Happiness Is Now
I chase my shadow to stamp it with my foot but it keeps running as fast as my legs could carry me.
Like the forest wind that struggles
through the branches to escape the tangle and reach the peace-laden plains I struggle to be able to reach my freedom.
The flowers overabundant scattered carelessly on the meadows, halt my feet to pause for a moment and salute their colours.
With my covetous eyes
I intend to come back one day to enjoy the coolness of the stream and the softness of the dust wet with the early morning dew.
The wayside trees revel with
the burst of young shoots.
The aimless clouds stand still overhead casting a long shadow that flutters on the water.
Young streams streaking from the cracks of the rocks joyously run turning the broken rocks into shining pebbles.
I am still on my marathon race
tired as I am by my vain pursuit to attain my happiness one day in the future while bypassing the happiness that greets me on my way along my running course.
*****
We need not wait for the future to enjoy; and when it comes you may be looking for something still in the distant future. Enjoy the happiness of every moment as it falls on your way unasked for. Happiness is now and not in the future. The happiness you look for in future will never come, for happiness is only now — here ….. now.

44. You Have Blue Eyes
It pleases me to look into your eyes.
I wait for any chance to be close and look into your eyes.
I am afraid my gaze would become aggressive and piercing that is why I avert my gaze often from you but my longing is to rest my eyes on yours.
Allow my eyes once to fall on yours.
I promise, I shall not make my dwelling there, only I want to visit like a passing bee and retire with the contentment of having passed by.
When you look through the corner of your eyes my eyes thrill and jump for joy.
For that is an indication that
I found favour in your sight.
You may wonder why I long to gaze into your eyes.
I have no valid reason but only want to tell you that you have blue eyes.
*****
You may find yourself giving excuses to tell someone that you love. You give flimsy reasons which are not true. The real reason is that you love that person!

45.
In The Evening
The sun is hurrying up to take leave
after a day’s tiresome work.
The moon is about to begin her peaceful walk towards the peaks
of the mountain ranges of the west.
The buzzing bees have hidden in their hives around the queen to narrate the valour of their busy day.
The flowers are closing their petals and
seal them tight not to open to any vagrant moth at night
for they are afraid that
the moths might plunder their honey.
Those men who went in the morning
to cut wood in the forest have come home
with their tired and exhausted limbs.
There may not be much in their huts to eat in order to replenish their strength for the work in the morn.
Children are happy to play hide and seek in the moon light and mothers are beckoning to them to eat their meal before it is too late.
But the children prolong their play as though
the moon would not appear the next day.
The old people remind that the fowls
be shut in their cage.
The grandma while eating nurtures the child with a handful of rice and throws at random some curried rice to the dog that steadily looks at her hand.
Now it is an invitation for all to sleep but the old people may not have a wink of sleep
but will lie down murmuring in their cots all awake till the morning.
*****
The evening of our life is a time for us to grow gracefully. The developmental task or the core crisis of the elderly is “integrity versus despair”
(Erik H. Erikson: 1902 - 1994) . If one has lived a productive and worthwhile life and coped with his success, failures and regrets, one has achieved ego integrity, otherwise one feels despair, hopelessness, guilt, resentment and self-disgust.

46. Saints Are More Human
There was a famous monastery in the centre of a city where dwelt many ascetic holy monks who were remarkable for every virtue you can think of.
One of the renowned monks known for his excellent preaching and extraordinary holiness all through the land had a passion for papaya fruits.
Casually a novice noticed the holy monk enjoying a papaya fruit in hiding and he was greatly scandalized.
The disturbed novice went to his Master
and made known the scandal he witnessed with utmost disturbance.
He said that a holy man should never do such a dishonest thing.
And the Master remained silent all the while.
The silence of the Master made the novice all the more disturbed.
The Master noticing what was happening to the novice said with a smile:
“My son, it only shows that saints are more human than we are.”
*****
What makes saints what they are is their humanness — perhaps they are more human than we are.
Humanness includes weakness and vulnerability. When you pretend to be not human you shut the door to receive the grace of God to holiness.

47. Passion Dies – Friendship Lasts
My youth was eager for merriment and intimacy; the more I enjoyed the more I wanted.
Seems like, it is the nature of youth to lavish the energy like the rain water that runs in rills with a song on the lips
passing over silent shadows of the trees standing in a row.
I hoped without the slightest doubt
our ardent love will last like the waves that rush ceaselessly to whisper to the shores their secrets bringing from the depth of the fathomless ocean.
I dreamt that like the spring flowers on the fringe of the forest my love will be abundant.
Like the up-shooting springs tirelessly bubbling with the warmth of life-giving water my love for you will eternally spring up to sprinkle you with the perfumes of my youth.
But alas, the days have run out and plunged in the deep blue ocean immersed with the ever-growing gloom of the dark night.
The lights of the distant stars
paled on my face making me wonder if there will be
spring again to awaken my drooping frail body.
I see you now more beautiful than when I was young.
Passion blinded my eyes then and
I felt only your form and figure.
But now I see clearly like the limpid water of the running stream the beauty of your soul resting on mine.
*****
The passion of your youth will die one day and you may not feel strong by your love for your beloved and it is then if you have cultivated friendship that will begin its journey and make you ever-loving and never-ending. Your passion will die one day but your friendship will last from your childhood to your old age. What binds together an old couple is their friendship not their passion.

48. I Shall Sing Unseen
The birds burst out of the branches of the trees with shouts and clamour for the mere joy of singing to unknown cowherds grazing on the mountain slopes and lowing loud for the shepherd girl.
The girls of the hamlet behind the bend of the winding road emerge from the pond with their skirts still dripping water all along with their earthen pots gurgling.
The pots lurch when the girls pull their veils over their gleaming faces seeing the shepherd boys encountering them coming like the dawn from the opposite direction.
The peacocks make a mere display of their enticing colours of the outstretched feathers on the back making a boastful proclamation of their manliness.
They invite the timid peahens that pretend to be unaware of the lures of the ostentatious invitation of the peacocks.
For shame and fear I shall not show my face but shall remain in the thicket of leafy branches of the lofty trees vainly hoping to touch the sky.
I shall sing from the hiding and my singing will make rippling waves on the air that rush to no destination except to be heard by the travellers passing by the tree near the hedge.
*****
Your role may be to play second fiddle in the background. However, except you nobody can play your secondary role. In that way you are unique. Therefore your job is sweet like the song of the cuckoo that sings unseen.

49. A Little Sadness
After bathing in the river I return home with my dust-laden feet.
When I shall have swept my room clean
I shall let the dust of the street stirred by the hoofs of the driven cattle to settle in the corners.
After beautifying the face
I shall put a black spot on the cheek of the baby to disfigure the art I accomplished on the face.
After the day is done the entreating dusk comes to cover with her dark mantle the naked blue sky.
After the march in the swamp of the harvested field the ducks leave their fallen feathers scattered like white spots on the blackboard.
When the choices for happiness are abundant and within my eager grasp,
I would love to cling to a little sadness.
For without it I will not know what I shall do and how can I be happy?
*****
We may like to cling to something negative in our lives even though we know that that is something disagreeable but we love it in secret and will fight to defend it to stay on in our lives.

50. Hiding
I find myself pushed to the edge.
I do not know what is happening to me.
It is not my nature to retire and hide but I keep doing it for no apparent reason.
Of late nothing has happened except I felt drawn to you for no reason.
I question myself what is it that draws me to you.
Sure, there is nothing that I can really count as the reason to be drawn to you like iron to the magnet.
It is overwhelming and
I am afraid that I might break down
if I continue to follow you.
There is a conflict in me to decide between being drawn and withdrawn.
I do withdraw and hide myself from you which I cannot avoid doing meanwhile secretly longing to be close
and intimate with you.
This is the conflict I face when I am with you.
*****
Love may be experienced in the beginning stage as something strongly pulling you to the beloved without any apparent reason and at the same time being impelled to withdraw which you cannot avoid doing. But you always long to be close to your beloved. It is a conflict of giving and withholding. Your love pulls you towards the beloved but your shyness and inhibition keep you hiding. Your hiding is usually half-hidden and half-open.

