THUNDER--1 CAPTAIN THUNDER AND THE ISOLATION BOOTH OF TERROR ACT ONE SCENE ONE—SOMEWHERE IN THE BAVARIAN ALPS [BACKGROUND MUSIC: GERMAN MARCH] NARRATOR OUR STORY OPENS, SOMEWHERE DEEP WITHIN THE BAVARIAN ALPS, WHERE THE MONSTROUS RULER OF THE RUTHLESS NAZI EMPIRE, ADOLPH HITLER HIMSELF, CONFRONTS THE EVIL MASTERMIND, BARON VON BRAINS. HITLER SO, BARON. SO GOOD OF YOU COME. PLEASE BE SEATED. NO, NOT IN THAT GOOD CHAIR. IN THIS SHABBY, ROTTING, READY-TO-FALL APART BAR STOOL. BARON AS ALWAYS, MEIN FUEHRER, YOU ARE THE GRACIOUS HOST. HITLER SO, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SWINE MUD, WHAT YOU BEEN UP TO, EH? BARON OH, THE USUAL. JUST DOING MY PART TO DRAG THE DECADENT DEMOCRACIES TO THEIR KNEES, WITH MY USUAL MIX OF MY EVIL NATURE AND MY CUNNING SUPER GENIUS. HITLER GOOD, GOOD. WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING TO DRINK? YOU WOULD? GOERING, YOU FAT BLITHERING IDIOT! GET THE BARON SOME SWAMP OIL!! GOERING AT ONCE, MEIN FUEHRER!!! AND, MAY I SAY, THAT BLACK SUIT YOU ARE WEARING MATCHES EXCELLENTLY THE WICKED GLINT IN YOUR DULL BROWN EYES. HITLER YOU’RE TOO KIND, FIELD MARSHALL. AND TOO STUPID!!! THIS SUIT COLOR ISN’T BLACK, IT’S CALLED “RAVEN CHARCOAL.” GOERING YES, OF COURSE, IT IS, MEIN FUEHRER, I SEE IT NOW, YES, YOU’RE RIGHT, OH, IT IS SO PRETTY. SO BECOMING A FUTURE MASTER OF THE HUMAN RACE. THUNDER--2 HITLER THAT’S MORE LIKE IT. NOW, GET OUT OF HERE! GO BLITZKRIEG THE HECK OUT OF SOMEBODY!! GOERING AT ONCE, MEIN FUEHRER!! OH, GOEBBELS, WHERE ARE YOU-U-U? I HAVE THE LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU! HITLER WHAT A MAROON! NOW, WHERE WAS I? BARON YOU WERE ABOUT TO CONFER UPON ME, MEIN FUEHRER, THE HIGHEST NAZI HONOR, THE TRIPLE CROSS! HITLER I WAS?? HMMM, OKEY-DOKEY, FOR MERITIOUS ACTIONS AGAINST WICKED WITCHES, I CONFER UPON YOU, THE TRIPLE CROSS. HEY, WAIT JUST A SIEG-HEILING MINUTE, THERE, THAT’S NOT WHY YOU’RE HERE. BARON IT’S NOT? HITLER NEIN!!! EVEN TEN!!! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GIVE YOU SUCH A SMACKING BECAUSE YOU AIN’T DONE NOTHING GOOD ABOUT DESTROYING THOSE GOSH-DARNED AMERICANS. BARON BUT, FOR CRYING OUT IN THE BUCKET, AND GEE WHIZ, IT’S NOT BEEN SOME KIND OF EASY, YOU KNOW, JUST GENIUS ME AGAINST 150 MILLION GOODY-GOODY FREEDOM LOVING GUYS. HITLER FORGET THOSE 150 MILLION! I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU BEEN DOING AGAINST JUST ONE AMERICAN. NAMELY, THAT SUPER-HERO BLUNDERING FOOL, CAPTAIN THUNDER!!! BARON (GLUMLY) I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO MENTION HIM. HITLER OUR GLORIOUS NAZI SCIENTISTS HAVE DETERMINED THAT CAPTAIN THUNDER HAS THE INTELLIGENCE OF SOGGY SAUERKRAUT. YET, YOU, THE MOST BRAINY NAZI IN THE WHOLE GOSH-DARNED THIRD REICH, HAVE LOST TO HIM TIME AND TIME AGAIN. BARON YEAH, WELL, THERE’S THAT. HITLER SO, HOW COME, SMART GUY? THUNDER--3 BARON WELL, YOU KNOW, ADOLPH, CAN I CALL YOU ADOLPH? HITLER NO. BARON ALL RIGHT, THEN, MEIN FUHERER, IT’S LIKE THIS. WHEN IT’S JUST ME AND HIM, MANO-ASUPERHERO, HE DON’T HAVE NO CHANCE. MY FIENDISH GENIUS AND MASTERFUL SNEAKINESS ALWAYS OVERPOWERS HIM. BUT ALL HIS FRIENDS, THAT STUPID LUXEMBOURGIAN SIDEKICK, THAT STUPID WACKY PARROT, EVEN A STUPID RELATIVE OR TWO, THEY BAIL HIM OUT. HITLER IS THAT SO? BARON YAH! THAT IS SO. HITLER WELL, THEN, THE ANSWER IS AS OBVIOUS AS THE MOUSTACHE ON MY FACE. BARON IT IS? HITLER JAH-VOLE. JUST GET HIM ALONE, ALL BY HIMSELF, ALL BY HIS LITTLE LONESOME. THEN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET HIM SO KAPUT, IT WON’T BE FUNNY. BARON ALL BY HIMSELF? OF COURSE! BUT CAPTAIN THUNDER ALWAYS TRAVELS WITH HIS GOODYGOODY BUDDIES. HOW CAN I GET HIM ALL BY HIS LONESOME? HITLER YOU’RE THE GENIUS, YOU FIGURE IT OUT. NOW, I’VE GOT TO GO WALK THE DOG. GET OUT OF HERE. GO WAKE UP IN ALCATRAZ. BARON OF COURSE, MEIN FUHERER, I’LL JUST MOSEY ALONG AND . . . WAIT A SECOND, WHAT DID YOU MEAN, “WAKE UP IN ALCATRAZ?” AIN’T I HERE WITH YOU IN GERMANY? HITLER OF COURSE NOT, SMART GUY. YOU’RE DREAMING. BARON I AM? THUNDER--4 HITLER OF COURSE YOU ARE, YOU STUPID STRUDEL. YOU’RE IN ALCATRAZ PRISON, WHERE THAT SUPER-HERO