MATRIMONIAL
OCCASIONAL
AN
WITH
INFELICITIES,
OF
WAY
BY
TO
WHICH
THE
AN
FELICITY,
CONTRAST.
MAN.
IRRITABLE
ADDED, AS BEING
SUBJECT, MY NEIGHBORS,
ARE
BY
BY
BOSTON:
E.
P.
AND
DOWN
GRAY
BARRY
NEW
PUBLISHED
PERTINENT
VALLEY.
THE
IN
BY
YORK:
KURD
DUTTON
1865.
AND
AND
HOUGHTON.
COMPANY.
TO
according
Entered
to
Act
ROBERT
in
the
Clerk's
Office
of
the
District
District
RIVERSIDE,
STEREOTYPED
H.
HOUGHTON
the
year
1865,
by
for
the
COFFIN,
BARRY
Court
of
of
New
the
United
Suites
York.
CAMBRIDGE:
PRINTED
AND
0.
in
Congress,
of
AND
COMPANY.
BT
Southern
LETTER
DEDICATORY
SANDFORD
MY
S.
DEAR
To
of
playmate
of
one
you,
oldest
my
has
;
that
the
reflex
of
ried
life,and,
presiding
that
man's
compensate
the
bachelor
if you,
"
taking
although
my
I
you
and
and
;
little
trusting, however,
by
entering
Irritable
"
an
the
grape-vine
own
your
like
"
which
your
friends
other
the
this world
leaving
of
arena
and
mar
apple-tree,
around
artist
my
who
these
wrote
life
"
that
afford, would
the
mahogany,
companions
whom
behind
Benedicts.
experience
of
would
I
of
fullt
bachelorhood
your
now
essentially dif
so
best
can
place among
gratificationI
is
"
individual's
satisfied
am
for
own
my
irritable
the
from
married
"
forth
set
from
unquali
satisfaction, this
Infelicities
in
nature
experienced
much
in the
pater familias.
as
sketches,
with
you
under
disposition
Your
you,
deter
not
may
"
I have
"
therein
experiences
"
ferent
moods
Matrimonial
Man
than
more
the
delight, I dedicate,
"
of
source
a
me
pictures
fied
of
to
manhood,
my
years,
most
charming
of
companion
latter
her
volume
the
friends, the
valued
most
and, during these
of whose
contemplation
and
been
ever
ordinary enjoyment
A.
:
boyhood,
my
society
whose
G.
R.
N.
GIFFORD,
R.
And,
gathering
be
might
lost,
name,
DEDICATORY
vi
to
were
three-score
of
If
infelicities
beg
it
leave
to
In
conclusion,
live,
would
at
in
years
bring
to
future
to
I
that
the
of
the
have
we
old
regard
your
Y.,
July
goes,
that
hope
of
in
both
we
friendship,
the
as
which
past,
age.
and
friend
esteem,
of
many
BARRY
N.
25th,
1865.
I
marriage,
remain,
with
FORDHAM,
following
experience
bond
same
hale
a
follow
record.
express
as
bachelor
would
they
own
my
such
the
by
a
of
you.
as
with
each
us
far
so
desire
the
and
accompaniments
variance
united
circle
our
believe
moment
that,
I
still
set
usual
state
in
that
even
entertained
long
you
have
a
the
utterly
many
for
are
is
may
I
forego
to
have
I
hope
provided
example
should
you
willing
beholding
years,
worthy
the
the
future
the
in
day
one
it
with
and
pleasure,
be
would
I
yet
marry,
LETTER.
years,
GRAY.
CONTENTS.
PAOJB
CONVERSATION
MY
AT
THE
.........
BOOKS
AND
FRIDAY'S
DOMESTIC
MY
..13
PAPERS
18
SWEEPINGS
........
23
GOVERNMENT
GOING
OUT
TO
WIFE
........
28
DINE
WANTS
AFTER
38
MIDNIGHT
43
.........
GOING
TO
CHURCH
EARLY
IN
THE
WIFE
IN
64
...
A
SHALL
I
FRIEND
IS
WIFE
OUR
AT
.85
.
.
91
"FOUBTH'M
"
"
.
97
FOURTH
OF
JULY
.
.
.
.101
105
GENERAL
RESPONSIBLE
RETURNS
.
.
.
.
...*."".
THE
THE
79
......
.
THE
CLAM-BAKE
PASSED
SOMEBODY
PEACE
AIB
PASS
WE
A
...."""
COUNTRY
DINNER
ATTEND
74
HOME
.^
WHERE
OVER
69
........
SEVENTH
WANTS
ORDER
MY
.......
AFTER
WIFE
MY
59
HEADACHE
A
THE
HOW
.......
TWILIGHT
SEEING
I
54
MORNING
MORNING
THE
I
49
HAS
THE
MY
....""..33
MONET
HOUSE-CLEANING
MY
....
6
WARDROBE
MY
1
BREAKFAST-TABLB
.......
HOME
........
112
117
123
COFFEE
123
LAST
.
.
CONTENTS.
viii
NEIGHBORS.
MY
PAQE
JACK
POTTS
AND
WIFE
NEW-YEAR'S
MORNING
JACK
POTTS
AND
WIFE
NEW-YEAR'S
NIGHT
HANKY
AND
KATRINA
HANKY
AND
THE
O.
WIDOW'S
PHILANDER
NEW
PRUDENCE
MR.
AND
KATE
A
HAVE
ONE'S
SOME
NESS.
FAIRS
"
MINE.
AND
KINDNESS.
"
IN
GREGORY'S
"
FRED'S
HIS
J
KATE
COST.
LETTER.
AN
ANGER.
HEIRESS.
"
FRED'S
"
LETTER
VOICE.
HER
SINGS;
FROM
HIS
AF
"ALLEN-DALE."
"
HIS
;
HAS
HE
OF
ACTS
VACATION.
A
HEALTH.
GREGORY'S
.
ANOTHER
"
;"
.
.
"
GREGORY'S
PARDON.
.
THE
GOLDEN-RULE
SOAP
TICKETS.
LILLY
WHITE.
AXSEY.
ARTISTICAL
"
"
SOCIETY
THE
"
"
A
FRED'S
CRITICISM
J
DOINGS.
THEIR
"
LITERARY
ANNOYANCES;
TO
INSULT
ESQUIMAUX.
TEA-FIGHT.
SKETCH
"
SOUP
"
NANCY.
OF
HIS
195
'
.
.,
"
189
"
GALLANTRY.
"
HIS
;
.
SUMMERSETS.
"
ASTONISHMENT.
OUR
.
.
...
"
.
.183
.
.
v
NAUGHTINESS
FRED
PLAIN
J
WHIM
WHY
"
FRED'S
"
.I,-;,'?
,r
BOAT.
SAME
THE
SO
KATE'S
"
APPEARANCE
.
PONY
KATE
PERSONAL
"
176
THE
"
HISTORICAL
"
.
..'..'"..'"-."
MONEY
THE
.
HEMLOCKS."
THE
EMPLOYMENT.
MY
ASSOCIATION.
HIS
;
"
AGE.
HER
J
FRIENDS.
POSITION.
HER
GRUMM
GREGORY
VIEWS
MISSIONARY
"
.
VALLEY.
THE
"
ANTIQUARIAN
"
DISCUSSION
LITTLE
MATRIMONIAL
"
"
170
DISAPPOINTMENT.
COMMUNITY.
CIETY.
163
IN
HER
J
151
JONES
DOWN
COUSIN
145
.
.
LOVE
OLD
POTTS
HOME
AT
157
TEMPERANCE
MRS.
139
....
POET
AND
AND
132
.
.
SLEIGH-RIDE
THE
COE,
POET'S
THE
HEYDEN
VANDER
.
.
AND
GREGORY.
"
LIFE.
MRS.
"
203
CONTENTS.
ix
PAGE
KATE
BREAKFAST.
AT
I
AND
PORT.
"LILLY
RULE.
"
GREGORY
LOVERS.
ON
HAT.
TURNING
TABLES.
THE
TION.
SERMON
.
SUBJECT.
WIGS.
DISCRE
"
DOWN
"
IN
VAL
THE
216
"
LEY
GREGORY.
FROM
NEWS
HIS
LETTER.
A
JONES.
SIMON
LOON.
A
"
LETTER.
ILLUSTRATED
AFFAIRS.
LADIES.
THE
MEMORIAM."
TRINE.
THE
TREASURES
HOCKS.
DAVID
JEPHTHAH'S
GHEGORY'S
FRED'S
OF
J HIS
GRUMM
WHITE'S
A
"
.
"
MOTH
HIS
SON
HOLLY
AND
BOSTON
BLADE.
"
237
WHAT
EFFECT.
OPINION.
"
"
"
GOLDEN
THE
DINNER.
ITS
232
EDUCATION.
THEIR
SUNFLOWERS
ABSALOM.
.
CHARACTER;
PATIENCE;
"
DOC
PIES.
"LILLY
IN
"
GOSPEL
"
BURNT
"
"
POEM.
HER
DAUGHTER
THANKSGIVING
"
EXCULPATION
"
J
"
NIECE.
AND
RETURN.
SPEAKS;
AXSEY.
GARRET.
THE
FINANCIAL
"
INSANITY.
"
DAUGHTER
IN
"
TABLET.
JABEZ
REV.
HIS
GREGORY;
SUSPENSION.
OPINION
GREGORY'S
"
"
226
WEDDING-GARMENTS.
DECEASED
THE
"
CONFIDENTIAL.
ER."
A
"
BAL
"
MYSTERIOUS
A
"
TIMES."
PRIVATE
HER
J
AXSEY.
OLD
KNIGHT-ERRANTRY.
"
AXSEY
MRS.
FRED'S
"HARD
OF
PORTRAIT.
PARDNERS."
"
WHITE
"
CAUSE
"
221
HER
"
GINGERBREAD.
"
LILLY
"
SIGN.
DECEASED
HER
BRIEF
"
....
CLOVER.
FOUR.
BABY.
A
LIL
FAMILY.
LETTER
"
"
CLOCK.
PANTS.
HAPPY
"MY
MISTER
"
NUMBER
"
LADY.
AN
REMARKS.
GREGORY.
FOR
HINT
A
"
DANGER;
CITY-HALL
STRIPED
FORTUNE.
GENEALOGICAL.
"
GREGORY'S
"
UP-STAIRS.
MY
AXSEY.
LOVE.
ASTOR."
"
THE
HER
CANDLES.
MRS.
AT
STREET.
WHITE;
IN
KATE
"
"
CHATHAM
LY
210
NEW
A
"
.
APPLICABILITY.
AND
"
.
BILL.
ITS
J
HAIR-DYE
"
THE
CHANGING
"
LETTER
MILLINER'S
A
THE
GREGORY'S
POMPEY.
"
LETTER.
CHURCH.
AT
"
A
"
GOLDEN
THE
"
NEW
ADVERTISEMENT.
FRED'S
SOLOMON.
KING
"
YORK.
NEW
VISIT.
MYSTERIOUS
A
"
TO
GOES
NOTE.
KATE
BARKERS.
THE
FIRST
HER
WHITE;
TO
GREGORY
SENT
WHAT
"
A
FAMOUS
PIE.
GREGORY'S
GREGORY'S
"
OPINION
PLANS.
SAID.
RULE
"
MRS.
OF
OUR
"
AXSEY
MRS.
ENTERTAINING
A.
CONTENTS.
x
PAGE
BACHELORS.
ARABIAN
"
NIGHTS.
PERFUMES
"
244
OILS
AND
THE
BAGDAD.
"
CHURCH.
NEW
SWALLOWS.
OLD
THE
"
PEWS.
SQUARE
"
DREAMS.
KNIVES.
FLIES.
REFORM.
"
AT
THEN
GREG'S
COOPER.
PETER
HOW
HE
SEY
SPEAKS.
A.
PLAYS
250
TERS.
NO.
"
FOUR.
YEARS
THE
AX-
LATE
MR.
258
SECRET.
"
MINE.
ESCAPE.
MRS.
"
THE
A
"
AND
"
A
MRS.
"
"
AGO.
STORY
DINNER.
"
SAID.
ADVICE.
PROVIDENCE.
GREG'S
THE
ASYLUM.
LAWYER
GREGORY'S
TEN
CHURCH.
THE
YOUNG
.
LEGACY
HER
IJ
.
"
"
AND
.
ORPHAN
"
"
TEMPTING
"
NIGHT.
KATE
MARRIED.
THE
CHESS.
BACHELOR'S
"A
BE
WHAT
"
"
CHRISTMAS
IN
TO
READY
GETS
IM
"
.
GREGORY
AND
*.
NOW
AND
VESTRY.
SPIDERS
"
"
JACK-
"
THE
"
BASS-VIOL.
VS.
BELL.
PLAY.
RECTOR.
"
MOLATION.
TOLLING
CLERGYMAN.
ORGAN
"
BOYS
OLD
NEW
THE
"
THE
"
"
THE
"
RESOLUTIONS.
CHURCH.
LAST
THE
"
"
AXSEY
CHRISTMAS
DIMES
AND
FAREWELL.
PARTY.
MARRIAGE.
QUAR
AND
MILLIKINS.
"
"
ALONE
264
INFELICITIES.
MATEIMONIAL
INFELICITY.
FIRST
CONVERSATION
AT
;Y dear," I said
to
to
fortune
dislike
that
looks
within
You
"
three
or
are
"
this
day
your
cup
"
Good
I
coffee.
managed
that
aware
!"
if
to
in
will
finding
fault
with
is any
in
coffee
of
place
Having
tents
of
my
I
does
me
hand
left
the
one
effected
cup.
1
insist
to
the
in
you
this
It
was
your
wife.
suit
you."
I took
as
You
it to
the
estimable
I married
you,
There, sir,is
the
"now
cup,
dislike
be
must
than
more
saucer."
my
my
fillingthe
spill it
shall
no
give
certainly
I
thing
on
to
cup
my
not
bachelor,"
over.
slops
sometimes
my
it
find
that
causes
it will
exclaimed,
run
coffee
it reached
fill
it before
me
one
expect
and
I
I
"
known
hope
of
before
to
good
thing
cup
rim, and
old
seen
the
one
a
you
opposite
has
be
from
the
an
be
if you
Well,
as
there
it is to
another,
"
have
gracious
've
you
of
if I had
not
who
receive
to
asked
full ?
particular
would
of
inch
an
and
seated
was
if there
"
sipped
often
quarters
as
lady replied,
been
not
of
eighth
half
me
I
Have
an
wife,
my
if it had
as
who
lady
another, it is
than
more
hands.
my
be
to
the
breakfast-table, and
the
at
me
BREAKFAST-TABLE.
THE
good,
tremble,
cup.
so
but
that
over
;
makes
I
here
But
cup,
besides,
me
only
is
you
a
your
nervous,
wonder
clean
must
there
saucer,
have."
important
evident
change,
to
me
I tasted
that
there
the
was
con
no
MATRIMONIAL
2
INFELICITIES.
sugar in it. I tasted
Then
I said to
You
"
have
there be
it
make
again to
of the fact.
her,
"
sugar into my
neglectedto put
thingI dislike more
one
certain
than
If
coffee.
another,it is coffee
unsweetened."
I
"
certain,"
repliedmy
am
it.
sweeten
But
I know
Not
with
"
"
I
think
have
you
have," I
that I did
"
spouse,
stirred it."
answered.
spoon,"said the provokingwoman,
perfectly
dry ; perhaps,however, you used your
it is
"
I don't
estimable
Pshaw
!"
all the
was
I vouchsafed
answer
to
for
"
your
fork."
this
re
mark.
"
Now, I declare,"I said,after havingstirred and sipped
If there be one
it too sweet.
my coffee, you have made
than another,it is to have my coffee
thingI dislike more
taste like syrup."
Let me
milk with it,
then ? said the obliging
put more
"
"
"
woman.
"
No,
I thank
stomach
into
It is to
be
that
hoped
which
fault-finding,
you
when
cut
"
who
"
to
come
you
tell when
can
to
care
up milk
I gave
dairy.
a
I don't
"
have
my
diet when
I
first teeth."
cut my
"
turned
you," I replied;
Thank
up the
eminent
give
in
possess
an
habit of
degree,
wisdom-teeth,though no
your
you," I replied
;
a
will
one
that will be."
will know
And
you
it when
happy day
"
you
will
probablybe
the first
it occurs."
me," she answered, with
know, though,how much tin-
it will be for
Few
provokingcalmness.
causes
happiness your constant fault-finding
to give you any satisfaction.
ing I do seems
"
me.
Noth
There
is n't
a
when
elapses,while you are in the house, save
thus occupied. The truth is,I
you 're asleep,but you are
have always been too indulgent
with you, and humor
you
moment
when
I
place.
ought not.
I should
have
I did n't
paid no
commence
rightin
attention to your
the
whims,
first
but
MATRIMONIAL
studied my
and
convenience
own
make
ing to
great tyrants, and
if
a
3
comfort,instead of seek
pleasantfor you. Then
better.
are
Oh, you men
smooth
everything
have
got along much
I would
you
and
INFELICITIES.
and
yieldsto
woman
in the
you
least,
follow up your advantage,
her will to yours,
and bend
crush her spirit
to the earth,till,
by-and-by,you break
her heart."
My dear,I will thank
said,passingmy cup to
"
I
it over,
What
have
to
been
thousand
a
upon
there
her
be
thing I
one
dislike
added
a
thousand
to
"
;
run
milk.
it is
years
tough
pastured
If
ago.
another, it is
than
more
coffee,"
much
too
of the cattle
one
than
more
be
is,"I
from
cup of
careful not
put in
nor
this
cut
hills
but
"
;
sweet,
intolerable steak
an
enough
it too
get
nor
for another
you
a
tough beefsteak."
"
You
find
selected
fault with
the moment
Then
"
Because,
would
"
why
a
me
have found
better be taken
"
"
away on
Oh, it will
and
"
more
dren
lar
you
Hash
than
and
dish
can
market, so
of it.
account
I knew
need
you
it
was
n't
tough
at it."
;
besides,if
fault with
can't eat
money
the
did n't you send it back ? " I inquired.
it was
of your choosing,
I supposed you
as
tough one
Well, I
at
yourself,
on
I looked
"
wanted
it
for
me
it,that
's
I had
doingso."
I said
certain,"
"
;
I sha'n't throw
off of the table.
it,you
returned
so
any
it had
more
beefsteaks."
for
answer
have
hash," said
my
economical
wife,
it for dinner."
!" I exclaimed.
"
If there
be
one
thingI dislike
only fit for chil
Hash
is
another,it is hash.
old people without teeth.
Besides,it is a
popu
and
boarding-houses
; and
boarding-schools
when
I was
a
boy, and afterwards while a bachelor,I ate
No ;
my share of it,and I 'm not going to eat any more.
'11have a turkeyfor dinner."
we
Shall
a turkeylet it be.
Very well,"said my spouse,
I see to getting
?
one
at
"
"
"
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
4
\
I think
"
select turn
keys you
which
not,"I answered.
Job
the
was
out
Very well,"said
"
will you
"
Oh,
"
Then
way
I think
"
Roast
it! " I
any
know
you
the
fact
and
poor
"
cook
;
"
how
But
"
suit
"
that
No
it."
imperturbablelady.
?
of
one
tough.
I answered.
yourself,"
I will roast it,"she replied.
That is justlike
exclaimed.
;
all the tur
is,that
like the celebrated
be
can
you
it cooked
have
to
reputed owner,
turkey,and
I '11buy the
The
"
if there
be
thing I
one
Now
you.
dislike
than
more
another,it is to have a turkey roasted."
Very well,then,"said the accommodating woman,
"
"
I
will boil it."
Boil it ! " I
said,aghast. Boil
if you like,but never,
boil cherries,
Pray, then,how will you have
"
"
"
"
it cooked
Only
?
Why
why
"
well
"
fricassee
"
it, of course," I
swered, triumphantly.
Very well,"said the lady,looking,
however,
"
not
were
well
'
?
can't
"
an
if it
as
well.
very
Why
"
tell
it shall be done."
and
me,
soup, boil lamb-chops,
for me, boil a turkey."
you
I asked.
say
"
What
something else
a
provokingwoman
besides
you
'
very
are, to
be sure."
Not
"
half
provokingas
so
make
"
Now, then,you wish to
I said.
you can't do it,"
and
all through breakfast,
;ust
"
in
a
"
"
I
as
I
But
innocent
you
Then
tone,
"
I don't wish
sure
most
I have
am
not
I suppose ; but
up with everything
angry,
put
going to
I
to
be
provoked
am
across
tear rolled down
said,
and
sorry
was
wife
provoke you," my
aggrievedmanner.
do provoke me,"
certainly
for such
I looked
I
me
finishing."
am
am
"
are,"she replied.
you
for
not
my
replied.
she answered, in
it,"
a
softened
intention."
the table at my
her cheek.
I
wife
;
somethinglike
a
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
wife
Well,"
Do
"
I
dislike
She
my
am."
"
continued,
I
than
more
answered
reply.
with
simply
!
"
is
it
another,
there
be
thing
one
tear."
a
sad
a
if
that
"
smile.
said.
I
Well."
"
Cook
"
I
the
left
her
kissed
Forgive
She
of
the
on
to
less,
said,
smiled
"
forgive
the
that
during
was
as
if
"
seven
our
of
cheek
wan
with
went
to
hand,
my
time."
"
times
pressure
peace
this
dubiously,
seventy
pale,
breakfast,)
my
"
dear,
me,
finished
her
smoothing
and
please."
you
way
(having
seat,
and
it,
any
head.
her
my
side,
"
turkey
shook
She
me
calm
know,"
Sweetheart
"
I
her
was
you
I
made
"
!
Darling
have
I
"
exclaimed,
I
"
brute
a
"
"
aloud,
speaking
myself,
to
what
a
"
Then,
"
whispered
I
What
weep.
"
"
!
Goodness
"
5
her
made.
this
which
matrimonial
hand,
"
time
she
career
which
only
was
I
would
;
had
but,
taken,
out
one
be
called
neverthe
assured
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITIES.
INFELICITY.
SECOND
WARDROBE.
MY
there be
F
thingI
one
dislike
than
more
engaged in
fine linen
arrayingmyself
(my
of linen) pre
necktie is of purple silk,my
wristbands
paratory to attendingthe last artists' reception,it is to
I said
to
beloved
another,"
my
while
spouse,
in purple and
"
"
"
find
buttons
no
In
"
whom
that
on
case
shirt-bosom."
my
should
you
studs,"said
wear
I
spoke.
did,"I replied, until
"
the buttonholes
out
and
be
And
lost.
complainedthat they wore
in re
you could keep them
you
faster than
thus worn,
pair. Besides,when
the
wash
out
That
"
I don't
the studs
because
was
know
Tiffanyassured
you mean
I
me, when
eighteencarats fine
enough. Yes, and when
set, you
declared
the number
boughtwith
same
time
the
a
;
it
with
out
their
impossibleto
good gold."
by good gold,"I replied;
purchasedthem, that they
not
I know
and
I told you
me
atelycomputed
it was
make
to
were
what
were
but
fault,too,
drop
the stain ? "
"
but
studs would
find
did n't you
the shirt-pleats,
so
as
blackening
the
lady to
I
u
"
the
money,
large number.
be
to
how
last I had
much
I
I have
I made
of bread
my
for
immedi
have
I could
how
forgotten
up
cost
paid
extravagant,and
of loaves
"
the
mind
many,
at
that
buy any more
studs,but to let you sew on
buttons.
Besides, if there be one
thing I dislike more
than another,it is studs.
I
One
is certain to lose them.
never
remember
"
You
to
I lost those."
said you
lost
them," my
wife
in
replied,
a
doubt-
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
ful tone
of voice
that
but when
"
;
7
peerlesscreature, your
that
Musidora, called here the other day, I noticed
the studs in her chemisette
were
exactly like those
the
continued
lost. I never
could understand,either,"
cousin
vokingwoman,
how
"
managed
you
pro
at the
lose the three
to
you
time,and that,too, the day before Christmas."
My dear,"I said, your facetiousness is very ill-timed
same
"
"
for I presume
you
robbed
of studs
hers
myself
resemble
she is
those
girlof
a
joking when
to give them
possesseddoes
are
I
taste ; and
excellent
surpriseme, for
not
who
father,
her
as
That
Musidora.
to
1
that
insinuate
you
;
owns
washingsin Golconda, has business relations with
I doubt
that she purchasesher jewelryat his
not
Tiffany,
diamond
store."
"
Perhaps so,"was
"
The
fact
dislike
Good
"
is n't
a
have
no
of
"
"
starch
in
is ironed
one
all ; those
at
either smutched
them,
I 'm
wife.
my
fit for
and
a
are
Christian
flaccid
as
like sheet-iron
soot
or
stained
as
a
last
in their
with
Some
to wear.
night's
stiffness
;
is n't ironed
the wrong
side ; that one
both sides ; and
ironed on
I don't
sure
there
none
Send
the
rest
iron rust.
are
Now,
a
them
detest
out
new,
done
a
what
new
unless
you
you
do,
'11
send
if there
out
and
be
buy
imperturbablespouse.
and
well that if there
it is
know
that will answer,
one," said my
"
one
shall I do ? "
what
"
be
if there
Now,
up,
"
are
with
my
properly done
on
are
over
cried,changingthe subject, there
collar in this box
party glove; others
this
I
reply.
I turned
as
one
in
another,it is jealousy."
exclaimed
gracious!
of
Musidora.
than
more
Indeed, sir !
"
love,"I remarked,
jealous
are
thingI
is,my
of collars in search
assortment
"you
wife vouchsafed
all my
buy
one
!"
I echoed.
"
thingI dislike more
collar.
shining,
greasy-looking
up in
be
a
one
decent
collar."
manner
before I
You
know
than
I
wear
very
another,
always
have
them.
I
MATRIMONIAL
8
How
"
the
It
but
if there
be
not
fit to wear."
I find
"
replied
that lot of collars
and
yourself,
tell me
decent
among
them,
matter
with
one
collar,"said
this
the box
irreproachable."
Let me
see
it,"I exclaimed,takingit from
"
collar.
How
And
"
to
find
;
my
seems
her.
respects
model
a
it,I could not tell.
wife, producing another
;
my
"
and
one
it.
examined
flaw in any
of the laundress's
and
this."
and
no
"
;
Even
critical eye
my
of them.
art.
perfectex
They were
Suddenly an idea occurred
me.
"
"
each
in all
was
it
"
overlooked
continued
I took
amples
I had
this,"said
this,"she
could
carefully.It
,
at least,and
fifty,
"
wife, examiningthe first she took from
it
to
go
for me," I
nothing the
I scanned
to
not
for you, but
just examine
one
'"
"
any ?
might answer
a
wife,
answer," suggestedmy
it
receptionwithout
"
"
would
INFELICITIES.
could
They
when
I
have
not
been
in
the
box," I remarked,
it."
opened
were," my wife said,decidedly.
They certainly
They were
them," I reiter
not, or I should have seen
ated,justas decidedly.
Well, have it your own
they were
way ; but I know
there,"she replied.
have it my
"But
own
way," I an
you won't let me
"
"
"
swered.
"
"
she said.
Yes, I will,"
Well, then,"I continued," you
confess
they were
not
simplysay
you
there?"
"
can
"
"
I do
no
such
have
your
Very
well
But
I say
own
;
thing,"she replied.
"
I
way."
then
I say
they were
not
there."
they were," she exclaimed,with
considerable
spirit.
I
saw
there
was
no
use
in
arguing the matter,
so
I
re-
MATRIMONIAL
10
For
part,I
my
with water, and
"
It
"
But
good.
Well, since
;
my boots
but where
are
are
said
helped it,"I
rather
sayingso
wife,quite coolly;
my
provoking'isn't
'very
Your
another,it is to
filled with water."
help it."
ought to have
you
thinkingit
pose
than
more
said
certainlyis provoking,"
but I cannot
boots
imagine when he did it."
kept him from doingit,"I replied.
I cannot
boots
my
has filled your
sorry that he
you should have
If there be one
thingI dislike
have
"
very
But
"
"
am
INFELICITIES.
calculated
irritates me
wet, I
must
to
than
your
do
any
otherwise.
shoes,I
wear
my
I can't find them
they ?
and
"
;
!
sup
"
Why, I sent them this afternoon to be repaired;
know they needed
it,and you said yesterdaythey had
ter be sent immediately."
Good
gracious! my dear,"I exclaimed, what an
"
"
you
bet
"
!
reasoningwoman
Now,
if you
shoes
those
have
been
done
by
to-day,and
now,
that I want
wish
boots and
alone."
shoes
to
I
"
But
what
I have
am
;
time.
suggested,
but no, you
must
them, they are
would
graciousyou
not
just leave
my
fail."
I to
should
all
too
do, I
day are
I
yesterday,as
this time
without
shall,
sir,hereafter,
"
the wrong
at
everything
sent
forthcoming.I
boots
do
had
they would
wait until
You
un
like to
know
?
The
thick and
heavy for this
evening,and that other pairare uncomfortablytight."
MusiSuppose you wear
your slippers, those which
dora worked
for you ; I am
sure
they are very pretty. By
Christmas
the way, they were
a
present : I had forgotten
about those
that.
I shall questionthat
peerlesscreature
worn
"
"
'
'
studs the very
"
"
It will be
and
Musidora
to where
or
to admire
"
No
my
next
very
time
politein
will,no
of whom
cousin
she calls here."
you
doubt, be
she obtained
Musidora
! but I do her brother
?
to
do
happy
them.
so," I answered,
to
inform
You
you
don't
"
Harry,"she replied.
seem
as
MATRIMONIAL
"You
H
I asked.
do?"
said
Yes," she
"
INFELICITIES.
"
;
strangeI should admire
is it
such
a
"
handsome,gay fellow as he ?
Gay, madam," I replied
;
1
he
"
"
is
'
'
fast
decidedly
"
fast'"
I hope
charminglyhe waltzes,"she said.
he will be at the receptionto-night.Come, are n't you
almost ready?
You
I replied,that I have no boots to wear,
forget,"
that it will be impossible
for us
to go this evening.
so
how
But
"
"
"
"
"
Then
it looks
the
on
whole,I
the
ant,
"
wife
buildingit
remain
us
at
to
to
what
But
meet
Then
again,amidst
a
dear,let
time
nice,cosy
thingI
one
dislike
more
crowd."
will your cousin Musidora
there ? " she inquired.
you
I
"Yes,"
tinued,"I
did
I
say
if she
not
well
was
expect
"
does
enough
I
"
She
Poor
Harry !
"
I
afraid he
is
very fast. He
gaged to be married
so
That
ing with
reminds
Miss
me,
a
head
aches
"
the
bad,"I continued,
he
"
too, and
great flirt,
has
been
times."
many
he is to be at the reception
this
ever
con
pause, I said,
smiled again.
a
going to
is
"
is,"I
saying."
am
After
"
"
her ? "
"
what
wife smiled.
am
to meet
"That
answered, unthinkingly.
but my
no
thought well,no
I don't know
My
is
a
Tenth-Street
no, my
have
and
man
go."
"
so
be
No,
you
"
I will tell her
I replied,
Oh,"
"
there
and
another
one
and studios.
galleries
home this eveningand
another,it is beingin
than
not
find
aches,and,
very pleas
are
receptions
generallyso crowded,
get separated;and in the
together. Besides,if
"
these
head
my
are
is difficult to
those endless
rain,and
don't think
rooms
apt
are
if it would
as
en
so
Koorinski,the
Russian
beauty,whom
even
report
is very attentive to her,
He
says he is to marry in June.
and never
leaves her side,when
in society
with her,for a
moment."
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
12
What
"
she
! what
be
must
go,
This
boots.
is,
name
about
I
worth
he
as
can't
carries
them
than
done
"
I
for
down
If
it is
you,"
assure
be
her
I
some
one
dislike
dear,
!
gloves
my
but
My
her
follow
are
thing
gloves.
my
thick
my
never
;
better
whatever
or
instant
one
had
we
wear
plague
single
a
side
more
have
what
"
?
them
with
the
there
lose
to
can
would
Harry
or
where
But
off.
another,
you
wealthy,
them
lay
I
all,
Kohinoorinski,
Miss
does.
after
and
her
leaves
never
think,
I
better,
is
be
he
"
seeing.
lady,
must
cried,
I
headache
my
"
"
!
answered,
wife
my
have
I
"
touched
not
them."
"
"
for
I
But
had
I
when
I
them
them
went
upon
"
"
Well,
gloves.
takes
you
ingly keep
!
I
;
but
one
must
provoking
How
"
How
them
did
Come,
it is
are
back
!
provoking
for
get
have
"
since,
I
and
laid
vanished."
if
where,
mean,
you
them."
it 's
but
;
ready
you
with
so
them.
for
provoking
so
?
Now,
watch
my
echoed
my
wife.
"
then,
and
to
how
Why,
women
"
!
replied,
handkerchief,
hat,
your
I
so,"
minute
a
a
they
now
always
waiting
go
and
find
I
only
to
into
will
you
believe
I
one's
stop
table,
your
look,
bureau
the
to
hands
my
done
have
must
you
in
dropped
You
will
you
certain
am
they
we
mislay
it
long
everlast
're
off;
porte-monnaie
"
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITY.
THIRD
BOOKS
MY
0 W
'
AND
in
for
vain
three
broughthome
PAPERS.
dear,"I
times,my
many
searched
13
a
my wife,as I
which
I had
said to
newspaper
I
"
days previously,must
re
quest you not to disturb my books and papers ? I 've
which
for a newspaper
in looking
spent an hour, at least,
laid
charming poem I had never
the mantelpiece,
it carefully
so
upon
out
of the children's
contained
If there be
have
"
"
before
a
reach, and
dislike
thingI
one
with."
papers meddled
of the paper ? " my
is the name
What
I neither know
nor
care,"I replied
;
disappeared.
another,it is to
than
more
be
that it would
it has
now
I
seen.
my
wife asked.
all I want
"
is to
find it."
"
the
"
Have
mantelpiece?
"
Yes, of
"
And
I
"Which
table?"
"There
is but
that is
"
a
stand
Well, have
a
table
on
it.
as
have,"I
she continued.
I asked.
table in the
one
room,"
it your
own
way
At
any
;
but I 'm
can't let my papers
I don't see.
It would
save
trouble and
annoyance
sure
rate,the paper
Now, why you
sightof
she
answered;
in the corner."
the other.
place them,
on
newspapers
answered.
the table ? "
on
one
pilesof
"
course
the
both of the
examined
you
if you
rest
me
would
it is
as
I want
:nuch
is n't
justwhere
a
I
wonderful
onlylet
them
alone."
"
one
I
am
said
certain,"
of your
dren have."
papers
in
wife, that I have not touched
week, and I don't think the chil
my
a
"
MATRIMONIAL
14
Then
"
of the
one
Now, if
another,it is to
be
have
to kindle
a
servant
to your
it
their
much
as
taken
thingI
take
a
wife
it to
lighta
dislike
fire
than
more
I wish
newspaper
to
said, that any of the ser
orders to them, in regardto help
that they think
papers, are so strict,
think,"my
taken it. My
ing themselves
as
one
has
fire with."
a
not
have
vants
servants
there
with.
preserve,
"
I do
INFELICITIES.
"
situations
worth
are
to meddle
with
them."
Well, then," I exclaimed,
the servants
have
nor
children,
"
know
where
without
"
it has
hands
;
who
and, now,
probablethat
It is
to !
gone
you
if neither
"
taken
the
nor
you,
it,I should like
Certainlyit
took it is the
yourselflaid
could
not
to
go
question."
it away,
dear,"
my
she remarked.
"
"
Nothing can
"
But
I said.
probable,"
you often do such
"
forgetall about it!
and
"
be less
know
you
!"
Never
I
said,decidedly
;
forgetting
anythingin
ever
my
"
a
she continued,
thing,"
I do
not
remember
life."
assertion,
my dear,"she remarked,
of your memory,
the treacherousness
clusively
"
Your
"
remember
tinctly
"
Well, I have
instances
of your
forgotten
my
I said,maliciously.
theirs,"
have
My
"
many
of
never
proves con
for I dis
forgetfulness."
age,
as
some
persons
wife frowned.
I don't
see
why,"
I
when
continued, that ladies,
"
they
littlepasse, should wish to conceal their age.
As for
I glory in my
that that
me,
Everybody knows
years.
"
child
eldest girl,
slender miss of
to our
a tall,
pointing
get a
"
thirteen
"
But
u
ously,
"
"
is your
daughter."
does n't know," she
every one
who her father is."
remarked, mischiev
I felt that my amiable wife had a little the advantage
of
subjectagain.
me, so I returned to the newspaper
"
I wish to gracious,
my dear,you would find that paper
for me."
MATRIMONIAL
"
Have
"
I have
you
looked
the desk
is
am
desk
very
certain
locked, and I have
15
the
"
for it?
is
she
asked.
I do not
more,
it is not
there.
in
Besides,
"
key in
pocket!
there,however," persisted
put the paper
Perhaps you
"
into your
not,"I replied,
and, what
to, since I
tend
INFELICITIES.
my
wife.
my
I did
Indeed
"
not,"I replied
;
but, to satisfy
you,
"
I
the desk."
will open
the
surprise,
missingpaper was the first object
that met my sight
the lid of said desk.
on
raising
I told you so ! my wife exclaimed,exultingly.
said
Now
so, and I indignantly
my wife had not told me
To
my
"
"
as
much.
I
"
think,"I continued,after
ingthe
from
paper
but I had
"You
the mantel
it."
forgotten
ought to keep
"
Good
"
I dislike
often
as
me
than
think the
keeping of
fulness.
You
and
lings,
keep one
too
with
formance
are
and
you
"
puttingit into
one
to
has
a
tendency
depend
readinglast evening?
but
"
Goldsmith," I answered
Why, Irving's
written."
ever
charming biographies
the
"
my
and
I
placed
I
your
pencil-
the better per
require
is that
book
I
"
What
"
thing
forget-
I don't
where
"
most
little
n't find
invoke
on
and
;
way," I continued,
was
"
duties
"
yet.
;
You, perhaps,might
your
household
to
much
too
memory.
to
advantage my comfort
?
would
you
"
any
one
the desk
do."
I
apt
little on
of your
By the
tak
of all such
then
and
I remember
exclaimed, if there be one
another,it is a memorandum-book.
!
gracious
more
as
"
pause,
memorandum
a
suggestedmy wife,
things,"
fault with
a
she asked.
it with
others of the
"
;
of
one
set,"she answered,
the
"
in
library."
There
it is again!" I exclaimed
books
justwhere
laymy
hand
on
I
put them.
the very book
"
;
you
When
I want,
will leave
never
I think
even
I
can
in the
go
dark,
it is
it
find that
provokingto
exceedingly
some
has taken
one
away."
books
i
-but when
I deem
much
so
chose
to
I
certain of
was
if it
it,even
move
chair,as
a
with
on
books
my
the
in
floor,
findingit in
were
a
and
I
until
papers
month
the middle
spot, when
the exact
afterward.
The
fact
You
tom.
at the
are
a
with
books
on
mantelpieceat
it,and
on
have
would
and
corner,
be in disorder
not
one
of
the
this moment,
them
"
with
of which
it is
out
possibleto
my
not for
to the bot
every
Look
newspapers
anything;then there
coal ashes and cracking
Besides,whenever
mantel, each paper and book must
replaced,else your ire is excited
carefully
you, pour
mar
worth
books, covered with
heat.
How
untidy it looks.
degree,and
room,
is,you
top
old
fifty
I dust the
and
If I
in
pilesof useless newspapers
chair,and table.
every shelf,
dozen
the
from
was
I wanted
"
"
would
I
of my
plans with your continual interference
books
and papers."
The fact is,"chimed
in my wife, that if it were
the house
this,
had
never
thoughtof touching them.
ever
book
put it there.
who
all my
me,
your
T did
place."
it on the chair,"
I said,
did n't leave
like to know
Nobody
lay a
lyingon
one
do not
put it into its proper
trouble
married.
generalrule,I
a
see
sure, I
'm
I should
and
I
it best to
Well, I
"
that,as
know
You
"
'
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
16
the
largestsized
conceive.
One
be taken
to
a
off
terrific
vials of wrath
would
think,if
singlepaper be missing,that a whirlwind had passed
throughthe house,scattering
your entire collection of books,
etc.,to the four quarters
magazines,pamphlets,periodicals,
of the globe. Then, too, at such times,you go about like
and I, the children,and. the servants, have to
a raginglion,
get out of your way, until you have found the missingpaper,
which
usuallyyou yourselfhave mislaid,when, instantly,
as
quietas a lamb."
you become
Good
! my dear,"I said, how
gracious
you exagger
but
a
"
ate."
"
MATRIMONIAL
18
INFELICITIES.
INFELICITY.
FOURTH
FRIDAY'S
HAD
menced.
abroad
into the
pen
and
open
feather
how
a
She
and
"
away
that
repliedthat
she
"
"
replied,
sweep,
Well, never
"
and
dipped
door
broom,
after
regard
asked
I gave
out.
that
wait
will
her
least.
lengthof time,
the
sweep
was
a
twenty-fourhours,at
the
I must
mistress
room.
obligeme
by going
do
justas
the mistress will be
tould
me
to
come
justbe doingit."
mind," I answered,
day will
other
But
with
I
with
takingyour implements of house-cleaning
and
it this morning ;
about
"
well."
sore
vexed with
me
if I
don't,"
replied.
"Well,
Now
not
I went
would, therefore,proceed to
Young woman," I said, you
here and
"
be
could
she
had
inquisitorial
manner,
an
it would
equallyfree
be
entered,and,
dust-pan,
a
to
visitors from
no
of the servants, armed
one
be before
"
some
my
warning,the
without
ink,when,
it would
long
have
Scarcely,however,
in
"ou."
Sure," she
"
a
library,
it promised to be a
I would
trusted
few moments
understand
to
and
me,
brush, and
for
ing me
me
desk, in
my
should
I
within.
annoyance
thrown
a
felt certain
I
to disturb
from
myself at
morning or two since,and, as
rainyday,contrary to my usual habit,I resolved
finish writingan
article I had com
at home, and
remain
my
seated
SWEEPINGS.
no
matter," I answered;
go."
But
"
"
she commenced.
"I'll
explainit .toher.
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
"
Go !
"
exclaimed,interrupting
her, and
I
chair
my
19
risingfrom
spoke.
retreated precipitately,
slamming the door behind
she disappeared.I steppedto the door,turned the
She
her
as
key
in the
I said to
I
as
lock,and
myself, I
"
curious
returned
think
desk.
to my
that matter
is
it
"
Now, then,"
set
satisfactorily
is,"I continued, that all women
folks take such pleasurein sweeping. Now, if there be
than another,it is a broom.
one
thing I dislike more
How
tled.
Brooms
invented
were
Then
of mankind."
the evil
I returned
try the patience
to
one
writing.
to my
elapsed,a knock
at the door
dis
me.
is there ? " I asked.
"
Who
"
Meself
it is,"
said the
What
"
The
"
It can't be
"
Will
"
No,"
"
Then
a
?
do you want
mistress bids
rt
For
by
five minutes
Before
turbed
"
me
"
original
Biddy.
I inquired.
back
come
and
sweep
the room."
done,"I replied. Go away."
let me
in,sir ? she asked.
"
"
ye
I answered.
I '11tell the
few
minutes
she said.
mistress,"
I
enjoyed comparativequiet; only,
littleboy,takingadvantage
of the maid
my
dust-panby
my
usingthe handle
door,converted
havingleft the
it temporarily
into a drum,
of the feather duster
as
a
drumstick,and,
astride the broom, was
the hall.
getting
riding
up and down
Going to the door,I told him he might take them all into
I resumed
the yard and playwith them there.
Then
my
myself upon having disposedof
congratulating
writing,
the sweeping-utensils.
the servant, the boy, and
I had
written six lines,perhaps,when
a gentle tappingat my
door
disturbed
and
admitted
me.
her.
I knew
it was
She walked
my wife,so I opened it
in with rather a majestic
air,and took a seat on the lounge,without speaking.
Well, my dear,"I said, what is it?
That is exactlywhat I came
here to have answered,"
"
"
"
she
replied.
"
MATRIMONIAL
20
Then
"
INFELICITIES.
you '11have
inquireof Barnum,"
to
I
said, for
"
I
can't tell."
Oh,
"
it 's
continued.
house
I 'm
the
see
How
"
do
in cleanliness
allowed
"
jokingmatter, sir,I
no
and
to sweep
of
necessity
such
ing,and raising
she
can't sweep
one's
"
been
Two
saw
The
is n't
some
than
It
not
are
I
don't
writ
am
doesn't
room
two
re
three weeks
or
sweepingit."
one
!
"
echoed
swept since then,I think
of dirt in it.
my
"
but,then,I
is,this
more
keep
must.
necessarily
Why
just as well as this,I
room
fact
"
to ?
in here while
she
as
other
three weeks
or
coming
dust
a
confess,puzzles me.
ago since I
I tell them
know," I replied;
some
quire sweeping. It
you,"she
assure
that I can
you suppose
and order, if the servants
dust when
I don't
sure
can
wife
my
"
;
would
you
if it had
find
a
not
cart-load
thoroughly
swept on Wednesday, and
now
Friday is my regularday for sweeping and cleaning
throughoutthe house. So, if you will justlet the servant
in here and sweep, I will be much
come
obligedto you."
I don't think
the room
But, actually,
requiresit,"I
said ;
besides,it beinga rainyday,I had decided to re
main at home
and write.
It will be very annoying for me
was
"
"
to
I
stop
at this moment
took
resolutely
My wife
up
my
answered
five minutes.
and, indeed,I
;
and
pen
not
I did not
resumed
word, but
a
look
once
though I knew that her eyes were
It
was
regardingme attentively.
sitive man
like myself,
to be made
minutes at
eyes for many
my pen, I exclaimed,
a
won't
silent for at least
from
upon
is very
the
time.
At
dislike
more
And
writing.
sat
up
do it."
my paper, al
me, and that she
tryingto
a
sen
targetof a woman's
last,
throwingdown
"
"
If there be
to be looked
at
one
thingI
said
Very likely,"
yourself."
Well, I
another,it is
!"
"
"
than
won't
bear
my
wife
it any
"
;
but you
brought it upon
I replied
longer,"
;
"
and
I
MATRIMONIAL
wish
you
would
go
This
is my
room,
and
me
raise
and
I don't
one
cloth,and
dusting-
the furniture
"
of
obtuseness
The
"
!"
Indeed
this moment
At
ing that
some
had
one
she could
and
Biddy
What
again.
has
settled
possiblegood
persons,"she answered, ma
their
seeinggood in anything."
made
in
her
reply.
appearance,
carried off her broom
find them.
not
to
seems
than to
purpose
with a feather brush
the dust which
all I vouchsafed
was
writing.
my
It
don't see."
some
"
to
me
other
no
scatter
often prevents
liciously,
21
swept.
go about
can
accomplishedthereby,I
it
want
the floor
over
leave
for
done
that
so
"
and
away
sweepingwas
dust,
a
a
on
is
if
as
INFELICITIES.
wife
My
and
complain
dust-pan,
regardedme
atten
tively.
"
them, I
the
"
shall
I made
"
one," she said, has had
If any
hide
I live ! "
forgetit as long as
never
audacityto
reply.
no
It is very
she continued,
singular,"
"
what
has
become
of them."
I looked
noise
"
that
was
Well, if
of the
up from
came
that
window,
is n't too
and
the
asked
dust-panand
have
broom.
bad," she said
What
wife what
my
the
yard.
littleboy out in the rain without
dear
the
out
a
any
;
"
cap
careless
there is that
on, and
girlyou
with
are
to
left them
lyingwhere the littlefellow could get them.
After all,it is your
and bringin the child.
Go, quickly,
fault,"she added, turning to me ; if you had allowed
Bridgetto attend to her sweepinghere,as usual,this would
not have happened. Now, he has probablytaken a terrible
cold,and will have the croup and die,for aughtI know."
Here the lad made his appearance,
in Bridget's
struggling
He
arms.
was
wet, and had apparently been
thoroughly
"
thrown
head
"
from his
horse,for
he
was
covered
with
mud
from
to feet.
Look
at him
got clean ?
"
!"
exclaimed
my
wife
"
;
can
he
ever
be
MATRIMONIAL
22
"
He
is in
"
Pa
said
pickle,"I
a
I
might
I frowned
at the
Is that true
tinued,
how
"
will be
all
if that
boy
But,
face,
"I
ever
It all
sweeping and
such thing as
him
I
to
I
And
if this should
from
affairs
be the
I
wish
broom
in
the
sad
die ?
just
mania
gracious there
to
for
was
no
world."
wife,
my
is yours
confounded
your
do
"
"
within
really think
you
and
her
she
clasped
the
the
lad,
arms.
tell,"I replied, how
five minutes'
"
cannot
of household
yard."
replied; "the fault
darlingwill be sick and
muddied
though he was,
"
Bridget to sweep
engaged in writing. It
into the
comes
But," interposed
con
to send
was
dusting.
a
I
forgiveyourself,I do not know."
said, looking imploringlyinto my
can
help that," I
can't
I
die.
dear," she
my
same.
"
too,"said
just see,"
now
ill management
your
sick and
you
And
"
in you
was
knew
you
be
said.
it
wrong
I did n't send
"
the
broom
asked.
wife
my
owing to
result,how
"
the
rascal.
"
?
when
room,
my
take
out, and
go
Certainly it is,"I
"
said.
hopeful.
young
"
INFELICITIES.
exposure
spring rain may affect him ; but, at all events,"
added, smiling at her terror, the fault will rest at your
a
warm
"
door."
Ah
"
! I
somewhat
"
of Eden
will
than
the
wife, her
my
old
first parents,
our
"
take
my
by
is,"said
it is
"
;
dear," I said,
a
walk,
Bridget sweep
up
it
confidence
in
story enacted
"
the
man
the
puttingthe
the woman."
upon
My
how
restored
garden
blame
see
hat and
and
and
it has
as
while
dust my
I
room
coat, " if there be
another,it is
a
ceased
am
;
I
raining,
absent,
thing I
Friday'scleaning."
one
as
I
let
can
you
but," I added,
think
I took
dislike
more
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITIES.
INFELICITY.
FIFTH
DOMESTIC
[HY
you
don't
wife, "from
while I
think
keep
making
from nine o'clock until
I Ve
been
such
house,I
said to my
noise
abominable
an
imagine.I should
to be quietand behave
They have all the day,
can't
in which
five,
to
play and
make
as
as
ing for you and
enjoy rest
to
children,"I
and why you will allow them to
theyplease,
After
until bedtime,I really
don't understand.
for six or eighthours,toil
employed down-town
noise
keep it up
those
you 'd instruct them
when
I am
at home.
that
themselves
much
GOVERNMENT.
in the
am
23
the
and
and
quiet,
find
not
home,
I return
I desire,
when
children,
the
myself,
moment
house, in the midst of bedlam."
The noise they make," said my wife,lookingup from
her work, can be no more
annoyingto you than it is to
I enter
the
"
"
me,
who
have
to be
oughtto
nerves
subjectedto
be made
it all
I 'm
day.
of iron to enable
me
sure
my
it.
to endure
reality,
experiencelittleof its unpleasantness
; but
here am I,shut up, day after day,with these noisybeings,
obligedoftentimes,through lack of strengthto correct
while
them, to submit to their capricesand naughtiness,
abroad
in the open
air,and free from the petty
you are
You,
in
annoyances
a
woman's
which
lifeis
surround
a
me.
You
men,
perfectparadise.I wish
though,think
you
I have been
had
to live
to
obliged
have the sole care of the children ever
since morning,and,
between
their cryingand boisterous behavior,they have
and
it
out.
me
nearlyworn
My head aches violently,
could take another stitch."
if my fingers
does n't seem
as
onlyone
such
day as
this has been.
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
24
But
"
self?
why,"I asked,
Why did n't you
take
did you
"
let
your
upon
charge of the chil
have
Katy
much
so
usual ? "
dren, as
and
ironing-day,
this is
"Because
has
Katy always
to
assist the laundress."
take
get
children,unless she does it ?
why
perform her work herself,
cannot
business.
interfere
is your
I think
I could
can
effect
a
one
duties
own
in,those
perform, and
to
of another.
of this household
the control
to have
like
be
her
assist
with,or
Katy
you 'd better
attend to her own
than
thingI dislike more
mismanagement with the servants.
should have
one
that
so
can,
if there
Now,
another, it
Each
who
'one
some
to
If the laun
of the
care
dress
"
of having Katy
use," I inquired,
is the
what
But
"
I should
for
revolution in it of
a
week,
just
when
satisfac
most
a
not
tory character."
"I
sure,"said
am
charge of the house
takingthe entire
A
no
objectionto
for
a
your
year or longer.
I think you
housekeeper,though,you 'd make.
pretty
it
find
would
I have
wife,
"
my
difficult
more
a
than
task,however,
you
imagine."
"
All that is necessary
dear," I said," is
hold,my
basis of all
governments
it,disorders
out
explainto
time
ones
would
"
you.
I don't
have
you
a
"
said my
present
remain
the attention
Children,cease
"Don't
will
if you
have
listen
to hear your
theory
a
to
me,
I'll
"
wife,interrupting
me,
theory,even
quietlong enough
to
allow
that
"
I
if the little
to
me
give
necessary."
your
noise !
gave no heed to my command,
that it called forth from me
an
extreme
house
well-regulated
prevail. I
to
In the first place"
know,"
at
a
proper system. System is the
With
and national.
domestic
certain
are
government, which,
about
"
insure
to
circumstances of the
speak so," said
my
"
and
I exclaimed.
raised
such
expressionwhich
case
But
a
they
hubbub
only the
warranted.
wife, soothingly."I
have
MATRIMONIAL
26
"
"
Flies !
"
echoed
"
wife looked
candy ?
"
she
they?
been
candy with
Biddy,who soon
children
the
a
criticaleye.
Then
made
get the
her appearance.
molasses
for their
inquired.
Out of the
should
had
did
Where
"
at the
she rung the bell for
"
wife.
my
Yes," I repeated, flies!
My
"
INFELICITIES.
jug,to
Did
be
sure,"said Biddy ; where else
where
it
they find it in the cellar,
n't
"
long,doingno good to any one, and so I
justsaid they mighthave it for candy."
the jug ought not to have been
"But
in the cellar,
Biddy ; that is not its proper place,"said my wife.
"Oh, it's not the jug we use, ma'am," responded Bid
dy ; and now I '11tell you all about it. When
Nora, the
ever
so
"
cook
had
we
last summer,
one
justaccidentally,
and
so
you
remember,
day,broke
here, she
was
the handle
off the
jug,
that it would
the upper
it. I suppose,
on
n't be in your sight,
ma'am, she put it
shelf in the cellar,
where we forgotall about
somehow, the cork got out and the flies got
in,but it was very nice molasses,
ma'am, for all that. And
I told Miss Lily,
when she boiled the molasses,
to be sure
and skim off the top of it,
for I thoughtthere might be a
flyor two in it,and I knew fliesliked molasses ; and that 's
indeed it is !
justthe blessed truth,ma'am,
When
Biddy had left the room, I said to my wife,
This is another example, my dear,of your housekeep
You
not only let the children do as
ing qualifications.
they please,but you allow the servants the same
liberty.
"
"
"
"
If
they break
months
with
"
jug,why
afterward,when
you
the
know
nothingabout it until
children poison themselves
eatingflies."
Poison
to say
mean
"
a
themselves
!"
that fliesare
Well,"I replied,I
food.
