MemoirsofaGeisha
ArthurGolden
Formywife,Trudy,
andmychildren,Haysand
Tess
TRANSLATOR’S
NOTE
Oneeveninginthe
springof1936,whenI
wasaboyoffourteen,
myfathertookmetoa
danceperformancein
Kyoto.Irememberonly
twothingsaboutit.The
firstisthatheandIwere
theonlyWesternersin
theaudience;wehad
comefromourhomein
theNetherlandsonlya
fewweeksearlier,soI
hadnotyetadjustedto
theculturalisolationand
stillfeltitacutely.The
secondishowpleasedI
was,aftermonthsof
intensivestudyofthe
Japaneselanguage,to
findthatIcouldnow
understandfragmentsof
theconversationsI
overheard.Asforthe
youngJapanesewomen
dancingonthestage
beforeme,Iremember
nothingofthemexcepta
vagueimpressionof
brightlycoloredkimono.
Icertainlyhadnowayof
knowingthatinatime
andplaceasfarawayas
NewYorkCitynearly
fiftyyearsinthefuture,
oneamongthemwould
becomemygoodfriend
andwoulddictateher
extraordinarymemoirs
tome.
Asahistorian,Ihave
alwaysregarded
memoirsassource
material.Amemoir
providesarecordnotso
muchofthememoirist
asofthememoirist’s
world.Itmustdiffer
frombiographyinthata
memoiristcannever
achievetheperspective
thatabiographer
possessesasamatterof
course.Autobiography,
iftherereallyissucha
thing,islikeaskinga
rabbittotelluswhathe
lookslikehopping
throughthegrassesof
thefield.Howwouldhe
know?Ifwewantto
hearaboutthefield,on
theotherhand,nooneis
inabettercircumstance
totellus—solongaswe
keepinmindthatweare
missingallthosethings
therabbitwasinno
positiontoobserve.
Isaythiswiththe
certaintyofan
academicianwhohas
basedacareeronsuch
distinctions.AndyetI
mustconfessthatthe
memoirsofmydear
friendNittaSayurihave
impelledmetorethink
myviews.Yes,shedoes
elucidateforusthevery
secretworldinwhich
shelived—therabbit’s
viewofthefield,ifyou
will.Theremaywellbe
nobetterrecordofthe
strangelifeofageisha
thantheoneSayuri
offers.Butsheleaves
behindaswellarecord
ofherselfthatisfar
morecomplete,more
accurate,andmore
compellingthanthe
lengthychapter
examiningherlifeinthe
bookGlitteringJewels
ofJapan,orinthe
variousmagazine
articlesaboutherthat
haveappearedoverthe
years.Itseemsthatat
leastinthecaseofthis
oneunusualsubject,no
oneknewthememoirist
aswellasthememoirist
herself.
ThatSayurishould
haverisentoprominence
waslargelyamatterof
chance.Otherwomen
haveledsimilarlives.
TherenownedKato
Yuki—ageishawho
capturedtheheartof
GeorgeMorgan,nephew
ofJ.Pierpont,and
becamehisbride-inexileduringthefirst
decadeofthiscentury—
mayhavelivedalife
evenmoreunusualin
somewaysthan
Sayuri’s.Butonly
Sayurihasdocumented
herownsagaso
completely.Foralong
whileIbelievedthather
choicetodosowasa
fortuitousaccident.If
shehadremainedin
Japan,herlifewould
havebeentoofullfor
hertoconsider
compilinghermemoirs.
However,in1956
circumstancesinherlife
ledSayuritoemigrateto
theUnitedStates.For
herremainingforty
years,shewasaresident
ofNewYorkCity’s
WaldorfTowers,where
shecreatedforherselfan
elegantJapanese-style
suiteonthethirtysecondfloor.Eventhen
herlifecontinuedatits
freneticpace.Hersuite
sawmorethanitsshare
ofJapaneseartists,
intellectuals,business
figures—evencabinet
ministersandagangster
ortwo.Ididnotmeet
heruntilanacquaintance
introducedusin1985.
AsascholarofJapan,I
hadencountered
Sayuri’sname,thoughI
knewalmostnothing
abouther.Our
friendshipgrew,andshe
confidedinmemoreand
more.OnedayIaskedif
shewouldeverpermit
herstorytobetold.
“Well,Jakob-san,I
might,ifit’syouwho
recordsit,”shetoldme.
Soitwasthatwe
beganourtask.Sayuri
wasclearthatshe
wantedtodictateher
memoirsratherthan
writethemherself,
because,asshe
explained,shewasso
accustomedtotalking
face-to-facethatshe
wouldhardlyknowhow
toproceedwithnoone
intheroomtolisten.I
agreed,andthe
manuscriptwasdictated
tomeoverthecourseof
eighteenmonths.Iwas
nevermoreawareof
Sayuri’sKyotodialect—
inwhichgeisha
themselvesarecalled
geiko,andkimonoare
sometimesknownas
obebe—thanwhenI
begantowonderhowI
wouldrenderitsnuances
intranslation.Butfrom
theverystartIfelt
myselflostinherworld.
Onallbutafew
occasionswemetinthe
evening;becauseoflong
habit,thiswasthetime
whenSayuri’smindwas
mostalive.Usuallyshe
preferredtoworkinher
suiteattheWaldorf
Towers,butfromtimeto
timewemetinaprivate
roomataJapanese
restaurantonPark
Avenue,whereshewas
wellknown.Our
sessionsgenerallylasted
twoorthreehours.
Althoughwetaperecordedeachsession,
hersecretarywaspresent
totranscribeher
dictationaswell,which
shedidveryfaithfully.
ButSayurineverspoke
tothetaperecorderorto
thesecretary;shespoke
alwaystome.Whenshe
haddoubtsaboutwhere
toproceed,Iwastheone
whosteeredher.I
regardedmyselfasthe
foundationuponwhich
theenterprisewasbased
andfeltthatherstory
wouldneverhavebeen
toldhadInotgainedher
trust.NowI’vecometo
seethatthetruthmaybe
otherwise.Sayurichose
measheramanuensis,to
besure,butshemay
havebeenwaitingall
alongfortheright
candidatetopresent
himself.
Whichbringsustothe
centralquestion:Why
didSayuriwanther
storytold?Geishamay
nottakeanyformalvow
ofsilence,buttheir
existenceispredicated
onthesingularly
Japaneseconvictionthat
whatgoesonduringthe
morningintheoffice
andwhatgoesonduring
theeveningbehind
closeddoorsbearno
relationshiptoone
another,andmust
alwaysremain
compartmentalizedand
separate.Geishasimply
donottalkfortherecord
abouttheirexperiences.
Likeprostitutes,their
lower-classcounterparts,
geishaareofteninthe
unusualpositionof
knowingwhetherthisor
thatpublicfigurereally
doesputhispantsonone
legatatimelike
everyoneelse.Probably
itistotheircreditthat
thesebutterfliesofthe
nightregardtheirroles
asakindofpublictrust,
butinanycase,the
geishawhoviolatesthat
trustputsherselfinan
untenableposition.
Sayuri’scircumstances
intellingherstorywere
unusual,inthatnoone
inJapanhadpowerover
heranylonger.Herties
withhernativecountry
hadalreadybeen
severed.Thismaytell
us,atleastinpart,why
shenolongerfelt
constrainedtosilence,
butitdoesnottellus
whyshechosetotalk.I
wasafraidtoraisethe
questionwithher;what
if,inexaminingherown
scruplesonthesubject,
sheshouldchangeher
mind?Evenwhenthe
manuscriptwas
complete,Ifeltreluctant
toask.Onlyaftershe
hadreceivedher
advancefromthe
publisherdidIfeelit
safetoqueryher:Why
hadshewantedto
documentherlife?
“WhatelsedoIhave
todowithmytimethese
days?”shereplied.
Astowhetherornot
hermotiveswerereally
assimpleasthis,Ileave
thereadertodecide.
Thoughshewaseager
tohaveherbiography
recorded,Sayuridid
insistuponseveral
conditions.Shewanted
themanuscriptpublished
onlyafterherdeathand
thedeathsofseveral
menwhohadfigured
prominentlyinherlife.
Asitturnedout,theyall
predeceasedher.Itwasa
greatconcernofSayuri’s
thatnoonebe
embarrassedbyher
revelations.Whenever
possibleIhaveleft
namesunchanged,
thoughSayurididhide
theidentitiesofcertain
menevenfromme
throughtheconvention,
rathercommonamong
geisha,ofreferringto
customersbymeansof
anepithet.When
encounteringcharacters
suchasMr.
Snowshowers—whose
monikersuggestsitself
becauseofhisdandruff
—thereaderwho
believesSayuriisonly
tryingtoamusemay
havemisunderstoodher
realintent.
WhenIaskedSayuri’s
permissiontouseatape
recorder,Iintendedit
onlyasasafeguard
againstanypossible
errorsoftranscriptionon
thepartofhersecretary.
Sinceherdeathlastyear,
however,Ihave
wonderedifIhad
anothermotiveaswell—
namely,topreserveher
voice,whichhada
qualityofexpressiveness
Ihaverarely
encountered.
Customarilyshespoke
withasofttone,asone
mightexpectofa
womanwhohasmadea
careerofentertaining
men.Butwhenshe
wishedtobringascene
tolifebeforeme,her
voicecouldmakeme
thinkthereweresixor
eightpeopleintheroom.
Sometimesstill,Iplay
hertapesduringthe
eveningsinmystudy
andfinditverydifficult
tobelievesheisno
longeralive.
JakobHaarhuis
ArnoldRusoffProfessorof
JapaneseHistory
NewYorkUniversity
ChapterOne
SupposethatyouandI
weresittinginaquietroom
overlookingagarden,
chattingandsippingatour
cupsofgreenteawhilewe
talkedaboutsomethingthat
hadhappenedalongwhile
ago,andIsaidtoyou,“That
afternoonwhenImetso-andso...wastheverybest
afternoonofmylife,andalso
theveryworstafternoon.”I
expectyoumightputdown
yourteacupandsay,“Well,
now,whichwasit?Wasitthe
bestortheworst?Becauseit
can’tpossiblyhavebeen
both!”OrdinarilyI’dhaveto
laughatmyselfandagree
withyou.Butthetruthisthat
theafternoonwhenImetMr.
TanakaIchiroreallywasthe
bestandtheworstofmylife.
Heseemedsofascinatingto
me,eventhefishsmellonhis
handswasakindofperfume.
IfIhadneverknownhim,
I’msureIwouldnothave
becomeageisha.
Iwasn’tbornandraisedto
beaKyotogeisha.Iwasn’t
evenborninKyoto.I’ma
fisherman’sdaughterfroma
littletowncalledYoroidoon
theSeaofJapan.Inallmy
lifeI’venevertoldmorethan
ahandfulofpeopleanything
atallaboutYoroido,orabout
thehouseinwhichIgrewup,
oraboutmymotherand
father,ormyoldersister—
andcertainlynotabouthowI
becameageisha,orwhatit
wasliketobeone.Most
peoplewouldmuchrather
carryonwiththeirfantasies
thatmymotherand
grandmotherweregeisha,and
thatIbeganmytrainingin
dancewhenIwasweaned
fromthebreast,andsoon.As
amatteroffact,oneday
manyyearsagoIwaspouring
acupofsakeforamanwho
happenedtomentionthathe
hadbeeninYoroidoonlythe
previousweek.Well,Ifeltas
abirdmustfeelwhenithas
flownacrosstheoceanand
comesuponacreaturethat
knowsitsnest.Iwasso
shockedIcouldn’tstop
myselffromsaying:
“Yoroido!Why,that’s
whereIgrewup!”
Thispoorman!Hisface
wentthroughthemost
remarkableseriesofchanges.
Hetriedhisbesttosmile,
thoughitdidn’tcomeout
wellbecausehecouldn’tget
thelookofshockoffhisface.
“Yoroido?”hesaid.“You
can’tmeanit.”
Ilongagodevelopeda
verypracticedsmile,whichI
callmy“Nohsmile”because
itresemblesaNohmask
whosefeaturesarefrozen.Its
advantageisthatmencan
interpretithoweverthey
want;youcanimaginehow
oftenI’vereliedonit.I
decidedI’dbetteruseitjust
then,andofcourseitworked.
Heletoutallhisbreathand
tosseddownthecupofsake
I’dpouredforhimbefore
givinganenormouslaugh
I’msurewaspromptedmore
byreliefthananythingelse.
“Theveryidea!”hesaid,
withanotherbiglaugh.“You,
growingupinadumplike
Yoroido.That’slikemaking
teainabucket!”Andwhen
he’dlaughedagain,hesaidto
me,“That’swhyyou’reso
muchfun,Sayuri-san.
Sometimesyoualmostmake
mebelieveyourlittlejokes
arereal.”
Idon’tmuchlikethinking
ofmyselfasacupoftea
madeinabucket,butI
supposeinawayitmustbe
true.Afterall,Ididgrowup
inYoroido,andnoonewould
suggestit’saglamorousspot.
Hardlyanyoneevervisitsit.
Asforthepeoplewholive
there,theyneverhave
occasiontoleave.You’re
probablywonderinghowI
cametoleaveitmyself.
That’swheremystory
begins.
***
Inourlittlefishingvillage
ofYoroido,IlivedinwhatI
calleda“tipsyhouse.”It
stoodnearacliffwherethe
windofftheoceanwas
alwaysblowing.Asachildit
seemedtomeasiftheocean
hadcaughtaterriblecold,
becauseitwasalways
wheezingandtherewouldbe
spellswhenitletoutahuge
sneeze—whichistosaythere
wasaburstofwindwitha
tremendousspray.Idecided
ourtinyhousemusthave
beenoffendedbytheocean
sneezinginitsfacefromtime
totime,andtooktoleaning
backbecauseitwantedtoget
outoftheway.Probablyit
wouldhavecollapsedifmy
fatherhadn’tcutatimber
fromawreckedfishingboat
topropuptheeaves,which
madethehouselooklikea
tipsyoldmanleaningonhis
crutch.
InsidethistipsyhouseI
livedsomethingofalopsided
life.Becausefrommyearliest
yearsIwasverymuchlike
mymother,andhardlyatall
likemyfatheroroldersister.
Mymothersaiditwas
becauseweweremadejust
thesame,sheandI—andit
wastruewebothhadthe
samepeculiareyesofasort
youalmostneverseein
Japan.Insteadofbeingdark
brownlikeeveryoneelse’s,
mymother’seyeswerea
translucentgray,andmineare
justthesame.WhenIwas
veryyoung,Itoldmymother
Ithoughtsomeonehadpoked
aholeinhereyesandallthe
inkhaddrainedout,which
shethoughtveryfunny.The
fortune-tellerssaidhereyes
weresopalebecauseoftoo
muchwaterinher
personality,somuchthatthe
otherfourelementswere
hardlypresentatall—and
this,theyexplained,waswhy
herfeaturesmatchedso
poorly.Peopleinthevillage
oftensaidsheoughttohave
beenextremelyattractive,
becauseherparentshadbeen.
Well,apeachhasalovely
tasteandsodoesa
mushroom,butyoucan’tput
thetwotogether;thiswasthe
terribletricknaturehad
playedonher.Shehadher
mother’spoutymouthbuther
father’sangularjaw,which
gavetheimpressionofa
delicatepicturewithmuch
tooheavyaframe.Andher
lovelygrayeyeswere
surroundedbythicklashes
thatmusthavebeenstriking
onherfather,butinhercase
onlymadeherlookstartled.
Mymotheralwayssaid
she’dmarriedmyfather
becauseshehadtoomuch
waterinherpersonalityand
hehadtoomuchwoodinhis.
Peoplewhoknewmyfather
understoodrightawaywhat
shewastalkingabout.Water
flowsfromplacetoplace
quicklyandalwaysfindsa
cracktospillthrough.Wood,
ontheotherhand,holdsfast
totheearth.Inmyfather’s
casethiswasagoodthing,
forhewasafisherman,anda
manwithwoodinhis
personalityisateaseonthe
sea.Infact,myfatherwas
moreateaseontheseathan
anywhereelse,andneverleft
itfarbehindhim.Hesmelled
liketheseaevenafterhehad
bathed.Whenhewasn’t
fishing,hesatonthefloorin
ourdarkfrontroommending
afishingnet.Andifafishing
nethadbeenasleeping
creature,hewouldn’teven
haveawakenedit,atthe
speedheworked.Hedid
everythingthisslowly.Even
whenhesummonedalookof
concentration,youcouldrun
outsideanddrainthebathin
thetimeittookhimto
rearrangehisfeatures.His
facewasveryheavily
creased,andintoeachcrease
hehadtuckedsomeworryor
other,sothatitwasn’treally
hisownfaceanylonger,but
morelikeatreethathadnests
ofbirdsinallthebranches.
Hehadtostruggleconstantly
tomanageitandalways
lookedwornoutfromthe
effort.
WhenIwassixorseven,I
learnedsomethingaboutmy
fatherI’dneverknown.One
dayIaskedhim,“Daddy,
whyareyousoold?”He
hoisteduphiseyebrowsat
this,sothattheyformedlittle
saggingumbrellasoverhis
eyes.Andheletoutalong
breath,andshookhishead
andsaid,“Idon’tknow.”
WhenIturnedtomymother,
shegavemealookmeaning
shewouldanswerthe
questionformeanothertime.
Thefollowingdaywithout
sayingaword,shewalkedme
downthehilltowardthe
villageandturnedatapath
intoagraveyardinthe
woods.Sheledmetothree
gravesinthecorner,with
threewhitemarkerposts
muchtallerthanIwas.They
hadstern-lookingblack
characterswrittentopto
bottomonthem,butIhadn’t
attendedtheschoolinour
littlevillagelongenoughto
knowwhereoneendedand
thenextbegan.Mymother
pointedtothemandsaid,
“Natsu,wifeofSakamoto
Minoru.”SakamotoMinoru
wasthenameofmyfather.
“Diedagetwenty-four,inthe
nineteenthyearofMeiji.”
Thenshepointedtothenext
one:“Jinichiro,sonof
SakamotoMinoru,diedage
six,inthenineteenthyearof
Meiji,”andtothenextone,
whichwasidenticalexcept
forthename,Masao,andthe
age,whichwasthree.Ittook
meawhiletounderstandthat
myfatherhadbeenmarried
before,alongtimeago,and
thathiswholefamilyhad
died.Iwentbacktothose
gravesnotlongafterwardand
foundasIstoodtherethat
sadnesswasaveryheavy
thing.Mybodyweighed
twicewhatithadonlya
momentearlier,asifthose
graveswerepullingmedown
towardthem.
***
Withallthiswaterandall
thiswood,thetwoofthem
oughttohavemadeagood
balanceandproduced
childrenwiththeproper
arrangementofelements.I’m
sureitwasasurprisetothem
thattheyendedupwithone
ofeach.Foritwasn’tjustthat
Iresembledmymotherand
hadeveninheritedher
unusualeyes;mysister,
Satsu,wasasmuchlikemy
fatherasanyonecouldbe.
Satsuwassixyearsolderthan
me,andofcourse,being
older,shecoulddothingsI
couldn’tdo.ButSatsuhada
remarkablequalityofdoing
everythinginawaythat
seemedlikeacomplete
accident.Forexample,ifyou
askedhertopourabowlof
soupfromapotonthestove,
shewouldgetthejobdone,
butinawaythatlookedlike
she’dspilleditintothebowl
justbyluck.Onetimeshe
evencutherselfwithafish,
andIdon’tmeanwithaknife
shewasusingtocleanafish.
Shewascarryingafish
wrappedinpaperupthehill
fromthevillagewhenitslid
outandfellagainstherlegin
suchawayastocutherwith
oneofitsfins.
Ourparentsmighthave
hadotherchildrenbesides
Satsuandme,particularly
sincemyfatherhopedfora
boytofishwithhim.But
whenIwassevenmymother
grewterriblyillwithwhat
wasprobablybonecancer,
thoughatthetimeIhadno
ideawhatwaswrong.Her
onlyescapefromdiscomfort
wastosleep,whichshebegan
todothewayacatdoes—
whichistosay,moreorless
constantly.Asthemonths
passedshesleptmostofthe
time,andsoonbegantogroan
whenevershewasawake.I
knewsomethinginherwas
changingquickly,but
becauseofsomuchwaterin
herpersonality,thisdidn’t
seemworrisometome.
Sometimesshegrewthinina
matterofmonthsbutgrew
strongagainjustasquickly.
ButbythetimeIwasnine,
thebonesinherfacehad
beguntoprotrude,andshe
nevergainedweightagain
afterward.Ididn’trealizethe
waterwasdrainingoutofher
becauseofherillness.Justas
seaweedisnaturallysoggy,
yousee,butturnsbrittleasit
dries,mymotherwasgiving
upmoreandmoreofher
essence.
ThenoneafternoonIwas
sittingonthepittedfloorof
ourdarkfrontroom,singing
toacricketI’dfoundthat
morning,whenavoicecalled
outatthedoor:
“Oi!Openup!It’sDr.
Miura!”
Dr.Miuracametoour
fishingvillageonceaweek,
andhadmadeapointof
walkingupthehilltocheck
onmymothereversinceher
illnesshadbegun.Myfather
wasathomethatdaybecause
aterriblestormwascoming.
Hesatinhisusualspotonthe
floor,withhistwobig
spiderlikehandstangledupin
afishingnet.Buthetooka
momenttopointhiseyesat
meandraiseoneofhis
fingers.Thismeanthewanted
metoanswerthedoor.
Dr.Miurawasavery
importantman—orsowe
believedinourvillage.He
hadstudiedinTokyoand
reportedlyknewmore
Chinesecharactersthan
anyone.Hewasfartooproud
tonoticeacreaturelikeme.
WhenIopenedthedoorfor
him,heslippedoutofhis
shoesandsteppedrightpast
meintothehouse.
“Why,Sakamoto-san,”he
saidtomyfather,“IwishI
hadyourlife,outonthesea
fishingallday.Howglorious!
Andthenonroughdaysyou
takearest.Iseeyourwifeis
stillasleep,”hewenton.
“Whatapity.IthoughtI
mightexamineher.”
“Oh?”saidmyfather.
“Iwon’tbearoundnext
week,youknow.Perhapsyou
mightwakeherforme?”
Myfathertookawhileto
untanglehishandsfromthe
net,butatlasthestood.
“Chiyo-chan,”hesaidto
me,“getthedoctoracupof
tea.”
Mynamebackthenwas
Chiyo.Iwouldn’tbeknown
bymygeishaname,Sayuri,
untilyearslater.
Myfatherandthedoctor
wentintotheotherroom,
wheremymotherlay
sleeping.Itriedtolistenat
thedoor,butIcouldhear
onlymymothergroaning,
andnothingofwhatthey
said.Ioccupiedmyselfwith
makingtea,andsoonthe
doctorcamebackoutrubbing
hishandstogetherand
lookingverystern.Myfather
cametojoinhim,andtheysat
togetheratthetableinthe
centeroftheroom.
“Thetimehascometosay
somethingtoyou,Sakamotosan,”Dr.Miurabegan.“You
needtohaveatalkwithone
ofthewomeninthevillage.
Mrs.Sugi,perhaps.Askher
tomakeanicenewrobefor
yourwife.”
“Ihaven’tthemoney,
Doctor,”myfathersaid.
“We’veallgrownpoorer
lately.Iunderstandwhat
you’resaying.Butyouoweit
toyourwife.Sheshouldn’t
dieinthattatteredrobeshe’s
wearing.”
“Soshe’sgoingtodie
soon?”
“Afewmoreweeks,
perhaps.She’sinterrible
pain.Deathwillreleaseher.”
Afterthis,Icouldn’thear
theirvoicesanylonger;forin
myearsIheardasoundlikea
bird’swingsflappingin
panic.Perhapsitwasmy
heart,Idon’tknow.Butif
you’veeverseenabird
trappedinsidethegreathall
ofatemple,lookingforsome
wayout,well,thatwashow
mymindwasreacting.Ithad
neveroccurredtomethatmy
motherwouldn’tsimplygo
onbeingsick.Iwon’tsayI’d
neverwonderedwhatmight
happenifsheshoulddie;I
didwonderaboutit,inthe
samewayIwonderedwhat
mighthappenifourhouse
wereswallowedupinan
earthquake.Therecould
hardlybelifeaftersuchan
event.
“IthoughtIwoulddie
first,”myfatherwassaying.
“You’reanoldman,
Sakamoto-san.Butyour
healthisgood.Youmight
havefourorfiveyears.I’ll
leaveyousomemoreofthose
pillsforyourwife.Youcan
givethemtohertwoata
time,ifyouneedto.”
Theytalkedaboutthepills
abitlonger,andthenDr.
Miuraleft.Myfatherwenton
sittingforalongwhilein
silence,withhisbacktome.
Heworenoshirtbutonlyhis
loose-fittingskin;themoreI
lookedathim,themorehe
begantoseemlikejusta
curiouscollectionofshapes
andtextures.Hisspinewasa
pathofknobs.Hishead,with
itsdiscoloredsplotches,
mighthavebeenabruised
fruit.Hisarmsweresticks
wrappedinoldleather,
danglingfromtwobumps.If
mymotherdied,howcouldI
goonlivinginthehousewith
him?Ididn’twanttobeaway
fromhim;butwhetherhewas
thereornot,thehousewould
bejustasemptywhenmy
motherhadleftit.
Atlastmyfathersaidmy
nameinawhisper.Iwentand
kneltbesidehim.
“Somethingvery
important,”hesaid.
Hisfacewassomuch
heavierthanusual,withhis
eyesrollingaroundalmostas
thoughhe’dlostcontrolof
them.Ithoughthewas
strugglingtotellmemy
motherwoulddiesoon,but
allhesaidwas:
“Godowntothevillage.
Bringbacksomeincensefor
thealtar.”
OurtinyBuddhistaltar
restedonanoldcratebeside
theentrancetothekitchen;it
wastheonlythingofvaluein
ourtipsyhouse.Infrontofa
roughcarvingofAmida,the
BuddhaoftheWestern
Paradise,stoodtinyblack
mortuarytabletsbearingthe
Buddhistnamesofourdead
ancestors.
“But,Father...wasn’t
thereanythingelse?”
Ihopedhewouldreply,but
heonlymadeagesturewith
hishandthatmeantformeto
leave.
***
Thepathfromourhouse
followedtheedgeofthesea
cliffsbeforeturninginland
towardthevillage.Walkingit
onadaylikethiswas
difficult,butIremember
feelinggratefulthatthefierce
winddrewmymindfromthe
thingstroublingme.Thesea
wasviolent,withwaveslike
stoneschippedintoblades,
sharpenoughtocut.It
seemedtometheworlditself
wasfeelingjustasIfelt.Was
lifenothingmorethana
stormthatconstantlywashed
awaywhathadbeenthere
onlyamomentbefore,and
leftbehindsomethingbarren
andunrecognizable?I’d
neverhadsuchathought
before.Toescapeit,Iran
downthepathuntilthe
villagecameintoviewbelow
me.Yoroidowasatinytown,
justattheopeningofaninlet.
Usuallythewaterwasspotted
withfishermen,buttodayI
couldseejustafewboats
comingback—lookingtome,
astheyalwaysdid,likewater
bugskickingalongthe
surface.Thestormwas
cominginearnestnow;I
couldhearitsroar.The
fishermenontheinletbegan
tosoftenastheydisappeared
withinthecurtainofrain,and
thentheyweregone
completely.Icouldseethe
stormclimbingtheslope
towardme.Thefirstdropshit
melikequaileggs,andina
matterofsecondsIwasas
wetasifI’dfallenintothe
sea.
Yoroidohadonlyoneroad,
leadingrighttothefrontdoor
oftheJapanCoastalSeafood
Company;itwaslinedwitha
numberofhouseswhose
frontroomswereusedfor
shops.Iranacrossthestreet
towardtheOkadahouse,
wheredrygoodsweresold;
butthensomethinghappened
tome—oneofthosetrivial
thingswithhuge
consequences,likelosing
yourstepandfallinginfront
ofatrain.Thepackeddirt
roadwasslipperyintherain,
andmyfeetwentoutfrom
underme.Ifellforwardonto
onesideofmyface.I
supposeImusthaveknocked
myselfintoadaze,becauseI
rememberonlyakindof
numbnessandafeelingof
somethinginmymouthI
wantedtospitout.Iheard
voicesandfeltmyselfturned
ontomyback;Iwaslifted
andcarried.Icouldtellthey
weretakingmeintotheJapan
CoastalSeafoodCompany,
becauseIsmelledtheodorof
fishwrappingitselfaround
me.Iheardaslappingsound
astheyslidacatchoffish
fromoneofthewooden
tablesontothefloorandlaid
meonitsslimysurface.I
knewIwaswetfromtherain,
andbloodytoo,andthatIwas
barefootanddirty,and
wearingpeasantclothing.
WhatIdidn’tknowwasthat
thiswasthemomentthat
wouldchangeeverything.For
itwasinthisconditionI
foundmyselflookingupinto
thefaceofMr.TanakaIchiro.
I’dseenMr.Tanakainour
villagemanytimesbefore.He
livedinamuchlargertown
nearbybutcameeveryday,
forhisfamilyownedthe
JapanCoastalSeafood
Company.Hedidn’twear
peasantclothinglikethe
fishermen,butratheraman’s
kimono,withkimonotrousers
thatmadehimlooktomelike
theillustrationsyoumayhave
seenofsamurai.Hisskinwas
smoothandtightasadrum;
hischeekboneswereshiny
hillocks,likethecrispskinof
agrilledfish.I’dalways
foundhimfascinating.When
Iwasinthestreetthrowinga
beanbagwiththeother
childrenandMr.Tanaka
happenedtostrolloutofthe
seafoodcompany,Ialways
stoppedwhatIwasdoingto
watchhim.
Ilaythereonthatslimy
tablewhileMr.Tanaka
examinedmylip,pullingit
downwithhisfingersand
tippingmyheadthiswayand
that.Allatoncehecaught
sightofmygrayeyes,which
werefixedonhisfacewith
suchfascination,Icouldn’t
pretendIhadn’tbeenstaring
athim.Hedidn’tgivemea
sneer,asiftosaythatIwas
animpudentgirl,andhe
didn’tlookawayasifitmade
nodifferencewhereIlooked
orwhatIthought.Westared
ateachotherforalong
moment—solongitgaveme
achilleventhereinthe
muggyairoftheseafood
company.
“Iknowyou,”hesaidat
last.“You’reoldSakamoto’s
littlegirl.”
EvenasachildIcouldtell
thatMr.Tanakasawthe
worldaroundhimasitreally
was;heneverworethedazed
lookofmyfather.Tome,he
seemedtoseethesap
bleedingfromthetrunksof
thepinetrees,andthecircle
ofbrightnessintheskywhere
thesunwassmotheredby
clouds.Helivedintheworld
thatwasvisible,evenifit
didn’talwayspleasehimto
bethere.Iknewhenoticed
thetrees,andthemud,and
thechildreninthestreet,butI
hadnoreasontobelievehe’d
evernoticedme.
Perhapsthisiswhywhen
hespoketome,tearscame
stingingtomyeyes.
Mr.Tanakaraisedmeinto
asittingposition.Ithoughthe
wasgoingtotellmetoleave,
butinsteadhesaid,“Don’t
swallowthatblood,littlegirl.
Unlessyouwanttomakea
stoneinyourstomach.I’d
spititontothefloor,ifIwere
you.”
“Agirl’sblood,Mr.
Tanaka?”saidoneofthe
men.“Here,wherewebring
thefish?”
Fishermenareterribly
superstitious,yousee.They
especiallydon’tlikewomen
tohaveanythingtodowith
fishing.Onemaninour
village,Mr.Yamamura,
foundhisdaughterplayingin
hisboatonemorning.Hebeat
herwithastickandthen
washedouttheboatwithsake
andlyesostrongitbleached
streaksofcoloringfromthe
wood.Eventhiswasn’t
enough;Mr.Yamamurahad
theShintopriestcomeand
blessit.Allthisbecausehis
daughterhaddonenothing
morethanplaywherethefish
arecaught.AndhereMr.
TanakawassuggestingIspit
bloodontothefloorofthe
roomwherethefishwere
cleaned.
“Ifyou’reafraidherspit
mightwashawaysomeofthe
fishguts,”saidMr.Tanaka,
“takethemhomewithyou.
I’vegotplentymore.”
“Itisn’tthefishguts,sir.”
“I’dsayherbloodwillbe
thecleanestthingtohitthis
floorsinceyouorIwere
born.Goahead,”Mr.Tanaka
said,thistimetalkingtome.
“Spititout.”
ThereIsatonthatslimy
table,uncertainwhattodo.I
thoughtitwouldbeterribleto
disobeyMr.Tanaka,butI’m
notsureIwouldhavefound
thecouragetospitifoneof
themenhadn’tleanedtothe
sideandpressedafinger
againstonenostriltoblowhis
noseontothefloor.After
seeingthis,Icouldn’tbearto
holdanythinginmymoutha
momentlonger,andspatout
thebloodjustasMr.Tanaka
hadtoldmetodo.Allthe
menwalkedawayindisgust
exceptMr.Tanaka’s
assistant,namedSugi.Mr.
Tanakatoldhimtogoand
fetchDr.Miura.
“Idon’tknowwhereto
findhim,”saidSugi,though
whathereallymeant,Ithink,
wasthathewasn’tinterested
inhelping.
ItoldMr.Tanakathe
doctorhadbeenatourhouse
afewminutesearlier.
“Whereisyourhouse?”
Mr.Tanakaaskedme.
“It’sthelittletipsyhouse
uponthecliffs.”
“Whatdoyoumean...
‘tipsyhouse’?”
“It’stheonethatleansto
theside,likeit’shadtoo
muchtodrink.”
Mr.Tanakadidn’tseemto
knowwhattomakeofthis.
“Well,Sugi,walkuptoward
Sakamoto’stipsyhouseand
lookforDr.Miura.You
won’thavetroublefinding
him.Justlistenforthesound
ofhispatientsscreaming
whenhepokesthem.”
IimaginedMr.Tanaka
wouldgobacktohiswork
afterSugihadleft;butinstead
hestoodnearthetablealong
whilelookingatme.Ifeltmy
facebeginningtoburn.
FinallyhesaidsomethingI
thoughtwasveryclever.
“You’vegotaneggplant
onyourface,littledaughter
ofSakamoto.”
Hewenttoadrawerand
tookoutasmallmirrorto
showittome.Mylipwas
swollenandblue,justashe’d
said.
“ButwhatIreallywantto
know,”hewenton,“ishow
youcametohavesuch
extraordinaryeyes,andwhy
youdon’tlookmorelikeyour
father?”
“Theeyesaremy
mother’s,”Isaid.“Butasfor
myfather,he’ssowrinkled
I’veneverknownwhathe
reallylookslike.”
“You’llbewrinkled
yourselfoneday.”
“Butsomeofhiswrinkles
arethewayhe’smade,”I
said.“Thebackofhisheadis
asoldasthefront,butit’sas
smoothasanegg.”
“Thatisn’tarespectful
thingtosayaboutyour
father,”Mr.Tanakatoldme.
“ButIsupposeit’strue.”
Thenhesaidsomething
thatmademyfaceblushso
red,I’msuremylipslooked
pale.
“Sohowdidawrinkledold
manwithaneggforahead
fatherabeautifulgirllike
you?”
Intheyearssince,I’ve
beencalledbeautifulmore
oftenthanIcanremember.
Though,ofcourse,geishaare
alwayscalledbeautiful,even
thosewhoaren’t.Butwhen
Mr.Tanakasaidittome,
beforeI’deverheardofsuch
athingasageisha,Icould
almostbelieveitwastrue.
***
AfterDr.Miuratendedto
mylip,andIboughtthe
incensemyfatherhadsent
mefor,Iwalkedhomeina
stateofsuchagitation,Idon’t
thinktherecouldhavebeen
moreactivityinsidemeifI’d
beenananthill.Iwould’ve
hadaneasiertimeifmy
emotionshadallpulledmein
thesamedirection,butit
wasn’tsosimple.I’dbeen
blownaboutlikeascrapof
paperinthewind.
Somewherebetweenthe
variousthoughtsaboutmy
mother—somewherepastthe
discomfortinmylip—there
nestledapleasantthoughtI
triedagainandagaintobring
intofocus.ItwasaboutMr.
Tanaka.Istoppedonthe
cliffsandgazedouttosea,
wherethewavesevenafter
thestormwerestilllike
sharpenedstones,andthesky
hadtakenonthebrowntone
ofmud.Imadesurenoone
waswatchingme,andthen
clutchedtheincensetomy
chestandsaidMr.Tanaka’s
nameintothewhistlingwind,
overandover,untilIfelt
satisfiedI’dheardthemusic
ineverysyllable.Iknowit
soundsfoolishofme—and
indeeditwas.ButIwasonly
aconfusedlittlegirl.
Afterwe’dfinishedour
dinnerandmyfatherhad
gonetothevillagetowatch
theotherfishermenplay
Japanesechess,SatsuandI
cleanedthekitcheninsilence.
ItriedtorememberhowMr.
Tanakahadmademefeel,but
inthecoldquietofthehouse
ithadslippedawayfromme.
InsteadIfeltapersistent,icy
dreadatthethoughtofmy
mother’sillness.Ifound
myselfwonderinghowlongit
wouldbeuntilshewasburied
outinthevillagegraveyard
alongwithmyfather’sother
family.Whatwouldbecome
ofmeafterward?Withmy
motherdead,Satsuwouldact
inherplace,Isupposed.I
watchedmysisterscrubthe
ironpotthathadcookedour
soup;buteventhoughitwas
rightbeforeher—even
thoughhereyeswerepointed
atthething—Icouldtellshe
wasn’tseeingit.Shewenton
scrubbingitlongafteritwas
clean.FinallyIsaidtoher:
“Satsu-san,Idon’tfeel
well.”
“Gooutsideandheatthe
bath,”shetoldme,and
brushedherunrulyhairfrom
hereyeswithoneofherwet
hands.
“Idon’twantabath,”I
said.“Satsu,Mommyis
goingtodie—”
“Thispotiscracked.
Look!”
“Itisn’tcracked,”Isaid.
“Thatlinehasalwaysbeen
there.”
“Buthowdidthewaterget
outjustthen?”
“Youslosheditout.I
watchedyou.”
ForamomentIcouldtell
thatSatsuwasfeeling
somethingverystrongly,
whichtranslateditselfonto
herfaceasalookofextreme
puzzlement,justassomany
ofherfeelingsdid.Butshe
saidnothingfurthertome.
Sheonlytookthepotfrom
thestoveandwalkedtoward
thedoortodumpitout.
ChapterTwo
Thefollowingmorning,to
takemymindoffmy
troubles,Iwentswimmingin
thepondjustinlandfromour
houseamidagroveofpine
trees.Thechildrenfromthe
villagewenttheremost
morningswhentheweather
wasright.Satsucametoo
sometimes,wearinga
scratchybathingdressshe’d
madefromourfather’sold
fishingclothes.Itwasn’ta
verygoodbathingdress,
becauseitsaggedatherchest
whenevershebentover,and
oneoftheboyswould
scream,“Look!Youcansee
MountFuji!”Butsheworeit
justthesame.
Aroundnoontime,I
decidedtoreturnhomefor
somethingtoeat.Satsuhad
leftmuchearlierwiththe
Sugiboy,whowasthesonof
Mr.Tanaka’sassistant.She
actedlikeadogaroundhim.
Whenhewentsomewhere,he
lookedbackoverhisshoulder
tosignalthatsheshould
follow,andshealwaysdid.I
didn’texpecttoseeheragain
untildinnertime,butasI
nearedthehouseIcaught
sightofheronthepathahead
ofme,leaningagainstatree.
Ifyou’dseenwhatwas
happening,youmighthave
understooditrightaway;but
Iwasonlyalittlegirl.Satsu
hadherscratchybathing
dressuparoundhershoulders
andtheSugiboywasplaying
aroundwithher“Mount
Fujis,”astheboyscalled
them.
Eversinceourmotherfirst
becameill,mysisterhad
grownabitpudgy.Her
breastswereeverybitas
unrulyasherhair.What
amazedmemostwasthat
theirunrulinessappearedto
betheverythingtheSugiboy
foundfascinatingaboutthem.
Hejiggledthemwithhis
hand,andpushedthemtoone
sidetowatchthemswing
backandsettleagainsther
chest.IknewIshouldn’tbe
spying,butIcouldn’tthink
whatelsetodowithmyself
whilethepathaheadofme
wasblocked.Andthen
suddenlyIheardaman’s
voicebehindmesay:
“Chiyo-chan,whyareyou
squattingtherebehindthat
tree?”
ConsideringthatIwasa
littlegirlofnine,coming
fromapondwhereI’dbeen
swimming;andconsidering
thatasyetIhadnoshapesor
texturesonmybodyto
concealfromanyone...
well,it’seasytoguesswhatI
waswearing.
WhenIturned—still
squattingonthepath,and
coveringmynakednesswith
myarmsasbestIcould—
therestoodMr.Tanaka.I
couldhardlyhavebeenmore
embarrassed.
“Thatmustbeyourtipsy
houseoverthere,”hesaid.
“Andoverthere,thatlooks
liketheSugiboy.He
certainlylooksbusy!Who’s
thatgirlwithhim?”
“Well,itmightbemy
sister,Mr.Tanaka.I’m
waitingforthemtoleave.”
Mr.Tanakacuppedhis
handsaroundhismouthand
shouted,andthenIheardthe
soundoftheSugiboy
runningawaydownthepath.
Mysistermusthaverunaway
too,forMr.TanakatoldmeI
couldgohomeandgetsome
clothesnow.“Whenyousee
thatsisterofyours,”hesaid
tome,“Iwantyoutogiveher
this.”
Hehandedmeapacket
wrappedinricepaper,about
thesizeofafishhead.“It’s
someChineseherbs,”hetold
me.“Don’tlistentoDr.
Miuraifhetellsyouthey’re
worthless.Haveyoursister
maketeawiththemandgive
theteatoyourmother,toease
thepain.They’revery
preciousherbs.Makesurenot
towastethem.”
“I’dbetterdoitmyselfin
thatcase,sir.Mysisterisn’t
verygoodatmakingtea.”
“Dr.Miuratoldmeyour
motherissick,”hesaid.
“Nowyoutellmeyoursister
can’tevenbetrustedtomake
tea!Withyourfathersoold,
whatwillbecomeofyou,
Chiyo-chan?Whotakescare
ofyouevennow?”
“IsupposeItakecareof
myselfthesedays.”
“Iknowacertainman.
He’soldernow,butwhenhe
wasaboyaboutyourage,his
fatherdied.Theverynext
yearhismotherdied,and
thenhisolderbrotherran
awaytoOsakaandlefthim
alone.Soundsabitlikeyou,
don’tyouthink?”
Mr.Tanakagavemealook
asiftosaythatIshouldn’t
daretodisagree.
“Well,thatman’snameis
TanakaIchiro,”hewenton.
“Yes,me...althoughback
thenmynamewasMorihashi
Ichiro.Iwastakeninbythe
Tanakafamilyattheageof
twelve.AfterIgotabitolder,
Iwasmarriedtothedaughter
andadopted.NowIhelprun
thefamily’sseafood
company.Sothingsturned
outallrightformeintheend,
yousee.Perhapssomething
likethatmighthappentoyou
too.”
Ilookedforamomentat
Mr.Tanaka’sgrayhairandat
thecreasesinhisbrowlike
rutsinthebarkofatree.He
seemedtomethewisestand
mostknowledgeablemanon
earth.Ibelievedheknew
thingsIwouldneverknow;
andthathehadaneleganceI
wouldneverhave;andthat
hisbluekimonowasfiner
thananythingIwouldever
haveoccasiontowear.Isat
beforehimnaked,onmy
haunchesinthedirt,withmy
hairtangledandmyface
dirty,withthesmellofpond
wateronmyskin.
“Idon’tthinkanyone
wouldeverwanttoadopt
me,”Isaid.
“No?You’reaclevergirl,
aren’tyou?Namingyour
housea‘tipsyhouse.’Saying
yourfather’sheadlookslike
anegg!”
“Butitdoeslooklikean
egg.”
“Itwouldn’thavebeena
cleverthingtosayotherwise.
Nowrunalong,Chiyo-chan,”
hesaid.“Youwantlunch,
don’tyou?Perhapsifyour
sister’shavingsoup,youcan
lieontheflooranddrink
whatshespills.”
***
Fromthatverymomenton,
Ibegantohavefantasiesthat
Mr.Tanakawouldadoptme.
SometimesIforgethow
tormentedIfeltduringthis
period.IsupposeIwould
havegraspedatanythingthat
offeredmecomfort.Often
whenIfelttroubled,Ifound
mymindreturningtothe
sameimageofmymother,
longbeforesheeverbegan
groaninginthemornings
fromthepainsinsideher.I
wasfouryearsold,atthe
obonfestivalinourvillage,
thetimeofyearwhenwe
welcomedbackthespiritsof
thedead.Afterafew
eveningsofceremoniesinthe
graveyard,andfiresoutside
theentrancesofthehousesto
guidethespiritshome,we
gatheredonthefestival’s
finalnightatourShinto
shrine,whichstoodonrocks
overlookingtheinlet.Just
insidethegateoftheshrine
wasaclearing,decoratedthat
eveningwithcoloredpaper
lanternsstrungonropes
betweenthetrees.Mymother
andIdancedtogetherfora
whilewiththerestofthe
villagers,tothemusicof
drumsandaflute;butatlastI
begantofeeltiredandshe
cradledmeinherlapatthe
edgeoftheclearing.
Suddenlythewindcameup
offthecliffsandoneofthe
lanternscaughtfire.We
watchedtheflameburn
throughthecord,andthe
lanterncamefloatingdown,
untilthewindcaughtitagain
androlleditthroughtheair
righttowarduswithatrailof
goldduststreakingintothe
sky.Theballoffireseemed
tosettleontheground,but
thenmymotherandI
watchedasitroseuponthe
currentofthewind,floating
straightforus.Ifeltmy
motherreleaseme,andthen
allatonceshethrewherarms
intothefiretoscatterit.Fora
momentwewerebothawash
insparksandflames;butthen
theshredsoffiredriftedinto
thetreesandburnedout,and
noone—notevenmymother
—washurt.
***
Aweekorsolater,when
myfantasiesofadoptionhad
hadplentyoftimetoripen,I
camehomeoneafternoonto
findMr.Tanakasittingacross
frommyfatheratthelittle
tableinourhouse.Iknew
theyweretalkingabout
somethingserious,because
theydidn’tevennoticeme
whenIsteppedintoour
entryway.Ifrozethereto
listentothem.
“So,Sakamoto,whatdo
youthinkofmyproposal?”
“Idon’tknow,sir,”said
myfather.“Ican’tpicturethe
girlslivinganywhereelse.”
“Iunderstand,butthey’d
bemuchbetteroff,andso
wouldyou.Justseetoitthey
comedowntothevillage
tomorrowafternoon.”
Atthis,Mr.Tanakastood
toleave.IpretendedIwas
justarrivingsowewould
meetatthedoor.
“Iwastalkingwithyour
fatheraboutyou,Chiyochan,”hesaidtome.“Ilive
acrosstheridgeinthetown
ofSenzuru.It’sbiggerthan
Yoroido.Ithinkyou’dlikeit.
Whydon’tyouandSatsu-san
cometheretomorrow?You’ll
seemyhouseandmeetmy
littledaughter.Perhapsyou’ll
staythenight?Justonenight,
youunderstand;andthenI’ll
bringyoubacktoyourhome
again.Howwouldthatbe?”
Isaiditwouldbevery
nice.AndIdidmybestto
pretendnoonehadsuggested
anythingoutoftheordinary
tome.Butinmyheaditwas
asthoughanexplosionhad
occurred.Mythoughtswere
infragmentsIcouldhardly
piecetogether.Certainlyit
wastruethatapartofme
hopeddesperatelytobe
adoptedbyMr.Tanakaafter
mymotherdied;butanother
partofmewasverymuch
afraid.Ifelthorriblyashamed
forevenimaginingImight
livesomewherebesidesmy
tipsyhouse.AfterMr.Tanaka
hadleft,Itriedtobusymyself
inthekitchen,butIfeltabit
likeSatsu,forIcouldhardly
seethethingsbeforeme.I
don’tknowhowmuchtime
passed.AtlengthIheardmy
fathermakingasniffling
noise,whichItooktobe
cryingandwhichmademy
faceburnwithshame.WhenI
finallyforcedmyselfto
glancehisway,Isawhim
withhishandsalready
tangledupinoneofhis
fishingnets,butstandingat
thedoorwayleadingintothe
backroom,wheremymother
layinthefullsunwiththe
sheetstucktoherlikeskin.
***
Thenextday,in
preparationformeetingMr.
Tanakainthevillage,I
scrubbedmydirtyanklesand
soakedforawhileinour
bath,whichhadoncebeen
theboilercompartmentfrom
anoldsteamenginesomeone
hadabandonedinourvillage;
thetophadbeensawedoff
andtheinsidelinedwith
wood.Isatalongwhile
lookingouttoseaandfeeling
veryindependent,forIwas
abouttoseesomethingofthe
worldoutsideourlittle
villageforthefirsttimeinmy
life.
WhenSatsuandIreached
theJapanCoastalSeafood
Company,wewatchedthe
fishermenunloadingtheir
catchesatthepier.Myfather
wasamongthem,grabbing
fishwithhisbonyhandsand
droppingthemintobaskets.
Atonepointhelooked
towardmeandSatsu,and
thenafterwardwipedhisface
onthesleeveofhisshirt.
Somehowhisfeatureslooked
heaviertomethanusual.The
mencarriedthefullbasketsto
Mr.Tanaka’shorse-drawn
wagonandarrangedthemin
theback.Iclimbeduponthe
wheeltowatch.Mostly,the
fishstaredoutwithglassy
eyes,buteverysooftenone
wouldmoveitsmouth,which
seemedtomelikealittle
scream.Itriedtoreassure
thembysaying:
“You’regoingtothetown
ofSenzuru,littlefishies!
Everythingwillbeokay.”
Ididn’tseewhatgoodit
woulddototellthemthe
truth.
AtlengthMr.Tanakacame
outintothestreetandtold
Satsuandmetoclimbonto
thebenchofthewagonwith
him.Isatinthemiddle,close
enoughtofeelthefabricof
Mr.Tanaka’skimonoagainst
myhand.Icouldn’thelp
blushingatthis.Satsuwas
lookingrightatme,butshe
didn’tseemtonotice
anythingandworeherusual
muddledexpression.
Ipassedmuchofthetrip
lookingbackatthefishas
theysloshedaroundintheir
baskets.Whenweclimbedup
overtheridgeleaving
Yoroido,thewheelpassed
overarockandthewagon
tippedtoonesidequite
suddenly.Oneoftheseabass
wasthrownoutandhitthe
groundsoharditwasjolted
backtolife.Toseeitflopping
andgaspingwasmorethanI
couldbear.Iturnedback
aroundwithtearsinmyeyes,
andthoughItriedtohide
themfromMr.Tanaka,he
noticedthemanyway.After
hehadretrievedthefishand
wewereonourwayagain,he
askedmewhatwasthe
matter.
“Thepoorfish!”Isaid.
“You’relikemywife.
They’remostlydeadwhen
sheseesthem,butifshehas
tocookacrab,oranything
elsestillalive,shegrows
teary-eyedandsingsto
them.”
Mr.Tanakataughtmea
littlesong—reallyalmosta
sortofprayer—thatIthought
hiswifehadinvented.She
sangitforcrabs,butwe
changedthewordsforthe
fish:
Suzukiyosuzuki!
Jobutsushitekure!
Littlebass,ohlittlebass!
Speedyourselfto
Buddhahood!
Thenhetaughtmeanother
song,alullabyI’dnever
heardbefore.Wesangittoa
flounderinthebacklyingina
lowbasketbyitself,withits
twobutton-eyesonthesideof
itsheadshiftingaround.
Nemureyo,iikareiyo!
Niwayamakibani
Torimohitsujimo
Minnanemureba
Hoshiwamadokara
Ginnohikario
Sosogu,konoyoru!
Gotosleep,yougood
flounder!
Whenallaresleeping—
Eventhebirdsandthe
sheep
Inthegardensandinthe
fields—
Thestarsthisevening
Willpourtheirgolden
light
Fromthewindow.
Wetoppedtheridgeafew
momentslater,andthetown
ofSenzurucameintoview
belowus.Thedaywasdrab,
everythinginshadesofgray.
Itwasmyfirstlookatthe
worldoutsideYoroido,andI
didn’tthinkI’dmissedmuch.
Icouldseethethatchedroofs
ofthetownaroundaninlet,
amiddullhills,andbeyond
themthemetal-coloredsea,
brokenwithshardsofwhite.
Inland,thelandscapemight
havebeenattractivebutfor
thetraintracksrunningacross
itlikeascar.
Senzuruwasmainlya
dirty,smellytown.Eventhe
oceanhadaterribleodor,as
ifallthefishinitwere
rotting.Aroundthelegsof
thepier,piecesofvegetables
bobbedlikethejellyfishin
ourlittleinlet.Theboatswere
scratchedup,someoftheir
timberscracked;theylooked
tomeasifthey’dbeen
fightingwithoneanother.
SatsuandIsatalongwhile
onthepier,untilatlengthMr.
Tanakacalledusinsidethe
JapanCoastalSeafood
Company’sheadquartersand
ledusdownalongcorridor.
Thecorridorcouldn’thave
smelledmorestronglyoffish
gutsifwehadactuallybeen
insideafish.Butdownatthe
end,tomysurprise,wasan
office,lovelytomynineyear-oldeyes.Insidethe
doorway,SatsuandIstoodin
ourbarefeetonaslimyfloor
ofstone.Beforeus,astepled
uptoaplatformcoveredwith
tatamimats.Perhapsthisis
whatimpressedmeso;the
raisedflooringmade
everythinglookgrander.In
anycase,Iconsidereditthe
mostbeautifulroomI’dever
seen—thoughitmakesme
laughnowtothinkthatthe
officeofafishwholesalerin
atinytownontheJapanSea
couldhavemadesuchan
impressiononanyone.
Ontheplatformsatanold
womanonacushion,who
rosewhenshesawusand
camedowntotheedgeto
arrangeherselfonherknees.
Shewasoldandcrankylooking,andIdon’tthinkyou
couldevermeetanyonewho
fidgetedmore.Whenshe
wasn’tsmoothingher
kimono,shewaswiping
somethingfromthecornerof
hereyeorscratchingher
nose,allthewhilesighingas
thoughshefeltverysorry
therewassomuchfidgeting
tobedone.
Mr.Tanakasaidtoher,
“ThisisChiyo-chanandher
oldersister,Satsu-san.”
Igavealittlebow,to
whichMrs.Fidgetresponded
withanod.Thenshegavethe
biggestsighshe’dgivenyet,
andbegantopickwithone
handatacrustypatchonher
neck.Iwouldhavelikedto
lookaway,buthereyeswere
fixedonmine.
“Well!You’reSatsu-san,
areyou?”shesaid.Butshe
wasstilllookingrightatme.
“I’mSatsu,”saidmysister.
“Whenwereyouborn?”
Satsustillseemedunsure
whichofusMrs.Fidgetwas
addressing,soIansweredfor
her.“She’stheyearofthe
cow,”Isaid.
Theoldwomanreached
outandpattedmewithher
fingers.Butshediditina
mostpeculiarway,bypoking
meseveraltimesinthejaw.I
knewshemeantitasapat
becausesheworeakindly
look.
“Thisone’sratherpretty,
isn’tshe?Suchunusualeyes!
Andyoucanseethatshe’s
clever.Justlookather
forehead.”Heresheturnedto
mysisteragainandsaid,
“Now,then.Theyearofthe
cow;fifteenyearsold;the
planetVenus;six,white.
Hmm...Comeabitcloser.”
Satsudidasshewastold.
Mrs.Fidgetbegantoexamine
herface,notonlywithher
eyesbutwithherfingertips.
Shespentalongwhile
checkingSatsu’snosefrom
differentangles,andherears.
Shepinchedthelobesa
numberoftimes,thengavea
grunttoindicateshewas
donewithSatsuandturnedto
me.
“You’retheyearofthe
monkey.Icantellitjust
lookingatyou.Whatagreat
dealofwateryouhave!
Eight,white;theplanet
Saturn.Andaveryattractive
girlyouare.Comecloser.”
Nowsheproceededtodo
thesamethingtome,
pinchingmyearsandsoon.I
keptthinkingofhowshe’d
scratchedatthecrustypatch
onherneckwiththesesame
fingers.Soonshegottoher
feetandcamedownontothe
stonefloorwherewestood.
Shetookawhilegettingher
crookedfeetintoherzori,but
finallyturnedtowardMr.
Tanakaandgavehimalook
heseemedtounderstandat
once,becauseheleftthe
room,closingthedoorbehind
him.
Mrs.Fidgetuntiedthe
peasantshirtSatsuwas
wearingandremovedit.She
movedSatsu’sbosoms
aroundabit,lookedunderher
arms,andthenturnedher
aroundandlookedather
back.Iwasinsuchastateof
shock,Icouldbarelybring
myselftowatch.I’dcertainly
seenSatsunakedbefore,but
thewayMrs.Fidgethandled
herbodyseemedevenmore
indecenttomethanwhen
Satsuhadheldherbathing
dressupfortheSugiboy.
Then,asifshehadn’tdone
enoughalready,Mrs.Fidget
yankedSatsu’spantstothe
floor,lookedherupand
down,andturnedheraround
facingfrontagain.
“Stepoutofyourpants,”
shesaid.
Satsu’sfacewasmore
confusedthanI’dseenitina
longwhile,butshestepped
outofherpantsandleftthem
ontheslimystonefloor.Mrs.
Fidgettookherbythe
shouldersandseatedheron
theplatform.Satsuwas
completelynaked;I’msure
shehadnomoreideawhyshe
shouldbesittingtherethanI
did.Butshehadnotimeto
wonderaboutiteither,forin
aninstantMrs.Fidgethadput
herhandsonSatsu’sknees
andspreadthemapart.And
withoutamoment’s
hesitationshereachedher
handbetweenSatsu’slegs.
AfterthisIcouldnolonger
bringmyselftowatch.Ithink
Satsumusthaveresisted,for
Mrs.Fidgetgaveashout,and
atthesamemomentIhearda
loudslap,whichwasMrs.
FidgetsmackingSatsuonthe
leg—asIcouldtelllaterfrom
theredmarkthere.Ina
momentMrs.Fidgetwas
doneandtoldSatsutoputher
clothesbackon.Whileshe
wasdressing,Satsugavea
bigsniff.Shemayhavebeen
crying,butIdidn’tdarelook
ather.
Next,Mrs.Fidgetcame
straightatme,andina
momentmyownpantswere
downaroundmyknees,and
myshirtwastakenoffme
justasSatsu’shadbeen.Ihad
nobosomsfortheoldwoman
tomovearound,butshe
lookedundermyarmsjustas
she’ddonewithmysister,
andturnedmearoundtoo,
beforeseatingmeonthe
platformandpullingmy
pantsoffmylegs.Iwas
terriblyfrightenedofwhat
shewoulddo,andwhenshe
triedtospreadmyknees
apart,shehadtoslapmeon
thelegjustasshe’dslapped
Satsu,whichmademythroat
begintoburnfromholding
backmytears.Sheputa
fingerbetweenmylegsand
gavewhatfelttomelikea
pinch,insuchawaythatI
criedout.Whenshetoldme
todressagain,Ifeltasadam
mustfeelwhenit’sholding
backanentireriver.ButIwas
afraidifSatsuorIbeganto
soblikelittlechildren,we
mightlookbadinMr.
Tanaka’seyes.
“Thegirlsarehealthy,”she
saidtoMr.Tanakawhenhe
camebackintotheroom,
“andverysuitable.Bothof
themareintact.Theolderone
hasfartoomuchwood,but
theyoungeronehasagood
dealofwater.Prettytoo,
don’tyouthink?Herolder
sisterlookslikeapeasant
besideher!”
“I’msurethey’reboth
attractivegirlsintheirway,”
hesaid.“Whydon’twetalk
aboutitwhileIwalkyouout?
Thegirlswillwaitherefor
me.”
WhenMr.Tanakahad
closedthedoorbehindthem,
IturnedtoseeSatsusitting
ontheedgeoftheplatform,
gazingupwardtowardthe
ceiling.Becauseoftheshape
ofherface,tearswerepooled
alongthetopsofhernostrils,
andIburstintotearsmyself
themomentIsawherupset.I
feltmyselftoblameforwhat
hadhappened,andwipedher
facewiththecornerofmy
peasantshirt.
“Whowasthathorrible
woman?”shesaidtome.
“Shemustbeafortuneteller.ProbablyMr.Tanaka
wantstolearnasmuchabout
usashecan...”
“Butwhyshouldshelook
atusinthathorribleway!”
“Satsu-san,don’tyou
understand?”Isaid.“Mr.
Tanakaisplanningtoadopt
us.”
Whensheheardthis,Satsu
begantoblinkasifabughad
crawledintohereye.“What
areyoutalkingabout?”she
said.“Mr.Tanakacan’tadopt
us.”
“Fatherissoold...and
nowthatourmotherissick,I
thinkMr.Tanakaisworried
aboutourfuture.Therewon’t
beanyonetotakecareofus.”
Satsustood,shewasso
agitatedtohearthis.Ina
momenthereyeshadbegun
tosquint,andIcouldseeshe
washardatworkwilling
herselftobelievethatnothing
wasgoingtotakeusfromour
tipsyhouse.Shewas
squeezingoutthethingsI’d
toldherinthesamewayyou
mightsqueezewaterfroma
sponge.Slowlyherface
begantorelaxagain,andshe
satdownoncemoreonthe
edgeoftheplatform.Ina
momentshewasgazing
aroundtheroomasifwe’d
neverhadtheconversationat
all.
***
Mr.Tanaka’shouselayat
theendofalanejustoutside
thetown.Thegladeofpine
treessurroundingitsmelled
asrichlyastheoceanbackon
theseacliffsatourhouse;and
whenIthoughtoftheocean
andhowIwouldbetrading
onesmellforanother,Ifelta
terribleemptinessIhadto
pullmyselfawayfrom,just
asyoumightstepbackfroma
cliffafterpeeringoverit.The
housewasgranderthan
anythinginYoroido,with
enormouseaveslikeour
villageshrine.AndwhenMr.
Tanakasteppedupintohis
entryway,helefthisshoes
rightwherehewalkedoutof
them,becauseamaidcame
andstowedthemonashelf
forhim.SatsuandIhadno
shoestoputaway,butjustas
Iwasabouttowalkintothe
house,Ifeltsomethingstrike
mesoftlyonmybackside,
andapineconefellontothe
woodfloorbetweenmyfeet.
Iturnedtoseeayounggirl
aboutmyage,withveryshort
hair,runningtohidebehinda
tree.Shepeeredouttosmile
atmewithatriangleofempty
spacebetweenherfrontteeth
andthenranaway,looking
backoverhershouldersoI’d
becertaintochaseher.Itmay
soundpeculiar,butI’dnever
hadtheexperienceofactually
meetinganotherlittlegirl.Of
courseIknewthegirlsinmy
village,butwe’dgrownup
togetherandhadneverdone
anythingthatmightbecalled
“meeting.”ButKuniko—for
thatwasthenameofMr.
Tanaka’slittledaughter—was
sofriendlyfromthefirst
instantIsawher,Ithoughtit
mightbeeasyformetomove
fromoneworldintoanother.
Kuniko’sclothingwas
muchmorerefinedthanmine,
andsheworezori;butbeing
thevillagegirlIwas,Ichased
heroutintothewoods
barefootuntilIcaughtupto
heratasortofplayhouse
madefromthesawed-off
branchesofadeadtree.She’d
laidoutrocksandpinecones
tomakerooms.Inoneshe
pretendedtoservemeteaout
ofacrackedcup;inanother
wetookturnsnursingher
babydoll,alittleboynamed
Tarowhowasreallynothing
morethanacanvasbag
stuffedwithdirt.Taroloved
strangers,saidKuniko,buthe
wasveryfrightenedof
earthworms;andbyamost
peculiarcoincidence,sowas
Kuniko.Whenwe
encounteredone,Kuniko
madesureIcarrieditoutside
inmyfingersbeforepoor
Taroshouldburstintotears.
Iwasdelightedatthe
prospectofhavingKuniko
forasister.Infact,the
majestictreesandthepine
smell—evenMr.Tanaka—all
begantoseemalmost
insignificanttomein
comparison.Thedifference
betweenlifehereatthe
Tanakas’houseandlifein
Yoroidowasasgreatasthe
differencebetweentheodor
ofsomethingcookinganda
mouthfulofdeliciousfood.
Asitgrewdark,we
washedourhandsandfeetat
thewell,andwentinsideto
takeourseatsonthefloor
aroundasquaretable.Iwas
amazedtoseesteamfromthe
mealwewereabouttoeat
risingupintotheraftersofa
ceilinghighaboveme,with
electriclightshangingdown
overourheads.The
brightnessoftheroomwas
startling;I’dneverseensuch
athingbefore.Soonthe
servantsbroughtourdinner—
grilledsaltedseabass,
pickles,soup,andsteamed
rice—butthemomentwe
begantoeat,thelightswent
out.Mr.Tanakalaughed;this
happenedquiteoften,
apparently.Theservantswent
aroundlightinglanternsthat
hungonwoodentripods.
Noonespokeverymuchas
weate.I’dexpectedMrs.
Tanakatobeglamorous,but
shelookedlikeanolder
versionofSatsu,exceptthat
shesmiledagooddeal.After
dinnersheandSatsubegan
playingagameofgo,and
Mr.Tanakastoodandcalled
amaidtobringhiskimono
jacket.InamomentMr.
Tanakawasgone,andaftera
shortdelay,Kunikogestured
tometofollowheroutthe
door.Sheputonstrawzori
andlentmeanextrapair.I
askedherwherewewere
going.
“Quietly!”shesaid.
“We’refollowingmydaddy.
Idoiteverytimehegoesout.
It’sasecret.”
Weheadedupthelaneand
turnedonthemainstreet
towardthetownofSenzuru,
followingsomedistance
behindMr.Tanaka.Inafew
minuteswewerewalking
amongthehousesofthe
town,andthenKunikotook
myarmandpulledmedown
asidestreet.Attheendofa
stonewalkwaybetweentwo
houses,wecametoawindow
coveredwithpaperscreens
thatshonewiththelight
inside.Kunikoputhereyeto
aholetornjustateyelevelin
oneofthescreens.Whileshe
peeredin,Iheardthesounds
oflaughterandtalking,and
someonesingingtothe
accompanimentofa
shamisen.Atlengthshe
steppedasidesoIcouldput
myowneyetothehole.Half
theroominsidewasblocked
frommyviewbyafolding
screen,butIcouldseeMr.
Tanakaseatedonthemats
withagroupofthreeorfour
men.Anoldmanbesidehim
wastellingastoryabout
holdingaladderforayoung
womanandpeeringupher
robe;everyonewaslaughing
exceptMr.Tanaka,who
gazedstraightaheadtoward
thepartoftheroomblocked
frommyview.Anolder
womaninkimonocamewith
aglassforhim,whichheheld
whileshepouredbeer.Mr.
Tanakastruckmeasanisland
inthemidstofthesea,
becausealthougheveryone
elsewasenjoyingthestory—
eventheelderlywoman
pouringthebeer—Mr.
Tanakajustwentonstaringat
theotherendofthetable.I
tookmyeyefromtheholeto
askKunikowhatsortofplace
thiswas.
“It’sateahouse,”shetold
me,“wheregeishaentertain.
Mydaddycomesherealmost
everynight.Idon’tknow
whyhelikesitso.The
womenpourdrinks,andthe
mentellstories—except
whentheysingsongs.
Everybodyendsupdrunk.”
Iputmyeyebacktothe
holeintimetoseeashadow
crossingthewall,andthena
womancameintoview.Her
hairwasornamentedwiththe
danglinggreenbloomofa
willow,andsheworeasoft
pinkkimonowithwhite
flowerslikecutoutsallover
it.Thebroadobitiedaround
hermiddlewasorangeand
yellow.I’dneverseensuch
elegantclothing.Noneofthe
womeninYoroidoowned
anythingmoresophisticated
thanacottonrobe,orperhaps
linen,withasimplepatternin
indigo.Butunlikeher
clothing,thewomanherself
wasn’tlovelyatall.Herteeth
protrudedsobadlythather
lipsdidn’tquitecoverthem,
andthenarrownessofher
headmademewonderif
she’dbeenpressedbetween
twoboardsasababy.You
maythinkmecruelto
describehersoharshly;butit
struckmeasoddthateven
thoughnoonecouldhave
calledherabeauty,Mr.
Tanaka’seyeswerefixedon
herlikearagonahook.He
wentonwatchingherwhile
everyoneelselaughed,and
whenshekneltbesidehimto
pourafewmoredropsof
beerintohisglass,shelooked
upathiminawaythat
suggestedtheykneweach
otherverywell.
Kunikotookanotherturn
peekingthroughthehole;and
thenwewentbacktoher
houseandsattogetherinthe
bathattheedgeofthepine
forest.Theskywas
extravagantwithstars,except
forthehalfblockedbylimbs
aboveme.Icouldhavesat
muchlongertryingto
understandallI’dseenthat
dayandthechanges
confrontingme...but
Kunikohadgrownsosleepy
inthehotwaterthatthe
servantssooncametohelpus
out.
Satsuwassnoringalready
whenKunikoandIlaydown
onourfutonsbesideher,with
ourbodiespressedtogether
andourarmsintertwined.A
warmfeelingofgladness
begantoswellinsideme,and
IwhisperedtoKuniko,“Did
youknowI’mgoingtocome
andlivewithyou?”Ithought
thenewswouldshockher
intoopeninghereyes,or
maybeevensittingup.Butit
didn’trouseherfromher
slumber.Sheletoutagroan,
andthenamomentlaterher
breathwaswarmandmoist,
withtherattleofsleepinit.
ChapterThree
Backathomemymother
seemedtohavegrownsicker
inthedayI’dbeenaway.Or
perhapsitwasjustthatI’d
managedtoforgethowillshe
reallywas.Mr.Tanaka’s
househadsmelledofsmoke
andpine,butourssmelledof
herillnessinawayIcan’t
evenbeartodescribe.Satsu
wasworkinginthevillage
duringtheafternoon,soMrs.
Sugicametohelpmebathe
mymother.Whenwecarried
heroutofthehouse,herrib
cagewasbroaderthanher
shoulders,andeventhe
whitesofhereyeswere
cloudy.Icouldonlyendure
seeingherthiswayby
rememberinghowI’donce
feltsteppingoutofthebath
withherwhileshewasstrong
andhealthy,whenthesteam
hadrisenfromourpaleskin
asifweweretwopiecesof
boiledradish.Ifoundithard
toimaginethatthiswoman,
whosebackI’dsooften
scrapedwithastone,and
whosefleshhadalways
seemedfirmerandsmoother
tomethanSatsu’s,mightbe
deadbeforeeventheendof
summer.
Thatnightwhilelyingon
myfuton,Itriedtopicturethe
wholeconfusingsituation
fromeveryangletopersuade
myselfthatthingswould
somehowbeallright.To
beginwith,Iwondered,how
couldwegoonlivingwithout
mymother?Evenifwedid
surviveandMr.Tanaka
adoptedus,wouldmyown
familyceasetoexist?Finally
IdecidedMr.Tanaka
wouldn’tadoptjustmysister
andme,butmyfatheras
well.Hecouldn’texpectmy
fathertolivealone,afterall.
UsuallyIcouldn’tfallasleep
untilI’dmanagedtoconvince
myselfthiswastrue,withthe
resultthatIdidn’tsleepmuch
duringthoseweeks,and
morningswereablur.
Ononeofthesemornings
duringtheheatofthe
summer,Iwasonmyway
backfromfetchingapacket
ofteainthevillagewhenI
heardacrunchingnoise
behindme.Itturnedouttobe
Mr.Sugi—Mr.Tanaka’s
assistant—runningupthe
path.Whenhereachedme,he
tookalongwhiletocatchhis
breath,huffingandholding
hissideasifhe’djustrunall
thewayfromSenzuru.He
wasredandshinylikea
snapper,thoughtheday
hadn’tgrownhotyet.Finally
hesaid:
“Mr.Tanakawantsyou
andyoursister...tocome
downtothevillage...as
soonasyoucan.”
I’dthoughtitoddthatmy
fatherhadn’tgoneoutfishing
thatmorning.NowIknew
why:Todaywastheday.
“Andmyfather?”Iasked.
“DidMr.Tanakasay
anythingabouthim?”
“Justgetalong,Chiyochan,”hetoldme.“Goand
fetchyoursister.”
Ididn’tlikethis,butIran
uptothehouseandfoundmy
fathersittingatthetable,
digginggrimeoutofarutin
thewoodwithoneofhis
fingernails.Satsuwasputting
sliversofcharcoalintothe
stove.Itseemedasthoughthe
twoofthemwerewaitingfor
somethinghorribletohappen.
Isaid,“Father,Mr.Tanaka
wantsSatsu-sanandmetogo
downtothevillage.”
Satsutookoffherapron,
hungitonapeg,andwalked
outthedoor.Myfatherdidn’t
answer,butblinkedafew
times,staringatthepoint
whereSatsuhadbeen.Then
heturnedhiseyesheavily
towardthefloorandgavea
nod.Iheardmymothercry
outinhersleepfromtheback
room.
Satsuwasalmosttothe
villagebeforeIcaughtup
withher.I’dimaginedthis
dayforweeksalready,butI’d
neverexpectedtofeelas
frightenedasIdid.Satsu
didn’tseemtorealizethistrip
tothevillagewasany
differentfromoneshemight
havemadethedaybefore.
Shehadn’tevenbotheredto
cleanthecharcoaloffher
hands;whilewipingherhair
awaysheendedupwitha
smudgeonherface.Ididn’t
wanthertomeetMr.Tanaka
inthiscondition,soIreached
uptoruboffthemarkasour
mothermighthavedone.
Satsuknockedmyhand
away.
OutsidetheJapanCoastal
SeafoodCompany,Ibowed
andsaidgoodmorningtoMr.
Tanaka,expectinghewould
behappytoseeus.Insteadhe
wasstrangelycold.Isuppose
thisshouldhavebeenmyfirst
cluethatthingsweren’tgoing
tohappenjustthewayI’d
imagined.Whenheledusto
hishorse-drawnwagon,I
decidedheprobablywanted
todriveustohishouseso
thathiswifeanddaughter
wouldbeintheroomwhen
hetoldusaboutouradoption.
“Mr.Sugiwillberidingin
thefrontwithme,”hesaid,
“soyouandShizu-sanhad
bettergetintotheback.”
That’sjustwhathesaid:
“Shizu-san.”Ithoughtitvery
rudeofhimtogetmysister’s
namewrongthatway,butshe
didn’tseemtonotice.She
climbedintothebackofthe
wagonandsatdownamong
theemptyfishbaskets,
puttingoneofherhandsflat
ontotheslimyplanks.And
thenwiththatsamehand,she
wipedaflyfromherface,
leavingashinypatchonher
cheek.Ididn’tfeelas
indifferentlyabouttheslime
asSatsudid.Icouldn’tthink
aboutanythingbutthesmell,
andabouthowsatisfiedI
wouldfeeltowashmyhands
andperhapsevenmyclothes
whenwereachedMr.
Tanaka’shouse.
Duringthetrip,SatsuandI
didn’tspeakaword,untilwe
toppedthehilloverlooking
Senzuru,whenallofasudden
shesaid:
“Atrain.”
Ilookedouttoseeatrain
inthedistance,makingits
waytowardthetown.The
smokerolleddownwindina
waythatmademethinkof
theskinbeingshedfroma
snake.Ithoughtthiswas
cleverandtriedexplainingit
toSatsu,butshedidn’tseem
tocare.Mr.Tanakawould
haveappreciatedit,Ithought,
andsowouldKuniko.I
decidedtoexplainittoboth
ofthemwhenwereachedthe
Tanakas’home.
ThensuddenlyIrealized
weweren’theadedinthe
directionofMr.Tanaka’s
homeatall.
Thewagoncametoastop
afewminuteslateronapatch
ofdirtbesidethetraintracks,
justoutsidethetown.A
crowdofpeoplestoodwith
sacksandcratespiledaround
them.Andthere,tooneside
ofthem,wasMrs.Fidget,
standingbesideapeculiarly
narrowmanwearingastiff
kimono.Hehadsoftblack
hair,likeacat’s,andheldin
oneofhishandsaclothbag
suspendedfromastring.He
struckmeasoutofplacein
Senzuru,particularlythere
besidethefarmersandthe
fishermenwiththeircrates,
andanoldhunchedwoman
wearingarucksackofyams.
Mrs.Fidgetsaidsomethingto
him,andwhenheturnedand
peeredatus,Idecidedatonce
thatIwasfrightenedofhim.
Mr.Tanakaintroducedus
tothisman,whosenamewas
Bekku.Mr.Bekkusaid
nothingatall,butonlylooked
closelyatmeandseemed
puzzledbySatsu.
Mr.Tanakasaidtohim,
“I’vebroughtSugiwithme
fromYoroido.Wouldyou
likehimtoaccompanyyou?
Heknowsthegirls,andIcan
sparehimforadayorso.”
“No,no,”saidMr.Bekku,
wavinghishand.
Icertainlyhadn’texpected
anyofthis.Iaskedwherewe
weregoing,butnoone
seemedtohearme,soIcame
upwithananswerformyself.
IdecidedMr.Tanakahad
beendispleasedbywhatMrs.
Fidgethadtoldhimaboutus,
andthatthiscuriouslynarrow
man,Mr.Bekku,plannedto
takeussomewheretohave
ourfortunestoldmore
completely.Afterwardwe
wouldbereturnedtoMr.
Tanaka.
WhileItriedmybestto
soothemyselfwiththese
thoughts,Mrs.Fidget,
wearingapleasantsmile,led
Satsuandmesomedistance
downthedirtplatform.When
weweretoofarawayforthe
otherstohearus,hersmile
vanishedandshesaid:
“Nowlistentome.You’re
bothnaughtygirls!”She
lookedaroundtobesureno
onewaswatchingandthen
hitusonthetopsofour
heads.Shedidn’thurtme,but
Icriedoutinsurprise.“Ifyou
dosomethingtoembarrass
me,”shewenton,“I’llmake
youpayforit!Mr.Bekkuisa
sternman;youmustpay
attentiontowhathesays!If
hetellsyoutocrawlunder
theseatofthetrain,you’lldo
it.Understand?”
Fromtheexpressionon
Mrs.Fidget’sface,IknewI
shouldanswerherorshe
mighthurtme.ButIwasin
suchshockIcouldn’tspeak.
AndthenjustasI’dfeared,
shereachedoutandbegan
pinchingmesohardonthe
sideofmyneckthatI
couldn’teventellwhichpart
ofmehurt.IfeltasifI’d
fallenintoatubofcreatures
thatwerebitingme
everywhere,andIheard
myselfwhimper.Thenext
thingIknew,Mr.Tanakawas
standingbesideus.
“What’sgoingonhere?”
hesaid.“Ifyouhave
somethingmoretosayto
thesegirls,sayitwhileI’m
standinghere.There’sno
causeforyoutotreatthem
thisway.”
“I’msurewehaveagreat
manymorethingstotalk
about.Butthetrainis
coming,”Mrs.Fidgetsaid.
Anditwastrue:Icouldseeit
curlingaroundaturnnotfar
inthedistance.
Mr.Tanakaledusbackup
theplatformtowherethe
farmersandoldwomenwere
gatheringuptheirthings.
Soonthetraincametoastop
beforeus.Mr.Bekku,inhis
stiffkimono,wedgedhimself
betweenSatsuandmeandled
usbyourelbowsintothe
traincar.IheardMr.Tanaka
saysomething,butIwastoo
confusedandupsetto
understandit.Icouldn’ttrust
whatIheard.Itmighthave
been:
Matayo!“We’llmeet
again!”
Orthis:
Matteyo!“Wait!”
Oreventhis:
Ma...deyo!“Well,let’s
go!”
WhenIpeeredoutthe
window,IsawMr.Tanaka
walkingbacktowardhiscart
andMrs.Fidgetwipingher
handsalloverherkimono.
Afteramoment,mysister
said,“Chiyo-chan!”
Iburiedmyfaceinmy
hands;andhonestlyIwould
haveplungedinanguish
throughthefloorofthetrain
ifIcouldhave.Becausethe
waymysistersaidmyname,
shehardlyneededtosay
anythingmore.
“Doyouknowwhere
we’regoing?”shesaidtome.
Ithinkallshewantedwas
ayesornoanswer.Probably
itdidn’tmattertoherwhat
ourdestinationwas—solong
assomeoneknewwhatwas
happening.But,ofcourse,I
didn’t.Iaskedthenarrow
man,Mr.Bekku,buthepaid
menoattention.Hewasstill
staringatSatsuasifhehad
neverseenanythinglikeher
before.Finallyhesqueezed
hisfaceintoalookofdisgust
andsaid:
“Fish!Whatastench,the
bothofyou!”
Hetookacombfromhis
drawstringbagandbegan
tearingitthroughherhair.
I’mcertainhemusthavehurt
her,butIcouldseethat
watchingthecountrysidepass
byoutsidethewindowhurt
herevenmore.Inamoment
Satsu’slipsturneddownlike
ababy’s,andshebeganto
cry.Evenifshe’dhitmeand
yelledatme,Iwouldn’thave
achedasmuchasIdid
watchingherwholeface
tremble.Everythingwasmy
fault.Anoldpeasantwoman
withherteethbaredlikea
dog’scameoverwithacarrot
forSatsu,andaftergivingit
toheraskedwhereshewas
going.
“Kyoto,”Mr.Bekku
answered.
Ifeltsosickwithworryat
hearingthis,Icouldn’tbring
myselftolookSatsuinthe
eyeanylonger.Eventhe
townofSenzuruseemeda
remote,farawayplace.Asfor
Kyoto,itsoundedasforeign
tomeasHongKong,oreven
NewYork,whichI’donce
heardDr.Miuratalkabout.
ForallIknew,theyground
upchildreninKyotoandfed
themtodogs.
Wewereonthattrainfor
manyhours,withoutfoodto
eat.ThesightofMr.Bekku
takingawrapped-uplotus
leaffromhisbag,and
unwrappingittorevealarice
ballsprinkledwithsesame
seeds,certainlygotmy
attention.Butwhenhetookit
inhisbonyfingersand
presseditintohismeanlittle
mouthwithoutsomuchas
lookingatme,IfeltasifI
couldn’ttakeanothermoment
oftorment.Wegotoffthe
trainatlastinalargetown,
whichItooktobeKyoto;but
afteratimeanothertrain
pulledintothestation,andwe
boardedit.Thisonedidtake
ustoKyoto.Itwasmuch
morecrowdedthanthefirst
trainhadbeen,sothatwehad
tostand.Bythetimewe
arrived,aseveningwas
approaching,Ifeltassoreas
arockmustfeelwhenthe
waterfallhaspoundedonit
alldaylong.
Icouldseelittleofthecity
aswenearedKyotoStation.
Butthentomyastonishment,
Icaughtaglimpseofrooftops
reachingasfarasthebaseof
hillsinthedistance.Icould
neverhaveimaginedacityso
huge.Eventothisday,the
sightofstreetsandbuildings
fromatrainoftenmakesme
remembertheterrible
emptinessandfearIfelton
thatcuriousdaywhenIfirst
leftmyhome.
Backthen,around1930,a
fairnumberofrickshawsstill
operatedinKyoto.Infact,so
manywerelinedupbefore
thestationthatIimaginedno
onewentanywhereinthisbig
cityunlessitwasina
rickshaw—whichcouldn’t
havebeenfurtherfromthe
truth.Perhapsfifteenor
twentyofthemsatpitched
forwardontotheirpoles,with
theirdriverssquattingnearby,
smokingoreating;someof
thedriversevenlaycurledup
asleeprightthereinthefilth
ofthestreet.
Mr.Bekkuledusbyour
elbowsagain,asifwewerea
coupleofbucketshewas
bringingbackfromthewell.
HeprobablythoughtI’dhave
runawayifhe’dletgoofme
amoment;butIwouldn’t
have.Whereverhewastaking
us,Ipreferredittobeingcast
outaloneintothatgreat
expanseofstreetsand
buildings,asforeigntomeas
thebottomofthesea.
Weclimbedintoa
rickshaw,withMr.Bekku
squeezedtightlyonthebench
betweenus.Hewasagood
dealbonierunderthatkimono
eventhanIsuspected.We
pitchedbackasthedriver
raisedthepoles,andthenMr.
Bekkusaid,“Tominaga-cho,
inGion.”
Thedriversaidnothingin
reply,butgavetherickshawa
tugtogetitmovingandthen
setoffatatrot.Afterablock
ortwoIworkedupmy
courageandsaidtoMr.
Bekku,“Won’tyouplease
telluswherewe’regoing?”
Hedidn’tlookasifhe
wouldreply,butaftera
momenthesaid,“Toyour
newhome.”
Atthis,myeyesfilledwith
tears.IheardSatsuweeping
ontheothersideofMr.
Bekkuandwasjustaboutto
letoutasobofmyownwhen
Mr.Bekkusuddenlystruck
her,andsheletoutaloud
gasp.Ibitmylipandstopped
myselfsoquicklyfrom
cryinganyfurtherthatIthink
thetearsthemselvesmay
havecometoahaltasthey
sliddownmycheeks.
Soonweturnedontoan
avenuethatseemedasbroad
asthewholevillageof
Yoroido.Icouldhardlysee
theothersideforallthe
people,bicycles,cars,and
trucks.I’dneverseenacar
before.I’dseenphotographs,
butIrememberbeing
surprisedathow...well,
cruel,isthewaytheylooked
tomeinmyfrightenedstate,
asthoughtheyweredesigned
moretohurtpeoplethanto
helpthem.Allmysenses
wereassaulted.Trucks
rumbledpastsocloseIcould
smellthescorchedrubber
odoroftheirtires.Ihearda
horriblescreech,which
turnedouttobeastreetcaron
tracksinthecenterofthe
avenue.
Ifeltterrifiedasevening
settledinaroundus;butIwas
neversoastonishedby
anythinginmylifeasbymy
firstglimpseofcitylights.I’d
neverevenseenelectricity
exceptduringpartofour
dinneratMr.Tanaka’shouse.
Here,windowswerelitalong
thebuildingsupstairsand
down,andthepeopleonthe
sidewalksstoodunder
puddlesofyellowglow.I
couldseepinpointsevenat
thefarreachesoftheavenue.
Weturnedontoanother
street,andIsawforthefirst
timetheMinamizaTheater
standingontheoppositeside
ofabridgeaheadofus.Its
tiledroofwassogrand,I
thoughtitwasapalace.
Atlengththerickshaw
turneddownanalleywayof
woodenhouses.Thewaythey
wereallpackedtogether,they
seemedtoshareone
continuousfacade—which
onceagaingavemethe
terriblefeelingofbeinglost.I
watchedwomeninkimono
rushingaroundinagreat
hurryonthelittlestreet.They
lookedveryeleganttome;
though,asIlaterlearned,
theyweremostlymaids.
Whenwecametoahalt
beforeadoorway,Mr.Bekku
instructedmetogetout.He
climbedoutbehindme,and
thenasifthedayhadn’tbeen
difficultenough,theworst
thingofallhappened.For
whenSatsutriedtogetoutas
well,Mr.Bekkuturnedand
pushedherbackwithhislong
arm.
“Staythere,”hesaidtoher.
“You’regoingelsewhere.”
IlookedatSatsu,andSatsu
lookedatme.Itmayhave
beenthefirsttimewe’dever
completelyunderstoodeach
other’sfeelings.Butitlasted
onlyamoment,forthenext
thingIknewmyeyeshad
welledupwithtearssomuch
Icouldscarcelysee.Ifelt
myselfbeingdragged
backwardbyMr.Bekku;I
heardwomen’svoicesand
quiteabitofcommotion.I
wasonthepointofthrowing
myselfontothestreetwhen
suddenlySatsu’smouthfell
openatsomethingshesawin
thedoorwaybehindme.
Iwasinanarrowentryway
withanancient-lookingwell
ononesideandafewplants
ontheother.Mr.Bekkuhad
draggedmeinside,andnow
hepulledmeupontomyfeet.
Thereonthestepofthe
entryway,justslippingher
feetintoherlacqueredzori,
stoodanexquisitelybeautiful
womanwearingakimono
lovelierthananythingI’d
everimagined.I’dbeen
impressedwiththekimono
wornbytheyoung
bucktoothedgeishainMr.
Tanaka’svillageofSenzuru;
butthisonewasawaterblue,
withswirlinglinesinivoryto
mimicthecurrentinastream.
Glisteningsilvertrout
tumbledinthecurrent,and
thesurfaceofthewaterwas
ringedwithgoldwhereverthe
softgreenleavesofatree
touchedit.Ihadnodoubtthe
gownwaswovenofpuresilk,
andsowastheobi,
embroideredinpalegreens
andyellows.Andherclothing
wasn’ttheonlyextraordinary
thingabouther;herfacewas
paintedakindofrichwhite,
likethewallofacloudwhen
litbythesun.Herhair,
fashionedintolobes,gleamed
asdarklyaslacquer,andwas
decoratedwithornaments
carvedoutofamber,andwith
abarfromwhichtinysilver
stripsdangled,shimmeringas
shemoved.
Thiswasmyfirstglimpse
ofHatsumomo.Atthetime,
shewasoneofthemost
renownedgeishainthe
districtofGion;thoughof
courseIdidn’tknowanyof
thisthen.Shewasapetite
woman;thetopofher
hairstylereachednohigher
thanMr.Bekku’sshoulder.I
wassostartledbyher
appearancethatIforgotmy
manners—notthatIhad
developedverygoodmanners
yet—andstareddirectlyat
herface.Shewassmilingat
me,thoughnotinakindly
way.Andthenshesaid:
“Mr.Bekku,couldyou
takeoutthegarbagelater?I’d
liketobeonmyway.”
Therewasnogarbagein
theentryway;shewastalking
aboutme.Mr.Bekkusaidhe
thoughtHatsumomohad
enoughroomtopass.
“Youmaynotmindbeing
soclosetoher,”said
Hatsumomo.“ButwhenIsee
filthononesideofthestreet,
Icrosstotheother.”
Suddenlyanolderwoman,
tallandknobby,likea
bamboopole,appearedinthe
doorwaybehindher.
“Idon’tknowhowanyone
putsupwithyou,
Hatsumomo-san,”saidthe
woman.Butshegesturedfor
Mr.Bekkutopullmeonto
thestreetagain,whichhedid.
Afterthisshesteppeddown
intotheentrywayvery
awkwardly—foroneofher
hipsjuttedoutandmadeit
difficultforhertowalk—and
crossedtoatinycabineton
thewall.Shetookfromit
somethingthatlookedtome
likeapieceofflint,along
witharectangularstonelike
thekindfishermenuseto
sharpentheirknives,andthen
stoodbehindHatsumomoand
strucktheflintagainstthe
stone,causingalittlecluster
ofsparkstojumponto
Hatsumomo’sback.Ididn’t
understandthisatall;butyou
see,geishaaremore
superstitiouseventhan
fishermen.Ageishawill
nevergooutfortheevening
untilsomeonehassparkeda
flintonherbackforgood
luck.
Afterthis,Hatsumomo
walkedaway,usingsuchtiny
stepsthatsheseemedtoglide
alongwiththebottomofher
kimonoflutteringjustabit.I
didn’tknowthatshewasa
geishaatthetime,forshewas
worldsabovethecreatureI’d
seeninSenzuruafewweeks
earlier.Idecidedshemustbe
somesortofstageperformer.
Weallwatchedherfloat
away,andthenMr.Bekku
handedmeovertotheolder
womanintheentryway.He
climbedbackintothe
rickshawwithmysister,and
thedriverraisedthepoles.
ButIneversawthemleave,
becauseIwasslumpeddown
intheentrywayintears.
Theolderwomanmust
havetakenpityonme;fora
longwhileIlaytheresobbing
inmymiserywithoutanyone
touchingme.Ievenheardher
shushupamaidwhocame
frominsidethehouseto
speakwithher.Atlengthshe
helpedmetomyfeetand
driedmyfacewitha
handkerchiefshetookfrom
onesleeveofhersimplegray
kimono.
“Now,now,littlegirl.
There’snoneedtoworryso.
Noone’sgoingtocookyou.”
Shespokewiththesame
peculiaraccentasMr.Bekku
andHatsumomo.Itsounded
sodifferentfromtheJapanese
spokeninmyvillagethatI
hadahardtime
understandingher.Butinany
case,herswerethekindest
wordsanyonehadsaidtome
allday,soImadeupmy
mindtodowhatsheadvised.
Shetoldmetocallher
Auntie.Andthenshelooked
downatme,squareinthe
face,andsaidinathroaty
voice:
“Heavens!Whatstartling
eyes!You’realovelygirl,
aren’tyou?Motherwillbe
thrilled.”
Ithoughtatoncethatthe
motherofthiswoman,
whoevershewas,mustbe
veryold,becauseAuntie’s
hair,knottedtightlyatthe
backofherhead,wasmostly
gray,withonlystreaksof
blackremaining.
Auntieledmethroughthe
doorway,whereIfound
myselfstandingonadirt
corridorpassingbetweentwo
closelyspacedstructurestoa
courtyardintheback.Oneof
thestructureswasalittle
dwellinglikemyhousein
Yoroido—tworoomswith
floorsofdirt;itturnedoutto
bethemaids’quarters.The
otherwasasmall,elegant
housesittingupon
foundationstonesinsucha
waythatacatmighthave
crawledunderneathit.The
corridorbetweenthem
openedontothedarksky
above,whichgavemethe
feelingIwasstandingin
somethingmorelikea
miniaturevillagethanahouse
—especiallysinceIcouldsee
severalothersmallwooden
buildingsdowninthe
courtyardattheend.Ididn’t
knowitatthetime,butthis
wasaverytypicaldwelling
forthesectionofKyotoin
whichitstood.Thebuildings
inthecourtyard,thoughthey
gavetheimpressionof
anothergroupoftinyhouses,
werejustasmallshedforthe
toiletsandastorehouseof
twolevelswithaladderon
theoutside.Theentire
dwellingfittedintoanarea
smallerthanMr.Tanaka’s
homeinthecountrysideand
housedonlyeightpeople.Or
rathernine,nowthatIhad
arrived.
AfterItookinthepeculiar
arrangementofallthelittle
buildings,Inoticedthe
eleganceofthemainhouse.
InYoroido,thewood
structuresweremoregray
thanbrown,andruttedbythe
saltyair.Butherethewood
floorsandbeamsgleamed
withtheyellowlightof
electriclamps.Openingoff
thefronthallwayweresliding
doorswithpaperscreens,as
wellasastaircasethat
seemedtoclimbstraightup.
Oneofthesedoorsstood
open,sothatIwasabletosee
awoodcabinetwitha
Buddhistaltar.Theseelegant
roomsturnedouttobeforthe
useofthefamily—andalso
Hatsumomo,eventhough,as
Iwouldcometounderstand,
shewasn’tafamilymember
atall.Whenfamilymembers
wantedtogotothecourtyard,
theydidn’twalkdownthe
dirtcorridorastheservants
did,buthadtheirownramp
ofpolishedwoodrunning
alongthesideofthehouse.
Therewereevenseparate
toilets—anupperonefor
familyandaloweronefor
servants.
Ihadyettodiscovermost
ofthesethings,thoughI
wouldlearnthemwithina
dayortwo.ButIstoodthere
inthecorridoralongwhile,
wonderingwhatsortofplace
thiswasandfeelingvery
afraid.Auntiehad
disappearedintothekitchen
andwastalkinginahoarse
voicetosomebody.Atlength
thesomebodycameout.She
turnedouttobeagirlabout
myage,carryingawooden
bucketsoheavywithwater
thatshesloshedhalfofitonto
thedirtfloor.Herbodywas
narrow;butherfacewas
plumpandalmostperfectly
round,sothatshelookedto
melikeamelononastick.
Shewasstrainingtocarrythe
bucket,andhertonguestuck
outofhermouthjusttheway
thestemcomesoutofthetop
ofapumpkin.AsIsoon
learned,thiswasahabitof
hers.Shestuckhertongueout
whenshestirredhermiso
soup,orscoopedriceintoa
bowl,oreventiedtheknotof
herrobe.Andherfacewas
trulysoplumpandsosoft,
withthattonguecurlingout
likeapumpkinstem,that
withinafewdaysI’dgiven
herthenicknameof
“Pumpkin,”whicheveryone
cametocallher—evenher
customersmanyyearslater
whenshewasageishain
Gion.
Whenshehadputdown
thebucketnearme,Pumpkin
retractedhertongue,andthen
brushedastrandofhair
behindherearwhileshe
lookedmeupanddown.I
thoughtshemightsay
something,butshejustwent
onlooking,asthoughshe
weretryingtomakeupher
mindwhetherornottotakea
biteofme.Really,shedid
seemhungry;andthenatlast
sheleanedinandwhispered:
“Whereonearthdidyou
comefrom?”
Ididn’tthinkitwouldhelp
tosaythatIhadcomefrom
Yoroido;sinceheraccentwas
asstrangetomeaseveryone
else’s,Ifeltsureshewouldn’t
recognizethenameofmy
village.IsaidinsteadthatI’d
justarrived.
“IthoughtIwouldnever
seeanothergirlmyage,”she
saidtome.“Butwhat’sthe
matterwithyoureyes?”
JustthenAuntiecameout
fromthekitchen,andafter
shooingPumpkinaway,
pickedupthebucketanda
scrapofcloth,andledme
downtothecourtyard.Ithad
abeautifulmossylook,with
stepping-stonesleadingtoa
storehouseintheback;butit
smelledhorriblebecauseof
thetoiletsinthelittleshed
alongoneside.Auntietold
metoundress.Iwasafraid
shemightdotomesomething
likewhatMrs.Fidgethad
done,butinsteadsheonly
pouredwaterovermy
shouldersandrubbedme
downwiththerag.Afterward
shegavemearobe,which
wasnothingmorethan
coarselywovencottoninthe
simplestpatternofdarkblue,
butitwascertainlymore
elegantthananythingI’dever
wornbefore.Anoldwoman
whoturnedouttobethecook
camedownintothecorridor
withseveralelderlymaidsto
peeratme.Auntietoldthem
theywouldhaveplentyof
timeforstaringanotherday
andsentthembackwhere
they’dcomefrom.
“Nowlisten,littlegirl,”
Auntiesaidtome,whenwe
werealone.“Idon’teven
wanttoknowyournameyet.
Thelastgirlwhocame,
MotherandGrannydidn’t
likeher,andshewashere
onlyamonth.I’mtoooldto
keeplearningnewnames,
untilthey’vedecidedthey’re
goingtokeepyou.”
“Whatwillhappenifthey
don’twanttokeepme?”I
asked.
“It’sbetterforyouifthey
keepyou.”
“MayIask,ma’am...
whatisthisplace?”
“It’sanokiya,”shesaid.
“It’swheregeishalive.Ifyou
workveryhard,you’llgrow
uptobeageishayourself.
Butyouwon’tmakeitasfar
asnextweekunlessyoulisten
tomeveryclosely,because
MotherandGrannyare
comingdownthestairsinjust
amomenttolookatyou.And
they’dbetterlikewhatthey
see.Yourjobistobowas
lowasyoucan,anddon’t
lookthemintheeye.The
olderone,theonewecall
Granny,hasneverliked
anyoneinherlife,sodon’t
worryaboutwhatshesays.If
sheasksyouaquestion,don’t
evenanswerit,forheaven’s
sake!I’llanswerforyou.The
oneyouwanttoimpressis
Mother.She’snotabadsort,
butshecaresaboutonlyone
thing.”
Ididn’thaveachanceto
findoutwhatthatonething
was,forIheardacreaking
noisefromthedirectionof
thefrontentrancehall,and
soonthetwowomencame
driftingoutontothe
walkway.Ididn’tdarelookat
them.ButwhatIcouldsee
outofthecornerofmyeye
mademethinkoftwolovely
bundlesofsilkfloatingalong
astream.Inamomentthey
werehoveringonthe
walkwayinfrontofme,
wheretheysankdownand
smoothedtheirkimonoacross
theirknees.
“Umeko-san!”Auntie
shouted—forthiswasthe
nameofthecook.“Bringtea
forGranny.”
“Idon’twanttea,”Iheard
anangryvoicesay.
“Now,Granny,”saida
raspiervoice,whichItookto
beMother’s.“Youdon’thave
todrinkit.Auntieonlywants
tobesureyou’re
comfortable.”
“There’snobeing
comfortablewiththesebones
ofmine,”theoldwoman
grumbled.Iheardhertakein
abreathtosaysomething
more,butAuntieinterrupted.
“Thisisthenewgirl,
Mother,”shesaid,andgave
mealittleshove,whichI
tookasasignaltobow.Igot
ontomykneesandbowedso
low,Icouldsmellthemusty
airwaftingfrombeneaththe
foundation.ThenIheard
Mother’svoiceagain.
“Getupandcomecloser.I
wanttohavealookatyou.”
Ifeltcertainshewasgoing
tosaysomethingmoretome
afterI’dapproachedher,but
insteadshetookfromherobi,
whereshekeptittucked,a
pipewithametalbowlanda
longstemmadeofbamboo.
Shesetitdownbesideheron
thewalkwayandthen
broughtfromthepocketof
hersleeveadrawstringbagof
silk,fromwhichsheremoved
abigpinchoftobacco.She
packedthetobaccowithher
littlefinger,stainedtheburnt
orangecolorofaroasted
yam,andthenputthepipe
intohermouthandlititwith
amatchfromatinymetal
box.
Nowshetookacloselook
atmeforthefirsttime,
puffingonherpipewhilethe
oldwomanbesidehersighed.
Ididn’tfeelIcouldlookat
Motherdirectly,butIhadthe
impressionofsmokeseeping
outofherfacelikesteam
fromacrackintheearth.I
wassocuriousaboutherthat
myeyestookonalifeoftheir
ownandbegantodartabout.
ThemoreIsawofher,the
morefascinatedIbecame.
Herkimonowasyellow,with
willowybranchesbearing
lovelygreenandorange
leaves;itwasmadeofsilk
gauzeasdelicateasaspider’s
web.Herobiwaseverybitas
astonishingtome.Itwasa
lovelygauzytexturetoo,but
heavier-looking,inrussetand
brownwithgoldthreads
woventhrough.ThemoreI
lookedatherclothing,the
lessIwasawareofstanding
thereonthatdirtcorridor,or
ofwonderingwhathad
becomeofmysister—andmy
motherandfather—andwhat
wouldbecomeofme.Every
detailofthiswoman’s
kimonowasenoughtomake
meforgetmyself.AndthenI
cameuponarudeshock:for
thereabovethecollarofher
elegantkimonowasafaceso
mismatchedtotheclothing
thatitwasasthoughI’dbeen
pattingacat’sbodyonlyto
discoverthatithada
bulldog’shead.Shewasa
hideous-lookingwoman,
thoughmuchyoungerthan
Auntie,whichIhadn’t
expected.Itturnedoutthat
MotherwasactuallyAuntie’s
youngersister—thoughthey
calledeachother“Mother”
and“Auntie,”justas
everyoneelseintheokiya
did.Actuallytheyweren’t
reallysistersinthewaySatsu
andIwere.Theyhadn’tbeen
bornintothesamefamily;but
Grannyhadadoptedthem
both.
IwassodazedasIstood
there,withsomanythoughts
runningthroughmymind,
thatIendedupdoingthevery
thingAuntiehadtoldmenot
todo.Ilookedstraightinto
Mother’seyes.WhenIdid
shetookthepipefromher
mouth,whichcausedherjaw
tofallopenlikeatrapdoor.
AndeventhoughIknewI
shouldatallcostslookdown
again,herpeculiareyeswere
soshockingtomeintheir
uglinessthatIcoulddo
nothingbutstandthere
staringatthem.Insteadof
beingwhiteandclear,the
whitesofhereyeshada
hideousyellowcast,and
mademethinkatonceofa
toiletintowhichsomeonehad
justurinated.Theywere
rimmedwiththerawlipof
herlids,inwhichacloudy
moisturewaspooled;andall
aroundthemtheskinwas
sagging.
Idrewmyeyesdownward
asfarashermouth,which
stillhungopen.Thecolorsof
herfacewereallmixedup:
therimsofhereyelidswere
redlikemeat,andhergums
andtongueweregray.Andto
makethingsmorehorrible,
eachofherlowerteeth
seemedtobeanchoredina
littlepoolofbloodatthe
gums.Thiswasduetosome
sortofdeficiencyinMother’s
dietoverthepastyears,asI
laterlearned;butIcouldn’t
helpfeeling,themoreI
lookedather,thatshewas
likeatreethathasbegunto
loseitsleaves.Iwasso
shockedbythewholeeffect
thatIthinkImusthavetaken
astepback,orletoutagasp,
orinsomewaygivenher
somehintofmyfeelings,for
allatonceshesaidtome,in
thatraspyvoiceofhers:
“Whatareyoulookingat!”
“I’mverysorry,ma’am.I
waslookingatyourkimono,”
Itoldher.“Idon’tthinkI’ve
everseenanythinglikeit.”
Thismusthavebeenthe
rightanswer—iftherewasa
rightanswer—becauseshelet
outsomethingofalaugh,
thoughitsoundedlikea
cough.
“Soyoulikeit,doyou?”
shesaid,continuingtocough,
orlaugh,Icouldn’ttell
which.“Doyouhaveany
ideawhatitcost?”
“No,ma’am.”
“Morethanyoudid,that’s
forcertain.”
Herethemaidappeared
withtea.Whileitwasserved
Itooktheopportunitytosteal
aglanceatGranny.Whereas
Motherwasabitonthe
plumpside,withstubby
fingersandafatneck,
Grannywasoldand
shriveled.Shewasatleastas
oldasmyfather,butshe
lookedasifshe’dspenther
yearsstewingherselfintoa
stateofconcentrated
meanness.Hergrayhair
mademethinkofatangleof
silkthreads,forIcouldsee
rightthroughthemtoher
scalp.Andevenherscalp
lookedmean,becauseof
patcheswheretheskinwas
coloredredorbrownfrom
oldage.Shewasn’tfrowning
exactly,buthermouthmade
theshapeofafrowninits
naturalstateanyway.
Shetookinagreatbig
breathinpreparationto
speak;andthenassheletit
outagainshemumbled,
“Didn’tIsayIdon’twantany
tea?”Afterthis,shesighed
andshookherhead,andthen
saidtome,“Howoldareyou,
littlegirl?”
“She’stheyearofthe
monkey,”Auntieanswered
forme.
“Thatfoolcookisa
monkey,”Grannysaid.
“Nineyearsold,”said
Mother.“Whatdoyouthink
ofher,Auntie?”
Auntiesteppedaroundin
frontofmeandtippedmy
headbacktolookatmyface.
“Shehasagooddealof
water.”
“Lovelyeyes,”said
Mother.“Didyouseethem,
Granny?”
“Shelookslikeafoolto
me,”Grannysaid.“Wedon’t
needanothermonkey
anyway.”
“Oh,I’msureyou’re
right,”Auntiesaid.“Probably
she’sjustasyousay.Butshe
lookstomelikeaveryclever
girl,andadaptable;youcan
seethatfromtheshapeofher
ears.”
“Withsomuchwaterinher
personality,”Mothersaid,
“probablyshe’llbeableto
smellafirebeforeithaseven
begun.Won’tthatbenice,
Granny?Youwon’thaveto
worryanylongeraboutour
storehouseburningwithall
ourkimonoinit.”
Granny,asIwentonto
learn,wasmoreterrifiedof
firethanbeerisofathirsty
oldman.
“Anyway,she’srather
pretty,don’tyouthink?”
Motheradded.
“Therearetoomanypretty
girlsinGion,”saidGranny.
“Whatweneedisasmart
girl,notaprettygirl.That
Hatsumomoisasprettyas
theycome,andlookatwhata
foolsheis!”
AfterthisGrannystood,
withAuntie’shelp,andmade
herwaybackupthe
walkway.ThoughImustsay
thattowatchAuntie’sclumsy
gait—becauseofheronehip
juttingoutfartherthanthe
other—itwasn’tatall
obviouswhichofthetwo
womenhadtheeasiertime
walking.SoonIheardthe
soundofadoorinthefront
entrancehallslidingopenand
thenshutagain,andAuntie
cameback.
“Doyouhavelice,little
girl?”Motheraskedme.
“No,”Isaid.
“You’regoingtohaveto
learntospeakmorepolitely
thanthat.Auntie,bekind
enoughtotrimherhair,just
tobesure.”
Auntiecalledaservant
overandaskedforshears.
“Well,littlegirl,”Mother
toldme,“you’reinKyoto
now.You’lllearntobehave
orgetabeating.Andit’s
Grannygivesthebeatings
aroundhere,soyou’llbe
sorry.Myadvicetoyouis:
workveryhard,andnever
leavetheokiyawithout
permission.Doasyou’re
told;don’tbetoomuch
trouble;andyoumightbegin
learningtheartsofageisha
twoorthreemonthsfrom
now.Ididn’tbringyouhere
tobeamaid.I’llthrowyou
out,ifitcomestothat.”
Motherpuffedonherpipe
andkepthereyesfixedon
me.Ididn’tdaremoveuntil
shetoldmeto.Ifoundmyself
wonderingifmysisterwas
standingbeforesomeother
cruelwoman,inanother
housesomewhereinthis
horriblecity.AndIhada
suddenimageinmymindof
mypoor,sickmother
proppingherselfonone
elbowuponherfutonand
lookingaroundtoseewhere
wehadgone.Ididn’twant
Mothertoseemecrying,but
thetearspooledinmyeyes
beforeIcouldthinkofhowto
stopthem.Withmyvision
glazed,Mother’syellow
kimonoturnedsofterand
softer,untilitseemedto
sparkle.Thensheblewouta
puffofhersmoke,andit
disappearedcompletely.
ChapterFour
Duringthosefirstfewdays
inthatstrangeplace,Idon’t
thinkIcouldhavefeltworse
ifI’dlostmyarmsandlegs,
ratherthanmyfamilyandmy
home.Ihadnodoubtlife
wouldneveragainbethe
same.AllIcouldthinkofwas
myconfusionandmisery;
andIwondereddayafterday
whenImightseeSatsuagain.
Iwaswithoutmyfather,
withoutmymother—without
eventheclothingI’dalways
worn.Yetsomehowthething
thatstartledmemost,aftera
weekortwohadpassed,was
thatIhadinfactsurvived.I
rememberonemoment
dryingricebowlsinthe
kitchen,whenallatonceI
feltsodisorientedIhadto
stopwhatIwasdoingtostare
foralongwhileatmyhands;
forIcouldscarcely
understandthatthisperson
dryingthebowlswasactually
me.
MotherhadtoldmeIcould
beginmytrainingwithina
fewmonthsifIworkedhard
andbehavedmyself.AsI
learnedfromPumpkin,
beginningmytrainingmeant
goingtoaschoolinanother
sectionofGiontotake
lessonsinthingslikemusic,
dance,andteaceremony.All
thegirlsstudyingtobegeisha
tookclassesatthissame
school.IfeltsureI’dfind
SatsutherewhenIwasfinally
permittedtogo;sobytheend
ofmyfirstweek,I’dmadeup
mymindtobeasobedientas
acowfollowingalongona
rope,inthehopesthatMother
wouldsendmetotheschool
rightaway.
Mostofmychoreswere
straightforward.Istowed
awaythefutonsinthe
morning,cleanedtherooms,
sweptthedirtcorridor,andso
forth.SometimesIwassent
tothepharmacisttofetch
ointmentforthecook’s
scabies,ortoashoponShijo
Avenuetofetchtherice
crackersAuntiewassofond
of.Happilytheworstjobs,
suchascleaningthetoilets,
weretheresponsibilityofone
oftheelderlymaids.Buteven
thoughIworkedashardasI
knewhow,Ineverseemedto
makethegoodimpressionI
hopedto,becausemychores
everydayweremorethanI
couldpossiblyfinish;andthe
problemwasmadeagood
dealworsebyGranny.
LookingafterGranny
wasn’treallyoneofmy
duties—notasAuntie
describedthemtome.But
whenGrannysummonedme
Icouldn’tverywellignore
her,forshehadmore
seniorityintheokiyathan
anyoneelse.Oneday,for
example,Iwasabouttocarry
teaupstairstoMotherwhenI
heardGrannycallout:
“Where’sthatgirl!Send
herinhere!”
IhadtoputdownMother’s
trayandhurryintotheroom
whereGrannywaseatingher
lunch.
“Can’tyouseethisroomis
toohot?”shesaidtome,after
I’dbowedtoheronmy
knees.“Yououghttohave
comeinhereandopenedthe
window.”
“I’msorry,Granny.I
didn’tknowyouwerehot.”
“Don’tIlookhot?”
Shewaseatingsomerice,
andseveralgrainsofitwere
stucktoherlowerlip.I
thoughtshelookedmore
meanthanhot,butIwent
directlytothewindowand
openedit.AssoonasIdid,a
flycameinandbegan
buzzingaroundGranny’s
food.
“What’sthematterwith
you?”shesaid,wavingatthe
flywithherchopsticks.“The
othermaidsdon’tletinflies
whentheyopenthewindow!”
IapologizedandtoldherI
wouldfetchaswatter.
“Andknocktheflyintomy
food?Oh,no,youwon’t!
You’llstandrightherewhile
Ieatandkeepitawayfrom
me.”
SoIhadtostandthere
whileGrannyateherfood,
andlistentohertellmeabout
thegreatKabukiactor
IchimuraUzaemonXIV,who
hadtakenherhandduringa
moon-viewingpartywhen
shewasonlyfourteen.Bythe
timeIwasfinallyfreeto
leave,Mother’steahad
grownsocoldIcouldn’teven
deliverit.Boththecookand
Motherwereangrywithme.
Thetruthwas,Granny
didn’tliketobealone.Even
whensheneededtousethe
toilet,shemadeAuntiestand
justoutsidethedoorandhold
herhandstohelpherbalance
inasquattingposition.The
odorwassooverpowering,
poorAuntienearlybrokeher
necktryingtogetherheadas
farawayfromitaspossible.I
didn’thaveanyjobsasbadas
thisone,butGrannydidoften
callmetomassageherwhile
shecleanedherearswitha
tinysilverscoop;andthetask
ofmassagingherwasagood
dealworsethanyoumight
think.Ialmostfeltsickthe
firsttimesheunfastenedher
robeandpulleditdownfrom
hershoulders,becausethe
skinthereandonherneck
wasbumpyandyellowlike
anuncookedchicken’s.The
problem,asIlaterlearned,
wasthatinhergeishadays
she’dusedakindofwhite
makeupwecall“China
Clay,”madewithabaseof
lead.ChinaClayturnedoutto
bepoisonous,tobeginwith,
whichprobablyaccountedin
partforGranny’sfoul
disposition.Butalsoasa
youngerwomanGrannyhad
oftengonetothehotsprings
northofKyoto.Thiswould
havebeenfineexceptthatthe
lead-basedmakeupwasvery
hardtoremove;tracesofit
combinedwithsomesortof
chemicalinthewatertomake
adyethatruinedherskin.
Grannywasn’ttheonlyone
afflictedbythisproblem.
Evenduringtheearlyyearsof
WorldWarII,youcouldstill
seeoldwomenonthestreets
inGionwithsaggingyellow
necks.
***
OnedayafterI’dbeenin
theokiyaaboutthreeweeks,I
wentupstairsmuchlaterthan
usualtostraighten
Hatsumomo’sroom.Iwas
terrifiedofHatsumomo,even
thoughIhardlysawher
becauseofthebusylifeshe
led.Iworriedaboutwhat
mighthappenifshefoundme
alone,soIalwaystriedto
cleanherroomthemoment
shelefttheokiyaforher
dancelessons.Unfortunately,
thatmorningGrannyhadkept
mebusyuntilalmostnoon.
Hatsumomo’sroomwas
thelargestintheokiya,larger
infloorspacethanmyentire
houseinYoroido.Icouldn’t
thinkwhyitshouldbeso
muchbiggerthaneveryone
else’suntiloneoftheelderly
maidstoldmethateven
thoughHatsumomowasthe
onlygeishaintheokiyanow,
inthepastthere’dbeenas
manyasthreeorfour,and
they’dallslepttogetherin
thatoneroom.Hatsumomo
mayhavelivedalone,butshe
certainlymadeenoughmess
forfourpeople.WhenIwent
uptoherroomthatday,in
additiontotheusual
magazinesstrewnabout,and
brushesleftonthematsnear
hertinymakeupstand,I
foundanapplecoreandan
emptywhiskeybottleunder
thetable.Thewindowwas
open,andthewindmusthave
knockeddownthewood
frameonwhichshe’dhung
herkimonofromthenight
before—orperhapsshe’d
tippeditoverbeforegoingto
beddrunkandhadn’tyet
botheredtopickitup.
UsuallyAuntiewouldhave
fetchedthekimonobynow,
becauseitwasher
responsibilitytocareforthe
clothingintheokiya,butfor
somereasonshehadn’t.Just
asIwasstandingtheframe
erectagain,thedoorslidopen
allatonce,andIturnedtosee
Hatsumomostandingthere.
“Oh,it’syou,”shesaid.“I
thoughtIheardalittlemousie
orsomething.Iseeyou’ve
beenstraighteningmyroom!
Areyoutheonewhokeeps
rearrangingallmymakeup
jars?Whydoyouinsiston
doingthat?”
“I’mverysorry,ma’am,”I
said.“Ionlymovethemto
dustunderneath.”
“Butifyoutouchthem,”
shesaid,“they’llstartto
smelllikeyou.Andthenthe
menwillsaytome,
‘Hatsumomo-san,whydo
youstinklikeanignorantgirl
fromafishingvillage?’I’m
sureyouunderstandthat,
don’tyou?Butlet’shaveyou
repeatitbacktomejusttobe
sure.Whydon’tIwantyouto
touchmymakeup?”
Icouldhardlybringmyself
tosayit.ButatlastI
answeredher.“Becauseit
willstarttosmelllikeme.”
“That’sverygood!And
whatwillthemensay?”
“They’llsay,‘Oh,
Hatsumomo-san,yousmell
justlikeagirlfromafishing
village.’”
“Hmm...there’s
somethingaboutthewayyou
saiditthatIdon’tlike.ButI
supposeitwilldo.Ican’tsee
whyyougirlsfromfishing
villagessmellsobad.That
uglysisterofyourswashere
lookingforyoutheotherday,
andherstenchwasnearlyas
badasyours.”
I’dkeptmyeyestothe
flooruntilthen;butwhenI
heardthesewords,Ilooked
Hatsumomorightintheface
toseewhetherornotshewas
tellingmethetruth.
“Youlooksosurprised!”
shesaidtome.“Didn’tI
mentionthatshecamehere?
Shewantedmetogiveyoua
messageaboutwhereshe’s
living.Probablyshewants
youtogofindher,sothetwo
ofyoucanrunaway
together.”
“Hatsumomo-san—”
“Youwantmetotellyou
wheresheis?Well,you’re
goingtohavetoearnthe
information.WhenIthink
how,I’lltellyou.Nowget
out.”
Ididn’tdaredisobeyher,
butjustbeforeleavingthe
roomIstopped,thinking
perhapsIcouldpersuadeher.
“Hatsumomo-san,Iknow
youdon’tlikeme,”Isaid.“If
youwouldbekindenoughto
tellmewhatIwanttoknow,
I’llpromisenevertobother
youagain.”
Hatsumomolookedvery
pleasedwhensheheardthis
andcamewalkingtowardme
withaluminoushappinesson
herface.Honestly,I’venever
seenamoreastonishinglookingwoman.Meninthe
streetsometimesstoppedand
tooktheircigarettesfrom
theirmouthstostareather.I
thoughtshewasgoingto
comewhisperinmyear;but
aftershe’dstoodoverme
smilingforamoment,she
drewbackherhandand
slappedme.
“Itoldyoutogetoutofmy
room,didn’tI?”shesaid.
Iwastoostunnedtoknow
howtoreact.ButImusthave
stumbledoutoftheroom,
becausethenextthingI
knew,Iwasslumpedonthe
woodfloorofthehallway,
holdingmyhandtomyface.
InamomentMother’sdoor
slidopen.
“Hatsumomo!”Mother
said,andcametohelpmeto
myfeet.“Whathaveyou
donetoChiyo?”
“Shewastalkingabout
runningaway,Mother.I
decideditwouldbebestifI
slappedherforyou.Ithought
youwereprobablytoobusy
todoityourself.”
Mothersummonedamaid
andaskedforseveralslicesof
freshginger,thentookme
intoherroomandseatedme
atthetablewhileshefinished
atelephonecall.Theokiya’s
onlytelephoneforcalling
outsideGionwasmountedon
thewallofherroom,andno
oneelsewaspermittedtouse
it.She’dlefttheearpiece
lyingonitssideontheshelf,
andwhenshetookitup
again,sheseemedtosqueeze
itsohardwithherstubby
fingersthatIthoughtfluid
mightdripontothemats.
“Sorry,”shesaidintothe
mouthpieceinherraspy
voice.“Hatsumomois
slappingthemaidsaround
again.”
Duringmyfirstfewweeks
intheokiyaIfeltan
unreasonableaffectionfor
Mother—somethinglikewhat
afishmightfeelforthe
fishermanwhopullsthehook
fromitslip.Probablythiswas
becauseIsawhernomore
thanafewminuteseachday
whilecleaningherroom.She
wasalwaystobefoundthere,
sittingatthetable,usually
withanaccountbookfrom
thebookcaseopenbeforeher
andthefingersofonehand
flickingtheivorybeadsofher
abacus.Shemayhavebeen
organizedaboutkeepingher
accountbooks,butinevery
otherrespectshewasmessier
eventhanHatsumomo.
Wheneversheputherpipe
downontothetablewitha
click,flecksofashand
tobaccoflewoutofit,andshe
leftthemwherevertheylay.
Shedidn’tlikeanyoneto
touchherfuton,evento
changethesheets,sothe
wholeroomsmelledlikedirty
linen.Andthepaperscreens
overthewindowswere
stainedterriblyonaccountof
hersmoking,whichgavethe
roomagloomycast.
WhileMotherwenton
talkingonthetelephone,one
oftheelderlymaidscamein
withseveralstripsoffreshly
cutgingerformetohold
againstmyfacewhere
Hatsumomohadslappedme.
Thecommotionofthedoor
openingandclosingwoke
Mother’slittledog,Taku,
whowasanill-tempered
creaturewithasmashedface.
Heseemedtohaveonlythree
pastimesinlife—tobark,to
snore,andtobitepeoplewho
triedtopethim.Afterthe
maidhadleftagain,Taku
cameandlaidhimselfbehind
me.Thiswasoneofhislittle
tricks;helikedtoputhimself
whereIwouldsteponhimby
accident,andthenbitemeas
soonasIdidit.Iwas
beginningtofeellikeamouse
caughtinaslidingdoor,
positionedtherebetween
MotherandTaku,whenat
lastMotherhungupthe
telephoneandcametositat
thetable.Shestaredatme
withheryelloweyesand
finallysaid:
“Nowyoulistentome,
littlegirl.Perhapsyou’ve
heardHatsumomolying.Just
becauseshecangetaway
withitdoesn’tmeanyoucan.
Iwanttoknow...whydid
sheslapyou?”
“Shewantedmetoleave
herroom,Mother,”Isaid.
“I’mterriblysorry.”
Mothermademesayitall
againinaproperKyoto
accent,whichIfound
difficulttodo.WhenI’d
finallysaiditwellenoughto
satisfyher,shewenton:
“Idon’tthinkyou
understandyourjobherein
theokiya.Weallofusthink
ofonlyonething—howwe
canhelpHatsumomobe
successfulasageisha.Even
Granny.Shemayseemlikea
difficultoldwomantoyou,
butreallyshespendsher
wholedaythinkingofways
tobehelpfultoHatsumomo.”
Ididn’thavetheleastidea
whatMotherwastalking
about.Totellthetruth,I
don’tthinkshecouldhave
fooledadirtyraginto
believingGrannywasinany
wayhelpfultoanyone.
“Ifsomeoneassenioras
Grannyworkshardalldayto
makeHatsumomo’sjob
easier,thinkhowmuch
harderyouhavetowork.”
“Yes,Mother,I’llcontinue
workingveryhard.”
“Idon’twanttohearthat
you’veupsetHatsumomo
again.Theotherlittlegirl
managestostayoutofher
way;youcandoittoo.”
“Yes,Mother...but
beforeIgo,mayIask?I’ve
beenwonderingifanyone
mightknowwheremysister
is.Yousee,I’dhopedtosend
anotetoher.”
Motherhadapeculiar
mouth,whichwasmuchtoo
bigforherfaceandhung
openmuchofthetime;but
nowshedidsomethingwithit
I’dneverseenherdobefore,
whichwastopinchherteeth
togetherasthoughshe
wantedmetohaveagood
lookatthem.Thiswasher
wayofsmiling—thoughI
didn’trealizeituntilshe
begantomakethatcoughing
noisethatwasherlaugh.
“WhyonearthshouldItell
yousuchathing?”shesaid.
Afterthis,shegaveher
coughinglaughafewmore
times,beforewavingher
handatmetosaythatI
shouldleavetheroom.
WhenIwentout,Auntie
waswaitingintheupstairs
hallwithachoreforme.She
gavemeabucketandsentme
upaladderthrougha
trapdoorontotheroof.There
onwoodenstrutsstoodatank
forcollectingrainwater.The
rainwaterrandownby
gravitytoflushthelittle
second-floortoiletnear
Mother’sroom,forwehadno
plumbinginthosedays,even
inthekitchen.Latelythe
weatherhadbeendry,andthe
toilethadbeguntostink.My
taskwastodumpwaterinto
thetanksothatAuntiecould
flushthetoiletafewtimesto
clearitout.
Thosetilesinthenoonday
sunfeltlikehotskilletsto
me;whileIemptiedthe
bucket,Icouldn’thelpbut
thinkofthecoldwaterofthe
pondwhereweusedtoswim
backinourvillageonthe
seashore.I’dbeeninthat
pondonlyafewweeks
earlier;butitallseemedso
farawayfrommenow,there
ontheroofoftheokiya.
Auntiecalleduptometo
picktheweedsfrombetween
thetilesbeforeIcameback
down.Ilookedoutatthe
hazyheatlyingonthecity
andthehillssurroundingus
likeprisonwalls.Somewhere
underoneofthoserooftops,
mysisterwasprobablydoing
herchoresjustasIwas.I
thoughtofherwhenI
bumpedthetankbyaccident,
andwatersplashedoutand
flowedtowardthestreet.
***
AboutamonthafterI’d
arrivedintheokiya,Mother
toldmethetimehadcometo
beginmyschooling.Iwasto
accompanyPumpkinthe
followingmorningtobe
introducedtotheteachers.
Afterward,Hatsumomo
wouldtakemetosomeplace
calledthe“registryoffice,”
whichI’dneverheardof,and
thenlateintheafternoonI
wouldobserveherputtingon
hermakeupanddressingin
kimono.Itwasatraditionin
theokiyaforayounggirl,on
thedayshebeginsher
training,toobservethemost
seniorgeishainthisway.
WhenPumpkinheardshe
wouldbetakingmetothe
schoolthefollowing
morning,shegrewvery
nervous.
“You’llhavetobereadyto
leavethemomentyouwake
up,”shetoldme.“Ifwe’re
late,wemayaswelldrown
ourselvesinthesewer...”
I’dseenPumpkinscramble
outoftheokiyaevery
morningsoearlyhereyes
werestillcrusty;andshe
oftenseemedonthepointof
tearswhensheleft.Infact,
whenshecloppedpastthe
kitchenwindowinher
woodenshoes,Isometimes
thoughtIcouldhearher
crying.Shehadn’ttakento
herlessonswell—notwellat
all,asamatteroffact.She’d
arrivedintheokiyanearlysix
monthsbeforeme,butshe’d
onlybegunattendingthe
schoolaweekorsoaftermy
arrival.Mostdayswhenshe
camebackaroundnoon,she
hidstraightawayinthe
maids’quarterssonoone
wouldseeherupset.
ThefollowingmorningI
awokeevenearlierthanusual
anddressedforthefirsttime
intheblueandwhiterobe
studentswore.Itwasnothing
morethanunlinedcotton
decoratedwithachildlike
designofsquares;I’msureI
lookednomoreelegantthana
guestataninnlookswearing
arobeonthewaytothebath.
ButI’dneverbeforeworn
anythingnearlysoglamorous
onmybody.
Pumpkinwaswaitingfor
meintheentrywaywitha
worriedlook.Iwasjustabout
toslipmyfeetintomyshoes
whenGrannycalledmetoher
room.
“No!”Pumpkinsaidunder
herbreath;andreally,her
facesaggedlikewaxthathad
melted.“I’llbelateagain.
Let’sjustgoandpretendwe
didn’thearher!”
I’dliketohavedonewhat
Pumpkinsuggested;but
alreadyGrannywasinher
doorway,gloweringatme
acrosstheformalentrance
hall.Asitturnedout,she
didn’tkeepmemorethanten
orfifteenminutes;butby
thentearswerewellingin
Pumpkin’seyes.Whenwe
finallysetout,Pumpkin
beganatoncetowalksofast
Icouldhardlykeepupwith
her.
“Thatoldwomanisso
cruel!”shesaid.“Makesure
youputyourhandsinadish
ofsaltaftershemakesyou
rubherneck.”
“WhyshouldIdothat?”
“Mymotherusedtosayto
me,‘Evilspreadsintheworld
throughtouch.’AndIknow
it’struetoo,becausemy
motherbrushedupagainsta
demonthatpassedheronthe
roadonemorning,andthat’s
whyshedied.Ifyoudon’t
purifyyourhands,you’llturn
intoashriveled-upoldpickle,
justlikeGranny.”
ConsideringthatPumpkin
andIwerethesameageand
inthesamepeculiarposition
inlife,I’msurewewould
havetalkedtogetheroften,if
wecouldhave.Butour
choreskeptussobusywe
hardlyhadtimeevenfor
meals—whichPumpkinate
beforemebecauseshewas
seniorintheokiya.Iknew
thatPumpkinhadcomeonly
sixmonthsbeforeme,asI’ve
mentioned.ButIknewvery
littleelseabouther.SoI
asked:
“Pumpkin,areyoufrom
Kyoto?Youraccentsounds
likeyouare.”
“IwasborninSapporo.
Butthenmymotherdied
whenIwasfive,andmy
fathersentmeheretolive
withanuncle.Lastyearmy
unclelosthisbusiness,and
hereIam.”
“Whydon’tyourunaway
toSapporoagain?”
“Myfatherhadacurseput
onhimanddiedlastyear.I
can’trunaway.Idon’thave
anywheretogo.”
“WhenIfindmysister,”I
said,“youcancomewithus.
We’llrunawaytogether.”
Consideringwhata
difficulttimePumpkinwas
havingwithherlessons,I
expectedshewouldbehappy
atmyoffer.Butshedidn’t
sayanythingatall.Wehad
reachedShijoAvenuebynow
andcrosseditinsilence.This
wasthesameavenuethathad
beensocrowdedthedayMr.
BekkuhadbroughtSatsuand
mefromthestation.Now,so
earlyinthemorning,Icould
seeonlyasinglestreetcarin
thedistanceandafew
bicyclistshereandthere.
Whenwereachedtheother
side,wecontinuedupa
narrowstreet,andthen
Pumpkinstoppedforthefirst
timesincewe’dleftthe
okiya.
“Myunclewasaverynice
man,”shesaid.“Here’sthe
lastthingIheardhimsay
beforehesentmeaway.
‘Somegirlsaresmartand
somegirlsarestupid,’hetold
me.‘You’reanicegirl,but
you’reoneofthestupidones.
Youwon’tmakeitonyour
ownintheworld.I’m
sendingyoutoaplacewhere
peoplewilltellyouwhatto
do.Dowhattheysay,and
you’llalwaysbetakencare
of.’Soifyouwanttogoout
onyourown,Chiyo-chan,
yougo.Butme,I’vefounda
placetospendmylife.I’ll
workashardasIhavetoso
theydon’tsendmeaway.But
I’dsoonerthrowmyselfoffa
cliffthanspoilmychancesto
beageishalikeHatsumomo.”
HerePumpkininterrupted
herself.Shewaslookingat
somethingbehindme,onthe
ground.“Oh,mygoodness,
Chiyo-chan,”shesaid,
“doesn’titmakeyou
hungry?”
Iturnedtofindmyself
lookingintotheentrywayof
anotherokiya.Onashelf
insidethedoorsataminiature
Shintoshrinewithanoffering
ofasweet-ricecake.I
wonderedifthiscouldbe
whatPumpkinhadseen;but
hereyeswerepointedtoward
theground.Afewfernsand
somemosslinedthestone
pathleadingtotheinterior
door,butIcouldseenothing
elsethere.Andthenmyeye
felluponit.Outsidethe
entryway,justattheedgeof
thestreet,layawooden
skewerwithasinglebiteof
charcoal-roastedsquid
remaining.Thevendorssold
themfromcartsatnight.The
smellofthesweetbasting
saucewasatormenttome,
formaidslikeuswerefed
nothingmorethanriceand
picklesatmostmeals,with
souponceaday,andsmall
portionsofdriedfishtwicea
month.Evenso,therewas
nothingaboutthispieceof
squidonthegroundthatI
foundappetizing.Twoflies
werewalkingaroundin
circlesonitjustascasuallyas
ifthey’dbeenoutforastroll
inthepark.
Pumpkinwasagirlwho
lookedasifshecouldgrow
fatquickly,giventhechance.
I’dsometimesheardher
stomachmakingnoisesfrom
hungerthatsoundedlikean
enormousdoorrollingopen.
Still,Ididn’tthinkshewas
reallyplanningtoeatthe
squid,untilIsawherlookup
anddownthestreettobesure
noonewascoming.
“Pumpkin,”Isaid,“if
you’rehungry,forheaven’s
sake,takethesweet-ricecake
fromthatshelf.Theflieshave
alreadyclaimedthesquid.”
“I’mbiggerthantheyare,”
shesaid.“Besides,itwould
besacrilegetoeatthesweetricecake.It’sanoffering.”
Andaftershesaidthis,she
bentdowntopickupthe
skewer.
It’struethatIgrewupina
placewherechildren
experimentedwitheating
anythingthatmoved.AndI’ll
admitIdideatacricketonce
whenIwasfourorfive,but
onlybecausesomeonetricked
me.ButtoseePumpkin
standingthereholdingthat
pieceofsquidonastick,with
gritfromthestreetstucktoit,
andtheflieswalkingaround.
..Sheblewonittotrytoget
ridofthem,buttheyjust
scamperedtokeeptheir
balance.
“Pumpkin,youcan’teat
that,”Isaid.“Youmightas
welldragyourtonguealong
onthepavingstones!”
“What’ssobadaboutthe
pavingstones?”shesaid.And
withthis—Iwouldn’thave
believeditifIhadn’tseenit
myself—Pumpkingotdown
onherkneesandstuckout
hertongue,andgaveita
long,carefulscrapealongthe
ground.Mymouthfellopen
fromshock.WhenPumpkin
gottoherfeetagain,she
lookedasthoughsheherself
couldn’tquitebelievewhat
she’ddone.Butshewiped
hertonguewiththepalmof
herhand,spatafewtimes,
andthenputthatpieceof
squidbetweenherteethand
sliditofftheskewer.
Itmusthavebeenatough
pieceofsquid;Pumpkin
cheweditthewholewayup
thegentlehilltothewooden
gateoftheschoolcomplex.I
feltaknotinmystomach
whenIentered,becausethe
gardenseemedsograndto
me.Evergreenshrubsand
twistedpinetreessurrounded
adecorativepondfullofcarp.
Acrossthenarrowestpartof
thepondlayastoneslab.
Twooldwomeninkimono
stoodonit,holdinglacquered
umbrellastoblocktheearlymorningsun.Asforthe
buildings,Ididn’tunderstand
whatIwasseeingatthe
moment,butInowknowthat
onlyatinypartofthe
compoundwasdevotedtothe
school.Themassivebuilding
inthebackwasactuallythe
KaburenjoTheater—where
thegeishaofGionperform
DancesoftheOldCapital
everyspring.
Pumpkinhurriedtothe
entranceofalongwood
buildingthatIthoughtwas
servants’quarters,butwhich
turnedouttobetheschool.
ThemomentIsteppedinto
theentryway,Inoticedthe
distinctivesmellofroasted
tealeaves,whichevennow
canmakemystomachtighten
asthoughI’monmywayto
lessonsonceagain.Itookoff
myshoestoputthemintothe
cubbynearestathand,but
Pumpkinstoppedme;there
wasanunspokenruleabout
whichcubbytouse.Pumpkin
wasamongthemostjuniorof
allthegirls,andhadtoclimb
theothercubbieslikealadder
toputhershoesatthetop.
Sincethiswasmyveryfirst
morningIhadevenless
seniority;Ihadtousethe
cubbyabovehers.
“Beverycarefulnottostep
ontheothershoeswhenyou
climb,”Pumpkinsaidtome,
eventhoughtherewereonlya
fewpairs.“Ifyoustepon
themandoneofthegirlssees
youdoit,you’llgeta
scoldingsobadyourearswill
blister.”
Theinterioroftheschool
buildingseemedtomeasold
anddustyasanabandoned
house.Downattheendofthe
longhallwaystoodagroupof
sixoreightgirls.Ifeltajolt
whenIseteyesonthem,
becauseIthoughtonemight
beSatsu;butwhenthey
turnedtolookatusIwas
disappointed.Theyallwore
thesamehairstyle—the
wareshinobuofayoung
apprenticegeisha—and
lookedtomeasiftheyknew
muchmoreaboutGionthan
eitherPumpkinorIwould
everknow.
Halfwaydownthehallwe
wentintoaspacious
classroominthetraditional
Japanesestyle.Alongone
wallhungalargeboardwith
pegsholdingmanytiny
woodenplaques;oneach
plaquewaswrittenanamein
fat,blackstrokes.Myreading
andwritingwerestillpoor;
I’dattendedschoolinthe
morningsinYoroido,and
sincecomingtoKyotohad
spentanhoureveryafternoon
studyingwithAuntie,butI
couldreadveryfewofthe
names.Pumpkinwenttothe
boardandtook,froma
shallowboxonthemats,a
plaquebearingherownname,
whichshehungonthefirst
emptyhook.Theboardonthe
wall,yousee,waslikeasignupsheet.
Afterthis,wewentto
severalotherclassroomsto
signupinjustthesameway
forPumpkin’sotherlessons.
Shewastohavefourclasses
thatmorning—shamisen,
dance,teaceremony,anda
formofsingingwecall
nagauta.Pumpkinwasso
troubledaboutbeingthelast
studentinallofherclasses
thatshebegantowringthe
sashofherrobeasweleftthe
schoolforbreakfastinthe
okiya.Butjustasweslipped
intoourshoes,anotheryoung
girlouragecamerushing
acrossthegardenwithher
hairindisarray.Pumpkin
seemedcalmerafterseeing
her.
***
Weateabowlofsoupand
returnedtotheschoolas
quicklyaswecould,sothat
Pumpkincouldkneelinthe
backoftheclassroomto
assemblehershamisen.If
you’veneverseena
shamisen,youmightfindita
peculiar-lookinginstrument.
Somepeoplecallita
Japaneseguitar,butactually
it’sagooddealsmallerthana
guitar,withathinwooden
neckthathasthreelarge
tuningpegsattheend.The
bodyisjustalittlewooden
boxwithcatskinstretched
overthetoplikeadrum.The
entireinstrumentcanbetaken
apartandputintoaboxora
bag,whichishowitiscarried
about.Inanycase,Pumpkin
assembledhershamisenand
begantotuneitwithher
tonguepokingout,butI’m
sorrytosaythatherearwas
verypoor,andthenoteswent
upanddownlikeaboaton
thewaves,withoutever
settlingdownwherethey
weresupposedtobe.Soon
theclassroomwasfullofgirls
withtheirshamisens,spaced
outasneatlyaschocolatesin
abox.Ikeptaneyeonthe
doorinthehopesthatSatsu
wouldwalkthroughit,but
shedidn’t.
Amomentlatertheteacher
entered.Shewasatinyold
womanwithashrillvoice.
HernamewasTeacher
Mizumi,andthisiswhatwe
calledhertoherface.Buther
surnameofMizumisounds
veryclosetonezumi
—“mouse”;sobehindher
backwecalledherTeacher
Nezumi—TeacherMouse.
TeacherMousekneltona
cushionfacingtheclassand
madenoeffortatalltolook
friendly.Whenthestudents
bowedtoherinunisonand
toldhergoodmorning,she
justgloweredbackatthem
withoutspeakingaword.
Finallyshelookedatthe
boardonthewallandcalled
outthenameofthefirst
student.
Thisfirstgirlseemedto
haveaveryhighopinionof
herself.Aftershe’dglidedto
thefrontoftheroom,she
bowedbeforetheteacherand
begantoplay.Inaminuteor
twoTeacherMousetoldthe
girltostopandsaidallsorts
ofunpleasantthingsabouther
playing;thenshesnappedher
fanshutandwaveditatthe
girltodismissher.Thegirl
thankedher,bowedagain,
andreturnedtoherplace,and
TeacherMousecalledthe
nameofthenextstudent.