GUY PUT YOU. SO, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP . . . . SOUNDS OF HARP MUSIC. HITLER’S SPEECH MERGES INTO A GUARD’S ROUGH SPEECH. FIRST GUARD (WHO LOOKS A LOT LIKE HITLER) . . . WAKE UP, WAKE UP, SMART GUY. WAKE UP. SECOND GUARD (WHO LOOKS A LOT LIKE GOERING) YEAH. WAKE UP. IT’S SIX O’CLOCK. TIME FOR BREAKFAST. BARON WHAT? WHAT TH--? WHY, IT WAS JUST A DREAM. I WAS BACK IN GERMANY. AND YOU WERE THERE. AND YOU WERE, TOO. FIRST GUARD SURE WE WERE. WEREN’T WE, BERT? WE WAS ALL TOGETHER, IN BIG, BAD GERMANY. BERT YEAH, WE WAS, ERNIE. WE WAS ALL HAVING OUR MORNING SAUERKRAUT AND STRUDEL WITH MISTER ADOLPH HITLER HIMSELF. BARON YES, YES, WE WERE. OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I KNOW SAUERKRAUT AND STRUDEL WERE IN THE DREAM. AND ADOLPH, TOO. FUNNY, IT’S HARD TO REMEMBER, NOW. BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING IN IT. SOMETHING ABOUT CAPTAIN THUNDER. ERNIE OH, YOU’RE MORE LOONY THAN EVER. CAPTAIN THUNDER, AMERICA’S FOREMOST SUPERHERO, IS MUCH TOO BUSY TO BE ANY OL’ NAZI’S DREAM. RIGHT, BERT? BERT THAT’S RIGHT, ERNIE. IF HE’S IN ANYBODY’S DREAM, HE’S TELLING THEM TO BUY WAR BONDS. OR SAVE SCRAP METAL. SO WE CAN ALL DO OUR PART TO HELP OUR BOYS, OVER THERE, AND WIN THIS GOSH DARN WORLD WAR TWO. ERNIE YOU’RE RIGHT ON THE MONEY, THERE, BERT. WE DIDN’T START THIS WAR BUT WE’RE SURE AS HECK GONNA TO FINISH IT. FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE AND THE AMERICAN WAY! (APPLAUSE) BARON ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH OF THE IDIOTIC AMERICAN PATRIOTIC INTERLUDES. AM I GOING TO GET OUT FOR MY BREAKFAST OR NOT? BERT NOPE. ANYONE WHO BAD MOUTHS THE GOOD OL’ USA LIKE YOU JUST DID DOESN’T DESERVE MINGLING WITH THE OTHER PRISONERS. YOU’D BE A BAD INFLUENCE. THUNDER--5 BARON BEING A BAD INFLUENCE IS MY CHILDHOOD DREAM. ERNIE YOU CAN JUST HAVE YOUR BREAKFAST HERE IN YOUR CELL. ALL BY YOURSELF. AND, IF YOU NEED COMPANY, HERE, HAVE A PIN-UP PICTURE OF CAPTAIN THUNDER. I JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE IT WITH ME, ALONG WITH YOUR BREAKFAST TRAY. SO THE TWO OF YOU CAN BE ALONE WITH EACH OTHER. ALL BY YOURSELF. TOODLE-OO, BARON. (BERT AND ERNIE EXIT) BARON YEAH, YEAH, I GET IT. JUST ME AND CAPTAIN THUNDER, ALL BY OURSELVES. ALL BY OURSELVES. OH, IF I COULD JUST GET CAPTAIN THUNDER ALONE, I’D SHOW HIM A THING OR THREE, WHY, I’D . . .HEY, WAIT JUST A GOOSE-STEPPING MINUTE, THERE. THAT’S WHAT MY DREAM WAS ABOUT. MEIN FUEHRER TOLD ME THAT TO DESTROY CAPTAIN THUNDER, I JUST HAVE TO BE ALONE WITH HIM. MANO-A-SUPERHERO. OF COURSE, IT’S SO SIMPLE. SO ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GET THE HECK OUT OF THIS MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON CELL, SWIM ACROSS THE ICY WATERS OF SAN FRANCISCO BAY, LURE THE GOODY-GOODY CAPTAIN THUNDER TO A SECLUDED ISOLATED PLACE, AND DESTROY HIM QUICKER THAN YOU CAN SAY, ‘SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER.’ WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE? IT WILL BE AS SIMPLE AS CROSSING THE ENGLISH CHANNEL. OH, WAIT A MINUTE, MAYBE NOT THAT SIMPLE. I BETTER PUT MY THINKING CAP ON. I NEED A SUPER-DUPER PLAN. SCENE TWO NARRATOR MEANWHILE, BACK IN HARMONY COVE, CAPTAIN THUNDER’S HOME CITY, EVENTS ARE IN MOTION THAT WILL PROVE TO BE CRITICAL TO THE SURVIVAL OF OUR FAMED SUPER HERO. AND FOR AMERICA, ITSELF. IT STARTS INNOCENTLY ENOUGH. JUST A SIMPLE BANK ROBBERY BY THAT NEFARIOUS FEMALE VILLIAN, AUNTIE FREEZE, AND HER RUTHLESS GANG OF RELATIVES. AUNTIE FREEZE YOU HEARD ME!!! HAND OVER ALL THE MONEY, MISTER BANK TELLER, AND NOBODY GETS HURT! MUCH. BANK TELLER I HEARD YOU, AUNTIE FREEZE. I JUST DIDN’T BELIEVE YOU. WITH CAPTAIN THUNDER IN TOWN, NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD TRY TO HOLD UP A BANK HERE IN HARMONY COVE. AUNTIE FREEZE WHO SAYS I’M IN MY RIGHT MIND? FIRST NEPHEW YEAH. APOLOGIZE TO MY AUNTIE, MISTER, OR YOUSE BE GETTING A FAT LIP. BANK TELLER THUNDER--6 OH, MY GOODNESS ME, I CERTAINLY DIDN’T MEAN TO IMPLY THAT SHE WERE A SANE AND AN UPSTANDING CITIZEN. I WAS MERELY STATING THE PURE TRUTH—CAPTAIN THUNDER