"
exclaimed
my
wife
you
don't
"
?
poisonous
don't
regardthem
And
I advise you, if you have any
children's health,to collect the balance
scattered
"
;
around,and throw it away."
as
wholesome
regardfor the
of the candy,
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
This
wise
"
their
worth
Now,
orders
in
mestic
regard
"
I
In
government.
dear,"
My
I
leave
must
After
theory,
listening
saying
some
after
the
wife,
my
this,
and
my
day
I
wife,
having
or
to
come,
discovered
place,
were
I
wife
a
other.
am
to
one,
I
do
as
"
"
interrupt
to
left
to
adopt,
must
taught
getting
reseated
regard
you
sorry
abruptly
good
in
her
given
candy,
Solomon
which
"
the
theory
my
attend
is
week
a
flies
of
first
said
you
my
state
that
for
other
diamonds.
in
precept,
however,
which,
to
will
which
candy,
up
destruction
the
to
the
few
the
said,
I
me,
fundamental
and
weight
"
near
everything
me,
dear,"
my
herself
but
by
of
disposing
sticking
appreciated
almost
a
be
would
was
of
opportunity
27
you,
dinner."
the
shall
My
room.
insist
on
her
MATRIMONIAL
28
INFELICITIES.
SIXTH
INFELICITY.
GOING
OU
pf
need
OUT
wait
not
TO
DINE.
dinner
for
I said
to-day,"
me
wife,while I lingeredover
my
coffee at the breakfast-table,as
cup of
I expect to dine
second
my
"
House
at the Brevoort
"
it is
There
with
a
home
compelled to stay at
the
can't remember
dine.
I wish
would
invite
have
"
woman
and
with
eat
when
I have
You
been
House
often
I
am
children.
asked
I don't know
"
have
dine at the Brevoort
the
you
;
enjoyingyourself,while
to dinner.
me
taken
never
time
estimable
somebody
gracious
to
that I should
friend."
again,"repliedthe
always diningout, and
are
to
I
out
who
promised
to
"
me
with you, but you
there."
me
dear," I answered, because it has never
been convenient.
Some
day or other,when you are down
in the even
town, and wish to go to a place of amusement
ing,instead of going all the way home to dinner,"(forwe
"
Simply,my
live
at the
meal
"
the
near
You
worth
Central
Park,)
"
will have
we
a
cosy
little
Brevoort."
have
while
"
said that
place
any
said,submissively.
But
to
"
so
times,I scarcelythink it
many
confidence
who
are
in it
you
again,"my
goingto dine
wife
with
to-day?"
"
few artist friends."
"
With
"
Well, I hope
but
a
just think
you will have a nice time,"said my wife ;
of me
at home, surrounded
by noisychil
with your friends."
dren,while you are feasting
I will,
and more
than that,we
indeed,"I replied
;
"
drink
"
your
health in
a
bumper
of
champagne."
will
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
I don't think
"
about
diningout
on
And
me.
"
You
"
I
am
a
week,
as
you
foolish
very
be
certainly
would
if you
said,
a
once
failed to submit
to it with
the
only event
in my
recall the
days when
I lived
about
and
free from
was
a
is
friends,
life which
married
Din
good grace.
bachelor
my
I
woman,"
foolish
more
ing out occasionally,
my dear,with
to it."
to submit
woman
much
a
is,I look upon your
do, as an imposition
fact
The
will im
"
doing so," she answered,
your
health in the least.
prove my
29
serves
to
careless existence,
roving,
a
the trammels
and
of matri
annoyances
mony."
trammelled," responded my wife, what do
chained,day after day,and week
you think of me, who am
after week, to the house,with such unyielding
links as these
If you
"
feel
"
children."
"
It is your
fault,"I said, that
"
own
do
you
not
go out
more."
"
what
But
would
of the children if I went
become
and
making calls,
shoppingin Broadway,
whom
"
"
I
Oh,
know,
do ?
never
mind
asked
the
children
;
go ; they will
not forever be at
let them
enough,"I replied. You need
they are old enough
tendingto them,
themselves ; besides,Katy is here to watch
"
"
"
you
Now,
I think
giveme
credit
no
the children.
it is too
Who
on,
bad
you
would
repair the
rents
notice
that
in
care
of
them."
for you to talk
and
for stayingat home
I presume
and
take
to
if it were
their appearance
and
behavior
hands
but mine, I should
like to
Whose
buttons
some
wife.
my
do well
as
abroad,
ladies,
a
as
you
do
;
seeingto
difference in
not
for
me.
the
know, sew
boy's jackets?
"
kept clean but me ?
Why, Katy, of course,"I responded.
Of course, it is n't Katy,"she replied
if it were
left
;
seldom
be clean.
to her, the boy would
No, indeed,it is I
who have to say a dozen times a day, Katy, those children
requirewashing; or, Katy, see what mischief those little
sees
that his face and
hands
are
"
"
"
'
'
'
MATRIMONIAL
30
in now,
INFELICITIES.
for
they are so quietI know they must be
doing somethingwrong.' That is just the way I have it
My life is actually
every day,and I do think it is too bad.
and all the sym
to those children,
wearing out in attending
pathy and satisfaction I get from you, when I speak of my
mind ; let them go.'
cares, is, Never
Well, if you will persist,
my dear,"I replied, in stay
and
I don't
ing at home
making a servant of yourself,
ones
are
"
"
"
"
know
what
about
children,which
I
do
can
they expect
woman.
Whip
you
a
the
Which
would
the
castically,
"
I
two
children
both, and, my word
other,or quarrel.
for
In
my
"
also have
and
They
and
playing,
makes
wife
it,they
honestlyby
or
wife,sar
my
gets hurt,or
one
other
will not
cry,
whip
often
hurt
them
each
littletheoryrelating
to domestic
"than
said,maliciously,
came
the
important part,and
find time
different
a
child
?"
less troublesome
have
must
a
"
government, this rule plays an
would only adopt it,you would
more,
argue with
dear,"asked
woman
are
one
the
do for them
you
this,but continued,
to
answer
and
quarrelling,
are
the
or
idea
an
leave the other."
whip, my
you
more
Never
and
one
child
deignedno
When
"
to do.
I have
Now,
you.
is,that the
more
"
relieve
to
in which
children
for these
their irritable and
to go
out
around
you."
dear," my
father,then,my
you;
if you
children
mischievous
all
disposi
tions."
"
Now
want
you
to
me,"
vex
I
"
said, by pretendingto
puttinga false construction
If there be one
words.
thing I dislike more
my
another,it is equivocation."
misunderstand
"
me,
and
mind
Well, never
about
change the subjectof
to
you
suppose
you
will
come
our
it now," said my
conversation.
home
this
"
Oh, after dinner,"I replied.
"
Of
course
"
;
long after ?
tell exactly."
but how
I can't
"
"
upon
than
wife,anxious
What
evening?
"
time do
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
"
Will it be
"
Well
yes
"
I
"Now,
o'clock.
to
go
be
I
to
a
enough
said.
of
manner
answeringme,
that
of
coming
before
home
certain it is your purpose,
I should
place of amusement.
for you
dine
to
from
away
sad
"I
twelve
or
after
think
see
have
you
eleven
am
alone,with only her
her
leave
dear," she
better,my
your
intention
no
"
I think so."
;
know
plainly,
by
o'clock ?
nine
by
31
dinner,
it would
wife,and
your
the
all
thoughts,
not
even
that we
don't consider
find
ing. You men
poor wives
for truant
no
enjoyment in sitting
up till midnightwaiting
at dinner-parties,
to come
husbands,who have been feasting
home, when
the
oftentimes
day'shousehold
duties.
eightdinner-courses
provided,to
and
say
with
careworn
partake of
No, you
either while
then
wines, and
wearied
are
we
the six
or
nothingof the costly
the eveningsmoking
away
and telling
or go to the theatre or
stories,
opera."
"
But, my dear,"I said,unable to endure this tirade any
I shall be home
longer, "I tell you positively
by nine
o'clock."
remain
"
Why
home
by
"
For
is six
as
that ?
Why
the very
Oh,
I
And
how
see
leave
home,
for
it
me
be
hour
my
named
plate of
wife said
is,"my
alone
all the
"
;
you
deter
are
evening. If,when
you
find cousin
you
while
me
if you
to the opera
not
comes."
seven
to
of music
"
even
that as the dinner
good reason
I shall scarcely
be throughwith
o'clock,
mined
come
late
so
?"
seven
fish when
"
out
I
should
this
Harry here,turningthe sheets
sing,you need not be surprised."
hear,my
eveningwith
dear,"I said, that
Musidora, you need
"
I went
not
be
surprised."
"I sincerely
trust,"said
you will be able to escort
"
you
"that
wife,mischievously,
my
after dinner."
Musidora
Now, then,"I exclaimed,
this is too
provoke
idea of
"
can
to
me.
The
bad.
a
wife
You
do all
insinuating
taking
's
of
care
!
"
her
But,
"
!
joking,
"
I
before
as
wish
of
submit
to
exclaimed,
to.
assuming
feel.
submissively,
wife,
my
dinner
don't
I
really
said
only
was
what
naughty
not
dear,"
I
is
's
did
I
my
eyes,
It
after
capable
as
himself,
preposterous
indignation
an
Of
know.
you
filling
tears
I
course
did
n't
it."
mean
"
ing
be
this
You
should
she
manifested,
tears
not
I
thing
one
such
"
on
dislike
I
though,"
joke,
said,
subject
a
than
more
smiling
;
if
besides,
it
another,
the
at
is
a
feel
there
joke
of
character."
rising
Then,
her
from
certainly
my
is n't
husband
her
that
It
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
32
would
promise.
the
from
cheeks,
be
home
table,
went
her,
kissed
at
I
nine
and
o'clock.
to
her,
that
whispered
And
the
wiped
I
fulfilled
I
34
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
believe the servants
if
and
night;
they do, it is
fault."
your
I do
"
the
servants
at
are
all
of it."
Then
"
dear, that
think,my
not
wasteful
there
founded
set
it all
burn
something the
is
said.
meter," I
the
ahead
register
My wife laughed.
Can't the children
"
in
with
matter
some
the
con
get at it,and
?"
way
I continued ;
it's a probable
laugh,"
I '11tell
as they are
thing,
given to all kinds of mischief.
down
I '11go directly
to the company's
you what I will do.
Oh,
"
and
office,
on
But
"
And
I put
complaint about the meter."
and opened the door to depart.
resolutely,
There
"
a
it is
again!
"
with
always
you
want?
when
I
you know
Can you spare
money
Come,
I exclaimed
in
a
twenty dollars ?
me
! money
money
much
keep me standinghere
hurry."
"
JSro! " I answered.
"
Fifteen,then ? she suggested.
but there are
Scarcely,"I replied
;
!
do
forever,
she asked.
"
"
don't ask
"
money,
Well, how
women.
you
don't
am
"
;
"
"
some
said.
it is
"
goingwithout leavingme
not
are
you
hope," she
I
"
n't
enter
hat
my
need
you
"
she
againin
shall I do
what
But
ing?
for money
me
inquired;
"
about
after
twelve
week."
a
;
and, now,
\
the children's
springcloth
I shall
payingthe gas-bill,
not
left."
great amount
I don't know, nor
I don't care
what you '11 do," I re
plied. The fact is,the children are well enough dressed.
have
any
"
"
I don't approve
"
"
Fifteen
would
velvets
the children
see
"
them
But
them
arraying
in velvets and
laces."
dollars,"she answered, smiling,
sufficient for the purchase of any quan
twenty
be
scarcely
tityof
to
or
of
and
laces.
No
clean and
appear
in soiled and faded
they look
well
is to have
! all that I want
enough
respectable.I
can't abide
clothes."
to
me,"
I said.
"
I don't
MATRIMONIAL
their present clothes
why
see
play around
to
them
in,as theydo
35
good enough for them
why it 's necessary to buy
not
are
; nor
anythingnew."
If you
"
I
as
INFELICITIES.
do,
had
you
attend
to
to the
n't ask
would
me
mending of
why I wanted
their
clothes,
get them
to
ones."
new
Well, well,"I said, here are ten dollars more
; but
don't,for goodness*sake,ask me for money
againuntil
Until,"interruptedmy wife, smiling, I want a new
"
"
"
"
"
"
bonnet
"
which
"
will be next
week."
My dear,"I said,impressively,don't speak
"
If there
bonnets.
other,it
"
But
know,
I
very
economical
dear," she
to
Oh,
of her
"I
one
such
yes
Miss
Modiste
one
very
times
as
"
these
assures
"
because
to
appears
afford
can
are, when
you
reallydon't
to
bonnet
that
in
have, especially
one
it would
three months
every
should
be
some
are
month."
every
four hats
get along with
how
see
that there
dear," I said,"that
me,
your
"
me
new
every
can
Does
is
a
you
are
year
are
such
hard
studyeconomy.
two
a
year ?
"
she
possible,"
the fashions
re
change
n't,you know, like to be out of the fashion."
Well, the fact is,my dear," I replied, that we must
I would
"
economize
with
think
you
plied;
and
you
?
that
why
"
;
preposterous.
customers
get a
thankful,my
but,it
;
than
I
is
purchaserswho
am
Don't
;
dozen."
It
many
an
regards bonnets, you
only have four a year,
"I
a
month.
a
than
more
as
exclaimed, astonished
I
of
me
bonnet."
new
said.
have
more
"
!"
a
have
ladies
dozen
milliner
not
about
most
A
equal
"
hear
am
dislike
thing I
one
is to
my
whereas
"
be
to
somewhere
;
and
I think
we
can
best
dispense
being in the fashion,it is all
If there be one
than
nonsense.
thing I dislike more
another,it is seeingyou forever studyinga fashion-plate."
"I am
not forever studyinga fashion-plate,"
wife
my
it is rarely,
answered, with spirit
indeed,that I see one.
;
new
bonnets.
for
As
"
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
36
If you
don't
economize, why
to
want
stop smoking,
you
are
alwaysaccus
drinkingwine ? You men
ing us of being extravagant,and spendingour time before
and in that of all the think
the mirror ; but in my opinion,
ing portionof my sex, too, we are seldom as extravagant
for
You '11spend almost as much
vain as your sex.
as
or
and
leave
off
one
dinner,down-town, as would
for
familywell
As
week.
a
suffice to feed your
for vanity,
I have
never
greatestof coquettes stand longer before
the
I have
than
knot
in
cravat."
your
"
seen
mirror
a
elaborate
engaged in tying an
when
you
whole
"
!
gracious
Good
write
essayed to
wear
a
cravat,
"
exclaimed,
It is
possess !
ultyyou
I
wonder
it is
to
simply
inventive fac
an
me
the
In
romance.
a
"
a
what
first
never
don't
place,I
in
scarf; and
a
have
you
the
next
place,I don't tie it,but fasten it with a gold pin."
Well, then,all I can say is,"said my wife, that
"
"
of time
before
you
the
amount
glassin
spend an unnecessary
pinning your scarf."
would
You
provoke the best man
living! I
certainly
I have givenyou twentyand justnow, when
exclaimed ;
"
"
"
five dollars
buy
to
knickknacks
me."
to vex
you 'd want
"You
only gave me
excellent
and
gas-bill,
with the
little
I
'
ones.
am
I
replied;
now,
"
"I'll
had
take
"
not
what
know
mean
you
whether
particular
it,and
almost
There
five dollars
said,yieldingno
that
forgotten
his bill
man
I don't
the
to pay
for
purchaseclothing
rest I must
sure
I 've said
"
part of that is
and
the
by
you
to it
I '11hold
"
do
or
not,"
knickknacks
then."
wife
my
I 'm
sure
am
"
"
knickknacks.'
"
way," the
twenty-two dollars,any
answered,
woman
n't think
should
with, I
more
before
attention
I had
dear,"
go, my
"
I
last remark.
you
to my
promised
to pay
the milk
to-day."
it is
I exclaimed
again,"
"
;
money
! money
! This
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
is
third
the
off
time
gloves
my
much
ask
wish
"
home
for
early,
forget
the
of
door.
the
"
What
of
corner
wants
suit
dislike
wife."
the
her
;
more
but
I
"
than
Modiste's,
select
and
have
her
back,
me
hand
a
send
it
up."
"
do
for
it
of
me
If
is
my
there
out
went
by
come
one,
one
bonnet
the
at
;
she
money,
be
a
Don't
stood
select
choose
I
to
all
I
if
to
I
as
come
you.
as
omnibus
an
it, although
another,
added,
myself,
bonnet.
a
for
dinner
she
to
robbing
her
'11
said
I
dearest,
and,
"
;
nice
a
waiting
street,
get
dear."
my
calling
though,"
with
to
me
have
me,
!
contented
not
shall
woman
a
it,
and
them,
dearest,"
coaxingly
said,
for
bonnet
Miss
ride
to
answered.
I
I
!
here
left
take
;
take
to
remain
I
enough
dollars
"Oh,
for
pay
she
do,"
Now,
me,
so,"
five
replied.
at
If
change
Good-bye
stop
for
Perhaps
"
she
"
would
you
bonnet
some
"
!
morning
money.
you
are
more.
this
obliged
have
Here
any
Good-bye
"
I
for
give
not
with.
don't
been
to
as
shall
I
down-town
"
so
longer
have
I
37
it
won't
I
thing
for
my
38
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITIES.
EIGHTH
INFELICITY.
AFTER
iO
hear
you
that
the mother
elbow
one
"
No,"
"
Then
The
she
in
children,as
dear ?
I raised
"
bed, and listened.
lifted her
There," I said,as
silence, do you hear
"
"
her
head
bonnet de
rightear,
and
it
now
?
from
listened
pillow,
back
a
attentively.
sound
broke
the
"
singularnoise,"she replied, but
"
a
the
nuit,brushed
harsh,discordant
a
not."
"
"
her
I asked
myself on
"
you
I hear
cough,my
said,awaking from her sleep, I do
be deaf/'I cried.
Hark
must
!
lock of hair from
"
child
of my
woman
interesting
the strings
of
untied
MIDNIGHT.
it is not
a
cough."
"
Then
"
I
am
I should
I cannot
sure
cough,that
"
I 'm not
"
I can't
is very
what
I exclaimed.
it is,"
she replied;
tell,"
but it is n't
"
a
certain."
certain,
however," I said.
help it,"she answered ; I am
so
"
presumed
am
like to know
to know
the sound
of
a
mother, and
a
child's
cough when
I hear one."
"
Well," I said," I
a
am
father,I
suppose,
and
I don'
why I can't tell a cough when I hear it. Listen !
My dear,"and my wife grasped my arm
as
nervously,
spoke, it proceedsfrom some
one
tryingto get into
"
see
"
she
"
the house.
"
That
Nonsense
breakingin
"
Hark
We
!"
both
!"
noise
I
from
comes
replied
;
"
a
file!
"
burglarswould
n't think
of
here."
she cried
sat
up in
"
;
I hear
bed,
with
some
our
one
eyes
on
the stairs."
fixed upon
the
MATRIMONIAL
door.
Again
aroused
and
wife
my
The
what
door
givehim.
to
Go
"
hard, harsh
mistakingthe
no
back
wife
My
he
boy ;
to do
too
much
so, I could n't
keep
him
Katy
entered.
at this
out
was
and
moment,
little boy
I think
to-day,and
I don't
he has the croup,
ma'am."
went
the
"
me,
"
are
proper
going
not
you
said,
"
?
me
the
closet,selected
door to depart.
to
know
wife
to
rose,
in."
and
coughs so,
remedies,and opened the
Well," she asked,turningto
with
time,
this
sound
the nursery
immediately,"my
I will be there in a minute."
and
that first
notes
"
opened
Oh, ma'am, the
"
was
tried hard
though I
the
39
said,
It is the little
"
"
heard
were
There
me.
INFELICITIES.
'
"
What
good can
"
I do ?
I
replied.
"
I don't
and
should get up in the middle
of the night,
If I could
around
the house because
you do.
service,I
possible
"
Well, it would
answered.
"
"
Will
go, of course."
in you
only look fatherly
you go ?
if there be
is to get
I '11go if it be necessary
will take
you
;
time to
some
be
of any
do
to
it,"she
thingI
one
dislike
of the
up in the middle
but don't you wait for me,
dress,and the
more
night.
for it
little fellow needs
there at once."
My
I
me
trotting
"
"
another,it
go
I
would
My dear,"I said,
than
why
see
wife
laid
than
go
minutes
departed.
where
down, decidingto remain
where
I
knew
should
I
passed,during which
but
occasionally,
each
time
be
time the
it was
looser
in
the way.
little
and
rather
I was,
Ten
boy coughed
more
natural.
improving under his mother's
treatment, I resolved to go to sleep. Scarcelywere
my
Katy tapped at the door.
eyes closed,when
Then,
"
satisfied that he
Come
"The
nursery
in,"I
cried.
mistress would
to
see
was
like
the littleboy."
to
have
you
come
to
the
MATRIMONIAL
40
"
is he ?
How
"Oh,
I asked.
"
the
I turned
touched
You
me
on
are
a
don't
Do
humane,
know
wanted
the
anything to
answered.
"
So did
If I had
have
Nod,
when
I had
wife
my
"
n't you ?
I must
she
atrocious.
Not
say I think
only did
I sent
nursery, but when
the littlehoy,who, for aught you
You
men
are
can
be.
We
women
you
if
they be
no
was
n't,I don't know
by
this time.
where
very
I had
"
was
hard
and
the
you
awake.
keep
little
boy
you
that
owing to
and
weary,
to
that dear
It is n't
to
in the world."
cares
"
knew,
get up in
sick,while
must
let
you
for you
cruel
justas
dear," I answered, I
sleep."
but no,
I,"she replied
;
been
would
he
is
alive."
now
"
1
again.
in
contrary,"I replied.
And
"
my
to
eyes
are
father,
refused.
as
But,
him
look.
severe
nightand attend to the children
sleepas soundly as if there were
"
puity,
so
I '11see
the
to
see
dying,you
hearted
a
was
to-night
alone
and
come
the
looks
'
"
conduct
go
my
land of
affectionate
with
Yes, I do," she
your
me
?
you
into
closed
asleep?
or
the shoulder.
said,regarding
me
"I
and
over
little distance
a
gone
"
Is he awake
he is
Then
"
"
and he
just sleepingnicely,
mistress thoughtyou 'd like to see him."
Not to-night,
Katy. Tell your mistress
morning."
the
"
"
INFELICITIES.
Well, I
to whom
"
and
"
should
it is
Well,
I
just like
owing,if
will
tell
not
know,"
to
to
me
you," said
?
I
said,maliciously.
"
my
wife
it is to
me
elbow, and
re
"
;
"
"
Who
?"
I
asked, raising
myself on
one
moment
as she paused a
gardingher closely,
ing the final name.
Katy, to be sure," she continued.
I should
like to know, to soak the
obliged,
"
feet,and rub
sweet
oil upon
his
chest,and
before
"
Were
utter
n't
we
little fellow's
put flannels,
MATRIMONIAL
42
What
I was,
now;
but
in
no
married
"
I
would
one
"
and
Oh,
yes,
and
brief
fifteen
hear
to
silence
it took
never
expected
"
Well,
trust
tively
shut
me,
that
be
if
my
!"
Husband
"
Well, wife,
"
I did
n't
from
to
don't
me
go
this, I
heard
wife
my
;
sob-
after
drew
the
went
said
is it ?
"
I
everything
know
and
nor
care
I
something
exclaimed,
it," I
I
thing
talk
somebody
married,
were
sleep, for
to
go
firmly, and
mean
answered
lips."
your
one
you
what
we
don't
you
have
be
hear
eyes
by
since
that
you
there
"
I
let
to," she
perfectly horrible,
able
uttered
Having
is
hear
to
it is to
another,
were
ago
is more,
broken
June
now
place,
will
that
years
quiet, and
want
you
ensued,
next
say
now
you
amiable,
"
years
you
when
be
you
if
sleep
to
bingly exclaiming,
Only
the
am
"
go
another
"
many
what
and,
will
Now
"
?
not
or
how
"
know,
don't
I
sure
sleep
of
for
you
girl,I
a
"
care," I replied.
to
feelings,when
recognize
man
young
?
am
and
disposition
smooth-spoken
we
INFELICITIES.
I tell
dislike
you
more
"
posi
than
midnight."
bedclothes
to
close
sleep
by
closer
"
about
almost.
me.
inquired.
I
said
to
to-night,"she
you
continued.
"
night
I
"
added,
everything
!"
"
Are
"
Yes
"
I,"
Nor
Good
you
;
sleepy
?
"
good night
night
!"
she
she
!"
I
inquired.
replied.
answered.
I
said
to
you.
I
Good
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
43
INFELICITY.
NINTH
HOUSE-CLEANING.
'HAT
a
said to my wife,on
the other afternoon
in,"I
ness
ter,I should
think
what
about ?
are
you
am
about
"
I
"
You
look
many
duster
"
said
"
to clean
house,my
in
as
"
;
you
but
appearance
had
hand, and
a
at me
may sneer
I presume
cap
you would
of the house if it were
of
inmate
an
shockingly
was
days
and
long-handledfeather
a
her head.
on
much
as
replied.
better
seen
a
in her
Oh,
wife
dear,"my
that had
dressing-gown
house-cleanings.She carried
attired
bet
Pray, tell me
move.
if you were
about to become
asylum,"I answered ; for my wife
insane
an
busi
from
home
if I did n't know
"
;
going to
were
we
coming
is
this house
state of disorder
confounded
as
find
you
difference
a
that I
not
she
please,"
the
in
superintended
the
cleanings."
What
possiblegood is accomplished,"I asked,
?
For
turningthe house upside down in this manner
"
part,I
never
the least
come
dislike
more
One
you
men
the
corner
And
feather
;
it is
improve
my
in
bore,and
confounded
simplya
than
opinion that if there be one thmg I
another,it is house-cleaning."
she replied, which
is,that
very certain,"
thingis
know
nothingabout
there !
don't
"
it.
Look
at that
cobweb
in
"
wife made
my
duster upon
an
Now,
its appearance
to the
thoughtrather
"
see
by doingso
I have
"
could
that you
by
"
ornamental
you
an
attack with
little
inoffensive
than
the
long-handled
cobweb, that
I
otherwise.
think,"I said, that if
"
you
were
to
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
44
clean
one
At
entire house
be
a
greatdeal bet
into confusion
and
dining-room,
to the
that
last
would
rate, house-cleaning
through an
disposedto adopt your
small
as
a
and get throughwith it as speedily
as
possible,
I were
to follow your
the dust and
suggestion,
cleaningone
way
get into
another
very
Of
to
mother
was,
which
mother
could
we
was
do
a
some
the
re
No
;
to argue
attempt
the
useless
very
understood
"
wife
from
differently
could
in
"
course,"my
ated,and
ters
I '11not
it would
be a
you, for I know
I must
mother, who
say that my
used
things,
dirt raised
end.
never
with
these
If
can.
at once."
"
task; but
"
would
house-cleaning
Well, my dear,"I said,
matter
I
and
rights,
to
as
space
or
settle,
to
sure
just put
room
be done
must
everything
be
would
room
be that
sult would
"
?
once
the par
That
is my
on.
so
entire year, and I,for one, am
not
plan. No, I want to put it all into
in
at
of
to the cleaning
week, for instance,
one
lors,another
plan."
"
it would
time,that
a
throwingthe
ter than
Devote
at
room
what
as
she
did
interrupted,your mother
I do.
She was
situ
differently
"
pleased.
have her
own
A
in
way
poor wives cannot
woman
very remarkable
widow, left
a
your
mat
great many
follow.
;
as
I
but
know
your
that I
I trust
do my duty to you and my children and my house,as well
how.
I don't,"continued my wife,puttingthe
as I know
end
of the
handle
of her eye, and
of the
feather
brushingout
duster
into the
imaginarytear,
"
an
or
fair,
honorable,or generous, or husbandlike
better your mother
how much
me
always telling
than
I do.
I
wish
to
graciousyou
had
corner
think it
in you
to be
kepthouse
married
your
mother."
"
have
Pooh
you know
I might have married
! pooh ! " I exclaimed
been
proper.
though,which would
gratifying
your wish."
My wife smiled.
have been
"
;
as
near
as
that would
your
I could
n't
mother,
come
to
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
"
My
mother
"
She
would
shown
have
not
she said.
sir,"
good taste,then,as
had
n't have
would
45
you,
as
daughterdid,"I replied.
Her daughter sometimes
regrets the
showed," my wife said,mischievously.
l
"
I think
"
I
ready to
am
when
she
answered
"
but
;
question,
providedyou will tell me
and as yet
ready. It is six o'clock,
signsof it."
I thought I told
ing,"my wife made
I
no
see
you, before you
"
dinner
your
You
"
say
hint for
market, which
I know
"
cooked
did
you
when
we
Yes, and
order, while
what
I have
it
supposed
something from
had ; I would
you
to
the aldermen
get
was
the
been
not
put up with!
be
home
come
dust
and
till
dis
enjoyingyourself.I
dinner,for
to
how
"
it could
in the
and
feasting
have
and
house,"I said.
clean
n't have
wife here
poor
were
you
feed
to
goingto
were
left your
glad,now,
am
I
but
"
you think
cleaninghouse ? "
you
to
"
we
did
How
were
I
gracious
midnight."
I wish
morn
have to
you would
should have none."
home
enough
"
with.
I did n't know
"
send
to
this
away
I did."
assistants
their
for that
so," I replied
;
me
went
that
"
answer,
down-town,
did
simplya
"
'
good taste
the
waive
will be
dinner
dear,"I
mistaken, my
are
you
her
I have
you
to
can
see
get along,
is."
to me,
uncomfortable,even
house-cleaning
it is,my dear,"I said,in a mollified tone of
I presume
voice,for I was desirous of having my dinner,and did not
and
how
"
care
to
provoke
wife
my
deem
it necessary
down
and
quietly,
to
and
"
;
engage
let the
I
in
am
very
it.
the
you
sit
you
don't
Why
do
servants
sorry that
work.
I don't
think it necessary for you to lift a fingerto it."
"
Nicelythe house would be cleaned,indeed,"she
"
if I did
not.
You
justwish you would
"Very well,let
men
n't
me
know
nothingabout
speak another
have
some
word
on
dinner,"I
the
replied,
it,and
I
subject"
replied,"to
MATRIMONIAL
46
put into my
I dislike
mouth,
I will not.
and
another, it
than
more
INFELICITIES.
If there be
is
thing
one
going without
my
din
you
will
ner."
"
have
I
I don't
sure
am
said
know,"
wife,
"
my
what
eat, for it is utterlyimpossiblefor me,
to
of the servants, to stop work
at
either
or
to cook
present
anything."
piece of cold
Oh, anythingwill answer," I said ; a
meat-pie,or a slice of boiled ham, for instance.
That, to
getherwith an apple-tartand a glassof wine, I think,will
suffice. Let one
of the servants
set the table in the library,
and then send the thingsup, if you please."
My wife laughed.
If you think,"she said, that we have any meat-pieor
boiled ham
in the house,you are greatlymistaken."
"
"
"
"
"
had
AVhy,we
children
"
"
and
Why,
But
echoed
servants
yes,
my
wife.
must
eat ?
"
Don't
"
Where
what
I answered
certainly,"
;
?
interrupted
my wife.
last
No," I answered
time,always
had
trust ?
forever,I
a
you
suppose
the
"
but"
"
"
meat-pie will
"
"
to ?
Gone
answered.
"
to ?
has it gone
"
I
yesterday,"
some
"
"
You
don't
think
a
"
but
my mother, at house-cleaning
meat-pie and boiled ham in the cup
;
"
board."
"
it is
again,"exclaimed my
comparingmy housekeepingwith
There
ways
I don't like it.
fail to
have
whenever
you
mother's
mother
If you
ways
tidious
she
to
meat-pie and
ask for them,
are
not
had
I
man
never
"
taughtme.
boiled
a
I
am
"
in the
ham
certain
is more,
to
I don't
of
al
if I
house
have
thingsas
satisfied with
my
better hire
housekeeperwho
a
are
mother's,and
your
I don't do
manner
you
;
best I can, and
do the
face.
cast into my
did,I know, and, what
why, you
better.
a
I endeavor
wife
intend
your
your
to.
keeping house,
will suit you
and he was
fas
a most
my father
and
complain of my mother's housekeeping,
Everybody who knew my mother always
heard
"
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
she
said that
and
the neatest
was
47
perfectof
most
house
keepers."
to
more
dislike
more
don't
"
;
anything
thingI
say
your
of
housekeepingqualities
cellent
starving.Now,
am
exclaimed
I
mother, for if there be one
it is to hear about her housekeep
than another,
all this time,while you are talkingabout the ex
about
me
But
ing.
I
"
!
gracious
Good
"
for
once
mother
your
I have
all,can
yourself,
and
dinner
my
not?"
or
answered
Certainly,"
able to get it for you."
"
will that be ? "
"
When
"
In about
"
I can't wait
to
meet
so
it is
here
and
dinner
get my
good
a
soon
I
as
am
I asked.
long,"I
gentleman, on
a
wife; "just so
hour,"she replied.
an
and
o'clock,
have
my
I have
"
engagement
particularbusiness,at eight
I
seven.
elsewhere
at all
one,
said.
;
an
that I '11have
see
there is
to
help for
no
events,"I added, as
I drew
go out
it. I '11
on
my
gloves.
Yes, you had better go," said my wife, and leave me
here to eat dry bread,while you spend two or three dollars
dinner.
left my
a
on
mother, when in
My father never
this way."
What
do you mean," I inquired,
startled, by
slightly
"
"
"
'
"
in this way
"
Oh !
"
?"
in the midst
"
Why,
replied;
'
"
what
I
now,
way could I
relieved
said,much
you
meant
?
mean
"
her
by
explanation, I
"
"
"
Sir,"said my wife,indignantly,you
by going out and gettingyour dinner
"
and payingjustas
please,
father
"
of course,"she
house-cleaning,
other
perhaps,that
thought,
"
of
much
for it
as
will
obligeme,
wherever
like.
But
if there
be
you
you
my
""
My dear," I said, interrupting
her,
thingI
father.
dislike
than
more
Good-bye!
"
another,it is
"
to hear
about
one
your
MATRIMONIAL
48
I
placed
when
on
the
I
Immediately
her
arranging
we
hand
entering
Katy,
table.
ing
my
INFELICITIES.
our
hair,
confab,
proceeded
and,
to
the
and
the
knob
of
said
room,
turned
to
that
my
her
dining-room.
my
door,
dinner
wife,
other
performing
offering
the
arm,
to
was
who
toilet
which
it,
open
on
had
duties,
she
the
been
dur
took,
MATRIMONIAL
50
late
;
and
it is
being late
Two
if there be
INFELICITIES.
thingI
one
than
another,
at church."
minutes
then
elapsed;
more
'11not wait another
"
My dear,I
"
Very well,"she replied, I
"
But
dislike more
I did n't go
I
said,
"
; I
moment
will overtake
I waited for her.
on.
going."
am
you
;
go on."
Another
minute
elapsed.
"
Are
"
Yes," was
n't you
I could
she
you
"
bonnet
arrangingher
of
name
goodness!
where
up-stairs
and
shawl on, but
hair.
"
I
exclaimed, have
"
doing?"
i^;;
Why, preparingmyselffor church,"she replied.
think
I would
do you ?
Oh, of course
I looked
unless
go
as
well
as
"
You
any
one
"
;
elbow
the
on
Be
not," I said
for
other
no
of the
corner
"
we
;
go to church
"
purpose
;
and
if
as
toilet-table,
to show
I leaned
I would
rny
like
the matter.
to argue
she exclaimed,
careful,"
"
or
you
will knock
off that
"
cologne!
to
changed my position
bottle of
"
her
even
I went
so
been
ourselves,and
I
I asked.
longer;
no
the mirror
in the
What
there
"
it
"
she vouchsafed.
answer
She had n't
was.
don't
"
all the
endure
stood before
"
coming ?
ever
!"
There
bottle of
oppositeside
the
of the
table.
said, you have managed to upset the
and have covered your coat-sleeve with
hair-oil,
she
"
powder."
"
Confound
"
your flour ! I said
the kitchen where
broom,
"
my
it belongs.
I 'd like to know
The
littleboy was
wife
said,
"
"Now
there is
do
he would
no
use
can't you leave it in
has
got my
wisp-
"
sweepingthe
n't you
why
Now, who
I told him
and
longed."
"But
why did
might have known
?
"
;
in
it
not
to
stairswith it yesterday,"
put it back where
it be
yourself?"I asked; "you
do it."
talkingabout it,"she
snid
;
MATRIMONIAL
"
INFELICITIES.
51
but I can't forever be
pickingup after that boy. Come,
to get readyfor church,you must n't stand
me
out gray hairs from
glassany longer pulling,
if you wish
before the
whiskers,but
your
!
gracious
but if I
some
me
"
Good
"
let
not
put
on
I have
"
I know
whom
to
exclaimed,
I would
had,
one
I
how
see
bonnet."
no
gray hairs ;
and
pomatum
use
my
as
hair-dye,
hide them."
does,to
"Now, I should just like to know who you mean
by
'some
it can't
one/" my wife said,"for you are well aware
apply to me."
Perhaps not,"I answered ; but come, we shall be late ;
and if there be one
than another,it is
thingI dislike more
"
"
church
to enter
Well, assist me
"
be
after the services have
ready."
I placedthe
Stop! she
shawl
Come,
let
how
Why,
When
Then
"
were
you
n't
till I
get on
not
gloves. I
my
wife put
for something
to brush
as
flour,
you
on
a
ago,"my
me,
after all !"
her
shawl,and
lot of flour from
his
on
putting
well
hour
an
waitingfor
help his
has to
one
was
but
ladyin dressing.
a
ready half
were
his coat,he can't very well be
It
;
toilet in the street."
my
thoughtyou
then has to hunt
"
is better
go."
to make
I
There, that
to assist
"
wife said.
"
will learn
us
don't want
"
it.
over
Suppose you wait,"I said,
"
I shall
"
never
men
shawl,and
my
as
put the shawl under,not
you
puttingon
her shoulders.
on
gentlyas possibly
exclaimed ;
you are crumplingmy collar ;
"
"
with
commenced."
know, but
gloves."
powder for
the
complexion."
"
Well, I don't
it is
a
these
miserable
With
"
is because
a
Good
when
you
little more
have been
"
article to have
gloves, justsee
That
"
I said
what it is,"
care
you
on
"
;
one's
but at all events
coat.
"
how
they're ripped!
are
in such haste to
patienceon
your
Confound
get them
part theywould
on.
not
torn."
"
!
gracious
stand there
I
exclaimed,
hurryingme
"
how
can
I have
to death ?
"
patience
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
52
she said
it is again,"
There
"
"
;
for
can't endure
you
me
but I must
put
your movements,
threatened,
up with being talked to,and urged,and actually
minute
if I stop a single
longer than you think necessary
to say
to hasten
word
a
hair
to
my
arrange
of
when
out
me
That
is full
"
it won't
sure
be
now
fault if
my
does
!"
plentyof time,"my
shall have
we
doubt,for it
no
now."
ten
half-past
Then
is
"
not
wife
until eleven
commence
"
said,
for
o'clock."
exclaimed,much relieved, I thoughtit began
ten.
half-past
Why did n't you tell me this before,and
"
at
the life
and
ready yourself,
near
said, there
shall be late,"I
we
church
our
hurried
almost
late to church."
are
"
You
n't
you were
I am
to wait for you.
I have
we
dress.
or
Oh
"'
I
said
"
we
now
;
heated
walk
can
so
knew
thoughtyou
I
"Why,
hurried
n't have
then I would
it; but
not
she
get
tired."
nor
the mirror
my wife stepped before
flowers in her bonnet.
added.
it is,"
I said
"
anythingI
"
Of
"
you did not select this,"my
I sent
What
! is n't it the one
course
;
But
to
the
rearrange
you liked my
it pretty? "
you say yet how
"
Don't you think
n't heard
I have
bonnet,"she
"
mind,"
never
to church, and
leisurely
And
"
?"
wife
select is
new
pretty."
said,smiling.
from
home
Miss
Mo
diste's?" I asked.
"
bonnet, and
chose
and
one
now
"
you are
remember
milliner's to select
"
Just
think,my
church,
"
you
how
paidfor
to the
that
was
immediatelyback, and
This
another.
Well, if
don't
it
I sent
"
;
cost
six dollars
a
frightful
myself
went
than
more
the
selected."
you
"
wife answered
No, indeed,"my
a
ever
"
bonnet
againask
that hat
me
said
to
"
;
stop
but
at
a
for you.
dear,"I continued,as
much
church,and
pleased,
my dear, I am," I
we
walked
toward
good the six dollars additional which
might have done, if it had been given
used
in charitable works."
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITIES.
53
pose," my
have
likelyyou would
given it for such a pur
but it would
wife said,sarcastically
probably
;
have
spent in
It is not
"
"
been
At
town.
invest
"
least,I thought
it in
no
about
more
from
minds
our
vanities
and
avoid
this
world
at all events
we
are
should
with
the
pomps
to
but, with
sackcloth
spiritsin
our
put
seek
we
appearance,
hearts, robe
we
at the
now
especiallyshould
to
it."
entered, we
outward
ashes."
Having thus spoken, we
My dear," I said,as I
entered
took
"
hair
"
?
look
wife
My
My
My
that
?
My
lips.
service
asked, as
brush
Then
it
off,will
the
how
"
does
left the
we
my
house."
charmingly.
the aisle
down
her
"
;
does
and
whether
not
be
is
toward
neighbor'sdress.
if
as
pew
some
:
of
coat-sleeve
my
finger on
admiring
one
wife
if the
and
the
the
thing I
thoughts wander
another, it
me
my
Flamingo, in
part, if there
lettingmy
to
our
;
her
congregation rose, and the
but wonder, though, dur
not
bonnet,
Misses
were
especially,
seems
entered
"
sermon,
new
had
by placing her
I could
and
we
clinging to
?
you
clergyman
the
it
"
silence
enjoined
generally,and
my
walked
is
powder
commenced.
own
it looked
After
love," I whispered,
wife
hat,
it before
we
wife nodded.
my
ing the prayers
thinking about
us,
if to say
church.
"
confounded
please
for my
as
the
off my
brush
forgotto
collar ? " I
Again
"
I
nodded,
it sit well
of
but
"
;
have
;
our
contrite
and
said
down
decided
I
devour
you
thoughtsconnected
all
thinking about
humble
and
of
have
present, for
we
friend
a
therefore
and
;
than
it at
when
church-door, which,
away
yourselfand
right,"I
are
you
so
rather
bonnet,
a
Perhaps
will say
for
dinner
a
was
not
congregation
next
pew
Though,
same.
dislike
while
back
more
in
than
church
MATRIMONIAL
54
INFELICITIES.
ELEVENTH
INFELICITY.
EARLY
'HERE
IN
THE
MORNING.
be different
in this house,
regulations
pillow,after a
my dear," I said,rearranging
my
vain attempt to gain a short nap,
for I won't en
dure any longer havingthe children wake
me
so
early in
If they will get up before daylight,
the morning.
they
must
"
with
fact
in the nursery,
remain
must
But
from
it is
room
slumbers
my
pretty in the
old
year
'
more
Oh,
a
children
she goes
always been
will wake
The
reason
because
come
they
home
go
tented
Now,
you
a
until
matter
if you
with
of
better
go
that
wife
them.
prepare
humor,
to
bed
at
to
six
;
;
don't
or
u
do
begin to
in
why
me
sooner
for bed
you
the
say it at
answered
No
you
see
appreciateit.
wonderment
safely ensconced
are
to
to
but I don't
If she would
afternoon,than
in the best
were
of
simple,"
my
bed
"
;
could
is very
they
Then
"
the birds."
to
this.
"
with
in the
are
Good-
"
bed, I
to
children it is time for them
when
'
always adds to her good
Christmas,' can anythingbe
enough,"I said
earlyin the morning.
night,when
children
cries of
who
one,
'
so
do
to
it 's all well
of it
It has
with
anythingbut good to be thus disturbed."
allow,my dear,"rejoinedmy wife, that
wish you merry
childlike and beautiful ?
morning
'
"
must
you
little three
"
our
'
aroused
it is very
use
into
come
laughterand shouts of Good-morning! The
than another,it
is,if there be one thingI dislike more
for
morning,'
"
not
their
is to be
u
and
you
tell the
and, even
con
seem
their
seven
it is
cribs.
o'clock,
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
they do, I think you would
the morning."
Perhaps so," T replied
;
as
"
objectfor me
Why, as
"
"
to make
you
rather
am
wife answered
my
not
a
shall
as
a
never
get
man,
I have
contented
the
the
Although
me.
in Jericho.
spouse
control
of
faculty
so,
and, on
wish
myself with silently
my wife continued,
If it were
not that the children
up
be
but I think my age warrants
that when
be any taller,
so
did,it provoked
answer,
"
;
I think it desirable to do
when
amiable
my
would
what
"
she
I
presentoccasion,
ing
but
earlyin
as
so
short
perfectangelof
lingmy temper
the
up
grow."
presumingI
in
rne
also wake
early?
tell the children,"
maliciously
my wife said,
to go to bed
you
I
Now,
"
55
made
Seeing I
no
"
o'clock.
till ten
early,you
fast,and then
I have
to
until my
breath is almost
to
the coffee."
serve
you, you would n't
they wake
Notwithstanding
don't rise until the
thus
woke
bell is rung
and
call you, over
gone, and I have n't
you
for break
again,
left
strength
over
think it requireda
I should not
great deal of strength
the faucet of the coffee-urn,
I have
to open
as
especially
heard you complain that it often drops of its own
accord,
"
and
allows the coffee to
run
at will."
Oh, well,make as much sport of me as you like ; but
when you go to breakfast this morning,
don't complainif,
the table,
the coffee,
be cold,for,
on
everything
including
"
I will not call you.
If
positively,
the bell rings,
why you can lie abed
fast after the others have
you won't
and eat
get
a
up when
cold break
finished."
dear,"I said, have it your own
way ;
and a hot one
at that,
thoughif I can't have my breakfast,
any hour I may wish it,in this house, why, I can
get it
when
I go down-town.
at Delmonico's
On the whole, I
"
Very well,my
think I should
have
you
to wait
have
"
for
prefer,
on
to turn
the
a
change,to
do
so.
I should
children,
carvingtoughsteaks,nor
out
coffee for me."
not
will
MATRIMONIAL
56
"Well,do
"
INFELICITIES.
know," said
you
like to do that.
you would
wife,
I
"
my
I think
reallybelieve
you would
actually
enjoy
from
would n't
takingyour meals away
your family. You
mind
so
anythingabout the expense of such proceedings,
do so,
long as it was for your gratification
; but if I should
declare it the heightof foolishness.
Why, if I
you would
stop at Mendes'
I
wearied
am
you think
of it."
get a
with
out
extravagant,and
it sticks up
one
any
of
cup
is such
and
you
I never,
moustache
one's
chocolate,some
shoppingfor
Well, but chocolate
"
"
it
and
the
indeed,hear
the last
I said
stuff,"
abominable
;
imagine how
I cannot
so.
day when
children,
like it/'
can
to
said, I have no moustache
be soiled with it,and, besides,I like chocolate."
Very well,if you like it,"I said, I am sure I have no
it; but don't,for gracious'
to your drinking
sake,
objection
"
Fortunately,"
my
wife
"
"
be
"
recommending it to
like
have
though I
think
the
and
"
"
recommended
not
it would
strong coffee
you
dis
be
now
wife
it,"my
replied,
for you to drink than
Coffee makes
you nervous
better
use.
irritable."
I
not
am
I said
irritable,"
even-tempered and
will
thingI
one
another,it is chocolate."
I
"But
"
than
more
for if there be
me,
amiable
"
;
man
and
I doubt
if
does,or
ever
did,or
a
more
ever
exist,than I am."
my wife ; but I
I didn't wish to hear
My father,"
began
that
declaring
father or his amiability.My
her
interrupted
a
word
about
with
her
wife put her handkerchief
to
will
to
her eyes.
"
say
when
]^o ! "
a
she
word
he
about
have
"
givenhis
Then
my
resignedme
in the harsh
me
exclaimed,
ours
dear
to
manner
consent
would
"
dead
been
would
do, he
to marry
a
permit
If he
father.
you, that you
in which
you
for you
have
never
you
runaway
me
had
known,
have
treated
never
would
me."
match, my dear,
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
58
humors,
and
had
we
o'clock,
abed
And,
any
I
better
both
and
will
this
at
endure
get
season
But
yours.
for
up,
of
don't
"
the
it
be
must
year
I
don't
you
nearly
care
think
eight
to
later."
rising,
I
left
my
amiable
spouse
to
her
reflections,
lie
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITIES.
INFELICITY.
TWELFTH
MY
HAT
HAS
WIFE
dear ?
return
handkerchief
tied about
I should n't think
matter, for you
headaches,"my
"
"
Well, I
"
Of
is
her
head, while
now,
my
strong
a
of
scent
house.
have
would
you
might know I
wife -replied.
very
have
sorry to hear
terrible
of my
one
it,"I
is the
ask what
to
said.
she answered,
you are very sorry to hear it,"
think I '11 not be able now
to attend to getting
dear,"I said,
Don't,my
"
about
worry
There
dinner.
necessityfor
you to go into the kitchen,that I am
of,for the cook can get dinner justas well as if you
there to direct her."
no
aware
were
"
with you
dinner."
your
"
is the matter
course
for you
you
am
HEADACHE.
I said to my amiable spouse, who, on my
home
from
business,I found with a white
camphor pervaded the
"
A
in the world
"
59
But
the cook
left
understand,because
coffee
for her
me
this
I would
breakfast.
morning,I
allow her
not
She
said
to
you
fresh
make
which
that
strong enough."
mind
Well, never
it,"I answered.
have
would
drank
we
not
was
"
She
gone.
"
and
Oh, it
'
you
was
very
enough for you to
're gladshe is gone,'
but you
and
prepare
don't intend
I
am
and
is easy
dinners,and think,I
"
wasteful
glad she
extravagant."
sure
the
suppose,
"
I
'
is
am
never
say
don't have
mind
to
it,'
get the
that I will go into the kitchen
meals, till another
cook
arrives
;
but
I
to do it."
I do not wish
you to, my
dear,"I said.
"
I
60
MATRIMONIAL
had much
rather
for you
INFELICITIES.
go without
both breakfast and
into the kitchen
to go
You
say so," said my
would
rather have me
**
You
and
wife,
"
dinner than
prepare them."
but you don't
slave to
death,and
it.
mean
burn
my
And
self up over
the range, than go without your dinners.
now, when
barelysee, I have
my head aches so that I can
and
get dinner for you."
tell you, my dear,"I replied, that
got to go
But
"
I
I
hungry,and
not
am
"Then
way
what
dined
dinner
any
down-town.
When
me.
you
I
not.
to-day."
That
is the
justready to get a
puzzled my brains all day
have
am
you will like to eat, you come
have
and have
no
appetite,
that you
me
do without
can
for you, and
good dinner
thinkingof
tell
I
have
you must
like to serve
you
need
"
home
been
and
din
to
ner."
Of
"
"
no
You
ever
you
stop you."
stop me," she answered.
get
like
ever
dinner
a
me
for you
"
there would
be
children
down
with all kind
made
even
your
moment
when
would
you
you
of
had
get it,but
knew
the
not
camphor
in which
been
room.
you
sufficient.
be
being obliged
get
din
n't,I think
The
in this house.
expressions.I
scented
is
if I did
and
the
but if there
the last of it. You
suffer,I know,
entered
if the hateful way
hat
to
me
hear
never
do which
if I failed to
"
wife,
time
exciting
an
cent
the
should
to wish
pretend not
another,it
;
un
distinctly,
please;
not, as you
or
when
most
I tell you
Now
met.
than
more
to-day,I
a
You'd
day,even
I shall be satisfied
best,and
dislike
get
"
dear," I said, the
certainly,
my
I
to
I won't
go without my dinner."
"
in my
Of course,"chimed
ner
want
dinners
woman
thingI
one
to
may
"
for you in one
to eat any of them."
appetite
are
reasonable
you
dozen
if you
exclaimed,
you wouldn't
get a
had
I
get it.
course
me
you
!
gracious
for me,
dinner
let
"
Good
"
The
I would
you
be
put
vexed
were
ejaculation
you
convinced
threw
inno
your
me
of
that,
glovesinto
Then, too,
when
you
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
drew
if it delighted
you
as
Oh,
ure
the
fall heavilyon
let them
boots,you
off your
61
ache
poor head
wives,and you take
to make
more.
my
cruel to your
are
you men
in beingso ! "
floor,
pleas
about
mind,"I said, sayinganythingmore
it. The fact is,I have decided to have my dinner,and if I
to me
It seems
can't obtain it here,I will go where I can.
"
Well, never
"
make
you
great fuss
a
about
In
simple headache.
a
my
of all maladies.
Quiet,
lightest
better than all the camphor
cold-water
are
bandages,
which are
the usual accompaniments of
loud talking,
and
and
lounge and
speak
on
I '11 get
to-night,
dinner."
own
my
not
will lie down
! if you
another word
Listen
in this house.
headaches
the
is the
headache
a
opinion,
following
my advice,my wife began to weep.
than another,it
there be one
thingI dislike more
in tears.
I essayedto soothe my wife,
a woman
Instead of
if
Now,
is to
see
but she would
"
not
be soothed.
choose,"she said,
headache,I cannot prevent
If you
my
it by-and-by. I sometimes
gethermuch
sport of
to make
"
that
and
you '11 be sorry for
it ; but
think
me
shall
we
not
live to
longer."
your health is
headaches.
these troublesome
pretty good,notwithstanding
"
Now,
dear,"I said, don't speak so
"
my
;
think,indeed,we may both live many years yet."
Oh, I have no doubt,"she replied, but that we shall
of years longer,
both exist a score
only I think it doubtful
I
"
"
if
we
live
together.Your
I fear
we
shall
would
censure
separate. And
me
of
treatment
I
am
is
me
so
of my friends
what I suffer and
none
sure
for it if they only knew
For fifteenyears I have borne with your
hoping that as you grew older you would overcome
endure.
on
the
contrary,it
there is scarcely
an
seems
to
increase
hour passes, when
cruel,that
upon
you
irritability,
it ;
but,
you, until now
in the house,
are
and cavilling
but you are fault-finding
at something. You
can't endure to know that I am
sick,even
thoughI don't
to myself."
complain,and keep my sufferings
MATRIMONIAL
62
"
Well, now,
I
"
I said,
separate,"
"
we
suppose
the children ?
"
INFELICITIES.
wife,evincingconsiderable feeling,
In the first place,
oughtto go with me.
how to take
you don't know
domestic
government is very
would
be apt to treat them
Very well,"I
troubled
said
"
;
come
as
I don't think I should
would
again,
n't I ? "
that I
enjoythe
them,
I should
idea
and
it would
not be
to obtain
you for me
do it at present."
I won't
their
a
go
com
bachelor
wife
greatly,"
my
so
and
could
quitea
happinesson
all events
them
consult
be
to be
care
might have
to
obliged
certain whether
not
am
too much
At
to
seem
You
be
wished,nor
degree. Why
"
idea of
cruelly."
fort in any
"You
Your
and,besides,
you
erroneous,
be freer without
I would
I
of them.
care
with the children.
welcome.
and
will take
think," said my
that the children
"
who
"
said,
conferring
separation.
The
No, nor any time in the future,
my dear,"I said.
fact is,if I am
as
hastyand irritable occasionally,
you de
clare,I get over it in a moment, and my spellsof good
"
"
nature
worth
are
than the
more
evenness
life-long
per which belongto other men.
dear, in me, which I fear you
ought.
"
But
how
does
declare,"said
I
do
obtained
prize,
my
appreciateas you
not
head
feel now,
and
I think you must have magnetized
me
"
I think I frightened
it away," I said.
that
"
who
"
we
But
'had
separate,evidently
you
did n't
a
"
my love ?
"
it is entirely
wife,smiling,
gone.
your
my
You
of tem
drawn
it away."
"
My suggestion
good effect upon you."
a
suggestit,"
my
wife
spoke of it."
Well, it is all the same," I said ;
"
replied.
you
"
or
It
I,for
we
I
was
are
both one, you know."
"
I
she added,
believe,"
really
often do
me
you
provokingat
I answered,
Certainly,"
"
you
are
that you
may
so
that you
but you must
times."
vex
as
"
desire."