51. Gratefulness
I am blessed after a prolonged journey when I return home my children surround me like bees around a flower;
on a summer April evening
when the flagged south wind comes soothing my face with its tender caresses; and at dawn when I shoulder my plough and go to the dew-washed field waiting to be furrowed.
I am blessed when after a brief illness
I find my strength regained; as the dawn blossoms if I find the sun rising in the east with his golden beams emerging over the ocean; and when the sheaths ripen silently and droop their heads in humility to be sheared.
I am blessed after a day’s work when I return to find my solace at the shoulder of my beloved and am replenished for the morrow.
If I keep counting all these blessings
and make myself grateful to the Lord
and to every human person
I meet during the day then it is the true way to happiness.
*****
Grateful people are happy people. There is a correlation between the way you are grateful in general and the general feeling of happiness. It does not take anything to be grateful and thus to be happy!

52. Saying More Yes
The spring does not say no
but yields abundantly more than it should.
The stream keeps giggling all along with noisy laughter and random bursts of splash.
The pattering rain falls down heavily on the vegetation to bathe it in coolness and glides running down.
Flowers welcome the bees and nourish them till they are drunk and fall down unable to fly home.
The shadow of the banyan tree embraces the travellers, the shepherd boys and their cattle herds from morning till evening.
Ants carry burdens heavier than their slender bodies.
Migratory birds unmindful
of the hurdles on the way with capricious terrain and unsteady climate are intent on reaching their destination.
The whole nature is generous and
not limited to say no.
And that is why it is happy as ever.
*****
Saying no to every little request will shut the door to future possibilities; “yes” opens wide the endless possibilities of life. Just keep saying yes to legitimate requests and see how your unconscious and those of others respond to you. Our unconscious responds instinctively to yes than to no. When you have not said a blunt no, then you can renegotiate and create new possibilities.
Saying more of yes is a true way to happiness. People who say more yes than no are happier.
Saying yes is as assertive as saying no.

53. The Pursuer And The Distancer
The north wind screeching through the forest rushes to the blossoms on the fringe of the forest trees bending low with the bunches of flowers.
Being intimidated by the aggression of the wind, the flowers close their petals and pretend to be sleeping out of weariness waving their heads the whole morning.
The vagabond clouds chase the sun desiring to wrap him up in their mantle and make him a love-prisoner.
But the sun hides himself behind the mountain ranges of the west.
The fish in the pond wait for the girls to fetch water in their pitchers to cling to their legs at which the girls stand on the landing steps and scoop water in their empty pitchers.
The wild ducks shout in joy for mere nothing and thus scare the sparrows on the branches overshadowing the edge of the pond.
But when the wind stood still, the flowers blossomed in great array of beauty.
When the clouds stood motionless the sun gently peeped through the fog and emerged from the mountains.
When the fish in the pond became unmindful of the girls, the girls ventured to enter into the pond knee deep.
When the ducks stopped shouting at top voice, the small sparrows lingered on the branches nearby and sang their sweet chirps to the taste of the ducks.
*****
There is a phenomenon called “The Pursuer and The Distancer” in love relationship that is, when you chase a person, that person may be frightened and runs away from you; but if you stand still then the other will stop running and will wait and perhaps return to you if he loves you.

54. A Humble Giver
I am poor and penniless and in great want.
You knew it well when you were close to me all those years.
Whenever you gave me something I would receive with a grateful heart for the sheer joy of having received something precious from your generous hand.
There were times when I thought that I should give something to you to appreciate your benevolence to me.
But I had neither the means nor the courage and so
I remained silent and did not force myself.
When the time came for us to depart from each other perhaps for ever without ever seeing thereafter you extended your hand thrusting in my pocket a hundred-rupee-note fresh from the bank.
As I took the gift in my hand you said:
“This is for your friendship” which put me to shame as tears flowed down from my bent down face.
I know friendship can never be bought.
I loved you just because I chose to love you
and the friendship in itself is the reward.
*****
The art of giving gifts is as though you are begging a blessing from the receiver. Giving gifts should never put the receiver to shame but to feel honoured and thus you are honoured. The receiver has given you the joy of being potent and therefore you need to be humble as a giver.

55. The Long Night
The night is far-spent with the stars all gone to sleep behind the clouds and the wind is still and cool.
The dewdrops softly settle down on the blades of grass
and drip down to moisten the soil.
Only my anklets startle the sleeping leaves of the branches that hang low in slumber.
A damp smell hovers over the meadow.
Silence shouts aloud as the murmur of the breeze and beckons to the faraway dawn to come in unhurried steps.
I walk in the lonely street where the huts on either side stand still shrouded with deepening gloom.
It is only my anklets that make noise that I cannot quiet.
I held my heart in hand lest its pounding make ripples in the languid air and awaken the dawn before I reach the temple to touch your feet.
Bid the dawn not to wake up and linger a while longer on his sleep.
Meanwhile I shall enter your temple gentle as silence of the bird’s nest.
I shall place the flower I brought pressing it to my bosom to offer you before the first ray of the dawn strikes at your sanctuary.
*****
You would want the time you spend with your beloved or the thing in which you are absorbed to be prolonged. The whole night is not long enough. Would that the night were long!

56. Stealthy Watch
When you came to fill your pitcher from the pond you lifted your veil once and fitfully glanced at me
—
I know not why.
I did not speak, only the cuckoo hidden in the thicket sang some wearied notes in flagged spirit.
The music ruffled my ears and your glance startled my face to reddening sweetness.
The water where you stood clings round your glistening anklets.
The ripples that stream from one end of the pond to the other rose up and struggled to kiss the hem of your skirt and silently fell to die out over the mist-wrapped water surface.
I only keep wondering why you linger at the landing step of the pond with the gurgling pitcher in the crook of your arm.
When I hid myself near the hedge you brushed aside your veil and looked around and I did not know whom you were looking for.
Hereafter unseen by you I shall be content
to watch you fetch water.
I envy the pond water that clings to your anklets and feet like the dark night that clings
to the hurrying dawn.
I shall only hide myself and behold you fetch water.
*****
You may hide and watch the one you love. There is sweetness to behold in hiding.

57. Who Will Console Me?
I offered myself to everyone in need of consolation.
Every traveller passing by will sit at my feet and be consoled to continue his journey further.
The pilgrims exhausted with over-penance and strict fasting will be healed by my touch.
The mothers used to place their babies near me to baby-sit while they carry on their chores.
The village heads come to me at night
to consult me on matters important to their tribes.
The warriors returning from the battlefield would be welcomed with my embrace.
The girls getting married from the village will fall down at my feet to be blessed.
I made no fuss about being
in the service of others.
But there are many moments
when I am broken and am vulnerable
like a wounded wild beast of strength.
At those moments I wonder to whom shall I go and
I bemoan within myself saying:
“Who will console me?”
*****
If you are a helping professional and even otherwise, take care of your own needs. If you neglect your own needs, you may end up a burnout. Taking an appropriate distance from your profession and meeting your legitimate needs are important to carry on your noble helping profession.

58. Faded Flowers
I stand at the place where the dark night forgot herself and is chased by the blossoming light of the dawn.
The air is scented with the perfume of the prodigal buds opening their petals with the glee of the riotous birds
raising their full-throat singing for no apparent reason.
There is a faint smell of the dew drops mingled with the wrapping fog that screens the mountain peaks and slowly opens the face of the sky as the sun makes a timid peep between two high hills.
I see a line of young girls with their flowing skirts stirring the dust of the street going to the temple with their hands full of Semparuthi flowers.
The flowers jump out of their hands for the mere joy of going to be placed at the feet of the deity in the temple dimly lit by the fireflies straying there brought
by the storm of the yester night.
I only stand at a distance in silence with tears welling up from my eyes that had not winked the whole night by mere waiting.
I wonder when I can enter the temple
to watch the offering of the flowers by the girls — hiding behind a distant pillar of the temple for shame
if not be able to place at your feet my faded flowers gathered last evening when the day drooped into a dreary dusk.
*****
Your offering is from your potentials, may not be in abundance and in exuberance. Your offering is acceptable to the Lord even if it appears worthless.