NEVER LETS ANYONE COMMIT A CRIME IN HIS TOWN. AUNTIE FREEZE I HOPE HE TRIES TO STOP ME. I’LL BE READY FOR HIM. CAPTAIN THUNDER THEN YOU GOT YOUR WISH, EVILDOER LADY. IT IS I, CAPTAIN THUNDER!! (APPLAUSE) FIRST NEPHEW HOLY CATS!! IT’S THE MAN OF MIGHT HIMSELF!! SECOND NEPHEW MAYBE THIS IDEA OF ROBBING A BANK WASN’T SUCH A GOOD IDEA, AUNTIE FREEZE. AUNTIE FREEZE NONSENSE, MY STUPID NEPHEW. I’M READY FOR HIM. PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM, CAPTAIN THUNDER!! NARRATOR WITH THAT, AUNTIE FREEZE WAVES HER ARMS AND AIMS HER ASTONISHING FREEZING POWER STRAIGHT AT OUR HERO. (SOUNDS OF FREEZING POWER) AUNTIE FREEZE I HOPE YOU DON’T “CATCH COLD!” CAPTAIN THUNDER HA! HA! HA! YOUR FREEZING POWER JUST TICKLES MY THUNDER STRONG BODY. AUNTIE FREEZE BUT MY FREEZING POWER!! IT’S DIRECTLY AIMED AT YOU. DON’T YOU FEEL THE LEAST BIT CHILLY? CAPTAIN THUNDER IT DOESN’T BOTHER ME, WICKED LADY. JUST LIKE IN ALL OUR OTHER ENCOUNTERS. SECOND NEPHEW YEAH, WE ASKED AUNTIE FREEZE ABOUT THAT. A FREEZING POWER DID SEEM A BIT FUTILE AGAINST A SUPER HERO. FIRST NEPHEW YOU’D THINK AFTER GOING TO JAIL THE FIRST TIME, SHE MIGHT HAVE COME UP WITH SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE ORIGINAL. AUNTIE FREEZE CURSE YOUR SUPER POWER! HOWEVER, THAT BANK TELLER ISN’T A SUPER HERO! THUNDER--7 BANK TELLER OH, MY GOODNESS, MY 98.6 TEMPERATURE JUST DROPPED 60 DEGREES IN JUST SECONDS. BRRR!! I’M SO COLD, I CAN BARELY FEEL MY ABACUS. AUNTIE FREEZE LET US ESCAPE, CAPTAIN THUNDER, WITH THE MONEY, OR THE TELLER GOES IN THE DEEP CHILL. CAPTAIN THUNDER GREAT SCOTT!! I CAN’T LET THAT INNOCENT PERSON FREEZE TO DEATH. YET, I CANNOT ALLOW A NEFARIOUS CROOK GET AWAY WITH MISGOTTEN GAIN. AND YET, THAT PERSON DOESN’T DESERVE TO DIE, JUST FOR SOME ETHICAL PRINCIPLE. AND, YET, THE CRIMINAL WILL RECEIVE THE WRONG MESSAGE IF SHE ESCAPES. AND YET, I CANNOT . . . BANK TELLER AH, HELLO, AH, CAPTAIN THUNDER. A LITTLE LESS MORAL DILEMMA AND A LITTLE MORE HELP. I’M FREEZING TO DEATH, HERE. CAPTAIN THUNDER YES, I KNOW, LOWLY OFFICE WORKER. (ASIDE) OH, WHAT CAN I DO? I CAN’T LET AUNTIE FREEZE ESCAPE. BUT I CAN’T LET THAT POOR MAN FREEZE TO DEATH. OH, IF ONLY I HAD SOMEONE TO HELP ME WITH MY MENTAL TURMOIL. NARRATOR LUCKILY, IN THAT INSTANCE, WHO SHOULD COME INTO THE BANK TO PURCHASE WAR BONDS BUT CAPTAIN THUNDER’S TRUSTED SIDEKICKS, KANDO MERTERT, FAMED LUXEMBOURGIAN FREEDOM FIGHTER, AND LINCOLN, THE PLUCKY PARROT. KANDO I’M GLAD YOU CAME DOWN TO THE BANK WITH ME, LINCOLN. LINCOLN (AWWKKK!!) MY PLEASURE. I NEEDED SOME FRESH AIR. KANDO SINCE I’M IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, I THOUGHT I’D BUY A WAR BOND. LINCOLN (AWWKKK!!) SAY, THAT’S A SWELL IDEA. I’LL BUY ONE, TOO. KANDO BUT WHERE WOULD YOU GET ENOUGH MONEY, LINCOLN? YOU’RE JUST A PARROT. LINCOLN (AWWKKK!!) I’LL JUST DIVERSIFY MY ENERGY AND COMMUNICATIONS OPEN-ENDED PORTFOLIO’S DIVIDENDS INTO TRANSPORTATION AND COMMODITY FUTURES, WHICH ARE COMPOUNDED BIANNUALLY WITH AN AGGRESSIVE ECONOMIC STRATAGEM, BASED ON THUNDER--8 FACTORS GLEAMED FROM ANNUAL FINANCIAL REPORTS OF 17 FORTUNE 500 COMPANIES. AND YOU, KANDO? WHERE WILL YOU GET MONEY TO BUY WAR BONDS? KANDO (BEAT) AH. SODA POP BOTTLE DEPOSITS. LINCOLN (AWWKKK!!) WELL, THAT’S A GOOD MONEYMAKING SCHEME TOO. BUT, HEY, WHY IS IT SO COLD IN HERE? KANDO I DON’T KNOW. YOU’D THINK A BANK WOULD BE ABLE TO PAY ITS HEATING BILLS. BUT, WAIT, LOOK, WHY, IT’S THAT MASTER CRIMINAL AUNTIE FREEZE. SHE’S TRYING TO ROB THE BANK. LINCOLN (AWWKKK!!) THAT FOUL FEMME FATALE! CAPTAIN THUNDER KANDO! LINCOLN! THANKS HEAVENS YOU’RE HERE. I’M IN A BIT OF AN IMPASSE HERE. SHOULD I STOP AUNTIE FREEZE FROM ROBBING THE BANK, KNOWING FULL WELL, IF I DID, THAT POOR BANK TELLER WILL FREEZE TO DEATH? OR SHOULD I RESCUE THE BANK TELLER FROM IMPENDING DEATH, KNOWING FULL WELL THAT AUNTIE FREEZE AND HER NEPHEW HENCHMEN WILL MAKE GOOD THEIR ESCAPE? BANK TELLER I’M VOTING FOR THE LATTER LINE OF ACTION. CAPTAIN THUNDER HE KEEPS SAYING THAT, BUT, GOSH DARN IT, HE’S JUST A LITTLE TOO CLOSE TO THE ACTION TO GIVE ME A LOGICAL ANSWER. AUNTIE FREEZE MAYBE I CAN SOLVE THAT IDIOT’S PROBLEM. NEPHEWS, HAVE