;
"
I '11
do not intend to
acknowledgethat
acknowledgeanything
MATRIMONIAL
that
Now
"
do
to
you
is
she
provoking,"
is
63
said,
and
"
don't
I
want
it."
"Very
it
INFELICITIES.
said,
I
then,"
well,
"I
'11
it;
do
not
but
I
deny
provoking."
But
"
I
tell
is,"
it
you
wife
my
replied.
It
"
provokes
me."
"
Very
what
But
in
pie
about
the
will
"
pie
Which
"
Oh,
trust
And
do
the
or
you
don't
I
why
you
the
pie,
will
then
better,"
of
we
went
no
to
"
the
about
more
have
is
it.
?
to-day
any
there
a
vegetables
"
chickenhas
Katy
to-day."
answered
and
"
;
dinner
have
you
asked
mean,"
when
will
you
a
head
week."
every
wife,
my
have
you
one
if
smiling,
"
the
"
"
I
course,"
have
never
I
for
if
?
headache
for
say
said,
with
which,
care
'11
not
we
wife
my
chicken-pie
a
I
Are
suffice
be
can
have
ache,
is,"
perhaps
Nothing
only
?
refrigerator,
cooked,
"
truth
then
"
;
dinner
the
Well,
"
said
I
well,"
to
one
dinner.
said.
again
"
as
As
for
long
the
as
headache,
you
live."
I
MATRIMONIAL
64
INFELICITIES.
INFELICITY.
THIRTEENTH
TWILIGHT.
THE
IN
noise you make, my dear,with
"
that piano,"
For
I said to my
amiable spouse.
(HAT
confounded
a
the last half hour
a
wink
of
come
down
which
startles
Why
with
crescendo
a
me
if
as
be
on
playingwould
soothe
and
vorite of yours
before
we
"
happy
will
you
piano rest
ner
;
you
town, and
otic
"
I
fear,"my
as
I wish
Oh,
I
hear
I don't
am
ears
every
(
to be
a
was
fa
I like itbecause
' "
happy memories ;
reviving
the keys of the
by letting
to take a nap just after din
been
have
unable
abominable
enough martial
music
when
to listen to it after I
answered, that
"
you
to do so,
marches
I
and
down
am
get home."
are
not
as
patri
were."
enough,my
patriotic
with
go for the Union
to be disturbed with
my
a
is the
the air I
used
is
that if
another,it
"
days past I
care
wife
you
enough
replied,that
practiseyour
would
quicksteps.I
I like
while.
but for several
because
"
a
well
than
home,
come
memories."
greatlyobligeme
for
know
I
It
pleaseyou.
were
married,and
to your
Well, I don't object
but
of movement,
kind
been
more
wife
reallythought,"
my
it revives
had
You
thingI dislike
a piano."
one
thrumming
I
I
other
or
cannon
a
I don't understand.
there
do
sooner
endeavoringto get
lose myself than you
when
waitinguntil evening,
of
matter
"
no
been
fired at my side.
I am
can't practisein the morning,when
absent,
you
instead
but
sleep;
I have
hour
all my
heart
dear," I replied,and
"
;
but then I don't want
Doodle
having Yankee
in the twenty-four."
dinned
into
MATRIMONIAL
66
"A
INFELICITIES.
"never
wife,"she replied,
wearies
husband
Why, even
say he loves her.
married,used to want me to say over
I loved you.
You certainly
have not
"
say
I 'm
I don't
sure
remember,"
about it,
for I
anythingmore
of
hearingher
you, before we were
and over
again that
it."
forgotten
I said
"
;
don't
but, please,
sleep."
have," my wife
want
to go to
Well, I have not forgotten
it,if you
answered,with a sigh, and it is well for you, perhaps,that
"
"
I do remember
"
Now,
it?"
love,"I cried, of
"
my
it; but won't you
stop your
nap ; for, if there be one
course
both
we
talkingso that I can
thingI dislike more
remember
take my
than an
other,it is to be deprivedof my after-dinner nap."
My wife said nothing; but, closingthe piano,she left it,
and takinga seat near
the window, opened a volume
of en
gravings.Rustle,rustle went the leaves. I endured it for
five minutes,then,
My dear,"I said, if you expect I can sleepwhile you
mis
the pages of that book, you are greatly
are
rattling
taken.
You might as well play on the piano."
"
"
"
you
"
vous
u
"
if this
can't be very sleepy,"
she replied,
awake.
You are too nervous
to go to sleep."
You
I will go to
either. I don't
But
by sayingI
me
am
sleep,"I said,
"
and
I
am
keeps
not
ner
you should wish to provoke
and
seekingto keep me
nervous,
see
why
awake."
"
Such
"
she answered,
object,"
an
intention
my
"
never
indeed,I wish
Of course,"I said, you
;
"
you
were
want
me
to be at all satisfied with
seem
asleep. Then, fortunately,
you
actions with which
"
to
"
"
the
being
asleep."
to go to sleep. You
me
unless when
find
I
nothingin
am
my
to find fault."
Why, then,"said
sleep?
can
is very far from
the
provokingwoman,
"
don't you go
"
!"
exclaimed, I will not go to sleep."
Come, then,"said my wife, sit beside me, and watch
Now
I
"
"
twilight
deepeningin
the west."
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
exclaimed, if there be one thingI
than another,it is to see the twilight
deepen
"
Good
"
67
!
gracious
dislike more
"
I
ing in the west."
Very well,"my wife answered, if you do not care for
There was
to say.
a time,how
it,I have nothingmore
in the twilight.
ever, when it gave you pleasureto sit by me
You
were
more
are, and
gentleto me then than you now
never
spoke a harsh or unkind word."
to me," I asked, about
Why will you forever be talking
thingsthat happened years ago, when you know very well
that I have forgotten
all about them ? Enjoy the present,is
"
"
"
"
motto, and
my
past and
let the
the future take
of
care
themselves."
wife made
My
remained
As
"
silent for
do
you
replyto
no
some
last
my
minutes.
not wish to watch
At
the
remark, so
we
both
lengthshe said,
I will have
twilight,
"
"
the gas
from her chair,she went
to
and, rising
;
lighted
ward the bell. As she passedme
I seized her hand, and
drew her to a placeon the loungebeside me.
mind about lighting
the gas at present,"
Never
I said ;
the bill for it is high enough every month, without burn
ingit before it is dark. I want to ask you a question."
her hands resignedly
her lap,looked
on
My wife,folding
off,throughthe window, at the deepeningtwilight.
"
"
Look
"
She
at me,
my
dear,"I said,
"
turned her eyes
toward
mine.
and
not
There
out-of-doors."
were
tears in
them.
I
"
thoughtI should
alwaysweeping. Why
I
as
am
?
Are
"
I am," I
Certainly
"
ful and
so,"I continued; "you are
you be happy and contented,
can't
"
"
loves
find it
you
to
contented ?
happy and
answered
provoke me,
engaged
"
"
;
she
have I not
children who
and
in mischief!
asked,in reply.
Pray,for
a
wife who
alwaysare
what
more
fret
can
a
ask?"
man
It is cruel in you
so,"my wife said.
"
"
as
cruel
as
the grave
"
to
speak
MATRIMONIAL
68
"
Pooh
"
Yes,
!"
You
"
is not
than
more
I
have
words
I
me,
I would
to
I
wonder
often
ordeal
ing
you
as
pain
Jove
said
all
for
were
you
through
scathless
as
have.
Naturally,
said
a
which
you
petted
boy,
that
indulgence,
such
through
you
to
should, indeed,
allowances
know
to
your
have
you
I
aught
which
anguish
me,
passed
try
a
good
a
possess
or
else
that
I
"
I
I
know
breast,
as
causing
am
did,
I
once
in
twilight deepening
darling
one
!
'
"
meaning
say,
my
you,
and
the
endure
not
but
heart
and
now
west,
her
I
it
that,
the
actually grieves
again
I
whisper,
cruel
the
do,
"
I
mo
for
clasp
to
yearns
I
patiently
at
even
my
know,
as
of
any
hand,
fear
You
treatment.
from
I often
uttering them,
am
you,
early
far
am
spoilt, and
was
would
you
words
provoking
interrupted, taking
I
the
changing
not
I
oracle.
an
"
I
dear,"
my
like
do
you
ment
the
more,
certain
and
my
no
is
am
vexed
"
speak
"
wife
you
I
"
Say
"
you
that
"
have
have
have
loved
I
times
which
you
the
many
as
said,
I
many
never
degree, indeed,
a
as
but
heart,
another,
such
spoiled
I
you
I make
for
not
how
half
that
dough."
as
"
?
"
word,"
a
If, in spite of
me.
broken-hearted.
be
from
you
believe
not
words
wife,
caused
caused
did
But
my
soft
as
added.
you.
imagine
can
is
speak
to
me
to
said
has
which
you
lead," she
to
you
sure,"
am
your
as
listen
to
heart
"
for
bear
can't
obliged
"
heavy
as
complimentary
been
me
exclaimed,
I
and
INFELICITIES.
the
you
to
and,
with
love
you,
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITIES.
FOURTEENTH
INFELICITY.
in
"HAT
AFTER.
MORNING
THE
is the
world
the
69
"
you ?
with
matter
I
wife,when, after having finished my
breakfast,I moved
my chair back from the table
asked
readingthe morning papers.
in a tone, however, which clearly
Nothing,"she replied,
preparatory
"
the
signified
"
my
But
to
reverse.
is,"I
there
I know
answered
for
"
;
spoken scarcelya word since I sat down to
she said, that you
I did not suppose,"
me
probablethat
speak. It does not seem
breakfast."
cared
"
"
his wife alone
will leave
done, could have
an
entire
to
have
husband, who
a
evening,as
wish to hear her utter
any
have
you
a
you
have
word."
good deal will depend,my dear,under those circum
stances,"I replied, as to what the subjectof her conver
If she be likely
sation may be.
to find fault with him for
havingpassedone eveningout of
say a month, away from
home, why, then,I think she had better remain silent."
"
A
"
"
"
I
can
my
Oh,
you
think
so, do
you
! " she
exclaimed
"
;
then
all
is,that,so far as I am concerned,I will not have
tongue tied,but will tell you justwhat I think of such
say
acts."
"
But
you
Very well,my
first let
to sit up
not
for her
me
dear,"I said.
tell you
for
me
husband, when
home
"
Go
that I think it was
;
I will listen.
very
unkind
night. A good wife will
is out, until morning,if he
last
he
on
in
sit up
come
tell you, it is con
Then, too, let me
foundedly unpleasant to find all the lightsout, and the
to be
very gas itself turned off,and not a candle or match
not
before.
MATRIMONIAL
70
found
anywhere.
which
streamed
it had
If
is to break
"
I
be
if there
Now,
neck
my
Well, you
reallyhad
which
I must
that
were
words
you
imply.
have
broken
to me,
seems
than
more
moonlight
againstthem.
might run
nice man,
idea
no
own
your
a
are
I
thingI dislike
stumblingover
one
for the
window, I should
the chairs,
which, it
stumblingover
purposelyplaced where
were
been
not
the
in at
neck
my
"
INFELICITIES.
another,it
chairs in the dark."
wife
say,"my
replied.
in the extreme
the
In
first
state
place,the gas
burning,and, now that you have drawn my atten
it is burning at this moment
tion to it,I see
: please turn
In the next, it was
will you ?
it off,
raininghard when you
not
was
came
home, and consequentlythe moon
shining.
As for your not beingable to find the candle and matches,
why, I think it would prove a matter of little consequence
from moonlight,
who could not tell gas-light
to one
though,
left
was
far
so
fact of the
the
as
matches
were
breakingyour
have
to
thousand
and
in their usual
your
neck
place. Lastly,as to
by stumblingover chairs,why
all I
is,that
say
I think
before such
years
goes, both
candle
case
an
will be
you
event
the
likelyto
What
occurs.
live
a
I most
regret,however, is that you are settinga most
perniciousexample to the children."
Good gracious! I exclaimed, what a woman
you are
sound
to talk.
asleep when I re
Why the children were
turned, and if you did n't tell them, they would n't know
look
at and
"
"
whether
I
I think
it was
and
home
came
allow
me
"
on
head
my
or
feet. I must
in you to pretendto be asleep,
wrong
in the dark as you did."
to stumble around
very
wife
But, I
tell you, it
Saw
every
step you took,and if you had broken
over
the
have
been
"
"
fore I
"
chairs,as
were
not
was
you
you
aware
would
dark,"my
imagineyou
the first to have
I suppose
say, too,
your
"
known
did,I should
it,"I said,
"
even
be
of it myself."
she answered,
Very likely,"
"
for you
I
neck
it."
known
have
almost
replied;
seemed
to
know
MATRIMONIAL
little. But
very
INFELICITIES.
suppose,
now, you
71
where
tell me
you
were
evening. You left the house, sayingyou were
going
in a few moments.
and would
return
I
to the druggist's,
tilleleven
when
waited for you patiently
I went to
o'clock,
last
and
murdered,
and
I
after twelve
been
I did not know
home.
came
have
it must
I know
bed, and
but that you
reallywas
had
much
very
when
been
you
robbed
alarmed
about
you."
"You
must
to have
have been
to
gone
alarmed,"I answered,
exceedingly
sleep as
dislike
than
one
thingI
and
find my wife abed."
have just said the
You
"
answered,
The
truth
women
are
more
you have
is,there is no
and
snubbed
Oh,
only to show
But
"
the
have
you
not
found
pleasingyou
at every
wish
how
sex
to
where
me
Flag
of Our
Union,'and
to
you
woman
for you.
We
men.
poor
step in life by you
I
were
a
ours
if
properly.
night."
Bishop sing
had
you
man,
last
were
Madame
I wish
home
come
amiable
treat
"
to hear
Oh, I went,"I replied,
'
is,if there be
sitting
up
me
I sometimes
told
fact
another,it is
curbed
your
yet
The
the
contrary,"
when
"
lords of creation.
it were
did.
you
been
with
me."
"I
;
"
should
but you
were
"
invited
are
a
liked
asked
never
pleased?
you
Oh,
have
nothingbetter,"she answered;
to
me
accompany
I did n't hear
her,"I
to go and
the
me
Well, how
you.
"
splendidcorps,
see
my
dear.
said
;
I met
"
Clinton
Guards
I wish
you
a
friend who
drill.
had
been
They
with
me."
"
I wish I
ask
had," my
wife
replied;
"
but remember
you did
though,how the Guards appeared."
Well, actually,
my dear,"I replied, I did n't see them.
My friend and myselfthoughtwe 'd stop firstand take some
oysters at the Waverley ; and while eatingthem, we con
not
me.
Tell me,
"
cluded
Booth
"
would
we
in
*
Garden
and hear Edwin
go to the Winter
Hamlet.'
Really,I wish you had been with us."
72
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
I wish
"
went
the Winter
to
wife
had," my
I
ask
questions.
are
throughnow,
dislike
"
But
said.
"
So you
"
Not
lated.
told
hope
you
thing I
one
to be
cross-questioned."
me
yet where you went," she
Booth, after all ?
"
met
a
friend
whom
with
we
oysters."
took
oysters,did you !
more
I noticed
"
I
to
are
you
events, for if there be
did n't hear
more
you
course, you
woman
good lawyer.
a
another,it is
not
a
"
Oh,
your
morning. Well, after
you
go ?
"
wife
my
ejacu
exceedinglylimited
appetitewas
this
these second
oysters,where
did
"
"
Good
"
for,of
exactly,"I replied, althoughwe
friend's whose name
was
Booth, and
of my
took some
"
at all
have
you
but what
"
;
'd make
You
than
more
"
Garden."
Well, no," I answered
"
answered,
!
I exclaimed, I won't answer
gracious
any
borne
more
questions.I have patiently
being catechized
tillyou have extracted from me
that I can
tell
everything
I
I went, and what
about where
I did, last night; and
it any longer. If you want
won't endure
to know
anything
more,
"
you
you
I
'11have
to
afraid,my
am
see
friends and
my
wife
dear," my
somewhere
went
"
that you
would
ask them."
sadly,
replied,
"
not
have
to
care
that
me
know."
"
are
Well, you certainly
woman," I said, to think
a
"
ashamed
he would
be
had been
with
"
"
to
husband
your
take
suspiciousand
most
would
his wife.
I
foolish
go where
only wish
you
me."
trulywish I had," she replied.
The
fact is,my dear,"I said, that,after
I
"
home."
plateof oysters,I started to come
Well, you stopped and got more
oysters,I
my wife suggested.
and
Yes, I believe we did," I replied;
"
"
"
that, some
home.
I
time
am
"
I
don't
afraid I ate
too
know
many
the
second
presume
then
?
"
after
when, exactly I got
oysters,my dear,for I
"
MATRIMONIAL
74
INFELICITIES.
FIFTEENTH
INFELICITY.
SEEING
'HERE
"
THE
SEVENTH
HOME.
it is
again!" exclaimed my wife,in her
most
provokingtone, as I entered the house at a
rather late hour on
Saturdayevening.
There what is again? I asked.
out tillmidnight,
and eating
Why, your staying
oysters,"
"
.
"
she
"
replied.
Not
I
oyster,"
an
said
"
;
think I have
much
are
you
All
mistaken
if you
tasted of any.
I have partaken of since
breakfast this morning has been a bite of the rations of
my
artist-soldierfriend of the
our
Seventh, and
sipof
a
elder
berry wine."
"
Has
the Seventh
home
Regiment returned
? " asked
my
wife.
"
It
has,"I answered,
"
and
noble and
a
heartyreception
it received."
"
"
What
time did it arrive ?
Oh, about
reach
their armory
stay down
to
"
four
Yes
-town
! that is
tilllate in the
and
welcome
you
and
"
friend."
your
the
I
children.
I concluded
remarked
"
family,and
am
And
you
;
witnessing
obligedto
this
think
remain
at
evening,while
've been
sation,I
and
watch
evening. So
always the way,"she
from
inquired.
but the soldiers did n't
"
our
while
militarydisplays,
all the
wife
my
I said ;
o'clock,"
nothingof stayingaway
home,
"
I
am
Then
be
to pleasantconver
listening
enjoyingyourself,
have been sitting
aches,
up for you till my head
ready to fall asleep."
why," I said, did you
"
one
thingI
dislike
more
not
than
go to bed ?
another,it is
Now, if
to have
MATRIMONIAL
wife sit up for
my
would
women
INFELICITIES.
when
me
know
I
enough
to
I wish
out.
am
to
go
75
gracious
they are
to
when
bed
sleepy."
I
"
shall,
probably,"
repliedmy wife, follow such
in future,
for there is no telling
what will suit you.
"
course
a
I
some
times think I '11never
do
"
againendeavor to pleaseyou, but will
for my own
gratification."
everything
Very well,"I replied, suit yourself,
and, of course, I
"
shall be satisfied."
"
To-day,for instance,"my
went
I did
have
which
I knew
to
it
have
ready for
his appearance.
He
you,
wife
home, who
was
worryingher
ing."
life almost
out
Both, my lord,"she answered.
Proceed, my lady,"I said ;
the life?
"
nothingmore
think I will retire.
"
I
for
him,
your
night
and
spoil
asked,cruelly.
lord is all attention."
say,"she
to
Good
Regiment
thoughtto his
it was
because,forsooth,
"
have
one
the Seventh
gave a
waitingdinner
What
"I
'
never
"
or
I had
more,
of the dishes I pre
'
did not make
my lord
lookingat
at
"
you
Some
and
came
was
! the dinner
and, what is
like.
marching up Broadway, and
poor
"
said you would
be home
early,
dinner readyfor you at five o'clock.
you would
but five o'clock
pared;
continued, when
morning you
away at
wished me
and
wife
added,
"
and
I
now
t"
o
"
But," I exclaimed,
"
I don't
and
leave
dislike
"
think
I
not
here
than
more
to
be
you
going to
starve
;
yet,and
you to go
for if there be one
bed
to
thingI
You
there is very littlefear of your
the refrigerator
where
know
is,
"
help yourselfto anythingyou
set the table and
find in it.
get dinner for
I think,that
night. Besides,you told me,
diningwith the artist-soldierof
the
If that is the case, I don't
another dinner."
tions.
to dinner
another, it is to be starved to death."
that pass.
can
been
not
in
justifiable
think,"she answered,
coming to
and
me
it would
I have
see
Seventh
why
you
I
am
after mid
you had been
off of his ra
you
should want
MATRIMONIAL
76
"
Good
bite.'
"
"
!
gracious
You
corned
as
and
stale
not, if your
I
"
you ?
is
"
I had
only said
make
I could
bread, do
friend,who
are, could ?
you
exclaimed,
I
think
don't
beef
Why
fare
INFELICITIES.
a
'
a
off of salt
meal
"
accustomed
as
to
good
"
Oh, that is very well,"I replied, for you to say ; but
remember, he is used to it by this time,while I am not. By
the way, I brought home, for your especialdelectation,
a
"
"
bit of the ration referred
"
!
Why
evident
"
there
it is ;
helpyourself."
wife,regardingthe meat with
my
they have cut it the
repugnance,
exclaimed
surpriseand
to ;
"
"
way,"
Oh," I replied,
wrong
"
I
"
soldiers in which
imagine it
matters
it is cut, if
manner
littleto the
very
they but get enough
of it."
"
added, that our
paintssuch exquisitelandscapes,has lived on
don't
You
friend,who
food
such
to
mean
since he has been
ever
wife
say,"my
"
?
away
"
say,"I replied, that that bit of corned beef
is an excellent sample of what the government providesfor
of it,I am
soldiers. The quality
our
assured,is better than
If any private soldier has had
what is usuallygiven out.
better food than that,he has been
obligedto pay for it out
"
I
of his
our
"
fellows don't
Then
and
I
pocket.
own
poor
u
"
to
mean
the
government
a
hard
time
that
of
some
of inferior rations."
of it,"said my
I have
is to blame.
cook
think
to
get enough
even
have
they must
inclined
am
a
wife,
great mind
to
of the
regiments."
I said ;
but it
That
would
be extremelypatriotic,"
should
like charity,
that patriotism,
to me
seems
beginat
of something
in want
home.
And
I happen to be greatly
as
offer my
services
as
to
one
"
"
at this
to eat
"
for
to
me
I
a
am
I wish you
would
get it for
me."
she replied,
"justas
get it yourself,"
Can't you
hour.
take
moment,
go
down-stairs
and
tired,
singlestep more
half
to
the
at this
refrigerator
sick,and
than is
well
don't feel
as
as
late
if I could
necessary."
absolutely
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
77
"Very well,"I answered, I will get it myself; but
of your sitting
not see the use
up for me, if you won't
I do
"
eat when
anythingto
me
have
had
have
mine
said my
now
don't
you
fact
had
been
reallydo not
Besides,I think
You
at the hour
home
have had
you would
"
I
it very
to
injurious
rest much
would
nice dinner
whether
care
mucn
a
promised to be,"
you
have
you
better if you
"
made
to
!
ner
said.
to-day,"I
me
might as
You
fast after I
get
hungry,and
up
Go
"
ask
is
one
be
I want
dinner.
my
good."
have
had
my din
my break
to
me
going
go with
would
go without
in the morning. No, the fact
well
at all.
without
bed
to
but now,
any
justas
eat
;
and your appetite
for breakfast would
eating,
That
is certainly
I
the coolest proposition
out
I
whether
care
not."
or
wife,
to bed.
The
home.
come
dinner,and
your
If you
"
I
get
is,you
I did n't
get
is,I
am
down
any
that you would
find fault with me
if I did,
the number
of loaves of bread, quarts of milk,
town, for I knew
and
compute
and
pairsof shoes,stockings,
gloves,for the children,and
bonnets and silk dresses for yourself,
that the money
for
if my dinner
my dinner would have purchased. No matter
had only cost fifty
a wonderful
cents, you would have made
ado about it,and I should have had the dyspepsiaon ac
of it.
count
I have
married,and
home, not to
"
I
have
wiser
grown
learned,if
eat dinners
I would
from
away
pleased,"my
certainly
am
speak thus
;
but I should
than
when
I
in my
enjoy peace
mahogany."
own
my
wife
said,
"
like to have
first
was
act
you
hear
to
up
you
to what
I have not seen
since we
a week
were
married,
say.
but that you have dined out once, if not oflener,
in it. You
have taken dinner down-town
twice,to my knowledge,this
you
week,
very
out
probable.
years
away
we
I
dinner
your
dined
and
As
certain
home
been
how
many
without
married
that
have
you
all events, it
to-day. At
for me,
from
have
not
am
?
times,let
you,
I don't
in
seems
me
the
think
with
gone
hardly
ask,have
I
fifteen
long
it has
been
MATRIMONIAL
78
half
a
first
1
of
part
for
ner
That
"
with
is
does
n't
to
but,
for
bed."
And
the
the
she
part,
fault
with
for
me
not
don't
the
see
and
out
its
has
relation
between
conclusion.
I
with
to
do
to
avoid
the
can't
un
din
getting
hour."
way
seek
you
you,
while
I
I
why,
will
you
bid
can't
are
you
help
explanation
an
construction
grammatical
yourself,
my
I
"
find
you
midnight."
at
dining
this
please
suit
yet
sentence
always
Jf
me.
said,
your
at
me
and
you
your
what
derstand
to
for
dinner
Ileally,"
"
it
times,
dozen
getting
INFELICITIES.
of
it.
getting
good-night,
You
remark
my
can
arrange
dinner;
own
your
for
I
am
going
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITY.
SIXTEENTH
MY
JO you
said
to
country, do you ?
the
into
go
amiable
to my
AIR.
COUNTRY
WANTS
WIFE
want
she busied
as
spouse,
little
arrangingthe trimmingon our
herself had just asked
little one
The
to
were
wear
that
79
she went
when
bonnet
her
"
I
herself in
bonnet.
girl's
mother
if she
to
grand
see
mother.
"
Yes," my
wife
to the children.
replied,I think it would be of benefit
They, as well as myself,need change of
"
air."
"
I suppose
go,"I
"
fullydecided
have
and
when
where
to
said.
No," she answered
before I
"
you
came
Well, that
decision."
to any
was
wise in you, at
privateopinionis that
remain
in the
won't
you
I don't
at all events.
firstto consult with you
I meant
"
;
I replied, for
least,"
"
the country this year,
see
understand, either,why
well
cityjustas
I.
as
my
You
you
can't
hear
never
me
talk of
think
than
going into the country. Why, I should as soon
of going to Africa.
The cityis always much
cooler
which serves
the country, and everything
to make
life
endurable
"
is to be found
get nothing. If there
in town, while
be
place
one
another,it is the country."
But remember, my dear,"said
"
often go
into the
business,but
"
Good
should.
I
country for
obtain
never
gracious!
You
have
"
I
a
such
my
of it you
out
I dislike
"
day or two at
a change."
"
exclaimed,
than
more
wife, that
can
I don't
provided for
everything
see
a
you
very
time
why
you, and
on
you
have
80
MATRIMONIAL
nothingto
do but
must
INFELICITIES.
stay at home
the risk of
run
ing to business,so
and
life on
losingmy
to enable
as
while
enjoy yourself,
to
me
railroads
provide
I
in attend
for you
and
the children."
"You
find
time
though,on these occasions,"my wife
it is not
said, to get a few hours' fishing
or
shooting
; so
always business alone that keeps you away."
steal an
hour
Well," I said, suppose I do occasionally
from business to shoot or fish,
have n't I a perfectrightto
"
"
do
"
?
so
hard
You
speak
after I
enough
You
if it were
as
get
a
back
sin. I 'm certain I work
to
pay
for the
wives,though, think that husbands
7
O
ing else
but
weather
be
summer
under
ought
do
to
noth-
O
'
work
hot
indulgence.
for
their families.
And
whether
the
cold,it matters little to you ; but the
June arrives,
moment
beginto talk about the
you, forsooth,
heat,and your health,and change of air for the children,
and summer
and sug
complaints; and hint,and insinuate,
declare,that you must go into the country
gest,and finally
of July,with its noise and
to escape that boisterous Fourth
dirt. You
want
to go only for a few days,but as
soon
as
for the entire
you get away
you settle yourselves down
write for you
back
the
to
work
to
and
be
we
dangerousto
the cool
husbands
we
when
husbands
poor
home, after the Fourth
come
cityuntil
is that
result
trees ; and
green
that it would
answer
you
or
weather
destroyour
is
passed,
take the children
arrives.
health
So
novels,and
eat strawberries
and
and
without
enjoy yourselvesgenerally,
or
annoyances
read
of any
new
"
said my wife, that you have
Well, I confess,"
graphicpicture,but one that is scarcelycorrect.
"
well
and
as
I do in
cares
town
and
beneficial,
which
is mine
;
cares
kind."
"
part,I have my
sit
you
in muslin
gowns,
and
cream,
hard
by
dinners,while
partakingof eating-house
the
and
troubles when
but
the
enables
me
the rest of the
change of
to
endure
year."
in the
life is
drawn
For
a
my
country
as
agreeable
the confinement
MATRIMONIAL
82
I
"
"
inclined
am
that if it had
for you,
been
grandmother. So that you have your
all,simplybecause you married me."
not
now
self
blame, after
I exclaimed, if
Pshaw
!
else would, and then
one
a
to
some
with
in
old
a
have
lady, I
lot of
you,
no
uglyimps
red hair."
wish,"said my wife,
that way ; and, moreover,
"
the
married
not
grandmotherto
have been
doubt,would
had
I
"
"
"
wife,maliciously,
my
would
my dear mother
think,"said
to
not
been
have
INFELICITIES.
"
I
mother
to call my
you
that you would not
I don't think it
old
an
lady."
"
may be mistaken,"I said, but it seems
has a right
of sixty
to be called old.
"I
woman
at you, and
times look
speak to me
in
respectful
to
that
me
Why,
I
some
of age
imagineI perceivetraces
a
on
face."
your
said my wife ;
you are, at all events,"
"
and if age is leavingits marks
upon me, it is owing to your
whether I
But I should like to know
unkindly treatment.
"
I
not
am
so
old
as
"
you
know
Because," my
wife
How
do
make
and
take the children
can
mother
my
mother
that your
visit."
a
you ?
wants
"
I
asked.
"
replied,she
"
for
has written
us
to
come."
"
I
thoughtso,"I
into the
country
said.
"
to board
Then
was
all your
than to my
without
adding to
No,"
she
my
"
them.
?
moonshine
mere
answered, for I had
mother's,because I think
"
talk about
rather
it would
go to my mother's than
in the cityduring the hot weather."
advisable for
more
"
Well,
to
me
"
now,
invited my
with us, and
my
sister and
dear,"I said,
her
I received
she will be here
on
I
circumstances,
don't
leave
home
until
a
the
see
listen to
enough
cares
stillI think
But
elsewhere
go
she has
going
"
be
to remain
I have
me.
familyto pass the month of July
that
letter to-dayfrom her, saying
first of the
how
August,and
month
it will be
then, if
; so,
under
for
possible
you
you
like,you
the
to
can
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITIES.
83
My sister has not
anxious to
been here since last autumn, and her boys were
spend the coming Fourth of July in the city. I knew it
would
be an
agreeablechange for her and them, as the
country is dull enough where they live,and the Fourth is
I
always a stupidday in their vicinity.I ordered to-day,"
spend
with
weeks
few
a
your
sad looks of my
continued,not heedingthe
notice the
ing to
her
filled her eyes,
boys busy all the Fourth.
think that quantitywould
be
with
said,as
a
clouded
of the
"
look
if you
as
sufficient for
she turned
brow
seem
dollars'
fifty
enough to keep
You
six
did n't
wife,nor
I think will be
which
fireworks,
of
worth
that
tears
mother.
them," I
her face from
me,
the
toward
settingsun, which
sinking behind the
just at that moment
was, doubtless,
her mother
mountains
shelter the village
where
which
if you deem
it necessary."
I will order more
lives.
I have nothing
Do as you think best,"she replied
;
gazing out
window,
"
"
"
to
in
say."
what
"
But
"
I think
it ?
within
a
to
minutes.
few
and
mother
spare
throw
away
see
have
you
grown
way, you had
the
By
tell her
you
are
can't go to
better,and
shall
certainly
go."
now," she replied; it is not
go at all,
able or well enough to get ready to go
the money,
I don't desire to
to
these."
present ; but in August,if the times
her at
"
I stillpersisted.
"
better write to your
can
"
dollars enough,"she said,
fifty
in such hard times as
fireworks,
"Well," I cried,"I am
glad
economical
I
think about
do you
you
"
that I shall be
likely
anywhere,after havingwaited
her six great boys."
a
month
on
your
sister and
"Now, you had better sulk a
always been justso, since we were
I said.
little,"
any of my relations here
all events, my sister and
get vexed about it.
great boys,'as you
them,
are
of it."
but
'
coming here,and
you
her six
married
you '11 have
to
:
"It
has
I can't invite
make
At
call
the best
MATRIMONIAL
84
wife
My
the
sigh,
girl
to
cigar,
hope
my
was
that
of
wife,
by
no
with
so
whom
find
and
so
I
made
and
the
a
little
grandmother,
left
the
room.
myself,
to
let
now,
as
in
the
as
light
me
furiously
at
soothe
a
a
last
treaty
the
from
thoughts
my
should
I
her
said
nothing
puffed
doing
I
for
eyes,
with
down,
my
papers."
keep
I
avail,
"
;
could
to
wife.
amiable
with,"
evening
I
interesting
ciently
my
the
somehow,
But,
it
read
and
her
to
wife
my
visit
to
go
along
got
behind
closed
door
is
laid
re-trimming
handkerchief
her
thing
That
been
should
she
when
wear,
had
she
but
rejoinder,
in
nothing
bonnet
putting
and,
"
said
INFELICITIES.
resort
of
wandering
cigar,
my
irritability
my
I
peace.
suffi
papers
went
and
to
in
the
;
but
found
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITY.
SEVENTEENTH
jY
A
ORDER
I
85
DINNER.
by,my dear,"I said to my wife,as I drew
gloves preparatory to going down-town
my
other morning, I very nearly forgotto tell
the
"
that I have
three
asked
four friends to dine with
or
on
the
you
to
me
day."
"
You
have
"
don't
them
asked
I
to
mean
to
do
certainly
swered.
u
not
should
Where
table,I should
own
"
them
to
which
"
I
Why,
you
would
much
"
I
know
and
more,
think
MAISON
how
to-dayI
I
am
less,my
I do much
going to
I
do not know.
prepare
of
DOREE/
such
home
If
would
than I
more
dinner
be
am
for your
wish,my dear,you would
you, unless
gentlemento dine with
it at least the day before.
invite
of
perhaps asked
should think any
great deal too much.
a
"
company
not
think
is,you
pleasanterthan it is."
am
sure,"said my wife,
able to, and
(
had
why," I replied, you
fact
do
at my
talk."
"
see
if not
me,
an
"
?
at the
with you
?
to dinner
you
"
anythingelse,"I
with
they dine
like to know
dinner
I hear you
thing. The
say
she replied,
"you
thought,"
take
I don't
to
mean
my
with you
home
come
wife, that
"
say,"exclaimed
I
am
not
you
let
me
always pre
at a few hours' notice,and to
pared to entertain company
it is very inconvenient."
day,especially,
Good gracious
! I exclaimed, I should really
like to
"
"
know
when
it has
ber,duringthe
ever
many
"
been
years
convenient.
of
our
I do not
of
marriage,
once
remem
invit-
MATRIMONIAL
86
friend
ing a
INFELICITIES.
with
dine
to
inconvenient.
but you
me
if there be
Now,
declared
I dislike
word
one
it to be
another,it is the word inconvenient"
Well, my dear/'she said, I will do the best
regretextremely that you selected this day."
more
than
"
I
"
this
"
Why
"
Because
day
it is
sible to prepare
the
"
other ?
any
and
washing-day,
handsome
a
"
;
but
I asked.
it will be
dinner,and
can
almost
do the
impos
washing at
time."
same
the
Well, let
washinggo, then," I said.
it will keep tillto-morrow,
won't
the servant
has already commenced
I suppose
"
than
more
I
!
cares
it? "
"
But
Who
"
it,"she
an
swered.
"
Then
tell her to
dinner,"I
getting
soak,
"I
"
said.
't she ?
can
"
stop,if you
"
I suppose
her to assist you in
she can let the clothes
"
she will be
presume
want
obligedto," my
wife
replied;
but she will be
about it,and I dare say,
cross
terribly
is ready,she will drive me
distracted."
fore the dinner
"
Well, if
don't like
it,"I said,
"
tell her
to
I
go.
n't be ruled
would
"
she
be
I don't
by servants, any way."
that sending her away will help me
see
she replied, as in that case
least,"
to prepare
ner
alone, besides a
I should
"
have
in the
the
din
prospect of doing the
washing to-morrow."
"
! " I exclaimed.
Pshaw
will not
have
to do any
justto make
gettingdinner
"Five
or
said three
"
Well,
is n't
"
for five
six!"
know
You
thing;
or
six
exclaimed
well that you
like to say so,
very
but
you
will have
that you
terrible time
a
persons."
wife.
my
"I
thought you
four."
say,"I added,
it seven
I '11make
satisfactory,
now
I
"
five
or
or
six
;
and
eight. I
am
if that
sure
I
particular."
not
am
or
such
think
me
"
It will make
plied, whether
littledifference to me," my wife re
I will see that everything
dozen come.
very
"
a
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
the dinner
providefor
you
the table
on
"
;
but for
expect that I
I think if I
business
the
select
to
the money
giveyou
will attend
you
answer."
pretty wife,"I said," if you
a
market
the
is necessary,
ever
than that I cannot
more
goingto neglectmy
am
by stopping at
dinner.
properlyprepared and placed
is
are
certainly
Well, you
87
of
materials
to
to that
down-town
a
purchasewhat
part of the
matter
yourself."
Now, my dear,"my wife answered, it
impossiblefor me to go to market, and also
"
"
will be
attend
utterly
to
mak
the
ing pastry,and overseeingthe cleaningof the silver,
and a hundred
other littlematters
sweepingof the parlors,
of which
have
you
market
whatever
home.
It is
idea.
no
No,
from
wish, and also see that it is sent
and this dinner,which,
nearly ten o'clock,
you
now
be
properlyprepared,ought to have
attention for two days,must
be gotten up
to
order
must
you
undivided
my
in six or seven
hours."
"
"
Good
making
!
gracious
about
triflemore
much
"
meat
of
a
and
"
One
Why,
would
have
all you
than
vegetables
the
my
trifle more
wife
"
;
think
do
usual.
just send
and
meat
think will
"
to
fuss you
a
are
that
is to
we
cook
It don't
a
seem
task to me."
Very well,"said
market
exclaimed, what
little dinner.
a
dined at all.
never
I
and I will attend to
suffice,
Very well,"I said, I will try to
"
from
home
the
vegetableswhich you
havingthem cooked."
remember
to
stop
at
don't come
in
vegetables
hour or so, you had better send, or go yourself,
to see
an
You
about them.
know
well enough,my
dear, that if
than another,it is
there be one thingI dislike doingmore
Good-bye ! Let dinner be ready
going to the market.
at six o'clock,
and set the table for six persons
precisely
the market
;
but if the meat
and
beside ourselves."
"
what
Stop,my
you
dear,"my
intend to have
wife cried
"
;
for dinner."
you
have
not
told
me
MATRIMONIAL
88
"
Yes
"
But
INFELICITIES.
and vegetables."
meat
:
have," I replied
what kind of meat," persisted
my wife, and what
"
I
"
?
vegetables
berries and
fish and
you have
soup ?
? and pies and tarts ? and
jellies
Will
what
wine
me
crazy.
put on the ice ?
I declare,"I said," your questions
will drive
Get the dinner
all the other
with
to suit
asked
thingsyou
some
one,
Talk
and
fish and
yourself.Have
kitchen-matters.
consult
straw
"
will you have
"
and
let
about
me
but don't
;
the
cook, if
rest in
peace."
to
soup, and
trouble
me
wish
you
to
and went toward the door.
Again I said good-bye,
Suppose,before you go,"said my amiable spouse,
you
for I shall be obligedto use
consid
giveme some
money,
erable in getting
this dinner.
Every dinner costs money,
and such a one
be prepared for
as will satisfy
you cannot
nothing."
You
I said, the most
importunate
are, certainly,"
I ever
I reallyhave
done
met.
woman
nothingfor a
month
do you
Well, how much
past but giveyou money.
want?
Come, don't keep me standinghere forever,while
how
you add up on your fingers. Can't you say at once
and be done with it ?
much you require,
I was
she replied, to calculate the sum
ne
trying,"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
cessary
;
but
"
"
Don't, for gracioussake," I interrupted,have any
buts in your answer.
I added,
There, take those bills,"
"
'
"
'
bank-notes
placingsome
necessary,
for which
and
you
into her
hands
the
remainder
buy
been
teasingme
for
with
have
My wife examined
her head, said,
the
smiled
bills,
;
"
the
use
what
summer
are
silk
days past."
sadly,and, shaking
"
"
There
"
It is all I
is
barelysufficienthere
have," I said,
"
to pay
to spare
at
for the dinner."
present,and
if it
be not sufficient to pay for both dinner and silk dress,why,
I am
afraid you will have to do without the dress."
"I
wish," said
my
wife,"you
were
not
going to give
MATRIMONIAL
90
has
It
that
that
But
"
need
you
will
they
be
not
preside
at
True,
in
you
And
the
my
goblet
a
we
did
I
true,"
said
it,
to
my
about
more
said
is
and
"
;
is
worth.
I
'11
tell
although
made
dinner.
'
DOR"E
wife,
she
mind
"
disappointed
my
see
it
I
ill."
;
any
said
to
being
MAISON
'
Except,"
"
"
think
the
at
from
that,"
not
dine
to
scarcely
far
am
heed
Never
"
I
enough
than
ill."
are
be
trouble
more
well
you
will
well,
not
am
me
not
are
you
friends
my
caused
already
Besides,
INFELICITIES.
after
with
I
have
decided
friends,
my
So
up.
that
so
all."
smiling,
"
in
having
not
to
me
table."
dear,"
of
so.
the
I
replied
'
Flower
"
;
of
but
Neckar.'
then
we
"
will
toast
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
EIGHTEENTH
WHERE
91
INFELICITY.
SHALL
PASS
WE
?
FOURTH
THE
about it,"I said
my dear,say another word
amiable
to my
to a desire she ex
wife,in answer
ON'T,
pressed to
pass the
Fourth
and
four
her
of
coming here
should
go.
The
"I
July.
have
boys
before
the sea-shore with
to
go
;
it is
other
can't
decided
no
day
visit the
why
reason
it if my
help
to
to
sister,
my
you
it appeared to
me
and
as
sister
sea-shore
your girls
if you did
and now
to leave
my sister at all,
you want
she is. For my part I never
home
could find
to go where
any pleasure at the sea-shore; the beach is always hot,
Then
sandy,and shadeless.
get your feet wet, and
you
not
to
care
take
see
have
cold, and
be
there
the
place I
one
Now, if
another,it is the
consumption,and
dislike
than
more
die.
sea-shore."
"
Well, then," said
the
country, and pass
have
can
fresh
my
wife,
day
at
milk, and
a
"
suppose
we
go
into
quiet farm-house,where
eggs, and
all those
kind
the
we
of
things?"
"
"by
"
What
'
do
you
mean,
all those kind
I should
'
of
like to
know,"
I
replied,
"
things ?
Why, vegetablesjust from the garden,and mint,"she
answered.
"
"
Mint!
Why,
"
I exclaimed.
it in
"
What
should
I do with mint
?
"
I am
I have
sure
julep,"she said.
often heard you speak of mint-juleps,
and, if the mint be
freshlygathered,I suppose it makes a better julep."
I don't believe it,"
I replied
but,at all events, that is
;
"
use
"
a
"
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
92
the best
reason
have
you
yet given for
going into
our
the
all,though,the country is not the place
miserable affairs,
are
: farm-houses
me
low-roofed,
hot,
abounding with spiders. They are always small, and
After
country.
for
and
can't
you
round
turn
in
againstits whitewashed
passing through the
I dislike
place
one
Think
without
one
rubbing
coat
your
hat
knocking off your
doorways. Really,if there
walls,or
low
another,it is
than
more
be
farm-house.
a
"
of
somethingelse, can't you ?
My wife sighed.
You
are
Why do you sigh? I asked.
always sigh
I
as
ing or weeping; why don't you take matters easily,
miserable ?
do, and not be forever making yourself
Come,
have you thoughtof some
other place to pass the Fourth
"
"
"
"
at?"
"
Why
place,up
have
not
"
the
Hudson.
doubt,he
no
know,
you
go,"she replied, to
the afternoon
to the
be
often
pleasedto
the
invited
see
and
Catskills,
Mountain
us.
and
us,
lives,
He
might ride
we
I
in
House."
the
unfortunately
Colonel is with his regimentat Washington,and I don't
think his housekeeperwould be particularly
glad to see us ;
"
It is not
would
far from
not
has
He
the Colonel's
friend
our
a
bad
idea,"I said,
"
events, I have
at all
class of females
one
desire to
no
I dislike
more
but
see
than
her, for if there be
another,it is house
keepers."
"
And
often wish I
"
a
I
"
"
After
main
at
in the
"
all,I
don't
home.
eveningwe
see
FOURTH
of
that
I will invite
can
Don't, please,ask
The
up
wife,maliciously,you
my
good housekeeper."
paid no attention to this remark, but continued,
were
"
yet,"said
have
any
we
a
can
few
do better than
friends
fireworks and
one
to
be
to
to
re
dinner,and
patriotic."
dinner,"my
wife
said.
thoughtof being obligedto get dinner on the
OF
JULY, which is always a hot day, and made
ill. Still,
I would
makes
rather get
me
excitement,
very
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
dinner
for you
have
93
give a dinner away from
home, as you did the other evening. Two
days' sickness
such as was
it
to say nothingof the money
yours after it,
on
cost, and the trouble and care I had in waiting
you, was
payingrather too much for a dinner."
But you forced me
into it/'I rejoined
;
you know
well enough that I preferredto have
the dinner at home,
and if you had not made
such an ado about attendingto it,
than
you
"
"
I should.
Then, too, I
would
have
not
been
Somehow
days.
would
sit at my
obligedto
French
been
have
not
dishes
never
sick,and
bedside
because they are
so
highlyseasoned.
presume
vinced that plainerdishes,such as you prepare,
ier.
"
Don't
think
you
wife
Certainly,"
my
French
dishes
?
so
I
me
am
:
I
con
health
are
"
answered
but I
"
;
blame
to
were
for two
with
agree
you
much
so
not
am
as
sure
the
the
French
not
attempt
wines."
"
Now,
my
the
injure
dear,"I exclaimed,
"
must
you
wines, for of them I
reputationof French
drank comparatively
little. I partooksparingly,
however,
of German
and
Spanish wines,also,as well as several of
American
production."
to
"
My dear,you
satisfied.
am
solelyto
settled
"
say
in
error
was
French
wines
to where
as
I shall invite
;
you
can
my
come
you.
to pass
we
a
remain
few
friends
replied.
I attributed
"
we
me,
"
have
remain
the
not
I think
at
home,
eveningwith
or
j
I
the Fourth."
going to
to spend
wife said
"
illness
your
go wherever
children with you."
with
"
"
when
wife
but,"she continued,
;
provided you take the
Very well,then,"my
see
more," my
no
shall go
I have," I replied. " I am
and
me
I
need
like,
you
I will go and
mother."
Go, then,"I exclaimed
back
in
one
Don't you
gested.
while.
think you
"
;
but,remember,
When
I want
you
had better start
need
n't
I '11send
for
you
to-day?
"
I sug
MATRIMONIAL
94
"
"
INFELICITIES.
Perhaps I had," my
If I
myself,I
truth
been
the
get
can
children's
prepared to
am
is,if you would
packed
I confess
and, to
spoke.
alone
in her coolest manner.
replied,
clothes ready,I will. As
wife
at
go
instant's notice.
an
like to know
it,that
The
trunk
my
for
has
week."
a
rather
wife
surprisedme
truth,pained me by the
my
tell the
I did not
believe she would
be
her
by
answer,
in which
way
to
willing
she
leave
me
evil befall me.
home, lest I might be sick,or some
So I said,though not as boldlyas I had heretofore spoken,
Well, my dear,the boat leaves at six o'clock,and you
have all day in which
for your journey. I will
to prepare
be at the boat at that hour to bid you good-bye; but I really
at
"
think
had
you
get your
you
better
postpone going for
day
silk,and the children have
new
two, until
or
largersum
a
wardrobe
mer
No
"
!
"
shall not
the money
prepared."
she replied,decidedly, I will start to-day. I
requirethe silk dress if I go to my mother's,and
which
to purchase it with I still
you gave me
shall I requireany more
for some
I really
time.
"
have, nor
wish, though,"she continued,her
dentlysoftening,that
"
mother
my
be
"
would
be
delighted."
I
I can't help it,"
Your
dollars.
glad to
said.
mother
else to do
besides forever
"
are
My
sisters
than
younger
"
the
am
maid
are
a
married
better
from
a
me,
batch
nor
I
a
thousand
her
;
and
Why
they would have something
writingto you, coaxingyou back
and
you, and
would
girls
of them.
that
home, I can't imagine."
not old,as you know
very
I am,
I know
for
n't go
the whole
I
Well, I like that,"I said.
day I
I would
evi
tone
us.
the
you, and
see
does n't like
they don't
to their old-maids'
"
and
manner
going with
were
you
I hate
sisters,
get married,so
for your
as
I
a
not
am
"
that
Why,
was
judge of ages than
the moment
school-girl
well.
They
yet thirty."
owned
to
twenty
fifteen years ago.
Oh,
you
you, and can
I see her."
tell an
old
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
"
the
you
I will
wife,resignedly,
"
Well," exclaimed
pointwith
95
my
I tell you
but
;
sisters
my
not
argue
old
not
are
maids."
"
may
old,"I said, whatever
"
At all events, they are
else
they
be."
last
attention to my
My wife,seemingly,
paid no
but asked,
words,
"
"
Where
"
From
number
does the boat start from ? "
its usual
;
I replied.
pier,"
but you, who
I don't remember
"
sailed from
have
it so
its
often,ought
to know."
"
it,"she
I shall be able to find
I presume
said
should not, I will bid you good-byenow.
the children ready for the journey,and must
I have
you
She
"
Good-bye !
the street.
"
takingmy hat,went
and
As
kiss from
the
of the
I
passed out
window, and
eyes toward the
raised her hand to
a
if to kiss me,
forward,as
bent
her
ingomnibus,and
I reached
was
of the door into
She
as
our
lips,
eyes met, and threw
her fingers.I took no heed of
tipsof
When
avenue.
simply said
there.
standing
action,but,slamming the gate behind
the
out
to
get
you."
leave
I
lest
I lifted my
court-yard,
her
saw
but
and
"
;
the
on
me,
the corner,
pointof
I strode
the
toward
I hailed
into
stepping
me
a
pass
it,when,
chancingto look back, I saw my wife standingat the gate,
I told the driver to go on ; but,
wavingher handkerchief.
I walked back to the house.
as for myself,
So I forgot
I asked.
my handkerchief,did I ?
Oh, no," she replied,this is mine."
the deuce
did I return
What
for,
Very well,"I said.
"
"
"
"
"
"
then?"
"
you
"
I
am
sure
I don't
know,"
she
said,half laughing, if
"
don't."
I think
I must
have
house,"I said,as, with
my
left
somethingbehind
wife
on
to
do
my
arm,
me,
I walked
in the
up the
court-yard.
"
"
It would
but what
be
like you
it be ?
"
can
so," my
wife continued
;
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
96
Can't
"
"
asked.
I
answered.
she
continued.
I
me,"
to
and
forward,
kissed
we
"
able
be
scarcely
will
You
after
it
bent
wife
My
can,"
give
Then
"
"
I
Perhaps
"
"
?
guess
you
I
to-day,
start
to
other.
each
I
think,"
said,
pause.
a
I
"
answered
she
no,"
Well,
;
hardly
think
I
get
can
ready."
"
"
But
you
"
'11
not
if
will
be
We
shall
nothing
I
behind
proceeded
ready
to
see
remains
you
off,"
pleasant,
added.
I
I
trust
said.
good-bye,
her
me,
weather
to
start."
she
see,"
bade
the
boat
the
to
go
to-morrow,
Again
and
I
Then
got
down-town.
into
the
and
first
this
stage
time,
that
having
came
left
along
MATRIMONIAL
98
she
is with
her
mother
Nestledown, and
green
it is
In the
be
island,and
bake
excellent
than
a
when
cod
an
I
partook
thingI
one
drove
evening we
side of the
is
broiled
on
received
at
cordially
springchicken and fresh
very
of
like
strawberries
than
more
and
another,
of this kind.
dinner
a
was
dessert
if there
Now
cream.
! I
dined
For
peas.
INFELICITIES.
had
chowder
or
a
not
were
bad
not
were
a
Neck,
clam-bake.
institution.
feast
turtle-soup
moustaches
Little
to
I think
In my
chowder
worn,
the north
on
clam
a
opinion it is better
party. In olden times
turtle-soupand
to take ; but in these
clam
or
days they
have
objectionable
points.
While
the clams were
being baked, the Nestledownians
and myself took a row
the bay. Although our
on
party
not large,
was
we
yet occupied two skiffs. I forgotto say
that we
artist to accompany
for
us
engaged a distinguished
the
of
making a sketch of the clam-bake.
paintedis a pleasingreminiscence of the
purpose
picturehe
ing ;
but fails to convey
It is very
when
skiffs,
around,
a
correct
delightfulto
the
and
full moon,
the
red
blaze
float
idea of
on
a
even
clam-bake.
a
still waters
sheds
just rising,
of
The
in
pretty
silvery
light
fantastically
a
fire flickers
throughthe leafytrees,and the air is mild and the night
seated in the stern of the
enchanting.The young ladies,
the artist
boat,enjoyedthis thing amazingly
; but neither
nor
myself,who blistered our hands in rowing,appreciated
I confess I enjoyedeatingthe clams more
it as they did.
than I did anythingelse. My knowledgeof clams is quite
limited,but
that Mr.
my
powers
Nestledown
of observation
selected
are
only the
keen.
small
I noticed
for his
clams
toward
mine.
kept pushing the large ones
regarded this as extremely kind and politein him,
plate,and
lest he should
two
or
three of them
put them
I
now
rob himself of all the fine
aside,as
think
upon
if
they were.
his
plate.
I
largeones
he
But
better
they were
led me
Curiosity
than
to
he
I
and
placed
courteously
deserved.
try one
of the
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
small ones, and
to them.
clams
;
overshoes
I think India-rubber
like
thingI
one
attention
I devoted my
thenceforward
but if there be
99
are
made
more
than
the shores of
from
solely
of large
another,
Long Island.
that the darkies of this neighborhoodare a
I observed
the pig
They are great on the double-shuffle,
speciality.
and that class of antics.
While we
were
eating
eon-wing,
their dancing
our
clams,a gang of them were
displaying
abilities near
by, varied with an occasional negro melody
the bay,the
On the whole, I enjoyed the drive,the row
on
back to Nesclams,and the dancing,
very much, and went
tledown
contented.
exceedingly
I wrote a poetical
The next day,on my return to the city,
whose
to my wife,which, for the benefit of husbands
epistle
wives may be away from home, I herewith transcribe.
it is the small clam
MY
TO
I miss
thee
ABSENT
than
more
WIFE.
words
tell;
can
My heart is filled with pain and woe ;
My voice sounds like a funeral knell,
And
grief is
mine
I go.
where'er
Tears, bitter tears, bedew my cheek,
And
sighs my bosom fill;
weary
For, ah ! I Jve missed this long,long week,
The
kisses which
In ceaseless toil I pass
each
thrill.
day,
night are all of thee
've lost the power
of being gay,
And
only gloomy picturessee.