59. Of What?
I do not know why my legs keep lingering the languid hours near at the edge of your fence.
The bees came to tell me that
the bushes in your field are aflame with their heavy bunches of flowers blossomed for nothing and competing with one another for death.
The birds sing their plaintive notes overhead
in a pungai tree chirping and hopping from branch to branch.
They chase their mates that crave for more attention and pretending to be indifferent to the affection already showered upon them.
I send my messages to the vaulted heaven designed with the tattered clouds and
painted with a distant overbearing rainbow after a blissful downpour of the October shower.
My heart aches for some unknown destiny, what that is I am hardly aware of.
There is only a vague longing that stirs my heart to breaking point.
And yet I do not know what.
*****
Often you are not able to articulate precisely what your heart is yearning for so intensely.

60. Key At The Door
I tried many ways to woo you but failed in every attempt.
Having exhausted every means
I would like to let you know I just wait for you
even if you do not enter my dwelling.
I know that you would surely pass by me and so I keep vigil looking for the sound of your footsteps.
I am not sure but yet there is some hope that you would pass that way by chance.
In case you decide to enter my home you should know that I really wait for you.
If I shall keep the door open
the howling wind will enter unbidden and destroy the preparation I made for you.
Therefore I shall leave the door closed with the key at the door hanging outside signaling that I wait for you.
*****
In varied ways you may communicate your readiness to welcome your beloved.

61. Designs
When you held my hands
I never knew where it would lead to.
As an artist you drew beautiful designs on my palms.
My palms were pleased to be the canvas on which you could express your amateur artistic talents.
Then you breathed gently and made the designs permanent.
To all these I never resisted but only with sighs and murmurs let you have your way and
I practised a pleasant patience.
I only wondered when your art work will get over even though I made some
sweet useless struggles to liberate myself.
It looked like an endless practice of an ancient art fortunately on my palms which made my heart
break its limit of joy out of secret pride and a vain, vague and pretended protest.
Only there was the wishing in my heart sighing by.
The hour waited and the clamouring birds fell silent on their hidden perch out of reverence for the sacred ceremony.
When you said you are giving a final touch to your masterpiece by signing your name on your artwork
I kept mum and muttered a mantra for the memory of the masterpiece.
Thus saying you kissed your masterpiece and got the paint on your lips as a reward.
*****
The Lord’s designs for you are marvelous and unparalleled in each case. No intelligence with the utmost care and concern can create beautiful designs of your life as the Lord has done in your case.
*****
The Lord has become vulnerable by loving you. Whenever you love someone you become vulnerable. When you love someone, you get involved and get muddied just like the paint on the lips by kissing!

62. The Now Experience
When the languid sun rose lazily in the east, the hedge near where I stood with slumber still on my eyes cast long shadow on the meadow where the grasshoppers hopped in a swarm as the birds in a fitful descent stirred the grasses.
I only looked at the reddening sky far beyond the palm trees standing in a row swayed by
the sweet smelling breeze of the dew-washed morn.
The fringe of my skirt and the mantle that flowed down uselessly on the meadow carried the smell of the wet grass that was recently grazed by the village cattle leaving their muddy prints on the young green meadow covering the vast slope of the mountain.
A rainbow across the rice field
heralds the onset of spring with a riot of flowers carelessly strewn at random without a purpose.
The hum of the spring-laden breeze touches the edge of my memory to aching point and takes wings with the breath of the fog.
I only long for the early morning to linger like the eyes of lovers, and the hour to wait like a maid on her mistress, and the birds to sing like the breeze rustling through the leaves of the forest trees,
and the bees to fly humming like a boy crooning a song on an errand
before it is noon and the dawn wearies into midday
and the sun climbs the mid sky with its scorching beams.
*****
You may long for pleasant experiences to prolong and you continue to be immersed in that blessing the livelong day! Being fully aware of the present moment and living it is the recommendation of the ancient time-tested religions for a healthy spiritual life and happiness.

63. United In Tears
When I met you last you were in deep sorrow of what I did not know nor did you tell me.
I was trying to console you but
I did not know how to.
Seeing you inconsolable and unable to stop the flow of tears,
I took my kerchief and wiped your tears gently.
I could not see you weep so sorrowfully.
As I did wipe your cheeks
my eyes were welling up with tears like a spring.
After wiping your tears
I wiped mine with the same kerchief.
Then I took the kerchief precious and sacred as it was for me with the mixed tears of yours and mine.
I preserved it in my bosom and the memory of it in my heart.
For nothing I can think of you and me
being united more than in tears preserved in the kerchief.
*****
Love tends to some form of union at least in some smaller ways than if not in a full blown manner.
*****
We remember people who stood by us and consoled us in our sorrow and poverty than those who enjoyed with us in our joy and prosperity.

64. His Arrival
Before the hurrying sun plunges into the fathomless sea it tints the sky with the reddening colour of the poppies.
The last glimpse of the sunbeams peeps through the branches of the mango trees casting long shadows
on the drooping meadow deserted by the village cattle.
Tiny birds scramble for the last chance
to catch the insects from the sleeping grasses to feed their fledglings in the nests near the hedge of my lonely hut overshadowed by a navai tree.
The wind is still and grave and only at times gusts of wind fitfully stir the evenly combed leaves of the tall coconut trees and dies silently as quietly as it rose.
It is dusk;
I cover my face with the veil as I look for his arrival at any moment.
When he arrived I did not speak but with the lamp lit in my hand led him in.
Oh, I have forgotten to close the window and a stealthy breeze blew the flickering lamp out.
Only with the brightness of the jewels in my bosom
I faintly see his face with his eager eyes lingering on mine.
*****
The Lord may come at any moment; living joyfully every moment as it comes with the rectitude of heart is a beautiful way of welcoming Him into your life.

65. Why A Poem On Me?
You wrote numerous poems on varied themes — like love, feeling, romance and loyalty but
I never imagined that you would write about our relationship.
You put the sheet at my door when I was away from my home.
When I returned I found your poem eagerly waiting for my arrival.
I tore open the cover and read the poem
I could not contain my emotions.
I could not read the poem fully for my eyes would not proceed as every word spoke of me.
I remained lost in thought on the verses.
I kept the poem on my breast as I lie down on my humble bed ruminating the things you have written on me wondering
“Do I deserve a poem on me?”
*****
At times you are overwhelmed by the love showered on you by others. It is an unconditional love,
— you wonder if you are really worthy.

66.
Self-Pity
I closed my eyes tired of the plaintive notes of the cuckoo birds.
I dreamt of the moon hiding behind the banyan tree
and the jackals howling
at the deserted village graveyard at a distance in an isolated corner.
I saw the storm-clouds gathering and rumbling like a lion in a snare beyond the rice fields across the mango grove where trickles a tiny stream.
The sky is overcast with the shadowy gloom of the rainy night without a star on her breast.
There arose a dust-storm from the desert that
tore down the tender new leaves of the forest trees.
Lightning tore the sky all of a sudden startling the sleeping birds in the bosom of their nests shrouded by darkness that frightens the featherless chicks snuggling tightly under the wings of the mother.
The night looked grave and dim.
The rain ceaselessly pattered the windows, rattled and threatened to tear them down.
Cowed down I crouch in a corner of my dilapidated house.
I wonder why such things should happen only in my life.
*****
Self-pity robs your happiness; self-pity is the surest way to be unhappy. Everybody has his woes.
Things may be bad, and people may be against you but your self-pity crowns all your misery. Just shake off your self-pity and you are on top of the world and on the sure road to happiness.

67. Freedom
As the day’s work is done
I steal back to the corner
of my humble home and remain still with vague memories of some unknown faces.
The lone lamp breathed pale light on the beam that cast a gigantic shadow on the mud wall ready to crumble down at any touch of a thunder storm.
A straying moth at that unearthly hour dashed through the window and committed suicide at the lamp on the burning flame that died down in solidarity with the moth.
In the night I opened my door and looked out on the darkness.
The path lies desolate; only the chirping of the crickets darts to my ears to deafening.
The rustling of my mantle makes ripples
in the silent air thickened with the early mist.
When he came I grabbed his hand and led him
into the innermost recess of my heart where I had built
a shrine for him to dwell there forever.
But he refused to enter in and took me to the moon-lit meadow and whispered in my ears songs of love that I had never heard before.
*****
Love never compels; it is only offered freely.
*****
Desiring to do the will of the beloved is a key note in the art of loving.