YOU GOT THE LOOT? FIRST NEPHEW ME AND ERNIE HAVE GOT ALL THE BAGS OF MONEY WE CAN CARRY, AUNTIE FREEZE. SECOND NEPHEW AND IT’S A LOT! WE CAN FINALLY GET THAT LITTLE BUNGALOW AT NEWPORT BEACH. CAPTAIN THUNDER HMMM. THEY’D BUY A BUNGALOW? THAT WOULD GIVE THE CITY OF NEWPORT BEACH SOME WELCOME PROPERTY TAX REVENUE. AUNTIE FREEZE THAT’S RIGHT, CAPTAIN THUNDER. JUST THINK OF OUR ESCAPADE HERE AS US DOING OUR PART FOR THE TRICKLE-DOWN THEORY. THUNDER--9 CAPTAIN THUNDER A VALID POINT. BANK TELLER IF I FREEZE TO DEATH, I CAN’T PAY MY PROPERTY TAXES HERE IN HARMONY COVE. CAPTAIN THUNDER AN INTERESTING COUNTERPOINT. KANDO OH, FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE. LINCOLN, SHALL WE HELP OUT, HERE? LINCOLN (AWWKKK!!!) YOU BET. LOOK OUT, AUNTIE! HERE COMES LINCOLN! NARRATOR AND, JUST LIKE THAT, LINCOLN, THE PLUCKY PARROT SWOOPS OVER TO AUNTIE FREEZE AND BITES HER ON HER FREEZING FINGER. AUNTIE FREEZE OWWW!!! THAT HURT! NARRATOR AUNTIE FREEZE, DISTRACTED BY NUMBING PAIN, STOPS HER FREEZING RAYS. THE BANK TELLER NO LONGER IS FREEZING TO DEATH. BANK TELLER HOORAY!! I CAN FEEL MY TOES! NARRATOR AT THE SAME TIME, KANDO, THE LUXEMBOURGIAN FREEDOM FIGHTER, RUSHES AT THE TWO NEPHEWS AND GIVES THEM BOTH SUCH A KARATE CHOP. KANDO HIGH-YAH! TAKE THAT! (SOUND OF KARATE CHOP) AND TAKE THAT! (SOUND OF KARATE CHOP) FIRST NEPHEW OWWW!!! GOT THAT RIGHT IN THE SOLAR PLEXUS. SECOND NEPHEW ME. TOO. LOOK, I’M BLEEDING. ANYBODY GOT A BAND AID? BANK TELLER I DO. AND I CAN GIVE YOU A NICE LONG-TERM LOAN FOR IT. LINCOLN (AWWKKK!!) WE GOT THEM, CAPTAIN THUNDER. THUNDER--10 CAPTAIN THUNDER GREAT WORK, CHUMS! GLAD I WAS ABLE TO HELP. KANDO & LINCOLN HELP??? CAPTAIN THUNDER YES, WHILE YOU WERE FIGHTING, I CALLED ALCATRAZ AND RESERVED A CELL FOR MISS AUNTIE FREEZE. NOW, I’LL JUST WALK THESE CRIMINALS OVER TO THE ALCATRAZ POLICE FERRY BOAT. KANDO WALK THEM OVER? WHY, IT’S OVER FIFTY MILES TO ALCATRAZ. WOULDN’T IT’D BE QUICKER IF YOU JUST FLEW THEM OVER? CAPTAIN THUNDER (GULPS) FLEW? LIKE,”UP –IN-THE-AIR” FLEW? LINCOLN (AWWKKK!!) SHE DON’T MEAN, “I’M-SICK-WITH-THE-FLU” FLEW. BIRDBRAIN! STILL AFRAID OF FLYING. SOME SUPER HERO. CAPTAIN THUNDER IT’S NOT THAT I’M AFRAID OF FLYING, PER SE, BUT, IN THE INTERESTS OF NOT, AH, CLUTTERING UP VITAL AIR SPACE, I CHOOSE TO DO THE PATRIOTIC THING AND CONSERVE ENERGY. KANDO OH, BROTHER. CAPTAIN THUNDER COME ALONG, YOU CROOKS. BERT MAN, I HATE GOING TO PRISON. ERNIE ME, TOO. YOU’D THINK BY NOW WE’D LEARN THAT CRIME DOESN’T PAY. AUNTIE FREEZE WELL, I HAVEN’T LEARNED THAT LESSON. CURSE THAT BUMBLING SUPER-HERO’S FRIENDS. IF IT WASN’T FOR THEM, WE’D HAVE GOTTEN CLEAN AWAY. IF ONLY I COULD JUST FIGHT CAPTAIN THUNDER ALONE, WOMANO-A-SUPERHERO, I’M CONFIDENT I’D WIN OUT. I WONDER IF ANYONE ELSE HAS FIGURED THAT OUT. CAPTAIN THUNDER LET’S GO. NEPHEWS, THE WARDEN TELLS ME YOU’LL BE IN CELL BLOCK “C.” THAT’S “C” FOR CROOKS. AND AS FOR YOU, AUNTIE FREEZE. YOU’LL BE PUT IN A SPECIAL FREEZE PROOF CELL IN THE SPECIAL SUPER-VILLAINS CELL BLOCK. THUNDER--11 AUNTIE FREEZE YOU HAVEN’T HEARD THE LAST OF ME, CAPTAIN THUNDER. OF THAT, YOU CAN BE CERTAIN. SCENE THREE IN THE SPECIAL SUPER-VILLAINS CELL BLOCK NARRATOR JUSTICE IS SWIFT DURING WORLD WAR TWO. AND BEFORE YOU CAN SAY, “HABEAS CORPUS,” AUNTIE FREEZE IS USHERED INTO HER FREEZE-PROOF CELL IN THE WORLD FAMOUS MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON OF ALCATRAZ. GUARD IN YOU GO, AUNTIE FREEZE. OR, SHOULD I SAY, PRISONER NUMBER 127. AUNTIE FREEZE ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I’M GOING. GUARD NOW, BEHAVE YOURSELF, PRISONER 127. DON’T BE A BAD INFLUENCE. (EXITS) AUNTIE FREEZE (YELLING) BEING A BAD INFLUENCE IS MY CHILDHOOD DREAM. BARON ISN’T THAT A COINCIDENCE? THAT IS MY CHILDHOOD DREAM, TOO. AUNTIE FREEZE WHO SAID THAT? BARON IT WAS I, YOUR NEXT DOOR CELL MATE, PRISONER 126. OR, AS I LIKE TO CALL MYSELF, THE DASTARDLY BARON VON BRAINS. (BOO) AUNTIE FREEZE NOT THE BARON VON BRAINS? AMERICA’S NUMBER ONE VILLAIN, THREE YEARS RUNNING? BARON THE VERY SAME. AT YOUR SERVICE. AUNTIE FREEZE OH, MY GOODNESS. I’M YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN. I