My
I
would
soul
my
dreams
at
I wonder
if the
And
if the trees
If
sky
is
blue,
robed
are
juleps are
happy people e'er
not
made
with
And
Indeed, I feel that
Quite old since
'T is wrong
For
thou
I have
thou
to leave
wast
such
are
thus
a
in green
;
rue,
seen.
grown
wert
me
;
joy
at my
side ;
alone,
and
pride.
Still,
thyself,
for
Thou
art
don't
So
Thou
I
my
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
100
have
wife,
faith
and
return
not
the
hasten
dear,
I
trust
every
good
until
thou
must,
of
womanhood.
enjoying
paragon
that
ray
above
her
lines
return
;
will
home.
prove
acceptable
to
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
FELICITY.
SECOND
HOW
PASSED
I
husbands, situated
sustain
that I
partedfrom
I have
a
wife's absence
her I sometimes
me.
This
is
draw
bad
humors
spent the FOURTH
Everybody knows
in her
JULY
When
presence.
irritable.
Strangeto
No
is said to
have
could
one
I did.
rationallythan
more
say,
since she left
the comet, which
mankind.
OF
be able to
would
irritable moment
owing,I think,to
from
I am,
well.
so
grew
experiencedan
not
JULY.
OF
as
only when
contented
was
FOURTH
THE
wife is stillvisiting
her estimable mother.
;Y amiable
Few
101
in company
quitelate the nightprevious,
with several merry
disposedto be
companions who were
and joyful,
I did not rise until a late hour of our
patriotic
national
birthday. If it had not been for the* noise of
Having
been
cannon
and
should
out
the
firingaround
crackers
have
enjoyed my sleep.
On descendingto the breakfast-room
the high languagewhich came
up with the
breakfast
tainingmy
rule,are
induces
this
As
crossness.
it
ference
to
but
minute
me.
would
judgedshe
or
a
usual
this
As
I
concluded, by
dumb-waiter
kitchen,that the
this class of
cold.
was
water, however, on
Fourth
the
always more
morning
one
from
I think
unusuallycross.
eral
I
neighborhood,
less
thingI
Heat,
like my
I drank
occasion,it
cook
individuals,as
cross.
con
I
a
was
gen
believe,
coffee hot
:
Congress-Spring
did not make
dif
much
I think eggs for breakfast should be boiled
and a half: those the cook gave me
the
on
have
commenced
answered
for
them
boiling
small
cannon-balls.
about the time I
came
I
MATRIMONIAL
102
home
INFELICITIES.
should be
morning. Beefsteak,to be relished,
I
juicy;if it be as dry and hard as sole-leather,
in the
and
tender
don't think
itis worth
placed before
I sent
seemed
me
for the cook
to ask
cook
The
breakfast.
one's while
I had
her
refused
her
seen
her appearance.
a
She
red face and
crusty, but looked
"
Oh,"
ens,
"
are
long iron
a
thus
be
I did
I stood
think
Yes," she replied.
"
Well, why
did n't you
with
a
by
middle-aged
woman,
short and
was
wilful.
strong and
"
I
struck
somewhat
a
so.
in the other.
spoon
fierydisposition.She
as
was
description.
spoiledmy
of the room,
centre
appearedto
the cook ?
you
the
latter
kitchen.
was
for I don't
"
the
which
but said if I wished
to come,
to
That
she had
before,and
I exclaimed,
empire,
"
a
of the
why
I
never
with
be
to
might go down
found the cook standingin
hand and
in one
rolling-pin
her
to see
to eat it
it
at the
threshold
good plan to
a
of her
kitch
enter
"
to
come
when
me
I sent for you ? "
I asked.
"
Because," she
answered,
tress,before she went away,
returned
home, and I intend
"
any
If you
can't
longer.
obey me,"
I ?11pay
you
I had
"
orders
the mis
this floor until she
to leave
not
from
obey them."
said, I don't
to
I
"
your month's
wish
wages,
you
and
you
here
can
go."
"
I sha' n't leave this
back.
comes
and
in
and
"
promised her
to
stay here and cook
for you,
I shall do it."
And
use
I
house,"she replied,tillthe mistress
she
went
arguingthe
on
with her
matter
with
left her to her kettles and
I had
duties.
her,so
I
saw
there
I retreated
was
no
up-stairs
pans.
got comfortablyseated with the morn
ing paper in my hand, than the cook sent to ask me if I
would have dinner at the usual hour.
As it was
then nearly
four o'clock,
and I had but justfinished my breakfast,I re
turned
no
word
sooner
that I would
not ; but would
name
nine
o'clock
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
a
as
She
desirable hour.
until
put off dinner
As
it I made
a
an
she
minute
at what
half
objections.I passed
no
not
to me
consequence
that
word
but
o'clock,
seven
of small
it was
back
sent
103
would
later.
hour
I had
hour
reading
going on in
the din
then,notwithstanding
I am
the street,I fell asleep. I slept,
happy to say, till I
I had
nice dinner,and en
called to dinner.
a very
was
and
the paper,
joyed it exceedingly.I
in
a
of
bottle
another
short
Chateau
"
;
therefore
was
the
Point
sends
filled the
a
satisfaction to
immediately,and
room
knows
was
how
you
then, after taking
not
be the proper
I hesitated
good wine, does
to
to
me
about
see
drink
do
not
so
it ; and
just at
that
it
mo
friend,Ned
Cozzens,of West
cracked
a
court-yard, We
the
bouquetwhich
good wine
may
repeatedly,
enjoy drinkingwine
not
of Eden.
redolent
to drink
glassafter glassas
but
and
with which
burlyform
bottle of it
;
I do
of my
the
enter
hospitality,
ment
who
because
providingmouths
without
"
Yquem
Heaven, which
but
wife's health
my
if it would
nap, wondered
another
bottle of wine.
thing to open
doing so, however,
alone
drank
mugs
thereupon
It is not
;
of
you
every
can't toss
Taylor'sOctober
one
it off
ale,
tenderlyover it. Move
lingerlovingly,
slowlyto and fro above the thin glassheld up
your
gingerlyunder your ruby nose, to catch all the bouquet
which evolves itself from the amber-colored
liquor.After
inhaled
its perfume in perfectsilence,
you have fully
you
take one
little sipof it. Those
few drops must
rest a
can
"
you
head
must
tongue before you swallow them, which
will give you an opportunityof ascertaining
the flavor and
then let it trickle slowlydown
You
qualityof the wine.
moment
your
on
your
throat.
of
You
heave
a
little sigh,as
if
all
recalling
and softly
exclaim,Delicious !
bygone pleasures,
You
then close one
eye, and look knowinglywith the other
at your
glassheld up in the direction of the light.You
speak, in well-chosen words and a subdued voice,of its
to a wine your
color,its age, and its remarkable
similarity
manner
INFELICITIES.
104
MATRIMONIAL
father had
in his cellar
will not
ness
far
as
wine
fortyyears
permit you
date back
to
If your youthful
far as that,
go as
ago.
as
conscience
will allow you.
or
That
your memory
of your father's,
which, of course, he imported at a
for
great cost specially
his
table,you
own
will do well
al
It will prove of inestima
ways to bear in remembrance.
ble benefit for you often to refer to it,and will obtain you
invitations to dinner-tables where are found
good
many
wines, which you would
You
may
subjectof
not
otherwise have had.
having dilated at some
length upon the
wines,finish your glass; and, if your companion
now,
is convivially
inclined,extend
and
fillit,
If he should
it towards
if he be
him
be refilled.
to
good fellow
a
he undoubt
sit down
at a convenient
edly will,
you may then rejoicingly
table,with your friend oppositeand the bottle between you,
and finish the wine at your leisure,
conversingmeanwhile
and
learnedly,jovially,
relatingto wine,women,
In
such way
some
con
amore
books,and
this did
as
all
on
pleasingthings
works
of
art.
friend and
my
myself pass
and when
he left
together,
couple of hours delightfully
that there was
not a headache
me, after solemnly declaring
bottles of such wine, I looked
in a dozen
at
regretfully
a
the
come
'
that I
from
out, and
take the
July as
home
have
as
of
this.
I should have
blown
the house
upon
the
the noise and
remember
well
friend would
sky-rockets
shootinginto the
various parts of the city,
and saw
the stars
the young
moon
go down, and quietfinally
placeof
I don't
another
open another for him.
tea, and afterwards went
I watched
top, where
heavens
that
might
I ordered
Then
come
wished
empty bottle,and
wife
and
undergonemany
myself up
a
of the
day.
having enjoyed a
ever
If my
turmoil
thousand
severe
had
trials. I
times with
of
been
might
fire-crackers,
torpedoes, I have nothing
the present occasion,
to say on
more
except to add that if
there be one
than another,it is to pass a
thingI like more
Fourth of July as contentedlyas I did the last.
and
destroyed my
wife
with
little ones
Fourth
MATRIMONIAL
106
INFELICITIES.
myselfwith candies and cakes,at almost the first step,by
old woman's
refreshment-stand.
street-corner
an
over
falling
feet instantly,
I gained my
however, and before the pro
her astonishment
and
prietorof the stand could recover
I was
lost in the
breath
to call for the police,
sufficiently
I managed to upset a basket of oranges, the
Next
crowd.
of which
owner
paid for a
they rolled over
dozen
had
the next
seized me,
them,
the sidewalk.
sufferer
he
that,before
of
and
;
broken
which
the
An
make
could
not
let
go until I
me
newsboys
stole
as
Italian
was
image-vender
spoke English so unintelligibly,
he
but
would
the crowd
the fact
understand
heads, and ruined sun
and a Greek
slave,I was far distant from
dry dancing-girls
I have a faint impression that
of the disaster.
the scene
that I had
I afterward
damaged
overturned
Land,"
and
several
before I succeeded
depot,where
As
sunny
in
the
a
Eighth
an
last
Zouave
artist
car
gainingit,and
Dixie's
uniform,
rail-car,
Avenue
River
Hudson
the
and
"
playing
was
in
clad
reachingthe
in
the General
succeeded
we
boy
myself by
waitingmy coming.
tion
that
organ
small
a
over
run
was
an
crowned
Railroad
impatiently
were
leavingthe
seats on
finding
was
in
sta
its
side.
is very pleasantwhen
there are no
travelling
in no fear of beingrun
cinders or dust flying,
and you are
But then
into by other trains,
or of runningoff the track.
Railroad
either
pleasant companion to converse
It is desirable,
book
to read.
with, or an interesting
too,
the shady side of the car in summer-time, and to
to occupy
in winter.
One cannot
have your feet warm
always have
all one
wishes, however; and on the present occasion,
you
must
though I
and
was
the
have
had
other
left to my
shone
so
a
pleasant company,
went
own
into the
one
took
of them
with
smoking-car
I tried to
resources.
a
a
nap,
so I
cigar,
read; but the
impossible
; be
which I bought,just as I jumped
sides,the newspaper
upon the car, proved to be three days old,and all the war
sun
that
brightly
it
was
almost
MATRIMONIAL
which
rumors
endeavored
had
it contained
to be false.
out
I
soon
scenery ; but the cinders
rendered
impossible.To
sight-seeing
and
I found,when
disagreeabilities,
for the
around
turned
107
enjoy the
to
filled my eyes
add to these
came
INFELICITIES.
that
tickets,
I had
the
collector
I
mine, so
lost
was
time,as collectors don't
my fare a second
believe in lost tickets. A few days afterward I discovered
obligedto
pay
inside my hat,where I
missingticket under the lining
had placed it for safety.If any poor fellow who
is about
going to Sing Sing,at the State's expense, would like to
the
have
ticket
a
stick into his
to
hatband,so
to make
as
the
fare and was
n't a pris
passengers think he paid his own
for it immediately. I
have mine by applying
oner, he can
afterward
essayedto
it refund
me
the ticket-man
have
the
money
if he
as
said,laughingly,
ticket
much
like
very much
after the Fourth of
I said
far from
fact will
Sing Sing;
it was
my
n't good for
that
previously
my
resides in Westchester
friend the General
teemed
joke,that
clever
for
fireworks,
July.
whether
forgotten
bought
I
he, after examiningits date,
thoughtit a
was
I have
not
but
;
of whom
es
county,
at all events
I say it now, and this
for that place.
ticket beingmarked
for my
It is not a very longride from the city,
that by the time
so
the artist had finished his cigar,
the General ended his nap,
account
and
I relieved my eyes of the cinders which had fallen into
where so
them, we had glidedpast the walls of the prison,
hearts
sad
many
and
beat
dreary lives
are
Then
at the station in the village.
we
alighted
riageand drove out to the General's place.
There
the
country, and
where
the
I confess I
ride.
and
to be considerable
seems
I
hill in this
a
car
part of
along,I kept wondering
drove
we
a
took
go to if the traces should break.
state of trepidation
duringthe entire
would
carriage
in
was
a
regarded the
wondered
if
century in which
tion.
as
of
lived,and
no
General
as
accident had
he had
driven
a
most
courageous man,
befallen him in the half
up
and
down
that eleva
MATRIMONIAL
108
I felt
myself fullyrepaid,however, for
since
encountered
when
I arrived
sion,I
the
holds
General's
facile
a
descriptionof
will not
attempt
is
quarriedin
the
architecture.
in the
to
describe
on
a
to
a
ready pen has,
art of the printer,
a
Art
Journal,"a
hospitableman
that which
me
As
he
the
that
say
has
white
so
Gen
marble,
in its styleof
and
Grecian
neighborhood,
A spacious hall,quite as largeas any room
house,was,
table
for
home.
friend's
good
Delmonico's,
at
unpretentiousbuildingof
an
perhaps this
"
penciland
had
dangersI
handsome
my
ably accomplished. Suffice
eral's home
the
dinner-table
skill of the engraver and the
of the " London
recent number
the
through*
given,in a
and
I left the
at
gentleman who
view
INFELICITIES.
to me,
in
was
therein
some
stood
cheerful
most
a
a
and attractive
spot,
degree owing to the fact
goodly array of tall-necked
that
bot
punch-bowl of antique appearance.
of the parlor were
On
the walls
valuable
pictures,
paintedby such artists as Weir, Chapman, Doughty,Free
Mount, etc., evidences of the refined taste of their
man,
I saw, for the first time,the original
of that
Here
owner.
and
tles,
a
silver
"
picturewhich
pers, and
is
popular with
so
to Weir's
allude
Christmas-tide
each
"
one
of the late Elkanah
the
pictorial
pa
good little boys and girls. I
Visit of Santa
also,adorn
family-portraits,
adorns
Claus."
various
rooms,
Several fine old
among
which
is
the
philanthropist.
partakenof a heartydinner
Watson,
had
in
we
Notwithstanding
that it would
assured
be opposed
the General
the city,
us
failed to eat another under
if we
to his ideas of hospitality
his roof; and, as our
appetitesproved to be good, I think
both the artist and myself did full justiceto this second
repast. After dinner
the General
grounds,and
us
hood
of
an
of land
showed
several
historical character.
conducted
us
localitiesin the
He
about his
neighbor
pointed out the tongue
which the Vulture,that
river,off
his fate,
lay,while this gallantofficer
interview with Arnold.
There, too, on the oppo-
bore
running into
Major Andre to
held
his
the
MATRIMONIAL
site
the
shore,was
took
two
the
the
spot where
place,and
place where
INFELICITIES.
still lower
unfortunate
meeting between
the
down
soldier
river
was
the
On
executed.
was
the
broughtout our chairs upon the
piazza,and as the twilight
deepened, and the river and
and only the stars were
hills beyond faded from sight,
seen
through the leafytrees around us, we talked of the present
troubles of our
country, and the General,with the ardor
of youth,foughtover
again,in words, the battles he had
been engaged in during the war
of 1812.
Although he
takes no active part in the conflict of to-day,
yet he stands
ready to girdon his sword and lead againto battle the sol
diers of liberty.
and
his
Yes," he exclaimed, his form straightening
with the fire and courage of youth,as he rose
eyes flashing
return
our
to
the house
109
we
"
his
from
chair," if my
of
the field
take
ready to
country desires my
again,and, under
until
Union, fight
Hereupon the artist
hands
myself cheered
back
sunk
General, smiling,
beatingthe
and
cried out, " Brave
and
with
the
am
gloriousFlag
the death."
our
our
services,I
and
old soldier !
into his
seat
clapped
"
And
the
unconsciously
his
fingerson the arm of his chair,
softly,Yes, boys,I 'd fightuntil death."
repeating
and
tattoo
"
I
as
felt,
done
I
old
my brave
for his country than I could
friend,that he had
gazed on
hope to accom
plish.Not only had he served her with profiton the battle
but for fifteen years he had occupieda place in her
field,
documents
will show, acted
councils,
and, as congressional
with
more
honor
Ah
"
!
"
to
I said to
honored
an
himself
name
ever
benefit to her.
and
myself,
"
behind
here
him.
is
He
a
has
man
done
who
will leave
much
for his
country, and
true
"
that
And
deserves,and will receive,the thanks of all
patriots. I propose," I continued,speaking aloud,
we
we
There
go into the house
and
drink the General's health."
went.
is a
champagne
called the
"
Flower
of
Sparkling
MATRIMONIAL
110
which
Neckar,'''
which
no
health.
his
possiblyobject to
when
Therefore
entered
we
General, much
to
drink
another's
house, and saw
myself proceeded to
satisfaction and
our
with
the
artist and
the
awaitingus,
the
wine, and just the kind
noble
a
could
one
this wine
toast
is
INFELICITIES.
none
to
dismay.
Of
this
follows
:
wine, some
has sung
it
appreciates
who
one
"
In the
valley of
Where
Lies
a
And
the
Neckar,
the blue
and
green
its
tide sweeps
along,
fertile vineyard,
vintage claims
a
song.
Many flowing gobletshave I
Quaffed of wines both old and
But
not
Can
If
with
this
;
tasted
that I have
one
rare
champagne
compare.
translated
were
poem
Into shining beads of light,
a
It would
the hue
wear
Of the wine
I
and
semblance
sing to-night.
It is
fruity,rich,and sparkling,
With a delicate bouquet,
Rosy-tinted,highly flavored,
Like
With
the
the
"
rare
and
Flower
I will henceforth
famed
of
Tokay.
SparklingNeckar
toast
the
"
girls;
lasses,
Merry, blue-eyed German
Laughing through their flaxen curls,
And
maidens,
happy Yankee
New
England's favored clime,
Southern
the dark-haired
beauties,
the
In
With
'Midst
Then,
When
on
the orange
gay
I
and
and
the lime.
festal moments
quaff a regal wine,
in a foaming goblet
Give me
Neckar
champagne pure and fine.
as
MATRIMONIAL
After
and
the
the
as
The
adieu
and
the
If
disposed
should,
host,
birds
in
while
side
of
the
talk,
the
twelve,
bed,
to
us
and
we,
order.
good
the
bade
we
dew
their
on
was
matin
a
the
and
songs,
whirled
rapidly
were
cars,
genial
breakfast,
yet
singing
the
amidst
hearty
a
were
into
getting
retired
after
of
ordered
candles,
our
our
other
the
HI
back
city.
I
to
wrote
answered
were
me
to
the
more
When
she
us
morning,
next
once
been
passed
soldiers
cordial
to
had
giving
obedient
grass
had
wine
night
General,
INFELICITIES.
that
associate
that
she
thing
one
be
with
so,
I
think
wife
my
she
and
glad
was
liked
she
to
wiser
had
better
where
hear
than
more
persons
her
told
of
another,
and
I
it
;
it
better
return
for
was
than
home.
had
been,
if
to
there
have
myself.
MATRIMONIAL
112
IS
IT
A
INFELICITIES.
FELICITY
OR
SOMEBODY
F
doubtless
above
be
but
;
wife
INFELICITY?
RESPONSIBLE.
IS
esteemed
my
AN
only at home,
were
able
solve
to
question asked
the
she stillremains
as
she would
with
her mother
in
the country, I am,
perforceof circumstances,a perplexed
of
man.
My perplexity
originated
through an occurrence
which
it is my purpose
to speak in this sketch.
To say
that I have been kept awake
nightsby the event to which
true.
is literally
I allude,
My mind and patiencehave been
exercised to a remarkable
degree by this untoward circum
I think
stance.
less
this event
and
nervous
would
agitateand
even-tempered
more
aggravate
than
men
myself,
what
the world
my position.I don't know
will say to it ; but I trust that they will exonerate
me, how
in the matter.
all blame
Some
will
ever, from
persons
they in
were
laughat
doubtless
it ; but I will
such
assure
it is
Others will look grave and shake
ing matter.
I
'd have thoughtit? "
and exclaim," Who
them
assure
that
I for
one
would
laugh
their heads
can
Others
not.
no
honestly
there will
that
who
will
say
tremble
when
I think
they fullyexpected such a thing
would
me
happen, and it serves
rightfor allowingmy wife
and go to visit her mother.
to leave me
Then, again,what
she comes
will my wife say when
to hear
of it. I fairly
be
about
up
my
thrown
it.
If
mind
we
to
into my
innocence
ever
of the way
she will go on
live togetherafter this,I can
make
having
face.
in which
this
The
little
knowledge I
will,I think,enable
me
constantly
occurrence
of my own
all the obloquy
possess
to bear
MATRIMONIAL
114
a
INFELICITIES.
leaningagainstthe fence, watchingmy
person
move
ments.
"
!"
Halloo
I don't
I shouted
know
what
"
back
come
;
do with
to
and
it,and
get your baby.
in fact I don't want
it."
But
no
answer
returned,and
was
the form
I
watch
was
and finally
down
ing sunk gradually
disappearedfrom my
the street,and
sight. I stepped rapidlyand quietlyacross
clad in a long cloak
lookingover the fence,saw a woman
crouched
the ground before me.
Ere I could climb the
on
fence
she
she
which
cook
do
had
cast
gone
the
to
to sit up
solelyupon
of
that
I had
was
ance,
a
cry of terror
the
among
trees
house
and
I
entirelyalone,for
sick
own
resources.
house
in the
baby left
was
a
my
rousing them
a
vanished
with
call the ladies in the next
idea
and
the enclosure.
the infant.
with
bound
a
feet,and
I returned
should
was
within
grow
Then
her
to
sprang
with
rne, and
saw
with
for
rather, too much
to
I
my
thoughtI
assistance
of
and
even
what
I
the
cousin,and therefore
middle
me
wondered
the
man
would
but
the
night to
say
wanted
a
I
;
their assist
of my
courage
I tell them
of
when
thought,
the difficulty
I am
to assist me.
in,if they will be willing
The
old maids
who
live on
two
right hand would
my
awful
think it an
doubtless
thing,and would no more
do anythingof a com
touch the baby than they would
promising character. They believe me to be a shocking
to undertake.
at the
man
Ten
best
to one,
I
times,when
of
my
wife
is at
home,
and
call upon her if they think they may encounter
me.
I doubt,had I asked
them, if they would have responded
never
invitation.
to my
Germans
feared
the
and
I would
true
state
As
don't
never
of
for my left-hand
understand
a word
be
the
able to make
case.
While
they are
neighbors,
of English,
and
I
them
comprehend
these
thoughtspassedthroughmy mind, the infant
that I concluded
quiet,
gazingat the gas-light,
and
similar
remained
to take
so
care
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
myself until morning,and
police.
of it
So
had
I
been
waif
It
into
was
the
out
got
lyingidle for two
it,expectingit
would
go
to the
over
it
past,and put my
three years
or
it
store-room, where
the
immediatelyto sleep.
had
however, and
infant,
wide-awake
a
hand
then
from
cradle
115
idea
no
of
it remained
So long as I rocked it,
out my wishes.
carrying
I ceased, it commenced
crying.
quiet; but the moment
Then
I thoughtit might be hungry,so
I warmed
some
milk
and
it with
tried to feed
a
I
spoon.
came
near
very
it to death several times,and had
to beat it on
strangling
its back to bringit to.
Then
I put it into the cradle,and
rocked
it,but it would n't go to sleep,and cried heartily
the moment
I ceased
walked
it,
justas
with
little one
own
a
about,it was
moment,
few
on
seemed
to
possess
doubled
up
But
to
So
back.
lamb
;
long
but,let
me
and
it up
with
done
my
it
I walked
as
for
stop,even
Then, for
a
change,
a
sung nursery songs to it. It
and
for music, and crowed
ear
knees, and
my
good
its fists in a wonderfully
approvingstyle as I
it cried lustily
when
I stopped,and I thought
myself my
it,and
to have
it cried with all its lungs.
I trotted it
sung.
a
I took
Then
I remembered
years
quietas
and
the motion.
a
maiden
will wonder
I confess
friends
and
shocked
terribly
house
must
at my
hear
proceed
night of it,for there were
with
the charge of an
connected
various little matters
think of
couldn't
infant in which
I was
not posted and
undertaking.I made up my mind during the nightthat,
if we
would
both lived until morning,we
have nothing
other.
to do with each
more
Among other difficulties
with which it was
were
colic,pins,mos
afflicted,
hiccoughs,
et ccetera.
quitoes,
I was
the morning,and the cook, who
very glad when
If there ever
were
appeared about the same
time,came.
ings.
an
astonished
many
I had
be
in the next
woman,
and
questions,
a
the
hard
cook
was
I did n't say
one.
much
She
to
did n't ask
her
;
but she
MATRIMONIAL
116
regarded
in
me
baby's
that
in
arrival.
she
remarked
could
one
sleep,
I
the
and
do
the
the
in
blue
"
I
account
the
"
justice
of
thus
she
and
red
hair,
the
baby
was
of
gave
for
"
eyes
she
declare
to
cook
take
"
had
baby
say
Under
the
seemed
with
will
I
calling the
that
manner
a
satisfied
altogether
not
INFELICITIES.
the
saying
persisted
which
no
possessed.
cook's
motherly
I availed
care,
myself
of
the
stillness
couple
of
hours
went
soon
take
to
to
a
nap
myself.
When
still
was
tiest
child
tion
to
wife
the
let
and
had
she
home,
came
find
to
the
was
that
inten
I
could
would
my
in
baby
strange
a
pret
my
what
besides,
;
be
it,for
take
o" it
charge
it
her
I told
authorities
it to
infant
the
afterward,
declared
seen.
proper
she
cook
the
ever
the
when
say,
house.
the
you
send
and
it
At
said
Wait,"
"
all
it
the
in
regard
write
her
Perhaps
to
out
she
for
so,
cook
must
thing
for
"
be
few
a
we
may
stolen
from
continued,
"
days
its
discover
loving
some
will
I
least, before
at
take
charge
parents,
mother.
it for
of
time."
by
wife
cook,
away.
events,"
short
the
turn
may
And
in
a
sleeping,
undertake
not
a
awoke,
I
I
to
and
to
informed
dislike
that
absence.
has
more
a
the
What
myself.
it,remains
be
her
days,
ten
to
of
than
strange
be
the
"
take
final
matter
another,
has
"
the
;
but
it
is
been
be
adopted
time
mean
if
there
being
left
for
cared
been
will
course
In
seen.
baby
in
be
my
one
obliged
at
the
to
house
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITIES.
NINETEENTH
INFELICITY.
MY
FTER
|j|
RETURNS
WIFE
117
HOME.
long absence,my estimable wife has re
turned
I almost despairedof ever
home.
seeing
her again,
when, one gusty November
justas
night,
for the third
a party of
filling,
my ancient friends who were
with sparkling
Golden
time,their slender goblets
Wedding
wine around my hospitablemahogany, an
ominous
ringat
the door-bell startled us into sobriety
and propriety. The
the first to detect the
Colonel,beinga married man, was
connubial
said he be
of the bell,and risinghastily,
tone
a
lieved he had
and
fil,
therefore
finished
clared
engagement which
an
begged
singinga song,
that he had
ing,and
prisedus.
no
his sudden
to
me
him.
excuse
in which
he
intention of
had
He
had
just
repeatedlyde
home
going
desire to be
hasten to ful
he must
until
morn
rather
going now
sur
Major, who imitates the Colonel in his
movements, immediatelydeclared that he, too, had an en
of rank which
gagement ; but the Captain,with a disregard
was
pleasingto observe,ordered his two superiorsto sit
down,
and
The
not
run
away
the tall flasks before him
while
such
to
pointing
"
in the field.
were
"
enemies
Perhaps it will be quiteas well to state that quitea num
ber
of my
distin
acquaintanceshave recently become
not a few of them
characters, at least,
guishedmilitary
"
are
celebrated
which
carry.
for
inordinate
their clothes
ornaments
I have
the
not
and
the
yet heard that any of their swords
baptizedin blood,or their gold lace
I presume
to camp-life.But
exposure
been
of
gold braid
costlyswords they
amount
tarnished
have
through
all this will
come
by-and-by;
and
Broadway,
and
funerals,
military
their way
the
to
take
as
won't
march
tains its
employed
escorts
as
part in the recep
active
an
down
to
day
two
hundred
perhaps a
week
When
dred
to obtain.
have
gone, he says
him,
and
be
have
upon
much
so
the
I
or
them
six hun
his
Of
men
from
away
regiments.
the
him,
see
to where
which
slander
course
newspapers
that they sell their
colonels,
to other
It has
Colonel.
as
has taken
into other
per head
friend the
questionhim
less than
he wants
has five
of the
some
regimentob
simplydeclare that
time in filling
up.
he
afterwards,
government
so, and
this must
above-mentioned
but when
I
them
drafted
cast
two
or
under
their
as
that
me
be
to
regiment;
to fillhis
men
soon
unaccountable
will tell
the Colonel
One
friends
but I will
men,
most
a
are
I don't wish
war.
three
my
Dixie as
complement of
their ranks
at
of
seat
saying that
stood
to my
much
are
New-England troops,passingthrough the cityon
tion of
men
to the brilliant ap
meanwhile, they add
in the
of
pearance
at
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
118
cannot
regiments,
apply
justoccurred to me that
and while I
hiatus in my narrative,
am
dottingit down, my wife is standingoutside the front
to be admitted
door, shiveringwith cold, and anxious
this is
an
unnecessary
within.
At
the moment
the bell
was
the third
rung
time, my
coming,for they
that it was
seized their coats and caps, declaring
getting
late,and theythoughttheyhad better be going. They en
countered
glaredat them signifi
my wife in the hall,who
friends all
apparentlyunderstood
cantly,and
said she trusted her
who
was
unexpected
return
had
not
them
frightened
away.
Colonel,who is
The
a
very
politeman,
regretsat being obligedto depart at
bowing, when
made
to
their
expressed his
the moment,
he
said,
charming an addition was about to
society. He trusted,though,that before
so
left for the seat of
war
he should have
ing his respects to her,and
renew
the
the
pleasureof
be
he
pay
acquaintancehe
so
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
happilyformed
receptions.
with
her
last winter
at
119
of the artists'
one
or
speech of the Colonel's,
flattering
the sightof the gold lace and giltbuttons which covered
I cannot
his manly form, which soothed my wife's feelings,
declare ; but,at all events, when, with me,
she
positively
Whether
it was
the
entered
denounce
the
where
as
visitors,
my
scene
which
filled the
curtains
She
all winter.
friends
my
to
expected she would.
selected the parlor for
that the
said
wine
I could
the
on
the
satin window-
wondered, too, how
spilltheir
She
tobacco-smoke
impregnateher
would
room
did not
still stood,she
table
I had
ask, though,why I had
of my
and
festivities,
did
mit
room
this
per
carpet, and
that I should allow them to throw their
thoughtit singular
of the room.
Then
into the corners
cigar-stumps
againshe
wished to know
why I had selected my companions from
she continued,artists and literary
the military
; formerly,
and she thought them much
were
more
men
your friends,
soldiers.
refined than
dear," I replied,I have not changed my
friends,
they have only changed their occupation; painters
"
Oh, my
"
authors
and
have
can't live
their muskets
Oh
"
!
whom
men
No
"
!
they had
before
some
enable them
she
been
their swords
to sustain
"
"
they were
'
Major is our old
Chivalryand Beauty,'and, as
merit.
The
Captain the
trousers
"
"
strange to
as
'
have
friend
you
one
is the celebrated artist Mr.
great historical picture,The
of Herod.'
Children,by command
the
existence."
me
as
if
Indians."
but the
;
shoulder
and
recognizethe gentle
;
replied;
they
wife,doubtingly.
my
did n't you
"
passedin the hall ?
answered
you
"
callingnowadays,so
Well, the Colonel,"I said," you
"
of
to
exclaimed
Yes," I
"
their
obligedto gird on
been
"
by
only met
Potter,the
are
in
aware,
the
a
once
author
poet of
red, baggy
who painted
Splinter,
of the Noisy
Murder
Splinter,
you know, is
MATRIMONIAL
120
joinedthe
with
the
picturesque-
his
ha ! "
he
play the
is
"
?
head
own
Why,
"
man,
my wife, is the gray-bearded
surmounted
with a silver knob
as
large
long cane
"Ha,
shouted.
I
friend
at
occasionally
organ
and
now,
that
strangelymetamorphosed
his baton
was
"
my
saw
all been
did you
used
to
He
is
which
office,
friends
are
last,and
occasioned
somethingabout
the littleones
have
with
home
bringthem
not
tell me
How
the children.
self and
why
dear,"I said,
"
Now,
I
?
by
to
the
sad."
is very
war
"
since
of
that your
them
wife,
changes have
think that these
recognizehim
n't you
who
the composer,
St. Jerome's
Church.
presumed to be a cane."
Well, I must say,"said my
"
you ?
your
been, and
"
"
that you
my wife answered, I understood
claimant
for your affections,
in the person of a
Because,"
"
had
a
new
left here
babe
handkerchief
her
from
treatment
faithful wife,I
say that
erty which
her
"what
"
might have
was
covered
;
her
and
face
forth
such
warrant
would
the
my
drew
me
obedient,
loving,
child
that
"
unwarrantable
to
a
but,under
;
wife
done
expected you
written
never
my
been
not
bringingof
the
chair,and
here
I have
If I had
you.
mysteriouscircum
have
you
and
"
into the house
strange baby
I must
ago, under
"
know
I don't
word.
weeks
some
concerningwhich
stances, and
in
Did
"
musical
our
drum-major
you
a
of the
account
He
uniform,"
Pray, who," asked
"
a
regimenton
Zouave
all his soul.
of the
ness
as
with
dislikes children
bachelor,and
a
INFELICITIES.
a
circumstances,
here
wife
with
introduce
was
leaned
her
lib
a
back
handker
chief.
"
duce
not
But, my
the
I did
dear," I said,apologetically,
child
"
here
;
know, and whom, I
it
was
assure
left
by
you, I
a
whom
woman
never
n't intro
saw
I do
except
on
thit occasion."
"
Oh,
yes, that is
just what
you
men
always say,"she
MATRIMONIAL
122
from
we
she
Now,"
"
day's
my
will
go
decide
and
And
said,
we
to
as
went.
INFELICITIES.
"
as
journey,
our
to
is
quite
suppose
you
To-morrow
room.
what
it
we
shall
do
late,
turn
out
will
we
with
and
it'*
I
the
see
am
weary
gas,
the
and
baby,
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITIES.
123
INFELICITY.
TWENTIETH
OUR
OVER
COFFEE.
dear," I said to the estimable lady who
at
presided for the first time in several months
the coffee-urn end of the breakfast-table,
allow
jOW, my
"
to mention
me
a
of
cup
coffee,which
duringyour
my
"
improvement
an
absence.
in the
I discovered
Not
but that
of
preparing
by experimentsmade
your way is very good,
manner
love,but I think mine better."
! said my wife,shakingback the
Oh, of course
"
ribbons
of her
defiant manner
;
morning-capin an unnecessarily
of course,"she repeated, I have no objections
to learn
I have
ing how to prepare a cup of coffee,
notwithstanding
it in accordance
with the receipt
made
my dear mother gave
"
"
fifteen years ago,
me
until
never
"
But
asked
I
you
I don't
hear
me
since
have
we
been
married,and
to-dayheard you complain of it."
don't complain of it,"I answered
you to allow
absence.
ever
?
me
even
to tell you
ask you
how I made
to
"
;
I
simply
it duringyour
adopt my
mode.
Will
"
"
but don't flatter
I must,"she replied
;
suppose
that I shall feel under any obligations
to discard my
yourself
"
Well, I
present way
wished
was
of
making it. My
father
better coffee than that my
very
in regardto
particular
his
always said
mother
he
never
prepared,
"
coffee,
"
and
I make
he
it
hear your mode."
exactlyas she did. But let me
"Well, in the first place,"I said,"after the coffee is
I wish to use
as
nicelyroasted,I soak overnightas much
for my
much
breakfast
brandy as
say half a pound for two
will cover
it."
"
cups
"
in
as
124
"
"
MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITIES.
Good
gracious!
Don't
interruptme,
"
exclaimed
if you
wife.
my
please,"I
said.
Then,
"
in
morning, I pound it in a mahogany mortar, which I
bought expresslyfor the purpose, and only use for my cof
the
fee,till each
has
"
berry
is
finelymashed,
in
paste-like
become
Allow
the
how
long is it neces
entire
mass
its character."
ask,"said
to
me
and
my
wife,
"
character is attained ?
pound it before its paste-like
Well, from twenty to thirtyminutes,"I replied.
My wife cast up her hands in astonishment.
If it prove too dry,"I continued,"add more
brandy."
?
Would
n't whiskey answer
asked my wife,in a sar
"
sary to
"
"
"
"
of voice.
castic tone
"
thrown
has
it
Perhaps
the
few
a
would," I replied. I
into
lumps of loaf-sugar
have
"
effect of
the
clarifying
the
coffee.
occasionally
mortar, which
Then
[
place
the
earthen
into an
and pour upon it
pounded mass
coffee-pot,
After it has steeped for about
water.
a cupfullof boiling
minutes,I
ten
"
sive,to
balance
be
a
ready for
nothingof
the
is very
babe
"
tell you, my
me
healthy.
have
!"
Indeed
you
such
know,
No
!"
should
in
"
the matter.
cook
on
in
expen
making
it.
to make
it in that way
part, I think the
my
I think
some
I
coffee
that
says
made
and
she
it.
can
in this way
the strange
it."
wife
"
;
and
that reminds
babe, and don't wonder
the
likingto
I
dear,that
ejaculatedmy
seen
a
The
fat
grown
that I have
took
account,
is the better."
usual mode
Let
my
is
certainly
consumed
Any day,however, that you may like
I will not object;but,for
yourself,
"
the table."
but it
time
in
and
necessary,
I concluded
exclaimed,as
excellent mode,
very
say
of water
wife
Really,"my
it may
the
thereafter it is
five minutes
"
add
It is
a
very
tell whose
manner
that the cook
and, do
pretty child,
it is."
answered, half tremblinglest
unaccountable
me
my
become
good
name
involved
in
MATRIMONIAL
the moment
Why,
"
semblance
longsto
she
it bore
in the
Katy
INFELICITIES.
the
knew
I looked
at
the poor
to
125
the
it,I recognized
who
woman
used
re
help
to
washings,and whose husband, you know, be
Sixty-NinthRegiment. Indeed, the cook said
it
hers, and
was
added
that
the
mother
comes
here
nearlyevery day to see it. Old Sallie says, moreover,
she suspectedit from the first ; and when
the poor woman
left here,
to the house a few days after the child was
came
and observed
the little one
lyingso comfortablyin its cra
dle,she fairly
wept for joy,and acknowledgedthat she was
its mother.
The
and
the wars,
he had
her, and she
her to
little babe's
get money
the missus
as
here
you,'meaning the cook,
the little
a
live on,
day'swork to enable
and if she kept the baby
she
said,sobbing,I thought
home, and I knew
away from
a kind-hearted
body, that ye 'd
so
was
'
away to
singlecent since he left
go out to
with her she could n't do it ;
that
her
n't sent
obligedto
enough to
was
father,she said,was
was
'
to take care
of it
get means
meself; and 'tis.I, Biddy McGuire, that will ask the Holy
Vargin,who knows what it is to be a mother, to bless ye,
and always keep the pots a-bilin' when
ye 've got a nice
keep
dinner
I
"
ter.
get for
to
am
very
To
be
for one's
the
gentleman above-stairs/
I said,
glad,"
"
frank,my
n't tell what
better,however, for
with her than to
assistance,
why
husband
"
"
cup
will send
will
in
see
regardto
I
coffee,
drank
own
any
the mother
"
and
will thank
little,
a
it.
It will
the child
I have
home
If she needs
no
doubt
her
long."
;
if she
if you
will
"
comes
here to
giveme
another
it."
now
you.
While
I don't wish to dis
will say this for yours, that I have
in this manner
which I like better."
I
coffee,
made
say about
longer.
any
not
me
given to gossip,
to take
before
wife answered
of
my
theymight
her money
so,"I replied;
and
help her, and
can
Do
parage
never
you
censorious
her here
leave
Very well,"my
day,I
so
"
the truth of the mat
to learn
dear,it has annoyed
neighborsare
that I could
be
tillI could
one
MATRIMONIAL
126
I
"
could
pleasedwith it,"she replied
;
superiorcoffee if I had a new urn.
glad you
am
make
are
much
me
half-promised
to take
once
old friend Mr.
your
INFELICITIES.
down
me
Hart's,where
You
BurlingSlip,to
to
I could
but I
"
select
of his
one
make."
"
Very well,"I
like,and
even
I dare
It would
entire
"
;
say you
you
may
be
service
silver-plated
one
there any time you
there that will please
"
wife
nice,"my
so
go
will find
fastidious taste."
your
"
said
on
remarked,
table
our
time,which, you know, will be here in
It would
indeed,my dear,be very
few
"
times
are
that
but I
"
replied;
hard
so
how
see
and
I
an
you say,"I
afford it. The
nice,as
I
can
making so little money,
economicallytill the prospects are
now,
live very
must
we
reallydon't
have
to
Thanksgivingdays."
at
a
"
am
fairer."
wife
Certainly,"
my
"
answered,
"
I
ready
am
to
econo
mize in any way you may suggest,if by so doingI can
get
set of silver. For
a
instance,I might give up drinking
and
tea
cents
fifty
to
to
us
cles
;
if
would
our
of
way
entire
it costs
about
household
should
drink
to about
come
dol
two
of the year,
Quite an item,you will allow,
which, if saved,would enable
yearlyexpenses, and
purchase some
very handsome
but for my
making
amount, in the
dollars.
hundred
seven
Your
proportionof it,itwould
day,which
a
in the
cup, and
a
their usual
lars
coffee.
you
course
solid silver table arti
be contented
part,I would
with
a
heavily
platedservice."
if
But
"
be the
would
what
intend
must
we
to use
your
give up coffee and
of having them
use
coffee-urn
or
tea to obtain
at all ?
teapot,I
see
them,
don't
If you
no
for
reason
them."
getting
Oh
"
"
but"
! " exclaimed
my
overwhelmed
wife,evidently
"
;
but
"
"
I don't
"
Well, if
see
we
it,"I said.
had
company,
you
know," she continued,
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
after
both
a
pause,
tea
and
other
no
said
she
be
would
perhaps,
And,
"
;
I
;
could
but
there
I
asked.
?
instance
for
bonnets,
Well,
"
coffee.
it
might
we
have
to
necessary
give
some
up
luxury.'*
New
"
then
"why
127
n't
"
suggested.
other
without
do
well
very
are
I
which
articles
bonnet,"
a
do
might
we
without."
"What?"
Let
"
about
of
Why,
"
mind
"
!
No
at
prevent
you
by
sufficient
be
off
And
leaving
should
I
I
well,"
Very
from
money
kissing
her
be
my
I
but
if
may
said.
I
getting
to
the
silver
to
make
her
as
in
?
else
think
and
"
?
"
that
I
is
will
all
give
buy
only
a
little
then,
way,
as
And
you
can
now,
I
to
lay
must
dear."
my
both
the
soon
it with.
purchase
on
one
suggestive
a
required,
nothing
see
Good-bye,
wife
old
them."
want
"
I
"
Christmas,
on
talk
you
your
what
"
:
be
Oh,
carefully repaired
nothing
more
slightly astonished,
able
is
replied
there
gloves
business.
to
is
;
of
as
and
"
think
you
wife, thoughtfully,
my
box
time
a
will,"
Now
necessary
usual
my
pair
said
be
will
that
it
course
said.
don't
;
"
?
else
she
buttons
new
possess.
you
"
overcoat
if it has
answer,
anything
"
;
moment,"
a
new
a
dinners."
costly
replied
think
me
getting
will
"
I
Certainly,"
"
up
and
Cigars, wines,
"
cheeks,
and
I
hastily departed,
wondering
investment
in
when
silver
she
ware.
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
128
FELICITY.
FOURTH
PEACE
10
know,
you
has
who
AT
dear," I said
my
the
LAST.
misfortune
to
the fair
to
be my
woman
wife,as
sat
we
togetherin the librarythe other evening, it
that I
of our marriage,
chanced to be the anniversary
and especially
it in my
have
been thinkingrecently,
was
thoughtsduring your visit to your mother, that you really
might have obtained a better husband than you did ?
Oh, as for that,"she replied, I made up my mind to
"
"
"
"
"
"
that effect years ago ; in
month before I discovered
it
as
late then
too
was
to
n't been
I had
the mistake
make
the best of the husband
make
had
fact,we
married
made.
a
But,
any change,I resolved to
there
Now
I had obtained.
"
Charley
Never
mind, my
was
"
"
the
any of your
aughtabout them ; and
married, which
buried, or
"
are
moreover,
friend,Dr.
is
Judge
a
don't know
about
wish
to
to them
about
the
to
and
same
the better."
that
"
Yes, yes," I cried, I
tell you, died
wives, let me
"
effects of
more
I don't
all either dead
theyare
amounts
reviving
"
"
be
as
beaux.
about
either,"she answered ;
such thingsin this world
as
divorces,and,
there are such persons as widowers.
My old
I knew
Brown, whom
long before I ever met
Parson
Hill is another; and
widower; and
Well, I
"there
you,
old
the less said in relation
thing
"
"
of
names
hear
dear," I interposed,
know
them
very
well
;
their
hearts,from the
their ill-treatment. Butchers,my love,could not
savage and cruel to innocent lambs, than they
of
broken
130
"
MATRIMONIAL
Good
times
exclaimed, if there be one thing
it is for your mother
which I dislike,
another
to tell you
she has
!"
Heavens
than
more
INFELICITIES.
that you
I
feeble.
are
repeated those
every
"
identical
since
year
To
words
to you
knowledge,
at least fifty
I believe
married,and
were
we
certain
my
only does it to frighten
you, and provoke me."
Well, you are cruel,cruel as the grave,"my
wife cried,
"
quiteexcited
now
house
with
who
has
any
advice
"
at her
her
for
you
in
tryingto
create
by
a
wife
my
that
way
what
me
had
kept
your
the
health
If
us.
further
the
assail
extent
in the
"I
to
her
'11 tell you
thinkingabout
greatlymistaken,it
been
not
home."
our
handkerchief
dear,"I answered
cityinto
will be
to
us
in
am
pause,
from
her
eyes, and
I meant.
a
communings which
bringpeace to us at
which
I
a
handkerchief
"
both
:
I purpose
"
improved,the
greatly
the
roses
to
your
fresh air
cheeks,and
togetherwith
country life,
our
last.
hearts
re
with
will hold
the
will,
the
tender
nature, will
Besides,"I said," the temptations
in the
country.
to
country. I believe that there
the
not, bring back
quiet incident
her
suggestedweeping,
of peace
this,my
mean
from
city,will
There
dry-goodsstores in
going a-shopping.There
marble
between
dear," I continued,after
"
wife removed
I doubt
only vexed
am
do.
we
what, my
will be conducive
move
disturbance
a
repeated, I had
duringyour absence,and, if
I
at
and
I
what,"
"
for my
My dear mother,
heart,can't give me
"
during which
asked
same
have.
get angry at her for it."
get angry at her,"I replied. I
I '11tell you
My
consideration
more
child's welfare
peacefuldays than
eyes,
no
the
I manage
own
our
household,without
suggestingthis or that to you, we should know
forever
"
has
under
but you
she 'd let you
more
longerlive
I '11no
happinessthan
only
I don't
and
who
one
feelingsand
"
;
she
are
no
not
exist to
Stewarts
the
country
are
no
to
the
with
tempt you
same
their
into
Tillmans,with Parisian
INFELICITIES.
MATRIMONIAL
bonnets, to
make
after
hat
in
a
new
the
and
selves.
in
The
the
is
opera
the
songs
the
through
fashionable
bear
of
the
than
better
country is half of what
it is in the
and
comparison to city rents,
vegetables just out of our
than
more
The
we
can
children
they
They
and
will
!
will have
apples,
their clothes
time
of it ; and
bachelor
friends
good
them
there
fresh
be
live in the
I suppose
then
nuts, and
to
rents
can
enjoy
garden,
which
the
is
Market.
children
!
How
to
country.
of
currants,
all those
like
was
me,
and
than
more
and
too
nice
so
see
strawberries
country with you
wife
living
The
sunburnt, and
it will be
out
come
thing I
my
of
Washington
of the
the
on
kind
of
freckled,
climbing trees, and generallyhave
eggs, and
one
ramble
a
city.
we
own
from
fat,and
will grow
things. They
tear
and
listen
branches.
cost
change from town
good milk, and lots
a
of
plenty
and
those
dear, think
ah, my
improve by
roses,
and
of
say
rise betimes
only
the
can
you
promenade
Again,
Broadway.
them
but
;
swaying
a
"
pasteboard
health, and
to
no
fresh
my
is
woods
side
conducive
is
Early rising,too,
will
year
body,
chamber-window,
your
sing amidst
birds
a
they make
institution
price,if you
morning, and, opening
to the
in the
unknown
an
without
better music
of
which
tasteful affairs,
and
female
made
sun-bonnets,
wears
calico,neat
hear
"
country,
four times
or
that is every
everybody,
;
three
distracted
you
131
for
and
cream,
we
and
another, it
have
to
me
give
can
"
a
oh, if
will be
to
ours."
overjoyed to speak ;
so
she
smiled,half sadly,and
acquiescently
while
looked
forth into the deepening twilight,
I moved
in mine.
towards
her and clasped her hand
nearer
And
had
winter
glidedby, May came, we went
so, when
into the country, where, undisturbed
have
we
by citytrials,
only
found
nodded
peace
her
at
nial felicities.
head
last,and
all
manner
of
agreeablematrimo
MY
NEIGHBOKS.
I.
JA3K
POTTS
AND
NEW-TEAR'S
WIFE
MORNING.
appreciatethe value of kind neighbors,and
of evil disposedones,
realize the pestiferousness
fO
is necessary
to
The
persons
in the house
than
you
country
citythere exists no
neighbors. A cityneighborwould
beingsas
aly.
either in the
reside
the
village.In
small
two
to
"the
who
chance
may
adjoiningyours,
family
they be Christians
perfectindifference.
or
that
Jews
As
to
are
long
as
for
door."
a
in
or
a
of
race
anom
an
a
it
year
or
anythingmore
never
you
be
dwell
lives next
is to
such
to
matter
they do
not
Whether
of almost
throw
their
nor
door-steps,
place their ash-boxes on
contented.
feet front,you are
They may
your twenty-five
have a houseful of young
ladies,who take turns in thrum
Croton
over
your
ming on the piano all day, or as many gentlemen boarders,
French-horns
and
all
who practiseblowingon
key-bugles
think of interfering
with their occu
night; but you never
pations,and asking them to put away their pianos and
nui
French-horns.
You
as
a
simply regard the matter
which
obliged to tolerate. In the
sance, but one
you are
country, however, neighborsare neighbors, whether they
"
dwell
For
door, or
next
own
my
about.
side in
Of
a
part, I have
course
the
over
my
way,
lots of
home
is
little,
lopsided town,
or
around
the
corner.
neighborswho live round
in the city: no, I re
not
built
on
the
sunniest
slope
NEIGHBORS.
MY
133
,
the
hard to extend itself over
on
hill,and striving
other side ; but,as yet, all of its efforts have proved unsuc
and only half a dozen rickety,
wooden
houses have
cessful,
of
a
The
map,
and
is
declivity.
of this little town,
name
any
is,however, very
taughtby
even
pupilsof
much
its northern
on
up
gone
tenderest
truth
well
most
known
tell,that when once
by heart,they never
I cannot
to
these
;
their
how
said, though with
is
on
its inhabitants
to
of its school-madams
It
years.
inscribed
though not
children
forgetit. If
this be so, it speaks well for the ability
displayedby these
of Lollipop. Lollipopis the name
of the town.
juveniles
honest
There are a good many
people in Lollipopbesides
neighborsround about ; but as it is only the latter of
my
whom
I desire to speak,I will not excite the vanityof the
others,by recordingin this account of my own
neighbors,
have
any
the
learned
same
of the wonderful
deeds
the former
have
either done
contemplate some
day doing.
Being a bachelor,and livingin chambers,
of
neighbors,
apartment.
course,
those
are
or
nearest
my
who
the adjoining
occupy
I feel in duty bound
first
It is of these whom
speak. Being married each to the other,they are re
one
gardedby their friends generallyas essentially
party,
but I have discovered,
from
my closer proximityto them,
that they mutually regardeach other as separate and inde
is John, familiarly
called by his
pendent beings. His name
to
intimate
associates Jack
orah,which
Potts.
he shortens
His
into Deb
wife's
Debby,
or
the affectionate.
regard to
and
Deb
nature
forms
;
size
They are an ill-matched
and disposition.Jack
is
tall and
Deb
all the
overflows
our
Jack
with
laughing;
tion wall between
I
slender.
Deb
rooms
is full of
coming
couple,both
short
and
jokes and
in
thick,
good
Jack
per
all the
scolding.The parti
thin, remarkablyso,
is very
I
think, ^andin consequence
conversation,
which, I am inclined
"
when
ill-humor.
bile and
is Deb
name
"
overhear
to
much
believe,was
of their
never
in-
NEIGHBORS.
MY
134
.
To confess the truth,
their conversa
for my ears.
tions have prejudicedme
againstthe institution of matri
tended
Their
mony.
but it strikes
exception, I trust it is ;
may be an
that the holy estate of matrimony,viewed
case
me
"
pointof view, and seen, as exemplified in the
my
dailylife of Mr. and Mrs. John Potts,is an estate which
from
I
preferrather
of
social
and
mild
a
to avoid
than enter.
It
with
is,therefore,
greatregret,accompanied,moreover,
the
I listen to
afraid to do
of Mrs.
the
and
'
under
case
wall,and politely
partition
contented
I have
another."
one
"
Wreath
various
In these papers
but
consideration,
occurred between
ON
On
John
that
and
Mr.
NEW-YEAR'S
morning,while
I alluded
calls
on
"That
his
Mrs.
Lit
published in
House
"
very
am
"
to
plainly
sorry to say,
to state
the
case
the conversation
Potts
MORNING.
I stillwas
say to his wife that he
entitled
articles headed
without,I
in
I remember
also
effecting
propose
any good result. I now
and let the publichear
stillmore
plainly,
which
thought
myself by sending to them
sundry tracts and printedsermons
post-office
Warfare."
hold
the
Ladies
"
of
contentions
but actually
I have been
strife,
Not, however, throughfear of Jack, but
Therefore
I have, wiselyI think,held
so.
love
children,
the
a
fear,that
some
throughthe
of a peace-promoting
character.
One tract
which I thoughtappropriate,
was
particular,
tle
of
of
feeling
I have sometimes
room.
on
a
man
their
cease
Deborah.
peace,
my
to
with
and
dailybickerings
almost
in the next
my neighbors
that I would gentlyrap
desire them
decidedlya
am
and possessed,even,
disposition,
of mind.
turn
religious
I
had
in
bed, I overheard
concluded
to make
a
few
acquaintances.
will
be," exclaimed
Deborah, "a
fine
thingfor
yes, you had better go and leave your
wife all alone on this firstday of the ne\y year, with
precious
not a soul to comfort
her,and the children gone to their
you
to
do,Mr.
Potts
grandmother's."
;
MY
"
NEIGHBORS.
dear,"said Jack, in
But, my
up for callers yourself."