68. Immobility
Why am I constrained in my movements, speech, look and even writing?
It had never been like this for me who used to be more outgoing all my life like a free child.
When I write to you
I have only a few words, not even a sentence.
Day by day I feel I am paralyzed and restricted in all directions.
I remember this all happened only on the day I fell in love with you and not before that time definitely.
I may not be able to fall out of love.
Maybe, I have to remain crippled because I have fallen in love with you and thus remain immobile forever!
*****
When you have fallen in love with someone and in the presence of that person you feel curtailed in an abnormal way and thus feel crippled! It may not happen with any other person.

69.
Music
The bees of the far away forest hum their music all along the trail of their journey dinning the ears of the travellers on the way.
They would not stop their singing out of joy for mere nothing.
The love-sick birds on the tree branches by the riverside raise in a chorus their ceaseless plaint unmindful of the cattle that graze on the river bank.
The shepherd boys carry their simple flutes of reed and play at will whenever they chance to halt
under a shady tree.
The cattle recognize the flute sound of the boys to lead them to the pastureland on the other side of the river.
The ceaseless waves of the fathomless ocean
clamoring for the limitless sky sing a loud raving music
to the resonance of the wind that carries them to the listening shore deserted by the fishermen who launched into the ocean in their tiny boats
braving the tempestuous ocean.
My heart breaks forth in gentle music while I linger on the refrain for the mere joy of its meaning.
I hum when the words have died out on my tongue
out of tiredness at singing from the morning.
I sing to the hush of the flagged afternoon when the sun is waiting to rush to the ocean to take a dip before disappearing behind the mountains.
*****
Your favourite music immediately elevates your mood from anything depressing to the joy of the moment. No doubt music boosts serotonin level in your body system and makes you happy. Play your music before you seek help.

70.
Let Go
The rose plant in the garden holds many hurts for the bees that ignored her flowers.
Time and again her invitation fell on deaf ears.
The bees drunk in a riotous merry were careless in their pursuit.
The tree branches that securely sheltered
the nests of the birds bemoan the desertion as the young ones flew to their new freedom.
The night that kept a starry vigil the previous day feels cheated at the vanishing fog in the early morning.
My hurts are many — love that was ignored, and love that was rejected.
I hug my insults in my heart and ruminate on them when I am all alone by myself.
There is a secret pleasure in pressing them to my bosom though they hurt me to the core.
The more I hate them the more I press them
and cling to them fast.
I wonder how it will feel like
when I let go of them.
*****
We hold many damaging emotions and are “addicted” to them. Though we know that they devastate our lives we do not know how to get rid of them. The simple magic is to let go of our emotions and thus liberate ourselves. Releasing is the ability to realize that you hold onto emotions. By releasing you let go of them just by making a simple decision. To let go means releasing the negative emotions inside of you. Grace is letting go, and not to be unaware masochists.

71. Silence Versus Betrayal
Many were the accusations leveled against me as an attack of a mob.
It was like a dog
that is being surrounded by a pack of wolves ready to tear it to pieces.
I stood silent looking at every ferocious eye that
was keenly judgemental.
There was a temptation to expose
their heinous crimes.
But an inner voice restrained me from opening my mouth.
A quick flash of thought ran through my mind prompting my heart like this:
“It is better that I suffer the accusations than betray them.
For I am able to bear the suffering
arising from them than bear the burden of betraying them
and suffer for the rest of my life.”
*****
You may suffer more by betraying someone for the rest of your life than to suffer from the betrayal of others and their accusations and attack. Better endure gracefully the accusation or persecution than lie in the position of a betrayer or persecutor.

72.
Sunshine
The distant mountain tops are wrapped up in the clouds that hang about with no apparent purpose.
The stream with limpid water runs in excess splashing the water lavishly while falling on the boulders on the way.
The cuckoo coos unseen
in the thick branches of the forest trees.
The lowing cattle of the village stir up the dust of the street with their hoofs when they go to the pastureland driven by shepherd boys holding flutes to croon their idle songs at noonday.
The tired travellers halt under the poovarasan tree
to unwind their tiredness by extending their dust-laden and worn-out feet on the ground under the shade.
The girls of the hamlet walk dancingly holding the filled pitchers of water on their hips giggling and whispering to one another.
They cast fitful glances on the men sitting under the neem trees.
At dusk the children go to the temple with their grandparents to worship.
They return home leading the elders by hand
before the night falls on the earth.
The babies sit on the laps of their mothers at the entrance of their huts while men sit
on pieces of tattered mats under the eaves of their dwellings.
These are all sunshine the Lord provides for me.
I wonder what more pleasure should I seek to be happy!
*****
One need not look for great things to make one happy. The everyday simple pleasures are rich sources of happiness in your life. A simple pleasure in nature like the flight of birds in the sky and any simple ceremony like offering a flower in the temple can make your life richer and happier. If you wait for extraordinary things to happen to make you happy, then you will wait lifelong.

73.
Accept It
The morning flowers lie down pale and faded unheeded though they were plucked precisely for the offering in the morning when the maidens come to offer their worship.
I stand by the edge of my fence and watch men lingering over there at will.
I do not know why they should leave their work and dot there the whole day idly without a purpose.
Maidens on the festival evening throw their gifts
before the chariot of the deity in procession on the street to be trampled down by the wheels of the chariot burying them in the dust with no one knowing for whom the gifts were thrown.
My heart is listless without any purpose.
I hear a vanishing strain of flute by the shepherd boys
at a distance clamourously making music with their flutes.
The noisy parrot drowses and sleeps in the cage.
The garrulous stream babbles empty stories of the mountains from where it flows to the plains.
The faint glow of the funeral pyre slowly dies out without anyone to stir
the fire and fan the flame.
The jackals howl by the riverside in the gloom of darkness near the cremation ground.
My heart is overwhelmed with the burden of grief and sorrow carried for years
in the bosom of my heart to an incessantly aching point.
*****
You may be fighting in vain against the things that happen in your life which cannot be changed.
When you do not embrace what happens in your life you are pushing against what exists at present which causes you tension. When you accept what cannot be changed, you clear your emotions, gain clarity, experience freedom and become happier.

74. You Made Me Vulnerable
I was going about like a free bird talking to everyone with the freedom of a child.
You would call me, talk to me sweetly touch me gently, stare at me for a while and sigh loudly passing by me.
I was never touched by any of these tender gestures.
But now something is happening to me which I am not able to describe.
Neither do I like you nor do I want you.
But your constant attention made me weak and fallen unable to rise up.
I resist your tenderness and behave as though nothing has happened.
But I feel forced to observe your tender invitation and feel weak and broken with no wholeness.
For you have made me vulnerable by your love.
*****
It is not only negative things like hatred from others that can affect us but any attention of love can also make us weak and vulnerable! Even unwanted love from others can affect you. Thus both love and hate from others can affect and make us vulnerable.

75.
Honesty
The Master trained many willing novices
to religious commitment in the monastery.
After a period of probation they were to take the three vows of poverty, obedience and chastity.
All the novices were clear about their goals and
sincere in their practice of the vows except one renegade novice.
The renegade novice hardly paid any attention
to the observance of the three vows.
He was scarcely seen obeying what the Master commanded him.
He was quite extravagant in his attire and appearance and would cast secret glances
on the girls who would visit the monastery.
But in the evening he will go and confide a list of his failings to the Master.
The Master was not keen on correcting the renegade novice whereas he was too particular
to improve the lives of the other novices.
When the time came for the selection of the novices to religious commitment by taking three vows, the Master chose the renegade novice and sent away all the devout and serious novices.
When the other monks questioned the Master why he sent away good novices and chose a bad one, he merely replied:
“The renegade but truthful novice will definitely improve and will make a good monk whereas I was not able to fathom the truthfulness of the other novices and hence
I was not sure if they would make good monks.”
*****
Honesty is the best policy; truthfulness wins at the end however weak you had been. People appreciate you for your genuineness than for your ability to perform.
76. Smile

As the dawn breaks out, the birds commence
a clamorous choir of songs deafening the ears.
The spring comes with the riotous excess of flowers strewn over the meadow and the edge of the fences and spill over the path where the cattle will trod them underfoot.
What joy streams from the sky when she touches the rain-laden clouds to heavy downpour that soaks the earth and runs in rills on either side of the village lonely path.
The morning light floods my face while the boisterous water in the river rises to the heavens
and falls down suddenly in an idle sport.
The lamps left on the stream by the hamlet girls at dusk are numerous.
They illumine the sky dimming the moonlight to a faint shadow.
When the sun is up and the buds have blossomed, the bees from nowhere come one by one and hum a sweet music to the eager ears of the flowers that become drunk by the sweetness of the songs of the bees as lullabies to put them to sleep.
The travellers halt at the lonely hut beyond the deserted village and ask for water
from a girl who emerges from the hut and pours gleaming water
on the cupped hands of the travellers who quench their thirst and
look at the face of the girl who brushes aside her veil for a while to give a glimpse of her virgin beauty with a stolen smile on her lips.
*****
Nature smiles in excess everywhere and that is why the earth is happy. When you are happy you smile. You do not spend much energy to smile but the benefits are far beyond your expectation.
Smiling is contagious. The more we smile the more positive reactions we will receive. Smiling and laughing are two of the surest ways to happiness.

