I hope you will receive a dose of motivation, inspiration, laughter and
thought-provoking quotes. If you find yourself bogged down in our
competitive, stressful work world, take a few minutes to read and
then think about the positive messages you will receive.
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9.
Inspirational Quotes
Just Love by Joe Mazzella
Find of the week
Wild Trivia
Metaphor ~ A Healthy Dose Of Laughter
Ken Warren- Think before you speak
What is Laughter?
Jokes
Motivational
No trees were destroyed in the sending of this message. However, a
large number of electrons were significantly inconvenienced
1.
Inspirational Quotes
God thoughts for the day!
There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its
parking lots, so they put up a sign: CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR
MEMBERS ONLY Trespassers will be baptized!
"No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."
"Free Trip to heaven, Details Inside!"
"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone
tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline
that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
"People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water
before you know how strong they are."
"How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Nonsmoking?"
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long
and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this
world."
"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
2. JUST LOVE By: Joseph J. Mazzella
Our new Saint Bernard puppy, Buddy just keeps growing and growing. He is already
nearing the eighty pound mark and I know that he has another hundred to go after that
before he is full grown. The biggest thing about him, though, seems to be his heart.
Although, he prefers the company of my wife and daughter to anyone else he still
seems to have more than enough love to share with the rest of us. Buddy doesn’t hold
his love back for anyone be they man, woman, dog, or cat. Buddy loves the whole
world and he seems to take his greatest joy in sharing that love with everyone he
meets.
I only wish that one day I will be able to love as easily and freely as Buddy does. I
hope that one day my entire life will be a gift of love: given freely and with joy. I
hope that one day my love will be free of all judgment, all fear, and all conditions. I
hope that one day my love will be as pure as this puppy’s love and as strong and
beautiful as the love God gives me everyday.
Mother Teresa once said: "We have been created to love and be loved." God made us
to love. When we refuse to love we slowly kill the beautiful soul within each of us.
When we refuse to love we exist without really living. When we refuse to love we
deny the true purpose of our lives here on Earth and waste the precious time that we
are given here.
Let us all follow the advice of a wise dog I know then and just love. Let us give up
our worries, struggles, and fears and just love. Let us abandon our prejudices, hatreds,
and judgments and just love. Let us live the way that God meant for us to live towards
Him, ourselves, and our neighbors and just love. By just filling our hearts and souls
with love and sharing that love with everyone everywhere we can make our lives
blessed and make this world a better, more beautiful, and more loving place.
******************************
“A BETTER PLACE” By Joseph J. Mazzella
Out in my backyard, in front of a family cemetery, stands a small, lone
Maple tree. This tiny Maple was planted several years ago by a neighbour
of mine who has since moved away. It isn’t very tall, and last year an ice
storm nearly split it in two. Still, it brightens my day to look out upon it.
It continues to thrive and grow taller each year. In the Spring, its buds
announce the rebirth of life to a sleeping world. In the Summer, its large,
green leaves provide shade from the sun, oxygen to the air and joy to my
heart. In the Autumn, its colours join in the symphony of beauty that
blesses the woodlands of my home. In Winter, its snow covered branches
shine in a glorious, crystal whiteness. Everyday and in every season this
little tree does what God meant for it to do and makes this world a
better place.
If this little tree can do so much to make this world a better place, then
just imagine what you can do. A single human life has so much more
potential than a little tree does to bring beauty, joy, love and life to this
world.
You can plant hundreds of trees and thousands of flowers in your
lifetime. You can bless this world with countless acts of kindness,
goodness, caring and love, and share endless smiles, laughs and hugs. You
can create a million moments of joy and touch ten million hearts and souls
with them, share more "I Love You’s" than you ever believed possible and
give more delight to the world than you knew existed.
You can inspire the hearts, minds and souls of so many others to do the
same and bring so much joy, love, goodness and God. It would make this
world a better place just by being in it.
Don’t give up on life. Don’t let yourself drown in despair. Choose to share
love and joy today and always. Do what God meant for you to do, and make
this world a better place.
***********************************
3. Find of the week
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For more information call Michelle on (03)8302 1105.
By mentioning this newsletter you will receive a 10% discount.
*********************************
Enjoy the Wonders of Neem
For centuries the Neem tree has been known as the wonder tree of India.