"
Sit up, indeed ! " exclaimed
callers
Not
do
he '11be certain to
and
his nasty
I
in the way
mouth,
about
have ?
should
then,I
sufferingwife's
I must
of
and
candy ;
and
he
sick for
two
with
like to
once
did n't
It 's
need
not
hear you,
who
know,
will
"
matter, I sup
no
into your
dear,
dead
's almost
the children
gave
they stick
after
weeks
to
the children ?
to
"
room
trouble Mrs.
you
it,and daub the door-knobs,which
Mr. Potts,when you took hold of them
Jane
next
me,
"
be certain
throat,till she
it,because
bear
cents' worth
eyes
on
in the next
puffhis dirtytobacco-smoke
pose, if he does
Phoebe
many
likelyto
Jack,
Oh, yes, stick up for him, do !
swear,
how
dinner-time."
neighborwill
our
peanuts and candies
bringhome
up with
be
sit
can
you
poking in
come
dear," remarked
and
get angry,
No,
I would
"
and
"
;
immediatelyresolved not to
of which she had spoken.
Well, but, my
speak so loud,or
"
P.
I
"
and
Mrs.
fellow
odious,long-legged
that
referred to, and
Potts
his
pipe in
"
was
you
tone,
lively
fellow in the
except that odious,long-legged
one,
room,
imagine that
a
135
few
a
themselves
caused
;
all
to
you
and
was
eatingthe
!
n't
mussy
stuff!"
"
and
But," said John, " Phcebe
Jane
ill of the
was
measles,
from
eatingcandy."
Potts that I always said
Well, but you know yourself,
and I '11 say it to my dying day,which
can't be far off,
that the measles
for I feel my constitution breaking up
was
brought to Phcebe Jane in the paper around the
candy."
! exclaimed Jack, laughing.
Nonsense
if
Very well,you may say nonsense, and laugh at me
it was
so ; else why did n't the other
you like,but I know
not
"
"
"
"
"
"
children have
John
"
Of
it ?
replied
"
course
"
that he
you
did not
don't,said
know
Mrs.
P.
why."
;
"
but I do.
It
was
because
of
NEIGHBORS.
MY
136
of the other
none
children
played with
that
piece
paper."
This
proceeded to blacken
Mrs.
energy.
Oh,
"
poser, and
evidentlya
was
you
heard
tinctly
his
to take
last she
n't,"at
her turn
made
no
boots,brushingaway
Potts,too, paused
need
John
reply,but
with
great
and
I dis
breath.
exclaimed,
"
in
bed, so as to obtain a better
view of her liege
she repeated, take
lord,
you need n't,"
much
so
pains in blackingthose boots : they look plenty
good enough to stay at home in,and it is n't likelythat any
over
"
"
"
but
one
"
myself will
them."
see
The
extra
greater reason,
pains with them.
well
before
Do
you.
"
and
stoppedbrushing,
wife,
that I
"
"
leather
Mrs.
to church
her
said she did
"
as
buying a pairof patentwith you on Sundays ?
and requestedhim not to
to
near
very
boots,to go
Potts
address
came
dear,why I should take
I always like,
you know, to appear
know, old girl," and Jack
you
his spectacles
looked up over
at his
then,my
in
not
"
"
"
old
that she would
girl again,for
n't
put
up with it. Then, after a pause, she added, I trust you
won't be such a fool,Potts,as to buy such kind of boots
"
in these
"
your
To
hard
times."
other
wear
of
company,
than
Sundays,"said Jack,
on
not
course
;
but
the
on
"
and
in
Sabbath, when
I
five children,
I
go to church,accompanied by you and our
feel as if I were
walking on gold dust, and nothingwas
too
"
good for
And
me
to wear."
eggs, for I 'm
on
down
and
in Mrs.
chimed
feel,"
I
so
P.,
afraid that the
soil their clean
Thereupon Jack, who
"
as
if I
children
were
walking
will tumble
clothes."
finished his
had
boots,commenced
humming Old Hundred," while he walked the chamber,
if in search of something,
drawers
as
opening and closing
Mrs.
till at last I heard
him
turn a key in its lock,when
Potts immediatelyshouted, There, now, John, you need n't
"
"
for
'go to that closet,
you
won't find your vest
there,if that
's
then
And
ming
hat
shining
up
his
at
face
P.'s
the
chamber,
blue
house.
Just
as
hum
he
with
his
boots
he
feet
glanced
of
sight
defiant
a
"
corner
catching
a
with
his
on
un
arrayed
"
the
in
nose
Jack
gilt buttons,
turned
and,
blew
cautiously
saw
polished
chamber-window,
thereat,
I
coat
and
head
street-door
window
my
a
his
on
the
leaving
from
and
vest,
the
heard
I
looking
white
his
left
song.
thereafter
and
bolted,
Jack
incorrigible
the
bacchanalian
a
Shortly
in
NEIGHBORS.
MY
138
Mrs.
and
manner,
vanished.
mediately
left
the
on
stairs,
Gates,"
I
of
ale
my
way
from
out
her
cold
the
the
"
The
to
breakfast
ordering
chicken-pie
cellar.
brute
!
when
Afterward,
room.
overheard
dining-room
tle
the
ejaculated,
P.
Mrs.
Thereupon
at
Betty
of
to
I
"
The
bring
yesterday,
"
and
im
descended
Beautiful
up
and
to
a
the
bot
NEIGHBORS.
MY
139
n.
JACK
POTTS
AND
HORTLY
NEW
after Jack
Potts
New-
street-corner,on
ished
While
discussing
my
coffee and
NIGHT.
disappearedaround tho
morning,I,havingfin
Year
sallied
toilet,
my
YEAR'S
WIFE
out
in the
direction.
same
the
morning paper together,
The Beautiful Gate,"Jack, accompanied by half a dozen
at
clever fellows,
entered
and called for hot whisky punches,
which he and his party apparentlyimbibed
with great sat
"
isfaction.
I
his white vest
and
I
came.
was
this remark
countered
On
last
conclusion
"
be in
a
then,that both
pretty state
fully
impressedwith
of Mrs.
Potts's
at several
him,
(hie,)
togetherwith
the
the
when
desired
I had
and
I
of
en
I called.
me
to
give
go home, his hat,
of the season, (hie,)
compliments
(hie)vest along
complying with either
in a generalway,
preposterous requests,although,
course,
of these
night
I should
to
Of
when
day wore
on,
different placeswhere
as
bring his white
say that he would
with himself toward morning.
and
"
Jack
the truthfulness
he
meetinghim, justat evening,
Potts,for
Mrs.
to
would
more
Jack
the
to
came
intention
no
of
I
When, however, I prepared
promised Jack that I would.
that my hat was
to depart,after Jack had left,
I discovered
missing. Jack, to make certain that I would take his hat
mine
off with him, and left his own
in its
home, had worn
place.
not
I should
that his
name
forth in the
it now
iest
looked
not
was
have
written in its crown.
morning with
as
if its
days departed.
recognizedit
Such
Jack
had
it
issued
!
nearly run, and its palm
shapeless,
napless,battered,
was
a
Jack's,were
of hats,but,alas
glossiest
the
course
as
MY
140
used-uphat
a
broken
such
"
brimmed
gether,such
ing old
hat
as
several
and
resulted
blasted
and, alto
"
Jack
in any
Potts
and
good,I
would
his hat
;
but,
such
place the unfortunate
start for home.
calls
more
hat acted
hat
crowned
proceedingon my part could be of no
Jack, with my hat, being irrevocably
gone, I
fain to
forthwith
cracked
possiblyhave
that
and
benefit,
was
and
such
"
habits to behold.
stormed
knowing
hat
bunged-inand bulged-out
drunken-look
inebriated,
dissipated,
tight,
it had become, was
trulysorrowful for one
an
of my correct
If it could
have
a
NEIGHBORS.
like
hat
It had
been
on
my
head, and
own
intention
my
to make
neighborsround about, but Jack's
I came
to put it
extinguisher
; and, when
an
on
my
on, it
For
fairly
put out all further plans of such a nature.
how, I asked myself,could I appear at the door of any re
spectable house in Lollipop,and expect to be admitted
therein,while wearing such a punched and punchy-looking
hat ?
No,
It is
drunken
;
I must
as
pleasant thing,
appear
in the full-moon
fellow's hat.
about,in
go home.
very
no
to
man
indeed
a
manner
him
no
It renders
way
discovered,for
I
a
streets,wearinga
lighted
him
liable to be remarked
to his vanity. It
flattering
beingmade
sober
even
target of for the snow-balls
is no
of malicious boys. There
end, indeed, to the little
inconveniences
and unpleasantnessesattendant upon wear
ing this styleof hat.
exposes
to
a
Suppose, after having blocks
thrown
your
you
at you, you
trouble,and
take off the
hide
it,as
think, perhaps,that you
be sure, the north
eyes, and
sifts it
wind
drives
I
of ice and
balls of
hat which
is the
did, under
your
have
the
done
a
wise
snow
drifting
throughyour hair,tillyour
of
great-coat,
thing. To
into your
feels like
this is preferable,
pippin; but even
you think,
to hearing yourselfspoken of as being
on
a spree,"and
insolentlyrequested by passers-byto show your paces, as
if you were
on
a boy meets
a race-course.
But, by-and-by,
a
frost-bitten
head
cause
snow
"
MY
NEIGHBORS.
you pass, he stops,turns round, looks after you,
then shouts aloud, " Halloo ! old fellow,I say, what
; as
you
and
asylum
did
get
you
of?
out
left ?
shies
at you,
you
snow-ball
a
on
me,
the weather
was
and
"
there when
on
141
then
which
the
makes
defenceless head.
your
rascal
its
for
a
who
man
crazy
desperate,
you
did
essay to
of the street,the gaitof the
and
tryto
such
a
imagine
one
from
tance
risks
even
"
to be
did
one
your hat
taken for a
on
his head
covered,
last,
quite
Rendered, at
in the darkish portions
imitate,
not.
toper whose
of
vainly,
course
"
have,so situated.
home, as I was, you run
hat you
a
on,
which
feelings
a
are
longdis
terrible
great many
others
encountering
and
have
the
If you
must
escapingsome,
"
deliberately
mark, as
So you put
I did,thinking
it quiteas well
as
again,
tipsychap,who knew enough to keep
as
pretty warm
before
"
reach your own
domicil.
finally
When, however, I gainedthe door of Jack's house,not
you
wishingto
disturb
Potts, I proceededvery carefully
Mrs.
it with my latch-key,
and then,with the least pos
sible noise,I entered the hall. I even
took off my boots,
inaudible ; but no sooner
did
so as to render
my footsteps
to open
I
begin to
ascend
than the parlor-doorwas
stairs,
Potts herself,
who, in a very bland
the
thrown
open by Mrs.
tone, said that she hoped I
own
room
would
without
be another
making
name,
not
was
her
she
a
to
intending
New- Year
said,added
go to my
call.
Mine
to her list of call
keepingto show to Mr. Potts,on his
home
return
I, she asked, met the
; and, by the by, had
gentlemanin my wanderingsthroughthe town ?
and he evidently
was
Oh, yes,"I replied
;
enjoying
himself in his own
manner."
peculiar
As how ?
she inquired.
Why," I answered,tryingto look sober, in a spirited
ers, which
she
was
"
"
"
"
"
"
manner."
"
me,
Indeed
!"
exclaimed
for her eyes
from
spitefully
Mrs.
sparkled,and
between
them.
P., evidently
understanding
her
lipsshot
forth the word
MY
142
"
A
NEIGHBORS.
is that
happy man
Potts,"I said,half
P. and
to Mrs.
half to the
which I was
over
stair-railing
leaning, and a
fortunate dog in having so excellent a helpmeet."
You
said Mrs. Potts, to
are
certainly
very kind,sir,"
I am
too good for him,
me.
say so ; but he don't deserve
"
"
"
sir."
Doubtless,Mrs.
"
apt
is
to be
of
undeserving
better than
no
him
others
when
assistance of the
Good
treated
all
into her
have
been
aroused
I call
why
my
the
And, with
and
room.
immediately re
hour
an
asleep,so I could
time ; besides,my
exact
say Jack
Present
to my
P.,
are
apartment.
it may
thereafter,
the morning watch,
two, or, indeed,close upon
been
Potts.
I ascended
banisters,
men
I dare
home."
Mrs.
we
that is
and
;
comes
night,sir,"said
It may
sex
night,Mrs.
he
but
"
and
good gifts,
of his
Good
luckydog.
a
respects to John
"
Potts," I replied
;
have
for I had
"
with
not
watch
the
certaintyname
any
was
been
down,
run
when
"
I
with a
one
thumping sound, as of some
wooden
leg,coming up the stairs. On lighting
my candle,
and looking forth,
I beheld
Jack
making the ascent, and
draggingafter him a barber's pole. Mrs. Potts,in a white
was
a
a
with
and
wrapper,
it were,
by
second
her
hair
border
to
in
that formed,
curl-papers,
her
stood
night-cap,
at the
as
top
with forced calmness,Jack's futile
stairs,
watching,
efforts. At last,
the reckless fellow plunged the large
as
end of the pole into the hard-finished wall,Mrs. P. could
restrain herself no
longer. Now, then, you miserable
of the
"
Potts,"she exclaimed, see what you
has seen
woman
trouble,and borne
"
bearingwould
For
twelve
engaged
knew
how
to go out.
now,
be
years,
in
crime, I 'm
a
it would
each
Potts,on
just such
another
be this
I could
justas plainas
see
sure
are
with
if it had
New-
end, and
the
shown
If
that
woman.
day, you
affair
you
a
ever
tilllonger
man
am
Year
ridiculous
been
a
that I
morning,before
this
doing.
as
ever
have
this.
I
started
plightyou 're in
me
by the spirits.
NEIGHBORS.
MY
143
prettystate,I dare say, your white vest is in by this
time.
Oh, you mean,
Potts, you!" she
good-for-nothing
to pieces
added, as Jack, with the end of the pole,knocked
And
the
a
I guess, you
"
hall-lamp. Now,
"
your head,though; and the
the row
of curl-papersat him.
it had
been
shook
all the while
Potts
said not
a
satisfied.
are
I wish
exasperatedwoman
word, but steadilygave
his
of the
strengthto the gettingup-stairs
barber's pole. Discouragedat last,however, but still keep
his efforts,
and turningon me
he relinquished
a
ing silent,
look of indescribable anguish,he allowed himself to be led
away by Mrs. P., and so disappearedfrom
my sightwithin
whole
his
mind
own
"
want
"
"
and
room.
Now, then,Mr. John
his wife say,
Potts," I heard
of yourself."
account
an
you to giveme
I did n't keep any, my dear,"he replied.
if you please,"
she
Don't say " my dear ' to me, sir,
tinued.
have
"
I
not
am
spent New- Year
shame
and
a
day
to
sorrow
If I were,
dear.
your
in the way
me,
have.
you
Potts, and
you
I
con
would
You
"
not
're
a
to
livingdisgrace
a
an
example to set them, Potts ! Just
your children. What
think of it. There 's Tom, only ten years old, and yet he
is alreadyfollowing
in your footsteps.Remember
what he
did Christmas.
He
can.
into
got
rum-cherries
miserable
can't ?
You
tillhe
"
was
tipsy. Oh,
And
me
wards
you
you
n't he
my
no
gone,
"
"
one
and
apartment
here
"
"
call
look
"
speak
to
knows
before one, but
so
days,
sir,if
you
in this
comfortingword
a
you ?
suppose,
mean
pointed to
"
No, he justdid n't,"repliedMrs. P.
for that.
Oh, he's another pretty man
amiable
but I
where."
Jack, I
on
me,
been, here
"
and
of these
at
have
must
;
helped himself to
need n't laugh,you
Potts, you, for you '11 find it,one
and
Did
cannot
you
store-room, and
dare,and think how lonelyI
great house,with not a soul
to me,
course
the
laughingmatter.
no
Of
and
"
;
"
so
behind
I 'm thankful
soft-spoken
one's
back.
Such
time
a
know
n't
hide
it.
did
you
hat
as
"
Was
"
I
What
is
in
the
it
crushed
think,
Mr.
coat,
I
've
but
he
?
he
I
he
to
up-stairs,
hats
such
saw
would
tried
went
crushed
never
asked
"
before,
a
crushed
Jack.
P.,
been
is
he
have
u
have
must
that
Potts,
which
as
seen
I
Mrs.
row
hat,
thought
room."
next
badly
awful
his
see
?
lie
too.
his
Potts,
answered
never,"
I
n't
story
know,
his
an
to
the
tell
well
to-day,
under
sight,
it
very
had
! did
Dunce
my
n't
has
he
as
from
and
as
NEIGHBORS.
MY
144
its
seen
the
and
in,
engaged
under
equal.
"
roof
same
with
us."
It
"
hat
's
horrible
itself,
by
our
"
be
Mr.
the
to
dear,
my
neighbor,
John
belongs
of
to
his
exclaimed
one
me,
replied
I
me.
borrowed
and
Potts,"
death
Jack
contemplate,"
in
its
these
home
the
to
you
place."
P., solemnly,
Mrs.
of
it
sent
but
"
;
days.
You
'11
"
you
're
mean,
a
man."
mean
And
diately
utter.
Mrs.
went
Potts
to
closed
sleep,
for
her
not
eyes,
a
single
I
and
suppose,
word
more
imme
did
she
MY
146
AND
HANKY
Vander
Hanky
mother
NEIGHBORS.
KATRINA
Hey den
before him
VANDER
is
HEYDEN.
Dutchman.
a
Dutchmen.
were
His father and
He
has brothers
and
Dutchmen, and, for aught I know, scores
of uncles, aunts, and cousins,who all are
likewise Dutch
sisters who
are
first of
The
men.
the
least,the first in this
the Vander
Heydens themselves possess
himself a Dutchman, and came
from
was
country of whom
race
at
"
knowledge
in America
to New
Amsterdam
dur
Leyden in Holland
ing the latter part of the reignof William the Testy. He
when
this doughtygovernor died,
was
a mere
baby in arms
the stage
and, in reality,
on
only made his first appearance
of life as an actor in the days of Peter
the Headstrong.
Although not set forth in the veritable Historyof NewYork," written by the learned and beloved Diedrich Knick
any
"
"
for
erbocker,
"
search
diligent
authenticated
liest known
I, as
a
veracious
narrator
without
success,
therein
fact,that Cornelius
progenitorof
the redoubtable
army
of the
through the lengthand
able to
beat
the
still it is
"
Vander
Heyden,
was
family,
airs
of
was
the
ear
in
celebrated
Manhattan
his
on
well-
a
drummer-boy
a
sturdyPeter,and
breadth
warlike
many
should,have made
for
drum, and
being
also for
at the same
moment
whistling
very fife-sound
ing accompaniments. He was, too, an exceedinglyterrible
in the legendsof the house, that
and it is recorded
fighter,
five times duringthe dreadful
attack
he was
knocked
over
of the army
of Peter the Headstrong on the redoubtable
Fort
Christina,
by the recoil of a gun in the hands of a
his skill in
brother
Hanky
soldier.
is the sixth in descent
and, though not
quiteas
so
celebrated
warlike
the
this valiant character,
personage
for his musical
and
drum, play a fiddle,
his
a
from
whistle
as
his ancestor, is
as
talent.
He
as
piercingly
seems
great progenitor.In fact,whistling
family of
the Vander
can
Heydens
;
and
each
ever
beat
a
could
hereditaryin
generation,
NEIGHBORS.
MY
since the
brated for the
and
yet I
business
Cornelius,have been
I said
same.
is not
Hanky
prepared to assert that he
than his worthy ancestor ever
a
less cele
or
warlike
himself
For
saw.
person,
shed
has
Hanky's
drawingteeth,and his customers are so
they keep him busilyemployed each day,in
that
particular
vocation,from
Hanky's good/re^
tilldark.
dawn
has blessed
white-headed
excellent
more
is that of
numerous,
his
am
blood
more
of
days
147
urchins,who each
father. At least this
him
with
is the
is what
less than
no
very
the
image
old
ten
of his
in
women
in turn, assisted at their
village
say ; and, as they all,
His
ought to know.
coming into the world,they of course
wife Katrina,however,
little body, who
a square-shaped
eschews
half a dozen thickly
hoops and crinoline,but wears
did
quiltedsilk petticoats, declares that her boys never
her own
look like the
old man," but justfavored
family
like pictures. Katrina
born
a
a
was
Higginbotham
older and solider than the Vander
Heydens.
familymuch
Between
Katrina
and Hanky this brood of ten are
so many
bones of cheerful contention,
each standingup for a family
likeness. Indeed
this is the only subjecton which they are
united in the same
mind.
not cordially
On all other topics
the
"
"
"
"
they agree
with
who
the exactness
of
a
hair.
is about
quite
fifty
years of age, has amassed
little property, which
is snugly invested
in bonds
and
a
mortgages ; and he is dailyadding to his wealth,notwith
standingthe great drain made on his pocket-bookby his
mischievous boys,in the separate items of jackets,
trousers
and other articles of a boy'swardrobe.
But
Hanky is
careful man, countinghis pennies and layingthem up se
Hanky,
curely where
where
thieves
neither
cannot
Occasionallyof
an
moth
very
nor
rust
easilyget
evening,after
corrupts them, and
at them
hot-beds,I take
my
pipe and go
over
made
I have
from my apartment, the
by reconnoitring,
of Hanky's house,that his olive-plants
are
to steal.
various
all
to have
a
certain,
windows
depositedin
smoke
and
NEIGHBORS.
MY
148
4
a
talk with
cookies.
and
him,
I have
and
Katrina
ber of years ; how many,
be candid,however, I am
old
an
say, when
will not
truth,that
and
I
been friends for
unable
am
me
twenty years
ago,
to marry
a
she
that
she
blooming
a
and
heart,
refused
both
be foolish in
her.
them
a
That, remember,
should,some
day
be left a widow, I do not think
circumstances,I would be likelyto
existing
suit in that
my
"
quarter. Between
with
twenty, ballasted
a
and a woman
dollars,
there
number
of children,
with
half
a
of
score
man
desired
never
which
that,
"
under
I
all,
"
If she
by.
was
his attentions.
hand
would
I did
great num
exactly. To
when,
I will say that I
than
more
woman
in years gone
forbid !
Heaven
was
but
;
and
my
"
confession
make
to
years
a
her
offer, that
to
for such
;
of my
I had
confess
pies and
a
to state
willingto
I offered
dame's
good
belle,she laughedat Hanky
Dutch
in
of mine
flame
his
taste
to
renew
girlof eighteen or
canvas
bags filled
of
with the
forty,freighted
is,in my mind, a vast and
same
strik
ing difference.
When, of bright Sunday mornings,I see Hanky and
followed
Katrina
wending their way to the Lutheran chapel,
by ten jacketsand trousers, stuffed with as many fat boys
and adolescence,I feel
of different periodsof childhood
the position
that 1 do not occupy
towards
very thankful
which
them
Hanky does. I cannot avoid wondering,how
ever,
whether,
remembering
have been
see
my
able to
very
and
things,
my children.
habits
Bohemian
I
been
have
years, would
I
Katrina, the
ten
white-
four
boys,rangingfrom burly eighteento toddling
headed
"
married
if I had
"
very confident
that I never
should
am
support them, if such had been the
case.
in all these
plainlythe hand of Providence
am
extremelythankful that Hanky, and not I,
is their father.
When,
some
twenty years since,I learnt that Hanky was
she whose smiles and frowns had
Katrina,
about to marry
been to me, for years,
"
as
sun
and
shadow
in my
life, I
"
MY
NEIGHBORS.
149
left Lollipop,
shakingits dust off my feet and
incontinently
and became
from
her memory
a
heart,as I departed,
my
the world,the companion
here and there over
waif,drifting
authors,and unappre
poets,unknown
good-for-nothing
ciated painters.At the end of ten years I returned,but
little better off,
in a moneyed point of view,than when
I
commenced
afraid,too,
wanderings,and somewhat
my
lest in meetingKatrina I should lose my peace of mind.
One
while wandering
morning,shortlyafter my arrival,
I accidentally
encountered
around the market-place,
a portly
dame
with a basket on
her arm, and five dirty-faced
ur
chins hangingto her apron-string
un
; but for her genial,
altered smile,and the merry
voice with which she greeted
in her the ideal of
have failed to recognize
me, I should
observer there would
to a superficial
have
my youth. Even
appeared,in her personalattractions,
sundry wonderful de
velopments which time had generouslybestowed on her,
of improvements.
but which I did not consider in the light
when
She was
I had partedfrom her ; but her
a plump girl
waist had considerably
amplifiedsince then,and she was a
good deal squarer shaped every way.
She said,however, that she was
glad to see me, and then
immediatelyproceededto call my attention to her five boys,
each of them to me
When
she had
introducing
by name.
finished the presentation
of these,she added that there was
of
another
one
at home
in his cradle which
I must
go1 to
see.
I said I
that her basket was
would, and then perceiving
heavilyladen,I offered to carry it for her : she kindlyper
mitted
to take it,
and so, side by side,followed by th
me
five dirty-faced
lads,I walked once againdown the familiar
street,with my old,old love.
People that knew us laughed as we passed them ; but
for my
Katrina
part I don't think I felt
rattled
by as
to
sionally
gone
in
on
if theywere
scold
one
at all like
laughing,
though
her old way, and talked of the days
but yesterday, breakingoff occa
of the boys for imitating
drunken
a
"
NEIGHBORS.
MY
150
chasing
man,
One
of the
five
after
named
times
less
can't
with
heard
?
you
"
nightmare
us
elf married
that
"
dress
Katrina
aged
to
shake
off
which
for
ten
As
the
I
known
weight
been
there.
I could
boys, is
not
which,
a
them
Hanky,
or
me
my-
the
to
lads
hotel
and
was
on
fear
avoid
loss of
fat
evening,I
or
I
when,
the
my
visits
peace
followed
over
may
of mind.
case
I
I breathed
by
for
to
more
wella
fat
five tow-
in one's
given to a
and
forty at
go
with
enchantment,
which
alive
was
evening,
at
heart
keep
to
mother,
sleep
considered
and
and
was
that
where
broken,
my
good
"
through
starlight,
saying to myself, that
years,
an
and
man
and, fortified
room,
;
them
ad
to
I
woman,"
bid
to
the
for us,
door
the
calculated
other
in
wife
nor
under
not
So, occasionally of
and
my
market-basket,
headed
alas !
was
proceeded
little
"
me,
the
along
a
now,
hide-
a
but
twilight,the
summer
bound
had
bearing
love
and
nightmare, and
the
had
walked
ways,
than
like
the
and
me,
ramifications
woman
the
at
things,I gravely
without
years
count
more
father
opened
retreating to
myself within
my
in
years
freely,and
than
himself
Then,
forth
and
away,
consequently
ducky,"
its different
walked
been
the
Stop acting so,
"
confused,
had
never
and
I had
all,it appeared
merrily
"
stopping,I shut
sundry comfortable
all
saying.
in
name,
in which
me,
after
Hanky
head
as
morning."
in
I
his
was
"
us.
his
shook
to
became
Katrina,
to
however,
When,
speak
yellow dog.
a
lot,I thought
uttered
words
exact
though,
following behind
and
the
her
"
the
she
when
I, somehow,
believed
half
And
me.
at
stone
brightestof
the
"
and
tone
same
casting a
pig, or
a
merry
breast
maid,
that.
see
occasion
Katrina
either
MY
NEIGHBORS.
151
IV.
HANKY
AND
THE
[CCASIONALLY,
WIDOW'S
of
SLEIGH-RIDE.
I visit my neigh
evening,
I passed last eveningwith
bors over
the way.
them.
our
Hanky and I smoked
pipes and told
that she is
while Katrina
stories,
busy little woman
occupied herself in new-seatingseveral pair of juvenile
Katrina.
I listened to Hanky, but 1 looked
trousers.
on
It was
pleasant to mark how quicklyher needle flew ; to
how
she cut, and
and
see
scientifically
shaped,and fitted,
her patches. And
then when
she held up the di
matched
lapidatedtrousers before the light,
lookingfor their thin
and weak
and
spots, it was, to me, a very comical sight,
caused me
to laughaloud.
Ah ! you laugh now," said Katrina,merrily;
but byand-by,perhaps,you '11 look grave. .Your time will come,
Master
Bachelor,one of these days. You can't go through
an
"
"
"
"
life the free
and
easy individual
weaving around you, and
ing closer together."
"
Alas
wedded
This
!"
I
to my
time
replied,
"
every
you
year
I shall
never
now
A
are.
its meshes
draw
are
until
marry
is
net
I
am
coffin."
Katrina
laughed.
She
knew
that
this
reply
time there
a
standingjoke of mine, as once
upon
had been
a
bluelittle,
hoaxing,coaxing,good-for-nothing,
a relative
eyed hussy,livingon the island of Nantucket,
of the worthy admiral, Sir Isaac Coffin, named
Miriam
Coffin,to whom, when quite a boy, I had made any quan
I had exchanged a lock of
tityof love, and with whom
hair ; but, bless me ! nothingever
of it
'twas
a
came
was
a
"
"
"
MY
152
childish affair ; and
NEIGHBORS.
so
he
mate, I guess
a
second
a
Hussey
for life.
she married
day
one
was
of
"
I understand
whaler,and
a
that
part,I
my
enable him
And
so,
trust
support the
"
's dat ?
How
"
to
said
though I
circumstance
very well for the
that his " lay " is
to
ju
mate,"
largeenough to
fry comfortably.
young
tell him
"
;
than
more
him," I
"
second
of
"
"
Hanky
had
"
"
became
in the matter
venile hussies she has done
and, for
the mate
once
about
times
fifty
it."
related the
above
repeated it,as
more
narrated.
"
And
are
on
in the
and
you," asked
Hanky,
offingstillfor
I
as
finished, lyingoff
"
dat littlecraft ? "
I nodded
my head.
you 're waitingfor her
And
"
et ?
"
he
skipperto
kick the buck
inquired.
I nodded
again.
Well, now
den, Billy-boy," my name
(I do not think
that I have mentioned
it before)is William
Finch, Esq.,
here."
you justtell him what you think about Katrina
I think of her,"I replied, as a very kind wife
too
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
kind,indeed,for
"Is
dat all?" asked
"
Yes," I
"
Why,
self
a
you
I
"
and
a
as
excellent
most
mother."
Hanky.
answered.
said Hanky,
thought,"
dat you
loved
her
your
leetle."
I replied.
Only Platonically,
Hanky, that is all,"
Is dat all ?
asked
now
Hanky.
My littlewoman
n't you, Katrina ?
disappointed
; are
"
"
"
"
"
is
"
"
No
Finch
! " answered
knows
Katrina
too well to
"
;
and
I
for
am
certain
that Mr.
aughtyou say."
Indeed
I do, Mrs. Vander
him
Heyden. I 've known
a
long time, ever since he and the Widow Ravenplume
took a sleigh-ride
together."
Oh, donder ! exclaimed Hanky.
you
care
"
"
"
"
"
Do
"
Oh, blitzen !
tell
me
about
"
it,"said Katrina.
shouted
Hanky.
NEIGHBORS.
MY
154
layher hand on his shoulder,and so led him away a
captive. That night Hanky danced fortytimes with the
widow.
escorted
He
her to the supper-table,
where
he
and
loaded
her
waited
upon
plate with sour-krout
her home, and kissed
he bade
door, as
her
"
Oh, donder
!"
"
He
on
the widow
cheap
black
doughnuts.
her
behind
the
He
hall-
"
!
good-night
Hanky shouted.
called
and
with
the next
her
day ;
he
took
tea
"
the afternoon
and
following,
the ensuing
oh,
eveninghe invited her to a sleigh-ride
;
blitzen !" interrupted
and away they went.
Hanky ;
It was
a clear,
cold,starlight
nightin January that the
"Widow
well
Ravenplume and Hanky rode out of Lollipop,
hot bricks,and
protectedfrom the cold by buffalo-robes,
hot drinks,and glidedswiftly
along over the smooth, snowcovered
track,towards the Red Stores,' some
eightor
nine miles distant. Upon what subjectsHanky and the
tea
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
'
"
widow
conversed, while on their
but this much, however, I
thither,I do not
know ;
do know, that on
their
of which he
it were
the hot toddies,
whether
way back
had freely
words
of the widow,
partaken,or the flattering
way
"
his
or
of her
remembrance
of his
gentlepressure
bonds
hand, or
and
what
mortgages, or
it were
I,cannot
her
posi
that influ
tivelysay, but,at all events, whatever it were
him
enced
he, Hanky Vander
Heyden, dentist,some
"
where
and
on
there
the
line of those
offer himself
nine
eightor
to the
said
widow,
miles, did then
and
was
imme
diatelyaccepted."
"
Saint Nicholas
Katrina
looked
!"
ejaculated
Hanky.
sober.
Before
twenty-fourhours had elapsed,everybody in
Lollipop knew that Hanky and the widow were
engaged
"
to be
married.
How
partiesthemselves
in very
word
good
Low
of it to
a
any
a
had
one
learned
mystery. Hanky vowed
Dutch, that
livingsoul
;
he
and
had
never
the widow
it,was
to the
to
the
widow,
whispered a
declared,in
NEIGHBORS.
MY
Yankee,
straightforward
that she had not lispeda
Miss
friend,
her dearest
she
"
from
came
Down
'
breath of it to any
one,
East,'
"
to
except
Jones,and that she,Miss
Prudence
the seal of
of discretion and
just the pink
Jones, was
155
se
crecy.
such affairs usuallydo, ran
as
along
Well, the affair,
Hanky all the time living in
smoothly for a while
cheap black teas, and her
clover,partakingof the widow's
she bought at the rate
stillcheaper baker's cakes, which
of thirteen for sixpence, passinghis eveningswith her,
"
"
"
occupyinghis nightsin dreaming of her bonds and
mortgages. But Hanky's love verified at last the words of
the course
of true love ; and one
the poet concerning
day,
shortlyafter Hanky had presented the widow with an up
and
and
per
lower
set
of enamelled
better
teeth,warranted
tried them
faithfully
and found them
equal to her expectations, she declared
that,
openly and boldly,in the midst of the sewingsociety,
Heyden made very good teeth,she
thoughHanky Vander
make
did not think that he would
as
good and perfect
originals,and
than
when
"
had
she
"
a
and
husband;
so
the
engagement
was
broken
off,and
shouted
Hanky
Hanky jilted."
"
"
Bonder
and
and
blitzen take the widow
mix
Katrina,little woman,
largeproportionof
continued,after Hanky had
"
A
that for which
widow
obtain
became
a
self believes
Ya," cried
"
And
and
"
me
now,
on
somethinghot."
populationof Lollipop,"I
him
obtained
from
his Tittlewoman
the
asked, "said that the only reason
engaged to Hanky was, that so she might
Even
free of expense.
Hanky
him
this
"
for
;
he
of teeth
set
the
!"
your
saying."
Hanky, dat is so."
Hanky," I said, if
"
"
I '11bid
fife,
go home."
for ? " he
What
asked
donderingstory about
him
"
;
you
you will play a march
and Katrina good-night,
because
and
you
the widow
told Katrina
?
"
dat
NEIGHBORS.
MY
156
cried,mockingly.
I
"
Ya,"
"
Well, den,"
he
replied, give de
old
"
de fife,
Ka-
man
trina."
did
Katrina
"
you
I
so.
den," said Hanky,
Now,
go."
promised
much
Then,
struck
to
the
up
"
I had
husband,
to tell
"
"
I
ears
reached
"
March
;
Potts,wake
up
;
I 've
to
say
my
her
got something
in,"whispered
P.
!"
No
Then
I '11tell
you," said
"
Well,
!"
indeed
it 's a sin and
a
Mrs.
Potts
"
;
he 's been
court
reiterated Deborah
;
and
if I
were
"
;
but it is n't well
;
her husband, I 'd turn
of doors."
Well," moaned
"
Oh,
And
this
been
Jack.
shame
"
're
you
"
Potts,
it is n't
has
Heyden again."
Vander
Well," answered
Mrs.
he
where
groaned Jack.
u
out
"
"
ing Katrina
to
well,but
Jack, despairingly.
"
miserable
wretch ! exclaimed
unfeeling,
lie by my side,and
cry, Well, well/ when
an
f
ill! "
the disconsolate
Mrs.
P. covered
bedclothes,and, sobbing,refused
soon
compli
you."
evening?
him
that
adjoiningroom,
"
"
with
and
apartments, I heard
own
my
"Well," said Jack.
Do
you know," she asked,
"
merriment, Hanky
Well," repliedJohn.
Our lodger,
BillyFinch, has just come
Mrs.
play,
to
departed.
Potts, in the
John, John
"
and
amazement
Rogue's
neighbor,Mrs.
begins
I would.
my
mentary air in my
After
"
him
"
him
when
"
I heard
brute, and
Jack
snore,
and
fell asleep herself.
to
her head
be comforted.
then Mrs.
Potts
with
the
Pretty
called him
a
NEIGHBORS.
MY
157
V.
PHILANDER
O.
neighborof mine, who
iNOTHER
inhabits
and
the corner,
an
cipal boarding-housein
is young,
He
POET.
THE
COE,
not
and
silkymoustache,
attic
collars. In
Byron
wears
room
justaround
in the prin
is a poet.
village,
age, perhaps; has a
the
twenty years of
over
lives
time,
summer
and goes about the
he takes his guitar
moonlightnights,
village
serenadingyoung ladies. On these occasions he
singshis own
songs ; and very pretty songs, too, they are.
is generallythe subject of them.
Love
The
words
are
popular melody ; and as he has a very mu
adapted to some
Of late,
sical voice,his entertainments are highlyesteemed.
on
the cold weather
however, since
proud
gagingin
a
lady discarded
young
these
recluse,and
him, he
exhibitions.
seldom
set
in,and
has refrained
Indeed
he
abroad
ventures
after
has
avoids largeassemblages,
but
entirely
of an evening,
and talk
to see me
sionally,
in
delights
of his unfortunate
books
and
;
attachment
when
does
certain
from
en
become
quite
lightof day.
drops in occa
in the
He
poets. He
a
about
books
and
the remembrance
intrude
not
on
his
comfort in composing poems,
thoughts,he finds much
of an
Give him, he says, pen,
chiefly
amatory character.
ink,and
He
paper, and
cares
prefersstrawberries
is contented
is very
with
either.
imperfect;
he has five dollars
immediate
to
he
pay
out
wants
and
or
are
his last
and
not
for the frivolitiesof life.
cream
His
milk,but
and
idea of the value
it is all the
five dimes
to mush
same
of money
whether
to him
in his purse,
supplied. He would
dollar to-dayfor a new
so
be
longas
more
his
likely
book, than
to
NEIGHBORS.
MY
158
keep
it to
knew
not
else that
how
be obtained.
could
meal
says, he has every kind of sense
it appears
The
as
poet'sname,
Potts
0. PHILANDER
itself a
maternal
for the
The
of poem.
except
Jack
As
sense.
common
is
visiting-card,
remarks, is in
facetiously
he
COE, which, as
sort
dinner,though he
it his to-morrow's
with
buy
his
on
is for
initial O
Obed,
his
"
baptismalappellation, but which,
grandfather's
his
sake of brevityand euphony, he suppresses
on
"
card.
Meadows,
and
firm of Ticknot
well-known
The
lit
some
bind
and gilt
since,issued,in their famed azure
edition of his poems, which,however, were
published
tle while
ing,an
under
a
with
met
readers
poems
plume. The volume, I understand, has not
ready sale; and, therefore,I propose, as its
limited,to give,from time to time, certain
de
nom
a
are
contained
therein.
The
give below, is not as yet included
though,doubtless,it will appear in
should
not
ever
think
the second
chance
be
to
that it will be
in the
a
for
indelicate
if
edition,
the
by
How
much
Alas
She
And
I love her
! she
spurned
said she 'd
on
me
Tor she had
And
scornful
Calmly
never
wealth,and
was
proud of
she
asked
looks
where
me
I answered
littlecared
That
mine
that I
was
came
on
my
"
That
And
her side ;
from
me
I had
of low
none
;
descent,
me
she bent,
begun.
race
proud
a
bride,
her
I for my
but
tell :
can
none
be my
fell.
all her anger
And
And
LOVE.
POET'S
as
name
she
;
poet'sfame,
degree.
"
one
I do
of
engravedportrait
an
poet, after a photographby Brady.
THE
public.
to mention
me
I
printedvolume,
second
called for
edition will contain
however, which
poem,
that
the
MY
NEIGHBORS.
150
mockingly she laughed, and cried
That I might claim from her a kiss
When
I had learned to write like this,
Then
And
then, too, would
She touched
I took
I had
a
volume
and
it up
I
My
cheeks
And
then
I knew
red
grew
yet I failed
All
sorrowing I
Saying I M come
And
now
I walk
I
Nor
in
alone ;
in my
sorrows
my
her
breast,
lightesttone.
deny that
and that poeticsense
neighborthe poet is intellectual,
him
is strongly
developed. Indeed he giveshis entire
No
my
day,
pride.
her
the world
to hear
care
bride ;
life of great unrest,
a
keep
mine.
other
I left her with
still;
away,
some
thus
;
will,
my
my
turned
wine
heart stood
were
claim
And
I live
reddest
have
there
to
win,
awoke.
as
that I could
;
"
suit to
bounding
my
For all the poems
And
spoke
within,
looked
thought my
read my
hope
as
she
as
not
But
bride.
she be my
mind
after
one,
to
poetry, and
mously, it is
aware
that
was
the
that she
of
O. Philander
the
into
lady of
verse
the
least
the
walks
of
publishedanony
was
poet whose
grievesin
will
verses,
ventures
poems
strangethat the
not
he
above
She has since learned
admired.
heard
seldom
his volume
As
prose.
readingthe
his love
she
truth,but
over
her
so
was
un
greatly
I have
not
treatment
of
Coe.
as
mentioning,
long as possible,
walked
the
that,though my neighborthe poet has now
for the space of eightor nine weeks, it does
world alone
for as long
follow that he will walk alone
not necessarily
Indeed, I will state that he has
a periodof time to come.
I have
refrained
from
"
"
"
"
loneliness
being than
poetry
is not
that
the
are
and
take
away
Jove-affairs in the
loves,now
before
me,
hair,once
would
come
and
Treason
once
to the
sweet
with
read,amidst the
in blood-red letters,
expressions,
I should
and
others,am
foibles of my
neighborthe poet. Time,
experiencein
upon
and
the
rocks
upon
to
day
be
able
I,with
perhaps,since
and
tackingto
ground.
Life,however,
sunshine
some
shattered
bark
last will
into
happinessfor
years must
will have
quiet
a
all his life
elapsebefore
my
for I
to
"
dark to my
neighbor
altogether
good many brightspots in it. The
is not
finds
falls on
and
gain such a harbor ;
fortyyears'experience find myself
for a pleasantanchorage
fro,searching
expect
can
over
still
He
of
he
splits.Then
them, and perhaps at
it
guide his
to
neighborthe poet
the poet.
which
his
I tender
heart,will show
vessel drives,
love-freighted
he will find rest and
I say
even
which
no
of the
these matters
clear
steer
haven, where
come.
tender
of love."
god
sands
of his
more,
and
the
"
crowded
letters,
if for
therefore,
learned
It
long since burnt and turned to
would
promises broken and disregarded,
him
to
own
of
engaged in numberless
manhood, to
incipient
these reasons,
further
some
was
and
he lives.
the food wherewith
old
many
their
burningwords
of the
grieves.Love
him.
Deprive him
now
to
of my
angelic
preciousvows,
be remembered
For
days
Too
ashes, and
"
expect
neighborthe poet. Too many dead and buried
would
doubtless rise up rebukingly
forgotten,
of glossy
should
Too
I so do.
tresses
many
scattered to the winds,
dearlyprized,but now
floatingdown before my eyes, and shame me
into silence
words
meat
however, who
for me,
revile my
he
whom
drink
you
of his
on
over
one
as
and
these
of the weeks
any day,henceforth,I may
other
his being infatuated with some
and
;
of
hear
number
the maximum
alreadyattained
to
NEIGHBORS.
MY
160
him
a
as
he travels up
boarding-house.Dwellingon
and
down
the stairs
the third floor
"
di-
the
better
is
paper
in
he
the
he
in the
ing
from
home
the
and
abroad,
this, of
will
ever
and
as
such
for
Of
he
has
possesses
a
pose
gold
however,
other
given
friend
to
to
when
"
he
a
a
gentle
wonderful
all love
and
the
;
I
ships
wealthy
;
but
that
imagine
he
personal property
and
with
and
;
mortgages,
what
I sup
precious stones,
of
a
his
and
and
lacks
poet
hair
lives
studs
enamelled
himself, in
sends
be
in
men
clearly comprehend
ever
his
is careful
he
rich
and
bonds
and
on
ships belong
by
to
much
lives
ships com
sees
owned
silver, and
neglectfulof
possesses
who
village,
and
or
that
trusts
he
and
do
fill ;
to
dormer-windows
castles
Nor
be
Christ
Glaus
so
his
castles
stocks
neighbor
my
only
times
estate
more
He
it,he
and
;
himself
real
will
in
of
he
bank-notes
acquaintance.
feeble
is
shirt, and
builds
as
Santa
air, and
are
slight knowledge
a
Sometimes
thinks
fancy.
he
that
in the
or
regularly on
From
idle
things
think
are.
an
any
possess
don't
they
is
course,
will
mile
a
note
is fond
He
sunset.
for
up
he
believes
times
walk
and
;
fine
to
letter, and
village.
of these
Many
himself
at
cap,
summer
round.
he
of
partial,too,
anything
castles
some
He
village.
a
stocking
runs
is
will
fairies
Christmas
sea.
him, though
to
and
obtains
year
He
the
of
and
his
beholds
he
attic
in
any
view
never
the
it.
suppers,
hangs
succeeding
while
hope
late
giants,dwarfs,
though
on
by
improved
an
eve
and
I
and
with
assortment
unequalled
obtain
inas
his
and
;
light wines
lieves
is he
pleased
engravings
to
NEIGHBORS.
MY
162
a
;
but
life of
these
for
great unrest,"
is
loving heart,
little
his
and
my
attaches
children
neighbor
at
slightly
But
sleeve-buttons.
in my
on
things occur,
adornings, and
degree, the
confide
buttons
the
of
the
poet.
NEIGHBORS.
MY
163
VI.
POET'S
THE
E
predictedin
would, my
soon
lead
to
life of
a
and
speaking,
poetically
"
his attentions to, a
as
AND
NEW
young
precedingpaper that he
neighborthe poet has ceased
and
figuratively
great unrest,
turned
his eyes on, and given
the
"
any of his former
of
to her,through the columns
has addressed
He
loves.
beautiful,
fair and
maiden, more
informed
confidentially
he
LOVE.
OLD
me,
than
"Midnight Sun," several sonnets, in fact,a series
of her personalattractions,
of sonnets,
commenc
treating
ing with her hair,which he extols for its fineness,its
marigoldshade,"and its great length; for when loosened
his enamored
and permittedto fall down, it hides from
and countless beauties of which he may only
sightunknown
her hair he proceedsto her eyes, which
From
dream.
the
"
"
"
"
From
New
England's
her
then he touches
bluebells
and
lips,
about
caught
them
"
their shade
he
;
lovingly
sings,
termingthem
"
and
on
so,
reaches
Rose-buds
her
"
he
round
goes,
which
the
caps that dance
"
after sonnet, till at last he
sonnet
daintyfeet,which
"White
honey-beelingers;
on
he compares
the wind-beaten
to the
billows,"
them
at a ball,
probably from having first encountered
and doing
encased in white satin slippers,
where they were
good service for their proprietor.
of the young lady
Miss Mary Golde
is a
the name
strangerin Lollipop; nor has our poet with her any per"
"
NEIGHBORS.
MY
164
afar off and
yet he stands
acquaintance.As
sonal
views
sort of an atmos
throughan Indian-summer
one
particularly
appreciatedby poets and lovers.
phere
Seen throughmy eyes, however, and by the aid of my fortythe young
spectacles,
lady is not at all
years'-experience
extraordinary.I think that Katrina Higginbotham,in her
dreamed
of Hanky
palmy days,before she knew or even
Vander
Heyden, when 1 was payingto her my court, was a
much
than the blue-eyed
more
splendidappearingwoman
Yet I never
subjectof my neighborthe poet'ssonnets.
in her praise,
forsooth ! that
wrote
nor
thought,
any verses
it were,
her,as
"
of them.
she stood in need
of
givingher
calls
Biddy
a
"
as
dreamed
have
soon
"
of character
recommend
laudatoryverse, even if it could have
appeared in the columns of the Midnight Sun," and been
puffedinto notoriety
by the editor himself,througha notice
as
have
what
I would
offered to her
"
like the
:
following
"
Our young and talented fellow-citizen,
0. Philander Coe,
Esq.,the poet, as will be seen by glancingat our poetical
"
another
department,addresses
which
this week
has written
he
complished stranger who
Such
present winter.
should
not,
is
the sixth
making
"
to the
"
beautiful and
with
sojourning
zeal and
think,be
we
sonnet
attention
unrewarded
by
ac
during the
he displays
us
as
the
fair
so
one
happilysonnetized."
Of
course
ridiculous
the
read
I have
it,for
breast.
poems
he
Were
had
above
Jack
Because, as
sense.
neighborthe poet
my
no
remarks
does
him
cause
Potts
very
doubt
but that the
not
perceive how
to appear.
truly says,
he
lacks
?
Why
common
poet blushed when
he
is not
his
he
vain,and vanityhas no place in
and giltedition of
vain,the azure
his
appeared under
He
never
a
nom
de
plume.
might very often,if he so chose,be lionized in a small and
who givedinner-parties
genteelway, by those in the village
visit them
to friends from the citywho
duringthe summer
months
;
but,to
his credit be
it
said,my young
friend in-
NEIGHBORS.
MY
all invitations to these
variablyrefuses
to abide
self for the
tle of
parties,
preferring
if to console
where, as
in
he indulges
lost,
has
he
grand dinner
him
a
bot
and employs his
sponge-cake,
either in readingTennyson or composing a loveJack
Of course,
Potts would
as
poetical
say, my
in thus acting,
sense
displayshis lack of common
with
of that blessed
the least particle
one
com
Sauterne
moments
song.
friend
for
his attic room,
within
165
no
modity would
the dinner
and
some
do.
I
so
am
certain that I would
very
go to
with
in
even
preferenceto stayingin my attic,
Bordeaux, cake, and Tennyson surroundingme.
neighbor'slove of retirement,and
Notwithstanding
my
his aversion to being shown
up,"he is,for all this,suscep
"
at having me
flattery.He is very much gratified
I think,somewhat
in
upon him, and regardsmy visit,
tible to
call
the
lightof
self to
a
poet'sshrine. He feels him
another Burns
time at least,
or
him, which I sometimes
do, as
to
pilgrimage
be,I imagine,for the
a
Halleck.
When
the last and
of the
a
I address
least of
poets,I believe that he feels very proud
somethingof which to be
proud,this title of poet, even though one be last and least
them.
with Bry
It is somethingto hold fellowship
among
ant and Longfellow,
even
though it be afar off. It is some
in Ticknot
embalmed
thingto be handed down to posterity,
and Meadows's
It is something
and gilt
azure
publications.
distinction.
to reflect on, of
And
pleasantnature,
a
If I
goodly company.
I would
am
not,
my
songs
"
it is
desire
of summer,
a
were
my
to
poet,
have
autumn
blasts,
publishedby the aforesaid
I do
not
simplyfrom
claim
my
that
my
one
"
is among
such
a
which, however, I
melodies
of
spring,
and my winter
wailings,
Athenian
publishers.
for my
friend the
young
conviction of his merit
own
title of
as
poet
such,but
I
grounds,to wit,the judgment
of the worthy editors of the
Ocean Monthly,"who substan
the
tiate the same
with sundrygold eagles,
by purchasing,
productof my neighborthe poet'sbrain,and publishingthe
base
my
assertion
on
firmer
"
MY
166
same
Lest
monthly.
time
writes
mostly
of
to
readers
the
should
of the
time
are,
as
I
the
pastoral.
His
said
that
my
that
poems
Ocean," I would
decidedly,declare,that
have before remarked,
"
in
perhaps slightly
last poem,
which
"
evening or two since, which
his sonnets were
young ladyto whom
an
the
imagine,
the
think
transcendental
same
poems
of
columns
amatory character,and
an
me
is entitled
the
the pages
the
at
His
not.
cliningto
aloud
adorn
to time
and
respectfully,
he does
of my
any
neighborthe poet
from
in
original
poem
an
as
NEIGHBORS.
"
he
read
I
concerns,
addressed,
"
MARY.
Like
melodies
unnumbered, breathed by nature, wrought by art,
Falls thy name
bringing sunshine to my heart ;
spirit,
upon
my
And
I deem
that name
a blessing,
yea, an almost holy thing,
For its utterance
gives a gladness which no other word can bring ;
To my
heart it is as music, to my
soul it is as prayer,
And
its breathing trembles
like Sabbath-bell
the quiet air.
on
Though I 've dared
Or a picturedhead
of
Yet
I
I would
that
to love thee
not
"
save
as
I would
love
a
saint,
beauty, such as Raphael might paint,
thee
with my
and with
might woo
songs
"
my
rhymes,
As
fond
lovers, robed
times
within
Then
Ever
'T is
minstrels,wooed
loves
their
in
ancient
:
my
mingling
closed
as
heart
a
with each
and
measure,
other, would
; 't is
within
my
mind
like bells make
rhyme,
pleasantchime.
a
something never
known,
The
possessingloving heart to read my own
;
of the night,
Then
to listits quietbeatingsin the watches
with the light;
And
a face of beauty cometh
ever
to know
would
be a glory,this to me
would
This to me
be a charm,
Little less than Heaven
gives me to insure my soul from harm.
poem
of
glory
great
a
to me
as
"
Oh, should hope but be exceeded, and I win thy gentle hand,
Through the world togetherwould we journey to the better land ;
side by side,
wander
as
our
shadows, would
we
Moving onward
Listening to the changing murmurs
wrought by Time's oblivious
tide;
MY
Till
youth
our
Would
had
faded
always has
lie
ago,
had
knew
been
her
he
first
was
had
He
noted
clouds and
of
a
it bent
the
himself
on
resident of
five
our
varietyof
the mountains.
his birth.
since
Nature
the
moods.
He
He
poeti
was
her
;
sunrises
of
its
and
the stars
pines,or
sunsets
had
;
had
studied
listened to the
the
bees,the trillof locusts,
sound
of the
burstingof
the forest-trees.
it passed
the
He
course.
when
hill-side,
singing
of
whir
buds
knew
He
the
and
by
the
throughthe woods, whether
cedars,or
the side of the
the
a
changing seasons.
wind, as
dreaming by
been
told.
were
the characteristics of her
hum
maples, in
the
to
came
with
and the
grasshoppers,
unfoldingof leaves on
noise of the
all
twenty miles back amid
counted
birds,the
old/
memory
some
village,
homespun-jacketedyouth,from
all her
callypostedin
a
together tilllife's verses
intimate
in
become
neighborthe poet
country lyingsome
He
us, and
167
my
Lollipop. When
years
from
hearts yet beat
our
Not
NEIGHBORS.
the
elms, or
the
oaks,or
hours
passed a good many
brawling brooks,or sunning
all the other members
of his
father's house
he
thoughtthat he might be better employed if
He evinced an
corn
or
planting
weeding carrots.
were
aversion,however, to rakes,hoes,spades,and
of
a
like nature, and
gave
his whole
and berries.
water-lilies,
bird's-nests,
for the shadows
sides,and
that chased
each
other
mind
He
had
across
useful articles
apparently to
a
predilection
the mountain
inclined to the moonlight
favorably
flickering
the water.
had the reputation
He
on
generally,
among
the neighbors,
of being an idle,good-for-nothing
boy,who
would come, some
one
day,to a bad end.
My neighbor the poet, at this primeval period of his
blushed
He
if a girlbut
was
life,
excessivelybashful.
looked
at him, and if she spoke he ran
like an
antelope;
yet he
were
he
was
old
was
ever
in love.