77. Judgement
The provincial made his canonical visitation to a fraternity where his own companion who studied with the provincial
for many years as his chum
was there as a member.
The visitation started in earnest with all the protocols being observed.
There were many complaints against his companion.
But the provincial only listened to all of them.
When finally the superior asked the provincial to give a canonical warning to his companion he merely said:
“He never did anything out of malice and therefore, how can I give him
a canonical warning?”
*****
If you love someone, and when you are to judge that person you always judge him in his favour and find reasons to excuse him. This is how the Lord does with you. His judgement of you is always in your favour.
*****
Love can distort our judgement in favour of the person to be judged. In like manner your dislike of a person can prejudice you against him when you judge.

78. Dance
The leaves of the mango trees move to and fro at the advent of the south wind sailing
by the mango grove to a distant destination unknown to it.
The evening rays of the sun
struggle through the bamboo bush to touch the dust on the other side of the ground.
The wild ducks in the pond
near the rice field of the village
clamour and raise an alarm for nothing and stretch straight up and beat their pinions as though taking off in flight.
When the girls step into the water with their empty pitchers to be filled, create waves of ripples that distort the images of the girls in the water dancing to the tune of the ripples.
The withered leaves of the autumn evening choose to whirl and fall down making the ground captivated by the pattern they display
as they fall down in last dance of theirs.
The bees laden with the honey
stolen from the flowers reach home.
They display a dance to indicate to their group
in which direction lie the flowers that shelter honey.
My heart beats and pounds in vibrant rhythm to the feelings I hold in my bosom and stretches out on all my limbs to jump to the tune.
*****
Dancing immediately boosts your happiness as it enhances serotonin level in your blood stream.
The whole body responds to your dancing. Is it not one way to make you happy? If not a full dance, at least a rhythmic movement of your body to a dancing music is a balm to your problems.

79.
Non-Possession
I used to climb the thatched roofs of the huts
to search for the chicks of sparrows in their nests
to feel them and take them in my hand with the joy of tenderness while the parent sparrows used to scream in alarm at my contact with their chicks.
Once I took a baby parrot with the eyes still closed at the bend of a tree with a hollow where the baby parrot was hatched.
It was under my vigilant eyes holding it in my small hands and comforting it with my warmth.
I used to hold it in my bosom, press it to my cheeks
and feed it with my fingers.
The parrot grew with the passing of time.
Eyes were opened, feathers covered the body
and wings took shape.
It started to repeat words after me; would recognize me
and perch on my hand and nimble some nuts in the mouth.
One day I let the parrot on the courtyard; played with it as with a baby and took around the parrot on my shoulders.
Alas! It exercised its wings, took off suddenly, soared to the sky, circled the house, and disappeared forever while I stood looking for it and returned to my house in silence.
*****
Genuine love is non-possessive; the moment you try to possess the person, the person may escape.
Give freedom to the person you love, if that person loves you, then he will come back to you otherwise, perhaps, that person was never yours and never loved you.

80. To My Beloved You
I wrote my poems and wanted to dedicate them to you but was ashamed that you would laugh at my folly.
I did not want to expose your name to others and that is why I have hidden your name.
Wanted so much that your name should appear bold at the front page
but feared that others might laugh at my foolishness.
In that case my book will go undedicated to anyone for I cannot think of anyone other than you.
Therefore I decided to dedicate my book to you
in a camouflaged way writing:
“To my Beloved You.”
*****
You may be afraid of expressing your secret love and longing for your beloved! You may camouflage your love for the beloved.

81.
Unconditional Love
The spring has come with its sighs and murmurs on the banks of the river running serenely unruffled under the shadows of the overhanging trees
that shed their yellow leaves.
The bees hum a song of many fields beyond the yonder land where they have their hives
pitched like the cloud-tents in the blue sky.
The temple priest prepares the deity for the sacred ceremony of the anniversary of the dedication for which the entire village with all the relatives are expected.
Lovers long for the temple festival during which some girls will elope with their lovers never to return to their village again
except when they have their first baby to show to their parents.
The market is filled with flowers for sale and some flower vendors offer flowers secretly to the charming girls
who chance to walk all alone unaccompanied by their parents.
Children run through the streets screaming with their full throats calling out to their companions for play before the midday with a candy in one hand and a flute in the other.
Mothers press their babies to their breasts and
the babies having had enough of milk brush aside the breasts and turn to play seated in the lap of the mothers.
The old grannies sit on the steps of the entrance to the house
and give caressing commands to the grandchildren
instructing them not to be too boisterous and run heedlessly.
When a vagabond beggar comes to beg for alms the mother presses a coin in the hand of the baby and asks him to drop it in the bowl of the beggar who gives a smiling blessing to the baby at which
the mother takes and kisses the baby profusely.
The cow tied to the protruding roots of the tree near the fence lows for fodder at which the boy runs with hay
in one hand and a bucket of water on the other.
He gently strokes the head and the loosely hanging
skin of the cow at the neck.
Men return from their harvest in the evening carrying the sheaves on their heads to unburden the treasure at the threshing floor near the temple precincts.
The children climb up the pile of sheaves and dislodge the paddy from the sheaves by their merry stamping.

For all these none of them paid anything to the other.
They were given unasked for and given freely without counting the cost.
*****
Unconditional love (Carl Ransom Rogers: 1902 – 1987) is like the sunshine that is given freely; there are no “ifs” and “buts” but only an outpouring of love like a cascade. God loves you unconditionally and your mother does just because you are her son/daughter and for no other reason. When you love others unconditionally you are loved in return in the same measure.
82.
Time Test
The leaves are rustling overhead with the vagrant breeze that came passing by carrying the sweet memory of the jasmine flowers
he had encountered on the way and leaving
a trail of the void in his hurrying journey.
The flock of birds on the branches of the tall trees behind the temple at the end of the water course, enjoying a panoramic view of the village vaulted by the blue sky burst into laughter in a riotous chorus at the cool breeze of the forenoon.
There I was with many of my friends
of different dignities surrounded by their praises.
The perfumes of the water lilies in the pond stir the ducks to clamour and claim their territory over the pond and to protect the lilies from stealthy hands.
The ducks stand at a distance keeping a watch over the lilies.
When the maidens came to the pond to bathe the ducks forgot their sacred duty and swarmed around the maidens thinking that they were the new lilies blossomed.
I was near the pond playing cards with my friends
sipping a little of the toddy from the palm true to intoxicate myself to the point of dreaming.
When it was night brightly lit by numberless stars on the breast of the sky and the crescent moon in a corner timidly making its appearance I was lying down
on the carpeted meadow with my friends listening
to the music of the earth of the bygone days.
When I lost everything by bad luck and was lying down on the dust of the earth by the side of the lonely lane outside the village
I consoled myself that a blessing will come after some time.
When I woke up I saw a beggar brother who had been a regular customer in my days of abundance seated near me where I drowsed and slept.