Traditionally used in ayurvedic remedies as an antiseptic to fight viruses
and bacteria, it is also recommended for urinary disorders, diarrhea,
fever, skin diseases, burns and inflammatory diseases. Because of its
wide variety of applications it is commonly called the "Friend and
Protector of the Indian Villager."
Today modern research has verified the remarkable attributes of this
tree. Neem is increasingly a key ingredient in modern cosmetics and
pharmaceuticals.
Cracking the Secrets of Neem. Why is Neem such a wonder tree?
Modern research studies have discovered that it contains both alkaloids
and liminoids, each with an array of medicinal properties. For instance,
one liminoid (azadirachitin) has been found to be 95% effective when
used as a pesticide and insecticide.
Another liminoid found in Neem leaves (gedunin) has been used to treat
malaria in tropical countries. It is administered as a tea or herbal
infusion. Two other alkaloids (nimbin and nimbidin) have antiviral and
antifungal properties.
While all parts of the tree are used in traditional ayurvedic formulas,
there are three parts that are of particular benefit. These are the bark,
the leaf and the oil.
Uses of Neem Bark
The Neem bark has cool, bitter, and astringent properties.
It is traditionally used to treat tiredness, Kapha dosha imbalance, worms,
fever and loss of appetite. Because of its antiseptic and astringent
properties, it is especially helpful in healing wounds.
Probably the most common use of Neem bark is to clean the teeth. The
traditional method is to snap off a twig of the tree and chew on it. The
astringent qualities of the bark prevented bleeding gums, tooth decay and
foul smell long before the advent of toothpaste.
The Magical Neem Leaf
Neem leaf is famous in ayurvedic texts for having an almost magical
effect on the skin. It works as an antifungal, antiseptic, and antiinflammatory agent. It is effective in treating eczema, ringworm and
acne. Traditional methods include crushing the leaves into a paste and
applying directly to wounds, ulcers or skin diseases.
Neem leaf has both pungent and astringent tastes. According to
Maharishi Ayurveda, the Neem leaf is especially useful in balancing Vata
disorders. It removes ama and other toxins from the body, purifies the
blood, and neutralizes damaging free radicals. It is nourishing to the hair
(keshya).
Neem leaf is also revered for its antibacterial and antiviral properties.
Even today in India, people sprinkle fresh Neem leaf near the beds of
patients with flu or fever, and hang a cluster of leaves on the door
outside. The air that crosses the neem leaf is purified of viruses and
bacteria, helping to disinfect the room and prevent the spread of disease.
Traditional Uses of Neem Oil
The oil is derived by crushing the seeds. Like the leaves, Neem oil is used
to treat skin problems. It is especially effective in treating head lice and
dandruff, and creates a purifying effect when used in aromatherapy.
Fortunately, you can enjoy the benefits of Neem oil, bark and leaves even
if you don't have a Neem tree growing in your front yard! Here are some
simple ways to use Neem for your teeth, skin and hair.
Neem Bark Toothpaste to Prevent Tooth Decay Brush your teeth with
Ayurdent, completely natural, flouride-free ayurvedic toothpaste that
contains Neem bark. It helps heal sore gums, prevents tooth decay by
strengthening gums and teeth, and creates a fresh feeling in the mouth.
Ayurdent cleanses deep toxins from the teeth and oral cavity and is
especially effective when used right before bed.
Sleep! It's good for you!
A recent study shows that America is the most sleep-deprived nation. Perhaps
due to our strict work ethics and busy lives, many Australians have been treating
sleep as if it were an option. The study also found that pessimism, crankiness,
and overall stress is linked to a lack of sleep.
To stay healthy and combat stress, make sure to schedule in a good amount of
sleep as priority.
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Very American but still sort of interesting - What happens is pretty
interesting. It's also amazing how quickly it computes!!
http://www.frontiernet.net/~cdm/age1.html
*****************************************
Uses for Tea Bags
by Tawnya
Use wet tea bags on itching skin, on a burn, to stop bleeding after a tooth
extraction, or even on hot spots on your pets.
Use a warm tea bag on a cold sore. Press it to your mouth for 20-30 mins.
The next day the cold sore will be gone. I didn't believe this when
someone told me, but I tried it (and felt silly doing so) -- but when I woke
up the next morning, the cold sore had completely disappeared.
*****************************************
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 and up apiece on those
little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could
it be that "I do." is the longest sentence?
What hair colour do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Why does no one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final
exam.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and
forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
**********************************
Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is sexually
active or not!