He
adored
ladies who
oftentimes
enough to be his grandmother. If they married
their funeral,
and secretly
grievedover it as if it were
MY
168
for
wore,
a
week.
mourning,a
He
loves than
his
NEIGHBORS.
bit of black ribbon around
devoted,and
more
was
who
to those
held
for
living,
were
longerto
he
in those of later years.
and wiselyat that
haps,less discriminately
earlyloves
the present.
ers
even,
were
as
Young
maids
alike the
whose
his
supposed
were
The
own.
numerous
that the
observed
them,
who
cut
had
cluded
carved
They
fair
be
to
He
loved, per
period than
and
at
moth
and
birch
one
the initials of
trees, as
entwined
inextricably
devices
became
lengthso
passed throughthe forest
what
for,and
they were
wondered
them.
fickle in
as
his
maple
neighborswho
and
his dead
regard. He carved
darts,and undecipherable
and
of
for
arm
was
maids, wives
of his affection for the
name
with
old
of
subjects
unnatural,appearinghearts
the smooth
bark
on
initials,
evidences
and
his
talked
about
at
them,
and
con
that
Masonic
and of course
meant
they were
signs,
The schoolboysbelieved
no
good to those dwellingnear.
done by the ghost of a man,
of whom
tradition
they were
speakingthroughtheir grandmothers he had been
murdered
by his rival for loving the young lady to whom
said
said
by
"
"
murderer
ladies who
the young
last the woods
became
neighborthe poet
he
betrothed.
was
attended
a
dared
there,and
still went
and
At
been
the
added
to
of
singleword
no
there
to venture
was
also held
district school.
one
in
cutting,
At
except my
after dark.
his business
of
But
carving
like manner,
a
Love.
anxious maiden
day,a prying,
by the boy and cast aside for
last,one
loved
the
belief
fearful spot,and
that
hearts,darts,and initials,
doves
billing
This
lady,who
one
newer
had
and
From
caught my neighbor the poet at work.
that hour- his "occupation
was
gone ; and though people
laughedat and jeeredhim, yet they thoughthim a genius,
Then
and told him as much.
our
poet began to write verse,
which
and was
called upon to compose
epitaphs,
frequently
he did very cleverly,
embroideringthem with drawingsof
When
torches,and weeping-willows.
urns, and extinguished
younger,
170
MY
NEIGHBORS.
VII.
PRUDENCE
,Y
AND
neighborswho
the street,on
TEMPERANCE
JONES.
reside in the corner-house
down
oppositeside of the way from
maiden
antiquated
my chambers, are two somewhat
of Jones.
ladies,bearingthe name
They have the fortune
to be twin sisters,
and were
than
baptized,
somethingmore
half
the
Temperance. Of course,
beinga bachelor,I do not pretend to know much concern
ingcertain matters ; but it has always appeared to me that
a
the fact of their
accident.
an
semble
is
pointof
as
the
stand
and
and
have
must
I believe that twins
;
but
the result of
been
ought,in
some
except the circumstance
I cannot
single, unmarried,
"
resemblance
"
between
them.
They
way to re
that each
discern
are
as
any
dissimi
equator and the poles.
Prudence
will
never
being twins
another
one
of them
lar
and
century ago, Prudence
is tall and
lie
thin
;
smoothly, and
still. She
has
hair,that
unruly light-red
small
gray
eyes, that
never
freckles,
of teeth.
Her
a
scarcity
tongue,probably,is forked,
is picklesand bitter-almonds.
her chief food,doubtless,
is
suppliedwith
abundance
an
of
Temperance is short and fleshy. She has dark-brown
hair,and large,black eyes. She is poorlyprovidedin the
item of freckles,
but owns
her left cheek.
a large mole
on
She stillretains her full complement of teeth,and has the
crackingwalnuts with them equal to a squirrel.
Her
tongue,probably,is rounded at the end, and her food
consists of strawberrytarts and wild honey.
Both
devoted church-women,
are
though Prudence is
and Temperance an easy-going
follower
a zealous
Puseyite,
knack
of
"
NEIGHBORS.
MY
low-church
of the
the
and
Articles,
Thirty-nine
the Ten
tolic
former
first talks
the last seeks
and
succession,
preaches
about
the
in the
to walk
the
up
to live up
latter endeavors
The
Commandments.
footsteps.The
The
party.
171
to
Apos
Apostles'
great part of her leisure
and candlesticks,
with
crosiers,
for book-marks, as presents to
spends
one
hours
a
crosses,
embroidering
silk floss on strips
of ribbon
favorite clergymen
(and it is a little singularthat her
favorites are
all unmarried); the other passes an
equal
portionof time in making calico dresses for colored chil
socks for white babies.
Pru
worsted
dren, and in knitting
"
dence
denounces
Dissenters
as
who
all those
turn
their
which surmounts
the church ;
cross
glittering
while Temperance amicablyfraternizes with all other sects,
sisters at love-feasts. When
and even
joinsher Methodist
the parson
to say, adoptsneither
who, I am
privileged
but pursues the even
tenor
high nor low church principles,
eyes from
the
"
of
Christian's way
a
he
out
comes
makes
parochialcall on the twins,
dwellinga wonderfullyill-used man.
"
of their
a
and would willingly
limit
shy of their society,
But
his visits to their hospitabledwellingto one
a year.
fate and feminine stratagem,combined, are too powerfulfor
I think he is
friend the parson
my
himself much
his
own
can
find
of
the
and in consequence
resist,
to
he finds
guest than he would be if left to
device.
They take him prisoner whenever
they
him unengaged. They waylay him at the corners
oftener
their
him
off from
weddings and
funerals.
They get up
tea-squalls in compliment to him,
and celebrate his birthday by presentinghim with velvet
and gilt-edged
editions of the common
prayer-book.
slippers
streets.
They
carry
"
"
Yet, for
each
all this,
with her hand
felicitiesand
that she
reason
declares
in the most
placed tremblinglyover
infelicitiesof married
simplydesires
to be
granted.
her
life are
let alone.
to believe that their wishes
solemn
in this
heart,that
not
And
manner,
for
the
her, but
I have
every
will
particular
be
MY
172
Jack
sometimes
which
account
has
habits
on
maiden
my
and
him
treat
P. has
Mrs.
friends,notwith
with
much
given to
them
prepossessedthem
learned by their own
not
they have
deed
calls
receive
standingthey
The
NEIGHBORS.
coolness.
of
Jack's
at all in his favor.
In
that he is
observation
which they
and wild,
irregular
proceedings
think exceedingly
in a mar
unbecoming and disreputable
ried and family man.
Last
New-Year's
day, after Jack
had freely
partakenof the liquorsthat are dispensedat the
Beautiful Gates," he called on the gemini,
he is accus
as
tomed
to term
them, accompanied by three of his boon
companions,who, equallywith himself,were in high spirits.
Their
indecorous.
behavior,to say the least,was
They
their hats duringthe entire call,
and pleaded,as their
wore
for so doing,
that they were
of Quaker descent,and
reason
desired to keep in remembrance
that day,by this act,
on
inclined to be
"
"
of their forefathers.
the custom
After the revellers had
I think
had
very properly,
gone, the ladies
the servant to take the four chairs which
ordered
"
been
occupiedby
Jack
Prudence,
phirethem
Of
The
well with
course,
A
extreme.
when
"
motes
show
dare
sters.
Nothing that
them.
The
man
not
descent,whom
nor
never
in the
can
make
in their
seen
sunshine
flickering
themselves
they took
off her
which
parrot, nor
household.
to the
friends' ideas of cleanliness
leather
errands, at the kitchen's
in
slippers,
them
then,"said
house, cam-
in the home
dust
or
noise
are
dwelling.
in other
of the
spin
is tolerated by
littlemaid-of-all-work,
named
bringup, puts
street
and
"
;
the back
camphor."
dance
homes,
into
friends,
brimstone
flake of dust is
which
his
return
you
feminine
my
and
with
yard,and fumigatethem
Miss
"
to go
canary,
Only
nibblingbehind
ever
and
now
the
about
from
the
Bettina,of Ger
Orphan Asylum, to
shoes,in which she does her
outer
door,and puts on list
the house.
disturbs
then, when
No
the
a
cat, nor
repose
mouse
cat
wainscot,a neighbor's
dog,
of the
is heard
is borrowed
NEIGHBORS.
MY
for
the
hours,until
few
a
173
is either killed
mouse
or
fright
however, who visit the house,hear
Strangers,
with startling
distinctness,
breaking the otherwise deep
cuckoo
of the Dutch
the loud ticking
clock in the
silence,
hall.
for years, its voice has not ceased ;
Day and night,
heed it not, nor
but the spinsters
although,
appear to hear it,
accordingto my neighbor the poet, it ever utters and
repeats these two words of warning and advice :
Single,
!
and which
he has employed as a
mingle ! mingle,single
entitled
refrain in a song composed by himself,
The Spin
ened
away.
"
"
"
sters' Clock."
My
lamented
father,who
of the
gentleman
He
name.
friends
maiden
two
which
I here
some
twenty years
than
The
the men,
subjoin:
was
Kotund
His
in form
stomach
And
stock.
D.
M.
the
him
and
view,
short in stature
measured
three
feet
;
through,
his feet
quite into shadow.
His dress was
of the olden mode,
Black stockings,buckles, and knee-breeches
His seals of gold and watch-keys showed
cast
"
A
tendency to worldly riches.
His
voice
His
His
He
chin
head
As
And,
as
a
whistle ;
polishedpiece of gristle
from place to place,
gig most softlypadded,
cabbage-rose,his face
a
a
a
o'er the dash-board
office fronted
Two
close
about
like
Shone
shaved
soft in tone ;
bald, and eke it shone
was
Within
His
was
shines
rode
low, and
was
doors
on
beyond
of his
carriage.
the green,
the
villagetavern
;
after his
he took
about
DOCTOR.
to
a
ladies,and
when
verses
some
Their
since,was
"
portly man
a
missed
wrote
poet
THE
He
good
a
school,and wrote
extremely popular with
was
departure.
of
old
they,perhapsmore
his
died
come
;
him,
MY
174
The
NEIGHBORS.
blacksmith's
A
something
The
doctor
loved
Therefore
And
by
The
a
he asked
had
all do
and
his
in
err
Humanity
the tavern
handy,
"
pass,
brandy.
to
failing,
well !
direction ;
some
that Adam
has lost
cavern.
glass,
the smith
For since the hour
And
house
forge he ne'er could
doctor
We
a
between,
rose
social
lie found
the
Unless
shanty
'twixt
fell
perfection.
if he liked to drain
the Dowl
.
More
He
than
had
He
excuses
So many
So much
The
And
with
Were
Poor
The
And
"
every
had,
travel;
shocking bad,
mud,
loose with
or
"
!
they
he took
had
a
a
unnerved
him
gravel.
night
quite,
strong solution.
wife ;
comely
fortyyears with
sweet
girlshad
she 'd tarried ;
him
made
his life
since he married.
Eden
very
season
far to
two
A
reason,
or
ah ! yes
those calls at
trying to his constitution.
doctor
Full
he
"
women
Unless
old soul !
through
often
were
deep
then
hard
so
daily calls
to do, so
roads
And
dear
"
worked
for health
good
was
Their youthful days,alas !
But
Two
stillthey
modest
Whose
graced
were
gone,
the doctor's dwelling,
"
maidens, all forlorn,
charms
since
long
past the selling.
were
And
yet they smiled and curled their hair,
And
talked of ribbons, beaux, and laces ;
They practisedmany
And
They
To
The
studied
doctor
the time
did not
doctor's wife
Proud
once
of her
was
ignore
somewhat
good man's
gave
spent before it;
said their souls 't would
If Providence
The
girlishair,
childish graces.
many
their mirror, though, and
shunned
Heaven
a
wit
save,
it.
proud,
and knowledge,
NEIGHBORS.
MY
And
To
him
And
he
Proud
proud
was
And
finest
To
print with
they
in
were,
His ruffles and
Her
Made
them
For
honest
A
And
And
if
of
they 'd
yellow,
sat
and
mellow.
died ;
found
man
he
model
many
a
bride
and
told that he
him
;
;
he knew
imparted.
died,
mother
cried,
"slowly sinking."
just a year,
was
daughters lingerafter,
o'er his grave
oft recall his
Portraits of the
true
except his drinking ;
"
still his
he
so
;
libel.
the schools
than
lived, and
man
him
thought
knowledge
or
Bible
hollow-hearted
never
all the ladies
so
for debt
ever
His wife outlived
And
as
hat,
he lived and
man
rich
When
But
courtly pair,
their adornings.
plume
lie sued
poor
More
And
Sunday mornings,
on
painting,rich
man
was
The
And
care,
though he joked, he loved the
golden rule was e'er his guide,
Nor
The
from
its
appear
old
an
The
a
unaided.
eyes
three-cornered
with
turban
And
sooth,
faded,
still discern
walked
picture"que in
And
An
could
she
church
They
of her in turn,
together,free
when
college.
to
beauty, though 't was
of her
because
The
he 'd been
because
Proud
village bowed
that all the
proud
175
good
shed
many
a
tear,
jocund laughter.
doctor
and
his
wife,in their
"
pict
adornings,"
hang on the walls of my neighbors
the spinsters'
dwelling; and on each recurringanniversary
of the originals'
marriage,many of the olden settlers in the
At
such
time the twins,
villagecall to look at them.
to speak of the
arrayedin their most costlygowns, delight
uresque
excellences
of their parents.
MY
176
NEIGHBORS.
VIII.
AND
MR.
MRS.
POTTS
HAVE
lO,sir,"I heard
A
LITTLE
DISCUSSION.
Mrs. Potts,through
neighbor,
which
the thin partition
separated our chambers,
exclaim,earlyone morning to her liegelord ; I
and neither you
have set my face dead againstthat thing,
make me
inch."
can
nor
yielda single
any other man
my
"
"
"
But, my dear
No, sir,
you need
"
"
"
and
for
as
bit of
n't
use
callingme
any
your
Mrs.
buts,"interrupted
dear,why it will not do
P.
;
one
good."
then
listen
"Well,
reason," said Jack,
to
"and
I'll
"
prove
"
"
No, sir,I
born
"
know
Well, have
as
Stubborn
which
I 've
Jane
was
!"
"
way,
Mrs.
is the
more
and
born,
"
"
and
enough
Mrs.
screamed
so, you
yieldedand
day,
too, are
can't prove
you
Potts,and be
as
stub
usual."
how
mas
own
your
and
reason,
"
will convince
anythingthat
"
listen to
won't
such
to
P.
or
yieldedto
that is
seven
sicknesses
make
you
I should
"
I.
I know
you
ever
years
as
weep
she
;
justlike
well
but
you
enough
since
ago come
has lived
are
to
Phoebe
Christ
through,
a
hard
only wish that you had, as the poor
child has had, the scarlet fever,and the whooping-cough,
and the measles,which your long-legged
and the mumps,
hearted
man,
and
friend in the next
"
"
And
Oh,
the
you
I
room
gave to her."
"
seven
need
years
"
n't,"interruptedMrs.
Potts,
"
say
any-
NEIGHBORS.
MY
178
dear
Certainly,
my
studymy convenience
certainly
; but
"
in the
dine, and tea, wherever
and
"
Mr.
"
Humph
Potts, you
Then
!"
Oh,
"
pause
n't I better
report of my
keep
me
to watch
spy
Potts ?
if
wept.
he
tell him
where
refused
to tell.
find
to
on
do, Mr. Potts,
family,I remem
you." And
man,
Jack,
"
by askingMrs.
his valise.
I '11take the
went
on,
"
that
a
Mrs.
Potts
P.
to
actually
largetrunk.
traveller
greater respect than
that she did
said
for I shall
to
cruel
you
"
?
only a carpet-bag
travels with
Potts
"
but your
;
silence
is treated with
largetrunk
Mrs.
the
love,"he
my
daily
a
you
silent.
could
Then," exclaimed
know,
send
be for you
wife
spies;
was
broke
lengthhe
"
keep an eye
occurs."
anythingextraordinary
your
Jack
who
Mr.
asked,
P.
room
P.
you
and
journal,
a
pretty thing that would
a
last Mrs.
the next
for its
"
At
neighborin
ber, is famous
At
ensued.
be necessary,
report to
set
breakfast,
fit."
see
will not
you, and
A
shall
dear,that
no, my
our
Mrs.
I may
movements,
speak to
"
matter, and
part, I
my
Hottentot."
a
are
for
Jack.
ejaculated
another
Had
"
"
"
Do
with
is the
a
chap
"
not, but considered
it
prob
able.
"
sent
Well, now,
to go
dear,"said Jack,
my
with
me,
I shall have
no
trunk, for your dresses,you know,
Come, say that you '11go."
No, John Potts ; I 've told you
"
will not, and
you
know
very
asked John.
"Why?"
Why ! because,in the
"
"
I have n't
a
thingto
wear.
"
if you
will but
con
in filling
the
difficulty
take
over
up
much
and
over
room.
that I
well that I cannot."
first
place,"answered
In the next
place,I
Mrs.
P.,
could
n't
get ready under two weeks ; then how can I in two hours ?
In the next
place,who, I should just like to know, would
with such a
Jane
of the children,and
Phoebe
take care
MY
dreadful
mother
!
had
n't had
without
my
then
Mr.
!
them
I
man
179
has ?
she
as
are, without
knew,
ever
if my
one
enough with raising
her with mine.
Take
pestering
Potts,you are a fool !
why,
to be
years
bothered
hugged to death
ing them off to
with
when
besides,
;
dear
set of
mother
with
me,
I could n't
I go
with children.
most
children,
them
"
two
grand
the
exception,
as
"
Their
trouble
ready under
don't want
head
Potts,you
Mr.
inconsiderate
her
in
cold
NEIGHBORS.
I
get
I
a-visiting
tugged and
am
them
enough at home, without carry
New
York, for them to hug and tug me to
death
there ; no, I justwon't do it. In the next place,as
I was
I don't want
in the last
to go myself; and
saying,
place,I won't go. But what under the sun, Mr. Potts,do
and
by puttinginto the trunk the wash-bowl
you mean
pitcher? and, I declare,if you have n't got my double-ex
pansion
skirt in
P.
wretch
! but
you
thrustingthe
"
other
thank
I
n't
lock
into
for
last
be
you would
violent manner
have.
there
But
was
Jack
"
You
"
No,
"
But
a
when
home,"
my
don't,Mr.
care
know
Potts
what
for me,
Mr.
I
Then,
after
heard
he
the
did, Now,
whistled,most
"
think
that
whistle
in such
awful
headache
Potts,now
;
a
I
though
did."
dear,"he said, that
"
cruel
I should
an
si
and
variations,
bore it patiently
P.
"
I do
care
for
you."
Potts."
I say that I do, Mrs.
his assertion by kissing
her.
Mrs.
with
Mrs.
thoughtyou
whistling.
know,
he
exclaimed,
of yourselfto
you
you don't
time when
ceased
I
sweet
ashamed
and
mean,
trunk, I
then
and
Mr.
short
one."
the
And
his boots.
at
this
got
"Home,
provokingly,
proceeded to blacken
time,but
put in the
immediatelyheard
it,exclaiming,
as
fortune ! it is full."
some
sha'n't
you
"
pillow
"
Potts
pillows. After a
exclaimed, You
Potts
have
cruel wretch
mean,
And
the
over
tussling
struggle,Mrs.
lent
Mr.
"
that 's so."
pillow,
now,
Mrs.
it,and
sighedaudibly.
Potts."
And
Jack
enforced
"
NEIGHBORS.
MY
180
Do
dear," he continued, that
the days of
forgotten
over
nightafter night,
and
miles
three
the worst
and
don't I love you
;
I
sure
do.
and
serve
Mrs.
"
No,
Potts
suggestedMiss
Mrs.
Potts,you
Jones
for you ?
Answer
and
bear
kind
"
in
a
that
And
and
reminds
of silk I shall
I think that
and
;
also
a
Do
piece
well have
as
with
it when
would
"
I
the
same
much
so
attend
in
the
Mrs.
P., who
down
-stairs to breakfast.
mean
to
buy
ever
ask
to
I return
the
most
color
as
to
to it as
time
what
becoming for
a
double
dress,
"
a
P.,
me,
skirt,
wide,
and
you
less trouble
that I shall have
comes
"
Mrs.
"
the
I
?"
trimming,
the
silk
as
you
antique"answered
for
it plaited,
so
the dressmaker
"
get enough for
of ribbon
promised to
Jack
be
to
Jack,
when
moire
much
I go to New
York,
that,if you please! "
said
bringyou
remember
heavy ribbon,of
may
me,"
brown
a
cheerful tone,
dear
my
me
as
Jones.
better.
when
do
the
gesticulat
"
Well, no !
P., decidedlymollified,
replied,
Mrs.
"
Prudence
know
dresses for Prudence
always do
I would
for whom
you, and
"
please?
from
is
where
And
"
I do
county,
And
you ?
with my
now
see
woman," continued Jack, stoppinghis work
ingwith his empty boot, from whom I would
as
to go,
in the whole
road
mother's,to
be
To
I used
to your
then
heart?
whole
courtship
; when
our
more,
did n't I love you
I have
"
think,my
you
put it on."
and then,with
directed,
had dressed,proceeded
and his
called for Jack
Shortly afterward a carriage
his wife,and runningup-stairs
trunk ; when he,after kissing
to bid Phoebe
Jane, and little Jacky,and
to the nursery
driven rapidly
to
entered it,and was
the others,good-bye,
the railwaystation. As Mrs. Potts closed the front door,
she as
I heard her say to herself,
as
after his departure,
the stairs, Well, after all,Jack is a dear,good
cended
"
fellow
;
and
if he will
tique,why, I sha'n't
only bringme
care
that
he
that brown
has
gone
moire
without
an
me.
NEIGHBORS.
MY
181
the servant, " take
Betty,"she continued,callingto
Jacky has
Betty,"
"
the
from
me,
and
Betty."
Yes, marm," repliedBetty,and
descended
"
children.
the
hat, went
taking my
Potts
Mrs.
the
to
out
ale
at
bring
and,
;
nice
present,
the stairs
into her room,
went
not
am
bring some
well,that is all
"
and,
;
better
of Scotch
calls to
I
"As
had
you
bottle
he
when
;
that
think
cellar,a
Betty,tell the butcher
lamb-chops for dinner
with
before
"
morning,I
that little
and
skirt,
flannel
got his pantaloons on hind-side
Yes, marm," exclaimed Betty,
well this
to
up
her
on
n't
"
very
has
Jane
that Phoebe
See
their breakfast.
and give them
down-stairs,
children
the
and
Gates"
"Beautiful
I,
to
breakfast.
As
I sat
"
self,
It
over
was
fortunate
a
I said to my
coffee,
William
Finch, when
toast and
buttered
my
for you,
day
'
Higginbotham,said No
in answer
to a certain questionyou
put to her many and
You 've seen
fortunate days since then,
a
many
year ago.
the most fortu
but that day,believe me, was
William-boy,
of all. You have escaped a good deal of misery,I am
nate
free to go
inclined to think, by not marrying. You
are
Katrina
and
Vander
when
come
fault with
Hey den,
you choose.
afflicted with
colds
for whom
buy
to
keep
short,no
a
to
but
lucky dog, and
William
nor
one
ought
you
the other.
You
be
to
a
you
even
would
Mrs.
such
a
have, if not
Potts
does
life
a
not
as
wife,
"
love
are
in fact
you
neither
are
the
your boasted in
of action,
all your
give all
would
Jack
little Jacky
happy fellow; but,
dependence of speech,all your freedom
bachelor days of ease
and nightsof gayety for
of
to be
Jane
no
and
after,
say, that
Finch, I regret to
no
to find
Billysnor Bettys
petticoats.You have, in
look
yourselfto
have
have
flannel
and
Phoebe
no
You
You
candies.
Finch
Mrs.
no
have
in the head.
in trousers
one
have
You
You
scold you.
nor
'
nee
leads
Potts
though I
Jack,
"
;
would
at least
one
month
for then
not
assert
children
you
that
who
would
love
you
and
would
beat
and
your
dark
day
away
from
well
for
of
father
to
this is
Just
ing
that
! it
grown
der
Heyden's
face
at
the
house,
and
I
yet
I
could
by
with
of
husband,
and
lisp the
William
no
and
name
Finch,
;
contentedly,
like
nor
the
manage
prosperity
and
a
other
their
comfort
;
among
Hanky
my
past
I did
her
not
voice
them
Katrina's
see
for
of
my
pipe, I
contentment,
in
life,neither
the
felicities of
not
to
making
an
spend
sin
it
but
neighbors, who
smoked
and
resolved
days
desire
henceforth, leaving
own
affairs,look
of William
like the
might
rather
my
solely
Finch, Esquire.
the
Van-
Hanky
and
out
When
soon
which
infelicity
;
of
was
envying
my
love,
not
"
some
that
thankful
;
Van-
rebuking
him
"
feel
of
nor
in
maiden
own
the
to
walked
I
place
felicityor
my
turned
receiving the reproof.
resolved, too,
in
it and
morn
coffee, which
but
state
Coe,
the
me
finishingmy
aid
Potts,
to
So
does
the
my
Jack
either
to
you
find
heard
was
usual
my
poet, 0. Philander
one
are
to
though
not
home,
Heyden
minate
For
"
a
you
you
brought
opened
never
I, who
satisfied
be
she
not
into
infelicities
bors
I
departed.
that
and
reached
myself
I
window,
and
Hanky,
was
turned
and
;
so.
myself,
to
waiter
there.
not
was
scolding,for
the
I said
It
Katrina
it is
knees
heart
your
night.
No
calls
your
whom
when
woman
no
the
moment
cold,
omission,
and
that
marriages, half hoping
had
day
answered
and
Mechanically
paper.
alas
der
!
Alas
for
Finch,
upon
"
and
so."
even
but,
to
labor
grieve
clamber
at
list of
I
face
it, and
you.
you,
William
blazes,
children
to
hands
her
you
aware
cling
you,
household-hearth
no
NEIGHBORS.
MY
182
ter
dwell
neither
neigh
for
the
DOWN
IN
VALLEY.
THE
I.
KATE.
COUSIN
ONE'S
SOME
COMMUNITY.
THE
PLAINNESS.
POSITION.
HER
"
tirely alone.
to
be
wife
young
Cousin
than
uncharitable
heeded
has
well
who,
in all the
if Kate
cousin
be
all
strange
has
within
fidential
and
the
to
the
I love
the
like
am
cousin
that
me
refused
last few
moment
my
I
told
she
me,
best,
cousin
I
Kate
because,
she
;
as
could
twelve-years oldling.
she
not
my
and
her
me
thought
believe,
I
reply
would
it appear
say.
I
offers
of
one
day
think
boy.
ask
if I
would
Nor
thus
should
girl!
brave
cheerful
would,
question, that
Paul.
curious
should
one
any
then
motherless
my
excellent
many
years,
for
care
If
question, say
Paul.
she
that
world,
asked
were
tenderly
my
valley.
some
make
to
laid
I
younger
Kate,
us.
strove
succeeded.
the
answer
to
she
And
fit to
sayings,but
and
home,
was
neighbors spoke
new
my
She
me.
who
"
in the
dwell
to
me,
misfortune
since
elapsed
hither
years
is my
It
me.
things concerning
their
not
wifeless
me
and
twelve
en
for
house
keeps
of
lad
have
accompanied
is now,
Kate
with
came
Not, however,
valley.
a
"
years
rest, and
to
Kate
she
and
at
Ten
widower.
a
son
school-vacations
his
passes
a
the
cousin
My
have
I
and
in
down
DWELL
KATE'S
ASSOCIATION.
ANTIQUARIAN
"
HISTORI
FRIENDS.
MISSIONARY
SOCIETY.
CAL
EMPLOYMENT.
MY
DISAPPOINTMENT.
AGE.
HER
VIEWS.
MATRIMONIAL
HER
"
of
am
aware
marriage
in
a
con
deserting
DOWN
184
that Kate
Not
IN
and
THE
I are,
VALLEY.
all the
as
least bit in love with
declare,the
gossipsare
each
other
ready to
deed, the slightest
thoughtsof marrying. No,
satisfied with
well
each
We
change.
have
bliss.
to matrimonial
favorable
ing,and
her
the
round
country,
misses
as
and
even
too
and
with
than
have
and
sur
do I close my
laughs,and
says, to listen to the
me
now
and
giveher
the
re
advises
lovers
nonsense
right
"
then,and which
try to profitby. Though Kate
a
so
advice
she thinks
she
hopes
I in
regardto
But, as I said before,she is older
in regard
years, and, I often think,even
worth.
certain that cousin
not
am
is
matronly grace.
to wit and
I
beauties which
approachingthe
stilldoes she retain most wonderfully
and yellow leaf,
withal,
; yet is she dignified
youthfulways and spirits
duties,
in the performance of her household
moves,
I will
her
old,she
all events, to
to advise
sear
of feel
time I seek
same
sooner
head
for want
no
too wise to utter it. To
I,she should think,were
three,four,five,
truth,Kate is older than I,by some
I cannot
tell the exact number, but
more
years.
enough,at
"
no
it in
and
;
tell the
or
her
and
its felici
Cupid'sbow and arrows, and go about the
Love's
champion, exhortingboarding-school
who study the ladies' magazines. For her
girls
part,she is
talk
But
the
; at
regard
take up
to
me
shakes
she
reproach her
excellences
marriagestate.
marks, than
in
know
often
too
are
desire any
peculiarviews
own
of coldness
portray the many
to
of life to
we
somethingabout
looks on
Kate, particularly,
light.I
accuse
our
We
infelicities.
ties and
very
present mode
our
have, in
; or
I been
somehow
beat with
the
on
the words
my
Kate
has loved.
ever
pointof askingher
refused to
on
fingers,
the
come
arm
the
Often
question;
but
forth,and I could only
of my
an
easy-chair,
ac
beating. The
of hearinga
I remembered
truth is,I dared not ask her.
I think
quite a lad,of a disappointment,
story told,when
called ; and that somebody somehow
married,someit was
companiment
to
something my
heart
was
IN
DOWN
186
THE
VALLEY.
rusty and antiquesuit of mine.
ever,
do not
minds
of their
tain for
is
me
with
regardme
elders
one
are
The
the veneration
filled.
The
of admiration.
albums, and indite songs for them
The
younger
community generallylook
with which
the
they enter
ieeling
I write
to
how
ladies,
in
verses
their
sing.
on
me
as
a
somewhat
unwonted
honors.
They pay me
privilegedindividual.
Fourth
of Julys to be the orator of
They expect me on
the Union,
the day. They regard my opinions concerning
the American
Eagle, and the Star-SpangledBanner, as
and constitutional.
I stand almost
sound
as
high in their
does a militia captain,
esteem
a
as
major of
or, possibly,
at
dragoons. The whole matter is founded in my literary
tainments.
one
fullyposted
They take me to be a scholar
in all thingsrelating
to common
schools,academies,and
colleges.
I have
various works
Owing to my literaryproclivities,
books
in Hebrew, Chinese, and
in strange languages
Hindu
dialects
sent to me
principally
by zealous friends,
who trust that I will take
as
missionaries,
great delight,"
of the
Several members
they express it,in readingthem.
Historical Societyhave, at different times,forwarded
me
to the Rev
curious and interesting
manuscripts,pertaining
olutionaryWar, for perusal. The old Red Sandstone An
since, dispatched to me
a short time
Association,
tiquarian
three corroded
by a trustworthymember, for inspection,
invited me
time politely
to
nails,and at the same
copper
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
get up
"
members
a
paper
in relation
at their next
annual
to
them, to
meeting
in
read
before the
January.
From
in CongressI receive many
worthy representative
gov
ernment
documents, that reach me
through the post-office,
and, occupyingas they do much space in the United States
the
for discussion among
mail-bags,
prove a fruitful theme
and undoubtedlyare great levers
of the office,
frequenters
and giving me
the reputation
into notice,
in elevating
me
our
for wisdom
and
knowledge which
I possess.
To
confess
IN
DOWN
the
Cousin
her
knows
Kate
for
credit
thrice
than
more
much
as
"
neither
goes in
"
herself
sets
Cousin
could
of
understanding
self would
the
it matters
days
are
rumors
times reach
to
laughat
ears, of
any
her
own
woman,
do, not
one
her
Kate
venturesome
in her
palmy
It is with
me.
with the
idle
so
been
to
or
mis
throughany
have
she may
faint and
"
give
a
beautiful.
termed
either to her
present alone I have
there
few
Kate.
word, be
What
not
me.
a
even
possibly,
not
be the first to
thus to call her.
as
up
is cousin
woman
Kate
is,she is
reason
for
speak
to
to
nor
blue-stocking,
yet
rights.Simply a true,noble-hearted,
for woman's
noble-minded
I, and yet
as
being able
mother-tonguecorrectly. The
and
attribute
pleased to
contemporariesare
my
187
littleof the sageness
but very
truth,however, I have
which
VALLEY.
THE
past. To
rumors
"
the
be sure,
which
some
few
peerlessbeautywho, for some
the reigningqueen
at the watering-places,
was
summers,
and, during the winters,the acknowledgedbelle of the city
she
where
of
my
then disease
Kate
will leave for others
than
more
fair and
once
Whether
dwelt.
Beauty,"I
a
smooth.
this
ever
"
Queen
to tell ; but if she were,
age has scarred and
seamed
the face
To-day Kate is plain plain beyond
The plainnessof her features,too, is
"
any sort of doubt.
of that descriptionwhich, when
calls forth
was
beheld
for the
first
time,
pity,but afterwards,grown familiar to us,
that feelings
of such a
how it was
we
are
apt to wonder
could possiblyhave possessedour
nature
hearts,and we
are
only surprisedthat somethingakin to veneration had
not arisen in its stead.
Every one down in the valleyloves
and
our
respects cousin Kate.
Few
more
Kate.
of
the
conspicuous part
She
manageress
in
"
of the
constitution and
derived
Sewing Society;
from
by-laws got
valley play
life therein
humble
Orphan's Home,"
a charter
tion,possessing
ing a
the
is firstdirectress
of the
live in the
who
gentlersex
up
"
a
than
head
capitalinstitu
the State,and hav
a
expresslyfor
it
by
She
myself.
the
ing
village
trunks
her
of
styles
down
the
whose
follow
implicitly,
height
of
wisely,
woman
of
"
A
heart
;
creature,
in
not
short,
too
nature's
For
human
For
transient
Praise,
sum
of
blame,
sorrows,
love,
daily
food
simple
kisses,
taste,
;
wiles,
tears,
and
the
is
smiles."
the
in
which
good
or
the
all
dress
"
bright
re
Kate
cousin
exquisite
she
dressmaker
course
up,
of
from
and
herself
middle
a
judgment,
excellent
milliner
not
To
adopts.
think,
of
is
of
wardrobe,
too,
pertain
city,
lady's
it,
ladies
Notwithstanding
does
There
the
patterns
the
she
yet
a
the
to
in
Kate,
paper
gaiters.
directions
fashion.
I
kindness
the
to
to
hand
a
questions
all
goes
with
relating
attire
head-dress
oracle
she
filled
festivals.
had
among
referred
are
in
mover
assistance.
fashion
Whenever
mode.
with
turns
late
la
to
her
she
her
of
prime
strawberry
unless
leader
to
the
and
summer's
without
perfect
and
;
of
pleasant
acknowledged
the
the
the
be
tableau
no
VALLEY.
instigator
and
would
picnic
and
is
fairs
winter's
No
the
is
THE
IN
DOWN
188
Kate
and
Kate,
is
great
a
IN
DOWN
VALLEY.
THE
189
II.
GREGORY
GRUMM.
AFFAIRS
AND
DALE."
"THE
"
HIS
ACTS
OF
HAS
A
VACATION.
HAVE
Grumm,
IN
MINE.
HEMLOCKS."
guard,and
terms
who
LETTER.'
ALLEN-
WHIM.
"
HE
WHY
"
MONEY.
ancient
who
GREGORY'S
"
FRED'S
"
an
"
BOAT.
SAME
THE
KINDNESS.
HIS
APPEARANCE.
PERSONAL
HIS
"
bachelor
himself
apparentlyis
friend, Gregory
the
a
last
of
the
old
cynicaldog,always
and grumbling at the stu
fault with his neighbors,
finding
pidityof the world at large. His faith in the felicitiesof
and he never
lets an occasion
matrimony is extremely slight,
Gregory's
pass of railingagainstthat sacred institution.
is by no means
He is
personal appearance
prepossessing.
bald on
fat man,
and
This
the top of his head.
a large,
sign,however, with which Time has marked him for his
hidden
from prying
out-of-doors,
effectually
own, is,when
and winter,
eyes by the white fur hat which, both summer
Gregory from his neighbors. My old friend
distinguishes
and sports an ivory-headed
carries an eye-glass,
His
cane.
is a Roman
large and black ; his nose
one, of
eyes are
teeth are
his own, and
His
as white
kinglydimensions.
and sound as they were
thirtyyears ago. A complete suit
clothes Gregory from
head to foot,and fitshim
of nankin
close as his gloves, which are of a similar shade,only
as
"
one
is
size too small for his
and, in
hands,
continuallyburstingout
much
to his annoyance
places,
"
in
unusual
and
he
consequence,
and
unnecessary
displeasure.The
truth
is,Gregory has outgrown his clothes,
and, having no wife
has gone on, summer
to direct him to the tailor's,
after sum-
mer,
IN
DOWN
190
THE
VALLEY.
nankins
wearinghis well-preserved
size has
them
stretched
tillhis
increasing
capacity.I
their extremest
to
day,my friend will meet with a terri
ble calamity,and perhaps be brought home
wrapped in a
borrowed duster,or some
good young lady'shooped skirts.
afraid
am
that,some
from
Viewed
distance,Gregory resembles,somewhat,
a
when
he walks,
cheese,and rolls,
huge,pineapple-shaped
in a storm
like a Dutch
at sea.
Notwithstanding
galliot
that the greaterpreponderanceof his bulk is enveloped in
a
portion of nankin which he sports below his waist
in
ends stream
with his red neck-tie,whose
bands, still,
the wind, and his gray moustache, which forms a pent-roof
is rather a
his capaciousmouth, Gregory Grumm
over
that
picturesqueindividual
Gregory never
making
the
to be
interferes
with
With
the
and. mine.
own
his annual
while
dollars enables him
thousand
his
;
eccentric
as
any
one's
former
he
as
business
he
is
incomprehensiblechanges.
most
of ten
income
likes.
except
continually
No
matter
he is sure, just at
progressing,
false direction
the wrong
to give some
to, or
moment,
alteration in, his best-concocted
effect an
plans ; thereby
it immediatelybe
Then
causing the direst confusion.
his greatestpleasureto remedy the evil.
comes
As for my
own
affairs,
according to Gregory'sviews,
there is nothingI do properly,unless with his knowledge
I con
and approval. To humor
therefore,
my old friend,
sult with him, whenever
we
meet, in regard to my little
and
and affairs,
then, as every independent
speculations
which in my judgment
that course
citizen should,pursue
how
well his affairs may
seemeth
be
the wisest.
Years
Gregory was
ago, when
sailed together
in the
same
a
young
canoe.
It
was
man,
he
and
work
hard
I
at
O
for the tide
first,
was
dead
againstus
;
but
we
possessed
and
our
willinghearts,and made
voyages
strong arms
seem
short,cheeringeach other with gay songs and merry
stories.
To
speak
somewhat
plainer,
Gregory and
I
were
IN
DOWN
VALLEY.
THE
191
and we worked, stand
shipping-house,
ing side by side,at a big desk, pen in hand, from earlyto
late, day after day and year after year, till at length,
throughthe death and retirement of the heads of the firm,
succeeded
And
business.
to the
on
we
our
so, resting
onward
floated together
we
oars, but stillholdingthe tiller,
with the tide.
When
one
therefore,
day, I said to Greg
going down into
ory that I thoughtof leavinghim, and
the valley,
he sneered at me, and called me
fool ; but,
a
clerks
togetherin
a
with
declared that he would
nevertheless,
go
left the boat,floating
with the current, in
So
me.
other
we
hands, and,
takingour wallets with us,
Gregory declared there was
that both of us would
be
not half enough in them, and
inmates
of a poor-house before a year had passed,
steppedon shore,and passed down into the valley; where,
without
an
findingthe place Allen-Dale
occupant, I
bought it,though Gregory grumbled thereat,because of
its name,
which he called stupid,
not to say romantic,and
advised
to change it to
Saint Matthew's
me
Place,"or
the
of Eden," or anything,in short,that meant
Garden
something. But I firmlyrefused to comply, and so the
for Gregory,he
to this day. As
spot is Allen-Dale
purchased,near
by, an acre of ground,on which he built
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
for himself
pey,
his
a
who
"
house, in which, with his black
studies his master's whims, and
dailymeals,
he
"
lives.
The
children
Pom-
servant
gets
down
for him
in
the
The Lion's Den," and its growling
valley,call the house
the
He, however, terms
proprietor The Roaring Lion."
place The Hemlocks," though there are no hemlocks
"
"
"
within
and
a
mile
of it.
says the
He
that he likes it,and, moreover,
nothing
Grumm
else.
Therefore
inhabits
"
The
a
letter from
He
is very
as
any,
it this and
Gregory
particular,
their communi
will he take
locality
; nor
particular
unless it be so superscribed.
post-office
to that
the
good
friend
my
should address
too, that his correspondents
cations for him
as
he will have
it is that
Hemlocks."
is
name
IN
DOWN
192
I knew
once
because
it
proved
an
of
VALLEY.
his
leavinga letter lyingthere a week
was
lackingin this matter ; but the whim
expensive one, as he lost,by the delayin not
the
receiving
such
THE
thousand
nearly a
same,
dollars.
To
prevent
accident from
in the future,and yet, at
occurring
the same
he made
time,have his whim gratified,
a
private
arrangement with the postmaster, whereby all letters ad
dressed to him, not havingthis importantword
upon them,
any
should
receive
it from
the pen
of the P. M.
himself
"
imi
the handwriting
of the other
as
tating,as near
possible,
portionof the letter's superscription before beingplaced
in his appropriatebox.
By this nice management all
is obviated,and though Gregory does not always
difficulty
"
receive
his
letters
yet is his temper
and
the
quite
so
soon
he
as
otherwise
his wishes are
longerruffled,
postmaster therebyreceives considerable
to his small
Though
no
would,
satisfied,
addition
emolument.
the
to
outside,yet
his
world
heart
Gregory
is
a
Grumm
tender
shows
He
one.
a
rough
will abuse
and
drive him with opprobrious
beggar unmercifully,
from
his door,but,ere
he is out of hearing,
will
epithets
back
and give him
call him
dollar.
He
several
a
owns
a
houses,from
tenement
the
uttermost
the
mill, the
of which
inmates
amount
of
each
he
exacts, to
quarter'srent;
often,however, himself secretlysupplyingthem with the
it. He shakes his cane
to meet
at the boys in the
means
valley,as he passes throughthe street,and frowns severely
at
the
little
girls
;
but
he
gives the
piecesand
fire-crackers at Christmas
and
to
sends
anniversaries.
the
latter dolls and
That
former
and
Fourth
torpedoeson
three-cent
of
the
July,
same
Gregory,though belongingto no
church or sect,is,in the true acceptation
of the term, a
of the clergymen of the various denom
not one
Christian,
inations having place down
ki the valleywill deny. If
their larders contain fatter turkeys or
largersirloins of
beef than is usual,or their cellars more
mealy potatoes,
has
Lightman
while
lying
it
said, as
sleep
to
did
such
vacation, and
back
come
not
Oh
"
! I
home
with,
spent
it for
for what
fun
crickey, what
his
eyebrows
put
I
away.
between
cracker
forget to
send
home
come
have
Uncle
my
the
Gregory
to
buy
me
a
with
of
it
July
and,
;
helped
of
Tell
Cousin
some
of
Growsy
right
him
lighted
a
don't
Please
it,and
for
and
;
bunch
John
off.
plenty
and
I
spinning-
whole
a
it went
knife
come
powder
some
on
Your
hooks.
to
?
Billy Testy singed
strawberries
and
old
is all
gone.
Fourth
sure.
and
that's
and
little,holding
Send
that
money
dreadful.
a
when
money.
time,
Gregory
Uncle
Little
and
biggest boy
himself;
it, and
on
went
week's
a
guessed
some
down
nose
teeth
mince-pies
!
there
Wednesday,
on
some
right
my
he
us
sea-serpents, arid
all off
vinegar
burnt
only
have
himself
and
The
and
things,on
hair
sat
burnt
molasses
did
front
he
and
crackers,
we
and
Groat
Georgy
of
kind
them
Ferule,
boys
that
last month
me
comet
Mr.
give
in
up
I want
say
the
the
'd
hard.
guess,
caught
school-room,
he
said
fire-crackers, and
and
wheels,
the
wedding
sent
you
in
name,
you
forgot to
most
and
recruit
the
do
he
teacher,
now,
study
by
to
go
What
I guess.
what
'd
we
Growsy
to
head
guessed
lazy, and
so
wanted
Ferule
he
hoped
school, John
the
afternoons
that
he
back, which
weather
of
none,
his
night,looking for
So
warm
much
so
VALLEY.
in
one
grass,
spy-glass.
was
THE
crick
a
the
study
n't
got
on
his
through
in
IN
DOWN
194
me,
then
Kate
to
and
for
fish-lines
affectionate
I '11
and
son,
FRED.
"
S.
P.
quick
as
"
you
Send
can."
the
money
in
one-dollar
bills,just
as
DOWN
VALLEY.
THE
IN
195
m.
THE
PONT;
KATE
SINGS
KATE
AN
FRED'S
COST.
HIS
OUR
HEIRESS.
ANGER.
FRED'S
OTHER
FROM
has
RED
friend
old
my
station to meet
Our
for the pony
with
he leaned
lifted
off his
doubtful whether
AN
expected,
was
the railroad
to
me
rode in
old-fashioned
an
largerthan a Newfound
that day purchased expressly
no
considerable
Gregory somewhat
trifle less than
notice
heavy,
"
hundred,
two
;
"
and
in his seat,the pony was
forth
times it appeared
feet,so that many
back
pony
would
I felt that
go up in the air.
We
attracted
and
light,
was
PARDON.
day he
The
him.
appearance
weighingperhaps a
whenever
HIS
Gregory drove
gig,behind a Shetland pony
land dog,which Gregoryhad
for Fred.
GREGORY'S
FRED.
home.
come
GALLANTRY.
ASTONISHMENT.
NAUGHTINESS;
LETTER
SUMMERSETS.
"
GREGORY'S
VOICE.
HER
;
HEALTH.
come
down
to
the
earth
or
running a great risk,
mentioned
much
and
to Gregory,suggesting,
at the
as
of my getting
out
to walk, which,
time, the propriety
same
in the shade,
marked
as the thermometer
only ninety-nine
would have been a very comfortable undertaking.
Gregory
laughed at me, however, and promised that he would see
the balance of power kept in the pony's favor.
we
were
be that our
It may
attracted more
attention
turn-out
than it otherwise would, owing to the contrast it exhibited
between
the horse
Gregory usuallydrove
animal,standingsixteen hands high in his
present
incumbent.
stoppedus,
and
advised
"
One
little fellow
a
black-coated
shoes
whom
"
and
we
the
met
Gregory to exchange placeswith
the pony
VALLEY.
feasible
which, though the plan was
;
neither relished
As
THE
IN
DOWN
196
followed
nor
by
worthy friend.
my
jogged slowlyon, Gregory informed
we
for
Shetland
boughtthe
that he
me
somewhere
about
song,
and a crust of bread,
of
mere
a
enough,was
"
bottle of
brandy
one
Jasper Millikens,a large dealer in horses,dogs,and
Hammer
Millikens frequentedthe
whiskey. Of course
of the principal
down
in
the name
tavern
and Tongs,
the cost of
a
"
"
"
"
the
valley,
was
warranted
and
"
footed,and
old
keep
to
easy
and
sound
to be
spring.
next
come
seldom, if
was
;
sober.
ever,
gentle;
pony
good
a
goer, sure
faults,and six years
free from
Whether
The
Patty
this is the
"
name
Gregory gave the pony, though why it should have a femi
is all that was
I know
not
nine appellation
warranted,
"
declare.
time will doubtless
thoughtridingthe pony would not
only benefit Fred's bodilyhealth,but also improve his men
well and
tal faculties. I told Gregory that the boy was
Gregory said
that he
exercise ; but this only had the effect
hearty,nor needed
of violently
excitingmy friend,causinghim to pullup his
his ears, to blow
shirt-collar about
nose,
which
"
trot,
smart
"
last
and
the
performance frightened
to
nearlypulloff
to
givehis
his head
claim that the affair was
to
buy
do
so
serve
:
camel
a
or
a
as
none
mine, and
ridinghorseback.
liable to
moment
of
nothingso
was
Paul,"he continued, in
any
;
a
on
pony
into
in
our
proper care
I should not
come
as
a
somewhat
be attacked
that if he chose
to
ride,he should
well calculated
"
Boys,
calmer
with
as
know,
you
tone,
measles
to pre
or
"
are
at
scarlet
it becomes
fever,or fits,
or somethingof the kind ; and
faithful guardiansof their health,to ward
off,by
as
means
his
such a twist as
gray moustache
time to ex
and at the same
crocodile for Fred
besides,there
health
terrific blast
a
us,
all
If
power, the approachof insidious disease.
be taken of Fred during his days of boyhood,
one
day to be
Paul, if he were
surprised,
I am
as
healthyand fleshyand good-looking
my-
be
DOWN
self."
And
THE
VALLEY.
reached
We
197
his double
Gregory stroked
satisfaction.
and
IN
the station
chin
the
as
there
with
great
rattled up,
in his haste to
cars
just in time to behold Fred,
reach home, leap from them, while yet under headway, and
in consequence
after his feet
turn two complete summersets
were
first touched
with
the earth.
the summersets
Dale.
It
shook
delight. He
hand
;
he
kissed
roses
;
he
climbed
of
words
the
or
made
the
stables
with
oats, and
he could
till her
my
knees, and
of
understand
the tea-table
long enough
and
and
custards
insisted that Kate
sing him
which
should
one
she had
two
or
lulled him
hood.
When
Kate
volume
and
sweetness
and
lackingthe
suddenly darting
bedroom, or the library,
Then
had
any,
he would
was
joy,and
sit down
could
fulness
to
scarcely
stop at
raspberriesand cream,
cousin Kate had, with
at her
of the
tea, Fred
seldom-used
piano,
with
half-forgotten
songs
sleepin
the
her voice
young,
;
rush
uttered.
to eat the
to
been
his feed-box
filling
though he thoughtthat
as
and
now,
and
roundness
notes
sessed, yet in its faltering
days of
noted
was
though somewhat
a
his
of tone
pathos and
it
baby
for its
broken
once
pos
tenderness
knew.
After Kate had
glorynever
for Fred, and played some
several cradle-songs
mar
sung
tial airs for Gregory,
her voice and touch strengthened,
the
from
her lips,
and her fingers
notes
dropped more
liquidly
traversed more
freelythe keys ; confidence in her own
dwell
which
whispered boyish
which
sponge-cake,
preparedfor him.
Shortlyafter
thoughtful
care,
to
him
wild with
as
pony,
word
every
was
the
red
were
then
absence.
care
cheeks
if
alterations,
what
see
speaking to
short,he
In
Kate
upon
take
at Allen-
boy was crazed with
Gregory fiftytimes, at least,by the
duringhis
to
he arrived
that the
to me
cousin
to
parlors,
in them
when
got off
ears, and
my
off to look at his
be
nothingin comparison
was
into
love
would
away,
he
reallyseemed
this
But
powers,
its olden
half lost
before,returned
did
youthfulspirit
she continue
to
;
and
with
more
than
her
sing and play. Turning
198
DOWN
suddenlyfrom
a
struck
of
to
which
shipsthat
More
than
have
But
I have
went
to sea
them
seen
around
to me,
and
in my
fro.
sleep,
the shoreless
tattered sails and
While
ago ;
home
come
sailingto
are
them
deep,
battered
screamed
hulls,
the
gulls,
Flying low, flyinglow.
I have
wondered
why they stayed
From
the world
me, sailinground
And I 've said, I 'm half afraid
;
"
That
their sails will ne'er be furled."
Great the treasures
they hold,
bars of gold ;
that
Silks,and plumes, and
While
the spiceswhich
they bear
Fill with fragrance all the air,
As they sail,as they sail.
Ah
f each
sailor in the port
that I have
Knows
Of
the
And
waves
and
and
ships at
winds
the sailors
Oft
pity me.
with
with
Till I put my
fears aside,
I have
waited
on
walk,
the
tide
fall,rise and
the
Gazing for them
Days and nights for
Till I turned
me
hopeful talk,
And, contented,watch
and
sea,
the sport,
they come
Cheering me
Rise
herself
brought a
SEA.
fiftyyears
yet
she
and
AT
Plunging through
With
which
off,she
rattling
ago, entitled
SHIPS
I hare
was
crowd
had
of
suffused my
eyes with
chanted, a song, the words of
rather
written years
None
she
prelude
a
heart
my
siing,or
I had
VALLEY.
which
deep feeling,
memories
tears,she
which
with
THE
melody
gay
the low notes
scored,and
olden
IN
fall.
piers,
down
many
heart-sick
the
bay,
years,
away.
IN
DOWN
But
and
Stop
Saying,
take
"
will live to
vessels
One
and
let
hope
the
bay
I shall
buy
then
Prints
to look
Richer,
cloud
all I
But
"
heart.
a
is lost.
and
pure
I
too, than
o'er
am
me
creased
young,
now,
flung,
brow,
my
heart
whose
one
of art,
lost,that
was
was
was
"
works
wrinkle
a
fair,
are
ships will sail.
my
is
I
when
There
all."
need,
books
to read,
at,
That
Or
sea,
fail ;
or
Everything except
a
and
all,one
Horses, wines, and
Ere
from
come
courage
when
skies
day,
some
Once
see
quitedespair,
never
Nor
Up
she's
mine
was
something
though come
my ships from
They can bring no heart to me
Evermore,
Kate
had
He
he
beside
stood
now
which
from
she
and
that
he
givesa
he calls
me
commenced
playing. I never
gallantry.I have of
with
his coat
brushes
at
wonderfullysince
an
hour
a
year
that Kate
owned
stock
sessed
of shares
the
in the
in
wherein
He
has
ago, when
was
in
a
song, and
leaves of music
had
Gregory
how
thought,
seen
late
than
more
twirl to his
graceful
at other times.
him
she
was
more
on
Kate, than
formed
evermore.
her,actuallyturningthe
much
displayso
ever,
sea,
ceased,I raised my eyes and looked at Gregory.
entered the music-room, from the piazza,
where
promenadingwhen
was
;
divine,
now
And
As
199
they land,
by the hand,
me
You
Yo-ur proud
And
VALLEY.
when
pilots,
the
So I
THE
extra
care,
moustache, whenever
he is
to
sure
encounter
"
certainly spruced up
I for the
small
way
an
first time
"
in
and
heiress,
Turnpike Company, and also was
the Aqueduct. Therefore it was
pos
that
200
DOWN
this
the
on
aware
THE
VALLEY.
of Gregory made
an
gallantry
impressionon me,
and the courtlygrace
gravityof his demeanor
attitude had
save
IN
I
never,
since the
am
been
certain,
excelled
by
while
of his
any one,
him,
Roger de Coverley. I was
the point of complimentingGregory,when
possibly
that he had stepped out of his usual character,
and
days of Sir
"
by being politehad
and
laid himself
attack
to
open
from
me,
he turned
his back
fearingit
abruptlyon us, and
displayedto our astonished sighta red silk handkerchief,
pinned from his shoulders,on which was chalked in large
letters,Hurrah for Uncle Greg." Of course
we
laughed;
could not avoid it ; when, facing
we
quicklyaround, Greg
"
"
demanded, in
what, in the name
ory
laughingat
made
some
a
of
that
;
fierce tone
a
voice,to be informed of
thousand
hexameters,we were
ten
he
did
not
sport of; that he had
sheets
of
of
done
namby-pamby
and
coxcomb
to
come
no
music
Allen-Dale
in
more
than
have
to
be
turningover
the
most
con
permitted
to do, and
that,also,without afterwards being laughed at
for his pains; and turningon his heel as he spoke,he had
the extreme
pleasure,he said,of wishingus good-evening.