*****
When you are in prosperity there are many friends. True friends are those who remain with you when everybody has left you.
83. Your Name on the Cactuses
I knew the path you usually take to do your meditation on a lonely path with tall trees, winding lanes, enduring cactuses,
entangled creepers and enchanting flowers.
I woke up early morning with my eyelids still heavy with dreamy sleep not complete.
Plucked a thorn and took your trodden lonely path before you started to make your meditation.
Wrote your sweet name on the cactuses and at the end I wrote my name too along with yours hoping that you would notice
your name and the author who wrote it.
The cactuses seem to bristle and wave their hands
when the mighty wind passes through them flashing your name in every direction.
Finally when you walked through the lane you noticed your name on the cactuses and you looked for the author who wrote it.
I was only hiding behind the bush with tears welling up in my eyes out of joy.
*****
You would like to make the name of the beloved memorable and thus last forever! Your obsession of your beloved will make you undertake many acts to attract his/her attention.

84.
Dream A Dream
When the night chased the moon she went and hid herself behind the day.
When the breeze chased the clouds they shed their tears and ran soaking the soil.
When the plant pinched the flowers they became fruits.
The wind wandered in the wilderness on his journey to a far away land where the sun after the day’s work
sleeps for the night to return to the earth the next morning.
The eagles soar to the highest mountains to challenge them in their vain glory.
As the day turned to dusk the lotus closed its petals scared of the dark gloom of the night.
When the baby cries the mother brings him to the open yard in front of the hut to show the moon and make him eat.
She makes empty promises to take him to the faraway moon if he eats his meal.
The baby having taken one morsel of rice distracts himself and wants to get down
from the mother’s hip to play in the dust.
The pilgrim traveller saw the rising moon and walked along with the shadow
of the moon light to the shrine of his deity.
Lovers make to their love-tryst along the lonely moon-lit path through the forest path
un-trodden by the villagers during the day.
I used to dream of all these, of my lost childhood,
my past prime of life and the opportunities I have lost.
I knew those dreams were in vain
for they left me poorer than before.
But now I learn to dream of the things to come.
Whether they will arrive or not — I do not know but I believe that one day I will achieve them.
*****
People who dreamt and believed that their dreams will come true achieved great things in their lives. It is not necessarily those who are intelligent and gifted with wealth and power who achieve great things.

85.
The Love-Tryst
When the threshold of midnight passed
the time stood still and grave with dark gloom.
Deep sleep covered the earth
ruminating on some idle dreams.
Two lovers wake up from their night vigil to take the forest path to their desired destination.
Their silent steps are carefully measured lifting their flowing garments lest they stumble and fall down.
They elope eluding all watchers on the way along the river bank to the nearby thicket where the crickets creak.
The frogs on the fringe of the pond croak to the tune of one another as though singing in a disciplined choir.
The hyenas laugh startled by the hurried steps of the lovers near the fringe of the forest
at the cremation ground.
The birds on the branches overhead are silent awakened at times by the howling jackals
in the interior of the trackless woodlands.
The lovers at last reached their tryst near the forest temple where once a year the villagers have their annual feast.
There was no lamps lit nor prayer said
or offerings made during the year.
Thus the lovers at last when they reached their tryst at the temple, it was night bursting into dawn and they fell asleep at the feet of the deity overcome by mere exhaustion.
*****
People may undertake dangerous and often difficult tasks or duties motivated by love. What counts is love and nothing else matters. Love is a highly motivating factor as Sigmund Freud (1856 –
1939) said.

86.
Dusk
The gypsy girl with her baby on the hip and
her skirt with innumerable folds and frills
reaching just below her knees walks
like a chariot with the deity adorned
for the festival glides jostling on the road.
The farmers who went to the field in the morning are returning to their village carrying the sheaves on their head.
The babies sit on the laps of their mothers
as their preferred territory and either play or suck milk.
When the cattle return home after grazing
in the field the calves bleat and welcome them in the stall.
They rush to drink milk unconstrained by the shepherds.
Swarms of birds return to their night homes as though a dark net has been cast in the sky and circle the hamlet before settling on the trees.
The men lying down on their backs on the mats spread under the sky
near their huts dangle their children on their knees while the mothers prepare their meagre meal with lentil curry.
The maidens trim their lamps and take them to the riverbed.
They float them on the running water while joining their palms and closing their eyes they pray to their God
for their secret intentions which nobody knows.
*****
As nature declines our body systems too decline. Awareness of such a process and compassion for ourselves is a healthy attitude. Thus you grow old gracefully.

87.
The Hut
I know not why men on travel linger near the hedge
and look for someone in a fitful glance.
They give some signals to somebody in the hut
and I do not know who it is.
I wait and watch from a distance to know who might be the lucky traveller who will enter the hut.
Many of the men return in sullen silence without a response from the house behind the hedge.
The day is wearing on and slowly slips into evening.
Nobody yet opened the hut to anyone till now.
The simple tin sheet door stands closing the entrance to the lonely hut.
Through the broken window two sparkling eyes seem to look out but dare not come out in the open to ask the travellers their names.
The sun has already set and darkness fills the earth silent as the deep sea.
Yet there were always men travellers halting near the hut but none entering in.
I am bemused as to why men should halt
and why no one opens the door.
When it became pitch dark and
the gloom of the night deepened someone opened the door with a screeching noise.
A maiden emerged from the hut with a lamp in her hand and looked on the darkness still with her veil covering her face.
There came a man on a horse who descended from nowhere.
He just dismounted the animal and removed his turban.
The maiden brushed aside her veil.
She stood with the lamp in hand.
In the light of the lamp her face shone
as bright as the moon.
The horse rider took her hand and kissed it with a sigh at which the lamp went out.
*****
You just wait for one particular person in your life at a time; it is not anybody. Nobody will matter except that one person. If not that person your heart will not open its doors. Love is always particular.

88.
Listless Heart
The clouds pass swiftly overhead with no direction or purpose.
The trees sway in the wind beating their branches
and the coconut trees bend low in the storm as though making obeisance to the mother earth.
The bees are busy buzzing all along as though they have a set goal to achieve.
The ants move in a line carrying burdens
heavier than their bodies to store for the rainy days.
The frogs jump helter-skelter for sheer nothing in idle sport.
Grasshoppers hop chirping when the cow grazes
the grass in the field.
The cranes that stand grave
near the mouth of the cow gobble
the grasshoppers as they jump.
The water in the river whirls and churns foaming near the bank as though drawing a white line.
The moored boats at the river toss and twist
angry at being held captive near the bank.
I wander within myself having lost my way.
I turn around and come back to the same spot.
There is rebellion arising within me and my heart is listless and I do not know why.
*****
There are times when you are strongly stirred for no apparent reason. There could be strong negative feelings arising and you do not know why. Watch out for such moments. Take a deep breath and relax a while till the storm passes.

89. At Night
It is pitch dark with no star peeping and
the moon has retired prematurely.
There is no wind on the branches and the leaves
hang low on either side of the village lane.
Once in a way there arises crying of children
for what reason nobody knows.
Mothers try to console them with no success.
Some of them cry till they are tired and sleep.
Nobody ventures to go outside because they are afraid that a young girl who committed suicide the other day because she was given in marriage to an old man
roams through the lane to the cremation ground pleading for help.
Parents have warned their children that
the ghost of this girl will possess them.
Jackals howl at regular intervals near the riverside
making the place frightful for humans to traverse at night.
But the boatman braves to go to the river to check the moored boat lighting a torch with the dried leaves of the coconut trees and keeps whistling to himself aloud
to hide his own fear of the ghost.
The parrot who talked the whole day all to himself is sleeping in the cage.
As he did not have anything to play with, he has plucked his own feathers in idle sport and thus became a featherless parrot.
The stars have started to emerge and the sky seems to be lit with the lights
of the carnival of lights during the village feast.
Everything seems to be enjoying the peace of the night.
*****
Night repose is essential for our sound health; nature itself beckons and puts us to sleep.