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when woman make love they
produce amounts of the hormone oestrogen, which make hair shiny and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes
and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about
every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need
special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression It releases the body endorphin into the
bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives
off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive
the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilliser in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE
THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food
from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque
build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches A lovemaking session can release the tension that
restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a national antihistamine. It can
help combat asthma and hay fever.
*************************************************
There exists an analogy between the icons of God and of Mother. To
begin with both are responsible for creating life in their own image. The
similarities don’t stop there
Mothers like God can appear as omnipresent. “God could not be
everywhere, so he created mothers” asserts the Jewish proverb.
Mothers are as common as belly buttons, with everybody but for
Christianities Adam having had one. Their presence is a part of all our
lives.
This presence is physical and profoundly intimate. For the first period of
life we exist, embraced completely within them. Shortly after it remains
their bodies that sustain us. Beyond that Mothers are typically the most
significant presence in our most formative years. Even in our middle ages
and older we remain ever their kids.
All knowing omniscience is another quality ascribed both to godhead and
motherhood. The extent of attention a mother naturally pays to her
children means they are generally very connected and so aware of their
children. Many of us will have had experience where our mother has
anticipated our need before we did ourselves. It is also likely we only
noticed a small proportion of these events.
God is said to be omnipotent. Mothers have tremendous power too.
Motherhood is not merely the capacity to make and keep a life alive. A
child’s first seven years forges their identity. Mothers being largely the
fundamental presence recreate their own culture and values in their
children during this time and beyond.
Also at a more mundane level Mothers commonly work to keep the home
functioning including taxi, coach, cook, cleaner, team leader, counsellor,
accountant, secretary, and mediator etc. They often also work outside
the home. It is expected that they should do all this in constant balanced
serenity, never angry, distant, or tired.
To cap it off they do all this for love.
All this could sound like a lot of pressure for an ordinary mortal. Indeed
it seems that there is a pressure of expectation for Mums to perform
superhumanly.
Regardless of expectation fulfilled or otherwise, every mother is a
success.
Accordingly I suggest that particularly on your Birthday and on Mothers
Day it’s worth thanking your mother warmly. Help them have an easier
time. Reflect your respect. They love that sort of stuff.
Thanks Martin Hunter-Jones
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Now is your chance to pretend you don't know anything about these times
because you are way too young. – Thanks Irene Colville
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN...?
All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?
It took five minutes for the TV warm up?
Nearly everyone's Mum was at home when the kids got home from
school?
Nobody owned a purebred dog?
When a shilling was a decent allowance?
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
Your Mom wore stockings that came in two pieces?
All your male teachers wore ties and female teachers had their hair done
every day and wore high heels?
You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and petrol pumped, without
asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air?
Cereals had free toys hidden inside the box?
It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real
restaurant with your parents?
They threatened to keep kids back a year if they failed. . .and they did?
When a 57 Holden was everyone's dream car?
No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in
the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like,
"That cloud looks like a ………." and playing footy with no adults to help
kids with the rules of the game?
Stuff from the shop came without safety caps and hermetic seals
because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?
And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip
back in time and savour the slower pace, and share it with the children of
today?
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the
fate that awaited the student at home?
Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by
shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much
bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the
threat.
Send this on to someone who can still remember
Nancy Drew, Laurel and Hardy, The Famous Five, Secret Seven, Biggles,
the Lone Ranger, Phantom, Roy and Dale and Trigger.
As well as summers filled with bike rides, cricket games, Hula Hoops,
monkey bars, jilgying, visits to the beach and "conversation" lollies.
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"?
I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a double dare to
pass it on. To remember what a double dare is, read on.
And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to
know better and too young to care.
How many of these do you remember?
Lolly cigarettes, pogo sticks, marbles, Home milk delivery in glass bottles
with aluminium tops, Newsreels before the movie, Sandshoes, Telephone
numbers with letter prefixes....(ABD 601). 45 RPM records, Hi-Fi's
Metal ice cubes trays with levers, Mimeograph paper, Cork pop guns,
Drive ins, Valiants, Washtub wringers, Reel-To-Reel tape recorders,
houses made of cards, Mechano Sets, That awful pink slab of bubble gum,
Penny lollies , 35 cent a gallon petrol ,
Do you remember a time when... Decisions were made by going "eenymeeny-miney-moe"?