So, in spiteof my entreaties for him to remain, and my
offers to explainthe matter, to which he turned a deaf ear,
summate
puppy
he seized his hat and
cane,
would
and, with
streaming behind him, departed. I
disappearedwith flyingcolors around
been
the red handkerchief
watched
the
till he
him
corner
;
then
be
whose work, I knew
thinkingme of Fred,
very well,the
whole
I told him to follow after Uncle
thingwas,
Greg
But Fred was
lyingon the floor,
ory and bringhim back.
and either was, or pretended to be, asleep. He appeared
of a suf
to be troubled,
; for sounds
too, with a nightmare
from his throat.
At last,
seemed
nature
to come
focating
"
"
however,
Fred
started,and
in
a
half-hour
returned
with
Gregory,who looked gloomilysavage, and growled and
snarled throughthe entire eveningat every one save
Fred,
who ventured to speak to him.
So, after a few futile efforts
about
I
did
uncle
he
I
when
said
tail,
"
keeps
'd
and
I
what
him
showed
he
Now
up
right
go
he
guess
you
you
must
when
in
of
Testy
answer
he
and
home
straight
did,
he
so
was
rocking-horse,
a
He
cussed
cut
and
so
was
dreadful,
his
off
mad
and
horse's
right
and
away,
got.
"
that
mad.
letter
this
home,
came
garret.
that
pony
I
only
pony,
mother's
his
my
since
live
on
July.
once
a
down
right
sat
you
fourth
him
give
n't
VALLEY.
THE
did
you
Billy
little
seen
which
as
fire-crackers,
of
"
his
much
as
bunch
me
IN
DOWN
202
Your
dutiful
friend,
"
FEED."
tell
IN
DOWN
VALLEY.
THE
203
IV.
"THE
GOLDEN-RULE
AND
SOAP
TICKETS.
GREGORY.
MRS.
HIS
LIFE.
KATE
is
appellations.The
the
Golden-Rule
"
SOUP
"
TO
INSULT
TEA-FIGHT.
J SKETCH
ANNOYANCES
CRITICISM.
"
"
First Directress
instituted some
society,
is
valley. The society
tinct
"
LITERARY
FRED'S
ARTIST1CAL
"
COUSIN
A
WHITE.
AXSEY.
DOINGS.
THEIR
ESQUIMAUX.
THE
LILLY
"
NANCY.
OF
SOCIETY;"
members
of
sewing
a
since,down
years
known
under
themselves
in the
several
dis
speak of
it as
calls it the
Society." Gregory Grumm
it the
I term
Quackery." A good
while
Gossipery,"
brightplans,of which the world has heard and ulti
many
in said society.
carried out, have
mately seen
originated
in possession
Numberless
of great importancewere
secrets
of its members
reporters got
long before the newspaper
first sug
hold of them.
submarine
The
telegraphwas
gested and talked about in this society. Crinoline and
hoops were in use among the sisterhood several months be
took to wearingthem.
fore the Empress of all the French
The comet
which it was
predictedwould destroythe world
of the
in June, was
Golden
foretold by the knowing ones
divided
Rule
full two years previous, though they were
"
"
"
"
"
in their
opinions as
this year
that,sooner
or
Both
next.
or
to
our
later,
whether
it would
strike the earth
agreed,however, in saying
planetwould be used up in this
sides
particular
way.
As
to affairs of
which
character,
the actors
a
nature
trifling
and
purely of
actuallyare of no account
themselves,that sometimes have
to any
a
private
one
occurred
save
even
204
DOWN
IN
VALLEY.
THE
in the
down
in the valley,
and over
families,
best-regulated
which it were
to be hoped that chanty would
have covered
its cloak,they have canvassed
and investigated
in secret
with a zeal and perseverance
sittings,
worthy of a better
has accomplishedsome
Stillthe society
cause.
good things.
all the go,"
were
winter,soup-tickets
During a late severe
"
and
many
perlessto
mouths, which otherwise would have gone supbed, were
dailyfed by the society.The follow
ing summer,
Saturdayfor
soap-tickets that
exchanged every
tin cup filled with soft soap
a
were
given
out to every man,
and child dirty
enough to require
woman,
them.
At present the society
is engaged in doingsome
thingfor the amelioration of the Esquimaux, providing
them with silver forks and napkin-rings.
My friend Gregory says that the Esquimaux business
will not result in any good,for that the race
be
can
never
let alone its refinements.
The
taughtthe decencies of life,
distribution of soap-tickets,
he thinks,was
the best thing
the gossipers
ever
engaged in,and if they had not insulted
him he would have given them five hundred dollars to have
kept the affair going; "but, three thousand comets
fly
with them ! he said one
day to me,
away
they had the
impudence to send me a dozen of their vile tickets,
accom
paniedwith the hope that I would make a good use of them,
and therebyencourage
the society.I returned them with
"
were
"
"
my
"
compliments, and
themselves.
among
"
that it was
to Miss
attention
;
but
I
now
told
I
them
to
distribute
the
same
he continued,
thoughtuntil lately,"
Kate
I
was
believe
indebted
that
for this mark
LillyWhite, from
of
New
the Barkers,was
of
at the bottom
York, who is visiting
the affair,
because she looks at me
when
so impertinently
ever
we
as
if,for all
meet, throughher miniature eye-glass,
the world, she was
hunting for grease-spots or tobaccostains on me.
thousand
katydidstrample her to
Fifty-five
death!"
and Gregory Grurnm
polishedaway at the bald
tillit looked
spot on his head, with his red handkerchief,
like
an
orange.
IN
DOWN
The
Quackery
"
"
VALLEY.
THE
went
out
to tea
205
few afternoons
a
since.
off at Allenas
Gregory terms it,came
tea-fight,"
Dale, under the especialpatronage of cousin Kate, who,
taking advantage of my absence from home on a fishing
The
"
her over
to meet
a sociable
excursion,invited the members
of the
hyson. According to Kate's account
cup of young
and exceedingly
it was
a
affair,
agreeable
delightful
same,
engaged
to those
in it.
cousin
Nancy,
Kate's
little black
told Fred that she had a
piping time,"and
girl,
of tryingon
lots of
'joyedthe 'streme felicity
that
"
"
with
hats all covered
calash
head
and
;
old
beautiful
lace
Miss
;
and
Axsey's
thing,"said Nancy, waving her
side,"just suited me the very best of
that
green
side to
from
flowers,and
blue
and
bonnets, besides
black
nine
eight or
red
she
all."
as
heretofore has been
which
library,
The
tabooed
ground to
the
this
on
Society,became
tivity.The tea-table was
This
was
of
source
library
"
to
the
I in
no
of
occasion
set
way
the
this
"
assembly,and
entertainment,which
Kate's
their fes
precincts.
part,and
it would
was
a
taking tea in the
of literary
sort
air
a
gave
of
It doubtless
approve.
rather
Golden-Rule
its sacred
cousin
on
great pleasure
very
to the
the
scene
within
strange innovation
a
of which
one
members
considered
not
otherwise
have
possessed. I dare say every woman
present considered
herself a
blue-stocking for the time being,and even
look when
she returned
home.
But the
put on a literary
"
"
next
the
time I go
key
thousand
place.
delivered
on
of that
a
excursion
fishing
volumes, could
Several
by
I
a
find,on
my
manuscript sheets
next
me
Association,were
ished,were
gone
January
missing;
;
and
to
pertaining
appeared. A sermon
matters
Not
apartment.
I shall carry with me
book, of the whole two
some
two
an
address,to be
the
Antiquarian
separate poems,
memoranda
I
of
before
the Historical
that
return, in its proper
had
of very
half fin
important
Societyhad also
latelywritten for
dis
our
206
givenhim
rector, to be
to
company
under
off
IN
DOWN
the
old
by
with
go
THE
VALLEY.
day when
some
I
and
a-trouting,
me
might
he
desire his
should
plea of havinga discourse to write,was
Mrs. Axsey, who, however, returned
to-day,with
the
remark
that
it
refuse
carried
it to
me
amazing like some
her dear minister
sermons
preached,and she should n't
wonder
written it. I suggestedthat possibly
a bit if he had
similar.
the stylewas
Oh, yes,"she said, the styleis
similar and likewise the fashion."
very precisely
Fred
who, by the by,is gettingto be a good deal of
a
dandy, and has latelytaken to wearing tight boots
with red morocco
possesses a pairof patent-leathers,
tops,
which show plainly
beneath
the bottom
of his pantaloons,
was
"
"
"
"
and
Kate's
cause
to
sighted,
he
ask him
red
wears
old
who
lady friends,
if he be troubled
flannel
around
somewhat
are
with
dim-
rheumatism
his ankles.
This,of
that
course,
our
gentleman exceedingly,
though he re
annoys
young
tains his good-humorwonderfully
well under
the provoca
tion.
who, at her
To-day, during Mrs. Axsey's call,Fred
especialrequest, had shown the tops of his boots,which
were
duly admired by the old lady,who put on her specta
"
obtain
cles to
if he
"
ever
better view
a
be
expected to
a
of them
asked
was
"
Frenchifer,and
her
by
miling-
wear
tary rappings."
repliedthat he guessed not,
which he sometimes
up-stairs,
He
wrapper
"
red
did n't
She
down
stripes
Thereupon
mean
none
of them
the trousers,and
Fred
thoughtthat
but
wore
he
when
she
things,"
feathers and
very
had
old
an
sick.
said
"
;
but
war."
likelyhe should,one
of these
days.
hearing which, the
On
said,
"
and
that
orfins
Fred's
the old
sogers
was
was
old
lady wrung
her
hands
but battles,
and
dreadful,
and
widders,
dreadfuller."
spirit
beingup by this time,he proceededto give
lady a brief sketch of his future life. He was
DOWN
going,he
her, in
told
Point,to become
he
where
would
The
worthy
matron
told her
was
"
afraid he 'd be
a
few years, to West
that afterwards he should
and
and
;
a
have
at
and
cork-leg,
a
live
last,
the
go
"
now
she
knew
Before
an
was
she
said she
make
She
it.
a
was
fellow.
Axsey greatlyby sayingthat
tell the minister about
the
bank,
a-fishing
every
would
and promised
good deal of a braggart,
performed.
She thought that was
bad enough,and
like with
a
little
a
river's
that Fred
a
would
in
and
quite horrified,
darters
tremendous
I relieved Mrs.
207
cat-fish.
Blue-Beard, and
perfectJuan
of
soldier ; and
eels and
catch
always
course
by himself,close on
and
keep a sail-boat,
alone
day,and
had
the
be called Colonel
pension,and
cottage,all
THE
get wounded,
and
to battle
go
a
VALLEY.
IN
it,and
have
Fred
than
more
reckoned
was
he
she
talk serious-
him
boy.
took
her
artist now,
and
departure,Fred told
and
paintedpictures,
her
that
showed
he
her
of Nancy, the black girl,
which he had justcom
portrait
pleted.
and then said that it was
She looked at it critically,
a
the color,and the curlyhair,
first-rate likeness,
especially
her neck; and
and the gold beads
around
that one
of
these days she guessed she 'd let him take hers.
a
promised to do it,and said he
blue dress,and with green ribbons
Fred
much
would
on
her
paint her
cap
;
in
a
which
the old lady,so that she went
delighted
away
and
promisingto call again.
very happy,
"While I was
absent on my fishing
excursion,up in the
had refused to ac
who
Adirondacks, Gregory Grumm
the plea that he never
cared to leave
me, under
company
home, and, besides,he wished to stay and see about his
peach-crop took a tripto Newport. It was full twenty
years since Gregoryhad last visited that celebrated water
Everythingabout it had changedin the interim.
ing-place.
very
"
"
changed ; the
appeared to him even
The
hotels had
and
it
with
as
loud
crash
a
had
say
the
about
itself had
ocean
high,nor broke
as
formerly. Gregory
himself changed, that
"
had
of yore, but
had
a
become
good
The
assembled.
there
company
changed;
as
country. He
of the
men
the
that
beach
the
on
he
too, that possibly
thought,
he was
no
longer the buck
of the solid
class of visitorshad
rplled its billows
neither
changed,and
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
208
one
deal
to
young
the young
as
dandies,and
flirts,
men,
designated
and
the old ladies,dowagers. Such dreadful dissipation
flirtationsas he witnessed were
trulyappalling,
frightful
account, he appears to have
though,accordingto his own
kept pace with the liveliest individual there,and smoked,
ladies he
and
sailed,fished,bathed, bowled, danced,
Kate's request he
did
his
givebelow, of
in
up
Newport,
I smoked
NEWPORT.
With
in the ocean,
I bowled
My
in the
fall of
hands
And
though
I
played
I
to the ball-room
polked
We
ate
Then,
There
a
i lancered
and
lightsupper,
on
the beach
each.
flirted with
I
was
lame,
heart
better than
its halls ;
in
a
flame
of
eight out
;
nine,
bottle of wine.
a
danced
and
with
Miss
the
night-timeaway
by way of a lunch,
Gay,
;
"
lobster,broiled chickens, ice-cream, cake, and punch,
Some
And
"
balls,
lounged through
drove
and
blisters,
my
Yet lost I rny wager
I went
and
Fanny, and
alleysuntil
and
Mary
at its
I danced
in its bar-rooms
I bathed
account, which
an
sojourn
AT
I visited
rhyme
flirted. At
behind
we
a
silk curtain
talked
Till I wondered
I walked
sight,
the night ;
out on
oysters and pearls,
to the girls.
me
we
slippedout
confidential,
grown
about
what
looked
cables and
cable drew
of
in the
night,
And
quoted the poets to fair LillyWhite,
From
Bryant the noble, and Halleck the grand,
From fun-loving
Saxe, and Holmes genialand bland
the
piazzastilllate
;
"
I
DOWN
210
IN
THE
VALLEY.
V.
AND
KATE
BREAKFAST.
AT
I
LILLY
NEWPORT.
GOLDEN
WHITE
VERTISEMENT.
POMPEY.
GREGORY'S
A
VISIT.
TO
"
MYSTERIOUS
TO
THE
AD
NEW
YORK.
SOLOMON.
KING
NOTE.
GREGORY
FIRST
HER
GOES
GREGORY
"
"
;
BARKERS.
THE
RULE.
SENT
WHAT
"
"
"
FRED'S
LETTER.
IATE,"
to my
said,one morning at the breakfast-table,
cousin,who occupiedher usual place oppo
I
site me,
induced
"
friend
our
wonderingwhat
been
I have
it was
to visit
Gregory Grumm
Newport. At
Adirondacks,I am positive
I left him, to go to the
that he had no intention of visiting
Newport.
the time
to make
way
him
"
'
he did.
objectin goingto Newport
out
you?
but
purpose,
a
Something
have
occurred
must
great moment
desert
The Hemlocks,' and travel off in the
You
it,Gregory had some
may depend upon
of
that,too,
and
"
that
what
;
he
it
was
never
does
I cannot
anythingwith
imagine. Can
'
Kate
said
mystery.
"
that
You
she
have
thought she could
heard of LillyWhite
unravel
?
"
she
the
con
tinued.
"Yes," I replied;"I
Barkers',where I called
met
her
some
time
since at the
Gregory,who had business
in hoops
A pretty girl,
himself.
with Barker
magnificent
and flounces,but, it seemed
to me,
possessingno great
of intellect. But what has she to do with Greg
amount
ory'sgoingto Newport ?
she answered.
A great deal,I imagine,"
But before
I further explain,
ask if you have noticed the inlet me
with
"
"
"
DOWN
creased
how
care
than he
from
sprucer
know
I
spoke to
"
though,as
first visit to
I nodded
You
"
that
But
"
the
on
to
to New
them
and
;
York
?
;
the
remark;
fool
as
to make
he is such
same
a
know
any
I told Kate
here
you
she went
that he
and
de
to New
from
to
has,since his
her
a
letter."
of these matters,
it
nonsense,
was
nor
did
and
that
he would
declare
not
be
LillyWhite.
love to
said
fool,"
Kate
with considerable
;
and
I
thoughtshe
feeling.
indulgein
to gossip,
discover all
nearlyapproaching
How, Kate," I asked,
uttering
aughtso
when
"
received
Gregorywell enough
spoke the
"
Paul," replied
now,
day followingher departure,Mr.
Newport ; and that from there he
to and
I did not
course
a
of the amount
here
was
that from
do not know
home, written
I knew
such
a
excursion
fishing
again.
accompanied her
I believe
him
good, perhaps you may
Miss LillyWhite
paid her
the valley."
too, that she
also went
Of
so
your
port; and
return
is
memory
aware,
you
Grumm
there
affirmatively.
I nodded
But
is
be correct.
not
may
fortune
year ago
dwellers down
in
us
are
partedon
"
about my
also that
remember
or
drawn
I thought,
disconcerted,
by
your
he
"
concerningthis improvement, full
you
mind
Well, never
Kate, somewhat
have
and
the time I informed
year
his attire ;
"
"
"
211
effective word
an
have,"I answered,
which may
conclusions,
ago, about
of your fortune."
a
use
I
certain
You
to
"
formerly?
was
Indeed
"
'
'
VALLEY.
THE
friend has of late taken with
your
much
IN
"
did you, who
seldom
this?"
talked about at the
Why," and Kate blushed, it was
last evening. Miss Smythe,the postmaster's
sewing society
"
"
who often assists in making up and distributing
the
sister,
at least their envelopes;
mails,saw the letters alluded to
"
so
that you
must
allow that my
information
on
that
pointis
IN
DOWN
212
fact
three times
his
of
themselves
their
visiting
stay there.
White's
Miss
VALLEY.
Then, too, the Barkers
correct.
to the
THE
And
even
talk with
week, to
Lilly. There, also,are
a
house
every
he
now
Jane
openly
Barker
refer
day during
goes
there
about
Miss
those verses,
to Newport,
relating
of LillyWhite, which
in which
he introduces
the name
made
not flattering
to her,was
mention,though certainly
I might
simply to blind me, as well as others to whom
he thoughtI would
read them
show the verses, (probably
aloud before the 'Golden
to the fact that he is
Rule,')
smitten with her.
! I
can
see
I remarked, as
really,"
Well,
"
Ah
that he is
Kate
planner."
concluded, it seems
a
"
somethingin all this besides foolish
gossip.I must have a talk with Gregoryabout it,and if
he is in love with LillyWhite, why, I will argue him out
to
me
if there
as
were
of it."
York, that
lookingover the morningpaper from New
arrived shortly
after breakfast,
my eyes fell on
which immediatelyarrested
ing advertisement,
On
tion
:
"
young
ent
been
PERSONAL.
are
gentleman the initials of whose name
while at Newport, in relation to
who corresponded
lady,with C. O'C.,will send to the latter his pres
If the
G. G.
a
atten
my
"
"
"
the follow
"
address,he
desirous
will learn
but unable
all of which
he
heretofore has
to ascertain."
this referred to my friend Gregory,
and, probably,
to LillyWhite, I had no doubt,but it served onlyto excite
That
it. Can it be
without in the least satisfying
curiosity
I thought,
that Gregoryhas been making inqui
possible,
ries of some
in New
LillyWhite and
one
York, regarding
and
her fortune. Such a thingseemed utterly
improbable,
my
yet,under
the circumstances,I could not
conclusion.
the
door,and
old friend.
Just
before
drove
over
I ordered
noon
to
come
"
The
to any
Fred's
Hemlocks,"
to
other
pony
see
to
my
To
my
alone
was
his
that
Massa
"
he
desk, which
took
what
on
up
a
train,saying
Pompey
might return.
he
day
"
Grumm
left
had
a
While
departedto get.
of the
copy
eleven-o'clock
in the
York
uncertain
believed
213
I found Pompey, Gregory's
onlyservant,
surprise,
the premises. His master, so he informed
me,
left for New
had
it
on
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
in which
newspaper
for
note
he
me
on
gone, I
read the
was
I had
naturallyturned to the column
wherein
it had appeared. The advertisement,
however, had
in Gregory's
been cut from the sheet,and doubtless was
advertisement,and
my
eyes
wallet.
to relieve
as
the
that
I trusted
and
factory,
of my
thus :
me
ran
would
note
DEAR
PAUL,
expectedlyto
afternoon,I
sion to
the
will
if you
city. If
drop you
Present
my
kind
of
importance takes me un
should not return by Saturday
line
a
;
from
regardsto
Fred
not
A. M.
but
you
know
me
need
under
when
you
a
aver
my
be
not
fortnight.
write to
him,
believe me,
"
name,
could
Kate's had at first been
the other
questionedPompey
but he
G.
Yours, hastily,
place of Fred's
but was
erased,and
In
I
I
Hemlocks,Monday,
hear
do
unsatis
most
was
that,after all,you
; so
letter-writing
alarmed
and
it
matter
"
Business
"
explainthe
far
suspicions
; but
"The
"
so
only tell
as
me
to
G."
written,
substituted.
his
that
knowledge
of the affair
his master, while
at break
fast,readingthe paper, had spilthis coffee,
upset his chair
went
and, risingsuddenlyfrom the table,
up to his chamber,
he had Pompey pack his carpet-bag,
and then,after
where
suit he broughtfrom
the city,
dressinghimself in a new
the servant
made
drive him to the cars.
He appeared to
and asked
be a good deal excited,"continued
Pompey,
rode along,
what I would do if I had a mistress,
me, as we
"
"
IN
DOWN
214
if I had
and
of the
valley." And
at me,
as
much
but
thing,
bound
So I returned
returned
much,
the
young
played all
"
cousin
teased
after
to school
time
duringwhich
very
unsatisfied with all that
Allen-Dale,as
to
had
not
up the
stirred from
scapegrace
of
manner
the
mystery.
weeks
passingtwo
till she lost all
Kate
his eye
of some
dark.
clear
will,doubtless,
Time
Fred
keep
to
about the lilies
wrote
laughed and winked
he knew
a good deal
Gregory as though I
related to
house.
Pompey
to say that
as
was
Solomon
read what
ever
VALLEY.
THE
home,
at
enjoyed himself
tricks
Gregory;
on
patiencewith
him
and
;
half to death, by
Nancy, the little black girl,
frightened
with a mask
and
sheet,a ghost. Since he
personating,
reached
school,I have received from him the following
letter :
-"
"ProspectHill School,August 1st,1857.
I got here just in time to see old
DEAR
FATHER,
Ferule
whip Georgy Groat for robbing Squire Justy's
and got
muskmelon
patch. He did it in the night-time,
he thoughtwere
ten of them, besides four pumpkins, which
"
"
He
watermelons.
and
up
When
out.
sick,for
Can't I
not
has
4
I
I
come
be taken
got
his
about
him
saw
home
good
new
but
againsoon
care
wife
has
dress.
curls and
Give
my
a
love
turn
my
?
here, and
beautiful
to Uncle
'em, and
old
and
am
John
there.
Growsy
'em.
found
it
real home
me
would
told
ate
Ferule
next.
come
I 'm afraid my
of unless I
though what
regularginger-top,'
she
smelt
whip Georgy,it made
know
didn't
he
so
down
went
did n't let the other
they got 'em
it,and
bed,
in
was
fence, and got 'em in
and
Charley Berry
cried
Groat
Georgy
the
bed,
fellows, and
of the
rest
his
under
it ; but
know
boys
the
put them
He
boys
pillow,and
the
climbed
and out-doors,and
stairs,
it.
all the
when
from
pillow-case
his
took
got
Mr.
will
pony
Penfield
says she 's
that is I don't know
;
a
but
silk
green-and-red-striped
Gregoryand Cousin Kate,
and
don't
forget
to
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
send
a
me
dollar
215
every
week,
as
you
promised.
"
"
P.
S.
Tell
"
home
come
in
the
school.
faithful
Your
again,
Nancy
I
autographs
FRED.
son,
'm
going
of
all
to
bring
the
boys
her,
and
when
teachers
F."
I
IN
DOWN
216
VALLEY.
THE
VI.
KATE
ON
A
LOVERS.
NEW
A
HAT.
AT
APPLICABILITY.
AND
than
departure from
heard
has
The
"
SUBJECT.
THE
by
gone
Gregory's
since
and
Hemlocks,"
ITS
;
HAIR-DYE
"
CHANGING
week
a
TABLES.
THE
BILL.
SERMON
THE
DISCRETION.
,ORE
MILLINER'S
CHURCH.
TURNING
"
WIGS.
A
LETTER.
as
yet I
concerninghim.
I said to Kate, one
It is very strange,"
evening,as we
the piazza, that Gregoryshould have gone
sat together
on
he did,without so much
in the manner
me
as telling
away
have
not
word
a
"
"
a
"
have
about which
of the matter
word
repliedKate
strange,"
It is very
noticed
become
he went."
that when
of your
men
lovers,they are
apt
to commit
"
;
I
but,nevertheless,
friend
every
Gregory'sage
sort of extrav
agance."
"
"
Yes," I answered, if they be bachelors."
Widowers
are
no
wiser,"said Kate, and
"
"
themselves
to conduct
had
never
been
like
boys
of fifteen as
are
as
prone
though they
married."
This,however, I stoutlydenied, and asked Kate if she
in such an unseemly manner.
behave
had ever
seen
me
Kate
thoughtshe had, and was proceedingto state the
when
and
where
that I would
and
then,as
she
waive
the dew
had
thus
seen
me,
the further discussion
was
when
I told
of the
we
beginningto fall,
her
subject;
entered
the
house.
Shortlyafter Gregory's
departure Kate received a letter
of which
from New
so nearlyreYork, the superscription
DOWN
218
might lie dormant
The
out.
IN
THE
VALLEY.
therein for years, stillit never
forever there ; and when
was
germ
fullydied
one
the
was
it was
prepared for its exhibition,
suddenlyshown in
some
pieceof finery perhaps in a gay ribbon,an elegant
hat,a feather,a bit of lace,a costly
brocade,or the daintiest
of gaiters.Again, it might be seen
in a rounded
arm, a
careless curl,a jewelledhand, or a tapering
ankle."
said our
More, to the same
effect,
worthy clergyman;
least
"
but
Kate
sat
surmounted
throughit unmoved, bowing her statelyhead,
hat, approvinglyto all the good
by the new
uttered.
man
As
with
we
walked
the
sermon.
ing slylyat
She
when
the rector
"
if she
Kate
that she
answered
fellow !
Poor
"
me,
I felt for you
I asked
home,
she
pleased
were
was
;
and
look
exclaimed, how
"
alluded
to
sorry
hair-dyeand
wigs,
while
speakingof man's vanity."
Kate
is a very wonderful
but how
she
certainly
woman,
discovered that I wear
a wig,and
dye my whiskers,I can
not
imagine. I have taken much care to keep these two
matters
secret,for the reason, simply,that I did not wish
to have ascribed to vanitythat attention to my appearance
in
which,
part
make
to
I did
fact,only
decent
a
continue
not
fortunate
a
a
from
arose
a
laudable
in
appearance
conversation
desire
on
society. Of
which
had
my
course
taken
so
un
her new
say aughtto Kate concerning
first,had been my intention.
Discretion,
as
turn, nor
hat,which, at
better
has wiselyremarked, is the
before me, I believe,
that I held
it was
part of valor. Therefore
my
peace,
and
some
one
in silence
accompanied my
cousin
Kate
back
to
Allen-Dale.
For
time
some
write what
she
past, Kate
terms
ored
day
to
"
view
comply
being
of
with
anxious
having her
been
desirous
of
description
poetical
a
and
therefore,
Secretly,
has
at different seasons,
her
to
wishes.
On
please Kate,
and
forget,
say
for
Allen-Dale.
I have
endeav
this identical
and
to
me
perhaps
nothingmore
Sun
with
to
a
me
IN
DOWN
VALLEY.
THE
219
concerningthe subjectof her above remarks ; for,to con
not altogether
fess the truth,I am
pleasedwith the idea
and
I finished,
that age is layingvisible hands
me
upon
the lines below, en
handed
to her during the afternoon,
"
titled
"
DOWN
Down
in the
violets bloom
Where
glideclear
Marked
in their
Where
the lilies blow,
valley,where
Where
and
china-asters
o'er
waters
;
pebbly bed,
a
red ;
hide,
foxes
where
squirrels,
chattering,leap on every side ;
gracefulelms and glisteningbirches rise,
Where
"
There
Allen-Dale
undressed
built of
gabled mansion
Just as 't was
quarried,of
Though few of those who
Know
that its color is
from
For, wrapped
littleof the
That
lodge
slightobservers
Above
its roof
From
which
it every
pass
gray
in
day
;
clamb'ringvines,
eglantines,
sweet
it green.
oft pronounce
chimneys rise,
curls upwards to
the smoke
ancient
tone,
itself is seen,
dozen
a
sober
to roof
a
base
a
stone,
modest
woodbines, and
Ivies and
passers'eyes.
the
contents
A
An
grow
sumach-berries
by
course
rabbits burrow, and
And
So
VALLEY.
THE
IN
weathercock,
black
grown
the skies ;
with
years,
its
Upon
An
highest gable'spoint appears ;
cunning workmanship and quaint device,
Ethiopian on a cake of ice.
So
Gregory
Of
Cousin
; but
says
It is a poet
singing Lydian
Whiche'er
it be, it constant
Summer
and
it stands
To
"
The
where
wind
the
may
North, south,
But
is and
east
a
all and
western
;
autumn
bluster, and around
and
true
too,
points,from May to May,
of empire takes its way."
and
course
it defies them
Its face from
airs.
winter, spring and
Unmoved
declares
Kate
vigorous
it rage
war
may
;
wage
though theychange,
skies does
never
range.
;
Within
is
house
the
the
Which
holds
Where
easy-chairs
Are
and
here
And
Where
Near
colors
A
broad,
With
please
Here
The
To
That
Here
in
to
when
And
sinks
Once
We
God
the
our
a
duties
willing
mind
day,
we
or
read
is
duly
meet,
aloud,
hills
and
then
His
care.
spread,
read
depart,
heart
cheerful
its
the
by
prayer
papers
we
all
night,
sight,
the
in
and
with
the
beyond
more
talk
several
at
heat,
feet.
slippered
them
the
are
and
other's
join
and
fall,
light
last
each
meal
coffee,
the
and
keep
to
morning
our
with
And
read
Bible
its
the
in
gathers
the
in
warm
first,
morning
asketh
Then
Each
the
and
hall,
the
gives
care
glare.
early
winter
sight
the
the
with
from
"
hear
And,
within
with
stained
noonday's
"
the
books,
or
and
the
;
nooks,
work
over
blaze
side
little
cosy
are
wide
and
every
gloom,
the
out
soft
on
fireplace
household
too
folks
room,
keeps
lounges
subdue
ruddy
To
pleasant
diamond-paned
deep
through
and
linger
that
Air
sunlight
there
windows
In
a
and
can
one
many
lazy
for
placed
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
220
the
say
is
work,
setting
blazing
"
done,
sun,
light
good-night.
;
DOWN
THE
IN
VALLEY.
221
vn.
FROM
NEWS
GREGORY.
DANGER;
HIS
CLOCK.
KATE
AT
LETTER.
CHATHAM
PANTS.
LILLY
"
FAMILY.
"
THE
;
ASTOR."
CITY-HALL
"
STRIPED
FORTUNE.
HER
CANDLES.
BRIEF
GREGORY'S
TIP-STAIRS.
STREET.
WHITE
LOVE.
IN
MY
HAPPY
A
REMARKS.
MY
LET
TER.
the
morning'smail,a few days since,a letter from
came
Gregory Grumm
safelyto hand. I was very
glad to hear from Gregory. He had been absent
from
a
home
two
over
had
syllable
the
been
received
have
could
his movements
put
out
"
left
as
with
he
me
I
was
not
aware,
dwellingdown
any one
I had not thoughtthat my
so
did.
if I had
me
as
by
valleyconcerninghim.
friend
"
weeks, and, so far
in
old
in suspense
regarding
would
have
been terribly
long
He
done
the like.
If I had
made
for
him, he
marryingwithout first consulting
would never
have forgiven
could do
me
; but he, it seems,
all this without
mentioning the subjectto either Kate or
that she is ! endeavors
to
myself. Kate, brave woman
and laughsand jokes
look at the matter in a cheerful light,
about it,thoughI reallythink her heart is breaking. For,
arrangements
strange
believe,loves
this
Kate, as I have
Gregory. At least,she did
it may
as
abominable
appear,
letter
married, why, she
more.
her next
will
was
not,
received
nor
;
shall
but
to
every reason
love him before
if he
not, love
is to
him
be
any
If Kate
him, as
says so, I will bring a suit against
friend,for breach of promise; or, if it pleaseher
better,I '11even
else he must
in this way
a duel,or
challenge
my old friend to fight
shall not be treated
make an apology. Kate
letter :
with impunity. But to Gregory's
"
DOWN
222
VALLEY.
THE
IN
"New
York, Aug. 18, 1857.
Astor
No. 502.
House, Room
Here am
I,perched half-waybetween
PAUL,
six by nine,or thereabouts,
and earth,in a cage
heaven
throughwhich, by standingtip
having a circular loophole,
"
DEAR
"
I can
my carpet-bag,
out the exact
time,any
toe upon
make
of
watch, would
After
gets
one
the
be
course
up
of
Street of
Chatham
I
gets
plays the
up here,I
deuce with
to my
puts me
said,it's very
of my
man
a
trumps, I
assure
every
or
more
of
as
their
attacks,
"
the ascent, with
a
coolingdrinks,and
other
my
a
inclination
prompts,
I
at
glassesof soda-water and
the perspira
suffice to keep down
landing. Fiftythousand
hock, however, would
tion.
them,
from
After
fig-leaf.
well ; but the gettingup
of flesh, it
superfluity
I have a white-jacketed
you.
whenever
I make
precede me,
and
tray full of sherry-cobblers
one
that
me
apart that the
fox-and-goose
throughthem ; and, so
rascal to
take
reminds
wide
so
bloody divils play at
it affords me
far as regardsany protection
myself with
why, I might as well cover
one
no
me
purchased yesterdayin
are
Israelite,
an
'
4
with
great convenience.
the
as
well,barring,
it is all very
mosquitoes;and that
here
say, the
which
the bars of the mosquito-net,
Irishmen
carried
I
source
a
Hall clock,and
Citythe day or night,by
of
hour
: this,if
eye-glass
of my
the aid
see
What
makes
not
the
ascent
tedious
more
to me,
is the
fact
that,having been
to discard
my
favorite
some
who
called
five
for good reasons,
obliged,
nankeens, I foolishly
purchased,of
himself
a
very
fashionable
pair of stripedpantaloons,and
no
tailor,
each
on^
less than
pair,bad
luck to
climb
than a drum-head, which makes
tighter
ing up-stairsin them somethingawful. What in the name
induced
of seventeen
zebras
to buy so
me
striped
many
pantaloons,I cannot imagine. It must have been after
all to Pompey on
dinner that I did it. I shall give them
This naturally
bringsme to the subject
my return home.
them
! fitsme
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
223
leavinghome ; and you, doubtless,are anxious to
Now
here.
know
what brought me
that,Paul, is the very
questionI Ve asked myself every day since I have been
of my
absent,and
on
almost
am
inclined
clear
a
town,
ducted.
of
understanding
tell the
most
fiftythousand billet-doux stuffed
here to answer
loons' pockets. I came
an
know
You
LillyWhite ? well,she is at the
it will end
as
am
miserablycon
wish
of it had
mischief,though how
truth,I
as
it,but
the latter is the case, and
I think
here
came
you are your
she is either out
case
penny-post is
the
else
or
the
about
to her
written
I have
self.
that I
to think
ignisfatuus expedition.To
an
far from
of
I
the manager
into his
panta
advertisement.
bottom
of the
himself
would
Solomon
for a
Paul, frightful
frightful,
of my age to be obliged
to live in the way I do, having
man
of stairs,
and to
to ascend
nightafter nightso many flights
and all on
dwell in such a state of anxietyand perplexity,
that young flirt'saccount.
Speakingof her account, I find
in confounded
dollars invested
that she has fortythousand
not
River
Hudson
Railroad
get her
but when
I
change,I
tell you.
that
It
be able to tell.
I have
stock,and
matters
you
much
as
into my
Of course,
to
come
seems
own
know
in Erie
more
;
hands, I '11make a
by this time,Paul,
regardmatrimony from
your
pointof
of
view, and to believe that it is filled with all manner
few and far
and that its infelicities are
pleasantfelicities,
in short,
between
I intend to be married ; and that you
; that,
I will promiseyou to desert
to it,
may interposeno objections
the Hemlocks
sell it,
my dear boy,out and out, and, tak
"
my bed and
henceforth
with
ing
what
baggage,go
you.
jollytimes
shall be !
I have
more
contented
than
she
know, will
has
be
of darkness
the
with
ever
!
What
Allen-Dale
will be far
a
companion
life when
she
possesses
while
you, my
the short
;
live
that Kate
believe
yet been
and
Paul,
wedding-rings,
a
happy familywe
vanityto
with
delighted
take
hundred
Five
will have
we
to
over
old
friend,I
society.Twenty-fiveimps
pieces of candles one gets at
my
DOWN
224
hotels !
is
Mine
much
unwritten
force,bid you
IN
THE
VALLEY.
in
just flickering
that
I had
the socket
intended
good-night.
Yours,in
"
write,I must,
to
the
Gregory may
when
he
he proposes
wife
to
stared
ori,
at
Kate
the
"And
He
that you
rather
hand
;
"
LillyWhite
feature of the letter."
he
reason
will be
gives,too,"I
be that
need
you
contented
more
LillyGrumm,
with life
companion."
of her
and laughed
feelings,
tak
Kate," I said,soothingly,
but before I could
hastilyfrom
went
his
with which
that
thinks,forsooth,
cousin
My
with
remarkable
most
lost all command
immoderately.
and
to Allen-Dale
me.
companion, and
if LillyWhite, or
ing her
Kate,
epistle, but
"
remove
a
Here
said to
I continued,
coolness,"
is delicious.
"
went
dark,"I
"
The
"
is,I think,the
Kate
in the
readingthis remarkable
me
as to his proceedings."
least,
fullyenlightened
blushed.
Kate
been
GRUMM."
finished
I had
has, at
have
per
dark,
GREGORY
"
leaving
; so
the
more
say
she withdrew
it,
It is very evident
that she is unable
"
room.
I
to
to
thought,after Kate's exit,
control her feelings.
In her present state it would never
do for Gregory to bring hither his wife. I will write to
him
abroad
for
immediately,advisinghim to remain
me,"
a
"
while."
follows
as
Therefore
:
I sat down
before my
desk, and
"
"Allen-Dale,
August 19$,
"
OLD
DEAR
terday,and
had
no
to
a
BOY,
of whom
Allen-Dale,I
favorable
justreceived yours
its contents
quitestartled
say
considered upon
;
in
that,at present,I look
time
light.When
exist
of yes
me.
I
at least not with
thoughtof marriage,
your removing
you speak. As regards
cannot
which
feelings
1857
I have
"
I confess that
idea that you
the person
wrote
a
shall
certain
have
it in
assuaged the
quarter, it may
but for the present,if you
on
have
then
any
be
regard
IN
DOWN
226
VALLEY.
THE
VHI.
MRS.
AXSET.
A
GENEALOGICAL.
HINT
FOR
SIMON
GREGORY.
JONES.
BALLOON.
TERIOUS
[LD
CLOVER.
MISTER
FOUR.
LADY.
Mrs.
A
SIGN.
"
BABY.
PORTRAIT.
HER
"
"
DECEASED
HER
NUMBER
"
A
"
AXSEY.
OLD
"
GINGERBREAD.
LILLY
PARDNERS."
A
"
"
MYS
WHITE.
Axsey latelypassed the day
with
Kate.
morning before breakfast,and re
till after sunset.
mained
She broughtwith her a
and busied
that requireddarning,
largebasket of stockings
them.
She declared,
herself throughthe day with repairing
She
at the
while
Dale
"
in the
came
that
breakfast-table,
experiencea
to
tinued,glancingat her
she
had
come
to
Allen-
and," she
rejoicing,
well-filled plate, I believe
of
season
"
con
I
am
it."
experiencing
Mrs.
Axsey
is
notable
a
character
down
in the
valley,
importantpersonage in the eyes of many of its
little
is generallythe first one
ladies. She
to welcome
strangersto town, and is proud of being able to tell the
each child,
native of the
number
of pounds which
exact
valley,for twenty years past,weighed at a very earlyperiod
and
a
very
of its existence.
Mrs.
bands.
Grumm
dyed
Gregory
in the wool."
ner," being left in
Axsey
widow
is the
of three
hus
"three-plywidow
After the death of her third "parddestitute circumstances,with a large
terms
her
familyof daughtersto support, she
a
entered
into the
man-
tua-makingbusiness. The better to notifythe publicof
and wrote
she ordered a signto be painted,
her occupation,
for the same
the lettering
a
on
slipof paper, which she
with strictinof her " darters
to the painter,
sent by one
"
IN
DOWN
junctionsfor
him
on
VALLEY.
THE
account
no
227
depart from
to
the copy.
who
bit of a wag, and
a
was
signs,
with exactness, so
joke,followed the orthography
much to
letters,
sign,when completed,read,in gilt
of passers-by,
priseand amusement
The
of
man
loved
a
that the
the
sur
"
MRS.
AXSEY,
MANTORMENTOE.
the number
were
Gregory among
wicked
even
enough to say that the sign told the entire
if interrogated,
truth,as the ghostsof the dear departed,"
would
testify.Mrs. Axsey's mode of spelling mantuain accordance
maker"
with Webster's
not
was
certainly
Unabridged.
The old ladyinquiredparticularly
concerningFred, and
Some
persons
"
"
"
"
said she
him
wanted
he
Would
word
"
sorry that
was
off"
all
ready?
with
her
hair
likeness
"
and
be
teriors
"
a
was
sometimes,to
a
looked
be
a
taken
"
so
lady of
She
in
"
to
without
;
and
a
when
Kate
was.
sometimes, she
guessedshe
the
more
people did who had
Mrs.
many
knew
laughedat
continued;
about
so
Axsey had much to say
questionsconcerninghim.
to
"
try
pos
was
"
great
no
darter
her mistakes
but, for
her
the
she had
one
a
"
was
good
part, she
thingsthan one
book-larning."
about Gregory,and
some
much
like,
body has
suggestedthat
than the
was
more
posterity
appropriate
chosen.
Well, she said,it might be, for she
hand at grammar
but her youngest
herself,
deal
did
time
good
and
;
she 'd like for her
for one,
Folks
a
or
cap
them
wear
school,yet she
the old
she thoughtit
off,"
at it.
she 'd be
guessedthat
word
amazing 'cute
promised.
do it if she sent him
antykated
she
had
curls,and
littlefashionable
somebody ; and
to see justwhat
school,as she
to
he
as
picter,"
"
was
spectacles.It
though she
returned
home, she asked,and
come
that she
taken
paint her
to
had
he
half
"
She 'd heard
asked
tell that he
York,
home,
take
Yes, it was
and
age
that
woman
be
Though, to
"
Jerusha's,and
disremember
Bible,for
in the way
Two,
exactly which
of
ones
them, but
it's
he used to call the
as
log-book,'
he had been one v'y'geto sea, but his legswere
much
he never
went
so
again; he, I say, was
tall
the
man
i
while
;
much
Mister
short
ticks did n't carry him
wise did."
off five years
"
attempt
a
the
'
balloon
Hammer
and
;
Number
and
death,that
Oh, yes,"I replied, I remember
of
frequenters
Clover,my
you both know
that ithas been
solidary,
againtoo
poor Axsey was, so fat and
greatwonder to me, ever since his
to
I
case
"
what
"
size.
same
own
man
"
two
justas
was
a
for my first
bringit about justright,
his name
and
Jones was
he 's Katy's,
father
I
three of the other girls'
or
now
oncommon
an
in my
see
to
in
straight
all down
rightwell to
just about the
"
Simon
pardner
better closer to
she liked
sure,"she continued,
it purty hard
found
do
to
his size.
married
was
could
girldown
said.
but
;
little white
a
nearer
Age, you mean," I
"
"
wife
a
to
thoughthe
rather
but she
and
married
be
going to
was
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
228
than
sooner
him
the
a
appoplecit other
very well.
'
Tongs prevailedon
The
him
ascension,in
with the cele
company
fourth of July ; but,much
to
one
Silly,
it was
of the populace,
the disappointment
found,when the
cords were
cut, that,owing to his great weight,the balloon
aeronaut, Mr.
brated
could
not
and Mr.
"
That
ascend
:
so
he
was
obligedto get out
Sillyimmediately went
's
so,"exclaimed
the
of the
car,
up alone."
old lady,wiping her eyes
though it was a great disappointmentto him, for he
of a disploring
exposition,
was
yet for my part I allers felt
mightykind o' thankful like that the balloon gin out as it
when
arter
he came
to settle down
an
did,for that Silly,
hour or two, went
kersplashrightinto the middle of Big
Pond, and if he had n't a been a swimmer, why he 'd 'sC
"
and
drowned.
Now
my
old
man
could n't swim
more
than
a
DOWN
IN
baby,and
he 'cl justas
loon,met
with
with
gratified
was
"
I trust
229
in that bal
'd been
allers felt
anything.I 've
as
that
Providence
of my
one
nary
pardners
to be drowned."
born
ever
if he
certainly,
watery grave
a
VALLEY.
THE
of
none
them,
Mrs.
with
Axsey, met
a
worse
fate."
No, sir,"she replied, they all died to home, inside
But that 's got nothing
their beds,like Christian persons.
"
"
to do with
man,
Mr.
I know
Grumm
and
his wife.
I 'd take for my
York
city,but
who
around
pottering
if I
Now
spouse.
I would
just stop to
by long odds that
about the best woman
marry
the world ; and that,too, without
'n
goingmore
a
that
was
n't go
home
and
there is in
mile away
from the Hemlocks."
"
You
Mrs. Axsey,"I remarked.
yourself,
don't mean
myself either,though I should n't
the old ladysimpered, takinga Number
Four,
doubtless
No, I
mind," and
"
"
purvidedhe
?
mean
had
"
plenty of money, like Mr. Grumm
she paused.
asked,observing
"
Who
"
You," she quicklyreplied.
I
Thereupon
feared
I
left
incontinently
that,in the
excitement
under
the
room,
which
she
"
and
"
for I
really
appeared to
be
she might actually
offer herself to me.
laboring,
I heard no more
from Mrs. Axsey duringthe day,though
Kate
informed
she was
not engaged with
me
that,when
her basket
of stockings,
she was
occupied in making and
baking a largequantityof gingerbreadto take home with
her; because, as
thingin
came
to
After
the house
see
she
to
such
said,she liked to have some
givethe children,who each Saturday
her.
tea, which
she and
alone in the
together
she came
into the library
where
I was,
housekeeping-room,
and regaledme
with a long story concerning a lady, a
June
morning,
stranger attired in mourning, who, one
her appearance
nearlytwenty years ago, suddenly made
down in the valley,
and rented a littlecottage,
where in the
Kate
took
"
IN
DOWN
230
THE
she gave birth to
VALLEY.
daughter; and that as soon as
the like of which had
able to travel,a carriage,
she was
down
in the valley,
before been
seen
never
stoppedat the
cottagefor her,and she,her babe, and an elderlywoman,
who had acted as the lady'shousekeeper,gettinginto it,
autumn
were
driven
away
where
she
knew
no
down
one
from
the
she
prettiest
the
was
and
came
been
had
Axsey
;
a
in the
whither
or
and
stranger's
nurse,
had
seen, and
ever
she
valleyever
Mrs.
went.
said
the babe
possessedsoft blue
golden hair ; and that on the child's rightshoul
der there appeared,
traced,a cross, about an inch
distinctly
for her part,she had
of a purplecolor ; and that,
in length,
convent, and
alwaysthoughtthe ladywas a nun from some
perhaps the wife of a bishop,though the lady herself said
her name
was
Whyte, but Mrs. A. had looked througha
in it,
and could not find a singlebishopof that name
list,
and
eyes
and
she
so
in the
much
as
was
dark
about
her
as
one
any
in the
valley.
I sat musing over
this
After Mrs. Axsey's departure,
somewhat
singularstory,and wondering what had become
of the
babe,"who, if now
living,
golden-haired
blue-eyed,
disturbed by Kate, who
I was
woman
was
a
grown, when
what subject
asked me
was
engagingmy thoughts.I told
else down
"
thoughtas much,
She
her.
continued,"the
Paul," she
bears ?
"
you
"
"
is,and
She
are
And
cumstance
"
"
;
with
surprise, and
"
do
"
her,"repliedKate.
I know
"
She
and
Lilly
the same."
Gregory
"
?
"
thoughthe
while
library,
given me
do
you
think he
is
aware
of this cir
I asked.
announced, and,
since
I asked
?
living
then
her ?
know
Kate
name
but do you know,
that child now
which
said
"
Is she
White
she
lost in
Kate
a
was
went
;
just then lady callers were
in the
I remained
conjectures,
but
to
receive them.
to
singleopportunity
renew
Nor
the
has
she
subject;
IN
DOWN
and,
it
as
to
ence
evident
it,
I
but
matter;
by,
is
I
have
18th
"
not
to
me
intend
heard
regarding
writing
from
it.
that
she
seeks
from
refrain
considerately
I
VALLEY.
THE
since
231
his
all
refer
recurring
to
the
who,
by
the
of
the
Gregory
to
avoid
to
precious
"
epistle
DOWN
IN
THE
VALLEY.
IX.
AN
ILLUSTRATED
CIAL
LETTER.
AFFAIRS.
PATION
OF
CAUSE
THE
POEM.
GOSPEL
HER
AXSET;
MEMORIAM."
IN
DOCTRINE.
A
EXCUL
WED
PRIVATE
OPINION;
TABLET.
DECEASED
THE
"
TIMES."
KNIGHT-EJRRANTRY.
MRS.
"
FINAN
SUSPENSION.
"HARD
OF
LADIES.
DING-GARMENTS.
HER
FRED'S
"
INSANITY.
AXSEY.
BURNT
"
PIES.
had
HAVE
contained
the young
out, and
beset
on
a
one
most
side
at
apples,thrusting
"
cents
was
were
an
a
another
rude
man
Fred.
It
simply
pen-and-ink sketch representing
with empty pockets turned inside
lugubriousexpressionof countenance,
basket of
a
by an old woman, carrying
him
discernible
old man,
letter from
a
bill on
;
while
which
on
the characters
"
28
the other side of Fred
and supported by
wooden-legged,
a
crutch,
Candies, 10 cents," written
bill,with
times
it
Under the sketch appeared the words, Hard
on
at ProspectHill Academy," and above it, A panic." The
either in the way of illus
letter contained nothingfurther,
did it requireany.
The
tration or explanation,
nor, in fact,
Fred, the humorist,
picturesaid all that was necessary.
"
tenderinganother
"
"
found
himself
in
a
place.
tight
He
was
beset
by duns, and
having the wherewith to pay his debts,he had taken
of his situation. To relieve the
of apprising
this mode
me
spendthriftfrom his embarrassment,by supplying
young
not
and at the same
time to leave a
necessities,
small margin in his favor,I immediatelysent him thirtyand wrote him, at the same
nine cents, in three-cent pieces,
his immediate
time,that financial affairs down
in the
valleywere
in
a
very
IN
DOWN
234
THE
VALLEY.
them, into its proper channel,leadingto the feet
against
of indiscreet and inexperienced
youth.
Old Mrs. Axsey has been passingseveral days at AllenKate, who, it appears to me, is having an
Dale, assisting
immense
quantityof plain sewing done, and also a large
of finer needlework.
A
amount
good many unnamable
frilled and edged,have
of late been
garments, beautifully
bleachingon the grass or dancing on the clothes-lines. I
beginto think that Kate and Gregoryare playingme false,
and that LillyWhite
is simply a myth, or, at best,is only
used
blind
to
If it should
me.
whom
Gregoryis to marry, and
myself sold ; and yet,I cannot
part which
is
LillyWhite
LillyWhite
I must
?
have
That
asked
turn
I
Lilly,
not
shall consider
for the
account
play in the
to
seems
it is Kate
that
out
important
affair.
Who
is the
question.
myself this aloud, for
immediatelyopened the
and replied,
sayingthat
door
she
of the
was
Mrs.
Axsey
wherein
room
the rich young
I was,
lady who
visited the
Barkers, and that everybody said Mr. Grumm
was
going to marry her,but that for her part she did n't
believe it,because
she had seen
somethingin this house
that made
her think contrarywise.
"
Why,
"
Oh,
never
secret, and
kinds
what
do you
you
be
of work
as
mean,
Mrs.
Axsey
?
"
she replied.
mind, sir,"
mum
going on
as
anybody,but
in the way
of
when
I asked.
"
I
can
you
keep
see
a
such
as I
making things,
diskiver in this 'ere house, why, I have my
own
private
opinion about it,and that opinionI don't tell nobody."
Indeed, Mrs. Axsey, you may be right."
I am.
To be sure
I hain't forgotyet how
I fixed up
I was
myself every time when
gettingready to be mar
ried ; and, as I tried it myselfthree times,I guess I 'm able
to find out all about
such things;and speakingof my de
to tell you that I 've
partedpardners,makes me remember
been writing
some
poetry about them, which I 'm going to
have paintedon a panel,and then hang it on the wall of
"
"
the
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
church, just above
there, something like
seat
my
what
Squire Dick's tabby,you know,
Jerushy,that 's dead."
235
tells about his consort
"
?
I presume
tablet,
you mean,
Yes, that 's the thing."
A very good idea it will be, Mrs.
Axsey, and highly
in you."
commendable
Besides,piousand humiliating,"
And
she added.
here," she continued, are the verses,
"
A
"
"
"
"
"
"
which,
after the
described
And
I
on
Mrs.
I
pardriers,
of my
names
tabby."
Axsey handed
to
mean
have
my
followingpome," which
the
me
"
read,after first addingthe words
MEMORIAM.
IN
To
my
"
three
pardners who
dead,
are
hang this tablet o'er my head,
it I see,
That so, whenever
I
all the three.
I shall remember
At
meeting
morning, I
first did die,
who
in the
Will
recall him
And
in the afternoon
To
think
of
him,
't will do
number
my
two.
At evening service I will give
My
thoughts
And
For
then
Make
And
They
"
"
all you
them
last did
who
I '11 wipe my
I '11meet
Now,
to him
weeping
eyes,
in Paradise.
ladies who
wives,
your pardners'sure their lives,
to die,
then whene'er they come
'11not leave
you
are
as
I presume
left,
you mean,
Yes, certain,"she answered,
as
poor
Mrs.
Was
Ain't it plainenough ?
"
as
I.
Axsey
poor
as
?
I
"
was
left
"
yes, the meaning is clear,"I
is slightly
imperfect."
phraseology
"Oh,
"
live,
Well, law, suz, perhaps it
is
a
replied; "but
littlecrazy,
as
you
the
say,
236
DOWN
then
but
IN
the troubles
THE
VALLEY.
I 've gone
through with is enough to
make
write crazyology-like."
me
To be sure
they are, Mrs. Axsey. I should have taken
these into consideration
before I criticized your
produc
"
tion."
And
"
do
give me," she added, your candy reasons
about them.
Ain't they sweet
and solemn-like
don't
; and
?
they go just to the rightspot in one's feelings
Mrs. A
and what
I particularly
admire
Certainly,
in them
is the admirable
piece of advice with which you
now
"
"
"
,
close.
If all wives
their lives
there
in
would
their favor,there
is of charitable
their husbands
compel
societies
would
for
be
the
less
to insure
need
than
relief of indigent
O
females."
