Handout 3 TL 2014
Handout 3: Active Listening Levels and Behaviors
Paraphrase Feelings
This is the highest level of Active Listening.
“You sound angry about…” “You seem excited by…” “Sounds like you are anxious…”
Reflect the feeling expressed by the speaker, even if a feeling word is not used. If you miss the message, the
speaker will let you know and you can try to paraphrase and identify the feeling again. Try to understand and accept
how they feel, without judgment. Everyone has a right to how they feel.
Paraphrase Content
“Are you telling me…?” “So you are saying…”
“Sounds like you have spent a lot of time thinking about how to make this work”.
Summarize the content of the speaker’s words. Paraphrasing indicates empathy, builds rapport, and proves that you
are fully present and attending to the message. Paraphrasing clarifies content without judging the correctness or
validity of what is said and encourages the speaker to share more.
Provide non-evaluative feedback – reflect the message you think heard. The speaker will know if their message was
heard correctly. Paraphrasing prevents miscommunication and encourages trust.
Door Openers
Encourage the speaker to continue sharing thoughts and true feelings.
“Tell me more”. “Say a little more about that”. “So interesting. How does that feel when that happens”?
Acknowledgement
Questions, comments, or sounds that enhance the flow of conversation, build rapport and encourage the speaker
to continue sharing. “Oh?”, “When?”, “Interesting”, “Really?”
Non-Verbals
Body language: nodding affirmatively or negatively, arms crossed, back turned, hand gestures, eye-rolling.
It’s important to monitor one’s own body language and non-verbals as well as attending to the speaker’s.
Road Blocks
Anything the stops the flow of the conversation, including unsolicited advice.
“What you should do is…” “Whatever were you thinking”?
“Like it or not, you have to move on and get it done”.
Happy Hooker
“Hooking on” to what the speaker says with your own idea or experience.
“Oh yes, I went to a workshop like that, too. Let me tell you about it”.
Ships passing in the Night
A clear indication that the listener is not listening or concerned about what the speaker is saying.
Speaker: I have no idea how to upload a lesson into the Lesson Planner but I would like to do that.
Listener: I am excited to check out the gradebook and see how it works. Maybe I can do that with Jim.
Non-Verbal Turn-offs
Walking away before the conversation comes to a polite close.
Texting and pretending to listen. Taking a phone call. Eye-rolling. Shocked facial expressions.
Laughing inappropriately.
Helpful Tool: I Messages
Used when the speaker is angry and begins to accuse or verbally attack in response to your listening efforts.
“When you yell at me, I feel anxious and inadequate in my efforts to assist you”.
“I feel dismayed when you argue and attack my ideas in public. I am less likely to trust our relationship”.