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "boy or girl
bugs"?
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action
figures?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
Playing cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown-up" life . .
.I double-dare-ya!
***********************************************
Remember, It’s Not A Race - Jon Gordon
I found myself saying this to my daughter the other day and when I said
it I knew I had to share with you a story about how I went from rushing
to cruising.
Before I met my wife I was always rushing; rushing to get to the store,
rushing to reach my goals, rushing through life hoping to get there
faster. While I have learned a lot about life from my wife, the biggest
lesson I have learned from her is the practice of cruising.
Like a car in cruise control, my wife goes at her own steady pace. She
eats her meals slowly, savouring each bite. She does the dishes on her
own time, not my time. She never rushes to get things done but always
manages to get everything done - on her time - at her pace.
While I used to view her way as slow and unproductive, which you can
imagine led to many arguments, I grew to realize that she knew a secret
that I didn’t. Instead of letting society and other people, including me,
rush her, she dictated her own pace.
If the kids would oversleep for school, she wouldn't panic and rush them
90 kmph to school as I would have. Instead she would simply bring them
30 minutes late and believe it or not, life still went on. The sun still set,
the school didn’t fall down and the kids still learned their alphabet.
I realized rushing really doesn’t get things done quicker. While we may
move faster or fidget more, we don’t make up that much time to call
rushing a productivity tool. In fact research states that rushing leads to
more mistakes and stress, causing us to work more. Rushing is also a main
cause of energy drain.
Just as we use more gas when we try to weave in and out of cars to get to
our destination faster, we also expend more personal energy when we
rush. We spend so much energy rushing around we don’t have any left
when we get there.
It’s like rushing to a vacation and not being able to enjoy it or rushing to
receive a promotion and not being able to perform because of burnout. In
contrast, when you put your life on cruise control you’ll find that you’ll
have more energy every leg of the trip.
You’ll have more energy to accomplish your short-term tasks and long-
term goals. When you cruise instead of rush you still get things done but
without the panic and stress.
Cruising works and rushing doesn’t because life really isn’t a race. And
when you think about it, if life was a race, would you really want to win?
Wouldn’t that mean you would just go through life faster than everyone
else, enjoying less, seeing less and doing less? Like rushing through an
amusement park you really
wouldn’t get to enjoy the full experience.
I often tell people at my seminars that if you continue to think life is a
race, consider that the stress, frustration and depression associated
with rushing just might push you to the finish line faster than all of your
family and friends. Would you really want to win this kind of race?
Action Steps
When you find your self rushing:
Say to yourself "Life isn’t a race."
Take several deep breaths and relax.
Pay attention to where you are and what you are doing now rather
than thinking about what has to be done and where you have to be.
Say to yourself, "I have the time to get everything done that I need to
get done. Everything always works out when I don’t rush."
Make this a habit. If you practice these techniques often they will
become part of who you are. You will become a cruiser instead of a
rusher.
For more energizing tips, visit http://www.energyaddict.com
Jon Gordon is the author of Become an Energy Addict: 100 simple ways to
increase your mental and physical energy.
**********************************
6. Think before you speak by Ken Warren
The joy of office politics
Some unfortunate souls choose to be in work they find satisfying, where
they feel valued, and they get along with their colleagues. They are
deprived of the joys that come with strained work relationships and good
office politics. Here are a few ideas for creating a juicy climate in your
workplace.
If you are a manager, you can make a good start by dividing the staff into
groups that have your favour and those who do not. The staff should get
the idea of which group they belong to by the way you side with or
disapprove of their ideas. Try complementing this through subtle body
language signals such as shaking your head, or suppressing snorts as staff
members offer suggestions. If you have a sense of fun, you can alternate
membership of the groups from time to time.
Try to implement change on a fairly continuous basis before you give
staff a chance to adjust to the prior changes. If you must consult, keep
this at a fairly token level and, whatever you do, don’t run with any of
their ideas or brief them of future plans. It is preferable that any talk
of the future is kept vague and threatening. You can create a nice sense
of insecurity by suggesting a restructure is planned that is likely to
affect many positions, or at least the positions of those who are in the
outcasts group.
You can always resort to the tried and true method of throwing your
power around and imposing what you want on others. This is what being a
manager is all about. At least it was in the old days. Whatever you do,
don’t connect with staff at a personal level, asking them about their
family or interests. To do so runs the risk of relating to the staff like,
well… like, people.