90.
The Peace of Sadness
With shouts and screams people made their way pushing one another in the market.
Dust covered my face, my throat was parched.
When the vendors pulled down their tents to retire
I came home with a load of things on my head.
On entering my home I felt a strange uneasy feeling.
In the evening I lighted the lamp and kept it at the entrance for the wayfarers to find their path.
A gust of dust wind blew out the lamp and made my home dark as the starless sky.
When I went to bed and covered my face, dreams came to me as I was half asleep and
I let myself without any struggle
into the hands of dreams to take me
to unknown lands to meet strange persons with beautiful faces and enchanting smiles.
When I woke up from my dreams
I mused on something I was not quite clear about which kept me preoccupied for the rest of the night.
When morning arrived I was tired for not having slept the nightlong which filled me with dismay.
Even if I want happiness my heart longs for
the peace of sadness to sit on my face and rule in my heart.
*****
It might happen that even if everything is successful and you are blessed with the best of things and relationship, there might linger a tinge of sadness that makes an indelible mark on your face and a dwelling in your heart.

91.
Purpose
The winding village path to the rice field beyond the mountain is filled with flowers jostling on either side of the road.
Through the narrow lane the entire village makes its trekking twice a day
unmindful of the flowers abundant.
The flowers waste themselves by evening.
Nobody took note of them nor were they plucked to offer to God in the temple in the morning.
They only linger and long to be plucked and offered to the Lord.
But there is no one who would care
to pluck them with the joy of the pain of touch.
If not to the temple they could have been kept on the heads of the girls of the hamlet but none of them wanted the flowers.
The flowers would have at least wanted to be taken to the market in the basket and thus have a journey to the town but there was no vendor to take them to the market.
With the scorching sun and the hot wind blowing the flowers withered and fell to the ground only to manure the plants that gave them life and thus produce many more flowers in turn.
*****
There is a purpose in your being where you are and what you do. When you discover that and appreciate it then you will be happy, content and fulfilled. Bloom where you are planted.

92.
Failing Strength
My life is spent and I am almost
close to the end of my journey.
Looking forward there is not much to hope for.
Looking back there are many memories come to my mind and not all of them pleasant.
There were days and times when
I felt it was too much to bear.
There is freedom of course but with my frail body I cannot do what I want and how I want.
I depend upon others for many of the things I did in my youth.
What makes me humiliated all the more is when others find it difficult to make me able.
Whom shall I blame? I have nobody to blame,
it is nature that manifests itself.
I can neither be myself independent nor can I beg for assistance and that precisely is my agony.
My children have flown away
with their families and my home is an empty nest where only the fledgling feathers are left.
The nest remembers the baby birds
but the birds have forgotten the place where they were born.
Looks like the time has come to stand still and the beyond is calling me but if I can wade through this poodle of trial with serenity then I can endure.
*****
With the advancing age and failing strength one tends to think of the end and all the hardship one endures with the will to execute and with no strength to carry through. Perhaps, not despairing, but focusing your energy and making up your will to accept your condition will make you age with dignity.

93.
Vague Musing
Except some cattle nibbling the grass the meadow was still covered with the dew of the yester night.
The trees standing in a row at the back
of the lonely hut were boisterous with the breeze that came afresh from the mountain tops carrying the perfume of the mountain herbs.
Over the slope of the mountains there are precipices at the base of which
are thick wild plantain trees green with lush leaves hiding the bunches of fruits perhaps ripe.
Those fruits go a waste as the slope is inaccessible.
The clouds are in journey to no known destination.
They are at the mercy of the vagrant breeze that blows from the north while the patterns of the cloud thrill my heart with idle dreams of some sweet memory of which I am not quite sure.
I wonder who is sitting on the mountain cliffs
that touch the blue sky overcast with the dimming light of the setting sun.
The birds in the evening fly in a fixed pattern coming home to their nests after labouring near the seashore with shouts and screams.
They return to find repose to their tired wings
folding them close to their bosom in the nests.
*****
Musing is something similar to daydreaming; it has a value to defuse minor problems that occupy our mind while the major ones are dealt with during our dreams at night. They also energize us for further facing challenges and plan out our future.

94.
Giving
In all seasons the trees stand and give shade to the wayfarers, the cattle and the shepherds at noon.
The stream keeps cool even when the sun is hot
to quench the thirst of travellers passing by.
The garrulous water where the stream mingles
with the river makes loud gurgling noise that brings the fish circling round the spot and runs with over-hurried steps to the sea.
My heart aches with the wind sighing by on the day when the sky looked dark with no sign of stars.
The moon was not seen in the horizon
while the clouds passed pensively with some idle musing to an unknown destination.
My desolate dwelling is filled with the sweet smell
of the night queen just blossomed in the courtyard
after the darkness fell on the face of the earth sinking my heart to the deepest fullness in my fathomless desires.
Even when the day dawns the smell of the night queen
will remain like a mist that covers the green grass of the meadow grazed by the village cattle.
When the storm-clouds rumble as though getting ready for a battle
it thunders with frightening lightning displaying
mangled silver lines on the sky that pass in the twinkling of an eye.
The children run to cling to their mothers in fright.
The rumbling is not in vain, it will surely rain.
When a shower comes and pours in incessant rain the earth will be consoled by the coolness and be content with the blessings that the soil receives.
*****
When you give and when you receive, they are acts of giving and receiving blessings. Therefore, giving is sacred. Give and receive gracefully. For such grace builds up the society and makes our bond stronger.

95. The Unknown
When I closed my door for repose there arose a music of the night beckoning me outside.
I opened my door slowly and peeped through the darkness and looked out on the night far beyond the fence where the shadow of a figure
with a mantle seemed to stare at me.
Only the wind was screaming through the row of trees behind my hut.
I wished that the night should not pass in vain.
The sky was dark naked with the faint hint of a rising crescent moon behind the mountains.
At times lightning startled the void and frightened the wild beasts that roamed about looking for prey.
The shadow of the figure I saw
seemed to have lost its track.
So it lingered in front of my house by chance
hiding behind the trunk of a tree.
There was a longing that rose high in me with a tremulous joy and fear at the thought
of encountering an unknown shadow whose face I have not yet seen.
I might wait, weep and wear out my heart at the unknown that I barely see yonder there.
The passing breeze is like the music heard many times with the smell of the night flowers of the forest
making my heart drunk with the joy of the perfume.
I long so much to go out and meet the shadow yet am gripped with the fear of the unknown enchanting and drawing me closer.
*****
There is a sweet and strong longing and at the same time a tinge of fear that holds you back at the encounter with someone new and attractive. That which fascinates may frighten you. Approach and avoidance go together.

96. The Great Refusal
Many a procession of idle clouds pass by like floats paraded on the streets proceeding to the temple festival.
Where they glide to I know not nor is it clear from their wayward steps.
Their procession stopped where the moon stood.
I only imagined that they went to meet the moon with folded hands and bowed head.
They took with them the riot of the birdsongs
to delight the moon with the ecstasy of music.
The moon only smiled and hung her face
in shame by the surrounding beauty of the white clouds but refused to accept their gifts for no reason.
A group of men and women enter the village with gifts in their hands to seek a bride for their son.
The girls of the hamlet don their Sunday best and stand behind the half-closed doors waiting
for the bridegroom party to enter.
The procession glides through the streets of the village in an apparent display of their gifts
and a quest for a bride.
The party stops where stands a dilapidated hut with its door shut.
They knock at the door and beg it to be opened.
There comes a voice from inside asking who they were.
The hesitant bridegroom party hardly could speak aloud to be heard from inside.
They only said with a timid voice that
they have come with gifts for the bride.
“We have no bride inside” shouted a voice.
The bride opened the window, cast a glance on the bridegroom
and buried her face in her hands and wept.
The bridegroom party retraced their steps in silence.
*****
At times what you earnest desire, wait and long for, you refuse when offered and you do not know why. Then you regret your refusal.

97. Not Impoverished
When the cock crew it was too early for the dawn to emerge from the deep blue sea
and the birds still slept in their nests unruffled.
When the sky burst into red flames at the horizon
a gentle breeze swept through the face of the earth
as the touch of a feather on the palm.
By forenoon the breeze took leave only to return
in the evening when the sun has set.
The spring painted the meadows with green and
the garden in various colours of flowers overabundant
to the tune of her extravagance and she never regretted the waste of the blossomed flowers trodden underfoot on the pathway.
When she left the wayside fringes and the river banks she promised to return the next year and she kept her promise and excessive prodigality.
The pilgrims steadily flow to the shrine
of the deity every year because the pilgrims
never went back without their prayers and petitions being answered forthwith.
They vow to come back to the shrine next year too and they are as true as their words.
In October when the rain descends it does it in torrents till the ponds are filled
for the farmers to till their lands and the wild ducks
to swim and quack out of joy in mere idle sport.
The sky remembers the arrival of the rain every year as though she keeps the record of the rain’s itinerary.
My granny told me that when King Pari started giving he went to the extent of giving his chariot
to the jasmine creeper that swayed in the wind without a hold to lean on and he was never impoverished as a giver.
*****
Giving never impoverishes you; the greedy with all their abundance will not venture to give and thus they are impoverished. Generosity is an attitude, and God loves a cheerful giver.

