Mothers,
love your sons
M
others, love your
sons
Love your big,
dumb sons
Your idiot sons,
Your swaggering sons,
Your awkward sons,
Your irresponsible sons and
their indestructible limbs.
Love their red and
bleeding knees,
Love their clear,
uncluttered eyes,
Love their stumbling foallike hands.
Love their necks just asking
to be wrung.
Love their shoes lost in the
neighbour’s yard,
Love their badly ironed clothes,
Love their terrible haircuts.
Love their empty tanks of petrol.
Love their awkwardness at airports
leaving
For a world they were expecting to
change.
Love their awkwardness at airports
returning
From a world they were expecting to
change.
6 2 G R A P E V I N E – I S S UE 1/2005
Love the hair on their chins like
A small lawn of badly cut grass.
Love their broken-hearted girlfriends
Calling in the middle of the night.
Love your northern sons,
Your southern sons,
Your eastern sons,
Your western sons.
Love your granite sons,
Your iron sons,
Your crystal sons,
Your paper sons.
Love your rising sons,
Your blazing sons,
Your noonday sons,
Your setting sons.
Mothers, love your sons,
Love your big, dumb sons,
Your idiot sons,
Your swaggering sons,
Your awkward sons,
Your irresponsible sons and their
indestructible limbs.
Because they die so fast,
So awkwardly, lankily, idiotically,
swaggeringly fast,
With everybody staring at them,
On a Friday night, with a wicked grin,
In a moment of their greatest triumph,
When they will always be the last to
know,
The last, that is, except for you.
GLENN COLQUHOUN – FROM ‘PLAYING GOD’
SENIORS BEWARE:
Dress Code
D
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
espite what you may have seen on
the streets, the following combinations do NOT go together:
a pierced tongue and dentures
a nose ring and bifocals
spiked hair and bald spots
miniskirts and support hose
ankle bracelets and corn pads
Speedos and cellulite
a belly button ring and a gall bladder
surgery scar
unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart
monitor
bikinis and liver spots
• short shorts and varicose veins
• midriff t-shirts and a midriff bulge
• inline skates and a walker
Other than that, you’re lookin’
GOOD!
FROM WWW.MIKEYSFUNNIES.COM
Things My Mother
Taught Me ... #1
“D
on’t jump up and down on the
dishwasher door. Mummy will
have to call a repairman, then
Daddy will turn purple again.”
ISSUE 1/2005 – G RAPEV INE 63
RAISING KIDS:
Reading Room
I
’ve always believed that love of
books is something that’s caught
– not taught. Which is why, in
our home, we have a strong emphasis on reading. Forages to the library
demonstrate a compulsive side to our
natures, and the family rule has always
been: “You can only take out as many
books as you can carry!”
With this emphasis on literature, it
will not surprise you to know that we
have a Reading Room – two, in fact
– one for Adults Only and one for
General & Children’s Reading. Anyone entering these rooms can instantly
tell what family members are reading,
6 4 G R A P E V I N E – I S S UE 1/2005
because the books are there, open,
waiting for the reader to return.
You may be interested
in the other furniture in
our Reading Rooms.
There’s a comfortable
white porcelain seat
(complete with water
and lid), a roll of paper
in a special holder (for
bookmarks), and a hand
basin for washing off any
newsprint (should that be
needed).The lock on the door
ensures that you can’t be interrupted in the middle of essential research. And our Reading
Rooms can double up, if strictly
necessary, for the maintenance of
essential bodily functions.
love to visit a particular
friend’s house, because her
Guest & Family Reading
Room doubles as a Meditation Room.
Upon the walls are taped profound
meditations, and I always look forward
to the new learnings that await me.
Last Friday, after several cups of coffee with my friend, it was clearly time
for Meditation before tackling the drive
home. Wonder of wonders, there was a
new/old meditation awaiting me. Old,
because I had heard it many times before.
New, because I’d never before thought
of it as a perfect description of excellent
parenting.