HAVE ALL YOUR RAP SHEETS. I’M THE INFAMOUS FEMALE CRIMINAL, AUNTIE FREEZE. BARON GET OUT!! NOT AUNTIE FREEZE? WHY, I’VE FOLLOWED YOUR CAREER SINCE YOU WERE JUST A TWO-BIT POPSICLE, BACK IN CHAGRIN FALLS, MINNESOTA. THUNDER--12 AUNTIE FREEZE REALLY? OH, THAT WAS SO LONG AGO. ER, I MEAN, WHY THAT WAS ONLY A FEW YEARS AGO. BARON WHAT’S A BAD GIRL LIKE YOU, DOING IN A PLACE LIKE THIS? AUNTIE FREEZE OH, THE USUAL. BURGLARY, LARCENY, GRAND THEFT AUTO. I ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH ROBBING THE SECOND NATIONAL BANK. AND I’D HAVE BEEN LIVING ON EASY STREET IF IT WASN’T FOR THAT NO-GOOD GOODY-GOODY SUPERHERO, CAPTAIN THUNDER. BARON OH, DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THAT SWINE-HOOD. I’D BE THE MASTER OF EASY STREET IF IT WASN’T FOR HIM. AUNTIE FREEZE HE MAKES ME SO MAD, I COULD JUST . . . CAN WE TALK? I MEAN, WHERE DOES HE GET OFF, BEING A SUPERHERO? I MEAN, IF IT WASN’T FOR ALL THAT THUNDER STRENGTH AND THUNDER VISION AND ALL THAT THUNDER STUFF, HE’D JUST BE A REGULAR JOE. WHY, HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE THE BRAINS OF A SOGGY SAUERKRAUT. BARON I’VE HEARD THAT. YOU KNOW, IT’S JUST ALL HIS FRIENDS THAT HELP HIM OUT. IF I COULD JUST GET HIM ALONE, I’D SHOW HIM SUCH A THROBBING, IT’D MAKE HIS CAPE SPIN. AUNTIE FREEZE IF I COULD JUST GET HIM ALL ALONE, WITHOUT HIS MEDDLING FRIENDS, THAT WOULD BE THE END OF THE ILLUSTRIOUS CAPTAIN THUNDER. BARON FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT. I HAVE BEEN RACKING MY SUPER-GENIUS BRAIN OVER THAT VERY THOUGHT AND I THINK I HAVE COME UP WITH A MASTERFUL PLAN. AND YOUR FREEZING POWER COULD VERY WELL COME IN HANDY. THAT IS, IF YOU WANT TO BREAK OUT OF HERE AND HELP ME DESTROY CAPTAIN THUNDER. AUNTIE FREEZE IF I’D WANT TO DESTROY CAPTAIN THUNDER? BARON, YOU BET I’LL HELP. BARON GOOD (LAUGHS MANICALLY). WE’LL JOIN FORCES. TOGETHER, WE’LL MAKE SURE THE WORLD HAS SEEN THE LAST OF CAPTAIN THUNDER!! (Boo) SCENE FOUR AT THE HARMONY COVE POST OFFICE THUNDER--13 NARRATOR AFTER DROPPING OFF THE CROOKS AT MAXIMUM SECURITY ALCATRAZ PRISON, OUR HERO MADE HIS WAY BACK TO HIS DAY JOB, IN HIS SECRET IDENTITY AS JOE BUCKLEY, MEEK, MILDMANNERED POSTAL CLERK AT THE HARMONY COVE POST OFFICE. THE DAYS PASS SWIFTLY, AS HE SELLS STAMPS AND MAILS LETTERS, UNTIL ONE MORNING WHEN HE RECEIVES A RUDE SHOCK. JOE BUCKLEY (WHISTLING) WHY, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING. THE BIRDS ARE SINGING, THE SUN IS SHINING. I HAVE A FEELING THIS WILL BE THE BEST DAY EVER. REUBEN CROSS JOE!! JOE BUCKLEY!!! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU WORTHLESS POSTAL CLERK, YOU? JOE BUCKLEY SO MUCH FOR MY FEELING OF THE BEST DAY EVER. I WONDER WHY MY BOSS, REUBEN CROSS, IS SO UPSET TODAY. GOOD MORNING, MISTER CROSS. REUBEN CROSS DON’T “GOOD MORNING” ME. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? JOE BUCKLEY WHY, YES, I DO. IT’S 8:15. REUBEN CROSS 8:15, HUH? SO WHY ISN’T THE POST OFFICE OPEN? JOE BUCKLEY IT IS OPEN, MISTER CROSS. REUBEN DON’T TRY TO FLIM-FLAM ME, BUDDY. IF WE’RE OPEN, THEN HOW COME THIS FRONT DOOR IS LOCKED. (SOUND S OF BELL TINGLING) OH. WE ARE OPEN. JOE BUCKLEY IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, MISTER CROSS? YOU SEEM MORE GRUMPY THAN USUAL. REUBEN OH, I’M SORRY. IT JUST THAT I HAVEN’T SLEPT GOOD THE PAST FEW NIGHTS. JOE BUCKLEY YOU KNOW, WHEN I CAN’T SLEEP, YOU KNOW WHAT I DO? REUBEN CROSS CAN’T SAY THAT THAT I DO. JOE BUCKLEY I JUST START MY MORNING OUT WITH A NICE, REFRESHING CUP OF FIREHOUSE COCOA. THUNDER--14 REUBEN CROSS FIREHOUSE COCOA, DID YOU SAY? THAT RICH, CREAMY, SUPER- NUTRITIOUS DRINK THAT GOES WELL WITH EVERY BREAKFAST ITEM, FROM CEREAL TO WAFFLES? JOE BUCKLEY THE VERY SAME. REUBEN CROSS FIREHOUSE COCOA, FORTIFIED WITH VITAMINS AND MINERALS SO A BODY WILL FEEL GREAT, ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY? JOE BUCKLEY YOU GOT IT! REUBEN BOY, I FEEL BETTER JUST THINKING ABOUT FIREHOUSE COCOA. I WISH I HAD SOME RIGHT NOW. JOE BUCKLEY WELL, YOU CAN, MISTER CROSS. I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE TWO DELICIOUS CUPS RIGHT