98. Robbers
The Master had gone to a far off land
for a tour of spiritual quest and it took some time for him to return to the monastery.
His disciples, true to their vows of renunciation were earnest about the observance of the Rule in the strictest sense in the monastery.
During the siesta a rag picker had stealthily entered the monastery premises and was picking up the leftovers
at which the indignant disciples gathered together
and got hold of the woman and held a house council.
A decision was taken unanimously to hand over
the woman to the police on the charge of theft
and the decision was carried out forthwith.
When at last the Master returned from
his spiritual tour the episode was narrated with great enthusiasm by the spirited disciples.
The Master fell silent and
his eyes were heavy and sad and
mumbled within himself which nobody heard:
“To whom shall I hand over the disciples
for all their robbery?”
*****
Society can be hypocritical. In judging and punishing, only the poor and the marginalized are severely affected, but the real culprits may act as saints and at times they are the ones who might mete out punishments to others.

99. Possibility
The air is thin and languid with the smell of the perfume of the flowers of the midnight.
The glow-worms join the procession of the festival of light with their reveling lights to the joy
of the overhanging leaves on the pathway.
I sit and smile and hum a song
by myself which no one hears.
I dream of the distant horizon where
my newly hatched longings will take wings and fly
along with the eagles of the upper sky to lofty heights.
When I thought that my day was ended and was about to wind up my work and take my leave
he weaves a new plan of overwhelming charm to take me to the place yonder where awaits luck with her lap filled with the promises of the bygone ages for a future that has not yet been born.
My longing stretches its arms and rises up with its wings to the height of perfection in my dreams.
It beckons to me to follow its lead to foreign lands
where my strivings will have their fulfillment
in an abandoning abundance.
I only sit alone and fearful of what may take shape in
my future with the Master making my dreams come true
in myriad possibilities that may open up to the glorious future.
*****
When you think that everything is ended or has come to a close there comes a wide vista that has opened to you many possibilities that you may not have even dreamt of. Wait for the day to dawn when your dreams will come true beyond your imagining.

100. Palanquin
Before the dawn whispered a breath of freshness
on the morn my home people and companions prepared me for the wedding ceremony at the temple.
They carefully adorned me with
a silk saree and jewellery.
My heart was not intent on all these but only longed to see his face.
For till now I have not seen him.
With the blessing of my parents at whose feet I fell down and was raised
I was asked to enter the palanquin to be taken to the temple in procession.
My veil prevented me from seeing anybody clearly.
I longed only to have a glimpse
of him whom my heart sought.
When we were in procession with trumpets blowing, drums beating and the street boys dancing in front of the palanquin I was only desiring to open the curtain to scan the crowd and to look for him but I dared not do that for shame.
When we were half way through, my companions whispered
to me in secret that the procession of the bridegroom comes from the opposite direction but I dared not open the curtain for fear of seeing his face.
When both processions crossed each other
my heart jumped out of joy of the possibility
of seeing him but nobody understood
my longing and I was ashamed of
opening the curtain and look at him.
When at last the palanquin stopped in front of the temple
the doors were opened and I was asked to step out
and meet the bridegroom.
As I stepped out of the palanquin he extended his hand
to hold mine and I looked at his face for the first time.
I stumbled and fell into his arms and he took me
in the temple and tied the wedding knot on my neck as tears flowed down from my eyes still fixed on his face.
*****
The desire to see and meet your beloved whom your heart seeks is the primary concern.

101. Two In A Blanket
It was the night after Christmas.
A few minutes to go before the Rockfort Express would arrive at the Srirangam station.
With a companion, anxious to catch the train
I rushed to the station at the last moment.
On reaching there I consulted my watch, still a little while awaited, sighed I and dropped the bundle from my shoulder to the cement bench vacant
and sank down near my belonging.
My companion with a view to identifying the coach stood awaiting the arrival of the train.
Down near my leg lay someone
who I guessed was a beggar.
His face and a portion of the body
were scantily covered with half of a blanket while there sat another beggar with the look of a sanyasi shrouding his shoulders and the neck with the other half of the blanket.
May be the one who lay down was fast asleep or trying to sleep in spite of the biting cold,
while the other seated nearby showed signs of discomfort
on account of the cold, adjusting the blanket over his shoulders every now and then.
Their possessions were few.
Hardly there was any provision.
Obviously half-clad, undernourished and disease ridden
they lay there neglected.
By now my companion being tired of standing sat by me.
I gently drew his attention to their miserable plight and
the way I was touched by their generous sharing of a blanket.
“Two beggars shared with each other what was not enough for one even”
—
I spoke spontaneously and waited for a response.
“Yes, where could there be so much of material poverty,”
he returned gravely completing my thought,
“if only people shared with others at least what they have as more than enough.”
*****
Material poverty is manmade by his feelings of greed and insecurity. If only we share with one another what we have in abundance then who will be in want and where will be poverty? But who will determine how much is “abundance?”

102. Receiving
(Sakkarai Pongal = Rice pudding)
You and I were childhood chums and
we continued as friends for many years.
Time separated us like shooting stars
to follow different directions without the possibility of meeting again.
You went to different countries and became rich and renowned and by chance
came to our village like a rare comet to visit your childhood home.
I heard of your return to our village
and was overjoyed to meet you and to recall together all those childhood days of ours,
how we used to wander in the bush and
catch fish in the stream and bathe in the river.
For days I never slept fully thinking of meeting you.
When you did arrive in our village I got ready to go and meet you in your house.
I was wondering what I should carry to offer you.
You knew that I was not rich to buy
something expensive to give you.
I thought of the thing we used to cherish eating together from the same plate.
It was the sakkarai pongal which my mother
prepared for you when you visited me.
I asked my mother to prepare that very sakkarai pongal,
packed it in a tifin box and reached your house.
After embracing you and enquiring about your health
I opened the tiffin box.
You asked me what it was.
With a great thrill and a broad smile I said, it was sakkarai pongal a favourite food of yours.
You were not enthusiastic about it, you took it politely and kept it aside and said that nowadays you are not fond of eating sakkarai pongal.
I cut short my visit and took leave of you and
pensively returned home with the tiffin box and told my mother that you did not feel well today to eat it.
*****

The act of receiving is a blessing we give to a giver. Usually a giver is very sensitive thinking whether what he gives you will be liked by you. And to refuse a gift is rudeness and ill-mannered.
By gracefully receiving even an insignificant thing, you give a tremendous joy to the giver.
Receiving gracefully with thanksgiving is an art.
103. Farewell
It is time for me to depart and I stand before you with my face fallen, eyes swollen, tears flowing, feet trembling fingers shaking and body shivering.
Words do not form on my tongue parched and dry.
I stammer to say what my heart aches to complete.
Words are limited, for the mind is vaster than words and words can hardly carry the emotions my heart pines to express at this moment.
We are brothers and sisters from different countries and of different colours.
Some of us may never meet each other again but the memory will not fade away.
I shall shelter and cherish your memory like the dark night holds the morning in her bosom the whole night long.
I shall come back to you in dreams wherever you are, for dreams have no territories.
I shall wander about the sky with the clouds that have forgotten the track of yesterday only to reach your courtyard to peep through your window as clouds have no frontiers.
I shall surely stand before you, feel your bewildered face, touch your breath, sense your intermittent sighs, hear your mumbled murmur and hushed whisper, for our memory will not desert us.
For now, I bow my head touching the floor, fold my hands as my heart pounds with a mighty flap of wings like the eagles that take off in flight, and in silence and solitude
shall I whisper “adieu.”
*****

We may have to take leave of one another in whatever relationship we had been engaged; the memory of our relationship is registered in our mind and heart and they will not depart even though we may part from one another physically and may never meet again.