I drove home trying to retain the
wording in my mind. But, by the time
I
early evening arrived, the detail had vanished. I rang the household. My friend
was out, but her husband was home.
“Could you do me a favour, please?” I
asked. This lovely man was nice enough
to take a portable phone, stand in his
Meditation Room and carefully dictate,
phrase by phrase, the following Irish
Blessing:
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rain fall soft upon your fields.
And, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his
hand.
DIANE LEVY – FROM ‘THEY LOOK SO LOVELY WHEN
THEY’RE ASLEEP’
SILLY MYTHS ABOUT AGEING:
Old People Are Out Of Touch
T
his is a put-down that’s simply not
fair. Sure, as the years stretch out
behind us instead of in front of us,
we’re forced to slow down and reflect on
the meaning of life – and death.
This process turns some old folk sour
and mean, and causes others to retreat
into make-believe worlds. But for many
more, old age gives a clearer, fuller
appreciation of what’s important and
what’s not.
Old age offers a chance to quit the
mad rush of activity that runs our lives
... to let go all those anxieties about
prestige and security and fashions ... all
that clamouring after new houses and
new cars and bigger bank accounts. It
offers time to observe, to think, to pray
... a chance to discover simpler, more
permanent values.
Age seems to liberate many people.
Maybe that’s why God lets us grow old.
Perhaps it’s got something to do with
the realisation that “you can’t take it
with you” ...
‘THE TWILIGHT ZONE’ – GRAPEVINE AUG ‘81
Things My Mother
Taught Me ... #2
“K
eep crying, and I’ll give you
something to cry about!”
ISSUE 1/200 5 – GRAPEVINE 65
MARRIAGE MATTERS:
Babe, You Are ...
You are ...
my sunny sky,
my favourite high,
my bed so warm,
my port in a storm,
my sweetest gift,
my emotional lift,
my best friend
until the end,
my inspiration,
my destination,
my shining light,
my day and night,
my heart healer,
my anger chiller,
my pain reliever,
my spring fever,
my gem so rare,
my answered prayer,
my heart and soul,
my life made whole,
my merry-go-round,
my ‘up’ when I’m
down,
my best chance,
my last dance,
my best shot,
my sweet kumquat,
my energiser,
my appetiser,
my morning sun,
my evening fun,
my dancing partner,
my heart’s gardener,
my source of laughter,
my ever after,
6 6 G R A P E V I N E – I S S UE 1/2005
my heaven sent
for whom I’m meant,
my burning fire,
my greatest desire,
my soul mate,
my sweet fate,
my dream lover,
my ‘before all others,’
my confidence,
my commonsense,
my reason why
until I die.
(... just in case you
didn’t know).
DAVID WEATHERFORD –
‘CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE
COUPLE’S SOUL’
QUITE QUOTABLE:
As Someone Once Said ...
HOT STUFF: “I’d always wondered what
it would be like to live on the sun, until
my mother-in-law suggested that pressing my face against a hot frying pan
might give me an idea. Trust me, you
DON’T want to move there!”
RELATIVES: “If you love something,
set it free. If it comes back, it will always
be yours. If it doesn’t come back it was
never yours to begin with. But, if it
just sits in your living room, messes up
your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn’t
appear to realise that you had set it free,
you’re probably related to it.”
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH: “After Mama
gave birth to 12 of us kids, we put
her up on a pedestal. It was mostly to
keep Daddy away from her.” (Dolly
Parton)
INNOCENCE: “I was so naive as a kid I
used to sneak behind the barn and do
nothing.” (Johnny Carson)
DOUGH-RAY-ME: “I’ve learned that
regardless of how hot and steamy a
relationship is at first, the passion fades,
and there had better be a lot of money
to take its place.”
JOB DONE: “The way to achieve inner
peace is to finish the things we have
started. Today I finished two bags of
potato chips and a chocolate cake. I feel
better already!”
Things My Mother
Taught Me ... #3
“I
don’t care if it takes you five years
– you’re sitting there until all those
veges are gone!”
ISSUE 1/2005 – GRAPEVINE 67