Office politics work best when the employees take an active role.
Gossiping about your colleagues and manager always helps, as do jokes at
their expense (never to their face of course). You too can use subtle body
language signals to good effect. I suggest practising sighing and eye rolls
until you get it just right. Resist the temptation to deal with issues
directly and respectfully.
Make sure any comments you make are about what is wrong with the
organisation. Reframe any positive changes your boss does in a negative
light such as, saying they are only trying to ‘butter up the staff’, they are
doing ‘too little, too late’, or they are just ‘shuffling deck chairs on the
Titanic’. You get the idea.
There are lots of ways to resist ideas your boss may come up with. There
is the obvious way of course, but I prefer the passive-aggressive
approach. Say you support their ideas, but then privately undermine them.
If things become particularly difficult between you and your boss, it
helps if you do a lot of blaming, refuse to acknowledge any contribution
you may have made to the tension, go over their heads, or threaten union
or legal action.
I recommend combining at least some of the above ingredients, and let
feelings simmer and stew over time. With a bit of luck, the whole staff as
well as your organisation’s clients will appreciate the efforts you have put
in.
Do you help people with employment issues? This new book could be just
what you need!
Attitudes that work! 5 attitudes guaranteed to get you working and keep
you working
Whether your clients are seeking employment, changing careers or just
starting out in the job market, you’ll find lots of practical ideas in this
book by Karen Schmidt, award winning professional speaker and workshop
leader.
Calling on her background in Recruitment and Human Resource
Management, Karen details how work has changed in the last 10 years and
what this means for job seekers. Then learn all about the 5 key attitudes
that lead to success in this new environment: Mastering change, Thinking
self employed, Managing your own career, Promoting yourself and Lifelong
learning.
To order, visit www.karenschmidt.com.au.
Links to leading websites dealing with bullying, mental health, parenting,
family issues, etc Contact details for Ken Warren and Associates
PO Box 54
Cotton Tree Qld Australia 4558
Level One, Cnr Third Avenue & The Esplanade
Cotton Tree Telephone: (07) 5443 7626 Facsimile: (07) 5443 7447
Email: kenwarren@counsel.com.au
Website: www.counsel.com.au
7. What is Laughter?
A Healthy Dose of Laughter
I read that a child laughs 400 times a day on the average, while an adult
laughs only 15 times each day. Which is puzzling since laughter feels so
good and is so good for us!
You may know the benefits of laughter on the mind and spirit, but are you
aware of how much a good laugh can help you physically? Norman Cousins
used to say that laughter is so beneficial for your body that it is like
"inner jogging."
Mayo Clinic (Mayo Clinic Health Letter, March 1993) reports that
laughter aids breathing by disrupting your normal respiration pattern and
increasing your breathing rate. It can even help clear mucus from your
lungs.
Laughter is also good for your heart. It increases circulation and
improves the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to tissues throughout your
body.
A good laugh helps your immune system fight off colds, flu and sinus
problems by increasing the concentration of immunoglobulin A in your saliva. And it may help control pain by raising the levels of certain brain
chemicals (endorphins).
Furthermore, it is a natural stress reliever. Have you ever laughed so
hard that you doubled over, fell off your chair, spit out your food or wet
your pants? You cannot maintain muscle tension when you are laughing!
The good news is that you are allowed more than 15 laughs a day! Go
ahead and double the dose and make it 30 times today. (You may begin to
notice immediate improvement in your relationships!) Then double it again!
You are bound to feel better, you will cope with problems more
effectively and people will enjoy being around you.
Laughter: it's just good medicine
This reading can be found in Steve Goodier's book:
RICHES OF THE HEART ~ Sixty-Second Readings that Make a
Difference
Marketing Flashes on "For Good Measure"
* Complaining less and enjoying more.
Did you ever notice how complaining only makes you feel worse? It's an
insidious habit that kills your life energy. When you stop complaining you
notice all the miracles there are to enjoy.
* Criticizing less and appreciating more.
Criticizing is even more harmful than complaining, for it hurts another as
well as yourself. When we take the time to sincerely appreciate others,
life opens up in amazing ways.
* Judging less and loving more.
For many, the purpose of life is to be right. But that means everyone else
has to be wrong. By suspending judgment, we start to see all the
wonderful things in other people.
* Struggling less and playing more.