HERE. ONE FOR ME AND ONE FOR YOU. BEING A POSTAL CLERK, I GET EXTRA CHOCOLATE RATIONS, YOU KNOW. REUBEN FIREHOUSE COCOA. THE COCOA OF KINGS! THE KING OF COCOA! SOLD IN FOOD STORES ALL ACROSS THE GOOD U S OF A. JOE BUCKLEY AND KIDS! NOW FIREHOUSE COCOA COMES WITH A FREE WHISTLE IN EVERY TIN. WITH THREE DIFFERENT COLORS—RED. WHITE. AND BLUE. COLLECT THEM ALL!! REUBEN FIREHOUSE COCOA. I FEEL BETTER ALL READY. NARRATOR FIREHOUSE COCOA. THE OFFICIAL DRINK OF THE U.S. ARMED FORCES. (APPLAUSE) JOE BUCKLEY WHY HAVEN’T YOU BEEN GETTING ANY SLEEP, MISTER CROSS? REUBEN WELL, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN HARMONY COVE, I’VE BEN STAYING UP LATE, PRATICING FOR THE ALL-AMERICAN QUIZ SHOW. JOE BUCKLEY ALL-AMERICAN QUIZ SHOW? WHAT’S THAT? REUBEN THUNDER--15 YOU DON’T KNOW? A PRODUCER OUT OF HOLLYWOOD IS PREMIERING A RADIO QUIZ SHOW. RIGHT HERE IN HARMONY COVE! JOE BUCKLEY GOLLY!! RIGHT HERE IN HARMONY COVE? REUBEN THAT’S RIGHT. THE CONTESTANTS HAVE TO DO ALL KINDS OF STUNTS, LIKE TEARING PHONE BOOKS IN HALF, GUESSING WHAT’S BEHIND CLOSED DOORS AND STUFF LIKE THAT. IF SOMEONE MANAGES TO DO ALL THOSE HARD, PHYSICALLY CHALLENGING STUNTS, THEN THE SHOW WILL DONATE ONE HUNDRED WAR BONDS. IF NO ONE IS ABLE TO, THEN THEY’LL DONATE NOTHING. IT’S A REAL CHALLENGE, I CAN TELL YOU. JOE BUCKLEY (TO HIMSELF) GOSH, ONE HUNDRED WAR BONDS WILL SURE HELP THE WAR EFFORT. AND DOING ALL THOSE PHYSICAL STUNTS, WHY, CAPTAIN THUNDER WOULD WIN, HANDS DOWN. (ALOUD) IS THE CONTEST OPEN TO EVERYONE? REUBEN SEE FOR YOURSELF. I HAVE ONE OF THEIR HANDBILLS RIGHT HERE. “COME ONE! COME ALL! ESPECIALLY SUPER HEROES! TO THE ALL-AMERICAN QUIZ SHOW. COMPETE AGAINST AMERICA’S FINEST, ESPECIALLY NON-SUPER HEROES, IN FEATS OF STRENGTH AND SKILL. INTELLIGENCE NOT NECESSARY. AUDITIONS WILL BE HELD THIS THURSDAY, STARTIGN AT 9 AM.” WHICH IS TODAY, I MIGHT ADD. “CONTESTANTS WILL COMPETE ONE AT A TIME, ALL BY THEIR SELVES. WIN ONE HUNDRED WAR BONDS FOR THE AMERICAN WAR EFFORT!” JOE BUCKLEY (TO HIMSELF) SUPER HEROES ARE OKAY TO ENTER, HUH? LUCKY FOR ME, I’M THE ONLY SUPER HERO IN HARMONY COVE. IT’S MY PATRIOTIC DUTY TO ENTER. (ALOUD) GOLLY, THIS SOUNDS LIKE FUN. THE AUDITIONS ARE JUST A FEW MINUTES. CAN I HAVE SOME TIME OFF TO TRY OUT? REUBEN (LAUGHS) YOU? MISTER PIPSQUEAK HIMSELF. WHY, YOU WOULDN’T STAND A CHANCE. NOW, ME, I DON’T THINK I’D HAVE ANY TROUBLE AT ALL. DON’T YOU REMEMBER? I WON FIRST PLACE AT LAST SUMMER’S THREE-LEGGED RACE AT THE POST OFFICE PICNIC? JOE BUCKLEY WELL, YEAH, BUT YOU USED TWO LEGS, NOT THREE. AND YOU ONLY COMPETED AGAINST ME AND LINCOLN. REUBEN DETAILS, DETAILS. A WIN IS A WIN. SORRY. YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE. I’M GOING NOW. JOE BUCKLEY I GUESS I’LL HAVE TO STAY. AH, TOO BAD YOUR FIREHOUSE COCOA WILL GET COLD. REUBEN WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY? THUNDER--16 JOE BUCKLEY YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO BRING YOUR COCOA IN WHILE YOU’RE AUDITIONING. IT’LL HAVE TO STAY HERE UNTIL YOU GET BACK. WHICH COULD BE AWHILE. REUBEN COLD FIREHOUSE COCOA? WHY, I’D RATHER WALK ACROSS HOT COALS THAN NOT GET MY WARM, DELICIOUS MORING COCOA. GO AHEAD, JOE.GO TRY OUT. KNOWING YOU, IT WON’T TAKE LONG. JOE BUCKLEY GEE, THANKS, MISTER CROSS. I’LL BE BACK AS SOON AS I CAN. (TO HIMSELF) WITH ONE HUNDRED WAR BONDS, THAT IS!!! SCENE FIVE AT THE “ALL-AMERICAN QUIZ SHOW” STUDIO NARRATOR AT THE ‘ALL-AMERICAN QUIZ SHOW” STUDIO, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN LINED UP FOR HOURS, TRYING TO WIN THE FABLED PRIZE. BUT TI SEEMS LIKE NO ONE HAS BEEN ABLE TO QUALIFY. NOT EVEN VERONICA VANDERLOOP, THE PRETTIEST QUALITY CONTROL SUPERVISOR AT THE HARMONY COVE MUNITIONS FACTORY. AND, ALSO, JOE BUCKLEY’S SECRET HEARTTHROB. QUIZ SHOW MODERATOR (WHO LOOKS SUPSICIOUSLY LIKE BARON VON BRAINS) Next!! VERONCIA BUT I HAVEN’T TRIED ANY STUNT, YET! BARON IT DOESN’T MATTER. YOU’RE JUST A LITTLE SLIP OF A GIRL. YOU COULDN’T POSSIBLY BE CAPTAIN THUNDER, ER, I MEAN, CAPABLE FO TEARING THIS PHONE BOOK IN HALF. VERONICA OH, YEAH? WELL, WATCH THIS! (GRUNTS) OH, MY, THAT WAS HARD. MAYBE IF I JUST HAD THE YELLOW