Thiswentonformorethan
anhour,untilatlength
Pumpkin’snamewascalled.I
couldseethatPumpkinwas
nervous,andinfact,the
momentshebegantoplay,
everythingseemedtogo
wrong.FirstTeacherMouse
stoppedherandtookthe
shamisentoretunethestrings
herself.ThenPumpkintried
again,butallthestudents
beganlookingatoneanother,
fornoonecouldtellwhat
pieceshewastryingtoplay.
TeacherMouseslappedthe
tableveryloudlyandtold
themalltofacestraight
ahead;andthensheusedher
foldingfantotapoutthe
rhythmforPumpkinto
follow.Thisdidn’thelp,so
finallyTeacherMousebegan
toworkinsteadonPumpkin’s
mannerofholdingthe
plectrum.Shenearlysprained
everyoneofPumpkin’s
fingers,itseemedtome,
tryingtomakeherholdit
withthepropergrip.Atlast
shegaveupevenonthisand
lettheplectrumfalltothe
matsindisgust.Pumpkin
pickeditupandcamebackto
herplacewithtearsinher
eyes.
AfterthisIlearnedwhy
Pumpkinhadbeensoworried
aboutbeingthelaststudent.
Becausenowthegirlwiththe
disheveledhair,who’dbeen
rushingtotheschoolaswe’d
leftforbreakfast,cametothe
frontoftheroomandbowed.
“Don’twasteyourtime
tryingtobecourteoustome!”
TeacherMousesqueakedat
her.“Ifyouhadn’tsleptso
latethismorning,youmight
havearrivedhereintimeto
learnsomething.”
Thegirlapologizedand
soonbegantoplay,butthe
teacherpaidnoattentionat
all.Shejustsaid,“Yousleep
toolateinthemornings.How
doyouexpectmetoteach
you,whenyoucan’ttakethe
troubletocometoschoollike
theothergirlsandsignup
properly?Justgobackto
yourplace.Idon’twanttobe
botheredwithyou.”
Theclasswasdismissed,
andPumpkinledmetothe
frontoftheroom,wherewe
bowedtoTeacherMouse.
“MayIbepermittedto
introduceChiyotoyou,
Teacher,”Pumpkinsaid,“and
askyourindulgencein
instructingher,becauseshe’s
agirlofverylittletalent.”
Pumpkinwasn’ttryingto
insultme;thiswasjustthe
waypeoplespokebackthen,
whentheywantedtobe
polite.Myownmotherwould
havesaiditthesameway.
TeacherMousedidn’t
speakforalongwhile,but
justlookedmeoverandthen
said,“You’reaclevergirl.I
canseeitjustfromlookingat
you.Perhapsyoucanhelp
youroldersisterwithher
lessons.”
Ofcourseshewastalking
aboutPumpkin.
“Putyournameonthe
boardasearlyeverymorning
asyoucan,”shetoldme.
“Keepquietintheclassroom.
Itoleratenotalkingatall!
Andyoureyesmuststayto
thefront.Ifyoudothese
things,I’llteachyouasbestI
can.”
Andwiththis,she
dismissedus.
Inthehallwaysbetween
classes,Ikeptmyeyesopen
forSatsu,butIdidn’tfind
her.Ibegantoworrythat
perhapsIwouldneverseeher
again,andgrewsoupsetthat
oneoftheteachers,just
beforebeginningtheclass,
silencedeveryoneandsaidto
me:
“You,there!What’s
troublingyou?”
“Oh,nothing,ma’am.Only
Ibitmylipbyaccident,”I
said.Andtomakegoodon
this—forthesakeofthegirls
aroundme,whowerestaring
—Igaveasharpbiteonmy
lipandtastedblood.
Itwasarelieftomethat
Pumpkin’sotherclasses
weren’taspainfultowatchas
thefirstonehadbeen.Inthe
danceclass,forexample,the
studentspracticedthemoves
inunison,withtheresultthat
noonestoodout.Pumpkin
wasn’tbyanymeansthe
worstdancer,andevenhada
certainawkwardgraceinthe
wayshemoved.Thesinging
classlaterinthemorningwas
moredifficultforhersince
shehadapoorear;butthere
again,thestudentspracticed
inunison,soPumpkinwas
abletohidehermistakesby
movinghermouthagreat
dealwhilesingingonly
softly.
Attheendofeachofher
classes,sheintroducedmeto
theteacher.Oneofthemsaid
tome,“Youliveinthesame
okiyaasPumpkin,doyou?”
“Yes,ma’am,”Isaid,“the
Nittaokiya,”forNittawas
thefamilynameofGranny
andMother,aswellas
Auntie.
“Thatmeansyoulivewith
Hatsumomo-san.”
“Yes,ma’am.Hatsumomo
istheonlygeishainourokiya
atpresent.”
“I’lldomybesttoteach
youaboutsinging,”shesaid,
“solongasyoumanageto
stayalive!”
Afterthistheteacher
laughedasthoughshe’d
madeagreatjoke,andsentus
onourway.
ChapterFive
Thatafternoon
Hatsumomotookmetothe
GionRegistryOffice.Iwas
expectingsomethingvery
grand,butitturnedouttobe
nothingmorethanseveral
darktatamiroomsonthe
secondflooroftheschool
building,filledwithdesks
andaccountingbooksand
smellingterriblyofcigarettes.
Aclerklookedupatus
throughthehazeofsmoke
andnoddedusintotheback
room.Thereatatablepiled
withpaperssatthebiggest
manI’deverseeninmylife.
Ididn’tknowitatthetime,
buthe’doncebeenasumo
wrestler;andreally,ifhe’d
goneoutsideandslammedhis
weightintothebuildingitself,
allthosedeskswould
probablyhavefallenoffthe
tatamiplatformontothe
floor.Hehadn’tbeenagood
enoughsumowrestlertotake
aretirementname,assomeof
themdo;buthestilllikedto
becalledbythenamehe’d
usedinhiswrestlingdays,
whichwasAwajiumi.Some
ofthegeishashortenedthis
playfullytoAwaji,asa
nickname.
Assoonaswewalkedin,
Hatsumomoturnedonher
charm.Itwasthefirsttime
I’deverseenherdoit.She
saidtohim,“Awaji-san!”But
thewayshespoke,Iwouldn’t
havebeensurprisedifshehad
runoutofbreathinthe
middle,becauseitsounded
likethis:
“Awaaa-jiisaaaannnnnnnn!”
Itwasasifshewere
scoldinghim.Heputdown
hispenwhenheheardher
voice,andhistwobigcheeks
shifteduptowardhisears,
whichwashiswayof
smiling.
“Mmm...Hatsumomosan,”hesaid,“ifyougetany
prettier,Idon’tknowwhat
I’mgoingtodo!”
Itsoundedlikealoud
whisperwhenhespoke,
becausesumowrestlersoften
ruintheirvoiceboxes,
smashingintooneanother’s
throatsthewaytheydo.
Hemayhavebeenthesize
ofahippopotamus,but
Awajiumiwasaveryelegant
dresser.Heworeapin-striped
kimonoandkimonotrousers.
Hisjobwastomakecertain
thatallthemoneypassing
throughGionflowedwhereit
wassupposedto;andatrickle
fromthatriverofcashflowed
directlyintohispocket.That
isn’ttosaythathewas
stealing;itwasjusttheway
thesystemworked.
ConsideringthatAwajiumi
hadsuchanimportantjob,it
wastoeverygeisha’s
advantagetokeephimhappy,
whichwaswhyhehada
reputationforspendingas
muchtimeoutofhiselegant
clothesasinthem.
SheandAwajiumitalked
foralongtime,andfinally
Hatsumomotoldhimshe’d
cometoregistermefor
lessonsattheschool.
Awajiumihadn’treally
lookedatmeyet,butherehe
turnedhisgianthead.Aftera
momenthegotuptoslide
openoneofthepaperscreens
overthewindowformore
light.
“Why,Ithoughtmyeyes
hadfooledme,”hesaid.
“Youshouldhavetoldme
soonerwhataprettygirlyou
broughtwithyou.Hereyes..
.they’rethecolorofa
mirror!”
“Amirror?”Hatsumomo
said.“Amirrorhasnocolor,
Awaji-san.”
“Ofcourseitdoes.It’sa
sparklygray.Whenyoulook
atamirror,allyouseeis
yourself,butIknowapretty
colorwhenIfindit.”
“Doyou?Well,itisn’tso
prettytome.Ioncesawa
deadmanfishedoutofthe
river,andhistonguewasjust
thesamecolorashereyes.”
“Maybeyou’rejusttoo
prettyyourselftobeableto
seeitelsewhere,”Awajiumi
said,openinganaccount
bookandpickinguphispen.
“Anyway,let’sregisterthe
girl.Now...Chiyo,isit?
Tellmeyourfullname,
Chiyo,andyourplaceof
birth.”
ThemomentIheardthese
words,Ihadanimageinmy
mindofSatsustaringupat
Awajiumi,fullofconfusion
andfear.Shemusthavebeen
inthissameroomatsome
timeorother;ifIhadto
register,surelyshe’dhadto
registertoo.
“Sakamotoismylast
name,”Isaid.“Iwasbornin
thetownofYoroido.You
mayhaveheardofit,sir,
becauseofmyoldersister,
Satsu?”
IthoughtHatsumomo
wouldbefuriouswithme;but
tomysurprisesheseemed
almostpleasedaboutthe
questionI’dasked.
“Ifshe’solderthanyou,
she’dhaveregistered
already,”Awajiumisaid.
“ButIhaven’tcomeacross
her.Idon’tthinkshe’sin
Gionatall.”
NowHatsumomo’ssmile
madesensetome;she’d
knowninadvancewhat
Awajiumiwouldsay.IfI’d
feltanydoubtswhethershe
reallyhadspokentomysister
assheclaimed,Ifeltthemno
longer.Therewereother
geishadistrictsinKyoto,
thoughIdidn’tknowmuch
aboutthem.Satsuwas
somewhereinoneofthem,
andIwasdeterminedtofind
her.
***
WhenIreturnedtothe
okiya,Auntiewaswaitingto
takemetothebathhouse
downthestreet.I’dbeen
therebefore,thoughonly
withtheelderlymaids,who
usuallyhandedmeasmall
towelandascrapofsoapand
thensquattedonthetilefloor
towashthemselveswhileI
didthesame.Auntiewas
muchkinder,andkneltover
metoscrubmyback.Iwas
surprisedthatshehadno
modestywhatever,andslung
hertube-shapedbreasts
aroundasiftheywere
nothingmorethanbottles.
Sheevenwhackedmeonthe
shoulderwithoneseveral
timesbyaccident.
Afterwardshetookme
backtotheokiyaanddressed
meinthefirstsilkkimonoI’d
everworn,abrilliantblue
withgreengrassesallaround
thehemandbrightyellow
flowersacrossthesleevesand
chest.Thensheledmeupthe
stairstoHatsumomo’sroom.
Beforegoingin,shegaveme
asternwarningnottodistract
Hatsumomoinanyway,or
doanythingthatmightmake
herangry.Ididn’tunderstand
itatthetime,butnowIknow
perfectlywellwhyshewasso
concerned.Because,yousee,
whenageishawakesupin
themorningsheisjustlike
anyotherwoman.Herface
maybegreasyfromsleep,
andherbreathunpleasant.It
maybetruethatshewearsa
startlinghairstyleevenasshe
strugglestoopenhereyes;
butineveryotherrespect
she’sawomanlikeanyother,
andnotageishaatall.Only
whenshesitsbeforeher
mirrortoapplyhermakeup
withcaredoesshebecomea
geisha.AndIdon’tmeanthat
thisiswhenshebeginsto
looklikeone.Thisiswhen
shebeginstothinklikeone
too.
Intheroom,Iwas
instructedtositaboutan
arm’slengthtothesideof
Hatsumomoandjustbehind
her,whereIcouldseeher
faceinthetinydressing
mirroronhermakeupstand.
Shewaskneelingona
cushion,wearingacotton
robethatclungtoher
shoulders,andgatheringin
herhandsahalfdozen
makeupbrushesinvarious
shapes.Someofthemwere
broadlikefans,whileothers
lookedlikeachopstickwitha
dotofsofthairattheend.
Finallysheturnedand
showedthemtome.
“Thesearemybrushes,”
shesaid.“Anddoyou
rememberthis?”Shetook
fromthedrawerofher
makeupstandaglass
containerofstarkwhite
makeupandwaveditaround
intheairformetosee.“This
isthemakeupItoldyou
nevertotouch.”
“Ihaven’ttouchedit,”I
said.
Shesniffedtheclosedjar
severaltimesandsaid,“No,I
don’tthinkyouhave.”Then
sheputthemakeupdownand
tookupthreepigmentsticks,
whichsheheldoutformein
thepalmofherhand.
“Theseareforshading.
Youmaylookatthem.”
Itookoneofthepigment
sticksfromher.Itwasabout
thesizeofababy’sfinger,
buthardandsmoothasstone,
sothatitleftnotraceofcolor
onmyskin.Oneendwas
wrappedindelicatesilverfoil
thatwasfleckingawayfrom
thepressureofuse.
Hatsumomotookthe
pigmentsticksbackandheld
outwhatlookedtomelikea
twigofwoodburnedatone
end.
“Thisisanicedrypieceof
paulowniawood,”shesaid,
“fordrawingmyeyebrows.
Andthisiswax.”Shetook
twohalf-usedbarsofwax
fromtheirpaperwrapping
andheldthemoutformeto
see.
“Nowwhydoyousuppose
I’veshownyouthese
things?”
“SoI’llunderstandhow
youputonyourmakeup,”I
said.
“Heavens,no!I’veshown
themtoyousoyou’llsee
thereisn’tanymagic
involved.Whatapityfor
you!Becauseitmeansthat
makeupalonewon’tbe
enoughtochangepoorChiyo
intosomethingbeautiful.”
Hatsumomoturnedbackto
facethemirrorandsang
quietlytoherselfasshe
openedajarofpaleyellow
cream.Youmaynotbelieve
mewhenItellyouthatthis
creamwasmadefrom
nightingaledroppings,butit’s
true.Manygeishauseditasa
facecreaminthosedays,
becauseitwasbelievedtobe
verygoodfortheskin;butit
wassoexpensivethat
Hatsumomoputonlyafew
dotsaroundhereyesand
mouth.Thenshetoreasmall
pieceofwaxfromoneofthe
barsand,aftersofteningitin
herfingertips,rubbeditinto
theskinofherface,and
afterwardofherneckand
chest.Shetooksometimeto
wipeherhandscleanona
rag,andthenmoistenedone
ofherflatmakeupbrushesin
adishofwaterandrubbedit
inthemakeupuntilshehada
chalkywhitepaste.Sheused
thistopaintherfaceand
neck,butlefthereyesbare,
aswellastheareaaroundher
lipsandnose.Ifyou’veever
seenachildcutholesinpaper
tomakeamask,thiswashow
Hatsumomolooked,untilshe
dampenedsomesmaller
brushesandusedthemtofill
inthecutouts.Afterthisshe
lookedasifshe’dfallenfacefirstintoabinofriceflour,
forherwholefacewas
ghastlywhite.Shelookedlike
thedemonshewas,buteven
so,Iwassickwithjealousy
andshame.BecauseIknew
thatinanhourorso,men
wouldbegazingwith
astonishmentatthatface;and
Iwouldstillbethereinthe
okiya,lookingsweatyand
plain.
Nowshemoistenedher
pigmentsticksandusedthem
torubareddishblushonto
hercheeks.Alreadyduring
myfirstmonthintheokiya,
I’dseenHatsumomoinher
finishedmakeupmanytimes;
Istolelooksatherwhenever
Icouldwithoutseemingrude.
I’dnoticedsheusedavariety
oftintsforhercheeks,
dependingonthecolorsof
herkimono.Therewas
nothingunusualinthis;but
whatIdidn’tknowuntilyears
laterwasthatHatsumomo
alwayschoseashademuch
redderthanothersmighthave
used.Ican’tsaywhyshedid
it,unlessitwastomake
peoplethinkofblood.But
Hatsumomowasnofool;she
knewhowtobringoutthe
beautyinherfeatures.
Whenshe’dfinished
applyingblush,shestillhad
noeyebrowsorlips.Butfor
themomentsheleftherface
likeabizarrewhitemaskand
askedAuntietopaintthe
backofherneck.Imusttell
yousomethingaboutnecksin
Japan,ifyoudon’tknowit;
namely,thatJapanesemen,as
arule,feelaboutawoman’s
neckandthroatthesameway
thatmenintheWestmight
feelaboutawoman’slegs.
Thisiswhygeishawearthe
collarsoftheirkimonosolow
inthebackthatthefirstfew
bumpsofthespineare
visible;Isupposeit’slikea
womaninPariswearinga
shortskirt.Auntiepainted
ontothebackof
Hatsumomo’sneckadesign
calledsanbon-ashi—“three
legs.”Itmakesavery
dramaticpicture,foryoufeel
asifyou’relookingatthe
bareskinoftheneckthrough
littletaperingpointsofa
whitefence.Itwasyears
beforeIunderstoodtheerotic
effectithasonmen;butina
way,it’slikeawoman
peeringoutfrombetweenher
fingers.Infact,ageisha
leavesatinymarginofskin
bareallaroundthehairline,
causinghermakeuptolook
evenmoreartificial,
somethinglikeamaskworn
inNohdrama.Whenaman
sitsbesideherandseesher
makeuplikeamask,he
becomesthatmuchmore
awareofthebareskin
beneath.
WhileHatsumomowas
rinsingoutherbrushes,she
glancedseveraltimesatmy
reflectioninthemirror.
Finallyshesaidtome:
“Iknowwhatyou’re
thinking.You’rethinking
you’llneverbesobeautiful.
Well,it’sperfectlytrue.”
“I’llhaveyouknow,”said
Auntie,“thatsomepeople
findChiyo-chanquitea
lovelygirl.”
“Somepeoplelikethe
smellofrottingfish,”said
Hatsumomo.Andwiththat,
sheorderedustoleavethe
roomsoshecouldchange
intoherunderrobe.
AuntieandIsteppedout
ontothelanding,whereMr.
Bekkustoodwaitingnearthe
full-lengthmirror,looking
justashehadonthedayhe’d
takenSatsuandmefromour
home.AsI’dlearnedduring
myfirstweekintheokiya,
hisrealoccupationwasn’t
dragginggirlsfromtheir
homesatall;hewasa
dresser,whichistosaythat
hecametotheokiyaevery
daytohelpHatsumomoput
onherelaboratekimono.
TherobeHatsumomo
wouldwearthateveningwas
hangingonastandnearthe
mirror.Auntiestood
smoothingituntil
Hatsumomocameout
wearinganunderrobeina
lovelyrustcolor,witha
patternofdeepyellowleaves.
Whathappenednextmade
verylittlesensetomeatthe
time,becausethecomplicated
costumeofkimonois
confusingtopeoplewho
aren’taccustomedtoit.But
thewayit’swornmakes
perfectsenseifit’sexplained
properly.
Tobeginwith,youmust
understandthatahousewife
andageishawearkimono
verydifferently.Whena
housewifedressesinkimono,
sheusesallsortsofpadding
tokeeptherobefrom
bunchingunattractivelyatthe
waist,withtheresultthatshe
endsuplookingperfectly
cylindrical,likeawood
columninatemplehall.Buta
geishawearskimonoso
frequentlyshehardlyneeds
anypadding,andbunching
neverseemstobeaproblem.
Bothahousewifeanda
geishawillbeginbytaking
offtheirmakeuprobesand
tuckingasilksliparoundthe
barehips;wecallthisa
koshimaki—“hipwrap.”It’s
followedbyashort-sleeved
kimonoundershirt,tiedshut
atthewaist,andthenthe
pads,whichlooklikesmall
contouredpillowswith
stringsaffixedfortyingthem
intoplace.InHatsumomo’s
case,withhertraditional
small-hipped,willowyfigure,
andherexperienceof
wearingkimonoforsomany
years,shedidn’tusepadding
atall.
Sofar,everythingthe
womanhasputonwillbe
hiddenfromtheeyewhenshe
isfullydressed.Butthenext
item,theunderrobe,isn’t
reallyanundergarmentatall.
Whenageishaperformsa
dance,orsometimeseven
whenshewalksalongthe
street,shemightraisethe
hemofherkimonoinherleft
handtokeepitoutofthe
way.Thishastheeffectof
exposingtheunderrobebelow
theknees;so,yousee,the
patternandfabricofthe
underrobemustbe
coordinatedwiththekimono.
And,infact,theunderrobe’s
collarshowsaswell,justlike
thecollarofaman’sshirt
whenhewearsabusiness
suit.PartofAuntie’sjobin
theokiyawastosewasilk
collareachdayontothe
underrobeHatsumomo
plannedtowear,andthen
removeitthenextmorning
forcleaning.Anapprentice
geishawearsaredcollar,but
ofcourseHatsumomowasn’t
anapprentice;hercollarwas
white.
WhenHatsumomocame
outofherroom,shewas
wearingalltheitemsI’ve
described—thoughwecould
seenothingbuther
underrobe,heldshutwitha
cordaroundherwaist.Also,
sheworewhitesockswecall
tabi,whichbuttonalongthe
sidewithasnugfit.Atthis
pointshewasreadyforMr.
Bekkutodressher.Tosee
himatwork,you’dhave
understoodatoncejustwhy
hishelpwasnecessary.
Kimonoarethesamelength
nomatterwhowearsthem,so
exceptfortheverytallest
women,theextrafabricmust
befoldedbeneaththesash.
WhenMr.Bekkudoubledthe
kimonofabricatthewaist
andtiedacordtoholditin
place,therewasneverthe
slightestbuckle.Orifonedid
appear,hegaveatughereor
there,andthewholething
straightenedout.Whenhe
finishedhiswork,therobe
alwaysfitthecontoursofthe
bodybeautifully.
Mr.Bekku’sprincipaljob
asdresserwastotietheobi,
whichisn’tassimpleajobas
itmightsound.Anobilike
theoneHatsumomoworeis
twiceaslongasamanistall,
andnearlyaswideasa
woman’sshoulders.Wrapped
aroundthewaist,itcoversthe
areafromthebreastboneall
thewaytobelowthenavel.
Mostpeoplewhoknow
nothingofkimonoseemto
thinktheobiissimplytiedin
thebackasifitwereastring;
butnothingcouldbefurther
fromthetruth.Ahalfdozen
cordsandclaspsareneeded
tokeepitinplace,anda
certainamountofpadding
mustbeusedaswelltoshape
theknot.Mr.Bekkutook
severalminutestotie
Hatsumomo’sobi.Whenhe
wasdone,hardlyawrinkle
couldbeseenanywhereinthe
fabric,thickandheavyasit
was.
Iunderstoodverylittleof
whatIsawonthelandingthat
day;butitseemedtomethat
Mr.Bekkutiedstringsand
tuckedfabricatafranticrate,
whileHatsumomodid
nothingmorethanholdher
armsoutandgazeather
imageinthemirror.Ifelt
miserablewithenvy,
watchingher.Herkimono
wasabrocadeinshadesof
brownandgold.Belowthe
waist,deerintheirrichbrown
coloringofautumnnuzzled
oneanother,withgoldsand
rustsbehindtheminapattern
likefallenleavesonaforest
floor.Herobiwasplumcolored,interwovenwith
silverthreads.Ididn’tknow
itatthetime,buttheoutfit
sheworeprobablycostas
muchasapolicemanora
shopkeepermightmakeinan
entireyear.Andyettolookat
Hatsumomostandingthere,
whensheturnedaroundto
glancebackatherselfinthe
free-standingmirror,you
wouldhavethoughtthatno
amountofmoneyonearth
couldhavemadeawoman
lookasglamorousasshedid.
Allthatremainedwerethe
finaltouchesonhermakeup
andtheornamentsinherhair.
AuntieandIfollowed
Hatsumomobackintoher
room,whereshekneltather
dressingtableandtookouta
tinylacquerboxcontaining
rougeforherlips.Sheuseda
smallbrushtopaintiton.The
fashionatthattimewasto
leavetheupperlipunpainted,
whichmadethelowerlip
lookfuller.Whitemakeup
causesallsortsofcurious
illusions;ifageishawereto
painttheentiresurfaceofher
lips,hermouthwouldendup
lookingliketwobigslicesof
tuna.Somostgeishaprefera
poutiershape,morelikethe
bloomofaviolet.Unlessa
geishahaslipsofthisshape
tobeginwith—andveryfew
do—shenearlyalwayspaints
onamorecircle-shaped
mouththansheactuallyhas.
ButasI’vesaid,thefashion
inthosedayswastopaint
onlythelowerlip,andthisis
whatHatsumomodid.
NowHatsumomotookthe
twigofpaulowniawood
she’dshownmeearlierandlit
itwithamatch.Afterithad
burnedforafewsecondsshe
blewitout,cooleditwithher
fingertips,andthenwentback
tothemirrortodrawinher
eyebrowswiththecharcoal.It
madealovelyshadeofsoft
gray.Nextshewenttoa
closetandselectedafew
ornamentsforherhair,
includingoneoftortoiseshell,
andanunusualclusterof
pearlsattheendofalong
pin.Whenshe’dslippedthem
intoherhair,sheappliedabit
ofperfumetothebareflesh
onthebackofherneck,and
tuckedtheflatwoodenvial
intoherobiafterwardincase
sheshouldneeditagain.She
alsoputafoldingfanintoher
obiandplacedakerchiefin
herrightsleeve.Andwith
thissheturnedtolookdown
atme.Sheworethesame
faintsmileshehadworn
earlier,andevenAuntiehad
tosigh,fromhow
extraordinaryHatsumomo
looked.
ChapterSix
Whateveranyofusmay
havethoughtabout
Hatsumomo,shewaslikean
empressinourokiyasince
sheearnedtheincomeby
whichwealllived.Andbeing
anempressshewouldhave
beenverydispleased,upon
returninglateatnight,tofind
herpalacedarkandallthe
servantsasleep.Thatisto
say,whenshecamehometoo
drunktounbuttonhersocks,
someonehadtounbutton
themforher;andifshefelt
hungry,shecertainlywasn’t
goingtostrollintothekitchen
topreparesomethingby
herself—suchasanumeboshi
ochazuke,whichwasa
favoritesnackofhers,made
withleftoverriceandpickled
sourplums,soakedinhottea.
Actually,ourokiyawasn’tat
allunusualinthisrespect.
Thejobofwaitinguptobow
andwelcomethegeishahome
almostalwaysfelltothemost
juniorofthe“cocoons”—as
theyounggeisha-in-training
wereoftencalled.Andfrom
themomentIbegantaking
lessonsattheschool,the
mostjuniorcocooninour
okiyawasme.Longbefore
midnight,Pumpkinandthe
twoelderlymaidsweresound
asleepontheirfutonsonlya
meterorsoawayonthewood
flooroftheentrancehall;but
Ihadtogoonkneelingthere,
strugglingtostayawakeuntil
sometimesaslateastwo
o’clockinthemorning.
Granny’sroomwasnearby,
andshesleptwithherlighton
andherdooropenedacrack.
Thebaroflightthatfell
acrossmyemptyfutonmade
methinkofaday,notlong
beforeSatsuandIweretaken
awayfromourvillage,when
I’dpeeredintothebackroom
ofourhousetoseemy
motherasleepthere.My
fatherhaddrapedfishingnets
acrossthepaperscreensto
darkentheroom,butit
lookedsogloomyIdecided
toopenoneofthewindows;
andwhenIdid,astripof
brightsunlightfellacrossmy
mother’sfutonandshowed
herhandsopaleandbony.To
seetheyellowlightstreaming
fromGranny’sroomontomy
futon...Ihadtowonderif
mymotherwasstillalive.We
weresomuchalike,Ifeltsure
Iwouldhaveknownifshe’d
died;butofcourse,I’dhadno
signonewayortheother.
Onenightasthefallwas
growingcooler,Ihadjust
dozedoffleaningagainsta
postwhenIheardtheoutside
doorrollopen.Hatsumomo
wouldbeveryangryifshe
foundmesleeping,soItried
mybesttolookalert.But
whentheinteriordoor
opened,Iwassurprisedtosee
aman,wearingatraditional,
loose-fittingworkman’s
jackettiedshutatthehipand
apairofpeasanttrousers—
thoughhedidn’tlookatall
likeaworkmanorapeasant.
Hishairwasoiledbackina
verymodernmanner,andhe
woreacloselytrimmedbeard
thatgavehimtheairofan
intellectual.Heleaneddown
andtookmyheadinhis
handstolookmesquarein
theface.
“Why,you’reapretty
one,”hesaidtomeinalow
voice.“What’syourname?”
Ifeltcertainhemustbea
workman,thoughIcouldn’t
thinkwhyhe’dcomesolate
atnight.Iwasfrightenedof
answeringhim,butI
managedtosaymyname,
andthenhemoisteneda
fingertipwithhistongueand
touchedmeonthecheek—to
takeoffaneyelash,asit
turnedout.
“Yokoisstillhere?”he
asked.Yokowasayoung
womanwhospenteveryday
frommidafternoonuntillate
eveningsittinginourmaids’
room.Backinthosedaysthe
okiyaandteahousesinGion
werealllinkedbyaprivate
telephonesystem,andYoko
waskeptbusierthanalmost
anyoneinourokiya,
answeringthattelephoneto
bookHatsumomo’s
engagements,sometimesfor
banquetsorpartiessix
monthstoayearinadvance.
UsuallyHatsumomo’s
scheduledidn’tfillup
completelyuntilthemorning
before,andcallscontinued
throughtheeveningfrom
teahouseswhosecustomers
wantedhertodropinifshe
hadtime.Butthetelephone
hadn’tbeenringingmuch
tonight,andIthought
probablyYokohadfallen
asleepjustasIhad.Theman
didn’twaitformetoanswer,
butgesturedformetokeep
quiet,andshowedhimself
downthedirtcorridortothe
maids’room.
ThenextthingIheardwas
Yokoapologizing—forshe
hadindeedfallenasleep—and
thenshecarriedonalong
conversationwiththe
switchboardoperator.She
hadtobeconnectedwith
severalteahousesbeforeshe
atleastlocatedHatsumomo
andleftamessagethatthe
KabukiactorOnoeShikan
hadcometotown.Ididn’t
knowitatthetime,butthere
wasnoOnoeShikan;thiswas
justacode.
Afterthis,Yokoleftforthe
night.Shedidn’tseem
worriedthatamanwas
waitinginthemaids’room,
soImadeupmymindtosay
nothingtoanyone.This
turnedouttobeagoodthing,
becausewhenHatsumomo
appearedtwentyminutes
later,shestoppedinthe
entrancehalltosaytome:
“Ihaven’ttriedtomake
yourlifereallymiserableyet.
Butifyouevermentionthata
mancamehere,oreventhatI
stoppedinbeforetheendof
theevening,thatwill
change.”
Shewasstandingoverme
asshesaidthis,andwhenshe
reachedintohersleevefor
something,Icouldseeeven
inthedimlightthather
forearmswereflushed.She
wentintothemaids’room
androlledthedoorshut
behindher.Iheardashort
muffledconversation,and
thentheokiyawassilent.
OccasionallyIthoughtI
heardasoftwhimperora
groan,butthesoundswereso
quiet,Icouldn’tbesure.I
won’tsayIknewjustwhat
theyweredoinginthere,butI
didthinkofmysisterholding
upherbathingdressforthe
Sugiboy.AndIfeltsucha
combinationofdisgustand
curiositythatevenifI’dbeen
freetoleavemyspot,Idon’t
thinkIcouldhave.
***
Onceaweekorso,
Hatsumomoandher
boyfriend—whoturnedoutto
beachefinanearbynoodle
restaurant—cametotheokiya
andshutthemselvesinthe
maids’room.Theymetother
timesinotherplacesaswell.
IknowbecauseYokowas
oftenaskedtodeliver
messages,andIsometimes
overheard.Allthemaids
knewwhatHatsumomowas
doing;andit’sameasureof
howmuchpowershehad
overusthatnoonespokea
wordtoMotherorAuntieor
Granny.Hatsumomowould
certainlyhavebeenintrouble
forhavingaboyfriend,much
lessforbringinghimbackto
theokiya.Thetimeshespent
withhimearnednorevenue,
andeventookherawayfrom
partiesatteahouseswhereshe
wouldotherwisehavebeen
makingmoney.Andbesides,
anywealthymanwhomight
havebeeninterestedinan
expensive,long-term
relationshipwouldcertainly
thinklessofherandeven
changehismindifheknew
shewascarryingonwiththe
chefofanoodlerestaurant.
OnenightjustasIwas
comingbackfromtakinga
drinkofwateratthewellin
thecourtyard,Iheardthe
outsidedoorrollopenand
slamagainstthedoorframe
withabang.
“Really,Hatsumomo-san,”
saidadeepvoice,“you’ll
wakeeveryone...”
I’dneverreallyunderstood
whyHatsumomotookthe
riskofbringingherboyfriend
backtotheokiya—though
probablyitwastheriskitself
thatexcitedher.Butshe’d
neverbeforebeensocareless
astomakealotofnoise.I
hurriedintomypositionon
myknees,andinamoment
Hatsumomowasinthe
formalentrancehall,holding
twopackageswrappedin
linenpaper.Soonanother
geishasteppedinbehindher,
sotallthatshehadtostoopto
passthroughthelow
doorway.Whenshestood
erectandlookeddownonme,
herlipslookedunnaturally
bigandheavyatthebottom
ofherlongface.Noone
wouldhavecalledherpretty.
“Thisisourfoolishlower
maid,”saidHatsumomo.
“Shehasaname,Ithink,but
whydon’tyoujustcallher
‘LittleMissStupid.’”
“Well,LittleMissStupid,”
saidtheothergeisha.“Goand
getyourbigsisterandme
somethingtodrink,why
don’tyou?”Thedeepvoice
I’dheardwashers,andnot
thevoiceofHatsumomo’s
boyfriendafterall.
UsuallyHatsumomoliked
todrinkaspecialkindofsake
calledamakuchi—whichwas
verylightandsweet.But
amakuchiwasbrewedonlyin
thewinter,andweseemedto
haverunout.Ipouredtwo
glassesofbeerinsteadand
broughtthemout.
Hatsumomoandherfriend
hadalreadymadetheirway
downtothecourtyard,and
werestandinginwooden
shoesinthedirtcorridor.I
couldseetheywerevery
drunk,andHatsumomo’s
friendhadfeetmuchtoobig
forourlittlewoodenshoes,
sothatshecouldhardlywalk
astepwithoutthetwoof
thembreakingoutinlaughter.
Youmayrecallthatawooden
walkwayranalongthe
outsideofthehouse.
Hatsumomohadjustsether
packagesdownontothat
walkwayandwasaboutto
openoneofthemwhenI
deliveredthebeer.
“I’mnotinthemoodfor
beer,”shesaid,andbent
downtoemptybothglasses
underneaththefoundationof
thehouse.
“I’minthemoodforit,”
saidherfriend,butitwas
alreadytoolate.“Whydid
youpourmineout?”
“Oh,bequiet,Korin!”
Hatsumomosaid.“Youdon’t
needmoretodrinkanyway.
Justlookatthis,because
you’regoingtodiefrom
happinesswhenyouseeit!”
Andhere,Hatsumomountied
thestringsholdingshutthe
linenpaperofonepackage,
andspreadoutuponthe
walkwayanexquisitekimono
indifferentpowderyshades
ofgreen,withavinemotif
bearingredleaves.Really,it
wasaglorioussilkgauze—
thoughofsummerweight,
andcertainlynotappropriate
forthefallweather.
Hatsumomo’sfriend,Korin,
admireditsomuchthatshe
drewinasharpbreathand
chokedonherownsaliva—
whichcausedthembothto
burstoutlaughingagain.I
decidedthetimehadcometo
excusemyself.But
Hatsumomosaid:
“Don’tgoaway,Little
MissStupid.”Andthenshe
turnedtoherfriendagainand
toldher,“It’stimeforsome
fun,Korin-san.Guesswhose
kimonothisis!”
Korinwasstillcoughinga
gooddeal,butwhenshewas
abletospeak,shesaid,“I
wishitbelongedtome!”
“Well,itdoesn’t.It
belongstononeotherthanthe
geishawebothhateworse
thananyoneelseonearth.”
“Oh,Hatsumomo...
you’reagenius.Buthowdid
yougetSatoka’skimono?”
“I’mnottalkingabout
Satoka!I’mtalkingabout...
MissPerfect!”
“Who?”
“Miss‘I’m-So-MuchBetter-Than-You-Are’...
that’swho!”
Therewasalongpause,
andthenKorinsaid,
“Mameha!Oh,mygoodness,
itisMameha’skimono.I
can’tbelieveIdidn’t
recognizeit!Howdidyou
managetogetyourhandson
it?”
“AfewdaysagoIleft
somethingattheKaburenjo
Theaterduringarehearsal,”
Hatsumomosaid.“Andwhen
Iwentbacktolookforit,I
heardwhatIthoughtwas
moaningcomingupfromthe
basementstairs.SoIthought,
‘Itcan’tbe!Thisistoomuch
fun!’AndwhenIcreptdown
andturnedonthelight,guess
whoIfoundlyingtherelike
twopiecesofricestuck
togetheronthefloor?”
“Ican’tbelieveit!
Mameha?”
“Don’tbeafool.She’s
muchtooprissytodosucha
thing.Itwashermaid,with
thecustodianofthetheater.I
knewshe’ddoanythingto
keepmefromtelling,soI
wenttoherlaterandtoldher
Iwantedthiskimonoof
Mameha’s.Shestartedcrying
whenshefiguredoutwhich
oneIwasdescribing.”
“Andwhat’sthisother
one?”Korinasked,pointing
tothesecondpackagethatlay
onthewalkway,itsstrings
stilltied.
“ThisoneImadethegirl
buywithherownmoney,and
nowitbelongstome.”
“Herownmoney?”said
Korin.“Whatmaidhas
enoughmoneytobuya
kimono?”
“Well,ifshedidn’tbuyit
asshesaid,Idon’twantto
knowwhereitcamefrom.
Anyway,LittleMissStupidis
goingtoputitawayinthe
storehouseforme.”
“Hatsumomo-san,I’mnot
allowedinthestorehouse,”I
saidatonce.
“Ifyouwanttoknow
whereyouroldersisteris,
don’tmakemesayanything
twicetonight.Ihaveplansfor
you.Afterwardyoumayask
measinglequestion,andI’ll
answerit.”
Iwon’tsaythatIbelieved
her;butofcourse,
Hatsumomohadthepowerto
makemylifemiserablein
anywayshewanted.Ihadno
choicebuttoobey.
Sheputthekimono—
wrappedinitslinenpaper—
intomyarmsandwalkedme
downtothestorehouseinthe
courtyard.Theresheopened
thedoorandflippedalight
switchwithaloudsnap.I
couldseeshelvesstacked
withsheetsandpillows,as
wellasseverallockedchests
andafewfoldedfutons.
Hatsumomograbbedmeby
thearmandpointedupa
ladderalongtheoutsidewall.
“Thekimonoareupthere,”
shesaid.
Imademywayupand
openedaslidingwoodendoor
atthetop.Thestorageloft
didn’thaveshelveslikethe
ground-floorlevel.Instead
thewallswerelinedwithred
lacqueredcasesstackedone
ontopofthenext,nearlyas
highastheceiling.Anarrow
corridorpassedbetweenthese
twowallsofcases,with
slattedwindowsattheends,
coveredoverwithscreensfor
ventilation.Thespacewaslit
harshlyjustasbelow,but
muchmorebrightly;sothat
whenIhadsteppedinside,I
couldreadtheblack
characterscarvedintothe
frontsofthecases.Theysaid
thingslikeKata-Komon,Ro
—“StenciledDesigns,OpenWeaveSilkGauze”;and
Kuromontsuki,Awase
—“Black-CrestedFormal
RobeswithInnerLining.”To
tellthetruth,Icouldn’t
understandallthecharacters
atthetime,butIdidmanage
tofindthecasewith
Hatsumomo’snameonit,on
atopshelf.Ihadtrouble
takingitdown,butfinallyI
addedthenewkimonotothe
fewothers,alsowrappedin
linenpaper,andreplacedthe
casewhereI’dfoundit.Out
ofcuriosity,Iopenedanother
ofthecasesveryquicklyand
founditstackedtothetop
withperhapsfifteenkimono,
andtheotherswhoselidsI
liftedwereallthesame.To
seethatstorehousecrowded
withcases,Iunderstoodat
oncewhyGrannywasso
terrifiedoffire.The
collectionofkimonowas
probablytwiceasvaluableas
theentirevillagesofYoroido
andSenzuruputtogether.
AndasIlearnedmuchlater,
themostexpensiveoneswere
instoragesomewhereelse.
Theywerewornonlyby
apprenticegeisha;andsince
Hatsumomocouldnolonger
wearthem,theywerekeptin
arentedvaultforsafekeeping
untiltheywereneededagain.
BythetimeIreturnedto
thecourtyard,Hatsumomo
hadbeenuptoherroomto
fetchaninkstoneandastick
ofink,aswellasabrushfor
calligraphy.Ithoughtperhaps
shewantedtowriteanote
andslipitinsidethekimono
whensherefoldedit.Shehad
dribbledsomewaterfromthe
wellontoherinkstoneand
wasnowsittingonthe
walkwaygrindingink.When
itwasgoodandblack,she
dippedabrushinitand
smootheditstipagainstthe
stone—sothatalltheinkwas
absorbedinthebrushand
noneofitwoulddrip.Then
sheputitintomyhand,and
heldmyhandoverthelovely
kimono,andsaidtome:
“Practiceyourcalligraphy,
littleChiyo.”
Thiskimonobelongingto
thegeishanamedMameha—
whomI’dneverheardofat
thetime—wasaworkofart.
Weavingitswayfromthe
hemuptothewaistwasa
beautifulvinemadeof
heavilylacqueredthreads
bunchedtogetherlikeatiny
cableandsewnintoplace.It
wasapartofthefabric,yetit
seemedsomuchlikean
actualvinegrowingthere,I
hadthefeelingIcouldtakeit
inmyfingers,ifIwished,and
tearitawaylikeaweedfrom
thesoil.Theleavescurling
fromitseemedtobefading
anddryingintheautumn
weather,andeventakingon
tintsofyellow.
“Ican’tdoit,Hatsumomosan!”Icried.
“Whatashame,little
sweetheart,”herfriendsaidto
me.“Becauseifyoumake
Hatsumomotellyouagain,
you’lllosethechancetofind
yoursister.”
“Oh,shutup,Korin.Chiyo
knowsshehastodowhatI
tellher.Writesomethingon
thefabric,MissStupid.I
don’tcarewhatitis.”
Whenthebrushfirst
touchedthekimono,Korin
wassoexcitedsheletouta
squealthatwokeoneofthe
elderlymaids,wholeanedout
intothecorridorwithacloth
aroundherheadandher
sleepingrobesaggingall
aroundher.Hatsumomo
stampedherfootandmadea
sortoflungingmotion,likea
cat,whichwasenoughto
makethemaidgobacktoher
futon.Korinwasn’thappy
withthefewuncertainstrokes
I’dmadeonthepowdery
greensilk,soHatsumomo
instructedmewheretomark
thefabricandwhatsortsof
markstomake.Therewasn’t
anymeaningtothem;
Hatsumomowasjusttryingin
herownwaytobeartistic.
Afterwardsherefoldedthe
kimonoinitswrappingof
linenandtiedthestringsshut
again.SheandKorinwent
backtothefrontentrywayto
puttheirlacqueredzoriback
ontheirfeet.Whenthey
rolledopenthedoortothe
street,Hatsumomotoldmeto
follow.
“Hatsumomo-san,ifIleave
theokiyawithoutpermission,
Motherwillbeveryangry,
and—”
“I’mgivingyou
permission,”Hatsumomo
interrupted.“Wehaveto
returnthekimono,don’twe?
Ihopeyou’renotplanningto
keepmewaiting.”
SoIcoulddonothingbut
stepintomyshoesandfollow
herupthealleywaytoastreet
runningbesidethenarrow
ShirakawaStream.Backin
thosedays,thestreetsand
alleysinGionwerestill
pavedbeautifullywithstone.
Wewalkedalonginthe
moonlightforablockorso,
besidetheweepingcherry
treesthatdroopeddownover
theblackwater,andfinally
acrossawoodenbridge
archingoverintoasectionof
GionI’dneverseenbefore.
Theembankmentofthe
streamwasstone,mostofit
coveredwithpatchesofmoss.
Alongitstop,thebacksofthe
teahousesandokiya
connectedtoformawall.
Reedscreensoverthe
windowsslicedtheyellow
lightintotinystripsthatmade
methinkofwhatthecook
haddonetoapickledradish
earlierthatday.Icouldhear
thelaughterofagroupof
menandgeisha.Something
veryfunnymusthavebeen
happeninginoneofthe
teahouses,becauseeachwave
oflaughterwaslouderthan
theonebefore,untilthey
finallydiedawayandleft
onlythetwangingofa
shamisenfromanotherparty.
Forthemoment,Icould
imaginethatGionwas
probablyacheerfulplacefor
somepeople.Icouldn’thelp
wonderingifSatsumightbe
atoneofthoseparties,even
thoughAwajiumi,attheGion
RegistryOffice,hadtoldme
shewasn’tinGionatall.
Shortly,Hatsumomoand
Korincametoastopbeforea
woodendoor.
“You’regoingtotakethis
kimonoupthestairsandgive
ittothemaidthere,”
Hatsumomosaidtome.“Or
ifMissPerfectherself
answersthedoor,youmay
giveittoher.Don’tsay
anything;justhanditover.
We’llbedownherewatching
you.”
Withthis,sheputthe
wrappedkimonointomy
arms,andKorinrolledopen
thedoor.Polishedwooden
stepsledupintothedarkness.
Iwastremblingwithfearso
much,Icouldgonofarther
thanhalfwayupthembeforeI
cametoastop.ThenIheard
Korinsayintothestairwellin
aloudwhisper:
“Goon,littlegirl!No
one’sgoingtoeatyouunless
youcomebackdownwiththe
kimonostillinyourhands—
andthenwejustmight.Right,
Hatsumomo-san?”
Hatsumomoletoutasigh
atthis,butsaidnothing.
Korinwassquintingupinto
thedarkness,tryingtosee
me;butHatsumomo,who
stoodnotmuchhigherthan
Korin’sshoulder,was
chewingononeofher
fingernailsandpayingno
attentionatall.Eventhen,
amidallmyfears,Icouldn’t
helpnoticinghow
extraordinaryHatsumomo’s
beautywas.Shemayhave
beenascruelasaspider,but
shewasmorelovelychewing
onherfingernailthanmost
geishalookedposingfora
photograph.Andthecontrast
withherfriendKorinwaslike
comparingarockalongthe
roadsidewithajewel.Korin
lookeduncomfortableinher
formalhairstylewithallits
lovelyornaments,andher
kimonoseemedtobealways
inherway.Whereas
Hatsumomoworeherkimono
asifitwereherskin.
Onthelandingatthetopof
thestairs,Ikneltintheblack
darknessandcalledout:
“Excuseme,please!”
Iwaited,butnothing
happened.“Louder,”said
Korin.“Theyaren’texpecting
you.”
SoIcalledagain,“Excuse
me!”
“Justamoment!”Ihearda
muffledvoicesay;andsoon
thedoorrolledopen.Thegirl
kneelingontheotherside
wasnoolderthanSatsu,but
thinandnervousasabird.I
handedherthekimonoinits
wrappingoflinenpaper.She
wasverysurprised,andtook
itfrommealmost
desperately.
“Who’sthere,Asami-san?”
calledavoicefrominsidethe
apartment.Icouldseea
singlepaperlanternonan
antiquestandburningbeside
afreshlymadefuton.The
futonwasforthegeisha
Mameha;Icouldtellbecause
ofthecrispsheetsandthe
elegantsilkcover,aswellas
thetakamakura—“tall
pillow”—justlikethekind
Hatsumomoused.Itwasn’t
reallyapillowatall,buta
woodenstandwithapadded
cradlefortheneck;thiswas
theonlywayageishacould
sleepwithoutruiningher
elaboratehairstyle.
Themaiddidn’tanswer,
butopenedthewrapping
aroundthekimonoasquietly
asshecould,andtippeditthis
wayandthattocatchthe
reflectionofthelight.When
shecaughtsightoftheink
marringit,shegaspedand
coveredhermouth.Tears
spilledoutalmostinstantly
ontohercheeks,andthena
voicecalled:
“Asami-san!Who’s
there?”
“Oh,noone,miss!”cried
themaid.Ifeltterriblysorry
forherasshedriedhereyes
quicklyagainstonesleeve.
Whileshewasreachingupto
slidethedoorclosed,Icaught
aglimpseofhermistress.I
couldseeatoncewhy
HatsumomocalledMameha
“MissPerfect.”Herfacewas
aperfectoval,justlikea
doll’s,andassmoothand
delicate-lookingasapieceof
china,evenwithouther
makeup.Shewalkedtoward
thedoorway,tryingtopeer
intothestairwell,butIsaw
nomoreofherbeforethe
maidquicklyrolledthedoor
shut.
***
Thenextmorningafter
lessons,Icamebacktothe
okiyatofindthatMother,
Granny,andAuntiewere
closeduptogetherinthe
formalreceptionroomonthe
firstfloor.Ifeltcertainthey
weretalkingaboutthe
kimono;andsureenough,the
momentHatsumomocamein
fromthestreet,oneofthe
maidswenttotellMother,
whosteppedoutintothe
entrancehallandstopped
Hatsumomoonherwayup
thestairs.
“Wehadalittlevisitfrom
Mamehaandhermaidthis
morning,”shesaid.
“Oh,Mother,Iknowjust
whatyou’regoingtosay.I
feelterribleaboutthe
kimono.ItriedtostopChiyo
beforesheputinkonit,butit
wastoolate.Shemusthave
thoughtitwasmine!Idon’t
knowwhyshe’shatedmeso
fromthemomentshecame
here...Tothinkshewould
ruinsuchalovelykimono
justinthehopesofhurting
me!”
Bynow,Auntiehadlimped
outintothehall.Shecried,
“Mattemashita!”I
understoodherwords
perfectlywell;theymeant
“We’vewaitedforyou!”But
Ihadnoideawhatshemeant
bythem.Actually,itwas
quiteacleverthingtosay,
becausethisiswhatthe
audiencesometimesshouts
whenagreatstarmakeshis
entranceinaKabukiplay.
“Auntie,areyou
suggestingthatIhad
somethingtodowithruining
thatkimono?”Hatsumomo
said.“WhywouldIdosucha
thing?”
“Everyoneknowshowyou
hateMameha,”Auntietold
her.“Youhateanyonemore
successfulthanyou.”
“DoesthatsuggestIought
tobeextremelyfondofyou,
Auntie,sinceyou’resucha
failure?”
“There’llbenoneofthat,”
saidMother.“Nowyoulisten
tome,Hatsumomo.You
don’treallythinkanyoneis
empty-headedenoughto
believeyourlittlestory.I
won’thavethissortof
behaviorintheokiya,even
fromyou.Ihavegreatrespect
forMameha.Idon’twantto
hearofanythinglikethis
happeningagain.Asforthe
kimono,someonehastopay
forit.Idon’tknowwhat
happenedlastnight,but
there’snodisputeaboutwho
washoldingthebrush.The
maidsawthegirldoingit.
Thegirlwillpay,”said
Mother,andputherpipeback
intohermouth.
NowGrannycameout
fromthereceptionroomand
calledamaidtofetchthe
bamboopole.
“Chiyohasenoughdebts,”
saidAuntie.“Idon’tseewhy
sheshouldpayHatsumomo’s
aswell.”
“We’vetalkedaboutthis
enough,”Grannysaid.“The
girlshouldbebeatenand
madetorepaythecostofthe
kimono,andthat’sthat.
Where’sthebamboopole?”
“I’llbeathermyself,”
Auntiesaid.“Iwon’thave
yourjointsflaringupagain,
Granny.Comealong,Chiyo.”
Auntiewaiteduntilthe
maidbroughtthepoleand
thenledmedowntothe
courtyard.Shewassoangry
hernostrilswerebiggerthan
usual,andhereyeswere
buncheduplikefists.I’d
beencarefulsincecomingto
theokiyanottodoanything
thatwouldleadtoabeating.I
felthotsuddenly,andthe
stepping-stonesatmyfeet
grewblurry.Butinsteadof
beatingme,Auntieleanedthe
poleagainstthestorehouse
andthenlimpedovertosay
quietlytome:
“Whathaveyoudoneto
Hatsumomo?She’sbenton
destroyingyou.Theremust
beareason,andIwantto
knowwhatitis.”
“Ipromiseyou,Auntie,
she’streatedmethisway
sinceIarrived.Idon’tknow
whatIeverdidtoher.”
“Grannymaycall
Hatsumomoafool,but
believeme,Hatsumomoisno
fool.Ifshewantstoruinyour
careerbadlyenough,she’lldo
it.Whateveryou’vedoneto
makeherangry,youmust
stopdoingit.”
“Ihaven’tdoneanything,
Auntie,Ipromiseyou.”
“Youmustnevertrusther,
notevenifshetriestohelp
you.Alreadyshe’sburdened
youwithsomuchdebtyou
mayneverworkitoff.”
“Idon’tunderstand...”I
said,“aboutdebt?”
“Hatsumomo’slittletrick
withthatkimonoisgoingto
costyoumoremoneythan
you’veeverimaginedinyour
life.That’swhatImeanabout
debt.”
“But...howwillIpay?”
“Whenyoubeginworking
asageisha,you’llpaythe
okiyabackforit,alongwith
everythingelseyou’llowe—
yourmealsandlessons;if
yougetsick,yourdoctor’s
fees.Youpayallofthat
yourself.Whydoyouthink
Motherspendsallhertimein
herroom,writingnumbersin
thoselittlebooks?Youowe
theokiyaevenforthemoney
itcosttoacquireyou.”
Throughoutmymonthsin
Gion,I’dcertainlyimagined
thatmoneymusthave
changedhandsbeforeSatsu
andIweretakenfromour
home.Ioftenthoughtofthe
conversationI’doverheard
betweenMr.Tanakaandmy
father,andofwhatMrs.
FidgethadsaidaboutSatsu
andmebeing“suitable.”I’d
wonderedwithhorror
whetherMr.Tanakahad
mademoneybyhelpingto
sellus,andhowmuchwehad
cost.ButI’dneverimagined
thatImyselfwouldhaveto
repayit.
“Youwon’tpayitback
untilyou’vebeenageishaa
goodlongtime,”shewenton.
“Andyou’llneverpayitback
ifyouendupafailedgeisha
likeme.Isthatthewayyou
wanttospendyourfuture?”
AtthemomentIdidn’t
muchcarehowIspentmy
future.
“Ifyouwanttoruinyour
lifeinGion,thereareadozen
waystodoit,”Auntiesaid.
“Youcantrytorunaway.
Onceyou’vedonethat,
Motherwillseeyouasabad
investment;she’snotgoingto
putmoremoneyinto
someonewhomight
disappearatanytime.That
wouldmeantheendofyour
lessons,andyoucan’tbea
geishawithouttraining.Or
youcanmakeyourself
unpopularwithyourteachers,
sotheywon’tgiveyouthe
helpyouneed.Oryoucan
growuptobeanuglywoman
likeme.Iwasn’tsuchan
unattractivegirlwhenGranny
boughtmefrommyparents,
butIdidn’tturnoutwell,and
Granny’salwayshatedmefor
it.Onetimeshebeatmeso
badlyforsomethingIdidthat
shebrokeoneofmyhips.
That’swhenIstoppedbeinga
geisha.Andthat’sthereason
I’mgoingtodothejobof
beatingyoumyself,rather
thanlettingGrannygether
handsonyou.”
Sheledmetothewalkway
andmademeliedownonmy
stomachthere.Ididn’tmuch
carewhethershebeatmeor
not;itseemedtomethat
nothingcouldmakemy
situationworse.Everytime
mybodyjoltedunderthe
pole,IwailedasloudlyasI
dared,andpictured
Hatsumomo’slovelyface
smilingdownatme.When
thebeatingwasover,Auntie
leftmecryingthere.SoonI
feltthewalkwaytremble
undersomeone’sfootsteps
andsatuptofindHatsumomo
standingaboveme.
“Chiyo,Iwouldbeeverso
gratefulifyou’dgetoutof
myway.”
“Youpromisedtotellme
whereIcouldfindmysister,
Hatsumomo,”Isaidtoher.
“SoIdid!”Sheleaned
downsothatherfacewas
nearmine.Ithoughtshewas
goingtotellmeIhadn’tdone
enoughyet,thatwhenshe
thoughtofmoreformetodo,
shewouldtellme.Butthis
wasn’tatallwhathappened.
“YoursisterisinajorouyacalledTatsuyo,”shetold
me,“inthedistrictof
Miyagawa-cho,justsouthof
Gion.”
Whenshewasdone
speaking,shegavemealittle
shovewithherfoot,andI
steppeddownoutofherway.
ChapterSeven
I’dneverheardtheword
jorou-yabefore;sothevery
nextevening,whenAuntie
droppedasewingtrayonto
theflooroftheentrancehall
andaskedmyhelpin
cleaningitup,Isaidtoher:
“Auntie,whatisajorouya?”
Auntiedidn’tanswer,but
justwentonreelingupa
spoolofthread.
“Auntie?”Isaidagain.
“It’sthesortofplace
Hatsumomowillendup,if
sheevergetswhatshe
deserves,”shesaid.
Shedidn’tseeminclinedto
saymore,soIhadnochoice
buttoleaveitatthat.
Myquestioncertainly
wasn’tanswered;butIdid
formtheimpressionthat
Satsumightbesufferingeven
morethanIwas.SoIbegan
thinkingabouthowImight
sneaktothisplacecalled
TatsuyotheverynexttimeI
hadanopportunity.
Unfortunately,partofmy
punishmentforruining
Mameha’skimonowas
confinementintheokiyafor
fiftydays.Iwaspermittedto
attendtheschoolaslongas
Pumpkinaccompaniedme;
butIwasnolongerpermitted
torunerrands.IsupposeI
couldhavedashedoutthe
dooratanytime,ifI’d
wantedto,butIknewbetter
thantodosomethingso
foolish.Tobeginwith,I
wasn’tsurehowtofindthe
Tatsuyo.Andwhatwas
worse,themomentIwas
discoveredmissing,Mr.
Bekkuorsomeonewouldbe
senttolookforme.Ayoung
maidhadrunawayfromthe
okiyanextdooronlyafew
monthsearlier,andthey
broughtherbackthe
followingmorning.Theybeat
hersobadlyoverthenext
fewdaysthatherwailingwas
horrible.SometimesIhadto
putmyfingersinmyearsto
shutitout.
IdecidedIhadnochoice
buttowaituntilmyfifty-day
confinementwasover.Inthe
meantime,Iputmyefforts
intofindingwaystorepay
HatsumomoandGrannyfor
theircruelty.HatsumomoI
repaidbyscrapinguppigeon
droppingswheneverIwas
supposedtocleanthemfrom
thestepping-stonesinthe
courtyardandmixingthemin
withherfacecream.The
creamalreadycontained
unguentofnightingale
droppings,asI’vementioned;
somaybeitdidhernoharm,
butitdidgiveme
satisfaction.GrannyIrepaid
bywipingthetoiletrag
aroundontheinsideofher
sleepingrobe;andIwasvery
pleasedtoseehersniffingat
itinpuzzlement,thoughshe
nevertookitoff.SoonI
discoveredthatthecookhad
takenituponherselfto
punishmefurtheroverthe
kimonoincident—even
thoughnoonehadaskedher
to—bycuttingbackonmy
twice-monthlyportionsof
driedfish.Icouldn’tthinkof
howtorepayherforthisuntil
onedayIsawherchasinga
mousedownthecorridorwith
amallet.Shehatedmice
worsethancatsdid,asit
turnedout.SoIsweptmouse
droppingsfromunderthe
foundationofthemainhouse
andscatteredthemhereand
thereinthekitchen.Ieven
tookachopstickonedayand
gougedaholeinthebottom
ofacanvasbagofrice,so
she’dhavetotakeeverything
outofallthecabinetsand
searchforsignsofrodents.
***
OneeveningasIwas
waitingupforHatsumomo,I
heardthetelephonering,and
Yokocameoutamoment
laterandwentupthestairs.
Whenshecamebackdown,
shewasholding
Hatsumomo’sshamisen,
disassembledinitslacquer
carryingcase.
“You’llhavetotakethisto
theMizukiTeahouse,”she
saidtome.“Hatsumomohas
lostabetandhastoplaya
songonashamisen.Idon’t
knowwhat’sgottenintoher,
butshewon’tusetheonethe
teahousehasoffered.Ithink
she’sjuststalling,sinceshe
hasn’ttouchedashamisenin
years.”
Yokoapparentlydidn’t
knowIwasconfinedtothe
okiya,whichwasnosurprise,
really.Shewasrarely
permittedtoleavethemaid’s
roomincasesheshouldmiss
animportanttelephonecall,
andshewasn’tinvolvedin
thelifeoftheokiyainany
way.Itooktheshamisen
fromherwhilesheputonher
kimonoovercoattoleavefor
thenight.Andaftershehad
explainedtomewheretofind
theMizukiTeahouse,I
slippedintomyshoesinthe
entryway,tinglingwith
nervousnessthatsomeone
mightstopme.Themaids
andPumpkin—eventhethree
olderwomen—wereall
asleep,andYokowouldbe
goneinamatterofminutes.It
seemedtomemychanceto
findmysisterhadcomeat
last.
Iheardthunderrumble
overhead,andtheairsmelled
ofrain.SoIhurriedalongthe
streets,pastgroupsofmen
andgeisha.Someofthem
gavemepeculiarlooks,
becauseinthosedayswestill
hadmenandwomeninGion
whomadetheirlivingas
shamisenporters.Theywere
oftenelderly;certainlynone
ofthemwerechildren.It
wouldn’tsurprisemeifsome
ofthepeopleIpassedthought
I’dstolenthatshamisenand
wasrunningawaywithit.
WhenIreachedtheMizuki
Teahouse,rainwasbeginning
tofall;buttheentrancewas
soelegantIwasafraidtoset
footinit.Thewallsbeyond
thelittlecurtainthathungin
thedoorwaywereasoft
orangehue,trimmedindark
wood.Apathofpolished
stoneledtoahugevase
holdinganarrangementof
twistedbranchesfroma
mapletreewiththeirbrilliant
redleavesoffall.AtlengthI
workedupmycourageand
brushedpastthelittlecurtain.
Nearthevase,aspacious
entrywayopenedtooneside,
withafloorofcoarsely
polishedgranite.Iremember
beingastoundedthatallthe
beautyI’dseenwasn’teven
theentrywaytotheteahouse,
butonlythepathleadingto
theentryway.Itwas
exquisitelylovely—asindeed
itshouldhavebeen;because
althoughIdidn’tknowit,I
wasseeingforthefirsttime
oneofthemostexclusive
teahousesinallofJapan.And
ateahouseisn’tfortea,you
see;it’stheplacewheremen
gotobeentertainedby
geisha.
ThemomentIsteppedinto
theentryway,thedoorbefore
merolledopen.Ayoung
maidkneelingontheraised
floorinsidegazeddownat
me;shemusthaveheardmy
woodenshoesonthestone.
Shewasdressedinabeautiful
darkbluekimonowitha
simplepatterningray.Ayear
earlierIwouldhavetakenher
tobetheyoungmistressof
suchanextravagantplace,but
nowaftermymonthsinGion,
Irecognizedatoncethather
kimono—thoughmore
beautifulthananythingin
Yoroido—wasfartoosimple
forageishaorforthe
mistressofateahouse.And
ofcourse,herhairstylewas
plainaswell.Still,shewas
farmoreelegantthanIwas,
andlookeddownatmewith
contempt.
“Gototheback,”shesaid.
“Hatsumomohasasked
that—”
“Gototheback!”shesaid
again,androlledthedoor
shutwithoutwaitingforme
toreply.
Therainwasfallingmore
heavilynow,soIran,rather
thanwalked,downanarrow
alleyalongsidetheteahouse.
Thedooratthebackentrance
rolledopenasIarrived,and
thesamemaidkneltthere
waitingforme.Shedidn’t
sayawordbutjusttookthe
shamisencasefrommyarms.
“Miss,”Isaid,“mayIask?
...Canyoutellmewherethe
Miyagawa-chodistrictis?”
“Whydoyouwanttogo
there?”
“Ihavetopickup
something.”
Shegavemeastrange
look,butthentoldmetowalk
alongtheriveruntilIhad
passedtheMinamizaTheater,
andIwouldfindmyselfin
Miyagawa-cho.
Idecidedtostayunderthe
eavesoftheteahouseuntilthe
rainstopped.AsIstood
lookingaround,Idiscovered
awingofthebuildingvisible
betweentheslatsofthefence
besideme.Iputmyeyetothe
fenceandfoundmyself
lookingacrossabeautiful
gardenatawindowofglass.
Insidealovelytatamiroom,
bathedinorangelight,aparty
ofmenandgeishasataround
atablescatteredwithsake
cupsandglassesofbeer.
Hatsumomowastheretoo,
andableary-eyedoldman
whoseemedtobeinthe
middleofastory.
Hatsumomowasamused
aboutsomething,though
evidentlynotbywhattheold
manwassaying.Shekept
glancingatanothergeisha
withherbacktome.Ifound
myselfrememberingthelast
timeIhadpeeredintoa
teahouse,withMr.Tanaka’s
littledaughter,Kuniko,and
begantofeelthatsamesense
ofheavinessI’dfeltsolong
agoatthegravesofmy
father’sfirstfamily—asifthe
earthwerepullingmedown
towardit.Acertainthought
wasswellinginmyhead,
growinguntilIcouldn’t
ignoreitanylonger.Iwanted
toturnawayfromit;butI
wasaspowerlesstostopthat
thoughtfromtakingovermy
mindasthewindistostop
itselffromblowing.SoI
steppedbackandsankonto
thestonestepofthe
entryway,withthedoor
againstmyback,andbegan
tocry.Icouldn’tstop
thinkingaboutMr.Tanaka.
Hehadtakenmefrommy
motherandfather,soldme
intoslavery,soldmysister
intosomethingevenworse.I
hadtakenhimforakindman.
Ihadthoughthewasso
refined,soworldly.Whata
stupidchildIhadbeen!I
wouldnevergobackto
Yoroido,Idecided.OrifIdid
goback,itwouldonlybeto
tellMr.TanakahowmuchI
hatedhim.
WhenatlastIgottomy
feetandwipedmyeyeson
mywetrobe,therainhad
easedtoamist.Thepaving
stonesinthealleysparkled
goldfromthereflectionofthe
lanterns.Imademywayback
throughtheTominaga-cho
sectionofGiontothe
MinamizaTheater,withits
enormoustiledroofthathad
mademethinkofapalacethe
dayMr.BekkubroughtSatsu
andmefromthetrainstation.
ThemaidattheMizuki
Teahousehadtoldmetowalk
alongtheriverpastthe
Minamiza;buttheroad
runningalongtheriver
stoppedatthetheater.SoI
followedthestreetbehindthe
Minamizainstead.Aftera
fewblocksIfoundmyselfin
anareawithoutstreetlights
andnearlyemptyofpeople.I
didn’tknowitatthetime,but
thestreetswereemptymostly
becauseoftheGreat
Depression;inanyotherera
Miyagawa-chomighthave
beenbusiereventhanGion.
Thateveningitseemedtome
averysadplace—which
indeedIthinkithasalways
been.Thewoodenfacades
lookedlikeGion,butthe
placehadnotrees,nolovely
ShirakawaStream,no
beautifulentryways.Theonly
illuminationcamefrom
lightbulbsintheopen
doorways,whereoldwomen
satonstools,oftenwithtwo
orthreewomenItooktobe
geishaonthestreetbeside
them.Theyworekimonoand
hairornamentssimilarto
geisha,buttheirobiweretied
inthefrontratherthanthe
back.I’dneverseenthis
beforeanddidn’tunderstand
it,butit’sthemarkofa
prostitute.Awomanwho
musttakehersashonandoff
allnightcan’tbebothered
withtyingitbehindheragain
andagain.
Withthehelpofoneof
thesewomen,Ifoundthe
Tatsuyoinadead-endalley
withonlythreeotherhouses.
Allweremarkedwith
placardsneartheirdoors.I
can’tpossiblydescribehowI
feltwhenIsawthesign
lettered“Tatsuyo,”butIwill
saythatmybodyseemedto
tingleeverywhere,somuch
thatIfeltImightexplode.In
thedoorwayoftheTatsuyo
satanoldwomanonastool,
carryingonaconversation
withamuchyoungerwoman
onastoolacrossthealley—
thoughreallyitwastheold
womanwhodidallthe
talking.Shesatleaningback
againstthedoorframewith
hergrayrobesagging
partwayopenandherfeet
stuckoutinapairofzori.
Thesewerezoriwoven
coarselyfromstraw,ofthe
sortyoumighthaveseenin
Yoroido,andnotatalllike
thebeautifullylacqueredzori
Hatsumomoworewithher
kimono.Whatwasmore,this
oldwoman’sfeetwerebare,
ratherthanfittedwiththe
smoothsilktabi.Andyetshe
thrustthemoutwiththeir
unevennailsjustasthough
shewereproudoftheway
theylookedandwantedtobe
sureyounoticedthem.
“Justanotherthreeweeks,
youknow,andI’mnot
comingback,”shewas
saying.“ThemistressthinksI
am,butI’mnot.Myson’s
wifeisgoingtotakegood
careofme,youknow.She’s
notclever,butsheworks
hard.Didn’tyoumeether?”
“IfIdidIdon’t
remember,”theyounger
womanacrossthewaysaid.
“There’salittlegirlwaiting
totalkwithyou.Don’tyou
seeher?”
Atthis,theoldwoman
lookedatmeforthefirst
time.Shedidn’tsayanything,
butshegaveanodofher
headtotellmeshewas
listening.
“Please,ma’am,”Isaid,
“doyouhaveagirlhere
namedSatsu?”
“Wedon’thaveany
Satsu,”shesaid.
Iwastooshockedtoknow
whattosaytothis;butinany
case,theoldwomansuddenly
lookedveryalert,becausea
manwasjustwalkingpastme
towardtheentrance.She
stoodpartwayandgavehim
severalbowswithherhands
onherkneesandtoldhim,
“Welcome!”Whenhe’d
entered,sheputherselfback
downonthestoolandstuck
herfeetoutagain.
“Whyareyoustillhere?”
theoldwomansaidtome.“I
toldyouwedon’thaveany
Satsu.”
“Yes,youdo,”saidthe
youngerwomanacrossthe
way.“YourYukiyo.Her
nameusedtobeSatsu,I
remember.”
“That’sasmaybe,”replied
theoldwoman.“Butwe
don’thaveanySatsuforthis
girl.Idon’tgetmyselfinto
troublefornothing.”
Ididn’tknowwhatshe
meantbythis,untilthe
youngerwomanmutteredthat
Ididn’tlookasifIhadevena
singlesenonme.Andshe
wasquiteright.Asen—
whichwasworthonlyone
hundredthofayen—wasstill
commonlyusedinthosedays,
thoughasingleonewouldn’t
buyevenanemptycupfrom
avendor.I’dneverhelda
coinofanykindinmyhand
sincecomingtoKyoto.When
runningerrands,Iaskedthat
thegoodsbechargedtothe
Nittaokiya.
“Ifit’smoneyyouwant,”I
said,“Satsuwillpayyou.”
“Whyshouldshepayto
speaktothelikesofyou?”
“I’mherlittlesister.”
Shebeckonedmewithher
hand;andwhenInearedher,
shetookmebythearmsand
spunmearound.
“Lookatthisgirl,”shesaid
tothewomanacrossthe
alley.“Doesshelooklikea
littlesistertoYukiyo?Ifour
Yukiyowasasprettyasthis
one,we’dbethebusiest
houseintown!You’realiar,
iswhatyouare.”Andwith
this,shegavemealittle
shovebackoutintothealley.
I’lladmitIwasfrightened.
ButIwasmoredetermined
thanfrightened,andI’d
alreadycomethisfar;I
certainlywasn’tgoingto
leavejustbecausethis
womandidn’tbelieveme.So
Iturnedmyselfaroundand
gaveherabow,andsaidto
her,“IapologizeifIseemto
bealiar,ma’am.ButI’mnot.
Yukiyoismysister.Ifyou’d
bekindenoughtotellher
Chiyoishere,she’llpayyou
whatyouwant.”
Thismusthavebeenthe
rightthingtosay,becauseat
lastsheturnedtotheyounger
womanacrossthealley.“You
goupforme.You’renot
busytonight.Besides,my
neckisbotheringme.I’llstay
hereandkeepaneyeonthis
girl.”
Theyoungerwomanstood
upfromherstoolandwalked
acrossintotheTatsuyo.I
heardherclimbingthestairs
inside.Finallyshecameback
downandsaid:
“Yukiyohasacustomer.
Whenhe’sdone,someone
willtellhertocomedown.”
Theoldwomansentme
intotheshadowsonthefar
sideofthedoortosquat
whereIcouldn’tbeseen.I
don’tknowhowmuchtime
passed,butIgrewmoreand
moreworriedthatsomeonein
theokiyamightdiscoverme
gone.Ihadanexcusefor
leaving,thoughMother
wouldbeangrywithmejust
thesame;butIdidn’thavean
excuseforstayingaway.
Finallyamancameout,
pickingathisteethwitha
toothpick.Theoldwoman
stoodtobowandthankedhim
forcoming.AndthenIheard
themostpleasingsoundI’d
heardsincecomingtoKyoto.
“Youwantedme,ma’am?”
ItwasSatsu’svoice.
Isprangtomyfeetand
rushedtowhereshestoodin
thedoorway.Herskinlooked
pale,almostgray—though
perhapsitwasonlybecause
sheworeakimonoofgarish
yellowsandreds.Andher
mouthwaspaintedwitha
brightlipsticklikethekind
Motherwore.Shewasjust
tyinghersashinthefront,
likethewomenI’dseenon
mywaythere.Ifeltsuch
reliefatseeingher,andsuch
excitement,Icouldhardly
keepfromrushingintoher
arms;andSatsutooletouta
cryandcoveredherhand
withhermouth.
“Themistresswillbeangry
withme,”theoldwoman
said.
“I’llcomerightback,”
Satsutoldher,and
disappearedinsidethe
Tatsuyoagain.Amomentor
solatershewasback,and
droppedseveralcoinsintothe
woman’shand,whotoldher
totakemeintothespare
roomonthefirstfloor.
“Andifyouhearme
cough,”sheadded,“itmeans
themistressiscoming.Now
hurryup.”
IfollowedSatsuintothe
gloomyentrancehallofthe
Tatsuyo.Itslightwasbrown
morethanyellow,andtheair
smelledlikesweat.Beneath
thestaircasewasasliding
doorthathadcomeoffits
track.Satsutuggeditopen,
andwithdifficultymanaged
toshutitbehindus.Wewere
standinginatinytatamiroom
withonlyonewindow,
coveredbyapaperscreen.
Thelightfromoutdoorswas
enoughformetoseeSatsu’s
form,butnothingofher
features.
“Oh,Chiyo,”shesaid,and
thenshereacheduptoscratch
herface.Oratleast,Ithought
shewasscratchingherface,
forIcouldn’tseewell.Ittook
meamomenttounderstand
shewascrying.AfterthisI
coulddonothingtoholdback
myowntears.
“I’msosorry,Satsu!”I
toldher.“It’sallmyfault.”
Somehoworotherwe
stumbledtowardeachother
inthedarkuntilwewere
hugging.IfoundthatallI
couldthinkaboutwashow
bonyshe’dgrown.She
strokedmyhairinawaythat
mademethinkofmymother,
whichcausedmyeyestowell
upsomuchImightaswell
havebeenunderwater.
“Quiet,Chiyo-chan,”she
whisperedtome.Withher
facesoclosetomine,her
breathhadapungentodor
whenshespoke.“I’llgeta
beatingifthemistressfinds
outyouwerehere.Whydidit
takeyousolong!”
“Oh,Satsu,I’msosorry!I
knowyoucametomyokiya.
..”
“Monthsago.”
“Thewomanyouspoke
withthereisamonster.She
wouldn’tgivemethe
messageforthelongest
time.”
“Ihavetorunaway,Chiyo.
Ican’tstayhereinthisplace
anylonger.”
“I’llcomewithyou!”
“Ihaveatrainschedule
hiddenunderthetatamimats
upstairs.I’vebeenstealing
moneywheneverIcan.Ihave
enoughtopayoffMrs.
Kishino.Shegetsbeaten
wheneveragirlescapes.She
won’tletmegounlessIpay
herfirst.”
“Mrs.Kishino...whois
she?”
“Theoldladyatthefront
door.She’sgoingaway.I
don’tknowwhowilltakeher
place.Ican’twaitanylonger!
Thisisahorriblespot.Never
endupanywherelikethis,
Chiyo!You’dbettergonow.
Themistressmaybehereat
anymoment.”
“Butwait.Whendowerun
away?”
“Waitinthecornerthere,
anddon’tsayaword.Ihave
togoupstairs.”
Ididasshetoldme.While
shewasgoneIheardtheold
womanatthefrontdoorgreet
aman,andthenhisheavy
footstepsascendedthestairs
overmyhead.Soonsomeone
camedownagainhurriedly,
andthedoorslidopen.Ifelt
panickedforamoment,butit
wasonlySatsu,lookingvery
pale.
“Tuesday.We’llrunaway
Tuesdaylateatnight,five
daysfromnow.Ihavetogo
upstairs,Chiyo.Amanhas
comeforme.”
“Butwait,Satsu.Where
willwemeet?Whattime?”
“Idon’tknow...onein
themorning.ButIdon’t
knowwhere.”
Isuggestedwemeetnear
theMinamizaTheater,but
Satsuthoughtitwouldbetoo
easyforpeopletofindus.We
agreedtomeetataspot
exactlyacrosstheriverfrom
it.
“Ihavetogonow,”she
said.
“But,Satsu...whatifI
can’tgetaway?Orwhatifwe
don’tmeetup?”
“Justbethere,Chiyo!I’ll
onlyhaveonechance.I’ve
waitedaslongasIcan.You
havetogonowbeforethe
mistresscomesback.Ifshe
catchesyouhere,Imaynever
beabletorunaway.”
Thereweresomanythings
Iwantedtosaytoher,butshe
tookmeoutintothehallway
andwrenchedthedoorshut
behindus.Iwouldhave
watchedhergoupthestairs,
butinamomenttheold
womanfromthedoorwayhad
takenmebythearmand
pulledmeoutintothe
darknessofthestreet.
***
IranbackfromMiyagawachoandwasrelievedtofind
theokiyaasquietasI’dleft
it.Icreptinsideandkneltin
thedimlightoftheentrance
hall,dabbingthesweatfrom
myforeheadandneckwith
thesleeveofmyrobeand
tryingtocatchmybreath.I
wasjustbeginningtosettle
down,nowthatI’dsucceeded
innotgettingcaught.But
thenIlookedatthedoorto
themaids’roomandsawthat
itstoodopenabit,justwide
enoughtoreachanarm
through,andIfeltmyselfgo
cold.Nooneeverleftitthat
way.Exceptinhotweatherit
wasusuallyclosedallthe
way.NowasIwatchedit,I
feltcertainIheardarustling
soundfromwithin.Ihopedit
wasarat;becauseifitwasn’t
arat,itwasHatsumomoand
herboyfriendagain.Ibegan
towishIhadn’tgoneto
Miyagawa-cho.Iwisheditso
hardthatifsuchathinghad
beenpossible,Ithinktime
itselfwouldhavebegunto
runbackwardjustfromthe
forceofallmywishing.Igot
tomyfeetandcreptdown
ontothedirtcorridor,feeling
dizzyfromworry,andwith
mythroatasdryasapatchof
dustyground.WhenIreached
thedoorofthemaids’room,I
broughtmyeyetothecrack
topeerinside.Icouldn’tsee
well.Becauseofthedamp
weather,Yokohadlit
charcoalearlierthatevening
inthebraziersetintothe
floor;onlyafaintglow
remained,andinthatdim
light,somethingsmalland
palewassquirming.Ialmost
letoutascreamwhenIsaw
it,becauseIwassureitwasa
rat,withitsheadbobbing
aroundasitchewedat
something.TomyhorrorI
couldevenhearthemoist,
smackingsoundsofits
mouth.Itseemedtobe
standingupontopof
something,Icouldn’ttell
what.Stretchingouttoward
meweretwobundlesofwhat
Ithoughtwereprobably
rolled-upfabric,whichgave
metheimpressionithad
cheweditswayupbetween
them,spreadingthemapartas
itwent.Itwaseating
somethingYokomusthave
leftthereintheroom.Iwas
justabouttoshutthedoor,for
Iwasfrighteneditmightrun
outintothecorridorwithme,
whenIheardawoman’s
moan.Thensuddenlyfrom
beyondwheretheratwas
chewing,aheadraisedupand
Hatsumomowaslooking
straightatme.Ijumpedback
fromthedoor.WhatI’d
thoughtwerebundlesof
rolled-upfabricwereherlegs.
Andtheratwasn’taratatall.
Itwasherboyfriend’spale
handprotrudingfromhis
sleeve.
“Whatisit?”Iheardher
boyfriend’svoicesay.“Is
someonethere?”
“It’snothing,”Hatsumomo
whispered.
“Someone’sthere.”
“No,it’snooneatall,”she
said.“IthoughtIheard
something,butit’snoone.”
Therewasnoquestionin
mymindHatsumomohad
seenme.Butsheapparently
didn’twantherboyfriendto
know.Ihurriedbacktokneel
inthehallway,feelingas
shakenasifI’dalmostbeen
runoverbyatrolley.Iheard
groansandnoisescoming
fromthemaids’roomfor
sometime,andthenthey
stopped.WhenHatsumomo
andherboyfriendfinally
steppedoutintothecorridor,
herboyfriendlookedrightat
me.
“Thatgirl’sinthefront
hall,”hesaid.“Shewasn’t
therewhenIcamein.”
“Oh,don’tpayherany
attention.Shewasabadgirl
tonightandwentoutofthe
okiyawhenshewasn’t
supposedto.I’lldealwithher
later.”
“Sotherewassomeone
spyingonus.Whydidyoulie
tome?”
“Koichi-san,”shesaid,
“you’reinsuchabadmood
tonight!”
“Youaren’ttheleast
surprisedtoseeher.You
knewshewasthereall
along.”
Hatsumomo’sboyfriend
camestridinguptothefront
entrancehallandstoppedto
gloweratmebeforestepping
downintotheentryway.I
keptmyeyestothefloor,but
Icouldfeelmyselfblusha
brilliantred.Hatsumomo
rushedpastmetohelphim
withhisshoes.Iheardher
speaktohimasI’dnever
heardherspeaktoanyone
before,inapleading,almost
whiningvoice.
“Koichi-san,please,”she
said,“calmdown.Idon’t
knowwhat’sgottenintoyou
tonight!Comeagain
tomorrow...”
“Idon’twanttoseeyou
tomorrow.”
“Ihatewhenyoumakeme
waitsolong.I’llmeetyou
anywhereyousay,onthe
bottomoftheriverbed,even.”
“Idon’thaveanywhereto
meetyou.Mywifewatches
overmetoomuchasitis.”
“Thencomebackhere.We
havethemaids’room—”
“Yes,ifyoulikesneaking
aroundandbeingspiedon!
Justletmego,Hatsumomo.I
wanttogethome.”
“Pleasedon’tbeangry
withme,Koichi-san.Idon’t
knowwhyyougetthisway!
Tellmeyou’llcomeback,
evenifitisn’ttomorrow.”
“OnedayIwon’tcome
back,”hesaid.“I’vetoldyou
thatallalong.”
Iheardtheoutsidedoor
rollopen,andthenitclosed
again;afteratime
Hatsumomocamebackinto
thefrontentrancehalland
stoodpeeringdownthe
corridoratnothing.Finally
sheturnedtomeandwiped
themoisturefromhereyes.
“Well,littleChiyo,”she
said.“Youwenttovisitthat
uglysisterofyours,didn’t
you?”
“Please,Hatsumomo-san,”
Isaid.
“Andthenyoucameback
heretospyonme!”
Hatsumomosaidthisso
loudly,shewokeoneofthe
elderlymaids,whopropped
herselfonherelbowtolook
atus.Hatsumomoshoutedat
her,“Gobacktosleep,you
stupidoldwoman!”andthe
maidshookherheadandlay
backdownagain.
“Hatsumomo-san,I’lldo
whateveryouwantmetodo,”
Isaid.“Idon’twanttogetin
troublewithMother.”
“Ofcourseyou’lldo
whateverIwantyoutodo.
Thatisn’tevenasubjectfor
discussion!Andyou’re
alreadyintrouble.”
“Ihadtogoouttodeliver
yourshamisen.”
“Thatwasmorethanan
hourago.Youwenttofind
yoursister,andyoumade
planstorunawaywithher.
DoyouthinkI’mstupid?And
thenyoucamebackhereto
spyonme!”
“Pleaseforgiveme,”Isaid.
“Ididn’tknowitwasyou
there!Ithoughtitwas—”
IwantedtotellherI’d
thoughtI’dseenarat,butI
didn’tthinkshe’dtakeit
kindly.
Shepeeredatmeforatime
andthenwentupstairstoher
room.Whenshecameback
down,shewasholding
somethinginherfist.
“Youwanttorunaway
withyoursister,don’tyou?”
shesaid.“Ithinkthat’safine
idea.Thesooneryou’reout
oftheokiya,thebetterfor
me.SomepeoplethinkI
don’thaveaheart,butitisn’t
true.It’stouchingtoimagine
youandthatfatcowgoing
offtotrytomakealiving
someplace,allaloneinthe
world!Thesooneryou’reout
ofhere,thebetterforme.
Standup.”
Istood,thoughIwasafraid
ofwhatshewasgoingtodo
tome.Whatevershewas
holdinginherfistshewanted
totuckbeneaththesashof
myrobe;butwhenshe
steppedtowardme,Ibacked
away.
“Look,”shesaid,and
openedherhand.Shewas
holdinganumberoffolded
bills—moremoneythanI’d
everseen,thoughIdon’t
knowhowmuch.“I’ve
broughtthisfrommyroom
foryou.Youdon’tneedto
thankme.Justtakeit.You’ll
repaymebygettingyourself
outofKyotosoI’llnever
havetoseeyouagain.”
Auntiehadtoldmenever
totrustHatsumomo,evenif
sheofferedtohelpme.But
whenIremindedmyselfhow
muchHatsumomohatedme,I
understoodthatshewasn’t
reallyhelpingmeatall;she
washelpingherselftoberid
ofme.Istoodstillasshe
reachedintomyrobeand
tuckedthebillsundermy
sash.Ifeltherglassynails
brushingagainstmyskin.She
spunmearoundtoretiethe
sashsothemoneywouldn’t
slip,andthenshedidthe
strangestthing.Sheturned
mearoundtofaceheragain,
andbegantostroketheside
ofmyheadwithherhand,
wearinganalmostmotherly
gaze.Theveryideaof
Hatsumomobehavingkindly
towardmewassoodd,Ifelt
asifapoisonoussnakehad
comeupandbeguntorub
againstmelikeacat.Then
beforeIknewwhatshewas
doing,sheworkedherfingers
downtomyscalp;andallat
oncesheclenchedherteethin
furyandtookagreathandful
ofmyhair,andyankeditto
onesidesohardIfelltomy
kneesandcriedout.I
couldn’tunderstandwhatwas
happening;butsoon
Hatsumomohadpulledmeto
myfeetagain,andbegan
leadingmeupthestairs
yankingmyhairthiswayand
that.Shewasshoutingatme
inanger,whileIscreamedso
loudlyIwouldn’thavebeen
surprisedifwe’dwoken
peopleallupanddownthe
street.
Whenwereachedthetop
ofthestairs,Hatsumomo
bangedonMother’sdoorand
calledoutforher.Mother
openeditveryquickly,tying
hersasharoundhermiddle
andlookingangry.
“Whatisthematterwith
thetwoofyou!”shesaid.
“Myjewelry!”Hatsumomo
said.“Thisstupid,stupid
girl!”Andhereshebeganto
beatme.Icoulddonothing
buthuddleintoaballonthe
floorandcryoutforherto
stopuntilMothermanagedto
restrainhersomehow.Bythat
timeAuntiehadcometojoin
heronthelanding.
“Oh,Mother,”Hatsumomo
said,“onmywaybacktothe
okiyathisevening,IthoughtI
sawlittleChiyoattheendof
thealleywaytalkingtoaman.
Ididn’tthinkanythingofit,
becauseIknewitcouldn’tbe
her.Sheisn’tsupposedtobe
outoftheokiyaatall.But
whenIwentuptomyroom,I
foundmyjewelryboxin
disarray,andrushedback
downjustintimetosee
Chiyohandingsomething
overtotheman.Shetriedto
runaway,butIcaughther!”
Motherwasperfectlysilent
alongwhile,lookingatme.
“Themangotaway,”
Hatsumomowenton,“butI
thinkChiyomayhavesold
someofmyjewelrytoraise
money.She’splanningtorun
awayfromtheokiya,Mother,
that’swhatIthink...after
we’vebeensokindtoher!”
“Allright,Hatsumomo,”
Mothersaid.“That’squite
enough.YouandAuntiego
intoyourroomandfindout
what’smissing.”
ThemomentIwasalone
withMother,Ilookedupat
herfromwhereIkneltonthe
floorandwhispered,
“Mother,itisn’ttrue...
Hatsumomowasinthe
maids’roomwithher
boyfriend.She’sangryabout
something,andshe’stakingit
outonme.Ididn’ttake
anythingfromher!”
Motherdidn’tspeak.I
wasn’tevensureshe’dheard
me.SoonHatsumomocame
outandsaidshewasmissing
abroochusedfordecorating
thefrontofanobi.
“Myemeraldbrooch,
Mother!”shekeptsaying,and
cryingjustlikeafineactress.
“She’ssoldmyemerald
broochtothathorribleman!
Itwasmybrooch!Whodoes
shethinksheistostealsucha
thingfromme!”
“Searchthegirl,”Mother
said.
OncewhenIwasalittle
childofsixorso,Iwatcheda
spiderspinningitswebina
cornerofthehouse.Before
thespiderhadevenfinished
itsjob,amosquitoflewright
intothewebandwastrapped
there.Thespiderdidn’tpayit
anyattentionatfirst,butwent
onwithwhatitwasdoing;
onlywhenitwasfinisheddid
itcreepoveronitspointy
toesandstingthatpoor
mosquitotodeath.AsIsat
thereonthatwoodenfloor
andwatchedHatsumomo
comereachingformewith
herdelicatefingers,IknewI
wastrappedinawebshehad
spunforme.Icoulddo
nothingtoexplainthecashI
wascarryingbeneathmy
sash.Whenshedrewitout,
Mothertookitfromherand
countedit.
“You’reafooltosellan
emeraldbroochforsolittle,”
shesaidtome.“Particularly
sinceitwillcostyouagood
dealmoretoreplaceit.”
Shetuckedthemoneyinto
herownsleepingrobe,and
thensaidtoHatsumomo:
“Youhadaboyfriendhere
intheokiyatonight.”
Hatsumomowastaken
abackbythis;butshedidn’t
hesitatetoreply,“Whatever
gaveyousuchanidea,
Mother?”
Therewasalongpause,
andthenMothersaidto
Auntie,“Holdherarms.”
AuntietookHatsumomo
bythearmsandheldherfrom
behind,whileMotherbegan
topullopentheseamsof
Hatsumomo’skimonoatthe
thigh.IthoughtHatsumomo
wouldresist,butshedidn’t.
Shelookedatmewithcold
eyesasMothergatheredup
thekoshimakiandpushedher
kneesapart.ThenMother
reachedupbetweenherlegs,
andwhenherhandcameout
againherfingertipswerewet.
Sherubbedherthumband
fingerstogetherforatime,
andthensmelledthem.After
thisshedrewbackherhand
andslappedHatsumomo
acrosstheface,leavinga
streakofmoisture.
ChapterEight
Hatsumomowasn’tthe
onlyoneangryatmethe
followingday,because
Motherorderedthatallthe
maidsbedeniedservingsof
driedfishforsixweeksas
punishmentforhaving
toleratedHatsumomo’s
boyfriendintheokiya.Idon’t
thinkthemaidscouldhave
beenmoreupsetwithmeif
I’dactuallystolenthefood
fromtheirbowlswithmy
ownhands;andasfor
Pumpkin,shebegantocry
whenshefoundoutwhat
Motherhadordered.Butto
tellthetruth,Ididn’tfeelas
uneasyasyoumightimagine
tohaveeveryoneglowering
atme,andtohavethecostof
anobibroochI’dneverseen
oreventouchedaddedtomy
debts.Anythingthatmade
lifemoredifficultformeonly
strengthenedmy
determinationtorunaway.
Idon’tthinkMotherreally
believedI’dstolentheobi
brooch,thoughshewas
certainlycontenttobuyanew
oneatmyexpenseifitwould
keepHatsumomohappy.But
shehadnodoubtsatallthat
I’dlefttheokiyawhenI
shouldn’thave,becauseYoko
confirmedit.Ifeltalmostas
thoughmylifeitselfwere
slippingawayfrommewhen
IlearnedthatMotherhad
orderedthefrontdoorlocked
topreventmefromgoingout
again.HowwouldIescape
fromtheokiyanow?Only
Auntiehadakey,andshe
keptitaroundherneckeven
whileshewassleeping.Asan
extrameasure,thejobof
sittingbythedoorinthe
eveningswastakenaway
frommeandgivento
Pumpkininstead,whohadto
wakeAuntietohavethedoor
unlockedwhenHatsumomo
camehome.
EverynightIlayonmy
futonscheming;butaslateas
Monday,theverydaybefore
SatsuandIhadarrangedto
runaway,I’dcomeupwith
noplanformyescape.Igrew
sodespondentIhadno
energyatallformychores,
andthemaidschidedmefor
draggingmyclothalongthe
woodworkIwassupposedto
bepolishing,andpullinga
broomalongthecorridorI
wassupposedtobesweeping.
IspentalongwhileMonday
afternoonpretendingtoweed
thecourtyardwhilereally
onlysquattingonthestones
andbrooding.Thenoneof
themaidsgavemethejobof
washingthewoodfloorinthe
maids’room,whereYoko
wasseatednearthe
telephone,andsomething
extraordinaryhappened.I
squeezedaragfullofwater
ontothefloor,butinsteadof
snakingalongtowardthe
doorwayasIwouldhave
expected,itrantowardoneof
thebackcornersoftheroom.
“Yoko,look,”Isaid.“The
water’srunninguphill.”
Ofcourseitwasn’treally
uphill.Itonlylookedthat
waytome.Iwassostartled
bythisthatIsqueezedmore
waterandwatcheditruninto
thecorneragain.Andthen..
.well,Ican’tsayexactlyhow
ithappened;butIpictured
myselfflowingupthestairs
tothesecond-floorlanding,
andfromthereuptheladder,
throughthetrapdoor,and
ontotheroofbesidethe
gravity-feedtank.
Theroof!Iwasso
astonishedatthethought,I
forgotmysurroundings
completely;andwhenthe
telephonenearYokorang,I
almostcriedoutinalarm.I
wasn’tsurewhatIwoulddo
onceIreachedtheroof,butif
Icouldsucceedinfindingmy
waydownfromthere,Imight
meetSatsuafterall.
***
ThefollowingeveningI
madeagreatshowof
yawningwhenIwenttobed
andthrewmyselfontomy
futonasthoughIwereasack
ofrice.Anyonewatchingme
wouldhavethoughtIwas
asleepwithinamoment,but
actuallyIcouldhardlyhave
beenmoreawake.Ilayfora
longwhilethinkingofmy
houseandwonderingwhat
expressionwouldformitself
onmyfather’sfacewhenhe
lookedupfromthetableto
seemestandinginthe
doorway.Probablythe
pocketsathiseyeswould
droopdownandhewould
starttocry,orelsehismouth
wouldtakeonthatoddshape
thatwashiswayofsmiling.I
didn’tallowmyselftopicture
mymotherquitesovividly;
justthethoughtofseeingher
againwasenoughtobring
tearstomyeyes.
Atlengththemaidssettled
downontotheirfutonsbeside
meonthefloor,andPumpkin
tookupherpositionwaiting
forHatsumomo.Ilistenedto
Grannychantingsutras,
whichshedideverynight
beforegoingtobed.ThenI
watchedherthroughthe
partlyopeneddoorasshe
stoodbesideherfutonand
changedintohersleeping
robe.Iwashorrifiedbywhat
Isawwhenherrobeslipped
fromhershoulders,forI’d
neverseenhercompletely
nakedbefore.Itwasn’tjust
thechickenlikeskinofher
neckandshoulders;herbody
mademethinkofapileof
wrinkledclothing.Shelooked
strangelypitifultomewhile
shefumbledtounfoldthe
sleepingrobeshe’dpickedup
fromthetable.Everything
droopedfromher,evenher
protrudingnipplesthathung
likefingertips.ThemoreI
watchedher,themoreIcame
tofeelthatshemustbe
strugglinginthatcloudy,old
lady’smindofherswith
thoughtsofherownmother
andfather—whohad
probablysoldherintoslavery
whenshewasalittlegirl—
justasIhadbeenstruggling
withthoughtsofmyown
parents.Perhapsshehadlost
asistertoo.I’dcertainly
neverthoughtofGrannyin
thiswaybefore.Ifound
myselfwonderingifshe’d
startedlifemuchasIhad.It
madenodifferencethatshe
wasameanoldwomanandI
wasjustastrugglinglittle
girl.Couldn’tthewrongsort
oflivingturnanyonemean?I
rememberedverywellthat
onedaybackinYoroido,a
boypushedmeintoathorn
bushnearthepond.Bythe
timeIclawedmywayoutI
wasmadenoughtobite
throughwood.Ifafew
minutesofsufferingcould
makemesoangry,what
wouldyearsofitdo?Even
stonecanbeworndownwith
enoughrain.
IfIhadn’talreadyresolved
torunaway,I’msureIwould
havebeenterrifiedtothinkof
thesufferingthatprobably
layinwaitformeinGion.
Surelyitwouldmakemeinto
thesortofoldwomanGranny
hadbecome.ButIcomforted
myselfwiththethoughtthat
bythefollowingdayIcould
beginforgettingevenmy
memoriesofGion.Ialready
knewhowIwouldreachthe
roof;astohowIwouldclimb
fromtheretothestreet...
well,Iwasn’tatallsure.I
wouldhavenochoicebutto
takemychancesinthedark.
EvenifIdidmakeitdown
withouthurtingmyself,
reachingthestreetwouldbe
onlythebeginningofmy
troubles.Howevermuchlife
inGionwasastruggle,life
afterrunningawaywould
surelybemoreofastruggle.
Theworldwassimplytoo
cruel;howcouldIsurvive?I
layonmyfutoninanguish
forawhile,wonderingifI
reallyhadthestrengthtodoit
...butSatsuwouldbe
waitingforme.Shewould
knowwhattodo.
Quitesometimepassed
beforeGrannysettleddown
inherroom.Bythenthe
maidsweresnoringloudly.I
pretendedtoturnoveronmy
futoninordertosteala
glanceatPumpkin,kneeling
onthefloornotfaraway.I
couldn’tseeherfacewell,but
Ihadtheimpressionshewas
growingdrowsy.Originally
I’dplannedtowaituntilshe
fellasleep,butIhadnoidea
ofthetimeanylonger;and
besides,Hatsumomomight
comehomeatanymoment.I
satupasquietlyasIcould,
thinkingthatifanyone
noticedmeIwouldsimplygo
tothetoiletandcomeback
again.Butnoonepaidme
anyattention.Arobeforme
towearonthefollowing
morninglayfoldedonthe
floornearby.Itookitinmy
armsandwentstraightforthe
stairwell.
OutsideMother’sdoor,I
stoodlisteningforawhile.
Shedidn’tusuallysnore,soI
couldn’tjudgeanythingfrom
thesilence,exceptthatshe
wasn’ttalkingonthe
telephoneormakingany
othersortofnoise.Actually,
herroomwasn’tcompletely
silentbecauseherlittledog,
Taku,waswheezinginhis
sleep.ThelongerIlistened,
themorehiswheezing
soundedlikesomeonesaying
myname:“CHI-yo!CHI-
yo!”Iwasn’tpreparedto
sneakoutoftheokiyauntil
I’dsatisfiedmyselfMother
wasasleep,soIdecidedto
slidethedooropenandhave
alook.Ifshewasawake,I
wouldsimplysayIthought
someonehadcalledme.Like
Granny,Mothersleptwiththe
lamponhertableilluminated;
sowhenIopenedthedoora
crackandpeeredin,Icould
seetheparchedbottomsof
herfeetstickingoutofthe
sheets.Takulaybetweenher
feetwithhischestrisingand
falling,makingthatwheezy
noisethatsoundedsomuch
likemyname.
Ishutherdooragainand
changedmyclothesinthe
upstairshallway.Theonly
thingIlackednowwasshoes
—andIneverconsidered
runningawaywithoutthem,
whichoughttogiveyousome
ideahowmuchI’dchanged
sincethesummer.IfPumpkin
hadn’tbeenkneelinginthe
frontentrancehall,Iwould
havetakenapairofthe
woodenshoesusedfor
walkingalongthedirt
corridor.InsteadItookthe
shoesreservedforuseinthe
upstairstoilet.Theywereofa
verypoorquality,witha
singleleatherthongacross
thetoptoholdtheminplace
onthefoot.Tomakematters
worse,theyweremuchtoo
bigforme;butIhadnoother
option.
Afterclosingthetrapdoor
silentlybehindme,Istuffed
mysleepingrobeunderthe
gravity-feedtankand
managedtoclimbupand
straddlemylegsoverthe
ridgeoftheroof.Iwon’t
pretendIwasn’tfrightened;
thevoicesofpeopleonthe
streetcertainlyseemedalong
waybelowme.ButIhadno
timetowastebeingafraid,for
itseemedtomethatatany
momentoneofthemaids,or
evenAuntieorMother,might
popupthroughthetrapdoor
lookingforme.Iputthe
shoesontomyhandstokeep
fromdroppingthemand
beganscootingmywayalong
theridge,whichprovedtobe
moredifficultthanI’d
imagined.Therooftileswere
sothicktheymadealmosta
smallstepwherethey
overlapped,andtheyclanked
againstoneanotherwhenI
shiftedmyweightunlessI
movedveryslowly.Every
noiseImadeechoedoffthe
roofsnearby.
Itookseveralminutesto
crossjusttotheothersideof
ourokiya.Theroofofthe
buildingnextdoorwasastep
lowerthanours.Iclimbed
downontoitandstoppeda
momenttolookforapathto
thestreet;butdespitethe
moonlight,Icouldseeonlya
sheetofblackness.Theroof
wasmuchtoohighandsteep
formetoconsidersliding
downitonagamble.Iwasn’t
atallsurethenextroofwould
bebetter;andIbegantofeel
abitpanicky.ButIcontinued
alongfromridgetoridge
untilIfoundmyself,nearthe
endoftheblock,looking
downononesideintoan
opencourtyard.IfIcould
makemywaytothegutter,I
couldscootaroundituntilI
cametowhatIthoughtwas
probablyabathshed.From
thetopofthebathshed,I
couldclimbdownintothe
courtyardeasily.
Ididn’trelishthethought
ofdroppingintothemiddleof
someoneelse’shouse.Ihad
nodoubtitwasanokiya;all
thehousesalongourblock
were.Inalllikelihood
someonewouldbewaitingat
thefrontdoorforthegeisha
toreturn,andwouldgrabme
bythearmasItriedtorun
out.Andwhatifthefront
doorwaslockedjustasours
was?Iwouldn’tevenhave
consideredthisrouteifI’d
hadanyotherchoice.ButI
thoughtthepathdownlooked
saferthananythingI’dseen
yet.
Isatontheridgealong
whilelisteningforanyclues
fromthecourtyardbelow.All
Icouldhearwaslaughterand
conversationfromthestreet.I
hadnoideawhatIwouldfind
inthecourtyardwhenI
droppedin,butIdecidedI’d
bettermakemymovebefore
someoneinmyokiya
discoveredmegone.IfI’d
hadanyideaofthedamageI
wasabouttodotomyfuture,
Iwouldhavespunaroundon
thatridgeasfastasIcould
haveandscootedrightback
whereI’dcomefrom.ButI
knewnothingofwhatwasat
stake.Iwasjustachildwho
thoughtshewasembarking
onagreatadventure.
Iswungmylegover,so
thatinamomentIwas
danglingalongtheslopeof
theroof,justbarelyclinging
totheridge.Irealizedwith
somepanicthatitwasmuch
steeperthanI’dthoughtit
wouldbe.Itriedtoscamper
backup,butIcouldn’tdoit.
Withthetoiletshoesonmy
hands,Icouldn’tgrabonto
theridgeoftheroofatall,but
onlyhookmywristsoverit.I
knewIhadcommitted
myself,forIwouldnever
managetoclimbbackup
again;butitseemedtome
thattheverymomentIletgo,
Iwouldslidedownthatroof
outofcontrol.Mymindwas
racingwiththesethoughts,
butbeforeI’dmadethe
decisiontoletgooftheridge,
itletgoofme.AtfirstI
glideddownmoreslowly
thanIwouldhaveexpected,
whichgavemesomehopeI
mightstopmyselffarther
down,wheretheroofcurved
outwardtoformtheeaves.
Butthenmyfootdislodged
oneoftherooftiles,which
sliddownwithaclattering
noiseandshatteredinthe
courtyardbelow.Thenext
thingIknew,Ilostmygrip
ononeofthetoiletshoesand
itslidrightpastme.Iheard
thequietplopasitlanded
below,andthenamuch
worsesound—thesoundof
footstepscomingdowna
woodenwalkwaytowardthe
courtyard.
ManytimesIhadseenthe
wayfliesstoodonawallor
ceilingjustasiftheywereon
levelground.Whetherthey
diditbyhavingstickyfeet,or
bynotweighingverymuch,I
hadnoidea,butwhenIheard
thesoundofsomeone
walkingbelow,Idecidedthat
whateverIdidIwouldfinda
wayofstickingtothatroof
justasaflymightdo,andI
wouldfinditrightaway.
OtherwiseIwasgoingtoend
upsprawledinthatcourtyard
inanotherfewseconds.I
trieddiggingmytoesintothe
roof,andthenmyelbowsand
knees.Asafinalactof
desperationIdidthemost
foolishthingofall—Islipped
theshoefrommyotherhand
andtriedtostopmyselfby
pressingmytwopalms
againsttherooftiles.My
palmsmusthavebeen
drippingwithsweat,because
insteadofslowingdownI
begantopickupspeedthe
momentItouchedthemtothe
roof.Iheardmyselfskidding
withahissingsound;and
thensuddenlytheroofwasno
longerthere.
ForamomentIheard
nothing;onlyafrightening,
emptysilence.AsIfell
throughtheairIhadtimeto
formonethoughtclearlyin
mymind:Ipicturedawoman
steppingintothecourtyard,
lookingdowntoseethe
shatteredtileontheground,
andthenlookinguptoward
theroofintimetoseemefall
outoftheskyrightontopof
her;butofcoursethisisn’t
whathappened.IturnedasI
fell,andlandedonmysideon
theground.Ihadthesenseto
bringanarmuptoprotectmy
head;butstillIlandedso
heavilythatIknockedmyself
intoadaze.Idon’tknow
wherethewomanwas
standing,orevenifshewas
inthecourtyardatthetimeI
felloutofthesky.Butshe
musthaveseenmecome
downoffthatroof,becauseas
IlaystunnedonthegroundI
heardhersay:
“Goodheavens!It’s
raininglittlegirls!”
Well,Iwouldhavelikedto
jumptomyfeetandrunout,
butIcouldn’tdoit.One
wholesideofmybodyfelt
dippedinpain.SlowlyI
becameawareoftwowomen
kneelingoverme.Onekept
sayingsomethingagainand
again,butIcouldn’tmakeit
out.Theytalkedbetween
themselvesandthenpicked
meupfromthemossandsat
meonthewoodenwalkway.I
rememberonlyonefragment
oftheirconversation.
“I’mtellingyou,shecame
offtheroof,ma’am.”
“Whyonearthwasshe
carryingtoiletslipperswith
her?Didyougoupthereto
usethetoilet,littlegirl?Can
youhearme?Whata
dangerousthingtodo!
You’reluckyyoudidn’t
breakintopieceswhenyou
fell!”
“Shecan’thearyou,
ma’am.Lookathereyes.”
“Ofcourseshecanhear
me.Saysomething,little
girl!”
ButIcouldn’tsay
anything.AllIcoulddowas
thinkabouthowSatsuwould
bewaitingformeopposite
theMinamizaTheater,andI
wouldnevershowup.
***
Themaidwassentupthe
streettoknockondoorsuntil
shefoundwhereI’dcome
from,whileIlaycurledupin
aballinastateofshock.I
wascryingwithouttearsand
holdingmyarm,whichhurt
terribly,whensuddenlyIfelt
myselfpulledtomyfeetand
slappedacrosstheface.
“Foolish,foolishgirl!”said
avoice.Auntiewasstanding
beforemeinarage,andthen
shepulledmeoutofthat
okiyaandbehindherupthe
street.Whenwereachedour
okiya,sheleanedmeup
againstthewoodendoorand
slappedmeagainacrossthe
face.
“Doyouknowwhat
you’vedone?”shesaidtome,
butIcouldn’tanswer.“What
wereyouthinking!Well,
you’veruinedeverythingfor
yourself...ofallthestupid
things!Foolish,foolishgirl!”
I’dneverimaginedAuntie
couldbesoangry.She
draggedmeintothecourtyard
andthrewmeontomy
stomachonthewalkway.I
begantocryinearnestnow,
forIknewwhatwascoming.
Butthistimeinsteadof
beatingmehalfheartedlyas
shehadbefore,Auntiepoured
abucketofwaterovermy
robetomaketherodstingall
themore,andthenstruckme
sohardIcouldn’tevendraw
abreath.Whenshewasdone
beatingme,shethrewtherod
ontothegroundandrolledme
overontomyback.“You’ll
neverbeageishanow,”she
cried.“Iwarnedyounotto
makeamistakelikethis!And
nowthere’snothingIor
anyoneelsecandotohelp
you.”
Iheardnothingmoreof
whatshesaidbecauseofthe
terriblescreamsfromfarther
upthewalkway.Grannywas
givingPumpkinabeatingfor
nothavingkeptabettereye
onme.
***
Asitturnedout,I’dbroken
myarmlandingasIhadin
thatcourtyard.Thenext
morningadoctorcameand
tookmetoaclinicnearby.It
waslateafternoonalreadyby
thetimeIwasbroughtback
totheokiyawithaplaster
castonmyarm.Iwasstillin
terriblepain,butMother
calledmeimmediatelytoher
room.Foralongwhileshe
satstaringatme,patting
Takuwithonehandand
holdingherpipeinhermouth
withtheother.
“DoyouknowhowmuchI
paidforyou?”shesaidtome
atlast.
“No,ma’am,”Ianswered.
“Butyou’regoingtotellme
youpaidmorethanI’m
worth.”
Iwon’tsaythiswasa
politewaytorespond.Infact,
IthoughtMothermightslap
meforit,butIwasbeyond
caring.Itseemedtome
nothingintheworldwould
everberightagain.Mother
clenchedherteethtogether
andgaveafewcoughsinthat
strangelaughofhers.
“You’rerightaboutthat!”
shesaid.“Halfayenmight
havebeenmorethanyou’re
worth.Well,Ihadthe
impressionyouwereclever.
Butyou’renotcleverenough
toknowwhat’sgoodfor
you.”
Shewentbacktopuffingat
herpipeforawhile,andthen
shesaid,“Ipaidseventy-five
yenforyou,that’swhatI
paid.Thenyouwentand
ruinedakimono,andstolea
brooch,andnowyou’ve
brokenyourarm,soI’llbe
addingmedicalexpensesto
yourdebtsaswell.Plusyou
haveyourmealsandlessons,
andjustthismorningIheard
fromthemistressofthe
Tatsuyo,overinMiyagawacho,thatyouroldersisterhas
runaway.Themistressthere
stillhasn’tpaidmewhatshe
owes.Nowshetellsmeshe’s
notgoingtodoit!I’lladd
thattoyourdebtaswell,but
whatdifferencewillitmake?
Youalreadyowemorethan
you’lleverrepay.”
SoSatsuhadescaped.I’d
spentthedaywondering,and
nowIhadmyanswer.I
wantedtofeelhappyforher,
butIcouldn’t.
“Isupposeyoucouldrepay
itaftertenorfifteenyearsas
ageisha,”shewenton,“if
youhappenedtobeasuccess.
Butwhowouldinvestanother
seninagirlwhorunsaway?”
Iwasn’tsurehowtoreply
toanyofthis,soItold
MotherIwassorry.She’d
beentalkingtomepleasantly
enoughuntilthen,butafter
myapology,sheputherpipe
onthetableandstuckouther
jawsomuch—fromanger,I
suppose—thatshegaveme
theimpressionofananimal
abouttostrike.
“Sorry,areyou?Iwasa
fooltoinvestsomuchmoney
inyouinthefirstplace.
You’reprobablythemost
expensivemaidinallof
Gion!IfIcouldselloffyour
bonestopaybacksomeof
yourdebts,why,I’dripthem
rightoutofyourbody!”
Withthis,sheorderedme
outoftheroomandputher
pipebackintohermouth.
Mylipwastremblingwhen
Ileft,butIheldmyfeelings
in;forthereonthelanding
stoodHatsumomo.Mr.
Bekkuwaswaitingtofinish
tyingherobiwhileAuntie,
withahandkerchiefinher
hand,stoodinfrontof
Hatsumomo,peeringintoher
eyes.
“Well,it’sallsmeared,”
Auntiesaid.“There’snothing
moreIcando.You’llhaveto
finishyourlittlecryandredo
yourmakeupafterward.”
Iknewexactlywhy
Hatsumomowascrying.Her
boyfriendhadstoppedseeing
her,nowthatshe’dbeen
barredfrombringinghimto
theokiya.I’dlearnedthisthe
morningbeforeandfelt
certainHatsumomowas
goingtoblamehertroubles
onme.Iwaseagertoget
downthestairsbeforeshe
spottedme,butitwasalready
toolate.Shesnatchedthe
handkerchieffromAuntie’s
handandmadeagesture
callingmeover.Icertainly
didn’twanttogo,butI
couldn’trefuse.
“You’vegotnobusiness
withChiyo,”Auntiesaidto
her.“Justgointoyourroom
andfinishyourmakeup.”
Hatsumomodidn’treply,
butdrewmeintoherroom
andshutthedoorbehindus.
“I’vespentdaystryingto
decideexactlyhowIoughtto
ruinyourlife,”shesaidto
me.“Butnowyou’vetriedto
runaway,anddoneitforme!
Idon’tknowwhethertofeel
pleased.Iwaslooking
forwardtodoingitmyself.”
Itwasveryrudeofme,but
IbowedtoHatsumomoand
slidopenthedoortolet
myselfoutwithoutreplying.
Shemighthavestruckmefor
it,butsheonlyfollowedme
intothehallandsaid,“Ifyou
wonderwhatitwillbelikeas
amaidallyourlife,justhave
atalkwithAuntie!Already
you’reliketwoendsofthe
samepieceofstring.Shehas
herbrokenhip;youhaveyour
brokenarm.Perhapsoneday
you’llevenlooklikeaman,
justthewayAuntiedoes!”
“Thereyougo,
Hatsumomo,”Auntiesaid.
“Showusthatfamouscharm
ofyours.”
***
BackwhenIwasalittle
girloffiveorsix,andhad
neversomuchasthought
aboutKyotoonceinallmy
life,Iknewalittleboynamed
Noboruinourvillage.I’m
surehewasaniceboy,buthe
hadaveryunpleasantsmell,
andIthinkthat’swhyhewas
sounpopular.Wheneverhe
spoke,alltheotherchildren
paidhimnomoreattention
thanifabirdhadchirpedora
froghadcroaked,andpoor
Noboruoftensatrightdown
onthegroundandcried.In
themonthsaftermyfailed
escape,Icametounderstand
justwhatlifemusthavebeen
likeforhim;becausenoone
spoketomeatallunlessit
wastogivemeanorder.
Motherhadalwaystreated
measthoughIwereonlya
puffofsmoke,forshehad
moreimportantthingsonher
mind.Butnowallthemaids,
andthecook,andGrannydid
thesame.
Allthatbittercoldwinter,I
wonderedwhathadbecome
ofSatsu,andofmymother
andfather.Mostnightswhen
IlayonmyfutonIwassick
withanxiety,andfeltapit
insidemyselfasbigand
emptyasifthewholeworld
werenothingmorethana
gianthallemptyofpeople.
TocomfortmyselfIclosed
myeyesandimaginedthatI
waswalkingalongthepath
besidetheseacliffsin
Yoroido.IknewitsowellI
couldpicturemyselfthereas
vividlyasifIreallyhadrun
awaywithSatsuandwas
backathomeagain.Inmy
mindIrushedtowardour
tipsyhouseholdingSatsu’s
hand—thoughIhadnever
heldherhandbefore—
knowingthatinanotherfew
momentswewouldbe
reunitedwithourmotherand
father.Ineverdidmanageto
reachthehouseinthese
fantasies;perhapsIwastoo
afraidofwhatImightfind
there,andinanycase,itwas
thetripalongthepaththat
seemedtocomfortme.Then
atsomepointIwouldhear
thecoughofoneofthemaids
nearme,ortheembarrassing
soundofGrannypassing
windwithagroan,andinthat
instantthesmelloftheseaair
dissolved,thecoarsedirtof
thepathbeneathmyfeet
turnedintothesheetsofmy
futononceagain,andIwas
leftwhereI’dstartedwith
nothingbutmyown
loneliness.
***
Whenspringcame,the
cherrytreesblossomedin
MaruyamaPark,andnoone
inKyotoseemedtotalkabout
anythingelse.Hatsumomo
wasbusierthanusualduring
thedaytimebecauseofallthe
blossom-viewingparties.I
enviedherthebustlinglifeI
sawherprepareforevery
afternoon.I’dalreadybegun
togiveupmyhopesof
awakeningonenighttofind
thatSatsuhadsneakedinto
ourokiyatorescueme,or
thatinsomeotherwayI
mighthearwordofmyfamily
inYoroido.Thenone
morningasMotherand
Auntiewerepreparingtotake
Grannyonapicnic,Icame
downthestairstofinda
packageonthefloorofthe
frontentrancehall.Itwasa
boxaboutaslongasmyarm,
wrappedinheavypaperand
tiedupwithfrayedtwine.I
knewitwasnoneofmy
business;butsincenoone
wasaroundtoseeme,Iwent
overtoreadthenameand
addressinheavycharacters
ontheface.Itsaid:
SakamotoChiyo
c/oNittaKayoko
GionTominaga-cho
CityofKyoto,Kyoto
Prefecture
IwassoastonishedthatI
stoodalongwhilewithmy
handovermymouth,andI’m
suremyeyeswereasbig
aroundasteacups.Thereturn
address,beneathapatchof
stamps,wasfromMr.
Tanaka.Ihadnoideawhat
couldpossiblybeinthe
package,butseeingMr.
Tanaka’snamethere...you
mayfinditabsurd,butI
honestlyhopedperhapshe’d
recognizedhismistakein
sendingmetothisterrible
place,andhadmailedme
somethingtosetmefreefrom
theokiya.Ican’timagineany
packagethatmightfreea
littlegirlfromslavery;Ihad
troubleimaginingiteven
then.ButItrulybelievedin
myheartthatsomehowwhen
thatpackagewasopened,my
lifewouldbechanged
forever.
BeforeIcouldfigureout
whattodonext,Auntiecame
downthestairsandshooed
meawayfromthebox,even
thoughithadmynameonit.
Iwouldhavelikedtoopenit
myself,butshecalledfora
knifetocutthetwineand
thentookhertime
unwrappingthecoarsepaper.
Underneathwasalayerof
canvassackingstitchedup
withheavyfishermen’s
thread.Sewntothesacking
byitscornerswasan
envelopebearingmyname.
Auntiecuttheenvelopefree
andthentoreawaythe
sackingtorevealadark
woodenbox.Ibegantoget
excitedaboutwhatImight
findinside,butwhenAuntie
tookoffthelid,Ifeltmyself
allatoncegrowingheavy.
Forthere,nestledamidfolds
ofwhitelinen,laythetiny
mortuarytabletsthathad
oncestoodbeforethealtarin
ourtipsyhouse.Twoofthem,
whichIhadneverseen
before,lookednewerthanthe
othersandboreunfamiliar
Buddhistnames,writtenwith
charactersIcouldn’t
understand.Iwasafraideven
towonderwhyMr.Tanaka
hadsentthem.
Forthemoment,Auntie
lefttheboxthereonthefloor,
withthetabletslinedupso
neatlyinside,andtookthe
letterfromtheenvelopeto
readit.Istoodforwhat
seemedalongwhile,fullof
myfears,andnotdaringeven
tothink.Finally,Auntie
sighedheavilyandledmeby
thearmintothereception
room.Myhandswere
tremblinginmylapasIknelt
atthetable,probablyfrom
theforceoftryingtokeepall
myterriblethoughtsfrom
risingtothesurfaceofmy
mind.Perhapsitwasreallya
hopefulsignthatMr.Tanaka
hadsentmethemortuary
tablets.Wasn’titpossiblethat
myfamilywouldbemoving
toKyoto,thatwewouldbuy
anewaltartogetherandset
upthetabletsbeforeit?Or
perhapsSatsuhadaskedthat
theybesenttomebecause
shewasonherwayback.
AndthenAuntieinterrupted
mythoughts.
“Chiyo,I’mgoingtoread
yousomethingfromaman
namedTanakaIchiro,”she
saidinavoicethatwas
strangelyheavyandslow.I
don’tthinkIbreathedatall
whileshespreadthepaper
outonthetable.
DearChiyo:
Twoseasonshavepassed
sinceyouleftYoroido,and
soonthetreeswillgivebirth
toanewgenerationof
blossoms.Flowersthatgrow
whereoldoneshavewithered
servetoremindusthatdeath
willonedaycometousall.
Asonewhowasoncean
orphanedchildhimself,this
humblepersonissorryto
havetoinformyouofthe
terribleburdenyoumust
bear.Sixweeksafteryouleft
foryournewlifeinKyoto,the
sufferingofyourhonored
mothercametoitsend,and
onlyafewweeksafterward
yourhonoredfatherdeparted
thisworldaswell.This
humblepersonisdeeplysorry
foryourlossandhopesyou
willrestassuredthatthe
remainsofbothyourhonored
parentsareenshrinedinthe
villagecemetery.Services
wereconductedforthemat
theHoko-jiTemplein
Senzuru,andinadditionthe
womeninYoroidohave
chantedsutras.Thishumble
personfeelsconfidentthat
bothyourhonoredparents
havefoundtheirplacesin
paradise.
Thetrainingofanapprentice
geishaisanarduouspath.
However,thishumbleperson
isfilledwithadmirationfor
thosewhoareabletorecast
theirsufferingandbecome
greatartists.Someyearsago
whilevisitingGion,itwasmy
honortoviewthespring
dancesandattendaparty
afterwardatateahouse,and
theexperiencehasleftthe
deepestimpression.Itgives
mesomemeasureof
satisfactiontoknowthata
safeplaceinthisworldhas
beenfoundforyou,Chiyo,
andthatyouwillnotbe
forcedtosufferthroughyears
ofuncertainty.Thishumble
personhasbeenalivelong
enoughtoseetwo
generationsofchildrengrow
up,andknowshowrareitis
forordinarybirdstogive
birthtoaswan.Theswan
whogoesonlivinginits
parents’treewilldie;thisis
whythosewhoarebeautiful
andtalentedbeartheburden
offindingtheirownwayin
theworld.
Yoursister,Satsu,came
throughYoroidolatethispast
fall,butranawayagainat
oncewiththesonofMr.Sugi.
Mr.Sugiferventlyhopesto
seehisbelovedsonagainin
thislifetime,andasks
thereforethatyouplease
notifyhimimmediatelyifyou
receivewordfromyoursister.
Mostsincerelyyours,
TanakaIchiro
LongbeforeAuntiehad
finishedreadingthisletter,
thetearshadbeguntoflow
outofmejustlikewaterfrom
apotthatboilsover.Forit
wouldhavebeenbadenough
tolearnthatmymotherhad
died,orthatmyfatherhad
died.Buttolearninasingle
momentthatbothmymother
andmyfatherhaddiedand
leftme,andthatmysistertoo
waslosttomeforever...at
oncemymindfeltlikea
brokenvasethatwouldnot
stand.Iwaslostevenwithin
theroomaroundme.
Youmustthinkmevery
naiveforhavingkeptalive
thehopeforsomanymonths
thatmymothermightstillbe
living.ButreallyIhadsofew
thingstohopefor,IsupposeI
wouldhaveclutchedat
anything.Auntiewasvery
kindtomewhileItriedto
findmybearings.Againand
againshesaidtome,“Bear
up,Chiyo,bearup.There’s
nothingmoreanyofuscan
dointhisworld.”
WhenIwasfinallyableto
speak,IaskedAuntieifshe
wouldsetupthetablets
someplacewhereIwouldn’t
seethem,andprayonmy
behalf—foritwouldgiveme
toomuchpaintodoit.But
sherefused,andtoldmeI
shouldbeashamedevento
considerturningmybackon
myownancestors.She
helpedmesetthetabletsup
onashelfnearthebaseofthe
stairwell,whereIcouldpray
beforethemeverymorning.
“Neverforgetthem,Chiyochan,”shesaid.“They’reall
that’sleftofyourchildhood.”
ChapterNine
Aroundthetimeofmy
sixty-fifthbirthday,afriend
sentmeanarticleshe’dfound
somewhere,called“The
TwentyGreatestGeishaof
Gion’sPast.”Ormaybeit
wasthethirtygreatestgeisha,
Idon’tremember.ButthereI
wasonthelistwithalittle
paragraphtellingsomethings
aboutme,includingthatI’d
beenborninKyoto—which
ofcourseIwasn’t.Ican
assureyouIwasn’toneof
Gion’stwentygreatestgeisha
either;somepeoplehave
difficultytellingthe
differencebetweensomething
greatandsomethingthey’ve
simplyheardof.Inanycase,
Iwouldhavebeenluckyto
endupasnothingmorethana
badgeishaandanunhappy
one,likesomanyotherpoor
girls,ifMr.Tanakahadnever
writtentotellmethatmy
parentshaddiedandthatI
wouldprobablyneverseemy
sisteragain.
I’msureyou’llrecallmy
sayingthattheafternoon
whenIfirstmetMr.Tanaka
wastheverybestafternoonof
mylife,andalsothevery
worst.ProbablyIdon’tneed
toexplainwhyitwasthe
worst;butyoumaybe
wonderinghowIcould
possiblyimaginethat
anythinggoodevercameof
it.It’struethatupuntilthis
timeinmylifeMr.Tanaka
hadbroughtmenothingbut
suffering;buthealsochanged
myhorizonsforever.Welead
ourliveslikewaterflowing
downahill,goingmoreor
lessinonedirectionuntilwe
splashintosomethingthat
forcesustofindanew
course.IfI’dnevermetMr.
Tanaka,mylifewouldhave
beenasimplestreamflowing
fromourtipsyhousetothe
ocean.Mr.Tanakachanged
allthatwhenhesentmeout
intotheworld.Butbeingsent
outintotheworldisn’t
necessarilythesameas
leavingyourhomebehind
you.I’dbeeninGionmore
thansixmonthsbythetimeI
receivedMr.Tanaka’sletter;
andyetduringthattime,I’d
neverforamomentgivenup
thebeliefthatIwouldone
dayfindabetterlife
elsewhere,withatleastpart
ofthefamilyI’dalways
known.Iwaslivingonlyhalf
inGion;theotherhalfofme
livedinmydreamsofgoing
home.Thisiswhydreams
canbesuchdangerousthings:
theysmolderonlikeafire
does,andsometimes
consumeuscompletely.
Duringtherestofthe
springandallthatsummer
followingtheletter,Ifeltlike
achildlostonalakeinthe
fog.Thedaysspilledone
afteranotherintoamuddle.I
rememberonlysnippetsof
things,asidefromaconstant
feelingofmiseryandfear.
Onecoldeveningafterwinter
hadcome,Isatalongwhile
inthemaids’roomwatching
snowfallingsilentlyintothe
okiya’slittlecourtyard.I
imaginedmyfathercoughing
atthelonelytableinhis
lonelyhouse,andmymother
sofrailuponherfutonthat
herbodyscarcelysankinto
thebedding.Istumbledout
intothecourtyardtotryto
fleemymisery,butofcourse
wecanneverfleethemisery
thatiswithinus.
Theninearlyspring,afull
yearaftertheterriblenews
aboutmyfamily,something
happened.Itwasthe
followingApril,whenthe
cherrytreeswereinblossom
onceagain;itmayevenhave
beenayeartothedaysince
Mr.Tanaka’sletter.Iwas
almosttwelvebythenand
wasbeginningtolookabit
womanly,eventhough
Pumpkinstilllookedvery
muchlikealittlegirl.I’d
grownnearlyastallasI
wouldevergrow.Mybody
wouldremainthinand
knobbylikeatwigforayear
ortwomore,butmyfacehad
alreadygivenupitschildish
softnessandwasnowsharp
aroundthechinand
cheekbones,andhad
broadenedinsuchawayasto
giveatruealmondshapeto
myeyes.Inthepast,menhad
takennomorenoticeofme
onthestreetsthanifIhad
beenapigeon;nowtheywere
watchingmewhenIpassed
them.Ifounditstrangetobe
theobjectofattentionafter
beingignoredforsolong.
Inanycase,veryearlyone
morningthatApril,Iawoke
fromamostpeculiardream
aboutabeardedman.His
beardwassoheavythathis
featureswereablurtome,as
ifsomeonehadcensored
themfromthefilm.Hewas
standingbeforemesaying
somethingIcan’tremember,
andthenallatonceheslid
openthepaperscreenovera
windowbesidehimwitha
loudclack.Iawokethinking
I’dheardanoiseintheroom.
Themaidsweresighingin
theirsleep.Pumpkinlay
quietlywithherroundface
saggingontothepillow.
Everythinglookedjustasit
alwaysdid,I’msure;butmy
feelingswerestrangely
different.IfeltasthoughI
werelookingataworldthat
wassomehowchangedfrom
theoneI’dseenthenight
before—peeringout,almost,
throughtheverywindowthat
hadopenedinmydream.
Icouldn’tpossiblyhave
explainedwhatthismeant.
ButIcontinuedthinking
aboutitwhileIsweptthe
stepping-stonesinthe
courtyardthatmorning,until
Ibegantofeelthesortof
buzzinginmyheadthat
comesfromathoughtcircling
andcirclingwithnowhereto
go,justlikeabeeinajar.
SoonIputdownthebroom
andwenttositinthedirt
corridor,wherethecoolair
frombeneaththefoundation
ofthemainhousedrifted
soothinglyovermyback.
Andthensomethingcameto
mindthatIhadn’tthought
aboutsincemyveryfirst
weekinKyoto.
Onlyadayortwoafter
beingseparatedfrommy
sister,Ihadbeensenttowash
someragsoneafternoon,
whenamothcamefluttering
downfromtheskyontomy
arm.Iflickeditoff,expecting
thatitwouldflyaway,but
insteaditsailedlikeapebble
acrossthecourtyardandlay
thereupontheground.I
didn’tknowifithadfallen
fromtheskyalreadydeador
ifIhadkilledit,butitslittle
insectdeathtouchedme.I
admiredthelovelypatternon
itswings,andthenwrappedit
inoneoftheragsIwas
washingandhiditaway
beneaththefoundationofthe
house.
Ihadn’tthoughtaboutthis
mothsincethen;butthe
momentitcametomindIgot
onmykneesandlooked
underthehouseuntilIfound
it.Somanythingsinmylife
hadchanged,eventhewayI
looked;butwhenI
unwrappedthemothfromits
funeralshroud,itwasthe
samestartlinglylovely
creatureasonthedayIhad
entombedit.Itseemedtobe
wearingarobeinsubdued
graysandbrowns,like
Motherworewhenshewent
tohermah-jongggamesat
night.Everythingaboutit
seemedbeautifulandperfect,
andsoutterlyunchanged.If
onlyonethinginmylifehad
beenthesameasduringthat
firstweekinKyoto...AsI
thoughtofthismymind
begantoswirllikea
hurricane.Itstruckmethat
we—thatmothandI—were
twooppositeextremes.My
existencewasasunstableasa
stream,changinginevery
way;butthemothwaslikea
pieceofstone,changingnot
atall.Whilethinkingthis
thought,Ireachedouta
fingertofeelthemoth’s
velvetysurface;butwhenI
brusheditwithmyfingertip,
itturnedallatonceintoapile
ofashwithoutevenasound,
withoutevenamomentin
whichIcouldseeit
crumbling.Iwasso
astonishedIletoutacry.The
swirlinginmymindstopped;
IfeltasifIhadsteppedinto
theeyeofastorm.Iletthe
tinyshroudanditspileof
ashesfluttertotheground;
andnowIunderstoodthe
thingthathadpuzzledmeall
morning.Thestaleairhad
washedaway.Thepastwas
gone.Mymotherandfather
weredeadandIcoulddo
nothingtochangeit.ButI
supposethatforthepastyear
I’dbeendeadinawaytoo.
Andmysister...yes,she
wasgone;butIwasn’tgone.
I’mnotsurethiswillmake
sensetoyou,butIfeltas
thoughI’dturnedaroundto
lookinadifferentdirection,
sothatInolongerfaced
backwardtowardthepast,but
forwardtowardthefuture.
Andnowthequestion
confrontingmewasthis:
Whatwouldthatfuturebe?
Themomentthisquestion
formedinmymind,Iknew
withasmuchcertaintyasI’d
everknownanythingthat
sometimeduringthatdayI
wouldreceiveasign.This
waswhythebeardedmanhad
openedthewindowinmy
dream.Hewassayingtome,
“Watchforthethingthatwill
showitselftoyou.Because
thatthing,whenyoufindit,
willbeyourfuture.”
Ihadnotimeforanother
thoughtbeforeAuntiecalled
outtome:
“Chiyo,comehere!”
***
Well,Iwalkedupthatdirt
corridorasthoughIwereina
trance.Itwouldn’thave
surprisedmeifAuntiehad
said,“Youwanttoknow
aboutyourfuture?Allright,
listenclosely...”Butinstead
shejustheldouttwohair
ornamentsonasquareof
whitesilk.
“Takethese,”shesaidto
me.“Heavenknowswhat
Hatsumomowasuptolast
night;shecamebacktothe
okiyawearinganothergirl’s
ornaments.Shemusthave
drunkmorethanherusual
amountofsake.Gofindher
attheschool,askwhosethey
are,andreturnthem.”
WhenItookthe
ornaments,Auntiegavemea
pieceofpaperwithanumber
ofothererrandswrittenonit
aswellandtoldmetocome
backtotheokiyaassoonasI
haddonethemall.
Wearingsomeoneelse’s
hairornamentshomeatnight
maynotsoundsopeculiar,
butreallyit’saboutthesame
ascominghomeinsomeone
else’sunderwear.Geisha
don’twashtheirhairevery
day,yousee,becauseoftheir
fancyhairstyles.Soahair
ornamentisaveryintimate
article.Auntiedidn’teven
wanttotouchthethings,
whichiswhyshewasholding
themonasquareofsilk.She
wrappedthemuptogive
themtome,sothatthey
lookedjustlikethebundledupmothI’dbeenholding
onlyafewminutesearlier.Of
course,asigndoesn’tmean
anythingunlessyouknow
howtointerpretit.Istood
therestaringatthesilkbundle
inAuntie’shanduntilshe
said,“Takeit,forheaven’s
sake!”Later,onmywayto
theschool,Iunfoldeditto
haveanotherlookatthe
ornaments.Onewasablack
lacquercombshapedlikethe
settingsun,withadesignof
flowersingoldaroundthe
outside;theotherwasastick
ofblondwoodwithtwo
pearlsattheendholdingin
placeatinyambersphere.
Iwaitedoutsidetheschool
buildinguntilIheardthedon
ofthebellsignalingtheend
ofclasses.Soongirlsintheir
blueandwhiterobescame
pouringout.Hatsumomo
spottedmeevenbeforeI
spottedher,andcametoward
mewithanothergeisha.You
maywonderwhyshewasat
theschoolatall,sinceshe
wasalreadyanaccomplished
dancerandcertainlyknew
everythingsheneededto
knowaboutbeingageisha.
Buteventhemostrenowned
geishacontinuedtotake
advancedlessonsindance
throughouttheircareers,
someofthemevenintotheir
fiftiesandsixties.
“Why,look,”Hatsumomo
saidtoherfriend.“Ithinkit
mustbeaweed.Lookhow
tallitis!”Thiswasherway
ofridiculingmeforhaving
grownafinger’s-widthtaller
thanher.
“Auntiehassentmehere,
ma’am,”Isaid,“tofindout
whosehairornamentsyou
stolelastnight.”
Hatsumomo’ssmilefaded.
Shesnatchedthelittlebundle
frommyhandandopenedit.
“Why,thesearen’tmine..
.”shesaid.“Wheredidyou
getthem?”
“Oh,Hatsumomo-san!”
saidtheothergeisha.“Don’t
youremember?Youand
Kanakotookoutyourhair
ornamentswhilethetwoof
youwereplayingthatfoolish
gamewithJudgeUwazumi.
Kanakomusthavegone
homewithyourhair
ornaments,andyouwent
homewithhers.”
“Howdisgusting,”said
Hatsumomo.“Whendoyou
thinkKanakolastwashedher
hair?Anyway,herokiyais
rightnexttoyours.Take
themforme,wouldyou?Tell
herI’llcometofetchmine
later,andshe’dbetternottry
tokeepthem.”
Theothergeishatookthe
hairornamentsandleft.
“Oh,don’tgo,little
Chiyo,”Hatsumomosaidto
me.“There’ssomethingI
wanttoshowyou.It’sthat
younggirloverthere,theone
walkingthroughthegate.Her
nameisIchikimi.”
IlookedatIchikimi,but
Hatsumomodidn’tseemto
haveanymoretosayabout
her.“Idon’tknowher,”I
said.
“No,ofcoursenot.She’s
nothingspecial.Abitstupid,
andasawkwardasacripple.
ButIjustthoughtyou’dfind
itinterestingthatshe’sgoing
tobeageisha,andyounever
will.”
Idon’tthinkHatsumomo
couldhavefoundanything
cruelertosaytome.Fora
yearandahalfnow,I’dbeen
condemnedtothedrudgeryof
amaid.Ifeltmylife
stretchingoutbeforemelike
alongpathleadingnowhere.
Iwon’tsayIwantedto
becomeageisha;butI
certainlydidn’twantto
remainamaid.Istoodinthe
gardenoftheschoolalong
while,watchingtheyoung
girlsmyagechatwithone
anotherastheystreamedpast.
Theymayonlyhavebeen
headingbackforlunch,butto
metheyweregoingfromone
importantthingtoanother
withlivesofpurpose,whileI
ontheotherhandwouldgo
backtonothingmore
glamorousthanscrubbingthe
stonesinthecourtyard.When
thegardenemptiedout,I
stoodworryingthatperhaps
thiswasthesignI’dwaited
for—thatotheryounggirlsin
Gionwouldmoveaheadin
theirlivesandleaveme
behind.Thisthoughtgaveme
suchafrightIcouldn’tstay
aloneinthegardenany
longer.Iwalkeddownto
ShijoAvenueandturned
towardtheKamoRiver.
Giantbannersonthe
MinamizaTheaterannounced
theperformanceofaKabuki
playthatafternoonentitled
Shibaraku,whichisoneof
ourmostfamousplays,
thoughIknewnothingabout
Kabukiatthetime.Crowds
streamedupthestepsintothe
theater.Amongthemenin
theirdarkWestern-stylesuits
orkimono,severalgeisha
stoodoutinbrilliantcoloring
justlikeautumnleavesonthe
murkywatersofariver.Here
again,Isawlifeinallits
noisyexcitementpassingme
by.Ihurriedawayfromthe
avenue,downasidestreet
leadingalongtheShirakawa
Stream,buteventhere,men
andgeishawererushing
alongintheirlivessofullof
purpose.Toshutoutthepain
ofthisthoughtIturned
towardtheShirakawa,but
cruelly,evenitswatersglided
alongwithpurpose—toward
theKamoRiverandfrom
theretoOsakaBayandthe
InlandSea.Itseemedthe
samemessagewaitedforme
everywhere.Ithrewmyself
ontothelittlestonewallat
theedgeofthestreamand
wept.Iwasanabandoned
islandinthemidstofthe
ocean,withnopast,tobe
sure,butnofutureeither.
SoonIfeltmyselfcomingto
apointwhereIthoughtno
humanvoicecouldreachme
—untilIheardaman’svoice
saythis:
“Why,it’stooprettyaday
tobesounhappy.”