"That's
real charitable
lady, looking much
cordially
;
of
a
"
poor,
property,
and
nor
no
shoes
I 'm
at
my
agreeing with
her
so
an
insurance
his life for his widder
on
It 's amazin'
there
Now
pleased
the old
I hear
indignantfemale whenever
shoat dying,and
good-for-nothing
leavingno
on.
respectfully
so.
gospel doctrine,sir,"said
was
to
me
how
Axsey, just as good
mankind
can
pardner
a
to live
as
do
ever
though he did talk about it at one time
and, in fact,I thought rather hankered
a good deal,
arter
it, yet he jest allowed himself to drop off like a rotten
raisin' nary fingerto leave me
a fortin,
pear at last,without
he oughter have
done ; and
there I was, jest as
I was
as
when
I married
him, withouten
anything to fall back on,
So I had to
'ceptin'
tormenting
my darters.
go into the man
wore
out, and
"
"
business, which
lowed
that
was
oven
a
all the
burnin'
full of
And, without
the
prove
room
a
to
folks
shame
and
words,
about
burning shame
the
to her.
here
in
the
valley al
good gracious!
"
pies I left,'11all
further
see
;
down
be
Mrs.
burnt
Axsey
pies,which
there 's
up."
hastened
from
might, possibly,
CONFIDENTIAL.
HIS
SON
FLOWERS
BOSTON
;AYLIGHT
AND
DAVID
SUN
ABSALOM.
DAUGHTER.
through the
streams
THEIR
GARRET.
THE
JEPHTHAH'S
BLADE.
CHARACTER;
PATIENCE;
IN
HOLLYHOCKS.
AND
WHITE'S
LILLY
HIS
GRUMM;
TREASURES
"
"
DAUGHTER
HIS
237
"
NIECE.
JEBEZ
GREGORY;
EDUCATION.
A
REV.
THE
"
VALLEY.
GREGORY'S
"
MOTHER."
THE
IN
DOWN
darkness.
Kate, in
mystery is unravelled.
a
The
confidential
seated
evening,while we were
in the hall,watchingthe pine
before the great fireplace
in torrents
and rolling
their black smoke
knots blazing
up
and after we had
the chimney,
duly discussed the con
that after
tents of another letter from Gregory,received
and not Lilly
revealed
that it was
to me
herself,
noon,
hour,
late
one
"
"
White,
he is about
whom
I cannot
say
that
I
to marry.
surprisedto
was
learn
this,for
in
such culmination ; and,
seen
eyes had
ways
my
when
the avowal, I was
Kate made
therefore,
preparedfor
various
it,and
case.
made
nor
any
of
exclamations
Kate, and said it yielded
simplycongratulated
the
lips that such was
pleasureto hear from her own
But what,"I asked, has LillyWhite
to do with
wonder.
me
fainted
neither
I
"
"
it,and why is Gregory spendingso much time in New
I am
led to believe by his letters,
her
on
as
York, solely,
? And
account
then,too/'I continued, did he not state in
"
his letters to
and
would
panion for
"
Not
at
that he
me
bringher
you ?
intended
with him
to
marrying Miss
Allen-Dale,to
be
Lilly,
a
com
"
all,"
repliedKate.
"
His
I must
letters,
allow,
DOWN
238
IN
THE
VALLEY.
clearly
expressedas theymight have been on
and therebyyou were
led to a false conclu
subject,
not
were
this
sion
as
but that you should do so, was, I
to
Gregory'sintention. I plead guilty
the
a
;
the
first,
word
from
might have
me
at
were
you
into which
error
fault,
yet
shown
I could
having seen, from
fallen ; and though
had
you
certain,
never
am
to
how
you
not, perhaps I would
bringmyself to explainthe truth of the matter.
and Gregory,
neither understanding
the other,wrote
while
at cross-purposes,
"
While
Gregory'sniece
of
sister,
had
will
whom
her
left
you
tell
"
by
what
of her ? "
you?"
child
have
daughter;
tell it to you."
So I threw
poured some
hearth, into
another
but
letters
pine knot
enjoyed the
Kate;
him
"she
is
speak and grieve
knowing
either
the story is not
hot water, from
my
you
only and well-beloved
often heard
as
and
asked
of his
untimely death, not
a
So
"
"
the
"
not,
"
you," I interrupted,stood
joke. But LillyWhite
"Why, did I not
over
I
much
very
a
that
she
long one,
I
upon the glowing embers,
the kettle singingon
the
glass,containingsundry
ents, and, after
ingredi
takinga sipof
understand,by
proper
it with a spoon and
stirring
the beveragejust brewed, I
to
gave Kate
quietlynoddingmy head, that I was ready for her to com
mence
; and
thereuponKate immediatelybegan narrating
the following
storyof
LILLY
MOTHER.
certain
in New
only
village
England,distinguished
for having been the birthplace
of one
of our
Presidents,
Jabez
dwelt, some
twenty-fiveyears since,the Reverend
a
Grumm,
Presbyteriandivine belongingto the old
"
In
WHITE'S
a
"
school,who
liked
better
in his
sermons
to dwell
upon
the
God, as displayedin passages taken from the
Old Testament, than to speak of His lovingkindness
as
in the life and death of our
shown
Saviour.
Harsh, puri-
wrath
of
with
before
succumbed
she
to
feeble,uncom
a
"
three
scarce
died,
harshness,and
his
his
ruled
Jabez
husband
with her
dwelt
"
wife
His
rod of iron.
a
littlebody
plaining
years
239
the Reverend
self-righteous,
tanical,and
household
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
leavingto his protectiontwo
spirit,
children,the elder a boy, (our friend Gregory,)and the
named
Patience,the mother of Lilly. The
younger a girl,
secluded from the society
two
entirely
grew up together,
broken
of all
and
in heart
father; and it was
their stern
save
word
they exchangeda
with
any
of
the walls
outside
one
that
seldom, even,
dwelling.Only when goingto and return
ing from meeting did they see a kind or cheerful face.
During service they were taughtto look solelyat the min
denounced
by the
ister,and all idle gazing around was
for which
heinous sin,
strict divine as a most
one
they
but with fire and
would be punishednot only here on earth,
their lonesome
"
brimstone
had
they never
;
consequentlythat
father,
their
than
Teachers, other
hereafter.
which
knowledge
he
namely, Latin, Greek, and
highestesteem
Hebrew
early taught; while the common
they were
whollyneglected.Patience, futherEnglish studies were
knew
little of cooking,and, whenever
some
per
more,
held
in the
"
"
mitted
found
but seldom
which, however, was
by her father
the cook
great pleasure and delightin assisting
Gregory, though, poor
closelyat the dead languagestillhe was
self. One
day, however, somewhere
kitchen.
the
fellow!
birthday,he
the
chanced
garret-eaves,a
find,thrust
commentaries
that adorned
them were
library
; among
Spectator/Percy's Ancient
*
'
peare,
son
noons,
and,
Crusoe.'
best
of
These
both he and
near
away
filled with
box
different from
books, somewhat
and
to
the
dead
almost
shelves
several
odd
a
Reliques,'
all,a well-thumbed
him
his
fifteenth
out
of
old
and
of
volumes
the
in
kept
was
r
under
"
"
sight
musty
sermons
of his father's
of
volumes
of Shaks-
copy
edition of
books, through the long summer
his sister read,sitting
with
the
'
Robin
after
their backs
THE
IN
DOWN
240
which
againstthe great chimney,
of the
centre
covered
among
the
people
of
ancients
their young
there
habited the dull
ing their
heart,he
they had
had
they
lived
to do
books
new
the
dis
solely
chosen
the
battle with
put fresh life into
the earth
of
beings than those who
New-England town where they were
in
on
the
other
and
pass
lives.
Gregoryhad quitegotten
resolved
than
that
them
taught
ones
nations
unmemorable
Before
"
if
as
drooping hearts,and
but
they read,
which
was
forth
gone
Their
Romans.
other
were
had
passed through the
dwelt in tents with
had
"
and
God,
and
Greeks
Hitherto
world.
new
a
it
them
To
garret.
VALLEY.
to
run
'
from
away
by
take his
and
home,
'
Crusoe
Robinson
in the wide world,
somewhere
a living
obtaining
people who had less knowledge of classical affairs
among
little Patience cried sadlywhen
Poor
than he.
Gregory
announced
to her his intention of going away, for she could
not bear the idea of remainingalone with her grim papa
black cook.
and the cross
Gregory,too, shed many tears
at the thoughtof partingwith his little sister ; but he
could no
longer bear the dead languages,and the longwhich
winded prayers, and the still longer-windedsermons
forever hearing. So he promised little Patience
he was
for
chance
that,in
a
littlewhile,when
the deacons
as
in the
got on
had
made
Fast-day,when
much
as
they handed
he
contribution-boxes,
the
meeting
he
money
around
would
return
get her, and they would live togetherin some
them
study,and
city,where nobody would make
and
they
would
lives.
either
Nor
she
would
only
"
dinners
thanksgiving
have
have
he
till fall,
hollyhocks,down at the
seed,and their dry stalks
And
will you,'asked
"
*
silk gown
every
and
a
Saturday?
blue
'
to
wait
said,when
bottom
of
ribbon,and
day of
their
for him
very
long,
the
the
garden,went
'
me
and
sunflowers
make
to
wind.
Patience, buy
let
where
every
rattled in the autumn
little
great
me
a
new
ginger-snaps
he
Nantucket, where
Cape
two
Horn
;
years,
was
supply of water,
whalingvoyage around
he sailed,
after beingout
a
fire ; he, with six other
uninhabited
an
island,where
sort of life for three
taken off at last
were
a
shippedfor
destroyedby
Crusoeish
Robinson
VALLEY.
the vessel in which
to reach
managed
THE
IN
DOWN
242
by
and
a
vessel which
then,so
soon
they led a
when they
years,
there for
touched
he
as
sailors,
able,Greg
was
time changeshad
his way home ; but in the mean
place in the dull New- England village.
ory made
taken
had, during the fourth year of his absence,
and sleptin the churchyard
been gatheredto his fathers,
beside his wife.
Little Patience,too, had grown
up, and
on
being permitted by her father,a few months before
father
His
"
his
death,to go
had, at the very
into
out
and
society,
attend
merry-makings,
engaged in,fallen
corn-huskingshe
in love with a dashingyoung blade from Boston
town, who
in turn
was
equallysmitten with her, and before many
and
weeks
she eloped with him, on a moonlightevening,
her
married
was
by the Universalist minister,whom
him
father bitterlyhated ; which, in itself made
more
otherwise have
he would
with his daughter than
wroth
been,
home,
caused
and
induced
gods and
who
waited
him
his
on
him
preached a
sermon
whose
old Puritan's last
whether
arose
Whether
from
griefat
;
but
was
loosed,the goldenbowl
ing
Sabbath
brother
"In
will
held
he
daughter was
sermon.
clearlyknown
never
a
deliveryover-exerted
and
it
make
obedience
his
the act of which
to
her
return
to
leavinghis
house
to the black cook
manuscriptsermons
Then
and prepared his dailymeals.
in relation to Jephthah'sdaughter,
filiallove and
sition
forbid
him, doubtless,to
and
hold
he
first
his coffin
was
his
up
in contrast
guilty.This
he had
his
to
the
was
in its compo
mental
powers,
or
conduct,was
daughter's
day the silver cord
broken, and on the follow
was
carried into the church,and a
from
that
clergyman preachedover it his funeral
had
a worldlypoint of view, Patience
sermon.
done
well.
husband
Her
ion.
fame
as
they
lived
His
one
year
try
to
upon
his wife
taken
Mrs.
Axsey
who,
it appears,
able
was
there
her
her
beside
the
in
bosom
friend
could
lived
and
now,
at
;
him
to
of
there,
u
of
to
And
and
he
said,
New
which
is
from
though
"
that
Newport
you,"
a
which
the
old
as
mother
young
he
him,
daughter,
a
had
days
woman
Good-night."
she
reached
the
died
she
than
her
was
laid
I
his
this
;
keeping
added,
and
as
that
him
him
was
from
Kate
to
a
to
child.
make
that
Lilly,
left
had
subject, the
to
belle
resembled
she
more
This
led
inquiries
carried
him
Allen-Dale."
finished
Lilly White's
owning
only
that
wore,
pros
father's
her
attracted
sister's
it
this
is not
the
caused
affairs
was
aware
pondered
York
now
who
was
not
was
her
and
she
was
he
;
mother
Lilly White's
Kate,
to
was
to
go
few
grew,
attention
he
more
in
lawyer
a
to
greater
eighteen, she
minature
a
Though
was
go
a
he
there
was
guardian,
Gregory's
sister.
convinced
in
and
and
her
infant, yet the
an
bear,
leaving
ill,and,
living ;
shock
called
was
York, but
New
to
husband
of
heiress.
lost
as
than
went,
birth
soon
proceeded
The
he
taken
gave
So
he
started
was
profes-
More
when
she
;
his
abroad.
arrival
his
you,
hands
first,by seeing
his
too
in
man
husband.
pered
an
she
arrival.
"Lilly, however,
but
for
her
find
to
strength
feeble
sent
Lilly.
travel, she
before
day
was
243
whither
after
Soon
was
late
too
spread
informed
once
to
was
rising
York,
New
when
here,
reached
and
in
wife
his
;
a
happily together,
him.
behind
sick
lawyer
a
suit
a
and
wealthy,
was
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
Uncle
her
account
Gregory.
thirty-five,blushed,
and
IN
DOWN
244
THE
VALLEY.
XI.
GREGORY'S
RETURN
OUR
THANKSGIVING
AXSEY
A.
ITS
FRED'S
"
ENTERTAINING
GORY
Miss
down
in the
had
OPINION
OP
PLANS.
ARABIAN
OILS.
returned
Their
valley.
home, accompanied by
arrival caused
Both
the old and
great talk
young
can
pretty freely.The
arrived
thereabouts, termed
simpleton. The
young
"
MRS.
PIE.
BAGDAD.
AND
has
FAMOUS
GREGORY'S
"
SAID.
RULE
GREGORY'S
"
BACHELORS.
LillyWhite.
the matter
those who
EFFECT.
PERFUMES
"RE
A
OPINION.
,
NIGHTS.
GOLDEN
THE
DINNER.
SPEAKS;
MRS.
vassed
WHAT
gentlemen,especially
at years of discretion, say fifty
or
Gregory an old fool,and Lilly a
"
grandmotherlypart of the other
asked each other,with uplifted
sex
eyes and hands, What
have n't we lived to see ? While
the more
youthfulportion
of the community laughed,
and wondered
how it would end.
The Golden-Rule
Societyheld a special
ostensibly
meeting,
in regard to the primi
to hear a report from
a committee
tive habits of the Esquimaux, but in reality
to gossipabout
Gregory and his approachingmarriage with LillyWhite.
Kate, who was present at the meeting,gave a highlyinter
to the parties
in
most
estingaccount of their proceedings
terested,
who, on the following
were
day,with my own family,
Some of
gatheredaround the Thanksgivingdinner-table.
the ladies,
she said,at the society,
declared most emphati
callythat Gregoryand Lillywere
alreadymarried ; that the
was
performed in Grace Church, before a large
ceremony
and fashionable audience,that they had come
to spend the
honeymoon at The Hemlocks," and that immediatelyafter
"
IN
DOWN
Christmas
the
they were
of the
Mrs.
245
No
Europe.
down
one
Axsey, suspects the
will be
There
VALLEY.
for
to start
old
valley,except
THE
true
in
state
inflammatoryspeeches
of the Quackery when
made
by members
they find out, as
that it is Kate, after all,and
they will on Christmas-day,
not Lilly
White, who is the coming wife. Those who have
of Gregory,and ridiculed him,
to Kate
spoken slightingly
wish that they had held their peace.
will,I imagine,
case.
Our
Thanksgivingdinner
Few
one.
of any
under
better.
Kate's
It
was,
in the
down
persons
some
I
think,a
end
One
direction.
excellent
valley,I imagine,partook
prepared by
was
very
Mrs.
Axsey, acting
of the table
adorned
was
other
turkey,the
by a chicken-pie
; various
occupied appropriateplaces on the board, and
vegetables
all ultimatelygave place to puddings and pies. I have
never
partaken,however, of any pie which I so relished as
that graced my Thanksgivingboard.
I did the chicken-pie
is a pie celebrated in history,
There
which, perhaps,was its
superior. I refer to the one composed of four-and-twenty
its superiority
consisted not so much
blackbirds ; but even
in its excellence as a pie,as in the circumstance
that after
the pie was
baked, and when, as one would naturally
sup
by
a
roasted
pose, the blackbirds
continued
to
think,though,that
whom
it is
death,on its beingopened
lengthof time, however, they
to
sing. What
historyfails
singing,
they began
to
done
were
the dish
was
it
to teach
only while
was
occupiedin
sat,was
highlyimprobable that
the
I
us.
inclined
am
the
king,before
eatingit. Indeed,
blackbirds
would, even
if
they could, which in itself is problematical, continue
to sing after being devoured
by the king,and torn, prob
ably,limb from limb,after the latest Sepoy fashion.
"
"
When
to take
how
I
spoke
his
he would
he gave
me
amazingly;
of this
pie to Fred, who
Thanksgivingdinner
have
liked to
to understand
but for his
see
with
had
come
us, and
asked
its counterpart on
that it would
have
part,he said,he should
home
him
table,
pleased him
our
like to know
was
upon
that she had
ago,
Fred
said
daintya repast.
ignoranceof it ; where
been
an
that
it
so
said
listener,
attentive
pie a good
believed
never
in
even
many
its truth
asked
and
now,
years
till
now.
uncle
thinkingabout
not
Gregory replied that he was
the question at present ; but that,
it a few years, he might be able to
said
suspicion,"
Mrs.
prepared
to
did.
with
entire
did n't believe
if he
VALLEY.
served
tell about
had
he
Gregory
after
heard
she
but
do
THE
who
was
king'sname
obligedto confess my
Mrs. Axsey, who had
the
I
IN
DOWN
246
answer
so.
"
I
hereafter.
that when
"
little shavers
gestedFred.
book, that
"
?
"Yes, that's
"
business
it
Goose," sug
Mother
"
"
precisely,Mother
better able to tell you
he '11be
to
eye
Gregory gets one or two
consarningthis curious pie,
to read
learn
an
uncle
your
book
what-do-you-call-it
in the
then
Goose
all about
it
he be now."
than
of this
the conclusion
At
had
who
Axsey, with
those
visible effect upon
a
speech of
Axsey's,which
Mrs.
around
the
table,a
silence
ensued, during which Kate busied herself with peelingan
unorange ; Lillyate a philopena with Fred ; I,with an
the color very
tasted glassof wine in my hand, considered
while Gregory,adjustinghis eye-glass,
attentively;
gazed
who, pleased
sternlythrough it at Mrs. Axsey opposite,
in
graciously
herself,smiled
with
"
Zounds
! madam."
the
broke
by Gregory, who
silence
-
"
What
moment
and
a
the
with
frightened
exclaiming,
Immediately thereafter Kate nodded
both,with Mrs. Axsey bringingup the
Lilly,and then
rear, departed for the drawing
at the
Fred, and myself lingering
to
return, until
confounded
old
dining-roomdoor
woman
room,
leaving Gregory
table.
!"
said
closed between
Gregory,the
Mrs. Axsey
himself.
think
?"
"
Do
"
Yes," he answered
death!"
you
so
I
;
"
asked,smilingat
thousand
fifty
his vehemence.
cradles
rock her to
IN
DOWN
VALLEY.
THE
247
Fred, here," I continued, considers her a
estimable old lady. Do you not, Fred ?
kind-hearted,
I do,"he replied. Did n't she send
To be sure
"
But
"
"
"
very
"
me,
a great lot of gingerboarding-school,
snaps, and a plum-cake,and a pumpkin-pie!
asked
Did she,though?
Gregory. Well, that was
while
I
off to
was
"
"
"
kind, and
I '11send her
I declare
her for this
"
a
barrel of
repay
Gregory kept his
And
kindness,to-morrow."
to
flour,
word.
long over our nuts and wine, discussing
plans for the future. Christmas-dayis the one appointed
is to take place at Allen-Dale,and
for the wedding,which
the
happy couple expect
immediatelyafter the ceremony
Cuba being the limit and
to depart on
a Southern
tour,
tarryingpointin the journey. On their return, which will
their resi
be until spring,
not
they will make Allen-Dale
the
over
dence, "though," said Gregory,winking at me
leaving
top of his glass, I shall retain The Hemlocks'
a
as
place of retreat, in case I find
Pompey in charge
We
remained
"
"
"
"
*
"
"
life fails to
that married
agree with
Of
me."
course
I ap
that the
and told him
plan of Gregory's,
become
a
rallyingspot for all the
place would, doubtless,
discontented husbands
dwellingdown in the valley.
proved
of this
Gregorysaid
a
but
purpose,
that
he
simplyas
did
a
not
to retain it for such
mean
retreat
for himself
during the
invited the
when
Kate
and
house-cleaning,
"Gossipery" to tea at Allen-Dale; "and then, too," he
continued, if a bachelor friend or so from the cityshould
or
run
why,
shooting,
up to see me, for a few days'fishing
of
season
"
could
he
locks
'
make
than
at
himself
better
do, for
I should
the whole
"
dear
Very
himself
comfortable
more
at
'The
Hem
I think, enjoy
Allen-Dale,and altogether,
I am
I should
there than here, which
sure
fear
not
keeping Kate
house, nor
considerate
Gregory,you
convivialities
our
in you,
will find
and
were
Lillyawake."
truly,"I replied;
out
that
disturbing
"
but, my
these little convivial
DOWN
248
IN
THE
VALLEY.
which are well enough in one's bachelor days,will
affairs,
have to be dispensedwith when
to have a wife.
you come
She
doubtless
will
with her rather
home
friends around
of
think
good
life.
You
've
Bacchic
seen
to be
toasted
one
your
will
songs
;
You
Fannys
the
;
will be
acknowledgeyour
ceased
to be
I finished
As
when
a
bow
bachelor
will know
the tree
all be
the
next
Newport, essayed
daringMiss Dash,
the Marys and
meet
at
season
pretty girlsenough !
"
beach, you
have
and
stay at
sung, old boy ;
last flirtation see
its end.
leslanders,in the ball-room,with
for the last time
to
you
infelicitiesof married
soon
your
last bachelor
for
entertaining
any
evil,the felicitiesand
last fair
your
than
the festive board.
and
Your
it advisable
you
with whom
"
staid married
man,
you
drove
and
they will
but calmly,for
politely,
anythingto them.
speaking,
Gregory,somewhat
you
on
will
ut
excited,
of the father of lies ;
tered,I am
sorry to say, the name
and then,draininghis glass,
rose
suddenlyfrom the table
proceeded to jointhe ladies.
Then
turningto Fred, who, all the time Gregory and
was
engaged in searching
myselfhad been talking,
through
and
the almond
obtained
dish
a
full
for
philopenasto eat with Lilly,and
plate of them, Fred," I said, how
"
progressingin your
gentlyapply yourselfto
you
Fred
"
And
guessedthat
do you
studies
your
books
remember
"
you
dili
"
"
and
learn ?
I like
it tells about
"
I
inquired.
geography the
foreignplaces
"
"
"
Why
"
Oh
the
?
Do
Bagdad."
interrogatively.
Bagdad ? I repeated,
Yes, Bagdad,"said Fred ; and it's there I
of these
one
school ?
all that you
Certainly,"Fred replied
;
because
best of all my studies,
"
at
are
he did.
"
and
"
had
'
to
! to
Arabian
'm
agoing
days."
Bagdad ?
see
"
I asked.
it,"Fred
'
Nights
replied, and
is all true."
"
to find out
whether
IN
DOWN
250
VALLEY.
THE
XII.
NEW
THE
CHURCH.
BELL.
THE
SWALLOWS.
DREAMS.
RESOLUTIONS.
VESTRY.
SPIDERS
FLIES.
AND
VIOL.
GREG'S
"
have
E
a
Mrs.
A
church
but
an
Our
old church
and
sunken
old
a
and
which
mournfully,and
of
evil
;
a
base and
say, of the
to the cheerful
wedding cere
performed in
of
sunrisings
;
funerals
and
a
night.
with cracked walls,
affair,
a
high wind
of the
clock
of old
scrap
windowblown
were
;
while
the
Latin, tolled
stormy nightskept the children of the
in the
for the
church.
new
a
and
christenings
hands
is inscribed
to
expect
and the
foundation-stones,
old
its dismal
to
tones, and
death,who
evil
one
he beheld
were
inhabited
church
had
as
frightened
superstitious
the belfry
and
wicked
some
valley. This, of
course,
deed
was
per
sheer
little to do with the
in the village
; and
so, for the
any church
of the old church,I would declare that this was
as
spirits
good name
Kate
of the hours
round, regardless
tolled the bell whenever
petrateddown
NOW."
valley. Within
totteringbelfry. In
the
BASS-
VS.
AND
in the
musty with
neighborhoodawake with
unprotectedfemales half
enough to believe that the
nonsense
it
THE
ORGAN
"THEN
down
tumble-down
to its
rattled,and
bell,on
have
tower, and
wildlyround
CLERGYMAN.
would
seems
was
rocked
the church
sashes
Axsey
is redolent
church
new
NEW
Gregory and
anythingcan add
If
think,to
it is,I
THE
edifice
be married.
as
solemnity,
RECTOR.
"
PLAY.
AT
OLD
"
church
new
BOYS
"
THE
REFORM.
"
TOLLING
THE
PEWS.
IMMOLATION.
this sacred
mony,
SQUARE
"
JACKKNIVES.
CHURCH.
OLD
malignantslander.
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
251
belfrywas, however, a place famous
The
numberless
swallows
and
;
sunset,in the
near
of
the resort
as
time,
summer
birds glidedin and out,and
swift-winged
the belfry,
sailed to and fro around
as
till,
night closed,
one
by one, then in pairs and by threes and
they at first,
disappearedwithin it ;
fours,and at last in whole flocks,
in
where, for a long time,they kept up a noisytwittering,
creased whenever
a belated bird arriving,
dropped,in seem
inglyunexpected and undesired,on them. They, however,
for the new-comer
at
; and
always managed to make room
in their feathers,
with their heads buried
they sunk to
last,
hundreds
of these
rest.
For
ing these
much
I found
and
Kate
years
after summer,
that,summer
swallows
or
steeplein their airyflight,
about
the
vane,
alightingperhaps for
the
it,and then
upon
from the string,
arrow
an
wheeled
fluttered around
moment
a
swiftness of
the
suddenly,with
in watch
amusement
in the distance.
the eveningair and disappearing
cleaving
each returning
Kate has said that she recognized,
on
sum
individual
some
mer,
the
ing about
the old
In
tables,and
The
was
food
for the
backs
of the
hid from
sightthe
therebyscreened
man,
all
the
occupied by
pews,
square
for the
if at
as
body
sat around
were
so
little boys and
from
to
the
little
;
tea-party
littletables,
much
better.
high that they completely
girlsseated within ; and,
searching
eyes
make
the
a
the
on
was
soul,which, after all,
pews
gray sweep
grown
who
congregation,
food
no
they failed not
manner
were
for all the world
looked
though there
only
church
had
who
after year.
spireyear
portionof
wealthier
swallows
faces
of fantastic tricks.
of the old
at each
Thus
clergy
other, and play
protected,too, the
largerboys read Sunday-schoolbooks duringchurch-time,
the seats,
with jackkniveson
carved their names
and even
the sermon.
Some
as they should,to
attending,
those
older portion of the congregation,
especially
instead of
of the
who
sat with
their backs
towards
the
minister,took short
and
of
IN
DOWN
252
secret
church
duringwhich theydreamed
naps,
and
character,
secular
a
in
affairs ; and
church
or
VALLEY.
THE
no
way
when
dreams
connected
not
the
with
takingtheir
littlebusiness
in
purely
naps
in
calculations
making
their heads ; or, with stubby cedar pencils,
figuredup their
of
the fly-leaves
or
as it might be,on
loss,
past week's profit
their prayer-books. It is not, therefore,
at
to be wondered
that religion
in the old church was
at a low ebb ; and that
in the Church's
the saints' days and the fastdaysmarked
but illy
calendar were
kept; and that the congregationbe
and more
to attend to
came
more
dormant, and less willing
the duties of the sanctuary, with
revolvingyear.
every
They became dissatisfiednot only with themselves,but like
slanderous
wise with the old clergyman,and spoke some
thingsconcerninghim, which, reachinghis ears, made him
provoked and dissatisfied in turn with them, and finally
they were
careless
old
engaged
as
to his
which
sermons,
Most
coffin
Even
buried.
was
congregationshed a few tears
containinghis remains,as it lay in front of
the
day
of his funeral
rememberinghis
the
many
vestry,which, as
tered his last
to
more
preached over and over
attentive portion of the con
he at last,
quitedisheartened,
of the
cel,on
while
the
by heart,until
knew
gregation
died and
He
duties.
own
a
body,had
days,by passinga
resignhis charge of
the
the chan
and, in a Christian
virtues,
forgothis few
;
"
spirit,
faults.
needlesslyembit
resolution
parish,
the
over
him
requesting
to which
request,how
accede,because,as he said,he desired
met
to die their rector,
again,and passed another resolu
tion,expressiveof their regardfor the deceased,recogniz
the irreparable
and bewailing
loss
ing his eminent virtues,
which the parishhad sustained in his demise ; and, further,
that if ever
(Deus vult)they should erect a new
resolving
ever,
he
refused
to
"
church, which
subjectwas
by some
agitated
tion,they would
justat
that time
of the younger
members
place in the chancel a
beginningto
be
of the congrega
window,
commem-
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
253
devotion and zeal to the interest of
life-long
his church
and parish; and then they adjourned and re
done
their
turned
to their homes, satisfied that they had
themselves.
and
Perhaps
duty both to the deceased
bitter
sarcastic and
they had ; but Gregory said some
resolu
their flattering
thingsabout them, notwithstanding
orative of his
tions.
to pass that
So it came
a
silver call the
accepted the
who
man,
younger
to
vestry gave
had
gladly
him, succeeded
clergyman,and immediatelyset himself to work to
it from the deathlystupor
reform the parishand arouse
it duringthe
words
which had crept over
I quote his own
last and failing
years of his predecessorin the holy office.
The
new
clergyman had youth,eloquence, perseverance,
the old
"
"
and
faith in his
efforts ;
it is not
so
markable
and
attendance
church
own
of purpose,
at all strange that,in
adorned
him
in his
time,a
both
re
in the
congregation.Even the old
improvement. The walls and
of his
conduct
itself underwent
an
whitewashed
were
ceilings
short
a
noticeable
improved change was
and
to aid
pureness
that for years
the cobwebs
;
had
point,
angle and festooned every practicable
flieshad fallen victims
myriads of unsuspecting
every
and wherein
craftyand cruel spiders,were
swept down, and, with
their tyrannical
were
destroyed.
proprietors,
vaingloriously
The
broken
lightsof glass through which the winters'
to
and the summers'
snows
and
whole
washed
inserted.
ones
both
outside
had
showers
The
windows
in, and
and
entered,were
the
removed,
themselves
pulpitand
were
lecturn
The
over
newly painted and cushioned.
sounding-board
the pulpitwas
removed, and the backs and fronts of the
pews
razeed.
stools took
In
due
tion to
their
time
had
bow
littletables
and
disappeared,
kneeling-
places.
the
purchase an
whose
viol,
nose
The
new
organ
the old music-teacher
if
angularly,
induced
the congrega
in the place of the double bass-
clergyman
not
who
sang
and
gracefully
throughhis
scientifically,
wielded
from
"
THE
DOWN
IN
time
immemoral
254
and
;
who,
alas for
Old
"
give way to an accomplished musician
from
the city,who
improvisedvoluntaries on the organ,
much
like dancing-tunes
which, however, sounded
very
silver plates
at
slowly played; and, further,introduced
silver
be used at the offertory,
to
least they resemble
Hundred
! had
VALLEY.
to
"
"
instead of the
contribution-boxes
long-handled
heretofore
employed.
incum
During the second year of the young clergyman's
laid with
church was
of the new
bency,the corner-stone
thereafter the
ceremonies ; and twenty months
appropriate
edifice was
completed. It is in this church that Gregory
and Kate, on Christmas-day,
to be married.
are
Gregory,
who,
have
I
as
mentioned,
elsewhere
was
not
a
church-
strictness
owing,probably,to the puritanical
education
his early religious
with which
was
conducted,
accompanied me to the church,for the first time since its
the spot, as
to behold
on
consecration,
Thanksgiving-day,
he was
So
to suffer immolation.
he expressedit,whereon
pleasedwas Gregory with the Church service and the ser
of the young
mon
clergyman,which he considered equalto
that filla portionof his libraryany of the printedones
shelves,that he has each successive Sunday accompanied
going
me
man,
thither,and
attend
the
determination,henceforth,to
his
avows
same.
thingsin and about the new
Gregory sees some
that displease
church and congregation
him, I gatherfrom
he following
lines,which he wrote a few days after his
for
to me
second Sunday in church,and which he handed
entitled
my approval. The lines in questionare
That
THEN
AND
In
NOW.
"
BY
temples built by
The leafy groves
His
first and
Praised
Him
A
God
so
"MISERABLE
himself"
fair
"
purest worshippers
with
psalm
and
prayer,
SINNER."
255
lute, and harp, and timbrel,they
With
His
Essayed
Their
love to
hymn ;
hallelujahsrung,
tongues with
Their
On
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
eyes
with
tears
dim.
were
plains,on rocky heights,
altars were
upreared,
verdant
His
And
there, for pious sacrifice,
They
and
morn
appeared.
eve
In woods
primeval first they knelt,
lowly words of prayer
To God in supplicationfell
Upon the fragrant air.
And
hills and
The
In solemn
The
The
stilled in soft repose.
forest-trees
on
cast
And
the sacred
And
when
out to
God,
love,
to homes
closed,
above.
"
costl
To
v
and
shrines
be His
Above
a
our
plant a
Beside
Erect
each
a
our
roof
of
mother
tower
loftypiles,
sacred
place,
its worth,
to increase
raise
"
of prayer.
seats
build of stone
And
We
and
went
leave the groves,
God's temples,
To raise,with righteous care,
Our
We
dark,
life's pilgrimagewas
They passed
We
and
wood.
there fresh hearts
In humbleness
We
stood,
shadow, broad
a
Within
side
every
In silervtbeauty
And
roundabout
grandeur rose,
were
hushed, the running brooks
winds
Were
mountains
statelyheight
earth.
of massive
strength
holy fane,
heaven-pointing
spire,
but
Significant
vain.
We
the whole
crown
On
the
which
VALLEY.
THE
IN
DOWN
256
with
golden
gilded cross,
sun
its earliest matin
First sheds
Its last when
rays,
"
is done.
day
windows, rich
In diamond-pointed panes,
Through which the precious sunlightfalls
Within
Gothic
are
In rainbow-colored
The
chancel-rails
In
The
high
The
work
a
in the year,
cloth is spread,
the
standing near,
in the
And
and
wine
Fours
pile.
Sabbath
fair white
And
of art,
of the
jewel
O'er it,each
A
richlycarved,
style;
are
artistic
altar is
stains.
of God
man
bread.
breaketh
tall columns
nave
rise,
Symmetrical to view,
With
walls,
ceilingsgroined and pencilled
All stained a dainty hue.
And, lo
cushioned
Are
Where
their stubborn
bend
knees
lifttheir stony hearts
Nor
Nor
With
think
For
Lord,
them
If each
When
Or
need
;
in prayer,
died,
His brow
upon
"
the Crucified.
't is all-sufficient
his head
but bows
solemn
the
who
of Him
of thorns
crown
Their
No
of ease,
seats
wealthy worshippers,
sit the
Nor
the columns
! between
are
prayers
offered,
litanyis read.
for them
to
utter,
In
penitential
grief,
The prayers
through which
Are seeking for relief.
the sinners
258
DOWN
IN
THE
VALLEY.
XIII.
GREGORY
READY
GETS
LUM.
HOW
"
MRS.
HE
AXSEY
LATE
MR.
MARRIED.
BE
COOPER.
PETER
SAID.
TO
WHAT
PLAYS
SPEAKS.
A.
"A
"
'REGORY
days,of
ADVICE.
THE
LEGACY."
is the
know.
I
LAWYER
PROVIDENCE.
BACHELOR'S
which
ASY
GREGORY'S
TEMPTING
GRUMM
YOUNG
THE
CHESS.
"
ORPHAN
"
busiest
He
nowa
man,
is
settling
up his
bachelor estate,and he appears to givehis whole
and writing
mind to it. He is paying all kinds of bills,
all
of billets. Pompey is reapinga harvest of cast-off
manner
old clothing establishment
in Chatham
clothing.No
articles
Street could make a largerdisplayof second-hand
wardrobe than Pompey.
of a single
Gregory
gentleman's
is determined
to leave,not only his bachelor garments
"
"
"
his roundabouts
his bachelor
on
and
not
and
loose trousers
The
habits.
blossomed
and
bore
the
that purpose.
The
and the young
philanthropist,
made
in trust for the society
cietyfor
time, and
termed
him
a
as
convert
alreadydeeded
has
at the
fruit.
to retain the Hemlocks
friends,he is going to
and
bit of advice
while
Thanksgiving-day,
which I gave
also
him
dinner-table, took root,
Having wiselyconcluded
rendezvous
it into
placeto
an
for his bachelor
orphan asylum,
the Golden-Rule
old ladies
speak
lawyer who
Gregorya
another
him, but
behind
"
Howard
of him
received
brief
"
as
a
the deed
speech at
also,a
So
the
second
Cooper. Gregory is quitemodest, but I am inclined
to think that he was
pleasedwith havinghis humble
greatly
name
coupledwith that of Peter Cooper. Ah ! said he to
Peter
"
me,
as
we
sat
over
talking
this
"
after
a few hours
affair,
the
IN
DOWN
THE
of the deed,
presentation
"
"
VALLEY.
ah !"
259
repeated, that
he
"
young
so intelligent,
so discerning,
lawyeris a very clever fellow
in everythinghe states.
correct
so perfectly
By the way,
it was
n't it ? to speak in the manner
very kind in him, was
he did of me, in connection
with Cooper. A rising
young
sir ; I should not be at all surprisedif he became
a
man,
of these days. Well, well, Peter Cooper,
one
chief-justice
"
to
be
sure."
smoke
with
from
a
And
Gregory wreathed
final bachelor cigar,
until
with
his head
the
crowned
he seemed
civic wreath.
a
I may
alluded
here
as
well
to
passes
Hemlocks
and
that the
mention
great deal
a
at Allen-Dale.
of
He
risingyoung
his time
both
to have
seems
man
at
the
suddenly
taken
wonderfullyto Gregory and myself. He declares
that our
conversation
improves his mind ; that every word
of Blackstone
utter is as good as a page
to him, and
we
that the jokes of Punch
are
as
nothing compared with
those which
play
chess
off.
get
we
with
me,
Somehow, though,we
game
with him.
Often
He
and
"
"
old
neither of
has
purposely,he
comes
it
with
sledge
us
get to
ever
happened
says, to
Gregory.
playinga
that when
I have
get the chess-men,I have found him, on my return,
so
by Miss Lillyas to
completelycrinolined into a corner
be utterlyunable to extricate himself from her toils. The
I knew
all the time,wished
to get away
so
as
poor fellow,
been
to
to
enjoya
since there
oline,to
silent game
was
with me, but
was
actuallycompelled,
around
and past the crin
way of getting
with Lillyand listen to her talk concern
no
remain
Noth
Newport, and
ing gloves,King Charles spaniels,
little singular,
It does appear
a
however,
ing to Wear."
that he
the rising
to play
never
comes
lawyer
young
chess with me
except on such eveningsas Lillychances to
"
"
be
at Allen-Dale
"
;
and
that
play with Gregory only when
But
sessed
goes to the
Lillyis there.
he
Hemlocks
to
to Gregory. So completelyis he pos
go back
with the one
idea of getting
married that he can
to
IN
DOWN
260
THE
VALLEY.
let the
than an
hour at a time.
subjectrest more
is continually
He
to get married.
He
one
advisingsome
recommends
it to me
times a day ; and when
I ask
fifty
shall I marry, he replies,
him who
Mrs.
Kate, or Lilly,
or
Axsey, or any one, indeed, so long as: you get married.
He givesthe same
advice to Pompey, and to Jasper Millinever
kens, and
to the
the latter of whom
risingyoung man
the
consider
promised Gregory that he would attentively
follow his advice he
matter, and if he could consistently
would
do so, and I,for my
certainly
part,have no doubt
but that the
"
clever fellow
"
"
will.
in
Gregory has been employing his leisure moments
he entitles, A Bachelor's
composing some
verses, which
Legacy." It is,indeed,a poeticalbequestof various items,
which he in his ignorance
conceives will be no more
wanted
by him in his married state. Some of these,which he so
pleasantlyleaves to sundry friends,he may possiblynot
requireunder the new order of things; but it strikes me
"
that the
as
to
Mrs.
a
proportionof articles therein
Axsey
says,
bachelor.
But
is not
in the South
bequestsof
make
not
the
had
his will that he
it is
just no
and
that,for
more
nor
below
nature
drawn
to be
such testaments,
to
married
prove,
as
man
sure
;
could
He
going to die,and
were
up.
narrated.
it
It lacks the usual form
but
Axsey
Mrs.
less than
a
will done
it 's
part,she considers
her
a
would
I shall let
otherwise if he
do much
named
Gregory find out all this
he is intending
to spend a few months
a good reason,
therefore,
why he should
Because
himself.
"justas handy
"
declares
up in
was
of
that
rhyme,
tempting Provi
good health, to squat down in cold
blood
and write such a
docyment." Now, there,"said
Number
Two; he was
she, "was
jest as likelyand
my
only he was n't so large and solidaryas
healthya man
for
dence
a
in
man,
"
"
"
"
"
"
Mister
who
would
had n't
any you could 'ave scared up, and
'ave lived for sixtyyears, perhaps,if not longer,
Grumm
he, like
is
a
"
as
great coot, gone
off
one
day
to
Squire
DOWN
THE
IN
VALLEY.
261
Davis's an'
remember
*
'
amen
was
earth that
got him to write' off a sermonlike will. I disnow
exactlyhow it commenced, but I know that
in it somewhere.
Well, he left everythingon
the
he owned, in that will,
to me, and what was
?
nighthe was took badly
he gin up the ghost.
fits,and 'fore another week
I always persisted
in sayingthat if it had n't been for
would have been
Two
will-making,
living
my Number
consequence
with
And
that
that
Why,
very
now."
"
Which
"
Well, now,
would
I added,
have
certainly,"
for the late Mr. Axsey."
tremely disagreeable
"
I must
allow,"exclaimed
never
sartinly
struck
guess it would
'ave riled
idence
I
"
is
Axsey
Providence,after
"
allowed
that it was,
a
further
and
but
reallycommendable, under
Mrs. Axsey coincided with me
that she
not
verses
proached,the following
:
then
and
;
to
near
I read
a
"
LEGACY.
BACHELOR'S
fortyyears I 've singledwelt,
And
a sorrow
scarcelyknown
;
Fortune
with me
has kindly dealt,
And
I
now
I 've bank-notes
Of mortgages
And
borrow
never
;
silver do I lack,
gold nor
a
I 've lived
a
But
mean
the ream,
by
I have
drive
stack,
a
double
sir,
team, sir.
solitarylife,
Along with my old valet,
I
now
Some
And
My
so,
as
to take
down
one
I
no
bachelor
I
suggestedthat willonly highlyproper,
Full
For
that it
circumstances.
some
might perceivehow
A
"
all ; ain't it ? "
making,all thingsconsidered,was
so
A.,
ex
lightbefore. La, suz !
good deal. Well, Prov
in that
me
Mrs.
it
made
in the
more
a
wife
"
valley;
shall need
enjoyments,
I '11let my
wild oats
And
follow grave
run
to
seed,
employments.
will
aloud,
they
ap
DOWN
262
To
IN
THE
VALLEY.
I
Pompey
bequeath my hat,
My stockings,boots, and collars,
My boxing-gloves,my ball and bat,
And
fiftygolden dollars.
To Mrs. Axsey, all forlorn,
I leave my
hen and chickens,
The kitchen-stove, 't is somewhat
worn,
"
The
To
cupboard,
Parson
To
with
Wright,
man
beast
or
A
eke
Preached
some
by
When
he
my
good
To
Likes
A
I leave
One
case
A
box
be
a
song,
ended,
"
and
father in the
my
old and
was
friend the
days
crusty.
Doctor,
who
Old Q,"
brandy, marked
for his inspection;
of sparkling Champagne wine,
"
of choice
Havanas,
work
on
"
I
dine,
Manners."
Social
of
I leave my
various games
A cooking-book by Soyer,
My
praise,
musty,
sermons
table off of which
My
wrong
Timothy's direction,
of
cask
The
never
of thanks
gratefulone
And
of
can
never
who
pickings.
intended,
I leave the burden
That
its
"
wines
sightlylist of
Unto
our
risinglawyer
of
chance,
France,"
;
My patent bang-up corkscrew, too,
A jar of piccalilli,
My latch-key,justas good as new,
But
To
not
my
gentle Lilly.
Fred, the rascal
! I
bequeath
and sandals,
My silver mug
MS.
My
styled The Wreath,"
poems,
And
half a dozen candles,
"
My story-booksof fairylore,
With
And
And
cuts
of dwarf
and
giant,
Jack,
portraits,
too, of Little
others
as
defiant.
"
DOWN
I
leave
And
Each
Paul
to
evening
And
oh
To
That
And
!
you
I
you
find
'm
do
will
your
of
woe
play
other
and
sing,
him
days,
sir,
appeal,
follow
him,
befriend
gone
friend
my
I
she
in
or
263
ring,
tend
to
must
while
And
diamond
my
White
Lilly
VALLEY.
THE
IN
my
weal,
ways,
sir.
;
DOWN
264
IN
THE
VALLEY.
XIV.
CHRISTMAS
NIGHT.
PARTY.
TEN
"
KATE
AND
MARRIAGE.
IN
DIMES
MILLIKINS.
AND
GREG'S
ESCAPE.
DINNER.
FOUR.
"
AXSEY
MRS.
SECRET.
A
THE
MINE.
LAST
THE
ALONE.
"
Christmas
house
AND
"
THE
NO.
FAREWELL.
JT is
CHURCH.
THE
CHRISTMAS
A
"
STORY
HER
i;
QUARTERS.
AND
AGO.
YEARS
and
night,
in the
down
I
alone in the old stone
am
alone with
valley
"
but my
own
The
fire,which
thoughtsto keep me company.
all day long had sent great shafts of flame up the widethrown
throated chimney, and had
out into the room
a
and ruddy light,
is now
cheerful warmth
smoulderingon
I hear only the ticking
of the hall-clock be
the hearth.
hind the door, and the wind wailing
mournfullyaround the
of the house
and
about the loftygables. Once
corners
Christmas
life before,on
in my
night,have I sat alone
with sorrow.
Then, as ntfw, the wind sobbed like
battling
child around
broken-hearted
a
the fire flickered
"
Forever
then
than
late,and
and
died
But
never."
"
there
is
now.
heavier
home
My
Then,
the
old
world
Only a few days previousI had laid my
solitary
grave ; and though I had heard
young
on
her
more
alone
and
coffin,
seen
in
the
semblance
of the grave itself was
hidden
in its full extent, how
realize,
failed to
in
the wide
world
;
but
the
as
clock
said,
heart
deso
than
now.
wife in her
frozen
earth
and
filled up
fallingsnow, till even
over,
watched
the
now,
grave
rounded
and
as
griefwas on my
appeared more
the
rattle
I seemed
and
away,
a
home.
my
I recalled
from
I had
sight,
alone
totally
to
my
all
mind
I
was
the
IN
DOWN
266
festooned
green
the
THE
VALLEY.
The
walls.
wassail-bowl
overflowed
the
candles
sideboard,and hundreds of waxen
con
sumed
slowly away ; cheeks and lipswere
kissed,hands
were
secretly pressed,and dainty forms were
tenderly
whirled in the giddydance.
Thus
clasped as their owners
merrilysped Christmas eve ; and only after the hour when
on
it is said that
kneel
oxen
had
greetings
mas
all of
in their
been
and
stalls,
when
Christ
joyfullyexchanged by
and
one
those
assembled, did the party begin to disperse.
And
when
the last guest had gone, and Gregory,even, had
then did
departed,and Lillyand Fred said, Good-night,"
"
Kate
side
and
I
feelingthat
"
by side,before
it
for the
was
last time
the stillblazing
and
fire,
sit
"
not
recall,
with
smiles,the Christmas eves we two had
passed together. Of all,however, that was spoken by us
out
tears
each
to
and
and
acter, and
she had
of
to
old
so
a
one
present,of which
public;
Morning was
as
she had
her sake
and
cried, God
you
!"
Is
I
night,
the ten
years
happilypassed togetherdown
end.
For, on
seems
to
me
the
an
morrow
"
age ago
stood preparedto take her
"
should
and
cheeks,she
her
bless you, Paul
thus
well
as
;
forever
I
my
might
I
own,
the
in
me
feel my
deso-
I
parted,and as
claspedmy hand
bless and keep
of life which
this very
when
we
from
as
a
heart,beside the buried
it any wonder, then,that,
Kate
"
and
my
breakingbefore
from
must
I,too, had
heard, that
never
ago ?
the tears
of which
"
"
I did ten years
as
nature,
story
Kate's,but of later date, even
this Christmas
even
I kissed
curious
a
bosom.
own
her,but which, for
I sit alone
lateness
matters
are
before,
syllable
a
me
buried in my
remain
woman's
of
presseddown into a corner
hopes and fears of long ago.
as
There
be laid before
to her
breathed
never
have told
know.
ever
preciousto
honorable
so
love,not
of the
will
story of her earlylove,so touchingin its char
Kate's
forever
as
other, none
sacred
too
well
as
we
had
so
to an
valleycame
morning,though it
again met, Gregory
so
just before
; and
DOWN
the hour
to the
the
267
we
repaired
morning'sservices,
in the body of the church,
church, and, standing
twain
the
VALLEY.
THE
of the Christmas
new
church
IN
made
were
entered
its
and
one;
the
as
was
doors,the blessing
early
to
comers
pronounced,and
wedding party turned down the aisle and entered my
to joinin the Christmas
praises. Then the bell high
pew
up in the tower
that every one
of the
down
church
new
in the
rung
valleyknew
a
peal,so
merry
that
marriage
had taken place,and with,I thought,
a
greater speed and
hastened
to church.
anxietythan usual,the congregation
Of
the sexon,
course
people as
while
he tolled the
they passed him,
who
it
a
told
bell,also
that
were
had
the
been
the wonderment,
them.
Great was
a march
stealing
upon
and surprise,
and whisperingsthat ensued, when
the fact
that it was
whom
Kate, and not Lilly,
Gregory had mar
ried,was fullyknown.
It was
with difficulty
that the young
clergyman could
obtain the attention of any one
of his congregationlong
than the subject
of his
enough for them to understand more
discourse.
toward
Every eye turned irresistibly
Gregory
and Kate.
She failed to show, by any visible signof emo
tion,that she
She
for
bore
her
knew
new
herself
honors
to
with
be
the
target of
all eyes.
and
womanly dignity,
never
betrayed any discomposure. Gregory,on
his feelings
the contrary,displayed
very plainly. He grew
red and white
by turns, coughed till he nearly strangled,
his brow, and had
from
wiped great beads of perspiration
turned on him a wife's rebukingglance,he would
not Kate
have
As
moment
a
rushed
it was,
from
he
the church
fled the
before the
moment
it
was
sermon
came
to
a
ended.
close,
"
to
for his
escape,"he whispered to me, as he reached over
of the congregation."
hat, the confounded
congratulations
When, after the services were
concluded,and Kate
had
who, at my suggestion,
escaped receivingthe good
"
"
wishes of the
room
"
had
assembly,by departingthrough the robing-
reached
the street,we
found
Gregorywaiting
DOWN
268
for
IN
THE
V 'ALLEY.
with Jasper Minikins
the
on
sleigh,
box, and engaged in tossingdimes and quarters to the
who
were
roguish boys of the village,
wishing him any
husband
of joy. If ever
amount
were
a
glad to see his
wife coming toward
him, it was
Gregory ; for his small
change was gettingscarce, and he would soon have been
obligedto distribute his bank-bills. So, gettinginto the
sleigh,
Jaspercracked his whip,and the four white horses,
us
with
as
in the bridal
crowd, for
It
will,started forward, amid
one
was
Christmas
the cheers
of the
Allen-Dale.
a
small
board
but
merry
party that
met
around
our
Gregory and Kate ; the young clergy
and his betrothed ; the rising
man
young lawyer and Lilly;
the old doctor,Gregory'sfamilyphysician; Fred
and my
self. Mrs. Axsey, who had attended to the gettingup of the
dinner,just after it was
placed on the table,disappeared.
of the old lady no
What
had become
knew ; but still
one
her absence
did not prevent our
enjoyment of it. When
the young clergyman had asked a blessing
with,it appeared
seldom
to me,
a
witnessed,the
degree of unctuousness
and
eaten
feast began. Though many
good thingswere
drunk, and many good jokes and speechesmade, it was not
until we
from
the table,and
the point of rising
were
on
when
Gregory had justconcluded his farewell speech,that
the crowning act of the day's proceedings took
place.
Then, at a preconcertedsignal
givenby the young clergy
in arm
the wide sliding-doors
were
opened,and arm
man,
into the dining-roomwalked Mrs. Axsey and Jasper Millikins.
The clergymansteppedforward,book in hand, and
and
the couple man
then and there proceeded to make
;
"
wife.
the moment
the
Mrs. Millikins,
then,"exclaimed
four."
knot was
tied, I kinder guess I 've got my number
of
at all desirous
The only person present who seemed
this point was
Four
Number
himself,who shook
disputing
his head in a negativestyle,
and slowlyopened his mouth
"
Now
"
DOWN
if to
speak ;
wiselyclosed
as
he
ing his hands
changing the
work
we
the hull
agree
I
were,
better
secret
a
able
keep
to
allow,
must
Four,
bit ; but he
him,
to
his
I
and
most
'n me,
you
shet
I
so
back
him
him
church, and
from
any
knowed
to
on
;
hard
ef I told
let
never
ef
'11 have
Jasper,I
a
ef
gentleman by surprise,then
what
a
surprise is.
But
willin'
be
oncommon
did n't hev
along with
come
tew, that
mouth
druv
his mouth
guess,
here 's my
Now
out.
thingdid n't take my
to gin up knowing
Number
a
kinder
it till after he
about
attention
within
tobacco
agoingto gitmarried;
was
I
"
lady paid no
of the
situation
be
never
word
"
himself
by thrust
again,and contented
into his trousers' pockets,and
deep down
keep
pint 'em
to
his
as
269
it
can
pusson
he 'd
but
VALLEY.
THE
continued, "I
she
while
IN
to
him
coax
jestfor
me
to
he
my
single
one
all the world
like
critter to the slaughter."
o
Then,
with
much
merriment,
groom's health
and
;
and
as
soon
we
as
he could
in
last
bride
conveniently,
each
Jasper,with a bottle of champagne under
laid out
the kitchen, where
he was
to
short
the
drank
arm,
an
retired
incredibly
of time.
space
when
wedding threw the first entirelyinto the shade, and
Gregory and Kate rode down to the railroad station,
there
was
This
scarce
a
dozen
to gaze
present
persons
them,
at
villagersbeing occupied in hunting
Jasper Millikins,in hope of obtaininga speech from
the great bulk
up
of the
him.
So
Kate
and
and
Lilly,and
and
attend
to
Gregory went away, accompanied by
taking Pompey, who will travel with
their wants
sad, this Christmas
DOWN
IN
THE
;
and
I, Paul,
night,within
VALLEY.
THE
END.
the
am
old
left alone
stone
Fred
them
and
house,