Wedding Bells
The day I get married I’m gonna resurrect
every pope from their grave and kiss my
husband
with my tongue
And I’ll skip-dance down the aisle to the
musical rumblings of Wicked
as Fiyero strips stage right in a cage
and Galinda tears off her white chiffon dress
to reveal her fishnets and six-inch-Louboutin
platinum pink heels
And just as the priest allows my husband and
I our vows,
the entire wedding ensemble will rise and do
the Time Warp
in unison
And Barbara Streisand will come swinging in
playing the tuba
as she crashes into Bette Midler playing the
cello
and Tom Collins and Angel enter stage left
and this time
Collins is sporting a Santa Claus outfit
with sequins and gems
that only Liberace would envy
But he’s not here
he took the cab to San Francisco because
there was a sale on
tap shoes
and dance belts
and manbags
and there’s Heidi Klum at the dessert table
stuffing her mouth with Petit Forts that Tyra
just happened to whip up
on her way out the door this morning
Thank God Project runway is being Tivo’d
or else half the groomsmen would have sent
an RSVP with a “Sorry, love!”
But the only “sorry love” here
is that you’ll just have to picture
our white tuxedos
and custom Louboutin patent leather dress
shoes
as we take our first dance wearing Dior
sunglasses
but sorry love
sorry love
you’ll just have to see it in your mind’s eye
Because the hero beneath my wings has to
stay there
And the white tuxedo is only a fantasy
And the groomsmen never got an invitation
And the dessert tables are really smeared with
prejudices
And discrimination
And masturbation
And even through the entire world burns
With fires of song and dance
Fairies live their lives in silence
And learn to stand up tall and straight
And only in the night
in front of the mirror
can they ever belt Celine Dion or goo-goo
over Lady Gaga in front of their seven kittens
And they say that marriage is holy
and can only be shared between
a man and
a woman
when a woman can’t agree to share her Sex
and the City DVD collection
And her daddy’s screwing the bartender
who’s a boy
And they say that marriage is holy
as winter falls on their quiet summers
and marriage is holy
because God only knows
that two boys
would gladly give up their patent pink
Louboutin heels
and Sex and the City DVD collection
if it meant
kissing
on their wedding day