Ordinarilyamanonthe
streetsofGionwouldn’t
noticeagirllikeme,
particularlywhileIwas
makingafoolofmyselfby
crying.Ifhedidnoticeme,he
certainlywouldn’tspeakto
me,unlessitwastoorderme
outofhisway,orsomesuch
thing.Yetnotonlyhadthis
manbotheredtospeaktome,
he’dactuallyspokenkindly.
He’daddressedmeinaway
thatsuggestedImightbea
youngwomanofstanding—
thedaughterofagoodfriend,
perhaps.Foraflickerofa
momentIimaginedaworld
completelydifferentfromthe
oneI’dalwaysknown,a
worldinwhichIwastreated
withfairness,evenkindness
—aworldinwhichfathers
didn’tselltheirdaughters.
Thenoiseandhubbubofso
manypeoplelivingtheirlives
ofpurposearoundmeseemed
tostop;oratleast,Iceasedto
beawareofit.AndwhenI
raisedmyselftolookatthe
manwho’dspoken,Ihada
feelingofleavingmymisery
behindmethereonthestone
wall.
I’llbehappytotryto
describehimforyou,butI
canthinkofonlyonewayto
doit—bytellingyouabouta
certaintreethatstoodatthe
edgeoftheseacliffsin
Yoroido.Thistreewasas
smoothasdriftwoodbecause
ofthewind,andwhenIwasa
littlegirloffourorfiveI
foundaman’sfaceonitone
day.Thatistosay,Ifounda
smoothpatchasbroadasa
plate,withtwosharpbumps
attheoutsideedgefor
cheekbones.Theycast
shadowssuggestingeye
sockets,andbeneaththe
shadowsroseagentlebump
ofanose.Thewholeface
tippedabittooneside,
gazingatmequizzically;it
lookedtomelikeamanwith
asmuchcertaintyabouthis
placeinthisworldasatree
has.Somethingaboutitwas
someditative,IimaginedI’d
foundthefaceofaBuddha.
Themanwho’daddressed
methereonthestreethadthis
samekindofbroad,calm
face.Andwhatwasmore,his
featuresweresosmoothand
serene,Ihadthefeelinghe’d
goonstandingtherecalmly
untilIwasn’tunhappyany
longer.Hewasprobably
aboutforty-fiveyearsold,
withgrayhaircombed
straightbackfromhis
forehead.ButIcouldn’tlook
athimforlong.Heseemedso
eleganttomethatIblushed
andlookedaway.
Twoyoungermenstoodto
onesideofhim;ageisha
stoodtotheother.Iheardthe
geishasaytohimquietly:
“Why,she’sonlyamaid!
Probablyshestubbedhertoe
whilerunninganerrand.I’m
suresomeonewillcome
alongtohelphersoon.”
“IwishIhadyourfaithin
people,Izuko-san,”saidthe
man.
“Theshowwillbestarting
inonlyamoment.Really,
Chairman,Idon’tthinkyou
shouldwasteanymoretime.
..”
Whilerunningerrandsin
Gion,I’doftenheardmen
addressedbytitleslike
“DepartmentHead”or
occasionally“Vice
President.”Butonlyrarely
hadIheardthetitle
“Chairman.”Usuallythemen
addressedasChairmanhad
baldheadsandfrowns,and
swaggereddownthestreet
withgroupsofjunior
executivesscurryingbehind.
Thismanbeforemewasso
differentfromtheusual
chairmanthateventhoughI
wasonlyalittlegirlwith
limitedexperienceofthe
world,Iknewhiscompany
couldn’tbeaterribly
importantone.Amanwithan
importantcompanywouldn’t
havestoppedtotalktome.
“You’retryingtotellme
it’sawasteoftimetostay
hereandhelpher,”saidthe
Chairman.
“Oh,no,”thegeishasaid.
“It’smoreamatterofhaving
notimetowaste.Wemaybe
lateforthefirstscene
already.”
“Now,Izuko-san,surelyat
sometimeyouyourselfhave
beeninthesamestatethis
littlegirlisin.Youcan’t
pretendthelifeofageishais
alwayssimple.Ishouldthink
youofallpeople—”
“I’vebeeninthestateshe’s
in?Chairman,doyoumean..
.makingapublicspectacleof
myself?”
Atthis,theChairman
turnedtothetwoyounger
menandaskedthattheytake
Izukoaheadtothetheater.
Theybowedandwenton
theirwaywhiletheChairman
remainedbehind.Helooked
atmealongwhile,thoughI
didn’tdaretolookbackat
him.AtlengthIsaid:
“Please,sir,whatshesays
istrue.I’monlyafoolishgirl
...pleasedon’tmake
yourselflateonmyaccount.”
“Standupamoment,”he
toldme.
Ididn’tdaredisobeyhim,
thoughIhadnoideawhathe
wanted.Asitturnedout,all
hedidwastakea
handkerchieffromhispocket
towipeawaythegritthathad
stucktomyfacefromthetop
ofthestonewall.Standingso
closebeforehim,Icould
smelltheodoroftalconhis
smoothskin,whichmademe
recallthedaywhenthe
EmperorTaisho’snephew
hadcometoourlittlefishing
village.He’ddonenothing
morethanstepoutofhiscar
andwalktotheinletand
back,noddingtothecrowds
thatkneltbeforehim,wearing
aWestern-stylebusinesssuit,
thefirstI’deverseen—forI
peekedathim,eventhoughI
wasn’tsupposedto.I
remembertoothathis
mustachewascarefully
groomed,unlikethehairon
thefacesofthemeninour
village,whichgrewuntended
likeweedsalongapath.No
oneofanyimportancehad
everbeeninourvillage
beforethatday.Ithinkweall
felttouchedbynobilityand
greatness.
Occasionallyinlifewe
comeuponthingswecan’t
understandbecausewehave
neverseenanythingsimilar.
TheEmperor’snephew
certainlystruckmethatway;
andsodidtheChairman.
Whenhehadwipedawaythe
gritandtearsfrommyface,
hetippedmyheadup.
“Hereyouare...a
beautifulgirlwithnothingon
earthtobeashamedof,”he
said.“Andyetyou’reafraid
tolookatme.Someonehas
beencrueltoyou...or
perhapslifehasbeencruel.”
“Idon’tknow,sir,”Isaid,
thoughofcourseIknew
perfectlywell.
“Wenoneofusfindas
muchkindnessinthisworld
asweshould,”hetoldme,
andhenarrowedhiseyesa
momentasiftosayIshould
thinkseriouslyaboutwhat
he’djustsaid.
Iwantedmorethan
anythingtoseethesmooth
skinofhisfaceoncemore,
withitsbroadbrow,andthe
eyelidslikesheathsofmarble
overhisgentleeyes;butthere
wassuchagulfinsocial
standingbetweenus.Idid
finallyletmyeyesflick
upward,thoughIblushedand
lookedawaysoquicklythat
hemayneverhaveknownI
methisgaze.ButhowcanI
describewhatIsawinthat
instant?Hewaslookingatme
asamusicianmightlookat
hisinstrumentjustbeforehe
beginstoplay,with
understandingandmastery.I
feltthathecouldseeintome
asthoughIwereapartof
him.HowIwouldhaveloved
tobetheinstrumenthe
played!
Inamomenthereached
intohispocketandbrought
some-thingout.
“Doyoulikesweetplumor
cherry?”hesaid.
“Sir?Doyoumean...to
eat?”
“Ipassedavendora
momentago,sellingshaved
icewithsyruponit.Inever
tastedoneuntilIwasan
adult,butI’dhavelikedthem
asachild.Takethiscoinand
buyone.Takemy
handkerchieftoo,soyoucan
wipeyourfaceafterward,”he
said.Andwiththis,he
pressedthecoinintothe
centerofthehandkerchief,
wrappeditintoabundle,and
helditouttome.
Fromthemomentthe
Chairmanhadfirstspokento
me,I’dforgottenthatIwas
watchingforasignaboutmy
future.ButwhenIsawthe
bundleheheldinhishand,it
lookedsomuchlikethe
shroudedmoth,IknewI’d
comeuponthesignatlast.I
tookthebundleandbowed
lowtothankhim,andtriedto
tellhimhowgratefulIwas—
thoughI’msuremywords
carriednoneofthefullnessof
myfeelings.Iwasn’t
thankinghimforthecoin,or
evenforthetroublehe’d
takeninstoppingtohelpme.
Iwasthankinghimfor...
well,forsomethingI’mnot
sureIcanexplainevennow.
Forshowingmethat
somethingbesidescruelty
couldbefoundintheworld,I
suppose.
Iwatchedhimwalkaway
withsicknessinmyheart—
thoughitwasapleasingkind
ofsickness,ifsuchathing
exists.Imeantosaythatif
youhaveexperiencedan
eveningmoreexcitingthan
anyinyourlife,you’resadto
seeitend;andyetyoustill
feelgratefulthatithappened.
Inthatbriefencounterwith
theChairman,Ihadchanged
fromalostgirlfacinga
lifetimeofemptinesstoagirl
withpurposeinherlife.
Perhapsitseemsoddthata
casualmeetingonthestreet
couldhavebroughtabout
suchchange.Butsometimes
lifeislikethat,isn’tit?AndI
reallydothinkifyou’dbeen
theretoseewhatIsaw,and
feelwhatIfelt,thesame
mighthavehappenedtoyou.
WhentheChairmanhad
disappearedfromsight,I
rushedupthestreettosearch
fortheshavedicevendor.
Thedaywasn’tespecially
hot,andIdidn’tcarefor
shavedice;buteatingit
wouldmakemyencounter
withtheChairmanlinger.So
Iboughtapaperconeof
shavedicewithcherrysyrup
onit,andwenttositagainon
thesamestonewall.Thetaste
ofthesyrupseemedstartling
andcomplex,Ithinkonly
becausemysenseswereso
heightened.IfIwereageisha
liketheonenamedIzuko,I
thought,amanlikethe
Chairmanmightspendtime
withme.I’dneverimagined
myselfenvyingageisha.I’d
beenbroughttoKyotoforthe
purposeofbecomingone,of
course;butupuntilnowI’d
haverunawayinaninstantif
Icouldhave.NowI
understoodthethingI’d
overlooked;thepointwasn’t
tobecomeageisha,buttobe
one.Tobecomeageisha...
well,thatwashardlya
purposeinlife.Buttobea
geisha...Icouldseeitnow
asastepping-stoneto
somethingelse.IfIwasright
abouttheChairman’sage,he
wasprobablynomorethan
forty-five.Plentyofgeisha
hadachievedtremendous
successbytheageoftwenty.
ThegeishaIzukowas
probablynomorethan
twenty-fiveherself.Iwasstill
achild,nearlytwelve...but
inanothertwelveyearsI’dbe
inmytwenties.Andwhatof
theChairman?Hewouldbe
noolderbythattimethanMr.
Tanakawasalready.
ThecointheChairmanhad
givenmewasfarmorethan
I’dneededforasimplecone
ofshavedice.Iheldinmy
handthechangefromthe
vendor—threecoinsof
differentsizes.AtfirstI’d
thoughtofkeepingthem
forever;butnowIrealized
theycouldserveafarmore
importantpurpose.
IrushedtoShijoAvenue
andranallthewaytoitsend
attheeasternedgeofGion,
wheretheGionShrinestood.
Iclimbedthesteps,butIfelt
toointimidatedtowalk
beneaththegreattwo-story
entrancegatewithitsgabled
roof,andwalkedaroundit
instead.Acrossthegravel
courtyardandupanother
flightofsteps,Ipassed
throughthetoriigatetothe
shrineitself.ThereIthrew
thecoinsintotheoffertory
box—coinsthatmighthave
beenenoughtotakemeaway
fromGion—andannounced
mypresencetothegodsby
clappingthreetimesand
bowing.Withmyeyes
squeezedtightlyshutandmy
handstogether,Iprayedthat
theypermitmetobecomea
geishasomehow.Iwould
sufferthroughanytraining,
bearupunderanyhardship,
forachancetoattractthe
noticeofamanlikethe
Chairmanagain.
WhenIopenedmyeyes,I
couldstillhearthetrafficon
Higashi-OjiAvenue.The
treeshissedinagustofwind
justastheyhadamoment
earlier.Nothinghadchanged.
Astowhetherthegodshad
heardme,Ihadnowayof
knowing.Icoulddonothing
buttucktheChairman’s
handkerchiefinsidemyrobe
andcarryitwithmebackto
theokiya.
ChapterTen
Onemorningquitesome
monthslater,whilewewere
puttingawaythero
underrobes—theonesmade
oflightweightsilkgauzefor
hotweather—andbringing
outthehitoeunderrobes
instead—theoneswithno
lining,usedinSeptember—I
cameuponasmellinthe
entrywaysohorriblethatI
droppedthearmloadofrobes
Iwascarrying.Thesmellwas
comingfromGranny’sroom.
IranupstairstofetchAuntie,
becauseIknewatoncethat
somethingmustbeterribly
wrong.Auntiehobbleddown
thestairsasquicklyasshe
couldandwentintofind
Grannydeadonthefloor;and
shehaddiedinamost
peculiarmanner.
Grannyhadtheonly
electricspaceheaterinour
okiya.Sheuseditevery
singlenightexceptduringthe
summer.Nowthatthemonth
ofSeptemberhadbegunand
wewereputtingawaythe
summer-weightunderrobes,
Grannyhadbeguntouseher
heateragain.Thatdoesn’t
meantheweatherwas
necessarilycool;wechange
theweightofourclothingby
thecalendar,notbytheactual
temperatureoutdoors,and
Grannyusedherheaterjust
thesameway.Shewas
unreasonablyattachedtoit,
probablybecauseshe’dspent
somanynightsofherlife
sufferingmiserablyfromthe
cold.
Granny’susualroutinein
themorningwastowrapthe
cordaroundtheheaterbefore
pushingitbackagainstthe
wall.Overtimethehotmetal
burnedallthewaythrough
thecord,sothatthewire
finallycameintocontactwith
it,andthewholething
becameelectrified.Thepolice
saidthatwhenGranny
toucheditthatmorningshe
musthavebeenimmobilized
atonce,maybeevenkilled
instantly.Whenshesliddown
ontothefloor,sheendedup
withherfacepressedagainst
thehotmetalsurface.This
waswhatcausedthehorrible
smell.HappilyIdidn’tsee
heraftershe’ddied,except
forherlegs,whichwere
visiblefromthedoorwayand
lookedlikeslendertreelimbs
wrappedinwrinkledsilk.
***
Foraweekortwoafter
Grannydied,wewereasbusy
asyoucanimagine,notonly
withcleaningthehouse
thoroughly—becausein
Shinto,deathisthemost
impureofallthethingsthat
canhappen—butwith
preparingthehousebysetting
outcandles,trayswithmeal
offerings,lanternsatthe
entrance,teastands,traysfor
moneythatvisitorsbrought,
andsoon.Weweresobusy
thatoneeveningthecook
becameillandadoctorwas
summoned;itturnedouther
onlyproblemwasthatshe’d
sleptnomorethantwohours
thenightbefore,hadn’tsat
downallday,andhadeaten
onlyasinglebowlofclear
soup.Iwassurprisedtooto
seeMotherspendingmoney
almostunrestrainedly,
makingplansforsutrastobe
chantedonGranny’sbehalfat
theChion-inTemple,
purchasinglotus-bud
arrangementsfromthe
undertaker—allofitrightin
themidstoftheGreat
Depression.Iwonderedat
firstifherbehaviorwasa
testamenttohowdeeplyshe
feltaboutGranny;butlaterI
realizedwhatitreallymeant:
practicallyallofGionwould
cometrampingthroughour
okiyatopayrespectsto
Granny,andwouldattendthe
funeralatthetemplelaterin
theweek;Motherhadtoput
ontheproperkindofshow.
ForafewdaysallofGion
didindeedcomethroughour
okiya,orsoitseemed;and
wehadtofeedteaandsweets
toallofthem.Motherand
Auntiereceivedthe
mistressesofthevarious
teahousesandokiya,aswell
asanumberofmaidswho
wereacquaintedwithGranny;
alsoshopkeepers,wig
makers,andhairdressers,
mostofwhomweremen;and
ofcourse,dozensanddozens
ofgeisha.Theoldergeisha
knewGrannyfromher
workingdays,butthe
youngeroneshadnevereven
heardofher;theycameoutof
respectforMother—orin
somecasesbecausetheyhad
arelationshipofonekindor
anotherwithHatsumomo.
Myjobduringthisbusy
periodwastoshowvisitors
intothereceptionroom,
whereMotherandAuntie
werewaitingforthem.Itwas
adistanceofonlyafewsteps;
butthevisitorscouldn’tvery
wellshowthemselvesin;and
besides,Ihadtokeeptrackof
whichfacesbelongedto
whichshoes,foritwasmy
jobtotaketheshoestothe
maids’roomtokeepthe
entrywayfrombeingtoo
cluttered,andthenbringthem
backagainattheproper
moment.Ihadtroublewith
thisatfirst.Icouldn’tpeer
rightintotheeyesofour
visitorswithoutseeming
rude,butasimpleglimpseof
theirfaceswasn’tenoughfor
metorememberthem.Very
soonIlearnedtolookclosely
atthekimonotheywore.
Onaboutthesecondor
thirdafternoonthedoor
rolledopen,andincamea
kimonothatatoncestruckme
astheloveliestI’dseenany
ofourvisitorswear.Itwas
somberbecauseofthe
occasion—asimpleblack
robebearingacrest—butits
patternofgreenandgold
grassessweepingaroundthe
hemwassorich-looking,I
foundmyselfimagininghow
astoundedthewivesand
daughtersofthefishermen
backinYoroidowouldbeto
seesuchathing.Thevisitor
hadamaidwithheraswell,
whichmademethinkperhaps
shewasthemistressofa
teahouseorokiya—because
veryfewgeishacouldafford
suchanexpense.Whileshe
lookedatthetinyShinto
shrineinourentryway,Itook
theopportunitytostealapeek
atherface.Itwassucha
perfectovalthatIthoughtat
onceofacertainscrollin
Auntie’sroom,showingan
inkpaintingofacourtesan
fromtheHeianperioda
thousandyearsearlier.She
wasn’tasstrikingawomanas
Hatsumomo,butherfeatures
weresoperfectlyformedthat
atonceIbegantofeeleven
moreinsignificantthanusual.
AndthensuddenlyIrealized
whoshewas.
Mameha,thegeishawhose
kimonoHatsumomohad
mademeruin.
Whathadhappenedtoher
kimonowasn’treallymy
fault;butstill,Iwouldhave
givenuptherobeIwas
wearingnottorunintoher.I
loweredmyheadtokeepmy
facehiddenwhileIshowed
herandhermaidintothe
receptionroom.Ididn’tthink
shewouldrecognizeme,
sinceIfeltcertainshehadn’t
seenmyfacewhenI’d
returnedthekimono;and
evenifshehad,twoyearshad
passedsincethen.Themaid
whoaccompaniedhernow
wasn’tthesameyoung
womanwho’dtakenthe
kimonofrommethatnight
andwhoseeyeshadfilled
withtears.Still,Iwas
relievedwhenthetimecame
formetobowandleavethem
inthereceptionroom.
Twentyminuteslater,
whenMamehaandhermaid
werereadytoleave,Ifetched
theirshoesandarrangedthem
onthestepintheentryway,
stillkeepingmyheaddown
andfeelingeverybitas
nervousasIhadearlier.
Whenhermaidrolledopen
thedoor,Ifeltthatmyordeal
wasover.Butinsteadof
walkingout,Mamehajust
wentonstandingthere.I
begantoworry;andI’m
afraidmyeyesandmymind
weren’tcommunicatingwell,
becauseeventhoughIknewI
shouldn’tdoit,Iletmyeyes
flickup.Iwashorrifiedtosee
thatMamehawaspeering
downatme.
“Whatisyourname,little
girl?”shesaid,inwhatItook
tobeaverysterntone.
Itoldherthatmyname
wasChiyo.
“Standupamoment,
Chiyo.I’dliketohavealook
atyou.”
Irosetomyfeetasshehad
asked;butifithadbeen
possibletomakemyface
shrivelupanddisappear,just
likeslurpingdownanoodle,
I’msureIwouldhavedoneit.
“Comenow,Iwanttohave
alookatyou!”shesaid.
“Hereyouareactinglike
you’recountingthetoeson
yourfeet.”
Iraisedmyhead,though
notmyeyes,andthen
Mamehaletoutalongsigh
andorderedmetolookupat
her.
“Whatunusualeyes!”she
said.“IthoughtImighthave
imaginedit.Whatcolor
wouldyoucallthem,
Tatsumi?”
Hermaidcamebackinto
theentrywayandtookalook
atme.“Blue-gray,ma’am,”
shereplied.
“That’sjustwhatIwould
havesaid.Now,howmany
girlsinGiondoyouthink
haveeyeslikethat?”
Ididn’tknowifMameha
wasspeakingtomeor
Tatsumi,butneitherofus
answered.Shewaslookingat
mewithapeculiarexpression
—concentratingon
something,itseemedtome.
Andthentomygreatrelief,
sheexcusedherselfandleft.
***
Granny’sfuneralwasheld
aboutaweeklater,ona
morningchosenbyafortuneteller.Afterwardwebegan
puttingtheokiyabackin
order,butwithseveral
changes.Auntiemoved
downstairsintotheroomthat
hadbeenGranny’s,while
Pumpkin—whowastobegin
herapprenticeshipasageisha
beforelong—tookthe
second-floorroomwhere
Auntiehadlived.Inaddition,
twonewmaidsarrivedthe
followingweek,bothofthem
middle-agedandvery
energetic.Itmayseemodd
thatMotheraddedmaids
althoughthefamilywasnow
fewerinnumber;butinfact
theokiyahadalwaysbeen
understaffedbecauseGranny
couldn’ttoleratecrowding.
Thefinalchangewasthat
Pumpkin’schoresweretaken
awayfromher.Shewastold
insteadtospendhertime
practicingthevariousartsshe
woulddependuponasa
geisha.Usuallygirlsweren’t
givensomuchopportunity
forpractice,butpoor
Pumpkinwasaslowlearner
andneededtheextratimeif
anyoneeverdid.Ihad
difficultywatchingherasshe
kneltonthewoodenwalkway
everydayandpracticedher
shamisenforhours,withher
tonguepokingoutthesideof
hermouthlikeshewastrying
tolickhercheekclean.She
gavemelittlesmiles
wheneveroureyesmet;and
really,herdispositionwasas
sweetandkindascouldbe.
ButalreadyIwasfindingit
difficulttobeartheburdenof
patienceinmylife,waiting
forsometinyopeningthat
mightnevercomeandthat
wouldcertainlybetheonly
chanceI’deverget.NowI
hadtowatchasthedoorof
opportunitywasheldwide
openforsomeoneelse.Some
nightswhenIwenttobed,I
tookthehandkerchiefthe
Chairmanhadgivenmeand
layonmyfutonsmellingits
richtalcscent.Iclearedmy
mindofeverythingbutthe
imageofhimandthefeeling
ofwarmsunonmyfaceand
thehardstonewallwhereI’d
satthatdaywhenImethim.
Hewasmybodhisattvawitha
thousandarmswhowould
helpme.Icouldn’timagine
howhishelpwouldcometo
me,butIprayedthatit
would.
Towardtheendofthefirst
monthafterGranny’sdeath,
oneofournewmaidscameto
meonedaytosayIhada
visitoratthedoor.Itwasan
unseasonablyhotOctober
afternoon,andmywhole
bodywasdampwith
perspirationfromusingour
oldhand-operatedvacuumto
cleanthetatamimatsupstairs
inPumpkin’snewroom,
whichhadonlyrecentlybeen
Auntie’s;Pumpkinwasinthe
habitofsneakingrice
crackersupstairs,sothe
tatamineededtobecleaned
frequently.Imoppedmyself
withawettowelasquicklyas
Icouldandrusheddown,to
findayoungwomaninthe
entryway,dressedina
kimonolikeamaid’s.Igotto
mykneesandbowedtoher.
OnlywhenIlookedathera
secondtimedidIrecognize
herasthemaidwhohad
accompaniedMamehatoour
okiyaafewweeksearlier.I
wasverysorrytoseeher
there.IfeltcertainIwasin
trouble.Butwhenshe
gesturedformetostepdown
intotheentryway,Islipped
myfeetintomyshoesand
followedherouttothestreet.
“Areyousentonerrands
fromtimetotime,Chiyo?”
sheaskedme.
Somuchtimehadpassed
sinceI’dtriedtorunaway
thatIwasnolongerconfined
totheokiya.Ihadnoidea
whyshewasasking;butI
toldherthatIwas.
“Good,”shesaid.“Arrange
foryourselftobesentout
tomorrowafternoonatthree
o’clock,andmeetmeatthe
littlebridgethatarchesover
theShirakawaStream.”
“Yes,ma’am,”Isaid,“but
mayIaskwhy?”
“You’llfindouttomorrow,
won’tyou?”sheanswered,
withalittlecrinkleofher
nosethatmademewonderif
shewasteasingme.
***
Icertainlywasn’tpleased
thatMameha’smaidwanted
metoaccompanyher
somewhere—probablyto
Mameha,Ithought,tobe
scoldedforwhatI’ddone.
Butjustthesame,the
followingdayItalked
Pumpkinintosendingmeon
anerrandthatdidn’treally
needtoberun.Shewas
worriedaboutgettinginto
trouble,untilIpromisedto
findawayofrepayingher.
Soatthreeo’clock,shecalled
tomefromthecourtyard:
“Chiyo-san,couldyou
pleasegooutandbuyme
somenewshamisenstrings
andafewKabuki
magazines?”Shehadbeen
instructedtoreadKabuki
magazinesforthesakeofher
education.ThenIheardher
sayinanevenloudervoice,
“Isthatallright,Auntie?”
ButAuntiedidn’tanswer,for
shewasupstairstakinganap.
Ilefttheokiyaandwalked
alongtheShirakawaStream
tothearchedbridgeleading
intotheMotoyoshi-cho
sectionofGion.Withthe
weathersowarmandlovely,
quiteanumberofmenand
geishawerestrollingalong,
admiringtheweepingcherry
treeswhosetendrilsdrooped
ontothesurfaceofthewater.
WhileIwaitednearthe
bridge,Iwatchedagroupof
foreigntouristswhohad
cometoseethefamousGion
district.Theyweren’tthe
onlyforeignersI’deverseen
inKyoto,buttheycertainly
lookedpeculiartome,the
big-nosedwomenwiththeir
longdressesandtheir
brightlycoloredhair,themen
sotallandconfident,with
heelsthatclickedonthe
pavement.Oneofthemen
pointedatmeandsaid
somethinginaforeign
language,andtheyallturned
tohavealook.Ifeltso
embarrassedIpretendedto
findsomethingontheground
soIcouldcrouchdownand
hidemyself.
FinallyMameha’smaid
came;andjustasI’dfeared,
sheledmeoverthebridge
andalongthestreamtothe
verysamedoorwaywhere
HatsumomoandKorinhad
handedmethekimonoand
sentmeupthestairs.It
seemedterriblyunfairtome
thatthissameincidentwas
abouttocausestillmore
troubleforme—andafterso
muchtimehadpassed.But
whenthemaidrolledopen
thedoorforme,Iclimbedup
intothegraylightofthe
stairway.Atthetopweboth
steppedoutofourshoesand
wentintotheapartment.
“Chiyoishere,ma’am!”
shecried.
ThenIheardMamehacall
fromthebackroom,“All
right,thankyou,Tatsumi!”
Theyoungwomanledme
toatablebyanopenwindow,
whereIkneltononeofthe
cushionsandtriednottolook
nervous.Veryshortlyanother
maidcameoutwithacupof
teaforme—becauseasit
turnedout,Mamehahadnot
onemaid,buttwo.Icertainly
wasn’texpectingtobeserved
tea;andinfact,nothinglike
thishadhappenedtomesince
dinneratMr.Tanaka’shouse
yearsearlier.Ibowedto
thankherandtookafewsips,
soasnottoseemrude.
AfterwardIfoundmyself
sittingforalongwhilewith
nothingtodobutlistentothe
soundofwaterpassingover
theknee-highcascadeinthe
ShirakawaStreamoutside.
Mameha’sapartment
wasn’tlarge,butitwas
extremelyelegant,with
beautifultatamimatsthat
wereobviouslynew,forthey
hadalovelyyellow-green
sheenandsmelledrichlyof
straw.Ifyou’veeverlooked
closelyenoughatatatami
mat,you’dnoticethatthe
borderarounditisedgedin
fabric,usuallyjustastripof
darkcottonorlinen;butthese
wereedgedinastripofsilk
withapatternofgreenand
gold.Notfarawayinan
alcovehungascrollwritten
inabeautifulhand,which
turnedouttobeagiftto
Mamehafromthefamous
calligrapherMatsudaira
Koichi.Beneathit,onthe
woodenbaseofthealcove,an
arrangementofblossoming
dogwoodbranchesroseup
outofashallowdishthatwas
irregularinshapewitha
crackedglazeofthedeepest
black.Ifounditvery
peculiar,butactuallyithad
beenpresentedtoMamehaby
noneotherthanYoshida
Sakuhei,thegreatmasterof
thesetogurostyleofceramics
whobecameaLiving
NationalTreasureintheyears
afterWorldWarII.
AtlastMamehacameout
fromthebackroom,dressed
exquisitelyinacream
kimonowithawaterdesignat
thehem.Iturnedandbowed
verylowonthematswhile
shedriftedovertothetable;
andwhenshewasthere,she
arrangedherselfonherknees
oppositeme,tookasipoftea
themaidservedtoher,and
thensaidthis:
“Now...Chiyo,isn’tit?
Whydon’tyoutellmehow
youmanagedtogetoutof
yourokiyathisafternoon?
I’msureMrs.Nittadoesn’t
likeitwhenhermaidsattend
topersonalbusinessinthe
middleoftheday.”
Icertainlyhadn’texpected
thissortofquestion.Infact,I
couldn’tthinkofanythingat
alltosay,eventhoughIknew
itwouldberudenotto
respond.Mamehajustsipped
atherteaandlookedatme
withabenignexpressionon
herperfect,ovalface.Finally
shesaid:
“YouthinkI’mtryingto
scoldyou.ButI’monly
interestedtoknowifyou’ve
gottenyourselfintotrouble
bycominghere.”
Iwasveryrelievedtohear
hersaythis.“No,ma’am,”I
said.“I’msupposedtobeon
anerrandfetchingKabuki
magazinesandshamisen
strings.”
“Oh,well,I’vegotplenty
ofthose,”shesaid,andthen
calledhermaidoverandtold
hertofetchsomeandput
themonthetablebeforeme.
“Whenyougobacktoyour
okiya,takethemwithyou,
andnoonewillwonder
whereyou’vebeen.Now,tell
mesomething.WhenIcame
toyourokiyatopaymy
respects,Isawanothergirl
yourage.”
“Thatmusthavebeen
Pumpkin.Withaveryround
face?”
MamehaaskedwhyI
calledherPumpkin,and
whenIexplained,shegavea
laugh.
“ThisPumpkingirl,”
Mamehasaid,“howdoshe
andHatsumomogetalong?”
“Well,ma’am,”Isaid,“I
supposeHatsumomopaysher
nomoreattentionthanshe
wouldaleafthathasfluttered
intothecourtyard.”
“Howverypoetic...aleaf
thathasflutteredintothe
courtyard.Isthattheway
Hatsumomotreatsyouas
well?”
Iopenedmymouthto
speak,butthetruthis,I
wasn’tsurewhattosay.I
knewverylittleabout
Mameha,anditwouldbe
impropertospeakillof
Hatsumomotosomeone
outsidetheokiya.Mameha
seemedtosensewhatIwas
thinking,forshesaidtome:
“Youneedn’tanswer.I
knowperfectlywellhow
Hatsumomotreatsyou:about
likeaserpenttreatsitsnext
meal,Ishouldthink.”
“IfImayask,ma’am,who
hastoldyou?”
“Noonehastoldme,”she
said.“HatsumomoandIhave
knowneachothersinceIwas
agirlofsixandshewasnine.
Whenyou’vewatcheda
creaturemisbehavingitself
oversuchalongperiod,
there’snosecretinknowing
whatitwilldonext.”
“Idon’tknowwhatIdidto
makeherhatemeso,”Isaid.
“Hatsumomoisnoharder
tounderstandthanacat.A
catishappysolongasit’s
lyinginthesunwithnoother
catsaround.Butifitshould
thinksomeoneelseispoking
arounditsmealdish...Has
anyonetoldyouthestoryof
howHatsumomodrove
youngHatsuokioutof
Gion?”
Itoldhernoonehad.
“Whatanattractivegirl
Hatsuokiwas,”Mameha
began.“Andaverydear
friendofmine.Sheandyour
Hatsumomoweresisters.
Thatistosay,they’dboth
beentrainedbythesame
geisha—inthiscase,thegreat
Tomihatsu,whowasalready
anoldwomanatthetime.
YourHatsumomoneverliked
youngHatsuoki,andwhen
theybothbecameapprentice
geisha,shecouldn’tbear
havingherasarival.Soshe
begantospreadarumor
aroundGionthatHatsuoki
hadbeencaughtinapublic
alleywayonenightdoing
somethingveryimproper
withayoungpoliceman.Of
coursetherewasnotruthin
it.IfHatsumomohadsimply
gonearoundtellingthestory,
nooneinGionwouldhave
believedher.Peopleknew
howjealousshefeltabout
Hatsuoki.Sohere’swhatshe
did:whenevershecameupon
someoneverydrunk—a
geisha,oramaid,orevena
manvisitingGion,itdidn’t
matter—shewhisperedthe
storyaboutHatsuokiinsuch
awaythatthenextdaythe
personwho’dhearditdidn’t
rememberthatHatsumomo
hadbeenthesource.Soon
poorHatsuoki’sreputation
wassodamaged,itwasan
easymatterforHatsumomo
toputafewmoreofherlittle
trickstouseanddriveher
out.”
Ifeltastrangereliefat
hearingthatsomeonebesides
mehadbeentreated
monstrouslybyHatsumomo.
“Shecan’tbeartohave
rivals,”Mamehawenton.
“That’sthereasonshetreats
youasshedoes.”
“SurelyHatsumomo
doesn’tseemeasarival,
ma’am,”Isaid.“I’mnomore
arivaltoherthanapuddleis
arivaltotheocean.”
“Notintheteahousesof
Gion,perhaps.Butwithin
yourokiya...Don’tyoufind
itoddthatMrs.Nittahas
neveradoptedHatsumomoas
herdaughter?TheNittaokiya
mustbethewealthiestin
Gionwithoutanheir.By
adoptingHatsumomo,not
onlywouldMrs.Nittasolve
thatproblem,butallof
Hatsumomo’searningswould
thenbekeptbytheokiya,
withoutasinglesenofitpaid
outtoHatsumomoherself.
AndHatsumomoisavery
successfulgeisha!You’d
thinkMrs.Nitta,who’sas
fondofmoneyasanyone,
wouldhaveadoptedhera
longtimeago.Shemusthave
averygoodreasonnottodo
so,don’tyouthink?”
I’dcertainlyneverthought
ofanyofthisbefore,butafter
listeningtoMameha,Ifelt
certainIknewexactlywhat
thereasonwas.
“AdoptingHatsumomo,”I
said,“wouldbelikereleasing
thetigerfromitscage.”
“Itcertainlywould.I’m
sureMrs.Nittaknows
perfectlywellwhatsortof
adopteddaughterHatsumomo
wouldturnouttobe—thesort
thatfindsawaytodrivethe
Motherout.Inanycase,
Hatsumomohasnomore
patiencethanachild.Idon’t
thinkshecouldkeepevena
cricketaliveinawickercage.
Afterayearortwo,she’d
probablyselltheokiya’s
collectionofkimonoand
retire.That,youngChiyo,is
thereasonHatsumomohates
yousoverymuch.The
Pumpkingirl,Idon’timagine
Hatsumomofeelstooworried
aboutMrs.Nittaadopting
her.”
“Mameha-san,”Isaid,
“I’msureyourecallthe
kimonoofyoursthatwas
ruined...”
“You’regoingtotellme
you’rethegirlwhoputinkon
it.”
“Well...yes,ma’am.And
eventhoughI’msureyou
knowHatsumomowas
behindit,Idohopethat
somedayI’llbeabletoshow
howsorryIamforwhat
happened.”
Mamehagazedatmea
longwhile.Ihadnonotion
whatshewasthinkinguntil
shesaid:
“Youmayapologize,if
youwish.”
Ibackedawayfromthe
tableandbowedlowtothe
mats;butbeforeIhada
chancetosayanythingatall,
Mamehainterruptedme.
“Thatwouldbealovely
bow,ifonlyyouwerea
farmervisitingKyotoforthe
firsttime,”shesaid.“But
sinceyouwanttoappear
cultivated,youmustdoitlike
this.Lookatme;move
fartherawayfromthetable.
Allright,thereyouareon
yourknees;nowstraighten
outyourarmsandputyour
fingertipsontothematsin
frontofyou.Justthetipsof
yourfingers;notyourwhole
hand.Andyoumustn’tspread
yourfingersatall;Icanstill
seespacebetweenthem.Very
well,putthemonthemats..
.handstogether...there!
Nowthatlookslovely.Bow
aslowasyoucan,butkeep
yourneckperfectlystraight,
don’tletyourheaddropthat
way.Andforheaven’ssake,
don’tputanyweightonto
yourhandsoryou’lllooklike
aman!That’sfine.Nowyou
maytryitagain.”
SoIbowedtoheronce
more,andtoldheragainhow
deeplysorryIwasforhaving
playedaroleinruiningher
beautifulkimono.
“Itwasabeautifulkimono,
wasn’tit?”shesaid.“Well,
nowwe’llforgetaboutit.I
wanttoknowwhyyou’reno
longertrainingtobeageisha.
Yourteachersattheschool
tellmeyouweredoingwell
rightupuntilthemomentyou
stoppedtakinglessons.You
oughttobeonyourwaytoa
successfulcareerinGion.
WhywouldMrs.Nittastop
yourtraining?”
Itoldheraboutmydebts,
includingthekimonoandthe
broochHatsumomohad
accusedmeofstealing.Even
afterIwasfinished,shewent
onlookingcoldlyatme.
Finallyshesaid:
“There’ssomethingmore
you’renottellingme.
Consideringyourdebts,I’d
expectMrs.Nittatofeelonly
moredeterminedtoseeyou
succeedasageisha.You’ll
certainlyneverrepayherby
workingasamaid.”
WhenIheardthis,Imust
haveloweredmyeyesin
shamewithoutrealizingit;
forinaninstantMameha
seemedabletoreadmyvery
thoughts.
“Youtriedtorunaway,
didn’tyou?”
“Yes,ma’am,”Isaid.“I
hadasister.We’dbeen
separatedbutwemanagedto
findeachother.Wewere
supposedtomeetonacertain
nighttorunawaytogether...
butthenIfellofftheroofand
brokemyarm.”
“Theroof!Youmustbe
joking.Didyougoupthereto
takealastlookatKyoto?”
IexplainedtoherwhyI’d
doneit.“Iknowitwas
foolishofme,”Isaid
afterward.“NowMother
won’tinvestanothersenin
mytraining,sinceshe’safraid
Imayrunawayagain.”
“There’smoretoitthan
that.Agirlwhorunsaway
makesthemistressofher
okiyalookbad.That’sthe
waypeoplethinkherein
Gion.‘Mygoodness,she
can’tevenkeepherown
maidsfromrunningaway!’
Thatsortofthing.Butwhat
willyoudowithyourself
now,Chiyo?Youdon’tlook
tomelikeagirlwhowantsto
liveherlifeasamaid.”
“Oh,ma’am...I’dgive
anythingtoundomy
mistakes,”Isaid.“It’sbeen
morethantwoyearsnow.
I’vewaitedsopatientlyinthe
hopesthatsomeopportunity
mightcomealong.”
“Waitingpatientlydoesn’t
suityou.Icanseeyouhavea
greatdealofwaterinyour
personality.Waternever
waits.Itchangesshapeand
flowsaroundthings,and
findsthesecretpathsnoone
elsehasthoughtabout—the
tinyholethroughtheroofor
thebottomofabox.There’s
nodoubtit’sthemost
versatileofthefiveelements.
Itcanwashawayearth;itcan
putoutfire;itcanweara
pieceofmetaldownand
sweepitaway.Evenwood,
whichisitsnatural
complement,can’tsurvive
withoutbeingnurturedby
water.Andyet,youhaven’t
drawnonthosestrengthsin
livingyourlife,haveyou?”
“Well,actually,ma’am,
waterflowingwaswhatgave
metheideaofescapingover
theroof.”
“I’msureyou’reaclever
girl,Chiyo,butIdon’tthink
thatwasyourcleverest
moment.Thoseofuswith
waterinourpersonalities
don’tpickwherewe’llflow
to.Allwecandoisflow
wherethelandscapeofour
livescarriesus.”
“IsupposeI’mlikeariver
thathascomeupagainsta
dam,andthatdamis
Hatsumomo.”
“Yes,probablythat’strue,”
shesaid,lookingatme
calmly.“Butrivers
sometimeswashdamsaway.”
Fromthemomentofmy
arrivalinherapartment,I’d
beenwonderingwhy
Mamehahadsummonedme.
I’dalreadydecidedthatithad
nothingtodowiththe
kimono;butitwasn’tuntil
nowthatmyeyesfinally
openedtowhathadbeenright
beforemeallalong.Mameha
musthavemadeuphermind
tousemeinseekingher
revengeonHatsumomo.It
wasobvioustometheywere
rivals;whyelsewould
Hatsumomohavedestroyed
Mameha’skimonotwoyears
earlier?NodoubtMameha
hadbeenwaitingforjustthe
rightmoment,andnow,it
seemed,she’dfoundit.She
wasgoingtousemeinthe
roleofaweedthatchokesout
otherplantsinthegarden.
Shewasn’tsimplylooking
forrevenge;unlessIwas
mistaken,shewantedtobe
ridofHatsumomo
completely.
“Inanycase,”Mameha
wenton,“nothingwillchange
untilMrs.Nittaletsyou
resumeyourtraining.”
“Idon’thavemuchhope,”
Isaid,“ofeverpersuading
her.”
“Don’tworryjustnow
aboutpersuadingher.Worry
aboutfindingthepropertime
todoit.”
I’dcertainlylearnedagreat
manylessonsfromlife
already;butIknewnothingat
allaboutpatience—noteven
enoughtounderstandwhat
Mamehameantaboutfinding
thepropertime.Itoldherthat
ifshecouldsuggestwhatI
oughttosay,Iwouldbeeager
tospeakwithMother
tomorrow.
“Now,Chiyo,stumbling
alonginlifeisapoorwayto
proceed.Youmustlearnhow
tofindthetimeandplacefor
things.Amousewhowishes
tofoolthecatdoesn’tsimply
scamperoutofitsholewhen
itfeelstheslightesturge.
Don’tyouknowhowto
checkyouralmanac?”
Idon’tknowifyou’veever
seenanalmanac.Toopenone
andflipthroughthepages,
you’dfinditcrammedwith
themostcomplicatedcharts
andobscurecharacters.
Geishaareavery
superstitiouslot,asI’vesaid.
AuntieandMother,andeven
thecookandthemaids,
scarcelymadeadecisionas
simpleasbuyinganewpair
ofshoeswithoutconsulting
analmanac.ButI’dnever
checkedoneinmylife.
“It’snowonder,allthe
misfortunesyou’ve
experienced,”Mamehatold
me.“Doyoumeantosaythat
youtriedtorunawaywithout
checkingifthedaywas
auspicious?”
Itoldhermysisterhad
madethedecisionwhenwe
wouldleave.Mamehawanted
toknowifIcouldremember
thedate,whichImanagedto
doafterlookingatacalendar
withher;ithadbeenthelast
TuesdayinOctober1929,
onlyafewmonthsafterSatsu
andIweretakenfromour
home.
Mamehatoldhermaidto
bringanalmanacforthat
year;andthenafterasking
mysign—theyearofthe
monkey—shespentsome
timecheckingandcrosscheckingvariouscharts,as
wellasapagethatgavemy
generaloutlookforthe
month.Finallysheread
aloud:
“‘Amostinauspicious
time.Needles,unusualfoods,
andtravelmustbeavoidedat
allcosts.’”Hereshestopped
tolookupatme.“Doyou
hearthat?Travel.Afterthatit
goesontosaythatyoumust
avoidthefollowingthings...
let’ssee...‘bathingduring
thehouroftherooster,’
‘acquiringnewclothing,’
‘embarkingonnew
enterprises,’andlistentothis
one,‘changingresidences.’”
HereMamehaclosedthe
bookandpeeredatme.
“Wereyoucarefulaboutany
ofthosethings?”
Manypeoplehavedoubts
aboutthissortoffortunetelling;butanydoubtsyou
mighthavewouldcertainly
havebeensweptawayif
you’dbeentheretoseewhat
happenednext.Mameha
askedmysister’ssignand
lookedupthesame
informationabouther.
“Well,”shesaidafterlooking
atitforawhile,“itreads,‘An
auspiciousdayforsmall
changes.’Perhapsnotthebest
dayforsomethingas
ambitiousasrunningaway,
butcertainlybetterthanthe
otherdaysthatweekorthe
next.”Andthencamethe
surprisingthing.“Itgoeson
tosay,‘Agooddayfortravel
inthedirectionoftheSheep,’
”Mameharead.Andwhen
shebroughtoutamapand
foundYoroido,itlaytothe
northnortheastofKyoto,
whichwasindeedthe
directioncorrespondingtothe
zodiacsignoftheSheep.
Satsuhadcheckedher
almanac.Thatwasprobably
whatshe’ddonewhenshe
leftmethereintheroom
underthestairwellatthe
Tatsuyoforafewminutes.
Andshe’dcertainlybeen
righttodoit;shehad
escaped,whileIhadn’t.
Thiswasthemomentwhen
Ibegantounderstandhow
unawareI’dbeen—notonly
inplanningtorunaway,but
ineverything.I’dnever
understoodhowclosely
thingsareconnectedtoone
another.Anditisn’tjustthe
zodiacI’mtalkingabout.We
humanbeingsareonlyapart
ofsomethingverymuch
larger.Whenwewalkalong,
wemaycrushabeetleor
simplycauseachangeinthe
airsothataflyendsupwhere
itmightneverhavegone
otherwise.Andifwethinkof
thesameexamplebutwith
ourselvesintheroleofthe
insect,andthelargeruniverse
intherolewe’vejustplayed,
it’sperfectlyclearthatwe’re
affectedeverydaybyforces
overwhichwehavenomore
controlthanthepoorbeetle
hasoverourgiganticfootas
itdescendsuponit.Whatare
wetodo?Wemustuse
whatevermethodswecanto
understandthemovementof
theuniversearoundusand
timeouractionssothatwe
arenotfightingthecurrents,
butmovingwiththem.
Mamehatookupmy
almanacagainandthistime
selectedseveraldatesover
thefollowingweeksthat
wouldbeauspiciousfor
significantchange.Iasked
whetherIshouldtrytospeak
withMotherononeofthe
dates,andexactlywhatI
shouldsay.
“Itisn’tmyintentionto
haveyouspeakwithMrs.
Nittayourself,”shesaid.
“She’llturnyoudowninan
instant.IfIwereher,so
wouldI!Asfarassheknows,
there’snooneinGionwilling
tobeyouroldersister.”
Iwasverysorrytohearher
saythis.“Inthatcase,
Mameha-san,whatshouldI
do?”
“Youshouldgobackto
yourokiya,Chiyo,”shesaid,
“andmentiontonoonethat
you’vespokenwithme.”
Afterthis,shegavemea
lookthatmeantIshouldbow
andexcusemyselfrightthen,
whichIdid.Iwassoflustered
IleftwithouttheKabuki
magazinesandshamisen
stringsMamehahadgiven
me.Hermaidhadtocome
runningdownthestreetwith
them.
ChapterEleven
Ishouldexplainjustwhat
Mamehameantby“older
sister,”eventhoughatthe
time,Ihardlyknewmuch
aboutitmyself.Bythetimea
girlisfinallyreadytomake
herdebutasanapprentice,
sheneedstohaveestablished
arelationshipwithamore
experiencedgeisha.Mameha
hadmentionedHatsumomo’s
oldersister,thegreat
Tomihatsu,whowasalready
anoldwomanwhenshe
trainedHatsumomo;butolder
sistersaren’talwayssosenior
tothegeishatheytrain.Any
geishacanactasoldersister
toayoungergirl,aslongas
shehasatleastoneday’s
seniority.
Whentwogirlsarebound
togetherassisters,they
performaceremonylikea
wedding.Afterwardtheysee
eachotheralmostasmembers
ofthesamefamily,calling
eachother“OlderSister”and
“YoungerSister”justasreal
familymembersdo.Some
geishamaynottaketherole
asseriouslyastheyshould,
butanoldersisterwhodoes
herjobproperlybecomesthe
mostimportantfigureina
younggeisha’slife.Shedoes
agreatdealmorethanjust
makingsureheryounger
sisterlearnstheproperwayof
blendingembarrassmentand
laughterwhenamantellsa
naughtyjoke,orhelpingher
selecttherightgradeofwax
touseunderhermakeup.She
mustalsomakesureher
youngersisterattractsthe
noticeofpeopleshe’llneedto
know.Shedoesthisbytaking
heraroundGionand
presentinghertothe
mistressesofalltheproper
teahouses,tothemanwho
makeswigsforstage
performances,tothechefsat
theimportantrestaurants,and
soon.
There’scertainlyplentyof
workinallofthis.But
introducingheryoungersister
aroundGionduringthedayis
onlyhalfofwhatanolder
sistermustdo.BecauseGion
islikeafaintstarthatcomes
outinitsfullestbeautyonly
afterthesunhasset.Atnight
theoldersistermusttakeher
youngersisterwithherto
entertain,inorderto
introducehertothe
customersandpatronsshe’s
cometoknowovertheyears.
Shesaystothem,“Oh,have
youmetmynewyounger
sister,So-and-so?Pleasebe
suretorememberhername,
becauseshe’sgoingtobea
bigstar!Andpleasepermit
hertocallonyouthenext
timeyouvisitGion.”Of
course,fewmenpayhigh
feestospendtheevening
chattingwithafourteen-year-
old;sothiscustomer
probablywon’t,infact,
summontheyounggirlonhis
nextvisit.Buttheoldersister
andthemistressofthe
teahousewillcontinueto
pushheronhimuntilhedoes.
Ifitturnsouthedoesn’tlike
herforsomereason...well,
that’sanotherstory;but
otherwise,he’llprobablyend
upapatronofhersingood
time,andveryfondofhertoo
—justasheisofherolder
sister.
Takingontheroleofolder
sisteroftenfeelsaboutlike
carryingasackofriceback
andforthacrossthecity.
Becausenotonlyisayounger
sisterasdependentonher
oldersisterasapassengeris
onthetrainsherides;but
whenthegirlbehavesbadly,
it’sheroldersisterwhomust
bearresponsibility.The
reasonabusyandsuccessful
geishagoestoallthistrouble
forayoungergirlisbecause
everyoneinGionbenefits
whenanapprenticesucceeds.
Theapprenticeherself
benefitsbypayingoffher
debtsovertime,ofcourse;
andifshe’slucky,she’llend
upmistresstoawealthyman.
Theoldersisterbenefitsby
receivingaportionofher
youngersister’sfees—asdo
themistressesofthevarious
teahouseswherethegirl
entertains.Eventhe
wigmaker,andtheshop
wherehairornamentsare
sold,andthesweetsshop
wheretheapprenticegeisha
willbuygiftsforherpatrons
fromtimetotime...they
mayneverdirectlyreceivea
portionofthegirl’sfees;but
certainlytheyallbenefitby
thepatronageofyetanother
successfulgeisha,whocan
bringcustomersintoGionto
spendmoney.
It’sfairtosaythat,fora
younggirlinGion,nearly
everythingdependsonher
oldersister.Andyetfewgirls
haveanysayoverwhotheir
oldersisterswillbe.An
establishedgeishacertainly
won’tjeopardizeher
reputationbytakingona
youngersistershethinksis
dullorsomeoneshethinks
herpatronswon’tlike.Onthe
otherhand,themistressofan
okiyathathasinvestedagreat
dealofmoneyintraininga
certainapprenticewon’tsit
quietlyandjustwaitforsome
dullgeishatocomealongand
offertotrainher.Soasa
result,asuccessfulgeisha
endsupwithfarmore
requeststhanshecanmanage.
Someshecanturnaway,and
someshecan’t...which
bringsmetothereasonwhy
Motherprobablydidfeel—
justasMamehasuggested—
thatnotasinglegeishain
Gionwouldbewillingtoact
asmyoldersister.
BackatthetimeIfirst
cametotheokiya,Mother
probablyhadinmindfor
Hatsumomotoactasmy
oldersister.Hatsumomomay
havebeenthesortofwoman
whowouldbiteaspiderright
back,butnearlyany
apprenticewouldhavebeen
happytobeheryounger
sister.Hatsumomohad
alreadybeenoldersistertoat
leasttwowell-knownyoung
geishainGion.Insteadof
torturingthemasshehadme,
she’dbehavedherselfwell.It
washerchoicetotakethem
on,andshediditforthe
moneyitwouldbringher.
Butinmycase,Hatsumomo
couldnomorehavebeen
countedontohelpmein
Gionandthenbecontentwith
thefewextrayenitwould
bringherthanadogcanbe
countedontoescortacat
downthestreetwithout
takingabiteoutofitinthe
alley.Mothercouldcertainly
havecompelledHatsumomo
tobemyoldersister—not
onlybecauseHatsumomo
livedinourokiya,butalso
becauseshehadsofew
kimonoofherownandwas
dependentontheokiya’s
collection.ButIdon’tthink
anyforceonearthcouldhave
compelledHatsumomoto
trainmeproperly.I’msure
thatonthedayshewasasked
totakemetotheMizuki
Teahouseandintroducemeto
themistressthere,shewould
havetakenmeinsteadtothe
banksoftheriverandsaid,
“KamoRiver,haveyoumet
mynewyoungersister?”and
thenpushedmerightin.
Asfortheideaofanother
geishatakingonthetaskof
trainingme...well,itwould
meancrossingpathswith
Hatsumomo.Fewgeishain
Gionwerebraveenoughto
dosuchathing.
***
Lateonemorningafew
weeksaftermyencounter
withMameha,Iwasserving
teatoMotherandaguestin
thereceptionroomwhen
Auntieslidopenthedoor.
“I’msorrytointerrupt,”
Auntiesaid,“butIwonderif
youwouldmindexcusing
yourselfforjustamoment,
Kayoko-san.”Kayokowas
Mother’srealname,yousee,
butwerarelyhearditusedin
ourokiya.“Wehaveavisitor
atthedoor.”
Mothergaveoneofher
coughinglaughswhenshe
heardthis.“Youmustbe
havingadullday,Auntie,”
shesaid,“tocomeannounce
avisitoryourself.Themaids
don’tworkhardenoughasit
is,andnowyou’redoingtheir
jobsforthem.”
“Ithoughtyou’drather
hearfromme,”Auntiesaid,
“thatourvisitorisMameha.”
Ihadbeguntoworrythat
nothingwouldcomeofmy
meetingwithMameha.Butto
hearthatshehadsuddenly
appearedatourokiya...
well,thebloodrushedtomy
facesointenselythatIfelt
likealightbulbjustswitched
on.Theroomwasperfectly
quietforalongmoment,and
thenMother’sguestsaid,
“Mameha-san...well!I’ll
runalong,butonlyifyou
promisetotellmetomorrow
justwhatthisisallabout.”
Itookmyopportunityto
slipoutoftheroomas
Mother’sguestwasleaving.
Thenintheformalentrance
hall,IheardMothersay
somethingtoAuntieI’dnever
imaginedhersaying.Shewas
tappingherpipeintoan
ashtrayshe’dbroughtfrom
thereceptionroom,andwhen
shehandedtheashtraytome,
shesaid,“Auntie,comehere
andfixmyhair,please.”I’d
neverbeforeknownherto
worryintheleastabouther
appearance.It’strueshewore
elegantclothing.Butjustas
herroomwasfilledwith
lovelyobjectsandyetwas
hopelesslygloomy,she
herselfmayhavebeendraped
inexquisitefabrics,buther
eyeswereasoilyasapieceof
old,smellyfish...and
really,sheseemedtoregard
herhairthewayatrain
regardsitssmokestack:itwas
justthethingthathappenedto
beontop.
WhileMotherwas
answeringthedoor,Istoodin
themaids’roomcleaningout
theashtray.AndIworkedso
hardtooverhearMamehaand
Motherthatitwouldn’thave
surprisedmeifIhadstrained
allthemusclesinmyears.
FirstMothersaid,“I’m
sorrytohavekeptyou
waiting,Mameha-san.What
anhonortohaveavisitfrom
you!”
ThenMamehasaid,“I
hopeyou’llforgivemefor
callingsounexpectedly,Mrs.
Nitta.”Orsomethingequally
dull.Anditwentonthisway
forawhile.Allmyhardwork
inoverhearingitwasaboutas
rewardingtomeasaman
wholugsachestupthehill
onlytolearnthatit’sfullof
rocks.
Atlasttheymadetheirway
throughtheformalentrance
halltothereceptionroom.I
wassodesperatetooverhear
theirconversationthatI
grabbedaragfromthemaids’
roomandbeganpolishingthe
flooroftheentrancehallwith
it.NormallyAuntiewouldn’t
havepermittedmetowork
therewhileaguestwasinthe
receptionroom,butshewas
aspreoccupiedwith
eavesdroppingasIwas.
Whenthemaidcameoutafter
servingtea,Auntiestoodto
onesidewhereshewouldn’t
beseenandmadesurethe
doorwasleftopenacrackso
shecouldhear.Ilistenedso
closelytotheirsmalltalkthat
Imusthavelosttrackof
everythingaroundme,for
suddenlyIlookeduptosee
Pumpkin’sroundfacestaring
rightintomine.Shewason
herkneespolishingthefloor,
eventhoughIwasalready
doingitandshewasn’t
expectedtodochores
anymore.
“WhoisMameha?”she
whisperedtome.
Obviouslyshehad
overheardthemaidstalking
amongthemselves;Icould
seethemhuddledtogetheron
thedirtcorridorjustatthe
edgeofthewalkway.
“SheandHatsumomoare
rivals,”Iwhisperedback.
“She’stheonewhosekimono
Hatsumomomademeputink
on.”
Pumpkinlookedlikeshe
wasabouttoasksomething
else,butthenweheard
Mamehasay,“Mrs.Nitta,I
dohopeyou’llforgivemefor
disturbingyouonsuchabusy
day,butI’dliketotalkwith
youbrieflyaboutyourmaid
Chiyo.”
“Oh,no,”Pumpkinsaid,
andlookedintomyeyesto
showhowsorryshefeltfor
thetroubleIwasabouttobe
in.
“OurChiyocanbeabitof
anuisance,”Mothersaid.“I
dohopeshehasn’tbeen
troublingyou.”
“No,nothinglikethat,”
Mamehasaid.“ButInoticed
shehasn’tbeenattendingthe
schoolthesepastfewweeks.
I’msoaccustomedtorunning
intoherfromtimetotimein
thehallway...Justyesterday
Irealizedshemustbeterribly
ill!I’verecentlymetan
extremelycapabledoctor.I
wonder,shallIaskhimto
stopby?”
“It’sverykindofyou,”
saidMother,“butyoumust
bethinkingofadifferentgirl.
Youcouldn’thaveruninto
ourChiyointhehallwayat
theschool.Shehasn’t
attendedlessonstherefortwo
years.”
“Arewethinkingofthe
samegirl?Quitepretty,with
startlingblue-grayeyes?”
“Shedoeshaveunusual
eyes.Buttheremustbetwo
suchgirlsinGion...Who
wouldhavethoughtit!”
“Iwonderifit’spossible
thattwoyearshavepassed
sinceIsawherthere,”
Mamehasaid.“Perhapsshe
madesuchastrong
impressionitstillseemsvery
recent.IfImayask,Mrs.
Nitta...isshequitewell?”
“Oh,yes.Ashealthyasa
youngsapling,andeverybit
asunruly,ifIdosayso.”
“Yetsheisn’ttaking
lessonsanylonger?How
puzzling.”
“Forayounggeishaas
popularasyou,I’msureGion
mustseemaneasyplaceto
makealiving.Butyouknow,
timesareverydifficult.I
can’taffordtoinvestmoney
injustanyone.AssoonasI
realizedhowpoorlysuited
Chiyowas—”
“I’mquitesurewe’re
thinkingoftwodifferent
girls,”Mamehasaid.“Ican’t
imaginethata
businesswomanasastuteas
youare,Mrs.Nitta,would
callChiyo‘poorlysuited’..
.”
“Areyoucertainhername
isChiyo?”Motherasked.
Noneofusrealizedit,but
asshespokethesewords,
Motherwasrisingfromthe
tableandcrossingthelittle
room.Amomentlatershe
slidopenthedoorandfound
herselfstaringdirectlyinto
Auntie’sear.Auntiestepped
outofthewayjustasthough
nothinghadhappened;andI
supposeMotherwascontent
topretendthesame,forshe
didnothingmorethanlook
towardmeandsay,“Chiyochan,comeinherea
moment.”
BythetimeIslidthedoor
shutbehindmeandknelton
thetatamimatstobow,
Motherhadalreadysettled
herselfatthetableagain.
“ThisisourChiyo,”
Mothersaid.
“TheverygirlIwas
thinkingof!”saidMameha.
“Howdoyoudo,Chiyochan?I’mhappythatyou
looksohealthy!Iwasjust
sayingtoMrs.NittathatI’d
beguntoworryaboutyou.
Butyouseemquitewell.”
“Oh,yes,ma’am,very
well,”Ianswered.
“Thankyou,Chiyo,”
Mothertoldme.Ibowedto
excusemyself,butbeforeI
couldrisetomyfeet,
Mamehasaid:
“She’sreallyquitealovely
girl,Mrs.Nitta.Imustsay,at
timesI’vethoughtofcoming
toaskyourpermissionto
makehermyyoungersister.
Butnowthatshe’snolonger
intraining...”
Mothermusthavebeen
shockedtohearthis,because
althoughshe’dbeenonthe
pointoftakingasipoftea,
herhandstoppedonitsway
tohermouthandremained
motionlessthereduringthe
timeittookmetoleavethe
room.Iwasnearlybackto
myplaceonthefloorofthe
entrancehallwhenshefinally
responded.
“Ageishaaspopularas
you,Mameha-san...you
couldhaveanyapprenticein
Gionasyouryoungersister.”
“It’strueI’moftenasked.
ButIhaven’ttakenonanew
youngersisterinmorethana
year.You’dthinkthatwith
thisterribleDepression,
customerswouldhaveslowed
toatrickle,butreally,I’ve
neverbeensobusy.Isuppose
therichjustgorightonbeing
rich,eveninatimelikethis.”
“Theyneedtheirfunmore
thanevernow,”Mothersaid.
“Butyouweresaying...”
“Yes,whatwasIsaying?
Well,itmakesnodifference.
Imustn’ttakeanymoreof
yourtime.I’mpleasedthat
Chiyoisquitehealthyafter
all.”
“Veryhealthy,yes.But,
Mameha-san,waitamoment
beforeyouleave,ifyoudon’t
mind.Youweresayingyou’d
almostconsideredtakingon
Chiyoasyouryounger
sister?”
“Well,bynowshe’sbeen
outoftrainingsolong...”
Mamehasaid.“Anyway,I’m
sureyouhaveanexcellent
reasonforthedecision
you’vemade,Mrs.Nitta.I
wouldn’tdaresecond-guess
you.”
“It’sheartbreaking,the
choicespeopleareforcedto
makeinthesetimes.Ijust
couldn’taffordhertraining
anylonger!However,ifyou
feelshehaspotential,
Mameha-san,I’msureany
investmentyoumightchoose
tomakeinherfuturewould
beamplyrepaid.”
Motherwastryingtotake
advantageofMameha.No
geishaeverpaidlessonfees
forayoungersister.
“Iwishsuchathingwere
possible,”Mamehasaid,“but
withthisterribleDepression.
..”
“Perhapsthere’ssomeway
Icouldmanageit,”Mother
said.“ThoughChiyoisabit
headstrong,andherdebtsare
considerable.I’veoften
thoughthowshockingit
wouldbeifsheevermanaged
torepaythem.”
“Suchanattractivegirl?
I’dfinditshockingifshe
couldn’t.”
“Anyway,there’smoreto
lifethanmoney,isn’tthere?”
Mothersaid.“Onewantsto
doone’sbestforagirllike
Chiyo.PerhapsIcouldsee
mywaytoinvestingabit
moreinher...justforher
lessons,youunderstand.But
wherewoulditalllead?”
“I’msureChiyo’sdebtsare
veryconsiderable,”Mameha
said.“Butevenso,Ishould
thinkshe’llrepaythembythe
timeshe’stwenty.”
“Twenty!”saidMother.“I
don’tthinkanygirlinGion
haseverdonesuchathing.
Andinthemidstofthis
Depression...”
“Yes,thereisthe
Depression,it’strue.”
“Itcertainlyseemstome
ourPumpkinisasafer
investment,”Mothersaid.
“Afterall,inChiyo’scase,
withyouasheroldersister,
herdebtswillonlygrow
worsebeforetheygetbetter.”
Motherwasn’tjusttalking
aboutmylessonfees;shewas
talkingaboutfeesshewould
havetopaytoMameha.A
geishaofMameha’sstanding
commonlytakesalarger
portionofheryounger
sister’searningsthanan
ordinarygeishawould.
“Mameha-san,ifyouhave
amomentlonger,”Mother
wenton,“Iwonderifyou
wouldentertainaproposal.If
thegreatMamehasaysChiyo
willrepayherdebtsbythe
ageoftwenty,howcanI
doubtit’strue?Ofcourse,a
girllikeChiyowon’tsucceed
withoutanoldersistersuchas
yourself,andyetourlittle
okiyaisstretchedtoitslimits
justnow.Ican’tpossibly
offeryouthetermsyou’re
accustomedto.ThebestI
couldofferfromChiyo’s
futureearningsmightbeonly
halfwhatyou’dordinarily
expect.”
“JustnowI’mentertaining
severalverygenerousoffers,”
Mamehasaid.“IfI’mgoing
totakeonayoungersister,I
couldn’tpossiblyaffordtodo
itatareducedfee.”
“I’mnotquitefinished,
Mameha-san,”Mother
replied.“Here’smyproposal.
It’strueIcanaffordonlyhalf
whatyoumightusually
expect.ButifChiyodoes
indeedmanagetorepayher
debtsbytheageoftwenty,as
youanticipate,Iwouldturn
overtoyoutheremainderof
whatyououghttohavemade,
plusanadditionalthirty
percent.Youwouldmake
moremoneyinthelongrun.”
“AndifChiyoturnstwenty
withouthavingrepaidher
debts?”Mamehaasked.
“I’msorrytosaythatin
suchacase,theinvestment
wouldhavebeenapoorone
forbothofus.Theokiya
wouldbeunabletopaythe
feesowedtoyou.”
Therewasasilence,and
thenMamehasighed.
“I’mverypoorwith
numbers,Mrs.Nitta.ButifI
understandcorrectly,you’d
likemetotakeonataskyou
thinkmaybeimpossible,for
feesthatarelessthanusual.
Plentyofpromisingyoung
girlsinGionwouldmakefine
youngersisterstomeatno
riskwhatever.I’mafraidI
mustdeclineyourproposal.”
“You’requiteright,”said
Mother.“Thirtypercentisa
bitlow.I’llofferyoudouble,
instead,ifyousucceed.”
“ButnothingifIfail.”
“Pleasedon’tthinkofitas
nothing.AportionofChiyo’s
feeswouldhavegonetoyou
allalong.It’ssimplythatthe
okiyawouldbeunabletopay
youtheadditionalamount
youwouldbeowed.”
IfeltcertainMamehawas
goingtosayno.Insteadshe
said,“I’dliketofindoutfirst
howsubstantialChiyo’sdebt
reallyis.”
“I’llfetchtheaccount
booksforyou,”Mothertold
her.
***
Iheardnothingmoreof
theirconversation,foratthis
pointAuntieranoutof
patienceformy
eavesdropping,andsentme
outoftheokiyawithalistof
errands.Allthatafternoon,I
feltasagitatedasapileof
rocksinanearthquake;
because,ofcourse,Ihadno
ideahowthingswouldturn
out.IfMotherandMameha
couldn’tcometoan
agreement,Iwouldremaina
maidallmylifejustassurely
asaturtleremainsaturtle.
WhenIreturnedtothe
okiya,Pumpkinwaskneeling
onthewalkwaynearthe
courtyard,makingterrible
twangingnoiseswithher
shamisen.Shelookedvery
pleasedwhenshecaught
sightofme,andcalledme
over.
“Findsomeexcusetogo
intoMother’sroom,”she
said.“She’sbeeninthereall
afternoonwithherabacus.
I’msureshe’llsaysomething
toyou.Thenyouhavetorun
backdownhereandtellme!”
Ithoughtthiswasafine
idea.Oneofmyerrandshad
beentobuysomecreamfor
thecook’sscabies,butthe
pharmacyhadbeenoutofit.
SoIdecidedtogoupstairs
andapologizetoMotherfor
havingcomebacktothe
okiyawithoutit.She
wouldn’tcare,ofcourse;
probablyshedidn’teven
knowI’dbeensenttofetchit.
Butatleastitwouldgetme
intoherroom.
Asitturnedout,Mother
waslisteningtoacomedy
showontheradio.Normally
ifIdisturbedheratatime
likethis,shewouldwaveme
inandgorightonlisteningto
theradio—lookingoverher
accountbooksandpuffingat
herpipe.Buttoday,tomy
surprise,sheturnedoffthe
radioandslappedtheaccount
bookshutthemomentshe
sawme.Ibowedtoherand
wenttokneelatthetable.
“WhileMamehawas
here,”shesaid,“Inoticedyou
inthefor-malentrancehall
polishingthefloor.Wereyou
tryingtooverhearour
conversation?”
“No,ma’am.Therewasa
scratchonthefloorboards.
PumpkinandIweredoing
whatwecouldtobuffitout.”
“Ionlyhopeyouturnout
tobeabettergeishathanyou
arealiar,”shesaid,and
begantolaugh,butwithout
takingherpipeoutofher
mouth,sothatshe
accidentallyblewairintothe
stemandcausedashesto
shootupoutofthelittlemetal
bowl.Someoftheflecksof
tobaccowerestillburning
whentheycamedownonto
herkimono.Sheputthepipe
downontothetableand
whackedherselfwithher
palmuntilshewassatisfied
they’dallbeensnuffedout.
“Now,Chiyo,you’vebeen
hereintheokiyamorethana
year,”shesaid.
“Morethantwoyears,
ma’am.”
“InthattimeI’vehardly
takenanynoticeofyou.And
thentoday,alongcomesa
geishalikeMameha,tosay
shewantstobeyourolder
sister!HowonearthamIto
understandthis?”
AsIsawit,Mamehawas
actuallymoreinterestedin
harmingHatsumomothanin
helpingme.ButIcertainly
couldn’tsaysuchathingto
Mother.Iwasabouttotell
herIhadnoideawhy
Mamehahadtakenaninterest
inme;butbeforeIcould
speak,thedoortoMother’s
roomslidopen,andIheard
Hatsumomo’svoicesay:
“I’msorry,Mother,I
didn’tknowyouwerebusy
scoldingthemaid!”
“Shewon’tbeamaid
muchlonger,”Mothertold
her.“We’vehadavisittoday
thatmayinterestyou.”
“Yes,IgatherMamehahas
comeandpluckedourlittle
minnowoutoftheaquarium,”
Hatsumomosaid.Shedrifted
overandkneltatthetable,so
closethatIhadtoscootaway
tomakeroomforbothofus.
“Forsomereason,”Mother
said,“Mamehaseemstothink
Chiyowillrepayherdebtsby
theageoftwenty.”
Hatsumomo’sfacewas
turnedtowardmine.Tosee
hersmile,youmighthave
thoughtshewasamother
lookingadoringlyatababy.
Butthisiswhatshesaid:
“Perhaps,Mother,ifyou
soldhertoawhorehouse...”
“Stopit,Hatsumomo.I
didn’tinviteyouinhereto
listentothissortofthing.I
wanttoknowwhatyou’ve
donetoMamehalatelyto
provokeher.”
“ImayhaveruinedMiss
Prissy’sdaybystrollingpast
heronthestreet,perhaps,but
otherthanthatIhaven’tdone
athing.”
“Shehassomethingin
mind.I’dliketoknowwhatit
is.”
“There’snomysteryatall,
Mother.Shethinksshecan
getatmebygoingthrough
LittleMissStupid.”
Motherdidn’trespond;she
seemedtobeconsidering
whatHatsumomohadtold
her.“Perhaps,”shesaidat
last,“shereallydoesthink
Chiyowillbeamore
successfulgeishathanour
Pumpkinandwouldliketo
makeabitofmoneyoffher.
Whocanblameherforthat?”
“Really,Mother...
Mamehadoesn’tneedChiyo
inordertomakemoney.Do
youthinkit’sanaccident
she’schosentowasteher
timeonagirlwhohappensto
liveinthesameokiyaIdo?
Mamehawouldprobably
establisharelationshipwith
yourlittledogifshethought
itwouldhelpdrivemeoutof
Gion.”
“Comenow,Hatsumomo.
Whywouldshewanttodrive
yououtofGion?”
“BecauseI’mmore
beautiful.Doessheneeda
betterreason?Shewantsto
humiliatemebytelling
everyone,‘Oh,pleasemeet
mynewyoungersister.She
livesinthesameokiyaas
Hatsumomo,butshe’ssucha
jewelthey’veentrustedherto
mefortraininginstead.’”
“Ican’timagineMameha
behavingthatway,”Mother
said,almostunderherbreath.
“Ifshethinksshecanmake
Chiyointoamoresuccessful
geishathanPumpkin,”
Hatsumomowenton,“she’s
goingtobeverysurprised.
ButI’mdelightedthatChiyo
willbedressedupina
kimonoandparadedaround.
It’saperfectopportunityfor
Pumpkin.Haven’tyouever
seenakittenattackingaball
ofstring?Pumpkinwillbea
muchbettergeishaaftershe’s
sharpenedherteethonthis
one.”
Motherseemedtolikethis,
forsheraisedtheedgesofher
mouthinasortofsmile.
“Ihadnoideawhatafine
daythiswouldbe,”shesaid.
“ThismorningwhenIwoke
up,twouselessgirlswere
livingintheokiya.Now
they’llbefightingitout...
andwithacoupleofthemost
prominentgeishainGion
usheringthemalong!”
ChapterTwelve
Theverynextafternoon
Mamehasummonedmeto
herapartment.Thistimeshe
wasseatedatthetable
waitingformewhenthemaid
slidopenthedoor.Iwas
carefultobowproperly
beforecomingintotheroom
andthentocrosstothetable
andbowagain.
“Mameha-san,Idon’t
knowwhathasledyoutothis
decision...”Ibegan,“butI
can’texpresshowgratefulI
am—”
“Don’tbegratefuljust
yet,”sheinterrupted.
“Nothinghashappened.
You’dbettertellmewhat
Mrs.Nittasaidtoyouafter
myvisityesterday.”
“Well,”Isaid,“Ithink
Motherwasalittleconfused
aboutwhyyou’vetaken
noticeofme...andtotell
thetruth,soamI.”Ihoped
Mamehawouldsay
something,butshedidn’t.
“AsforHatsumomo—”
“Don’tevenwasteyour
timethinkingaboutwhatshe
says.Youalreadyknowshe’d
bethrilledtoseeyoufail,just
asMrs.Nittawould.”
“Idon’tunderstandwhy
Mothershouldwantmeto
fail,”Isaid,“considering
she’llmakemoremoneyifI
succeed.”
“Exceptthatifyoupay
backyourdebtsbytheageof
twenty,she’llowemeagood
dealofmoney.Imadeasort
ofbetwithheryesterday,”
Mamehasaid,whileamaid
servedustea.“Iwouldn’t
havemadethebetunlessI
feltcertainyouwould
succeed.ButifI’mgoingto
beyouroldersister,youmay
aswellknowthatIhavevery
strictterms.”
Iexpectedhertotellthem
tome,butsheonlyglowered
andsaid:
“Really,Chiyo,youmust
stopblowingonyourteathat
way.Youlooklikeapeasant!
Leaveitonthetableuntilit’s
coolenoughtodrink.”
“I’msorry,”Isaid.“I
wasn’tawareIwasdoingit.”
“It’stimeyouwere;a
geishamustbeverycareful
abouttheimageshepresents
totheworld.Now,asIsay,I
haveverystrictterms.To
beginwith,Iexpectyoutodo
whatIaskwithout
questioningmeordoubting
meinanyway.Iknow
you’vedisobeyed
HatsumomoandMrs.Nitta
fromtimetotime.Youmay
thinkthat’sunderstandable;
butifyouaskme,youshould
havebeenmoreobedientin
thefirstplaceandperhaps
noneoftheseunfortunate
thingswouldeverhave
happenedtoyou.”
Mamehawasquiteright.
Theworldhaschangeda
gooddealsince;butwhenI
wasachild,agirlwho
disobeyedherelderswas
soonputinherplace.
“SeveralyearsagoItook
ontwonewyoungersisters,”
Mamehacontinued.“One
workedveryhard,butthe
otherslackedoff.Ibrought
herheretomyapartmentone
dayandexplainedthatI
wouldn’ttoleratehermaking
afoolofmeanylonger,butit
hadnoeffect.Thefollowing
monthItoldhertogoand
findherselfanewolder
sister.”
“Mameha-san,Ipromise
you,suchathingwillnever
happenwithme,”Isaid.
“Thankstoyou,Ifeellikea
shipencounteringitsfirst
tasteoftheocean.Iwould
neverforgivemyselffor
disappointingyou.”
“Yes,well,that’sallfine,
butI’mnotjusttalkingabout
howhardyouwork.You’ll
havetobecarefulnottolet
Hatsumomotrickyou.And
forheaven’ssake,don’tdo
anythingtomakeyourdebts
worsethantheyare.Don’t
breakevenateacup!”
IpromisedherIwouldn’t;
butImustconfessthatwhenI
thoughtofHatsumomo
trickingmeagain...well,I
wasn’tsurehowIcould
defendmyselfifshetried.
“There’sonemorething,”
Mamehasaid.“Whateveryou
andIdiscussmustbekept
private.Youarenevertotell
anyofittoHatsumomo.Even
ifwe’veonlytalkedaboutthe
weather,doyouunderstand?
IfHatsumomoaskswhatI
said,youmusttellher,‘Oh,
Hatsumomo-san,Mamehasanneversaysanythingof
interest!AssoonasI’ve
heardit,itslipsrightoutof
mymind.She’sthedullest
personalive!’”
ItoldMamehaI
understood.
“Hatsumomoisquite
clever,”shewenton.“Ifyou
givehertheslightesthint,
you’llbesurprisedhowmuch
she’llfigureoutonherown.”
Suddenly,Mamehaleaned
towardmeandsaidinan
angryvoice,“Whatwereyou
twotalkingaboutyesterday
whenIsawyouonthestreet
together?”
“Nothing,ma’am!”Isaid.
Andthoughshewenton
glaringatme,Iwasso
shockedIcouldn’tsay
anythingfurther.
“Whatdoyoumean,
nothing?You’dbetteranswer
me,youstupidlittlegirl,or
I’llpourinkinyourear
tonightwhileyou’re
sleeping!”
Ittookmeamomentto
understandthatMamehawas
tryingtodoanimitationof
Hatsumomo.I’mafraidit
wasn’taverygoodimitation,
butnowthatIunderstood
whatshewasdoing,Isaid,
“Honestly,Hatsumomo-san,
Mameha-sanisalwayssaying
thedullestthings!Icannever
rememberasingleoneof
them.Theyjustmeltaway
likesnowflakes.Areyou
quitesureyousawustalking
yesterday?Becauseifwe
talkedatall,Icanhardly
rememberit....”
Mamehawentonfora
time,doingherpoorimitation
ofHatsumomo,andattheend
saidIhaddoneanadequate
job.Iwasn’tasconfidentas
shewas.Beingquestionedby
Mameha,evenwhenshewas
tryingtoactlikeHatsumomo,
wasn’tthesamethingas
keepingupafacadeinfront
ofHatsumomoherself.
***
Inthetwoyearssince
Motherhadputanendtomy
lessons,I’dforgottenmuchof
whatI’dlearned.AndI
hadn’tlearnedmuchtobegin
with,sincemymindhadbeen
occupiedwithotherthings.
Thisiswhy,whenIwent
backtotheschoolafter
Mamehaagreedtobemy
oldersister,IhonestlyfeltI
wasbeginningmylessonsfor
theveryfirsttime.
Iwastwelveyearsoldby
then,andnearlyastallas
Mameha.Havinggrownolder
mayseemlikeanadvantage,
butIcanassureyouitwasn’t.
Mostofthegirlsattheschool
hadbeguntheirstudiesmuch
younger,insomecasesatthe
traditionalageofthreeyears
andthreedays.Thosefew
who’dstartedasyoungasthis
weremostlythedaughtersof
geishathemselves,andhad
beenraisedinsuchawaythat
danceandteaceremony
formedasmuchapartof
theirdailylifeasswimming
inthepondhadforme.
IknowI’vedescribed
somethingofwhatitwaslike
tostudyshamisenwith
TeacherMouse.Butageisha
muststudyagreatmanyarts
besidesshamisen.Andin
fact,the“gei”of“geisha”
means“arts,”sotheword
“geisha”reallymeans
“artisan”or“artist.”Myfirst
lessoninthemorningwasin
akindofsmalldrumwecall
tsutsumi.Youmaywonder
whyageishashouldbother
learningdrums,butthe
answerisverysimple.Ina
banquetoranysortof
informalgatheringinGion,
geishausuallydanceto
nothingmorethanthe
accompanimentofashamisen
andperhapsasinger.Butfor
stageperformances,suchas
DancesoftheOldCapital
everyspring,sixormore
shamisenplayersjoin
togetherasanensemble,
backedbyvarioustypesof
drumsandalsoaJapanese
flutewecallfue.Soyousee,
ageishamusttryherhandat
alloftheseinstruments,even
thougheventuallyshe’llbe
encouragedtospecializein
oneortwo.
AsIsay,myearly-morning
lessonwasinthelittledrum
wecalltsutsumi,whichis
playedinakneelingposition
likealltheothermusical
instrumentswestudied.
Tsutsumiisdifferentfromthe
otherdrumsbecauseit’sheld
ontheshoulderandplayed
withthehand,unlikethe
largerokawa,whichrestson
thethigh,orthelargestdrum
ofall,calledtaiko,whichsits
edgewiseonastandandis
struckwithfatdrumsticks.I
studiedthemallatonetime
orother.Adrummayseem
likeaninstrumentevena
childcanplay,butactually
therearevariouswaysof
strikingeachofthem,suchas
—forthebigtaiko—bringing
thearmacrossthebodyand
thenswingingthedrumstick
backhand,youmightsay,
whichwecalluchikomi;or
strikingwithonearmwhile
bringingtheotherupatthe
samemoment,whichwecall
sarashi.Thereareother
methodsaswell,andeach
producesadifferentsound,
butonlyafteragreatdealof
practice.Ontopofthis,the
orchestraisalwaysinviewof
thepublic,soallthese
movementsmustbegraceful
andattractive,aswellas
beinginunisonwiththeother
players.Halftheworkisin
makingtherightsound;the
otherhalfisindoingitthe
properway.
Followingdrums,mynext
lessonofthemorningwasin
Japaneseflute,andafterthat
inshamisen.Themethodin
studyinganyofthese
instrumentswasmoreorless
thesame.Theteacherbegan
byplayingsomething,and
thenthestudentstriedtoplay
itback.Onoccasionwe
soundedlikeabandof
animalsatthezoo,butnot
often,becausetheteachers
werecarefultobeginsimply.
Forexample,inmyfirst
lessonontheflute,the
teacherplayedasinglenote
andwetriedoneatatimeto
playitback.Evenafteronly
onenote,theteacherstill
foundplentytosay.
“So-and-so,youmustkeep
yourlittlefingerdown,notup
intheair.Andyou,Suchand-such,doesyourflute
smellbad?Wellthen,whydo
youwrinkleyournosethat
way!”
Shewasverystrict,like
mostoftheteachers,and
naturallywewereafraidof
makingmistakes.Itwasn’t
uncommonforhertotakethe
flutefromsomepoorgirlin
ordertohitheronthe
shoulderwithit.
Afterdrums,flute,and
shamisen,mynextlessonwas
usuallyinsinging.Weoften
singatpartiesinJapan;and
ofcourse,partiesaremostly
whatmencometoGionfor.
Butevenifagirlcan’tholda
tuneandwillneverbeasked
toperforminfrontofothers,
shemuststillstudysingingto
helpherunderstanddance.
Thisisbecausethedancesare
settoparticularpiecesof
music,oftenperformedbya
singeraccompanyingherself
ontheshamisen.
Therearemanydifferent
typesofsongs—oh,farmore
thanIcouldpossiblycount—
butinourlessonswestudied
fivedifferentkinds.Some
werepopularballads;some
werelongpiecesfrom
Kabukitheatertellingastory;
othersweresomethinglikea
shortmusicalpoem.Itwould
besenselessformetotry
describingthesesongs.But
letmesaythatwhileIfind
mostofthemenchanting,
foreignersoftenseemtothink
theysoundmorelikecats
wailinginatempleyardthan
music.Itistruethat
traditionalJapanesesinging
involvesagooddealof
warblingandisoftensungso
farbackinthethroatthatthe
soundcomesoutfromthe
noseratherthanthemouth.
Butit’sonlyamatterofwhat
you’reaccustomedto
hearing.
Inalloftheseclasses,
musicanddancewereonly
partofwhatwelearned.
Becauseagirlwhohas
masteredthevariousartswill
stillcomeoffbadlyataparty
ifshehasn’tlearnedproper
comportmentandbehavior.
Thisisonereasonthe
teachersalwaysinsistupon
goodmannersandbearingin
theirstudents,evenwhena
girlisonlyscurryingdown
thehalltowardthetoilet.
Whenyou’retakingalesson
inshamisen,forexample,
you’llbecorrectedfor
speakinginanythingbutthe
mostproperlanguage,orfor
speakinginaregionalaccent
ratherthaninKyotospeech,
orforslouching,orwalking
inlumberingsteps.Infact,
themostseverescoldinga
girlislikelytoreceive
probablywon’tbeforplaying
herinstrumentbadlyor
failingtolearnthewordstoa
song,butratherforhaving
dirtyfingernails,orbeing
disrespectful,orsomethingof
thatsort.
SometimeswhenI’ve
talkedwithforeignersabout
mytraining,they’veasked,
“Well,whendidyoustudy
flowerarranging?”The
answeristhatIneverdid.
Anyonewhositsdownin
frontofamanandbeginsto
arrangeflowersbywayof
entertaininghimislikelyto
lookupandfindthathehas
laidhisheaddownonthe
tabletogotosleep.Youmust
rememberthatageisha,
aboveall,isanentertainer
andaperformer.Wemay
poursakeorteaforaman,
butwenevergoandfetch
anotherservingofpickles.
Andinfact,wegeishaareso
wellpamperedbyourmaids
thatwescarcelyknowhowto
lookafterourselvesorkeep
ourownroomsorderly,much
lessadornaroomina
teahousewithflowers.
Mylastlessonofthe
morningwasinteaceremony.
Thisisasubjectmanybooks
arewrittenabout,soIwon’t
trytogointomuchdetail.But
basically,ateaceremonyis
conductedbyoneortwo
peoplewhositbeforetheir
guestsandprepareteaina
verytraditionalmanner,using
beautifulcups,andwhisks
madefrombamboo,andso
forth.Eventheguestsarea
partoftheceremonybecause
theymustholdthecupina
certainmanneranddrink
fromitjustso.Ifyouthinkof
itassittingdowntohavea
nicecupoftea...well,it’s
morelikeasortofdance,or
evenameditation,conducted
whilekneeling.Theteaitself
ismadefromtealeaves
groundintoapowderand
thenwhiskedwithboiled
waterintoafrothygreenmix
wecallmatcha,whichisvery
unpopularwithforeigners.
I’lladmititdoeslooklike
greensoapywaterandhasa
bittertastethattakesacertain
gettingusedto.
Teaceremonyisavery
importantpartofageisha’s
training.Itisn’tunusualfora
partyataprivateresidenceto
beginwithabrieftea
ceremony.Andtheguests
whocometoseetheseasonal
dancesinGionarefirst
servedteamadebygeisha.
Myteaceremonyteacher
wasayoungwomanof
perhapstwenty-fivewho
wasn’taverygoodgeisha,as
Ilaterlearned;butshewasso
obsessedwithteaceremony
thatshetaughtitasifevery
movementwasabsolutely
holy.Becauseofher
enthusiasmIquicklylearned
torespectherteaching,andI
mustsayitwastheperfect
lessontohaveattheendofa
longmorning.The
atmospherewassoserene.
Evennow,Ifindtea
ceremonyasenjoyableasa
goodnight’ssleep.
Whatmakesageisha’s
trainingsodifficultisn’t
simplytheartsshemust
learn,buthowhecticherlife
becomes.Afterspendingall
morninginlessons,sheisstill
expectedtoworkduringthe
afternoonandeveningvery
muchasshealwayshas.And
still,shesleepsnomorethan
threetofivehoursevery
night.Duringtheseyearsof
training,ifI’dbeentwo
peoplemylifewould
probablystillhavebeentoo
busy.Iwouldhavebeen
gratefulifMotherhadfreed
mefrommychoresasshe
hadPumpkin;butconsidering
herbetwithMameha,Idon’t
thinksheeverconsidered
offeringmemoretimefor
practice.Someofmychores
weregiventothemaids,but
mostdaysIwasresponsible
formorethanIcould
manage,whilestillbeing
expectedtopracticeshamisen
foranhourormoreduring
theafternoon.Inwinter,both
PumpkinandIweremadeto
toughenupourhandsby
holdingtheminicewater
untilwecriedfrompain,and
thenpracticeoutsideinthe
frigidairofthecourtyard.I
knowitsoundsterriblycruel,
butit’sthewaythingswere
donebackthen.Andinfact,
tougheningthehandsinthis
wayreallydidhelpmeplay
better.Yousee,stagefright
drainsthefeelingfromyour
hands;andwhenyou’ve
alreadygrownaccustomedto
playingwithhandsthatare
numbedandmiserable,stage
frightpresentsmuchlessofa
problem.
InthebeginningPumpkin
andIpracticedshamisen
togethereveryafternoon,
rightafterourhour-long
lessoninreadingandwriting
withAuntie.We’dstudied
Japanesewithhereversince
myarrival,andAuntiealways
insistedongoodbehavior.
Butwhilepracticing
shamisenduringthe
afternoon,PumpkinandIhad
greatfuntogether.Ifwe
laughedoutloudAuntieor
oneofthemaidswouldcome
scoldus;butaslongaswe
madeverylittlenoiseand
plunkedawayatour
shamisenswhilewetalked,
wecouldgetawaywith
spendingthehourenjoying
eachother’scompany.Itwas
thetimeofdayIlooked
forwardtomost.
Thenoneafternoonwhile
Pumpkinwashelpingme
withatechniqueforslurring
notestogether,Hatsumomo
appearedinthecorridor
beforeus.Wehadn’teven
heardhercomeintothe
okiya.
“Why,look,it’sMameha’s
little-sister-to-be!”shesaidto
me.Sheaddedthe“to-be”
becauseMamehaandI
wouldn’tofficiallybesisters
untilthetimeofmydebutas
anapprenticegeisha.
“Imighthavecalledyou
‘LittleMissStupid,’”she
wenton,“butafterwhatI’ve
justobserved,IthinkIought
tosavethatforPumpkin
instead.”
PoorPumpkinloweredher
shamisenintoherlapjustlike
adogputtingitstailbetween
itslegs.“HaveIdone
somethingwrong?”she
asked.
Ididn’thavetolook
directlyatHatsumomotosee
theangerbloomingonher
face.Iwasterriblyafraidof
whatwouldhappennext.
“Nothingatall!”
Hatsumomosaid.“Ijust
didn’trealizewhata
thoughtfulpersonyouare.”
“I’msorry,Hatsumomo,”
Pumpkinsaid.“Iwastrying
tohelpChiyoby—”
“ButChiyodoesn’twant
yourhelp.Whenshewants
helpwithhershamisen,she’ll
gotoherteacher.Isthathead
ofyoursjustabig,hollow
gourd?”
AndhereHatsumomo
pinchedPumpkinbythelip
sohardthattheshamisenslid
offherlapontothewooden
walkwaywhereshewas
seated,andfellfromthere
ontothedirtcorridorbelow.
“YouandIneedtohavea
littletalk,”Hatsumomosaid
toher.“You’llputyour
shamisenaway,andI’llstand
heretomakesureyoudon’t
doanythingelsestupid.”
WhenHatsumomoletgo,
poorPumpkinsteppeddown
topickuphershamisenand
begindisassemblingit.She
gavemeapitifulglance,and
Ithoughtshemightcalm
down.Butinfactherlip
begantoquiver;thenher
wholefacetrembledlikethe
groundbeforeanearthquake;
andsuddenlyshedroppedthe
piecesofhershamisenonto
thewalkwayandputherhand
toherlip—whichhadalready
beguntoswell—whiletears
rolleddownhercheeks.
Hatsumomo’sfacesoftened
asiftheangryskyhad
broken,andsheturnedtome
withasatisfiedsmile.
“You’llhavetofind
yourselfanotherlittlefriend,”
shesaidtome.“After
PumpkinandIhavehadour
talk,she’llknowbetterthan
tospeakawordtoyouinthe
future.Won’tyou,
Pumpkin?”
Pumpkinnodded,forshe
hadnochoice;butIcouldsee
howsorryshefelt.Wenever
practicedshamisentogether
again.
***
Ireportedthisencounterto
MamehathenexttimeI
visitedherapartment.
“Ihopeyoutooktoheart
whatHatsumomosaidto
you,”shetoldme.“If
Pumpkinisn’ttospeaka
wordtoyou,thenyou
mustn’tspeakawordtoher
either.You’llonlygether
intotrouble;andbesides,
she’llhavetotellHatsumomo
whatyousay.Youmayhave
trustedthepoorgirlinthe
past,butyoumustn’tany
longer.”
Ifeltsosadathearingthis,
Icouldhardlyspeakfora
longwhile.“Tryingto
surviveinanokiyawith
Hatsumomo,”Isaidatlast,
“islikeapigtryingtosurvive
inaslaughterhouse.”
IwasthinkingofPumpkin
whenIsaidthis,butMameha
musthavethoughtImeant
myself.“You’requiteright,”
shesaid.“Youronlydefense
istobecomemoresuccessful
thanHatsumomoanddrive
herout.”
“Buteveryonesaysshe’s
oneofthemostpopular
geisha.Ican’timaginehow
I’lleverbecomemore
popularthansheis.”
“Ididn’tsaypopular,”
Mamehareplied.“Isaid
successful.Goingtoalotof
partiesisn’teverything.Ilive
inaspaciousapartmentwith
twomaidsofmyown,while
Hatsumomo—whoprobably
goestoasmanypartiesasI
do—continuestoliveinthe
Nittaokiya.WhenIsay
successful,Imeanageisha
whohasearnedher
independence.Untilageisha
hasassembledherown
collectionofkimono—or
untilshe’sbeenadoptedas
thedaughterofanokiya,
whichisjustaboutthesame
thing—she’llbeinsomeone
else’spowerallherlife.
You’veseensomeofmy
kimono,haven’tyou?How
doyousupposeIcameby
them?”
“I’vebeenthinkingthat
perhapsyouwereadoptedas
thedaughterofanokiya
beforeyoucametolivein
thisapartment.”
“Ididliveinanokiyauntil
aboutfiveyearsago.Butthe
mistresstherehasanatural
daughter.Shewouldnever
adoptanother.”
“SoifImightask...did
youbuyyourentirecollection
ofkimonoyourself?”
“Howmuchdoyouthinka
geishaearns,Chiyo!A
completecollectionof
kimonodoesn’tmeantwoor
threerobesforeachofthe
seasons.Somemen’slives
revolvearoundGion.They’ll
growborediftheyseeyouin
thesamethingnightafter
night.”
Imusthavelookedevery
bitaspuzzledasIfelt,for
Mamehagavealaughatthe
expressiononmyface.
“Cheerup,Chiyo-chan,
there’sananswertothis
riddle.Mydannaisa
generousmanandboughtme
mostoftheserobes.That’s
whyI’mmoresuccessfulthan
Hatsumomo.Ihaveawealthy
danna.Shehasn’thadonein
years.”
***
I’dalreadybeeninGion
longenoughtoknow
somethingofwhatMameha
meantbyadanna.It’sthe
termawifeusesforher
husband—orrather,itwasin
myday.Butageishawho
referstoherdannaisn’t
talkingaboutahusband.
Geishanevermarry.Orat
leastthosewhodonolonger
continueasgeisha.
Yousee,sometimesaftera
partywithgeisha,certainmen
don’tfeelsatisfiedwithall
theflirtingandbegintolong
forsomethingabitmore.
Someofthesemenare
contenttomaketheirwayto
placeslikeMiyagawa-cho,
wherethey’lladdtheodorof
theirownsweattothe
unpleasanthousesIsawon
thenightIfoundmysister.
Othermenworkuptheir
couragetoleaninblearyeyedandwhispertothe
geishabesidethemaquestion
aboutwhather“fees”might
be.Alower-classgeishamay
beperfectlyagreeabletosuch
anarrangement;probably
she’shappytotakewhatever
incomeisofferedher.A
womanlikethismaycall
herselfageishaandbelisted
attheregistryoffice;butI
thinkyoushouldtakealook
athowshedances,andhow
wellsheplaysshamisen,and
whatsheknowsabouttea
ceremonybeforeyoudecide
whetherornotshereallyisa
propergeisha.Atruegeisha
willneversoilherreputation
bymakingherselfavailable
tomenonanightlybasis.
Iwon’tpretendageisha
nevergivesincasuallytoa
manshefindsattractive.But
whethershedoesornotisher
privateaffair.Geishahave
passionslikeeveryoneelse,
andtheymakethesame
mistakes.Ageishawhotakes
suchariskcanonlyhopeshe
isn’tfoundout.Her
reputationiscertainlyat
stake;butmoreimportant,so
isherstandingwithher
danna,ifshehasone.What’s
more,sheinvitesthewrathof
thewomanwhorunsher
okiya.Ageishadeterminedto
followherpassionsmight
takethisrisk;butshe
certainlywon’tdoitfor
spendingmoneyshemight
justaseasilyearninsome
legitimateway.
Soyousee,ageishaofthe
firstorsecondtierinGion
can’tbeboughtforasingle
night,notbyanyone.Butif
therightsortofmanis
interestedinsomethingelse
—notanighttogether,buta
muchlongertime—andif
he’swillingtooffersuitable
terms,well,inthatcasea
geishawillbehappytoaccept
suchanarrangement.Parties
andsoonareallverynice;
buttherealmoneyinGion
comesfromhavingadanna,
andageishawithoutone—
suchasHatsumomo—islike
astraycatonthestreet
withoutamastertofeedit.
Youmightexpectthatin
thecaseofabeautifulwoman
likeHatsumomo,anynumber
ofmenwouldhavebeen
eagertoproposethemselves
asherdanna;andI’msure
thereweremanywhodid.
Shehadinfacthadadannaat
onetime.Butsomehowor
othershe’dsoangeredthe
mistressoftheMizuki,which
washerprincipalteahouse,
thatmenwhomadeinquiries
foreverafterwardweretold
shewasn’tavailable—which
theyprobablytooktomean
shealreadyhadadanna,even
thoughitwasn’ttrue.In
damagingherrelationship
withthemistress,
Hatsumomohadhurtnoone
somuchasherself.Asavery
populargeisha,shemade
enoughmoneytokeep
Motherhappy;butasageisha
withoutadanna,shedidn’t
makeenoughtogainher
independenceandmoveout
oftheokiyaonceandforall.
Norcouldshesimplychange
herregistrationtoanother
teahousewhosemistress
mightbemore
accommodatinginhelping
herfindadanna;noneofthe
othermistresseswouldwant
todamagetheirrelationships
withtheMizuki.
Ofcourse,theaverage
geishaisn’ttrappedinthis
way.Insteadshespendsher
timecharmingmeninthe
hopesthatoneofthemwill
eventuallymakeaninquiry
withthemistressofthe
teahouseabouther.Manyof
theseinquiriesleadnowhere;
theman,whenhe’s
investigated,maybefoundto
havetoolittlemoney;orhe
maybalkwhensomeone
suggestshegiveagiftofan
expensivekimonoasa
gestureofgoodwill.Butifthe
weeksofnegotiationscome
toasuccessfulconclusion,
thegeishaandhernewdanna
conductaceremonyjustlike
whentwogeishabecome
sisters.Inmostcasesthis
bondwillprobablylastsix
monthsorso,perhapslonger
—becauseofcourse,mentire
soquicklyofthesamething.
Thetermsofthearrangement
willprobablyobligethe
dannatopayoffaportionof
thegeisha’sdebtsandcover
manyofherlivingexpenses
everymonth—suchasthe
costofhermakeupand
perhapsaportionofher
lessonfees,andmaybeher
medicalexpensesaswell.
Thingsofthatsort.Despite
alltheseextravagant
expenses,he’llstillcontinue
topayherusualhourlyfee
wheneverhespendstime
withher,justasherother
customersdo.Buthe’salso
entitledtocertain
“privileges.”
Thesewouldbethe
arrangementsforanaverage
geisha.Butaverytopgeisha,
ofwhichtherewereprobably
thirtyorfortyinGion,would
expectmuchmore.Tobegin
with,shewouldn’teven
considertarnishingher
reputationwithastringof
danna,butmightinsteadhave
onlyoneortwoinherentire
life.Notonlywillherdanna
coverallofherliving
expenses,suchasher
registrationfee,herlesson
fees,andhermeals;what’s
more,he’llprovideherwith
spendingmoney,sponsor
dancerecitalsforher,and
buyhergiftsofkimonoand
jewelry.Andwhenhespends
timewithher,hewon’tpay
herusualhourlyfee;he’ll
probablypaymore,asa
gestureofgoodwill.
Mamehawascertainlyone
ofthesetopgeisha;infact,as
Icametolearn,shewas
probablyoneofthetwoor
threebest-knowngeishainall
ofJapan.Youmayhave
heardsomethingaboutthe
famousgeishaMametsuki,
whohadanaffairwiththe
primeministerofJapan
shortlybeforeWorldWarI
andcausedsomethingofa
scandal.ShewasMameha’s
oldersister—whichiswhy
theybothhad“Mame”in
theirnames.It’scommonfor
ayounggeishatoderiveher
namefromthenameofher
oldersister.
Havinganoldersisterlike
Mametsukiwasalready
enoughtoensureMamehaa
successfulcareer.Butinthe
early1920s,theJapanTravel
Bureaubeganitsfirst
internationaladvertising
campaign.Theposters
showedalovelyphotograph
ofthepagodafromtheToji
Templeinsoutheastern
Kyoto,withacherrytreeto
onesideandalovelyyoung
apprenticegeishaontheother
sidelookingveryshyand
graceful,andexquisitely
delicate.Thatapprentice
geishawasMameha.
Itwouldbean
understatementtosaythat
Mamehabecamefamous.The
posterwasdisplayedinbig
citiesallovertheworld,with
thewords“ComeandVisit
theLandoftheRisingSun”
inallsortsofforeign
languages—notonlyEnglish,
butGerman,French,Russian,
and...oh,otherlanguages
I’veneverevenheardof.
Mamehawasonlysixteenat
thetime,butsuddenlyshe
foundherselfbeing
summonedtomeetevery
headofstatewhocameto
Japan,andeveryaristocrat
fromEnglandorGermany,
andeverymillionairefrom
theUnitedStates.Shepoured
sakeforthegreatGerman
writerThomasMann,who
afterwardtoldheralong,dull
storythroughaninterpreter
thatwentonandonfornearly
anhour;aswellasCharlie
Chaplin,andSunYat-sen,
andlaterErnestHemingway,
whogotverydrunkandsaid
thebeautifulredlipsonher
whitefacemadehimthinkof
bloodinthesnow.Inthe
yearssincethen,Mamehahad
grownonlymorefamousby
puttingonanumberof
widelypublicizeddance
recitalsattheKabukiza
TheaterinTokyo,usually
attendedbytheprime
ministerandagreatmany
otherluminaries.
WhenMamehahad
announcedherintentionof
takingmeonasheryounger
sister,Ihadn’tknownanyof
thesethingsabouther,and
it’sjustaswell.ProbablyI
wouldhavefeltso
intimidated,Icouldn’thave
donemuchmorethantremble
inherpresence.
***
Mamehawaskindenough
tositmedownandexplain
muchofthisonthatdayin
herapartment.Whenshewas
satisfiedthatIunderstood
her,shesaid:
“Followingyourdebut,
you’llbeanapprenticegeisha
untiltheageofeighteen.
Afterthatyou’llneedadanna
ifyou’retopaybackyour
debts.Averysubstantial
danna.Myjobwillbeto
makesureyou’rewellknown
inGionbythen,butit’supto
youtoworkhardatbecoming
anaccomplisheddancer.If
youcan’tmakeitatleastto
thefifthrankbytheageof
sixteen,nothingIcandowill
helpyou,andMrs.Nittawill
bedelightedtowinherbet
withme.”
“But,Mameha-san,”Isaid,
“Idon’tunderstandwhat
dancehastodowithit.”
“Dancehaseverythingto
dowithit,”shetoldme.“If
youlookaroundatthemost
successfulgeishainGion,
everyoneofthemisa
dancer.”
***
Danceisthemostrevered
ofthegeisha’sarts.Onlythe
mostpromisingandbeautiful
geishaareencouragedto
specializeinit,andnothing
exceptperhapsteaceremony
cancomparetotherichness
ofitstradition.TheInoue
Schoolofdance,practicedby
thegeishaofGion,derives
fromNohtheater.Because
Nohisaveryancientartthat
hasalwaysbeenpatronized
bytheImperialcourt,dancers
inGionconsidertheirart
superiortotheschoolof
dancepracticedinthe
Pontochodistrictacrossthe
river,whichderivesfrom
Kabuki.Now,I’magreat
admirerofKabuki,andin
factI’vebeenluckyenough
tohaveasmyfriendsa
numberofthemostfamous
Kabukiactorsofthiscentury.
ButKabukiisarelatively
youngartform;itdidn’texist
beforethe1700s.Andithas
alwaysbeenenjoyedby
ordinarypeopleratherthan
patronizedbytheImperial
court.Thereissimplyno
comparingthedancein
PontochototheInoueSchool
ofGion.
Allapprenticegeishamust
studydance,but,asIsay,
onlythepromisingand
attractiveoneswillbe
encouragedtospecializeand
goontobecometruedancers,
ratherthanshamisenplayers
orsingers.Unfortunately,the
reasonPumpkin,withher
soft,roundface,spentso
muchofhertimepracticing
shamisenwasbecauseshe
hadn’tbeenselectedasa
dancer.Asforme,Iwasn’tso
exquisitelybeautifulthatI
wasgivennochoicebutto
dance,likeHatsumomo.It
seemedtomeIwould
becomeadanceronlyby
demonstratingtomyteachers
thatIwaswillingtoworkas
hardasnecessary.
ThankstoHatsumomo,
however,mylessonsgotoff
toaverybadstart.My
instructorwasawomanof
aboutfifty,knowntousas
TeacherRump,becauseher
skingatheredatherthroatin
suchawayastomakealittle
rearendtherebeneathher
chin.TeacherRumphated
Hatsumomoasmuchas
anyoneinGiondid.
Hatsumomoknewthisquite
well;andsowhatdoyou
thinkshedid?Shewentto
her—Iknowthisbecause
TeacherRumptoldittome
someyearslater—andsaid:
“Teacher,mayIbe
permittedtoaskyouafavor?
Ihavemyeyeononeofthe
studentsinyourclass,who
seemstomeaverytalented
girl.I’dbeextremelygrateful
ifyoucouldtellmewhatyou
thinkofher.Hernameis
Chiyo,andI’mvery,very
fondofher.I’dbegreatlyin
yourdebtforanyspecialhelp
youmightgiveher.”
Hatsumomoneverneeded
tosayanotherwordafterthis,
becauseTeacherRumpgave
meallthe“specialhelp”
Hatsumomohopedshe
would.Mydancingwasn’t
bad,really,butTeacher
Rumpbeganatoncetouse
measanexampleofhow
thingsshouldnotbedone.
Forexample,Irememberone
morningwhenshe
demonstratedamovetousby
drawingherarmacrossher
bodyjustsoandthen
stampingonefootonthe
mats.Wewereallexpectedto
copythismoveinunison;but
becausewewerebeginners,
whenwefinishedand
stampedourfeet,itsounded
asifaplatterstackedwith
beanbagshadbeenspilled
ontothefloor,fornotasingle
foothitthematsatthesame
momentasanyother.Ican
assureyouI’ddonenoworse
atthisthananyoneelse,but
TeacherRumpcameand
stoodbeforemewiththat
littlerearendunderherchin
quivering,andtappedher
foldingfanagainstherthigha
fewtimesbeforedrawingit
backandstrikingmeonthe
sideoftheheadwithit.
“Wedon’tstampatjust
anyoldmoment,”shesaid.
“Andwedon’ttwitchour
chins.”
IndancesoftheInoue
School,thefacemustbekept
perfectlyexpressionlessin
imitationofthemasksworn
inNohtheater.Butforherto
complainaboutmychin
twitchingattheverymoment
whenherownwastrembling
inanger...well,Iwasonthe
edgeoftearsbecauseshe’d
struckme,buttheother
studentsburstoutlaughing.
TeacherRumpblamedmefor
theoutburst,andsentmeout
oftheclassroomin
punishment.
Ican’tsaywhatmighthave
becomeofmeunderhercare,
ifMamehahadn’tfinally
gonetohaveatalkwithher
andhelpedhertofigureout
whathadreallyhappened.
HowevermuchTeacher
Rumpmighthavehated
Hatsumomobeforehand,I’m
sureshehatedherallthe
moreafterlearninghow
Hatsumomohaddupedher.
I’mhappytosayshefeltso
terribleaboutthewayshehad
treatedmethatIsoonbecame
oneofherfavoritestudents.
***
Iwon’tsayIhadany
naturaltalentofanykindat
all,indanceorinanything
else;butIwascertainlyas
determinedasanyonetowork
single-mindedlyuntilI
reachedmygoal.Since
meetingtheChairmanonthe
streetthatdaybackinthe
spring,Ihadlongedfor
nothingsomuchasthe
chancetobecomeageisha
andfindaplaceformyselfin
theworld.NowthatMameha
hadgivenmethatchance,I
wasintentonmakinggood.
Butwithallmylessonsand
chores,andwithmyhigh
expectations,Ifelt
completelyoverwhelmedin
myfirstsixmonthsof
training.Thenafterthat,I
begantodiscoverlittletricks
thatmadeeverythinggomore
smoothly.Forexample,I
foundawayofpracticingthe
shamisenwhilerunning
errands.Ididthisby
practicingasonginmymind
whilepicturingclearlyhow
mylefthandshouldshifton
theneckandhowthe
plectrumshouldstrikethe
string.Inthisway,whenIput
therealinstrumentintomy
lap,Icouldsometimesplaya
songquitewelleventhoughI
hadtriedplayingitonlyonce
before.Somepeoplethought
I’dlearneditwithout
practicing,butinfact,I’d
practiceditallupanddown
thealleywaysofGion.
Iusedadifferenttrickto
learntheballadsandother
songswestudiedatthe
school.SincechildhoodI’ve
alwaysbeenabletoheara
pieceofmusiconceand
rememberitfairlywellthe
nextday.Idon’tknowwhy,
justsomethingpeculiarabout
mymind,Isuppose.SoItook
towritingthewordsona
pieceofpaperbeforegoingto
sleep.ThenwhenIawoke,
whilemymindwasstillsoft
andimpressionable,Ireadthe
pagebeforeevenstirring
frommyfuton.Usuallythis
wasenough,butwithmusic
thatwasmoredifficult,Iused
atrickoffindingimagesto
remindmeofthetune.For
example,abranchfalling
fromatreemightmakeme
thinkofthesoundofadrum,
orastreamflowingovera
rockmightremindmeof
bendingastringonthe
shamisentomakethenote
riseinpitch;andIwould
picturethesongasakindof
strollthroughalandscape.
Butofcourse,thegreatest
challengeofall,andthemost
importantoneforme,was
dance.FormonthsItriedto
makeuseofthevarioustricks
I’ddiscovered,buttheywere
oflittlehelptome.Thenone
dayAuntiegrewfurious
whenIspilledteaontoa
magazineshewasreading.
ThestrangethingwasthatI’d
beenthinkingkindthoughts
towardheratthevery
momentsheturnedonme.I
feltterriblysadafterwardand
foundmyselfthinkingofmy
sister,whowassomewherein
Japanwithoutme;andofmy
mother,whoIhopedwasat
peaceinparadisenow;andof
myfather,who’dbeenso
willingtosellusandliveout
theendofhislifealone.As
thesethoughtsranthrough
myhead,mybodybeganto
growheavy.SoIclimbedthe
stairsandwentintotheroom
wherePumpkinandIslept—
forMotherhadmovedme
thereafterMameha’svisitto
ourokiya.Insteadoflaying
myselfdownonthetatami
matsandcrying,Imovedmy
arminasortofsweeping
movementacrossmychest.I
don’tknowwhyIdidit;it
wasamovefromadance
we’dstudiedthatmorning,
whichseemedtomeverysad.
AtthesametimeIthought
abouttheChairmanandhow
mylifewouldbesomuch
betterifIcouldrelyonaman
likehim.AsIwatchedmy
armsweepthroughtheair,
thesmoothnessofits
movementseemedtoexpress
thesefeelingsofsadnessand
desire.Myarmpassed
throughtheairwithgreat
dignityofmovement—not
likealeafflutteringfroma
tree,butlikeanoceanliner
glidingthroughthewater.I
supposethatby“dignity”I
meanakindofselfconfidence,orcertainty,such
thatalittlepuffofwindorthe
lapofawaveisn’tgoingto
makeanydifference.
WhatIdiscoveredthat
afternoonwasthatwhenmy
bodyfeltheavy,Icouldmove
withgreatdignity.AndifI
imaginedtheChairman
observingme,mymovements
tookonsuchadeepsenseof
feelingthatsometimeseach
movementofadancestood
forsomelittleinteraction
withhim.Turningaround
withmyheadtippedatan
anglemightrepresentthe
question,“Whereshallwe
spendourdaytogether,
Chairman?”Extendingmy
armandopeningmyfolding
fantoldhowgratefulIfelt
thathe’dhonoredmewithhis
company.AndwhenI
snappedmyfanshutagain
laterinthedance,thiswas
whenItoldhimthatnothing
inlifematteredmoretome
thanpleasinghim.
ChapterThirteen
Duringthespringof1934,
afterI’dbeenintrainingfor
morethantwoyears,
HatsumomoandMother
decidedthatthetimehad
comeforPumpkintomake
herdebutasanapprentice
geisha.Ofcourse,noonetold
meanythingaboutit,since
Pumpkinwasonordersnotto
speakwithme,and
HatsumomoandMother
wouldn’twastetheirtime
evenconsideringsucha
thing.Ifoundoutaboutit
onlywhenPumpkinleftthe
okiyaearlyoneafternoonand
camebackattheendofthe
daywearingthehairstyleofa
younggeisha—theso-called
momoware,meaning“split
peach.”WhenItookmyfirst
lookatherasshesteppedup
intotheentrancehall,Ifelt
sickwithdisappointmentand
jealousy.Hereyesnevermet
mineformorethanaflicker
ofaninstant;probablyshe
couldn’thelpthinkingofthe
effectherdebutwashaving
onme.Withherhairswept
backinanorbsobeautifully
fromhertemples,ratherthan
tiedattheneckasithad
alwaysbeen,shelookedvery
muchlikeayoungwoman,
thoughstillwithhersame
babyishface.Foryearsshe
andIhadenviedtheolder
girlswhoworetheirhairso
elegantly.NowPumpkin
wouldbesettingoutasa
geishawhileIremained
behind,unableeventoask
abouthernewlife.
Thencametheday
Pumpkindressedasan
apprenticegeishaforthefirst
timeandwentwith
HatsumomototheMizuki
Teahouse,fortheceremony
tobindthemtogetheras
sisters.MotherandAuntie
went,thoughIwasn’t
included.ButIdidstand
amongthemintheformal
entrancehalluntilPumpkin
camedownthestairsassisted
bythemaids.Sheworea
magnificentblackkimono
withthecrestoftheNitta
okiyaandaplumandgold
obi;herfacewaspainted
whitefortheveryfirsttime.
Youmightexpectthatwith
theornamentsinherhairand
thebrilliantredofherlips,
sheshouldhavelookedproud
andlovely;butIthoughtshe
lookedmoreworriedthan
anythingelse.Shehadgreat
difficultywalking;theregalia
ofanapprenticegeishaisso
cumbersome.Motherputa
cameraintoAuntie’shands
andtoldhertogooutsideand
photographPumpkinhavinga
flintsparkedonherbackfor
goodlucktheveryfirsttime.
Therestofusremained
crowdedinsidetheentrance
hall,outofview.Themaids
heldPumpkin’sarmswhile
sheslippedherfeetintothe
tallwoodenshoeswecall
okobo,whichanapprentice
geishaalwayswears.Then
Motherwenttostandbehind
Pumpkinandstruckaposeas
thoughshewereaboutto
sparkaflint,eventhough,in
reality,itwasalwaysAuntie
oroneofthemaidswhodid
thejob.Whenatlastthe
photographwastaken,
Pumpkinstumbledafew
stepsfromthedoorand
turnedtolookback.The
otherswereontheirwayout
tojoinher,butIwastheone
shelookedat,withan
expressionthatseemedtosay
shewasverysorryforthe
waythingshadturnedout.
Bytheendofthatday,
Pumpkinwasofficially
knownbyhernewgeisha
nameofHatsumiyo.The
“Hatsu”camefrom
Hatsumomo,andeventhough
itoughttohavehelped
Pumpkintohaveaname
derivedfromageishaaswell
knownasHatsumomo,inthe
enditdidn’tworkthatway.
Veryfewpeopleeverknew
hergeishaname,yousee;
theyjustcalledherPumpkin
aswealwayshad.
***
Iwasveryeagertotell
MamehaaboutPumpkin’s
debut.Butshe’dbeenmuch
busierthanusuallately,
travelingfrequentlytoTokyo
attherequestofherdanna,
withtheresultthatwehadn’t
seteyesoneachotherin
nearlysixmonths.Another
fewweekspassedbeforeshe
finallyhadtimetosummon
metoherapartment.WhenI
steppedinside,themaidlet
outagasp;andthena
momentlaterMamehacame
walkingoutofthebackroom
andletoutagaspaswell.I
couldn’tthinkwhatwasthe
matter.AndthenwhenIgot
onmykneestobowto
Mamehaandtellherhow
honoredIwastoseeher
again,shepaidmeno
attentionatall.
“Mygoodness,hasitbeen
solong,Tatsumi?”shesaidto
hermaid.“Ihardlyrecognize
her.”
“I’mgladtohearyousay
it,ma’am,”Tatsumireplied.
“Ithoughtsomethinghad
gonewrongwithmyeyes!”
Icertainlywonderedatthe
timewhattheyweretalking
about.Butevidentlyinthesix
monthssinceI’dlastseen
them,I’dchangedmorethan
Irealized.Mamehatoldmeto
turnmyheadthiswayand
that,andkeptsayingoverand
over,“Mygoodness,she’s
turnedintoquiteayoung
woman!”Atonepoint
Tatsumievenmademestand
andholdmyarmsoutsoshe
couldmeasuremywaistand
hipswithherhands,andthen
saidtome,“Well,there’sno
doubtakimonowillfityour
bodyjustlikeasockfitsa
foot.”I’msureshemeantthis
asacompliment,forshehad
akindlylookonherface
whenshesaidit.
FinallyMamehaasked
Tatsumitotakemeintothe
backroomandputmeintoa
properkimono.I’darrivedin
theblueandwhitecotton
robeI’dwornthatmorningto
mylessonsattheschool,but
Tatsumichangedmeintoa
darkbluesilkcoveredwitha
designoftinycarriagewheels
inshadesofbrilliantyellow
andred.Itwasn’tthemost
beautifulkimonoyouwould
eversee,butwhenIlookedat
myselfinthefull-length
mirrorasTatsumiwastyinga
brightgreenobiintoplace
aroundmywaist,Ifoundthat
exceptformyplainhairstyle,
Imighthavebeentakenfora
youngapprenticegeishaon
herwaytoaparty.Ifeltquite
proudwhenIwalkedoutof
theroom,andthought
Mamehawouldgaspagain,or
somethingofthesort.Butshe
onlyrosetoherfeet,tuckeda
handkerchiefintohersleeve,
andwentdirectlytothedoor,
wheresheslippedherfeet
intoagreenpairoflacquered
zoriandlookedbackoverher
shoulderatme.
“Well?”shesaid.“Aren’t
youcoming?”
Ihadnoideawherewe
weregoing,butIwasthrilled
atthethoughtofbeingseen
onthestreetwithMameha.
Themaidhadputoutapair
oflacqueredzoriforme,ina
softgray.Iputthemonand
followedMamehadownthe
darktunnelofthestairwell.
Aswesteppedoutontothe
street,anelderlywoman
slowedtobowtoMameha
andthen,inalmostthesame
movement,turnedtobowto
me.Iscarcelyknewwhatto
thinkofthis,forhardly
anyoneevertooknoticeof
meonthestreet.Thebright
sunlighthadblindedmyeyes
somuch,Icouldn’tmakeout
whetherornotIknewher.
ButIbowedback,andina
momentshewasgone.I
thoughtprobablyshewasone
ofmyteachers,butthenan
instantlaterthesamething
happenedagain—thistime
withayounggeishaI’doften
admired,butwhohadnever
somuchasglancedinmy
directionbefore.
Wemadeourwayupthe
streetwithnearlyeveryone
wepassedsayingsomething
toMameha,oratthevery
leastbowingtoher,andthen
afterwardgivingmealittle
nodorbowaswell.Several
timesIstoppedtobowback,
withtheresultthatIfella
steportwobehindMameha.
ShecouldseethedifficultyI
washaving,andtookmetoa
quietalleywaytoshowme
theproperwayofwalking.
Mytrouble,sheexplained,
wasthatIhadn’tlearnedto
movetheupperhalfofmy
bodyindependentlyofthe
lowerhalf.WhenIneededto
bowtosomeone,Istopped
myfeet.“Slowingthefeetis
awayofshowingrespect,”
shesaid.“Themoreyouslow
up,thegreatertherespect.
Youmightstopaltogetherto
bowtooneofyourteachers,
butforanyoneelse,don’t
slowmorethanyouneedto,
forheaven’ssake,oryou’ll
nevergetanywhere.Goalong
ataconstantpacewhenyou
can,takinglittlestepstokeep
thebottomofyourkimono
fluttering.Whenawoman
walks,sheshouldgivethe
impressionofwavesrippling
overasandbar.”
Ipracticedwalkingupand
downthealleyasMameha
haddescribed,looking
straighttowardmyfeettosee
ifmykimonoflutteredasit
should.WhenMamehawas
satisfied,wesetoutagain.
Mostofourgreetings,I
found,fellintooneoftwo
simplepatterns.Young
geisha,aswepassedthem,
usuallyslowedoreven
stoppedcompletelyandgave
Mamehaadeepbow,to
whichMameharesponded
withakindwordortwoanda
littlenod;thentheyoung
geishawouldgiveme
somethingofapuzzledlook
andanuncertainbow,which
Iwouldreturnmuchmore
deeply—forIwasjuniorto
everywomanwe
encountered.Whenwe
passedamiddle-agedor
elderlywoman,however,
Mamehanearlyalways
bowedfirst;thenthewoman
returnedarespectfulbow,but
notasdeepasMameha’s,and
afterwardlookedmeupand
downbeforegivingmealittle
nod.Ialwaysrespondedto
thesenodswiththedeepest
bowsIcouldmanagewhile
keepingmyfeetinmotion.
ItoldMamehathat
afternoonaboutPumpkin’s
debut;andformonths
afterwardIhopedshewould
saythetimehadcomeformy
apprenticeshiptobeginas
well.Instead,springpassed
andsummertoo,withouther
sayinganythingofthesort.In
contrastwiththeexcitinglife
Pumpkinwasnowleading,I
hadonlymylessonsandmy
chores,aswellasthefifteen
ortwentyminutesMameha
spentwithmeduringthe
afternoonsseveraltimesa
week.SometimesIsatinher
apartmentwhileshetaught
meaboutsomethingIneeded
toknow;butmostoftenshe
dressedmeinoneofher
kimonoandwalkedme
aroundGionwhilerunning
errandsorcallingonher
fortune-tellerorwigmaker.
Evenwhenitrainedandshe
hadnoerrandstorun,we
walkedunderlacquered
umbrellas,makingourway
fromstoretostoretocheck
whenthenewshipmentof
perfumewouldarrivefrom
Italy,orwhetheracertain
kimonorepairwasfinished
thoughitwasn’tscheduledto
becompletedforanother
week.
AtfirstIthoughtperhaps
Mamehatookmewithherso
thatshecouldteachmethings
likeproperposture—forshe
wasconstantlyrappingmeon
thebackwithherclosed
foldingfantomakemestand
straighter—andabouthowto
behavetowardpeople.
Mamehaseemedtoknow
everyone,andalwaysmadea
pointofsmilingorsaying
somethingkind,eventothe
mostjuniormaids,because
sheunderstoodwellthatshe
owedherexaltedpositionto
thepeoplewhothought
highlyofher.Butthenone
dayaswewerewalkingout
ofabookstore,Isuddenly
realizedwhatshewasreally
doing.Shehadnoparticular
interestingoingtothe
bookstore,orthewigmaker,
orthestationer.Theerrands
weren’tespeciallyimportant;
andbesides,shecouldhave
sentoneofhermaidsinstead
ofgoingherself.Sheran
theseerrandsonlysothat
peopleinGionwouldseeus
strollingthestreetstogether.
Shewasdelayingmydebutto
giveeveryonetimetotake
noticeofme.
***
OnesunnyOctober
afternoonwesetoutfrom
Mameha’sapartmentand
headeddownstreamalongthe
banksoftheShirakawa,
watchingtheleavesofthe
cherrytreesflutterdownonto
thewater.Agreatmanyother
peoplewereoutstrollingfor
justthesamereason,andas
youwouldexpect,allofthem
greetedMameha.Innearly
everycase,atthesametime
theygreetedMameha,they
greetedme.
“You’regettingtobe
ratherwellknown,don’tyou
think?”shesaidtome.
“Ithinkmostpeoplewould
greetevenasheep,ifitwere
walkingalongsideMamehasan.”
“Especiallyasheep,”she
said.“Thatwouldbeso
unusual.Butreally,Iheara
greatmanypeopleasking
aboutthegirlwiththelovely
grayeyes.Theyhaven’t
learnedyourname,butit
makesnodifference.You
won’tbecalledChiyomuch
longeranyway.”
“DoesMameha-sanmean
tosay—”
“ImeantosaythatI’ve
beenspeakingwithWazasan”—thiswasthenameof
herfortune-teller—“andhe
hassuggestedthethirddayin
Novemberasasuitabletime
foryourdebut.”
Mamehastoppedtowatch
measIstoodtherestillasa
treeandwithmyeyesthesize
ofricecrackers.Ididn’tcry
outorclapmyhands,butI
wassodelightedIcouldn’t
speak.FinallyIbowedto
Mamehaandthankedher.
“You’regoingtomakea
finegeisha,”shesaid,“but
you’llmakeanevenbetter
oneifyouputsomethought
intothesortsofstatements
youmakewithyoureyes.”
“I’veneverbeenawareof
makinganystatementwith
thematall,”Isaid.
“They’rethemost
expressivepartofawoman’s
body,especiallyinyourcase.
Standhereamoment,andI’ll
showyou.”
Mamehawalkedaround
thecorner,leavingmealone
inthequietalleyway.A
momentlatershestrolledout
andwalkedrightpastmewith
hereyestooneside.Ihadthe
impressionshefeltafraidof
whatmighthappenifshe
lookedinmydirection.
“Now,ifyouwereaman,”
shesaid,“whatwouldyou
think?”
“I’dthinkyouwere
concentratingsohardon
avoidingmethatyoucouldn’t
thinkaboutanythingelse.”
“Isn’titpossibleIwasjust
lookingattherainspouts
alongthebaseofthe
houses?”
“Evenifyouwere,I
thoughtyouwereavoiding
lookingatme.”
“That’sjustwhatI’m
saying.Agirlwithastunning
profilewillneveraccidentally
giveamanthewrong
messagewithit.Butmenare
goingtonoticeyoureyesand
imagineyou’regiving
messageswiththemeven
whenyouaren’t.Nowwatch
meoncemore.”
Mamehawentaroundthe
corneragain,andthistime
camebackwithhereyesto
theground,walkingina
particularlydreamymanner.
Thenasshenearedmeher
eyesrosetomeetminefor
justaninstant,andvery
quicklylookedaway.Imust
say,Ifeltanelectricjolt;if
I’dbeenaman,Iwouldhave
thoughtshe’dgivenherself
oververybrieflytostrong
feelingsshewasstrugglingto
hide.
“IfIcansaythingslikethis
withordinaryeyeslike
mine,”shetoldme,“think
howmuchmoreyoucansay
withyours.Itwouldn’t
surprisemeifyouwereable
tomakeamanfaintrighthere
onthestreet.”
“Mameha-san!”Isaid.“IfI
hadthepowertomakeaman
faint,I’msureI’dbeawareof
itbynow.”
“I’mquitesurprisedyou
aren’t.Let’sagree,then,that
you’llbereadytomakeyour
debutassoonasyou’ve
stoppedamaninhistracks
justbyflickingyoureyesat
him.”
Iwassoeagertomakemy
debutthatevenifMameha
hadchallengedmetomakea
treefallbylookingatit,I’m
sureIwouldhavetried.I
askedherifshewouldbe
kindenoughtowalkwithme
whileIexperimentedona
fewmen,andshewashappy
todoit.Myfirstencounter
waswithamansooldthat,
really,helookedlikea
kimonofullofbones.Hewas
makinghiswayslowlyupthe
streetwiththehelpofacane,
andhisglassesweresmeared
sobadlywithgrimethatit
wouldn’thavesurprisedmeif
hehadwalkedrightintothe
cornerofabuilding.He
didn’tnoticemeatall;sowe
continuedtowardShijo
Avenue.SoonIsawtwo
businessmeninWesternsuits,
butIhadnobetterluckwith
them.Ithinktheyrecognized
Mameha,orperhapsthey
simplythoughtshewas
prettierthanIwas,forinany
case,theynevertooktheir
eyesoffher.
Iwasabouttogiveup
whenIsawadeliveryboyof
perhapstwenty,carryinga
traystackedwithlunch
boxes.Inthosedays,a
numberoftherestaurants
aroundGionmadedeliveries
andsentaboyaroundduring
theafternoontopickupthe
emptyboxes.Usuallythey
werestackedinacratethat
waseithercarriedbyhandor
strappedtoabicycle;Idon’t
knowwhythisyoungman
wasusingatray.Inanycase,
hewashalfablockaway,
walkingtowardme.Icould
seethatMamehawaslooking
rightathim,andthenshe
said:
“Makehimdropthetray.”
BeforeIcouldmakeupmy
mindwhethershewasjoking,
sheturnedupasidestreetand
wasgone.
Idon’tthinkit’spossible
foragirloffourteen—orfor
awomanofanyage—to
makeayoungmandrop
somethingjustbylookingat
himinacertainway;I
supposesuchthingsmay
happeninmoviesandbooks.
Iwouldhavegivenup
withouteventrying,ifI
hadn’tnoticedtwothings.
First,theyoungmanwas
alreadyeyeingmeasa
hungrycatmighteyea
mouse;andsecond,mostof
thestreetsinGiondidn’thave
curbs,butthisonedid,and
thedeliveryboywaswalking
inthestreetnotfarfromit.If
Icouldcrowdhimsothathe
hadtostepupontothe
sidewalkandstumbleover
thecurb,hemightdropthe
tray.Ibeganbykeepingmy
gazetothegroundinfrontof
me,andthentriedtodothe
verythingMamehahaddone
tomeafewminutesearlier.I
letmyeyesriseuntiltheymet
theyoungman’sforan
instant,andthenIquickly
lookedaway.Afterafew
morestepsIdidthesame
thingagain.Bythistimehe
waswatchingmesointently
thatprobablyhe’dforgotten
aboutthetrayonhisarm,
muchlessthecurbathisfeet.
Whenwewereveryclose,I
changedmycourseeverso
slightlytobegincrowding
him,sothathewouldn’tbe
abletopassmewithout
steppingoverthecurbonto
thesidewalk,andthenI
lookedhimrightintheeye.
Hewastryingtomoveoutof
myway;andjustasIhad
hoped,hisfeettangled
themselvesonthecurb,and
hefelltoonesidescattering
thelunchboxesonthe
sidewalk.Well,Icouldn’t
helplaughing!AndI’m
happytosaythattheyoung
manbegantolaughtoo.I
helpedhimpickuphisboxes,
gavehimalittlesmilebefore
hebowedtomemoredeeply
thananymanhadeverbowed
tomebefore,andthenwent
onhisway.
ImetupwithMamehaa
momentlater,whohadseenit
all.
“Ithinkperhapsyou’reas
readynowasyou’lleverneed
tobe,”shesaid.Andwith
that,sheledmeacrossthe
mainavenuetotheapartment
ofWaza-san,herfortuneteller,andsethimtowork
findingauspiciousdatesfor
allthevariouseventsthat
wouldleaduptomydebut—
suchasgoingtotheshrineto
announcemyintentionstothe
gods,andhavingmyhair
doneforthefirsttime,and
performingtheceremonythat
wouldmakesistersof
Mamehaandme.
***
Ididn’tsleepatallthat
night.WhatIhadwantedfor
solonghadfinallycometo
pass,andoh,howmy
stomachchurned!Theideaof
dressingintheexquisite
clothingIadmiredand
presentingmyselftoa
roomfulofmenwasenough
tomakemypalmsglisten
withsweat.EverytimeI
thoughtofit,Ifeltamost
deliciousnervousnessthat
tingledallthewayfrommy
kneesintomychest.I
imaginedmyselfinsidea
teahouse,slidingopenthe
doorofatatamiroom.The
menturnedtheirheadsto
lookatme;andofcourse,I
sawtheChairmanthere
amongthem.SometimesI
imaginedhimaloneinthe
room,wearingnotaWesternstylebusinesssuit,butthe
Japanesedresssomanymen
woreintheeveningstorelax.
Inhisfingers,assmoothas
driftwood,heheldasakecup;
morethananythingelseinthe
world,Iwantedtopouritfull
forhimandfeelhiseyes
uponmeasIdid.
Imayhavebeennomore
thanfourteen,butitseemed
tomeI’dlivedtwolives
already.Mynewlifewasstill
beginning,thoughmyoldlife
hadcometoanendsome
timeago.Severalyearshad
passedsinceI’dlearnedthe
sadnewsaboutmyfamily,
anditwasamazingtome
howcompletelythelandscape
ofmymindhadchanged.We
allknowthatawinterscene,
thoughitmaybecovered
overoneday,witheventhe
treesdressedinshawlsof
snow,willbeunrecognizable
thefollowingspring.YetI
hadneverimaginedsucha
thingcouldoccurwithinour
veryselves.WhenIfirst
learnedthenewsofmy
family,itwasasthoughI’d
beencoveredoverbya
blanketofsnow.Butintime
theterriblecoldnesshad
meltedawaytoreveala
landscapeI’dneverseen
beforeorevenimagined.I
don’tknowifthiswillmake
sensetoyou,butmymindon
theeveofmydebutwaslike
agardeninwhichtheflowers
haveonlybeguntopoketheir
facesupthroughthesoil,so
thatitisstillimpossibleto
tellhowthingswilllook.I
wasbrimmingwith
excitement;andinthisgarden
ofmymindstoodastatue,
preciselyinthecenter.Itwas
animageofthegeishaI
wantedtobecome.
ChapterFourteen
I’vehearditsaidthatthe
weekinwhichayounggirl
preparesforherdebutasan
apprenticegeishaislikewhen
acaterpillarturnsintoa
butterfly.It’sacharming
idea;butforthelifeofmeI
can’timaginewhyanyone
everthoughtupsuchathing.
Acaterpillarhasonlytospin
itscocoonanddozeofffora
while;whereasinmycase,
I’msureIneverhadamore
exhaustingweek.Thefirst
stepwastohavemyhair
doneinthemannerofan
apprenticegeisha,inthe
“splitpeach”style,which
I’vementioned.Gionhad
quiteanumberof
hairdressersinthosedays;
Mameha’sworkedina
terriblycrowdedroomabove
aneelrestaurant.Ihadto
spendnearlytwohours
waitingmyturnwithsixor
eightgeishakneelinghere
andthere,evenoutonthe
landingofthestairwell.And
I’msorrytosaythatthesmell
ofdirtyhairwas
overpowering.Theelaborate
hairstylesgeishaworein
thosedaysrequiredsomuch
effortandexpensethatnoone
wenttothehairdressermore
thanonceaweekorso;by
theendofthattime,eventhe
perfumestheyputintheir
hairweren’tofmuchhelp.
Whenatlastmyturncame,
thefirstthingthehairdresser
didwasputmeoveralarge
sinkinapositionthatmade
mewonderifhewasgoingto
chopoffmyhead.Thenhe
pouredabucketofwarm
waterovermyhairandbegan
toscrubitwithsoap.Actually
“scrub”isn’tastrongenough
word,becausewhathedidto
myscalpusinghisfingersis
morelikewhataworkman
doestoafieldusingahoe.
Lookingbackonit,I
understandwhy.Dandruffis
agreatproblemamong
geisha,andveryfewthings
aremoreunattractiveand
makethehairlookmore
unclean.Thehairdressermay
havehadthebestmotives,
butafterawhilemyscalpfelt
soraw,Iwasalmostintears
fromthepain.Finallyhesaid
tome,“Goaheadandcryif
youhaveto.Whydoyou
thinkIputyouoverasink!”
Isupposethiswashisidea
ofacleverjoke,becauseafter
he’dsaidithelaughedout
loud.
Whenhe’dhadenoughof
scrapinghisfingernailsacross
myscalp,hesatmeonthe
matstoonesideandtorea
woodencombthroughmy
hairuntilthemusclesofmy
neckweresorefrompulling
againsthim.Atlengthhe
satisfiedhimselfthatthe
knotsweregone,andthen
combedcamelliaoilintomy
hair,whichgaveitalovely
sheen.Iwasstartingtothink
theworstwasover;butthen
hetookoutabarofwax.And
Imusttellyouthatevenwith
camelliaoilasalubricantand
ahotirontokeepthewax
soft,hairandwaxwerenever
meanttogotogether.Itsaysa
greatdealabouthowcivilized
wehumanbeingsare,thata
younggirlcanwillinglysit
andallowagrownmanto
combwaxthroughherhair
withoutdoinganythingmore
thanwhimperingquietlyto
herself.Ifyoutriedsucha
thingwithadog,itwouldbite
yousomuchyou’dbeableto
seethroughyourhands.
Whenmyhairwasevenly
waxed,thehairdresserswept
theforelockbackandbrought
therestupintoalargeknot
likeapincushiononthetop
ofthehead.Whenviewed
fromtheback,this
pincushionhasasplitinit,as
ifit’scutintwo,whichgives
thehairstyleitsnameof“split
peach.”
EventhoughIworethis
split-peachhairstylefora
numberofyears,there’s
somethingaboutitthatnever
occurredtomeuntilquite
sometimelaterwhenaman
explainedit.Theknot—what
I’vecalledthe
“pincushion”—isformedby
wrappingthehairarounda
pieceoffabric.Inbackwhere
theknotissplit,thefabricis
leftvisible;itmightbeany
designorcolor,butinthe
caseofanapprenticegeisha
—afteracertainpointinher
life,atleast—it’salwaysred
silk.Onenightamansaidto
me:
“Mostoftheseinnocent
littlegirlshavenoideahow
provocativethe‘splitpeach’
hairstylereallyis!Imagine
thatyou’rewalkingalong
behindayounggeisha,
thinkingallsortsofnaughty
thoughtsaboutwhatyou
mightliketodotoher,and
thenyouseeonherheadthis
split-peachshape,withabig
splashofredinsidethecleft.
..Andwhatdoyouthink
of?”
Well,Ididn’tthinkof
anythingatall,andItoldhim
so.
“Youaren’tusingyour
imagination!”hesaid.
AfteramomentI
understoodandturnedsored
helaughedtoseeit.