Struggle comes when we have to do it "or else." Why put yourself under
such pressure? Life and work and marketing are all games. Sometimes you
win, sometimes you lose. But at least you can start playing for fun.
* Hesitating less and risking more.
It's not usually what we do that we regret. It's what we fail to do. What
a tragedy to play it safe all your life. Avoid rejection and ridicule as well
as success and happiness by never sticking your neck out.
8. Jokes
Post Turtle
While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Texas
rancher (whose hand had caught in a gate while working cattle), a
doctor and the old man were talking about George W. Bush being in
the White House.
The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."
Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a
post turtle was.
The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you
come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a
post turtle"
The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he
continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he
doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up
there, and you just want to help the poor stupid bastard get
down."
What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?
If you'd listened to me, we wouldn't be in this jam!
You can't read this and stay in a bad mood ! thanks Jennifer Woods
Well, you could, but you'd really have to try hard!
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko..
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk..
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone
Can
Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
QUESTION: A convicted man was dragged before the judge for
sentencing. He was told he could make one last statement. If the
statement happened to be true, he would be hanged. But if the
statement were false, he would be beheaded. What statement could
he make to keep himself from being executed?
ANSWER:I am going to be beheaded.
8. Motivational
Most Important Words
The six most important words
"I admit that I was wrong!"
The five most important words
"You did a great job."
The four most important words
"What do you think?"
The three most important words
"May I help?"
The two most important words
"Thank You!"
The most important word
"We."
The least important word
"I"
10. On a Personal Note
It has been a busy but good time lately. Julia, our daughter-in-law has
arrived from Thailand and already enrolled in English school 2 days and
weeks and got herself a casual job for 3 days. Boy and I think I’m
organized!! She’s already got Barry and Paul carting 3 ton of soil for our
gardens which previously were what liked to call ‘untamed’ and taken over
the kitchen. I am really impressed.
Barry and I went to Canberra for a couple of days as I had been asked to
do a talk for the Australian Fisheries Management Authority on
Hypnotherapy. Canberra is really lovely at this time of year, so colourful.
We went for a lovely walk around Lake Burley Griffin and fed the black
swans. Met up with my cousin and his new wife, and enjoyed a great
Italian meal with them.
I had the great pleasure of doing a refresher NLP course with Gordon
Young, what a great teacher! Absolutely Inspiring!! I came away feeling
really motivated to put a lot of what I had learnt before but not felt at
ease with into practise. He is running another NLP practitioner course in
June and if you want further information he can be contacted on the
Institute of Human Technology Pty Ltd. 158 Pittwater Road, Manly 2095
or Ph: 02 9977 0779 Mobile: 0418 674 981 Email: gordon@iht.net.au
www.mondoclinic.com.au
I have done another course on supervision for the ACA, and loved it.
Supervision is a part of my work that I find extremely rewarding.
SelfDevelopment’s infomercial is coming along great; it is in the final
stages of editing. So hopefully it shouldn’t be too long before we get an
airing in England.
Gary Green (business partner extraordinaire) received his well deserved
Masters in Counselling, so we are very proud of him.
Love to all
Lyndall
Website Managers is a web hosting company that can get your website
designed and on the web looking exactly the way you want it without the
technical talk. Click to www.websitemanagers.com.au for more information
or call Adam on (02) 9345 4395.
www.websitemanagers.com.au
Without Adam’s unstinting help and professional support this newsletter
would not be, he also looks after our website www.hypnotherapy.net.au ,
www.asch.com.au and is just taking on www.IIPM.org.au - Thankyou.
Music on this newsletter is "wishforhappiness.mid"
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Thank you for reading my newsletter - I hope you enjoy reading this as
much as I enjoy putting it together for you. May you attain all your goals
and reach your dreams with a well balanced, fulfilling life! I wish you good
health, happiness and success in all you strive to achieve!
Let's start an epidemic of achievers and cheerful people!!
Request
I would like to make this a good fun read, so if any of you have any
suggestions/contributions please, please let me know. Credit will be given
to any contributors. I intend to put it out every 2 weeks. (The God of
computer land willing.) Please FORWARD this on to everyone you can
think of and feel free to copy whatever you want.
Lyndall Briggs - Kingsgrove Hypnosis & Counselling Centre
64 Shaw Street
Kingsgrove NSW 2208
Phone/Fax 02 95543350
www.hypnotherapy.net.au Email: briggs@hypnotherapy.net.au
.