Needles, California
By Patrick Seitz
Intro | Phobophobia | Enemies | Prayers | Bled Not Dead
“Nothing showed up in your urine sample when we looked at it under the microscope, Mr. Seitz,” the
doctor at the UCR Student Health Center said. He flipped a page, wrote something down. “Next, we’ll
run a blood test.”
Some five weeks hence, I still remember how my throat closed when I heard that. It was the last Monday
of September and I was a few days away from starting graduate school. Quite out of nowhere, I had
developed a case of sporadic hematuria (blood in the urine). It was bad enough when it manifested itself.
Now, adding insult to injury, it had played hooky when I needed it for diagnostic purposes.
The doctor’s suggestion of a blood test was a logical one. There was no discernable blood in the urine,
and they needed to test my kidney function. That makes sense. With that in mind, I trotted down to the
lab section of the Student Health Center, presented my arm, and gave the sample, right?
Pardon the pun, but not bloody likely! I had fallen prey to a longstanding phobia of mine, and it was
calling the shots.
Phobophobia… a Fear of Phobias!
Phobias are relatively common phenomenon, afflicting one in every 10-20 people, as reported by the
American Psychiatric Association. If you don’t have one yourself, you definitely know some folks who do.
“That’s all well and good,” you’re thinking, “but how do I get over a phobia?”
Of course, in a perfect world, you’d have a trained professional to guide you through each step of the
recovery process. They’d monitor your progress with clinical precision, toss around a bunch of ten-dollar
words, and eventually pronounce you cured.
But where’s the sense of personal accomplishment? What sort of Campbellian hero’s journey can you
derive from that? Sure, Yoda could have levitated that X-Wing till the cows came home, but Luke
Skywalker had to stand toe-to-toe with Darth Vader on his own. Besides, trained professionals don’t
come cheap.
Know Your Enemy
The first step in defeating your phobia is making sure that what you’re dealing with is, in fact, a phobia.
Phobia comes from the Greek word for fear, “phobos”. While definitions differ from group to group, most
would agree that a phobia is an intense, persistent, irrational fear in something. This fear throws the
victim into a physical panic whenever they encounter, or, in severe cases, even think about, the object of
their phobia. The nature of the fear is a phobia’s defining factor; as amateur etymologist Fredd
Culbertson’s list suggests (http://www.phobialist.com/), just about anything could serve as the object of a
phobia. With entries like epistaxiophobia (fear of nosebleeds) and paraskavedekatriaphobia (fear of
Friday the 13th), it makes for some fascinating reading.
Don’t Depend on Rationality
The second step in overcoming a phobia is remembering not to beat yourself up over it, or over any
temporary setbacks you may experience along the way. Remember, it’s an irrational fear, so you can’t
just reason it into submission. Consider my bloodletting phobia. I’ve done acupuncture a few times, and
having dozens of hair-thin needles tapped into the backs of my hands and the brow of my face didn’t
bother me a bit. And the last time I shaved with a manual razor, I cut myself so much that the neck of my
undershirt turned pink. Logically, I should have had no problem with needles and blood together, but
logic had skipped town and not left its forwarding address.
With a Little Help From My Friends
Step three, build a support base. Tell your friends and loved ones that you’re trying to get over your
phobia and that you’d appreciate whatever help or moral support they could provide. You might feel silly
putting yourself out there like this, but believe me, most people will admire your moxie. Besides, from
their perspective, if helping you now will save them the hassle of having to peel you off the ceiling every
time a spider saunters by, that’s time well-spent.
Say Your Prayers, Phobia
Now that you’ve defined your fear, allowed for setbacks, and lined up your support group, you’re ready to
take that phobia down like last year’s Christmas lights. All it takes is some do-it-yourself behavioral
therapy.
We naturally adjust to our surroundings. A few minutes after walking into that Italian restaurant, we can’t
smell the lasagna anymore… and a pool is never so cold as when we’re wading into it. Whatever the
stimuli might be, our bodies are designed to respond and then amp back down to an even keel. Our
reaction to the source of a phobia is no different. Confront the object of your phobia to whatever degree
you can handle and just wait. The physical panic will lessen over time. You literally don’t have it in you to
keep up that initial level of fear. The technical name for this method of phobia removal is “flooding”.
“Modeling” is another method for putting your phobia out to pasture. It’s equal parts peer pressure and
“monkey see, monkey do.” Scared of getting shots? Ask a diabetic friend or relative if you could watch
them give themselves their insulin shots. For them, a shot is a daily occurrence… no big deal. After a
while, their nonchalance will rub off on you.
Better Bled Than Dead
Three days after my initial visit, I finally went back to give my blood sample.
I’d like to say that I grabbed my phobia by the neck, throttled it soundly, and did the phlebotomist’s job for
her. Yes, I’d like to say that, but that’s not what happened. I walked into that lab room white as a sheet
and with my eyes glued to the ceiling, as to not spot the dreaded needle. The phlebotomist, a petite
woman, decided to move me to a room where I could lie down during the procedure, lest I faint and crush
her. Ultimately, she took the sample from my wrist, as fear had constricted the veins in my arm to the
point where they were hard to locate.
It didn’t hurt a bit.
When she was done, I felt like giving another vial’s worth, just to prove to her that I was no longer a
needle wuss.
As it turned out, I was fine. The hematuria was probably caused by a pratfall I had to repeat nightly in a
community theater play. It cleared up on its own when I started falling as to land on a couch instead of
the floor. What’s more, I had managed to overcome my phobia. With a bit of persistence and support,
you can kick your phobia to the curb in relatively short order, too.