***
Onmywaybacktothe
okiya,itdidn’tmattertome
thatmypoorscalpfeltthe
wayclaymustfeelafterthe
potterhasscoreditwitha
sharpstick.EverytimeI
caughtaglimpseofmyselfin
theglassofashop,IfeltI
wassomeonetobetaken
seriously;notagirlanymore,
butayoungwoman.WhenI
reachedtheokiya,Auntie
madememodelmyhairfor
herandsaidallsortsofkind
things.EvenPumpkin
couldn’tresistwalkingonce
aroundmeadmiringly—
thoughHatsumomowould
havebeenangryifshe’d
known.Andwhatdoyou
supposeMother’sreaction
was?Shestoodonhertiptoes
toseebetter—whichdidher
littlegood,becausealreadyI
wastallerthanshewas—and
thencomplainedthatI
probablyoughttohavegone
toHatsumomo’shairdresser
ratherthanMameha’s.
Everyyounggeishamay
beproudofherhairstyleat
first,butshecomestohateit
withinthreeorfourdays.
Becauseyousee,ifagirl
comeshomeexhaustedfrom
thehairdresserandlaysher
headdownonapillowfora
napjustasshedidthenight
before,herhairwillbe
flattenedoutofshape.The
momentsheawakens,she’ll
havetogorightbacktothe
hairdresseragain.Forthis
reason,ayoungapprentice
geishamustlearnanewway
ofsleepingafterherhairis
styledforthefirsttime.She
doesn’tuseanordinary
pillowanylonger,buta
takamakura—whichI’ve
mentionedbefore.It’snotso
muchapillowasacradlefor
thebaseoftheneck.Mostare
paddedwithabagofwheat
chaff,butstillthey’renot
muchbetterthanputtingyour
neckonastone.Youliethere
onyourfutonwithyourhair
suspendedintheair,thinking
everythingisfineuntilyou
fallasleep;butwhenyou
wakeup,you’veshifted
somehowsothatyourhead
hassettledbackonthemats,
andyourhairstyleisasflatas
ifyouhadn’tbotheredtouse
atallpillowinthefirstplace.
Inmycase,Auntiehelpedme
toavoidthisbyputtingatray
ofriceflouronthemats
beneathmyhair.Whenever
myheaddroopedbackwhile
Islept,myhairsankintothe
riceflour,whichstucktothe
waxandruinedmyhairstyle.
I’dalreadywatchedPumpkin
gothroughthisordeal.Nowit
wasmyturn.ForatimeI
wokeupeverymorningwith
myhairruinedandhadto
waitinlineatthehairdresser
formychancetobetortured.
***
Everyafternoonduringthe
weekleadinguptomydebut,
Auntiedressedmeinthe
completeregaliaofan
apprenticegeishaandmade
mewalkupanddownthedirt
corridoroftheokiyatobuild
upmystrength.Inthe
beginningIcouldscarcely
walkatall,andworriedthatI
mighttipoverbackward.
Younggirlsdressmuchmore
ornatelythanolderwomen,
yousee,whichmeans
brightercolorsandshowier
fabrics,butalsoalongerobi.
Amaturewomanwillwear
theobitiedinbackina
mannerwecallthe“drum
knot,”becauseitmakesatidy
littleboxshape;thisdoesn’t
requireverymuchfabric.But
agirlyoungerthanaround
twentyorsowearsherobiin
ashowierfashion.Inthecase
ofanapprenticegeisha,this
meansthemostdramatic
fashionofall,adarari-obi
—“danglingobi”—knotted
almostashighastheshoulder
blades,andwiththeends
hangingnearlytotheground.
Nomatterhowbrightly
coloredakimonomightbe,
theobiisnearlyalways
brighter.Whenanapprentice
geishawalksdownthestreet
infrontofyou,younoticenot
herkimonobutratherher
brilliantlycolored,dangling
obi—withjustamarginof
kimonoshowingatthe
shouldersandonthesides.
Toachievethiseffecttheobi
mustbesolongthatit
stretchesallthewayfromone
endofaroomtotheother.
Butitisn’tthelengthofthe
obithatmakesithardto
wear;it’stheweight,forit’s
nearlyalwaysmadeofheavy
silkbrocade.Justtocarryit
upthestairsisexhausting,so
youcanimaginehowitfeels
towearit—thethickbandof
itsqueezingyourmiddlelike
oneofthoseawfulsnakes,
andtheheavyfabrichanging
behind,makingyoufeelasif
someonehasstrappeda
travelingtrunktoyourback.
Tomakemattersworse,the
kimonoitselfisalsoheavy,
withlong,swingingsleeves.I
don’tmeansleevesthatdrape
overthehandontothe
ground.Youmayhave
noticedthatwhenawomanis
wearingkimonoandstretches
outherarms,thefabricbelow
thesleevehangsdownto
formsomethinglikeapocket.
Thisbaggypocket,whichwe
callthefuri,isthepartthat’s
solongonthekimonoofan
apprenticegeisha.Itcan
easilydragalongtheground
ifagirlisn’tcareful;and
whenshedances,shewill
certainlytripoverhersleeves
ifshedoesn’twrapthem
manytimesaroundthe
forearmtokeepthemoutof
theway.
Yearslaterafamous
scientistfromKyoto
University,whenhewasvery
drunkonenight,said
somethingaboutthecostume
ofanapprenticegeishathat
I’veneverforgotten.“The
mandrillofcentralAfricais
oftenconsideredtheshowiest
ofprimates,”hesaid.“ButI
believetheapprenticegeisha
ofGionisperhapsthemost
brilliantlycoloredprimateof
all!”
***
Finallythedaycamewhen
MamehaandIwereto
performtheceremony
bindingusassisters.Ibathed
earlyandspenttherestofthe
morningdressing.Auntie
helpedmewiththefinishing
touchesonmymakeupand
hair.Becauseofthewaxand
makeupcoveringmyskin,I
hadthestrangesensationof
havinglostallfeelinginmy
face;everytimeItouchedmy
cheek,Icouldfeelonlya
vaguesenseofpressurefrom
myfinger.Ididitsomany
timesAuntiehadtoredomy
makeup.AfterwardasI
studiedmyselfinthemirror,
amostpeculiarthing
happened.Iknewthatthe
personkneelingbeforethe
makeupstandwasme,butso
wastheunfamiliargirlgazing
back.Iactuallyreachedoutto
touchher.Sheworethe
magnificentmakeupofa
geisha.Herlipswere
floweringredonastarkwhite
face,withhercheekstinteda
softpink.Herhairwas
ornamentedwithsilkflowers
andsprigsofunhuskedrice.
Sheworeaformalkimonoof
black,withthecrestofthe
Nittaokiya.WhenatlastI
couldbringmyselftostand,I
wentintothehallandlooked
inastonishmentatmyselfin
thefull-lengthmirror.
Beginningatthehemofmy
gown,anembroidereddragon
circledupthebottomofthe
robetothemiddleofmy
thigh.Hismanewaswoven
inthreadslacqueredwitha
beautifulreddishtint.His
clawsandteethweresilver,
hiseyesgold—realgold.I
couldn’tstoptearsfrom
wellingupinmyeyes,and
hadtolookstraightupatthe
ceilingtokeepthemfrom
rollingontomycheeks.
Beforeleavingtheokiya,I
tookthehandkerchiefthe
Chairmanhadgivenmeand
tuckeditintomyobiforgood
luck.
Auntieaccompaniedmeto
Mameha’sapartment,whereI
expressedmygratitudeto
Mamehaandpledgedto
honorandrespecther.Then
thethreeofuswalkedtothe
GionShrine,whereMameha
andIclappedourhandsand
announcedtothegodsthat
wewouldsoonbeboundas
sisters.Iprayedfortheir
favorintheyearsahead,and
thenclosedmyeyesand
thankedthemforhaving
grantedmethewishI’d
pleadedforthreeandahalf
yearsearlier,thatIshould
becomeageisha.
Theceremonywastotake
placeattheIchirikiTeahouse,
whichiscertainlythebest-
knownteahouseinallof
Japan.Ithasquiteahistory,
partlybecauseofafamous
samuraiwhohidhimself
thereintheearly1700s.If
you’veeverheardthestoryof
theForty-sevenRonin—who
avengedtheirmaster’sdeath
andafterwardkilled
themselvesbyseppuku—
well,itwastheirleaderwho
hidhimselfintheIchiriki
Teahousewhileplotting
revenge.Mostofthefirst-
classteahousesinGionare
invisiblefromthestreet,
exceptfortheirsimple
entrances,buttheIchirikiis
asobviousasanappleona
tree.Itsitsataprominent
cornerofShijoAvenue,
surroundedbyasmooth,
apricot-coloredwallwithits
owntiledroof.Itseemedlike
apalacetome.
Wewerejoinedthereby
twoofMameha’syounger
sisters,aswellasbyMother.
Whenwehadallassembled
intheexteriorgarden,amaid
ledusthroughtheentrance
hallanddownabeautiful
meanderingcorridortoa
smalltatamiroominthe
back.I’dneverbeeninsuch
elegantsurroundingsbefore.
Everypieceofwoodtrim
gleamed;everyplasterwall
wasperfectinitssmoothness.
Ismelledthesweet,dusty
fragranceofkuroyaki
—“char-black”—asortof
perfumemadebycharring
woodandgrindingitintoa
softgraydust.It’sveryoldfashioned,andevenMameha,
whowasastraditionala
geishaasyouwouldfind,
preferredsomethingmore
Western.Butallthekuroyaki
wornbygenerationsofgeisha
stillhauntedtheIchiriki.I
havesomeevennow,whichI
keepinawoodenvial;and
whenIsmellit,Iseemyself
backthereonceagain.
Theceremony,whichwas
attendedbythemistressof
theIchiriki,lastedonlyabout
tenminutes.Amaidbrought
atraywithseveralsakecups,
andMamehaandIdrank
together.Itookthreesips
fromacup,andthenpassedit
toherandshetookthreesips.
Wedidthiswiththree
differentcups,andthenitwas
over.Fromthatmomenton,I
wasnolongerknownas
Chiyo.Iwasthenovice
geishaSayuri.Duringthefirst
monthofapprenticeship,a
younggeishaisknownasa
“novice”andcannotperform
dancesorentertainonher
ownwithoutheroldersister,
andinfactdoeslittlebesides
watchingandlearning.Asfor
mynameofSayuri,Mameha
hadworkedwithherfortunetelleralongwhiletochoose
it.Thesoundofanameisn’t
allthatmatters,yousee;the
meaningofthecharactersis
veryimportantaswell,andso
isthenumberofstrokesused
towritethem—forthereare
luckyandunluckystroke
counts.Mynewnamecame
from“sa,”meaning
“together,”“yu,”fromthe
zodiacsignfortheHen—in
ordertobalanceother
elementsinmypersonality—
and“ri,”meaning
“understanding.”Allthe
combinationsinvolvingan
elementfromMameha’s
name,unfortunately,had
beenpronounced
inauspiciousbythefortuneteller.
IthoughtSayuriwasa
lovelyname,butitfelt
strangenottobeknownas
Chiyoanylonger.Afterthe
ceremonywewentinto
anotherroomforalunchof
“redrice,”madeofrice
mixedwithredbeans.I
pickedatit,feelingstrangely
unsettledandnotatalllike
celebrating.Themistressof
theteahouseaskedmea
question,andwhenIheard
hercallme“Sayuri,”I
realizedwhatwasbothering
me.Itwasasifthelittlegirl
namedChiyo,running
barefootfromthepondtoher
tipsyhouse,nolonger
existed.Ifeltthatthisnew
girl,Sayuri,withher
gleamingwhitefaceandher
redlips,haddestroyedher.
Mamehaplannedtospend
theearlyafternoontakingme
aroundGiontointroduceme
tothemistressesofthe
variousteahousesandokiya
withwhichshehad
relationships.Butwedidn’t
headoutthemomentlunch
wasdone.Insteadshetook
meintoaroomattheIchiriki
andaskedmetosit.Of
course,ageishaneverreally
“sits”whilewearingkimono;
whatwecallsittingis
probablywhatotherpeople
wouldcallkneeling.Inany
case,afterI’ddoneit,she
madeafaceatmeandtold
metodoitagain.Therobes
weresoawkwardittookme
severaltriestomanageit
properly.Mamehagavemea
littleornamentintheshapeof
agourdandshowedmehow
towearitdanglingonmyobi.
Thegourd,beinghollowand
light,isthoughttooffsetthe
heavinessofthebody,you
see,andmanyaclumsy
youngapprenticehasrelied
upononetohelpkeepher
fromfallingdown.
Mamehatalkedwithmea
while,andthenjustwhenwe
werereadytoleave,askedme
topourheracupoftea.The
potwasempty,butshetold
metopretendtopourit
anyway.Shewantedtosee
howIheldmysleeveoutof
thewaywhenIdidit.I
thoughtIknewexactlywhat
shewaslookingforandtried
mybest,butMamehawas
unhappywithme.
“Firstofall,”shesaid,
“whosecupareyoufilling?”
“Yours!”Isaid.
“Well,forheaven’ssake,
youdon’tneedtoimpress
me.PretendI’msomeone
else.AmIamanora
woman?”
“Aman,”Isaid.
“Allright,then.Pourmea
cupagain.”
Ididso,andMameha
practicallybrokeherneck
tryingtopeerupmysleeveas
Iheldmyarmout.
“Howdoyoulikethat?”
sheaskedme.“Becausethat’s
exactlywhat’sgoingto
happenifyouholdyourarm
sohigh.”
Itriedpouringagainwith
myarmabitlower.This
time,shepretendedtoyawn
andthenturnedandbegana
conversationwithan
imaginarygeishasittingon
theothersideofher.
“Ithinkyou’retryingto
tellmethatIboredyou,”I
said.“ButhowcanIboreyou
justpouringacupoftea?”
“Youmaynotwantme
lookingupyoursleeve,but
thatdoesn’tmeanyouhaveto
actprissy!Amanis
interestedinonlyonething.
Believeme,you’llunderstand
alltoosoonwhatI’mtalking
about.Inthemeantime,you
cankeephimhappybyletting
himthinkhe’spermittedto
seepartsofyourbodynoone
elsecansee.Ifanapprentice
geishaactsthewayyoudid
justthen—pouringteajust
likeamaidwould—thepoor
manwillloseallhope.Tryit
again,butfirstshowmeyour
arm.”
SoIdrewmysleeveup
abovemyelbowandheldmy
armoutforhertosee.She
tookitandturneditinher
handstolookatthetopand
thebottom.
“Youhavealovelyarm;
andbeautifulskin.You
shouldmakesureeveryman
whositsnearyouseesitat
leastonce.”
SoIwenton,pouringtea
againandagain,until
MamehafeltsatisfiedthatI
drewmysleeveoutofthe
wayenoughtoshowmyarm
withoutbeingtooobvious
whatIwasdoing.Ilooked
laughableifIhikedmysleeve
uptomyelbow;thetrickwas
toactlikeIwasmerely
pullingitoutoftheway,
whileatthesametime
drawingitafewfingerwidthsabovemywristtogive
aviewofmyforearm.
Mamehasaidtheprettiest
partofthearmwasthe
underside,soImustalways
besuretoholdtheteapotin
suchawaythatthemansaw
thebottomofmyarmrather
thanthetop.
Sheaskedmetodoit
again,thistimepretendingI
waspouringteaforthe
mistressoftheIchiriki.I
showedmyarminjustthe
sameway,andMamehamade
afaceatonce.
“Forheaven’ssake,I’ma
woman,”shesaid.“Whyare
youshowingmeyourarm
thatway?Probablyyou’re
justtryingtomakeme
angry.”
“Angry?”
“WhatelseamIsupposed
tothink?You’reshowingme
howyouthfulandbeautiful
youare,whileI’malready
oldanddecrepit.Unlessyou
weredoingitjusttobevulgar
...”
“Howisitvulgar?”
“Whyelsehaveyoumade
suchapointoflettingmesee
theundersideofyourarm?
Youmayaswellshowmethe
bottomofyourfootorthe
insideofyourthigh.IfI
happentocatchaglimpseof
somethinghereorthere,well,
that’sallright.Buttomake
suchapointofshowingitto
me!”
SoIpouredafewmore
times,untilI’dlearneda
moredemureandsuitable
method.WhereuponMameha
announcedthatwewere
readytogooutintoGion
together.
Alreadybythistime,I’d
beenwearingthecomplete
ensembleofanapprentice
geishaforseveralhours.Now
Ihadtotrywalkingall
aroundGionintheshoeswe
callokobo.They’requitetall
andmadeofwood,with
lovely,lacqueredthongsto
holdthefootinplace.Most
peoplethinkitveryelegant
thewaytheytaperdownlike
awedge,sothatthefootprint
atthebottomisabouthalfthe
sizeofthetop.ButIfoundit
hardtowalkdelicatelyin
them.IfeltasifIhadroof
tilesstrappedtothebottoms
ofmyfeet.
MamehaandImade
perhapstwentystopsat
variousokiyaandteahouses,
thoughwespentnomorethan
afewminutesatmostof
them.Usuallyamaid
answeredthedoor,and
Mamehaaskedpolitelyto
speakwiththemistress;then
whenthemistresscame,
Mamehasaidtoher,“I’dlike
tointroducemynewyounger
sister,Sayuri,”andthenI
bowedverylowandsaid,“I
begyourfavor,please,
Mistress.”Themistressand
Mamehawouldchatfora
moment,andthenweleft.At
afewoftheplaceswewere
askedinforteaandspent
perhapsfiveminutes.ButI
wasveryreluctanttodrink
teaandonlywetmylips
instead.Usingthetoiletwhile
wearingkimonoisoneofthe
mostdifficultthingstolearn,
andIwasn’tatallsureI’d
learneditadequatelyjustyet.
Inanycase,withinanhour
Iwassoexhausted,itwasall
Icoulddotokeepfrom
groaningasIwalkedalong.
Butwekeptupourpace.In
thosedays,Isupposethere
wereprobablythirtyorforty
first-classteahousesinGion
andanotherhundredorsoof
asomewhatlowergrade.Of
coursewecouldn’tvisitthem
all.Wewenttothefifteenor
sixteenwhereMamehawas
accustomedtoentertaining.
Asforokiya,theremusthave
beenhundredsofthose,but
wewentonlytothefewwith
whichMamehahadsomesort
ofrelationship.
Soonafterthreeo’clockwe
werefinished.Iwouldhave
likednothingbetterthantogo
backtotheokiyatofall
asleepforalongwhile.But
Mamehahadplansforme
thatveryevening.Iwasto
attendmyfirstengagementas
anovicegeisha.
“Gotakeabath,”shesaid
tome.“You’vebeen
perspiringagooddeal,and
yourmakeuphasn’theldup.”
Itwasawarmfallday,you
see,andI’dbeenworking
veryhard.
***
Backattheokiya,Auntie
helpedmeundressandthen
tookpityonmebylettingme
napforahalfhour.Iwas
backinhergoodgraces
again,nowthatmyfoolish
mistakeswerebehindmeand
myfutureseemedeven
brighterthanPumpkin’s.She
wokemeaftermynap,andI
rushedtothebathhouseas
quicklyasIcould.Byfive,I
hadfinisheddressingand
applyingmymakeup.Ifelt
terriblyexcited,asyoucan
imagine,becauseforyearsI’d
watchedHatsumomo,and
latelyPumpkin,gooffinthe
afternoonsandevenings
lookingbeautiful,andnowat
lastmyturnhadcome.The
eventthatevening,thefirstI
wouldeverattend,wastobe
abanquetattheKansai
InternationalHotel.Banquets
arestifflyformalaffairs,with
alltheguestsarranged
shouldertoshoulderinasort
ofU-shapearoundtheoutside
ofabigtatamiroom,and
traysoffoodsittingonlittle
standsinfrontofthem.The
geisha,whoarethereto
entertain,movearoundthe
centeroftheroom—inside
theU-shapemadebyallthe
trays,Imean—andspend
onlyafewminuteskneeling
beforeeachguesttopour
sakeandchat.Itisn’twhat
you’dcallanexcitingaffair;
andasanovice,myrolewas
lessexcitingeventhan
Mameha’s.Istayedtoone
sideofherlikeashadow.
Wheneversheintroduced
herself,Ididthesame,
bowingverylowandsaying,
“MynameisSayuri.I’ma
noviceandbegyour
indulgence.”AfterthatIsaid
nothingmore,andnoone
saidanythingtome.
Towardtheendofthe
banquet,thedoorsatoneside
oftheroomwereslidopen,
andMamehaandanother
geishaperformedadance
together,knownasChi-yono
Tomo—“Friends
Everlasting.”It’salovely
pieceabouttwodevoted
womenmeetingagainaftera
longabsence.Mostofthe
mensatpickingtheirteeth
throughit;theywere
executivesofalarge
companythatmaderubber
valves,orsomesuchthing,
andhadgatheredinKyotofor
theirannualbanquet.Idon’t
thinkasingleoneofthem
wouldhaveknownthe
differencebetweendancing
andsleepwalking.Butformy
part,Iwasentranced.Geisha
inGionalwaysuseafolding
fanasapropwhendancing,
andMamehainparticular
wasmasterfulinher
movements.Atfirstshe
closedthefanand,while
turningherbodyinacircle,
waveditdelicatelywithher
wristtosuggestastreamof
waterflowingpast.Thenshe
openedit,anditbecamea
cupintowhichher
companionpouredsakefor
hertodrink.AsIsay,the
dancewaslovely,andsowas
themusic,whichwasplayed
ontheshamisenbyaterribly
thingeishawithsmall,watery
eyes.
Aformalbanquetgenerally
lastsnomorethantwohours;
sobyeighto’clockwewere
outonthestreetagain.Iwas
justturningtothankMameha
andbidhergoodnight,when
shesaidtome,“Well,I’d
thoughtofsendingyouback
tobednow,butyouseemto
besofullofenergy.I’m
headingtotheKomoriya
Teahouse.Comealongwith
meandhaveyourfirsttaste
ofaninformalparty.Wemay
aswellstartshowingyou
aroundasquicklyaswecan.”
Icouldn’tverywelltellher
Ifelttootiredtogo;soI
swallowedmyrealfeelings
andfollowedherupthe
street.
Theparty,assheexplained
tomealongtheway,wasto
begivenbythemanwhoran
theNationalTheaterin
Tokyo.Heknewallthe
importantgeishainnearly
everygeishadistrictinJapan;
andalthoughhewould
probablybeverycordial
whenMamehaintroduced
me,Ishouldn’texpecthimto
saymuch.Myonly
responsibilitywastobesureI
alwayslookedprettyand
alert.“Justbesureyoudon’t
letanythinghappentomake
youlookbad,”shewarned.
Weenteredtheteahouse
andwereshownbyamaidto
aroomonthesecondfloor.I
hardlydaredtolookinside
whenMamehakneltandslid
openthedoor,butIcouldsee
sevenoreightmenseatedon
cushionsaroundatable,with
perhapsfourgeisha.We
bowedandwentinside,and
afterwardkneltonthematsto
closethedoorbehindus—for
thisisthewayageishaenters
aroom.Wegreetedtheother
geishafirst,asMamehahad
toldmetodo,thenthehost,
atonecornerofthetable,and
afterwardtheotherguests.
“Mameha-san!”saidoneof
thegeisha.“You’vecomejust
intimetotellusthestory
aboutKonda-santhewig
maker.”
“Oh,heavens,Ican’t
rememberitatall,”Mameha
said,andeveryonelaughed;I
hadnoideawhatthejoke
was.Mamehaledmearound
thetableandkneltbesidethe
host.Ifollowedand
positionedmyselftooneside.
“Mr.Director,please
permitmetointroducemy
newyoungersister,”shesaid
tohim.
Thiswasmycuetobow
andsaymyname,andbegthe
director’sindulgence,andso
on.Hewasaverynervous
man,withbulgingeyesanda
kindofchicken-bonefrailty.
Hedidn’tevenlookatme,
butonlyflickedhiscigarette
inthenearlyfullashtray
beforehimandsaid:
“Whatisallthetalkabout
Konda-santhewigmaker?
Alleveningthegirlskeep
referringtoit,andnotaone
ofthemwilltellthestory.”
“Honestly,Iwouldn’t
know!”Mamehasaid.
“Whichmeans,”said
anothergeisha,“thatshe’stoo
embarrassedtotellit.Ifshe
won’t,IsupposeI’llhaveto.”
Themenseemedtolike
thisidea,butMamehaonly
sighed.
“Inthemeantime,I’llgive
Mamehaacupofsaketo
calmhernerves,”thedirector
said,andwashedouthisown
sakecupinabowlofwater
onthecenterofthetable—
whichwasthereforthatvery
reason—beforeofferingitto
her.
“Well,”theothergeisha
began,“thisfellowKondasanisthebestwigmakerin
Gion,oratleasteveryone
saysso.Andforyears
Mameha-sanwenttohim.
Shealwayshasthebestof
everything,youknow.Just
lookatherandyoucantell.”
Mamehamadeamockangryface.
“Shecertainlyhasthebest
sneer,”saidoneofthemen.
“Duringaperformance,”
thegeishawenton,“awig
makerisalwaysbackstageto
helpwithchangesof
costume.Oftenwhileageisha
istakingoffacertainrobe
andputtingonanotherone,
somethingwillsliphereor
there,andthensuddenly...a
nakedbreast!Or...alittle
bitofhair!Youknow,these
thingshappen.Andanyway
—”
“AlltheseyearsI’vebeen
workinginabank,”saidone
ofthemen.“Iwanttobea
wigmaker!”
“There’smoretoitthan
justgawkingatnaked
women.Anyway,Mamehasanalwaysactsveryprimand
goesbehindascreento
change—”
“Letmetellthestory,”
Mamehainterrupted.“You’re
goingtogivemeabadname.
Iwasn’tbeingprim.Konda-
sanwasalwaysstaringatme
likehecouldn’twaitforthe
nextcostumechange,soIhad
ascreenbroughtin.It’sa
wonderKonda-sandidn’t
burnaholeinitwithhiseyes,
tryingtoseethroughitthe
wayhedid.”
“Whycouldn’tyoujust
givehimalittleglimpsenow
andthen,”thedirector
interrupted.“Howcanithurt
youtobenice?”
“I’veneverthoughtofit
thatway,”Mamehasaid.
“You’requiteright,Mr.
Director.Whatharmcana
littleglimpsedo?Perhaps
youwanttogiveusoneright
now?”
Everyoneintheroomburst
outlaughingatthis.Just
whenthingswerestartingto
calmdown,thedirector
starteditalloverbyrisingto
hisfeetandbeginningto
untiethesashofhisrobe.
“I’monlygoingtodo
this,”hesaidtoMameha,“if
you’llgivemeaglimpsein
return...”
“Inevermadesuchan
offer,”Mamehasaid.
“Thatisn’tverygenerous
ofyou.”
“Generouspeopledon’t
becomegeisha,”Mameha
said.“Theybecomethe
patronsofgeisha.”
“Nevermind,then,”the
directorsaid,andsatback
down.Ihavetosay,Iwas
veryrelievedhe’dgivenup;
becausealthoughallthe
othersseemedtobeenjoying
themselvesenormously,Ifelt
embarrassed.
“WherewasI?”Mameha
said.“Well,Ihadthescreen
broughtinoneday,andI
thoughtthiswasenoughto
keepmesafefromKondasan.ButwhenIhurriedback
fromthetoiletatonepoint,I
couldn’tfindhimanywhere.I
begantopanic,becauseI
neededawigformynext
entrance;butsoonwefound
himsittingonachestagainst
thewall,lookingveryweak
andsweating.Iwonderedif
therewassomethingwrong
withhisheart!Hehadmy
wigbesidehim,andwhenhe
sawme,heapologizedand
helpedputitonme.Then
laterthatafternoon,he
handedmeanotehe’d
written...”
HereMameha’svoice
trailedoff.Atlastoneofthe
mensaid,“Well?Whatdidit
say?”
Mamehacoveredhereyes
withherhand.Shewastoo
embarrassedtocontinue,and
everyoneintheroombroke
intolaughter.
“Allright,I’lltellyouwhat
hewrote,”saidthegeisha
who’dbegunthestory.“It
wassomethinglikethis:
‘DearestMameha.Youare
theveryloveliestgeishainall
ofGion,’andsoforth.‘After
youhavewornawig,I
alwayscherishit,andkeepit
inmyworkshoptoputmy
faceintoitandsmellthe
scentofyourhairmanytimes
aday.Buttodaywhenyou
rushedtothetoilet,yougave
methegreatestmomentof
mylife.Whileyouwere
inside,Ihidmyselfatthe
door,andthebeautiful
tinklingsound,morelovely
thanawaterfall—’”
Themenlaughedsohard
thatthegeishahadtowait
beforegoingon.
“‘—andthebeautiful
tinklingsound,morelovely
thanawaterfall,mademe
hardandstiffwhereImyself
tinkle—’”
“Hedidn’tsayitthatway,”
Mamehasaid.“Hewrote,‘the
beautifultinklingsound,
morelovelythanawaterfall,
causedmetoswellandbulge
attheknowledgethatyour
bodywasbare...’”
“Thenhetoldher,”the
othergeishasaid,“thathe
wasunabletostandafterward
becauseoftheexcitement.
Andhehopedthatonedayhe
wouldexperiencesucha
momentagain.”
Ofcourse,everyone
laughed,andIpretendedto
laughtoo.Butthetruthis,I
wasfindingitdifficultto
believethatthesemen—who
hadpaidsoconsiderablyto
bethere,amongwomen
wrappedinbeautiful,
expensiverobes—really
wantedtohearthesamesorts
ofstorieschildrenbackinthe
pondinYoroidomighthave
told.I’dimaginedfeelingout
ofmydepthinaconversation
aboutliterature,orKabuki,or
somethingofthatsort.Andof
course,thereweresuch
partiesinGion;itjust
happenedthatmyfirstwasof
themorechildishkind.
AllthroughMameha’s
story,themanbesidemehad
satrubbinghissplotchyface
withhishandsandpaying
littleattention.Nowhe
lookedatmealongwhileand
thenasked,“What’sthe
matterwithyoureyes?Or
haveIjustdrunktoomuch?”
Hecertainlyhaddrunktoo
much—thoughIdidn’tthink
itwouldbepropertotellhim.
ButbeforeIcouldanswer,his
eyebrowsbegantotwitch,
andamomentlaterhe
reachedupandscratchedhis
headsomuchthatalittle
cloudofsnowspilledontohis
shoulders.Asitturnedout,he
wasknowninGionas“Mr.
Snowshowers”becauseofhis
terribledandruff.Heseemed
tohaveforgottenthequestion
he’daskedme—ormaybehe
neverexpectedmetoanswer
it—becausenowheaskedmy
age.ItoldhimIwasfourteen.
“You’retheoldest
fourteen-year-oldI’veever
seen.Here,takethis,”hesaid,
andhandedmehisempty
sakecup.
“Oh,no,thankyou,sir,”I
replied,“forI’monlya
novice...”Thiswaswhat
Mamehahadtaughtmeto
say,butMr.Snowshowers
didn’tlisten.Hejustheldthe
cupintheairuntilItookit,
andthenliftedupavialof
saketopourforme.
Iwasn’tsupposedtodrink
sake,becauseanapprentice
geisha—particularlyonestill
inhernovitiate—should
appearchildlike.ButI
couldn’tverywelldisobey
him.Iheldthesakecupout;
buthescratchedhishead
againbeforehepoured,andI
washorrifiedtoseeafew
fleckssettleintothecup.Mr.
Snowshowersfilleditwith
sakeandsaidtome,“Now
drinkup.Goon.Firstof
many.”
Igavehimasmileandhad
justbeguntoraisethecup
slowlytomylips—not
knowingwhatelseIcoulddo
—when,thankheavens,
Mameharescuedme.
“It’syourfirstdayinGion,
Sayuri.Itwon’tdoforyouto
getdrunk,”shesaid,though
shewasspeakingforthe
benefitofMr.Snowshowers.
“Justwetyourlipsandbe
donewithit.”
SoIobeyedherandwet
mylipswiththesake.And
whenIsaythatIwetmylips,
ImeanIpinchedthemshutso
tightlyInearlysprainedmy
mouth,andthentippedthe
sakecupuntilIfelttheliquid
againstmyskin.ThenIput
thecupdownonthetable
hurriedlyandsaid,“Mmm!
Delicious!”whilereaching
forthehandkerchiefinmy
obi.Ifeltveryrelievedwhen
Ipattedmylipswithit,and
I’mhappytosaythatMr.
Snowshowersdidn’teven
notice,forhewasbusy
eyeingthecupasitsatthere
fullonthetablebeforehim.
Afteramomenthepickedit
upintwofingersandpoured
itrightdownhisthroat,
beforestandingandexcusing
himselftousethetoilet.
Anapprenticegeishais
expectedtowalkamantothe
toiletandback,butnoone
expectsanovicetodoit.
Whenthereisn’tan
apprenticeintheroom,aman
willusuallywalkhimselfto
thetoilet,orsometimesone
ofthegeishawillaccompany
him.ButMr.Snowshowers
stoodtheregazingdownat
meuntilIrealizedhewas
waitingformetostand.
Ididn’tknowmyway
aroundtheKomoriya
Teahouse,butMr.
Snowshowerscertainlydid.I
followedhimdownthehall
andaroundacorner.He
steppedasidewhileIrolled
openthedoortothetoiletfor
him.AfterIhadclosedit
behindhimandwaswaiting
thereinthehallway,Iheard
thesoundofsomeonecoming
upthestairs,butIthought
nothingofit.SoonMr.
Snowshowerswasdoneand
wemadeourwayback.
WhenIenteredtheroom,I
sawthatanothergeishahad
joinedtheparty,alongwith
anapprentice.Theyhadtheir
backstothedoor,sothatI
didn’tseetheirfacesuntilI’d
followedMr.Snowshowers
aroundthetableandtakenup
myplaceonceagain.Youcan
imaginehowshockedIfelt
whenIsawthem;forthere,
ontheothersideofthetable,
wastheonewomanIwould
havegivenanythingtoavoid.
ItwasHatsumomo,smilingat
me,andbesidehersat
Pumpkin.
ChapterFifteen
Hatsumomosmiledwhen
shewashappy,like
everybodyelse;andshewas
neverhappierthanwhenshe
wasabouttomakesomeone
suffer.Thisiswhyshewore
suchabeautifulsmileonher
facewhenshesaid:
“Oh,mygoodness!Whata
peculiarcoincidence.Why,
it’sanovice!Ireally
shouldn’ttelltherestofthis
story,becauseImight
embarrassthepoorthing.”
IhopedMamehawould
excuseherselfandtakeme
withher.Butsheonlygave
meananxiousglance.She
musthavefeltthatleaving
Hatsumomoalonewiththese
menwouldbelikerunning
awayfromahouseonfire;
we’dbebetterofftostayand
controlthedamage.
“Really,Idon’tthink
there’sanythingmore
difficultthanbeinganovice,”
Hatsumomowassaying.
“Don’tyouthinkso,
Pumpkin?”
Pumpkinwasafull-fledged
apprenticenow;she’dbeena
novicesixmonthsearlier.I
glancedatherforsympathy,
butshejuststaredatthetable
withherhandsinherlap.
KnowingherasIdid,I
understoodthatthelittle
wrinkleatthetopofhernose
meantshefeltupset.
“Yes,ma’am,”shesaid.
“Suchadifficulttimeof
life,”Hatsumomowenton.“I
canstillrememberhowhardI
foundit...Whatisyour
name,littlenovice?”
Happily,Ididn’thaveto
respond,becauseMameha
spokeup.
“You’recertainlyright
aboutitbeingadifficulttime
oflifeforyou,Hatsumomosan.Thoughofcourse,you
weremoreawkwardthan
most.”
“Iwanttoheartherestof
thestory,”saidoneofthe
men.
“Andembarrassthepoor
novicewho’sjustjoinedus?”
Hatsumomosaid.“I’lltellit
onlyifyoupromisethatyou
won’tthinkaboutthispoor
girlasyoulisten.Besureto
picturesomeothergirlin
yourmind.”
Hatsumomocouldbe
ingeniousinherdevilishness.
Themenmightnothave
picturedthestoryhappening
tomeearlier,butthey
certainlywouldnow.
“Let’ssee,wherewasI?”
Hatsumomobegan.“Oh,yes.
Well,thisnoviceImentioned
...Ican’trememberher
name,butIoughttogiveher
onetokeepyoufrom
confusingherwiththispoor
girl.Tellme,littlenovice...
whatisyourname?”
“Sayuri,ma’am,”Isaid.
Andmyfacefeltsohotfrom
nervousnessthatIwouldn’t
havebeensurprisedifmy
makeuphadsimplymelted
andbeguntodripontomy
lap.
“Sayuri.Howlovely!
Somehowitdoesn’tsuityou.
Well,let’scallthisnovicein
thestory‘Mayuri.’Nowthen,
onedayIwaswalkingalong
ShijoAvenuewithMayuri,
onourwaytoherolder
sister’sokiya.Therewasa
terriblewind,thesortthat
rattlesthewindows,andpoor
Mayurihadsolittle
experiencewithkimono.She
wasnoheavierthanaleaf,
andthosebigsleevescanbe
justlikesails,youknow.As
wewereabouttocrossthe
street,shedisappeared,andI
heardalittlesoundfrom
behindme,like‘Ah...ah,’
butveryfaint...”
HereHatsumomoturnedto
lookatme.
“Myvoiceisn’thigh
enough,”shesaid.“Letme
hearyousayit.‘Ah...ah..
.’”
Well,whatcouldIdo?I
triedmybesttomakethe
noise.
“No,no,muchhigher...
oh,nevermind!”Hatsumomo
turnedtothemanbesideher
andsaidunderherbreath,
“Sheisn’tverybright,is
she?”Sheshookherheadfor
amomentandthenwenton.
“Anyway,whenIturned
around,poorMayuriwas
beingblownbackwardupthe
streetafullblockbehindme,
withherarmsandlegs
flailingsomuchshelooked
likeabugonitsback.I
nearlytoremyobilaughing,
butthenallofasuddenshe
stumbledrightoffthecurb
intoabusyintersectionjustas
acarcamezoomingalong.
Thankheavensshewas
blownontothehood!Her
legsflewup...andthenif
youcanpicturethis,thewind
blewrightupherkimono,
and...well,Idon’tneedto
tellyouwhathappened.”
“Youcertainlydo!”oneof
themensaid.
“Don’tyouhaveany
imagination?”shereplied.
“Thewindblewherkimono
rightupoverherhips.She
didn’twanteveryonetosee
hernaked;sotopreserveher
modesty,sheflippedherself
aroundandendedupwithher
legspointingintwodifferent
directions,andherprivate
partspressedagainstthe
windshield,rightinthe
driver’sface...”
Ofcourse,themenwerein
hystericsbynow,including
thedirector,whotappedhis
sakecuponthetabletoplike
amachinegun,andsaid,
“Whydoesn’tanythinglike
thiseverhappentome?”
“Really,Mr.Director,”
Hatsumomosaid.“Thegirl
wasonlyanovice!It’snotas
ifthedrivergottosee
anything.Imean,canyou
imaginelookingattheprivate
partsofthisgirlacrossthe
table?”Shewastalkingabout
me,ofcourse.“Probably
she’snodifferentfroma
baby!”
“Girlssometimesstart
gettinghairwhenthey’re
onlyeleven,”saidoneofthe
men.
“Howoldareyou,little
Sayuri-san?”Hatsumomo
askedme.
“I’mfourteen,ma’am,”I
toldher,justaspolitelyasI
could.“ButI’manold
fourteen.”
Alreadythemenlikedthis,
andHatsumomo’ssmile
hardenedabit.
“Fourteen?”shesaid.
“Howperfect!Andofcourse,
youdon’thaveanyhair...”
“Oh,butIdo.Agooddeal
ofit!”AndIreachedupand
pattedonehandagainstthe
haironmyhead.
Iguessthismusthavebeen
acleverthingtodo,although
itdidn’tseemparticularly
clevertome.Themen
laughedharderthanthey’d
laughedevenat
Hatsumomo’sstory.
Hatsumomolaughedtoo,I
supposebecauseshedidn’t
wanttoseemasifthejoke
hadbeenonher.
Asthelaughterdieddown,
MamehaandIleft.Wehadn’t
evenclosedthedoorbehind
usbeforeweheard
Hatsumomoexcusingherself
aswell.SheandPumpkin
followedusdownthe
stairway.
“Why,Mameha-san,”
Hatsumomosaid,“thishas
simplybeentoomuchfun!I
don’tknowwhywehaven’t
entertainedtogethermore
often!”
“Yes,ithasbeenfun,”said
Mameha.“Ijustrelishthe
thoughtofwhatthefuture
holds!”
Afterthis,Mamehagave
meaverysatisfiedlook.She
wasrelishingthethoughtof
seeingHatsumomodestroyed.
***
Thatnightafterbathing
andremovingmymakeup,I
wasstandingintheformal
entrancehallanswering
Auntie’squestionsaboutmy
day,whenHatsumomocame
infromthestreetandstood
beforeme.Normallyshe
wasn’tbacksoearly,butI
knewthemomentIsawher
facethatshe’dcomeback
onlyforthepurposeof
confrontingme.Shewasn’t
evenwearinghercruelsmile,
buthadherlipspressed
togetherinawaythatlooked
almostunattractive.Shestood
beforemeonlyamoment,
andthendrewbackherhand
andslappedmeacrossthe
face.ThelastthingIsaw
beforeherhandstruckme
wasaglimpseofherclenched
teethliketwostringsof
pearls.
Iwassostunned,Ican’t
recallwhathappened
immediatelyafterward.But
AuntieandHatsumomomust
havebeguntoargue,because
thenextthingIheardwas
Hatsumomosaying,“Ifthis
girlembarrassesmeinpublic
again,I’llbehappytoslap
theothersideofherface!”
“HowdidIembarrass
you?”Iaskedher.
“Youknewperfectlywell
whatImeantwhenI
wonderedifyouhadhair,but
youmademelooklikeafool.
Ioweyouafavor,little
Chiyo.I’llreturnitsoon,I
promise.”
Hatsumomo’sanger
seemedtocloseitselfup,and
shewalkedbackoutofthe
okiya,wherePumpkinwas
waitingonthestreettobow
toher.
***
IreportedthistoMameha
thefollowingafternoon,but
shehardlypaidanyattention.
“What’stheproblem?”she
said.“Hatsumomodidn’t
leaveamarkonyourface,
thankheavens.Youdidn’t
expectshe’dbepleasedat
yourcomment,didyou?”
“I’monlyconcernedabout
whatmighthappenthenext
timewerunintoher,”Isaid.
“I’lltellyouwhatwill
happen.We’llturnaround
andleave.Thehostmaybe
surprisedtoseeuswalkout
ofapartywe’vejustwalked
into,butit’sbetterthan
givingHatsumomoanother
chancetohumiliateyou.
Anyway,ifwerunintoher,it
willbeablessing.”
“Really,Mameha-san,I
can’tseehowitcouldbea
blessing.”
“IfHatsumomoforcesus
toleaveafewteahouses,
we’lldropinonmoreparties,
that’sall.You’llbeknown
aroundGionmuchfasterthat
way.”
Ifeltreassuredby
Mameha’sconfidence.In
fact,whenwesetoutinto
Gionlater,Iexpectedthatat
theendofthenightIwould
takeoffmymakeupandfind
myskinglowingwiththe
satisfactionofalongevening.
Ourfirststopwasapartyfor
ayoungfilmactor,who
lookednoolderthaneighteen
buthadnotasinglehairon
hishead,noteveneyelashes
oreyebrows.Hewentonto
becomeveryfamousafew
yearslater,butonlybecause
ofthemannerofhisdeath.
Hekilledhimselfwitha
swordaftermurderinga
youngwaitressinTokyo.In
anycase,Ithoughthimvery
strangeuntilInoticedthathe
keptglancingatme;I’dlived
somuchofmylifeinthe
isolationoftheokiyathatI
mustadmitIrelishedthe
attention.Westayedmore
thananhour,andHatsumomo
nevershowedup.Itseemed
tomethatmyfantasiesof
successmightindeedcometo
pass.
Nextwestoppedataparty
givenbythechancellorof
KyotoUniversity.Mamehaat
oncebegantalkingwitha
manshehadn’tseeninsome
time,andleftmeonmyown.
TheonlyspaceIcouldfindat
thetablewasbesideanold
maninastainedwhiteshirt,
whomusthavebeenvery
thirstybecausehewas
drinkingcontinuallyfroma
glassofbeer,exceptwhenhe
moveditawayfromhis
mouthtoburp.Ikneltbeside
himandwasaboutto
introducemyselfwhenI
heardthedoorslideopen.I
expectedtoseeamaid
deliveringanotherroundof
sake,butthereinthehallway
kneltHatsumomoand
Pumpkin.
“Oh,goodheavens!”I
heardMamehasaytotheman
shewasentertaining.“Isyour
wristwatchaccurate?”
“Veryaccurate,”hesaid.“I
setiteveryafternoonbythe
clockatthetrainstation.”
“I’mafraidSayuriandI
havenochoicebuttoberude
andexcuseourselves.We
wereexpectedelsewherea
halfhourago!”
Andwiththat,westood
andslippedoutoftheparty
theverymomentafter
HatsumomoandPumpkin
enteredit.
Aswewereleavingthe
teahouse,Mamehapulledme
intoanemptytatamiroom.In
thehazydarknessIcouldn’t
makeoutherfeatures,but
onlythebeautifulovalshape
ofherfacewithitselaborate
crownofhair.IfIcouldn’t
seeher,thenshecouldn’tsee
me;Iletmyjawsagwith
frustrationanddespair,forit
seemedIwouldneverescape
Hatsumomo.
“Whatdidyousaytothat
horridwomanearliertoday?”
Mamehasaidtome.
“Nothingatall,ma’am!”
“Thenhowdidshefindus
here?”
“Ididn’tknowwewould
beheremyself,”Isaid.“I
couldn’tpossiblyhavetold
her.”
“Mymaidknowsaboutmy
engagements,butIcan’t
imagine...Well,we’llgoto
apartyhardlyanyoneknows
about.NagaTeruomiwasjust
appointedthenewconductor
oftheTokyoPhilharmonic
lastweek.He’scomeinto
townthisafternoontogive
everyoneachancetoidolize
him.Idon’tmuchwanttogo,
but...atleastHatsumomo
won’tbethere.”
WecrossedShijoAvenue
andturneddownanarrow
alleythatsmelledofsakeand
roastedyams.Asprinkleof
laughterfelldownontous
fromthesecond-story
windowsbrightlylit
overhead.Insidetheteahouse,
ayoungmaidshowedustoa
roomonthesecondfloor,
wherewefoundthe
conductorsittingwithhisthin
hairoiledbackandhisfingers
strokingasakecupinanger.
Theothermenintheroom
wereinthemidstofa
drinkinggamewithtwo
geisha,buttheconductor
refusedtojoin.Hetalked
withMamehaforawhile,and
soonaskedhertoputona
dance.Idon’tthinkhecared
aboutthedance,really;itwas
justawaytoendthedrinking
gamesandencouragehis
gueststobeginpaying
attentiontohimagain.Justas
themaidbroughtashamisen
tohandtooneofthegeisha—
evenbeforeMamehahad
takenupherpose—thedoor
slidopenand...I’msure
youknowwhatI’mgoingto
say.Theywerelikedogsthat
wouldn’tstopfollowingus.It
wasHatsumomoand
Pumpkinonceagain.
Youshouldhaveseenthe
wayMamehaand
Hatsumomosmiledateach
other.You’dalmosthave
thoughttheyweresharinga
privatejoke—whereasinfact,
I’msureHatsumomowas
relishinghervictoryin
findingus,andasfor
Mameha...well,Ithinkher
smilewasjustawayof
hidingheranger.Duringher
dance,Icouldseeherjaw
juttingoutandhernostrils
flared.Shedidn’tevencome
backtothetableafterward,
butjustsaidtotheconductor:
“Thankyousomuchfor
permittingustodropin!I’m
afraidit’ssolate...Sayuri
andImustexcuseourselves
now...”
Ican’ttellyouhowpleased
Hatsumomolookedaswe
closedthedoorbehindus.
IfollowedMamehadown
thestairs.Onthebottomstep
shecametoahaltandwaited.
Atlastayoungmaidrushed
intotheformalentrancehall
toseeusout—theverysame
maidwho’dshownusupthe
stairsearlier.
“Whatadifficultlifeyou
musthaveasamaid!”
Mamehasaidtoher.
“Probablyyouwantsomany
thingsandhavesolittle
moneytospend.Buttellme,
whatwillyoudowiththe
fundsyou’vejustearned?”
“Ihaven’tearnedany
funds,ma’am,”shesaid.But
toseeherswallowingso
nervously,Icouldtellshe
waslying.
“Howmuchmoneydid
Hatsumomopromiseyou?”
Themaid’sgazefellat
oncetothefloor.Itwasn’t
untilthismomentthatI
understoodwhatMameha
wasthinking.Aswelearned
sometimeafterward,
Hatsumomohadindeed
bribedatleastoneofthe
maidsineveryfirst-class
teahouseinGion.Theywere
askedtocallYoko—thegirl
whoansweredthetelephone
inourokiya—whenever
MamehaandIarrivedata
party.Ofcourse,wedidn’t
knowaboutYoko’s
involvementatthetime;but
Mamehawasquiterightin
assumingthatthemaidinthis
teahousehadpasseda
messagetoHatsumomo
somehoworother.
Themaidcouldn’tbring
herselftolookatMameha.
EvenwhenMamehalifted
herchin,thegirlstillpointed
hereyesdownwardjustasif
theyweighedasmuchastwo
leadballs.Whenweleftthe
teahouse,wecouldhear
Hatsumomo’svoicecoming
fromthewindowabove—for
itwassuchanarrowalleyway
thateverythingechoed.
“Yes,whatwashername?”
Hatsumomowassaying.
“Sayuko,”saidoneofthe
men.
“NotSayuko.Sayuri,”said
another.
“Ithinkthat’stheone,”
Hatsumomosaid.“Butreally,
it’stooembarrassingforher.
..Imustn’ttellyou!She
seemslikeanicegirl...”
“Ididn’tgetmuchofan
impression,”onemansaid.
“Butshe’sverypretty.”
“Suchunusualeyes!”said
oneofthegeisha.
“YouknowwhatIhearda
mansayabouthereyesthe
otherday?”Hatsumomosaid.
“Hetoldmetheywerethe
colorofsmashedworms.”
“Smashedworms...I’ve
certainlyneverheardacolor
describedthatwaybefore.”
“Well,I’lltellyouwhatI
wasgoingtosayabouther,”
Hatsumomowenton,“but
youmustpromisenotto
repeatit.Shehassomesortof
disease,andherbosomslook
justlikeanoldlady’s—all
droopyandwrinkled—really,
it’sdreadful!Isawherina
bathhouseonce...”
MamehaandIhadstopped
tolisten,butwhenweheard
this,shegavemealittlepush
andwewalkedoutofthe
alleytogether.Mamehastood
forawhilelookingupand
downthestreetandthensaid:
“I’mtryingtothinkwhere
wecango,but...Ican’t
thinkofasingleplace.Ifthat
womanhasfoundushere,I
supposeshecanfindus
anywhereinGion.Youmay
aswellgobacktoyourokiya,
Sayuri,untilwecomeupwith
anewplan.”
***
Oneafternoonduring
WorldWarII,someyears
aftertheseeventsI’mtelling
youaboutnow,anofficer
tookhispistoloutofits
holsterduringapartybeneath
theboughsofamapletree
andlaiditonthestrawmatto
impressme.Iremember
beingstruckbyitsbeauty.
Themetalhadadullgray
sheen;itscurveswereperfect
andsmooth.Theoiledwood
handlewasrichlygrained.
ButwhenIthoughtofitsreal
purposeasIlistenedtohis
stories,itceasedtobe
beautifulatallandbecame
somethingmonstrousinstead.
Thisisexactlywhat
happenedtoHatsumomoin
myeyesaftershebroughtmy
debuttoastandstill.That
isn’ttosayI’dnever
consideredhermonstrous
before.ButI’dalwaysenvied
herloveliness,andnowIno
longerdid.WhileIoughtto
havebeenattendingbanquets
everynight,andtenorfifteen
partiesbesides,Iwasforced
insteadtositintheokiya
practicingdanceand
shamisenjustasthough
nothinginmylifehad
changedfromtheyearbefore.
WhenHatsumomowalked
pastmedownthecorridorin
herfullregalia,withher
whitemakeupglowingabove
herdarkrobejustlikethe
mooninahazynightsky,I’m
surethatevenablindman
wouldhavefoundher
beautiful.AndyetIfelt
nothingbuthatred,andheard
mypulsehissinginmyears.
Iwassummonedto
Mameha’sapartmentseveral
timesinthenextfewdays.
EachtimeIhopedshewas
goingtosayshe’dfounda
wayaroundHatsumomo;but
sheonlywantedmetorun
errandsshecouldn’tentrust
tohermaid.OneafternoonI
askedifshehadanyidea
whatwouldbecomeofme.
“I’mafraidyou’reanexile,
Sayuri-san,forthemoment,”
shereplied.“Ihopeyoufeel
moredeterminedthaneverto
destroythatwickedwoman!
ButuntilI’vethoughtofa
plan,itwilldoyounogood
tofollowmearoundGion.”
OfcourseIwas
disappointedtohearit,but
Mamehawasquiteright.
Hatsumomo’sridiculewould
domesuchharmintheeyes
ofmen,andevenintheeyes
ofwomeninGion,thatI
wouldbebetteroffstaying
home.
Happily,Mamehawasvery
resourcefulanddidmanage
tofindengagementsfrom
timetotimethatweresafefor
metoattend.Hatsumomo
mayhaveclosedoffGion
fromme,butshecouldn’t
closeofftheentireworld
beyondit.WhenMamehaleft
Gionforanengagement,she
ofteninvitedmealong.Iwent
onadaytripbytraintoKobe,
whereMamehacuttheribbon
foranewfactory.Onanother
occasionIjoinedherto
accompanytheformer
presidentofNippon
Telephone&Telegraphona
tourofKyotobylimousine.
Thistourmadequitean
impressiononme,foritwas
myfirsttimeseeingthevast
cityofKyotothatlaybeyond
theboundsofourlittleGion,
nottomentionmyfirsttime
ridinginacar.I’dnever
reallyunderstoodhow
desperatelysomepeoplelived
duringtheseyears,untilwe
drovealongtheriversouthof
thecityandsawdirtywomen
nursingtheirbabiesunderthe
treesalongtherailroadtracks,
andmensquattingintattered
strawsandalsamongthe
weeds.Iwon’tpretendpoor
peoplenevercametoGion,
butwerarelysawanyonelike
thesestarvingpeasantstoo
pooreventobathe.Icould
neverhaveimaginedthatI—
aslaveterrorizedby
Hatsumomo’swickedness—
hadlivedarelatively
fortunatelifethroughthe
GreatDepression.Butthat
dayIrealizeditwastrue.
***
LateonemorningI
returnedfromtheschoolto
findanotetellingmetobring
mymakeupandrushto
Mameha’sapartment.WhenI
arrived,Mr.Itchoda,whowas
adresserjustlikeMr.Bekku,
wasinthebackroomtying
Mameha’sobibeforeafulllengthmirror.
“Hurryupandputonyour
makeup,”Mamehasaidto
me.“I’velaidakimonoout
foryouintheotherroom.”
Mameha’sapartmentwas
enormousbythestandardsof
Gion.Inadditiontohermain
room,whichmeasuredsix
tatamimatsinarea,shehad
twoothersmallerrooms—a
dressingareathatdoubledas
amaids’room,andaroomin
whichsheslept.Thereinher
bedroomwasafreshlymadeupfuton,withacomplete
kimonoensembleontopofit
thathermaidhadlaidoutfor
me.Iwaspuzzledbythe
futon.Thesheetscertainly
weren’ttheonesMamehahad
sleptinthenightbefore,for
theywereassmoothasfresh
snow.Iwonderedaboutit
whilechangingintothe
cottondressingrobeI’d
brought.WhenIwentto
beginapplyingmymakeup,
Mamehatoldmewhyshehad
summonedme.
“TheBaronisbackin
town,”shesaid.“He’llbe
cominghereforlunch.Iwant
himtomeetyou.”
Ihaven’thadoccasionto
mentiontheBaron,but
Mamehawasreferringto
BaronMatsunagaTsuneyoshi
—herdanna.Wedon’thave
baronsandcountsinJapan
anylonger,butwedidbefore
WorldWarII,andBaron
Matsunagawascertainly
amongthewealthiest.His
familycontrolledoneof
Japan’slargebanksandwas
veryinfluentialinfinance.
Originallyhisolderbrother
hadinheritedthetitleof
baron,buthehadbeen
assassinatedwhileservingas
financeministerinthe
cabinetofPrimeMinister
Inukai.Mameha’sdanna,
alreadyinhisthirtiesatthat
time,hadnotonlyinherited
thetitleofbaronbutallofhis
brother’sholdings,including
agrandestateinKyotonot
toofarfromGion.His
businessinterestskepthimin
Tokyomuchofthetime;and
somethingelsekepthimthere
aswell—forIlearnedmany
yearslaterthathehadanother
mistress,inthegeishadistrict
ofAkasakainTokyo.Few
menarewealthyenoughto
affordonegeishamistress,
butBaronMatsunaga
Tsuneyoshihadtwo.
NowthatIknewMameha
wouldbespendingthe
afternoonwithherdanna,I
hadamuchbetterideawhy
thefutoninherbedroomhad
beenmadeupwithfresh
sheets.
Ichangedquicklyintothe
clothingMamehahadsetout
forme—anunderrobeoflight
green,andakimonoinrusset
andyellowwithadesignof
pinetreesatthehem.Bythis
timeoneofMameha’smaids
wasjustreturningfroma
nearbyrestaurantwithabig
lacquerboxholdingthe
Baron’slunch.Thefoods
insideit,onplatesandbowls,
werereadytobeservedjust
asinarestaurant.Thelargest
wasaflatlacquerdishwith
twogrilled,saltedayupoised
ontheirbelliesasthoughthey
wereswimmingdownthe
rivertogether.Tooneside
stoodtwotinysteamedcrabs
ofthesortthatareeaten
whole.Atrailofstreakedsalt
curvedalongtheblack
lacquertosuggestthesand
theyhadcrossed.
Afewminuteslaterthe
Baronarrived.Ipeekedout
throughacrackattheedgeof
theslidingdoorandsawhim
standingjustoutsideonthe
landingwhileMamehauntied
hisshoes.Myfirstimpression
wasofanalmondorsome
otherkindofnut,becausehe
wassmallandveryround,
withacertainkindof
heaviness,particularlyaround
hiseyes.Beardswerevery
fashionableatthattime,and
theBaronworeanumberof
long,softhairsonhisface
thatI’msureweresupposed
toresembleabeard,but
lookedtomemorelikesome
sortofgarnish,orlikethe
thinstripsofseaweedthatare
sometimessprinkledontoa
bowlofrice.
“Oh,Mameha...I’m
exhausted,”Iheardhimsay.
“HowIhatetheselongtrain
rides!”
Finallyhesteppedoutof
hisshoesandcrossedthe
roomwithbrisklittlesteps.
Earlierinthemorning,
Mameha’sdresserhad
broughtanoverstuffedchair
andaPersianrugfroma
storageclosetacrossthehall
andarrangedthemnearthe
window.TheBaronseated
himselfthere;butasforwhat
happenedafterward,Ican’t
say,becauseMameha’smaid
cameovertomeandbowed
inapologybeforegivingthe
dooragentlepushtoslideit
therestofthewayclosed.
IstayedinMameha’slittle
dressingroomforanhouror
morewhilethemaidwentin
andoutservingtheBaron’s
lunch.Iheardthemurmurof
Mameha’svoice
occasionally,butmainlythe
Barondidthetalking.Atone
pointIthoughthewasangry
withMameha,butfinallyI
overheardenoughto
understandthathewasonly
complainingaboutaman
he’dmetthedaybefore,
who’daskedhimpersonal
questionsthatmadehim
angry.Atlastwhenthemeal
wasover,themaidcarried
outcupsoftea,andMameha
askedforme.Iwentoutto
kneelbeforetheBaron,
feelingverynervous—forI’d
nevermetanaristocrat
before.Ibowedandbegged
hisfavor,andthought
perhapshewouldsay
somethingtome.Buthe
seemedtobelookingaround
theapartment,hardlytaking
noticeofmeatall.
“Mameha,”hesaid,“what
happenedtothatscrollyou
usedtohaveinthealcove?It
wasaninkpaintingof
somethingorother—much
betterthanthethingyouhave
therenow.”
“Thescrolltherenow,
Baron,isapoemin
MatsudairaKoichi’sown
hand.Ithashunginthat
alcovenearlyfouryears.”
“Fouryears?Wasn’tthe
inkpaintingtherewhenI
camelastmonth?”
“Itwasn’t...butinany
case,theBaronhasn’t
honoredmewithavisitin
nearlythreemonths.”
“NowonderI’mfeelingso
exhausted.I’malwayssaying
Ioughttospendmoretimein
Kyoto,but...well,onething
leadstoanother.Let’shavea
lookatthatscrollI’mtalking
about.Ican’tbelieveit’s
beenfouryearssinceI’ve
seenit.”
Mamehasummonedher
maidandaskedhertobring
thescrollfromthecloset.I
wasgiventhejobofunrolling
it.Myhandsweretrembling
somuchthatitslippedfrom
mygraspwhenIhelditup
fortheBarontohavealook.
“Careful,girl!”hesaid.
Iwassoembarrassedthat
evenafterI’dbowedand
apologized,Icouldn’thelp
glancingattheBaronagain
andagaintoseeifheseemed
angrywithme.WhileIheld
thescrollup,heseemedto
lookatmemorethanatit.
Butitwasn’tareproachful
stare.AfterawhileIrealized
itwascuriosity,whichonly
mademefeelmoreselfconscious.
“Thisscrollismuchmore
attractivethantheoneyou
haveinthealcovenow,
Mameha,”hesaid.Buthe
stillseemedtobelookingat
me,andmadenoeffortto
lookawaywhenIglancedat
him.“Calligraphyissooldfashionedanyway,”hewent
on.“Yououghttotakethat
thinginthealcovedown,and
putupthislandscapepainting
again.”
Mamehahadnochoicebut
todoastheBaronsuggested;
sheevenmanagedtolookas
ifshethoughtitwasafine
idea.WhenthemaidandI
hadfinishedhangingthe
paintingandrollingupthe
otherscroll,Mamehacalled
meovertopourteaforthe
Baron.Tolookatusfrom
above,weformedalittle
triangle—Mameha,the
Baron,andme.Butofcourse,
MamehaandtheBarondid
allthetalking;asforme,I
didnothingmoreusefulthan
tokneelthere,feelingas
muchoutofmyelementasa
pigeoninanestoffalcons.
TothinkI’deverimagined
myselfworthyofentertaining
thesortsofmenMameha
entertained—notonlygrand
aristocratsliketheBaron,but
theChairmanaswell.Even
thetheaterdirectorfrom
severalnightsearlier...he’d
hardlysomuchasglancedat
me.Iwon’tsayI’dfelt
worthyoftheBaron’s
companyearlier;butnowI
couldn’thelprealizingonce
againthatIwasnothingmore
thananignorantgirlfroma
fishingvillage.Hatsumomo,
ifshehadherway,would
keepmedownsolow,every
manwhovisitedGionwould
remainforeveroutofmy
reach.ForallIknewImight
neverseeBaronMatsunaga
again,andnevercomeupon
theChairman.Wasn’tit
possibleMamehawould
realizethehopelessnessof
mycauseandleavemeto
languishintheokiyalikea
little-wornkimonothathad
seemedsolovelyintheshop?
TheBaron—whoIwas
beginningtorealizewas
somethingofanervousman
—leanedovertoscratchata
markonthesurfaceof
Mameha’stable,andmade
methinkofmyfatheronthe
lastdayI’dseenhim,digging
grimeoutofrutsinthewood
withhisfingernails.I
wonderedwhathewould
thinkifhecouldseeme
kneelinghereinMameha’s
apartment,wearingarobe
moreexpensivethananything
he’deverlaideyeson,witha
baronacrossfrommeandone
ofthemostfamousgeishain
allofJapanatmyside.Iwas
hardlyworthyofthese
surroundings.AndthenI
becameawareofallthe
magnificentsilkwrapped
aboutmybody,andhadthe
feelingImightdrownin
beauty.Atthatmoment,
beautyitselfstruckmeasa
kindofpainfulmelancholy.
ChapterSixteen
OneafternoonasMameha
andIwerestrollingacrossthe
ShijoAvenueBridgetopick
upsomenewhairornaments
inthePontochodistrict—for
Mamehaneverlikedthe
shopssellinghairornaments
inGion—shecametoastop
suddenly.Anoldtugboatwas
puffingitswaybeneaththe
bridge;IthoughtMameha
wasjustconcernedaboutthe
blackfumes,butaftera
momentsheturnedtome
withanexpressionIcouldn’t
quiteunderstand.
“Whatisit,Mameha-san?”
Iasked.
“Imayaswelltellyou,
becauseyou’llonlyhearit
fromsomeoneelse,”shesaid.
“YourlittlefriendPumpkin
hasjustwontheapprentice’s
award.It’sexpectedshe’ll
winitasecondtimeaswell.”
Mamehawasreferringto
anawardfortheapprentice
who’dearnedthemostduring
thepreviousmonth.Itmay
seemstrangethatsuchan
awardexisted,butthere’sa
verygoodreason.
Encouragingapprenticesto
earnasmuchaspossible
helpsshapethemintothesort
ofgeishawhowillbemost
appreciatedinGion—thatis
tosay,theoneswhowillearn
alotnotonlyforthemselves
butforeveryoneelsetoo.
SeveraltimesMamehahad
predictedthatPumpkinwould
strugglealongforafewyears
andendupthesortofgeisha
withafewloyalcustomers—
noneofthemwealthy—and
littleelse.Itwasasad
picture,andIwaspleasedto
learnthatPumpkinwasdoing
betterthanthat.Butatthe
sametimeIfeltanxiety
pricklingatmystomach.
Pumpkinnowseemedtobe
oneofthemostpopular
apprenticesinGion,whileI
remainedoneofthemost
obscure.WhenIbeganto
wonderwhatitmightmean
formyfuture,theworld
aroundmehonestlyseemed
togrowdark.
Themostastonishingthing
aboutPumpkin’ssuccess,asI
stoodthereonthebridge
thinkingaboutit,wasthat
she’dmanagedtosurpassan
exquisiteyounggirlnamed
Raiha,who’dwontheaward
thepastseveralmonths.
Raiha’smotherhadbeena
renownedgeisha,andher
fatherwasamemberofone
ofJapan’smostillustrious
families,withalmostlimitless
wealth.WheneverRaiha
strolledpastme,Ifeltasa
simplesmeltmustfeelwhen
asilversalmonglidesby.
HowhadPumpkinmanaged
tooutdoher?Hatsumomo
hadcertainlypushedherfrom
theverydayofherdebut,so
muchthatshe’dbeguntolose
weightlatelyandhardly
lookedherself.Butregardless
ofhowhardPumpkinmay
haveworked,couldshereally
havegrownmorepopular
thanRaiha?
“Oh,now,really,”said
Mameha,“don’tlooksosad.
Yououghttoberejoicing!”
“Yes,it’sveryselfishof
me,”Isaid.
“Thatisn’twhatImean.
HatsumomoandPumpkin
willbothpaydearlyforthis
apprentice’saward.Infive
years,noonewillremember
whoPumpkinis.”
“Itseemstome,”Isaid,
“thateveryonewillremember
herasthegirlwhosurpassed
Raiha.”
“Noonehassurpassed
Raiha.Pumpkinmayhave
earnedthemostmoneylast
month,butRaihaisstillthe
mostpopularapprenticein
Gion.Come,I’llexplain.”
Mamehaledmetoa
tearoominthePontocho
districtandsatmedown.
***
InGion,Mamehasaid,a
verypopulargeishacan
alwaysmakesureher
youngersisterearnsmore
thananyoneelse—ifsheis
willingtoriskhurtingher
ownreputation.Thereason
hastodowiththewayohana,
“flowerfees,”arebilled.In
theolddays,ahundredyears
ormoreago,everytimea
geishaarrivedatapartyto
entertain,themistressofthe
teahouselitastickofonehourincense—calledone
ohana,or“flower.”The
geisha’sfeeswerebasedon
howmanysticksofincense
hadburnedbythetimeshe
left.
Thecostofoneohanahas
alwaysbeenfixedbythe
GionRegistryOffice.WhileI
wasanapprentice,itwas¥3,
whichwasaboutthecostof
twobottlesofliquor,perhaps.
Itmaysoundlikealot,butan
unpopulargeishaearningone
ohanaperhourhasagrim
life.Probablyshespends
mosteveningssittingaround
thecharcoalbrazierwaiting
foranengagement;even
whenshe’sbusy,shemay
earnnomorethan¥10ina
night,whichwon’tbeenough
eventopaybackherdebts.
Consideringallthewealth
thatflowsintoGion,she’s
nothingmorethananinsect
pickingatthecarcass—
comparedwithHatsumomo
orMameha,whoare
magnificentlionessesfeasting
atthekill,notonlybecause
theyhaveengagementsall
nightlongeverynight,but
becausetheychargeagood
dealmoreaswell.In
Hatsumomo’scase,she
chargedoneohanaevery
fifteenminutes,ratherthan
oneeveryhour.Andinthe
caseofMameha...well,
therewasnooneelseinGion
quitelikeher:shecharged
oneohanaeveryfive
minutes.
Ofcourse,nogeishakeeps
allherearnings,noteven
Mameha.Theteahousewhere
sheearnedthefeestakesa
portion;thenamuchsmaller
portiongoestothegeisha
association;andaportionto
herdresser;andrighton
downtheline,includingafee
shemightpaytoanokiyain
exchangeforkeepingher
accountbooksandtracking
herengagements.She
probablykeepsonlyalittle
morethanhalfofwhatshe
earns.Still,it’sanenormous
sumwhencomparedwiththe
livelihoodofanunpopular
geisha,whoeverydaysinks
deeperanddeeperintoapit.
Here’showageishalike
Hatsumomocouldmakeher
youngersisterseemmore
successfulthanshereally
was.
Tobeginwith,apopular
geishainGioniswelcomeat
nearlyanyparty,andwill
dropinonmanyofthemfor
onlyfiveminutes.Her
customerswillbehappyto
paythefees,eventhough
she’sonlysayinghello.They
knowthatthenexttimethey
visitGion,she’llprobably
jointhematthetablefora
whiletogivethemthe
pleasureofhercompany.An
apprentice,ontheotherhand,
can’tpossiblygetawaywith
suchbehavior.Herroleisto
buildrelationships.Untilshe
becomesafull-fledgedgeisha
attheageofeighteen,she
doesn’tconsiderflittingfrom
partytoparty.Insteadshe
staysforanhourormore,and
onlythentelephonesher
okiyatoaskheroldersister’s
whereabouts,soshecangoto
anotherteahouseandbe
introducedtoanewroundof
guests.Whileherpopular
oldersistermightdropinon
asmanyastwentyparties
duringanevening,an
apprenticeprobablyattends
nomorethanfive.Butthis
isn’twhatHatsumomowas
doing.Shewastaking
Pumpkinwithhereverywhere
shewent.
Untiltheageofsixteen,an
apprenticegeishabillsone-
halfohanaperhour.If
Pumpkinstayedataparty
onlyfiveminutes,thehost
wasbilledthesameasif
she’dstayedafullhour.On
theotherhand,noone
expectedPumpkintostay
onlyfiveminutes.Probably
themendidn’tmindthat
Hatsumomobroughther
youngersisterforonlyabrief
visitonenight,oreventwo.
Butafterawhiletheymust
havebeguntowonderwhy
shewastoobusytostay
longer;andwhyheryounger
sisterdidn’tremainbehindas
shewasexpectedtodo.
Pumpkin’searningsmayhave
beenhigh,yousee—perhaps
ashighasthreeorfourohana
everyhour.Butshewas
certaintopayforitwithher
reputation,andsowas
Hatsumomo.
***
“Hatsumomo’sbehavior
onlyshowsushowdesperate
sheis,”Mamehaconcluded.
“She’lldoanythingtomake
Pumpkinlookgood.Andyou
knowwhy,don’tyou?”
“I’mnotsure,Mamehasan.”
“ShewantsPumpkinto
lookgoodsoMrs.Nittawill
adopther.IfPumpkinis
madethedaughterofthe
okiya,herfutureisassured,
andsoisHatsumomo’s.After
all,HatsumomoisPumpkin’s
sister;Mrs.Nittacertainly
wouldn’tthrowherout.Do
youunderstandwhatI’m
saying?IfPumpkinis
adopted,you’llneverbefree
ofHatsumomo...unlessit’s
youwhoisthrownout.”
Ifeltasthewavesofthe
oceanmustfeelwhenclouds
haveblockedthewarmthof
thesun.
“I’dhopedtoseeyouasa
popularyoungapprentice
beforelong,”Mamehawent
on,“butHatsumomo
certainlyhasgotteninour
way.”
“Yes,shehas!”
“Well,atleastyou’re
learninghowtoentertainmen
properly.You’reluckyto
havemettheBaron.Imay
nothavefoundawayaround
Hatsumomojustyet,butto
tellthetruth—”Andhereshe
stoppedherself.
“Ma’am?”Isaid.
“Oh,nevermind,Sayuri.
I’dbeafooltosharemy
thoughtswithyou.”
Iwashurttohearthis.
Mamehamusthavenoticed
myfeelingsatonce,forshe
wasquicktosay,“You’re
livingunderthesameroofas
Hatsumomo,aren’tyou?
AnythingIsaytoyoucould
getbacktoher.”
“I’mverysorry,Mamehasan,forwhateverI’vedoneto
deserveyourlowopinionof
me,”Itoldher.“Canyou
reallyimagineI’llrunbackto
theokiyaandtellanythingto
Hatsumomo?”
“I’mnotworriedabout
whatyou’lldo.Micedon’t
geteatenbecausetheyrun
overtowherethecatis
sleepingandwakeitup.You
knowperfectlywellhow
resourcefulHatsumomois.
You’lljusthavetotrustme,
Sayuri.”
“Yes,ma’am,”Ireplied;
forreally,therewasnothing
elseIcouldsay.
“Iwilltellyouonething,”
Mamehasaid,leaning
forwardabit,fromwhatI
tookasexcitement.“Youand
Iwillbegoingtoan
engagementtogetherinthe
nexttwoweeksataplace
Hatsumomowillneverfind
us.”
“MayIaskwhere?”
“Certainlynot!Iwon’t
eventellyouwhen.Justbe
prepared.You’llfindout
everythingyouneedtoknow
whenthepropertimecomes.”
***
WhenIreturnedtothe
okiyathatafternoon,Ihid
myselfupstairstolook
throughmyalmanac.A
varietyofdaysinthenext
twoweeksstoodout.One
wasthecomingWednesday,
whichwasafavorabledayfor
travelingwestward;Ithought
perhapsMamehaplannedto
takemeoutofthecity.
Anotherwasthefollowing
Monday,whichalso
happenedtobetai-an—the
mostauspiciousdayofthe
six-dayBuddhistweek.
Finally,theSundayafterhad
acuriousreading:“Abalance
ofgoodandbadcanopenthe
doortodestiny.”Thisone
soundedmostintriguingof
all.
Iheardnothingfrom
MamehaonWednesday.A
fewafternoonslatershedid
summonmetoherapartment
—onadaymyalmanacsaid
wasunfavorable—butonlyto
discussachangeinmytea
ceremonyclassattheschool.
Afterthisanentireweek
passedwithoutawordfrom
her.AndthenonSunday
aroundnoon,Iheardthedoor
oftheokiyarollopenandput
myshamisendownontothe
walkway,whereI’dbeen
practicingforanhourorso,
torushtothefront.Iexpected
toseeoneofMameha’s
maids,butitwasonlyaman
fromthedruggist’smakinga
deliveryofChineseherbsfor
Auntie’sarthritis.Afterone
ofourelderlymaidstookthe
packet,Iwasabouttoreturn
tomyshamisenwhenI
noticedthedeliveryman
tryingtogetmyattention.He
washoldingapieceofpaper
inonehandsothatonlyI
couldseeit.Ourmaidwas
abouttorollthedoorshut,
buthesaidtome,“I’msorry
totroubleyou,miss,but
wouldyoumindthrowing
thisawayforme?”Themaid
thoughtitodd,butItookthe
paperandpretendedtothrow
itawayinthemaids’room.It
wasanote,unsigned,in
Mameha’shand.
“AskAuntie’spermission
toleave.TellherIhavework
foryoutodoinmyapartment
andcomeherenolaterthan
oneo’clock.Don’tletanyone
elseknowwhereyou’re
going.”
I’msureMameha’s
precautionswerevery
sensible,butinanycase,
Motherwaslunchingwitha
friend,andHatsumomoand
Pumpkinhadgonetoan
afternoonengagement
already.Nooneremainedin
theokiyabutAuntieandthe
maids.Iwentstraightupto
Auntie’sroomtofindher
drapingaheavycotton
blanketacrossherfuton,
preparingforanap.Shestood
shiveringinhersleepingrobe
whileIspoketoher.The
momentsheheardthat
Mamehahadsummonedme,
shedidn’tevencaretoknow
thereason.Shejustgavea
waveofherhandandcrawled
beneaththeblankettogoto
sleep.
***
Mamehawasstillattending
amorningengagementwhen
Iarrivedatherapartment,but
hermaidshowedmeintothe
dressingroomtohelpme
withmymakeup,and
afterwardbroughtinthe
kimonoensembleMameha
hadsetoutforme.I’dgrown
accustomedtowearing
Mameha’skimono,butin
fact,it’sunusualforageisha
tolendoutrobesfromher
collectionthisway.Two
friendsinGionmighttrade
kimonoforanightortwo;
butit’srareforanolder
geishatoshowsuchkindness
toayounggirl.Andinfact,
Mamehawasgoingtoagreat
dealoftroubleonmybehalf;
shenolongerworethese
long-sleevedrobesherself
andhadtoretrievethemfrom
storage.Ioftenwonderedif
sheexpectedtoberepaid
somehow.
Thekimonoshe’dlaidout
formethatdaywasthe
loveliestyet—anorangesilk
withasilverwaterfall
pouringfromthekneeintoa
slate-blueocean.The
waterfallwassplitbybrown
cliffs,withknotteddriftwood
atthebaseembroideredin
lacqueredthreads.Ididn’t
realizeit,buttherobewas
wellknowninGion;people
whosawitprobablythought
ofMamehaatonce.In
permittingmetowearit,I
thinkshewasrubbingsome
ofherauraoffontome.
AfterMr.Itchodahadtied
theobi—arussetandbrown
highlightedwithgoldthreads
—Iputthefinaltoucheson
mymakeupandthe
ornamentsinmyhair.I
tuckedtheChairman’s
handkerchief—whichI’d
broughtfromtheokiyaasI
oftendid—insidemyobi,and
stoodbeforethemirror
gapingatmyself.Alreadyit
wasamazingtomethat
Mamehahadarrangedforme
tolooksobeautiful;butto
topitoff,whenshereturned
toherapartment,sheherself
changedintoafairlyplain
kimono.Itwasarobethe
colorofamountainpotato,
coveredwithsoftgray
hatchmarks,andherobiwas
asimplepatternofblack
diamondsonabackgroundof
deepblue.Shehadthe
understatedbrillianceofa
pearl,asshealwaysdid;but
whenwewalkeddownthe
streettogether,thewomen
whobowedatMamehawere
lookingatme.
FromtheGionShrine,we
rodenorthinarickshawfora
halfhour,intoasectionof
KyotoI’dneverseen.Along
theway,Mamehatoldmewe
wouldbeattendingasumo
exhibitionastheguestsof
IwamuraKen,thefounderof
IwamuraElectricinOsaka—
which,incidentally,wasthe
manufactureroftheheater
thathadkilledGranny.
Iwamura’sright-handman,
NobuToshikazu,whowas
presidentofthecompany,
wouldalsobeattending.
Nobuwasquiteafanofsumo
andhadhelpedorganizethe
exhibitionthatafternoon.
“Ishouldtellyou,”she
saidtome,“thatNobuis...
abitpeculiar-looking.You’ll
makeagreatimpressionon
himbybehavingwellwhen
youmeethim.”Aftershesaid
this,shegavemealookasif
tosayshewouldbeterribly
disappointedinmeifIdidn’t.
AsforHatsumomo,we
wouldn’thavetoworryabout
her.Ticketstotheexhibition
hadbeensoldoutweeks
before.
Atlastweclimbedoutof
therickshawatthecampusof
KyotoUniversity.Mameha
ledmeupadirtpathlined
withsmallpinetrees.
Western-stylebuildings
closedinonbothsidesofus,
withwindowschoppedinto
tinyglasssquaresbystripsof
paintedwood.Ihadn’t
realizedhowmuchGion
seemedlikehometome,until
Inoticedmyselffeelingout
ofplaceattheuniversity.All
aroundusweresmoothskinnedyoungmenwiththeir
hairparted,somewearing
suspenderstokeepuptheir
pants.Theyseemedtofind
Mamehaandmesoexotic
thattheystoppedtowatchas
westrolledpast,andeven
madejokestooneanother.
Soonwepassedthroughan
irongatewithacrowdof
oldermenandanumberof
women,includingquiteafew
geisha.Kyotohadfewplaces
asumoexhibitioncouldbe
heldindoors,andonewas
KyotoUniversity’sold
ExhibitionHall.Thebuilding
nolongerstandstoday;butat
thattimeitfitwiththe
Westernstructuresaroundit
aboutlikeashriveledoldman
inkimonofitswithagroupof
businessmen.Itwasabigbox
ofabuilding,witharoofthat
didn’tseemquitesubstantial
enough,butmademethinkof
alidfittedontothewrong
pot.Thehugedoorsonone
sideweresobadlywarped,
theybulgedagainsttheiron
rodsfastenedacrossthem.Its
ruggednessremindedmeso
muchofmytipsyhousethatI
feltsadforamoment.
AsImademywayupthe
stonestepsintothebuilding,I
spottedtwogeishastrolling
acrossthegravelcourtyard,
andbowedtothem.They
noddedtomeinreturn,and
onesaidsomethingtothe
other.Ithoughtthisveryodd
—untilIlookedatthemmore
closely.Myheartsank;one
ofthewomenwas
Hatsumomo’sfriendKorin.I
gaveheranotherbow,now
thatIrecognizedher,anddid
mybesttosmile.The
momenttheylookedaway,I
whisperedtoMameha:
“Mameha-san!I’vejust
seenafriendof
Hatsumomo’s!”
“Ididn’tknowHatsumomo
hadanyfriends.”
“It’sKorin.She’sover
there...oratleast,shewasa
momentago,withanother
geisha.”
“IknowKorin.Whyare
yousoworriedabouther?
Whatcanshepossiblydo?”
Ididn’thaveananswerto
thisquestion.ButifMameha
wasn’tconcerned,Icould
thinkofnoreasonwhyI
oughttobe.
Myfirstimpressionupon
enteringtheExhibitionHall
wasofanenormousempty
spacereachinguptotheroof,
beneathwhichsunlight
pouredinthroughscreened
windowshighoverhead.The
hugeexpansewasfilledwith
thenoiseofthecrowd,and
withsmokefromthesweetricecakesroastedwithmiso
pasteonthegrillsoutside.In
thecenterwasasquare
moundwherethewrestlers
wouldcompete,dominated
byaroofinthestyleofa
Shintoshrine.Apriest
walkedaroundonit,chanting
blessingsandshakinghis
sacredwandadornedwith
foldedpaperstrips.
Mamehaledmedowntoa
tierinthefront,wherewe
removedourshoesandbegan
towalkacrossinoursplittoedsocksonalittlemargin
ofwood.Ourhostswerein
thisrow,butIhadnoidea
whotheywereuntilIcaught
sightofamanwavinghis
handtoMameha;Iknewat
oncethathewasNobu.There
wasnodoubtwhyMameha
hadwarnedmeabouthis
appearance.Evenfroma
distancetheskinofhisface
lookedlikeameltedcandle.
Atsometimeinhislifehe
hadsufferedterribleburns;
hiswholeappearancewasso
tragic-looking,Icouldn’t
imaginetheagonyhemust
haveendured.AlreadyIwas
feelingstrangefromrunning
intoKorin;nowIbeganto
worrythatwhenImetNobu,
Imightmakeafoolofmyself
withoutquiteunderstanding
why.AsIwalkedalong
behindMameha,Ifocused
myattentionnotonNobubut
onaveryelegantmanseated
besidehimonthesame
tatamimat,wearinga
pinstripemen’skimono.
FromthemomentIseteyes
onthismanIfeltastrange
stillnesssettlingoverme.He
wastalkingwithsomeonein
anotherbox,sothatIcould
seeonlythebackofhishead.
Buthewassofamiliartome
thatforamomentIcould
makenosenseofwhatIsaw.
AllIknewwasthathewas
outofplacethereinthe
ExhibitionHall.BeforeI
couldeventhinkwhy,Isaw
animageinmymindofhim
turningtowardmeonthe
streetsofourlittlevillage...
AndthenIrealized:itwas
Mr.Tanaka!
He’dchangedinsomeway
Icouldn’thavedescribed.I
watchedhimreachupto
smoothhisgrayhairandwas
struckbythegracefulwayhe
movedhisfingers.WhydidI
finditsopeculiarlysoothing
tolookathim?PerhapsIwas
inadazeatseeinghimand
hardlyknewhowIreallyfelt.
Well,ifIhatedanyoneinthis
world,IhatedMr.Tanaka;I
hadtoremindmyselfofthis.
Iwasn’tgoingtokneelbeside
himandsay,“Why,Mr.
Tanaka,howveryhonoredI
amtoseeyouagain!What
hasbroughtyoutoKyoto?”
InsteadIwouldfindsome
wayofshowinghimmytrue
feelings,evenifitwashardly
theproperthingforan
apprenticetodo.Actually,I’d
thoughtofMr.Tanakavery
littletheselastfewyears.But
stillIowedittomyselfnotto
bekindtohim,nottopour
hissakeintohiscupifIcould
spillitonhisleginstead.I
wouldsmileathimasIwas
obligedtosmile;butitwould
bethesmileIhadsooften
seenonHatsumomo’sface;
andthenIwouldsay,“Oh,
Mr.Tanaka,thestrongodor
offish...itmakesmeso
homesicktositherebeside
you!”Howshockedhewould
be!Orperhapsthis:“Why,
Mr.Tanaka,youlook...
almostdistinguished!”
Thoughintruth,asIlooked
athim—forbynowwe’d
nearlyreachedtheboxin
whichhesat—hedidlook
distinguished,more
distinguishedthanIcould
everhaveimagined.Mameha
wasjustarriving,lowering
herselftoherkneestobow.
Thenheturnedhishead,and
forthefirsttimeIsawhis
broadfaceandthesharpness
ofhischeekbones...and
mostofall,hiseyelidsfolded
sotightlyinthecornersand
sosmoothandflat.And
suddenlyeverythingaround
meseemedtogrowquiet,as
ifhewerethewindthatblew
andIwerejustacloud
carrieduponit.
Hewasfamiliar,certainly
—morefamiliarinsome
waysthanmyownimagein
themirror.Butitwasn’tMr.
Tanakaatall.Itwasthe
Chairman.
ChapterSeventeen
IhadseentheChairman
duringonlyonebriefmoment
inmylife;butI’dspenta
greatmanymomentssince
thenimagininghim.Hewas
likeasongI’dheardoncein
fragmentsbuthadbeen
singinginmymindever
since.Thoughofcourse,the
noteshadchangedabitover
time—whichistosaythatI
expectedhisforeheadtobe
higherandhisgrayhairnot
sothick.WhenIsawhim,I
hadaflickerofuncertainty
whetherhewasreallythe
Chairman;butIfeltso
soothed,Iknewwithouta
doubtIhadfoundhim.
WhileMamehawas
greetingthetwomen,Istood
behindawaitingmyturnto
bow.Whatifmyvoice,when
Itriedtospeak,shouldsound
likearagsqueakingon
polishedwood?Nobu,with
histragicscars,waswatching
me,butIwasn’tsurewhether
theChairmanhadeven
noticedmethere;Iwastoo
timidtoglanceinhis
direction.WhenMameha
tookherplaceandbeganto
smoothherkimonooverher
knees,Isawthatthe
Chairmanwaslookingatme
withwhatItooktobe
curiosity.Myfeetactually
wentcoldfromalltheblood
thatcamerushingintomy
face.
“ChairmanIwamura...
PresidentNobu,”Mameha
said,“thisismynewyounger
sister,Sayuri.”
I’mcertainyou’veheardof
thefamousIwamuraKen,
founderofIwamuraElectric.
Andprobablyyou’veheard
ofNobuToshikazuaswell.
Certainlynobusiness
partnershipinJapanwasever
morefamousthantheirs.
Theywerelikeatreeandits
roots,orlikeashrineandthe
gatethatstandsbeforeit.
Evenasafourteen-year-old
girlI’dheardofthem.ButI’d
neverimaginedforamoment
thatIwamuraKenmightbe
themanI’dmetonthebanks
oftheShirakawaStream.
Well,Iloweredmyselftomy
kneesandbowedtothem,
sayingalltheusualthings
aboutbeggingtheir
indulgenceandsoforth.
WhenIwasdone,Iwentto
kneelinthespacebetween
them.Nobufellinto
conversationwithaman
besidehim,whilethe
Chairman,ontheotherside
ofme,satwithhishand
aroundanemptyteacupona
trayathisknee.Mameha
begantalkingtohim;Ipicked
upasmallteapotandheldmy
sleeveoutofthewaytopour.
Tomyastonishment,the
Chairman’seyesdriftedto
myarm.Ofcourse,Iwas
eagertoseeformyself
exactlywhathewasseeing.
Perhapsbecauseofthemurky
lightintheExhibitionHall,
theundersideofmyarm
seemedtoshinewiththe
gleamingsmoothnessofa
pearl,andwasabeautiful
ivorycolor.Nopartofmy
bodyhadeverstruckmeas
lovelyinthiswaybefore.I
wasveryawarethatthe
Chairman’seyesweren’t
moving;aslongashekept
lookingatmyarm,Icertainly
wasn’tgoingtotakeitaway.
AndthensuddenlyMameha
fellsilent.Itseemedtome
she’dstoppedtalkingbecause
theChairmanwaswatching
myarminsteadoflisteningto
her.ThenIrealizedwhatwas
reallythematter.
Theteapotwasempty.
Whatwasmore,ithadbeen
emptyevenwhenI’dpicked
itup.
I’dfeltalmostglamorousa
momentearlier,butnowI
mutteredanapologyandput
thepotdownasquicklyasI
could.Mamehalaughed.
“Youcanseewhata
determinedgirlsheis,
Chairman,”shesaid.“If
there’dbeenasingledropof
teainthatpot,Sayuriwould
havegottenitout.”
“Thatcertainlyisa
beautifulkimonoyour
youngersisteriswearing,
Mameha,”theChairmansaid.
“DoIrecallseeingitonyou,
backduringyourdaysasan
apprentice?”
IfIfeltanylingering
doubtsaboutwhetherthis
manwasreallytheChairman,
Ifeltthemnolongerafter
hearingthefamiliarkindness
ofhisvoice.
“It’spossible,Isuppose,”
Mamehareplied.“Butthe
Chairmanhasseenmeinso
manydifferentkimonoover
theyears,Ican’timaginehe
remembersthemall.”
“Well,I’mnodifferent
fromanyotherman.Beauty
makesquiteanimpressionon
me.Whenitcomestothese
sumowrestlers,Ican’ttell
oneofthemfromthenext.”
Mamehaleanedacrossin
frontoftheChairmanand
whisperedtome,“Whatthe
Chairmanisreallysayingis
thathedoesn’tparticularly
likesumo.”
“Now,Mameha,”hesaid,
“ifyou’retryingtogetme
intotroublewithNobu...”
“Chairman,Nobu-sanhas
knownforyearshowyou
feel!”
“Nevertheless.Sayuri,is
thisyourfirstencounterwith
sumo?”
I’dbeenwaitingforsome
excusetospeakwithhim;but
beforeI’dsomuchastakena
breath,wewereallstartledby
atremendousboomthat
shookthegreatbuilding.Our
headsturnedandthecrowd
fellsilent;butitwasnothing
morethantheclosingofone
ofthegiantdoors.Ina
momentwecouldhearhinges
creakingandsawthesecond
doorstrainingitswayaround
inanarc,pushedbytwoof
thewrestlers.Nobuhadhis
headturnedawayfromme;I
couldn’tresistpeeringatthe
terribleburnsonthesideof
hisfaceandhisneck,andat
hisear,whichwas
misshapen.ThenIsawthat
thesleeveofhisjacketwas
empty.I’dbeenso
preoccupied,Ihadn’tnoticed
itearlier;itwasfoldedintwo
andfastenedtohisshoulder
byalongsilverpin.
Imayaswelltellyou,if
youdon’tknowitalready,
thatasayounglieutenantin
theJapanesemarines,Nobu
hadbeenseverelyinjuredina
bombingoutsideSeoulin
1910,atthetimeKoreawas
beingannexedtoJapan.I
knewnothingabouthis
heroismwhenImethim—
thoughinfact,thestorywas
familiaralloverJapan.If
he’dneverjoinedupwiththe
Chairmanandeventually
becomepresidentofIwamura
Electric,probablyhewould
havebeenforgottenasawar
hero.Butasitwas,his
terribleinjuriesmadethe
storyofhissuccessthatmuch
moreremarkable,sothetwo
wereoftenmentioned
together.
Idon’tknowtoomuch
abouthistory—forthey
taughtusonlyartsatthelittle
school—butIthinkthe
Japanesegovernmentgained
controloverKoreaattheend
oftheRusso-JapaneseWar,
andafewyearsafterward
madethedecisionto
incorporateKoreaintothe
growingempire.I’msurethe
Koreansdidn’tmuchlike
this.Nobuwentthereaspart
ofasmallforcetokeep
thingsundercontrol.Lateone
afternoonheaccompaniedhis
commandingofficeronavisit
toavillagenearSeoul.On
thewaybacktothespot
wheretheirhorsesweretied
up,themembersofthepatrol
cameunderattack.When
theyheardthehorrible
shriekingnoiseofan
incomingshell,the
commandingofficertriedto
climbdownintoaditch,but
hewasanoldmanand
movedataboutthespeedofa
barnacleinchingitsway
downarock.Momentsbefore
theshellstruckhewasstill
tryingtofindafoothold.
Nobulaidhimselfoverthe
commandingofficerinan
efforttosavehim,buttheold
mantookthisbadlyandtried
toclimbout.Withsome
effortheraisedhishead;
Nobutriedtopushitback
down,buttheshellstruck,
killingthecommanding
officerandinjuringNobu
severely.Insurgerylaterthat
year,Nobulosthisleftarm
abovetheelbow.
ThefirsttimeIsawhis
pinnedsleeve,Icouldn’thelp
avertingmyeyesinalarm.I’d
neverbeforeseenanyone
who’dlostalimb—though
whenIwasalittlegirl,an
assistantofMr.Tanaka’shad
lostthetipofhisfingerone
morningwhilecleaninga
fish.InNobu’scase,many
peoplefelthisarmtobethe
leastofhisproblems,because
hisskinwaslikeanenormous
wound.It’shardtodescribe
thewayhelooked,and
probablyitwouldbecruelfor
meeventotry.I’lljustrepeat
whatIoverheardanother
geishasayabouthimonce:
“EverytimeIlookathisface,
Ithinkofasweetpotatothat
hasblisteredinthefire.”
Whenthehugedoorswere
closed,Iturnedbacktothe
Chairmantoanswerhis
question.AsanapprenticeI
wasfreetositasquietlyasan
arrangementofflowers,ifI
wantedto;butIwas
determinednottoletthis
opportunitypass.EvenifI
madeonlytheslightest
impressiononhim,likea
child’sfootmightmakeona
dustyfloor,atleastitwould
beastart.
“TheChairmanaskedif
thisismyfirstencounterwith
sumo,”Isaid.“Itis,andI
wouldbeverygratefulfor
anythingtheChairmanmight
bekindenoughtoexplainto
me.”
“Ifyouwanttoknow
what’sgoingon,”saidNobu,
“you’dbettertalktome.
Whatisyourname,
apprentice?Icouldn’thear
wellwiththenoiseofthe
crowd.”
Iturnedawayfromthe
Chairmanwithasmuch
difficultyasahungrychild
turnsawayfromaplateof
food.
“MynameisSayuri,sir,”I
said.
“You’reMameha’s
youngersister;whyaren’t
you‘Mame’something-orother?”Nobuwenton.“Isn’t
thatoneofyourfoolish
traditions?”
“Yes,sir.Butallthenames
with‘Mame’turnedouttobe
inauspiciousforme,
accordingtothefortuneteller.”
“Thefortune-teller,”Nobu
saidwithcontempt.“Ishethe
onewhopickedyourname
foryou?”
“I’mtheonewhopicked
it,”Mamehasaid.“The
fortune-tellerdoesn’tpick
names;heonlytellsusif
they’reacceptable.”
“Oneday,Mameha,”Nobu
replied,“you’llgrowupand
stoplisteningtofools.”
“Now,now,Nobu-san,”
saidtheChairman,“anyone
hearingyoutalkwouldthink
you’rethemostmodernman
inthenation.YetI’venever
knownanyonewhobelieves
morestronglyindestinythan
youdo.”
“Everymanhashis
destiny.Butwhoneedstogo
toafortune-tellertofindit?
DoIgotoacheftofindoutif
I’mhungry?”Nobusaid.
“Anyway,Sayuriisavery
prettyname—thoughpretty
namesandprettygirlsdon’t
alwaysgotogether.”
Iwasbeginningtowonder
ifhisnextcommentwouldbe
somethinglike,“Whatan
uglyyoungersisteryou’ve
takenon,Mameha!”orsome
suchthing.Buttomyrelief,
hesaid:
“Here’sacasewherethe
nameandthegirlgotogether.
Ibelieveshemaybeeven
prettierthanyou,Mameha!”
“Nobu-san!Nowoman
likestohearthatsheisn’tthe
prettiestcreaturearound.”
“Especiallyyou,eh?Well,
you’dbettergetusedtoit.
Shehasespeciallybeautiful
eyes.Turntowardme,Sayuri,
soIcanhaveanotherlookat
them.”
Icouldn’tverywelllook
downatthemats,sinceNobu
wantedtoseemyeyes.Nor
couldIstaredirectlybackat
himwithoutseemingtoo
forward.Soaftermygaze
slippedaroundalittle,like
tryingtofindafootingonice,
Ifinallyletitsettleinthe
regionofhischin.IfIcould
havewilledmyeyestostop
seeing,Iwouldcertainlyhave
doneit;becauseNobu’s
featureslookedlikepoorly
sculptedclay.Youmust
rememberthatIknew
nothingasyetaboutthe
tragedythathaddisfigured
him.WhenIwonderedwhat
hadhappenedtohim,I
couldn’tstopthatterrible
feelingofheaviness.
“Youreyescertainlydo
shimmerinamoststartling
way,”hesaid.
Atthatmomentasmall
dooropenedalongtheoutside
ofthehall,andamanentered
wearinganexceptionally
formalkimonowithahigh
blackcaponhishead,
lookingasifhe’dstepped
directlyoutofapaintingof
theImperialcourt.Hemade
hiswaydowntheaisle,
leadingaprocessionof
wrestlerssohugetheyhadto
crouchtopassthroughthe
doorway.
“Whatdoyouknowabout
sumo,younggirl?”Nobu
askedme.
“Onlythatthewrestlersare
asbigaswhales,sir,”Isaid.
“There’samanworkingin
Gionwhowasonceasumo
wrestler.”
“Youmustmean
Awajiumi.He’ssittingjust
overthere,youknow.”With
hisonehand,Nobupointed
towardanothertierwhere
Awajiumisat,laughingabout
something,withKorinnextto
him.Shemusthavespotted
me,forshegavealittlesmile
andthenleanedintosay
somethingtoAwajiumi,who
lookedinourdirection.
“Hewasnevermuchofa
wrestler,”Nobusaid.“He
likedtoslamhisopponents
withhisshoulder.Itnever
worked,stupidman,butit
brokehiscollarboneplentyof
times.”
Bynowthewrestlershad
allenteredthebuildingand
stoodaroundthebaseofthe
mound.Onebyonetheir
nameswereannounced,and
theyclimbedupandarranged
themselvesinacirclefacing
theaudience.Later,asthey
madetheirwayoutofthehall
againsothewrestlersofthe
opposingsidecouldbegin
theirprocession,Nobusaidto
me:
“Thatropeinacircleon
thegroundmarksthering.
Thefirstwrestlertobe
shovedoutsideit,ortotouch
themoundwithanythingbut
hisfeet,istheloser.Itmay
soundeasy,buthowwould
youliketotrypushingoneof
thosegiantsoverthatrope?”
“IsupposeIcouldcomeup
behindhimwithwooden
clappers,”Isaid,“andhopeto
scarehimsobadlyhe’djump
out.”
“Beserious,”Nobusaid.
Iwon’tpretendthiswasa
particularlycleverthingfor
metohavesaid,butitwas
oneofmyfirsteffortsat
jokingwithaman.Ifeltso
embarrassed,Icouldn’tthink
whattosay.Thenthe
Chairmanleanedtowardme.
“Nobu-sandoesn’tjoke
aboutsumo,”hesaidquietly.
“Idon’tmakejokesabout
thethreethingsthatmatter
mostinlife,”Nobusaid.
“Sumo,business,andwar.”
“Mygoodness,Ithinkthat
wasasortofjoke,”Mameha
said.“Doesthatmeanyou’re
contradictingyourself?”
“Ifyouwerewatchinga
battle,”Nobusaidtome,“or
forthatmattersittinginthe
midstofabusinessmeeting,
wouldyouunderstandwhat
washappening?”
Iwasn’tsurewhathe
meant,butIcouldtellfrom
histonethatheexpectedme
tosayno.“Oh,notatall,”I
answered.
“Exactly.Andyoucan’t
expecttounderstandwhat’s
goingoninsumo,either.So
youcanlaughatMameha’s
littlejokesoryoucanlisten
tomeandlearnwhatitall
means.”
“He’striedtoteachme
aboutitovertheyears,”the
Chairmansaidquietlytome,
“butI’maverypoorstudent.”
“TheChairmanisa
brilliantman,”Nobusaid.
“He’sapoorstudentofsumo
becausehedoesn’tcareabout
it.Hewouldn’tevenbehere
thisafternoon,exceptthathe
wasgenerousenoughto
acceptmyproposalthat
IwamuraElectricbea
sponsoroftheexhibition.”
Bynowbothteamshad
finishedtheirring-entering
ceremonies.Twomore
specialceremoniesfollowed,
oneforeachofthetwo
yokozuna.Ayokozunaisthe
veryhighestrankinsumo
—“justlikeMameha’s
positioninGion,”asNobu
explainedittome.Ihadno
reasontodoubthim;butif
Mamehaevertookhalfas
muchtimeenteringapartyas
theseyokozunatookentering
thering,she’dcertainlynever
beinvitedback.Thesecond
ofthetwowasshortandhad
amostremarkableface—not
atallflabby,butchiseledlike
stone,andwithajawthat
mademethinkofthesquared
frontendofafishingboat.
Theaudiencecheeredhimso
loudlyIcoveredmyears.His
namewasMiyagiyama,andif
youknowsumoatall,you’ll
understandwhytheycheered
astheydid.
“Heisthegreatestwrestler
Ihaveeverseen,”Nobutold
me.
Justbeforetheboutswere
readytobegin,theannouncer
listedthewinner’sprizes.
Onewasaconsiderablesum
ofcashofferedbyNobu
Toshikazu,presidentofthe
IwamuraElectricCompany.
Nobuseemedveryannoyed
whenheheardthisandsaid,
“Whatafool!Themoney
isn’tfromme,it’sfrom
IwamuraElectric.I
apologize,Chairman.I’llcall
someoneovertohavethe
announcercorrecthis
mistake.”
“There’snomistake,Nobu.
ConsideringthegreatdebtI
oweyou,it’stheleastIcan
do.”
“TheChairmanistoo
generous,”Nobusaid.“I’m
verygrateful.”Andwiththis,
hepassedasakecuptothe
Chairmanandfilledit,and
thetwoofthemdrank
together.
Whenthefirstwrestlers
enteredthering,Iexpected
thebouttobeginrightaway.
Insteadtheyspentfive
minutesormoretossingsalt
onthemoundandsquatting
inordertotiptheirbodiesto
onesideandraisealeghigh
intheairbeforeslammingit
down.Fromtimetotimethey
crouched,gloweringinto
eachother’seyes,butjust
whenIthoughttheywere
goingtocharge,onewould
standandstrollawaytoscoop
upanotherhandfulofsalt.
Finally,whenIwasn’t
expectingit,ithappened.
Theyslammedintoeach
other,grabbingatloincloths;
butwithinaninstant,onehad
shovedtheotheroffbalance
andthematchwasover.The
audienceclappedand
shouted,butNobujustshook
hisheadandsaid,“Poor
technique.”
Duringtheboutsthat
followed,Ioftenfeltthatone
earwaslinkedtomymind
andtheothertomyheart;
becauseononesideIlistened
towhatNobutoldme—and
muchofitwasinteresting.
Butthesoundofthe
Chairman’svoiceonthe
otherside,ashewenton
talkingwithMameha,always
distractedme.
Anhourormorepassed,
andthenthemovementofa
brilliantcolorinAwajiumi’s
sectioncaughtmyeye.Itwas
anorangesilkflowerswaying
inawoman’shairasshetook
herplaceonherknees.At
firstIthoughtitwasKorin,
andthatshehadchangedher
kimono.ButthenIsawit
wasn’tKorinatall;itwas
Hatsumomo.
ToseehertherewhenI
hadn’texpectedher...Ifelt
ajoltasifI’dsteppedonan
electricwire.Surelyitwas
onlyamatteroftimebefore
shefoundawayof
humiliatingme,evenherein
thisgianthallamidhundreds
ofpeople.Ididn’tmindher
makingafoolofmeinfront
ofacrowd,ifithadto
happen;butIcouldn’tbear
thethoughtoflookinglikea
foolinfrontoftheChairman.
Ifeltsuchahotnessinmy
throat,Icouldhardlyeven
pretendtolistenwhenNobu
begantellingmesomething
aboutthetwowrestlers
climbingontothemound.
WhenIlookedatMameha,
sheflickedhereyestoward
Hatsumomo,andthensaid,
“Chairman,forgiveme,I
havetoexcusemyself.It
occurstomeSayurimay
wanttodothesame.”
ShewaiteduntilNobuwas
donewithhisstory,andthen
Ifollowedheroutofthehall.
“Oh,Mameha-san...
she’slikeademon,”Isaid.
“Korinleftmorethanan
hourago.Shemusthave
foundHatsumomoandsent
herhere.Yououghttofeel
flattered,really,considering
thatHatsumomogoestoso
muchtroublejusttotorment
you.”
“Ican’tbeartohaveher
makeafoolofmeherein
frontof...well,infrontof
allthesepeople.”
“Butifyoudosomething
shefindslaughable,she’ll
leaveyoualone,don’tyou
think?”
“Please,Mameha-san...
don’tmakemeembarrass
myself.”
We’dcrossedacourtyard
andwerejustabouttoclimb
thestepsintothebuilding
wherethetoiletswere
housed;butMamehaledme
somedistancedowna
coveredpassagewayinstead.
Whenwewereoutofearshot
ofanyone,shespokequietly
tome.
“Nobu-sanandthe
Chairmanhavebeengreat
patronsofmineoverthe
years.HeavenknowsNobu
canbeharshwithpeoplehe
doesn’tlike,buthe’sasloyal
tohisfriendsasaretaineris
toafeudallord;andyou’ll
nevermeetamore
trustworthyman.Doyou
thinkHatsumomo
understandsthesequalities?
Allsheseeswhenshelooks
atNobuis...‘Mr.Lizard.’
That’swhatshecallshim.
‘Mameha-san,Isawyouwith
Mr.Lizardlastnight!Oh,
goodness,youlookall
splotchy.Ithinkhe’srubbing
offonyou.’Thatsortof
thing.Now,Idon’tcarewhat
youthinkofNobu-sanatthe
moment.Intimeyou’llcome
toseewhatagoodmanheis.
ButHatsumomomayvery
wellleaveyoualoneifshe
thinksyou’vetakenastrong
likingtohim.”
Icouldn’tthinkhowto
respondtothis.Iwasn’teven
surejustyetwhatMameha
wasaskingmetodo.
“Nobu-sanhasbeentalking
toyouaboutsumoformuch
oftheafternoon,”shewent
on.“Forallanyoneknows,
youadorehim.Nowputona
showforHatsumomo’s
benefit.Letherthinkyou’re
morecharmedbyhimthan
you’veeverbeenbyanyone.
She’llthinkit’sthefunniest
thingshe’severseen.
Probablyshe’llwantyouto
stayoninGionjustsoshe
canseemoreofit.”
“But,Mameha-san,how
amIgoingtomake
HatsumomothinkI’m
fascinatedbyhim?”
“Ifyoucan’tmanagesuch
athing,Ihaven’ttrainedyou
properly,”shereplied.
Whenwereturnedtoour
box,Nobuhadonceagain
fallenintoconversationwith
amannearby.Icouldn’t
interrupt,soIpretendedtobe
absorbedinwatchingthe
wrestlersonthemound
preparefortheirbout.The
audiencehadgrownrestless;
Nobuwasn’ttheonlyone
talking.Ifeltsuchalonging
toturntotheChairmanand
askifherecalledaday
severalyearsagowhenhe’d
shownkindnesstoayoung
girl...butofcourse,Icould
neversaysuchathing.
Besides,itwouldbe
disastrousformetofocusmy
attentiononhimwhile
Hatsumomowaswatching.
SoonNobuturnedbackto
meandsaid,“Thesebouts
havebeentedious.When
Miyagiyamacomesout,we’ll
seesomerealskill.”
This,itseemedtome,was
mychancetodoteonhim.
“ButthewrestlingI’veseen
alreadyhasbeenso
impressive!”Isaid.“Andthe
thingsPresidentNobuhas
beenkindenoughtotellme
havebeensointeresting,I
canhardlyimaginewe
haven’tseenthebest
already.”
“Don’tberidiculous,”said
Nobu.“Notoneofthese
wrestlersdeservestobeinthe
sameringasMiyagiyama.”
OverNobu’sshoulder,I
couldseeHatsumomoinafar
tier.Shewaschattingwith
Awajiumianddidn’tappear
tobelookingatme.
“Iknowthismayseema
veryfoolishthingtoask,”I
said,“buthowcanawrestler
assmallasMiyagiyamabe
thegreatest?”Andifyouhad
seenmyface,youmighthave
thoughtnosubjecthadever
interestedmemore.Ifelt
ridiculous,pretendingtobe
absorbedbysomethingso
trivial;butnoonewhosawus
wouldhaveknownthatwe
weren’ttalkingaboutthe
deepestsecretsofoursouls.
I’mhappytosaythatatthat
verymoment,Icaughta
glimpseofHatsumomo
turningherheadtowardme.
“Miyagiyamaonlylooks
smallbecausetheothersare
somuchfatter,”Nobuwas
saying.“Buthe’sveryvain
abouthissize.Hisheightand
weightwereprintedinthe
newspaperperfectlycorrectly
afewyearsago;andyethe
wassooffendedhehada
friendhithimontopofthe
headwithaplank,andthen
gorgedhimselfonsweet
potatoesandwater,andwent
downtothenewspaperto
showthemtheywerewrong.”
ProbablyIwouldhave
laughedatnearlyanything
Nobuhadsaid—for
Hatsumomo’sbenefit,I
mean.Butinfact,itreally
wasquitefunnytoimagine
Miyagiyamasquintinghis
eyesshutandwaitingforthe
planktocomebangingdown.
Iheldthatimageinmymind
andlaughedasfreelyasI
dared,andsoonNobubegan
tolaughwithme.Wemust
havelookedlikethebestof
friendstoHatsumomo,forI
sawherclappingherhandsin
delight.
SoonIstruckupontheidea
ofpretendingthatNobu
himselfwastheChairman;
everytimehespoke,I
overlookedhisgruffnessand
triedtoimaginegentleness
instead.GraduallyIfound
myselfabletolookathislips
andblockfrommymindthe
discoloringandthescars,and
imaginethattheywerethe
Chairman’slips,andthat
everynuanceinhisvoicewas
somecommentonhis
feelingsaboutme.Atone
pointIthinkIconvinced
myselfIwasn’teveninthe
ExhibitionHall,butinaquiet
roomkneelingbesidethe
Chairman.Ihadn’tfeltsuch
blissinaslongasIcould
remember.Likeaballtossed
intheairthatseemstohang
motionlessbeforeitfalls,I
feltmyselfsuspendedina
stateofquiettimelessness.As
Iglancedaroundthehall,I
sawonlythebeautyofits
giantwoodentimbersand
smelledthearomaofthe
sweet-ricecakes.Ithought
thisstatemightneverend;but
thenatsomepointImadea
commentIdon’teven
remember,andNobu
responded:
“Whatareyoutalking
about?Onlyafoolcould
thinksuchanignorantthing!”
MysmilefellbeforeI
couldstopit,justasifthe
stringsholdingithadbeen
cut.Nobuwaslookingme
squareintheeye.Ofcourse,
Hatsumomosatfaraway,but
Ifeltcertainshewas
watchingus.Andthenit
occurredtomethatifa
geishaorayoungapprentice
grewteary-eyedinfrontofa
man,wouldn’tmostanyone
takeitforinfatuation?Imight
haverespondedtohisharsh
commentwithanapology;
insteadItriedtoimagineit
wastheChairmanwhohad
spokentomesoabruptly,and
inamomentmylipwas
trembling.Iloweredmyhead
andmadeagreatshowof
beingchildish.
Tomysurprise,Nobusaid,
“I’vehurtyou,haven’tI?”
Itwasn’tdifficultformeto
snifftheatrically.Nobuwent
onlookingatmeforalong
momentandthensaid,
“You’reacharminggirl.”I’m
sureheintendedtosay
somethingfurther,butatthat
momentMiyagiyamacame
intothehallandthecrowd
begantoroar.
Foralongwhile,
Miyagiyamaandtheother
wrestler,whosenamewas
Saiho,swaggeredaroundthe
mound,scoopingupsaltand
tossingitintothering,or
stampingtheirfeetassumo
wrestlersdo.Everytimethey
crouched,facingeachother,
theymademethinkoftwo
bouldersonthepointof
tippingover.Miyagiyama
alwaysseemedtolean
forwardabitmorethan
Saiho,whowastallerand
muchheavier.Ithoughtwhen
theyslammedintoeachother,
poorMiyagiyamawould
certainlybedrivenback;I
couldn’timagineanyone
draggingSaihoacrossthat
ring.Theytookuptheir
positioneightorninetimes
withouteitherofthemen
charging;thenNobu
whisperedtome:
“Hatakikomi!He’sgoing
tousehatakikomi.Justwatch
hiseyes.”
IdidwhatNobusuggested,
butallInoticedwasthat
Miyagiyamaneverlookedat
Saiho.Idon’tthinkSaiho
likedbeingignoredinthis
way,becausehegloweredat
hisopponentasferociouslyas
ananimal.Hisjowlswereso
enormousthathisheadwas
shapedlikeamountain;and
fromangerhisfacehad
beguntoturnred.But
Miyagiyamacontinuedtoact
asthoughhescarcelynoticed
him.
“Itwon’tlastmuch
longer,”Nobuwhisperedto
me.
Andinfact,thenexttime
theycrouchedontheirfists,
Saihocharged.
ToseeMiyagiyama
leaningforwardashedid,
you’dhavethoughthewas
readytothrowhisweightinto
Saiho.Butinsteadheusedthe
forceofSaiho’schargeto
standbackuponhisfeet.In
aninstantheswiveledoutof
thewaylikeaswingingdoor,
andhishandcamedownonto
thebackofSaiho’sneck.By
nowSaiho’sweightwasso
farforward,helookedlike
someonefallingdownthe
stairs.Miyagiyamagavehim
apushwithallhisforce,and
Saihobrushedrightoverthe
ropeathisfeet.Thentomy
astonishment,thismountain
ofamanflewpastthelipof
themoundandcame
sprawlingrightintothefirst
rowoftheaudience.The
spectatorstriedtoscamper
outoftheway;butwhenit
wasover,onemanstoodup
gaspingforair,becauseone
ofSaiho’sshouldershad
crushedhim.
Theencounterhadscarcely
lastedasecond.Saihomust
havefelthumiliatedbyhis
defeat,becausehegavethe
mostabbreviatedbowofall
thelosersthatdayandwalked
outofthehallwhilethe
crowdwasstillinanuproar.
“That,”Nobusaidtome,
“isthemovecalledhataki
komi.”
“Isn’titfascinating,”
Mamehasaid,insomething
ofadaze.Shedidn’teven
finishherthought.
“Isn’twhatfascinating?”
theChairmanaskedher.
“WhatMiyagiyamajust
did.I’veneverseenanything
likeit.”
“Yes,youhave.Wrestlers
dothatsortofthingallthe
time.”
“Well,itcertainlyhasgot
methinking...”Mameha
said.
***
Later,onourwaybackto
Gion,Mamehaturnedtome
excitedlyintherickshaw.
“Thatsumowrestlergaveme
amostmarvelousidea,”she
said.“Hatsumomodoesn’t
evenknowit,butshe’sjust
beenthrownoff-balance
herself.Andshewon’teven
finditoutuntilit’stoolate.”
“Youhaveaplan?Oh,
Mameha-san,pleasetellitto
me!”
“Doyouthinkfora
momentIwould?”shesaid.
“I’mnotevengoingtotellit
tomyownmaid.Justbevery
suretokeepNobu-san
interestedinyou.Everything
dependsonhim,andonone
othermanaswell.”
“Whatotherman?”
“Amanyouhaven’tmet
yet.Nowdon’ttalkaboutit
anyfurther!I’veprobably
saidmorethanIshould
already.It’sagreatthingyou
metNobu-santoday.Hemay
justprovetobeyour
rescuer.”
ImustadmitIfelta
sicknessinsidewhenIheard
this.IfIwastohavea
rescuer,Iwantedittobethe
Chairmanandnooneelse.
ChapterEighteen
NowthatIknewthe
identityoftheChairman,I
beganthatverynighttoread
everydiscardednews
magazineIcouldfindinthe
hopesoflearningmoreabout
him.WithinaweekI’d
accumulatedsuchastackof
theminmyroomthatAuntie
gavemealookasifI’dlost
mymind.Ididfindmention
ofhiminanumberof
articles,butonlyinpassing,
andnonetoldmethesortsof
thingsIreallywantedto
know.Still,Iwentonpicking
upeverymagazineIfound
pokingoutofatrashbasket,
untilonedayIcameupona
stackofoldpaperstiedina
bundlebehindoneofthe
teahouses.Buriedinitwasa
two-year-oldissueofanews
magazinethathappenedto
featureanarticleonIwamura
Electric.
ItseemedthatIwamura
Electrichadcelebratedits
twentiethanniversaryinApril
of1931.Itastonishesme
evennowtothinkofit,but
thiswasthesamemonth
whenImettheChairmanon
thebanksoftheShirakawa
Stream;Iwouldhaveseenhis
faceinallthemagazines,if
onlyI’dlookedinthem.Now
thatIknewadatetosearch
for,Imanagedoverthe
courseoftimetofindmany
morearticlesaboutthe
anniversary.Mostofthem
camefromacollectionof
junkthrownoutafterthe
deathoftheoldgrannywho
livedinanokiyaacrossthe
alley.
TheChairmanhadbeen
bornin1890,asIlearned,
whichmeantthatdespitehis
grayhairhe’dbeenalittle
overfortywhenImethim.
I’dformedtheimpression
thatdayhewasprobably
chairmanofanunimportant
company,butIwasquite
wrong.IwamuraElectric
wasn’tasbigasOsaka
Electric—itschiefrivalin
westernJapan,accordingto
allthearticles.Butthe
ChairmanandNobu,because
oftheircelebrated
partnership,weremuchbetter
knownthanthechiefsof
muchlargercompanies.In
anycase,IwamuraElectric
wasconsideredmore
innovativeandhadabetter
reputation.
AtseventeentheChairman
hadgonetoworkatasmall
electriccompanyinOsaka.
Soonhewassupervisingthe
crewthatinstalledwiringfor
machineryatfactoriesinthe
area.Thedemandforelectric
lightinginhouseholdsand
officeswasgrowingatthis
time,andduringtheevenings
theChairmandesigneda
fixturetoallowtheuseoftwo
lightbulbsinasocketbuiltfor
onlyone.Thedirectorofthe
companywouldn’tbuildit,
however,andsoattheageof
twenty-two,in1912,shortly
aftermarrying,theChairman
lefttoestablishhisown
company.
Forafewyearsthingswere
difficult;thenin1914,the
Chairman’snewcompany
wontheelectricalwiring
contractforanewbuildingon
amilitarybaseinOsaka.
Nobuwasstillinthemilitary
atthistime,sincehiswar
woundsmadeitdifficultfor
himtofindajobanywhere
else.Hewasgiventhetaskof
overseeingtheworkdoneby
thenewIwamuraElectric
Company.Heandthe
Chairmanquicklybecame
friends,andwhenthe
Chairmanofferedhimajob
thefollowingyear,Nobutook
it.
ThemoreIreadabouttheir
partnership,themoreI
understoodjusthowwell
suitedtheyreallywereto
eachother.Nearlyallthe
articlesshowedthesame
photographofthem,withthe
Chairmaninastylishthreepiecesuitofheavywool,
holdinginhishandthe
ceramictwo-bulbsocketthat
hadbeenthecompany’sfirst
product.Helookedasif
someonehadjusthandeditto
himandhehadn’tyetdecided
whathewasgoingtodowith
it.Hismouthwasslightly
open,showinghisteeth,and
hestaredatthecamerawith
analmostmenacinglook,as
thoughhewereaboutto
throwthefixture.Bycontrast,
Nobustoodbesidehim,halfa
headshorterandatfull
attention,withhisonehand
inafistathisside.Heworea
morningcoatandpin-striped
trousers.Hisscarredfacewas
completelywithout
expression,andhiseyes
lookedsleepy.TheChairman
—perhapsbecauseofhis
prematurelygrayhairandthe
differenceintheirsizes—
mightalmosthavebeen
Nobu’sfather,thoughhewas
onlytwoyearsolder.The
articlessaidthatwhilethe
Chairmanwasresponsiblefor
thecompany’sgrowthand
direction,Nobuwas
responsibleformanagingit.
Hewasthelessglamorous
manwiththelessglamorous
job,butapparentlyhedidit
sowellthattheChairman
oftensaidpubliclythatthe
companywouldneverhave
survivedseveralcrises
withoutNobu’stalents.Itwas
Nobuwho’dbroughtina
groupofinvestorsandsaved
thecompanyfromruininthe
early1920s.“IoweNobua
debtIcanneverrepay,”the
Chairmanwasquotedmore
thanonceassaying.
***
Severalweekspassed,and
thenonedayIreceivedanote
tocometoMameha’s
apartmentthefollowing
afternoon.BythistimeI’d
grownaccustomedtothe
pricelesskimonoensembles
thatMameha’smaidusually
laidoutforme;butwhenI
arrivedandbeganchanging
intoanautumn-weightsilkof
scarletandyellow,which
showedleavesscatteredina
fieldofgoldengrasses,Iwas
takenabacktofindatearin
thebackofthegownlarge
enoughtoputtwofingers
through.Mamehahadn’tyet
returned,butItooktherobe
inmyarmsandwenttospeak
withhermaid.
“Tatsumi-san,”Isaid,“the
mostupsettingthing...this
kimonoisruined.”
“Itisn’truined,miss.It
needstoberepairedisall.
Mistressborroweditthis
morningfromanokiyadown
thestreet.”
“Shemustnothave
known,”Isaid.“Andwithmy
reputationforruining
kimono,she’llprobablythink
—”
“Oh,sheknowsit’storn,”
Tatsumiinterrupted.“Infact,
theunderrobeistornaswell,
injustthesameplace.”I’d
alreadyputonthecreamcoloredunderrobe,andwhen
Ireachedbackandfeltinthe
areaofmythigh,Isawthat
Tatsumiwasright.
“Lastyearanapprentice
geishacaughtitbyaccident
onanail,”Tatsumitoldme.
“ButMistresswasveryclear
thatshewantedyoutoputit
on.”
Thismadeverylittlesense
tome;butIdidasTatsumi
said.WhenatlastMameha
rushedin,Iwenttoaskher
aboutitwhileshetouchedup
hermakeup.
“Itoldyouthataccording
tomyplan,”shesaid,“two
menwillbeimportanttoyour
future.YoumetNobuafew
weeksago.Theotherman
hasbeenoutoftownuntil
now,butwiththehelpofthis
tornkimono,you’reaboutto
meethim.Thatsumowrestler
gavemesuchawonderful
idea!Icanhardlywaittosee
howHatsumomoreactswhen
youcomebackfromthe
dead.Doyouknowwhatshe
saidtometheotherday?She
couldn’tthankmeenoughfor
takingyoutotheexhibition.
Itwasworthallhertrouble
gettingthere,shesaid,justto
seeyoumakingbigeyesat
‘Mr.Lizard.’I’msureshe’ll
leaveyoualonewhenyou
entertainhim,unlessit’sto
dropbyandhavealookfor
herself.Infact,themoreyou
talkaboutNobuaroundher,
thebetter—thoughyou’renot
tomentionawordaboutthe
manyou’llmeetthis
afternoon.”
Ibegantofeelsickinside
whenIheardthis,evenasI
triedtoseempleasedatwhat
she’dsaid;becauseyousee,a
manwillneverhavean
intimaterelationshipwitha
geishawhohasbeenthe
mistressofacloseassociate.
Oneafternooninabathhouse
notmanymonthsearlier,I’d
listenedasayoungwoman
triedtoconsoleanother
geishawho’djustlearnedthat
hernewdannawouldbethe
businesspartneroftheman
she’ddreamedabout.Ithad
neveroccurredtomeasI
watchedherthatImightone
daybeinthesameposition
myself.
“Ma’am,”Isaid,“mayI
ask?Isitpartofyourplan
thatNobu-sanwilloneday
becomemydanna?”
Mamehaansweredmeby
loweringhermakeupbrush
andstaringatmeinthe
mirrorwithalookthatI
honestlythinkwouldhave
stoppedatrain.“Nobu-sanis
afineman.Areyou
suggestingyou’dbeashamed
tohavehimforadanna?”she
asked.
“No,ma’am,Idon’tmean
itthatway.I’mjust
wondering...”
“Verywell.ThenIhave
onlytwothingstosaytoyou.
First,you’reafourteen-year-
oldgirlwithnoreputation
whatever.You’llbevery
fortunateevertobecomea
geishawithsufficientstatus
foramanlikeNobuto
considerproposinghimselfas
yourdanna.Secondly,Nobusanhasneverfoundageisha
helikeswellenoughtotake
asamistress.Ifyou’rethe
first,Iexpectyoutofeelvery
flattered.”
Iblushedwithsomuch
heatinmyfaceImight
almosthavecaughtfire.
Mamehawasquiteright;
whateverbecameofmeinthe
yearsahead,Iwouldbe
fortunateeventoattractthe
noticeofamanlikeNobu.If
Nobuwasbeyondmyreach,
howmuchmoreunreachable
theChairmanmustbe.Since
findinghimagainatthesumo
exhibition,I’dbeguntothink
ofallthepossibilitieslife
presentedtome.Butnow
afterMameha’swordsIfelt
myselfwadingthroughan
oceanofsorrow.
***
Idressedinahurry,and
Mamehaledmeupthestreet
totheokiyawhereshe’dlived
untilsixyearsearlier,when
she’dgainedher
independence.Atthedoorwe
weregreetedbyanelderly
maid,whosmackedherlips
andgaveherheadashake.
“Wecalledthehospital
earlier,”themaidsaid.“The
Doctorgoeshomeatfour
o’clocktoday.It’snearly
three-thirtyalready,you
know.”
“We’llphonehimbefore
wego,Kazuko-san,”
Mamehareplied.“I’msure
he’llwaitforme.”
“Ihopeso.Itwouldbe
terribletoleavethepoorgirl
bleeding.”
“Who’sbleeding?”Iasked
inalarm;butthemaidonly
lookedatmewithasighand
ledusupthestairstoa
crowdedlittlehallwayonthe
secondfloor.Inaspaceabout
thesizeoftwotatamimats
weregatherednotonly
Mamehaandme,aswellas
themaidwho’dshownusup,
butalsothreeotheryoung
womenandatall,thincook
inacrispapron.Theyall
lookedatmewarily,except
forthecook,whodrapeda
toweloverhershoulderand
begantowhetaknifeofthe
sortusedtochoptheheads
offfish.Ifeltlikeaslabof
tunathegrocerhadjust
delivered,becauseIcouldsee
nowthatIwastheonewho
wasgoingtodothebleeding.
“Mameha-san...”Isaid.
“Now,Sayuri,Iknowwhat
you’regoingtosay,”shetold
me—whichwasinteresting,
becauseIhadnoideamyself
whatIwasgoingtosay.
“BeforeIbecameyourolder
sister,didn’tyoupromiseto
doexactlyasItoldyou?”
“IfI’dknownitwould
includehavingmylivercut
out—”
“Noone’sgoingtocutout
yourliver,”saidthecook,in
atonethatwassupposedto
makemefeelmuchbetter,
butdidn’t.
“Sayuri,we’regoingtoput
alittlecutinyourskin,”
Mamehasaid.“Justalittle
one,soyoucangotothe
hospitalandmeetacertain
doctor.YouknowthemanI
mentionedtoyou?He’sa
doctor.”
“Can’tIjustpretendto
haveastomachache?”
Iwasperfectlyserious
whenIsaidthis,buteveryone
seemedtothinkI’dmadea
cleverjoke,fortheyall
laughed,evenMameha.
“Sayuri,weallhaveyour
bestinterestsatheart,”
Mamehasaid.“Weonlyneed
tomakeyoubleedalittle,just
enoughsotheDoctorwillbe
willingtolookatyou.”
Inamomentthecook
finishedsharpeningtheknife
andcametostandbeforeme
ascalmlyasifsheweregoing
tohelpmewithmymakeup
—exceptthatshewasholding
aknife,forheaven’ssake.
Kazuko,theelderlymaidwho
hadshownusin,pulledmy
collarasidewithbothhands.I
feltmyselfbeginningto
panic;butfortunately
Mamehaspokeup.
“We’regoingtoputthecut
onherleg,”shesaid.
“Nottheleg,”saidKazuko.
“Theneckissomuchmore
erotic.”
“Sayuri,pleaseturnaround
andshowKazukotheholein
thebackofyourkimono,”
Mamehasaidtome.When
I’ddoneassheasked,she
wenton,“Now,Kazuko-san,
howwillweexplainthistear
inthebackofherkimonoif
thecutisonherneckandnot
herleg?”
“Howarethetwothings
related?”Kazukosaid.“She’s
wearingatornkimono,and
shehasacutonherneck.”
“Idon’tknowwhat
Kazukokeepsgabbingon
about,”thecooksaid.“Just
tellmewhereyouwantmeto
cuther,Mameha-san,andI’ll
cuther.”
I’msureIshouldhave
beenpleasedtohearthis,but
somehowIwasn’t.
Mamehasentoneofthe
youngmaidstofetchared
pigmentstickofthesortused
forshadingthelips,andthen
putitthroughtheholeinmy
kimonoandswiftlyrubbeda
markhighuponthebackof
mythigh.
“Youmustplacethecut
exactlythere,”Mamehasaid
tothecook.
Iopenedmymouth,but
beforeIcouldevenspeak,
Mamehatoldme,“Justlie
downandbequiet,Sayuri.If
youslowusdownany
further,I’mgoingtobevery
angry.”
I’dbelyingifIsaidI
wantedtoobeyher;butof
course,Ihadnochoice.SoI
laydownonasheetspread
outonthewoodenfloorand
closedmyeyeswhile
Mamehapulledmyrobeup
untilIwasexposedalmostto
thehip.
“Rememberthatifthecut
needstobedeeper,youcan
alwaysdoitagain,”Mameha
said.“Startwiththe
shallowestcutyoucan
make.”
IbitmylipthemomentI
feltthetipoftheknife.I’m
afraidImayhaveletouta
littlesquealaswell,thoughI
can’tbesure.Inanycase,I
feltsomepressure,andthen
Mamehasaid:
“Notthatshallow.You’ve
scarcelycutthroughthefirst
layerofskin.”
“Itlookslikelips,”Kazuko
saidtothecook.“You’veput
alinerightinthemiddleofa
redsmudge,anditlookslike
apairoflips.TheDoctor’s
goingtolaugh.”
Mamehaagreedandwiped
offthemakeupafterthecook
assuredhershecouldfindthe
spot.InamomentIfeltthe
pressureoftheknifeagain.
I’veneverbeengoodatthe
sightofblood.Youmay
recallhowIfaintedafter
cuttingmylipthedayImet
Mr.Tanaka.Soyoucan
probablyimaginehowIfelt
whenItwistedaroundand
sawarivuletofbloodsnaking
downmylegontoatowel
Mamehaheldagainstthe
insideofmythigh.Ilapsed
intosuchastatewhenIsawit
thatIhavenomemoryatall
ofwhathappenednext—of
beinghelpedintothe
rickshaw,orofanythingatall
abouttheride,untilwe
nearedthehospitaland
Mameharockedmyhead
fromsidetosidetogetmy
attention.
“Nowlistentome!I’m
sureyou’veheardoverand
overthatyourjobasan
apprenticeistoimpressother
geisha,sincethey’retheones
whowillhelpyouinyour
career,andnottoworryabout
whatthementhink.Well,
forgetaboutallthat!Itisn’t
goingtoworkthatwayin
yourcase.Yourfuture
dependsontwomen,asI’ve
toldyou,andyou’reaboutto
meetoneofthem.Youmust
maketherightimpression.
Areyoulisteningtome?”
“Yes,ma’am,everyword,”
Imuttered.
“Whenyou’reaskedhow
youcutyourleg,theanswer
is,youweretryingtogoto
thebathroominkimono,and
youfellontosomething
sharp.Youdon’tevenknow
whatitwas,becauseyou
fainted.Makeupallthe
detailsyouwant;justbesure
tosoundverychildish.And
acthelplesswhenwego
inside.Letmeseeyoudoit.”
Well,Ilaidmyheadback
andletmyeyesrollupinto
myhead.Isupposethat’s
howIwasreallyfeeling,but
Mamehawasn’tatall
pleased.
“Ididn’tsayactdead.I
saidacthelpless.Likethis..
.”
Mamehaputonadazed
look,asifshecouldn’tmake
uphermindevenwhereshe
shouldpointhereyes,and
keptherhandtohercheekas
thoughshewerefeelingfaint.
Shemademeimitatethat
lookuntilshewassatisfied.I
beganmyperformanceasthe
driverhelpedmetothe
entranceofthehospital.
Mamehawalkedbesideme,
tuggingmyrobethiswayand
thattobesureIstilllooked
attractive.
Weenteredthroughthe
swingingwoodendoorsand
askedforthehospital
director;Mamehasaidhewas
expectingus.Finallyanurse
showedusdownalong
hallwaytoadustyroomwith
awoodentableandaplain
foldingscreenblockingthe
windows.Whilewewaited,
Mamehatookoffthetowel
she’dwrappedaroundmyleg
andthrewitintoa
wastebasket.
“Remember,Sayuri,”she
nearlyhissed,“wewantthe
Doctortoseeyoulookingas
innocentandashelplessas
possible.Liebackandtryto
lookweak.”
Ihadnodifficultyatall
withthis.Amomentlaterthe
dooropenedandincameDr.
Crab.Ofcourse,hisname
wasn’treallyDr.Crab,butif
you’dseenhimI’msurethe
samenamewouldhave
occurredtoyou,becausehe
hadhisshouldershunchedup
andhiselbowsstickingoutso
much,hecouldn’thavedone
abetterimitationofacrabif
he’dmadeastudyofit.He
evenledwithoneshoulder
whenhewalked,justlikea
crabmovingalongsideways.
Hehadamustacheonhis
face,andwasverypleasedto
seeMameha,thoughmore
withanexpressionofsurprise
inhiseyesthanwithasmile.
Dr.Crabwasamethodical
andorderlyman.Whenhe
closedthedoor,heturnedthe
handlefirstsothelatch
wouldn’tmakenoise,and
thengaveanextrapresson
thedoortobesureitwas
shut.Afterthishetookacase
fromhiscoatpocketand
openeditverycautiously,as
thoughhemightspill
somethingifhewasn’t
careful;butallitcontained
wasanotherpairofglasses.
Whenhe’dexchangedthe
glasseshewore,hereplaced
thecaseinhispocketand
thensmoothedhiscoatwith
hishands.Finallyhepeered
atmeandgaveabrisklittle
nod,whereuponMameha
said:
“I’msosorrytotrouble
you,Doctor.ButSayurihas
suchabrightfuturebefore
her,andnowshe’shadthe
misfortuneofcuttingherleg!
Whatwiththepossibilityof
scars,andinfectionsandthe
like,well,Ithoughtyouwere
theonlypersontotreather.”
“Justso,”saidDr.Crab.
“NowperhapsImighthavea
lookattheinjury?”
“I’mafraidSayurigets
weakatthesightofblood,
Doctor,”Mamehasaid.“It
mightbebestifshesimply
turnedawayandletyou
examinethewoundfor
yourself.It’sonthebackof
herthigh.”
“Iunderstandperfectly.
Perhapsyou’dbekind
enoughtoaskthatshelieon
herstomachonthe
examinationtable?”
Icouldn’tunderstandwhy
Dr.Crabdidn’taskme
himself;buttoseemobedient,
IwaiteduntilI’dheardthe
wordsfromMameha.Then
theDoctorraisedmyrobe
almosttomyhips,and
broughtoveraclothand
somesortofsmellyliquid,
whichherubbedonmythigh
beforesaying,“Sayuri-san,
pleasebekindenoughtotell
mehowthewoundwas
inflicted.”
Itookadeep,exaggerated
breath,stilldoingmybestto
seemasweakaspossible.
“Well,I’mrather
embarrassed,”Ibegan,“but
thetruthisthatIwas...
drinkingagooddealoftea
thisafternoon—”
“Sayurihasjustbegunher
apprenticeship,”Mameha
said.“Iwasintroducingher
aroundGion.Naturally,
everyonewantedtoinviteher
infortea.”
“Yes,Icanimagine,”the
Doctorsaid.
“Inanycase,”Iwenton,“I
suddenlyfeltthatIhadto...
well,youknow...”
“Drinkingexcessive
amountsofteacanleadtoa
strongurgetorelievethe
bladder,”theDoctorsaid.
“Oh,thankyou.Andin
fact...well,‘strongurge’is
anunderstatement,becauseI
wasafraidthatinanother
momenteverythingwould
begintolookyellowtome,if
youknowwhatImean...”
“JusttelltheDoctorwhat
happened,Sayuri,”said
Mameha.
“I’msorry,”Isaid.“Ijust
meantosaythatIhadtouse
thetoiletverybad...sobad
thatwhenIfinallyreachedit.
..well,Iwasstrugglingwith
mykimono,andImusthave
lostmybalance.WhenIfell,
mylegcameagainst
somethingsharp.Idon’teven
knowwhatitwas.IthinkI
musthavefainted.”
“It’sawonderyoudidn’t
voidyourbladderwhenyou
lostconsciousness,”saidthe
Doctor.
AllthistimeI’dbeenlying
onmystomach,holdingmy
faceupofftheexamination
tableforfearofsmudgingmy
makeup,andtalkingwhilethe
Doctorlookedatthebackof
myhead.ButwhenDr.Crab
madethislastcomment,I
lookedovermyshoulderat
MamehaasbestIcould.
Happily,shewasthinking
fasterthanIwas,becauseshe
said:
“WhatSayurimeansisthat
shelostherbalancewhenshe
triedtostandonceagainfrom
asquattingposition.”
“Isee,”theDoctorsaid.
“Thecutwasmadebyavery
sharpobject.Perhapsyoufell
onbrokenglassorastripof
metal.”
“Yes,itcertainlyfeltvery
sharp,”Isaid.“Assharpasa
knife!”
Dr.Crabsaidnothing
more,butwashedthecutas
thoughhewantedtoseehow
muchhecouldmakeithurt,
andthenafterwardusedmore
ofthesmellyliquidtoremove
thebloodthathaddriedall
downmyleg.Finallyhetold
methecutwouldneed
nothingmorethancreamand
abandage,andgaveme
instructionsoncaringforit
overthenextfewdays.With
this,herolledmyrobedown
andputawayhisglassesas
thoughhemightbreakthem
ifhehandledthemtoo
roughly.
“I’mverysorryyou’ve
ruinedsuchafinekimono,”
hesaid.“ButI’mcertainly
happyatthechancetohave
metyou.Mameha-sanknows
I’malwaysinterestedinnew
faces.”
“Oh,no,thepleasureisall
mine,Doctor,”Isaid.
“PerhapsI’llseeyouone
eveningquitesoonatthe
IchirikiTeahouse.”
“Totellthetruth,Doctor,”
Mamehasaid,“Sayuriisabit
ofa...specialproperty,as
I’msureyoucanimagine.