PAGES? BARON NOT A SNITZUL’S CHANCE IN HECK. NEXT!! ATTRACTIVE GAME SHOW ASSISTANT (WHO LOOKS SUSPICOULSY LIKE AUNTIE FREEZE) YOU HEARD THE NAZI, ER, I MEAN, THE NICE MAN, SUGAR. MOVE ALONG. VERONICA DO I GET ANY LOVELY PARTING GIFTS? AUNTIE FREEZE PARTING GIFTS? WHAT DO YOU TAKE US FOR, THE SALVATION ARMY? HIT THE ROAD! THUNDER--17 VERONICA WELL, I NEVER. I THINK YOU’RE BEING REALLY, REALLY UNFAIR. I THINK I SHOULD REPORT YOU TO WHOEVER IS IN CHARGE OF RADIO SHOWS AND . . . OH, MY GOLLY! IT’S CAPTAIN THUNDER! CAPTAIN THUNDER YES, THAT’S WHO I AM. WAITING PATIENTLY FOR MY TURN TO COMPETE. AUNTIE FREEZE CAPTAIN THUNDER? CAPTAIN THUNDER? LOOK, RADIO HOST GUY, IT’S CAPTAIN THUNDER! BARON CAPTAIN THUNDER!! CAPTAIN THUNDER YES, THAT’S MY NAME, DON’T WEAR IT OUT. I’M COME TO COMPETE ON YOUR SHOW. BARON OH, YES, YES, WHY, WE’RE SO HONORED TO HAVE THE ILLUSTRIOUS DUNDER-HEAD, I MEAN, SUPER-HERO COME TO OUR LITTLE SHOW. AUNTIE FREEZE, I MEAN, MISS GAME SHOW ASSISTANT, GO TELL ALL THOSE PEOPLE IN LINE THEY CAN JUST GO HOME. WE’VE FOUND OUR CONTESTANT. VERONICA BUT HE HASN’T EVEN TRIED OUT. BARON HE HASN’T? OH, YES, HE HASN’T. WELL, THEN, HERE, CAPTAIN THUNDER, BEND THIS PAPER CLIP COMPELTELY OVER. CAPTIN THUNDER BEND A PAPER CLIP? WHY, THAT’S CHILD’S PLAY. AUNTIE FREEZE THAT’S WHY HE THOUGHT OF YOU. VERONICA HEY! BEND A PAPER CLIP? I COULD HAVE DONE THAT! BARON WELL, NOW, I DIDN’T ASK YOU TO DO THAT, DID I? C’MOM, CAPTAIN THUNDER, BEND THE PAPER CLIP. OR ARE YOU TOO SCARED? CAPTAIN THUNDER I THINK I CAN DO IT. THERE! LOOK! IT’S DONE! DO I GET THE HUNDRED WAR BONDS, NOW? BARON THUNDER--18 NOT QUITE YET, BUT YOU DID PASS YOUR TRY OUT. NOW, COME WITH US, INTO THIS ROOM, WHERE WE WILL TAPE THE SHOW. ALL ALONE. NOT YOU, IDIOT GIRL! YOU GO AWAY. THE CONTESTANT MUST BE ALL ALONE. CAPTAIN THUNDER WHY CAN’T THE LOVELY VERONICA VANDERLOOP (SIGH) COME WATCH? VERONICA I COULD MAKE ALL KINDS OF CHEERY LEADER SOUNDS TO ROOT HIM ON! AUNTIE FREEZE THAT WON’T BE NECESSARY. IT MIGHT EVEN BE DISTRACTING. BARON YES, THAT’S RIGHT. CAPTAIN THUNDER MUST BE COMPLETELY ALONE FOR HIS, AH, TASKS. WE CAN’T TAKE THE SLIGHTEST CHANCE THAT EVEN A BRAINLESS, YET EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE, AMERICAN GIRL WILL ASSIST HIM. HIS TRACK RECORD WITH FRIENDS IS VERY DISHEARTENING. AUNTIE FREEZE TOO BAD, DEAR. BUT RULES ARE RULES. RIGHT, CAPTAIN THUNDER? CAPTAIN THUNDER I’M AFRAID SO, VERONICA. I MUST ALWAYS LIVE MY THE RULES. AFTER ALL, WITHOUT RULES, WE’D BE NO BETTER THAN NAZIS! BARON (MUTTERS) YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY. (ALOUD) THIS WAY, CAPTAIN THUNDER. GOOD BYE, GIRL. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME. VERONICA GOOD LUCK, CAPTAIN THUNDER. BREAK A CAPE. OH, LOOK AT HIM GO, DOWN THAT DARK AND SECLUDED HALLWAY. HE’S SO WONDERFUL. I MUST TELL REUBEN CROSS, LINCOLN, THE PLUCKY PARROT, AND KANDO, THE VALIANT LUXEMBROUGIAN FREEDOM FIGHTER, THE GOOD NEWS! (EXITS) BARON NOW, CAPTAIN THUNDER, FOR YOUR FIRST TASK, WE ARE GOING TO ASK YOU TO GET INSIDE THIS ISOLATION BOOTH WE HAVE SET UP HERE. CAPTAIN THUNDER OKEY-DOKEY. BUT, SAY, WHERE ARE THE MICROPHONES? ISN’T THIS A RADIO STUDIO? BARON GOTT IN HIMMEL!! I MEAN, GOOD GRACIOUS. YOU STUPID GAME SHOW ASSISTANT, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH ALL THE RADIO MICROPHONES AND STUFF LIKE THAT THERE? AUNTIE FREEZE THUNDER--19 DON’T ASK ME, THIS RADIO PLAN WAS YOUR IDEA. I MEAN, I MEAN, AH, THEY WERE ALL DIRTY, SO, AH, I TOOK THEM OUT TO BE, AH, DRY CLEANED. YEAH, YEAH, THAT’S THE TICKET. CAPTAIN THUNDER MICROPHONES CAN BE DRY CLEANED? BARON HMM, YES, YES, OF COURSE, THEY CAN BE. THEY SHOULD BE. YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE ANY DIRTY OLD GERMS BROADCAST OVER THE AIR AND START EPIDEMICS, NOW, DO YOU? CAPTAIN THUNDER WHY, NO, I SURE WOULDN’T THAT TO HAPPEN. NOT WITH THE WAR ON AND ALL. BARON THAT’S A GOOD DUMBKOPT, I MEAN, SUPER HERO. NOW, WHY DON’T WE PRACTICE UNTIL THE MICROPHONES COME BACK? JUST STEP INSIDE THIS ISOLATION BOOTH, HERE. CAPTAIN THUNDER SURE THING. BOY, WHAT A STRANGE LOOKING ISOLATION BOOTH. ALL ROUND SIDES, ONE