Shealreadyhasmore
admirersthanshecanhandle,
soI’vebeenkeepingher
awayfromtheIchirikias
muchasIcan.Perhapswe
mightvisityouattheShirae
Teahouseinstead?”
“Yes,Iwouldpreferthat
myself,”Dr.Crabsaid.And
thenhewentthroughthe
wholeritualofchanginghis
glassesagainsothathecould
lookthroughalittlebookhe
tookfromhispocket.“I’llbe
there...letmesee...two
eveningsfromnow.Idohope
toseeyou.”
Mamehaassuredhimwe
wouldstopby,andthenwe
left.
***
Intherickshawonourway
backtoGion,Mamehatold
meI’ddoneverywell.
“But,Mameha-san,Ididn’t
doanything!”
“Oh?Thenhowdoyou
accountforwhatwesawon
theDoctor’sforehead?”
“Ididn’tseeanythingbut
thewoodentablerightin
frontofmyface.”
“Let’sjustsaythatwhile
theDoctorwascleaningthe
bloodfromyourleg,his
foreheadwasbeadedwith
sweatasifwe’dbeeninthe
heatofsummer.Butitwasn’t
evenwarmintheroom,was
it?”
“Idon’tthinkso.”
“Well,then!”Mameha
said.
Ireallywasn’tsurewhat
shewastalkingabout—or
exactlywhatherpurposehad
beenintakingmetomeetthe
Doctor,forthatmatter.ButI
couldn’tverywellask,
becauseshe’dalreadymadeit
clearshewouldn’ttellmeher
plan.Thenjustasthe
rickshawdriverwaspulling
usacrosstheShijoAvenue
BridgeintoGiononceagain,
Mamehainterruptedherself
inthemiddleofastory.
“Youknow,youreyes
reallyareextraordinarily
lovelyinthatkimono,Sayuri.
Thescarletsandyellows...
theymakeyoureyesshine
almostsilver!Oh,heavens,I
can’tbelieveIhaven’t
thoughtofthisideasooner.
Driver!”shecalledout.
“We’vegonetoofar.Stop
here,please.”
“YoutoldmeGion
Tominaga-cho,ma’am.I
can’tdropthepolesinthe
middleofabridge.”
“Youmayeitherletusout
hereorfinishcrossingthe
bridgeandthentakeusback
overitagain.Frankly,Idon’t
seemuchpointinthat.”
Thedriversetdownhis
poleswherewewere,and
MamehaandIsteppedout.A
numberofbicyclistsrang
theirbellsinangerasthey
passed,butMamehadidn’t
seemintheleastconcerned.I
supposeshewassocertainof
herplaceintheworld,she
couldn’timagineanyone
beingtroubledbyalittle
matterlikeherblocking
traffic.Shetookhertime,
holdinguponecoinafter
anotherfromhersilkchange
purseuntilshe’dpaidthe
exactfare,andthenledme
backacrossthebridgeinthe
directionwe’dcome.
“We’regoingtoUchida
Kosaburo’sstudio,”she
announced.“He’sa
marvelousartist,andhe’s
goingtotakealikingtoyour
eyes,I’msureofit.
Sometimeshegetsalittle...
distracted,youmightsay.
Andhisstudioisamess.It
maytakehimawhileto
noticeyoureyes,butjust
keepthempointedwherehe
canseethem.”
IfollowedMameha
throughsidestreetsuntilwe
cametoalittlealley.Atthe
endstoodabrightredShinto
gate,miniatureinsize,
pressedtightlybetweentwo
houses.Beyondthegate,we
passedbetweenseveralsmall
pavilionstoaflightofstone
stepsleadingupthroughtrees
intheirbrilliantfallcoloring.
Theairwaftingfromthedank
littletunnelofthestepsfeltas
coolaswater,sothatit
seemedtomeIwasentering
adifferentworldaltogether.I
heardaswishingsoundthat
remindedmeofthetide
washingthebeach,butit
turnedouttobeamanwith
hisbacktous,sweeping
waterfromthetopstepwitha
broomwhosebristleswere
thecolorofchocolate.
“Why,Uchida-san!”
Mamehasaid.“Don’tyou
haveamaidtotidyupfor
you?”
Themanatthetopstoodin
fullsunlight,sothatwhenhe
turnedtopeerdownatus,I
doubthesawanythingmore
thanafewshapesunderthe
trees.Icouldseehimwell,
however,andhewasquitea
peculiar-lookingman.Inone
cornerofhismouthwasa
giantmolelikeapieceof
food,andhiseyebrowswere
sobushytheylookedlike
caterpillarsthathadcrawled
downoutofhishairandgone
tosleepthere.Everything
abouthimwasindisarray,
notonlyhisgrayhair,buthis
kimono,whichlookedasif
he’dsleptinitthenight
before.
“Whoisthat?”hesaid.
“Uchida-san!Afterall
theseyearsyoustilldon’t
recognizemyvoice?”
“Ifyou’retryingtomake
meangry,whoeveryouare,
you’reofftoagoodstart.I’m
innomoodforinterruptions!
I’llthrowthisbroomatyou,
ifyoudon’ttellmewhoyou
are.”
Uchida-sanlookedso
angryIwouldn’thavebeen
surprisedifhe’dbitoffthe
molefromthecornerofhis
mouthandspatitatus.But
Mamehajustcontinuedright
upthestairs,andIfollowed
her—thoughIwascarefulto
staybehindsoshewouldbe
theonestruckbythebroom.
“Isthishowyougreet
visitors,Uchida-san?”
Mamehasaidasshestepped
upintothelight.
Uchidasquintedather.“So
it’syou.Whycan’tyoujust
saywhoyouarelike
everyoneelse?Here,takethis
broomandsweepthesteps.
Noone’scomingintomy
houseuntilI’velitincense.
Anotherofmymicehasdied,
andtheplacesmellslikea
coffin.”
Mamehaseemedamusedat
thisandwaiteduntilUchida
hadleftbeforeleaningthe
broomagainstatree.
“Haveyoueverhada
boil?”shewhisperedtome.
“WhenUchida’sworkgoes
badly,hegetsintothis
terriblemood.Youhaveto
makehimblowup,justlike
lancingaboil,sothathe’ll
settledownagain.Ifyou
don’tgivehimsomethingto
getangryabout,he’llstart
drinkingandonlygetworse.”
“Doeshekeeppetmice?”I
whispered.“Hesaidanother
ofhismicehaddied.”
“Heavens,no.Heleaves
hisinksticksout,andthe
micecomeandeatthemand
thendiefrompoisoning.I
gavehimaboxtoputhisinks
in,buthewon’tuseit.”
JustthenUchida’sdoor
rolledpartwayopen—for
he’dgivenitashoveand
gonerightbackinside.
MamehaandIslippedoutof
ourshoes.Theinteriorwasa
singlelargeroominthestyle
ofafarmhouse.Icouldsee
incenseburninginafar
corner,butithadn’tdoneany
goodyet,becausethesmell
ofdeadmousestruckmewith
asmuchforceasifsomeone
hadstuckclayupmynose.
Theroomwasevenmessier
thanHatsumomo’satits
worst.Everywherewerelong
brushes,somebrokenor
gnawed,andbigwooden
boardswithhalf-finished
drawingsinblack-and-white.
Inthemidstofitallwasan
unmadefutonwithinkstains
onthesheets.Iimaginedthat
Uchidawouldhaveinkstains
alloverhimselfaswell,and
whenIturnedtofindout,he
saidtome:
“Whatareyoulookingat?”
“Uchida-san,mayIpresent
myyoungersister,Sayuri,”
Mamehasaid.“She’scome
withmeallthewayfrom
Gionforthehonorofmeeting
you.”
AllthewayfromGion
wasn’treallyveryfar;butin
anycase,Ikneltonthemats
andwentthroughtheritualof
bowingandbeggingUchida’s
favor,althoughIwasn’t
convincedhe’dheardaword
ofwhatMamehahadtold
him.
“Iwashavingafineday
untillunchtime,”hesaid,
“andthenlookwhat
happened!”Uchidacrossed
theroomandheldupaboard.
Fastenedontoitwithpins
wasasketchofawoman
fromtheback,lookingtoone
sideandholdinganumbrella
—exceptthatacathad
evidentlysteppedininkand
walkedacrossit,leaving
perfectlyformedpawprints.
Thecathimselfwascurledup
asleepatthemomentinapile
ofdirtyclothes.
“Ibroughthiminherefor
themiceandlook!”hewent
on.“I’veamindtothrowhim
out.”
“Oh,butthepawprintsare
lovely,”saidMameha.“I
thinktheyimprovethe
picture.Whatdoyouthink,
Sayuri?”
Iwasn’tinclinedtosay
anything,becauseUchida
waslookingveryupsetat
Mameha’scomment.Butina
momentIunderstoodthatshe
wastryingto“lancetheboil,”
asshe’dputit.SoIputonmy
mostenthusiasticvoiceand
said:
“I’msurprisedathow
attractivethepawprintsare!I
thinkthecatmaybe
somethingofanartist.”
“Iknowwhyyoudon’tlike
him,”saidMameha.“You’re
jealousofhistalent.”
“Jealous,amI?”Uchida
said.“Thatcat’snoartist.
He’sademonifhe’s
anything!”
“Forgiveme,Uchida-san,”
Mamehareplied.“It’sjustas
yousay.Buttellme,areyou
planningtothrowthepicture
away?Becauseifso,I’dbe
pleasedtohaveit.Wouldn’t
itlookcharminginmy
apartment,Sayuri?”
WhenUchidaheardthis,
hetorethepicturefromthe
boardandsaid,“Youlikeit,
doyou?Allright,I’llmake
youtwopresentsofit!”And
thenhetoreitintotwopieces
andgavethemtoher,saying,
“Here’sone!Andhere’sthe
other!Nowgetout!”
“Isowishyouhadn’tdone
that,”Mamehasaid.“Ithink
itwasthemostbeautiful
thingyou’veeverproduced.”
“Getout!”
“Oh,Uchida-san,Ican’t
possibly!Iwouldn’tbea
friendifIdidn’tstraighten
yourplaceabitbefore
leaving.”
Atthis,Uchidahimself
stormedoutofthehouse,
leavingthedoorwideopen
behindhim.Wewatchedhim
kickthebroomMamehahad
leftleaningagainstthetree
andthennearlyslipandfall
ashestarteddownthewet
steps.Wespentthenexthalf
hourstraighteningupthe
studio,untilUchidacame
backinamuchimproved
mood,justasMamehahad
predicted.Hestillwasn’t
whatIwouldcallcheerful;
andinfact,hehadahabitof
chewingconstantlyatthe
moleinthecornerofhis
mouth,whichgavehimthe
lookofbeingworried.Ithink
hefeltembarrassedathis
earlierbehavior,becausehe
neverlookeddirectlyateither
ofus.Soonitbecame
apparentthathewasn’tgoing
tonoticemyeyesatall,and
soMamehasaidtohim:
“Don’tyouthinkSayuriis
justtheprettiestthing?Have
youevenbotheredtolookat
her?”
Itwasanactof
desperation,Ithought,but
Uchidaonlyflickedhiseyes
atmelikebrushingacrumb
fromatable.Mamehaseemed
verydisappointed.The
afternoonlightwasalready
beginningtofade,soweboth
rosetoleave.Shegavethe
mostabbreviatedbowin
sayinggood-bye.Whenwe
steppedoutside,Icouldn’t
helpstoppingamomentto
takeinthesunset,which
paintedtheskybehindthe
distanthillsinrustsandpinks
asstrikingastheloveliest
kimono—evenmoreso,
becausenomatterhow
magnificentakimonois,your
handswillnevergloworange
initslight.Butinthatsunset
myhandsseemedtohave
beendippedinsomesortof
iridescence.Iraisedthemup
andgazedatthemforalong
moment.
“Mameha-san,look,”Isaid
toher,butshethoughtIwas
talkingaboutthesunsetand
turnedtowarditwith
indifference.Uchidawas
standingfrozeninthe
entrywaywithanexpression
ofconcentrationonhisface,
combingonehandthrougha
tuftofhisgrayhair.Buthe
wasn’tlookingatthesunset
atall.Hewaslookingatme.
Ifyou’veeverseenUchida
Kosaburo’sfamousink
paintingoftheyoungwoman
inakimonostandingina
rapturousstateandwithher
eyesaglow...well,fromthe
verybeginningheinsistedthe
ideacamefromwhathesaw
thatafternoon.I’venever
reallybelievedhim.Ican’t
imaginesuchabeautiful
paintingcouldreallybebased
onjustagirlstaringfoolishly
atherhandsinthesunset.
ChapterNineteen
Thatstartlingmonthin
whichIfirstcameuponthe
Chairmanagain—andmet
Nobu,andDr.Crab,and
UchidaKosaburo—mademe
feelsomethinglikeapet
cricketthathasatlastescaped
itswickercage.Forthefirst
timeinagesIcouldgotobed
atnightbelievingImightnot
alwaysdrawaslittlenoticein
Gionasadropofteaspilled
ontothemats.Istillhadno
understandingofMameha’s
plan,orofhowitwouldlead
metosuccessasageisha,or
whethersuccessasageisha
wouldeverleadmetothe
Chairman.ButeverynightI
layonmyfutonwithhis
handkerchiefpressedagainst
mycheek,relivingagainand
againmyencounterwithhim.
Iwaslikeatemplebellthat
resonateslongafterithas
beenstruck.
Someweekspassed
withoutwordfromanyofthe
men,andMamehaandI
begantoworry.Butatlast
onemorningasecretaryfrom
IwamuraElectricphonedthe
IchirikiTeahousetorequest
mycompanyforthatevening.
Mamehawasdelightedatthis
news,becauseshehopedthe
invitationhadcomefrom
Nobu.Iwasdelightedtoo;I
hopeditwasfromthe
Chairman.Laterthatday,in
Hatsumomo’spresence,Itold
AuntieIwouldbe
entertainingNobuandasked
hertohelpmechoosea
kimonoensemble.Tomy
astonishmentHatsumomo
camealongtolendahand.
I’msurethatastrangerseeing
uswouldhaveimaginedwe
weremembersofaclose
family.Hatsumomonever
snickered,ormadesarcastic
comments,andinfactshe
washelpful.IthinkAuntie
feltaspuzzledasIdid.We
endedupsettlingona
powderygreenkimonowitha
patternofleavesinsilverand
vermilion,andagrayobi
withgoldthreads.
Hatsumomopromisedtostop
bysoshecouldseeNobuand
metogether.
ThateveningIkneltinthe
hallwayoftheIchirikifeeling
thatmywholelifehadledme
tothismoment.Ilistenedto
thesoundsofmuffled
laughter,wonderingifoneof
thevoiceswasthe
Chairman’s;andwhenI
openedthedoorandsawhim
thereattheheadofthetable,
andNobuwithhisbacktome
...well,Iwassocaptivated
bytheChairman’ssmile—
thoughitwasreallyonlythe
residueoflaughterfroma
momentearlier—thatIhadto
keepmyselffromsmiling
backathim.Igreeted
Mamehafirst,andthenthe
fewothergeishaintheroom,
andfinallythesixorseven
men.WhenIarosefrommy
knees,Iwentstraightto
Nobu,asMamehaexpected
metodo.Imusthaveknelt
closertohimthanIrealized,
however,becausehe
immediatelyslammedhis
sakecupontothetablein
annoyanceandshiftedalittle
distanceawayfromme.I
apologized,buthepaidmeno
attention,andMamehaonly
frowned.Ispenttherestof
thetimefeelingoutofsorts.
Later,aswewereleaving
together,Mamehasaidtome:
“Nobu-saniseasily
annoyed.Bemorecarefulnot
toirritatehiminthefuture.”
“I’msorry,ma’am.
Apparentlyheisn’tasfondof
measyouthought...”
“Oh,he’sfondofyou.If
hedidn’tlikeyourcompany,
you’dhaveleftthepartyin
tears.Sometimeshis
temperamentseemsasgentle
asasackofgravel,buthe’sa
kindmaninhisway,asyou’ll
discover.”
***
IwasinvitedtotheIchiriki
Teahouseagainthatweekby
IwamuraElectricandmany
timesovertheweeksthat
followed—andnotalways
withMameha.Shecautioned
menottostaytoolongfor
fearofmakingmyselflook
unpopular;soafteranhouror
soIalwaysbowedand
excusedmyselfasthoughI
wereonmywaytoanother
party.OftenwhileIwas
dressingfortheseevenings,
Hatsumomohintedshemight
stopby,butsheneverdid.
ThenoneafternoonwhenI
wasn’texpectingit,she
informedmeshehadsome
freetimethateveningand
wouldbeabsolutelycertainto
come.
Ifeltabitnervous,asyou
canimagine;butthings
seemedstillworsewhenI
reachedtheIchirikiandfound
thatNobuwasabsent.Itwas
thesmallestpartyI’d
attendedyetinGion,with
onlytwoothergeishaand
fourmen.Whatif
Hatsumomoshouldarriveand
findmeentertainingthe
ChairmanwithoutNobu?I’d
madenoheadwayinthinking
whattodo,whensuddenly
thedoorslidopen,andwitha
surgeofanxietyIsaw
Hatsumomothereonher
kneesinthehallway.
Myonlyrecourse,I
decided,wastoactbored,as
thoughthecompanyofno
onebutNobucouldpossibly
interestme.Perhapsthis
wouldhavebeenenoughto
savemethatnight;butby
goodfortuneNobuarriveda
fewminutesafterwardinany
case.Hatsumomo’slovely
smilegrewthemomentNobu
enteredtheroom,untilher
lipswereasrichandfullas
dropsofbloodbeadingatthe
edgeofawound.Nobumade
himselfcomfortableatthe
table,andthenatonce,
Hatsumomosuggestedinan
almostmaternalwaythatIgo
andpourhimsake.Iwentto
settlemyselfnearhimand
triedtoshowallthesignsofa
girlenchanted.Wheneverhe
laughed,forexample,I
flickedmyeyestowardhim
asthoughIcouldn’tresist.
Hatsumomowasdelighted
andwatchedussoopenlythat
shedidn’tevenseemaware
ofallthemen’seyesuponher
—ormorelikely,shewas
simplyaccustomedtothe
attention.Shewas
captivatinglybeautifulthat
evening,asshealwayswas;
theyoungmanattheendof
thetabledidlittlemorethan
smokecigarettesandwatch
her.EventheChairman,who
satwithhisfingersdraped
gracefullyaroundasakecup,
stoleglimpsesofherfrom
timetotime.Ihadtowonder
ifmenweresoblindedby
beautythattheywouldfeel
privilegedtolivetheirlives
withanactualdemon,solong
asitwasabeautifuldemon.I
hadasuddenimageinmy
mindoftheChairman
steppingupintotheformal
entrancehallofourokiyalate
onenighttomeet
Hatsumomo,holdingafedora
inhishandandsmilingdown
atmeashebegantounbutton
hisovercoat.Ididn’tthink
he’deverreallybeso
entrancedbyherbeautyasto
overlookthetracesofcruelty
thatwouldshowthemselves.
Butonethingwascertain:if
Hatsumomoeverunderstood
myfeelingsforhim,she
mightverywelltrytoseduce
him,iffornootherreason
thantocausemepain.
Suddenlyitseemedurgent
tomethatHatsumomoleave
theparty.Iknewshewas
theretoobservethe
“developingromance,”asshe
putit;soImadeupmymind
toshowherwhatshe’dcome
tosee.Ibeganbytouching
myfingertipstomyneckor
myhairstyleeverysooften,
inordertoseemworried
aboutmyappearance.When
myfingersbrushedoneofmy
hairornamentsinadvertently,
Icameupwithanidea.I
waiteduntilsomeonemadea
joke,andthenwhilelaughing
andadjustingmyhair,I
leanedtowardNobu.
Adjustingmyhairwasa
strangethingformetodo,I’ll
admit,sinceitwaswaxed
intoplaceandhardlyneeded
attention.Butmypurpose
wastodislodgeoneofmy
hairornaments—acascadeof
yellowandorangesafflowers
insilk—andletitfallinto
Nobu’slap.Asitturnedout,
thewoodenspineholdingthe
ornamentinmyhairwas
embeddedfartherthanI’d
realized;butImanagedto
slipitoutatlast,andit
bouncedagainstNobu’schest
andfellontothetatami
betweenhiscrossedlegs.
Mosteveryonenoticed,and
nooneseemedtoknowwhat
todo.I’dplannedtoreach
intohislapandreclaimit
withgirlishembarrassment,
butIcouldn’tbringmyselfto
reachbetweenhislegs.
Nobupickedituphimself,
andturneditslowlybyits
spine.“Fetchtheyoungmaid
whogreetedme,”hesaid.
“TellherIwantthepackageI
brought.”
IdidasNobuaskedand
returnedtotheroomtofind
everyonewaiting.Hewas
stillholdingmyhair
ornamentbythespine,sothat
theflowersdangleddown
abovethetable,andmadeno
efforttotakethepackage
frommewhenIoffereditto
him.“Iwasgoingtogiveitto
youlater,onyourwayout.
ButitlooksasifI’mmeantto
giveittoyounow,”hesaid,
andnoddedtowardthe
packageinawaythat
suggestedIshouldopenit.I
feltveryembarrassedwith
everyonewatching,butI
unfoldedthepaperwrapping
andopenedthelittlewooden
boxinsidetofindanexquisite
ornamentalcombonabedof
satin.Thecomb,intheshape
ofahalf-circle,wasashowy
redcoloradornedwithbright
flowers.
“It’sanantiqueIfounda
fewdaysago,”Nobusaid.
TheChairman,whowas
gazingwistfullyatthe
ornamentinitsboxonthe
table,movedhislips,butno
soundcameoutatfirst,until
heclearedhisthroatandthen
said,withastrangesortof
sadness,“Why,Nobu-san,I
hadnoideayouwereso
sentimental.”
Hatsumomorosefromthe
table;IthoughtI’dsucceeded
inriddingmyselfofher,but
tomysurpriseshecame
aroundandkneltnearme.I
wasn’tsurewhattomakeof
this,untilsheremovedthe
combfromtheboxand
carefullyinserteditintomy
hairjustatthebaseofthe
largepincushionlikebun.She
heldoutherhand,andNobu
gavehertheornamentof
danglingsafflowers,which
shereplacedinmyhairas
carefullyasamothertending
toababy.Ithankedherwith
alittlebow.
“Isn’tshejusttheloveliest
creature?”shesaid,speaking
pointedlytoNobu.Andthen
shegaveaverytheatrical
sigh,asthoughthesefew
momentswereasromanticas
anyshe’dexperienced,and
leftthepartyasI’dhopedshe
would.
***
Itgoeswithoutsayingthat
mencanbeasdistinctfrom
eachotherasshrubsthat
bloomindifferenttimesof
theyear.Becausealthough
NobuandtheChairman
seemedtotakeaninterestin
mewithinafewweeksofthe
sumotournament,several
monthspassedandstillwe
heardnothingfromDr.Crab
orUchida.Mamehawasvery
clearthatweoughttowait
untilweheardfromthem,
ratherthanfindingsome
pretextforapproachingthem
again,butatlengthshecould
bearthesuspensenolonger
andwenttocheckonUchida
oneafternoon.
Itturnedoutthatshortly
afterwe’dvisitedhim,hiscat
hadbeenbittenbyabadger
andwithinafewdayswas
deadfrominfection.Uchida
hadfallenintoanother
drinkingspellasaresult.For
afewdaysMamehavisitedto
cheerhimup.Finallywhen
hismoodseemedtobe
turningthecorner,she
dressedmeinanice-blue
kimonowithmulticolored
ribbonsembroideredatthe
hem—withonlyatouchof
Western-stylemakeupto
“accentuatetheangles,”as
sheputit—andsentmeto
himbearingapresentofa
pearl-whitekittenthathad
costherIdon’tknowhow
muchmoney.Ithoughtthe
kittenwasadorable,but
Uchidapaiditlittleattention
andinsteadsatsquintinghis
eyesatme,shiftinghishead
thiswayandthat.Afewdays
later,thenewscamethathe
wantedmetomodelinhis
studio.Mamehacautionedme
nottospeakawordtohim,
andsentmeoffchaperoned
byhermaidTatsumi,who
spenttheafternoonnodding
offinadraftycornerwhile
Uchidamovedmefromspot
tospot,franticallymixinghis
inksandpaintingabitonrice
paperbeforemovingme
again.
Ifyouweretogoaround
Japanandseethevarious
worksUchidaproducedwhile
Imodeledforhimduringthat
winterandtheyearsthat
followed—suchasoneofhis
onlysurvivingoilpaintings,
hangingintheboardroomof
theSumitomoBankinOsaka
—youmightimagineitwasa
glamorousexperiencetohave
posedforhim.Butactually
nothingcouldhavebeen
duller.MostofthetimeIdid
littlemorethansit
uncomfortablyforanhouror
more.MainlyIremember
beingthirsty,becauseUchida
neveronceofferedme
anythingtodrink.Evenwhen
Itooktobringingmyowntea
inasealedjar,hemoveditto
theothersideoftheroomso
itwouldn’tdistracthim.
FollowingMameha’s
instructions,Itriedneverto
speakaword,evenonebitter
afternooninthemiddleof
FebruarywhenIprobably
shouldhavesaidsomething
anddidn’t.Uchidahadcome
tositrightbeforemeand
stareatmyeyes,chewingon
themoleinthecornerofhis
mouth.Hehadahandfulof
inksticksandsomewaterthat
kepticingover,butnomatter
howmanytimesheground
inkinvariouscombinations
ofblueandgray,hewas
neverquitesatisfiedwiththe
colorandtookitoutsideto
spillitintothesnow.Over
thecourseoftheafternoonas
hiseyesboredintome,he
becamemoreandmoreangry
andfinallysentmeaway.I
didn’thearawordfromhim
formorethantwoweeks,and
laterfoundouthe’dfallen
intoanotherdrinkingspell.
Mamehablamedmefor
lettingithappen.
***
AsforDr.Crab,whenI
firstmethimhe’dasmuchas
promisedtoseeMamehaand
meattheShiraeTeahouse;
andyetaslateassixweeks
afterward,wehadn’thearda
wordfromhim.Mameha’s
concerngrewastheweeks
passed.Istillknewnothingof
herplanforcatching
Hatsumomooff-balance,
exceptthatitwaslikeagate
swingingontwohinges,one
ofwhichwasNobuandthe
otherofwhichwasDr.Crab.
Whatshewasuptowith
Uchida,Icouldn’tsay,butit
struckmeasaseparate
scheme—certainlynotinthe
verycenterofherplans.
FinallyinlateFebruary,
MameharanintoDr.Crabat
theIchirikiTeahouseand
learnedthathe’dbeen
consumedwiththeopening
ofanewhospitalinOsaka.
Nowthatmostofthework
wasbehindhim,hehopedto
renewmyacquaintanceatthe
ShiraeTeahousethe
followingweek.You’llrecall
thatMamehahadclaimedI
wouldbeoverwhelmedwith
invitationsifIshowedmy
faceattheIchiriki;thiswas
whyDr.Crabaskedthatwe
joinhimattheShiraeinstead.
Mameha’srealmotivewasto
keepclearofHatsumomo,of
course;andyetasIprepared
tomeettheDoctoragain,I
couldn’thelpfeelinguneasy
thatHatsumomomightfind
usanyway.ButthemomentI
seteyesontheShiraeInearly
burstoutlaughing,foritwas
certainlyaplaceHatsumomo
wouldgooutofherwayto
avoid.Itmademethinkof
oneshriveledlittleblossom
onatreeinfullbloom.Gion
continuedtobeabustling
communityevenduringthe
lastyearsoftheDepression,
buttheShiraeTeahouse,
whichhadneverbeen
importanttobeginwith,had
onlywitheredfurther.The
onlyreasonamanaswealthy
asDr.Crabpatronizedsucha
placeisthathehadn’talways
beensowealthy.Duringhis
earlyyearstheShiraewas
probablythebesthecoulddo.
JustbecausetheIchiriki
finallywelcomedhimdidn’t
meanhewasfreetoseverhis
bondwiththeShirae.Whena
mantakesamistress,he
doesn’tturnaroundand
divorcehiswife.
ThateveningintheShirae,
IpouredsakewhileMameha
toldastory,andallthewhile
Dr.Crabsatwithhiselbows
stickingoutsomuchthathe
sometimesbumpedoneofus
withthemandturnedtonod
inapology.Hewasaquiet
man,asIdiscovered;hespent
mostofhistimelooking
downatthetablethroughhis
littleroundglasses,andevery
sooftenslippedpiecesof
sashimiunderneathhis
mustacheinawaythatmade
methinkofaboyhiding
somethingbeneathafloor
covering.Whenwefinally
leftthateveningIthought
we’dfailedandwouldn’tsee
muchofhim—because
normallyamanwho’d
enjoyedhimselfsolittle
wouldn’tbothercomingback
toGion.Butasitturnedout,
weheardfromDr.Crabthe
nextweek,andnearlyevery
weekafterwardoverthe
followingmonths.
***
Thingswentalong
smoothlywiththeDoctor,
untiloneafternooninthe
middleofMarchwhenIdid
somethingfoolishandvery
nearlyruinedallMameha’s
carefulplanning.I’msure
manyayounggirlhasspoiled
herprospectsinlifeby
refusingtodosomething
expectedofher,orby
behavingbadlytowardan
importantman,orsomesuch
thing;butthemistakeImade
wassotrivialIwasn’teven
awareI’ddoneanything.
Ithappenedintheokiya
duringthecourseofabouta
minute,notlongafterlunch
onecolddaywhileIknelton
thewoodenwalkwaywithmy
shamisen.Hatsumomowas
strollingpastonherwayto
thetoilet.IfI’dhadshoesI
wouldhavesteppeddown
ontothedirtcorridortoget
outofherway.Butasitwas,
Icoulddonothingbut
struggletogetupfrommy
knees,withmylegsandarms
nearlyfrozen.IfI’dbeen
quickerHatsumomoprobably
wouldn’thavebothered
speakingtome.Butduring
thatmomentwhileIroseto
myfeet,shesaid:
“TheGermanAmbassador
iscomingtotown,but
Pumpkinisn’tfreeto
entertainhim.Whydon’tyou
askMamehatoarrangefor
youtotakePumpkin’s
place?”Afterthissheletout
alaugh,asiftosaytheidea
ofmydoingsuchathingwas
asridiculousasservingadish
ofacornshellstothe
Emperor.
TheGermanAmbassador
wascausingquiteastirin
Gionatthetime.Duringthis
period,in1935,anew
governmenthadrecently
cometopowerinGermany;
andthoughI’venever
understoodmuchabout
politics,IdoknowthatJapan
wasmovingawayfromthe
UnitedStatesduringthese
yearsandwaseagertomake
agoodimpressiononthenew
GermanAmbassador.
EveryoneinGionwondered
whowouldbegiventhe
honorofentertaininghim
duringhisupcomingvisit.
WhenHatsumomospoke
tome,Ioughttohave
loweredmyheadinshame
andmadeagreatshowof
lamentingthemiseryofmy
lifecomparedwith
Pumpkin’s.Butasit
happened,Ihadjustbeen
musingabouthowmuchmy
prospectsseemedtohave
improvedandhow
successfullyMamehaandI
hadkeptherplanfrom
Hatsumomo—whateverher
planwas.Myfirstinstinct
whenHatsumomospokewas
tosmile,butinsteadIkept
myfacelikeamask,andfelt
pleasedwithmyselfthatI’d
givennothingaway.
Hatsumomogavemeanodd
look;Ioughttohaverealized
rightthenthatsomethinghad
passedthroughhermind.I
steppedquicklytooneside,
andshepassedme.Thatwas
theendofit,asfarasIwas
concerned.
Thenafewdayslater,
MamehaandIwenttothe
ShiraeTeahousetomeetDr.
Crabonceagain.Butaswe
rolledopenthedoor,we
foundPumpkinslippingher
feetintohershoestoleave.I
wassostartledtoseeher,I
wonderedwhatonearth
couldpossiblyhavebrought
herthere.ThenHatsumomo
steppeddownintothe
entrywayaswell,andof
courseIknew:Hatsumomo
hadoutsmartedussomehow.
“Goodevening,Mamehasan,”Hatsumomosaid.“And
lookwho’swithyou!It’sthe
apprenticetheDoctorusedto
besofondof.”
I’msureMamehafeltas
shockedasIdid,butshe
didn’tshowit.“Why,
Hatsumomo-san,”shesaid,“I
scarcelyrecognizeyou...
butmygoodness,you’re
agingwell!”
Hatsumomowasn’t
actuallyold;shewasonly
twenty-eightortwenty-nine.I
thinkMamehawasjust
lookingforsomethingnasty
tosay.
“Iexpectyou’reonyour
waytoseetheDoctor,”
Hatsumomosaid.“Suchan
interestingman!Ionlyhope
he’llstillbehappytoseeyou.
Well,good-bye.”Hatsumomo
lookedcheerfulasshewalked
away,butinthelightfrom
theavenueIcouldseealook
ofsorrowonPumpkin’sface.
MamehaandIslippedout
ofourshoeswithoutspeaking
aword;neitherofusknew
whattosay.TheShirae’s
gloomyatmosphereseemed
asthickasthewaterinapond
thatnight.Theairsmelledof
stalemakeup;thedamp
plasterwaspeelinginthe
cornersoftherooms.Iwould
havegivenanythingtoturn
aroundandleave.
Whenweslidopenthe
doorfromthehallway,we
foundthemistressofthe
teahousekeepingDr.Crab
company.Usuallyshestayed
afewminutesevenafterwe’d
arrived,probablytocharge
theDoctorforhertime.But
tonightsheexcusedherself
themomentweenteredand
didn’tevenlookupasshe
passed.Dr.Crabwassitting
withhisbackfacingus,sowe
skippedtheformalityof
bowingandwentinsteadto
joinhimatthetable.
“Youseemtired,Doctor,”
Mamehasaid.“Howareyou
thisevening?”
Dr.Crabdidn’tspeak.He
justtwirledhisglassofbeer
onthetabletowastetime—
eventhoughhewasan
efficientmanandnever
wastedamomentifhecould
helpit.
“Yes,Iamrathertired,”he
saidatlast.“Idon’tfeelmuch
liketalking.”
Andwiththat,hedrank
downthelastofhisbeerand
stoodtoleave.MamehaandI
exchangedlooks.WhenDr.
Crabreachedthedoortothe
room,hefacedusandsaid,“I
certainlydonotappreciate
whenpeopleIhavetrusted
turnouttohavemisledme.”
Afterwardheleftwithout
closingthedoor.
MamehaandIweretoo
stunnedtospeak.Atlength
shegotupandslidthedoor
shut.Backatthetable,she
smoothedherkimonoand
thenpinchedhereyesclosed
inangerandsaidtome,“All
right,Sayuri.Whatexactly
didyousaytoHatsumomo?”
“Mameha-san,afterallthis
work?IpromiseyouIwould
neverdoanythingtoruinmy
ownchances.”
“TheDoctorcertainly
seemstohavethrownyou
asideasthoughyou’reno
betterthananemptysack.
I’msurethere’sareason...
butwewon’tfinditoutuntil
weknowwhatHatsumomo
saidtohimtonight.”
“Howcanwepossiblydo
that?”
“Pumpkinwashereinthe
room.Youmustgotoherand
ask.”
Iwasn’tatallsure
Pumpkinwouldspeakwith
me,butIsaidIwouldtry,and
Mamehaseemedsatisfied
withthis.Shestoodand
preparedtoleave,butIstayed
whereIwasuntilsheturned
toseewhatwaskeepingme.
“Mameha-san,mayIaska
question?”Isaid.“Now
HatsumomoknowsI’vebeen
spendingtimewiththe
Doctor,andprobablyshe
understandsthereasonwhy.
Dr.Crabcertainlyknows
why.Youknowwhy.Even
Pumpkinmayknowwhy!I’m
theonlyonewhodoesn’t.
Won’tyoubekindenoughto
explainyourplantome?”
Mamehalookedasifshe
feltverysorryI’daskedthis
question.Foralongmoment
shelookedeverywherebutat
me,butshefinallyletouta
sighandkneltatthetable
againtotellmewhatI
wantedtoknow.
***
“Youknowperfectly
well,”shebegan,“that
Uchida-sanlooksatyouwith
theeyesofanartist.Butthe
Doctorisinterestedin
somethingelse,andsois
Nobu.Doyouknowwhatis
meantby‘thehomeless
eel’?”
Ihadnoideawhatshewas
talkingabout,andIsaidso.
“Menhaveakindof...
well,an‘eel’onthem,”she
said.“Womendon’thaveit.
Butmendo.It’slocated—”
“IthinkIknowwhat
you’retalkingabout,”Isaid,
“butIdidn’tknowitwas
calledaneel.”
“Itisn’taneel,really,”
Mamehasaid.“But
pretendingit’saneelmakes
thingssomucheasierto
understand.Solet’sthinkof
itthatway.Here’sthething:
thiseelspendsitsentirelife
tryingtofindahome,and
whatdoyouthinkwomen
haveinsidethem?Caves,
wheretheeelsliketolive.
Thiscaveiswheretheblood
comesfromeverymonth
whenthe‘cloudspassover
themoon,’aswesometimes
say.”
Iwasoldenoughto
understandwhatMameha
meantbythepassageof
cloudsoverthemoon,
becauseI’dbeen
experiencingitforafew
yearsalready.Thefirsttime,I
couldn’thavefeltmore
panickedifI’dsneezedand
foundpiecesofmybrainin
thehandkerchief.Ireallywas
afraidImightbedying,until
Auntiehadfoundmewashing
outabloodyragand
explainedthatbleedingwas
justpartofbeingawoman.
“Youmaynotknowthis
abouteels,”Mamehawent
on,“butthey’requite
territorial.Whentheyfinda
cavetheylike,theywriggle
aroundinsideitforawhileto
besurethat...well,tobe
sureit’sanicecave,I
suppose.Andwhenthey’ve
madeuptheirmindsthatit’s
comfortable,theymarkthe
caveastheirterritory...by
spitting.Doyouunderstand?”
IfMamehahadsimplytold
mewhatshewastryingto
say,I’msureIwouldhave
beenshocked,butatleastI’d
havehadaneasiertime
sortingitallout.YearslaterI
discoveredthatthingshad
beenexplainedtoMamehain
exactlythesamewaybyher
ownoldersister.
“Here’sthepartthat’s
goingtoseemverystrangeto
you,”Mamehawenton,asif
whatshe’dalreadytoldme
didn’t.“Menactuallylike
doingthis.Infact,theylikeit
verymuch.Thereareeven
menwhodolittleintheir
livesbesidessearchfor
differentcavestolettheireels
livein.Awoman’scaveis
particularlyspecialtoaman
ifnoothereelhaseverbeen
initbefore.Doyou
understand?Wecallthis
‘mizuage.’”
“Wecallwhat‘mizuage’?”
“Thefirsttimeawoman’s
caveisexploredbyaman’s
eel.Thatiswhatwecall
mizuage.”
Now,mizumeans“water”
andagemeans“raiseup”or
“placeon”;sothattheterm
mizuagesoundsasifitmight
havesomethingtodowith
raisingupwaterorplacing
somethingonthewater.If
yougetthreegeishaina
room,allofthemwillhave
differentideasaboutwhere
thetermcomesfrom.Now
thatMamehahadfinishedher
explanation,Ifeltonlymore
confused,thoughItriedto
pretenditallmadeacertain
amountofsense.
“Isupposeyoucanguess
whytheDoctorlikestoplay
aroundinGion,”Mameha
continued.“Hemakesagreat
dealofmoneyfromhis
hospital.Exceptforwhathe
needstosupporthisfamily,
hespendsitinthepursuitof
mizuage.Itmayinterestyou
toknow,Sayuri-san,thatyou
arepreciselythesortof
younggirlhelikesbest.I
knowthisverywell,because
Iwasonemyself.”
AsIlaterlearned,ayearor
twobeforeI’dfirstcometo
Gion,Dr.Crabhadpaida
recordamountforMameha’s
mizuage—maybe¥7000or
¥8000.Thismaynotsound
likemuch,butatthattimeit
wasasumthatevensomeone
likeMother—whoseevery
thoughtwasaboutmoneyand
howtogetmoreofit—might
seeonlyonceortwiceina
lifetime.Mameha’smizuage
hadbeensocostlypartly
becauseofherfame;butthere
wasanotherreason,asshe
explainedtomethat
afternoon.Twoverywealthy
menhadbidagainsteach
othertobehermizuage
patron.OnewasDr.Crab.
Theotherwasabusinessman
namedFujikado.Ordinarily
mendidn’tcompetethisway
inGion;theyallkneweach
otherandpreferredtoreach
agreementonthings.But
Fujikadolivedontheother
sideofthecountryandcame
toGiononlyoccasionally.He
didn’tcareifheoffendedDr.
Crab.AndDr.Crab,who
claimedtohavesome
aristocraticbloodinhim,
hatedself-mademenlike
Fujikado—eventhough,in
truth,hewasaself-mademan
too,forthemostpart.
WhenMamehanoticedat
thesumotournamentthat
Nobuseemedtakenwithme,
shethoughtatonceofhow
muchNoburesembled
Fujikado—self-madeand,to
amanlikeDr.Crab,
repulsive.WithHatsumomo
chasingmearoundlikea
housewifechasinga
cockroach,Icertainlywasn’t
goingtobecomefamousthe
wayMamehahadandendup
withanexpensivemizuageas
aresult.Butifthesetwomen
foundmeappealingenough,
theymightstartabidding
war,whichcouldputmein
thesamepositiontorepaymy
debtsasifI’dbeenapopular
apprenticeallalong.Thiswas
whatMamehahadmeantby
“catchingHatsumomooffbalance.”Hatsumomowas
delightedthatNobufoundme
attractive;whatshedidn’t
realizewasthatmy
popularitywithNobuwould
verylikelydriveuptheprice
ofmymizuage.
Clearlywehadtoreclaim
Dr.Crab’saffections.
WithouthimNobucould
offerwhathewantedformy
mizuage—thatis,ifheturned
outtohaveanyinterestinit
atall.Iwasn’tsurehewould,
butMamehaassuredmethat
amandoesn’tcultivatea
relationshipwithafifteenyear-oldapprenticegeisha
unlesshehashermizuagein
mind.
“Youcanbetitisn’tyour
conversationhe’sattracted
to,”shetoldme.
ItriedtopretendIdidn’t
feelhurtbythis.
ChapterTwenty
Lookingback,Icansee
thatthisconversationwith
Mamehamarkedashiftinmy
viewoftheworld.
BeforehandI’dknown
nothingaboutmizuage;Iwas
stillanaivegirlwithlittle
understanding.Butafterward
Icouldbegintoseewhata
manlikeDr.Crabwanted
fromallthetimeandmoney
hespentinGion.Onceyou
knowthissortofthing,you
canneverunknowit.I
couldn’tthinkabouthim
againinquitethesameway.
Backattheokiyalaterthat
night,Iwaitedinmyroom
forHatsumomoandPumpkin
tocomeupthestairs.Itwas
anhourorsoaftermidnight
whentheyfinallydid.Icould
tellPumpkinwastiredfrom
thewayherhandsslappedon
thesteps—becauseshe
sometimescameupthesteep
stairwayonallfourslikea
dog.Beforeclosingthedoor
totheirroom,Hatsumomo
summonedoneofthemaids
andaskedforabeer.
“No,waitaminute,”she
said.“Bringtwo.Iwant
Pumpkintojoinme.”
“Please,Hatsumomo-san,”
IheardPumpkinsay.“I’d
ratherdrinkspit.”
“You’regoingtoread
aloudtomewhileIdrink
mine,soyoumightaswell
haveone.Beside,Ihatewhen
peoplearetoosober.It’s
sickening.”
Afterthis,themaidwent
downthestairs.Whenshe
cameupashorttimelater,I
heardglassesclinkingonthe
trayshecarried.
ForalongwhileIsatwith
myeartothedoorofmy
room,listeningtoPumpkin’s
voiceasshereadanarticle
aboutanewKabukiactor.
FinallyHatsumomostumbled
outintothehallwayand
rolledopenthedoortothe
upstairstoilet.
“Pumpkin!”Iheardher
say.“Don’tyoufeellikea
bowlofnoodles?”
“No,ma’am.”
“Seeifyoucanfindthe
noodlevendor.Andgetsome
foryourselfsoyoucankeep
mecompany.”
Pumpkinsighedandwent
rightdownthestairs,butI
hadtowaitforHatsumomoto
returntoherroombefore
creepingdowntofollow.I
mightnothavecaughtup
withPumpkin,exceptthatshe
wassoexhaustedshe
couldn’tdomuchmorethan
wanderalongataboutthe
speedmudoozesdownahill,
andwithaboutasmuch
purpose.WhenIfinallyfound
her,shelookedalarmedto
seemeandaskedwhatwas
thematter.
“Nothingisthematter,”I
said,“except...Idesperately
needyourhelp.”
“Oh,Chiyo-chan,”shesaid
tome—Ithinkshewasthe
onlypersonwhostillcalled
methat—“Idon’thaveany
time!I’mtryingtofind
noodlesforHatsumomo,and
she’sgoingtomakemeeat
sometoo.I’mafraidI’ll
throwupalloverher.”
“Pumpkin,youpoor
thing,”Isaid.“Youlooklike
icewhenithasbegunto
melt.”Herfacewasdrooping
withexhaustion,andthe
weightofallherclothing
seemedasifitmightpullher
rightontotheground.Itold
hertogoandsitdown,thatI
wouldfindthenoodlesand
bringthemtoher.Shewasso
tiredshedidn’tevenprotest,
butsimplyhandedmethe
moneyandsatdownona
benchbytheShirakawa
Stream.
Ittookmesometimeto
findanoodlevendor,butat
lastIreturnedcarryingtwo
bowlsofsteamingnoodles.
Pumpkinwassoundasleep
withherheadbackandher
mouthopenasthoughshe
werehopingtocatch
raindrops.Itwasabouttwoin
themorning,andafew
peoplewerestillstrolling
around.Onegroupofmen
seemedtothinkPumpkinwas
thefunniestthingthey’dseen
inweeks—andIadmititwas
oddtoseeanapprenticein
herfullregaliasnoringona
bench.
WhenI’dsetthebowls
downbesideherand
awakenedherasgentlyasI
knewhow,Isaid,“Pumpkin,
Iwantsomuchtoaskyoua
favor,but...I’mafraidyou
won’tbehappywhenyou
hearwhatitis.”
“Itdoesn’tmatter,”she
said.“Nothingmakesme
happyanymore.”
“Youwereintheroom
earlierthiseveningwhen
Hatsumomotalkedwiththe
Doctor.I’mafraidmywhole
futuremaybeaffectedbythat
conversation.Hatsumomo
musthavetoldhim
somethingaboutmethatisn’t
true,becausenowtheDoctor
doesn’twanttoseemeany
longer.”
AsmuchasIhated
Hatsumomo—asmuchasI
wantedtoknowwhatshe’d
donethatevening—Ifelt
sorryatonceforhaving
raisedthesubjectwith
Pumpkin.Sheseemedinsuch
painthatthegentlenudgeI
gaveherprovedtobetoo
much.Allatonceseveral
teardropscamespillingonto
herbigcheeksasifshe’d
beenfillingupwiththemfor
years.
“Ididn’tknow,Chiyochan!”shesaid,fumblingin
herobiforahandkerchief.“I
hadnoidea!”
“Youmean,what
Hatsumomowasgoingto
say?Buthowcouldanyone
haveknown?”
“Thatisn’tit.Ididn’tknow
anyonecouldbesoevil!I
don’tunderstandit...She
doesthingsfornoreasonat
allexcepttohurtpeople.And
theworstpartisshethinksI
admireherandwanttobe
justlikeher.ButIhateher!
I’veneverhatedanyoneso
muchbefore.”
BynowpoorPumpkin’s
yellowhandkerchiefwas
smearedwithwhitemakeup.
Ifearliershe’dbeenanice
cubebeginningtomelt,now
shewasapuddle.
“Pumpkin,pleaselistento
me,”Isaid.“Iwouldn’task
thisofyouifIhadanyother
alternative.ButIdon’twant
togobacktobeingamaidall
mylife,andthat’sjustwhat
willhappenifHatsumomo
hasherway.Shewon’tstop
untilshehasmelikea
cockroachunderherfoot.I
mean,she’llsquashmeifyou
don’thelpmetoscurry
away!”
Pumpkinthoughtthiswas
funny,andwebothbeganto
laugh.Whileshewasstuck
betweenlaughingandcrying,
Itookherhandkerchiefand
triedtosmooththemakeup
onherface.Ifeltsotouched
atseeingtheoldPumpkin
again,whohadoncebeenmy
friend,thatmyeyesgrew
wateryaswell,andweended
upinanembrace.
“Oh,Pumpkin,your
makeupissuchamess,”
Isaidtoherafterward.
“It’sallright,”shetoldme.
“I’lljustsaytoHatsumomo
thatadrunkenmancameup
tomeonthestreetandwiped
ahandkerchiefallovermy
face,andIcouldn’tdo
anythingaboutitbecauseI
wascarryingtwobowlsof
noodles.”
Ididn’tthinkshewould
sayanythingfurther,but
finallyshesighedheavily.
“Iwanttohelpyou,
Chiyo,”shesaid,“butI’ve
beenouttoolong.
Hatsumomowillcome
lookingformeifIdon’t
hurryback.Ifshefindsus
together...”
“Ionlyhavetoaskafew
questions,Pumpkin.Justtell
me,howdidHatsumomofind
outI’vebeenentertainingthe
DoctorattheShirae
Teahouse?”
“Oh,that,”saidPumpkin.
“Shetriedtoteaseyouafew
daysagoabouttheGerman
Ambassador,butyoudidn’t
seemtocarewhatshesaid.
Youlookedsocalm,she
thoughtyouandMameha
musthavesomescheme
going.Soshewentto
Awajiumiattheregistry
officeandaskedwhat
teahousesyou’vebeenbilling
at.WhensheheardtheShirae
wasoneofthem,shegotthis
lookonherface,andwe
startedgoingtherethatsame
nighttolookfortheDoctor.
Wewenttwicebeforewe
finallyfoundhim.”
Veryfewmenof
consequencepatronizedthe
Shirae.Thisiswhy
Hatsumomowouldhave
thoughtofDr.Crabatonce.
AsIwasnowcomingto
understand,hewasrenowned
inGionasa“mizuage
specialist.”Themoment
Hatsumomothoughtofhim,
sheprobablyknewexactly
whatMamehawasupto.
“Whatdidshesaytohim
tonight?Whenwecalledon
theDoctorafteryouleft,he
wouldn’tevenspeakwith
us.”
“Well,”Pumpkinsaid,
“theychattedforawhile,and
thenHatsumomopretended
thatsomethinghadreminded
herofastory.Andshebegan
it,‘There’sayoung
apprenticenamedSayuri,
wholivesinmyokiya...’
WhentheDoctorheardyour
name...I’mtellingyou,he
satuplikeabeehadstung
him.Andhesaid,‘Youknow
her?’SoHatsumomotold
him,‘Well,ofcourseIknow
her,Doctor.Doesn’tshelive
inmyokiya?’Afterthisshe
saidsomethingelseIdon’t
remember,andthen,‘I
shouldn’ttalkaboutSayuri
because...well,actually,
I’mcoveringupanimportant
secretforher.’”
IwentcoldwhenIheard
this.IwassureHatsumomo
hadthoughtofsomething
reallyawful.
“Pumpkin,whatwasthe
secret?”
“Well,I’mnotsureI
know,”Pumpkinsaid.“It
didn’tseemlikemuch.
Hatsumomotoldhimthere
wasayoungmanwholived
neartheokiyaandthat
Motherhadastrictpolicy
againstboyfriends.
Hatsumomosaidyouandthis
boywerefondofeachother,
andshedidn’tmindcovering
upforyoubecauseshe
thoughtMotherwastoostrict.
Shesaidsheevenletthetwo
ofyouspendtimetogether
aloneinherroomwhen
Motherwasout.Thenshe
saidsomethinglike,‘Oh,but
...Doctor,Ireallyshouldn’t
havetoldyou!Whatifitgets
backtoMother,afterallthe
workI’vedonetokeep
Sayuri’ssecret!’Butthe
Doctorsaidhewasgrateful
forwhatHatsumomohadtold
him,andhewouldbecertain
tokeepittohimself.”
Icouldjustimaginehow
muchHatsumomomusthave
enjoyedherlittlescheme.I
askedPumpkiniftherewas
anythingmore,butshesaid
no.
Ithankedhermanytimes
forhelpingme,andtoldher
howsorryIwasthatshe’d
hadtospendthesepastfew
yearsasaslaveto
Hatsumomo.
“Iguesssomegoodhas
comeofit,”Pumpkinsaid.
“Justafewdaysago,Mother
madeuphermindtoadopt
me.Somydreamofhaving
someplacetoliveoutmylife
maycometrue.”
IfeltalmostsickwhenI
heardthesewords,evenasI
toldherhowhappyIwasfor
her.It’struethatIwas
pleasedforPumpkin;butI
alsoknewthatitwasan
importantpartofMameha’s
planthatMotheradoptme
instead.
***
Inherapartmentthenext
day,ItoldMamehawhatI’d
learned.Themomentshe
heardabouttheboyfriend,
shebeganshakingherheadin
disgust.Iunderstoodit
already,butsheexplainedto
methatHatsumomohad
foundaverycleverwayof
puttingintoDr.Crab’smind
theideathatmy“cave”had
alreadybeenexploredby
someoneelse’s“eel,”soto
speak.
Mamehawasevenmore
upsettolearnabout
Pumpkin’supcoming
adoption.
“Myguess,”shesaid,“is
thatwehaveafewmonths
beforetheadoptionoccurs.
Whichmeansthatthetime
hascomeforyourmizuage,
Sayuri,whetheryou’reready
foritornot.”
***
Mamehawenttoa
confectioner’sshopthatsame
weekandorderedonmy
behalfakindofsweet-rice
cakewecallekubo,whichis
theJapanesewordfordimple.
Wecallthemekubobecause
theyhaveadimpleinthetop
withatinyredcircleinthe
center;somepeoplethink
theylookverysuggestive.
I’vealwaysthoughtthey
lookedliketinypillows,
softlydented,asifawoman
hassleptonthem,and
smudgedredinthecenter
fromherlipstick,sinceshe
wasperhapstootiredtotake
itoffbeforeshewenttobed.
Inanycase,whenan
apprenticegeishabecomes
availableformizuage,she
presentsboxesoftheseekubo
tothemenwhopatronizeher.
Mostapprenticesgivethem
outtoatleastadozenmen,
perhapsmanymore;butfor
metherewouldbeonlyNobu
andtheDoctor—ifwewere
lucky.Ifeltsad,inaway,
thatIwouldn’tgivethemto
theChairman;butonthe
otherhand,thewholething
seemedsodistasteful,I
wasn’tentirelysorryhe
wouldbeleftoutofit.
PresentingekubotoNobu
waseasy.Themistressofthe
Ichirikiarrangedforhimto
comeabitearlyoneevening,
andMamehaandImethimin
asmallroomoverlookingthe
entrancecourtyard.Ithanked
himforallhisthoughtfulness
—forhe’dbeenextremely
kindtomeoverthepastsix
months,notonlysummoning
mefrequentlytoentertainat
partiesevenwhenthe
Chairmanwasabsent,but
givingmeavarietyofgifts
besidestheornamentalcomb
onthenightHatsumomo
came.Afterthankinghim,I
pickeduptheboxofekubo,
wrappedinunbleachedpaper
andtiedwithcoarsetwine,
thenbowedtohimandslidit
acrossthetable.Heaccepted
it,andMamehaandIthanked
himseveralmoretimesforall
hiskindness,bowingagain
andagainuntilIbegantofeel
almostdizzy.Thelittle
ceremonywasbrief,and
Nobucarriedhisboxoutof
theroominhisonehand.
LaterwhenIentertainedat
hisparty,hedidn’trefertoit.
Actually,Ithinkthe
encountermadehimabit
uncomfortable.
Dr.Crab,ofcourse,was
anothermatter.Mamehahad
tobeginbygoingaroundto
theprincipalteahousesin
Gionandaskingthe
mistressestonotifyherifthe
Doctorshouldshowup.We
waitedafewnightsuntil
wordcamethathe’dturned
upatateahousenamed
Yashino,astheguestof
anotherman.Irushedto
Mameha’sapartmentto
changemyclothingandthen
setoutfortheYashinowith
theboxofekubowrappedup
inasquareofsilk.
TheYashinowasafairly
newteahouse,builtina
completelyWesternstyle.
Theroomswereelegantin
theirownway,withdark
woodenbeamsandsoon;but
insteadoftatamimatsand
tablessurroundedby
cushions,theroomintowhich
Iwasshownthateveninghad
afloorofhardwood,witha
darkPersianrug,acoffee
table,andafewoverstuffed
chairs.Ihavetoadmitit
neveroccurredtometositon
oneofthechairs.InsteadI
kneltontherugtowaitfor
Mameha,althoughthefloor
wasterriblyhardonmy
knees.Iwasstillinthat
positionahalfhourlater
whenshecamein.
“Whatareyoudoing?”she
saidtome.“Thisisn’ta
Japanese-styleroom.Sitin
oneofthesechairsandtryto
lookasifyoubelong.”
IdidasMamehasaid.But
whenshesatdownopposite
me,shelookedeverybitas
uncomfortableasIprobably
did.
TheDoctor,itseemed,was
attendingapartyinthenext
room.Mamehahadbeen
entertaininghimforsome
timealready.“I’mpouring
himlotsofbeersohe’llhave
togotothetoilet,”shetold
me.“Whenhedoes,I’llcatch
himinthehallwayandask
thathestepinhere.Youmust
givehimtheekuboright
away.Idon’tknowhowhe’ll
react,butitwillbeouronly
chancetoundothedamage
Hatsumomohasdone.”
Mamehaleft,andIwaited
inmychairalongwhile.I
washotandnervous,andI
worriedthatmyperspiration
wouldcausemywhite
makeuptoturnintoa
crumpled-lookingmessas
badasafutonafterbeing
sleptin.Ilookedfor
somethingtodistractmyself;
butthebestIcoulddowas
standfromtimetotimeto
catchaglimpseofmyfacein
amirrorhangingonthewall.
FinallyIheardvoices,then
atappingatthedoor,and
Mamehaswungitopen.
“Justonemoment,Doctor,
ifyouplease,”shesaid.
IcouldseeDr.Crabinthe
darknessofthehallway,
lookingassternasthoseold
portraitsyouseeinthe
lobbiesofbanks.Hewas
peeringatmethroughhis
glasses.Iwasn’tsurewhatto
do;normallyIwouldhave
bowedonthemats,soIwent
aheadandkneltontherugto
bowinthesameway,even
thoughIwascertainMameha
wouldbeunhappywithme
fordoingit.Idon’tthinkthe
Doctorevenlookedatme.
“Iprefertogetbacktothe
party,”hesaidtoMameha.
“Pleaseexcuseme.”
“Sayurihasbrought
somethingforyou,Doctor,”
Mamehatoldhim.“Justfora
moment,ifyouplease.”
Shegesturedforhimto
comeintotheroomandsaw
thathewasseated
comfortablyinoneofthe
overstuffedchairs.Afterthis,
Ithinkshemusthave
forgottenwhatshe’dtoldme
earlier,becausewebothknelt
ontherug,oneofusateach
ofDr.Crab’sknees.I’msure
theDoctorfeltgrandtohave
twosuchornatelydressed
womenkneelingathisfeet
thatway.
“I’msorrythatIhaven’t
seenyouinseveraldays,”I
saidtohim.“Andalreadythe
weatherisgrowingwarm.It
seemstomeasifanentire
seasonhaspassed!”
TheDoctordidn’trespond,
butjustpeeredbackatme.
“Pleaseaccepttheseekubo,
Doctor,”Isaid,andafter
bowing,placedthepackage
onasidetablenearhishand.
Heputhishandsinhislapas
iftosayhewouldn’tdream
oftouchingit.
“Whyareyougivingme
this?”
Mamehainterrupted.“I’m
sosorry,Doctor.IledSayuri
tobelieveyoumightenjoy
receivingekubofromher.I
hopeI’mnotmistaken?”
“Youaremistaken.
Perhapsyoudon’tknowthis
girlaswellasyouthink.I
regardyouhighly,Mamehasan,butit’sapoorreflection
onyoutorecommendherto
me.”
“I’msorry,Doctor,”she
said.“Ihadnoideayoufelt
thatway.I’vebeenunderthe
impressionyouwerefondof
Sayuri.”
“Verywell.Nowthat
everythingisclear,I’llgo
backtotheparty.”
“ButmayIask?DidSayuri
offendyousomehow?Things
seemtohavechangedso
unexpectedly.”
“Shecertainlydid.AsI
toldyou,I’moffendedby
peoplewhomisleadme.”
“Sayuri-san,howshameful
ofyoutomisleadthe
Doctor!”Mamehasaidtome.
“Youmusthavetoldhim
somethingyouknewwas
untrue.Whatwasit?”
“Idon’tknow!”Isaidas
innocentlyasIcould.“Unless
itwasafewweeksagowhen
Isuggestedthattheweather
wasgettingwarmer,andit
wasn’treally...”
Mamehagavemealook
whenIsaidthis;Idon’tthink
shelikedit.
“Thisisbetweenthetwoof
you,”theDoctorsaid.“Itis
noconcernofmine.Please
excuseme.”
“But,Doctor,beforeyou
go,”Mamehasaid,“could
therebesome
misunderstanding?Sayuri’s
anhonestgirlandwould
neverknowinglymislead
anyone.Particularlysomeone
who’sbeensokindtoher.”
“Isuggestyouaskher
abouttheboyinher
neighborhood,”theDoctor
said.
Iwasveryrelievedhe’d
broughtupthesubjectatlast.
Hewassuchareservedman,
Iwouldn’thavebeen
surprisedifhe’drefusedto
mentionitatall.
“Sothat’stheproblem!”
Mamehasaidtohim.“You
musthavebeentalkingwith
Hatsumomo.”
“Idon’tseewhythat
matters,”hesaid.
“She’sbeenspreadingthis
storyalloverGion.It’s
completelyuntrue!Eversince
Sayuriwasgivenan
importantroleonthestagein
DancesoftheOldCapital,
Hatsumomohasspentallher
energytryingtodisgrace
her.”
DancesoftheOldCapital
wasGion’sbiggestannual
event.Itsopeningwasonly
sixweeksaway,atthe
beginningofApril.Allthe
danceroleshadbeenassigned
somemonthsearlier,andI
wouldhavefelthonoredto
takeone.Ateacherofmine
hadevensuggestedit,butas
farasIknew,myonlyrole
wouldbeintheorchestraand
notonthestageatall.
Mamehahadinsistedonthis
toavoidprovoking
Hatsumomo.
WhentheDoctorglanced
atme,Ididmybesttolook
likesomeonewhowouldbe
dancinganimportantroleand
hadknownitforsometime.
“I’mafraidtosaythis,
Doctor,butHatsumomoisa
knownliar,”Mamehawent
on.“It’sriskytobelieve
anythingshesays.”
“IfHatsumomoisaliar,
thisisthefirstI’veheardof
it.”
“Noonewoulddreamof
tellingyousuchathing,”
Mamehasaid,speakingina
quietvoiceasthoughshe
reallywereafraidofbeing
overheard.“Somanygeisha
aredishonest!Noonewants
tobethefirsttomake
accusations.ButeitherI’m
lyingtoyounoworelse
Hatsumomowaslyingwhen
shetoldyouthestory.It’sa
matterofdecidingwhichof
usyouknowbetter,Doctor,
andwhichofusyoutrust
more.”
“Idon’tseewhy
Hatsumomowouldmakeup
storiesjustbecauseSayuri
hasaroleonthestage.”
“Surelyyou’vemet
Hatsumomo’syoungersister,
Pumpkin.Hatsumomohoped
Pumpkinwouldtakeacertain
role,butitseemsSayurihas
endedupwithitinstead.And
Iwasgiventherole
Hatsumomowanted!But
noneofthismatters,Doctor.
IfSayuri’sintegrityisin
doubt,Icanwellunderstand
thatyoumightprefernotto
accepttheekuboshehas
presentedtoyou.”
TheDoctorsatalong
whilelookingatme.Finally
hesaid,“I’llaskoneofmy
doctorsfromthehospitalto
examineher.”
“I’dliketobeas
cooperativeasIcan,”
Mamehareplied,“butI’d
havedifficultyarrangingsuch
athing,sinceyouhaven’tyet
agreedtobeSayuri’smizuage
patron.Ifherintegrityisin
doubt...well,Sayuriwillbe
presentingekubotoagreat
manymen.I’msuremostwill
beskepticalofstoriesthey
hearfromHatsumomo.”
Thisseemedtohavethe
effectMamehawanted.Dr.
Crabsatinsilenceamoment.
Finallyhesaid,“Ihardly
knowtheproperthingtodo.
ThisisthefirsttimeI’ve
foundmyselfinsucha
peculiarposition.”
“Pleaseaccepttheekubo,
Doctor,andlet’sput
Hatsumomo’sfoolishness
behindus.”
“I’veoftenheardof
dishonestgirlswhoarrange
mizuageforthetimeof
monthwhenamanwillbe
easilydeceived.I’madoctor,
youknow.Iwon’tbefooled
soreadily.”
“Butnooneistryingto
foolyou!”
Hesatjustamoment
longerandthenstoodwithhis
shouldershunchedtomarch,
elbow-first,fromtheroom.I
wastoobusybowinggoodbyetoseewhetherhetook
theekubowithhim;but
happily,afterheandMameha
hadleft,Ilookedatthetable
andsawtheywerenolonger
there.
***
WhenMamehamentioned
myroleonthestage,I
thoughtshewasmakingupa
storyonthespottoexplain
whyHatsumomomightlie
aboutme.Soyoucan
imaginemysurprisethenext
daywhenIlearnedshe’d
beentellingthetruth.Orifit
wasn’texactlythetruth,
Mamehafeltconfidentthatit
wouldbetruebeforetheend
oftheweek.
Atthattime,inthemid1930s,probablyasmanyas
sevenoreighthundredgeisha
workedinGion;butbecause
nomorethansixtywere
neededeachspringforthe
productionofDancesofthe
OldCapital,thecompetition
forrolesdestroyedmorethan
afewfriendshipsoverthe
years.Mamehahadn’tbeen
truthfulwhenshesaidthat
she’dtakenarolefrom
Hatsumomo;shewasoneof
theveryfewgeishainGion
guaranteedasoloroleevery
year.Butitwasquitetruethat
Hatsumomohadbeen
desperatetoseePumpkinon
thestage.Idon’tknowwhere
shegottheideasuchathing
waspossible;Pumpkinmay
haveearnedtheapprentice’s
awardandreceivedother
honorsbesides,butshenever
excelledatdance.However,a
fewdaysbeforeIpresented
ekubototheDoctor,a
seventeen-year-oldapprentice
withasolorolehadfallen
downaflightofstairsand
hurtherleg.Thepoorgirl
wasdevastated,butevery
otherapprenticeinGionwas
happytotakeadvantageof
hermisfortunebyofferingto
filltherole.Itwasthisrole
thatintheendwenttome.I
wasonlyfifteenatthetime,
andhadneverdancedonthe
stagebefore—whichisn’tto
sayIwasn’treadyto.I’d
spentsomanyeveningsinthe
okiya,ratherthangoingfrom
partytopartylikemost
apprentices,andAuntieoften
playedtheshamisensothatI
couldpracticedance.This
waswhyI’dalreadybeen
promotedtotheeleventh
levelbytheageoffifteen,
eventhoughIprobably
possessednomoretalentasa
dancerthananyoneelse.If
Mamehahadn’tbeenso
determinedtokeepme
hiddenfromthepubliceye
becauseofHatsumomo,I
mightevenhavehadarolein
theseasonaldancesthe
previousyear.
Thisrolewasgiventome
inmid-March,soIhadonlya
monthorsotorehearseit.
Fortunatelymydanceteacher
wasveryhelpfulandoften
workedwithmeprivately
duringtheafternoons.Mother
didn’tfindoutwhathad
happened—Hatsumomo
certainlywasn’tgoingtotell
her—untilseveraldays
afterward,whensheheardthe
rumorduringagameofmahjongg.Shecamebacktothe
okiyaandaskedifitwastrue
I’dbeengiventherole.After
Itoldheritwas,shewalked
awaywiththesortofpuzzled
lookshemighthavewornif
herdogTakuhadaddedup
thecolumnsinheraccount
booksforher.
Ofcourse,Hatsumomo
wasfurious,butMameha
wasn’tconcernedaboutit.
Thetimehadcome,asshe
putit,forustotoss
Hatsumomofromthering.
ChapterTwenty-One
Lateoneafternoonaweek
orsolater,Mamehacameup
tomeduringabreakin
rehearsals,veryexcitedabout
something.Itseemedthaton
thepreviousday,theBaron
hadmentionedtoherquite
casuallythathewouldbe
givingapartyduringthe
comingweekendforacertain
kimonomakernamed
Arashino.TheBaronowned
oneofthebest-known
collectionsofkimonoinallof
Japan.Mostofhispieces
wereantiques,buteveryso
oftenheboughtaveryfine
workbyalivingartist.His
decisiontopurchaseapiece
byArashinohadprompted
himtohaveaparty.
“IthoughtIrecognizedthe
nameArashino,”Mameha
saidtome,“butwhenthe
Baronfirstmentionedit,I
couldn’tplaceit.He’soneof
Nobu’sveryclosestfriends!
Don’tyouseethe
possibilities?Ididn’tthinkof
ituntiltoday,butI’mgoing
topersuadetheBaronto
invitebothNobuandthe
Doctortohislittleparty.The
twoofthemarecertainto
dislikeeachother.Whenthe
biddingbeginsforyour
mizuage,youcanbesurethat
neitherwillsitstill,knowing
theprizecouldbetakenby
theother.”
Iwasfeelingverytired,but
forMameha’ssakeIclapped
myhandsinexcitementand
saidhowgratefulIwastoher
forcomingupwithsucha
cleverplan.AndI’msureit
wasacleverplan;butthereal
evidenceofhercleverness
wasthatshefeltcertainshe’d
havenodifficultypersuading
theBarontoinvitethesetwo
mentohisparty.Clearlythey
wouldbothbewillingto
come—inNobu’scase
becausetheBaronwasan
investorinIwamuraElectric,
thoughIdidn’tknowitatthe
time;andinDr.Crab’scase
because...well,becausethe
Doctorconsideredhimself
somethingofanaristocrat,
eventhoughheprobablyhad
onlyoneobscureancestor
withanyaristocraticblood,
andwouldregarditashis
dutytoattendanyfunction
theBaroninvitedhimto.But
astowhytheBaronwould
agreetoinviteeitherofthem,
Idon’tknow.Hedidn’t
approveofNobu;veryfew
mendid.AsforDr.Crab,the
Baronhadnevermethim
beforeandmightaswellhave
invitedsomeoneoffthe
street.
ButMamehahad
extraordinarypowersof
persuasion,asIknew.The
partywasarranged,andshe
convincedmydance
instructortoreleasemefrom
rehearsalsthefollowing
SaturdaysoIcouldattendit.
Theeventwastobegininthe
afternoonandrunthrough
dinner—thoughMamehaand
Iweretoarriveaftertheparty
wasunderway.Soitwas
aboutthreeo’clockwhenwe
finallyclimbedintoa
rickshawandheadedoutto
theBaron’sestate,locatedat
thebaseofthehillsinthe
northeastofthecity.Itwas
myfirstvisittoanyplaceso
luxurious,andIwasquite
overwhelmedbywhatIsaw;
becauseifyouthinkofthe
attentiontodetailbroughtto
bearinmakingakimono,
well,thatsamesortof
attentionhadbeenbroughtto
thedesignandcareofthe
entireestatewheretheBaron
lived.Themainhousedated
backtothetimeofhis
grandfather,butthegardens,
whichstruckmeasagiant
brocadeoftextures,hadbeen
designedandbuiltbyhis
father.Apparentlythehouse
andgardensneverquitefit
togetheruntiltheBaron’s
olderbrother—theyear
beforehisassassination—had
movedthelocationofthe
pond,andalsocreatedamoss
gardenwithstepping-stones
leadingfromthemoonviewingpavilionononeside
ofthehouse.Blackswans
glidedacrossthepondwitha
bearingsoproudtheymade
mefeelashamedtobesuch
anungainlycreatureasa
humanbeing.
Weweretobeginby
preparingateaceremonythe
menwouldjoinwhenthey
wereready;soIwasvery
puzzledwhenwepassed
throughthemaingateand
madeourwaynottoan
ordinaryteapavilion,but
straighttowardtheedgeof
thepondtoboardasmall
boat.Theboatwasaboutthe
sizeofanarrowroom.Most
ofitwasoccupiedwith
woodenseatsalongtheedges,
butatoneendstooda
miniaturepavilionwithits
ownroofshelteringatatami
platform.Ithadactualwalls
withpaperscreensslidopen
forair,andintheverycenter
wasasquarewoodencavity
filledwithsand,whichserved
asthebrazierwhereMameha
litcakesofcharcoaltoheat
thewaterinagracefuliron
teakettle.Whileshewas
doingthis,Itriedtomake
myselfusefulbyarranging
theimplementsforthe
ceremony.AlreadyIwas
feelingquitenervous,and
thenMamehaturnedtome
aftershehadputthekettleon
thefireandsaid:
“You’reaclevergirl,
Sayuri.Idon’tneedtotell
youwhatwillbecomeofyour
futureifDr.CraborNobu
shouldloseinterestinyou.
Youmustn’tleteitherof
themthinkyou’repayingtoo
muchattentiontotheother.
Butofcourseacertain
amountofjealousywon’tdo
anyharm.I’mcertainyoucan
manageit.”
Iwasn’tsosure,butI
wouldcertainlyhavetotry.
Ahalfhourpassedbefore
theBaronandhistenguests
strolledoutfromthehouse,
stoppingeverysooftento
admiretheviewofthe
hillsidefromdifferentangles.
Whenthey’dboardedthe
boat,theBaronguidedusinto
themiddleofthepondwitha
pole.Mamehamadetea,andI
deliveredthebowlstoeachof
theguests.
Afterward,wetookastroll
throughthegardenwiththe
men,andsooncametoa
woodenplatformsuspended
abovethewater,where
severalmaidsinidentical
kimonowerearranging
cushionsforthementositon,
andleavingvialsofwarm
sakeontrays.Imadeapoint
ofkneelingbesideDr.Crab,
andwasjusttryingtothinkof
somethingtosaywhen,tomy
surprise,theDoctorturnedto
mefirst.
“Hasthelacerationonyour
thighhealedsatisfactorily?”
heasked.
Thiswasduringthemonth
ofMarch,youmust
understand,andI’dcutmy
legwaybackinNovember.
Inthemonthsbetween,I’d
seenDr.Crabmoretimes
thanIcouldcount;soIhave
noideawhyhewaiteduntil
thatmomenttoaskmeabout
it,andinfrontofsomany
people.Fortunately,Ididn’t
thinkanyonehadheard,soI
keptmyvoicelowwhenI
answered.
“Thankyousomuch,
Doctor.Withyourhelpithas
healedcompletely.”
“Ihopetheinjuryhasn’t
lefttoomuchofascar,”he
said.
“Oh,no,justatinybump,
really.”
Imighthaveendedthe
conversationrightthereby
pouringhimmoresake,
perhaps,orchangingthe
subject;butIhappenedto
noticethathewasstroking
oneofhisthumbswiththe
fingersofhisotherhand.The
Doctorwasthesortofman
whoneverwastedasingle
movement.Ifhewasstroking
histhumbinthiswaywhile
thinkingaboutmyleg...
well,Idecideditwouldbe
foolishformetochangethe
subject.
“Itisn’tmuchofascar,”I
wenton.“Sometimeswhen
I’minthebath,Irubmy
fingeracrossit,and...it’s
justatinyridge,really.About
likethis.”
Irubbedoneofmy
knuckleswithmyindex
fingerandhelditoutforthe
Doctortodothesame.He
broughthishandup;butthen
hehesitated.Isawhiseyes
jumptowardmine.Ina
momenthedrewhishand
backandfelthisownknuckle
instead.
“Acutofthatsortshould
havehealedsmoothly,”he
toldme.
“Perhapsitisn’tasbigas
I’vesaid.Afterall,mylegis
very...well,sensitive,you
see.Evenjustadropofrain
fallingontoitisenoughto
makemeshudder!”
I’mnotgoingtopretend
anyofthismadesense.A
bumpwouldn’tseembigger
justbecausemylegwas
sensitive;andanyway,when
wasthelasttimeI’dfelta
dropofrainonmybareleg?
ButnowthatIunderstood
whyDr.Crabwasreally
interestedinme,IsupposeI
washalf-disgustedandhalffascinatedasItriedto
imaginewhatwasgoingonin
hismind.Inanycase,the
Doctorclearedhisthroatand
leanedtowardme.
“And...haveyoubeen
practicing?”
“Practicing?”
“Yousustainedtheinjury
whenyoulostyourbalance
whileyouwere...well,you
seewhatImean.Youdon’t
wantthattohappenagain.So
Iexpectyou’vebeen
practicing.Buthowdoesone
practicesuchathing?”
Afterthis,heleanedback
andclosedhiseyes.Itwas
cleartomeheexpectedto
hearananswerlongerthan
simplyawordortwo.
“Well,you’llthinkmevery
silly,buteverynight...”I
began;andthenIhadtothink
foramoment.Thesilence
draggedon,buttheDoctor
neveropenedhiseyes.He
seemedtomelikeababybird
justwaitingforthemother’s
beak.“Everynight,”Iwent
on,“justbeforeIstepintothe
bath,Ipracticebalancingina
varietyofpositions.
SometimesIhavetoshiver
fromthecoldairagainstmy
bareskin;butIspendfiveor
tenminutesthatway.”
TheDoctorclearedhis
throat,whichItookasagood
sign.
“FirstItrybalancingon
onefoot,andthentheother.
Butthetroubleis...”
Upuntilthispoint,the
Baron,ontheoppositesideof
theplatformfromme,had
beentalkingwithhisother
guests;butnowheendedhis
story.ThenextwordsIspoke
wereasclearasifI’dstoodat
apodiumandannounced
them.
“...whenIdon’thaveany
clothingon—”
Iclappedahandovermy
mouth,butbeforeIcould
thinkofwhattodo,theBaron
spokeup.“Mygoodness!”he
said.“Whateveryoutwoare
talkingaboutoverthere,it
certainlysoundsmore
interestingthanwhatwe’ve
beensaying!”
Themenlaughedwhen
theyheardthis.Afterwardthe
Doctorwaskindenoughto
offeranexplanation.
“Sayuri-sancametome
latelastyearwithaleg
injury,”hesaid.“She
sustaineditwhenshefell.As
aresult,Isuggestedshework
atimprovingherbalance.”
“She’sbeenworkingatit
veryhard,”Mamehaadded.
“Thoserobesaremore
awkwardthantheylook.”
“Let’shavehertakethem
off,then!”saidoneofthe
men—thoughofcourse,it
wasonlyajoke,and
everyonelaughed.
“Yes,Iagree!”theBaron
said.“Ineverunderstandwhy
womenbotherwearing
kimonointhefirstplace.
Nothingisasbeautifulasa
womanwithoutanitemof
clothingonherbody.”
“Thatisn’ttruewhenthe
kimonohasbeenmadebymy
goodfriendArashino,”Nobu
said.
“NotevenArashino’s
kimonoareaslovelyaswhat
theycoverup,”theBaron
said,andtriedtoputhissake
cupontotheplatform,though
itendedupspilling.He
wasn’tdrunk,exactly—
thoughhewascertainlymuch
furtheralonginhisdrinking
thanI’deverimaginedhim.
“Don’tmisunderstandme,”
hewenton.“Ithink
Arashino’srobesarelovely.
Otherwisehewouldn’tbe
sittingherebesideme,now
wouldhe?Butifyouaskme
whetherI’dratherlookata
kimonooranakedwoman..
.well!”
“Noone’sasking,”said
Nobu.“Imyselfaminterested
tohearwhatsortofwork
Arashinohasbeenupto
lately.”
ButArashinodidn’thavea
chancetoanswer;becausethe
Baron,whowastakingalast
slurpofsake,nearlychoked
inhishurrytointerrupt.
“Mmm...justaminute,”
hesaid.“Isn’tittruethat
everymanonthisearthlikes
toseeanakedwoman?I
mean,isthatwhatyou’re
saying,Nobu,thatthenaked
femaleformdoesn’tinterest
you?”
“Thatisn’twhatI’m
saying,”Nobusaid.“What
I’msayingis,Ithinkit’stime
forustohearfromArashino
exactlywhatsortofwork
he’sbeenuptolately.”
“Oh,yes,I’mcertainly
interestedtoo,”theBaron
said.“Butyouknow,Ido
finditfascinatingthatno
matterhowdifferentwemen
mayseem,underneathitall
we’reexactlythesame.You
can’tpretendyou’reaboveit,
Nobu-san.Weknowthe
truth,don’twe?Thereisn’ta
manherewhowouldn’tpay
quiteabitofmoneyjustfor
thechancetowatchSayuri
takeabath.Eh?That’sa
particularfantasyofmine,I’ll
admit.Nowcomeon!Don’t
pretendyoudon’tfeelthe
samewayIdo.”
“PoorSayuriisonlyan
apprentice,”saidMameha.
“Perhapsweoughttospare
herthisconversation.”
“Certainlynot!”theBaron
answered.“Thesoonershe
seestheworldasitreallyis,
thebetter.Plentyofmenact
asiftheydon’tchasewomen
justforthechancetoget
underneathallthoserobes,
butyoulistentome,Sayuri;
there’sonlyonekindofman!
Andwhilewe’reonthis
subject,here’ssomethingfor
youtokeepinmind:Every
manseatedherehasatsome
pointthisafternoonthought
ofhowmuchhewouldenjoy
seeingyounaked.Whatdo
youthinkofthat?”
Iwassittingwithmyhands
inmylap,gazingdownatthe
woodenplatformandtrying
toseemdemure.Ihadto
respondinsomewaytowhat
theBaronhadsaid,
particularlysinceeveryone
elsewascompletelysilent;
butbeforeIcouldthinkof
whattosay,Nobudid
somethingverykind.Heput
hissakecupdownontothe
platformandstoodupto
excusehimself.
“I’msorry,Baron,butI
don’tknowthewaytothe
toilet,”hesaid.Ofcourse,
thiswasmycuetoescort
him.
Ididn’tknowthewayto
thetoiletanybetterthan
Nobu;butIwasn’tgoingto
misstheopportunityto
removemyselffromthe
gathering.AsIrosetomy
feet,amaidofferedtoshow
metheway,andledme
aroundthepond,withNobu
followingalongbehind.
Inthehouse,wewalked
downalonghallwayofblond
woodwithwindowsonone
side.Ontheotherside,
brilliantlylitinthesunshine,
stooddisplaycaseswithglass
tops.Iwasabouttolead
Nobudowntotheend,buthe
stoppedatacasecontaininga
collectionofantiqueswords.
Heseemedtobelookingat
thedisplay,butmostlyhe
drummedthefingersofhis
onehandontheglassand
blewairouthisnoseagain
andagain,forhewasstill
veryangry.Ifelttroubledby
whathadhappenedaswell.
ButIwasalsogratefultohim
forrescuingme,andIwasn’t
surehowtoexpressthis.At
thenextcase—adisplayof
tinynetsukefigurescarvedin
ivory—Iaskedhimifheliked
antiques.
“AntiquesliketheBaron,
youmean?Certainlynot.”
TheBaronwasn’ta
particularlyoldman—much
youngerthanNobu,infact.
ButIknewwhathemeant;he
thoughtoftheBaronasa
relicofthefeudalage.
“I’msosorry,”Isaid,“I
wasthinkingoftheantiques
hereinthecase.”
“WhenIlookattheswords
overthere,theymakeme
thinkoftheBaron.WhenI
lookatthenetsukehere,they
makemethinkoftheBaron.
He’sbeenasupporterofour
company,andIowehima
greatdebt.ButIdon’tliketo
wastemytimethinkingabout
himwhenIdon’thaveto.
Doesthatansweryour
question?”
Ibowedtohiminreply,
andhestrodeoffdownthe
hallwaytothetoilet,so
quicklythatIcouldn’treach
thedoorfirsttoopenitfor
him.
Later,whenwereturnedto
thewater’sedge,Iwas
pleasedtoseethattheparty
wasbeginningtobreakup.
Onlyafewofthemenwould
remainfordinner.Mameha
andIusheredtheothersup
thepathtothemaingate,
wheretheirdriverswere
waitingforthemontheside
street.Webowedfarewellto
thelastman,andIturnedto
findoneoftheBaron’s
servantsreadytoshowusinto
thehouse.
***
MamehaandIspentthe
nexthourintheservants’
quarters,eatingalovely
dinnerthatincludedtaino
usugiri—paper-thinslicesof
seabream,fannedoutona
leaf-shapedceramicplateand
servedwithponzusauce.I
wouldcertainlyhaveenjoyed
myselfifMamehahadn’t
beensomoody.Sheateonly
afewbitesofherseabream
andsatstaringoutthe
windowatthedusk.
Somethingabouther
expressionmademethinkshe
wouldhavelikedtogoback
downtothepondandsit,
bitingherlip,perhaps,and
peeringinangeratthe
darkeningsky.
WerejoinedtheBaronand
hisguestsalreadypartway
throughtheirdinner,inwhat
theBaroncalledthe“small
banquetroom.”Actually,the
smallbanquetroomcould
haveaccommodatedprobably
twentyortwenty-fivepeople;
andnowthatthepartyhad
shrunkinsize,onlyMr.
Arashino,Nobu,andDr.Crab
remained.Whenweentered,
theywereeatingincomplete
silence.TheBaronwasso
drunkhiseyesseemedto
slosharoundintheirsockets.
JustasMamehawas
beginningaconversation,Dr.
Crabstrokedanapkindown
hismustachetwiceandthen
excusedhimselftousethe
toilet.Iledhimtothesame
hallwayNobuandIhad
visitedearlier.Nowthat
eveninghadcome,Icould
hardlyseetheobjectsbecause
ofoverheadlightsreflectedin
theglassofthedisplaycases.
ButDr.Crabstoppedatthe
casecontainingtheswords
andmovedhisheadaround
untilhecouldseethem.
“Youcertainlyknowyour
wayaroundtheBaron’s
house,”hesaid.
“Oh,no,sir,I’mquitelost
insuchagrandplace.The
onlyreasonIcanfindmy
wayisbecauseIledNobusanalongthishallway
earlier.”
“I’msureherushedright
through,”theDoctorsaid.“A
manlikeNobuhasapoor
sensibilityforappreciating
theitemsinthesecases.”
Ididn’tknowwhattosay
tothis,buttheDoctorlooked
atmepointedly.
“Youhaven’tseenmuchof
theworld,”hewenton,“but
intimeyou’lllearntobe
carefulofanyonewiththe
arrogancetoacceptan
invitationfromamanlikethe
Baron,andthenspeaktohim
rudelyinhisownhouse,as
Nobudidthisafternoon.”
Ibowedatthis,andwhenit
wasclearthatDr.Crabhad
nothingfurthertosay,led
himdownthehallwaytothe
toilet.
Bythetimewereturnedto
thesmallbanquetroom,the
menhadfalleninto
conversation,thankstothe
quietskillsofMameha,who
nowsatinthebackground
pouringsake.Sheoftensaid
theroleofageishawas
sometimesjusttostirthe
soup.Ifyou’veevernoticed
thewaymisosettlesintoa
cloudatthebottomofthe
bowlbutmixesquicklywith
afewwhisksofthe
chopsticks,thisiswhatshe
meant.
Soontheconversation
turnedtothesubjectof
kimono,andweallproceeded
downstairstotheBaron’s
undergroundmuseum.Along
thewallswerehugepanels
thatopenedtorevealkimono
suspendedonslidingrods.
TheBaronsatonastoolin
themiddleoftheroomwith
hiselbowsonhisknees—
bleary-eyedstill—anddidn’t
speakawordwhileMameha
guidedusthroughthe
collection.Themost
spectacularrobe,weall
agreed,wasonedesignedto
mimicthelandscapeofthe
cityofKobe,whichislocated
onthesideofasteephill
fallingawaytotheocean.
Thedesignbeganatthe
shoulderswithblueskyand
clouds;thekneesrepresented
thehillside;belowthat,the
gownsweptbackintoalong
trainshowingtheblue-green
oftheseadottedwith
beautifulgoldwavesandtiny
ships.
“Mameha,”theBaronsaid,
“Ithinkyououghttowear
thatonetomyblossomviewingpartyinHakonenext
week.Thatwouldbequite
something,wouldn’tit?”
“I’dcertainlyliketo,”
Mamehareplied.“ButasI
mentionedtheotherday,I’m
afraidIwon’tbeableto
attendthepartythisyear.”
IcouldseethattheBaron
wasdispleased,forhis
eyebrowscloseddownlike
twowindowsbeingshut.
“Whatdoyoumean?Who
hasbookedanengagement
withyouthatyoucan’t
break?”
“I’dlikenothingmorethan
tobethere,Baron.Butjust
thisoneyear,I’mafraidit
won’tbepossible.Ihavea
medicalappointmentthat
conflictswiththeparty.”
“Amedicalappointment?
Whatonearthdoesthat
mean?Thesedoctorscan
changetimesaround.Change
ittomorrow,andbeatmy
partynextweekjustlikeyou
alwaysare.”
“Idoapologize,”Mameha
said,“butwiththeBaron’s
consent,Ischeduleda
medicalappointmentsome
weeksagoandwon’tbeable
tochangeit.”
“Idon’trecallgivingyou
anyconsent!Anyway,it’snot
asifyouneedtohavean
abortion,orsomesuchthing.
..”
Along,embarrassed
silencefollowed.Mameha
onlyadjustedhersleeves
whiletherestofusstoodso
quietlythattheonlysound
wasMr.Arashino’swheezy
breathing.Inoticedthat
Nobu,who’dbeenpayingno
attention,turnedtoobserve
theBaron’sreaction.
“Well,”theBaronsaidat
last.“IsupposeI’dforgotten,
nowthatyoumentionit...
Wecertainlycan’thaveany
littlebaronsrunningaround,
nowcanwe?Butreally,
Mameha,Idon’tseewhyyou
couldn’thaveremindedme
aboutthisinprivate...”
“Iamsorry,Baron.”
“Anyway,ifyoucan’t
cometoHakone,well,you
can’t!Butwhatabouttherest
ofyou?It’salovelyparty,at
myestateinHakonenext
weekend.Youmustallcome!
Idoiteveryyearattheheight
ofthecherryblossoms.”
TheDoctorandArashino
werebothunabletoattend.
Nobudidn’treply;butwhen
theBaronpressedhim,he
said,“Baron,youdon’t
honestlythinkI’dgoallthe
waytoHakonetolookat
cherryblossoms.”
“Oh,theblossomsarejust
anexcusetohaveaparty,”
saidtheBaron.“Anyway,it
doesn’tmatter.We’llhave
thatChairmanofyours.He
comeseveryyear.”
Iwassurprisedtofeel
flusteredatthementionofthe
Chairman,forI’dbeen
thinkingofhimonandoff
throughouttheafternoon.I
feltforamomentasifmy
secrethadbeenexposed.
“Ittroublesmethatnoneof
youwillcome,”theBaron
wenton.“Wewerehaving
suchaniceeveninguntil
Mamehastartedtalkingabout
thingssheoughttohavekept
private.Well,Mameha,I
havetheproperpunishment
foryou.You’renolonger
invitedtomypartythisyear.
What’smore,Iwantyouto
sendSayuriinyourplace.”
IthoughttheBaronwas
makingajoke;butImust
confess,Ithoughtatonce
howlovelyitwouldbeto
strollwiththeChairman
throughthegroundsofa
magnificentestate,without
NobuorDr.Crab,oreven
Mamehanearby.
“It’safineidea,Baron,”
saidMameha,“butsadly,
Sayuriisbusywith
rehearsals.”
“Nonsense,”saidthe
Baron.“Iexpecttoseeher
there.Whydoyouhaveto
defymeeverysingletimeI
asksomethingofyou?”
Hereallydidlookangry;
andunfortunately,becausehe
wassodrunk,agooddealof
salivacamespillingoutofhis
mouth.Hetriedtowipeit
awaywiththebackofhis
hand,butendedupsmearing
itintothelongblackhairsof
hisbeard.
“Isn’tthereonethingIcan
askofyouthatyouwon’t
disregard?”hewenton.“I
wanttoseeSayuriinHakone.
Youcouldjustreply,‘Yes,
Baron,’andbedonewithit.”
“Yes,Baron.”
“Fine,”saidtheBaron.He
leanedbackonhisstool
again,andtooka
handkerchieffromhispocket
towipehisfaceclean.
Iwasverysorryfor
Mameha.Butitwouldbean
understatementtosayIfelt
excitedattheprospectof
attendingtheBaron’sparty.
EverytimeIthoughtofitin
therickshawbacktoGion,I
thinkmyearsturnedred.I
wasterriblyafraidMameha
wouldnotice,butshejust
staredouttotheside,and
neverspokeaworduntilthe
endofourride,whenshe
turnedtomeandsaid,
“Sayuri,youmustbevery
carefulinHakone.”
“Yes,ma’am,Iwill,”I
replied.
“Keepinmindthatan
apprenticeonthepointof
havinghermizuageislikea
mealservedonthetable.No
manwillwishtoeatit,ifhe
hearsasuggestionthatsome
othermanhastakenabite.”
Icouldn’tquitelookherin
theeyeaftershesaidthis.I
knewperfectlywellshewas
talkingabouttheBaron.
ChapterTwenty-Two
AtthistimeinmylifeI
didn’tevenknowwhere
Hakonewas—thoughIsoon
learnedthatitwasineastern
Japan,quitesomedistance
fromKyoto.ButIhadamost
agreeablefeelingof
importancetherestofthat
week,remindingmyselfthat
amanasprominentasthe
Baronhadinvitedmeto
travelfromKyototoattenda
party.Infact,Ihadtrouble
keepingmyexcitementfrom
showingwhenatlastItook
myseatinalovelysecondclasscompartment—withMr.
Itchoda,Mameha’sdresser,
seatedontheaisleto
discourageanyonefrom
tryingtotalkwithme.I
pretendedtopassthetimeby
readingamagazine,butin
factIwasonlyturningthe
pages,forIwasoccupied
insteadwithwatchingoutof
thecornerofmyeyeas
peoplewhopasseddownthe
aisleslowedtolookatme.I
foundmyselfenjoyingthe
attention;butwhenwe
reachedShizuokashortly
afternoonandIstood
awaitingthetraintoHakone,
allatonceIcouldfeel
somethingunpleasantwelling
upinsideme.I’dspentthe
daykeepingitveiledfrommy
awareness,butnowIsawin
mymindmuchtooclearlythe
imageofmyselfatanother
time,standingonanother
platform,takinganothertrain
trip—thisonewithMr.
Bekku—onthedaymysister
andIweretakenfromour
home.I’mashamedtoadmit
howhardI’dworkedoverthe
yearstokeepfromthinking
aboutSatsu,andmyfather
andmother,andourtipsy
houseontheseacliffs.I’d
beenlikeachildwithmy
headinabag.AllI’dseen
dayafterdaywasGion,so
muchsothatI’dcometo
thinkGionwaseverything,
andthattheonlythingthat
matteredintheworldwas
Gion.ButnowthatIwas
outsideKyoto,Icouldsee
thatformostpeoplelifehad
nothingtodowithGionat
all;andofcourse,Icouldn’t
stopfromthinkingofthe
otherlifeI’donceled.Grief
isamostpeculiarthing;
we’resohelplessintheface
ofit.It’slikeawindowthat
willsimplyopenofitsown
accord.Theroomgrowscold,
andwecandonothingbut
shiver.Butitopensalittle
lesseachtime,andalittle
less;andonedaywewonder
whathasbecomeofit.
Latethefollowingmorning
Iwaspickedupatthelittle
innoverlookingMountFuji,
andtakenbyoneofthe
Baron’smotorcarstohis
summerhouseamidlovely
woodsattheedgeofalake.
Whenwepulledintoa
circulardriveandIstepped
outwearingthefullregaliaof
anapprenticegeishafrom
Kyoto,manyoftheBaron’s
gueststurnedtostareatme.
AmongthemIspotteda
numberofwomen,somein
kimonoandsomeinWesternstyledresses.LaterIcameto
realizetheyweremostly
Tokyogeisha—forwewere
onlyafewhoursfromTokyo
bytrain.ThentheBaron
himselfappeared,stridingup
apathfromthewoodswith
severalothermen.
“Now,thisiswhatwe’ve
allbeenwaitingfor!”hesaid.
“ThislovelythingisSayuri
fromGion,whowillprobably
onedaybe‘thegreatSayuri
fromGion.’You’llneversee
eyeslikehersagain,Ican
assureyou.Andjustwait
untilyouseethewayshe
moves...Iinvitedyouhere,
Sayuri,soallthemencould
haveachancetolookatyou;
soyouhaveanimportantjob.
Youmustwanderallaround
—insidethehouse,downby
thelake,allthroughthe
woods,everywhere!Nowgo
alongandgetworking!”
Ibegantowanderaround
theestateastheBaronhad
asked,pastthecherrytrees
heavywiththeirblossoms,
bowinghereandtheretothe
guestsandtryingnottoseem
tooobviousaboutlooking
aroundfortheChairman.I
madelittleheadway,because
everyfewstepssomemanor
otherwouldstopmeandsay
somethinglike,“Myheavens!
Anapprenticegeishafrom
Kyoto!”Andthenhewould
takeouthiscameraandhave
someonesnapapictureofus
standingtogether,orelse
walkmealongthelaketothe
littlemoon-viewingpavilion,
orwherever,sohisfriends
couldhavealookatme—just
ashemighthavedonewith
someprehistoriccreature
he’dcapturedinanet.
Mamehahadwarnedmethat
everyonewouldbefascinated
withmyappearance;because
there’snothingquitelikean
apprenticegeishafromGion.
It’struethatinthebetter
geishadistrictsofTokyo,
suchasShimbashiand
Akasaka,agirlmustmaster
theartsifsheexpectstomake
herdebut.Butmanyofthe
Tokyogeishaatthattime
wereverymodernintheir
sensibilities,whichiswhy
somewerewalkingaround
theBaron’sestatein
Western-styleclothing.
TheBaron’spartyseemed
togoonandon.By
midafternoonI’dpractically
givenupanyhopeoffinding
theChairman.Iwentintothe
housetolookforaplaceto
rest,buttheverymomentI
steppedupintotheentrance
hall,Ifeltmyselfgonumb.
Therehewas,emergingfrom
atatamiroominconversation
withanotherman.Theysaid
good-byetoeachother,and
thentheChairmanturnedto
me.
“Sayuri!”hesaid.“Now
howdidtheBaronlureyou
hereallthewayfromKyoto?
Ididn’tevenrealizeyouwere
acquaintedwithhim.”
IknewIoughttotakemy
eyesofftheChairman,butit
waslikepullingnailsfrom
thewall.WhenIfinally
managedtodoit,Igavehim
abowandsaid:
“Mameha-sansentmein
herplace.I’msopleasedto
havethehonorofseeingthe
Chairman.”
“Yes,andI’mpleasedto
seeyoutoo;youcangiveme
youropinionabout
something.Comehavealook
atthepresentI’vebroughtfor
theBaron.I’mtemptedto
leavewithoutgivingitto
him.”
Ifollowedhimintoa
tatamiroom,feelinglikea
kitepulledbyastring.HereI
wasinHakonesofarfrom
anythingI’deverknown,
spendingafewmomentswith
themanI’dthoughtabout
moreconstantlythananyone,
anditamazedmetothinkof
it.Whilehewalkedaheadof
meIhadtoadmirehowhe
movedsoeasilywithinhis
tailoredwoolsuit.Icould
makeouttheswellofhis
calves,andeventhehollow
ofhisbacklikeacleftwhere
therootsofatreedivide.He
tooksomethingfromthetable
andhelditoutformetosee.
AtfirstIthoughtitwasan
ornamentedblockofgold,but
itturnedouttobeanantique
cosmeticsboxfortheBaron.
Thisone,astheChairman
toldme,wasbyanEdo
periodartistnamedArata
Gonroku.Itwasapillowshapedboxingoldlacquer,
withsoftblackimagesof
flyingcranesandleaping
rabbits.Whenheputitinto
myhands,itwassodazzlingI
hadtoholdmybreathasI
lookedatit.
“DoyouthinktheBaron
willbepleased?”hesaid.“I
founditlastweekand
thoughtofhimatonce,but
—”
“Chairman,howcanyou
evenimaginethattheBaron
mightnotfeelpleased?”
“Oh,thatmanhas
collectionsofeverything.
He’llprobablyseethisas
third-rate.”
IassuredtheChairmanthat
noonecouldeverthinksuch
athing;andwhenIgavehim
backthebox,hetieditupina
silkclothagainandnodded
towardthedoorformeto
follow.IntheentrywayI
helpedhimwithhisshoes.
WhileIguidedhisfootwith
myfingertips,Ifoundmyself
imaginingthatwe’dspentthe
afternoontogetherandthata
longeveninglayaheadofus.
Thisthoughttransportedme
intosuchastate,Idon’tknow
howmuchtimepassedbefore
Ibecameawareofmyself
again.TheChairmanshowed
nosignsofimpatience,butI
feltterriblyself-consciousas
Itriedtoslipmyfeetintomy
okoboandendeduptaking
muchlongerthanIshould
have.
Heledmedownapath
towardthelake,wherewe
foundtheBaronsittingona
matbeneathacherrytree
withthreeTokyogeisha.
Theyallrosetotheirfeet,
thoughtheBaronhadabitof
trouble.Hisfacehadred
splotchesalloveritfrom
drink,sothatitlookedasif
someonehadswattedhim
againandagainwithastick.
“Chairman!”theBaron
said.“I’msohappyyoucame
tomyparty.Ialwaysenjoy
havingyouhere,doyou
knowthat?Thatcorporation
ofyoursjustwon’tstop
growing,willit?DidSayuri
tellyouNobucametomy
partyinKyotolastweek?”
“Iheardallaboutitfrom
Nobu,whoI’msurewashis
usualself.”
“Hecertainlywas,”said
theBaron.“Apeculiarlittle
man,isn’the?”
Idon’tknowwhatthe
Baronwasthinking,forhe
himselfwaslittlerthanNobu.
TheChairmandidn’tseemto
likethiscomment,and
narrowedhiseyes.
“Imeantosay,”theBaron
began,buttheChairmancut
himoff.
“Ihavecometothankyou
andsaygood-bye,butfirstI
havesomethingtogiveyou.”
Andherehehandedoverthe
cosmeticsbox.TheBaron
wastoodrunktountiethe
silkclotharoundit,buthe
gaveittooneofthegeisha,
whodiditforhim.
“Whatabeautifulthing!”
theBaronsaid.“Doesn’t
everybodythinkso?Lookat
it.Why,itmightbeeven
lovelierthantheexquisite
creaturestandingbesideyou,
Chairman.Doyouknow
Sayuri?Ifnot,letme
introduceyou.”
“Oh,we’rewell
acquainted,SayuriandI,”the
Chairmansaid.
“Howwellacquainted,
Chairman?Enoughformeto
envyyou?”TheBaron
laughedathisownjoke,but
nooneelsedid.“Anyway,
thisgenerousgiftremindsme
thatIhavesomethingforyou,
Sayuri.ButIcan’tgiveitto
youuntiltheseothergeisha
havedeparted,because
they’llstartwantingone
themselves.Soyou’llhaveto
stayarounduntileveryone
hasgonehome.”
“TheBaronistookind,”I
said,“butreally,Idon’twish
tomakeanuisanceof
myself.”
“Iseeyou’velearneda
gooddealfromMameha
abouthowtosaynoto
everything.Justmeetmein
thefrontentrancehallafter
myguestshaveleft.You’ll
persuadeherforme,
Chairman,whileshewalks
youtoyourcar.”
IftheBaronhadn’tbeenso
drunk,I’msureitwouldhave
occurredtohimtowalkthe
Chairmanouthimself.But
thetwomensaidgood-bye,
andIfollowedtheChairman
backtothehouse.Whilehis
driverheldthedoorforhim,I
bowedandthankedhimfor
allhiskindness.Hewas
abouttogetintothecar,but
hestopped.
“Sayuri,”hebegan,and
thenseemeduncertainhowto
proceed.“WhathasMameha
toldyouabouttheBaron?”
“Notverymuch,sir.Orat
least...well,I’mnotsure
whattheChairmanmeans.”
“IsMamehaagoodolder
sistertoyou?Doesshetell
youthethingsyouneedto
know?”
“Oh,yes,Chairman.
Mamehahashelpedmemore
thanIcansay.”
“Well,”hesaid,“I’dwatch
out,ifIwereyou,whena
manliketheBarondecideshe
hassomethingtogiveyou.”
Icouldn’tthinkofhowto
respondtothis,soIsaid
somethingabouttheBaron
beingkindtohavethoughtof
meatall.
“Yes,verykind,I’msure.
Justtakecareofyourself,”he
said,lookingatmeintently
foramoment,andthen
gettingintohiscar.
Ispentthenexthour
strollingamongthefew
remainingguests,
rememberingagainand
againallthethingsthe
Chairmanhadsaidtome
duringourencounter.
Ratherthanfeeling
concernedaboutthe
warninghehadgiven
me,Ifeltelatedthathe
hadspokenwithmefor
solong.Infact,Ihadno
spaceinmymindatall
tothinkaboutmy
meetingwiththeBaron,
untilatlastIfound
myselfstandingalonein
theentrancehallinthe
fadingafternoonlight.I
tookthelibertyofgoing
tokneelinanearby
tatamiroom,whereI
gazedoutatthegrounds
throughaplate-glass
window.
Tenorfifteenminutes
passed;finallytheBaron
camestridingintothe
entrancehall.Ifeltmyselfgo
sickwithworrythemomentI
sawhim,forheworenothing
butacottondressingrobe.He
hadatowelinonehand,
whichherubbedagainstthe
longblackhairsonhisface
thatweresupposedtobea
beard.Clearlyhe’djust
steppedoutofthebath.I
stoodandbowedtohim.
“Sayuri,doyouknowwhat
afoolIam!”hesaidtome.
“I’vehadtoomuchtodrink.”
Thatpartwascertainlytrue.
“Iforgotyouwerewaitingfor
me!Ihopeyou’llforgiveme
whenyouseewhatI’veput
asideforyou.”
TheBaronwalkeddown
thehallwaytowardthe
interiorofthehouse,
expectingmetofollowhim.
ButIremainedwhereIwas,
thinkingofwhatMamehahad
saidtome,thatanapprentice
onthepointofhavingher
mizuagewaslikeameal
servedonthetable.
TheBaronstopped.“Come
along!”hesaidtome.
“Oh,Baron.Ireally
mustn’t.Pleasepermitmeto
waithere.”
“IhavesomethingI’dlike
togiveyou.Justcomeback
intomyquartersandsit
down,anddon’tbeasilly
girl.”
“Why,Baron,”Isaid,“I
can’thelpbutbeasillygirl;
forthat’swhatIam!”
“Tomorrowyou’llbeback
underthewatchfuleyesof
Mameha,eh?Butthere’sno
onewatchingyouhere.”
IfI’dhadtheleastcommon
senseatthatmoment,Iwould
havethankedtheBaronfor
invitingmetohislovelyparty
andtoldhimhowmuchI
regrettedhavingtoimposeon
himfortheuseofhis
motorcartotakemebackto
theinn.Buteverythinghad
suchadreamlikequality...I
supposeI’dgoneintoastate
ofshock.AllIknewfor
certainwashowafraidIfelt.
“Comebackwithmewhile
Idress,”saidtheBaron.“Did
youdrinkmuchsakethis
afternoon?”
Alongmomentpassed.I
wasveryawarethatmyface
feltasthoughithadno
expressiononitatall,but
simplyhungfrommyhead.
“No,sir,”Imanagedtosay
atlast.
“Idon’tsupposeyou
wouldhave.I’llgiveyouas
muchasyoulike.Come
along.”
“Baron,”Isaid,“please,
I’mquitesureI’mexpected
backattheinn.”
“Expected?Whois
expectingyou?”
Ididn’tanswerthis.
“Isaid,whoisexpecting
you?Idon’tseewhyyou
havetobehavethisway.I
havesomethingtogiveyou.
WouldyouratherIwentand
fetchedit?”
“I’mverysorry,”Isaid.
TheBaronjuststaredat
me.“Waithere,”hesaidat
last,andwalkedbackintothe
interiorofthehouse.Ashort
timelaterheemergedholding
somethingflat,wrappedin
linenpaper.Ididn’thaveto
lookcloselytoknowitwasa
kimono.
“Nowthen,”hesaidtome,
“sinceyouinsistonbeinga
sillygirl,I’vegoneand
fetchedyourpresent.Does
thismakeyoufeelbetter?”
ItoldtheBaronIwassorry
onceagain.
“Isawhowmuchyou
admiredthisrobetheother
day.I’dlikeyoutohaveit,”
hesaid.
TheBaronsetthepackage
downonthetableanduntied
thestringstoopenit.I
thoughtthekimonowouldbe
theoneshowingalandscape
ofKobe;andtotellthetruth,
IfeltasworriedasIdid
hopeful,forIhadnoidea
whatI’ddowithsucha
magnificentthing,orhowI
wouldexplaintoMameha
thattheBaronhadgivenitto
me.ButwhatIsawinstead,
whentheBaronopenedthe
wrapping,wasamagnificent
darkfabricwithlacquered
threadsandembroideryin
silver.Hetooktherobeout
andhelditupbythe
shoulders.Itwasakimono
thatbelongedinamuseum—
madeinthe1860s,asthe
Barontoldme,fortheniece
oftheverylastshogun,
TokugawaYoshinobu.The
designontherobewasof
silverbirdsflyingagainsta
nightsky,withamysterious
landscapeofdarktreesand
rocksrisingupfromthehem.
“Youmustcomebackwith
meandtryiton,”hesaid.
“Nowdon’tbeasillygirl!I
haveagreatdealof
experiencetyinganobiwith
myownhands.We’llputyou
backintoyourkimonosothat
noonewilleverknow.”
Iwouldgladlyhave
exchangedtherobetheBaron
wasofferingmeforsome
wayoutofthesituation.But
hewasamanwithsomuch
authoritythatevenMameha
couldn’tdisobeyhim.Ifshe
hadnowayofrefusinghis
wishes,howcouldI?Icould
sensethathewaslosing
patience;heavenknowshe’d
certainlybeenkindinthe
monthssinceI’dmademy
debut,permittingmetoattend
tohimwhileheatelunchand
allowingMamehatobring
metothepartyathisKyoto
estate.Andherehewasbeing
kindonceagain,offeringme
astunningkimono.
IsupposeIfinallycameto
theconclusionthatIhadno
choicebuttoobeyhimand
paytheconsequences,
whatevertheymightbe.I
loweredmyeyestothemats
inshame;andinthissame
dreamlikestateI’dbeen
feelingallalong,Ibecame
awareoftheBarontakingmy
handandguidingmethrough
thecorridorstowardtheback
ofhishouse.Aservant
steppedintothehallwayat
onepoint,butbowedand
wentbackthemomenthe
caughtsightofus.TheBaron
neverspokeaword,butled
mealonguntilwecametoa
spacioustatamiroom,lined
alongonewallwithmirrors.
Itwashisdressingroom.
Alongtheoppositewallwere
closetswithalltheirdoors
closed.
Myhandstrembledwith
fear,butiftheBaronnoticed
hemadenocomment.He
stoodmebeforethemirrors
andraisedmyhandtohis
lips;Ithoughthewasgoing
tokissit,butheonlyheldthe
backofmyhandagainstthe
bristlesonhisfaceanddid
somethingIfoundpeculiar;
hedrewmysleeveabovemy
wristandtookinthescentof
myskin.Hisbeardtickledmy
arm,butsomehowIdidn’t
feelit.Ididn’tseemtofeel
anythingatall;itwasasifI
wereburiedbeneathlayersof
fear,andconfusion,and
dread...AndthentheBaron
wokemefrommyshockby
steppingbehindmeand
reachingaroundmychestto
untiemyobijime.Thiswas
thecordthatheldmyobiin
place.
Iexperiencedamomentof
panicnowthatIknewthe
Baronreallyintendedto
undressme.Itriedsaying
something,butmymouth
movedsoclumsilyIcouldn’t
controlit;andanyway,the
Barononlymadenoisesto
shushme.Ikepttryingto
stophimwithmyhands,but
hepushedthemawayand
finallysucceededinremoving
myobijime.Afterthishe
steppedbackandstruggleda
longwhilewiththeknotof
theobibetweenmy
shoulderblades.Ipleaded
withhimnottotakeitoff—
thoughmythroatwassodry
thatseveraltimeswhenItried
tospeak,nothingcameout—
buthedidn’tlistentomeand
soonbegantounwindthe
broadobi,wrappingand
unwrappinghisarmsaround
mywaist.Isawthe
Chairman’shandkerchief
dislodgeitselffromthefabric
andfluttertotheground.Ina
momenttheBaronlettheobi
fallinapiletothefloor,and
thenunfastenedthedatejime
—thewaistbandunderneath.I
feltthesickeningsensationof
mykimonoreleasingitself
fromaroundmywaist.I
clutcheditshutwithmy
arms,buttheBaronpulled
themapart.Icouldnolonger
beartowatchinthemirror.
ThelastthingIrecallasI
closedmyeyeswastheheavy
robebeingliftedfromaround
myshoulderswitharustleof
fabric.
TheBaronseemedtohave
accomplishedwhathe’dset
outtodo;oratleast,hewent
nofurtherforthemoment.I
felthishandsatmywaist,
caressingthefabricofmy
underrobe.WhenatlastI
openedmyeyesagain,he
stoodbehindmestill,taking
inthescentofmyhairand
myneck.Hiseyeswerefixed
onthemirror—fixed,it
seemedtome,onthe
waistbandthatheldmy
underrobeshut.Everytime
hisfingersmoved,Itried
withthepowerofmymindto
keepthemaway,butalltoo
soontheybegancreepinglike
spidersacrossmybelly,and
inanothermomenthad
tangledthemselvesinmy
waistbandandbeguntopull.
Itriedtostophimseveral
times,buttheBaronpushed
myhandsawayashe’ddone
earlier.Finallythewaistband
cameundone;theBaronletit
slipfromhisfingersandfall
tothefloor.Mylegswere
trembling,andtheroomwas
nothingmorethanablurto
meashetooktheseamsof
myunderrobeinhishands
andstartedtodrawthem
open.Icouldn’tstopmyself
fromgrabbingathishands
onceagain.
“Don’tbesoworried,
Sayuri!”theBaronwhispered
tome.“Forheaven’ssake,
I’mnotgoingtodoanything
toyouIshouldn’tdo.Ionly
wanttohavealook,don’t
youunderstand?There’s
nothingwronginthat.Any
manwoulddothesame.”
Ashinybristlefromhis
facetickledagainstmyearas
hesaidthis,sothatIhadto
turnmyheadtooneside.I
thinkhemusthave
interpretedthisasakindof
consent,becausenowhis
handsbegantomovewith
moreurgency.Hepulledmy
robeopen.Ifelthisfingerson
myribs,almostticklingmeas
hestruggledtountiethe
stringsholdingmykimono
undershirtclosed.Amoment
laterhe’dsucceeded.I
couldn’tbearthethoughtof
whattheBaronmightsee;so
evenwhileIkeptmyface
turnedaway,Istrainedmy
eyestolookinthemirror.My
kimonoundershirthungopen,
exposingalongstripofskin
downthecenterofmychest.
BynowtheBaron’shands
hadmovedtomyhips,where
theywerebusywithmy
koshimaki.Earlierthatday,
whenIhadwrappedthe
koshimakiseveraltimes
aroundme,I’dtuckeditmore
tightlyatthewaistthanI
probablyneededto.The
Baronwashavingtrouble
findingtheseam,butafter
severaltugsheloosenedthe
fabric,sothatwithonelong
pullhewasabletodrawthe
entirelengthofitoutfrom
beneathmyunderrobe.Asthe
silkslidagainstmyskin,I
heardanoisecomingoutof
mythroat,somethinglikea
sob.Myhandsgrabbedfor
thekoshimaki,buttheBaron
pulleditfrommyreachand
droppedittothefloor.Then
asslowlyasamanmightpeel
thecoverfromasleeping
child,hedrewopenmy
underrobeinalongbreathless
gesture,asthoughhewere
unveilingsomething
magnificent.Ifeltaburning
inmythroatthattoldmeI
wasonthepointofcrying;
butIcouldn’tbearthe
thoughtthattheBaronwould
seemynakednessandalso
seemecry.Iheldmytears
backsomehow,atthevery
edgeofmyvision,and
watchedthemirrorsointently
thatforalongmomentIfelt
asthoughtimehadstopped.
I’dcertainlyneverseen
myselfsoutterlynaked
before.ItwastruethatIstill
worebuttonedsocksonmy
feet;butIfeltmoreexposed
nowwiththeseamsofmy
robeheldwideapartthanI’d
everfelteveninabathhouse
whilecompletelyunclothed.I
watchedtheBaron’seyes
lingerhereandthereonmy
reflectioninthemirror.First
hedrewtherobestillfarther
opentotakeintheoutlineof
mywaist.Thenhelowered
hiseyestothedarknessthat
hadbloomedonmeinthe
yearssinceI’dcometo
Kyoto.Hiseyesremained
therealongwhile;butat
lengththeyroseupslowly,
passingovermystomach,
alongmyribs,tothetwo
plum-coloredcircles—first
ononeside,andthenonthe
other.NowtheBarontook
awayoneofhishands,sothat
myunderrobesettledagainst
meonthatside.Whathedid
withhishandIcan’tsay,but
Ineversawitagain.Atone
pointIfeltamomentofpanic
whenIsawanakedshoulder
protrudingfromhisbathrobe.
Idon’tknowwhathewas
doing—andeventhoughI
couldprobablymakean
accurateguessaboutitnow,I
muchprefernottothink
aboutit.AllIknowisthatI
becameveryawareofhis
breathwarmingmyneck.
Afterthat,Isawnothing
more.Themirrorbecamea
blurofsilver;Iwasnolonger
abletoholdbackmytears.
Atacertainpointthe
Baron’sbreathingslowed
again.Myskinwashotand
quitedampfromfear,sothat
whenhereleasedmyrobeat
lastandletitfall,Ifeltthe
puffofairagainstmyside
almostasabreeze.SoonI
wasaloneintheroom;the
Baronhadwalkedout
withoutmyevenrealizingit.
Nowthathewasgone,I
rushedtodressmyselfwith
suchdesperationthatwhileI
kneltonthefloortogatherup
myundergarments,Ikept
seeinginmymindanimage
ofastarvingchildgrabbingat
scrapsoffood.
IdressedagainasbestI
could,withmyhands
trembling.ButuntilIhad
help,Icouldgonofurther
thantoclosemyunderrobe
andsecureitwiththe
waistband.Iwaitedinfront
ofthemirror,lookingwith
someconcernatthesmeared
makeuponmyface.Iwas
preparedtowaitthereafull
hourifIhadto.Butonlya
fewminutespassedbefore
theBaroncamebackwiththe
sashofhisbathrobetight
aroundhisplumpbelly.He
helpedmeintomykimono
withoutaword,andsecured
itwithmydatejimejustas
Mr.Itchodawouldhavedone.
Whilehewasholdingmy
great,longobiinhisarms,
measuringitoutinloopsas
hepreparedtotieitaround
me,Ibegantofeelaterrible
feeling.Icouldn’tmakesense
ofitatfirst;butitseepedits
waythroughmejustasa
stainseepsacrosscloth,and
soonIunderstood.Itwasthe
feelingthatI’ddone
somethingterriblywrong.I
didn’twanttocryinfrontof
theBaron,butIcouldn’thelp
it—andanyway,hehadn’t
lookedmeintheeyesince
comingbackintotheroom.I
triedtoimagineIwassimply
ahousestandingintherain
withthewaterwashingdown
thefrontofme.ButtheBaron
musthaveseen,forheleftthe
roomandcamebacka
momentlaterwitha
handkerchiefbearinghis
monogram.Heinstructedme
tokeepit,butafterIusedit,I
leftitthereonatable.
Soonheledmetothefront
ofthehouseandwentaway
withoutspeakingaword.In
timeaservantcame,holding
theantiquekimonowrapped
onceagaininlinenpaper.He
presentedittomewithabow
andthenescortedmetothe
Baron’smotorcar.Icried
quietlyinthebackseatonthe
waytotheinn,butthedriver
pretendedtotakenonotice.I
wasnolongercryingabout
whathadhappenedtome.
Somethingmuchmore
frightfulwasonmymind—
namely,whatwouldhappen
whenMr.Itchodasawmy
smearedmakeup,andthen
helpedmeundressandsaw
thepoorlytiedknotinmy
obi,andthenopenedthe
packageandsawthe
expensivegiftI’dreceived.
BeforeleavingthecarI
wipedmyfacewiththe
Chairman’shandkerchief,but
itdidmelittlegood.Mr.
Itchodatookonelookatme
andthenscratchedhischinas
thoughheunderstood
everythingthathadhappened.
Whilehewasuntyingmyobi
intheroomupstairs,hesaid:
“DidtheBaronundress
you?”
“I’msorry,”Isaid.
“Heundressedyouand
lookedatyouinthemirror.
Buthedidn’tenjoyhimself
withyou.Hedidn’ttouch
you,orlieontopofyou,did
he?”
“No,sir.”
“That’sfine,then,”Mr.
Itchodasaid,staringstraight
ahead.Notanotherwordwas
spokenbetweenus.
ChapterTwentyThree
Iwon’tsaymyemotions
hadsettledthemselvesbythe
timethetrainpulledinto
KyotoStationearlythe
followingmorning.Afterall,
whenastoneisdroppedinto
apond,thewatercontinues
quiveringevenafterthestone
hassunktothebottom.But
whenIdescendedthewooden
stairscarryingusfromthe
platform,withMr.Itchoda
onestepbehindme,Icame
uponsuchashockthatfora
timeIforgoteverythingelse.
Thereinaglasscasewas
thenewposterforthat
season’sDancesoftheOld
Capital,andIstoppedtohave
alookatit.Twoweeks
remainedbeforetheevent.
Theposterhadbeen
distributedjusttheprevious
day,probablywhileIwas
strollingaroundtheBaron’s
estatehopingtomeetupwith
theChairman.Thedance
everyyearhasatheme,such
as“ColorsoftheFour
SeasonsinKyoto,”or
“FamousPlaces.”Thisyear
thethemewas“The
GleamingLightofthe
MorningSun.”Theposter,
whichofcoursewasdrawn
byUchidaKosaburo—who’d
creatednearlyeveryposter
since1919—showedan
apprenticegeishainalovely
greenandorangekimono
standingonanarched
woodenbridge.Iwas
exhaustedaftermylongtrip
andhadsleptbadlyonthe
train;soIstoodforawhile
beforetheposterinasortof
daze,takinginthelovely
greensandgoldsofthe
background,beforeIturned
myattentiontothegirlinthe
kimono.Shewasgazing
directlyintothebrightlight
ofthesunrise,andhereyes
wereastartlingblue-gray.I
hadtoputahandonthe
railingtosteadymyself.Iwas
thegirlUchidahaddrawn
thereonthatbridge!
Onthewaybackfromthe
trainstation,Mr.Itchoda
pointedouteveryposterwe
passed,andevenaskedthe
rickshawdrivertogooutof
hiswaysowecouldseean
entirewallofthemontheold
DaimaruDepartmentStore
building.Seeingmyselfall
overthecitythiswaywasn’t
quiteasthrillingasIwould
haveimagined;Ikept
thinkingofthepoorgirlin
theposterstandingbeforea
mirrorasherobiwasuntied
byanolderman.Inanycase,
Iexpectedtohearallsortsof
congratulationsoverthe
courseofthefollowingfew
days,butIsoonlearnedthat
anhonorlikethisonenever
comeswithoutcosts.Ever
sinceMamehahadarranged
formetotakearoleinthe
seasonaldances,I’dheard
anynumberofunpleasant
commentsaboutmyself.
Aftertheposter,thingsonly
grewworse.Thenext
morning,forexample,a
youngapprenticewho’dbeen
friendlytheweekbeforenow
lookedawaywhenIgavea
bowtogreether.
AsforMameha,Iwentto
visitherinherapartment,
whereshewasrecovering,
andfoundthatshewasas
proudasifsheherselfhad
beentheoneintheposter.
Shecertainlywasn’tpleased
thatI’dtakenthetripto
Hakone,butsheseemedas
devotedtomysuccessasever
—strangely,perhapseven
moreso.ForawhileI
worriedshewouldviewmy
horribleencounterwiththe
Baronasabetrayalofher.I
imaginedMr.Itchodamust
havetoldheraboutit...but
ifhedid,sheneverraisedthe
subjectbetweenus.Neither
didI.
***
Twoweekslaterthe
seasonaldancesopened.On
thatfirstdayinthedressing
roomattheKaburenjo
Theater,Ifeltmyselfalmost
overflowingwithexcitement,
forMamehahadtoldmethe
ChairmanandNobuwouldbe
intheaudience.Whileputting
onmymakeup,Ituckedthe
Chairman’shandkerchief
beneathmydressingrobe,
againstmybareskin.Myhair
wasboundcloselytomyhead
withasilkstrip,becauseof
thewigsIwouldbewearing,
andwhenIsawmyselfinthe
mirrorwithoutthefamiliar
frameofhairsurroundingmy
face,Ifoundanglesinmy
cheeksandaroundmyeyes
thatI’dneverbeforeseen.It
mayseemodd,butwhenI
realizedthattheshapeofmy
ownfacewasasurpriseto
me,Ihadthesuddeninsight
thatnothinginlifeiseveras
simpleasweimagine.
AnhourlaterIwas
standingwiththeother
apprenticesinthewingsof
thetheater,readyforthe
openingdance.Wewore
identicalkimonoofyellow
andred,withobisoforange
andgold—sothatwelooked,
eachofus,likeshimmering
imagesofsunlight.Whenthe
musicbegan,withthatfirst
thumpofthedrumsandthe
twangofalltheshamisens,
andwedancedouttogether
likeastringofbeads—our
armsoutstretched,ourfolding
fansopeninourhands—Ihad
neverbeforefeltsomucha
partofsomething.
Aftertheopeningpiece,I
rushedupstairstochangemy
kimono.ThedanceinwhichI
wastoappearasasolo
performerwascalled“The
MorningSunontheWaves,”
aboutamaidenwhotakesa
morningswimintheocean
andfallsinlovewithan
enchanteddolphin.My
costumewasamagnificent
pinkkimonowithawater
designingray,andIheld
bluesilkstripstosymbolize
theripplingwaterbehindme.
Theenchanteddolphinprince
wasplayedbyageisha
namedUmiyo;inaddition,
therewererolesforgeisha
portrayingwind,sunlight,and
spraysofwater—aswellasa
fewapprenticesincharcoal
andbluekimonoatthefar
reachesofthestage,playing
dolphinscallingtheirprince
backtothem.
Mycostumechangewent
soquicklythatIfoundmyself
withafewminutestopeek
outattheaudience.I
followedthesoundof
occasionaldrumbeatstoa
narrow,darkenedhallway
runningbehindoneofthetwo
orchestraboothsatthesides
ofthetheater.Afewother
apprenticesandgeishawere
alreadypeeringoutthrough
carvedslitsinthesliding
doors.Ijoinedthemand
managedtofindthe
ChairmanandNobusitting
together—thoughitseemed
tometheChairmanhadgiven
Nobuthebetterseat.Nobu
waspeeringatthestage
intently,butIwassurprised
toseethattheChairman
seemedtobefallingasleep.
FromthemusicIrealizedthat
itwasthebeginningof
Mameha’sdance,andwentto
theendofthehallwaywhere
theslitsinthedoorsgavea
viewofthestage.
IwatchedMamehano
morethanafewminutes;and
yettheimpressionherdance
madeonmehasneverbeen
erased.Mostdancesofthe
InoueSchooltellastoryof
onekindoranother,andthe
storyofthisdance—called
“ACourtierReturnstoHis
Wife”—wasbasedona
Chinesepoemabouta
courtierwhocarriesonalong
affairwithaladyinthe
Imperialpalace.Onenight
thecourtier’swifehideson
theoutskirtsofthepalaceto
findoutwhereherhusband
hasbeenspendinghistime.
Finally,atdawn,shewatches
fromthebushesasher
husbandtakesleaveofhis
mistress—butbythistime
shehasfallenillfromthe
terriblecoldanddiessoon
afterward.
Forourspringdances,the
storywaschangedtoJapan
insteadofChina;but
otherwise,thetalewasthe
same.Mamehaplayedthe
wifewhodiesofcoldand
heartbreak,whilethegeisha
Kanakoplayedtheroleofher
husband,thecourtier.I
watchedthedancefromthe
momentthecourtierbids
good-byetohismistress.
Alreadythesettingwas
inspiringlybeautiful,withthe
softlightofdawnandthe
slowrhythmoftheshamisen
musiclikeaheartbeatinthe
background.Thecourtier
performedalovelydanceof
thankstohismistressfortheir
nighttogether,andthen
movedtowardthelightof
risingsuntocaptureits
warmthforher.Thiswasthe
momentwhenMamehabegan
todanceherlamentofterrible
sadness,hiddentoonesideof
thestageoutofviewofthe
husbandandmistress.
Whetheritwasthebeautyof
Mameha’sdanceorofthe
story,Icannotsay;butI
foundmyselffeelingsuch
sorrowasIwatchedher,Ifelt
asifImyselfhadbeenthe
victimofthatterrible
betrayal.Attheendofthe
dance,sunlightfilledthe
stage.Mamehacrossedtoa
groveoftreestodanceher
simpledeathscene.Icannot
tellyouwhathappenedafter
that.Iwastooovercometo
watchanyfurther;andinany
case,Ihadtoreturn
backstagetoprepareformy
ownentrance.
WhileIwaitedinthe
wings,Ihadthepeculiar
feelingthattheweightofthe
entirebuildingwaspressing
downonme—becauseof
course,sadnesshasalways
seemedtomeanoddlyheavy
thing.Agooddanceroften
wearsherwhite,buttoned
socksasizetoosmall,soshe
cansensetheseamsinthe
woodenstagewithherfeet.
ButasIstoodtheretryingto
findthestrengthwithin
myselftoperform,Ihadthe
impressionofsomuchweight
uponmethatIfeltnotonly
theseamsinthestage,but
eventhefibersinthesocks
themselves.AtlastIheard
themusicofthedrumsand
shamisen,andthewhisking
noiseoftheclothingasthe
otherdancersmovedquickly
pastmeontothestage;but
it’sveryhardformeto
rememberanything
afterward.I’msureIraised
myarmswithmyfoldingfan
closedandmykneesbent—
forthiswasthepositionin
whichImademyentrance.I
heardnosuggestionafterward
thatI’dmissedmycue,but
allIrememberclearlyis
watchingmyownarmswith
amazementatthesureness
andevennesswithwhichthey
moved.I’dpracticedthis
danceanynumberoftimes;I
supposethatmusthavebeen
enough.Becausealthoughmy
mindhadshutdown
completely,Iperformedmy
rolewithoutanydifficultyor
nervousness.
Ateveryperformancefor
therestofthatmonth,I
preparedformyentrancein
thesameway,by
concentratingon“The
CourtierReturnstoHis
Wife,”untilIcouldfeelthe
sadnesslayingitselfoverme.
Wehumanbeingshavea
remarkablewayofgrowing
accustomedtothings;but
whenIpicturedMameha
dancingherslowlament,
hiddenfromtheeyesofher
husbandandhismistress,I
couldnomorehavestopped
myselffromfeelingthat
sadnessthanyoucouldstop
yourselffromsmellingan
applethathasbeencutopen
onthetablebeforeyou.
***
Onedayinthefinalweek
ofperformances,Mameha
andIstayedlateinthe
dressingroom,talkingwith
anothergeisha.Whenweleft
thetheaterweexpectedto
findnooneoutside—and
indeedthecrowdhadgone.
Butaswereachedthestreet,
adriverinuniformstepped
outofacarandopenedthe
reardoor.MamehaandI
wereonthepointofwalking
rightpastwhenNobu
emerged.
“Why,Nobu-san,”
Mamehasaid,“Iwas
beginningtoworrythatyou
nolongercaredforSayuri’s
company!Everydaythispast
month,we’vehopedtohear
somethingfromyou...”
“Whoareyoutocomplain
aboutbeingkeptwaiting?
I’vebeenoutsidethistheater
nearlyanhour.”
“Haveyoujustcomefrom
seeingthedancesagain?”
Mamehasaid.“Sayuriisquite
astar.”
“Ihaven’tjustcomefrom
anything,”Nobusaid.“I’ve
comefromthedancesafull
hourago.Enoughtimehas
passedformetomakea
phonecallandsendmydriver
downtowntopicksomething
upforme.”
Nobubangedonthe
windowofthecarwithhis
onehand,andstartledthe
poordriversobadlyhiscap
felloff.Thedriverrolled
downthewindowandgave
Nobuatinyshoppingbagin
theWesternstyle,madeof
whatlookedlikesilverfoil.
Nobuturnedtome,andI
gavehimadeepbowandtold
himhowhappyIwastosee
him.
“You’reaverytalented
dancer,Sayuri.Idon’tgive
giftsfornoreason,”hesaid,
thoughIdon’tthinkthiswas
inanywaytrue.“Probably
that’swhyMamehaand
othersinGiondon’tlikeme
asmuchasothermen.”
“Nobu-san!”saidMameha.
“Whohaseversuggested
suchathing?”
“Iknowperfectlywell
whatyougeishalike.Solong
asamangivesyoupresents
you’llputupwithanysortof
nonsense.”
Nobuheldoutthesmall
packageinhishandformeto
take.
“Why,Nobu-san,”Isaid,
“whatnonsenseisitthatyou
areaskingmetoputup
with?”Imeantthisasajoke,
ofcourse;butNobudidn’t
seeitthatway.
“Haven’tIjustsaidI’mnot
likeothermen?”hegrowled.
“Whydon’tyougeishaever
believeanythingtoldtoyou?
Ifyouwantthispackage,
you’dbettertakeitbeforeI
changemymind.”
IthankedNobuand
acceptedthepackage,andhe
bangedonthewindowofthe
caronceagain.Thedriver
jumpedouttoholdthedoor
forhim.
Weboweduntilthecarhad
turnedthecornerandthen
Mamehaledmebackintothe
gardenoftheKaburenjo
Theater,wherewetookaseat
onastonebenchoverlooking
thecarppondandpeeredinto
thebagNobuhadgivenme.
Itcontainedonlyatinybox,
wrappedingold-colored
paperembossedwiththe
nameofafamousjewelry
storeandtiedwithared
ribbon.Iopenedittofinda
simplejewel,arubyasbigas
apeachpit.Itwaslikeagiant
dropofbloodsparklinginthe
sunlightoverthepond.When
Iturneditinmyfingers,the
glimmerjumpedfromone
facetoanother.Icouldfeel
eachofthejumpsinmy
chest.
“Icanseehowthrilledyou
are,”Mamehasaid,“andI’m
veryhappyforyou.Butdon’t
enjoyittoomuch.You’ll
haveotherjewelsinyourlife,
Sayuri—plentyofthem,I
shouldthink.Butyou’llnever
havethisopportunityagain.
Takethisrubybacktoyour
okiya,andgiveittoMother.”
Toseethisbeautifuljewel,
andthelightthatseepedout
ofitpaintingmyhandpink,
andtothinkofMotherwith
hersicklyyelloweyesand
theirmeat-coloredrims...
well,itseemedtomethat
givingthisjeweltoherwould
belikedressingupabadger
insilk.Butofcourse,Ihadto
obeyMameha.
“Whenyougiveittoher,”
shewenton,“youmustbe
especiallysweetandsay,
‘Mother,Ireallyhaveno
needforajewellikethisand
wouldbehonoredifyou’d
acceptit.I’vecausedyouso
muchtroubleovertheyears.’
Butdon’tsaymore,orshe’ll
thinkyou’rebeingsarcastic.”
WhenIsatinmyroom
later,grindinganinkstickto
writeanoteofthanksto
Nobu,mymoodgrewdarker
anddarker.IfMameha
herselfhadaskedmeforthe
ruby,Icouldhavegivenitto
hercheerfully...buttogive
ittoMother!I’dgrownfond
ofNobu,andwassorrythat
hisexpensivegiftwouldgoto
suchawoman.Iknew
perfectlywellthatiftheruby
hadbeenfromtheChairman,
Icouldn’thavegivenitupat
all.Inanycase,Ifinishedthe
noteandwenttoMother’s
roomtospeakwithher.She
wassittinginthedimlight,
pettingherdogandsmoking.
“Whatdoyouwant?”she
saidtome.“I’mabouttosend
forapotoftea.”
“I’msorrytodisturbyou,
Mother.Thisafternoonwhen
MamehaandIleftthetheater,
PresidentNobuToshikazu
waswaitingforme—”
“WaitingforMameha-san,
youmean.”
“Idon’tknow,Mother.But
hegavemeagift.It’sa
lovelything,butIhaveno
useforit.”
IwantedtosaythatI
wouldbehonoredifshe
wouldtakeit,butMother
wasn’tlisteningtome.She
putherpipedownontothe
tableandtooktheboxfrom
myhandbeforeIcouldeven
offerittoher.Itriedagainto
explainthings,butMother
justturnedovertheboxto
dumptherubyintoheroily
fingers.
“Whatisthis?”sheasked.
“It’sthegiftPresident
Nobugaveme.Nobu
Toshikazu,ofIwamura
Electric,Imean.”
“Don’tyouthinkIknow
whoNobuToshikazuis?”
Shegotupfromthetable
towalkovertothewindow,
wheresheslidbackthepaper
screenandheldtherubyinto
thestreamoflate-afternoon
sunlight.Shewasdoingwhat
Ihaddoneonthestreet,
turningthegemaroundand
watchingthesparklemove
fromfacetoface.Finallyshe
closedthescreenagainand
cameback.
“Youmusthave
misunderstood.Didheask
youtogiveittoMameha?”
“Well,Mamehawaswith
meatthetime.”
IcouldseethatMother’s
mindwaslikeanintersection
withtoomuchtrafficinit.
Sheputtherubyontothe
tableandbegantopuffonher
pipe.Isaweverycloudof
smokeasalittleconfused
thoughtreleasedintotheair.
Finallyshesaidtome,“So,
NobuToshikazuhasan
interestinyou,doeshe?”
“I’vebeenhonoredbyhis
attentionforsometimenow.”
Atthis,sheputthepipe
downontothetable,asifto
saythattheconversationwas
abouttogrowmuchmore
serious.“Ihaven’twatched
youascloselyasIshould
have,”shesaid.“Ifyou’ve
hadanyboyfriends,nowis
thetimetotellme.”
“I’veneverhadasingle
boyfriend,Mother.”
Idon’tknowwhethershe
believedwhatI’dsaidornot,
butshedismissedmejustthe
same.Ihadn’tyetofferedher
therubytokeep,asMameha
hadinstructedmetodo.Iwas
tryingtothinkofhowtoraise
thesubject.ButwhenI
glancedatthetablewherethe
gemlayonitsside,shemust
havethoughtIwantedtoask
foritback.Ihadnotimeto
sayanythingfurtherbefore
shereachedoutand
swalloweditupinherhand.
***
Finallyithappened,one
afternoononlyafewdays
later.Mamehacametothe
okiyaandtookmeintothe
receptionroomtotellmethat
thebiddingformymizuage
hadbegun.She’dreceiveda
messagefromthemistressof
theIchirikithatverymorning.
“Icouldn’tbemore
disappointedatthetiming,”
Mamehasaid,“becauseI
havetoleaveforTokyothis
afternoon.Butyouwon’t
needme.You’llknowifthe
biddinggoeshigh,because
thingswillstarttohappen.”
“Idon’tunderstand,”I
said.“Whatsortsofthings?”
“Allsortsofthings,”she
said,andthenleftwithout
eventakingacupoftea.
Shewasgonethreedays.
Atfirstmyheartracedevery
timeIheardoneofthemaids
approaching.Buttwodays
passedwithoutanynews.
Thenonthethirdday,Auntie
cametomeinthehallwayto
saythatMotherwantedme
upstairs.
I’djustputmyfootonto
thefirststepwhenIhearda
doorslideopen,andallat
oncePumpkincamerushing
down.Shecamelikewater
pouredfromabucket,sofast
herfeetscarcelytouchedthe
steps,andmidwaydownshe
twistedherfingeronthe
banister.Itmusthavehurt,
becausesheletoutacryand
stoppedatthebottomtohold
it.
“WhereisHatsumomo?”
shesaid,clearlyinpain.“I
havetofindher!”
“Itlookstomeasifyou’ve
hurtyourselfbadlyenough,”
Auntiesaid.“Youhavetogo
findHatsumomososhecan
hurtyoumore?”
Pumpkinlookedterribly
upset,andnotonlyabouther
finger;butwhenIaskedher
whatwasthematter,shejust
rushedtotheentrywayand
left.
Motherwassittingatthe
tablewhenIenteredher
room.Shebegantopackher
pipewithtobacco,butsoon
thoughtbetterofitandputit
away.Ontopoftheshelves
holdingtheaccountbooks
stoodabeautifulEuropeanstyleclockinaglasscase.
Motherlookedatiteveryso
often,butafewlongminutes
passedandstillshesaid
nothingtome.FinallyIspoke
up.“I’msorrytodisturbyou,
Mother,butIwastoldyou
wantedtoseeme.”
“Thedoctorislate,”she
said.“We’llwaitforhim.”
Iimaginedshewas
referringtoDr.Crab,thathe
wascomingtotheokiyato
talkaboutarrangementsfor
mymizuage.Ihadn’t
expectedsuchathingand
begantofeelatinglinginmy
belly.Motherpassedthetime
bypattingTaku,whoquickly
grewtiredofherattentions
andmadelittlegrowling
noises.
AtlengthIheardthemaids
greetingsomeoneinthefront
entrancehallbelow,and
Motherwentdownthestairs.
Whenshecamebackafew
minuteslatershewasn’t
escortingDr.Crabatall,but
amuchyoungermanwith
smoothsilverhair,carryinga
leatherbag.
“Thisisthegirl,”Mother
saidtohim.
Ibowedtotheyoung
doctor,whobowedbackto
me.
“Ma’am,”hesaidto
Mother,“whereshallwe...
?”
Mothertoldhimtheroom
wewereinwouldbefine.
Thewaysheclosedthedoor,
Iknewsomethingunpleasant
wasabouttohappen.She
beganbyuntyingmyobiand
foldingitonthetable.Then
sheslippedthekimonofrom
myshouldersandhungitona
standinthecorner.Istoodin
myyellowunderrobeas
calmlyasIknewhow,butin
amomentMotherbeganto
untiethewaistbandthatheld
myunderrobeshut.Icouldn’t
quitestopmyselffrom
puttingmyarmsinherway—
thoughshepushedthemaside
justastheBaronhaddone,
whichgavemeasickfeeling.
Aftershe’dremovedthe
waistband,shereachedinside
andpulledoutmykoshimaki
—onceagain,justasithad
happenedinHakone.Ididn’t
likethisabit,butinsteadof
pullingopenmyrobeasthe
Baronhad,sherefoldedit
aroundmeandtoldmetolie
downonthemats.
Thedoctorkneltatmyfeet
and,afterapologizing,peeled
openmyunderrobetoexpose
mylegs.Mamehahadtold
mealittleaboutmizuage,but
itseemedtomeIwasabout
tolearnmore.Hadthe
biddingended,andthisyoung
doctoremergedthewinner?
WhataboutDr.Craband
Nobu?Itevencrossedmy
mindthatMothermightbe
intentionallysabotaging
Mameha’splans.Theyoung
doctoradjustedmylegsand
reachedbetweenthemwith
hishand,whichIhadnoticed
wassmoothandgracefullike
theChairman’s.Ifeltso
humiliatedandexposedthatI
hadtocovermyface.I
wantedtodrawmylegs
together,butIwasafraid
anythingthatmadehistask
moredifficultwouldonly
prolongtheencounter.SoI
laywithmyeyespinched
shut,holdingmybreath.Ifelt
aslittleTakumusthavefelt
thetimehechokedona
needle,andAuntieheldhis
jawsopenwhileMotherput
herfingersdownhisthroat.
AtonepointIthinkthe
doctorhadbothofhishands
betweenmylegs;butatlast
hetookthemaway,and
foldedmyrobeshut.WhenI
openedmyeyes,Isawhim
wipinghishandsonacloth.
“Thegirlisintact,”hesaid.
“Well,that’sfinenews!”
Motherreplied.“Andwill
therebemuchblood?”
“Thereshouldn’tbeany
bloodatall.Ionlyexamined
hervisually.”
“No,Imeanduring
mizuage.”
“Icouldn’tsay.Theusual
amount,Ishouldexpect.”
Whentheyoungsilverhaireddoctorhadtakenhis
leave,Motherhelpedme
dressandinstructedmetosit
atthetable.Thenwithoutany
warning,shegrabbedmy
earlobeandpulleditsohardI
criedout.Sheheldmelike
that,withmyheadcloseto
hers,whileshesaid:
“You’reaveryexpensive
commodity,littlegirl.I
underestimatedyou.I’m
luckynothinghashappened.
ButyoumaybeverysureI’m
goingtowatchyoumore
closelyinthefuture.Whata
manwantsfromyou,aman
willpaydearlytoget.Doyou
followme?”
“Yes,ma’am!”Isaid.Of
course,Iwouldhavesaidyes
toanything,consideringhow
hardshewaspullingonmy
ear.
“Ifyougiveamanfreely
whatheoughttopayfor,
you’llbecheatingthisokiya.
You’llowemoney,andI’ll
takeitfromyou.AndI’mnot
justtalkingaboutthis!”Here
Mothermadeagruesome
noisewithherfreehand—
rubbingherfingersagainst
herpalmtomakeasquishing
sound.
“Menwillpayforthat,”
shewenton.“Butthey’llpay
justtochatwithyoutoo.IfI
findyousneakingofftomeet
aman,evenifit’sjustfora
littletalk...”Andhereshe
finishedherthoughtby
givinganothersharptugon
myearlobebeforelettingit
go.
Ihadtoworkhardtocatch
mybreath.WhenIfeltI
couldspeakagain,Isaid,
“Mother...I’vedone
nothingtomakeyouangry!”
“Notyet,youhaven’t.If
you’reasensiblegirl,you
neverwill.”
Itriedtoexcusemyself,
butMothertoldmetostay.
Shetappedoutherpipe,even
thoughitwasempty;and
whenshe’dfilleditandlitit,
shesaid,“I’vecometoa
decision.Yourstatusherein
theokiyaisabouttochange.”
Iwasalarmedbythisand
begantosaysomething,but
Motherstoppedme.
“YouandIwillperforma
ceremonynextweek.After
that,you’llbemydaughter
justasifyou’dbeenbornto
me.I’vecometothedecision
toadoptyou.Oneday,the
okiyawillbeyours.”
Icouldn’tthinkofwhatto
say,andIdon’tremember
muchofwhathappenednext.
Motherwentontalking,
tellingmethatasthedaughter
oftheokiyaIwouldatsome
pointmoveintothelarger
roomoccupiedby
HatsumomoandPumpkin,
whotogetherwouldsharethe
smallerroomwhereI’dlived
uptonow.Iwaslistening
withonlyhalfmymind,until
Ibeganslowlytorealizethat
asMother’sdaughter,Iwould
nolongerhavetostruggle
underHatsumomo’styranny.
ThishadbeenMameha’splan
allalong,andyetI’dnever
reallybelieveditwould
happen.Motherwenton
lecturingme.Ilookedather
droopinglipandheryellowed
eyes.Shemayhavebeena
hatefulwoman,butasthe
daughterofthishateful
woman,Iwouldbeupona
shelfoutofHatsumomo’s
reach.
Inthemidstofallofthis,
thedoorslidopen,and
Hatsumomoherselfstood
thereinthehallway.
“Whatdoyouwant?”
Mothersaid.“I’mbusy.”
“Getout,”shesaidtome.
“IwanttotalkwithMother.”
“Ifyouwanttotalkwith
me,”Mothersaid,“youmay
askSayuriifshe’llbekind
enoughtoleave.”
“Bekindenoughtoleave,
Sayuri,”Hatsumomosaid
sarcastically.
Andthenforthefirsttime
inmylife,Ispokebacktoher
withoutthefearthatshe
wouldpunishmeforit.
“I’llleaveifMotherwants
meto,”Itoldher.
“Mother,wouldyoube
kindenoughtomakeLittle
MissStupidleaveusalone?”
Hatsumomosaid.
“Stopmakinganuisanceof
yourself!”Mothertoldher.
“Comeinandtellmewhat
youwant.”
Hatsumomodidn’tlike
this,butshecameandsatat
thetableanyway.Shewas
midwaybetweenMotherand
me,butstillsoclosethatI
couldsmellherperfume.
“PoorPumpkinhasjust
comerunningtome,very
upset,”shebegan.“I
promisedherI’dspeakwith
you.Shetoldmesomething
verystrange.Shesaid,‘Oh,
Hatsumomo!Motherhas
changedhermind!’ButItold
herIdoubteditwastrue.”
“Idon’tknowwhatshe
wasreferringto.Icertainly
haven’tchangedmymind
aboutanythingrecently.”
“That’sjustwhatIsaidto
her,thatyouwouldnevergo
backonyourword.ButI’m
sureshe’dfeelbetter,Mother,
ifyoutoldheryourself.”
“Toldherwhat?”
“Thatyouhaven’tchanged
yourmindaboutadopting
her.”
“Whatevergaveherthat
idea?Ineverhadtheleast
intentionofadoptingherin
thefirstplace.”
Itgavemeaterriblepainto
hearthis,forIcouldn’thelp
thinkingofhowPumpkinhad
rusheddownthestairs
lookingsoupset...andno
wonder,fornoonecouldsay
anymorewhatwouldbecome
ofherinlife.Hatsumomohad
beenwearingthatsmilethat
madeherlooklikean
expensivepieceofporcelain,
butMother’swordsstruck
herlikerocks.Shelookedat
mewithhatred.
“Soit’strue!You’re
planningtoadopther.Don’t
youremember,Mother,when
yousaidyouweregoingto
adoptPumpkin?Youasked
metotellherthenews!”
“Whatyoumayhavesaid
toPumpkinisnoneofmy
concern.Besides,youhaven’t
handledPumpkin’s
apprenticeshipaswellasI
expected.Shewasdoingwell
foratime,butlately...”
“Youpromised,Mother,”
Hatsumomosaidinatone
thatfrightenedme.
“Don’tberidiculous!You
knowI’vehadmyeyeon
Sayuriforyears.Whywould
Iturnaroundandadopt
Pumpkin?”
Iknewperfectlywell
Motherwaslying.Nowshe
wentsofarastoturntome
andsaythis:
“Sayuri-san,whenwasthe
firsttimeIraisedthesubject
ofadoptingyou?Ayearago,
perhaps?”
Ifyou’veeverseena
mothercatteachingitsyoung
tohunt—thewayshetakesa
helplessmouseandripsit
apart—well,Ifeltasthough
Motherwasofferingmethe
chancetolearnhowIcould
bejustlikeher.AllIhadto
dowaslieassheliedandsay,
“Oh,yes,Mother,you
mentionedthesubjecttome
manytimes!”Thiswouldbe
myfirststepinbecominga
yellow-eyedoldwoman
myselfoneday,livingina
gloomyroomwithmy
accountbooks.Icouldno
moretakeMother’ssidethan
Hatsumomo’s.Ikeptmyeyes
tothematssoIwouldn’t
havetoseeeitherofthem,
andsaidthatIdidn’t
remember.
Hatsumomo’sfacewas
splotchedredfromanger.She
gotupandwalkedtothe
door,butMotherstoppedher.
“Sayuriwillbemy
daughterinoneweek,”she
said.“Betweennowandthen,
youmustlearnhowtotreat
herwithrespect.Whenyou
godownstairs,askoneofthe
maidstobringteaforSayuri
andme.”
Hatsumomogavealittle
bow,andthenshewasgone.
“Mother,”Isaid,“I’mvery
sorrytohavebeenthecause
ofsomuchtrouble.I’msure
Hatsumomoisquitewrong
aboutanyplansyoumay
havemadeforPumpkin,but.
..mayIask?Wouldn’titbe
possibletoadoptboth
Pumpkinandme?”
“Oh,soyouknow
somethingaboutbusiness
now,doyou?”shereplied.
“Youwanttotrytellingme
howtoruntheokiya?”
Afewminuteslater,a
maidarrivedbearingatray
withapotofteaandacup—
nottwocups,butonlya
singleone.Motherdidn’t
seemtocare.Ipouredhercup
fullandshedrankfromit,
staringatmewithherredrimmedeyes.
ChapterTwentyFour
WhenMamehareturnedto
townthefollowingdayand
learnedthatMotherhad
decidedtoadoptme,she
didn’tseemaspleasedasI
wouldhaveexpected.She
noddedandlookedsatisfied,
tobesure;butshedidn’t
smile.Iaskedifthingshadn’t
turnedoutexactlyasshe’d
hoped.
“Oh,no,thebidding
betweenDr.CrabandNobu
wentjustasI’dhoped,”she
toldme,“andthefinalfigure
wasaconsiderablesum.The
momentIfoundout,Iknew
Mrs.Nittawouldcertainly
adoptyou.Icouldn’tbemore
pleased!”
Thisiswhatshesaid.But
thetruth,asIcameto
understandinstagesoverthe
followingyears,was
somethingquitedifferent.For
onething,thebiddinghadn’t
beenacontestbetweenDr.
CrabandNobuatall.Ithad
endedupacontestbetween
Dr.CrabandtheBaron.I
can’timaginehowMameha
musthavefeltaboutthis;but
I’msureitaccountsforwhy
shewassuddenlysocoldto
meforashorttime,andwhy
shekepttoherselfthestory
ofwhathadreallyhappened.
Idon’tmeantosuggest
thatNobuwasnever
involved.Hedidbidquite
aggressivelyformymizuage,
butonlyduringthefirstfew
days,untilthefigurepassed
¥8000.Whenheendedup
droppingout,itprobably
wasn’tbecausethebidding
hadgonetoohigh.Mameha
knewfromthebeginningthat
Nobucouldbidagainst
anyone,ifhewantedto.The
trouble,whichMameha
hadn’tanticipated,wasthat
Nobuhadnomorethana
vagueinterestinmymizuage.
Onlyacertainkindofman
spendshistimeandmoney
chasingaftermizuage,andit
turnedoutthatNobuwasn’t
oneofthem.Somemonths
earlier,asyoumay
remember,Mamehahad
suggestedthatnomanwould
cultivatearelationshipwitha
fifteen-year-oldapprentice
unlesshewasinterestedin
hermizuage.Thiswasduring
thesamediscussionwhenshe
toldme,“Youcanbetitisn’t
yourconversationhe’s
attractedto.”Shemayhave
beenrightaboutmy
conversation,Idon’tknow;
butwhateverattractedNobu
tome,itwasn’tmymizuage
either.
AsforDr.Crab,hewasa
manwhowouldprobably
havechosensuicidetheoldfashionedwaybefore
allowingsomeonelikeNobu
totakeamizuageawayfrom
him.Ofcoursehewasn’t
reallybiddingagainstNobu
afterthefirstfewdays,buthe
didn’tknowthat,andthe
mistressoftheIchirikimade
uphermindnottotellhim.
Shewantedthepricetogoas
highasitcould.Sowhenshe
spoketohimonthetelephone
shesaidthingslike,“Oh,
Doctor,I’vejustreceived
wordfromOsaka,andan
offerhascomeinforfive
thousandyen.”Sheprobably
hadreceivedwordfrom
Osaka—thoughitmighthave
beenfromhersister,because
themistressneverlikedtotell
outrightlies.Butwhenshe
mentionedOsakaandanoffer
inthesamebreath,naturally
Dr.Crabassumedtheoffer
wasfromNobu,eventhough
itwasactuallyfromthe
Baron.
AsfortheBaron,heknew
perfectlywellhisadversary
wastheDoctor,buthedidn’t
care.Hewantedthemizuage
forhimselfandpoutedlikea
littleboywhenhebeganto
thinkhemightnotwinit.
Sometimelaterageishatold
meaboutaconversation
she’dhadwithhimaround
thistime.“Doyouhearwhat
hasbeenhappening?”the
Baronsaidtoher.“I’mtrying
toarrangeamizuage,buta
certainannoyingdoctorkeeps
gettinginmyway.Onlyone
mancanbetheexplorerofan
undiscoveredregion,andI
wanttobethatman!But
whatamItodo?Thisfoolish
doctordoesn’tseemto
understandthatthenumbers
hethrowsaboutrepresentreal
money!”
Asthebiddingwenthigher
andhigher,theBaronbegan
totalkaboutdroppingout.
Butthefigurehadalready
comesoclosetoanewrecord
thatthemistressofthe
Ichirikimadeuphermindto
pushthingsstillhigherby
misleadingtheBaron,justas
she’dmisledtheDoctor.On
thetelephoneshetoldhim
thatthe“othergentleman”
hadmadeaveryhighbid,and
thenadded,“However,many
peoplebelievehe’sthesortof
gentlemanwhowillgono
higher.”I’msuretheremay
havebeenpeoplewho
believedsuchathingabout
theDoctor,butthemistress
herselfwasn’toneofthem.
Sheknewthatwhenthe
Baronmadehislastbid,
whateveritwas,theDoctor
wouldtopit.
Intheend,Dr.Crabagreed
topay¥11,500formy
mizuage.Uptothattime,this
wasthehighesteverpaidfor
amizuageinGion,and
possiblyinanyofthegeisha
districtsinJapan.Keepin
mindthatinthosedays,one
hourofageisha’stimecost
about¥4,andanextravagant
kimonomighthavesoldfor
¥1500.Soitmaynotsound
likealot,butit’smuchmore
than,say,alaborermight
haveearnedinayear.
IhavetoconfessIdon’t
knowmuchaboutmoney.
Mostgeishapridethemselves
onnevercarryingcashwith
them,andareaccustomedto
chargingthingswherever
theygo.EvennowinNew
YorkCity,Ilivejustthesame
way.Ishopatstoresthat
knowmebysight,wherethe
clerksarekindenoughto
writedowntheitemsIwant.
Whenthebillcomesatthe
endofthemonth,Ihavea
charmingassistantwhopays
itforme.Soyousee,I
couldn’tpossiblytellyou
howmuchmoneyIspend,or
howmuchmoreabottleof
perfumecoststhana
magazine.SoImaybeoneof
theworstpeopleonearthto
tryexplaininganythingatall
aboutmoney.However,I
wanttopassontoyou
somethingaclosefriendonce
toldme—whoI’msure
knowswhathe’stalking
about,becausehewas
Japan’sDeputyMinisterof
Financeforatimeduringthe
1960s.Cash,hesaid,isoften
worthlessoneyearthanit
wastheyearbefore,and
becauseofthis,Mameha’s
mizuagein1929actuallycost
morethanminein1935,even
thoughminewas¥11,500
whileMameha’swasmore
like¥7000or¥8000.
Ofcourse,noneofthis
matteredbackatthetimemy
mizuagewassold.Asfaras
everyonewasconcernedI
hadsetanewrecord,andit
remaineduntil1951,when
Katsumiyocamealong—who
inmyopinionwasoneofthe
greatestgeishaofthe
twentiethcentury.Still,
accordingtomyfriendthe
DeputyMinisterofFinance,
therealrecordremained
Mameha’suntilthe1960s.
Butwhethertherealrecord
belongedtome,orto
Katsumiyo,ortoMameha—
oreventoMamemitsuback
inthe1890s—youcanwell
imaginethatMother’splump
littlehandsbegantoitch
whensheheardabouta
recordamountofcash.
Itgoeswithoutsayingthat
thisiswhysheadoptedme.
Thefeeformymizuagewas
morethanenoughtorepayall
mydebtstotheokiya.If
Motherhadn’tadoptedme,
someofthatmoneywould
havefallenintomyhands—
andyoucanimaginehow
Motherwouldhavefeltabout
this.WhenIbecamethe
daughteroftheokiya,my
debtsceasedtoexistbecause
theokiyaabsorbedthemall.
Butallofmyprofitswentto
theokiyaaswell,notonly
then,atthetimeofmy
mizuage,butforever
afterward.
Theadoptiontookplace
thefollowingweek.Already
mygivennamehadchanged
toSayuri;nowmyfamily
namechangedaswell.Back
inmytipsyhouseonthesea
cliffs,I’dbeenSakamoto
Chiyo.Nowmynamewas
NittaSayuri.
***
Ofalltheimportant
momentsinthelifeofa
geisha,mizuagecertainly
ranksashighasany.Mine
occurredinearlyJulyof
1935,whenIwasfifteen
yearsold.Itbeganinthe
afternoonwhenDr.Craband
Idranksakeinaceremony
thatboundustogether.The
reasonforthisceremonyis
thateventhoughthemizuage
itselfwouldbeoverwith
quickly,Dr.Crabwould
remainmymizuagepatron
untiltheendofhislife—not
thatitgavehimanyspecial
privileges,youunderstand.
Theceremonywasperformed
attheIchirikiTeahouse,in
thepresenceofMother,
Auntie,andMameha.The
mistressoftheIchiriki
attendedaswell,andMr.
Bekku,mydresser—because
thedresserisalwaysinvolved
inceremoniesofthissort,
representingtheinterestsof
thegeisha.Iwasdressedin
themostformalcostumean
apprenticewears,ablack,
five-crestedrobeandan
underrobeofred,whichisthe
colorofnewbeginnings.
Mamehainstructedmeto
behaveverysternly,as
thoughIhadnosenseof
humoratall.Consideringmy
nervousness,Ifounditeasy
tolooksternasIwalked
downthehallwayofthe
IchirikiTeahouse,withthe
trainofmykimonopooled
aroundmyfeet.
Aftertheceremonyweall
wenttoarestaurantknownas
Kitchofordinner.Thiswasa
solemneventtoo,andIspoke
littleandateevenless.Sitting
thereatdinner,Dr.Crabhad
probablyalreadybegun
thinkingaboutthemoment
thatwouldcomelater,and
yetI’veneverseenaman
wholookedmorebored.I
keptmyeyeslowered
throughoutthemealinthe
interestsofactinginnocent,
buteverytimeIstoleaglance
inhisdirection,Ifoundhim
peeringdownthroughhis
glasseslikeamanata
businessmeeting.
Whendinnerwasover,Mr.
Bekkuescortedmeby
rickshawtoabeautifulinnon
thegroundsoftheNanzen-ji
Temple.He’dalreadyvisited
thereearlierinthedayto
arrangemyclothinginan
adjoiningroom.Hehelped
meoutofmykimonoand
changedmeintoamore
casualone,withanobithat
requirednopaddingforthe
knot—sincepaddingwould
beawkwardfortheDoctor.
Hetiedtheknotinsucha
waythatitwouldcome
undonequiteeasily.AfterI
wasfullydressed,Ifeltso
nervousthatMr.Bekkuhad
tohelpmebackintomyroom
andarrangemenearthedoor
toawaittheDoctor’sarrival.
Whenheleftmethere,Ifelta
horriblesenseofdread,asif
I’dbeenabouttohavean
operationtoremovemy
kidneys,ormyliver,orsome
suchthing.
SoonDr.Crabarrivedand
askedthatIorderhimsake
whilehebathedinthebath
attachedtotheroom.Ithink
hemayhaveexpectedmeto
helpundresshim,becausehe
gavemeastrangelook.But
myhandsweresocoldand
awkward,Idon’tthinkI
couldhavedoneit.He
emergedafewminuteslater
wearingasleepingrobeand
slidopenthedoorstothe
garden,wherewesatona
littlewoodenbalcony,
sippingsakeandlisteningto
thesoundofthecricketsand
thelittlestreambelowus.I
spilledsakeonmykimono,
buttheDoctordidn’tnotice.
Totellthetruth,hedidn’t
seemtonoticemuchof
anything,exceptafishthat
splashedinthepondnearby,
whichhepointedouttomeas
ifImightneverhaveseen
suchathing.Whilewewere
there,amaidcameandlaid
outbothourfutons,sideby
side.
FinallytheDoctorleftme
onthebalconyandwent
inside.Ishiftedinsuchaway
astowatchhimfromthe
cornerofmyeye.He
unpackedtwowhitetowels
fromhissuitcaseandsetthem
downonthetable,arranging
themthiswayandthatuntil
theywerejustso.Hedidthe
samewiththepillowsonone
ofthefutons,andthencame
andstoodatthedooruntilI
rosefrommykneesand
followedhim.
WhileIwasstillstanding,
heremovedmyobiandtold
metomakemyself
comfortableononeofthe
futons.Everythingseemedso
strangeandfrighteningtome,
Icouldn’thavebeen
comfortablenomatterwhat
I’ddone.ButIlaydownon
mybackandusedapillow
stuffedwithbeanstopropup
myneck.TheDoctoropened
myrobeandtookalong
whiletolooseneachofthe
garmentsbeneathitstepby
step,rubbinghishandsover
mylegs,whichIthinkwas
supposedtohelpmerelax.
Thiswentonforalongtime,
butatlasthefetchedthetwo
whitetowelshe’dunpacked
earlier.Hetoldmetoraise
myhipsandthenspreadthem
outbeneathme.
“Thesewillabsorbthe
blood,”hetoldme.
Ofcourse,amizuageoften
involvesacertainamountof
blood,butnoonehad
explainedtomeexactlywhy.
I’msureIshouldhavekept
quietoreventhankedthe
Doctorforbeingso
considerateastoputdown
towels,butinsteadIblurted
out,“Whatblood?”Myvoice
squeakedalittleasIsaidit,
becausemythroatwassodry.
Dr.Crabbeganexplaining
howthe“hymen”—thoughI
didn’tknowwhatthatcould
possiblybe—frequentlybled
whentorn...andthis,that,
andtheother...IthinkI
becamesoanxioushearingit
allthatIroseupalittlefrom
thefuton,becausetheDoctor
puthishandonmyshoulder
andgentlypushedmeback
down.
I’msurethissortoftalk
wouldbeenoughtoquash
somemen’sappetiteforwhat
theywereabouttodo;butthe
Doctorwasn’tthatsortof
man.Whenhe’dfinishedhis
explanation,hesaidtome,
“ThisisthesecondtimeIwill
havetheopportunityof
collectingaspecimenofyour
blood.MayIshowyou?”
I’dnoticedthathe’d
arrivedwithnotonlyhis
leatherovernightbag,but
alsoasmallwoodencase.
TheDoctorfetchedakeyring
fromthepocketofhis
trousersintheclosetand
unlockedthecase.He
broughtitoverandswungit
opendownthemiddleto
makeakindoffreestanding
display.Onbothsideswere
shelveswithtinyglassvials,
allpluggedwithcorksand
heldinplacebystraps.Along
thebottomshelfwereafew
instruments,suchasscissors
andtweezers;buttherestof
thecasewascrowdedwith
theseglassvials,perhapsas
manyasfortyorfiftyof
them.Exceptforafewempty
onesonthetopshelf,theyall
heldsomethinginside,butI
hadnoideawhat.Onlywhen
theDoctorbroughtthelamp
fromthetablewasIableto
seewhitelabelsalongthe
topsofeachvial,marked
withthenamesofvarious
geisha.IsawMameha’sname
there,aswellasthegreat
Mamekichi’s.Isawquitea
numberofotherfamiliar
namesaswell,including
Hatsumomo’sfriendKorin.
“Thisone,”theDoctorsaid
asheremovedoneofthe
vials,“belongstoyou.”
He’dwrittenmyname
wrong,withadifferent
characterforthe“ri”of
Sayuri.Butinsidethevial
wasashriveled-lookingthing
Ithoughtresembledapickled
plum,thoughitwasbrownish
ratherthanpurple.The
Doctorremovedthecorkand
usedtweezerstotakeitout.
“Thisisacottonswabthat
wasdrenchedinyourblood,”
hesaid,“fromthetimeyou
cutyourleg,you’llrecall.I
don’tnormallysavetheblood
ofmypatients,butIwas...
verytakenwithyou.After
collectingthissample,Imade
upmymindthatIwouldbe
yourmizuagepatron.Ithink
you’llagreeitwillmakean
unusualspecimen,topossess
notjustasampleofyour
bloodcollectedatmizuage,
butalsoasampletakenfrom
alacerationonyourlegquite
anumberofmonthsearlier.”
Ihidmydisgustwhilethe
Doctorwentontoshowme
severalothervials,including
Mameha’s.Herscontained
notacottonswab,butasmall
waddingofwhitefabricthat
wasstainedthecolorofrust
andhadgrownquitestiff.Dr.
Crabseemedtofindallthese
samplesfascinating,butfor
mypart...well,Ipointed
myfaceintheirdirectionin
ordertobepolite,butwhen
theDoctorwasn’twatching,I
lookedelsewhere.
Finallyheclosedhiscase
andsetitasidebeforetaking
offhisglasses,foldingthem
andputtingthemonthetable
nearby.Iwasafraidthe
momenthadcome,and
indeed,Dr.Crabmovedmy
legsapartandarranged
himselfonhiskneesbetween
them.Ithinkmyheartwas
beatingataboutthesame
speedasamouse’s.Whenthe
Doctoruntiedthesashofhis
sleepingrobe,Iclosedmy
eyesandbroughtahandupto
covermymouth,butI
thoughtbetterofitatthelast
momentincaseIshould
makeabadimpression,and
letmyhandsettlenearmy
headinstead.
TheDoctor’shands
burrowedaroundforawhile,
makingmevery
uncomfortableinmuchthe
samewayastheyoungsilverhaireddoctorhadafew
weeksearlier.Thenhe
loweredhimselfuntilhis
bodywaspoisedjustabove
mine.Iputalltheforceofmy
mindtoworkinmakinga
sortofmentalbarrierbetween
theDoctorandme,butit
wasn’tenoughtokeepme
fromfeelingtheDoctor’s
“eel,”asMamehamighthave
calledit,bumpagainstthe
insideofmythigh.Thelamp
wasstilllit,andIsearched
theshadowsontheceilingfor
somethingtodistractme,
becausenowIfelttheDoctor
pushingsohardthatmyhead
shiftedonthepillow.I
couldn’tthinkwhattodo
withmyhands,soIgrabbed
thepillowwiththemand
squeezedmyeyestighter.
Soontherewasagreatdealof
activitygoingonaboveme,
andIcouldfeelallsortsof
movementinsidemeaswell.
Theremusthavebeenavery
greatdealofblood,because
theairhadanunpleasant
metallicsmell.Ikept
remindingmyselfhowmuch
theDoctorhadpaidforthis
privilege;andIremember
hopingatonepointthathe
wasenjoyinghimselfmore
thanIwas.Ifeltnomore
pleasuretherethanif
someonehadrubbedafile
overandoveragainstthe
insideofmythighuntilI
bled.
Finallythehomelesseel
markeditsterritory,I
suppose,andtheDoctorlay
heavilyuponme,moistwith
sweat.Ididn’tatalllike
beingsoclosetohim,soI
pretendedtohavetrouble
breathinginthehopeshe
wouldtakehisweightoffme.
Foralongwhilehedidn’t
move,butthenallatoncehe
gottohiskneesandwasvery
businesslikeagain.Ididn’t
watchhim,butfromthe
cornerofmyeyeIcouldn’t
helpseeingthathewiped
himselfoffusingoneofthe
towelsbeneathme.Hetied
thesashofhisrobe,andthen
putonhisglasses,not
noticingalittlesmearof
bloodattheedgeofonelens,
andbegantowipebetween
mylegsusingtowelsand
cottonswabsandthelike,just
asthoughwewerebackin
oneofthetreatmentroomsat
thehospital.Theworstofmy
discomforthadpassedbythis
time,andIhavetoadmitI
wasalmostfascinatedlying
there,evenwithmylegs
spreadapartsorevealingly,as
Iwatchedhimopenthe
woodencaseandtakeoutthe
scissors.Hecutawayapiece
ofthebloodytowelbeneath
meandstuffedit,alongwith
acottonballhe’dused,into
theglassvialwithmy
misspellednameonit.Then
hegaveaformalbowand
said,“Thankyouverymuch.”
Icouldn’tverywellbowback
whilelyingdown,butitmade
nodifference,becausethe
Doctorstoodatonceand
wentofftothebathagain.
Ihadn’trealizedit,butI’d
beenbreathingveryquickly
fromnervousness.Nowthatit
wasoverandIwasableto
catchmybreath,Iprobably
lookedasthoughIwerein
themiddleofbeingoperated
upon,butIfeltsuchreliefI
brokeintoasmile.Something
aboutthewholeexperience
seemedsoutterlyridiculous
tome;themoreIthought
aboutit,thefunnierit
seemed,andinamomentI
waslaughing.Ihadtokeep
quietbecausetheDoctorwas
inthenextroom.Buttothink
thatthecourseofmyentire
futurehadbeenalteredby
this?Iimaginedthemistress
oftheIchirikimaking
telephonecallstoNobuand
theBaronwhilethebidding
wasunderway,allthemoney
thathadbeenspent,andall
thetrouble.Howstrangeit
wouldhavebeenwithNobu,
sinceIwasbeginningtothink
ofhimasafriend.Ididn’t
evenwanttowonderwhatit
mighthavebeenlikewiththe
Baron.
WhiletheDoctorwasstill
inthebath,Itappedonthe
doortoMr.Bekku’sroom.A
maidrushedintochangethe
bedsheets,andMr.Bekku
cametohelpmeputona
sleepingrobe.Later,afterthe
Doctorhadfallenasleep,I
gotupagainandbathed
quietly.Mamehahad
instructedmetostayawake
allnight,incasetheDoctor
shouldawakenandneed
something.ButeventhoughI
triednottosleep,Icouldn’t
helpdriftingoff.Idid
managetoawakeninthe
morningintimetomake
myselfpresentablebeforethe
Doctorsawme.
Afterbreakfast,IsawDr.
Crabtothefrontdoorofthe
innandhelpedhimintohis
shoes.Justbeforehewalked
away,hethankedmeforthe
eveningandgavemeasmall
package.Icouldn’tmakeup
mymindwhetheritmightbe
ajewellikeNobuhadgiven
meorafewcuttingsfromthe
bloodytowelofthenight
before!ButwhenIworkedup
mycouragetoopenitbackin
theroom,itturnedouttobea
packageofChineseherbs.I
didn’tknowwhattomakeof
themuntilIaskedMr.Bekku,
whosaidIshouldmaketea
onceadaywiththeherbsto
discouragepregnancy.“Be
cautiouswiththem,because
they’reverycostly,”hesaid.
“Butdon’tbetoocautious.
They’restillcheaperthanan
abortion.”
***
It’sstrangeandveryhard
toexplain,buttheworld
lookeddifferenttomeafter
mizuage.Pumpkin,who
hadn’tyethadhers,now
seemedinexperiencedand
childliketomesomehow,
eventhoughshewasolder.
MotherandAuntie,aswellas
HatsumomoandMamehahad
allbeenthroughit,ofcourse,
andIwasprobablymuch
moreawarethantheywereof
havingthispeculiarthingin
commonwiththem.After
mizuageanapprenticewears
herhairinanewstyle,and
witharedsilkbandatthe
baseofthepincushionbun,
ratherthanapatternedone.
ForatimeIwassoawareof
whichapprenticeshadred
hairbandsandwhichhad
patternedonesthatIscarcely
seemedtonoticeanything
elsewhilewalkingalongthe
street,orinthehallwaysof
thelittleschool.Ihadanew
respectfortheoneswhohad
beenthroughmizuage,and
feltmuchmoreworldlythan
theoneswhohadn’t.
I’msureallapprentices
feelchangedbythe
experienceofmizuagein
muchthesamewayIdid.But
formeitwasn’tjustamatter
ofseeingtheworld
differently.Myday-to-day
lifechangedaswell,because
ofMother’snewviewofme.
Shewasthesortofperson,
I’msureyourealize,who
noticedthingsonlyifthey
hadpricetagsonthem.When
shewalkeddownthestreet,
hermindwasprobably
workinglikeanabacus:“Oh,
there’slittleYukiyo,whose
stupiditycostherpoorolder
sisternearlyahundredyen
lastyear!Andherecomes
Ichimitsu,whomustbevery
pleasedatthepaymentsher
newdannaismaking.”If
Motherweretowalk
alongsidetheShirakawa
Streamonalovelyspring
day,whenyoucouldalmost
seebeautyitselfdrippinginto
thewaterfromthetendrilsof
thecherrytrees,sheprobably
wouldn’tevennoticeanyofit
—unless...Idon’tknow...
shehadaplantomake
moneyfromsellingthetrees,
orsomesuchthing.
Beforemymizuage,Idon’t
thinkitmadeanydifference
toMotherthatHatsumomo
wascausingtroubleformein
Gion.ButnowthatIhada
highpricetagonme,sheput
astoptoHatsumomo’s
troublemakingwithoutmy
evenhavingtoaskitofher.I
don’tknowhowshedidit.
Probablyshejustsaid,
“Hatsumomo,ifyour
behaviorcausesproblemsfor
Sayuriandcoststhisokiya
money,you’llbetheoneto
payit!”Eversincemymother
hadgrownill,mylifehad
certainlybeendifficult;but
nowforatime,things
becameremarkably
uncomplicated.Iwon’tsayI
neverfelttiredor
disappointed;infact,Ifelt
tiredmuchofthetime.Lifein
Gionishardlyrelaxingfor
thewomenwhomakealiving
there.Butitwascertainlya
greatrelieftobefreedfrom
thethreatofHatsumomo.
Insidetheokiyatoo,lifewas
almostpleasurable.Asthe
adopteddaughter,Iatewhen
Iwanted.Ichosemykimono
firstinsteadofwaitingfor
Pumpkintochoosehers—and
themomentI’dmademy
choice,Auntiesettowork
sewingtheseamstothe
properwidth,andbastingthe
collarontomyunderrobe,
beforeshe’dtouchedeven
Hatsumomo’s.Ididn’tmind
whenHatsumomolookedat
mewithresentmentand
hatredbecauseofthespecial
treatmentInowreceived.But
whenPumpkinpassedmein
theokiyawithaworriedlook,
andkepthereyesaverted
frommineevenwhenwe
wereface-to-face,itcaused
meterriblepain.I’dalways
hadthefeelingourfriendship
wouldhavegrownifonly
circumstanceshadn’tcome
betweenus.Ididn’thavethat
feelinganylonger.
***
Withmymizuagebehind
me,Dr.Crabdisappeared
frommylifealmost
completely.Isay“almost”
becauseeventhoughMameha
andInolongerwenttothe
ShiraeTeahousetoentertain
him,Ididrunintohim
occasionallyatpartiesin
Gion.TheBaron,ontheother
hand,Ineversawagain.I
didn’tyetknowabouttherole
he’dplayedindrivingupthe
priceofmymizuage,butasI
lookbackIcanunderstand
whyMamehamayhave
wantedtokeepusapart.
ProbablyIwouldhavefelt
everybitasuncomfortable
aroundtheBaronasMameha
wouldhavefelthavingme
there.Inanycase,Ican’t
pretendImissedeitherof
thesemen.
ButtherewasonemanI
wasveryeagertoseeagain,
andI’msureIdon’tneedto
tellyouI’mtalkingaboutthe
Chairman.Hehadn’tplayed
anyroleinMameha’splan,
soIdidn’texpectmy
relationshipwithhimto
changeorcometoanendjust
becausemymizuagewas
over.Still,IhavetoadmitI
feltveryrelievedafewweeks
afterwardtolearnthat
IwamuraElectrichadcalled
torequestmycompanyonce
again.WhenIarrivedthat
evening,boththeChairman
andNobuwerepresent.Inthe
pastIwouldcertainlyhave
gonetositbesideNobu;but
nowthatMotherhadadopted
me,Iwasn’tobligedtothink
ofhimasmysaviorany
longer.Asithappened,a
spacebesidetheChairman
wasvacant,andsowitha
feelingofexcitementIwent
totakeit.TheChairmanwas
verycordialwhenIpoured
himsake,andthankedmeby
raisinghiscupintheair
beforedrinkingit;butall
eveninglongheneverlooked
atme.WhereasNobu,
wheneverIglancedinhis
direction,glaredbackatme
asthoughIweretheonly
personintheroomhewas
awareof.Icertainlyknew
whatitwasliketolongfor
someone,sobeforethe
eveningwasoverImadea
pointofgoingtospendabit
oftimewithhim.Iwas
carefulnevertoignorehim
againafterthis.
Amonthorsopassed,and
thenoneeveningduringa
party,Ihappenedtomention
toNobuthatMamehahad
arrangedformetoappearina
festivalinHiroshima.I
wasn’tsurehewaslistening
whenItoldhim,butthevery
nextdaywhenIreturnedto
theokiyaaftermylessons,I
foundinmyroomanew
woodentraveltrunkhe’dsent
measagift.Thetrunkwas
muchfinereventhantheone
I’dborrowedfromAuntiefor
theBaron’spartyinHakone.
Ifeltterriblyashamedof
myselfforhavingthoughtI
couldsimplydiscardNobu
nowthathewasnolonger
centraltoanyplansMameha
mighthavehad.Iwrotehima
noteofthanks,andtoldhimI
lookedforwardtoexpressing
mygratitudeinpersonwhenI
sawhimthefollowingweek,
atalargepartyIwamura
Electrichadplannedsome
monthsinadvance.
Butthenapeculiarthing
happened.Shortlybeforethe
partyIreceivedamessage
thatmycompanywouldn’tbe
neededafterall.Yoko,who
workedatthetelephonein
ourokiya,wasunderthe
impressionthepartyhadbeen
canceled.Asithappened,I
hadtogototheIchirikithat
nightanywayforanother
party.JustasIwaskneeling
inthehallwaytoenter,Isaw
thedoortoalargebanquet
roomdownattheendslide
open,andayounggeisha
namedKatsuecameout.
Beforesheclosedthedoor,I
heardwhatIfeltcertainwas
thesoundoftheChairman’s
laughtercomingfrominside
theroom.Iwasverypuzzled
bythis,soIrosefrommy
kneesandwenttocatch
Katsuebeforesheleftthe
teahouse.
“I’mverysorrytotrouble
you,”Isaid,“buthaveyou
justcomefromtheparty
givenbyIwamuraElectric?”
“Yes,it’squitelively.
Theremustbetwenty-five
geishaandnearlyfiftymen..
.”
“And...Chairman
IwamuraandNobu-sanare
boththere?”Iaskedher.
“NotNobu.Apparentlyhe
wenthomesickthismorning.
He’llbeverysorrytohave
missedit.ButtheChairman
isthere;whydoyouask?”
Imutteredsomething—I
don’trememberwhatitwas
—andsheleft.
UpuntilthismomentI’d
somehowimaginedthatthe
Chairmanvaluedmy
companyasmuchasNobu
did.NowIhadtowonder
whetherithadallbeenan
illusion,andNobuwasthe
onlyonewhocared.
ChapterTwenty-Five
Mamehamayalreadyhave
wonherbetwithMother,but
shestillhadquiteastakein
myfuture.Soduringthenext
fewyearssheworkedto
makemyfacefamiliartoall
herbestcustomers,andtothe
othergeishainGionaswell.
Wewerestillemergingfrom
theDepressionatthistime;
formalbanquetsweren’tas
commonasMamehawould
haveliked.Butshetookme
toplentyofinformal
gatherings,notonlypartiesin
theteahouses,butswimming
excursions,sightseeingtours,
Kabukiplays,andsoon.
Duringtheheatofsummer
wheneveryonefeltmost
relaxed,thesecasual
gatheringswereoftenquitea
lotoffun,evenforthoseof
ussupposedlyhardatwork
entertaining.Forexample,a
groupofmensometimes
decidedtogofloatingina
canalboatalongtheKamo
River,tosipsakeanddangle
theirfeetinthewater.Iwas
tooyoungtojoininthe
carousing,andoftenendedup
withthejobofshavingiceto
makesnowcones,butitwas
apleasantchange
nevertheless.
Somenights,wealthy
businessmenoraristocrats
threwgeishapartiesjustfor
themselves.Theyspentthe
eveningdancingandsinging,
anddrinkingwiththegeisha,
oftenuntilwellafter
midnight.Irememberonone
oftheseoccasions,thewife
ofourhoststoodatthedoor
tohandoutenvelopes
containingageneroustipas
weleft.ShegaveMameha
twoofthem,andaskedher
thefavorofdeliveringthe
secondtothegeisha
Tomizuru,whohad“gone
homeearlierwitha
headache,”assheputit.
Actuallysheknewaswellas
wedidthatTomizuruwasher
husband’smistress,andhad
gonewithhimtoanother
wingofthehousetokeep
himcompanyforthenight.
Manyoftheglamorous
partiesinGionwereattended
byfamousartists,andwriters,
andKabukiactors,and
sometimestheywerevery
excitingevents.ButI’msorry
totellyouthattheaverage
geishapartywassomething
muchmoremundane.The
hostwaslikelytobethe
divisionheadofasmall
company,andtheguestof
honoroneofhissuppliers,or
perhapsoneofhisemployees
he’djustpromoted,or
somethingalongthoselines.
Everysooften,somewellmeaninggeishaadmonished
methatasanapprentice,my
responsibility—besidestrying
tolookpretty—wastosit
quietlyandlistento
conversationsinthehopesof
onedaybecomingaclever
conversationalistmyself.
Well,mostofthe
conversationsIheardatthese
partiesdidn’tstrikemeas
verycleveratall.Aman
mightturntothegeisha
besidehimandsay,“The
weathercertainlyisunusually
warm,don’tyouthink?”And
thegeishawouldreplywith
somethinglike,“Oh,yes,
verywarm!”Thenshe’d
beginplayingadrinking
gamewithhim,ortrytoget
allthemensinging,andsoon
themanwho’dspokenwith
herwastoodrunkto
rememberhewasn’thaving
asgoodatimeashe’dhoped.
Formypart,Ialways
consideredthisaterrible
waste.Ifamanhascometo
Gionjustforthepurposeof
havingarelaxingtime,and
endsupinvolvedinsome
childishgamesuchaspaperscissors-stone...well,inmy
viewhe’dhavebeenbetter
offstayingathomeand
playingwithhisownchildren
orgrandchildren—who,after
all,areprobablymoreclever
thanthispoor,dullgeishahe
wassounfortunateastosit
beside.
Everysooften,though,I
wasprivilegedtooverheara
geishawhoreallywasclever,
andMamehawascertainly
oneofthese.Ilearnedagreat
dealfromherconversations.
Forexample,ifamansaidto
her,“Warmweather,don’t
youthink?”shehadadozen
repliesready.Ifhewasold
andlecherous,shemightsay
tohim,“Warm?Perhapsit’s
justtheeffectonyouofbeing
aroundsomanylovely
women!”Orifhewasan
arrogantyoungbusinessman
whodidn’tseemtoknowhis
place,shemighttakehimoff
hisguardbysaying,“Here
youaresittingwithahalfdozenofthebestgeishain
Gion,andallyoucanthinkto
talkaboutistheweather.”
OnetimewhenIhappenedto
bewatchingher,Mameha
kneltbesideaveryyoung
manwhocouldn’thavebeen
morethannineteenortwenty;
heprobablywouldn’thave
beenatageishapartyatallif
hisfatherhadn’tbeenthe
host.Ofcourse,hedidn’t
knowwhattosayorhowto
behavearoundgeisha,and
I’msurehefeltnervous;but
heturnedtoMamehavery
bravelyandsaidtoher,
“Warm,isn’tit?”She
loweredhervoiceand
answeredhimlikethis:
“Why,you’recertainly
rightaboutitbeingwarm.
Youshouldhaveseenme
whenIsteppedoutofthe
baththismorning!Usually
whenI’mcompletelynaked,I
feelsocoolandrelaxed.But
thismorning,therewerelittle
beadsofsweatcoveringmy
skinallthewayupmybody
—alongmythighs,andon
mystomach,and...well,
otherplacestoo.”
Whenthatpoorboysethis
sakecupdownonthetable,
hisfingersweretrembling.
I’msureheneverforgotthat
geishapartyfortherestofhis
life.
Ifyouaskmewhymostof
thesepartiesweresodull,I
thinkprobablytherearetwo
reasons.First,justbecausea
younggirlhasbeensoldby
herfamilyandraisedfroman
earlyagetobeageisha
doesn’tmeanshe’llturnout
tobeclever,orhaveanything
interestingtosay.And
second,thesamethinggoes
forthemen.Justbecausea
manhasmadeenoughmoney
tocometoGionandwasteit
howeverhechoosesdoesn’t
meanhe’sfuntobearound.
Infact,manyofthemenare
accustomedtobeingtreated
withagreatdealofrespect.
Sittingbackwiththeirhands
ontheirkneesandbigfrowns
ontheirfacesisaboutas
muchworkastheyplantodo
inthewayofbeing
entertaining.OnetimeI
listenedtoMamehaspendan
entirehourtellingstoriestoa
manwhoneverevenlooked
inherdirection,butjust
watchedtheothersinthe
roomwhileshetalked.Oddly
enough,thiswasjustwhathe
wanted,andhealwaysasked
forMamehawhenhecameto
town.
***
Aftertwomoreyearsof
partiesandoutings—allthe
whilecontinuingwithmy
studiesandparticipatingin
danceperformances
wheneverIcould—Imade
theshiftfrombeingan
apprenticetobeingageisha.
Thiswasinthesummerof
1938,whenIwaseighteen
yearsold.Wecallthischange
“turningthecollar,”because
anapprenticewearsared
collarwhileageishawearsa
whiteone.Thoughifyou
weretoseeanapprenticeand
ageishasidebyside,their
collarswouldbethelastthing
you’dnotice.Theapprentice,
withherelaborate,longsleevedkimonoanddangling
obi,wouldprobablymake
youthinkofaJapanesedoll,
whereasthegeishawould
looksimpler,perhaps,but
alsomorewomanly.
ThedayIturnedmycollar
wasoneofthehappiestdays
ofMother’slife;oratleast,
sheactedmorepleasedthan
I’deverseenher.Ididn’t
understanditatthetime,but
it’sperfectlycleartomenow
whatshewasthinking.You
see,ageisha,unlikean
apprentice,isavailabletoa
manformorethanjust
pouringhistea,providedthe
termsaresuitable.Becauseof
myconnectionwithMameha
andmypopularityinGion,
mystandingwassuchthat
Motherhadplentyofcause
forexcitement—excitement
being,inMother’scase,just
anotherwordformoney.
SincemovingtoNewYork
I’velearnedwhattheword
“geisha”reallymeanstomost
Westerners.Fromtimeto
timeatelegantparties,I’ve
beenintroducedtosome
youngwomanorotherina
splendiddressandjewelry.
WhenshelearnsIwasoncea
geishainKyoto,sheforms
hermouthintoasortofsmile,
althoughthecornersdon’t
turnupquiteastheyshould.
Shehasnoideawhattosay!
Andthentheburdenof
conversationfallstotheman
orwomanwhohas
introducedus—becauseI’ve
neverreallylearnedmuch
English,evenafterallthese
years.Ofcourse,bythistime
there’slittlepointevenin
trying,becausethiswomanis
thinking,“Mygoodness...
I’mtalkingwithaprostitute.
..”Amomentlatershe’s
rescuedbyherescort,a
wealthymanagoodthirtyor
fortyyearsolderthansheis.
Well,Ioftenfindmyself
wonderingwhyshecan’t
sensehowmuchwereally
haveincommon.Sheisa
keptwoman,yousee,andin
myday,sowasI.
I’msurethereareagreat
manythingsIdon’tknow
abouttheseyoungwomenin
theirsplendiddresses,butI
oftenhavethefeelingthat
withouttheirwealthy
husbandsorboyfriends,many
ofthemwouldbestruggling
togetbyandmightnothave
thesameproudopinionsof
themselves.Andofcoursethe
samethingistrueforafirstclassgeisha.Itisallverywell
forageishatogofromparty
topartyandbepopularwitha
greatmanymen;butageisha
whowishestobecomeastar
iscompletelydependenton
havingadanna.Even
Mameha,whobecame
famousonherownbecause
ofanadvertisingcampaign,
wouldsoonhavelosther
standingandbeenjust
anothergeishaiftheBaron
hadn’tcoveredtheexpenses
toadvancehercareer.
Nomorethanthreeweeks
afterIturnedmycollar,
Mothercametomeoneday
whileIwaseatingaquick
lunchinthereceptionroom,
andsatacrossthetablealong
whilepuffingonherpipe.I’d
beenreadingamagazine,but
Istoppedoutofpoliteness—
eventhoughMotherdidn’t
seematfirsttohavemuchto
saytome.Afteratimeshe
putdownherpipeandsaid,
“Youshouldn’teatthose
yellowpickles.They’llrot
yourteeth.Lookatwhatthey
didtomine.”
Ithadneveroccurredtome
thatMotherbelievedher
stainedteethhadanythingto
dowitheatingpickles.When
she’dfinishedgivingmea
goodviewofhermouth,she
pickedupherpipeagainand
tookinapuffofsmoke.
“Auntielovesyellow
pickles,ma’am,”Isaid,“and
herteetharefine.”
“WhocaresifAuntie’s
teetharefine?Shedoesn’t
makemoneyfromhavinga
prettylittlemouth.Tellthe
cooknottogivethemtoyou.
Anyway,Ididn’tcomehere
totalkwithyouabout
pickles.Icametotellyouthat
thistimenextmonthyou’ll
haveadanna.”
“Adanna?But,Mother,
I’monlyeighteen...”
“Hatsumomodidn’thavea
dannauntilshewastwenty.
Andofcourse,thatdidn’tlast
...Yououghttobevery
pleased.”
“Oh,Iamverypleased.
Butwon’titrequirealotof
mytimetokeepadanna
happy?MamehathinksI
shouldestablishmy
reputationfirst,justforafew
years.”
“Mameha!Whatdoesshe
knowaboutbusiness?The
nexttimeIwanttoknow
whentogiggleataparty,I’ll
goandaskher.”
Nowadaysyounggirls,
eveninJapan,are
accustomedtojumpingup
fromthetableandshoutingat
theirmothers,butinmyday
webowedandsaid,“Yes,
ma’am,”andapologizedfor
havingbeentroublesome;and
that’sexactlyhowI
responded.
“Leavethebusiness
decisionstome,”Mother
wenton.“Onlyafoolwould
passupanofferliketheone
NobuToshikazuhasmade.”
Myheartnearlystopped
whenIheardthis.Isupposeit
wasobviousthatNobuwould
onedayproposehimselfas
mydanna.Afterall,he’d
madeanofferformymizuage
severalyearsearlier,and
sincethenhadcertainlyasked
formycompanymore
frequentlythananyother
man.Ican’tpretendIhadn’t
thoughtofthispossibility;but
thatisn’ttosayI’dever
believeditwasthecoursemy
lifewouldreallytake.Onthe
dayIfirstmetNobuatthe
sumotournament,my
almanacreadinghadbeen,“A
balanceofgoodandbadcan
openthedoortodestiny.”
Nearlyeverydaysince,I’d
thoughtofitinonewayor
another.Goodandbad...
well,itwasMamehaand
Hatsumomo;itwasmy
adoptionbyMotherandthe
mizuagethathadbroughtit
about;andofcourseitwas
theChairmanandNobu.I
don’tmeantosuggestI
dislikedNobu.Quitethe
opposite.Buttobecomehis
mistresswouldhaveclosed
offmylifefromthe
Chairmanforever.
Mothermusthavenoticed
somethingoftheshockIfelt
athearingherwords—orin
anycase,shewasn’tpleased
atmyreaction.Butbeforeshe
couldrespondwehearda
noiseinthehallwayoutside
likesomeonesuppressinga
cough,andinamoment
Hatsumomosteppedintothe
opendoorway.Shewas
holdingabowlofrice,which
wasveryrudeofher—she
nevershouldhavewalked
awayfromthetablewithit.
Whenshe’dswallowed,she
letoutalaugh.
“Mother!”shesaid.“Are
youtryingtomakeme
choke?”Apparentlyshe’d
beenlisteningtoour
conversationwhilesheate
herlunch.“Sothefamous
SayuriisgoingtohaveNobu
Toshikazuforherdanna,”
shewenton.“Isn’tthat
sweet!”
“Ifyou’vecomehereto
saysomethinguseful,then
sayit,”Mothertoldher.
“Yes,Ihave,”Hatsumomo
saidgravely,andshecame
andkneltatthetable.
“Sayuri-san,youmaynot
realizeit,butoneofthe
thingsthatgoesonbetweena
geishaandherdannacan
causethegeishatobecome
pregnant,doyouunderstand?
Andamanwillbecomevery
upsetifhismistressgives
birthtoanotherman’schild.
Inyourcase,youmustbe
especiallycareful,because
Nobuwillknowatonce,if
thechildshouldhappento
havetwoarmsliketherestof
us,thatitcan’tpossiblybe
his!”
Hatsumomothoughther
littlejokewasveryfunny.
“Perhapsyoushouldcut
offoneofyourarms,
Hatsumomo,”saidMother,
“ifitwillmakeyouas
successfulasNobuToshikazu
hasbeen.”
“Andprobablyitwould
help,too,ifmyfacelooked
likethis!”shesaid,smiling,
andpickedupherricebowl
sowecouldseewhatwasin
it.Shewaseatingricemixed
withredadzukibeansand,in
asickeningway,itdidlook
likeblisteredskin.
***
Astheafternoon
progressedIbegantofeel
dizzy,withastrangebuzzing
inmyhead,andsoonmade
mywaytoMameha’s
apartmenttotalkwithher.I
satathertablesippingatmy
chilledbarleytea—forwe
wereintheheatofsummer—
andtryingnottolethersee
howIfelt.Reachingthe
Chairmanwastheonehope
thathadmotivatedmeall
throughmytraining.Ifmy
lifewouldbenothingmore
thanNobu,anddance
recitals,andeveningafter
eveninginGion,Icouldn’t
thinkwhyIhadstruggledso.
AlreadyMamehahad
waitedalongwhiletohear
whyI’dcome,butwhenIset
myglassofteadownonthe
table,Iwasafraidmyvoice
wouldcrackifItriedto
speak.Itookafewmore
momentstocomposemyself,
andthenfinallyswallowed
andmanagedtosay,“Mother
tellsmethatwithinamonth
it’slikelyI’llhaveadanna.”
“Yes,Iknow.Andthe
dannawillbeNobu
Toshikazu.”
BythistimeIwas
concentratingsohardon
holdingmyselfbackfrom
crying,Icouldnolonger
speakatall.
“Nobu-sanisagoodman,”
shesaid,“andveryfondof
you.”
“Yes,but,Mameha-san...
Idon’tknowhowtosayit...
thiswasneverwhatI
imagined!”
“Whatdoyoumean?
Nobu-sanhasalwaystreated
youkindly.”
“But,Mameha-san,Idon’t
wantkindness!”
“Don’tyou?Ithoughtwe
allwantedkindness.Perhaps
whatyoumeanisthatyou
wantsomethingmorethan
kindness.Andthatis
somethingyou’reinno
positiontoask.”
Ofcourse,Mamehawas
quiteright.WhenIheard
thesewords,mytearssimply
brokethroughthefragilewall
thathadheldthem,andwitha
terriblefeelingofshame,I
laidmyheaduponthetable
andletthemdrainoutofme.
OnlywhenI’dcomposed
myselfafterwarddidMameha
speak.
“Whatdidyouexpect,
Sayuri?”sheasked.
“Somethingbesidesthis!”
“Iunderstandyoumayfind
Nobudifficulttolookat,
perhaps.But—”
“Mameha-san,itisn’tthat.
Nobu-sanisagoodman,as
yousay.It’sjustthat—”
“It’sjustthatyouwant
yourdestinytobelike
Shizue’s.Isthatit?”
Shizue,thoughshewasn’t
anespeciallypopulargeisha,
wasconsideredbyeveryone
inGiontobethemost
fortunateofwomen.For
thirtyyearsshe’dbeenthe
mistressofapharmacist.He
wasn’tawealthyman,and
shewasn’tabeauty;butyou
couldhavelookedallover
Kyotoandnotfoundtwo
peoplewhoenjoyedeach
other’scompanyastheydid.
Asusual,Mamehahadcome
closertothetruththanI
wantedtoadmit.
“You’reeighteenyearsold,
Sayuri,”shewenton.
“NeitheryounorIcanknow
yourdestiny.Youmaynever
knowit!Destinyisn’talways
likeapartyattheendofthe
evening.Sometimesit’s
nothingmorethanstruggling
throughlifefromdaytoday.”
“But,Mameha-san,how
cruel!”
“Yes,itiscruel,”shesaid.
“Butnoneofuscanescape
destiny.”
“Please,itisn’tamatterof
escapingmydestiny,or
anythingofthatsort.Nobusanisagoodman,justasyou
say.IknowIshouldfeel
nothingbutgratitudeforhis
interest,but...thereareso
manythingsI’vedreamed
about.”
“Andyou’reafraidthat
onceNobuhastouchedyou,
afterthattheycanneverbe?
Really,Sayuri,whatdidyou
thinklifeasageishawould
belike?Wedon’tbecome
geishasoourliveswillbe
satisfying.Webecomegeisha
becausewehavenoother
choice.”
“Oh,Mameha-san...
please...haveIreallybeen
sofoolishtokeepmyhopes
alivethatperhapsoneday—”
“Younggirlshopeallsorts
offoolishthings,Sayuri.
Hopesarelikehair
ornaments.Girlswanttowear
toomanyofthem.Whenthey
becomeoldwomentheylook
sillywearingevenone.”
Iwasdeterminednotto
losecontrolofmyfeelings
again.Imanagedtoholdin
allmytearsexceptthefew
thatsqueezedoutofmelike
sapfromatree.
“Mameha-san,”Isaid,“do
youhave...strongfeelings
fortheBaron?”
“TheBaronhasbeena
gooddannatome.”
“Yes,ofcoursethat’strue,
butdoyouhavefeelingsfor
himasaman?Imean,some
geishadohavefeelingsfor
theirdanna,don’tthey?”
“TheBaron’srelationship
withmeisconvenientfor
him,andverybeneficialto
me.Ifourdealingswere
tingedwithpassion...well,
passioncanquicklyslipover
intojealousy,orevenhatred.
Icertainlycan’taffordto
haveapowerfulmanupset
withme.I’vestruggledfor
yearstocarveoutaplacefor
myselfinGion,butifa
powerfulmanmakesuphis
mindtodestroyme,well,
he’lldoit!Ifyouwanttobe
successful,Sayuri,youmust
besurethatmen’sfeelings
remainalwaysunderyour
control.TheBaronmaybe
hardtotakeattimes,buthe
hasplentyofmoney,andhe’s
notafraidtospendit.Andhe
doesn’twantchildren,thank
heavens.Nobuwillcertainly
beachallengeforyou.He
knowshisownmindmuch
toowell.Iwon’tbesurprised
ifheexpectsmoreofyou
thantheBaronhasexpected
ofme.”
“But,Mameha-san,what
aboutyourownfeelings?I
mean,hasn’tthereeverbeen
aman...”
Iwantedtoaskiftherehad
everbeenamanwhobrought
outfeelingsofpassioninher.
ButIcouldseethather
irritationwithme,ifithad
beenonlyabuduntilthen,
hadburstintofullbloom
now.Shedrewherselfup
withherhandsinherlap;I
thinkshewasonthepointof
rebukingme,butIapologized
formyrudenessatonce,and
shesettledbackagain.
“YouandNobuhavean
en,Sayuri,andyoucan’t
escapeit,”shesaid.
Ikneweventhenthatshe
wasright.Anenisakarmic
bondlastingalifetime.
Nowadaysmanypeopleseem
tobelievetheirlivesare
entirelyamatterofchoice;
butinmydayweviewed
ourselvesaspiecesofclay
thatforevershowthe
fingerprintsofeveryonewho
hastouchedthem.Nobu’s
touchhadmadeadeeper
impressiononmethanmost.
Noonecouldtellmewhether
hewouldbemyultimate
destiny,butIhadalways
sensedtheenbetweenus.
Somewhereinthelandscape
ofmylifeNobuwould
alwaysbepresent.Butcould
itreallybethatofallthe
lessonsI’dlearned,the
hardestonelayjustaheadof
me?WouldIreallyhaveto
takeeachofmyhopesand
putthemawaywherenoone
wouldeverseethemagain,
wherenotevenIwouldever
seethem?
“Gobacktotheokiya,
Sayuri,”Mamehatoldme.
“Preparefortheevening
aheadofyou.There’snothing
likeworkforgettingovera
disappointment.”
Ilookedupatherwiththe
ideaofmakingonelastplea,
butwhenIsawtheexpression
onherface,Ithoughtbetter
ofit.Ican’tsaywhatshewas
thinking;butsheseemedto
bepeeringintonothingness
withherperfectovalface
creasedinthecornersofher
eyesandmouthfromstrain.
Andthensheletoutaheavy
breath,andgazeddowninto
herteacupwithwhatItookas
alookofbitterness.
***
Awomanlivinginagrand
housemayprideherselfonall
herlovelythings;butthe
momentshehearsthecrackle
offireshedecidesvery
quicklywhicharethefewshe
valuesmost.Inthedaysafter
MamehaandIhadspoken,I
certainlycametofeelthatmy
lifewasburningdownaround
me;andyetwhenIstruggled
tofindevenasinglething
thatwouldstillmattertome
afterNobuhadbecomemy
danna,I’msorrytosaythatI
failed.OneeveningwhileI
waskneelingatatableinthe
IchirikiTeahouse,tryingnot
tothinktoomuchaboutmy
feelingsofmisery,Ihada
suddenthoughtofachildlost
inthesnowywoods;and
whenIlookedupatthe
white-hairedmenIwas
entertaining,theylookedso
muchlikesnowcappedtrees
allaroundmethatIfeltfor
onehorrifyingmomentI
mightbethesoleliving
humaninalltheworld.
TheonlypartiesatwhichI
managedtoconvincemyself
thatmylifemightstillhave
somepurpose,however
small,weretheonesattended
bymilitarymen.Alreadyin
1938,we’dallgrown
accustomedtodailyreports
aboutthewarinManchuria;
andwewereremindedevery
dayofourtroopsoverseasby
thingsliketheso-called
RisingSunLunchBox—
whichwasapickledplumin
thecenterofaboxofrice,
lookingliketheJapanese
flag.Forseveralgenerations,
armyandnavyofficershad
cometoGiontorelax.But
nowtheybegantotellus,
withwateryeyesaftertheir
seventhoreighthcupofsake,
thatnothingkepttheirspirits
upsomuchastheirvisitsto
Gion.Probablythiswasthe
sortofthingmilitaryofficers
saytothewomentheytalk
with.ButtheideathatI—
whowasnothingmorethana
younggirlfromtheseashore
—mighttrulybecontributing
somethingimportanttothe
nation...Iwon’tpretend
thesepartiesdidanythingto
lessenmysuffering;butthey
didhelpremindmejusthow
selfishmysufferingreally
was.
***
Afewweekspassed,and
thenoneeveninginahallway
attheIchiriki,Mameha
suggestedthetimehadcome
tocollectonherbetwith
Mother.I’msureyou’llrecall
thatthetwoofthemhad
wageredaboutwhethermy
debtswouldberepaidbefore
Iwastwenty.Asitturned
out,ofcourse,they’dbeen
repaidalreadythoughIwas
onlyeighteen.“Nowthat
you’veturnedyourcollar,”
Mamehasaidtome,“Ican’t
seeanyreasontowait
longer.”
Thisiswhatshesaid,butI
thinkthetruthwasmore
complicated.Mamehaknew
thatMotherhatedsettling
debts,andwouldhatesettling
themstillmorewhenthe
stakeswenthigher.My
earningswouldgoup
considerablyafterItooka
danna;Motherwascertainto
growonlymoreprotectiveof
theincome.I’msureMameha
thoughtitbesttocollectwhat
shewasowedassoonas
possible,andworryabout
futureearningsinthefuture.
Severaldaysafterward,I
wassummoneddownstairsto
thereceptionroomofour
okiyatofindMamehaand
Motheracrossthetablefrom
eachother,chattingaboutthe
summerweather.Beside
Mamehawasagray-haired
womannamedMrs.Okada,
whomI’dmetanumberof
times.Shewasmistressofthe
okiyawhereMamehahad
oncelived,andshestilltook
careofMameha’saccounting
inexchangeforaportionof
theincome.I’dneverseen
herlookmoreserious,
peeringdownatthetable
withnointerestinthe
conversationatall.
“Thereyouare!”Mother
saidtome.“Youroldersister
haskindlycometovisit,and
hasbroughtMrs.Okadawith
her.Youcertainlyowethem
thecourtesyofjoiningus.”
Mrs.Okadaspokeup,with
hereyesstillonthetabletop.
“Mrs.Nitta,asMamehamay
havementionedonthe
telephone,thisismorea
businesscallthanasocial
call.There’snoneedfor
Sayuritojoinus.I’msureshe
hasotherthingstodo.”
“Iwon’thavehershowing
disrespecttothetwoofyou,”
Motherreplied.“She’lljoin
usatthetableforthefew
minutesyou’rehere.”
SoIarrangedmyself
besideMother,andthemaid
cameintoservetea.
AfterwardMamehasaid,
“Youmustbeveryproud,
Mrs.Nitta,ofhowwellyour
daughterisdoing.Her
fortuneshavesurpassed
expectations!Wouldn’tyou
agree?”
“Wellnow,whatdoI
knowaboutyour
expectations,Mameha-san?”
saidMother.Afterthisshe
clenchedherteethandgave
oneofherpeculiarlaughs,
lookingfromoneofustothe
othertobesurewe
appreciatedhercleverness.
Noonelaughedwithher,and
Mrs.Okadajustadjustedher
glassesandclearedherthroat.
FinallyMotheradded,“As
formyownexpectations,I
certainlywouldn’tsaySayuri
hassurpassedthem.”
“Whenwefirstdiscussed
herprospectsanumberof
yearsago,”Mamehasaid,“I
hadtheimpressionyoudidn’t
thinkmuchofher.Youwere
reluctanteventohaveme
takeonhertraining.”
“Iwasn’tsureitwaswise
toputSayuri’sfutureinthe
handsofsomeoneoutsidethe
okiya,ifyou’llforgiveme,”
saidMother.“Wedohave
ourHatsumomo,youknow.”
“Oh,comenow,Mrs.
Nitta!”Mamehasaidwitha
laugh.“Hatsumomowould
havestrangledthepoorgirl
beforeshe’dhavetrained
her!”
“IadmitHatsumomocan
bedifficult.Butwhenyou
spotagirllikeSayuriwith
somethingalittledifferent,
youhavetobesuretomake
therightdecisionsattheright
times—suchasthe
arrangementyouandImade,
Mameha-san.Iexpectyou’ve
comeheretodaytosettleour
account?”
“Mrs.Okadahasbeenkind
enoughtowriteupthe
figures,”Mamehareplied.
“I’dbegratefulifyouwould
havealookatthem.”
Mrs.Okadastraightened
herglassesandtookan
accountingbookfromabag
atherknee.MamehaandIsat
insilencewhilesheopenedit
onthetableandexplainedher
columnsoffigurestoMother.
“ThesefiguresforSayuri’s
earningsoverthepastyear,”
Motherinterrupted.“My
goodness,Ionlywishwe’d
beensofortunateasyouseem
tothink!They’rehighereven
thanthetotalearningsforour
okiya.”
“Yes,thenumbersaremost
impressive,”Mrs.Okada
said,“butIdobelievethey
areaccurate.I’vekeptcareful
trackthroughtherecordsof
theGionRegistryOffice.”
Motherclenchedherteeth
andlaughedatthis,Isuppose
becauseshewasembarrassed
athavingbeencaughtinher
lie.“PerhapsIhaven’t
watchedtheaccountsas
carefullyasIshouldhave,”
shesaid.
Aftertenorfifteenminutes
thetwowomenagreedona
figurerepresentinghowmuch
I’dearnedsincemydebut.
Mrs.Okadatookasmall
abacusfromherbagand
madeafewcalculations,
writingdownnumbersona
blankpageoftheaccount
book.Atlastshewrotedown
afinalfigureandunderscored
it.“Here,then,istheamount
Mameha-sanisentitledto
receive.”
“Consideringhowhelpful
shehasbeentoourSayuri,”
Mothersaid,“I’msure
Mameha-sandeserveseven
more.Unfortunately,
accordingtoour
arrangements,Mameha
agreedtotakehalfofwhata
geishainherpositionmight
usuallytake,untilafterSayuri
hadrepaidherdebts.Now
thatthedebtsarerepaid,
Mamehaisofcourseentitled
totheotherhalf,sothatshe
willhaveearnedthefull
amount.”
“Myunderstandingisthat
Mamehadidagreetotake
halfwages,”Mrs.Okadasaid,
“butwasultimatelytobepaid
double.Thisiswhyshe
agreedtotakearisk.IfSayuri
hadfailedtorepayherdebts,
Mamehawouldhavereceived
nothingmorethanhalf
wages.ButSayurihas
succeeded,andMamehais
entitledtodouble.”
“Really,Mrs.Okada,can
youimaginemeagreeingto
suchterms?”Mothersaid.
“EveryoneinGionknows
howcarefulIamwithmoney.
It’scertainlytruethat
Mamehahasbeenhelpfulto
ourSayuri.Ican’tpossibly
paydouble,butI’dliketo
proposeofferinganadditional
tenpercent.IfImaysayso,it
seemsgenerous,considering
thatourokiyaishardlyina
positiontothrowmoney
aroundcarelessly.”
Thewordofawomanin
Mother’spositionshould
havebeenassuranceenough
—andwithanywomanbut
Mother,itcertainlywould
havebeen.Butnowthat
she’dmadeuphermindtolie
...well,weallsatinsilence
alongmoment.FinallyMrs.
Okadasaid,“Mrs.Nitta,Ido
findmyselfinadifficult
position.Irememberquite
clearlywhatMamehatold
me.”
“Ofcourseyoudo,”
Mothersaid.“Mamehahas
hermemoryofthe
conversation,andIhave
mine.Whatweneedisathird
party,andhappily,wehave
oneherewithus.Sayurimay
onlyhavebeenagirlatthe
time,butshehasquiteahead
fornumbers.”
“I’msurehermemoryis
excellent,”Mrs.Okada
remarked.“Butonecan
hardlysayshehasno
personalinterest.Afterall,
sheisthedaughterofthe
okiya.”
“Yes,sheis,”said
Mameha;andthiswasthe
firsttimeshe’dspokenupin
quiteawhile.“Butshe’salso
anhonestgirl.I’mprepared
toacceptheranswer,
providedthatMrs.Nittawill
acceptittoo.”
“OfcourseIwill,”Mother
said,andputdownherpipe.
“Nowthen,Sayuri,whichis
it?”
IfI’dbeengivenachoice
betweenslidingofftheroof
tobreakmyarmagainjust
thewayIdidasachild,or
sittinginthatroomuntilI
cameupwithananswerto
thequestiontheywereasking
me,Icertainlywouldhave
marchedrightupthestairs
andclimbedtheladderonto
theroof.Ofallthewomenin
Gion,MamehaandMother
werethetwomostinfluential
inmylife,anditwasclearto
meIwasgoingtomakeone
ofthemangry.Ihadnodoubt
inmymindofthetruth;but
ontheotherhand,Ihadtogo
onlivingintheokiyawith
Mother.Ofcourse,Mameha
haddonemoreformethan
anyoneinGion.Icould
hardlytakeMother’sside
againsther.
“Well?”Mothersaidtome.
“AsIrecall,Mamehadid
accepthalfwages.Butyou
agreedtopayherdouble
earningsintheend,Mother.
I’msorry,butthisistheway
Irememberit.”
Therewasapause,and
thenMothersaid,“Well,I’m
notasyoungasIusedtobe.
Itisn’tthefirsttimemy
memoryhasmisledme.”
“Weallhavethesesortsof
problemsfromtimetotime,”
Mrs.Okadareplied.“Now,
Mrs.Nitta,whatwasthis
aboutofferingMamehaan
additionaltenpercent?I
assumeyoumeanttenpercent
overthedoubleyou
originallyagreedtopayher.”
“IfonlyIwereina
positiontodosuchathing,”
Mothersaid.
“Butyouoffereditonlya
momentago.Surelyyou
haven’tchangedyourmind
soquickly?”
Mrs.Okadawasn’tgazing
atthetabletopanylonger,but
wasstaringdirectlyat
Mother.Afteralongmoment
shesaid,“Isupposewe’lllet
itbe.Inanycase,we’vedone
enoughforoneday.Why
don’twemeetanothertimeto
workoutthefinalfigure?”
Motherworeastern
expressiononherface,but
shegavealittlebowofassent
andthankedthetwoofthem
forcoming.
“I’msureyoumustbevery
pleased,”Mrs.Okadasaid,
whileputtingawayher
abacusandheraccounting
book,“thatSayuriwillsoon
betakingadanna.Andat
onlyeighteenyearsofage!
Howyoungtotakesuchabig
step.”
“Mamehawouldhavedone
welltotakeadannaatthat
ageherself,”Motherreplied.
“Eighteenisabityoungfor
mostgirls,”Mamehasaid,
“butI’mcertainMrs.Nitta
hasmadetherightdecisionin
Sayuri’scase.”
Motherpuffedonherpipe
amoment,peeringat
Mamehaacrossthetable.
“Myadvicetoyou,Mamehasan,”shesaid,“isthatyou
sticktoteachingSayuriabout
thatprettywayofrollingher
eyes.Whenitcomesto
businessdecisions,youmay
leavethemtome.”
“Iwouldneverpresumeto
discussbusinesswithyou,
Mrs.Nitta.I’mconvinced
yourdecisionisforthebest..
.ButmayIask?Isittruethe
mostgenerousofferhascome
fromNobuToshikazu?”
“Hishasbeentheonly
offer.Isupposethatmakesit
themostgenerous.”
“Theonlyoffer?Whata
pity...Thearrangementsare
somuchmorefavorable
whenseveralmencompete.
Don’tyoufinditso?”
“AsIsay,Mameha-san,
youcanleavethebusiness
decisionstome.Ihavein
mindaverysimpleplanfor
arrangingfavorableterms
withNobuToshikazu.”
“Ifyoudon’tmind,”
Mamehasaid,“I’dbevery
eagertohearit.”
Motherputherpipedown
onthetable.Ithoughtshe
wasgoingtoreprimand
Mameha,butinfactshesaid,
“Yes,I’dliketotellittoyou,
nowthatyoumentionit.You
maybeabletohelpme.I’ve
beenthinkingthatNobu
Toshikazuwillbemore
generousifhefindsoutan
IwamuraElectricheater
killedourGranny.Don’tyou
thinkso?”
“Oh,Iknowverylittle
aboutbusiness,Mrs.Nitta.”
“PerhapsyouorSayuri
shouldletitslipin
conversationthenexttime
youseehim.Lethimknow
whataterribleblowitwas.I
thinkhe’llwanttomakeitup
tous.”
“Yes,I’msurethat’sa
goodidea,”Mamehasaid.
“Still,it’sdisappointing...I
hadtheimpressionanother
manhadexpressedinterestin
Sayuri.”
“Ahundredyenisa
hundredyen,whetherit
comesfromthismanorthat
one.”
“Thatwouldbetruein
mostcases,”Mamehasaid.
“ButthemanI’mthinkingof
isGeneralTottoriJunnosuke.
..”
Atthispointinthe
conversation,Ilosttrackof
whatthetwoofthemwere
saying;forI’dbegunto
realizethatMamehawas
makinganefforttorescueme
fromNobu.Icertainlyhadn’t
expectedsuchathing.Ihad
noideawhethershe’d
changedhermindabout
helpingme,orwhethershe
wasthankingmefortaking
hersideagainstMother...
Ofcourse,itwaspossibleshe
wasn’treallytryingtohelp
meatall,buthadsomeother
purpose.Mymindwenton
racingwiththesethoughts,
untilIfeltMothertappingmy
armwiththestemofherpipe.
“Well?”shesaid.
“Ma’am?”
“Iaskedifyouknowthe
General.”
“I’vemethimafewtimes,
Mother,”Isaid.“Hecomesto
Gionoften.”
Idon’tknowwhyIgave
thisresponse.Thetruthis,I’d
mettheGeneralmorethana
fewtimes.Hecametoparties
inGioneveryweek,though
alwaysastheguestof
someoneelse.Hewasabiton
thesmallside—shorterthanI
was,infact.Buthewasn’t
thesortofpersonyoucould
overlook,anymorethanyou
couldoverlookamachine
gun.Hemovedverybriskly
andwasalwayspuffingon
onecigaretteafteranother,so
thatwispsofsmokedriftedin
theairaroundhimlikethe
cloudsaroundatrainidling
onthetracks.Oneevening
whileslightlydrunk,the
Generalhadtalkedtomefor
thelongesttimeaboutallthe
variousranksinthearmyand
founditveryfunnythatIkept
mixingthemup.General
Tottori’sownrankwasshojo,whichmeant“little
general”—thatistosay,the
lowestofthegenerals—and
foolishgirlthatIwas,Ihad
theimpressionthiswasn’t
veryhigh.Hemayhave
playeddowntheimportance
ofhisrankfrommodesty,and
Ididn’tknowanybetterthan
tobelievehim.
BynowMamehawas
tellingMotherthatthe
Generalhadjusttakenanew
position.He’dbeenputin
chargeofsomethingcalled
“militaryprocurement”—
thoughasMamehawentonto
explainit,thejobsounded
likenothingmorethana
housewifegoingtothe
market.Ifthearmyhada
shortageofinkpads,for
example,theGeneral’sjob
wastomakesureitgotthe
inkpadsitneeded,andata
veryfavorableprice.
“Withhisnewjob,”said
Mameha,“theGeneralisnow
inapositiontotakea
mistressforthefirsttime.
AndI’mquitesurehehas
expressedaninterestin
Sayuri.”
“Whyshoulditmatterto
meifhe’sexpressedan
interestinSayuri?”Mother
said.“Thesemilitarymen
nevertakecareofageisha
thewayabusinessmanoran
aristocratdoes.”
“Thatmaybetrue,Mrs.
Nitta.ButIthinkyou’llfind
thatGeneralTottori’snew
positioncouldbeofgreat
helptotheokiya.”
“Nonsense!Idon’tneed
helptakingcareoftheokiya.
AllIneedissteady,generous
income,andthat’stheone
thingamilitarymancan’t
giveme.”
“ThoseofusinGionhave
beenfortunatesofar,”
Mamehasaid.“Butshortages
willaffectus,ifthewar
continues.”
“I’msuretheywould,if
thewarcontinued,”Mother
said.“Thiswarwillbeover
insixmonths.”
“Andwhenitis,the
militarywillbeinastronger
positionthaneverbefore.
Mrs.Nitta,pleasedon’t
forgetthatGeneralTottoriis
themanwhooverseesallthe
resourcesofthemilitary.No
oneinJapanisinabetter
positiontoprovideyouwith
everythingyoucouldwant,
whetherthewarcontinuesor
not.Heapproveseveryitem
passingthroughalltheports
inJapan.”
AsIlaterlearned,what
Mamehahadsaidabout
GeneralTottoriwasn’tquite
true.Hewasinchargeofonly
oneoffivelarge
administrativeareas.Buthe
wasseniortothemenwho
oversawtheotherdistricts,so
hemayaswellhavebeenin
charge.Inanycase,you
shouldhaveseenhowMother
behavedafterMamehahad
saidthis.Youcouldalmost
seehermindatworkasshe
thoughtabouthavingthehelp
ofamaninGeneralTottori’s
position.Sheglancedatthe
teapot,andIcouldjust
imagineherthinking,“Well,I
haven’thadanytrouble
gettingtea;notyet...though
thepricehasgoneup...”
Andthenprobablywithout
evenrealizingwhatshewas
doing,sheputonehand
insideherobiandsqueezed
hersilkbagoftobaccoasifto
seehowmuchremained.
***
Motherspentthenext
weekgoingaroundGionand
makingonephonecallafter
anothertolearnasmuchas
shecouldaboutGeneral
Tottori.Shewassoimmersed
inthistaskthatsometimes
whenIspoketoher,she
didn’tseemtohearme.I
thinkshewassobusywith
herthoughts,hermindwas
likeatrainpullingtoomany
cars.
DuringthisperiodI
continuedseeingNobu
wheneverhecametoGion,
anddidmybesttoactas
thoughnothinghadchanged.
Probablyhe’dexpectedI
wouldbehismistressbythe
middleofJuly.CertainlyI’d
expectedit;butevenwhen
themonthcametoaclose,his
negotiationsseemedtohave
lednowhere.Severaltimes
duringthefollowingweeksI
noticedhimlookingatme
withpuzzlement.Andthen
onenighthegreetedthe
mistressoftheIchiriki
Teahouseinthecurtest
mannerI’deverseen,by
strollingpastwithoutso
muchasanod.Themistress
hadalwaysvaluedNobuasa
customer,andgavemealook
thatseemedsurprisedand
worriedallatonce.WhenI
joinedthepartyNobuwas
giving,Icouldn’thelp
noticingsignsofanger—a
ripplingmuscleinhisjaw,
andacertainbrisknesswith
whichhetossedsakeintohis
mouth.Ican’tsayIblamed
himforfeelingashedid.I
thoughthemustconsiderme
heartless,tohaverepaidhis
manykindnesseswith
neglect.Ifellintoagloomy
spellthinkingthesethoughts,
untilthesoundofasakecup
setdownwithatickstartled
meoutofit.WhenIlooked
up,Nobuwaswatchingme.
Guestsallaroundhimwere
laughingandenjoying
themselves,andtherehesat
withhiseyesfixedonme,as
lostinhisthoughtsasIhad
beeninmine.Wewerelike
twowetspotsinthemidstof
burningcharcoal.
ChapterTwenty-Six
DuringSeptemberofthat
year,whileIwasstill
eighteenyearsold,General
TottoriandIdranksake
togetherinaceremonyatthe
IchirikiTeahouse.Thiswas
thesameceremonyI’dfirst
performedwithMameha
whenshebecamemyolder
sister,andlaterwithDr.Crab
justbeforemymizuage.In
theweeksafterward,
everyonecongratulated
Motherforhavingmadesuch
afavorablealliance.
Onthatveryfirstnight
aftertheceremony,Iwenton
theGeneral’sinstructionstoa
smallinninthenorthwestof
KyotocalledSuruya,with
onlythreerooms.Iwasso
accustomedbythistimeto
lavishsurroundingsthatthe
shabbinessoftheSuruya
surprisedme.Theroom
smelledofmildew,andthe
tatamiweresobloatedand
soddenthattheyseemedto
makeasighingnoisewhenI
steppedonthem.Plasterhad
crumblednearthefloorin
onecorner.Icouldhearan
oldmanreadingamagazine
articlealoudinanadjacent
room.ThelongerIknelt
there,themoreoutofsortsI
felt,sothatIwaspositively
relievedwhentheGeneral
finallyarrived—eventhough
hedidnothingmore,afterI
hadgreetedhim,thanturnon
theradioandsitdrinkinga
beer.
Afteratimehewent
downstairstotakeabath.
Whenhereturnedtothe
room,hetookoffhisrobeat
onceandwalkedaround
completelynakedtoweling
hishair,withhislittleround
bellyprotrudingbelowhis
chestandagreatpatchofhair
beneathit.Ihadneverseena
mannakedbefore,andI
foundtheGeneral’ssagging
bottomalmostcomical.But
whenhefacedmeImust
admitmyeyeswentstraight
towhere...well,towhere
his“eel”oughttohavebeen.
Somethingwasflapping
aroundthere,butonlywhen
theGenerallayonhisback
andtoldmetotakeoffmy
clothesdiditbegintosurface.
Hewassuchastrangelittle
nuggetofaman,but
completelyunabashedabout
tellingmewhattodo.I’d
beenafraidI’dhavetofind
somewayofpleasinghim,
butasitturnedout,allIhad
todowasfolloworders.In
thethreeyearssincemy
mizuage,I’dforgottenthe
sheerterrorI’dfeltwhenthe
Doctorfinallylowered
himselfontome.I
remembereditnow,butthe
strangethingwasthatIdidn’t
feelterrorsomuchasakind
ofvaguequeasiness.The
Generallefttheradioon—
andthelightsaswell,asifhe
wantedtobesureIsawthe
drabnessoftheroomclearly,
rightdowntothewaterstain
ontheceiling.
Asthemonthspassed,this
queasinesswentaway,and
myencounterswiththe
Generalbecamenothingmore
thananunpleasanttwiceweeklyroutine.SometimesI
wonderedwhatitmightbe
likewiththeChairman;and
totellthetruth,Iwasabit
afraiditmightbedistasteful,
justaswiththeDoctorand
theGeneral.Thensomething
happenedtomakemesee
thingsdifferently.Around
thistimeamannamed
YasudaAkira,who’dbeenin
allthemagazinesbecauseof
thesuccessofanewkindof
bicyclelighthe’ddesigned,
begancomingtoGion
regularly.Hewasn’twelcome
attheIchirikiyetand
probablycouldn’thave
affordeditinanycase,buthe
spentthreeorfoureveningsa
weekatalittleteahouse
calledTatematsu,inthe
Tominaga-chosectionof
Gion,notfarfromourokiya.
Ifirstmethimatabanquet
onenightduringthespringof
1939,whenIwasnineteen
yearsold.Hewassomuch
youngerthanthemenaround
him—probablynomorethan
thirty—thatInoticedhimthe
momentIcameintothe
room.Hehadthesamesortof
dignityastheChairman.I
foundhimveryattractive
sittingtherewithhis
shirtsleevesrolledupandhis
jacketbehindhimonthe
mats.ForamomentI
watchedanoldmannearby,
whoraiseduphischopsticks
withalittlepieceofbraised
tofuandhismouthalreadyas
wideasitwouldgo;thisgave
metheimpressionofadoor
beingslidopensothataturtle
couldmarchslowlythrough.
Bycontrastitmademe
almostweaktoseetheway
Yasuda-san,withhis
graceful,sculptedarm,puta
biteofbraisedbeefintohis
mouthwithhislipsparted
sensuously.
Imademywayaroundthe
circleofmen,andwhenI
cametohimandintroduced
myself,hesaid,“Ihope
you’llforgiveme.”
“Forgiveyou?Why,what
haveyoudone?”Iaskedhim.
“I’vebeenveryrude,”he
replied.“Ihaven’tbeenable
totakemyeyesoffyouall
evening.”
OnimpulseIreachedinto
myobiforthebrocadecard
holderIkeptthere,and
discreetlyremovedonecard,
whichIpassedtohim.Geisha
alwayscarrynamecardswith
themjustasbusinessmen
carrybusinesscards.Mine
wasverysmall,halfthesize
ofanordinarycallingcard,
printedonheavyricepaper
withonlythewords“Gion”
and“Sayuri”writtenonitin
calligraphy.Itwasspring,so
Iwascarryingcards
decoratedwithacolorful
sprayofplumblossomsinthe
background.Yasudaadmired
itforamomentbeforeputting
itintohisshirtpocket.Ihad
thefeelingnowordswe
spokecouldbeaseloquentas
thissimpleinteraction,soI
bowedtohimandwentonto
thenextman.
Fromthatday,Yasuda-san
beganaskingmetothe
TatematsuTeahouseevery
weektoentertainhim.Iwas
neverabletogoasoftenashe
wantedme.Butaboutthree
monthsafterwefirstmet,he
broughtmeakimonoone
afternoonasagift.Ifeltvery
flattered,eventhoughintruth
itwasn’tasophisticatedrobe
—wovenwithapoorquality
silkinsomewhatgarish
colors,andwitha
commonplacedesignof
flowersandbutterflies.He
wantedmetowearitforhim
oneeveningsoon,andI
promisedhimIwould.But
whenIreturnedtotheokiya
withitthatnight,Mothersaw
mecarryingthepackageup
thestairsandtookitaway
frommetohavealook.She
sneeredwhenshesawthe
robe,andsaidshewouldn’t
havemeseeninanythingso
unattractive.Theverynext
day,shesoldit.
WhenIfoundoutwhat
she’ddone,Isaidtoheras
boldlyasIdaredthattherobe
hadbeengiventomeasa
gift,nottotheokiya,andthat
itwasn’trightforhertohave
soldit.
“Certainlyitwasyour
robe,”shesaid.“Butyouare
thedaughteroftheokiya.
Whatbelongstotheokiya
belongstoyou,andtheother
wayaroundaswell.”
IwassoangryatMother
afterthisthatIcouldn’teven
bringmyselftolookather.
AsforYasuda-san,who’d
wantedtoseetherobeonme,
Itoldhimthatbecauseofits
colorsanditsbutterflymotif,
Icouldwearitonlyvery
earlyinthespring,andsince
itwasnowalreadysummer,
nearlyayearwouldhaveto
passbeforehecouldseeme
init.Hedidn’tseemtooupset
tohearthis.
“Whatisayear?”hesaid,
lookingatmewith
penetratingeyes.“I’dwaita
gooddeallonger,depending
onwhatIwaswaitingfor.”
Wewerealoneinthe
room,andYasuda-sanputhis
beerglassdownonthetable
inawaythatmademeblush.
Hereachedoutformyhand,
andIgaveittohimexpecting
thathewantedtoholdita
longmomentinbothofhis
beforelettingitgoagain.But
tomysurprisehebroughtit
quicklytohislipsandbegan
kissingtheinsideofmywrist
quitepassionately,inawayI
couldfeelasfardownasmy
knees.Ithinkofmyselfasan
obedientwoman;upuntilthis
timeI’dgenerallydonethe
thingstoldtomebyMother,
orMameha,oreven
HatsumomowhenI’dhadno
otherchoice;butIfeltsucha
combinationofangerat
Motherandlongingfor
Yasuda-santhatImadeup
mymindrightthentodothe
verythingMotherhad
orderedmemostexplicitly
nottodo.Iaskedhimtomeet
meinthatveryteahouseat
midnight,andIlefthimthere
alone.
JustbeforemidnightI
camebackandspoketoa
youngmaid.Ipromisedher
anindecentsumofmoneyif
shewouldseetoitthatno
onedisturbedYasuda-sanand
meinoneoftheupstairs
roomsforhalfanhour.Iwas
alreadythere,waitinginthe
dark,whenthemaidslidopen
thedoorandYasuda-san
steppedinside.Hedropped
hisfedoraontothematsand
pulledmetomyfeeteven
beforethedoorwasclosed.
Topressmybodyagainsthis
feltsosatisfying,likeameal
afteralongspellofhunger.
Nomatterhowhardhe
pressedhimselfagainstme,I
pressedbackharder.
SomehowIwasn’tshockedto
seehowexpertlyhishands
slippedthroughtheseamsin
myclothingtofindmyskin.I
won’tpretendIexperienced
noneoftheclumsymoments
Iwasaccustomedtowiththe
General,butIcertainlydidn’t
noticetheminthesameway.
Myencounterswiththe
Generalremindedmeofa
timeasachildwhenI’d
struggledtoclimbatreeand
pluckawayacertainleafat
thetop.Itwasallamatterof
carefulmovements,bearing
thediscomfortuntilIfinally
reachedmygoal.Butwith
Yasuda-sanIfeltlikeachild
runningfreelydownahill.
Sometimelaterwhenwelay
exhausteduponthemats
together,Imovedhisshirttail
asideandputmyhandonhis
stomachtofeelhisbreathing.
Ihadneverinmylifebeenso
closetoanotherhumanbeing
before,thoughwehadn’t
spokenaword.
ItwasonlythenthatI
understood:itwasonething
toliestillonthefutonforthe
DoctorortheGeneral.It
wouldbesomethingquite
differentwiththeChairman.
***
Manyageisha’sday-todaylifehaschanged
dramaticallyaftertakinga
danna;butinmycase,I
couldhardlyseeanychange
atall.Istillmadetherounds
ofGionatnightjustasIhad
overthepastfewyears.From
timetotimeduringthe
afternoonsIwenton
excursions,includingsome
verypeculiarones,suchas
accompanyingamanona
visittohisbrotherinthe
hospital.Butasforthe
changesI’dexpected—the
prominentdancerecitalspaid
forbymydanna,lavishgifts
providedbyhim,evenaday
ortwoofpaidleisuretime—
well,noneofthesethings
happened.Itwasjustas
Motherhadsaid.Military
mendidn’ttakecareofa
geishathewayabusinessman
oranaristocratdid.
TheGeneralmayhave
broughtaboutverylittle
changeinmylife,butitwas
certainlytruethathisalliance
withtheokiyawas
invaluable,atleastfrom
Mother’spointofview.He
coveredmanyofmy
expensesjustasadanna
usuallydoes—includingthe
costofmylessons,myannual
registrationfee,mymedical
expenses,and...oh,Idon’t
evenknowwhatelse—my
socks,probably.Butmore
important,hisnewpositionas
directorofmilitary
procurementwaseverything
Mamehahadsuggested,so
thathewasabletodothings
forusnootherdannacould
havedone.Forexample,
AuntiegrewillduringMarch
of1939.Wewereterribly
worriedabouther,andthe
doctorswereofnohelp;but
afteratelephonecalltothe
General,animportantdoctor
fromthemilitaryhospitalin
theKamigyoWardcalledon
usandprovidedAuntiewitha
packetofmedicinethatcured
her.SoalthoughtheGeneral
maynothavesentmeto
Tokyofordancerecitals,or
presentedmewithprecious
gems,noonecouldsuggest
ourokiyadidn’tdowellby
him.Hesentregular
deliveriesofteaandsugar,as
wellaschocolates,which
werebecomingscarceevenin
Gion.Andofcourse,Mother
hadbeenquitewrongabout
thewarendingwithinsix
months.Wecouldn’thave
believeditatthetime,but
we’dscarcelyseenthe
beginningofthedarkyears
justyet.
***
Duringthatfallwhenthe
Generalbecamemydanna,
Nobuceasedinvitingmeto
partieswhereI’dsooften
entertainedhim.SoonI
realizedhe’dstoppedcoming
totheIchirikialtogether.I
couldn’tthinkofanyreason
heshoulddothis,unlessit
wastoavoidme.Withasigh,
themistressoftheIchiriki
agreedthatIwasprobably
right.AttheNewYearI
wroteNobuacard,asIdid
withallofmypatrons,buthe
didn’trespond.It’seasyfor
metolookbacknowandtell
youcasuallyhowmany
monthspassed;butatthe
timeIlivedinanguish.Ifelt
I’dwrongedamanwhohad
treatedmekindly—amanI’d
cometothinkofasafriend.
Whatwasmore,without
Nobu’spatronage,Iwasno
longerinvitedtoIwamura
Electric’sparties,which
meantIhardlystoodany
chanceatallofseeingthe
Chairman.
Ofcourse,theChairman
stillcameregularlytothe
IchirikieventhoughNobu
didn’t.Isawhimquietly
upbraidingajuniorassociate
inthehallwayoneevening,
gesturingwithafountainpen
foremphasis,andIdidn’t
daredisturbhimtosayhello.
Anothernight,aworriedlookingyoungapprentice
namedNaotsu,withaterrible
underbite,waswalkinghim
tothetoiletwhenhecaught
sightofme.HeleftNaotsu
standingtheretocomeand
speakwithme.We
exchangedtheusual
pleasantries.IthoughtIsaw,
inhisfaintsmile,thekindof
subduedpridemenoften
seemtofeelwhengazingon
theirownchildren.Beforehe
continuedonhisway,Isaid
tohim,“Chairman,ifthere’s
everaneveningwhenthe
presenceofanothergeishaor
twomightbehelpful...”
Thiswasveryforwardof
me,buttomyreliefthe
Chairmandidn’ttakeoffense.
“That’safineidea,
Sayuri,”hesaid.“I’llaskfor
you.”
Buttheweekspassed,and
hedidn’t.
OneeveninglateinMarch
Idroppedinonaverylively
partygivenbytheGovernor
ofKyotoPrefectureata
teahousecalledShunju.The
Chairmanwasthere,onthe
losingendofadrinking
game,lookingexhaustedin
shirtsleevesandwithhistie
loosened.Actuallythe
Governorhadlostmostofthe
rounds,asIlearned,butheld
hissakebetterthanthe
Chairman.
“I’msogladyou’rehere,
Sayuri,”hesaidtome.
“You’vegottohelpme.I’m
introuble.”
Toseethesmoothskinof
hisfacesplotchedred,andhis
armsprotrudingfromrolledupshirtsleeves,Ithoughtat
onceofYasuda-sanonthat
nightattheTatematsu
Teahouse.Forthebriefest
momentIhadafeelingthat
everythingintheroomhad
vanishedbuttheChairman
andme,andthatinhis
slightlydrunkenstateImight
leanintowardhimuntilhis
armswentaroundme,and
putmylipsonhis.Ievenhad
aflickerofembarrassment
thatI’dbeensoobviousin
mythoughtsthatthe
Chairmanmusthave
understoodthem...butifso,
heseemedtoregardmejust
thesame.Tohelphim,allI
coulddowasconspirewith
anothergeishatoslowthe
paceofthegame.The
Chairmanseemedgratefulfor
this,andwhenitwasallover,
hesatandtalkedwithmea
longwhile,drinkingglasses
ofwatertosoberup.Finally
hetookahandkerchieffrom
hispocket,identicaltothe
onetuckedinsidemyobi,and
wipedhisforeheadwithit,
andthensmoothedhiscoarse
hairbackalonghishead
beforesayingtome:
“Whenwasthelasttime
youspokewithyourold
friendNobu?”
“Notinquitesometime,
Chairman,”Isaid.“Totell
thetruth,Ihavethe
impressionNobu-sanmaybe
angrywithme.”
TheChairmanwaslooking
downintohishandkerchiefas
herefoldedit.“Friendshipis
apreciousthing,Sayuri,”he
said.“Onemustn’tthrowit
away.”
***
Ithoughtaboutthis
conversationoftenoverthe
weeksthatfollowed.Then
onedaylateinApril,Iwas
puttingonmymakeupfora
performanceofDancesofthe
OldCapital,whenayoung
apprenticeIhardlyknew
cametospeakwithme.Iput
downmymakeupbrush,
expectinghertoaskafavor—
becauseourokiyawasstill
wellsuppliedwiththings
othersinGionhadlearnedto
dowithout.Butinsteadshe
said:
“I’mterriblysorryto
troubleyou,Sayuri-san,but
mynameisTakazuru.I
wonderedifyouwouldmind
helpingme.Iknowyouwere
onceverygoodfriendswith
Nobu-san...”
Aftermonthsandmonths
ofwonderingabouthim,and
feelingterriblyashamedfor
whatI’ddone,justtohear
Nobu’snamewhenIdidn’t
expectitwaslikeopening
stormshuttersandfeelingthe
firstdraftofair.
“Wemustallhelpeach
otherwheneverwecan,
Takazuru,”Isaid.“Andifit’s
aproblemwithNobu-san,
I’mespeciallyinterested.I
hopehe’swell.”
“Yes,heiswell,ma’am,or
atleastIthinkso.Hecomes
totheAwazumiTeahouse,in
EastGion.Doyouknowit?”
“Oh,yes,Iknowit,”Isaid.
“ButIhadnoideaNobu-san
visitedthere.”
“Yes,ma’am,quiteoften,”
Takazurutoldme.“But...
mayIask,Sayuri-san?
You’veknownhimalong
while,and...well,Nobu-san
isakindman,isn’the?”
“Takazuru-san,whydo
youaskme?Ifyou’vebeen
spendingtimewithhim,
surelyyouknowwhetheror
notheiskind!”
“I’msureImustsound
foolish.ButI’msoconfused!
Heasksformeeverytimehe
comestoGion,andmyolder
sistertellsmehe’sasgooda
patronasanygirlcouldhope
for.Butnowshe’sangrywith
mebecauseI’vecriedinfront
ofhimseveraltimes.IknowI
shouldn’tdoit,butIcan’t
evenpromiseIwon’tdoit
again!”
“Heisbeingcrueltoyou,
ishe?”
Bywayofanswering,poor
Takazuruclenchedher
tremblinglipstogether,andin
amomenttearsbegantopool
attheedgesofherlids,so
muchthatherlittleround
eyesseemedtogazeupatme
fromtwopuddles.
“SometimesNobu-san
doesn’tknowhowharshhe
sounds,”Itoldher.“Buthe
mustlikeyou,Takazuru-san.
Otherwise,whywouldheask
foryou?”
“Ithinkheasksforme
onlybecauseI’msomeoneto
bemeanto,”shesaid.“One
timehedidsaymyhair
smelledclean,butthenhe
toldmewhatanicechange
thatwas.”
“It’sstrangethatyousee
himsooften,”Isaid.“I’ve
beenhopingformonthsto
runintohim.”
“Oh,pleasedon’t,Sayurisan!Healreadysayshow
nothingaboutmeisasgood
asyou.Ifheseesyouagain,
he’llonlythinktheworseof
me.IknowIshouldn’tbother
youwithmyproblems,
ma’am,but...Ithoughtyou
mightknowsomethingI
coulddotopleasehim.He
likesstimulating
conversation,butInever
knowwhattosay.Everyone
tellsmeI’mnotaverybright
girl.”
PeopleinKyotoaretrained
tosaythingslikethis;butit
struckmethatthispoorgirl
mightbetellingthetruth.It
wouldn’thavesurprisedmeif
Noburegardedherasnothing
morethanthetreewherethe
tigermightsharpenitsclaws.
Icouldn’tthinkofanything
helpful,sointheendI
suggestedshereadabook
aboutsomehistoricalevent
Nobumightfindinteresting,
andtellthestorytohimbitby
bitwhentheymet.Imyself
haddonethissortofthing
fromtimetotime—forthere
weremenwholikednothing
morethantositbackwith
theireyeswateryandhalfclosed,andlistentothesound
ofawoman’svoice.Iwasn’t
sureitwouldworkwith
Nobu,butTakazuruseemed
verygratefulfortheidea.
***
NowthatIknewwhereto
findNobu,Iwasdetermined
togoandseehim.Ifelt
terriblysorryI’dmadehim
angrywithme;andofcourse,
Imightneverseethe
Chairmanagainwithouthim.
Icertainlydidn’twantto
causeNobupain,butI
thoughtperhapsbymeeting
withhimIcouldfindsome
wayofresumingour
friendship.Thetroublewas,I
couldn’tdropinuninvitedat
theAwazumi,forIhadno
formalrelationshipwiththe
teahouse.SointheendI
madeupmymindtostroll
pastduringtheevening
wheneverIcould,inthe
hopesofbumpingintoNobu
onhiswaythere.Iknewhis
habitswellenoughtomakea
fairguessaboutthetimehe
mightarrive.
ForeightornineweeksI
keptupthisplan.Thenatlast
oneeveningIspottedhim
emergingfromthebackofa
limousineinthedark
alleywayaheadofme.Iknew
itwashim,becausetheempty
sleeveofhisjacket,pinnedat
theshoulder,gavehiman
unmistakablesilhouette.The
driverwashandinghimhis
briefcaseasIneared.I
stoppedinthelightofa
lanternthereinthealley,and
letoutalittlegaspthatwould
soundlikedelight.Nobu
lookedinmydirectionjustas
I’dhoped.
“Well,well,”hesaid.“One
forgetshowlovelyageisha
canlook.”Hespokeinsucha
casualtone,Ihadtowonder
whetherheknewitwasme.
“Why,sir,yousoundlike
myoldfriendNobu-san,”I
said.“Butyoucan’tbehim,
forIhavetheimpressionhe
hasdisappearedcompletely
fromGion!”
Thedriverclosedthedoor,
andwestoodinsilenceuntil
thecarpulledaway.
“I’msorelieved,”Isaid,
“toseeNobu-sanagainat
last!Andwhatluckforme
thatheshouldbestandingin
theshadowsratherthaninthe
light.”
“SometimesIdon’thave
theleastideawhatyou’re
talkingabout,Sayuri.You
musthavelearnedthisfrom
Mameha.Ormaybethey
teachittoallgeisha.”
“WithNobu-sanstanding
intheshadows,I’munableto
seetheangryexpressionon
hisface.”
“Isee,”hesaid.“Soyou
thinkI’mangrywithyou?”
“WhatelseamItothink,
whenanoldfrienddisappears
forsomanymonths?I
supposeyou’regoingtotell
methatyou’vebeentoobusy
tocometotheIchiriki.”
“Whydoyousayitasifit
couldn’tpossiblybetrue?”
“BecauseIhappentoknow
thatyou’vebeencomingto
Gionoften.Butdon’tbother
toaskmehowIknow.I
won’ttellyouunlessyou
agreetocomeonastrollwith
me.”
“Allright,”saidNobu.
“Sinceit’sapleasantevening
—”
“Oh,Nobu-san,don’tsay
that.I’dmuchratheryousaid,
‘SinceI’vebumpedintoan
oldfriendIhaven’tseeninso
long,Ican’tthinkofanything
I’dratherdothangoona
strollwithher.’”
“I’lltakeawalkwithyou,”
hesaid.“Youmaythink
whateveryoulikeaboutmy
reasonsfordoingit.”
Igavealittlebowofassent
tothis,andwesetoff
togetherdownthealleyinthe
directionofMaruyamaPark.
“IfNobu-sanwantsmeto
believeheisn’tangry,”Isaid,
“heshouldactfriendlier,
insteadoflikeapantherwho
hasn’tbeenfedformonths.
NowonderpoorTakazuruis
soterrifiedofyou...”
“Soshe’sspokentoyou,
hasshe?”saidNobu.“Well,
ifsheweren’tsuchan
infuriatinggirl—”
“Ifyoudon’tlikeher,why
doyouaskforhereverytime
youcometoGion?”
“I’veneveraskedforher,
notevenonce!It’sherolder
sisterwhokeepspushingher
atme.It’sbadenoughyou’ve
remindedmeofher.Now
you’regoingtotake
advantageofbumpinginto
metonighttotrytoshameme
intolikingher!”
“Actually,Nobu-san,I
didn’t‘bump’intoyouatall.
I’vebeenstrollingdownthat
alleyforweeksjustforthe
purposeoffindingyou.”
ThisseemedtogiveNobu
somethingtothinkabout,for
wewalkedalonginsilencea
fewmoments.Finallyhesaid,
“Ishouldn’tbesurprised.
You’reasconnivingaperson
asIknow.”
“Nobu-san!Whatelsewas
Itodo?”Isaid.“Ithought
youhaddisappeared
completely.Imightnever
haveknownwheretofind
you,ifTakazuruhadn’tcome
tomeintearstosayhow
badlyyou’vebeentreating
her.”
“Well,Ihavebeenhardon
her,Isuppose.Butsheisn’t
ascleverasyou—oras
pretty,forthatmatter.If
you’vebeenthinkingI’m
angrywithyou,you’requite
right.”
“MayIaskwhatIhave
donetomakeanoldfriendso
angry?”
HereNobustoppedand
turnedtomewithaterribly
sadlookinhiseyes.Ifelta
fondnesswellingupinme
thatI’veknownforveryfew
meninmylife.Iwasthinking
howmuchIhadmissedhim,
andhowdeeplyIhad
wrongedhim.ButthoughI’m
ashamedtoadmitit,my
feelingsoffondnesswere
tingedwithpity.
“Afteraconsiderable
amountofeffort,”hesaid,“I
havediscoveredtheidentity
ofyourdanna.”
“IfNobu-sanhadasked
me,Iwouldhavebeengladto
tellhim.”
“Idon’tbelieveyou.You
geishaarethemostclosemouthedgroupofpeople.I
askedaroundGionabout
yourdanna,andoneafter
anothertheyallpretendednot
toknow.Ineverwouldhave
foundout,ifIhadn’tasked
Michizonotocomeentertain
meonenight,justthetwoof
us.”
Michizono,whowasabout
fiftyatthetime,wasasortof
legendinGion.Shewasn’ta
beautifulwoman,butshe
couldsometimesputeven
Nobuinagoodmoodjust
fromthewayshecrinkledher
noseathimwhenshebowed
hello.
“Imadeherplaydrinking
gameswithme,”hewenton,
“andIwonandwonuntil
poorMichizonowasquite
drunk.Icouldhaveaskedher
anythingatallandshewould
havetoldme.”
“Whatalotofwork!”I
said.
“Nonsense.Shewasvery
enjoyablecompany.There
wasnothinglikeworkabout
it.ButshallItellyou
something?Ihavelost
respectforyou,nowthatI
knowyourdannaisalittle
maninuniformwhomnoone
admires.”
“Nobu-sanspeaksasifI
haveanychoiceoverwhomy
dannais.TheonlychoiceI
canevermakeiswhat
kimonoI’llwear.Andeven
then—”
“Doyouknowwhythat
manhasadeskjob?It’s
becausenoonetrustshim
withanythingthatmatters.I
understandthearmyvery
well,Sayuri.Evenhisown
superiorshavenousefor
him.Youmayaswellhave
madeanalliancewitha
beggar!Really,Iwasonce
veryfondofyou,but—”
“Once?IsNobu-sannot
fondofmeanylonger?”
“Ihavenofondnessfor
fools.”
“Whatacoldthingtosay!
Areyouonlytryingtomake
mecry?Oh,Nobu-san!AmI
afoolbecausemydannaisa
manyoucan’tadmire?”
“Yougeisha!Therewas
neveramoreirritatinggroup
ofpeople.Yougoaround
consultingyouralmanacs,
saying,‘Oh,Ican’twalk
towardtheeasttoday,
becausemyhoroscopesays
it’sunlucky!’Butthenwhen
it’samatterofsomething
affectingyourentirelives,
yousimplylooktheother
way.”
“It’slessamatterof
lookingtheotherwaythanof
closingoureyestowhatwe
can’tstopfromhappening.”
“Isthatso?Well,Ilearned
afewthingsfrommytalk
withMichizonothatnight
whenIgotherdrunk.Youare
thedaughteroftheokiya,
Sayuri.Youcan’tpretendyou
havenoinfluenceatall.It’s
yourdutytousewhat
influenceyouhave,unless
youwanttodriftthroughlife
likeafishbelly-uponthe
stream.”
“IwishIcouldbelievelife
reallyissomethingmorethan
astreamthatcarriesusalong,
belly-up.”
“Allright,ifit’sastream,
you’restillfreetobeinthis
partofitorthatpart,aren’t
you?Thewaterwilldivide
againandagain.Ifyoubump,
andtussle,andfight,and
makeuseofwhatever
advantagesyoumighthave
—”
“Oh,that’sfine,I’msure,
whenwehaveadvantages.”
“You’dfindthem
everywhere,ifyouever
botheredtolook!Inmycase,
evenwhenIhavenothing
morethan—Idon’tknow—a
chewed-uppeachpit,or
somethingofthesort,Iwon’t
letitgotowaste.Whenit’s
timetothrowitout,I’llmake
goodandcertaintothrowitat
somebodyIdon’tlike!”
“Nobu-san,areyou
counselingmetothrowpeach
pits?”
“Don’tjokeaboutit;you
knowperfectlywellwhatI’m
saying.We’reverymuch
alike,Sayuri.Iknowtheycall
me‘Mr.Lizard’andallof
that,andhereyouare,the
loveliestcreatureinGion.But
thatveryfirsttimeIsawyou
atthesumotournamentyears
ago—whatwereyou,
fourteen?—Icouldseewhata
resourcefulgirlyouwere
eventhen.”
“I’vealwaysbelievedthat
Nobu-santhinksmemore
worthythanIreallyam.”
“Perhapsyou’reright.I
thoughtyouhadsomething
moretoyou,Sayuri.Butit
turnsoutyoudon’teven
understandwhereyour
destinylies.Totieyour
fortunestoamanlikethe
General!Iwouldhavetaken
propercareofyou,youknow.
Itmakesmesofuriousto
thinkaboutit!Whenthis
Generalisgonefromyour
life,he’llleavenothingfor
youtorememberhimby.Is
thishowyouintendtowaste
youryouth?Awomanwho
actslikeafoolisafool,
wouldn’tyousay?”
Ifwerubafabrictoooften,
itwillquicklygrow
threadbare;andNobu’swords
hadraspedagainstmeso
much,Icouldnolonger
maintainthatfinelylacquered
surfaceMamehahadalways
counseledmetohidebehind.
Ifeltluckytobestandingin
shadow,forIwascertain
Nobuwouldthinkstilllessof
meifhesawthepainIwas
feeling.ButIsupposemy
silencemusthavebetrayed
me;forwithhisonehandhe
tookmyshoulderandturned
mejustafraction,untilthe
lightfellonmyface.And
whenhelookedmeinthe
eyes,heletoutalongsigh
thatsoundedatfirstlike
disappointment.
“Whydoyouseemso
mucholdertome,Sayuri?”
hesaidafteramoment.
“SometimesIforgetyou’re
stillagirl.Nowyou’regoing
totellmeI’vebeentooharsh
withyou.”
“Icannotexpectthat
Nobu-sanshouldactlike
anyonebutNobu-san,”Isaid.
“Ireactverybadlyto
disappointment,Sayuri.You
oughttoknowthat.Whether
youfailedmebecauseyou’re
tooyoungorbecauseyou
aren’tthewomanIthought..
.eitherwayyoufailedme,
didn’tyou?”
“Please,Nobu-san,it
frightensmetohearyousay
thesethings.Idon’tknowifI
caneverlivemylifebythe
standardsyouuseforjudging
me...”
“Whatstandardsarethose,
really?Iexpectyoutogo
throughlifewithyoureyes
open!Ifyoukeepyour
destinyinmind,every
momentinlifebecomesan
opportunityformovingcloser
toit.Iwouldn’texpectthis
sortofawarenessfroma
foolishgirllikeTakazuru,but
—”
“Hasn’tNobu-sanbeen
callingmefoolishall
evening?”
“Youknowbetterthanto
listentomewhenI’mangry.”
“SoNobu-sanisn’tangry
anylonger.Thenwillhe
cometoseemeattheIchiriki
Teahouse?Orinvitemeto
comeandseehim?Infact,
I’minnoparticularhurrythis
evening.Icouldcomeineven
now,ifNobu-sanaskedme
to.”
Bynowwehadwalked
aroundtheblock,andwere
standingattheentrancetothe
teahouse.“Iwon’taskyou,”
hesaid,androlledopenthe
door.
Icouldn’thelpbutletouta
greatsighwhenIheardthis;
andIcallitagreatsigh
becauseitcontainedmany
smallersighswithinit—one
sighofdisappointment,one
offrustration,oneofsadness.
..andIdon’tknowwhat
else.
“Oh,Nobu-san,”Isaid,
“sometimesyou’reso
difficultformeto
understand.”
“I’maveryeasymanto
understand,Sayuri,”hesaid.
“Idon’tlikethingsheldup
beforemethatIcannot
have.”
BeforeIhadachanceto
reply,hesteppedintothe
teahouseandrolledthedoor
shutbehindhim.
ChapterTwentySeven
Duringthesummerofthat
year,1939,Iwassobusy
withengagements,occasional
meetingswiththeGeneral,
danceperformances,andthe
like,thatinthemorningwhen
Itriedtogetupfrommy
futon,Ioftenfeltlikea
bucketfilledwithnails.
UsuallybymidafternoonI
managedtoforgetmyfatigue,
butIoftenwonderedhow
muchIwasearningthrough
allmyefforts.Ineverreally
expectedtofindout,
however,soIwasquitetaken
abackwhenMothercalledme
intoherroomoneafternoon
andtoldmeI’dearnedmore
inthepastsixmonthsthan
bothHatsumomoand
Pumpkincombined.
“Whichmeans,”shesaid,
“thatit’stimeforyouto
exchangeroomswiththem.”
Iwasn’taspleasedtohear
thisasyoumightimagine.
HatsumomoandIhad
managedtolivesidebyside
thesepastfewyearsby
keepingawayfromeach
other.ButIregardedherasa
sleepingtiger,notadefeated
one.Hatsumomocertainly
wasn’tgoingtothinkof
Mother’splanas“exchanging
rooms”;shewasgoingtofeel
thatherroomhadbeentaken
awayfromher.
WhenIsawMamehathat
evening,Itoldherwhat
Motherhadsaidtome,and
mentionedmyfearsthatthe
fireinsideHatsumomomight
flareupagain.
“Oh,well,that’sfine,”said
Mameha.“Thatwomanwon’t
bebeatenonceandforall
untilweseeblood.Andwe
haven’tseenityet.Let’sgive
herabitofachanceandsee
whatsortofamessshe
makesforherselfthistime.”
Earlythenextmorning,
Auntiecameupstairsinthe
okiyatolaydowntherules
formovingourbelongings.
Shebeganbytakingmeinto
Hatsumomo’sroomand
announcingthatacertain
cornernowbelongedtome;I
couldputanythingIwanted
there,andnooneelsecould
touchit.Thenshebrought
HatsumomoandPumpkin
intomysmallerroomandset
upasimilarspaceforthetwo
ofthem.Afterwe’dswapped
allourbelongings,themove
wouldbecomplete.
Isettoworkthatvery
afternooncarryingmythings
throughthehall.IwishI
couldsayI’daccumulateda
collectionofbeautifulobjects
asMamehaprobablyhadby
myage;butthemoodofthe
nationhadchangedgreatly.
Cosmeticsandpermanents
hadrecentlybeenbannedas
luxuriesbythemilitary
government—thoughof
coursethoseofusinGion,as
playthingsofthemenin
power,stilldidmoreorless
aswepleased.Lavishgifts,
however,werealmost
unheardof,soI’d
accumulatednothingmore
overtheyearsthanafew
scrolls,inkstones,andbowls,
aswellasacollectionof
stereoscopicphotosof
famousviews,withalovely
viewermadeofsterling
silver,whichtheKabukiactor
OnoeYoegoroXVIIhad
giventome.Inanycase,I
carriedthesethingsacrossthe
hall—alongwithmymakeup,
undergarments,books,and
magazines—andpiledthem
inthecorneroftheroom.But
aslateasthefollowing
evening,Hatsumomoand
Pumpkinstillhadn’tbegun
movingtheirthingsout.On
thewaybackfrommy
lessonsatnoononthethird
day,Imadeupmymindthat
ifHatsumomo’sbottlesand
ointmentswerestillcrowded
togetheronthemakeupstand,
IwouldgoaskAuntietohelp
me.
WhenIreachedthetopof
thestairs,Iwassurprisedto
seebothHatsumomo’sdoor
andminestandingopen.Ajar
ofwhiteointmentlaybroken
onthehallwayfloor.
Somethingseemedtobe
amiss,andwhenIstepped
intomyroom,Isawwhatit
was.Hatsumomowassitting
atmylittletable,sippingat
whatlookedlikeasmallglass
ofwater—andreadinga
notebookthatbelongedto
me!
Geishaareexpectedtobe
discreetaboutthementhey
know;soyoumaybepuzzled
tohearthatseveralyears
earlierwhilestillan
apprentice,I’dgoneintoa
paperstoreoneafternoonand
boughtabeautifulbookof
blankpagestobeginkeeping
adiaryaboutmylife.Iwasn’t
foolishenoughtowritedown
thesortsofthingsageishais
neverexpectedtoreveal.I
wroteonlyaboutmythoughts
andfeelings.WhenIhad
somethingtosayabouta
particularman,Igavehima
codename.Soforexample,I
referredtoNobuas“Mr.
Tsu,”becausehesometimes
madealittlescornfulnoise
withhismouththatsounded
like“Tsu!”AndIreferredto
theChairmanas“Mr.Haa,”
becauseononeoccasionhe’d
takeninadeepbreathandlet
itoutslowlyinawaythat
soundedlike“Haa,”andI’d
imaginedhimwakingup
besidemeashesaidit—soof
course,itmadeastrong
impressiononme.ButI’d
neverthoughtforamoment
thatanyonewouldseethe
thingsI’dwritten.
“Why,Sayuri,I’mso
pleasedtoseeyou!”
Hatsumomosaid.“I’vebeen
waitingtotellyouhowmuch
I’menjoyingyourdiary.
Someoftheentriesaremost
interesting...andreally,
yourwritingstyleis
charming!I’mnotmuch
impressedwithyour
calligraphy,but—”
“Didyouhappentonotice
theinterestingthingIwrote
onthefrontpage?”
“Idon’tthinkIdid.Let’s
see...‘Private.’Well,now
here’sanexampleofwhat
I’mtalkingaboutwithyour
calligraphy.”
“Hatsumomo,pleaseput
thebookdownonthetable
andleavemyroom.”
“Really!I’mshockedat
you,Sayuri.I’monlytrying
tobehelpful!Justlistenfora
moment,andyou’llsee.For
example:Whydidyou
choosetogiveNobu
Toshikazuthename‘Mr.
Tsu’?Itdoesn’tsuithimat
all.Ithinkyoushouldhave
calledhim‘Mr.Blister’or
maybe‘Mr.One-Arm.’Don’t
youagree?Youcanchangeit
ifyouwant,andyoudon’t
evenhavetogivemeany
credit.”
“Idon’tknowwhatyou’re
talkingabout,Hatsumomo.I
haven’twrittenanything
aboutNobuatall.”
Hatsumomosighed,asifto
tellmewhatanineptliarI
was,andthenbeganpaging
throughmyjournal.“Ifit
isn’tNobuyouwerewriting
about,Iwantyoutotellme
thenameofthemanyou’re
referringtohere.Let’ssee...
ah,hereitis:‘SometimesI
seeMr.Tsu’sfaceblooming
withangerwhenageishahas
beenstaringathim.Butfor
mypart,Icanlookathimas
longasIwant,andheseems
tobepleasedbyit.Ithinkhis
fondnessformegrowsfrom
hisfeelingthatIdon’tfind
thelookofhisskinandhis
missingarmasstrangeand
frighteningassomanygirls
do.’SoIguesswhatyou’re
tellingmeisthatyouknow
someoneelsewholooksjust
likeNobu.Ithinkyoushould
introducethem!Thinkhow
muchthey’llhavein
common.”
BythistimeIwasfeeling
sickatheart—Ican’tthinkof
anybetterwayofdescribing
it.Forit’sonethingtofind
yoursecretssuddenly
exposed,butwhenyourown
foolishnesshasexposedthem
...well,ifIwaspreparedto
curseanyone,itwasmyself
forkeepingthejournalinthe
firstplaceandstowingit
whereHatsumomocouldfind
it.Ashopkeeperwholeaves
hiswindowopencanhardly
beangryattherainstormfor
ruininghiswares.
Iwenttothetabletotake
thejournalfromHatsumomo,
butsheclutchedittoher
chestandstood.Inherother
handshepickeduptheglass
ofwhatI’dthoughtwas
water.NowthatIstoodclose
toherIcouldsmelltheodor
ofsake.Itwasn’twateratall.
Shewasdrunk.
“Sayuri,ofcourseyou
wantyourjournalback,and
ofcourseI’mgoingtogiveit
toyou,”shesaid.Butshewas
walkingtowardthedooras
shesaidit.“Thetroubleis,I
haven’tfinishedreadingit.So
I’lltakeitbacktomyroom..
.unlessyou’dratherItookit
toMother.I’msureshe’llbe
pleasedtoseethepassages
you’vewrittenabouther.”
Imentionedearlierthata
brokenbottleofointmentlay
onthefloorofthehallway.
ThiswashowHatsumomo
didthings,makingamess
andnotevenbotheringtotell
themaids.Butnowassheleft
myroom,shegotwhatshe
deserved.Probablyshe’d
forgottenaboutthebottle
becauseshewasdrunk;in
anycaseshesteppedright
intothebrokenglassandlet
outalittleshriek.Isawher
lookatherfootamomentand
makeagaspingnoise,but
thenshekeptongoing.
Ifeltmyselfpanickingas
shesteppedintoherroom.I
thoughtoftryingtowrestle
thebookfromherhands...
butthenIremembered
Mameha’srealizationatthe
sumotournament.Torush
afterHatsumomowasthe
obviousthing.I’dbebetter
offtowaituntilshebeganto
relax,thinkingshe’dwon,
andthentakethejournalfrom
herwhenshewasn’t
expectingit.Thisseemedto
meafineidea...untila
momentlaterwhenIhadan
imageofherhidingitina
placeImightneverfind.
Bynowshe’dclosedthe
door.Iwenttostandoutside
itandcalledoutquietly,
“Hatsumomo-san,I’msorry
ifIseemedangry.MayI
comein?”
“No,youmaynot,”she
said.
Islidthedooropen
anyway.Theroomwasin
terribledisarray,because
Hatsumomohadputthings
everywhereinhereffortsat
moving.Thejournalwas
sittingonthetablewhile
Hatsumomoheldatowel
againstherfoot.Ihadnoidea
howIwoulddistracther,but
Icertainlydidn’tintendto
leavetheroomwithoutthe
journal.
Shemayhavehadthe
personalityofawaterrat,but
Hatsumomowasnofool.If
she’dbeensober,Iwouldn’t
evenhavetriedtooutsmart
herrightthen.But
consideringherstateatthe
moment...Ilookedaround
theflooratthepilesof
underclothing,bottlesof
perfume,andalltheother
thingsshe’dscatteredin
disarray.Theclosetdoorwas
open,andthetinysafewhere
shekeptherjewelrystood
ajar;pieceswerespillingout
ontothematsasthoughshe’d
satthereearlierinthe
morningdrinkingandtrying
themon.Andthenoneobject
caughtmyeyeasclearlyasa
singlestarburninginablack
sky.
Itwasanemeraldobi
brooch,theveryone
Hatsumomohadaccusedme
ofstealingyearsearlier,on
thenightI’dfoundherand
herboyfriendinthemaids’
room.I’dneverexpectedto
seeitagain.Iwalkeddirectly
totheclosetandreached
downtopluckitfromamong
thejewelrylyingthere.
“Whatawonderfulidea!”
Hatsumomosaid.“Goahead
andstealapieceofmy
jewelry.Truthfully,I’drather
havethecashyou’llhaveto
payme.”
“I’msopleasedyoudon’t
mind!”Itoldher.“Buthow
muchcashwillIhavetopay
forthis?”
AsIsaidthesewords,I
walkedoverandheldthe
broochupbeforeher.The
radiantsmileshe’dwornnow
faded,justasthedarkness
fadesfromavalleywhenthe
sunrisesonit.Inthat
moment,whileHatsumomo
satstunned,Isimplyreached
downtothetablewithmy
otherhandandtookthe
journalaway.
Ihadnonotionhow
Hatsumomowouldreact,but
Iwalkedoutthedoorand
closeditbehindme.Ithought
ofgoingstraighttoMotherto
showherwhatI’dfound,but
ofcourse,Icouldn’tvery
wellgotherewiththejournal
inmyhand.AsquicklyasI
could,Islidopenthedoorto
theclosetwherein-season
kimonowerekeptand
stashedthejournalonashelf
betweentworobeswrapped
intissuepaper.Ittookno
morethanafewseconds;but
allthewhilemybacktingled
fromthesensationthatatany
momentHatsumomomight
openherdoorandspotme.
AfterI’dshuttheclosetdoor
again,Irushedintomyroom
andbeganopeningand
closingthedrawerstomy
makeupstandtogive
Hatsumomotheimpression
I’dhidthejournalthere.
WhenIcameoutintothe
hallway,shewaswatching
mefromthedoorwayofher
room,wearingalittlesmile
asthoughshefoundthe
wholesituationamusing.I
triedtolookworried—which
wasn’ttoodifficult—and
carriedthebroochwithme
intoMother’sroomtolayit
onthetablebeforeher.She
putasidethemagazineshe
wasreadingandhelditupto
admireit.
“Thisisalovelypiece,”
shesaid,“butitwon’tgofar
ontheblackmarketthese
days.Noonepaysmuchfor
jewelslikethisone.”
“I’msureHatsumomowill
payverydearlyforit,
Mother,”Isaid.“Doyou
rememberthebroochI’m
supposedtohavestolenfrom
heryearsago,theonethat
wasaddedtomydebts?This
isit.I’vejustfounditonthe
floornearherjewelrybox.”
“Doyouknow,”said
Hatsumomo,whohadcome
intotheroomandnowstood
behindme.“IbelieveSayuri
isright.ThatisthebroochI
lost!Oratleast,itlookslike
it.IneverthoughtI’dseeit
again!”
“Yes,it’sverydifficultto
findthingswhenyou’re
drunkallthetime,”Isaid.“If
onlyyou’dlookedinyour
jewelryboxmoreclosely.”
Motherputthebrooch
downonthetableandwent
ongloweringatHatsumomo.
“Ifounditinherroom,”
Hatsumomosaid.“She’d
hiddenitinhermakeup
stand.”
“Whywereyoulooking
throughhermakeupstand?”
Mothersaid.
“Ididn’twanttohaveto
tellyouthis,Mother,but
Sayurileftsomethingonher
tableandIwastryingtohide
itforher.IknowIshould
havebroughtittoyouat
once,but...she’sbeen
keepingajournal,yousee.
Sheshowedittomelastyear.
She’swrittensomevery
incriminatingthingsabout
certainmen,and...
truthfully,therearesome
passagesaboutyoutoo,
Mother.”
Ithoughtofinsistingit
wasn’ttrue;butnoneofit
matteredinanycase.
Hatsumomowasintrouble,
andnothingshewasgoingto
saywouldchangethe
situation.Tenyearsearlier
whenshehadbeenthe
okiya’sprincipalearner,she
probablycouldhaveaccused
meofanythingshe’dwanted.
ShecouldhaveclaimedI’d
eatenthetatamimatsinher
room,andMotherwould
havechargedmethecostof
newones.Butnowatlastthe
seasonhadchanged;
Hatsumomo’sbrilliantcareer
wasdyingonthebranch,
whileminehadbegunto
blossom.Iwasthedaughter
oftheokiyaanditsprime
geisha.Idon’tthinkMother
evencaredwherethetruth
lay.
“Thereisnojournal,
Mother,”Isaid.“Hatsumomo
ismakingitup.”
“AmI?”saidHatsumomo.
“I’lljustgofindit,then,and
whileMotherreadsthrough
it,youcantellherhowI
madeitup.”
Hatsumomowenttomy
room,withMotherfollowing.
Thehallwayfloorwasa
terriblemess.Notonlyhad
Hatsumomobrokenabottle
andthensteppedonit,she’d
trackedointmentandblood
allaroundtheupstairshall—
andmuchworse,ontothe
tatamimatsinherownroom,
Mother’sroom,andnow
mineaswell.Shewas
kneelingatmydressingtable
whenIlookedin,closingthe
drawersveryslowlyand
lookingabitdefeated.
“Whatjournalis
Hatsumomotalkingabout?”
Motheraskedme.
“Ifthere’sajournal,I’m
certainHatsumomowillfind
it,”Isaid.
Atthis,Hatsumomoput
herhandsintoherlapand
gavealittlelaughasthough
thewholethinghadbeen
somesortofgame,andshe’d
beencleverlyoutwitted.
“Hatsumomo,”Mothersaid
toher,“you’llrepaySayuri
forthebroochyouaccused
herofstealing.What’smore,
Iwon’thavethetatamiinthis
okiyadefiledwithblood.
They’llbereplaced,andat
yourexpense.Thishasbeena
verycostlydayforyou,and
it’shardlypastnoon.ShallI
holdoffcalculatingthetotal,
justincaseyou’renotquite
finished?”
Idon’tknowif
Hatsumomoheardwhat
Mothersaid.Shewastoo
busyglaringatme,andwitha
lookonherfaceIwasn’t
accustomedtoseeing.
***
Ifyou’daskedme,whileI
wasstillayoungwoman,to
tellyoutheturningpointin
myrelationshipwith
Hatsumomo,Iwouldhave
saiditwasmymizuage.But
eventhoughit’squitetrue
thatmymizuageliftedme
ontoahighshelfwhere
Hatsumomocouldnolonger
reachme,sheandImight
wellhavegoneonlivingside
bysideuntilwewereold
women,ifnothingelsehad
happenedbetweenus.Thisis
whytherealturningpoint,as
I’vesincecometoseeit,
occurredthedaywhen
Hatsumomoreadmyjournal,
andIdiscoveredtheobi
broochshe’daccusedmeof
stealing.
Bywayofexplainingwhy
thisisso,letmetellyou
somethingAdmiral
YamamotoIsorokuoncesaid
duringaneveningatthe
IchirikiTeahouse.Ican’t
pretendIwaswellacquainted
withAdmiralYamamoto—
who’susuallydescribedas
thefatheroftheJapanese
ImperialNavy—butIwas
privilegedtoattendparties
withhimonanumberof
occasions.Hewasasmall
man;butkeepinmindthata
stickofdynamiteissmalltoo.
Partiesalwaysgrewnoisier
aftertheAdmiralarrived.
Thatnight,heandanother
manwereinthefinalround
ofadrinkinggame,andhad
agreedthattheloserwouldgo
buyacondomatthenearest
pharmacy—justforthe
embarrassmentofit,you
understand;notforanyother
purpose.Ofcourse,the
Admiralendedupwinning,
andthewholecrowdbroke
intocheersandapplause.
“It’sagoodthingyou
didn’tlose,Admiral,”said
oneofhisaides.“Thinkof
thepoorpharmacistlooking
uptofindAdmiral
YamamotoIsorokuonthe
othersideofthecounter!”
Everyonethoughtthiswas
veryfunny,buttheAdmiral
repliedthathe’dneverhad
anydoubtaboutwinning.
“Oh,comenow!”saidone
ofthegeisha.“Everyone
losesfromtimetotime!Even
you,Admiral!”
“Isupposeit’struethat
everyonelosesatsometime,”
hesaid.“Butneverme.”
Someintheroommay
haveconsideredthisan
arrogantthingtosay,butI
wasn’toneofthem.The
Admiralseemedtomethe
sortofmanwhoreallywas
accustomedtowinning.
Finallysomeoneaskedhim
thesecretofhissuccess.
“Ineverseektodefeatthe
manIamfighting,”he
explained.“Iseektodefeat
hisconfidence.Amind
troubledbydoubtcannot
focusonthecourseto
victory.Twomenareequals
—trueequals—onlywhen
theybothhaveequal
confidence.”
Idon’tthinkIrealizeditat
thetime,butafter
HatsumomoandIquarreled
overmyjournal,hermind—
astheAdmiralwouldhave
putit—begantobetroubled
bydoubt.Sheknewthat
undernocircumstances
wouldMothertakeherside
againstmeanylonger;and
becauseofthat,shewaslikea
fabrictakenfromitswarm
closetandhungoutofdoors
wheretheharshweatherwill
graduallyconsumeit.
IfMamehaweretohearme
explainingthingsinthisway,
shewouldcertainlyspeakup
andsayhowmuchshe
disagreed.Herviewof
Hatsumomowasquite
differentfrommine.She
believedHatsumomowasa
womanbentonselfdestruction,andthatallwe
neededtodowastocoaxher
alongapathshewascertain
tofollowinanycase.Perhaps
Mamehawasright;Idon’t
know.It’struethatinthe
yearssincemymizuage,
Hatsumomohadgradually
beenafflictedbysomesortof
diseaseofthecharacter—if
suchathingexists.She’dlost
allcontroloverherdrinking,
forexample,andofherbouts
ofcrueltytoo.Untilherlife
begantofray,she’dalways
usedhercrueltyfora
purpose,justasasamurai
drawshissword—notfor
slashingatrandom,butfor
slashingatenemies.Butby
thistimeinherlife,
Hatsumomoseemedtohave
lostsightofwhoherenemies
were,andsometimesstruck
outevenatPumpkin.From
timetotimeduringparties,
sheevenmadeinsulting
commentstothemenshewas
entertaining.Andanother
thing:shewasnolongeras
beautifulasshe’doncebeen.
Herskinwaswaxy-looking,
andherfeaturespuffy.Or
perhapsIwasonlyseeingher
thatway.Atreemaylookas
beautifulasever;butwhen
younoticetheinsects
infestingit,andthetipsofthe
branchesthatarebrownfrom
disease,eventhetrunkseems
tolosesomeofits
magnificence.
***
Everyoneknowsthata
woundedtigerisadangerous
beast;andforthisreason,
Mamehainsistedthatwe
followHatsumomoaround
Gionduringtheevenings
overthenextfewweeks.
Partly,Mamehawantedto
keepaneyeonher,because
neitherofuswouldhavebeen
surprisedifshe’dsoughtout
Nobutotellhimaboutthe
contentsofmyjournal,and
aboutallmysecretfeelings
for“Mr.Haa,”whomNobu
mighthaverecognizedasthe
Chairman.Butmore
important,Mamehawantedto
makeHatsumomo’slife
difficultforhertobear.
“Whenyouwanttobreaka
board,”Mamehasaid,
“crackingitinthemiddleis
onlythefirststep.Success
comeswhenyoubounceup
anddownwithallyour
weightuntiltheboardsnaps
inhalf.”
Soeveryevening,except
whenshehadanengagement
shecouldn’tmiss,Mameha
cametoourokiyaaround
duskandwaitedtowalkout
thedoorbehindHatsumomo.
MamehaandIweren’t
alwaysabletostaytogether,
butusuallyatleastoneofus
managedtofollowherfrom
engagementtoengagement
foraportionoftheevening.
Onthefirstnightwedidthis,
Hatsumomopretendedtofind
itamusing.Butbytheendof
thefourthnightshewas
lookingatusthrough
squinted,angryeyes,andhad
difficultyactingcheerful
aroundthemenshetriedto
entertain.Thenearlythe
followingweek,shesuddenly
wheeledaroundinan
alleywayandcametowardus.
“Letmeseenow,”she
said.“Dogsfollowtheir
owners.Andthetwoofyou
arefollowingmearound,
sniffingandsniffing.SoI
guessyouwanttobetreated
likedogs!ShallIshowyou
whatIdowithdogsIdon’t
like?”
Andwiththis,shedrew
backherhandtostrike
Mamehaonthesideofthe
head.Iscreamed,whichmust
havemadeHatsumomostop
tothinkaboutwhatshewas
doing.Shestaredatmea
momentwitheyesburning
beforethefirewentoutof
themandshewalkedaway.
Everyoneinthealleyhad
noticedwhatwashappening,
andafewcameovertoseeif
Mamehawasallright.She
assuredthemshewasfine
andthensaidsadly:
“PoorHatsumomo!Itmust
bejustasthedoctorsaid.She
reallydoesseemtobelosing
hermind.”