LITTLE PEEP HOLE. I THOUGHT ISOLATION BOOTHS WERE MADE OF GLASS. BARON (MUTTERS) BOY, FOR A STUPID GUY, YOU SURE COME UP WITH SMART QUESTIONS. (ALOUD) WELL, YES, THEY USE TO MADE OF GLASS, BUT, HECK, THERE’S A WAR ON SO WE HAD TO MAKE DUE WITH FIRE-TESTED CHROMIUM STEEL, LACED THROUGH AND THROUGH WITH LEAD. CAPTAIN THUNDER OH, THAT MAKES SENSE. BARON IT ODES, DOESN’T IT? SOMETIMES, MY HASTILY THOUGHT OUT EXCUSES AMAZE EVEN ME. OKAY, IN YOU GO. CAPTAIN THUNDER (MUFFLED) BOY, IT SURE IS DARK IN HERE. AND I HOPE YOU DON’T WANT ME TO LOOK THROUGH A CLOSED DOOR OR ANYTHING. MY THUNDER CAN’T SEE THROUGH LEAD. BARON OH, WHAT A PITY. YOU CAN’T SEE THROUGH LEAD. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT, DID YOU KNOW THAT, GAME SHOW ASSISTANT? AUNTIE FREEZE OF COURSE I DID. YOU TOLD ME THAT’S WHY WE MADE THIS OUT OF LEAD. BARON NOT SO LOUD, NUMBSKULL. HE MIGHT HEAR YOU. CAPTAIN THUNDER THUNDER--20 HE DID HEAR YOU. SAY, WHAT’S GOING ON? THIS CAN’T BE AN ISOLATION BOOTH. IT’S TOO DARK INSIDE. BARON YOU’RE RIGHT, CAPTAIN NIMCOMPOOP. CAPTAIN THUNDER ACTUALLY, IT’S CAPTAIN THUNDER. BARON IT MIGHT AS WELL BE CAPTAIN BYE-BYE. FOR IT IS, I, BARON VON BRAINS! PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM. CAPTAIN THUNDER (MUFFLED) THE BARON! AUNTIE FREEZE AND IT IS I, AUNTIE FREEZE, NOT THE SWEET GAME SHOW ASSISTANT THAT YOU THOUGHT. CAPTAIN THUNDER (MUFFLED) AUNTIE FREEZE! AND BARON VON BRAINS! SAY, WHY AREN’T ARE YOU GUYS IN ALCATRAZ PRISON? BARON YOU THINK ALCATRAZ COULD HOLD ME. JUST A SIMPLE ADJUSTMENT TO AUNTIE FREEZE’S FREEZE-PROOF AND POOF! THE LOCKS GOT SO COLD AND BITTER, WE JUST SNAPPED THEM OFF. AND GETTING OUT WAS NO PROBLEM., EITHER. AUNTIE FREEZE I JUST FROZE THE WATER OF SANFRANCSICO BAY AND WE SKATED OUT. I’M SURPRISED YOU DIDN’T KNOW. IT WAS IN ALL THE PAPERS. CAPTAIN THUNDER MY SUBSCRIPTION RAN OUT. DARN THE LUCK! BARON AND NOW YOUR LUCK HAS RUN OUT. AUNTIE, QUICKLY. FREEZE THE LOCKS! (SOUND OF FREEZING POWER) CAPTAIN THUNDER THAT WON’T STOP ME. I HAVE THUNDER STENGTH. BARON BUT IT WILL SLOW YOU DOWN. WHEN I THROW THIS SWITCH, (SOUND OF SWITCH THROWING) YOUR ACHILLE HEEL, VERTIGO, WILL RENDER YOU POWERLESS AND SOON, QUITE, QUITE DEAD. CAPTAIN THUNDER YOU FIEND!!! (SOUNDS OF WHIRLING) THUNDER--21 BARON YOU’RE TOO KIND. AND, NOW, AUNTIE FREEZE, WE’RE OFF. OFF TO BRING THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA TO ITS KNEES!! (BOO) AUNTIE FREEZE NOW, REMEMBER OUR BARGAIN. IF THE NAZIS TAKE OVER AMERICA, YOU KNOW WHAT I GET OUT OF IT. BARON I KNOW, I KNOW. IF, WHEN!, GERMANY RULES THE WORLD, YOU WILL GET CLEVELAND. AUNTIE FREEZE I’VE ALWAYS LIKE DLAKE ERIE. AND DON’T TRY TO DOUBLE CROSS ME, BARON. I HAVE IT ALL DOWN ON PAPER. WHICH YOU SIGNED. BARON I KNOW, I KNOW. YOU’RE TOO CLEVER FOR ME. NOW, LET US RUSH BACK TO OUR SECRET HIDEOUT AND TELL ADOLPH THE GOOD NEWS. FAREWELL, CAPTAIN THUNDER. YOU’VE INTERFERED WITH MY GLORIOUS PLANS FOR THE LAST TIME. CAPTAIN THUNDER OH, I FEEL SO WHOOZY, SO SICK. I CAN’T USE MY THUNDER POWERS AT ALL. BARON AND SOON. VERY SOON. YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO USE ANYTHING AT ALL. FOR YOU’LL BE DEAD. CAPTAIN THUNDER OH, MY, MY, I’M LOSING CONSCIOUSNESS. BARON EXCELLENT. ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN. AFTER YOU, MY DEAR. AUNTIE FREEZE OH, BARON, YOU’RE A VILLAIN AFTER MY OWN HEART. BARON (GROUCHO-LIKE) AND THAT’S NOT ALL I’M AFTER. (RIMSHOT) HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU, YOU HAVE EYES THAT A MAREVLOUS SHADE OF DULL BROWN? NARRATOR CAN THIS BE THE END OF OUR HERO? HAS THE EVIL BARON VON BRAINS FINALLY TRIUMPHED OVER CAPTAIN THUNDER? WILL AMERICA FALL PREY TO THE DASTARDLY DESIGNS OF THE EVIL THIRD REICH? BARON YES, YES AND YES. GAME, SET AND MATCH, NARRATOR GUY. NARRATOR THUNDER--22 RETURN TO US AFTER A SHORT INTERMISSION AND DISCOVER THE TERRIFYING CONCLUSION OF “CAPTAIN THUNDER AND THE ISOLATION BOOTH OF DOOM.” BROUGHT TO YOU BY . . . OUR SPONSOR, FIREHOUSE COCOA. THE COCOA OF KINGS. THE KING OF COCOA! SEE YOU SHORTLY. BARON ENJOY YOUR COCOA . . . WHILE YOU CAN (LAUGHS MANICALLY) THUNDER--23 THUNDER--24