Therewasnodoctor,of
course,butMameha’swords
hadtheeffectshe’dhoped
for.Soonarumorhadspread
alloverGionthatadoctor
haddeclaredHatsumomo
mentallyunstable.
***
ForyearsHatsumomohad
beenveryclosetothefamous
KabukiactorBandoShojiro
VI.Shojirowaswhatwecall
anonna-gata,whichmeans
thathealwaysplayed
women’sroles.Once,ina
magazineinterview,hesaid
thatHatsumomowasthe
mostbeautifulwomanhe’d
everseen,andthatonthe
stageheoftenimitatedher
gesturestomakehimself
seemmorealluring.Soyou
canwellimaginethat
wheneverShojirowasin
town,Hatsumomovisited
him.
OneafternoonIlearned
thatShojirowouldattenda
partylaterthateveningata
teahouseinthegeishadistrict
ofPontocho,ontheotherside
oftheriverfromGion.I
heardthisbitofnewswhile
preparingateaceremonyfor
agroupofnavalofficerson
leave.AfterwardIrushed
backtotheokiya,but
Hatsumomohadalready
dressedandsnuckout.She
wasdoingwhatI’donce
done,leavingearlysothatno
onewouldfollowher.Iwas
veryeagertoexplainto
MamehawhatI’dlearned,so
Iwentstraighttoher
apartment.Unfortunately,her
maidtoldmeshe’dleftahalf
hourearlier“toworship.”I
knewexactlywhatthis
meant:Mamehahadgonetoa
littletemplejustattheeastern
edgeofGiontopraybefore
thethreetinyjizostatues
she’dpaidtohaveerected
there.Ajizo,yousee,honors
thesoulofadepartedchild;
inMameha’scase,theywere
forthethreechildrenshe’d
abortedattheBaron’s
request.Underother
circumstancesImighthave
gonesearchingforher,butI
couldn’tpossiblydisturbher
insuchaprivatemoment;and
besides,shemightnothave
wantedmetoknoweventhat
she’dgonethere.InsteadIsat
inherapartmentand
permittedTatsumitoserve
meteawhileIwaited.Atlast,
withsomethingofaweary
lookabouther,Mameha
camehome.Ididn’twantto
raisethesubjectatfirst,and
soforatimewechattedabout
theupcomingFestivalofthe
Ages,inwhichMamehawas
scheduledtoportrayLady
MurasakiShikibu,authorof
TheTaleofGenji.Finally
Mamehalookedupwitha
smilefromhercupofbrown
tea—Tatsumihadbeen
roastingtheleaveswhenI
arrived—andItoldherwhat
I’ddiscoveredduringthe
courseoftheafternoon.
“Howperfect!”shesaid.
“Hatsumomo’sgoingtorelax
andthinkshe’sfreeofus.
WithalltheattentionShojiro
iscertaintogiveheratthe
party,shemayfeelrenewed.
ThenyouandIwillcome
driftinginlikesomesortof
horridsmellfromthe
alleyway,andruinher
eveningcompletely.”
Consideringhowcruelly
Hatsumomohadtreatedme
overtheyears,andhowvery
muchIhatedher,I’msureI
oughttohavebeenelatedat
thisplan.Butsomehow
conspiringtomake
Hatsumomosufferwasn’tthe
pleasureImighthave
imagined.Icouldn’thelp
rememberingonemorningas
achild,whenIwas
swimminginthepondnear
ourtipsyhouseandsuddenly
feltaterribleburninginmy
shoulder.Awasphadstung
meandwasstrugglingtofree
itselffrommyskin.Iwastoo
busyscreamingtothinkof
whattodo,butoneofthe
boyspulledthewaspoffand
helditbythewingsupona
rock,whereweallgathered
todecideexactlyhowto
murderit.Iwasingreatpain
becauseofthewasp,and
certainlyfeltnokindness
towardit.Butitgavemea
terriblesensationofweakness
inmychesttoknowthatthis
tinystrugglingcreaturecould
donothingtosaveitselffrom
thedeaththatwasonly
momentsaway.Ifeltthe
samesortofpitytoward
Hatsumomo.Duringevenings
whenwetrailedheraround
Gionuntilshereturnedtothe
okiyajusttogetawayfrom
us,Ifeltalmostasthoughwe
weretorturingher.
Inanycase,aroundnine
o’clockthatnight,wecrossed
therivertothePontocho
district.UnlikeGion,which
sprawlsovermanyblocks,
Pontochoisjustasinglelong
alleywaystretchedoutalong
onebankoftheriver.People
callitan“eel’sbed”because
ofitsshape.Theautumnair
wasabitchillythatnight,but
Shojiro’spartywasoutdoors
anyway,onawooden
verandahstandingonstilts
abovethewater.Noonepaid
usmuchattentionwhenwe
steppedoutthroughtheglass
doors.Theverandahwas
beautifullylitwithpaper
lanterns,andtheriver
shimmeredgoldfromthe
lightsofarestaurantonthe
oppositebank.Everyonewas
listeningtoShojiro,whowas
inthemiddleoftellinga
storyinhissingsongvoice;
butyoushouldhaveseenthe
wayHatsumomo’sexpression
souredwhenshecaughtsight
ofus.Icouldn’thelp
rememberingadamagedpear
I’dheldinmyhandtheday
before,becauseamidthe
cheerfulfaces,Hatsumomo’s
expressionwaslikeaterrible
bruise.
Mamehawenttokneelona
matrightbesideHatsumomo,
whichIconsideredverybold
ofher.Iknelttowardthe
otherendoftheverandah,
besideagentle-lookingold
manwhoturnedouttobethe
kotoplayerTachibana
Zensaku,whosescratchyold
recordsIstillown.Tachibana
wasblind,Idiscoveredthat
night.Regardlessofmy
purposeincoming,Iwould
havebeencontenttospend
theeveningjustchattingwith
him,forhewassucha
fascinating,endearingman.
Butwe’dhardlybeguntotalk
whensuddenlyeveryone
burstoutlaughing.
Shojirowasquitea
remarkablemimic.Hewas
slenderlikethebranchofa
willow,withelegant,slowmovingfingers,andavery
longfacehecouldmove
aboutinextraordinaryways;
hecouldhavefooledagroup
ofmonkeysintothinkinghe
wasoneofthem.Atthat
momenthewasimitatingthe
geishabesidehim,awoman
inherfifties.Withhis
effeminategestures—his
pursedlips,hisrollsofthe
eyes—hemanagedtolookso
muchlikeherthatIdidn’t
knowwhethertolaughorjust
sitwithmyhandovermy
mouthinastonishment.I’d
seenShojiroonthestage,but
thiswassomethingmuch
better.
Tachibanaleanedintoward
meandwhispered,“What’s
hedoing?”
“He’simitatinganolder
geishabesidehim.”
“Ah,”saidTachibana.
“ThatwouldbeIchiwari.”
Andthenhetappedmewith
thebackofhishandtomake
surehehadmyattention.
“Thedirectorofthe
MinamizaTheater,”hesaid,
andheldouthislittlefinger
belowthetablewherenoone
elsecouldseeit.InJapan,
yousee,holdingupthelittle
fingermeans“boyfriend”or
“girlfriend.”Tachibanawas
tellingmethattheolder
geisha,theonenamed
Ichiwari,wasthetheater
director’smistress.Andin
factthedirectorwasthere
too,laughinglouderthan
anyone.
Amomentlater,stillinthe
midstofhismimicry,Shojiro
stuckoneofhisfingersuphis
nose.Atthis,everyoneletout
alaughsoloudyoucouldfeel
theverandahtrembling.I
didn’tknowitatthetime,but
pickinghernosewasoneof
Ichiwari’swell-knownhabits.
Sheturnedbrightredwhen
shesawthis,andhelda
sleeveofherkimonooverher
face,andShojiro,whohad
drunkagoodbitofsake,
imitatedhereventhen.
Peoplelaughedpolitely,but
onlyHatsumomoseemedto
finditreallyfunny;foratthis
pointShojirowasbeginning
tocrossthelineintocruelty.
Finallythetheaterdirector
said,“Now,now,Shojiro-san,
savesomeenergyforyour
showtomorrow!Anyway,
don’tyouknowyou’resitting
nearoneofGion’sgreatest
dancers?Iproposethatwe
askforaperformance.”
Ofcourse,thedirectorwas
talkingaboutMameha.
“Heavens,no.Idon’twant
toseeanydancingjustnow,”
Shojirosaid.AsIcameto
understandovertheyears,he
preferredtobethecenterof
attentionhimself.“Besides,
I’mhavingfun.”
“Shojiro-san,wemustn’t
passupanopportunitytosee
thefamousMameha,”the
directorsaid,speakingthis
timewithoutatraceof
humor.Afewgeishaspoke
upaswell,andfinallyShojiro
waspersuadedtoaskherif
shewouldperform,whichhe
didassulkilyasalittleboy.
AlreadyIcouldsee
Hatsumomolooking
displeased.Shepouredmore
sakeforShojiro,andhe
pouredmoreforher.They
exchangedalonglookasifto
saytheirpartyhadbeen
spoiled.
Afewminutespassed
whileamaidwassentto
fetchashamisenandoneof
thegeishatuneditand
preparedtoplay.Then
Mamehatookherplace
againstthebackdropofthe
teahouseandperformedafew
veryshortpieces.Nearly
anyonewouldhaveagreed
thatMamehawasalovely
woman,butveryfewpeople
wouldhavefoundhermore
beautifulthanHatsumomo;so
Ican’tsayexactlywhat
caughtShojiro’seye.Itmay
havebeenthesakehe’d
drunk,anditmayhavebeen
Mameha’sextraordinary
dancing—forShojirowasa
dancerhimself.Whateverit
was,bythetimeMameha
camebacktojoinusatthe
table,Shojiroseemedquite
takenwithherandaskedthat
shesitbesidehim.Whenshe
did,hepouredheracupof
sake,andturnedhisbackon
Hatsumomoasifshewere
justanotheradoring
apprentice.
Well,Hatsumomo’smouth
hardened,andhereyesshrank
toabouthalftheirsize.Asfor
Mameha,Ineversawherflirt
withanyonemore
deliberatelythanshedidwith
Shojiro.Hervoicegrewhigh
andsoft,andhereyes
swishedfromhischesttohis
faceandbackagain.From
timetotimeshedrewthe
fingertipsofherhandacross
thebaseofherthroatas
thoughshefeltself-conscious
aboutthesplotchyblushthat
hadappearedthere.There
wasn’treallyanyblush,but
sheacteditsoconvincingly,
youwouldn’thaveknownit
withoutlookingclosely.Then
oneofthegeishaasked
Shojiroifhe’dheardfrom
Bajiru-san.
“Bajiru-san,”saidShojiro,
inhismostdramaticmanner,
“hasabandonedme!”
IhadnoideawhoShojiro
wastalkingabout,but
Tachibana,theoldkoto
player,waskindenoughto
explaininawhisperthat
“Bajiru-san”wastheEnglish
actorBasilRathbone—
thoughI’dneverheardofhim
atthetime.Shojirohadtaken
atriptoLondonafewyears
earlierandstagedaKabuki
performancethere.Theactor
BasilRathbonehadadmired
itsomuchthatwiththehelp
ofaninterpreterthetwoof
themhaddeveloped
somethingofafriendship.
Shojiromayhavelavished
attentiononwomenlike
HatsumomoorMameha,but
thefactremainedthathewas
homosexual;andsincehis
triptoEngland,he’dmadeit
arunningjokethathisheart
wasdestinedtobebroken
becauseBajiru-sanhadno
interestinmen.
“Itmakesmesad,”said
oneofthegeishaquietly,“to
witnessthedeathofa
romance.”
Everyonelaughedexcept
forHatsumomo,whowenton
gloweringatShojiro.
“Thedifferencebetween
meandBajiru-sanisthis.I’ll
showyou,”Shojirosaid;and
withthishestoodandasked
Mamehatojoinhim.Heled
herofftoonesideofthe
room,wheretheyhadabitof
space.
“WhenIdomywork,I
looklikethis,”hesaid.And
hesashayedfromonesideof
theroomtotheother,waving
hisfoldingfanwithamost
fluidwrist,andlettinghis
headrollbackandforthlikea
ballonaseesaw.“Whereas
whenBajiru-sandoeshis
work,helookslikethis.”
HerehegrabbedMameha,
andyoushouldhaveseenthe
astonishedexpressiononher
facewhenhedippedher
towardthefloorinwhat
lookedlikeapassionate
embrace,andplantedkisses
alloverherface.Everyonein
theroomcheeredand
clapped.Everyoneexcept
Hatsumomo,thatis.
“Whatishedoing?”
Tachibanaaskedmequietly.I
didn’tthinkanyoneelsehad
heard,butbeforeIcould
reply,Hatsumomocriedout:
“He’smakingafoolof
himself!That’swhathe’s
doing.”
“Oh,Hatsumomo-san,”
saidShojiro,“you’rejealous,
aren’tyou!”
“Ofcoursesheis!”said
Mameha.“Nowyoumust
showushowthetwoofyou
makeup.Goon,Shojiro-san.
Don’tbeshy!Youmustgive
hertheverysamekissesyou
gavetome!It’sonlyfair.
Andinthesameway.”
Shojirodidn’thaveaneasy
timeofit,butsoonhe
succeededingetting
Hatsumomotoherfeet.Then
withthecrowdbehindhim,
hetookherinhisarmsand
bentherback.Butafteronly
aninstant,hejerkedupright
againwithashout,and
grabbedhislip.Hatsumomo
hadbittenhim;notenoughto
makehimbleed,butcertainly
enoughtogivehimashock.
Shewasstandingwithher
eyessquintedinangerand
herteethexposed;andthen
shedrewbackherhandand
slappedhim.Ithinkheraim
musthavebeenbadfromall
thesakeshe’ddrunk,because
shehitthesideofhishead
ratherthanhisface.
“Whathappened?”
Tachibanaaskedme.His
wordswereasclearinthe
quietoftheroomasif
someonehadrungabell.I
didn’tanswer,butwhenhe
heardShojiro’swhimperand
theheavybreathingof
Hatsumomo,I’msurehe
understood.
“Hatsumomo-san,please,”
saidMameha,speakingina
voicesocalmitsounded
completelyoutofplace,“asa
favortome...dotrytocalm
down.”
Idon’tknowifMameha’s
wordshadthepreciseeffect
shewashopingfor,or
whetherHatsumomo’smind
hadalreadyshattered.But
Hatsumomothrewherselfat
Shojiroandbeganhittinghim
everywhere.Idothinkthatin
awayshewentcrazy.It
wasn’tjustthathermind
seemedtohavefractured;the
momentitselfseemed
disconnectedfromeverything
else.Thetheaterdirectorgot
upfromthetableandrushed
overtorestrainher.Somehow
inthemiddleofallthis,
Mamehaslippedoutand
returnedamomentlaterwith
themistressoftheteahouse.
Bythattimethetheater
directorwasholding
Hatsumomofrombehind.I
thoughtthecrisiswasover,
butthenShojiroshoutedat
Hatsumomosoloudly,we
hearditechooffthebuildings
acrosstheriverinGion.
“Youmonster!”he
screamed.“You’vebitten
me!”
Idon’tknowwhatanyof
uswouldhavedonewithout
thecalmthinkingofthe
mistress.ShespoketoShojiro
inasoothingvoice,whileat
thesametimegivingthe
theaterdirectorasignalto
takeHatsumomoaway.AsI
laterlearned,hedidn’tjust
takeherinsidetheteahouse;
hetookherdownstairstothe
frontandshovedheroutonto
thestreet.
***
Hatsumomodidn’treturn
totheokiyaatallthatnight.
Whenshedidcomebackthe
followingday,shesmelledas
ifshehadbeensicktoher
stomach,andherhairwasin
disarray.Shewassummoned
atoncetoMother’sroomand
spentalongwhilethere.
Afewdaysafterward,
Hatsumomolefttheokiya,
wearingasimplecottonrobe
Motherhadgivenher,and
withherhairasI’dnever
seenit,hanginginamass
aroundhershoulders.She
carriedabagcontainingher
belongingsandjewelry,and
didn’tsaygood-byetoanyof
us,butjustwalkedouttothe
street.Shedidn’tleave
voluntarily;Motherhad
thrownherout.Andinfact,
MamehabelievedMotherhad
probablybeentryingtoget
ridofHatsumomoforyears.
Whetherornotthisistrue,
I’msureMotherwaspleased
athavingfewermouthsto
feed,sinceHatsumomowas
nolongerearningwhatshe
oncehad,andfoodhadnever
beenmoredifficulttocome
by.
IfHatsumomohadn’tbeen
renownedforherwickedness,
someotherokiyamighthave
wantedherevenafterwhat
she’ddonetoShojiro.But
shewaslikeateakettlethat
evenonagooddaymight
stillscaldthehandofanyone
whousedit.Everyonein
Gionunderstoodthisabout
her.
Idon’tknowforsurewhat
everbecameofHatsumomo.
Afewyearsafterthewar,I
heardshewasmakinga
livingasaprostituteinthe
Miyagawa-chodistrict.She
couldn’thavebeenthere
long,becauseonthenightI
heardit,amanatthesame
partysworethatif
Hatsumomowasaprostitute,
hewouldfindherandgive
hersomebusinessofhisown.
Hedidgolookingforher,but
shewasnowheretobefound.
Overtheyears,sheprobably
succeededindrinkingherself
todeath.Shecertainly
wouldn’thavebeenthefirst
geishatodoit.
Injustthewaythataman
cangrowaccustomedtoabad
leg,we’dallgrown
accustomedtohaving
Hatsumomoinourokiya.I
don’tthinkwequite
understoodallthewaysher
presencehadafflictedusuntil
longaftershe’dleft,when
thingsthatwehadn’trealized
wereailingslowlybeganto
heal.EvenwhenHatsumomo
hadbeendoingnothingmore
thansleepinginherroom,the
maidshadknownshewas
there,andthatduringthe
courseofthedayshewould
abusethem.They’dlived
withthekindoftensionyou
feelifyouwalkacrossa
frozenpondwhoseicemight
breakatanymoment.Andas
forPumpkin,Ithinkshe’d
growntobedependentonher
oldersisterandfeltstrangely
lostwithouther.
I’dalreadybecomethe
okiya’sprincipalasset,but
evenItooksometimeto
weedoutallthepeculiar
habitsthathadtakenroot
becauseofHatsumomo.
Everytimeamanlookedat
mestrangely,Ifoundmyself
wonderingifhe’dheard
somethingunkindaboutme
fromher,evenlongaftershe
wasgone.WheneverI
climbedthestairstothe
secondflooroftheokiya,I
stillkeptmyeyesloweredfor
fearthatHatsumomowould
bewaitingthereonthe
landing,eagerforsomeoneto
abuse.Ican’ttellyouhow
manytimesIreachedthatlast
stepandlookedupsuddenly
withtherealizationthatthere
wasnoHatsumomo,and
thereneverwouldbeagain.I
knewshewasgone,andyet
theveryemptinessofthehall
seemedtosuggestsomething
ofherpresence.Evennow,as
anolderwoman,Isometimes
liftthebrocadecoveronthe
mirrorofmymakeupstand,
andhavethebriefestflicker
ofathoughtthatImayfind
herthereintheglass,
smirkingatme.
ChapterTwentyEight
InJapanwerefertothe
yearsfromtheDepression
throughWorldWarIIas
kurotani—thevalleyof
darkness,whensomany
peoplelivedlikechildren
whoseheadshadslipped
beneaththewaves.Asis
oftenthecase,thoseofusin
Giondidn’tsufferquiteas
badlyasothers.Whilemost
Japaneselivedinthedark
valleyallthroughthe1930s,
forexample,inGionwewere
stillwarmedbyabitofsun.
AndI’msureIdon’tneedto
tellyouwhy;womenwhoare
mistressesofcabinet
ministersandnaval
commandersarethe
recipientsofenormousgood
fortune,andtheypassthat
goodfortunealongtoothers.
YoumightsayGionwaslike
apondhighupona
mountaintop,fedbystreams
ofrichspringwater.More
waterpouredinatsomespots
thanothers,butitraisedthe
pondasawhole.
BecauseofGeneral
Tottori,ourokiyawasoneof
thespotswheretherich
springwatercamepouringin.
Thingsgrewworseandworse
aroundusduringthecourse
ofseveralyears;andyetlong
aftertherationingofgoods
hadbegun,wecontinuedto
receiveregularsuppliesof
foodstuffs,tea,linens,and
evensomeluxurieslike
cosmeticsandchocolate.We
mighthavekeptthesethings
toourselvesandlivedbehind
closeddoors,butGionisn’t
thatsortofplace.Mother
passedmuchofitalongand
considereditwellspent,not
becauseshewasagenerous
woman,ofcourse,but
becausewewerealllike
spiderscrowdedtogetheron
thesameweb.Fromtimeto
timepeoplecameaskingfor
help,andwewerepleasedto
giveitwhenwecould.At
somepointinthefallof1941,
forexample,themilitary
policefoundamaidwitha
boxcontainingprobablyten
timesmorerationcoupons
thanherokiyawassupposed
tohave.Hermistresssenther
tousforsafekeepinguntil
arrangementscouldbemade
totakehertothecountryside
—becauseofcourse,every
okiyainGionhoarded
coupons;thebettertheokiya,
themoreitusuallyhad.The
maidwassenttousrather
thantosomeoneelsebecause
GeneralTottorihadinstructed
themilitarypolicetoleaveus
alone.Soyousee,even
withinthatmountaintoppond
thatwasGion,wewerethe
fishswimminginthevery
warmestwaterofall.
***
Asthedarknesscontinued
tosettleoverJapan,theredid
finallycomeatimewhen
eventhepinpointoflightin
whichwe’dmanagedtokeep
ourselvessuddenlywentout.
Ithappenedatasingle
moment,earlyoneafternoon
justafewweeksbeforeNew
Year’sDay,inDecember
1942.Iwaseatingmy
breakfast—oratleast,my
firstmealoftheday,forI’d
beenbusyhelpingtoclean
theokiyainpreparationfor
theNewYear—whena
man’svoicecalledoutatour
entrance.Ithoughthewas
probablyjustmakinga
delivery,soIwentonwith
mymeal,butamomentlater
themaidinterruptedmeto
sayamilitarypolicemanhad
comelookingforMother.
“Amilitarypoliceman?”I
said.“TellhimMotheris
out.”
“Yes,Idid,ma’am.He’d
liketospeakwithyou
instead.”
WhenIreachedthefront
hall,Ifoundthepoliceman
removinghisbootsinthe
entryway.Probablymost
peoplewouldhavefelt
relievedjusttonotethathis
pistolwasstillsnappedinside
itsleathercase,butasIsay,
ourokiyahadlived
differentlyrightupuntilthat
moment.Ordinarilya
policemanwouldhavebeen
moreapologeticeventhan
mostvisitors,sincehis
presencewouldalarmus.But
toseehimtuggingathis
boots...well,thiswashis
wayofsayingheplannedto
comeinwhetherweinvited
himornot.
Ibowedandgreetedhim,
buthedidnothingmorethan
glanceatmeasthoughhe
woulddealwithmelater.
Finallyhepulleduphissocks
andpulleddownhiscap,and
thensteppedupintothefront
entrancehallandsaidhe
wantedtoseeourvegetable
garden.Justlikethat,withno
wordofapologyfortroubling
us.Yousee,bythistime
nearlyeveryoneinKyoto,
andprobablytherestofthe
country,hadconvertedtheir
decorativegardensinto
vegetablegardens—everyone
butpeoplelikeus,thatis.
GeneralTottoriprovidedus
withenoughfoodthatwe
didn’tneedtoplowupour
garden,andwereinsteadable
togoonenjoyingthehair
mossandspearflowers,and
thetinymapleinthecorner.
Sinceitwaswinter,Ihoped
thepolicemanwouldlook
onlyatthespotsoffrozen
groundwherethevegetation
haddiedback,andimagine
thatwe’dplantedsquashand
sweetpotatoesamidthe
decorativeplants.SoafterI’d
ledhimdowntothe
courtyard,Ididn’tsaya
word;Ijustwatchedashe
kneltdownandtouchedthe
dirtwithhisfingers.I
supposehewantedtofeel
whetherornotthegroundhad
beendugupforplanting.
Iwassodesperatefor
somethingtosaythatI
blurtedoutthefirstthingthat
cametomind.“Doesn’tthe
dustingofsnowonthe
groundmakeyouthinkof
foamontheocean?”He
didn’tanswerme,butjust
stooduptohisfullheightand
askedwhatvegetableswehad
planted.
“Officer,”Isaid,“I’m
terriblysorry,butthetruthis,
wehaven’thadan
opportunitytoplantany
vegetablesatall.Andnow
thatthegroundissohardand
cold...”
“Yourneighborhood
associationwasquiteright
aboutyou!”hesaid,taking
offhiscap.Hebroughtout
fromhispocketaslipof
paperandbegantoreada
longlistofmisdeedsour
okiyahadcommitted.Idon’t
evenrememberthemall—
hoardingcottonmaterials,
failingtoturninmetaland
rubbergoodsneededforthe
wareffort,improperuseof
rationtickets,allsortsof
thingslikethat.It’struewe
haddonethesethings,justas
everyotherokiyainGion
had.Ourcrime,Isuppose,
wasthatwe’denjoyedmore
goodfortunethanmost,and
hadsurvivedlongerandin
bettershapethanallbuta
veryfew.
Luckilyforme,Mother
returnedjustthen.Shedidn’t
seematallsurprisedtofinda
militarypolicemanthere;and
infact,shebehavedmore
politelytowardhimthanI’d
everseenherbehavetoward
anyone.Sheledhimintoour
receptionroomandserved
himsomeofourill-gotten
tea.Thedoorwasclosed,but
Icouldhearthemtalkingfor
alongwhile.Atonepoint
whenshecameouttofetch
something,shepulledme
asideandtoldmethis:
“GeneralTottoriwastaken
intocustodythismorning.
You’dbetterhurryandhide
ourbestthings,orthey’llbe
gonetomorrow.”
***
BackinYoroidoIusedto
swimonchillyspringdays,
andafterwardlieontherocks
besidethepondtosoakup
theheatofthesun.Ifthe
sunlightvanishedsuddenly
behindacloud,asitoften
did,thecoldairseemedto
closeaboutmyskinlikea
sheetofmetal.ThemomentI
heardoftheGeneral’s
misfortune,standingtherein
thefrontentrancehall,Ihad
thatsamefeeling.Itwasas
thoughthesunhadvanished,
possiblyforgood,andIwas
nowcondemnedtostandwet
andnakedintheicyair.
Withinaweekofthe
policeman’svisit,ourokiya
hadbeenstrippedofthe
thingsotherfamilieshadlost
longago,suchasstoresof
food,undergarments,andso
forth.We’dalwaysbeen
Mameha’ssourceforpackets
oftea;Ithinkshe’dbeen
usingthemtopurchase
favors.Butnowhersupplies
werebetterthanours,andshe
becameoursourceinstead.
Towardtheendofthemonth,
theneighborhoodassociation
beganconfiscatingmanyof
ourceramicsandscrollsto
sellthemonwhatwecalled
the“graymarket,”whichwas
differentfromtheblack
market.Theblackmarketwas
forthingslikefueloil,foods,
metals,andsoon—mostly
itemsthatwererationedor
illegaltotrade.Thegray
marketwasmoreinnocent;it
wasmainlyhousewives
sellingofftheirprecious
thingstoraisecash.Inour
case,though,ourthingswere
soldtopunishusasmuchas
foranyotherreason,andso
thecashwenttobenefit
others.Theheadofthe
neighborhoodassociation,
whowasmistressofanearby
okiya,feltdeeplysorry
whenevershecametotake
ourthingsaway.Butthe
militarypolicehadgiven
orders;noonecoulddo
anythingbutobey.
Iftheearlyyearsofthewar
hadbeenlikeanexciting
voyageouttosea,youmight
saythatbyaboutthemiddle
of1943weallrealizedthe
wavesweresimplytoobig
forourcraft.Wethoughtwe
woulddrown,allofus;and
manydid.Itwasn’tjustthat
day-to-daylifehadgrown
increasinglymiserable;no
onedaredadmitit,butIthink
we’dallbegunworrying
abouttheoutcomeofthewar.
Noonehadfunanylonger;
manypeopleseemedtofeelit
wasunpatrioticeventohave
agoodtime.Theclosestthing
toajokeIheardduringthis
periodwassomethingthe
geishaRaihasaidonenight.
Formonthswe’dheard
rumorsthatthemilitary
governmentplannedtoshut
downallthegeishadistricts
inJapan;latelywe’dbegunto
realizethatitreallywasgoing
tohappen.Wewereall
wonderingwhatwould
becomeofus,whensuddenly
Raihaspokeup.
“Wecan’twasteourtime
thinkingaboutsuchthings,”
shesaid.“Nothingisbleaker
thanthefuture,except
perhapsthepast.”
Itmaynotsoundfunnyto
you;butthatnightwe
laugheduntiltearsbeadedin
thecornersofoureyes.One
daysoonthegeishadistricts
wouldindeedclose.When
theydid,wewerecertainto
endupworkinginthe
factories.Togiveyousome
ideaofwhatlifeinthe
factorieswaslike,letmetell
youaboutHatsumomo’s
friendKorin.
Duringthepreviouswinter,
thecatastrophethatevery
geishainGionfearedmost
hadactuallyhappenedto
Korin.Amaidtendingthe
bathinherokiyahadtriedto
burnnewspaperstoheatthe
water,buthadlostcontrolof
theflames.Theentireokiya
wasdestroyed,alongwithits
collectionofkimono.Korin
endedupworkinginafactory
southofthecity,fitting
lensesintotheequipment
usedfordroppingbombs
fromairplanes.Shecame
backtovisitGionfromtime
totimeasthemonthspassed,
andwewerehorrifiedathow
muchshe’dchanged.It
wasn’tjustthatsheseemed
moreandmoreunhappy;
we’dallexperienced
unhappiness,andwere
preparedforitinanycase.
Butshehadacoughthatwas
asmuchapartofherasa
songispartofabird;andher
skinwasstainedasthough
she’dsoakeditinink—since
thecoalthefactoriesused
wasofaverylowgradeand
coveredeverythinginsootas
itburned.PoorKorinwas
forcedtoworkdoubleshifts
whilebeingfednomorethan
abowlofweakbrothwitha
fewnoodlesonceaday,or
wateryricegruelflavored
withpotatoskin.
Soyoucanimaginehow
terrifiedwewereofthe
factories.Everydaythatwe
awakenedtofindGionstill
open,wefeltgrateful.
Thenonemorningin
Januaryofthefollowingyear,
Iwasstandinginlineatthe
ricestoreinthefallingsnow,
holdingmyrationcoupons,
whentheshopkeepernext
doorputouthisheadand
calledintothecold:
“It’shappened!”
Weallofuslookedatone
another.Iwastoonumbed
withcoldtocarewhathewas
talkingabout,forIworeonly
aheavyshawlaroundmy
peasant’sclothing;noone
worekimonoduringtheday
anylonger.Finallythegeisha
infrontofmebrushedthe
snowfromhereyebrowsand
askedhimwhathewas
talkingabout.“Thewar
hasn’tcometoanend,has
it?”sheasked.
“Thegovernmenthas
announcedtheclosingofthe
geishadistricts,”hesaid.“All
ofyouaretoreporttothe
registryofficetomorrow
morning.”
Foralongmomentwe
listenedtothesoundofa
radioinsidehisshop.Then
thedoorrumbledclosed
again,andtherewasnothing
butthesofthissofthefalling
snow.Ilookedatthedespair
onthefacesoftheother
geishaaroundmeandknew
inaninstantthatwewereall
thinkingthesamething:
Whichofthemenweknew
wouldsaveusfromlifeinthe
factories?
EventhoughGeneral
Tottorihadbeenmydanna
untilthepreviousyear,I
certainlywasn’ttheonly
geishaacquaintedwithhim.I
hadtoreachhimbefore
anyoneelsedid.Iwasn’t
properlydressedforthe
weather,butIputmyration
couponsbackintothepocket
ofmypeasantpantsandset
outatonceforthenorthwest
ofthecity.TheGeneralwas
rumoredtobelivinginthe
SuruyaInn,thesameone
wherewe’dmetduringthe
eveningstwiceaweekforso
manyyears.
Iarrivedthereanhouror
solater,burningwiththecold
anddustedalloverwith
snow.ButwhenIgreetedthe
mistress,shetookalonglook
atmebeforebowingin
apologyandsayingshehad
noideawhoIwas.
“It’sme,mistress...
Sayuri!I’vecometospeak
withtheGeneral.”
“Sayuri-san...my
heavens!Ineverthoughtto
seeyoulookinglikethewife
ofapeasant.”
Sheledmeinsideatonce,
butwouldn’tpresentmeto
theGeneraluntilshe’dfirst
takenmeupstairsanddressed
meinoneofherkimono.She
evenputonmeabitof
makeupshe’dstashedaway,
sotheGeneralwouldknow
mewhenhesawme.
WhenIenteredhisroom,
GeneralTottoriwassittingat
thetablelisteningtoadrama
ontheradio.Hiscottonrobe
hungopen,exposinghisbony
chestandthethingrayhairs.I
couldseethathishardshipsof
thepastyearhadbeenfar
worsethanmine.Afterall,
he’dbeenaccusedofawful
crimes—negligence,
incompetence,abuseof
power,andsoforth;some
peopleconsideredhimlucky
tohaveescapedprison.An
articleinamagazinehad
evenblamedhimforthe
ImperialNavy’sdefeatsin
theSouthPacific,sayingthat
he’dfailedtooverseethe
shipmentofsupplies.Still,
somemenbearhardships
betterthanothers;andwith
onelookattheGeneralI
couldseethattheweightof
thispastyearhadpressed
downuponhimuntilhis
boneshadgrownbrittle,and
evenhisfacehadcometo
lookabitmisshapen.Inthe
pasthe’dsmelledofsour
picklesallthetime.NowasI
bowedlowonthematsnear
him,hehadadifferentsortof
soursmell.
“You’relookingverywell,
General,”Isaid,thoughof
coursethiswasalie.“Whata
pleasureitistoseeyou
again!”
TheGeneralswitchedoff
theradio.“You’renotthe
firsttocometome,”hesaid.
“There’snothingIcandoto
helpyou,Sayuri.”
“ButIrushedhereso
quickly!Ican’timaginehow
anyonereachedyoubeforeI
did!”
“Sincelastweeknearly
everygeishaIknowhasbeen
toseeme,butIdon’thave
friendsinpoweranylonger.I
don’tknowwhyageishaof
yourstandingshouldcometo
meanyway.You’relikedby
somanymenwithinfluence.”
“Tobelikedandtohave
truefriendswillingtohelp
aretwoverydifferentthings,”
Isaid.
“Yes,sotheyare.What
sortofhelphaveyoucometo
meforanyway?”
“Anyhelpatall,General.
Wetalkaboutnothingthese
daysinGionbuthow
miserablelifeinafactorywill
be.”
“Lifewillbemiserablefor
theluckyones.Therest
won’tevenlivetoseetheend
ofthewar.”
“Idon’tunderstand.”
“Thebombswillfall
soon,”theGeneralsaid.“You
canbecertainthefactories
willtakemorethantheir
share.Ifyouwanttobealive
whenthiswarisover,you’d
betterfindsomeonewhocan
tuckyouawayinasafeplace.
I’msorryI’mnotthatman.
I’vealreadyexhaustedwhat
influenceIhad.”
TheGeneralaskedafter
Mother’shealth,and
Auntie’s,andsoonbidme
good-bye.Ilearnedonly
muchlaterwhathemeant
aboutexhaustinghis
influence.Theproprietressof
theSuruyahadayoung
daughter;theGeneralhad
arrangedtosendhertoa
towninnorthernJapan.
Onthewaybacktothe
okiya,Iknewthetimehad
comeformetoact;butI
couldn’tthinkwhattodo.
Eventhesimpletaskof
holdingmypanicatarm’s
lengthseemedmorethanI
couldmanage.Iwentbythe
apartmentwhereMameha
wasnowliving—forher
relationshipwiththeBaron
hadendedseveralmonths
earlierandshe’dmovedinto
amuchsmallerspace.I
thoughtshemightknowwhat
courseIshouldtake,butin
fact,shewasinnearlyas
muchofapanicasIwas.
“TheBaronwilldonothing
tohelpme,”shesaid,herface
palewithworry.“I’vebeen
unabletoreachtheothermen
Ihaveinmind.Youhad
betterthinkofsomeone,
Sayuri,andgotohimas
quicklyasyoucan.”
I’dbeenoutoftouchwith
Nobuformorethanfour
yearsbythattime;Iknewat
onceIcouldn’tapproachhim.
AsfortheChairman...well,
Iwouldhavegrabbedatany
excusejusttospeakwithhim,
butIcouldneverhaveasked
himforafavor.However
warmlyhemayhavetreated
meinthehallways,Iwasn’t
invitedtohisparties,even
whenlessergeishawere.I
felthurtbythis,butwhat
couldIdo?Inanycase,even
iftheChairmanhadwanted
tohelpme,hisquarrelswith
themilitarygovernmenthad
beeninthenewspaperslately.
Hehadtoomanytroublesof
hisown.
SoIspenttherestofthat
afternoongoingfrom
teahousetoteahouseinthe
bitingcold,askingabouta
numberofmenIhadn’tseen
inweeksorevenmonths.
Noneofthemistressesknew
wheretofindthem.
Thatevening,theIchiriki
wasbusywithfarewell
parties.Itwasfascinatingto
seehowdifferentlyallthe
geishareactedtothenews.
Somelookedasthoughtheir
spiritshadbeenmurdered
withinthem;otherswerelike
statuesoftheBuddha—calm
andlovely,butpaintedover
withalayerofsadness.I
can’tsayhowImyself
looked,butmymindwaslike
anabacus.Iwassobusywith
schemingandplotting—
thinkingwhichmanIwould
approach,andhowIwould
doit—thatIscarcelyheard
themaidwhotoldmeIwas
wantedinanotherroom.I
imaginedagroupofmenhad
requestedmycompany;but
sheledmeupthestairstothe
secondfloorandalonga
corridortotheverybackof
theteahouse.Sheopenedthe
doorofasmalltatamiroom
I’dneverenteredbefore.And
thereatthetable,alonewitha
glassofbeer,satNobu.
BeforeIcouldevenbowto
himorspeakaword,hesaid,
“Sayuri-san,you’ve
disappointedme!”
“Mygoodness!Ihaven’t
hadthehonorofyour
companyforfouryears,
Nobu-san,andalreadyinan
instantI’vedisappointedyou.
WhatcouldIhavedone
wrongsoquickly?”
“Ihadalittlebetwith
myselfthatyourmouth
wouldfallopenatthesightof
me.”
“Thetruthis,I’mtoo
startledeventomove!”
“Comeinsideandletthe
maidclosethedoor.Butfirst,
tellhertobringanotherglass
andanotherbeer.There’s
somethingyouandImust
drinkto.”
IdidasNobutoldme,and
thenkneltattheendofthe
tablewithacornerbetween
us.IcouldfeelNobu’seyes
uponmyfacealmostas
thoughheweretouchingme.
Iblushedasonemightblush
underthewarmthofthesun,
forI’dforgottenhow
flatteringitfelttobeadmired.
“Iseeanglesinyourface
I’veneverseenbefore,”he
saidtome.“Don’ttellme
you’regoinghungrylike
everyoneelse.I’dnever
expectedsuchathingof
you.”
“Nobu-sanlooksabitthin
himself.”
“Ihavefoodenoughtoeat,
justnotimeforeatingit.”
“I’mgladatleastthatyou
arekeepingbusy.”
“That’sthemostpeculiar
thingI’veeverheard.When
youseeamanwhohaskept
himselfalivebydodging
bullets,doyoufeelgladfor
himthathehassomethingto
occupyhistime?”
“IhopeNobu-sandoesn’t
meantosaythatheistrulyin
fearforhislife...”
“There’snooneoutto
murderme,ifthat’swhatyou
mean.ButifIwamura
Electricismylife,thenyes,
I’mcertainlyinfearforit.
Nowtellmethis:Whathas
becomeofthatdannaof
yours?”
“TheGeneralisdoingas
wellasanyofus,Isuppose.
Howkindofyoutoask.”
“Oh,Idon’tmeanitkindly
atall.”
“Veryfewpeoplewishhim
wellthesedays.Butto
changethesubject,Nobu-san,
amItosupposethatyouhave
beencomingheretothe
Ichirikinightafternight,but
keepingyourselfhiddenfrom
mebyusingthispeculiar
upstairsroom?”
“Itisapeculiarroom,isn’t
it?Ithinkit’stheonlyonein
theteahousewithoutagarden
view.Itlooksoutonthe
street,ifyouopenthosepaper
screens.”
“Nobu-sanknowstheroom
well.”
“Notreally.It’sthefirst
timeI’veusedit.”
Imadeafaceathimwhen
hesaidthis,toshowIdidn’t
believehim.
“Youmaythinkwhatyou
want,Sayuri,butit’strueI’ve
neverbeeninthisroom
before.Ithinkit’sabedroom
forovernightguests,when
themistresshasany.Shewas
kindenoughtoletmeuseit
tonightwhenIexplainedto
herwhyI’dcome.”
“Howmysterious...So
youhadapurposeincoming.
WillIfindoutwhatitis?”
“Ihearthemaidreturning
withourbeer,”Nobusaid.
“You’llfindoutwhenshe’s
gone.”
Thedoorslidopen,andthe
maidplacedthebeeronthe
table.Beerwasarare
commodityduringthis
period,soitwasquite
somethingtowatchthegold
liquidrisingintheglass.
Whenthemaidhadleft,we
raisedourglasses,andNobu
said:
“Ihavecomeheretotoast
yourdanna!”
IputdownmybeerwhenI
heardthis.“Imustsay,Nobusan,therearefewthingsany
ofuscanfindtobecheerful
about.Butitwouldtakeme
weekseventobegin
imaginingwhyyoushould
wishtodrinkinhonorofmy
danna.”
“Ishouldhavebeenmore
specific.Here’stothe
foolishnessofyourdanna!
FouryearsagoItoldyouhe
wasanunworthyman,andhe
hasprovedmeright.
Wouldn’tyousay?”
“Thetruthis...heisn’t
mydannaanylonger.”
“Justmypoint!Andeven
ifhewere,hecouldn’tdoa
thingforyou,couldhe?I
knowGionisgoingtoclose,
andeveryone’sinapanic
aboutit.Ireceiveda
telephonecallatmyoffice
todayfromacertaingeisha..
.Iwon’tnameher...butcan
youimagine?SheaskedifI
couldfindherajobat
IwamuraElectric.”
“Ifyoudon’tmindmy
asking,whatdidyoutell
her?”
“Idon’thaveajobfor
anyone,hardlyevenmyself.
EventheChairmanmaybe
outofajobsoon,andendup
inprisonifhedoesn’tstart
doingasthegovernment
orders.He’spersuadedthem
wedon’thavethemeansto
manufacturebayonetsand
bulletcasings,butnowthey
wantustodesignandbuild
fighterairplanes!Imean,
honestly,fighterairplanes?
Wemanufactureappliances!
SometimesIwonderwhat
thesepeoplearethinking.”
“Nobu-sanshouldspeak
morequietly.”
“Who’sgoingtohearme?
ThatGeneralofyours?”
“SpeakingoftheGeneral,”
Isaid,“Ididgotoseehim
today,toaskforhishelp.”
“You’reluckyhewasstill
alivetoseeyou.”
“Hashebeenill?”
“Notill.Buthe’llget
aroundtokillinghimselfone
ofthesedays,ifhehasthe
courage.”
“Please,Nobu-san.”
“Hedidn’thelpyou,did
he?”
“No,hesaidhe’dalready
usedupwhateverinfluence
hehad.”
“Thatwouldn’thavetaken
himlong.Whydidn’thesave
whatlittleinfluencehehad
foryou?”
“Ihaven’tseenhimin
morethanayear...”
“Youhaven’tseenmein
morethanfouryears.AndI
havesavedmybestinfluence
foryou.Whydidn’tyou
cometomebeforenow?”
“ButI’veimaginedyou
angrywithmeallthistime.
Justlookatyou,Nobu-san!
HowcouldIhavecometo
you?”
“Howcouldyounot?Ican
saveyoufromthefactories.I
haveaccesstotheperfect
haven.Andbelieveme,itis
perfect,justlikeanestfora
bird.You’retheonlyoneI’ll
giveitto,Sayuri.AndIwon’t
giveiteventoyou,until
you’vebowedonthefloor
righthereinfrontofmeand
admittedhowwrongyou
wereforwhathappenedfour
yearsago.You’recertainly
rightI’mangrywithyou!We
maybothbedeadbeforewe
seeeachotheragain.Imay
havelosttheonechanceI
had.Anditisn’tenoughthat
youbrushedmeaside:you
wastedtheveryripestyears
ofyourlifeonafool,aman
whowon’tpayeventhedebt
heowestohiscountry,much
lesstoyou.Hegoesonliving
asifhe’sdonenothing
wrong!”
YoucanimaginehowI
wasfeelingbythistime;for
Nobuwasamanwhocould
hurlhiswordslikestones.It
wasn’tjustthewords
themselvesortheirmeaning,
butthewayhesaidthem.At
firstI’dbeendeterminednot
tocry,regardlessofwhathe
said;butsoonitoccurredto
methatcryingmightbethe
verythingNobuwantedof
me.Anditfeltsoeasy,like
lettingapieceofpaperslip
frommyfingers.Everytear
thatsliddownmycheeksI
criedforadifferentreason.
Thereseemedsomuchto
mourn!IcriedforNobu,and
formyself;Icriedat
wonderingwhatwould
becomeofusall.Ievencried
forGeneralTottori,andfor
Korin,whohadgrownso
grayandhollowfromlifein
thefactory.AndthenIdid
whatNobudemandedofme.
Imovedawayfromthetable
tomakeroom,andIbowed
lowtothefloor.
“Forgivemeformy
foolishness,”Isaid.
“Oh,getupoffthemats.
I’msatisfiedifyoutellme
youwon’tmakethesame
mistakeagain.”
“Iwillnot.”
“Everymomentyouspent
withthatmanwaswasted!
That’sjustwhatItoldyou
wouldhappen,isn’tit?
Perhapsyou’velearned
enoughbynowtofollow
yourdestinyinthefuture.”
“Iwillfollowmydestiny,
Nobu-san.There’snothing
moreIwantfromlife.”
“I’mpleasedtohearthat.
Andwheredoesyourdestiny
leadyou?”
“Tothemanwhoruns
IwamuraElectric,”Isaid.Of
course,Iwasthinkingofthe
Chairman.
“Soitdoes,”Nobusaid.
“Nowletusdrinkourbeers
together.”
Iwetmylips—forIwas
fartooconfusedandupsetto
bethirsty.AfterwardNobu
toldmeaboutthenesthe’d
setaside.Itwasthehomeof
hisgoodfriendArashino
Isamu,thekimonomaker.I
don’tknowifyouremember
him,buthewastheguestof
honoratthepartyonthe
Baron’sestateyearsearlierat
whichNobuandDr.Crab
werepresent.Mr.Arashino’s
home,whichwasalsohis
workshop,wasonthebanks
oftheKamoRivershallows,
aboutfivekilometers
upstreamfromGion.Untila
fewyearsearlier,heandhis
wifeanddaughterhadmade
kimonointhelovelyYuzen
styleforwhichhewas
famous.Lately,however,all
thekimonomakershadbeen
puttoworksewing
parachutes—fortheywere
accustomedtoworkingwith
silk,afterall.ItwasajobI
couldlearnquickly,said
Nobu,andtheArashino
familywasverywillingto
haveme.Nobuhimselfwould
makethenecessary
arrangementswiththe
authorities.Hewrotethe
addressofMr.Arashino’s
homeonapieceofpaperand
gaveittome.
ItoldNobuanumberof
timeshowgratefulIwas.
EachtimeItoldhim,he
lookedmorepleasedwith
himself.JustasIwasaboutto
suggestthatwetakeawalk
togetherinthenewlyfallen
snow,heglancedathiswatch
anddrainedthelastsipofhis
beer.
“Sayuri,”hesaidtome,“I
don’tknowwhenwewillsee
eachotheragainorwhatthe
worldwillbelikewhenwe
do.Wemaybothhaveseen
manyhorriblethings.ButI
willthinkofyoueverytimeI
needtoberemindedthat
thereisbeautyandgoodness
intheworld.”
“Nobu-san!Perhapsyou
oughttohavebeenapoet!”
“Youknowperfectlywell
there’snothingpoeticabout
me.”
“Doyourenchantingwords
meanyou’reabouttoleave?I
washopingwemighttakea
strolltogether.”
“It’smuchtoocold.But
youmayseemetothedoor,
andwe’llsaygoodbyethere.”
IfollowedNobudownthe
stairsandcrouchedinthe
entrywayoftheteahouseto
helphimintohisshoes.
AfterwardIslippedmyfeet
intothetallwoodengetaI
waswearingbecauseofthe
snow,andwalkedNobuout
tothestreet.Yearsearliera
carwouldhavebeenwaiting
forhim,butonlygovernment
officialshadcarsthesedays,
foralmostnoonecouldfind
thegasolinetorunthem.I
suggestedwalkinghimtothe
trolley.
“Idon’twantyour
companyjustnow,”Nobu
said.“I’monmywaytoa
meetingwithourKyoto
distributor.Ihavetoomany
thingsonmymindasitis.”
“Imustsay,Nobu-san,I
muchpreferredyourparting
wordsintheroomupstairs.”
“Inthatcase,staythere
nexttime.”
IbowedandtoldNobu
good-bye.Mostmenwould
probablyhaveturnedtolook
overtheirshouldersatsome
point;butNobujustplodded
throughthesnowasfarasthe
corner,andthenturnedup
ShijoAvenueandwasgone.
InmyhandIheldthepieceof
paperhe’dgivenme,with
Mr.Arashino’saddress
writtenonit.IrealizedIwas
squeezingitsohardinmy
fingersthatifitwerepossible
tocrushit,I’msureIwould
have.Icouldn’tthinkwhyI
feltsonervousandafraid.
Butaftergazingamomentat
thesnowstillfallingall
aroundme,Ilookedat
Nobu’sdeepfootprints
leadingtothecornerandhad
thefeelingIknewjustwhat
wastroublingme.When
wouldIeverseeNobuagain?
OrtheChairman?Orforthat
matter,Gionitself?Once
before,asachild,I’dbeen
tornfrommyhome.I
supposeitwasthememoryof
thosehorribleyearsthatmade
mefeelsoalone.
ChapterTwentyNine
Youmaythinkthat
becauseIwasasuccessful
younggeishawithagreat
manyadmirers,someoneelse
mighthavesteppedforward
torescuemeevenifNobu
hadn’t.Butageishainneedis
hardlylikeajeweldropped
onthestreet,whichanyone
mightbehappytopickup.
Everyoneofthehundredsof
geishainGionwasstruggling
tofindanestfromthewarin
thosefinalweeks,andonlya
fewwereluckyenoughto
findone.Soyousee,every
dayIlivedwiththeArashino
family,Ifeltmyselfmoreand
moreinNobu’sdebt.
Idiscoveredhowfortunate
Ireallywasduringthespring
ofthefollowingyear,whenI
learnedthatthegeishaRaiha
hadbeenkilledinthe
firebombingofTokyo.Itwas
Raihawho’dmadeuslaugh
bysayingthatnothingwasas
bleakasthefutureexceptthe
past.Sheandhermotherhad
beenprominentgeisha,and
herfatherwasamemberofa
famousmerchantfamily;to
thoseofusinGion,noone
hadseemedmorelikelyto
survivethewarthanRaiha.
Atthetimeofherdeathshe
wasapparentlyreadinga
booktooneofheryoung
nephewsonherfather’s
estateintheDenenchofu
sectionofTokyo,andI’m
suresheprobablyfeltassafe
thereasshehadinKyoto.
Strangely,thesameairraid
thatkilledRaihaalsokilled
thegreatsumowrestler
Miyagiyama.Bothhadbeen
livinginrelativecomfort.
AndyetPumpkin,whohad
seemedsolosttome,
managedtosurvivethewar,
thoughthelensfactorywhere
shewasworkingonthe
outskirtsofOsakawas
bombedfiveorsixtimes.I
learnedthatyearthatnothing
issounpredictableaswho
willsurviveawarandwho
won’t.Mamehasurvived,
workinginasmallhospitalin
FukuiPrefectureasanurse’s
assistant;buthermaid
Tatsumiwaskilledbythe
terriblebombthatfellon
Nagasaki,andherdresser,
Mr.Itchoda,diedofaheart
attackduringanairraiddrill.
Mr.Bekku,ontheotherhand,
workedonanavalbasein
Osakaandyetsurvived
somehow.SodidGeneral
Tottori,wholivedinthe
SuruyaInnuntilhisdeathin
themid-1950s,andtheBaron
too—thoughI’msorrytosay
thatintheearlyyearsofthe
AlliedOccupation,theBaron
drownedhimselfinhis
splendidpondafterhistitle
andmanyofhisholdings
weretakenaway.Idon’t
thinkhecouldfaceaworldin
whichhewasnolongerfree
toactonhiseverywhim.
AsforMother,therewas
neveramoment’sdoubtin
mymindthatshewould
survive.Withherhighly
developedabilitytobenefit
fromotherpeople’ssuffering,
shefellsonaturallyintowork
inthegraymarketthatitwas
asifshe’ddoneitallalong;
shespentthewargrowing
richerinsteadofpoorerby
buyingandsellingother
people’sheirlooms.
WheneverMr.Arashinosold
akimonofromhiscollection
inordertoraisecash,he
askedmetocontactMother
soshecouldrecoveritfor
him.Manyofthekimono
soldinKyotopassedthrough
herhands,yousee.Mr.
Arashinoprobablyhoped
Motherwouldforgoher
profitandholdhiskimonoa
fewyearsuntilhecouldbuy
thembackagain;butshe
neverseemedabletofind
them—oratleast,thatwas
whatshesaid.
***
TheArashinostreatedme
withgreatkindnessduring
theyearsIlivedintheir
home.Inthedaytime,I
workedwiththemsewing
parachutes.AtnightIslept
alongsidetheirdaughterand
grandsononfutonsspreadout
ontheflooroftheworkshop.
Wehadsolittlecharcoal,we
burnedcompressedleavesfor
warmth—ornewspapersand
magazines;anythingwe
couldfind.Ofcoursefood
hadgrownstillmorescarce;
youcan’timaginesomeof
thethingswelearnedtoeat,
suchassoybeandregs,
usuallygiventolivestock,
andahideousthingcalled
nukapan,madebyfryingrice
braninwheatflour.Itlooked
likeold,driedleather,though
I’msureleatherwould
probablyhavetastedbetter.
Veryoccasionallywehad
smallquantitiesofpotatoes,
orsweetpotatoes;dried
whalemeat;sausagemade
fromseals;andsometimes
sardines,whichweJapanese
hadneverregardedas
anythingmorethanfertilizer.
Igrewsothinduringthese
yearsthatnoonewouldhave
recognizedmeonthestreets
ofGion.Somedaysthe
Arashinos’littlegrandson,
Juntaro,criedfromhunger—
whichiswhenMr.Arashino
usuallydecidedtosella
kimonofromhiscollection.
ThiswaswhatweJapanese
calledthe“onionlife”—
peelingawayalayeratatime
andcryingallthewhile.
Onenightinthespringof
1944,afterI’dbeenliving
withtheArashinofamilyno
morethanthreeorfour
months,wewitnessedour
firstairraid.Thestarswere
soclear,wecouldseethe
silhouettesofthebombersas
theydronedoverhead,and
alsotheshootingstars—as
theyseemedtous—thatflew
upfromtheearthand
explodednearthem.Wewere
afraidwewouldhearthe
horriblewhistlingnoiseand
watchKyotoburstinto
flamesallaroundus;andifit
had,ourliveswouldhave
endedrightthen,whetherwe
haddiedornot—because
Kyotoisasdelicateasa
moth’swing;ifithadbeen
crushed,itcouldneverhave
recoveredasOsakaand
Tokyo,andsomanyother
cities,wereabletodo.But
thebomberspassedusover,
notonlythatnightbutevery
night.Manyeveningswe
watchedthemoonturnred
fromthefiresinOsaka,and
sometimeswesawashes
floatingthroughtheairlike
fallingleaves—eventherein
Kyoto,fiftykilometersaway.
YoucanwellimaginethatI
worrieddesperatelyaboutthe
ChairmanandNobu,whose
companywasbasedinOsaka,
andwhobothhadhomes
thereaswellasinKyoto.I
wonderedtoowhatwould
becomeofmysister,Satsu,
wherevershewas.Idon’t
thinkI’deverbeen
consciouslyawareofit,but
sincetheveryweekshe’drun
away,I’dcarriedabelief
shroudedsomewhereinthe
backofmymindthatthe
coursesofourliveswould
onedaybringustogether
again.Ithoughtperhapsshe
mightsendalettertomein
careoftheNittaokiya,orelse
comebacktoKyotolooking
forme.Thenoneafternoon
whileIwastakinglittle
Juntaroforawalkalongthe
river,pickingoutstonesfrom
theedgeofthewaterand
throwingthembackin,it
occurredtomethatSatsu
neverwouldcomebackto
Kyototofindme.NowthatI
waslivinganimpoverished
lifemyself,Icouldseethat
travelingtosomefar-offcity
foranyreasonatallwasout
ofthequestion.Andinany
case,SatsuandIprobably
wouldn’trecognizeeach
otheronthestreetevenifshe
didcome.Asformyfantasy
thatshemightwritemea
letter...well,Ifeltlikea
foolishgirlagain;hadit
reallytakenmealltheseyears
tounderstandthatSatsuhad
nowayofknowingthename
oftheNittaokiya?She
couldn’twritemeifshe
wantedto—unlessshe
contactedMr.Tanaka,and
shewouldneverdosucha
thing.WhilelittleJuntaro
wentonthrowingstonesinto
theriver,Isquattedbeside
himandtrickledwateronto
myfacewithonehand,
smilingathimallthewhile
andpretendingI’ddoneitto
coolmyself.Mylittleruse
musthaveworked,because
Juntaroseemedtohaveno
ideathatanythingwasthe
matter.
Adversityislikeastrong
wind.Idon’tmeanjustthatit
holdsusbackfromplaceswe
mightotherwisego.Italso
tearsawayfromusallbutthe
thingsthatcannotbetorn,so
thatafterwardwesee
ourselvesaswereallyare,
andnotmerelyaswemight
liketobe.Mr.Arashino’s
daughter,forexample,
sufferedthedeathofher
husbandduringthewar,and
afterwardpouredherselfinto
twothings:caringforher
littleboyandsewing
parachutesforthesoldiers.
Sheseemedtolivefor
nothingelse.Whenshegrew
thinnerandthinner,youknew
whereeverygramofherwas
going.Bythewar’send,she
clutchedatthatchildas
thoughhewerethecliff’s
edgethatkeptherfrom
fallingtotherocksbelow.
BecauseI’dlivedthrough
adversityoncebefore,whatI
learnedaboutmyselfwaslike
areminderofsomethingI’d
onceknownbuthadnearly
forgotten—namely,that
beneaththeelegantclothing,
andtheaccomplished
dancing,andtheclever
conversation,mylifehadno
complexityatall,butwasas
simpleasastonefalling
towardtheground.Mywhole
purposeineverythingduring
thepasttenyearshadbeento
wintheaffectionsofthe
Chairman.DayafterdayI
watchedtheswiftwaterofthe
KamoRivershallowsrushing
belowtheworkshop;
sometimesIthrewapetalinto
it,orapieceofstraw,
knowingthatitwouldbe
carriedallthewaytoOsaka
beforewashingoutintothe
sea.Iwonderedifperhapsthe
Chairman,sittingathisdesk,
mightlookouthiswindow
oneafternoonandseethat
petalorthatstrawand
perhapsthinkofme.Butsoon
Ibegantohaveatroubling
thought.TheChairmanmight
seeit,perhaps,thoughI
doubtedhewould;butevenif
hedid,andheleanedbackin
hischairtothinkofthe
hundredthingsthepetal
mightbringtomind,Imight
notbeoneofthem.Hehad
oftenbeenkindtome,itwas
true;buthewasakindman.
He’dnevershowntheleast
signofrecognizingthatIhad
oncebeenthegirlhe’d
comforted,orthatIcaredfor
him,orthoughtofhim.
OnedayIcametoa
realization,morepainfulin
somewayseventhanmy
suddenunderstandingthat
SatsuandIwereunlikelyto
bereunited.I’dspentthe
previousnightnursinga
troublingthought,wondering
forthefirsttimewhatmight
happenifIreachedtheendof
mylifeandstilltheChairman
hadnevertakenanyspecial
noticeofme.Thatnext
morningIlookedcarefullyat
myalmanacinthehopesof
findingsomesignthatmylife
wouldn’tbelivedwithout
purpose.Iwasfeelingso
dejectedthatevenMr.
Arashinoseemedtorecognize
it,andsentmeonanerrand
topurchasesewingneedlesat
thedrygoodsstorethirty
minutesaway.Onmywalk
back,strollingalongthe
roadsideasthesunwas
setting,Iwasnearlyrun
downbyanarmytruck.It’s
theclosestI’veevercometo
beingkilled.Onlythenext
morningdidInoticethatmy
almanachadwarnedagainst
travelinthedirectionofthe
Rat,preciselythedirectionin
whichthedrygoodsstorelay;
I’dbeenlookingonlyfora
signabouttheChairman,and
hadn’tnoticed.Fromthis
experienceIunderstoodthe
dangeroffocusingonlyon
whatisn’tthere.WhatifI
cametotheendofmylife
andrealizedthatI’dspent
everydaywatchingforaman
whowouldnevercometo
me?Whatanunbearable
sorrowitwouldbe,torealize
I’dneverreallytastedthe
thingsI’deaten,orseenthe
placesI’dbeen,becauseI’d
thoughtofnothingbutthe
Chairmanevenwhilemylife
wasdriftingawayfromme.
AndyetifIdrewmy
thoughtsbackfromhim,what
lifewouldIhave?Iwouldbe
likeadancerwhohad
practicedsincechildhoodfor
aperformanceshewould
nevergive.
***
Thewarendedforusin
Augustof1945.Mostanyone
wholivedinJapanduringthis
timewilltellyouthatitwas
theverybleakestmomentina
longnightofdarkness.Our
countrywasn’tsimply
defeated,itwasdestroyed—
andIdon’tmeanbyallthe
bombs,ashorribleasthose
were.Whenyourcountryhas
lostawarandaninvading
armypoursin,youfeelas
thoughyouyourselfhave
beenledtotheexecution
groundtokneel,hands
bound,andwaitforthesword
tofall.Duringaperiodofa
yearormore,Ineveronce
heardthesoundoflaughter—
unlessitwaslittleJuntaro,
whodidn’tknowanybetter.
AndwhenJuntarolaughed,
hisgrandfatherwavedahand
toshushhim.I’veoften
observedthatmenand
womenwhowereyoung
childrenduringtheseyears
haveacertainseriousness
aboutthem;therewastoo
littlelaughterintheir
childhoods.
Bythespringof1946,
we’dallcometorecognize
thatwewouldlivethrough
theordealofdefeat.There
wereeventhosewhobelieved
Japanwouldonedaybe
renewed.Allthestoriesabout
invadingAmericansoldiers
rapingandkillingushad
turnedouttobewrong;and
infact,wegraduallycameto
realizethattheAmericanson
thewholewereremarkably
kind.Onedayanentourage
ofthemcameridingthrough
theareaintheirtrucks.I
stoodwatchingthemwiththe
otherwomenfromthe
neighborhood.I’dlearned
duringmyyearsinGionto
regardmyselfasthe
inhabitantofaspecialworld
thatseparatedmefromother
women;andinfact,I’dfeltso
separatedalltheseyearsthat
I’donlyrarelywonderedhow
otherwomenlived—eventhe
wivesofthemenI’d
entertained.YetthereIstood
inapairoftornworkpants,
withmystringyhairhanging
alongmyback.Ihadn’t
bathedinseveraldays,forwe
hadnofueltoheatthewater
morethanafewtimeseach
week.Totheeyesofthe
Americansoldierswhodrove
past,Ilookednodifferent
fromthewomenaroundme;
andasIthoughtofit,who
couldsayIwasanydifferent?
Ifyounolongerhaveleaves,
orbark,orroots,canyougo
oncallingyourselfatree?“I
amapeasant,”Isaidto
myself,“andnotageishaat
allanylonger.”Itwasa
frighteningfeelingtolookat
myhandsandseetheir
roughness.Todrawmymind
awayfrommyfears,Iturned
myattentionagaintothe
truckloadsofsoldiersdriving
past.Weren’tthesethevery
Americansoldierswe’dbeen
taughttohate,whohad
bombedourcitieswithsuch
horrifyingweapons?Now
theyrodethroughour
neighborhood,throwing
piecesofcandytothe
children.
***
Withinayearafterthe
surrender,Mr.Arashinohad
beenencouragedtobegin
makingkimonoonceagain.I
knewnothingaboutkimono
excepthowtowearthem,soI
wasgiventhetaskof
spendingmydaysinthe
basementoftheworkshop
annex,tendingtothevatsof
dyeastheyboiled.Thiswasa
horridjob,partlybecausewe
couldn’taffordanyfuelbut
tadon,whichisakindofcoal
dustheldtogetherbytar;you
cannotimaginethestench
whenitburns.OvertimeMr.
Arashino’swifetaughtme
howtogathertheproper
leaves,stems,andbarkto
makethedyesmyself,which
maysoundlikesomethingof
apromotion.Anditmight
havebeen,exceptthatoneof
thematerials—Ineverfound
outwhich—hadthestrange
effectofpicklingmyskin.
Mydelicatedancer’shands,
whichI’doncenurturedwith
thefinestcreams,nowbegan
topeellikethepaperyoutside
ofanonion,andwerestained
alloverthecolorofabruise.
Duringthistime—impelled
probablybymyown
loneliness—Ibecame
involvedinabriefromance
withayoungtatamimaker
namedInoue.Ithoughthe
lookedquitehandsome,with
hissofteyebrowslike
smudgesonhisdelicateskin
andaperfectsmoothnessto
hislips.Everyfewnights
duringthecourseofseveral
weeks,Isneakedintothe
annextolethimin.Ididn’t
realizequitehowgruesome
myhandslookeduntilone
nightwhenthefireunderthe
vatswasburningsobrightly
wecouldseeeachother.
AfterInouecaughtaglimpse
ofmyhands,hewouldn’tlet
metouchhimwiththem!
Toallowmyskinsome
relief,Mr.Arashinogaveme
thetaskofgathering
spiderwortsduringthe
summertime.Thespiderwort
isaflowerwhosejuiceis
usedforpaintingthesilks
beforethey’remaskedwith
starchandthendyed.They
tendtogrowaroundtheedges
ofpondsandlakesduringthe
rainyseason.Ithought
gatheringthemsoundedlikea
pleasantjob,soonemorning
inJuly,Isetoutwithmy
rucksack,readytoenjoythe
cool,dryday;butsoonI
discoveredthatspiderworts
aredevilishlycleverflowers.
AsfarasIcouldtell,they’d
enlistedeveryinsectin
westernJapanasanally.
WheneverItoreoffahandful
offlowers,Iwasattackedby
divisionsofticksand
mosquitoes;andtomake
mattersworse,onetimeI
steppedonahideouslittle
frog.ThenafterI’dspenta
miserableweekgatheringthe
flowers,ItookonwhatI
thoughtwouldbeamuch
easiertask,ofsqueezingthem
inapresstoextracttheir
juices.Butifyou’venever
smelledthejuiceofa
spiderwort...well,Iwas
verygladattheendofthe
weektogobacktoboiling
dyesonceagain.
Iworkedveryhardduring
thoseyears.Buteverynight
whenIwenttobed,Ithought
ofGion.Allthegeisha
districtsinJapanhad
reopenedwithinafew
monthsofthesurrender;butI
wasn’tfreetogobackuntil
Mothersummonedme.She
wasmakingquiteagood
livingsellingkimono,
artwork,andJapaneseswords
toAmericansoldiers.Sofor
thetimebeing,sheand
Auntieremainedonthelittle
farmwestofKyotowhere
theyhadsetupshop,whileI
continuedtoliveandwork
withtheArashinofamily.
ConsideringthatGionwas
onlyafewkilometersaway,
youmaythinkIvisitedthere
often.Andyetinthenearly
fiveyearsIlivedaway,I
wentonlyonce.Itwasone
afternoonduringthespring,
aboutayearaftertheendof
thewar,whileIwasonmy
waybackfrompickingup
medicineforlittleJuntaroat
theKamigyoPrefectural
Hospital.Itookawalkalong
KawaramachiAvenueasfar
asShijoandcrossedthe
bridgefromthereintoGion.I
wasshockedtoseewhole
familiescrowdedtogetherin
povertyalongtheriver’s
edge.
InGionIrecognizeda
numberofgeisha,thoughof
coursetheydidn’trecognize
me;andIdidn’tspeakaword
tothem,hopingforonceto
viewtheplaceasanoutsider
might.Intruth,though,I
couldscarcelyseeGionatall
asIstrolledthroughit;Isaw
insteadonlymyghostly
memories.WhenIwalked
alongthebanksofthe
ShirakawaStream,Ithought
ofthemanyafternoons
MamehaandIhadspent
walkingthere.Nearbywas
thebenchwherePumpkin
andIhadsatwithtwobowls
ofnoodlesonthenightI
askedforherhelp.Notfar
awaywasthealleywaywhere
Nobuhadchastenedmefor
takingtheGeneralasmy
danna.FromthereIwalked
halfablocktothecornerof
ShijoAvenuewhereI’dmade
theyoungdeliverymandrop
thelunchboxeshewas
carrying.Inallofthesespots,
IfeltIwasstandingona
stagemanyhoursafterthe
dancehadended,whenthe
silencelayasheavilyupon
theemptytheaterasablanket
ofsnow.Iwenttoourokiya
andstaredwithlongingatthe
heavyironpadlockonthe
door.WhenIwaslockedin,I
wantedtobeout.Nowlife
hadchangedsomuchthat,
findingmyselflockedout,I
wantedtobeinsideagain.
AndyetIwasagrown
woman—free,ifIwished,to
strolloutofGionatthatvery
momentandnevercome
back.
***
Onebittercoldafternoon
inNovember,threeyears
aftertheendofthewar,Iwas
warmingmyhandsoverthe
dyevatsintheannexwhen
Mrs.Arashinocamedownto
saythatsomeonewishedto
seeme.Icouldtellfromher
expressionthatthevisitor
wasn’tjustanotherofthe
womenfromthe
neighborhood.Butyoucan
imaginemysurprisewhenI
reachedthetopofthestairs
andsawNobu.Hewassitting
intheworkshopwithMr.
Arashino,holdinganempty
teacupasthoughhe’dbeen
therechattingforsometime
already.Mr.Arashinostood
whenhesawme.
“Ihavesomeworkinthe
nextroom,Nobu-san,”he
said.“Youtwocanstayhere
andtalk.I’mdelighted
you’vecometoseeus.”
“Don’tfoolyourself,
Arashino,”Nobureplied.
“SayuriisthepersonI’ve
cometosee.”
Ithoughtthisanunkind
thingforNobutohavesaid,
andnotatallfunny;butMr.
Arashinolaughedwhenhe
hearditandrolledthedoorof
theworkshopclosedbehind
him.
“Ithoughtthewholeworld
hadchanged,”Isaid.“Butit
can’tbeso,forNobu-sanhas
stayedexactlythesame.”
“Ineverchange,”hesaid.
“ButIhaven’tcomehereto
chat.Iwanttoknowwhat’s
thematterwithyou.”
“Nothingisthematter.
Hasn’tNobu-sanbeen
receivingmyletters?”
“Yourlettersallreadlike
poems!Younevertalkabout
anythingbut‘thebeautiful,
tricklingwater’orsomesuch
nonsense.”
“Why,Nobu-san,I’llnever
wasteanotherletteronyou!”
“I’dratheryoudidn’t,if
that’showtheysound.Why
can’tyoujusttellmethe
thingsIwanttoknow,such
aswhenyou’recomingback
toGion?EverymonthI
telephonetheIchirikitoask
aboutyou,andthemistress
givessomeexcuseorother.I
thoughtImightfindyouill
withsomehorribledisease.
You’reskinnierthanyou
were,Isuppose,butyoulook
healthyenoughtome.What’s
keepingyou?”
“IcertainlythinkofGion
everyday.”
“YourfriendMameha
camebackayearormore
ago.EvenMichizono,asold
assheis,showeduptheday
itreopened.Butnoonehas
beenabletotellmewhy
Sayuriwon’tcomeback.”
“Totellthetruth,the
decisionisn’tmine.I’vebeen
waitingforMothertoreopen
theokiya.I’maseagertoget
backtoGionasNobu-sanis
tohavemethere.”
“Thencallthatmotherof
yoursandtellherthetimehas
come.I’vebeenpatientthe
pastsixmonths.Didn’tyou
understandwhatIwastelling
youinmyletters?”
“Whenyousaidyou
wantedmebackinGion,I
thoughtyoumeantthatyou
hopedtoseemetheresoon.”
“IfIsayIwanttoseeyou
backinGion,whatImeanis,
Iwantyoutopackyourbags
andgobacktoGion.Idon’t
seewhyyouneedtowaitfor
thatmotherofyoursanyway!
Ifshehasn’thadthesenseto
gobackbynow,she’sa
fool.”
“Fewpeoplehaveanything
goodtosayabouther,butI
canassureyoushe’snofool.
Nobu-sanmightevenadmire
her,ifhecametoknowher.
She’smakingafineliving
sellingsouvenirstoAmerican
soldiers.”
“Thesoldierswon’tbe
hereforever.Youtellher
yourgoodfriendNobuwants
youbackinGion.”Atthis,he
tookalittlepackagewithhis
onehandandtosseditonto
thematsnexttome.He
didn’tsayawordafterward,
butonlysippedathisteaand
lookedatme.
“WhatisNobu-san
throwingatme?”Isaid.
“It’sagiftI’vebrought.
Openit.”
“IfNobu-sanisgivingme
agift,firstImustbringmy
giftforhim.”
Iwenttothecornerofthe
room,whereIkeptmytrunk
ofbelongings,andfounda
foldingfanI’dlongago
decidedtogivetoNobu.A
fanmayseemasimplegift
forthemanwho’dsavedme
fromlifeinthefactories.But
toageisha,thefansweusein
dancearelikesacredobjects
—andthiswasn’tjustan
ordinarydancer’sfan,butthe
veryonemyteacherhad
givenmewhenIreachedthe
levelofshishointheInoue
Schoolofdance.I’dnever
beforeheardofageisha
partingwithsuchathing—
whichwastheveryreasonI’d
decidedtogiveittohim.
Iwrappedthefanina
squareofcottonandwent
backtopresentittohim.He
waspuzzledwhenheopened
it,asIknewhewouldbe.I
didmybesttoexplainwhyI
wantedhimtohaveit.
“It’skindofyou,”hesaid,
“butI’munworthyofthis
gift.Offerittosomeonewho
appreciatesdancemorethanI
do.”
“There’snooneelseI
wouldgiveitto.It’sapartof
me,andIhavegivenitto
Nobu-san.”
“Inthatcase,I’mvery
gratefulandI’llcherishit.
NowopenthepackageI’ve
broughtyou.”
Wrappedinsidepaperand
string,andpaddedwithlayers
ofnewspaper,wasarock
aboutthesizeofafist.I’m
sureIwasatleastaspuzzled
toreceivearockasNobu
musthavebeenbythefanI’d
givenhim.WhenIlookedat
itmoreclosely,Isawit
wasn’tarockatall,buta
pieceofconcrete.
“Youhaveinyourhand
somerubblefromourfactory
inOsaka,”Nobutoldme.
“Twoofourfourfactories
weredestroyed.There’sa
dangerourwholecompany
maynotsurvivethenextfew
years.Soyousee,ifyou’ve
givenmeapieceofyourself
withthatfan,IsupposeI’ve
justgivenyouapieceof
myselfaswell.”
“Ifit’sapieceofNobusan,thenIwillcherishit.”
“Ididn’tgiveittoyouto
cherish.It’sapieceof
concrete!Iwantyoutohelp
meturnitintoalovelyjewel
foryoutokeep.”
“IfNobu-sanknowshow
todosuchathing,pleasetell
me,andwe’llallberich!”
“Ihaveataskforyoutodo
inGion.IfitworksoutasI
hope,ourcompanywillbe
backonitsfeetinayearor
so.WhenIaskyouforthat
pieceofconcretebackand
replaceitwithajewel
instead,thetimewillhave
comeatlastformetobecome
yourdanna.”
Myskinfeltascoldas
glasswhenIheardthis;butI
showednosignofit.“How
mysterious,Nobu-san.Atask
Icouldundertake,which
wouldbehelpfultoIwamura
Electric?”
“It’sanawfultask.Iwon’t
lietoyou.Duringthefinal
twoyearsbeforeGionclosed,
therewasamannamedSato
whousedtogotopartiesasa
guestofthePrefectural
Governor.Iwantyoutocome
backsoyoucanentertain
him.”
IhadtolaughwhenIheard
this.“Howhorribleataskcan
thatbe?Howevermuch
Nobu-sandislikeshim,I’m
sureI’veentertainedworse.”
“Ifyourememberhim,
you’llknowexactlyhow
horribleitis.He’sirritating,
andheactslikeapig.Hetells
mehealwayssatacrossthe
tablesohecouldstareatyou.
You’retheonlythingheever
talksabout—whenhetalks,
thatis;becausemostlyhejust
sits.Maybeyousawhim
mentionedinthenews
magazineslastmonth;hewas
justappointedtobeaDeputy
MinisterofFinance.”
“Mygoodness!”Isaid.
“Hemustbeverycapable.”
“Oh,therearefifteenor
moremenwhoholdthattitle.
Iknowhe’scapableof
pouringsakeintohismouth;
that’stheonlythingI’veever
seenhimdo.It’satragedy
thatthefutureofagreat
companylikeoursshouldbe
affectedbyamanlikehim!
It’saterribletimetobealive,
Sayuri.”
“Nobu-san!Youmustn’t
sayathinglikethat.”
“Whyonearthnot?No
one’sgoingtohearme.”
“Itisn’tamatterofwho
hearsyou.It’syourattitude!
Youshouldn’tthinkthat
way.”
“Whyshouldn’tI?The
companyhasneverbeenin
worsecondition.Allthrough
thewar,theChairman
resistedwhatthegovernment
toldhimtodo.Bythetimehe
finallyagreedtocooperate,
thewarwasalmostover,and
nothingweevermadefor
them—notonething—was
takenintobattle.Buthasthat
stoppedtheAmericansfrom
classifyingIwamuraElectric
asazaibatsujustlike
Mitsubishi?It’sridiculous.
ComparedtoMitsubishi,we
werelikeasparrowwatching
alion.Andthere’ssomething
worse:ifwecan’tconvince
themofourcase,Iwamura
Electricwillbeseized,andits
assetssoldtopaywar
reparations!Twoweeksago
I’dhavesaidthatwasbad
enough,butnowthey’ve
appointedthisfellowSatoto
makearecommendation
aboutourcase.Those
Americansthinktheywere
clevertoappointaJapanese.
Well,I’dratherhaveseena
dogtakethejobthanthis
man.”SuddenlyNobu
interruptedhimself.“Whaton
earthisthematterwithyour
hands?”
Sincecomingupfromthe
annex,I’dkeptmyhands
hiddenasbestIcould.
ObviouslyNobuhadcaught
sightofthemsomehow.“Mr.
Arashinowaskindenoughto
givemethejobofmaking
dyes.”
“Let’shopeheknowshow
toremovethosestains,”said
Nobu.“Youcan’tgobackto
Gionlookinglikethat.”
“Nobu-san,myhandsare
theleastofmyproblems.I’m
notsureIcangobacktoGion
atall.I’lldomybestto
persuadeMother,but
truthfully,itisn’tmy
decision.Anyway,I’msure
thereareothergeishawho’ll
behelpful—”
“Therearen’tothergeisha!
Listentome,ItookDeputy
MinisterSatotoateahouse
theotherdaywithhalfa
dozenpeople.Hedidn’t
speakawordforanhour,and
thenfinallyheclearedhis
throatandsaid,‘Thisisn’tthe
Ichiriki.’SoItoldhim,‘No,
it’snot.Youcertainlygotthat
right!’Hegruntedlikeapig,
andthensaid,‘Sayuri
entertainsattheIchiriki.’SoI
toldhim,‘No,Minister,ifshe
wereinGionatall,shewould
comerighthereandentertain
us.ButItoldyou—sheisn’t
inGion!’Sothenhetookhis
sakecup—”
“Ihopeyouweremore
politewithhimthanthat,”I
said.
“Icertainlywasn’t!Ican
toleratehiscompanyfor
abouthalfanhour.Afterthat
I’mnotresponsibleforthe
thingsIsay.That’sexactly
thereasonIwantyouthere!
Anddon’ttellmeagainit
isn’tyourdecision.Youowe
thistome,andyouknowit
perfectlywell.Anyway,the
truthis...I’dlikethechance
tospendsometimewithyou
myself...”
“AndIwouldliketospend
timewithNobu-san.”
“Justdon’tbringany
illusionswithyouwhenyou
come.”
“Afterthepastfewyears,
I’msureIdon’thaveanyleft.
ButisNobu-santhinkingof
somethinginparticular?”
“Don’texpectmeto
becomeyourdannaina
month,that’swhatI’m
saying.UntilIwamura
Electrichasrecovered,I’min
nopositiontomakesuchan
offer.I’vebeenveryworried
aboutthecompany’s
prospects.Buttotellthe
truth,Sayuri,Ifeelbetter
aboutthefutureafterseeing
youagain.”
“Nobu-san!Howkind!”
“Don’tberidiculous,I’m
nottryingtoflatteryou.Your
destinyandmineare
intertwined.ButI’llneverbe
yourdannaifIwamura
Electricdoesn’trecover.
Perhapstherecovery,justlike
mymeetingyouinthefirst
place,issimplymeanttobe.”
Duringthefinalyearsof
thewar,I’dlearnedtostop
wonderingwhatwasmeantto
beandwhatwasn’t.I’doften
saidtothewomeninthe
neighborhoodthatIwasn’t
sureifI’devergobackto
Gion—butthetruthis,I’d
alwaysknownIwould.My
destiny,whateveritwas,
awaitedmethere.Inthese
yearsaway,I’dlearnedto
suspendallthewaterinmy
personalitybyturningitto
ice,youmightsay.Onlyby
stoppingthenaturalflowof
mythoughtsinthiswaycould
Ibearthewaiting.Nowto
hearNoburefertomydestiny
...well,Ifelthe’dshattered
theiceinsidemeand
awakenedmydesiresonce
again.
“Nobu-san,”Isaid,“ifit’s
importanttomakeagood
impressiononDeputy
MinisterSato,perhapsyou
shouldasktheChairmanto
betherewhenyouentertain
him.”
“TheChairmanisabusy
man.”
“ButsurelyiftheMinister
isimportanttothefutureof
thecompany—”
“Youworryaboutgetting
yourselfthere.I’llworry
aboutwhat’sbestforthe
company.I’llbevery
disappointedifyou’renot
backinGionbytheendof
themonth.”
Noburosetoleave,forhe
hadtobebackinOsaka
beforenightfall.Iwalkedhim
totheentrywaytohelphim
intohiscoatandshoes,and
puthisfedoraonhisheadfor
him.WhenIwasdone,he
stoodlookingatmealong
while.Ithoughthewasabout
tosayhefoundmebeautiful
—forthiswasthesortof
commenthesometimesmade
aftergazingatmeforno
reason.
“Mygoodness,Sayuri,you
dolooklikeapeasant!”he
said.Hehadascowlonhis
faceasheturnedaway.
ChapterThirty
Thatverynightwhilethe
Arashinosslept,Iwroteto
Motherbythelightofthe
tadonburningunderthedye
vatsintheannex.Whether
myletterhadtheproper
effectorwhetherMotherwas
alreadypreparedtoreopen
theokiya,Idon’tknow;buta
weeklateranoldwoman’s
voicecalledoutatthe
Arashinos’door,andIrolled
itopentofindAuntiethere.
Hercheekshadsunkenwhere
she’dlostteeth,andthe
sicklygrayofherskinmade
methinkofapieceofsashimi
leftontheplateovernight.
ButIcouldseethatshewas
stillastrongwoman;shewas
carryingabagofcoalinone
handandfoodstuffsinthe
other,tothanktheArashinos
fortheirkindnesstowardme.
ThenextdayIsaida
tearfulfarewellandwent
backtoGion,whereMother,
Auntie,andIsetaboutthe
taskofputtingthingsbackin
order.WhenI’dhadalook
aroundtheokiya,thethought
crossedmymindthatthe
houseitselfwaspunishingus
forouryearsofneglect.We
hadtospendfourorfivedays
ononlytheworstofthe
problems:wipingdownthe
dustthatlayasheavilyas
gauzeoverthewoodwork;
fishingtheremainsofdead
rodentsfromthewell;
cleaningMother’sroom
upstairs,wherebirdshadtorn
upthetatamimatsandused
thestrawtomakenestsinthe
alcove.Tomysurprise,
Motherworkedashardasany
ofus,partlybecausewe
couldaffordonlyacookand
oneadultmaid,thoughwe
didalsohaveayounggirl
namedEtsuko.Shewasthe
daughterofthemanonwhose
farmMotherandAuntiehad
beenliving.Asiftoremind
meofhowmanyyearshad
passedsinceIfirstcameto
Kyotoasanine-year-oldgirl,
Etsukoherselfwasnine.She
seemedtoregardmewiththe
samefearI’doncefelttoward
Hatsumomo,eventhoughI
smiledatherwheneverI
could.Shestoodastalland
thinasabroom,withlong
hairthattrailedbehindheras
shescurriedabout.Andher
facewasnarrowlikeagrain
ofrice,sothatIcouldn’thelp
thinkingthatonedayshetoo
wouldbethrownintothepot
justasIhadbeen,andwould
fluffupwhiteanddelicious,
tobeconsumed.
Whentheokiyawas
livableagain,Isetouttopay
myrespectsaroundGion.I
beganbycallingonMameha,
whowasnowinaone-room
apartmentaboveapharmacy
neartheGionShrine;since
herreturnayearearlier,she’d
hadnodannatopayfor
anythingmorespacious.She
wasstartledwhenshefirst
sawme—becauseoftheway
mycheekbonesprotruded,
shesaid.Thetruthwas,Ifelt
justasstartledtoseeher.The
beautifulovalofherfacewas
unchanged,butherneck
lookedsinewyandmuchtoo
oldforher.Thestrangest
thingwasthatshesometimes
heldhermouthpuckeredlike
anoldwoman’s,becauseher
teeth,thoughIcouldseeno
differenceinthem,hadbeen
quitelooseatonetimeduring
thewarandstillcausedher
pain.
Wetalkedforalongwhile,
andthenIaskedifshe
thoughtDancesoftheOld
Capitalwouldresumethe
followingspring.The
performanceshadn’tbeen
seeninanumberofyears.
“Oh,whynot?”shesaid.
“Thethemecanbethe
‘DanceintheStream’!”
Ifyou’veevervisitedahot
springsresortorsomesuch
place,andbeenentertained
bywomenmasqueradingas
geishawhoarereally
prostitutes,you’llunderstand
Mameha’slittlejoke.A
womanwhoperformsthe
“DanceintheStream”is
reallydoingakindof
striptease.Shepretendsto
wadeintodeeperanddeeper
water,allthewhileraising
herkimonotokeepthehem
dry,untilthemenfinallysee
whatthey’vebeenwaiting
for,andbegintocheerand
toastoneanotherwithsake.
“WithalltheAmerican
soldiersinGionthesedays,”
shewenton,“Englishwillget
youfurtherthandance.
Anyway,theKaburenjo
Theaterhasbeenturnedintoa
kyabarei.”
I’dneverheardthisword
before,whichcamefromthe
English“cabaret,”butI
learnedsoonenoughwhatit
meant.Evenwhilelivingwith
theArashinofamily,I’d
heardstoriesaboutAmerican
soldiersandtheirnoisy
parties.StillIwasshocked
whenIsteppedintothe
entrywayofateahouselater
thatafternoonandfound—
insteadoftheusualrowof
men’sshoesatthebaseofthe
step—aconfusionofarmy
boots,eachofwhichlooked
asbigtomeasMother’slittle
dogTakuhadbeen.Insidethe
frontentrancehall,thefirst
thingIsawwasanAmerican
maninhisunderwear
squeezinghimselfbeneaththe
shelfofanalcovewhiletwo
geisha,bothlaughing,triedto
pullhimout.WhenIlooked
atthedarkhaironhisarms
andchest,andevenonhis
back,IhadthefeelingI’d
neverseenanythingquiteso
beastly.He’dapparentlylost
hisclothinginadrinking
gameandwastryingtohide,
butsoonheletthewomen
drawhimoutbythearmsand
leadhimbackdownthehall
andthroughadoor.Iheard
whistlingandcheeringwhen
heentered.
Aboutaweekaftermy
return,Iwasfinallyreadyto
makemyfirstappearanceasa
geishaagain.Ispentaday
rushingfromthehairdresser’s
tothefortune-teller’s;
soakingmyhandstoremove
thelastofthestains;and
searchingalloverGionto
findthemakeupIneeded.
NowthatIwasnearingthirty,
Iwouldnolongerbe
expectedtowearwhite
makeupexceptonspecial
occasions.ButIdidspenda
halfhouratmymakeupstand
thatday,tryingtouse
differentshadesofWesternstylefacepowdertohidehow
thinI’dgrown.WhenMr.
Bekkucametodressme,
youngEtsukostoodand
watchedjustasIhadonce
watchedHatsumomo;andit
wastheastonishmentinher
eyes,morethananythingI
sawwhilelookinginthe
mirror,thatconvincedmeI
trulylookedlikeageisha
onceagain.
WhenatlastIsetoutthat
evening,allofGionwas
blanketedinabeautifulsnow
sopowderytheslightestwind
blewtheroofsclean.Iworea
kimonoshawlandcarrieda
lacqueredumbrella,soI’m
sureIwasasunrecognizable
asthedayI’dvisitedGion
lookinglikeapeasant.I
recognizedonlyabouthalf
thegeishaIpassed.Itwas
easytotellthosewho’dlived
inGionbeforethewar,
becausetheygavealittlebow
ofcourtesyastheypassed,
evenwhentheydidn’tseem
torecognizeme.Theothers
didn’tbotherwithmorethan
anod.
Seeingsoldiershereand
thereonthestreets,Idreaded
whatImightfindwhenI
reachedtheIchiriki.Butin
fact,theentrywaywaslined
withtheshinyblackshoes
wornbyofficers;and
strangelyenough,the
teahouseseemedquieterthan
inmydaysasanapprentice.
Nobuhadn’tyetarrived—or
atleast,Ididn’tseeanysign
ofhim—butIwasshown
directlyintooneofthelarge
roomsonthegroundfloor
andtoldhewouldjoinme
thereshortly.OrdinarilyI
wouldhavewaitedinthe
maids’quartersupthe
hallway,whereIcouldwarm
myhandsandsipacupof
tea;nogeishalikesamanto
findheridle.ButIdidn’t
mindwaitingforNobu—and
besides,Iconsideredita
privilegetospendafew
minutesbymyselfinsucha
room.I’dbeenstarvedfor
beautyoverthepastfive
years,andthiswasaroom
thatwouldhaveastonished
youwithitsloveliness.The
wallswerecoveredwitha
paleyellowsilkwhose
texturegaveakindof
presence,andmademefeel
heldbythemjustasaneggis
heldbyitsshell.
I’dexpectedNobutoarrive
byhimself,butwhenIfinally
heardhiminthehallway,it
wasclearhe’dbrought
DeputyMinisterSatowith
him.Ididn’tmindifNobu
foundmewaiting,asI’ve
mentioned;butIthoughtit
wouldbedisastroustogive
theMinisterreasontothinkI
mightbeunpopular.SoI
slippedquicklythroughthe
adjoiningdoorsintoan
unusedroom.Asitturned
out,thisgavemeachanceto
listentoNobustruggletobe
pleasant.
“Isn’tthisquitearoom,
Minister?”hesaid.Ihearda
littlegruntinreply.“I
requesteditespeciallyfor
you.ThatpaintingintheZen
styleisreallysomething,
don’tyouthink?”Thenafter
alongsilence,Nobuadded,
“Yes,it’sabeautifulnight.
Oh,didIalreadyaskif
you’vetastedtheIchiriki
Teahouse’sownspecialbrand
ofsake?”
Thingscontinuedinthis
way,withNobuprobably
feelingaboutascomfortable
asanelephanttryingtoact
likeabutterfly.Whenat
lengthIwentintothehallway
andslidopenthedoor,Nobu
seemedveryrelievedtosee
me.
Igotmyfirstgoodlookat
theMinisteronlyafter
introducingmyselfandgoing
tokneelatthetable.He
didn’tlookatallfamiliar,
thoughhe’dclaimedtohave
spenthoursstaringatme.I
don’tknowhowImanagedto
forgethim,becausehehada
verydistinctiveappearance;
I’veneverseenanyonewho
hadmoretroublejustlugging
hisfacearound.Hekepthis
chintuckedagainsthis
breastboneasthoughhe
couldn’tquiteholduphis
head,andhehadapeculiar
lowerjawthatprotrudedso
thathisbreathseemedto
blowrightuphisnose.After
hegavemealittlenodand
saidhisname,itwasalong
whilebeforeIheardany
soundfromhimotherthan
grunts,foragruntseemedto
behiswayofrespondingto
almostanything.
Ididmybesttomake
conversationuntilthemaid
rescuedusbyarrivingwitha
trayofsake.Ifilledthe
Minister’scupandwas
astonishedtowatchhimpour
thesakedirectlyintohis
lowerjawinthesamewayhe
mighthavepoureditintoa
drain.Heshuthismouthfora
momentandthenopenedit
again,andthesakewasgone,
withoutanyoftheusualsigns
peoplemakewhenthey
swallow.Iwasn’treallysure
he’dswallowedatalluntilhe
heldouthisemptycup.
Thingswentonlikethisfor
fifteenminutesormorewhile
ItriedtoputtheMinisterat
hiseasebytellinghimstories
andjokes,andaskinghima
fewquestions.ButsoonI
begantothinkperhapsthere
wasnosuchthingas“the
Ministerathisease.”He
nevergavemeananswerof
morethanasingleword.I
suggestedweplayadrinking
game;Ievenaskedifheliked
tosing.Thelongestexchange
wehadinourfirsthalfhour
waswhentheMinisterasked
ifIwasadancer.
“Why,yes,Iam.Would
theMinisterlikemeto
performashortpiece?”
“No,”hesaid.Andthat
wastheendofit.
TheMinistermaynothave
likedmakingeyecontactwith
people,buthecertainlyliked
tostudyhisfood,asI
discoveredafteramaid
arrivedwithdinnerforthe
twomen.Beforeputting
anythinginhismouth,he
helditupwithhischopsticks
andpeeredatit,turningitthis
wayandthat.Andifhedidn’t
recognizeit,heaskedme
whatitwas.“It’sapieceof
yamboiledinsoysauceand
sugar,”Itoldhimwhenhe
heldupsomethingorange.
ActuallyIdidn’thavethe
leastideawhetheritwasyam,
orasliceofwhaleliver,or
anythingelse,butIdidn’t
thinktheMinisterwantedto
hearthat.Later,whenheheld
upapieceofmarinatedbeef
andaskedmeaboutit,I
decidedtoteasehimabit.
“Oh,that’sastripof
marinatedleather,”Isaid.
“It’saspecialtyofthehouse
here!It’smadefromtheskin
ofelephants.SoIguessI
shouldhavesaid‘elephant
leather.’”
“Elephantleather?”
“Now,Minister,youknow
I’mteasingyou!It’sapiece
ofbeef.Whydoyoulookat
yourfoodsoclosely?Didyou
thinkyouwouldcomehere
andeatdogorsomething?”
“I’veeatendog,you
know,”hesaidtome.
“That’sveryinteresting.
Butwedon’thaveanydog
heretonight.Sodon’tlookat
yourchopsticksanymore.”
Verysoonwebegan
playingadrinkinggame.
Nobuhateddrinkinggames,
buthekeptquietafterImade
afaceathim.Wemayhave
lettheMinisterloseabit
moreoftenthanweshould
have,becauselater,aswe
weretryingtoexplainthe
rulestoadrinkinggamehe’d
neverplayed,hiseyes
becameasunsteadyascorks
floatinginthesurf.Allat
oncehestoodupandheaded
offtowardonecornerofthe
room.
“Now,Minister,”Nobu
saidtohim,“exactlywhere
areyouplanningongoing?”
TheMinister’sanswerwas
toletoutaburp,whichI
consideredaverywellspokenreplybecauseitwas
apparenthewasaboutto
throwup.NobuandIrushed
overtohelphim,buthe’d
alreadyclampedhishand
overhismouth.Ifhe’dbeena
volcano,hewouldhavebeen
smokingbythistime,sowe
hadnochoicebuttorollopen
theglassdoorstothegarden
tolethimvomitontothe
snowthere.Youmaybe
appalledatthethoughtofa
manthrowingupintooneof
theseexquisitedecorative
gardens,buttheMinister
certainlywasn’tthefirst.We
geishatrytohelpamandown
thehallwaytothetoilet,but
sometimeswecan’tmanage
it.Ifwesaytooneofthe
maidsthatamanhasjust
visitedthegarden,theyall
knowexactlywhatwemean
andcomeatoncewiththeir
cleaningsupplies.
NobuandIdidourbestto
keeptheMinisterkneelingin
thedoorwaywithhishead
suspendedoverthesnow.But
despiteoureffortshesoon
tumbledoutheadfirst.Idid
mybesttoshovehimtoone
side,sohewouldatleastend
upinsnowthathadn’tyet
beenvomitedupon.Butthe
Ministerwasasbulkyasa
thickpieceofmeat.AllI
reallydidwasturnhimonto
hissideashefell.
NobuandIcoulddo
nothingbutlookateachother
indismayatthesightofthe
Ministerlyingperfectlystill
inthedeepsnow,likea
branchthathadfallenfroma
tree.
“Why,Nobu-san,”Isaid,
“Ididn’tknowhowmuchfun
yourguestwasgoingtobe.”
“Ibelievewe’vekilled
him.Andifyouaskme,he
deservedit.Whatanirritating
man!”
“Isthishowyouacttoward
yourhonoredguests?You
musttakehimoutontothe
streetandwalkhimarounda
bittowakehimup.Thecold
willdohimgood.”
“He’slyinginthesnow.
Isn’tthatcoldenough?”
“Nobu-san!”Isaid.AndI
supposethiswasenoughofa
reprimand,forNobuletouta
sighandsteppeddowninto
thegardeninhisstockingfeet
tobeginthetaskofbringing
theMinisterbackto
consciousness.Whilehewas
busywiththis,Iwenttofind
amaidwhocouldhelp,
becauseIcouldn’tseehow
NobuwouldgettheMinister
backupintotheteahouse
withonlyonearm.Afterward
Ifetchedsomedrysocksfor
thetwomenandalerteda
maidtotidythegardenafter
we’dleft.
WhenIreturnedtothe
room,NobuandtheMinister
wereatthetableagain.You
canimaginehowtheMinister
looked—andsmelled.Ihadto
peelhiswetsocksoffhisfeet
withmyownhands,butI
keptmydistancefromhim
whiledoingit.AssoonasI
wasdone,heslumpedback
ontothematsandwas
unconsciousagainamoment
later.
“Doyouthinkhecanhear
us?”IwhisperedtoNobu.
“Idon’tthinkhehearsus
evenwhenhe’sconscious,”
Nobusaid.“Didyouever
meetabiggerfoolinyour
life?”
“Nobu-san,quietly!”I
whispered.“Doyouthinkhe
actuallyenjoyedhimself
tonight?Imean,isthisthe
sortofeveningyouhadin
mind?”
“Itisn’tamatterofwhatI
hadinmind.It’swhathehad
inmind.”
“Ihopethatdoesn’tmean
we’llbedoingthesamething
againnextweek.”
“IftheMinisterispleased
withtheevening,I’mpleased
withtheevening.”
“Nobu-san,really!You
certainlyweren’tpleased.
Youlookedasmiserableas
I’veeverseenyou.
ConsideringtheMinister’s
condition,Ithinkwecan
assumeheisn’thavingthe
bestnightofhislifeeither..
.”
“Youcan’tassume
anything,whenitcomesto
theMinister.”
“I’msurehe’llhavea
bettertimeifwecanmakethe
atmospheremore...festive
somehow.Wouldn’tyou
agree?”
“Bringafewmoregeisha
nexttime,ifyouthinkitwill
help,”Nobusaid.“We’ll
comebacknextweekend.
Invitethatoldersisterof
yours.”
“Mameha’scertainly
clever,buttheMinisterisso
exhaustingtoentertain.We
needageishawho’sgoingto,
Idon’tknow,makealotof
noise!Distracteveryone.You
know,nowthatIthinkofit..
.itseemstomeweneed
anotherguestaswell,notjust
anothergeisha.”
“Ican’tseeanyreasonfor
that.”
“IftheMinisterisbusy
drinkingandsneakinglooks
atme,andyou’rebusy
growingincreasinglyfedup
withhim,we’renotgoingto
haveaveryfestiveevening,”
Isaid.“Totellthetruth,
Nobu-san,perhapsyou
shouldbringtheChairman
withyounexttime.”
YoumaywonderifI’d
beenplottingallalongto
bringtheeveningtothis
moment.It’scertainlytrue
thatincomingbacktoGion,
I’dhopedmorethananything
elsetofindawayofspending
timewiththeChairman.It
wasn’tsomuchthatIcraved
thechancetositinthesame
roomwithhimagain,tolean
inandwhispersome
commentandtakeinthe
scentofhisskin.Ifthose
sortsofmomentswouldbe
theonlypleasurelifeoffered
me,I’dbebetteroffshutting
outthatonebrilliantsourceof
lighttoletmyeyesbeginto
adjusttothedarkness.
Perhapsitwastrue,asitnow
seemed,thatmylifewas
fallingtowardNobu.Iwasn’t
sofoolishastoimagineI
couldchangethecourseof
mydestiny.Butneithercould
Igiveupthelasttracesof
hope.
“I’veconsideredbringing
theChairman,”Nobureplied.
“TheMinisterisvery
impressedwithhim.ButI
don’tknow,Sayuri.Itoldyou
oncealready.He’sabusy
man.”
TheMinisterjerkedonthe
matsasifsomeonehadpoked
him,andthenmanagedto
pullhimselfupuntilhewas
sittingatthetable.Nobuwas
sodisgustedatthesightofhis
clothingthathesentmeout
tobringbackamaidwitha
damptowel.Afterthemaid
hadcleanedtheMinister’s
jacketandleftusaloneagain,
Nobusaid:
“Well,Minister,this
certainlyhasbeena
wonderfulevening!Nexttime
we’llhaveevenmorefun,
becauseinsteadofthrowing
uponjustme,youmightbe
abletothrowuponthe
Chairman,andperhaps
anothergeishaortwoas
well!”
Iwasverypleasedtohear
NobumentiontheChairman,
butIdidn’tdarereact.
“Ilikethisgeisha,”saidthe
Minister.“Idon’twant
anotherone.”
“HernameisSayuri,and
you’dbettercallherthat,or
shewon’tagreetocome.
Nowstandup,Minister.It’s
timeforustogetyouhome.”
Iwalkedthemasfarasthe
entryway,whereIhelped
themintotheircoatsand
shoesandwatchedthetwoof
themsetoutinthesnow.The
Ministerwashavingsucha
hardtime,hewouldhave
trudgedrightintothegateif
Nobuhadn’ttakenhimbythe
elbowtosteerhim.
***
Laterthesamenight,I
droppedinwithMamehaona
partyfullofAmerican
officers.Bythetimewe
arrived,theirtranslatorwasof
nousetoanyonebecause
they’dmadehimdrinkso
much;buttheofficersall
recognizedMameha.Iwasa
bitsurprisedwhentheybegan
hummingandwavingtheir
arms,signalingtoherthat
theywantedhertoputona
dance.Iexpectedwewould
sitquietlyandwatchher,but
themomentshebegan,
severaloftheofficerswent
upandstartedprancing
aroundalongside.Ifyou’d
toldmeitwouldhappen,I
mighthavefeltalittle
uncertainbeforehand;butto
seeit...well,Iburstout
laughingandenjoyedmyself
morethanIhadinalong
while.Weendedupplayinga
gameinwhichMamehaandI
tookturnsontheshamisen
whiletheAmericanofficers
dancedaroundthetable.
Wheneverwestoppedthe
music,theyhadtorushback
totheirplaces.Thelasttosit
drankapenaltyglassofsake.
Inthemiddleoftheparty,I
commentedtoMamehahow
peculiaritwastosee
everyonehavingsomuchfun
withoutspeakingthesame
language—consideringthat
I’dbeenatapartywithNobu
andanotherJapaneseman
earlierthatevening,andwe’d
hadanawfultime.Sheasked
meabitabouttheparty.
“Threepeoplecancertainly
betoofew,”shesaidafterI’d
toldheraboutit,“particularly
ifoneofthemisNobuina
foulmood.”
“Isuggestedhebringthe
Chairmannexttime.Andwe
needanothergeishaaswell,
don’tyouthink?Someone
loudandfunny.”
“Yes,”saidMameha,
“perhapsI’llstopby...”
Iwaspuzzledatfirstto
hearhersaythis.Because
really,nooneonearthwould
havedescribedMamehaas
“loudandfunny.”Iwasabout
totellheragainwhatImeant,
whenallatoncesheseemed
torecognizeour
misunderstandingandsaid,
“Yes,I’minterestedtostop
by...butIsupposeifyou
wantsomeoneloudand
funny,yououghttospeakto
youroldfriendPumpkin.”
SincereturningtoGion,I’d
encounteredmemoriesof
Pumpkineverywhere.Infact,
theverymomentI’dstepped
intotheokiyaforthefirst
time,I’drememberedher
thereintheformalentrance
hallonthedayGionhad
closed,whenshe’dgivenme
astifffarewellbowofthe
sortshewasobligedtooffer
theadopteddaughter.I’d
goneonthinkingofheragain
andagainallduringthatweek
aswecleaned.Atonepoint,
whilehelpingthemaidwipe
thedustfromthewoodwork,
IpicturedPumpkinonthe
walkwayrightbeforeme,
practicinghershamisen.The
emptyspacethereseemedto
holdaterriblesadnesswithin
it.Haditreallybeensomany
yearssinceweweregirls
together?IsupposeImight
easilyhaveputitalloutof
mymind,butI’dneverquite
learnedtoacceptthe
disappointmentofour
friendshiprunningdry.I
blamedtheterriblerivalry
thatHatsumomohadforced
uponus.Myadoptionwasthe
finalblow,ofcourse,butstill
Icouldn’thelpholding
myselfpartlyaccountable.
Pumpkinhadshownmeonly
kindness.Imighthavefound
somewaytothankherfor
that.
Strangely,Ihadn’tthought
ofapproachingPumpkinuntil
Mamehasuggestedit.Ihad
nodoubtourfirstencounter
wouldbeawkward,butI
mulleditovertherestofthat
nightanddecidedthatmaybe
Pumpkinwouldappreciate
beingintroducedintoamore
elegantcircle,asachange
fromthesoldiers’parties.Of
course,Ihadanothermotive
aswell.Nowthatsomany
yearshadpassed,perhapswe
mightbegintomendour
friendship.
***
Iknewalmostnothing
aboutPumpkin’s
circumstances,exceptthat
shewasbackinGion,soI
wenttospeakwithAuntie,
whohadreceivedaletter
fromherseveralyearsearlier.
Itturnedoutthatintheletter,
Pumpkinhadpleadedtobe
takenbackintotheokiya
whenitreopened,sayingshe
wouldneverfindaplacefor
herselfotherwise.Auntie
mighthavebeenwillingtodo
it,butMotherhadrefusedon
thegroundsthatPumpkin
wasapoorinvestment.
“She’slivinginasadlittle
okiyaoverintheHanami-cho
section,”Auntietoldme.
“Butdon’ttakepityonher
andbringherbackherefora
visit.Motherwon’twantto
seeher.Ithinkit’sfoolishfor
youtospeakwithher
anyway.”
“Ihavetoadmit,”Isaid,
“I’veneverfeltrightabout
whathappenedbetween
Pumpkinandme...”
“Nothinghappened
betweenyou.Pumpkinfell
shortandyousucceeded.
Anyway,she’sdoingvery
wellthesedays.Ihearthe
Americanscan’tgetenough
ofher.She’scrude,you
know,injusttherightsortof
wayforthem.”
ThatveryafternoonI
crossedShijoAvenuetothe
Hanami-chosectionofGion,
andfoundthesadlittleokiya
Auntiehadtoldmeabout.If
yourememberHatsumomo’s
friendKorin,andhowher
okiyahadburnedduringthe
darkestyearsofthewar...
well,thatfirehaddamaged
theokiyanextdooraswell,
andthiswaswherePumpkin
wasnowliving.Itsexterior
wallswerecharredallalong
oneside,andapartofthe
tiledroofthathadburned
awaywascrudelypatched
withwoodenboards.I
supposeinsectionsofTokyo
orOsaka,itmighthavebeen
themostintactbuildinginthe
neighborhood;butitstood
outinthemiddleofKyoto.
Ayoungmaidshowedme
intoareceptionroomthat
smelledofwetash,andcame
backlatertoservemeacup
ofweaktea.Iwaitedalong
whilebeforePumpkinatlast
cameandslidopenthedoor.I
couldscarcelyseeherinthe
darkhallwayoutside,butjust
knowingshewastheremade
mefeelsuchwarmth,Irose
fromthetabletogoand
embraceher.Shetookafew
stepsintotheroomandthen
kneltandgaveabowas
formalasifI’dbeenMother.
Iwasstartledbythis,and
stoppedwhereIstood.
“Really,Pumpkin...it’s
onlyme!”Isaid.
Shewouldn’tevenlookat
me,butkepthereyestothe
matslikeamaidawaiting
orders.Ifeltvery
disappointedandwentback
tomyplaceatthetable.
Whenwe’dlastseeneach
otherinthefinalyearsofthe
war,Pumpkin’sfacehadstill
beenroundandfulljustasin
childhood,butwithamore
sorrowfullook.Shehad
changedagreatdealinthe
yearssince.Ididn’tknowit
atthetime,butafterthe
closingofthelensfactory
whereshe’dworked,
Pumpkinspentmorethantwo
yearsinOsakaasaprostitute.
Hermouthseemedtohave
shrunkeninsize—perhaps
becausesheheldittaut,I
don’tknow.Andthoughshe
hadthesamebroadface,her
heavycheekshadthinned,
leavingherwithagaunt
elegancethatwasastonishing
tome.Idon’tmeanto
suggestPumpkinhadbecome
abeautytorivalHatsumomo
oranythingofthesort,but
herfacehadacertain
womanlinessthathadnever
beentherebefore.
“I’msuretheyearshave
beendifficult,Pumpkin,”I
saidtoher,“butyoulook
quitelovely.”
Pumpkindidn’treplyto
this.Shejustinclinedher
headfaintlytoindicateshe’d
heardme.Icongratulatedher
onherpopularityandtried
askingaboutherlifesincethe
war,butsheremainedso
expressionlessthatIbeganto
feelsorryI’dcome.
Finallyafteranawkward
silence,shespoke.
“Haveyoucomeherejust
tochat,Sayuri?BecauseI
don’thaveanythingtosay
thatwillinterestyou.”
“Thetruthis,”Isaid,“I
sawNobuToshikazu
recently,and...actually,
Pumpkin,he’llbebringinga
certainmantoGionfrom
timetotime.Ithought
perhapsyou’dbekind
enoughtohelpusentertain
him.”
“Butofcourse,you’ve
changedyourmindnowthat
you’veseenme.”
“Why,no,”Isaid.“Idon’t
knowwhyyousaythat.Nobu
ToshikazuandtheChairman
—IwamuraKen,Imean...
ChairmanIwamura—would
appreciateyourcompany
greatly.It’sassimpleas
that.”
ForamomentPumpkin
justkneltinsilence,peering
downatthemats.“I’ve
stoppedbelievingthat
anythinginlifeis‘assimple
asthat,’”shesaidatlast.“I
knowyouthinkI’mstupid
—”
“Pumpkin!”
“—butIthinkyou
probablyhavesomeother
reasonyou’renotgoingtotell
meabout.”
Pumpkingavealittlebow,
whichIthoughtvery
enigmatic.Eitheritwasan
apologyforwhatshe’djust
said,orperhapsshewas
abouttoexcuseherself.
“IsupposeIdohave
anotherreason,”Isaid.“To
tellthetruth,I’dhopedthat
afteralltheseyears,perhaps
youandImightbefriends,as
weoncewere.We’ve
survivedsomanythings
together...including
Hatsumomo!Itseemsonly
naturaltomethatweshould
seeeachotheragain.”
Pumpkinsaidnothing.
“ChairmanIwamuraand
Nobuwillbeentertainingthe
MinisteragainnextSaturday
attheIchirikiTeahouse,”I
toldher.“Ifyou’lljoinus,I’d
beverypleasedtoseeyou
there.”
I’dbroughtherapacketof
teaasagift,andnowIuntied
itfromitssilkclothand
placeditonthetable.AsI
rosetomyfeet,Itriedto
thinkofsomethingkindto
tellherbeforeleaving,but
shelookedsopuzzled,I
thoughtitbestjusttogo.
ChapterThirty-One
Inthefiveorsoyearssince
I’dlastseentheChairman,
I’dreadfromtimetotimein
thenewspapersaboutthe
difficultieshe’dsuffered—
notonlyhisdisagreements
withthemilitarygovernment
inthefinalyearsofthewar,
buthisstrugglesincethento
keeptheOccupation
authoritiesfromseizinghis
company.Itwouldn’thave
surprisedmeifallthese
hardshipshadagedhima
gooddeal.Onephotographof
himintheYomiuri
newspapershowedastrained
lookaroundhiseyesfrom
worry,liketheneighborof
Mr.Arashino’swhousedto
squintupattheskysooften,
watchingforbombers.Inany
case,astheweekendnearedI
hadtoremindmyselfthat
Nobuhadn’tquitemadeup
hismindthathewouldbring
theChairman.Icoulddo
nothingbuthope.
OnSaturdaymorningI
awakenedearlyandslidback
thepaperscreenovermy
windowtofindacoldrain
fallingagainsttheglass.In
thelittlealleywaybelow,a
youngmaidwasjustclimbing
toherfeetagainafterslipping
ontheicycobblestones.It
wasadrab,miserableday,
andIwasafraideventoread
myalmanac.Bynoonthe
temperaturehaddroppedstill
further,andIcouldseemy
breathasIatelunchinthe
receptionroom,withthe
soundoficyraintapping
againstthewindow.Any
numberofpartiesthat
eveningwerecanceled
becausethestreetsweretoo
hazardous,andatnightfall
AuntietelephonedtheIchiriki
tobesureIwamuraElectric’s
partywasstillon.The
mistresstoldusthetelephone
linestoOsakaweredown,
andshecouldn’tbesure.SoI
bathedanddressed,and
walkedovertotheIchirikion
thearmofMr.Bekku,who
woreapairofrubber
overshoeshe’dborrowed
fromhisyoungerbrother,a
dresserinthePontocho
district.
TheIchirikiwasinchaos
whenIarrived.Awaterpipe
hadburstintheservants’
quarters,andthemaidswere
sobusy,Icouldn’tgetthe
attentionofasingleone.I
showedmyselfdownthe
hallwaytotheroomwhere
I’dentertainedNobuandthe
Ministertheweekbefore.I
didn’treallyexpectanyoneto
bethere,consideringthat
bothNobuandtheChairman
wouldprobablybetraveling
allthewayfromOsaka—and
evenMamehahadbeenoutof
townandmightverywell
havehadtroublereturning.
Beforeslidingopenthedoor,
Ikneltamomentwithmy
eyesclosedandonehandon
mystomachtocalmmy
nerves.Allatonceitoccurred
tomethatthehallwaywas
muchtooquiet.Icouldn’t
hearevenamurmurfrom
withintheroom.Witha
terriblefeelingof
disappointmentIrealizedthe
roommustbeempty.Iwas
abouttostandandleavewhen
Idecidedtoslideopenthe
doorjustincase;andwhenI
did,thereatthetable,holding
amagazinewithbothhands,
sattheChairman,lookingat
meoverthetopofhisreading
glasses.Iwassostartledto
seehim,Icouldn’teven
speak.FinallyImanagedto
say:
“Mygoodness,Chairman!
Whohasleftyouhereallby
yourself?Themistresswillbe
veryupset.”
“She’stheonewholeft
me,”hesaid,andslappedthe
magazineshut.“I’vebeen
wonderingwhathappenedto
her.”
“Youdon’tevenhavea
thingtodrink.Letmebring
yousomesake.”
“That’sjustwhatthe
mistresssaid.Atthisrate
you’llnevercomeback,and
I’llhavetogoonreadingthis
magazineallnight.I’dmuch
ratherhaveyourcompany.”
Andhereheremovedhis
readingglasses,andwhile
stowingtheminhispocket,
tookalonglookatme
throughnarrowedeyes.
Thespaciousroomwithits
paleyellowwallsofsilk
begantoseemverysmallto
measIrosetojointhe
Chairman,forIdon’tthink
anyroomwouldhavebeen
enoughtocontainallthatI
wasfeeling.Toseehimagain
aftersolongawakened
somethingdesperateinside
me.Iwassurprisedtofind
myselffeelingsad,rather
thanjoyful,asIwouldhave
imagined.AttimesI’d
worriedthattheChairman
mighthavefallenheadlong
intooldageduringthewar
justasAuntiehaddone.Even
fromacrosstheroom,I’d
noticedthatthecornersofhis
eyeswerecreasedmore
sharplythanIremembered
them.Theskinaroundhis
mouth,too,hadbeguntosag,
thoughitseemedtometo
givehisstrongjawakindof
dignity.Istoleaglimpseof
himasIkneltatthetable,and
foundthathewasstill
watchingmewithout
expression.Iwasaboutto
startaconversation,butthe
Chairmanspokefirst.
“Youarestillalovely
woman,Sayuri.”
“Why,Chairman,”Isaid,
“I’llneverbelieveanother
wordyousay.Ihadtospend
ahalfhouratmymakeup
standthiseveningtohidethe
sunkenlookofmycheeks.”
“I’msureyou’vesuffered
worsehardshipsduringthe
pastseveralyearsthanlosing
abitofweight.IknowI
certainlyhave.”
“Chairman,ifyoudon’t
mindmysayingit...I’ve
heardalittlebitfromNobusanaboutthedifficultiesyour
companyisfacing—”
“Yes,well,weneedn’ttalk
aboutthat.Sometimesweget
throughadversityonlyby
imaginingwhattheworld
mightbelikeifourdreams
shouldevercometrue.”
Hegavemeasadsmile
thatIfoundsobeautiful,I
lostmyselfstaringatthe
perfectcrescentofhislips.
“Here’sachanceforyouto
useyourcharmandchange
thesubject,”hesaid.
Ihadn’tevenbegunto
replybeforethedoorslid
openandMamehaentered,
withPumpkinrightbehind
her.Iwassurprisedtosee
Pumpkin;Ihadn’texpected
shewouldcome.Asfor
Mameha,she’devidentlyjust
returnedfromNagoyaand
hadrushedtotheIchiriki
thinkingshewasterriblylate.
Thefirstthingsheasked—
aftergreetingtheChairman
andthankinghimfor
somethinghe’ddoneforher
theweekbefore—waswhy
NobuandtheMinister
weren’tpresent.The
Chairmanadmittedhe’dbeen
wonderingthesamething.
“Whatapeculiardaythis
hasbeen,”Mamehasaid,
talkingalmosttoherself,it
seemed.“Thetrainsatjust
outsideKyotoStationforan
hour,andwecouldn’tgetoff.
Twoyoungmenfinally
jumpedoutthroughthe
window.Ithinkoneofthem
mayhavehurthimself.And
thenwhenIfinallyreached
theIchirikiamomentago,
theredidn’tseemtobe
anyonehere.PoorPumpkin
waswanderingthehallways
lost!You’vemetPumpkin,
haven’tyou,Chairman?”
Ihadn’treallylooked
closelyatPumpkinuntilnow,
butshewaswearingan
extraordinaryash-gray
kimono,whichwasspotted
belowthewaistwithbrilliant
golddotsthatturnedouttobe
embroideredfireflies,set
againstanimageof
mountainsandwaterinthe
lightofthemoon.Neither
minenorMameha’scould
comparewithit.The
Chairmanseemedtofindthe
robeasstartlingasIdid,
becauseheaskedhertostand
andmodelitforhim.She
stoodverymodestlyand
turnedaroundonce.
“IfiguredIcouldn’tset
footinaplacelikethe
Ichirikiinthesortofkimono
Iusuallywear,”shesaid.
“Mostoftheonesatmy
okiyaaren’tveryglamorous,
thoughtheAmericanscan’t
seemtotellthedifference.”
“Ifyouhadn’tbeenso
frankwithus,Pumpkin,”
Mamehasaid,“wemight
havethoughtthiswasyour
usualattire.”
“Areyoukiddingme?I’ve
neverwornarobethis
beautifulinmylife.I
borroweditfromanokiya
downthestreet.Youwon’t
believewhattheyexpectme
topaythem,butI’llnever
havethemoney,soitdoesn’t
makeanydifference,now
doesit?”
Icouldseethatthe
Chairmanwasamused—
becauseageishaneverspoke
infrontofamanabout
anythingascrassasthecost
ofakimono.Mamehaturned
tosaysomethingtohim,but
Pumpkininterrupted.
“Ithoughtsomebigshot
wasgoingtobeheretonight.”
“Maybeyouwerethinking
oftheChairman,”Mameha
said.“Don’tyouthinkhe’sa
‘bigshot’?”
“Heknowswhetherhe’sa
bigshot.Hedoesn’tneedme
totellhim.”
TheChairmanlookedat
Mamehaandraisedhis
eyebrowsinmocksurprise.
“Anyway,Sayuritoldme
aboutsomeotherguy,”
Pumpkinwenton.
“SatoNoritaka,Pumpkin,”
theChairmansaid.“He’sa
newDeputyMinisterof
Finance.”
“Oh,IknowthatSatoguy.
Helooksjustlikeabigpig.”
Wealllaughedatthis.
“Really,Pumpkin,”Mameha
said,“thethingsthatcome
outofyourmouth!”
Justthenthedoorslidopen
andNobuandtheMinister
entered,bothglowingred
fromthecold.Behindthem
wasamaidcarryingatray
withsakeandsnacks.Nobu
stoodhugginghimselfwith
hisonearmandstampinghis
feet,buttheMinisterjust
clumpedrightpasthimtothe
table.HegruntedatPumpkin
andjerkedhisheadtoone
side,tellinghertomovesohe
couldsqueezeinbesideme.
Introductionsweremade,and
thenPumpkinsaid:“Hey,
Minister,I’llbetyoudon’t
rememberme,butIknowa
lotaboutyou.”
TheMinistertossedinto
hismouththecupfulofsake
I’djustpouredforhim,and
lookedatPumpkinwithwhat
Itooktobeascowl.
“Whatdoyouknow?”said
Mameha.“Tellus
something.”
“IknowtheMinisterhasa
youngersisterwho’smarried
tothemayorofTokyo,”
Pumpkinsaid.“AndIknow
heusedtostudykarate,and
brokehishandonce.”
TheMinisterlookedabit
surprised,whichtoldmethat
thesethingsmustbetrue.
“Also,Minister,Iknowa
girlyouusedtoknow,”
Pumpkinwenton.“Nao
Itsuko.Weworkedina
factoryoutsideOsaka
together.Youknowwhatshe
toldme?Shesaidthetwoof
youdid‘you-know-what’
togetheracoupleoftimes.”
Iwasafraidthe
Ministerwouldbe
angry,butinsteadhis
expressionsofteneduntil
IbegantoseewhatIfelt
certainwasaglimmerof
pride.
“Shewasaprettygirl,she
was,thatItsuko,”hesaid,
lookingatNobuwitha
subduedsmile.
“Why,Minister,”Nobu
replied,“I’dneverhave
guessedyouhadsuchaway
withtheladies.”Hiswords
soundedverysincere,butI
couldseethebarely
concealedlookofdisguston
hisface.TheChairman’seyes
passedovermine;heseemed
tofindthewholeencounter
amusing.
Amomentlaterthedoor
slidopenandthreemaids
cameintotheroomcarrying
dinnerforthemen.Iwasabit
hungryandhadtoavertmy
eyesfromthesightofthe
yellowcustardwithgingko
nuts,servedinbeautiful
celadoncups.Laterthemaids
camebackwithdishesof
grilledtropicalfishlaidout
onbedsofpineneedles.
Nobumusthavenoticedhow
hungryIlooked,forhe
insistedItasteit.Afterward
theChairmanofferedabiteto
Mameha,andalsoto
Pumpkin,whorefused.
“Iwouldn’ttouchthatfish
foranything,”Pumpkinsaid.
“Idon’tevenwanttolookat
it.”
“What’swrongwithit?”
Mamehaasked.
“IfItellyou,you’llonly
laughatme.”
“Tellus,Pumpkin,”Nobu
said.
“WhyshouldItellyou?
It’sabig,longstory,and
anywaynobody’sgoingto
believeit.”
“Bigliar!”Isaid.
Iwasn’tactuallycalling
Pumpkinaliar.Backbefore
theclosingofGion,weused
toplayagamewecalled“big
liar,”inwhicheveryonehad
totelltwostories,onlyoneof
whichwastrue.Afterward
theotherplayerstriedto
guesswhichwaswhich;the
oneswhoguessedwrong
drankapenaltyglassofsake.
“I’mnotplaying,”said
Pumpkin.
“Justtellthefishstory
then,”saidMameha,“and
youdon’thavetotell
another.”
Pumpkindidn’tlook
pleasedatthis;butafter
MamehaandIhadglowered
atherforawhile,shebegan.
“Oh,allright.It’slikethis.
IwasborninSapporo,and
therewasanoldfisherman
therewhocaughtaweirdlookingfishonedaythatwas
abletospeak.”
MamehaandIlookedat
eachotherandburstout
laughing.
“Laughifyouwantto,”
Pumpkinsaid,“butit’s
perfectlytrue.”
“Now,goon,Pumpkin.
We’relistening,”saidthe
Chairman.
“Well,whathappenedwas,
thisfishermanlaidthefish
outtocleanit,anditbegan
makingnoisesthatsounded
justlikeapersontalking,
exceptthefishermancouldn’t
understandit.Hecalleda
bunchofotherfishermen
over,andtheyalllistenedfor
awhile.Prettysoonthefish
wasnearlydeadfrombeing
outofthewatertoolong,so
theydecidedtogoaheadand
killit.Butjustthenanold
manmadehiswaythrough
thecrowdandsaidhecould
understandeverysingleword
thefishwassaying,because
itwasspeakinginRussian.”
Weallburstoutlaughing,
andeventheMinistermadea
fewgruntingnoises.When
we’dcalmeddownPumpkin
said,“Iknewyouwouldn’t
believeit,butit’sperfectly
true!”
“Iwanttoknowwhatthe
fishwassaying,”saidthe
Chairman.
“Itwasnearlydead,soit
waskindof...whispering.
Andwhentheoldmanleaned
downandputhiseartothe
fish’slips—”
“Fishdon’thavelips!”I
said.
“Allright,tothefish’s...
whateveryoucallthose
things,”Pumpkinwenton.
“Totheedgesofitsmouth.
Andthefishsaid,‘Tellthem
togoaheadandcleanme.I
havenothingtoliveforany
longer.Thefishoverthere
whodiedamomentagowas
mywife.’”
“Sofishgetmarried!”said
Mameha.“Theyhave
husbandsandwives!”
“Thatwasbeforethewar,”
Isaid.“Sincethewar,they
can’taffordtomarry.They
justswimaroundlookingfor
work.”
“Thishappenedwaybefore
thewar,”saidPumpkin.
“Way,waybeforethewar.
Evenbeforemymotherwas
born.”
“Thenhowdoyouknow
it’strue?”saidNobu.“The
fishcertainlydidn’ttellitto
you.”
“Thefishdiedthenand
there!Howcouldittellmeif
Iwasn’tbornyet?Besides,I
don’tspeakRussian.”
“Allright,Pumpkin,”I
said,“soyoubelievethe
Chairman’sfishisatalking
fishtoo.”
“Ididn’tsaythat.Butit
looksexactlylikethattalking
fishdid.Iwouldn’teatitifI
wasstarvingtodeath.”
“Ifyouhadn’tbeenborn
yet,”saidtheChairman,“and
evenyourmotherhadn’tbeen
born,howdoyouknowwhat
thefishlookedlike?”
“YouknowwhatthePrime
Ministerlookslike,don’t
you?”shesaid.“Buthave
youevermethim?Actually,
youprobablyhave.Letme
pickabetterexample.You
knowwhattheEmperorlooks
like,butyou’veneverhadthe
honorofmeetinghim!”
“TheChairmanhashadthe
honor,Pumpkin,”Nobusaid.
“YouknowwhatImean.
Everybodyknowswhatthe
Emperorlookslike.That’s
whatI’mtryingtosay.”
“Therearepicturesofthe
Emperor,”saidNobu.“You
can’thaveseenapictureof
thefish.”
“Thefishisfamouswhere
Igrewup.Mymothertoldme
allaboutit,andI’mtelling
you,itlookslikethatthing
rightthereonthetable!”
“Thankheavensforpeople
likeyou,Pumpkin,”saidthe
Chairman.“Youmakethe
restofusseempositively
dull.”
“Well,that’smystory.I’m
nottellinganotherone.Ifthe
restofyouwanttoplay‘big
liar,’somebodyelsecan
start.”
“I’llstart,”saidMameha.
“Here’smyfirststory.When
IwasaboutsixyearsoldI
wentoutonemorningtodraw
waterfromthewellinour
okiya,andIheardthesound
ofamanclearinghisthroat
andcoughing.Itwascoming
frominsidethewell.Iwoke
upthemistress,andshecame
outtolistentoit.Whenwe
heldalanternoverthewell,
wecouldn’tfindanyonethere
atall,butwecontinuedto
hearhimuntilafterthesun
hadcomeup.Thenthe
soundsstoppedandwenever
heardthemagain.”
“Theotherstoryisthetrue
one,”saidNobu,“andI
haven’tevenheardit.”
“Youhavetolistentothem
both,”Mamehawenton.
“Here’smysecond.Onetime
Iwentwithseveralgeishato
Osakatoentertainatthe
homeofAkitaMasaichi.”He
wasafamousbusinessman
who’dmadeafortunebefore
thewar.“Afterwesangand
drankforhours,Akita-san
fellasleeponthemats,and
oneoftheothergeishasnuck
usintothenextroomand
openedabigchestfullofall
kindsofpornography.There
werepornographic
woodblockprints,including
somebyHiroshige—”
“Hiroshigenevermade
pornographicprints,”said
Pumpkin.
“Yes,hedid,Pumpkin,”
theChairmansaid.“I’veseen
someofthem.”
“Andalso,”Mamehawent
on,“hehadpicturesofall
sortsoffatEuropeanwomen
andmen,andsomereelsof
movies.”
“IknewAkitaMasaichi
well,”saidtheChairman.“He
wouldn’thavehada
collectionofpornography.
Theotheroneistrue.”
“Now,really,Chairman,”
Nobusaid.“Youbelievea
storyaboutaman’svoice
comingoutofawell?”
“Idon’thavetobelieveit.
Allthatmattersiswhether
Mamehathinksit’strue.”
PumpkinandtheChairman
votedforthemaninthewell.
TheMinisterandNobuvoted
forthepornography.Asfor
me,I’dheardbothofthese
beforeandknewthattheman
inthewellwasthetrueone.
TheMinisterdrankhis
penaltyglasswithout
complaining;butNobu
grumbledallthewhile,sowe
madehimgonext.
“I’mnotgoingtoplaythis
game,”hesaid.
“You’regoingtoplayit,or
you’regoingtodrinka
penaltyglassofsakeevery
round,”Mamehatoldhim.
“Allright,youwanttwo
stories,I’lltellyoutwo
stories,”hesaid.“Here’sthe
firstone.I’vegotalittle
whitedog,namedKubo.One
nightIcamehome,and
Kubo’sfurwascompletely
blue.”
“Ibelieveit,”said
Pumpkin.“Ithadprobably
beenkidnappedbysomesort
ofdemon.”
Nobulookedasifhe
couldn’tquiteimaginethat
Pumpkinwasserious.“The
nextdayithappenedagain,”
hewentontentatively,“only
thistimeKubo’sfurwas
brightred.”
“Definitelydemons,”said
Pumpkin.“Demonslovered.
It’sthecolorofblood.”
Nobubegantolook
positivelyangrywhenhe
heardthis.“Here’smysecond
story.LastweekIwenttothe
officesoearlyinthemorning
thatmysecretaryhadn’tyet
arrived.Allright,whichisthe
trueone?”
Ofcourse,weallchosethe
secretary,exceptfor
Pumpkin,whowasmadeto
drinkapenaltyglassofsake.
AndIdon’tmeanacup;I
meanaglass.TheMinister
poureditforher,addingdrop
bydropaftertheglasswas
full,untilitwasbulgingover
therim.Pumpkinhadtosipit
beforeshecouldpickthe
glassup.Ifeltworriedjust
watchingher,forshehada
verylowtolerancefor
alcohol.
“Ican’tbelievethestory
aboutthedogisn’ttrue,”she
saidaftershe’dfinishedthe
glass.AlreadyIthoughtI
couldhearherwordsslurring
abit.“Howcouldyoumake
somethinglikethatup?”
“HowcouldImakeitup?
Thequestionis,howcould
youbelieveit?Dogsdon’t
turnblue.Orred.Andthere
aren’tdemons.”
Itwasmyturntogonext.
“Myfirststoryisthis.One
nightsomeyearsago,the
KabukiactorYoegorogot
verydrunkandtoldmehe’d
alwaysfoundmebeautiful.”
“Thisoneisn’ttrue,”
Pumpkinsaid.“Iknow
Yoegoro.”
“I’msureyoudo.But
nevertheless,hetoldmehe
foundmebeautiful,andever
sincethatnight,he’ssentme
lettersfromtimetotime.In
thecornerofeveryletter,he
gluesonelittlecurlyblack
hair.”
TheChairmanlaughedat
this,butNobusatup,looking
angry,andsaid,“Really,
theseKabukiactors.What
irritatingpeople!”
“Idon’tgetit.Whatdoyou
meanacurlyblackhair?”
Pumpkinsaid;butyoucould
seefromherexpressionthat
shefiguredouttheanswer
rightaway.
Everyonefellsilent,
waitingformysecondstory.
Ithadbeenonmymindsince
we’dstartedplayingthe
game,thoughIwasnervous
abouttellingit,andnotatall
certainitwastherightthing
todo.
“OncewhenIwasachild,”
Ibegan,“Iwasveryupset
oneday,andIwenttothe
banksoftheShirakawa
Streamandbegantocry...”
AsIbeganthisstory,Ifelt
almostasthoughIwere
reachingacrossthetableto
touchtheChairmanonthe
hand.Becauseitseemedto
methatnooneelseinthe
roomwouldseeanything
unusualinwhatIwassaying,
whereastheChairmanwould
understandthisveryprivate
story—oratleast,Ihopedhe
would.IfeltIwashavinga
conversationwithhimmore
intimatethananywe’dever
had;andIcouldfeelmyself
growingwarmasIspoke.
Justbeforecontinuing,I
glancedup,expectingtofind
theChairmanlookingatme
quizzically.Instead,hedidn’t
seemeventobepaying
attention.AllatonceIfeltso
vain,likeagirlposturingfor
thecrowdsasshewalks
along,onlytodiscoverthe
streetisempty.
I’msureeveryoneinthe
roomhadgrowntiredof
waitingformebythistime,
becauseMamehasaid,
“Well?Goon.”Pumpkin
mumbledsomethingtoo,butI
couldn’tunderstandher.
“I’mgoingtotellanother
story,”Isaid.“Doyou
rememberthegeisha
Okaichi?Shediedinan
accidentduringthewar.
Manyyearsbefore,sheandI
weretalkingoneday,andshe
toldmeshe’dalwaysbeen
afraidaheavywoodenbox
wouldfallrightontoherhead
andkillher.Andthat’s
exactlyhowshedied.Acrate
fullofscrapmetalfellfroma
shelf.”
I’dbeensopreoccupied,I
didn’trealizeuntilthis
momentthatneitherofmy
storieswastrue.Bothwere
partiallytrue;butitdidn’t
concernmeverymuchinany
case,becausemostpeople
cheatedwhileplayingthis
game.SoIwaiteduntilthe
Chairmanhadchosenastory
—whichwastheoneabout
Yoegoroandthecurlyhair—
anddeclaredhimright.
PumpkinandtheMinister
hadtodrinkpenaltyglasses
ofsake.
Afterthisitwasthe
Chairman’sturn.
“I’mnotverygoodatthis
sortofgame,”hesaid.“Not
likeyougeisha,whoareso
adeptatlying.”
“Chairman!”saidMameha,
butofcourseshewasonly
teasing.
“I’mconcernedabout
Pumpkin,soI’mgoingto
makethissimple.Ifshehas
todrinkanotherglassofsake,
Idon’tthinkshe’llmakeit.”
ItwastruethatPumpkin
washavingtroublefocusing
hereyes.Idon’teventhink
shewaslisteningtothe
Chairmanuntilhesaidher
name.
“Justlistenclosely,
Pumpkin.Here’smyfirst
story.ThiseveningIcameto
attendapartyattheIchiriki
Teahouse.Andhere’smy
second.Severaldaysago,a
fishcamewalkingintomy
office—no,forgetthat.You
mightevenbelieveina
walkingfish.Howaboutthis
one.Severaldaysago,I
openedmydeskdrawer,and
alittlemanjumpedout
wearingauniformandbegan
tosinganddance.Allright,
nowwhichoneistrue?”
“Youdon’texpectmeto
believeamanjumpedoutof
yourdrawer,”Pumpkinsaid.
“Justpickoneofthe
stories.Whichistrue?”
“Theotherone.Idon’t
rememberwhatitwas.”
“Weoughttomakeyou
drinkapenaltyglassforthat,
Chairman,”saidMameha.
WhenPumpkinheardthe
words“penaltyglass,”she
musthaveassumedshe’d
donesomethingwrong,
becausethenextthingwe
knew,she’ddrunkhalfa
glassfulofsake,andshe
wasn’tlookingwell.The
Chairmanwasthefirstto
notice,andtooktheglass
rightoutofherhand.
“You’renotadrainspout,
Pumpkin.”theChairmansaid.
Shestaredathimsoblankly,
heaskedifshecouldhear
him.
“Shemightbeabletohear
you,”Nobusaid,“butshe
certainlycan’tseeyou.”
“Comeon,Pumpkin,”the
Chairmansaid.“I’mgoingto
walkyoutoyourhome.Or
dragyou,ifIhaveto.”
Mamehaofferedtohelp,
andthetwoofthemled
Pumpkinouttogether,
leavingNobuandthe
Ministersittingatthetable
withme.
“Well,Minister,”Nobu
saidatlast,“howwasyour
evening?”
IthinktheMinisterwas
everybitasdrunkas
Pumpkinhadbeen;buthe
mutteredthattheeveninghad
beenveryenjoyable.“Very
enjoyable,indeed,”headded,
noddingacoupleoftimes.
Afterthis,heheldouthis
sakecupformetofill,but
Nobupluckeditfromhis
hand.
ChapterThirty-Two
Allthroughthatwinterand
thefollowingspring,Nobu
wentonbringingtheMinister
toGiononceoreventwice
everyweek.Consideringhow
muchtimethetwoofthem
spenttogetherduringthese
months,you’dthinkthe
Ministerwouldeventually
haverealizedthatNobufelt
towardhimjustasanicepick
feelstowardablockofice;
butifhedid,henevershowed
theleastsign.Totellthe
truth,theMinisternever
seemedtonoticemuchof
anything,exceptwhetherI
waskneelingbesidehimand
whetherhiscupwasfullof
sake.Thisdevotionmademy
lifedifficultattimes;whenI
paidtoomuchattentiontothe
Minister,Nobugrewshorttempered,andthesideofhis
facewithlessscarringturned
abrilliantredfromanger.
Thiswaswhythepresenceof
theChairman,Mameha,and
Pumpkinwassovaluableto
me.Theyplayedthesame
rolestrawplaysinapacking
crate.
OfcourseIvaluedthe
Chairman’spresencefor
anotherreasonaswell.Isaw
moreofhimduringthese
monthsthanI’deverseenof
himbefore,andovertimeI
cametorealizethattheimage
ofhiminmymind,whenever
Ilayonmyfutonatnight,
wasn’treallyhowhelooked,
notexactly.Forexample,I’d
alwayspicturedhiseyelids
smoothwithalmostnolashes
atall;butinfacttheywere
edgedwithdense,softhair
likelittlebrushes.Andhis
mouthwasfarmore
expressivethanI’dever
realized—soexpressive,in
fact,thatheoftenhidhis
feelingsonlyverypoorly.
Whenhewasamusedby
somethingbutdidn’twantto
showit,Icouldnevertheless
spothismouthquiveringin
thecorners.Orwhenhewas
lostinthought—mullingover
someproblemhe’d
encounteredduringtheday,
perhaps—hesometimes
turnedasakecuparoundand
aroundinhishandandputhis
mouthintoadeepfrownthat
madecreasesalltheway
downthesidesofhischin.
Wheneverhewascarried
awayinthisstateIconsidered
myselffreetostareathim
unabashedly.Something
abouthisfrown,anditsdeep
furrows,Icametofind
inexpressiblyhandsome.It
seemedtoshowhow
thoroughlyhethoughtabout
things,andhowseriouslyhe
wastakenintheworld.One
eveningwhileMamehawas
tellingalongstory,Igave
myselfoversocompletelyto
staringattheChairmanthat
whenIfinallycametomyself
again,Irealizedthatanyone
watchingmewouldhave
wonderedwhatIwasdoing.
LuckilytheMinisterwastoo
dazedwithdrinktohave
noticed;asforNobu,hewas
chewingabiteofsomething
andpokingaroundonthe
platewithhischopsticks,
payingnoattentioneitherto
Mamehaortome.Pumpkin,
though,seemedtohavebeen
watchingmeallalong.When
Ilookedather,sheworea
smileIwasn’tsurehowto
interpret.
***
Oneeveningtowardthe
endofFebruary,Pumpkin
camedownwiththefluand
wasunabletojoinusatthe
Ichiriki.TheChairmanwas
latethatnightaswell,so
MamehaandIspentanhour
entertainingNobuandthe
Ministerbyourselves.We
finallydecidedtoputona
dance,moreforourown
benefitthanfortheirs.Nobu
wasn’tmuchofadevotee,
andtheMinisterhadno
interestatall.Itwasn’tour
firstchoiceasawaytopass
thetime,butwecouldn’t
thinkofanythingbetter.
FirstMamehaperformeda
fewbriefpieceswhileI
accompaniedheronthe
shamisen.Afterward,we
exchangedplaces.JustasI
wastakingupthestarting
poseformyfirstdance—my
torsobentsothatmyfolding
fanreachedtowardthe
ground,andmyotherarm
stretchedouttooneside—the
doorslidopenandthe
Chairmanentered.We
greetedhimandwaitedwhile
hetookaseatatthetable.I
wasdelightedhe’darrived,
becausealthoughIknewhe’d
seenmeonthestage,he’d
certainlyneverwatchedme
danceinasettingasintimate
asthisone.AtfirstI’d
intendedtoperformashort
piececalled“Shimmering
AutumnLeaves,”butnowI
changedmymindandasked
Mamehatoplay“CruelRain”
instead.Thestorybehind
“CruelRain”isofayoung
womanwhofeelsdeeply
movedwhenherlovertakes
offhiskimonojackettocover
herduringarainstorm,
becausesheknowshimtobe
anenchantedspiritwhose
bodywillmeltawayifhe
becomeswet.Myteachers
hadoftencomplimentedme
onthewayIexpressedthe
woman’sfeelingsofsorrow;
duringthesectionwhenIhad
tosinkslowlytomyknees,I
rarelyallowedmylegsto
trembleasmostdancersdid.
ProbablyI’vementionedthis
already,butindancesofthe
InoueSchoolthefacial
expressionisasimportantas
themovementofthearmsor
legs.SoalthoughI’dliketo
havestolenglancesatthe
ChairmanasIwasdancing,I
hadtokeepmyeyes
positionedproperlyatall
times,andwasneverableto
doit.Instead,tohelpgive
feelingtomydance,I
focusedmymindonthe
saddestthingIcouldthinkof,
whichwastoimaginethatmy
dannawasthereintheroom
withme—nottheChairman,
butratherNobu.Themoment
Iformulatedthisthought,
everythingaroundmeseemed
todroopheavilytowardthe
earth.Outsideinthegarden,
theeavesoftheroofdripped
rainlikebeadsofweighted
glass.Eventhemats
themselvesseemedtopress
downuponthefloor.I
rememberthinkingthatIwas
dancingtoexpressnotthe
painofayoungwomanwho
haslosthersupernatural
lover,butthepainImyself
wouldfeelwhenmylifewas
finallyrobbedoftheone
thingIcaredmostdeeply
about.Ifoundmyself
thinking,too,ofSatsu;I
dancedthebitternessofour
eternalseparation.Bytheend
Ifeltalmostovercomewith
grief;butIcertainlywasn’t
preparedforwhatIsawwhen
Iturnedtolookatthe
Chairman.
Hewassittingatthenear
cornerofthetablesothat,as
ithappened,noonebutme
couldseehim.Ithoughthe
woreanexpressionof
astonishmentatfirst,because
hiseyesweresowide.But
justashismouthsometimes
twitchedwhenhetriednotto
smile,nowIcouldseeit
twitchingunderthestrainofa
differentemotion.Icouldn’t
besure,butIhadthe
impressionhiseyeswere
heavywithtears.Helooked
towardthedoor,pretending
toscratchthesideofhisnose
sohecouldwipeafingerin
thecornerofhiseye;andhe
smoothedhiseyebrowsas
thoughtheywerethesource
ofhistrouble.Iwasso
shockedtoseetheChairman
inpainthatIfeltalmost
disorientedforamoment.I
mademywaybacktothe
table,andMamehaandNobu
begantotalk.Afteramoment
theChairmaninterrupted.
“WhereisPumpkinthis
evening?”
“Oh,she’sill,Chairman,”
saidMameha.
“Whatdoyoumean?
Won’tshebehereatall?”
“No,notatall,”Mameha
said.“Andit’sagoodthing,
consideringshehasthe
stomachflu.”
Mamehawentbackto
talking.IsawtheChairman
glanceathiswristwatchand
then,withhisvoicestill
unsteady,hesaid:
“Mameha,you’llhaveto
excuseme.I’mnotfeeling
verywellmyselfthis
evening.”
Nobusaidsomethingfunny
justastheChairmanwas
slidingthedoorshut,and
everyonelaughed.ButIwas
thinkingathoughtthat
frightenedme.Inmydance,
I’dtriedtoexpressthepainof
absence.CertainlyIhadupset
myselfdoingit,butI’dupset
theChairmantoo;andwasit
possiblehe’dbeenthinking
ofPumpkin—who,afterall,
wasabsent?Icouldn’t
imaginehimonthebrinkof
tearsoverPumpkin’sillness,
oranysuchthing,butperhaps
I’dstirredupsomedarker,
morecomplicatedfeelings.
AllIknewwasthatwhenmy
danceended,theChairman
askedaboutPumpkin;andhe
leftwhenhelearnedshewas
ill.Icouldhardlybring
myselftobelieveit.IfI’d
madethediscoverythatthe
Chairmanhaddeveloped
feelingsforMameha,I
wouldn’thavebeensurprised.
ButPumpkin?Howcouldthe
Chairmanlongforsomeone
so...well,solackingin
refinement?
Youmightthinkthatany
womanwithcommonsense
oughttohavegivenupher
hopesatthispoint.AndIdid
foratimegotothefortunetellereveryday,andreadmy
almanacmorecarefullyeven
thanusual,searchingfor
somesignwhetherIshould
submittowhatseemedmy
inevitabledestiny.Ofcourse,
weJapanesewerelivingina
decadeofcrushedhopes.I
wouldn’thavefoundit
surprisingifminehaddied
offjustlikesomanyother
people’s.Butontheother
hand,manybelievedthe
countryitselfwouldoneday
riseagain;andweallknew
suchathingcouldnever
happenifweresigned
ourselvestolivingforeverin
therubble.EverytimeI
happenedtoreadanaccount
inthenewspaperofsome
littleshopthathadmade,say,
bicyclepartsbeforethewar,
andwasnowbackinbusiness
almostasthoughthewarhad
neverhappened,Ihadtotell
myselfthatifourentire
nationcouldemergefromits
owndarkvalley,therewas
certainlyhopethatIcould
emergefrommine.
***
BeginningthatMarchand
runningallthroughthe
spring,MamehaandIwere
busywithDancesoftheOld
Capital,whichwasbeing
stagedagainforthefirsttime
sinceGionhadclosedinthe
finalyearsofthewar.Asit
happened,theChairmanand
Nobugrewbusyaswell
duringthesemonths,and
broughttheMinistertoGion
onlytwice.Thenoneday
duringthefirstweekofJune,
Iheardthatmypresenceat
theIchirikiTeahousehad
beenrequestedearlythat
eveningbyIwamuraElectric.
Ihadanengagementbooked
weeksbeforethatIcouldn’t
easilymiss;sobythetimeI
finallyslidopenthedoorto
jointheparty,Iwashalfan
hourlate.Tomysurprise,
insteadoftheusualgroup
aroundthetable,Ifoundonly
NobuandtheMinister.
Icouldseeatoncethat
Nobuwasangry.Ofcourse,I
imaginedhewasangryatme
formakinghimspendso
muchtimealonewiththe
Minister—thoughtotellthe
truth,thetwoofthemweren’t
“spendingtimetogether”any
morethanasquirrelis
spendingtimewiththe
insectsthatliveinthesame
tree.Nobuwasdrumminghis
fingersonthetabletop,
wearingaverycross
expression,whilethe
Ministerstoodatthewindow
gazingoutatthegarden.
“Allright,Minister!”Nobu
said,whenI’dsettledmyself
atthetable.“That’senough
ofwatchingthebushesgrow.
Arewesupposedtosithere
andwaitforyouallnight?”
TheMinisterwasstartled,
andgavealittlebowof
apologybeforecomingto
takehisplaceonacushion
I’dsetoutforhim.UsuallyI
haddifficultythinkingof
anythingtosaytohim,but
tonightmytaskwaseasier
sinceIhadn’tseenhiminso
long.
“Minister,”Isaid,“you
don’tlikemeanymore!”
“Eh?”saidtheMinister,
whomanagedtorearrangehis
featuressotheyshoweda
lookofsurprise.
“Youhaven’tbeentosee
meinmorethanamonth!Is
itbecauseNobu-sanhasbeen
unkind,andhasn’tbrought
youtoGionasoftenashe
shouldhave?”
“Nobu-sanisn’tunkind,”
saidtheMinister.Heblew
severalbreathsuphisnose
beforeadding,“I’veasked
toomuchofhimalready.”
“Keepingyouawayfora
month?Hecertainlyis
unkind.Wehavesomuchto
catchupon.”
“Yes,”Nobuinterrupted,
“mostlyalotofdrinking.”
“Mygoodness,butNobusanisgrouchytonight.Has
hebeenthiswayallevening?
AndwherearetheChairman,
andMamehaandPumpkin?
Won’ttheybejoiningus?”
“TheChairmanisn’t
availablethisevening,”Nobu
said.“Idon’tknowwherethe
othersare.They’reyour
problem,notmine.”
Inamoment,thedoorslid
back,andtwomaidsentered
carryingdinnertraysforthe
men.Ididmybesttokeep
themcompanywhiletheyate
—whichistosay,Itriedfora
whiletogetNobutotalk;but
hewasn’tinatalkingmood;
andthenItriedtogetthe
Ministertotalk,butof
course,itwouldhavebeen
easiertogetawordortwo
outofthegrilledminnowon
hisplate.SoatlengthIgave
upandjustchatteredaway
aboutwhateverIwanted,
untilIbegantofeellikean
oldladytalkingtohertwo
dogs.AllthiswhileIpoured
sakeasliberallyasIcouldfor
bothmen.Nobudidn’tdrink
much,buttheMinisterheld
hiscupoutgratefullyevery
time.JustastheMinisterwas
beginningtotakeonthat
glassy-eyedlook,Nobu,like
amanwhohasjustwokenup,
suddenlyputhisowncup
firmlyonthetable,wipedhis
mouthwithhisnapkin,and
said:
“Allright,Minister,that’s
enoughforoneevening.It’s
timeforyoutobeheading
home.”
“Nobu-san!”Isaid.“Ihave
theimpressionyourguestis
justbeginningtoenjoy
himself.”
“He’senjoyedhimself
plenty.We’resendinghim
homeearlyforonce,thank
heavens.Comeon,then,
Minister!Yourwifewillbe
grateful.”
“I’mnotmarried,”saidthe
Minister.Butalreadyhewas
pullinguphissocksand
gettingreadytostand.
IledNobuandtheMinister
upthehallwaytothe
entrance,andhelpedthe
Ministerintohisshoes.Taxis
werestilluncommonbecause
ofgasolinerationing,butthe
maidsummonedarickshaw
andIhelpedtheMinisterinto
it.AlreadyI’dnoticedthathe
wasactingabitstrangely,but
thiseveninghepointedhis
eyesathiskneesand
wouldn’tevensaygood-bye.
Noburemainedinthe
entryway,gloweringoutinto
thenightasifhewere
watchingcloudsgather,
thoughinfactitwasaclear
evening.WhentheMinister
hadleft,Isaidtohim,“Nobusan,whatinheaven’snameis
thematterwiththetwoof
you?”
Hegavemealookof
disgustandwalkedbackinto
theteahouse.Ifoundhimin
theroom,tappinghisempty
sakecuponthetablewithhis
onehand.Ithoughthe
wantedsake,butheignored
mewhenIasked—andthe
vialturnedouttobeempty,in
anycase.Iwaitedalong
moment,thinkinghehad
somethingtosaytome,but
finallyIspokeup.
“Lookatyou,Nobu-san.
Youhaveawrinklebetween
youreyesasdeepasarutin
theroad.”
Heletthemusclesaround
hiseyesrelaxabit,sothatthe
wrinkleseemedtodissolve.
“I’mnotasyoungasIonce
was,youknow,”hetoldme.
“Whatisthatsupposedto
mean?”
“Itmeanstherearesome
wrinklesthathavebecome
permanentfeatures,andthey
aren’tgoingtogoawayjust
becauseyousaytheyshould.”
“Therearegoodwrinkles
andbadwrinkles,Nobu-san.
Neverforgetit.”
“Youaren’tasyoungas
youoncewereyourself,you
know.”
“Nowyou’vestoopedto
insultingme!You’reina
worsemoodeventhanI’d
feared.Whyisn’tthereany
alcoholhere?Youneeda
drink.”
“I’mnotinsultingyou.I’m
statingafact.”
“Therearegoodwrinkles
andbadwrinkles,andthere
aregoodfactsandbadfacts,”
Isaid.“Thebadfactsarebest
avoided.”
Ifoundamaidandasked
thatshebringatraywith
scotchandwater,aswellas
somedriedsquidasasnack
—forithadstruckmethat
Nobuhadn’teatenmuchof
hisdinner.Whenthetray
arrived,Ipouredscotchintoa
glass,filleditwithwater,and
putitbeforehim.
“There,”Isaid,“now
pretendthat’smedicine,and
drinkit.”Hetookasip;but
onlyaverysmallone.“Allof
it,”Isaid.
“I’lldrinkitatmyown
pace.”
“Whenadoctorordersa
patienttotakemedicine,the
patienttakesthemedicine.
Nowdrinkup!”
Nobudrainedtheglass,but
hewouldn’tlookatmeashe
didit.AfterwardIpoured
moreandorderedhimto
drinkagain.
“You’renotadoctor!”he
saidtome.“I’lldrinkatmy
ownpace.”
“Now,now,Nobu-san.
Everytimeyouopenyour
mouth,yougetintoworse
trouble.Thesickerthe
patient,themorethe
medication.”
“Iwon’tdoit.Ihate
drinkingalone.”
“Allright,I’lljoinyou,”I
said.Iputsomeicecubesina
glassandhelditupforNobu
tofill.Heworealittlesmile
whenhetooktheglassfrom
me—certainlythefirstsmile
I’dseenonhimallevening—
andverycarefullypoured
twiceasmuchscotchasI’d
pouredintohis,toppedbya
splashofwater.Itookhis
glassfromhim,dumpedits
contentsintoabowlinthe
centerofthetable,andthen
refilleditwiththesame
amountofscotchhe’dput
intomine,plusanextralittle
shotaspunishment.
Whilewedrainedour
glasses,Icouldn’thelp
makingaface;Ifinddrinking
scotchaboutaspleasurableas
slurpinguprainwateroffthe
roadside.Isupposemaking
thesefaceswasallforthe
best,becauseafterwardNobu
lookedmuchlessgrumpy.
WhenI’dcaughtmybreath
again,Isaid,“Idon’tknow
whathasgottenintoyouthis
evening.OrtheMinisterfor
thatmatter.”
“Don’tmentionthatman!I
wasbeginningtoforgetabout
him,andnowyou’ve
remindedme.Doyouknow
whathesaidtomeearlier?”
“Nobu-san,”Isaid,“itis
myresponsibilitytocheer
youup,whetheryouwant
morescotchornot.You’ve
watchedtheMinisterget
drunknightafternight.Now
it’stimeyougotdrunk
yourself.”
Nobugavemeanother
disagreeablelook,buthetook
uphisglasslikeaman
beginninghiswalktothe
executionground,andlooked
atitforalongmomentbefore
drinkingitalldown.Heputit
onthetableandafterward
rubbedhiseyeswiththeback
ofhishandasifhewere
tryingtoclearthem.
“Sayuri,”hesaid,“Imust
tellyousomething.You’re
goingtohearaboutitsooner
orlater.Lastweekthe
MinisterandIhadatalkwith
theproprietressofthe
Ichiriki.Wemadeaninquiry
aboutthepossibilityofthe
Ministerbecomingyour
danna.”
“TheMinister?”Isaid.
“Nobu-san,Idon’t
understand.Isthatwhatyou
wishtoseehappen?”
“Certainlynot.Butthe
Ministerhashelpedus
immeasurably,andIhadno
choice.TheOccupation
authoritieswerepreparedto
maketheirfinaljudgment
againstIwamuraElectric,
youknow.Thecompany
wouldhavebeenseized.I
supposetheChairmanandI
wouldhavelearnedtopour
concreteorsomething,forwe
wouldneverhavebeen
permittedtoworkinbusiness
again.However,theMinister
madethemreopenourcase,
andmanagedtopersuade
themwewerebeingdealt
withmuchtooharshly.
Whichisthetruth,you
know.”
“YetNobu-sankeeps
callingtheMinisterallsorts
ofnames,”Isaid.“Itseemsto
me—”
“Hedeservestobecalled
anynameIcanthinkof!I
don’tliketheman,Sayuri.It
doesn’tmakemelikehimany
bettertoknowI’minhis
debt.”
“Isee,”Isaid.“SoIwasto
begiventotheMinister
because—”
“Noonewastryingtogive
youtotheMinister.Hecould
neverhaveaffordedtobe
yourdannaanyway.Iledhim
tobelieveIwamuraElectric
wouldbewillingtopay—
whichofcoursewewouldn’t
havebeen.Iknewtheanswer
beforehandorIwouldn’t
haveaskedthequestion.The
Ministerwasterribly
disappointed,youknow.For
aninstantIfeltalmostsorry
forhim.”
Therewasnothingfunnyin
whatNobuhadsaid.Andyet
Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh,
becauseIhadasuddenimage
inmymindoftheMinisteras
mydanna,leaningincloser
andclosertome,withhis
lowerjawstickingout,until
suddenlyhisbreathblewup
nose.
“Oh,soyoufinditfunny,
doyou?”Nobusaidtome.
“Really,Nobu-san...I’m
sorry,buttopicturethe
Minister—”
“Idon’twanttopicturethe
Minister!It’sbadenoughto
havesattherebesidehim,
talkingwiththemistressof
theIchiriki.”
Imadeanotherscotchand
waterforNobu,andhemade
oneforme.Itwasthelast
thingIwanted;alreadythe
roomseemedcloudy.But
Noburaisedhisglass,andI
hadnochoicebuttodrink
withhim.Afterwardhewiped
hismouthwithhisnapkinand
said,“It’saterribletimetobe
alive,Sayuri.”
“Nobu-san,Ithoughtwe
weredrinkingtocheer
ourselvesup.”
“We’vecertainlyknown
eachotheralongtime,
Sayuri.Maybe...fifteen
years!Isthatright?”hesaid.
“No,don’tanswer.Iwantto
tellyousomething,and
you’regoingtositrightthere
andlistentoit.I’vewantedto
tellyouthisalongwhile,and
nowthetimehascome.I
hopeyou’relistening,
becauseI’monlygoingtosay
itonce.Here’sthething:I
don’tmuchlikegeisha;
probablyyouknowthat
already.ButI’vealwaysfelt
thatyou,Sayuri,aren’t
exactlylikealltheothers.”
Iwaitedamomentfor
Nobutocontinue,buthe
didn’t.
“IsthatwhatNobu-san
wantedtotellme?”Iasked.
“Well,doesn’tthatsuggest
thatIoughttohavedoneall
kindsofthingsforyou?For
example...ha!Forexample,
Ioughttohaveboughtyou
jewelry.”
“Youhaveboughtme
jewelry.Infact,you’ve
alwaysbeenmuchtookind.
Tome,thatis;youcertainly
aren’tkindtoeverybody.”
“Well,Ioughttohave
boughtyoumoreofit.
Anyway,thatisn’twhatI’m
talkingabout.I’mhaving
troubleexplainingmyself.
WhatI’mtryingtosayis,
I’vecometounderstandwhat
afoolIam.Youlaughed
earlierattheideaofhaving
theMinisterforadanna.But
justlookatme:aone-armed
manwithskinlike—whatdo
theycallme,thelizard?”
“Oh,Nobu-san,youmust
nevertalkaboutyourselfthat
way...”
“Themomenthasfinally
come.I’vebeenwaiting
years.Ihadtowaitall
throughyournonsensewith
thatGeneral.EverytimeI
imaginedhimwithyou...
well,Idon’tevenwantto
thinkaboutthat.Andthevery
ideaofthisfoolishMinister!
DidItellyouwhathesaidto
methisevening?Thisisthe
worstthingofall.Afterhe
foundouthewasn’tgoingto
beyourdanna,hesattherea
longwhilelikeapileofdirt,
andthenfinallysaid,‘I
thoughtyoutoldmeIcould
beSayuri’sdanna.’Well,I
hadn’tsaidanysuchthing!
‘Wedidthebestwecould,
Minister,anditdidn’twork
out,’Itoldhim.Sothenhe
said,‘Couldyouarrangeit
justonce?’Isaid,‘Arrange
whatonce?Foryoutobe
Sayuri’sdannajustonce?
Youmean,oneevening?’
Andthenhenodded!Well,I
said,‘Youlistentome,
Minister!Itwasbadenough
goingtothemistressofthe
teahousetoproposeaman
likeyouasdannatoawoman
likeSayuri.Ionlydidit
becauseIknewitwouldn’t
happen.Butifyouthink—’”
“Youdidn’tsaythat!”
“Icertainlydid.Isaid,‘But
ifyouthinkIwouldarrange
foryoutohaveevenaquarter
ofasecondalonewithher...
Whyshouldyouhaveher?
Andanyway,sheisn’tmine
togive,isshe?TothinkthatI
wouldgotoherandasksuch
athing!’”
“Nobu-san,Ihopethe
Ministerdidn’ttakethistoo
badly,consideringallhe’s
doneforIwamuraElectric.”
“Nowwaitjustamoment.
Iwon’thaveyouthinkingI’m
ungrateful.TheMinister
helpedusbecauseitwashis
jobtohelpus.I’vetreated
himwellthesepastmonths,
andIwon’tstopnow.But
thatdoesn’tmeanIhaveto
giveupwhatI’vewaited
morethantenyearsfor,and
lethimhaveitinstead!What
ifI’dcometoyouashe
wantedmeto?Wouldyou
havesaid,‘Allright,Nobusan,I’lldoitforyou’?”
“Please...HowcanI
answersuchaquestion?”
“Easily.Justtellmeyou
wouldneverhavedonesucha
thing.”
“ButNobu-san,Iowesuch
adebttoyou...Ifyouasked
afavorofme,Icouldnever
turnitdownlightly.”
“Well,thisisnew!Have
youchanged,Sayuri,orhas
therealwaysbeenapartof
youIdidn’tknow?”
“I’veoftenthoughtNobusanhasmuchtoohighan
opinionofme...”
“Idon’tmisjudgepeople.
Ifyouaren’tthewomanI
thinkyouare,thenthisisn’t
theworldIthoughtitwas.Do
youmeantosayyoucould
considergivingyourselftoa
manliketheMinister?Don’t
youfeelthere’srightand
wronginthisworld,andgood
andbad?Orhaveyouspent
toomuchofyourlifein
Gion?”
“Mygoodness,Nobu-san.
..it’sbeenyearssinceI’ve
seenyousoenraged...”
Thismusthavebeen
exactlythewrongthingto
say,becauseallatonce
Nobu’sfaceflaredinanger.
Hegrabbedhisglassinhis
onehandandslammedit
downsoharditcracked,
spillingicecubesontothe
tabletop.Nobuturnedhis
handtoseealineofblood
acrosshispalm.
“Oh,Nobu-san!”
“Answerme!”
“Ican’teventhinkofthe
questionrightnow...please,
Ihavetogofetchsomething
foryourhand—”
“Wouldyougiveyourself
totheMinister,nomatter
whoaskeditofyou?If
you’reawomanwhowould
dosuchathing,Iwantyouto
leavethisroomrightnow,
andneverspeaktome
again!”
Icouldn’tunderstandhow
theeveninghadtakenthis
dangerousturn;butitwas
perfectlycleartomeIcould
giveonlyoneanswer.Iwas
desperatetofetchaclothfor
Nobu’shand—hisbloodhad
trickledontothetablealready
—buthewaslookingatme
withsuchintensityIdidn’t
daretomove.
“Iwouldneverdosucha
thing,”Isaid.
Ithoughtthiswouldcalm
him,butforalong,
frighteningmomenthe
continuedtogloweratme.
Finallyheletouthisbreath.
“Nexttime,speakup
beforeIhavetocutmyself
forananswer.”
Irushedoutoftheroomto
fetchthemistress.Shecame
withseveralmaidsanda
bowlofwaterandtowels.
Nobuwouldn’tlethercalla
doctor;andtotellthetruth,
thecutwasn’tasbadasI’d
feared.Afterthemistressleft,
Nobuwasstrangelysilent.I
triedtobeginaconversation,
butheshowednointerest.
“FirstIcan’tcalmyou
down,”Isaidatlast,“and
nowIcan’tgetyoutospeak.
Idon’tknowwhethertomake
youdrinkmore,orifthe
liquoritselfistheproblem.”
“We’vehadenoughliquor,
Sayuri.It’stimeyouwent
andbroughtbackthatrock.”
“Whatrock?”
“TheoneIgaveyoulast
fall.Thepieceofconcrete
fromthefactory.Goand
bringit.”
Ifeltmyskinturntoice
whenIheardthis—becauseI
knewperfectlywellwhathe
wassaying.Thetimehad
comeforNobutopropose
himselfasmydanna.
“Oh,honestly,I’vehadso
muchtodrink,Idon’tknow
whetherIcanwalkatall!”I
said.“PerhapsNobu-sanwill
letmebringitthenexttime
weseeeachother?”
“You’llgetittonight.Why
doyouthinkIstayedonafter
theMinisterleft?Gogetit
whileIwaithereforyou.”
Ithoughtofsendingamaid
toretrievetherockforme;
butIknewIcouldnevertell
herwheretofindit.Sowith
somedifficultyImademy
waydownthehall,slidmy
feetintomyshoes,and
sloshedmyway—asitfeltto
me,inmydrunkenstate—
throughthestreetsofGion.
WhenIreachedtheokiya,
Iwenttomyroomandfound
thepieceofconcrete,
wrappedinasquareofsilk
andstowedonashelfofmy
closet.Iunwrappeditandleft
thesilkonthefloor,thoughI
don’tknowexactlywhy.AsI
left,Auntie—whomusthave
heardmestumblingandcome
uptoseewhatwasthematter
—metmeintheupstairs
hallwayandaskedwhyIwas
carryingarockinmyhand.
“I’mtakingittoNobu-san,
Auntie,”Isaid.“Please,stop
me!”
“You’redrunk,Sayuri.
What’sgottenintoyouthis
evening?”
“Ihavetogiveitbackto
him.And...oh,itwillbethe
endofmylifeifIdo.Please
stopme...”
“Drunk,andsobbing.
You’reworsethan
Hatsumomo!Youcan’tgo
backoutlikethis.”
“Thenpleasecallthe
Ichiriki.Andhavethemtell
Nobu-sanIwon’tbethere.
Willyou?”
“WhyisNobu-sanwaiting
foryoutobringhimarock?”
“Ican’texplain.Ican’t..
.”
“Itmakesnodifference.If
he’swaitingforyou,you’ll
havetogo,”shesaidtome,
andledmebythearmback
intomyroom,whereshe
driedmyfacewithacloth
andtouchedupmymakeup
bythelightofanelectric
lantern.Iwaslimpwhileshe
didit;shehadtosupportmy
chininherhandtokeepmy
headfromrolling.Shegrew
soimpatientthatshefinally
grabbedmyheadwithboth
handsandmadeitclearshe
wantedmetokeepitstill.
“IhopeIneverseeyou
actingthiswayagain,Sayuri.
Heavenknowswhat’scome
overyou.”
“I’mafool,Auntie.”
“You’vecertainlybeena
foolthisevening,”shesaid.
“Motherwillbeveryangryif
you’vedonesomethingto
spoilNobu-san’saffectionfor
you.”
“Ihaven’tyet,”Isaid.“But
ifyoucanthinkofanything
thatwill...”
“That’snowaytotalk,”
Auntiesaidtome.Andshe
didn’tspeakanotherword
untilshewasfinishedwith
mymakeup.
Imademywaybacktothe
IchirikiTeahouse,holding
thatheavyrockinbothmy
hands.Idon’tknowwhether
itwasreallyheavy,or
whethermyarmswere
simplyheavyfromtoomuch
todrink.ButbythetimeI
joinedNobuintheroom
again,IfeltI’dusedupallthe
energyIhad.Ifhespoketo
meaboutbecominghis
mistress,Iwasn’tatallsureI
wouldbeabletodamupmy
feelings.
Isettherockonthetable.
Nobupickeditupwithhis
fingersandhelditinthe
towelwrappedaroundhis
hand.
“IhopeIdidn’tpromise
youajewelthisbig,”hesaid.
“Idon’thavethatmuch
money.Butthingsare
possiblenowthatweren’t
possiblebefore.”
Ibowedandtriednotto
lookupset.Nobudidn’tneed
totellmewhathemeant.
ChapterThirtyThree
ThatverynightwhileIlay
onmyfutonwiththeroom
swayingaroundme,Imade
upmymindtobelikethe
fishermanwhohourafter
hourscoopsoutfishwithhis
net.Wheneverthoughtsofthe
Chairmandriftedupfrom
withinme,Iwouldscoop
themout,andscoopthemout
again,andagain,untilnone
ofthemwereleft.Itwould
havebeenacleversystem,
I’msure,ifIcouldhavemade
itwork.ButwhenIhadeven
asinglethoughtofhim,I
couldnevercatchitbeforeit
spedawayandcarriedmeto
theveryplacefromwhichI’d
banishedmythoughts.Many
timesIstoppedmyselfand
said:Don’tthinkofthe
Chairman,thinkofNobu
instead.Andvery
deliberately,Ipicturedmyself
meetingNobusomewherein
Kyoto.Butthensomething
alwayswentwrong.Thespot
IpicturedmightbewhereI’d
oftenimaginedmyself
encounteringtheChairman,
forexample...andthenin
aninstantIwaslostin
thoughtsoftheChairman
onceagain.
Iwentonthiswayfor
weeks,tryingtoremake
myself.SometimeswhenI
wasfreeforawhilefrom
thinkingabouttheChairman,
Ibegantofeelasifapithad
openedupwithinme.Ihad
noappetiteevenwhenlittle
Etsukocamelateatnight
carryingmeabowlofclear
broth.ThefewtimesIdid
managetofocusmymind
clearlyonNobu,Igrewso
numbedIseemedtofeel
nothingatall.Whileputting
onmymakeup,myfacehung
likeakimonofromarod.
AuntietoldmeIlookedlikea
ghost.Iwenttopartiesand
banquetsasusual,butIknelt
insilencewithmyhandsin
mylap.
IknewNobuwasonthe
pointofproposinghimselfas
mydanna,andsoIwaited
everydayforthenewsto
reachme.Buttheweeks
draggedonwithoutanyword.
Thenonehotafternoonatthe
endofJune,nearlyamonth
afterI’dgivenbacktherock,
Motherbroughtina
newspaperwhileIwaseating
lunch,andopenedittoshow
meanarticleentitled
“IwamuraElectricSecures
FinancingfromMitsubishi
Bank.”Iexpectedtofindall
sortsofreferencestoNobu
andtheMinister,and
certainlytotheChairman;but
mostlythearticlegavealot
ofinformationIcan’teven
remember.Ittoldthat
IwamuraElectric’s
designationhadbeenchanged
bytheAlliedOccupation
authoritiesfrom...Idon’t
remember—aClass
SomethingtoaClass
Something-Else.Which
meant,asthearticlewenton
toexplain,thatthecompany
wasnolongerrestrictedfrom
enteringintocontracts,
applyingforloans,andso
forth.Severalparagraphs
followed,allaboutratesof
interestandlinesofcredit;
andthenfinallyaboutavery
largeloansecuredtheday
beforefromtheMitsubishi
Bank.Itwasadifficultarticle
toread,fullofnumbersand
businessterms.WhenI
finished,Ilookedupat
Mother,kneelingontheother
sideofthetable.
“IwamuraElectric’s
fortuneshaveturnedaround
completely,”shesaid.“Why
didn’tyoutellmeabout
this?”
“Mother,Ihardlyeven
understandwhatI’vejust
read.”
“It’snowonderwe’ve
heardsomuchfromNobu
Toshikazuthesepastfew
days.Youmustknowhe’s
proposedhimselfasyour
danna.Iwasthinkingof
turninghimdown.Who
wantsamanwithan
uncertainfuture?NowIcan
seewhyyou’veseemedso
distractedthesepastfew
weeks!Well,youcanrelax
now.It’sfinallyhappening.
Weallknowhowfond
you’vebeenofNobuthese
manyyears.”
Iwentongazingdownat
thetablejustlikeaproper
daughter.ButI’msureIwore
apainedexpressiononmy
face;becauseinamoment
Motherwenton:
“Youmustn’tbelistless
thiswaywhenNobuwants
youinhisbed.Perhapsyour
healthisn’twhatitshouldbe.
I’llsendyoutoadoctorthe
momentyoureturnfrom
Amami.”
TheonlyAmamiI’dever
heardofwasalittleislandnot
farfromOkinawa;Icouldn’t
imaginethiswastheplace
shemeant.Butinfact,as
Motherwentontotellme,
themistressoftheIchiriki
hadreceivedatelephonecall
thatverymorningfrom
IwamuraElectricconcerning
atriptotheislandofAmami
thefollowingweekend.I’d
beenaskedtogo,alongwith
MamehaandPumpkin,and
alsoanothergeishawhose
nameMothercouldn’t
remember.Wewouldleave
thefollowingFriday
afternoon.
“ButMother...itmakes
nosenseatall,”Isaid.“A
weekendtripasfaras
Amami?Theboatridealone
willtakeallday.”
“Nothingofthesort.
IwamuraElectrichas
arrangedforallofyouto
travelthereinanairplane.”
InaninstantIforgotmy
worriesaboutNobu,andsat
uprightasquicklyasif
someonehadpokedmewith
apin.“Mother!”Isaid.“I
can’tpossiblyflyonan
airplane.”
“Ifyou’resittinginone
andthethingtakesoff,you
won’tbeabletohelpit!”she
replied.Shemusthave
thoughtherlittlejokewas
veryfunny,becauseshegave
oneofherhuffinglaughs.
***
Withgasolinesoscarce,
therecouldn’tpossiblybean
airplane,Idecided,soImade
upmymindnottoworry—
andthisworkedwellforme
untilthefollowingday,when
Ispokewiththemistressof
theIchiriki.Itseemedthat
severalAmericanofficerson
theislandofOkinawa
traveledbyairtoOsaka
severalweekendsamonth.
Normallytheairplaneflew
homeemptyandreturneda
fewdayslatertopickthem
up.IwamuraElectrichad
arrangedforourgrouptoride
onthereturntrips.Wewere
goingtoAmamionlybecause
theemptyairplanewas
available;otherwisewe’d
probablyhavebeenonour
waytoahot-springsresort,
andnotfearingforourlives
atall.Thelastthingthe
mistresssaidtomewas,“I’m
justgratefulit’syouandnot
meflyinginthething.”
WhenFridaymorning
came,wesetoutforOsakaby
train.InadditiontoMr.
Bekku,whocametohelpus
withourtrunksasfarasthe
airport,thelittlegroup
consistedofMameha,
Pumpkin,andme,aswellas
anelderlygeishanamed
Shizue.Shizuewasfromthe
Pontochodistrictratherthan
Gion,andhadunattractive
glassesandsilverhairthat
madeherlookevenolder
thanshereallywas.What
wasworse,herchinhadabig
cleftinthemiddle,liketwo
breasts.Shizueseemedto
viewtherestofusasacedar
viewstheweedsgrowing
beneathit.Mostlyshestared
outthewindowofthetrain;
buteverysooftensheopened
theclaspofherorangeand
redhandbagtotakeouta
pieceofcandy,andlookedat
usasifshecouldn’tseewhy
wehadtotroubleherwith
ourpresence.
FromOsakaStationwe
traveledtotheairportina
littlebusnotmuchlargerthan
acar,whichranoncoaland
wasverydirty.Atlastafter
anhourorso,weclimbed
downbesideasilverairplane
withtwogreatbigpropellers
onthewings.Iwasn’tatall
reassuredtoseethetiny
wheelonwhichthetail
rested;andwhenwewent
inside,theaislesloped
downwardsodramaticallyI
feltsuretheairplanewas
broken.
Themenwereonboard
already,sittinginseatsatthe
rearandtalkingbusiness.In
additiontotheChairmanand
Nobu,theMinisterwasthere,
aswellasanelderlyman
who,asIlaterlearned,was
regionaldirectorofthe
MitsubishiBank.Seated
besidehimwasamaninhis
thirtieswithachinjustlike
Shizue’s,andglassesasthick
asherstoo.Asitturnedout,
Shizuewasthelongtime
mistressofthebankdirector,
andthismanwastheirson.
Wesattowardthefrontof
theairplaneandleftthemen
totheirdullconversation.
SoonIheardacoughing
noiseandtheairplane
trembled...andwhenI
lookedoutthewindow,the
giantpropelleroutsidehad
beguntoturn.Inamatterof
momentsitwaswhirlingits
swordlikebladesinchesfrom
myface,makingthemost
desperatehummingnoise.I
feltsureitwouldcome
tearingthroughthesideofthe
airplaneandslicemeinhalf.
Mamehahadputmeina
windowseatthinkingthe
viewmightcalmmeoncewe
wereairborne,butnowthat
shesawwhatthepropeller
wasdoing,sherefusedto
switchseatswithme.The
noiseoftheenginesgrew
worseandtheairplanebegan
tobumpalong,turninghere
andthere.Finallythenoise
reacheditsmostterrifying
volumeyet,andtheaisle
tippedlevel.Afteranother
fewmomentswehearda
thumpandbegantoriseup
intotheair.Onlywhenthe
groundwasfarbelowusdid
someonefinallytellmethe
tripwassevenhundred
kilometersandwouldtake
nearlyfourhours.WhenI
heardthis,I’mafraidmyeyes
glazedoverwithtears,and
everyonebegantolaughat
me.
Ipulledthecurtainsover
thewindowandtriedtocalm
myselfbyreadinga
magazine.Quitesometime
later,afterMamehahadfallen
asleepintheseatbesideme,I
lookeduptofindNobu
standingintheaisle.
“Sayuri,areyouwell?”he
said,speakingquietlysoas
nottowakeMameha.
“Idon’tthinkNobu-san
haseveraskedmesucha
thingbefore,”Isaid.“He
mustbeinaverycheerful
mood.”
“Thefuturehasnever
lookedmorepromising!”
Mamehastirredatthe
soundofourtalking,soNobu
saidnothingfurther,and
insteadcontinueduptheaisle
tothetoilet.Justbefore
openingthedoor,heglanced
backtowardwheretheother
menwereseated.Foran
instantIsawhimfroman
angleI’drarelyseen,which
gavehimalookoffierce
concentration.Whenhis
glanceflickedinmy
direction,Ithoughthemight
pickupsomehintthatIfelt
asworriedaboutmyfutureas
hefeltreassuredabouthis.
Howstrangeitseemed,when
Ithoughtaboutit,thatNobu
understoodmesolittle.Of
course,ageishawhoexpects
understandingfromher
dannaislikeamouse
expectingsympathyfromthe
snake.Andinanycase,how
couldNobupossibly
understandanythingabout
me,whenhe’dseenmesolely
asageishakeepingmytrue
selfcarefullyconcealed?The
Chairmanwastheonlyman
I’deverentertainedasSayuri
thegeishawhohadalso
knownmeasChiyo—though
itwasstrangetothinkofit
thisway,forI’dnever
realizeditbefore.What
wouldNobuhavedoneifhe
hadbeentheonetofindme
thatdayattheShirakawa
Stream?Surelyhewould
havewalkedrightpast...
andhowmucheasieritmight
havebeenformeifhehad.I
wouldn’tspendmynights
yearningfortheChairman.I
wouldn’tstopincosmetics
shopsfromtimetotime,to
smellthescentoftalcinthe
airandremindmyselfofhis
skin.Iwouldn’tstrainto
picturehispresencebeside
meinsomeimaginaryplace.
Ifyou’daskedmewhyI
wantedthesethings,Iwould
haveanswered,Whydoesa
ripepersimmontaste
delicious?Whydoeswood
smellsmokywhenitburns?
ButhereIwasagain,likea
girltryingtocatchmicewith
herhands.Whycouldn’tI
stopthinkingaboutthe
Chairman?
I’msuremyanguishmust
haveshownclearlyonmy
facewhenthedoortothe
toiletopenedamomentlater,
andthelightsnappedoff.I
couldn’tbearforNobutosee
methisway,soIlaidmy
headagainstthewindow,
pretendingtobeasleep.After
hepassedby,Iopenedmy
eyesagain.Ifoundthatthe
positionofmyheadhad
causedthecurtainstopull
open,sothatIwaslooking
outsidetheairplaneforthe
firsttimesinceshortlyafter
we’dliftedofftherunway.
Spreadoutbelowwasabroad
vistaofaquablueocean,
mottledwiththesamejade
greenasacertainhair
ornamentMamehasometimes
wore.I’dneverimaginedthe
oceanwithpatchesofgreen.
Fromtheseacliffsin
Yoroido,ithadalwayslooked
thecolorofslate.Herethe
seastretchedallthewayout
toasinglelinepulledacross
likeawoolthreadwherethe
skybegan.Thisviewwasn’t
frighteningatall,but
inexpressiblylovely.Even
thehazydiskofthepropeller
wasbeautifulinitsownway,
andthesilverwinghadakind
ofmagnificence,andwas
decoratedwiththosesymbols
thatAmericanwarplanes
haveonthem.Howpeculiar
itwastoseethemthere,
consideringtheworldonly
fiveyearsearlier.Wehad
foughtabrutalwaras
enemies;andnowwhat?We
hadgivenupourpast;this
wassomethingIunderstood
fully,forIhaddoneitmyself
once.IfonlyIcouldfinda
wayofgivingupmyfuture..
.
Andthenafrightening
imagecametomind:Isaw
myselfcuttingthebondof
fatethatheldmetoNobu,
andwatchinghimfallallthe
longwayintotheocean
below.
Idon’tmeanthiswasjust
anideaorsomesortof
daydream.Imeanthatallat
onceIunderstoodexactly
howtodoit.OfcourseI
wasn’treallygoingtothrow
Nobuintotheocean,butIdid
haveanunderstanding,justas
clearlyasifawindowhad
beenthrownopeninmy
mind,oftheonethingIcould
dotoendmyrelationship
withhimforever.Ididn’t
wanttolosehisfriendship;
butinmyeffortstoreachthe
Chairman,Nobuwasan
obstacleI’dfoundnoway
around.AndyetIcouldcause
himtobeconsumedbythe
flamesofhisownanger;
Nobuhimselfhadtoldme
howtodoit,justamoment
aftercuttinghishandthat
nightattheIchirikiTeahouse
onlyafewweeksearlier.IfI
wasthesortofwomanwho
wouldgivemyselftothe
Minister,he’dsaid,he
wantedmetoleavetheroom
rightthenandwouldnever
speaktomeagain.
Thefeelingthatcameover
measIthoughtofthis...it
waslikeafeverbreaking.I
feltdampeverywhereonmy
body.IwasgratefulMameha
remainedasleepbesideme;
I’msureshewouldhave
wonderedwhatwasthe
matter,toseemeshortof
breath,wipingmyforehead
withmyfingertips.Thisidea
thathadcometome,couldI
reallydosuchathing?Idon’t
meantheactofseducingthe
Minister;Iknewperfectly
wellIcoulddothat.Itwould
belikegoingtothedoctorfor
ashot.I’dlooktheotherway
foratime,anditwouldbe
over.ButcouldIdosucha
thingtoNobu?Whata
horriblewaytorepayhis
kindness.Comparedwiththe
sortsofmensomanygeisha
hadsufferedthroughthe
years,Nobuwasprobablya
verydesirabledanna.But
couldIbeartolivealifein
whichmyhopeshadbeen
extinguishedforever?For
weeksI’dbeenworkingto
convincemyselfIcouldlive
it;butcouldIreally?I
thoughtperhapsIunderstood
howHatsumomohadcome
byherbittercruelty,and
Grannyhermeanness.Even
Pumpkin,whowasscarcely
thirty,hadwornalookof
disappointmentformany
years.Theonlythingthathad
keptmefromitwashope;
andnowtosustainmyhopes,
wouldIcommitanabhorrent
act?I’mnottalkingabout
seducingtheMinister;I’m
talkingaboutbetraying
Nobu’strust.
Duringtherestofthe
flight,Istruggledwiththese
thoughts.Icouldneverhave
imaginedmyselfschemingin
thisway,butintimeIbegan
toimaginethestepsinvolved
justlikeinaboardgame:I
woulddrawtheMinister
asideattheinn—no,notat
theinn,atsomeotherplace—
andIwouldtrickNobuinto
stumblinguponus...or
perhapsitwouldbeenough
forhimtohearitfrom
someoneelse?Youcan
imaginehowexhaustedIfelt
bytheendofthetrip.Evenas
welefttheairplane,Imust
stillhavelookedvery
worried,becauseMameha
keptreassuringmethatthe
flightwasoverandIwassafe
atlast.
Wearrivedatourinnabout
anhourbeforesunset.The
othersadmiredtheroomin
whichwewouldallbe
staying,butIfeltsoagitatedI
couldonlypretendtoadmire
it.Itwasasspaciousasthe
largestroomattheIchiriki
Teahouse,andfurnished
beautifullyintheJapanese
style,withtatamimatsand
gleamingwood.Onelong
wallwasmadeentirelyof
glassdoors,beyondwhichlay
extraordinarytropicalplants
—somewithleavesnearlyas
bigasaman.Acovered
walkwayleddownthrough
theleavestothebanksofa
stream.
Whentheluggagewasin
order,wewereallofusquite
readyforabath.Theinnhad
providedfoldingscreens,
whichweopenedinthe
middleoftheroomfor
privacy.Wechangedintoour
cottongownsandmadeour
wayalongasuccessionof
coveredwalkways,leading
throughthedensefoliagetoa
luxurioushot-springspoolat
theotherendoftheinn.The
men’sandwomen’sentrances
wereshieldedbypartitions,
andhadseparatetiledareas
forwashing.Butoncewe
wereimmersedinthedark
waterofthespringsand
movedoutbeyondthe
partition’sedge,themenand
womenweretogetherinthe
water.Thebankdirectorkept
makingjokesaboutMameha
andme,sayinghewantedone
ofustofetchacertainpebble,
ortwig,orsomethingofthe
sort,fromthewoodsatthe
edgeofthesprings—thejoke
being,ofcourse,thathe
wantedtoseeusnaked.All
thiswhile,hissonwas
engrossedinconversation
withPumpkin;anditdidn’t
takeuslongtounderstand
why.Pumpkin’sbosoms,
whichwerefairlylarge,kept
floatingupandexposing
themselvesonthesurface
whileshejabberedawayas
alwayswithoutnoticing.
Perhapsitseemsoddto
youthatweallbathed
together,menandwomen,
andthatweplannedtosleep
inthesameroomlaterthat
night.Butactually,geishado
thissortofthingallthetime
withtheirbestcustomers—or
atleasttheydidinmyday.A
singlegeishawhovaluesher
reputationwillcertainlynever
becaughtalonewithaman
whoisn’therdanna.Butto
batheinnocentlyinagroup
likethis,withthemurky
watercloakingus...that’s
quiteanothermatter.Andas
forsleepinginagroup,we
evenhaveawordforitin
Japanese—zakone,“fish
sleeping.”Ifyoupicturea
bunchofmackerelthrown
togetherintoabasket,I
supposethat’swhatitmeans.
Bathinginagrouplikethis
wasinnocent,asIsay.But
thatdoesn’tmeanahand
neverstrayedwhereit
shouldn’t,andthisthought
wasverymuchonmymind
asIsoakedthereinthehot
springs.IfNobuhadbeenthe
sortofmantotease,hemight
havedriftedovertowardme;
andthenafterwe’dchatted
foratimehemightsuddenly
havegrabbedmebythehip,
or...well,almostanywhere,
totellthetruth.Theproper
nextstepwouldbeformeto
screamandNobutolaugh,
andthatwouldbetheendof
it.ButNobuwasn’tthesort
ofmantotease.He’dbeen
immersedinthebathfora
time,inconversationwiththe
Chairman,butnowhewas
sittingonarockwithonlyhis
legsinthewater,andasmall,
wettoweldrapedacrosshis
hips;hewasn’tpaying
attentiontotherestofus,but
rubbingatthestumpofhis
armabsentmindedlyand
peeringintothewater.The
sunhadsetbynow,andthe
lightfadedalmosttoevening;
butNobusatinthebrightness
ofapaperlantern.I’dnever
beforeseenhimsoexposed.
ThescarringthatIthought
wasatitsworstononesideof
hisfacewaseverybitasbad
onhisdamagedshoulder—
thoughhisothershoulderwas
beautifullysmooth,likean
egg.AndnowtothinkthatI
wasconsideringbetraying
him...HewouldthinkIhad
doneitforonlyonereason,
andwouldneverunderstand
thetruth.Icouldn’tbearthe
thoughtofhurtingNobuorof
destroyinghisregardforme.
Iwasn’tatallsureIcouldgo
throughwithit.
***
Afterbreakfastthe
followingmorning,weall
tookawalkthroughthe
tropicalforesttotheseacliffs
nearby,wherethestream
fromourinnpouredovera
picturesquelittlewaterfall
intotheocean.Westooda
longwhileadmiringtheview;
evenwhenwewereallready
toleave,theChairmancould
hardlytearhimselfaway.On
thereturntripIwalkedbeside
Nobu,whowasstillas
cheerfulasI’deverseenhim.
Afterwardwetouredthe
islandinthebackofa
militarytruckfittedwith
benches,andsawbananas
andpineapplesgrowingon
thetrees,andbeautifulbirds.
Fromthemountaintops,the
oceanlookedlikeacrumpled
blanketinturquoise,with
stainsofdarkblue.
Thatafternoonwe
wanderedthedirtstreetsof
thelittlevillage,andsoon
cameuponanoldwood
buildingthatlookedlikea
warehouse,withaslopedroof
ofthatch.Weendedup
walkingaroundtotheback,
whereNobuclimbedstone
stepstoopenadooratthe
cornerofthebuilding,and
thesunlightfellacrossa
dustystagebuiltoutof
planking.Evidentlyithadat
onetimebeenawarehouse
butwasnowthetown’s
theater.WhenIfirststepped
inside,Ididn’tthinkvery
muchaboutit.Butafterthe
doorbangedshutandwe’d
madeourwaytothestreet
again,Ibegantofeelthat
samefeelingofafever
breaking;becauseinmymind
Ihadanimageofmyself
lyingthereontherutted
flooringwiththeMinisteras
thedoorcreakedopenand
sunlightfellacrossus.We
wouldhavenoplacetohide;
Nobucouldn’tpossiblyfailto
seeus.InmanywaysI’m
sureitwastheveryspotI’d
half-hopedtofind.ButI
wasn’tthinkingofthese
things;Iwasn’treally
thinkingatall,somuchas
strugglingtoputmythoughts
intosomekindoforder.They
felttomelikericepouring
fromatornsack.
Aswewalkedbackupthe
hilltowardourinn,Ihadto
fallbackfromthegroupto
takemyhandkerchieffrom
mysleeve.Itwascertainly
verywarmthereonthatroad,
withtheafternoonsun
shiningfullontoourfaces.I
wasn’ttheonlyone
perspiring.ButNobucame
walkingbacktoaskifIwas
allright.WhenIcouldn’t
managetoanswerhimright
away,Ihopedhewouldthink
itwasthestrainofwalking
upthehill.
“Youhaven’tlookedwell
allweekend,Sayuri.Perhaps
yououghttohavestayedin
Kyoto.”
“ButwhenwouldIhave
seenthisbeautifulisland?”
“I’msurethisisthe
farthestyou’veeverbeen
fromyourhome.We’reasfar
fromKyotonowasHokkaido
is.”
Theothershadwalked
aroundthebendahead.Over
Nobu’sshoulderIcouldsee
theeavesoftheinn
protrudingabovethefoliage.
Iwantedtoreplytohim,butI
foundmyselfconsumedwith
thesamethoughtsthathad
troubledmeontheairplane,
thatNobudidn’tunderstand
meatall.Kyotowasn’tmy
home;notinthesenseNobu
seemedtomeanit,ofaplace
whereI’dbeenraised,aplace
I’dneverstrayedfrom.And
inthatinstant,whileIpeered
athiminthehotsun,Imade
upmymindthatIwoulddo
thisthingIhadfeared.I
wouldbetrayNobu,even
thoughhestoodtherelooking
atmewithkindness.Itucked
awaymyhandkerchiefwith
tremblinghands,andwe
continuedupthehill,not
speakingaword.
BythetimeIreachedthe
room,theChairmanand
Mamehahadalreadytaken
seatsatthetabletobegina
gameofgoagainstthebank
director,withShizueandher
sonlookingon.Theglass
doorsalongthefarwallstood
open;theMinisterwas
proppedononeelbowstaring
out,peelingthecoveringoffa
shortstalkofcanehe’d
broughtbackwithhim.Iwas
desperatelyafraidNobu
wouldengagemeina
conversationI’dbeunableto
escape,butinfact,hewent
directlyovertothetableand
begantalkingwithMameha.I
hadnoideaasyethowI
wouldluretheMinistertothe
theaterwithme,andevenless
ideahowIwouldarrangefor
Nobutofindusthere.
PerhapsPumpkinwouldtake
NobuforawalkifIaskedher
to?Ididn’tfeelIcouldask
suchathingofMameha,but
PumpkinandIhadbeengirls
together;andthoughIwon’t
callhercrude,asAuntiehad
calledher,Pumpkindidhave
acertaincoarsenessinher
personalityandwouldbeless
aghastatwhatIwas
planning.Iwouldneedto
directherexplicitlytobring
Nobutotheoldtheater;they
wouldn’tcomeuponusthere
purelybyaccident.
ForatimeIkneltgazing
outatthesunlitleavesand
wishingIcouldappreciatethe
beautifultropicalafternoon.I
keptaskingmyselfwhetherI
wasfullysanetobe
consideringthisplan;but
whatevermisgivingsImay
havefelt,theyweren’t
enoughtostopmefromgoing
aheadwithit.Clearlynothing
wouldhappenuntilI
succeededindrawingthe
Ministeraside,andIcouldn’t
affordtocallattentionto
myselfwhenIdidit.Earlier
he’daskedamaidtobring
himasnack,andnowhewas
sittingwithhislegsarounda
tray,pouringbeerintohis
mouthanddroppinginglobs
ofsaltedsquidgutswithhis
chopsticks.Thismayseem
likeanauseatingideafora
dish,butIcanassureyouthat
you’llfindsaltedsquidguts
inbarsandrestaurantshere
andthereinJapan.Itwasa
favoriteofmyfather’s,but
I’veneverbeenableto
stomachit.Icouldn’teven
watchtheMinisterasheate.
“Minister,”Isaidtohim
quietly,“wouldyoulikeme
tofindyousomethingmore
appetizing?”
“No,”hesaid,“I’mnot
hungry.”Imustadmitthis
raisedinmymindthe
questionofwhyhewas
eatinginthefirstplace.By
nowMamehaandNobuhad
wanderedoutthebackdoor
inconversation,andthe
others,includingPumpkin,
weregatheredaroundthego
boardonthetable.
ApparentlytheChairmanhad
justmadeablunder,andthey
werelaughing.Itseemedto
memychancehadcome.
“Ifyou’reeatingoutof
boredom,Minister,”Isaid,
“whydon’tyouandIexplore
theinn?I’vebeeneagerto
seeit,andwehaven’thadthe
time.”
Ididn’twaitforhimto
reply,butstoodandwalked
fromtheroom.Iwasrelieved
whenhesteppedoutintothe
hallwayamomentlaterto
joinme.Wewalkedin
silencedownthecorridor,
untilwecametoabend
whereIcouldseethatnoone
wascomingfromeither
direction.Istopped.
“Minister,excuseme,”I
said,“but...shallwetakea
walkbackdowntothevillage
together?”
Helookedveryconfused
bythis.
“Wehaveanhourorsoleft
intheafternoon,”Iwenton,
“andIremembersomething
I’dverymuchliketosee
again.”
Afteralongpause,the
Ministersaid,“I’llneedto
usethetoiletfirst.”
“Yes,that’sfine,”Itold
him.“Yougoandusethe
toilet;andwhenyou’re
finished,waitrightherefor
meandwe’lltakeawalk
together.Don’tgoanywhere
untilIcomeandfetchyou.”
TheMinisterseemed
agreeabletothisand
continuedupthecorridor.I
wentbacktowardtheroom.
AndIfeltsodazed—nowthat
Iwasactuallygoingthrough
withmyplan—thatwhenI
putmyhandonthedoorto
slideitopen,Icouldscarcely
feelmyfingerstouching
anythingatall.
Pumpkinwasnolongerat
thetable.Shewaslooking
throughhertraveltrunkfor
something.AtfirstwhenI
triedtospeak,nothingcame
out.Ihadtoclearmythroat
andtryagain.
“Excuseme,Pumpkin,”I
said.“Justonemomentof
yourtime...”
Shedidn’tlookeagerto
stopwhatshewasdoing,but
shelefthertrunkindisarray
andcameoutintothehallway
withme.Iledhersome
distancedownthecorridor,
andthenturnedtoherand
said:
“Pumpkin,Ineedtoaska
favor.”
Iwaitedforhertotellme
shewashappytohelp,but
shejuststoodwithhereyes
onme.
“Ihopeyouwon’tmind
myasking—”
“Ask,”shesaid.
“TheMinisterandIare
abouttogoforawalk.I’m
goingtotakehimtotheold
theater,and—”
“Why?”
“SothatheandIcanbe
alone.”
“TheMinister?”Pumpkin
saidincredulously.
“I’llexplainsomeother
time,buthere’swhatIwant
youtodo.Iwantyoutobring
Nobuthereand...Pumpkin,
thiswillsoundverystrange.I
wantyoutodiscoverus.”
“Whatdoyoumean,
‘discover’you?”
“Iwantyoutofindsome
wayofbringingNobuthere
andopeningthebackdoorwe
sawearlier,sothat...he’ll
seeus.”
WhileIwasexplaining
this,Pumpkinhadnoticedthe
Ministerwaitinginanother
coveredwalkwaythroughthe
foliage.Nowshelookedback
atme.
“Whatareyouupto,
Sayuri?”shesaid.
“Idon’thavetimeto
explainitnow.Butit’s
terriblyimportant,Pumpkin.
Truthfully,myentirefutureis
inyourhands.Justmakesure
it’snoonebutyouandNobu
—nottheChairman,for
heaven’ssake,oranyone
else.I’llrepayyouinany
wayyou’dlike.”
Shelookedatmeforalong
moment.“Soit’stimefora
favorfromPumpkinagain,is
it?”shesaid.Ididn’tfeel
certainwhatshemeantby
this,butratherthan
explainingittome,sheleft.
***
Iwasn’tsurewhetheror
notPumpkinhadagreedto
help.ButallIcoulddoatthis
pointwasgotothedoctorfor
myshot,sotospeak,and
hopethatsheandNobu
wouldappear.Ijoinedthe
Ministerinthecorridorand
wesetoutdownthehill.
Aswewalkedaroundthe
bendintheroadandleftthe
innbehindus,Icouldn’thelp
rememberingtheday
Mamehahadcutmeonthe
legandtakenmetomeetDr.
Crab.OnthatafternoonI’d
feltmyselfinsomesortof
dangerIcouldn’tfully
understand,andIfeltmuch
thesamewaynow.Myface
wasashotintheafternoon
sunasifI’dsattoocloseto
thehibachi;andwhenI
lookedattheMinister,sweat
wasrunningdownhistemple
ontohisneck.Ifallwentwell
hewouldsoonbepressing
thatneckagainstme...and
atthisthoughtItookmy
foldingfanfrommyobi,and
wavedituntilmyarmwas
tired,tryingtocoolboth
myselfandhim.Allthe
while,Ikeptupaflowof
conversation,untilafew
minuteslater,whenwecame
toastopbeforetheold
theaterwithitsthatchedroof.
TheMinisterseemedpuzzled.
Heclearedhisthroatand
lookedupatthesky.
“Willyoucomeinsidewith
meforamoment,Minister?”
Isaid.
Hedidn’tseemtoknow
whattomakeofthis,but
whenIwalkeddownthepath
besidethebuilding,he
ploddedalongbehindme.I
climbedthestonestepsand
openedthedoorforhim.He
hesitatedonlyamoment
beforewalkinginside.Ifhe
hadfrequentedGionallhis
life,he’dcertainlyhave
understoodwhatIhadin
mind—becauseageishawho
luresamantoanisolated
spothascertainlyputher
reputationatstake,anda
first-classgeishawillnever
dosuchathingcasually.But
theMinisterjuststoodinside
thetheater,inthepatchof
sunlight,likeamanwaiting
forabus.Myhandswere
tremblingsomuchasIfolded
myfanandtuckeditintomy
obiagain,Iwasn’tatall
certainIcouldseemyplan
throughtotheend.The
simpleactofclosingthedoor
tookallmystrength;andthen
wewerestandinginthe
murkylightfilteringunder
theeaves.Still,theMinister
stoodinert,withhisface
pointedtowardastackof
strawmatsinthecornerof
thestage.
“Minister...”Isaid.
Myvoiceechoedsomuch
inthelittlehall,Ispokemore
quietlyafterward.
“Iunderstandyouhada
talkwiththemistressofthe
Ichirikiaboutme.Isn’tthat
so?”
Hetookinadeepbreath,
butendedupsayingnothing.
“Minister,ifImay,”Isaid,
“I’dliketotellyouastory
aboutageishanamed
Kazuyo.Sheisn’tinGion
anylonger,butIknewher
wellatonetime.Avery
importantman—muchlike
you,Minister—metKazuyo
oneeveningandenjoyedher
companysomuchthathe
camebacktoGionevery
nighttoseeher.Afterafew
monthsofthis,heaskedtobe
Kazuyo’sdanna,butthe
mistressoftheteahouse
apologizedandsaidit
wouldn’tbepossible.The
manwasverydisappointed;
butthenoneafternoon
Kazuyotookhimtoaquiet
spotwheretheycouldbe
alone.Someplaceverymuch
likethisemptytheater.And
sheexplainedtohimthat...
eventhoughhecouldn’tbe
herdanna—”
ThemomentIsaidthese
lastwords,theMinister’sface
changedlikeavalleywhen
thecloudsmoveawayand
sunlightrushesacrossit.He
tookaclumsysteptoward
me.Atoncemyheartbegan
topoundlikedrumsinmy
ears.Icouldn’thelplooking
awayfromhimandclosing
myeyes.WhenIopened
themagain,theMinisterhad
comesoclose,wewere
nearlytouching,andthenI
feltthedampfleshinessofhis
faceagainstmycheek.
Slowlyhebroughthisbody
towardmineuntilwewere
pressedtogether.Hetookmy
arms,probablytopullme
downontotheplanking,butI
stoppedhim.
“Thestageistoodusty,”I
said.“Youmustbringovera
matfromthatstack.”
“We’llgooverthere,”the
Ministerreplied.
Ifwehadlaindownupon
thematsinthecorner,Nobu
wouldn’thaveseenusinthe
sunlightwhenheopenedthe
door.
“No,wemustn’t,”Isaid.
“Pleasebringamathere.”
TheMinisterdidasI
asked,andthenstoodwithhis
handsbyhisside,watching
me.UntilthismomentI’d
half-imaginedsomething
wouldstopus;butnowI
couldseethatnothingwould.
Timeseemedtoslow.My
feetlookedtomelike
someoneelse’swhenthey
steppedoutofmylacquered
zoriandontothemat.
Almostatonce,the
Ministerkickedoffhisshoes
andwasagainstme,withhis
armsaroundmetuggingat
theknotinmyobi.Ididn’t
knowwhathewasthinking,
becauseIcertainlywasn’t
preparedtotakeoffmy
kimono.Ireachedbackto
stophim.WhenI’ddressed
thatmorning,Istillhadn’t
quitemadeupmymind;but
inordertobeprepared,I’d
verydeliberatelyputona
grayunderrobeIdidn’tmuch
like—thinkingitmightbe
stainedbeforetheendofthe
day—andalavenderandblue
kimonoofsilkgauze,aswell
asadurablesilverobi.Asfor
myundergarments,I’d
shortenedmykoshimaki—my
“hipwrap”—byrollingitat
thewaist,sothatifIdecided
afteralltoseducethe
Minister,he’dhaveno
troublefindinghiswayinside
it.Now,whenIwithdrewhis
handsfromaroundme,he
gavemeapuzzledlook.I
thinkhebelievedIwas
stoppinghim,andhelooked
veryrelievedasIlaydown
onthemat.Itwasn’tatatami,
butasimplesheetofwoven
straw;Icouldfeelthehard
flooringbeneath.Withone
handIfoldedbackmy
kimonoandunderrobeonone
sidesothatmylegwas
exposedtotheknee.The
Ministerwasstillfully
dressed,buthelaydown
uponmeatonce,pressingthe
knotofmyobiintomyback
somuch,Ihadtoraiseone
hiptomakemyselfmore
comfortable.Myheadwas
turnedtothesideaswell,
becauseIwaswearingmy
hairinastyleknownas
tsubushishimada,witha
dramaticchignonloopedin
theback,whichwouldhave
beenruinedifI’dputany
weightonit.Itwascertainly
anuncomfortable
arrangement,butmy
discomfortwasnothing
comparedwiththeuneasiness
andanxietyIfelt.SuddenlyI
wonderedifI’dbeenthinking
atallclearlywhenI’dput
myselfinthispredicament.
TheMinisterraisedhimself
ononearmandbegan
fumblinginsidetheseamof
mykimonowithhishand,
scratchingmythighswithhis
fingernails.Withoutthinking
aboutwhatIwasdoing,I
broughtmyhandsuptohis
shoulderstopushhimaway.
..butthenIimaginedNobu
asmydanna,andthelifeI
wouldlivewithouthope;and
Itookmyhandsawayand
settledthemontothemat
again.TheMinister’sfingers
weresquirminghigherand
higheralongtheinsideofmy
thigh;itwasimpossiblenotto
feelthem.Itriedtodistract
myselfbyfocusingonthe
door.Perhapsitwouldopen
evennow,beforetheMinister
hadgoneanyfurther;butat
thatmomentIheardthe
jinglingofhisbelt,andthen
thezipofhispants,anda
momentlaterhewasforcing
himselfinsideme.Somehow
Ifeltlikeafifteen-year-old
girlagain,becausethefeeling
wassostrangelyreminiscent
ofDr.Crab.Ievenheard
myselfwhimper.The
Ministerwasholdinghimself
uponhiselbows,withhis
faceabovemine.Icouldsee
himoutofonlyonecornerof
myeye.Whenviewedup
closelikethis,withhisjaw
protrudingtowardme,he
lookedmorelikeananimal
thanahuman.Andeventhis
wasn’ttheworstpart;for
withhisjawjuttedforward,
theMinister’slowerlip
becamelikeacupinwhich
hissalivabegantopool.I
don’tknowifitwasthesquid
gutshe’deaten,buthissaliva
hadakindofgraythickness
toit,whichmademethinkof
theresidueleftonthecutting
boardafterfishhavebeen
cleaned.
WhenI’ddressedthat
morning,I’dtuckedseveral
sheetsofaveryabsorbent
ricepaperintothebackofmy
obi.Ihadn’texpectedtoneed
themuntilafterward,when
theMinisterwouldwantthem
forwipinghimselfoff—ifI
decidedtogothroughwithit,
thatis.NowitseemedI
wouldneedasheetmuch
sooner,towipemyfacewhen
hissalivaspilledontome.
Withsomuchofhisweight
onmyhips,however,I
couldn’tgetmyhandintothe
backofmyobi.Iletout
severallittlegaspsasItried,
andI’mafraidtheMinister
mistookthemforexcitement
—orinanycase,hesuddenly
grewevenmoreenergetic,
andnowthepoolofsalivain
hislipwasbeingjostledwith
suchviolentshockwavesI
couldhardlybelieveitheld
togetherratherthanspilling
outinastream.AllIcoulddo
waspinchmyeyesshutand
wait.IfeltassickasifIhad
beenlyinginthebottomofa
littleboat,tossedaboutonthe
waves,andwithmyhead
bangingagainandagain
againsttheside.Thenallat
oncetheMinistermadea
groaningnoise,andheldvery
stillforabit,andatthesame
timeIfelthissalivaspillonto
mycheek.
Itriedagaintoreachthe
ricepaperinmyobi,butnow
theMinisterwaslying
collapseduponme,breathing
asheavilyasifhe’djustruna
race.Iwasabouttopushhim
offwhenIheardascraping
soundoutside.Myfeelingsof
disgusthadbeensoloud
withinme,they’dnearly
drownedouteverythingelse.
ButnowthatIremembered
Nobu,Icouldfeelmyheart
poundingonceagain.Iheard
anotherscrape;itwasthe
soundofsomeoneonthe
stonesteps.TheMinister
seemedtohavenoideawhat
wasabouttohappentohim.
Heraisedhisheadand
pointedittowardthedoor
withonlythemildestinterest,
asifheexpectedtoseeabird
there.Andthenthedoor
creakedopenandthesunlight
floodedoverus.Ihadto
squint,butIcouldmakeout
twofigures.Therewas
Pumpkin;shehadcometothe
theaterjustasI’dhopedshe
would.Butthemanpeering
downfrombesideherwasn’t
Nobuatall.Ihadnonotion
ofwhyshehaddoneit,but
Pumpkinhadbroughtthe
Chairmaninstead.
ChapterThirty-Four
Icanscarcelyremember
anythingafterthatdoor
opened—forIthinktheblood
mayhavedrainedoutofme,I
wentsocoldandnumb.I
knowtheMinisterclimbed
offme,orperhapsIpushed
himoff.Idoremember
weepingandaskingifhe’d
seenthesamethingIhad,
whetheritreallyhadbeenthe
Chairmanstandingtherein
thedoorway.Ihadn’tbeen
abletomakeoutanythingof
theChairman’sexpression,
withthelate-afternoonsun
behindhim;andyetwhenthe
doorclosedagain,Icouldn’t
helpimaginingI’dseenon
hisfacesomeoftheshockI
myselfwasfeeling.Ididn’t
knowiftheshockwasreally
there—andIdoubteditwas.
Butwhenwefeelpain,even
theblossomingtreesseem
weightedwithsufferingtous;
andinjustthesameway,
afterseeingtheChairman
there...well,Iwouldhave
foundmyownpainreflected
onanythingI’dlookedat.
IfyouconsiderthatI’d
takentheMinistertothat
emptytheaterforthevery
purposeofputtingmyselfin
danger—sothattheknife
wouldcomeslammingdown
ontothechoppingblock,so
tospeak—I’msureyou’ll
understandthatamidthe
worry,andfear,anddisgust
thatalmostoverwhelmedme,
I’dalsobeenfeelingacertain
excitement.Intheinstant
beforethatdooropened,I
couldalmostsensemylife
expandingjustlikeariver
whosewatershavebegunto
swell;forIhadneverbefore
takensuchadrasticstepto
changethecourseofmyown
future.Iwaslikeachild
tiptoeingalongaprecipice
overlookingthesea.Andyet
somehowIhadn’timagineda
greatwavemightcomeand
strikemethere,andwash
everythingaway.
Whenthechaosoffeelings
receded,andIslowlybecame
awareofmyselfagain,
Mamehawaskneelingabove
me.Iwaspuzzledtofindthat
Iwasn’tintheoldtheaterat
allanylonger,butrather
lookingupfromthetatami
floorofadarklittleroomat
theinn.Idon’trecall
anythingaboutleavingthe
theater,butImusthavedone
itsomehow.LaterMameha
toldmeI’dgonetothe
proprietortoaskforaquiet
placetorest;he’drecognized
thatIwasn’tfeelingwell,and
hadgonetofindMameha
soonafterward.
Fortunately,Mameha
seemedwillingtobelieveI
wastrulyill,andleftme
there.Later,asIwandered
backtowardtheroomina
dazeandwithaterrible
feelingofdread,Isaw
Pumpkinstepoutintothe
coveredwalkwayaheadof
me.Shestoppedwhenshe
caughtsightofme;butrather
thanhurryingoverto
apologizeasIhalf-expected
shemight,sheturnedher
focusslowlytowardmelikea
snakethathadspotteda
mouse.
“Pumpkin,”Isaid,“Iasked
youtobringNobu,notthe
Chairman.Idon’tunderstand
—”
“Yes,itmustbehardfor
youtounderstand,Sayuri,
whenlifedoesn’tworkout
perfectly!”
“Perfectly?Nothingworse
couldhavehappened...did
youmisunderstandwhatI
wasaskingyou?”
“YoureallydothinkI’m
stupid!”shesaid.
Iwasbewildered,and
stoodalongmomentin
silence.“Ithoughtyouwere
myfriend,”Isaidatlast.
“Ithoughtyouweremy
friendtoo,once.Butthatwas
alongtimeago.”
“YoutalkasifI’vedone
somethingtoharmyou,
Pumpkin,but—”
“No,you’dneverdo
anythinglikethat,would
you?NottheperfectMiss
NittaSayuri!Isupposeit
doesn’tmatterthatyoutook
myplaceasthedaughterof
theokiya?Doyouremember
that,Sayuri?AfterI’dgone
outofmywaytohelpyou
withthatDoctor—whatever
hisnamewas.AfterI’d
riskedmakingHatsumomo
furiousatmeforhelpingyou!
Thenyouturneditallaround
andstolewhatwasmine.I’ve
beenwonderingallthese
monthsjustwhyyoubrought
meintothislittlegathering
withtheMinister.I’msorryit
wasn’tsoeasyforyoutotake
advantageofmethistime—”
“ButPumpkin,”I
interrupted,“couldn’tyou
justhaverefusedtohelpme?
Whydidyouhavetobring
theChairman?”
Shestooduptoherfull
height.“Iknowperfectlywell
howyoufeelabouthim,”she
said.“Wheneverthere’s
nobodylooking,youreyes
hangalloverhimlikefuron
adog.”
Shewassoangry,shehad
bittenherlip;Icouldseea
smudgeoflipstickonher
teeth.She’dsetouttohurt
me,Inowrealized,inthe
worstwayshecould.
“Youtooksomethingfrom
mealongtimeago,Sayuri.
Howdoesitfeelnow?”she
said.Hernostrilswereflared,
herfaceconsumedwithanger
likeaburningtwig.Itwasas
thoughthespiritof
Hatsumomohadbeenliving
trappedinsideherallthese
years,andhadfinallybroken
free.
***
Duringtherestofthat
evening,Iremembernothing
butablurofevents,andhow
muchIdreadedevery
momentaheadofme.While
theotherssatarounddrinking
andlaughing,itwasallI
coulddotopretendtolaugh.I
musthavespenttheentire
nightflushedred,because
fromtimetotimeMameha
touchedmynecktoseeifI
wasfeverish.I’dseated
myselfasfarawayfromthe
ChairmanasIcould,sothat
oureyeswouldneverhaveto
meet;andIdidmanageto
makeitthroughtheevening
withoutconfrontinghim.But
later,aswewereallpreparing
forbed,Isteppedintothe
hallwayashewascoming
backintotheroom.Ioughtto
havemovedoutofhisway,
butIfeltsoashamed,Igavea
briefbowandhurriedpast
himinstead,makingnoeffort
tohidemyunhappiness.
Itwasaneveningof
torment,andIrememberonly
oneotherthingaboutit.At
somepointaftereveryone
elsewasasleep,Iwandered
awayfromtheinninadaze
andendeduponthesea
cliffs,staringoutintothe
darknesswiththesoundof
theroaringwaterbelowme.
Thethunderingoftheocean
waslikeabitterlament.I
seemedtoseebeneath
everythingalayeringof
crueltyI’dneverknownwas
there—asthoughthetrees
andthewind,andeventhe
rockswhereIstood,wereall
inalliancewithmyold
girlhoodenemy,Hatsumomo.
Thehowlingofthewindand
theshakingofthetrees
seemedtomockme.Couldit
reallybethatthestreamof
mylifehaddividedforever?I
removedtheChairman’s
handkerchieffrommysleeve,
forI’dtakenittobedthat
eveningtocomfortmyself
onelasttime.Idriedmyface
withit,andhelditupintothe
wind.Iwasabouttoletit
danceawayintothedarkness,
whenIthoughtofthetiny
mortuarytabletsthatMr.
Tanakahadsentmesomany
yearsearlier.Wemustalways
keepsomethingtoremember
thosewhohaveleftus.The
mortuarytabletsbackinthe
okiyawereallthatremained
ofmychildhood.The
Chairman’shandkerchief
wouldbewhatremainedof
therestofmylife.
***
BackinKyoto,Iwas
carriedalonginacurrentof
activityoverthenextfew
days.Ihadnochoicebutto
putonmymakeupasusual,
andattendengagementsatthe
teahousesjustasthough
nothinghadchangedinthe
world.Ikeptreminding
myselfwhatMamehahad
oncetoldme,thattherewas
nothinglikeworkforgetting
overadisappointment;but
myworkdidn’tseemtohelp
meinanyway.EverytimeI
wentintotheIchiriki
Teahouse,Iwasreminded
thatonedaysoonNobu
wouldsummonmethereto
tellmethearrangementshad
beensettledatlast.
Consideringhowbusyhe’d
beenoverthepastfew
months,Ididn’texpectto
hearfromhimforsometime
—aweekortwo,perhaps.
ButonWednesdaymorning,
threedaysafterourreturn
fromAmami,Ireceivedword
thatIwamuraElectrichad
telephonedtheIchiriki
Teahousetorequestmy
presencethatevening.
Idressedlateinthe
afternooninayellowkimono
ofsilkgauzewithagreen
underrobeandadeepblueobi
interwovenwithgoldthreads.
AuntieassuredmeIlooked
lovely,butwhenIsawmyself
inthemirror,Iseemedlikea
womandefeated.I’dcertainly
experiencedmomentsinthe
pastwhenIfeltdispleased
withthewayIlookedbefore
settingoutfromtheokiya;
butmostoftenImanagedto
findatleastonefeatureI
couldmakeuseofduringthe
courseoftheevening.A
certainpersimmon-colored
underrobe,forexample,
alwaysbroughtouttheblue
inmyeyes,ratherthanthe
gray,nomatterhow
exhaustedIfelt.Butthis
eveningmyfaceseemed
utterlyhollowbeneathmy
cheekbones—althoughI’d
putonWestern-stylemakeup
justasIusuallydid—and
evenmyhairstyleseemed
lopsidedtome.Icouldn’t
thinkofanywaytoimprove
myappearance,otherthan
askingMr.Bekkutoretiemy
obijustafinger’s-width
higher,totakeawaysomeof
mydowncastlook.
Myfirstengagementwasa
banquetgivenbyan
Americancoloneltohonor
thenewgovernorofKyoto
Prefecture.Itwasheldatthe
formerestateofthe
Sumitomofamily,whichwas
nowtheheadquartersofthe
Americanarmy’sseventh
division.Iwasamazedtosee
thatsomanyofthebeautiful
stonesinthegardenwere
paintedwhite,andsignsin
English—whichofcourseI
couldn’tread—weretacked
tothetreeshereandthere.
Afterthepartywasover,I
mademywaytotheIchiriki
andwasshownupstairsbya
maid,tothesamepeculiar
littleroomwhereNobuhad
metwithmeonthenight
Gionwasclosing.Thiswas
theveryspotwhereI’d
learnedaboutthehavenhe’d
foundtokeepmesafefrom
thewar;itseemedentirely
appropriatethatweshould
meetinthissameroomto
celebratehisbecomingmy
danna—thoughitwouldbe
anythingbutacelebrationfor
me.Ikneltatoneendofthe
table,sothatNobuwouldsit
facingthealcove.Iwas
carefultopositionmyselfso
hecouldpoursakeusinghis
onearm,withoutthetablein
hisway;hewouldcertainly
wanttopouracupforme
aftertellingmethe
arrangementshadbeen
finalized.Itwouldbeafine
nightforNobu.Iwoulddo
mybestnottospoilit.
Withthedimlightingand
thereddishcastfromtheteacoloredwalls,theatmosphere
wasreallyquitepleasant.I’d
forgottentheveryparticular
scentoftheroom—a
combinationofdustandthe
oilusedforpolishingwood—
butnowthatIsmelledit
again,Ifoundmyself
rememberingdetailsabout
thateveningwithNobuyears
earlierthatIcouldn’tpossibly
havecalledtomind
otherwise.He’dhadholesin
bothofhissocks,I
remembered;throughonea
slenderbigtoehadprotruded,
withthenailneatlygroomed.
Coulditreallybethatonly
fiveandahalfyearshad
passedsincethatevening?It
seemedanentiregeneration
hadcomeandgone;somany
ofthepeopleI’donceknown
weredead.Wasthisthelife
I’dcomebacktoGionto
lead?ItwasjustasMameha
hadoncetoldme:wedon’t
becomegeishabecausewe
wantourlivestobehappy;
webecomegeishabecause
wehavenochoice.Ifmy
motherhadlived,Imightbea
wifeandmotheratthe
seashoremyself,thinkingof
Kyotoasafarawayplace
wherethefishwereshipped
—andwouldmylifereallybe
anyworse?Nobuhadonce
saidtome,“I’maveryeasy
mantounderstand,Sayuri.I
don’tlikethingsheldup
beforemethatIcannot
have.”PerhapsIwasjustthe
same;allmylifeinGion,I’d
imaginedtheChairman
beforeme,andnowIcould
nothavehim.
Aftertenorfifteenminutes
ofwaitingforNobu,Ibegan
towonderifhewasreally
coming.IknewIshouldn’t
doit,butIlaidmyheaddown
onthetabletorest,forI’d
sleptpoorlythesepastnights.
Ididn’tfallasleep,butIdid
driftforatimeinmygeneral
senseofmisery.AndthenI
seemedtohaveamost
peculiardream.IthoughtI
heardthetappingsoundof
drumsinthedistance,anda
hisslikewaterfromafaucet,
andthenIfelttheChairman’s
handtouchingmyshoulder.I
knewitwastheChairman’s
handbecausewhenIlifted
myheadfromthetabletosee
whohadtouchedme,hewas
there.Thetappinghadbeen
hisfootsteps;thehissingwas
thedoorinitstrack.Andnow
hestoodabovemewitha
maidwaitingbehindhim.I
bowedandapologizedfor
fallingasleep.Ifeltso
confusedthatforamomentI
wonderedifIwasreally
awake;butitwasn’tadream.
TheChairmanwasseating
himselfontheverycushion
whereI’dexpectedNobuto
sit,andyetNobuwas
nowheretobeseen.While
themaidplacedsakeonthe
table,anawfulthoughtbegan
totakeholdinmymind.Had
theChairmancometotellme
Nobuhadbeeninan
accident,orthatsomeother
horriblethinghadhappened
tohim?Otherwise,why
hadn’tNobuhimselfcome?I
wasabouttoaskthe
Chairman,whenthemistress
oftheteahousepeeredinto
theroom.
“Why,Chairman,”she
said,“wehaven’tseenyouin
weeks!”
Themistresswasalways
pleasantinfrontofguests,
butIcouldtellfromthestrain
inhervoicethatshehad
somethingelseonhermind.
Probablyshewaswondering
aboutNobu,justasIwas.
WhileIpouredsakeforthe
Chairman,themistresscame
andkneltatthetable.She
stoppedhishandbeforehe
tookasipfromhiscup,and
leanedtowardhimtobreathe
inthescentofthevapors.
“Really,Chairman,I’ll
neverunderstandwhyyou
preferthissaketoothers,”
shesaid.“Weopenedsome
thisafternoon,thebestwe’ve
hadinyears.I’msureNobusanwillappreciateitwhenhe
arrives.”
“I’msurehewould,”the
Chairmansaid.“Nobu
appreciatesfinethings.But
hewon’tbecomingtonight.”
Iwasalarmedtohearthis;
butIkeptmyeyestothe
table.Icouldseethatthe
mistresswassurprisedtoo,
becauseofhowquicklyshe
changedthesubject.
“Oh,well,”shesaid,
“anyway,don’tyouthinkour
Sayurilookscharmingthis
evening!”
“Now,Mistress,whenhas
Sayurinotlookedcharming?”
saidtheChairman.“Which
remindsme...letmeshow
yousomethingI’vebrought.”
TheChairmanputontothe
tablealittlebundlewrapped
inbluesilk;Ihadn’tnoticed
itinhishandwhenhe’d
enteredtheroom.Heuntiedit
andtookoutashort,fat
scroll,whichhebeganto
unroll.Itwascrackedwith
ageandshowed—in
miniature—brilliantlycolored
scenesoftheImperialcourt.
Ifyou’veeverseenthissort
ofscroll,you’llknowthat
youcanunrollitalltheway
acrossaroomandsurveythe
entiregroundsoftheImperial
compound,fromthegatesat
oneendtothepalaceatthe
other.TheChairmansatwith
itbeforehim,unrollingit
fromonespindletotheother
—pastscenesofdrinking
parties,andaristocrats
playingkickballwiththeir
kimonoscinchedupbetween
theirlegs—untilhecametoa
youngwomaninherlovely
twelve-layeredrobes,
kneelingonthewoodfloor
outsidetheEmperor’s
chambers.
“Nowwhatdoyouthinkof
that!”hesaid.
“It’squiteascroll,”the
mistresssaid.“Wheredidthe
Chairmanfindit?”
“Oh,Iboughtityearsago.
Butlookatthiswomanright
here.She’sthereasonI
boughtit.Don’tyounotice
anythingabouther?”
Themistresspeeredatit;
afterwardtheChairman
turneditformetosee.The
imageoftheyoungwoman,
thoughnobiggerthanalarge
coin,waspaintedinexquisite
detail.Ididn’tnoticeitat
first,buthereyeswerepale..
.andwhenIlookedmore
closelyIsawtheywerebluegray.Theymademethinkat
onceoftheworksUchidahad
paintedusingmeasamodel.
Iblushedandmuttered
somethingabouthow
beautifulthescrollwas.The
mistressadmiredittoofora
moment,andthensaid:
“Well,I’llleavethetwoof
you.I’mgoingtosendup
someofthatfresh,chilled
sakeImentioned.Unlessyou
thinkIshouldsaveitforthe
nexttimeNobu-sancomes?”
“Don’tbother,”hesaid.
“We’llmakedowiththesake
wehave.”
“Nobu-sanis...quiteall
right,isn’the?”
“Oh,yes,”saidthe
Chairman.“Quiteallright.”
Iwasrelievedtohearthis;
butatthesametimeIfelt
myselfgrowingsickwith
shame.IftheChairman
hadn’tcometogivemenews
aboutNobu,he’dcomefor
someotherreason—probably
toberatemeforwhatI’d
done.Inthefewdayssince
returningtoKyoto,I’dtried
nottoimaginewhathemust
haveseen:theMinisterwith
hispantsundone,mewithmy
barelegsprotrudingfrommy
disorderedkimono...
Whenthemistressleftthe
room,thesoundofthedoor
closingbehindherwaslikea
swordbeingdrawnfromits
sheath.
“MayIpleasesay,
Chairman,”Ibeganas
steadilyasIcould,“thatmy
behavioronAmami—”
“Iknowwhatyou’re
thinking,Sayuri.ButI
haven’tcomeheretoaskfor
yourapology.Sitquietlya
moment.Iwanttotellyou
aboutsomethingthat
happenedquiteanumberof
yearsago.”
“Chairman,Ifeelso
confused,”Imanagedtosay.
“Pleaseforgiveme,but—”
“Justlisten.You’ll
understandsoonenoughwhy
I’mtellingittoyou.Doyou
recallarestaurantnamed
Tsumiyo?Itclosedtoward
theendoftheDepression,but
...well,nevermind;you
wereveryyoungatthetime.
Inanycase,onedayquite
someyearsago—eighteen
yearsago,tobeexact—I
wentthereforlunchwith
severalofmyassociates.We
wereaccompaniedbya
certaingeishanamedIzuko,
fromthePontochodistrict.”
IrecognizedIzuko’sname
atonce.
“Shewaseverybody’s
favoritebackinthosedays,”
theChairmanwenton.“We
happenedtofinishupour
lunchabitearly,soI
suggestedwetakeastrollby
theShirakawaStreamonour
waytothetheater.”
BythistimeI’dremoved
theChairman’shandkerchief
frommyobi;andnow,
silently,Ispreaditontothe
tableandsmootheditsothat
hismonogramwasclearly
visible.Overtheyearsthe
handkerchiefhadtakenona
staininonecorner,andthe
linenhadyellowed;butthe
Chairmanseemedto
recognizeitatonce.His
wordstrailedoff,andhe
pickeditup.
“Wheredidyougetthis?”
“Chairman,”Isaid,“all
theseyearsI’vewonderedif
youknewIwasthelittlegirl
you’dspokento.Yougave
meyourhandkerchiefthat
veryafternoon,onyourway
toseetheplayShibaraku.
Youalsogavemeacoin—”
“Doyoumeantosay...
evenwhenyouwerean
apprentice,youknewthatI
wasthemanwho’dspokento
you?”
“IrecognizedtheChairman
themomentIsawhimagain,
atthesumotournament.To
tellthetruth,I’mamazedthe
Chairmanrememberedme.”
“Well,perhapsyouought
tolookatyourselfinthe
mirrorsometime,Sayuri.
Particularlywhenyoureyes
arewetfromcrying,because
theybecome...Ican’t
explainit.IfeltIwasseeing
rightthroughthem.You
know,Ispendsomuchofmy
timeseatedacrossfrommen
whoareneverquitetelling
methetruth;andherewasa
girlwho’dneverlaideyeson
mebefore,andyetwas
willingtoletmeseestraight
intoher.”
AndthentheChairman
interruptedhimself.
“Didn’tyoueverwonder
whyMamehabecameyour
oldersister?”heaskedme.
“Mameha?”Isaid.“Idon’t
understand.Whatdoes
Mamehahavetodowithit?”
“Youreallydon’tknow,do
you?”
“Knowwhat,Chairman?”
“Sayuri,Iamtheonewho
askedMamehatotakeyou
underhercare.Itoldher
aboutabeautifulyounggirl
I’dmet,withstartlinggray
eyes,andaskedthatshehelp
youifsheevercameupon
youinGion.IsaidIwould
coverherexpensesif
necessary.Andshedidcome
uponyou,onlyafewmonths
later.Fromwhatshe’stold
meovertheyears,youwould
certainlyneverhavebecome
ageishawithoutherhelp.”
It’salmostimpossibleto
describetheeffectthe
Chairman’swordshadonme.
I’dalwaystakenitforgranted
thatMameha’smissionhad
beenpersonal—toridherself
andGionofHatsumomo.
NowthatIunderstoodher
realmotive,thatI’dcome
underhertutelagebecauseof
theChairman...well,IfeltI
wouldhavetolookbackatall
thecommentsshe’dever
madetomeandwonderabout
therealmeaningbehind
them.Anditwasn’tjust
Mamehawho’dsuddenly
beentransformedinmyeyes;
evenIseemedtomyselftobe
adifferentwoman.Whenmy
gazefelluponmyhandsin
mylap,Isawthemashands
theChairmanhadmade.Ifelt
exhilarated,andfrightened,
andgratefulallatonce.I
movedawayfromthetableto
bowandexpressmygratitude
tohim;butbeforeIcould
evendoit,Ihadtosay:
“Chairman,forgiveme,but
Isowishthatatsometime
yearsago,youcouldhave
toldmeabout...allofthis.I
can’tsayhowmuchitwould
havemeanttome.”
“There’sareasonwhyI
nevercould,Sayuri,andwhy
IhadtoinsistthatMameha
nottellyoueither.Ithastodo
withNobu.”
TohearmentionofNobu’s
name,allthefeelingdrained
outofme—forIhadthe
suddennotionthatI
understoodwherethe
Chairmanhadbeenleading
allalong.
“Chairman,”Isaid,“I
knowI’vebeenunworthyof
yourkindness.Thispast
weekend,whenI—”
“Iconfess,Sayuri,”he
interrupted,“thatwhat
happenedonAmamihasbeen
verymuchonmymind.”
IcouldfeeltheChairman
lookingatme;Icouldn’t
possiblyhavelookedbackat
him.
“There’ssomethingIwant
todiscusswithyou,”hewent
on.“I’vebeenwonderingall
dayhowtogoaboutit.Ikeep
thinkingofsomethingthat
happenedmanyyearsago.
I’msuretheremustbea
betterwaytoexplainmyself,
but...Idohopeyou’ll
understandwhatI’mtryingto
say.”
Herehepausedtotakeoff
hisjacketandfolditonthe
matsbesidehim.Icould
smellthestarchinhisshirt,
whichmademethinkof
visitingtheGeneralatthe
SuruyaInnandhisroomthat
oftensmelledofironing.
“BackwhenIwamura
Electricwasstillayoung
company,”theChairman
began,“Icametoknowa
mannamedIkeda,who
workedforoneofour
suppliersontheothersideof
town.Hewasageniusat
solvingwiringproblems.
Sometimeswhenwehad
difficultywithaninstallation,
weaskedtoborrowhimfora
day,andhestraightened
everythingoutforus.Then
oneafternoonwhenIwas
rushinghomefromwork,I
happenedtorunintohimat
thepharmacist.Hetoldmehe
wasfeelingveryrelaxed,
becausehe’dquithisjob.
WhenIaskedhimwhyhe’d
doneit,hesaid,‘Thetime
cametoquit.SoIquit!’Well,
Ihiredhimrightthereonthe
spot.ThenafewweekslaterI
askedhimagain,‘Ikeda-san,
whydidyouquityourjob
acrosstown?’Hesaidtome,
‘Mr.Iwamura,foryearsI
wantedtocomeandworkfor
yourcompany.Butyounever
askedme.Youalwayscalled
onmewhenyouhada
problem,butyouneverasked
metoworkforyou.Thenone
dayIrealizedthatyounever
wouldaskme,becauseyou
didn’twanttohiremeaway
fromoneofyoursuppliers
andjeopardizeyourbusiness
relationship.OnlyifIquitmy
jobfirst,wouldyouthenhave
theopportunitytohireme.So
Iquit.’”
IknewtheChairmanwas
waitingformetorespond;
butIdidn’tdarespeak.
“Now,I’vebeenthinking,”
hewenton,“thatperhaps
yourencounterwiththe
MinisterwaslikeIkeda
quittinghisjob.AndI’lltell
youwhythisthoughthas
beenonmymind.It’s
somethingPumpkinsaidafter
shetookmedowntothe
theater.Iwasextremely
angrywithher,andI
demandedshetellmewhy
she’ddoneit.Forthelongest
timeshewouldn’teven
speak.Thenshetoldme
somethingthatmadenosense
atfirst.Shesaidyou’dasked
hertobringNobu.”
“Chairman,please,”I
beganunsteadily,“Imade
suchaterriblemistake...”
“Beforeyousayanything
further,Ionlywanttoknow
whyyoudidthisthing.
Perhapsyoufeltyouwere
doingIwamuraElectricsome
sortof...favor.Idon’t
know.Ormaybeyouowed
theMinistersomethingI’m
unawareof.”
Imusthavegivenmyhead
alittleshake,becausethe
Chairmanstoppedspeakingat
once.
“I’mdeeplyashamed,
Chairman,”Imanagedtosay
atlast,“but...mymotives
werepurelypersonal.”
Afteralongmomenthe
sighedandheldouthissake
cup.Ipouredforhim,with
thefeelingthatmyhands
weresomeoneelse’s,and
thenhetossedthesakeinto
hismouthandhelditthere
beforeswallowing.Seeing
himwithhismouth
momentarilyfullmademe
thinkofmyselfasanempty
vesselswelledupwithshame.
“Allright,Sayuri,”hesaid,
“I’lltellyouexactlywhyI’m
asking.Itwillbeimpossible
foryoutograspwhyI’ve
comeheretonight,orwhy
I’vetreatedyouasIhave
overtheyears,ifyoudon’t
understandthenatureofmy
relationshipwithNobu.
Believeme,I’mmoreaware
thananyoneofhowdifficult
hecansometimesbe.Buthe
isagenius;Ivaluehimmore
thananentireteamofmen
combined.”
Icouldn’tthinkofwhatto
doorsay,sowithtrembling
handsIpickedupthevialto
pourmoresakeforthe
Chairman.Itookitasavery
badsignthathedidn’tlifthis
cup.
“OnedaywhenI’dknown
youonlyashorttime,”he
wenton,“Nobubroughtyou
agiftofacomb,andgaveit
toyouinfrontofeveryoneat
theparty.Ihadn’trealized
howmuchaffectionhefelt
foryouuntilthatvery
moment.I’msuretherewere
othersignsbefore,but
somehowImusthave
overlookedthem.AndwhenI
realizedhowhefelt,theway
helookedatyouthatevening
...well,Iknewinamoment
thatIcouldn’tpossiblytake
awayfromhimthethinghe
soclearlywanted.Itnever
diminishedmyconcernfor
yourwelfare.Infact,asthe
yearshavegoneby,ithas
becomeincreasinglydifficult
formetolisten
dispassionatelywhileNobu
talksaboutyou.”
HeretheChairmanpaused
andsaid,“Sayuri,areyou
listeningtome?”
“Yes,Chairman,of
course.”
“There’snoreasonyou
wouldknowthis,butIowe
Nobuagreatdebt.It’strue
I’mthefounderofthe
company,andhisboss.But
whenIwamuraElectricwas
stillquiteyoung,wehada
terribleproblemwithcash
flowandverynearlywentout
ofbusiness.Iwasn’twilling
togiveupcontrolofthe
company,andIwouldn’t
listentoNobuwhenhe
insistedonbringingin
investors.Hewonintheend,
eventhoughitcausedarift
betweenusforatime;he
offeredtoresign,andIalmost
lethim.Butofcourse,hewas
completelyright,andIwas
wrong.I’dhavelostthe
companywithouthim.How
doyourepayamanfor
somethinglikethat?Doyou
knowwhyI’mcalled
‘Chairman’andnot
‘President’?It’sbecauseI
resignedthetitlesoNobu
wouldtakeit—thoughhe
triedtorefuse.ThisiswhyI
madeupmymind,the
momentIbecameawareof
hisaffectionforyou,thatI
wouldkeepmyinterestin
youhiddensothatNobu
couldhaveyou.Lifehasbeen
crueltohim,Sayuri.He’shad
toolittlekindness.”
Inallmyyearsasageisha,
I’dneverbeenableto
convincemyselfevenfora
momentthattheChairman
feltanyspecialregardforme.
Andnowtoknowthathe’d
intendedmeforNobu...
“Inevermeanttopayyou
solittleattention,”hewent
on.“Butsurelyyourealize
thatifhe’deverpickedupthe
slightesthintofmyfeelings,
hewouldhavegivenyouup
inaninstant.”
Sincemygirlhood,I’d
dreamedthatonedaythe
Chairmanwouldtellmehe
caredforme;andyetI’d
neverquitebelieveditwould
reallyhappen.Icertainly
hadn’timaginedhemighttell
mewhatIhopedtohear,and
alsothatNobuwasmy
destiny.PerhapsthegoalI’d
soughtinlifewouldelude
me;butatleastduringthis
onemoment,itwaswithin
mypowertositintheroom
withtheChairmanandtell
himhowdeeplyIfelt.
“Pleaseforgivemefor
whatIamabouttosay,”I
finallymanagedtobegin.
Itriedtocontinue,but
somehowmythroatmadeup
itsmindtoswallow—though
Ican’tthinkwhatIwas
swallowing,unlessitwasa
littleknotofemotionI
pushedbackdownbecause
therewasnoroominmyface
foranymore.
“Ihavegreataffectionfor
Nobu,butwhatIdidon
Amami...”HereIhadto
holdaburninginmythroata
longmomentbeforeIcould
speakagain.“WhatIdidon
Amami,Ididbecauseofmy
feelingsforyou,Chairman.
EverystepIhavetakeninmy
lifesinceIwasachildin
Gion,Ihavetakeninthehope
ofbringingmyselfcloserto
you.”
WhenIsaidthesewords,
alltheheatinmybody
seemedtorisetomyface.I
feltImightfloatupintothe
air,justlikeapieceofash
fromafire,unlessIcould
focusonsomethinginthe
room.Itriedtofindasmudge
onthetabletop,butalready
thetableitselfwasglazing
overanddisappearinginmy
vision.
“Lookatme,Sayuri.”
Iwantedtodoasthe
Chairmanasked,butI
couldn’t.
“Howstrange,”hewenton
quietly,almosttohimself,
“thatthesamewomanwho
lookedmesofranklyinthe
eyeasagirl,manyyearsago,
can’tbringherselftodoit
now.”
Perhapsitoughttohave
beenasimpletasktoraisemy
eyesandlookatthe
Chairman;andyetsomehowI
couldn’thavefeltmore
nervousifI’dstoodaloneon
astagewithallofKyoto
watching.Weweresittingat
acornerofthetable,soclose
thatwhenatlengthIwiped
myeyesandraisedthemto
meethis,Icouldseethedark
ringsaroundhisirises.I
wonderedifperhapsIshould
lookawayandmakealittle
bow,andthenoffertopour
himacupofsake...butno
gesturewouldhavebeen
enoughtobreakthetension.
AsIwasthinkingthese
thoughts,theChairman
movedthevialofsakeand
thecupaside,andthen
reachedouthishandandtook
thecollarofmyrobetodraw
metowardhim.Inamoment
ourfacesweresoclose,I
couldfeelthewarmthofhis
skin.Iwasstillstrugglingto
understandwhatwas
happeningtome—andwhatI
oughttodoorsay.Andthen
theChairmanpulledme
closer,andhekissedme.
Itmaysurpriseyoutohear
thatthiswasthefirsttimein
mylifeanyonehadever
reallykissedme.General
Tottorihadsometimes
pressedhislipsagainstmine
whenhewasmydanna;butit
hadbeenutterlypassionless.
I’dwonderedatthetimeifhe
simplyneededsomewhereto
resthisface.EvenYasuda
Akira—themanwho’d
boughtmeakimono,and
whomI’dseducedonenight
attheTatematsuTeahouse—
musthavekissedmedozens
oftimesonmyneckandface,
butheneverreallytouched
mylipswithhis.Andsoyou
canimaginethatthiskiss,the
firstrealoneofmylife,
seemedtomemoreintimate
thananythingI’dever
experienced.Ihadthefeeling
Iwastakingsomethingfrom
theChairman,andthathe
wasgivingsomethingtome,
somethingmoreprivatethan
anyonehadevergivenme
before.Therewasacertain
verystartlingtaste,as
distinctiveasanyfruitor
sweet,andwhenItastedit,
myshoulderssaggedandmy
stomachswelledup;because
forsomereasonitcalledto
mindadozendifferentscenes
Icouldn’tthinkwhyIshould
remember.Ithoughtofthe
headofsteamwhenthecook
liftedthelidfromtherice
cookerinthekitchenofour
okiya.Isawapictureinmy
mindofthelittlealleyway
thatwasthemain
thoroughfareofPontocho,as
I’dseenitoneevening
crowdedwithwell-wishers
afterKichisaburo’slast
performance,thedayhe’d
retiredfromtheKabuki
theater.I’msureImighthave
thoughtofahundredother
things,foritwasasifallthe
boundariesinmymindhad
brokendownandmy
memorieswererunningfree.
ButthentheChairmanleaned
backawayfrommeagain,
withoneofhishandsupon
myneck.Hewassoclose,I
couldseethemoisture
glisteningonhislip,andstill
smellthekisswe’djust
ended.
“Chairman,”Isaid,“why?”
“Whywhat?”
“Why...everything?Why
haveyoukissedme?You’ve
justbeenspeakingofmeasa
gifttoNobu-san.”
“Nobugaveyouup,
Sayuri.I’vetakennothing
awayfromhim.”
Inmyconfusionof
feelings,Icouldn’tquite
understandwhathemeant.
“WhenIsawyouthere
withtheMinister,youhada
lookinyoureyesjustlikethe
oneIsawsomanyyearsago
attheShirakawaStream,”he
toldme.“Youseemedso
desperate,likeyoumight
drownifsomeonedidn’tsave
you.AfterPumpkintoldme
you’dintendedthatencounter
forNobu’seyes,Imadeup
mymindtotellhimwhatI’d
seen.Andwhenhereactedso
angrily...well,ifhe
couldn’tforgiveyouforwhat
you’ddone,itwascleartome
hewasnevertrulyyour
destiny.”
***
OneafternoonbackwhenI
wasachildinYoroido,a
littleboynamedGisuke
climbedatreetojumpinto
thepond.Heclimbedmuch
higherthanheshouldhave;
thewaterwasn’tdeep
enough.Butwhenwetold
himnottojump,hewas
afraidtoclimbbackdown
becauseofrocksunderthe
tree.Irantothevillageto
findhisfather,Mr.
Yamashita,whocame
walkingsocalmlyupthehill,
Iwonderedifherealized
whatdangerhissonwasin.
Hesteppedunderneaththe
treejustastheboy—unaware
ofhisfather’spresence—lost
hisgripandfell.Mr.
Yamashitacaughthimas
easilyasifsomeonehad
droppedasackintohisarms,
andsethimupright.Weallof
uscriedoutindelight,and
skippedaroundattheedgeof
thepondwhileGisukestood
blinkinghiseyesvery
quickly,littletearsof
astonishmentgatheringonhis
lashes.
NowIknewexactlywhat
Gisukemusthavefelt.Ihad
beenplummetingtowardthe
rocks,andtheChairmanhad
steppedouttocatchme.Iwas
soovercomewithrelief,I
couldn’tevenwipeawaythe
tearsthatspilledfromthe
cornersofmyeyes.Hisshape
wasablurbeforeme,butI
couldseehimmovingcloser,
andinamomenthe’d
gatheredmeupinhisarms
justasifIwereablanket.His
lipswentstraightforthelittle
triangleoffleshwherethe
edgesofmykimonocame
togetheratmythroat.And
whenIfelthisbreathonmy
neck,andthesenseof
urgencywithwhichhealmost
consumedme,Icouldn’thelp
thinkingofamomentyears
earlier,whenI’dsteppedinto
thekitchenoftheokiyaand
foundoneofthemaids
leaningoverthesink,trying
tocoveruptheripepearshe
heldtohermouth,itsjuices
runningdownontoherneck.
She’dhadsuchacravingfor
it,she’dsaid,andbeggedme
nottotellMother.
ChapterThirty-Five
Now,nearlyfortyyears
later,Isitherelookingback
onthateveningwiththe
Chairmanasthemoment
whenallthegrievingvoices
withinmefellsilent.Since
thedayI’dleftYoroido,I’d
donenothingbutworrythat
everyturnoflife’swheel
wouldbringyetanother
obstacleintomypath;andof
course,itwastheworrying
andthestrugglethathad
alwaysmadelifesovividly
realtome.Whenwefight
upstreamagainstarocky
undercurrent,everyfoothold
takesonakindofurgency.
Butlifesoftenedinto
somethingmuchmore
pleasantaftertheChairman
becamemydanna.Ibeganto
feellikeatreewhoseroots
hadatlastbrokenintothe
rich,wetsoildeepbeneath
thesurface.I’dneverbefore
hadoccasiontothinkof
myselfasmorefortunatethan
others,andyetnowIwas.
ThoughImustsay,Ilivedin
thatcontentedstatealong
whilebeforeIwasfinally
abletolookbackandadmit
howdesolatemylifehad
oncebeen.I’msureIcould
neverhavetoldmystory
otherwise;Idon’tthinkany
ofuscanspeakfranklyabout
painuntilwearenolonger
enduringit.
Ontheafternoonwhenthe
ChairmanandIdranksake
togetherinaceremonyatthe
IchirikiTeahouse,something
peculiarhappened.Idon’t
knowwhy,butwhenIsipped
fromthesmallestofthethree
cupsweused,Iletthesake
washovermytongue,anda
singledropofitspilledfrom
thecornerofmymouth.Iwas
wearingafive-crested
kimonoofblack,witha
dragonwoveningoldandred
encirclingthehemuptomy
thighs.Irecallwatchingthe
dropfallbeneathmyarmand
rolldowntheblacksilkon
mythigh,untilitcametoa
stopattheheavysilver
threadsofthedragon’steeth.
I’msuremostgeishawould
callitabadomenthatI’d
spilledsake;buttome,that
dropletofmoisturethathad
slippedfrommelikeatear
seemedalmosttotellthe
storyofmylife.Itfell
throughemptyspace,withno
controlwhatsoeveroverits
destiny;rolledalongapathof
silk;andsomehowcameto
restthereontheteethofthat
dragon.Ithoughtofthepetals
I’dthrownintotheKamo
RivershallowsoutsideMr.
Arashino’sworkshop,
imaginingtheymightfind
theirwaytotheChairman.It
seemedtomethat,somehow,
perhapstheyhad.
***
Inthefoolishhopesthat
hadbeensodeartomesince
girlhood,I’dalwaysimagined
mylifewouldbeperfectifI
everbecametheChairman’s
mistress.It’sachildish
thought,andyetI’dcarriedit
withmeevenasanadult.I
oughttohaveknownbetter:
Howmanytimesalreadyhad
Iencounteredthepainful
lessonthatalthoughwemay
wishforthebarbtobepulled
fromourflesh,itleaves
behindaweltthatdoesn’t
heal?InbanishingNobufrom
mylifeforever,itwasn’tjust
thatIlosthisfriendship;I
alsoendedupbanishing
myselffromGion.
Thereasonissosimple,I
oughttohaveknown
beforehanditwouldhappen.
Amanwhohaswonaprize
covetedbyhisfriendfacesa
difficultchoice:hemust
eitherhidehisprizeaway
wherethefriendwillnever
seeit—ifhecan—orsuffer
damagetothefriendship.
Thiswastheveryproblem
thathadarisenbetween
Pumpkinandme:our
friendshiphadnever
recoveredaftermyadoption.
SoalthoughtheChairman’s
negotiationswithMotherto
becomemydannadragged
outoverseveralmonths,in
theenditwasagreedthatI
wouldnolongerworkasa
geisha.Icertainlywasn’tthe
firstgeishatoleaveGion;
besidesthosewhoranaway,
somemarriedandleftas
wives;otherswithdrewtoset
upteahousesorokiyaoftheir
own.Inmycase,however,I
wastrappedinapeculiar
middleground.The
Chairmanwantedmeoutof
Giontokeepmeoutofsight
ofNobu,buthecertainly
wasn’tgoingtomarryme;he
wasalreadymarried.
Probablytheperfectsolution,
andtheonethattheChairman
proposed,wouldhavebeento
setmeupwithmyown
teahouseorinn—onethat
Nobuwouldneverhave
visited.ButMotherwas
unwillingtohavemeleave
theokiya;shewouldhave
earnednorevenuesfrommy
relationshipwiththe
ChairmanifIhadceasedto
beamemberoftheNitta
family,yousee.Thisiswhy
intheend,theChairman
agreedtopaytheokiyaavery
considerablesumeachmonth
ontheconditionthatMother
permitmetoendmycareer.I
continuedtoliveintheokiya,
justasIhadforsomany
years;butInolongerwentto
thelittleschoolinthe
mornings,ormadetherounds
ofGiontopaymyrespectson
specialoccasions;andof
course,Inolonger
entertainedduringthe
evenings.
BecauseI’dsetmysights
onbecomingageishaonlyto
wintheaffectionsofthe
Chairman,probablyIought
tohavefeltnosenseoflossin
withdrawingfromGion.And
yetovertheyearsI’d
developedmanyrich
friendships,notonlywith
othergeishabutwithmanyof
themenI’dcometoknow.I
wasn’tbanishedfromthe
companyofotherwomenjust
becauseI’dceased
entertaining;butthosewho
makealivinginGionhave
littletimeforsocializing.I
oftenfeltjealouswhenIsaw
twogeishahurryingtotheir
nextengagement,laughing
togetheroverwhathad
happenedatthelastone.I
didn’tenvythemthe
uncertaintyoftheirexistence;
butIdidenvythatsenseof
promiseIcouldwell
remember,thattheevening
aheadmightyetholdsome
mischievouspleasure.
IdidseeMameha
frequently.Wehadtea
togetheratleastseveraltimes
aweek.Consideringallthat
shehaddoneformesince
childhood—andthespecial
roleshe’dplayedinmylife
ontheChairman’sbehalf—
youcanimaginehowmuchI
feltmyselfinherdebt.One
dayinashopIcameupona
silkpaintingfromthe
eighteenthcenturyshowinga
womanteachingayounggirl
calligraphy.Theteacherhad
anexquisiteovalfaceand
watchedoverherpupilwith
suchbenevolence,itmademe
thinkofMamehaatonce,and
Iboughtitforherasagift.
Ontherainyafternoonwhen
shehungitonthewallofher
drearyapartment,Ifound
myselflisteningtothetraffic
thathissedbyonHigashi-oji
Avenue.Icouldn’thelp
remembering,withaterrible
feelingofloss,herelegant
apartmentfromyearsearlier,
andtheenchantingsoundout
thosewindowsofwater
rushingovertheknee-high
cascadeintheShirakawa
Stream.Gionitselfhad
seemedtomelikean
exquisitepieceofantique
fabricbackthen;butsomuch
hadchanged.NowMameha’s
simpleone-roomapartment
hadmatsthecolorofstaletea
andsmelledofherbalpotions
fromtheChinesepharmacy
below—somuchsothather
kimonothemselves
sometimesgaveoffafaint
medicinalodor.
Aftershe’dhungtheink
paintingonthewalland
admireditforawhile,she
camebacktothetable.She
satwithherhandsaroundher
steamingteacup,peeringinto
itasthoughsheexpectedto
findthewordsshewas
lookingfor.Iwassurprisedto
seethetendonsinherhands
beginningtoshowthemselves
fromage.Atlast,withatrace
ofsadness,shesaid:
“Howcuriousitis,what
thefuturebringsus.You
musttakecare,Sayuri,never
toexpecttoomuch.”
I’mquitesureshewas
right.I’dhavehadaneasier
timeoverthefollowingyears
ifIhadn’tgoneonbelieving
thatNobuwouldoneday
forgiveme.IntheendIhad
togiveupquestioning
Mamehawhetherhe’dasked
aboutme;itpainedme
terriblytoseehersighand
givemealong,sadlook,asif
tosayshewassorryIhadn’t
knownbetterthantohopefor
suchathing.
***
Inthespringoftheyear
afterIbecamehismistress,
theChairmanpurchaseda
luxurioushouseinthe
northeastofKyotoand
nameditEishin-an
—“ProsperousTruth
Retreat.”Itwasintendedfor
guestsofthecompany,butin
facttheChairmanmademore
useofitthananyone.This
waswhereheandImetto
spendtheeveningstogether
threeorfournightsaweek,
sometimesevenmore.Onhis
busiestdayshearrivedsolate
hewantedonlytosoakina
hotbathwhileItalkedwith
him,andthenafterwardfall
asleep.Butmosteveningshe
arrivedaroundsunset,orsoon
after,andatehisdinnerwhile
wechattedandwatchedthe
servantslightthelanternsin
thegarden.
Usuallywhenhefirst
came,theChairmantalked
foratimeabouthisworkday.
Hemighttellmeabout
troubleswithanewproduct,
oraboutatrafficaccident
involvingatruckloadofparts,
orsomesuchthing.Ofcourse
Iwashappytositandlisten,
butIunderstoodperfectly
wellthattheChairmanwasn’t
tellingthesethingstome
becausehewantedmeto
knowthem.Hewasclearing
themfromhismind,justlike
drainingwaterfromabucket.
SoIlistenedcloselynottohis
words,buttothetoneofhis
voice;becauseinthesame
waythatsoundrisesasa
bucketisemptied,Icould
heartheChairman’svoice
softeningashespoke.When
themomentwasright,I
changedthesubject,andsoon
weweretalkingabout
nothingsoseriousas
business,butabout
everythingelseinstead,such
aswhathadhappenedtohim
thatmorningonthewayto
work;orsomethingaboutthe
filmwemayhavewatcheda
fewnightsearlierthereatthe
Eishin-an;orperhapsItold
himafunnystoryImight
haveheardfromMameha,
whoonsomeeveningscame
tojoinusthere.Inanycase,
thissimpleprocessoffirst
drainingtheChairman’smind
andthenrelaxinghimwith
playfulconversationhadthe
sameeffectwaterhasona
towelthathasdriedstifflyin
thesun.Whenhefirstarrived
andIwashedhishandswitha
hotcloth,hisfingersfelt
rigid,likeheavytwigs.After
wehadtalkedforatime,they
bentasgracefullyasifhe
weresleeping.
Iexpectedthatthiswould
bemylife,entertainingthe
Chairmanintheeveningsand
occupyingmyselfduringthe
daylighthoursinanywayI
could.Butinthefallof1952,
IaccompaniedtheChairman
onhissecondtriptothe
UnitedStates.He’dtraveled
therethewinterbefore,and
noexperienceofhislifehad
evermadesuchanimpression
onhim;hesaidhefelthe
understoodforthefirsttime
thetruemeaningof
prosperity.MostJapaneseat
thistimehadelectricityonly
duringcertainhours,for
example,butthelightsin
Americancitiesburned
aroundtheclock.Andwhile
weinKyotowereproudthat
thefloorofournewtrain
stationwasconstructedof
concreteratherthanoldfashionedwood,thefloorsof
Americantrainstationswere
madeofsolidmarble.Evenin
smallAmericantowns,the
movietheaterswereasgrand
asourNationalTheater,said
theChairman,andthepublic
bathroomseverywherewere
spotlesslyclean.What
amazedhimmostofallwas
thateveryfamilyinthe
UnitedStatesowneda
refrigerator,whichcouldbe
purchasedwiththewages
earnedbyanaverageworker
inonlyamonth’stime.In
Japan,aworkerneeded
fifteenmonths’wagestobuy
suchathing;fewfamilies
couldaffordit.
Inanycase,asIsay,the
Chairmanpermittedmeto
accompanyhimonhissecond
triptoAmerica.Itraveled
alonebyrailtoTokyo,and
fromthereweflewtogether
onanairplaneboundfor
Hawaii,wherewespentafew
remarkabledays.The
Chairmanboughtmea
bathingsuit—thefirstI’d
everowned—andIsat
wearingitonthebeachwith
myhairhangingneatlyatmy
shouldersjustlikeother
womenaroundme.Hawaii
remindedmestrangelyof
Amami;Iworriedthatthe
samethoughtmightoccurto
theChairman,butifitdid,he
saidnothingaboutit.From
Hawaii,wecontinuedtoLos
AngelesandfinallytoNew
York.Iknewnothingabout
theUnitedStatesexceptwhat
I’dseeninmovies;Idon’t
thinkIquitebelievedthatthe
greatbuildingsofNewYork
Cityreallyexisted.Andwhen
Isettledatlastintomyroom
attheWaldorf-AstoriaHotel,
andlookedoutthewindowat
themountainousbuildings
aroundmeandthesmooth,
cleanstreetsbelow,Ihadthe
feelingIwasseeingaworld
inwhichanythingwas
possible.IconfessI’d
expectedtofeellikeababy
whohasbeentakenaway
fromitsmother;forIhad
neverbeforeleftJapan,and
couldn’timaginethata
settingasalienasNewYork
Citywouldmakeme
anythingbutfearful.Perhaps
itwastheChairman’s
enthusiasmthathelpedmeto
approachmyvisittherewith
suchgoodwill.He’dtakena
separateroom,whichheused
mostlyforbusiness;butevery
nighthecametostaywithme
inthesuitehe’darranged.
OftenIawokeinthatstrange
bedandturnedtoseehim
thereinthedark,sittingina
chairbythewindowholding
thesheercurtainopen,staring
atParkAvenuebelow.One
timeaftertwoo’clockinthe
morning,hetookmebythe
handandpulledmetothe
windowtoseeayoung
coupledressedasifthey’d
comefromaball,kissing
underthestreetlamponthe
corner.
OverthenextthreeyearsI
traveledwiththeChairman
twicemoretotheUnited
States.Whileheattendedto
businessduringtheday,my
maidandItookinthe
museumsandrestaurants—
andevenaballet,whichI
foundbreathtaking.
Strangely,oneofthefew
Japaneserestaurantswewere
abletofindinNewYorkwas
nowunderthemanagement
ofachefI’dknownwellin
Gionbeforethewar.During
lunchoneafternoon,Ifound
myselfinhisprivateroomin
theback,entertaininga
numberofmenIhadn’tseen
inyears—thevicepresident
ofNipponTelephone&
Telegraph;thenewJapanese
Consul-General,whohad
formerlybeenmayorof
Kobe;aprofessorofpolitical
sciencefromKyoto
University.Itwasalmostlike
beingbackinGiononce
again.
***
Inthesummerof1956,the
Chairman—whohadtwo
daughtersbyhiswife,butno
son—arrangedforhiseldest
daughtertomarryaman
namedNishiokaMinoru.The
Chairman’sintentionwasthat
Mr.Nishiokatakethefamily
nameofIwamuraand
becomehisheir;butatthe
lastmoment,Mr.Nishioka
hadachangeofheart,and
informedtheChairmanthat
hedidnotintendtogo
throughwiththewedding.He
wasaverytemperamental
youngman,butinthe
Chairman’sestimation,quite
brilliant.Foraweekormore
theChairmanwasupset,and
snappedathisservantsand
mewithouttheleast
provocation.I’dneverseen
himsodisturbedbyanything.
Nooneevertoldmewhy
NishiokaMinoruchangedhis
mind;butnoonehadto.
Duringtheprevioussummer,
thefounderofoneofJapan’s
largestinsurancecompanies
haddismissedhissonas
president,andturnedhis
companyoverinsteadtoa
muchyoungerman—his
illegitimatesonbyaTokyo
geisha.Itcausedquitea
scandalatthetime.Thingsof
thissorthadhappenedbefore
inJapan,butusuallyona
muchsmallerscale,in
family-ownedkimonostores
orsweetsshops—businesses
ofthatsort.Theinsurance
companydirectordescribed
hisfirstborninthe
newspapersas“anearnest
youngmanwhosetalents
unfortunatelycan’tbe
comparedwith———”and
herehenamedhisillegitimate
son,withoutevergivingany
hintoftheirrelationship.But
itmadenodifferencewhether
hegaveahintofitornot;
everyoneknewthetruthsoon
enough.
Now,ifyouwereto
imaginethatNishioka
Minoru,afteralreadyhaving
agreedtobecomethe
Chairman’sheir,had
discoveredsomenewbitof
information—suchasthatthe
Chairmanhadrecently
fatheredanillegitimateson..
.well,I’msurethatinthis
case,hisreluctancetogo
throughwiththemarriage
wouldprobablyseemquite
understandable.Itwaswidely
knownthattheChairman
lamentedhavingnoson,and
wasdeeplyattachedtohis
twodaughters.Wasthereany
reasontothinkhewouldn’t
becomeequallyattachedto
anillegitimateson—enough,
perhaps,tochangehismind
beforedeathandturnoverto
himthecompanyhe’dbuilt?
Astothequestionofwhether
ornotIreallyhadgivenbirth
toasonoftheChairman’s...
ifIhad,I’dcertainlybe
reluctanttotalktoomuch
abouthim,forfearthathis
identitymightbecome
publiclyknown.Itwouldbe
innoone’sbestinterestfor
suchathingtohappen.The
bestcourse,Ifeel,isforme
tosaynothingatall;I’msure
youwillunderstand.
***
Aweekorsoafter
NishiokaMinoru’schangeof
heart,Idecidedtoraiseavery
delicatesubjectwiththe
Chairman.Wewereatthe
Eishin-an,sittingoutdoors
afterdinnerontheveranda
overlookingthemossgarden.
TheChairmanwasbrooding,
andhadn’tspokenaword
sincebeforedinnerwas
served.
“HaveImentionedto
Danna-sama,”Ibegan,“that
I’vehadthestrangestfeeling
lately?”
Iglancedathim,butI
couldseenosignthathewas
evenlis-tening.
“Ikeepthinkingofthe
IchirikiTeahouse,”Iwenton,
“andtruthfully,I’m
beginningtorecognizehow
muchImissentertaining.”
TheChairmanjusttooka
biteofhisicecream,andthen
sethisspoondownonthe
dishagain.
“Ofcourse,Icannevergo
backtoworkinGion;Iknow
thatperfectlywell.AndyetI
wonder,Danna-sama...isn’t
thereaplaceforasmall
teahouseinNewYorkCity?”
“Idon’tknowwhatyou’re
talkingabout,”hesaid.
“There’snoreasonwhyyou
shouldwanttoleaveJapan.”
“Japanesebusinessmenand
politiciansareshowingupin
NewYorkthesedaysas
commonlyasturtlesplopping
intoapond,”Isaid.“Mostof
themaremenI’veknown
alreadyforyears.It’strue
thatleavingJapanwouldbe
anabruptchange.But
consideringthatDanna-sama
willbespendingmoreand
moreofhistimeintheUnited
States...”Iknewthiswas
true,becausehe’dalready
toldmeabouthisplanto
openabranchofhiscompany
there.
“I’minnomoodforthis,
Sayuri,”hebegan.Ithinkhe
intendedtosaysomething
further,butIwentonas
thoughIhadn’theardhim.
“Theysaythatachild
raisedbetweentwocultures
oftenhasaverydifficult
time,”Isaid.“Sonaturally,a
motherwhomoveswithher
childtoaplacelikethe
UnitedStateswouldprobably
bewisetomakeither
permanenthome.”
“Sayuri—”
“Whichistosay,”Iwent
on,“thatawomanwhomade
suchachoicewouldprobably
neverbringherchildbackto
Japanatall.”
BythistimetheChairman
musthaveunderstoodwhatI
wassuggesting—thatI
removefromJapantheonly
obstacleinthewayof
NishiokaMinoru’sadoption
ashisheir.Heworeastartled
lookforaninstant.Andthen,
probablyastheimageformed
inhismindofmyleaving
him,hispeevishhumor
seemedtocrackopenlikean
egg,andoutofthecornerof
hiseyecameasingletear,
whichheblinkedawayjustas
swiftlyasswattingafly.
InAugustofthatsame
year,ImovedtoNewYork
Citytosetupmyownvery
smallteahouseforJapanese
businessmenandpoliticians
travelingthroughtheUnited
States.Ofcourse,Mother
triedtoensurethatany
businessIstartedinNew
YorkCitywouldbean
extensionoftheNittaokiya,
buttheChairmanrefusedto
consideranysuch
arrangement.Motherhad
powerovermeaslongasI
remainedinGion;butIbroke
mytieswithherbyleaving.
TheChairmansentintwoof
hisaccountantstoensurethat
Mothergavemeeverylast
yentowhichIwasentitled.
***
Ican’tpretendIdidn’tfeel
afraidsomanyyearsago,
whenthedoorofmy
apartmenthereattheWaldorf
Towersclosedbehindmefor
thefirsttime.ButNewYork
isanexcitingcity.Before
longitcametofeelatleastas
muchahometomeasGion
everdid.Infact,asIlook
back,thememoriesofmany
longweeksI’vespenthere
withtheChairmanhavemade
mylifeintheUnitedStates
evenricherinsomeways
thanitwasinJapan.Mylittle
teahouse,onthesecondfloor
ofanoldcluboffFifth
Avenue,wasmodestly
successfulfromthevery
beginning;anumberof
geishahavecomefromGion
toworkwithmethere,and
evenMamehasometimes
visits.NowadaysIgothere
myselfonlywhenclose
friendsoroldacquaintances
havecometotown.Ispend
mytimeinavarietyofother
waysinstead.Inthemornings
Ioftenjoinagroupof
Japanesewritersandartists
fromtheareatostudy
subjectsthatinterestus—
suchaspoetryormusicor,
duringonemonth-long
session,thehistoryofNew
YorkCity.Ilunchwitha
friendmostdays.Andinthe
afternoonsIkneelbeforemy
makeupstandtopreparefor
onepartyoranother—
sometimeshereinmyvery
ownapartment.WhenIlift
thebrocadecoveronmy
mirror,Ican’thelpbut
rememberthemilkyodorof
thewhitemakeupIsooften
woreinGion.IdearlywishI
couldgobacktheretovisit;
butontheotherhand,Ithink
Iwouldbedisturbedtoseeall
thechanges.Whenfriends
bringphotographsfromtheir
tripstoKyoto,Ioftenthink
thatGionhasthinnedoutlike
apoorlykeptgarden,
increasinglyoverrunwith
weeds.AfterMother’sdeath
anumberofyearsago,for
example,theNittaokiyawas
torndownandreplacedwith
atinyconcretebuilding
housingabookshoponthe
groundfloorandtwo
apartmentsoverhead.
Eighthundredgeisha
workedinGionwhenIfirst
arrivedthere.Nowthe
numberislessthansixty,
withonlyahandfulof
apprentices,anditdwindles
furthereveryday—because
ofcoursethepaceofchange
neverslows,evenwhen
we’veconvincedourselvesit
will.OnhislastvisittoNew
YorkCity,theChairmanand
ItookawalkthroughCentral
Park.Wehappenedtobe
talkingaboutthepast;and
whenwecametoapath
throughpinetrees,the
Chairmanstoppedsuddenly.
He’doftentoldmeofthe
pinesborderingthestreet
outsideOsakaonwhichhe’d
grownup;IknewasI
watchedhimthathewas
rememberingthem.Hestood
withhistwofrailhandson
hiscaneandhiseyesclosed,
andbreathedindeeplythe
scentofthepast.
“Sometimes,”hesighed,“I
thinkthethingsIremember
aremorerealthanthethingsI
see.”
AsayoungerwomanI
believedthatpassionmust
surelyfadewithage,justasa
cupleftstandinginaroom
willgraduallygiveupits
contentstotheair.Butwhen
theChairmanandIreturned
tomyapartment,wedrank
eachotherupwithsomuch
yearningandneedthat
afterwardIfeltmyself
drainedofallthethingsthe
Chairmanhadtakenfromme,
andyetfilledwithallthatI
hadtakenfromhim.Ifellinto
asoundsleepanddreamed
thatIwasatabanquetback
inGion,talkingwithan
elderlymanwhowas
explainingtomethathis
wife,whomhe’dcaredfor
deeply,wasn’treallydead
becausethepleasureoftheir
timetogetherlivedoninside
him.Whilehespokethese
words,Idrankfromabowlof
themostextraordinarysoup
I’devertasted;everybriny
sipwasakindofecstasy.I
begantofeelthatallthe
peopleI’deverknownwho
haddiedorleftmehadnotin
factgoneaway,butcontinued
toliveoninsidemejustas
thisman’swifelivedon
insidehim.IfeltasthoughI
weredrinkingthemallin—
mysister,Satsu,whohadrun
awayandleftmesoyoung;
myfatherandmother;Mr.
Tanaka,withhisperverse
viewofkindness;Nobu,who
couldneverforgiveme;even
theChairman.Thesoupwas
filledwithallthatI’dever
caredforinmylife;and
whileIdrankit,thisman
spokehiswordsrightintomy
heart.Iawokewithtears
streamingdownmytemples,
andItooktheChairman’s
hand,fearingthatIwould
neverbeabletolivewithout
himwhenhediedandleft
me.Forhewassofrailby
then,eventhereinhissleep,
thatIcouldn’thelpthinking
ofmymotherbackin
Yoroido.Andyetwhenhis
deathhappenedonlyafew
monthslater,Iunderstood
thatheleftmeattheendof
hislonglifejustasnaturally
astheleavesfallfromthe
trees.
Icannottellyouwhatitis
thatguidesusinthislife;but
forme,Ifelltowardthe
Chairmanjustasastonemust
falltowardtheearth.WhenI
cutmylipandmetMr.
Tanaka,whenmymother
diedandIwascruellysold,it
wasalllikeastreamthatfalls
overrockycliffsbeforeitcan
reachtheocean.Evennow
thatheisgoneIhavehim
still,intherichnessofmy
memories.I’velivedmylife
againjusttellingittoyou.
It’struethatsometimes
whenIcrossParkAvenue,
I’mstruckwiththepeculiar
senseofhowexoticmy
surroundingsare.Theyellow
taxicabsthatgosweeping
past,honkingtheirhorns;the
womenwiththeirbriefcases,
wholooksoperplexedtosee
alittleoldJapanesewoman
standingonthestreetcorner
inkimono.Butreally,would
Yoroidoseemanylessexotic
ifIwentbackthereagain?As
ayounggirlIbelievedmy
lifewouldneverhavebeena
struggleifMr.Tanakahadn’t
tornmeawayfrommytipsy
house.ButnowIknowthat
ourworldisnomore
permanentthanawaverising
ontheocean.Whateverour
strugglesandtriumphs,
howeverwemaysufferthem,
alltoosoontheybleedintoa
wash,justlikewateryinkon
paper.
Acknowledgements
Althoughthe
characterofSayuriand
herstoryarecompletely
invented,thehistorical
factsofageisha’sdayto-daylifeinthe1930s
and1940sarenot.Inthe
courseofmyextensive
researchIamindebted
tooneindividualabove
allothers.Mineko
Iwasaki,oneofGion’s
topgeishainthe1960s
and1970s,openedher
Kyotohometome
duringMay1992,and
correctedmyevery
misconceptionaboutthe
lifeofageisha--even
thougheveryoneIknew
whohadlivedinKyoto,
orwholivedtherestill,
toldmenevertoexpect
suchcandor.While
brushingupmyJapanese
ontheairplane,I
worriedthatMineko,
whomIhadnotyetmet,
mighttalkwithmefor
anhouraboutthe
weatherandcallitan
interview.Insteadshe
tookmeonaninsider’s
tourofGion,and
togetherwithher
husband,Jin,andher
sisters,Yaetchiyoand
thelateKuniko,
patientlyansweredall
myquestionsaboutthe
ritualofageisha’slifein
intimatedetail.She
became,andremains,a
goodfriend.Ihavethe
fondestmemoriesofher
family’striptovisitus
inBoston,andthe
otherworldlysensemy
wifeandIfeltwhile
watchingtennison
televisioninourliving
roomwithournew
friend,aJapanese
womaninherforties
whoalsohappenedtobe
oneofthelastgeisha
trainedintheold
tradition.
ToMineko,thankyou
foreverything.
Iwasintroducedto
MinekobyMrs.Reiko
Nagura,alongtime
friendandafiercely
intelligentwomanofmy
mother’sgeneration,
whospeaksJapanese,
English,andGerman
withequalfluency.She
wonaprizeforashort
storyshewrotein
Englishwhilean
undergraduateat
Barnard,onlyafew
yearsafterfirstcoming
totheUnitedStatesto
study,andsoonbecame
alifelongfriendofmy
grandmother’s.The
affectionbetweenher
familyandmineisnow
initsfourthgeneration.
Herhomehasbeena
regularhavenonmy
visitstoTokyo;Iowe
heragreaterdebtthanI
canexpress.Alongwith
everyotherkindnessshe
hasdoneforme,she
readovermymanuscript
atvariousstagesand
offeredagreatmany
invaluablesuggestions.
DuringtheyearsI
haveworkedonthis
novel,mywife,Trudy,
hasprovidedmorehelp
andsupportthanIhad
anyrighttoexpect.
Beyondherendless
patience,herwillingness
todropeverythingand
readwhenIneededher
eye,andherfrankness
andextreme
thoughtfulness,shehas
givenmethatgreatestof
gifts:constancyand
understanding.
RobinDesserof
Knopfisthekindof
editoreverywriter
dreamsabout:
passionate,insightful,
committed,always
helpful—andaloadof
funbesides.
Forherwarmth,her
directness,her
professionalism,andher
charm,thereisnoone
quitelikeLeigh
Feldman.Iamextremely
luckytohaveherforan
agent.
HelenBartlett,you
knowallyoudidtohelp
mefromearlyon.
Thankstoyou,andto
DeniseStewart.
I’mverygratefulto
mygoodfriendSara
Laschever,forher
carefulreadingofthe
manuscript,hergenerous
involvement,andher
manythoughtful
suggestionsandideas.
TerukoCraigwas
kindenoughtospend
hourstalkingwithme
aboutherlifeasa
schoolgirlinKyoto
duringthewar.Iam
gratefulalsotoLiza
Dalby,theonly
Americanwomanever
tobecomeageisha,and
toherexcellentbook,
Geisha,an
anthropologicalstudyof
geishaculture,which
alsorecountsher
experiencesinthe
Pontochodistrict;she
generouslylentmea
numberofuseful
JapaneseandEnglish
booksfromherpersonal
collection.
ThanksalsotoKiharu
Nakamura,whohas
writtenabouther
experiencesasageisha
intheShimbashidistrict
ofTokyo,andkindly
spentaneveningtalking
withmeduringthe
courseofmyresearch.
Iamgrateful,too,for
thethoughtfulinsights
andempatheticconcern
ofmybrother,Stephen.
RobertSinger,curator
ofJapaneseartatthe
LosAngelesCounty
MuseumofArt,wentto
considerabletrouble
whileIwasinKyototo
showmefirsthandhow
aristocratsthereonce
lived.
BowenDees,whomI
metonanairplane,
permittedmetoreadhis
unpublishedmanuscript
abouthisexperiencesin
JapanduringtheAllied
Occupation.
I’mthankfulalsoto
AllanPalmerforgiving
methebenefitofhis
extensiveknowledgeof
teaceremonyand
Japanesesuperstitions.
JohnRosenfield
taughtmeJapaneseart
historyasnooneelse
can,andmadea
universityasgiganticas
Harvardfeellikeasmall
college.I’mgratefulto
himforhelpfuladvice
allalongtheway.
I’mprofoundlyin
BarryMinsky’sdebt,for
thevaluablerolehe
playedasIworkedto
bringthisnovelinto
being.
Inaddition,fortheir
kindnessestoonumerous
torecount,thanksto
DavidKuhn,Merry
White,KazumiAoki,
YasuIkuma,Megumi
Nakatani,DavidSand,
YoshioImakita,
MameveMedwed,the
lateCeliaMillward,
CamillaTrinchieri,
BarbaraShapiro,Steve
Weisman,Yoshikata
Tsukamoto,Carol
JanewayofKnopf,Lynn
Pleshette,Denise
Rusoff,DavidSchwab,
AlisonTolman,Lidia
Yagoda,andLenRosen.
AbouttheAuthor
ArthurGoldenwasborn
andraisedinChattanooga,
Tennessee.Heisa1978
graduateofHarvardCollege
withadegreeinarthistory,
specializinginJapaneseart.
In1980heearnedanM.A.in
Japanesehistoryfrom
ColumbiaUniversity,where
healsolearnedMandarin
Chinese.Afterasummerat
BeijingUniversity,hewentto
workatamagazineinTokyo.
In1988hereceivedanM.A.
inEnglishfromBoston
University.Hehaslivedand
workedinJapan,andsince
thattimehasbeenteaching
writingandliteratureinthe
Bostonarea.Heresidesin
Brookline,Massachusetts,
withhiswifeandchildren.
Tableof
Contents
ChapterOne
ChapterTwo
ChapterThree
ChapterFour
ChapterFive
ChapterSix
ChapterSeven
ChapterEight
ChapterNine
ChapterTen
ChapterEleven
ChapterTwelve
ChapterThirteen
ChapterFourteen
ChapterFifteen
ChapterSixteen
ChapterSeventeen
ChapterEighteen
ChapterNineteen
ChapterTwenty
ChapterTwenty-One
ChapterTwenty-Two
ChapterTwenty-Three
ChapterTwenty-Four
ChapterTwenty-Five
ChapterTwenty-Six
ChapterTwenty-Seven
ChapterTwenty-Eight
ChapterTwenty-Nine
ChapterThirty
ChapterThirty-One
ChapterThirty-Two
ChapterThirty-Three
ChapterThirty-Four
ChapterThirty-Five
Acknowledgements
AbouttheAuthor