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Persuasive Essay Model of Structure and Features
This model essay shows the suggested structure for your persuasive essay.
The techniques used have been highlighted and explained with a comment in the margin.
Increase the tax on tobacco - NOW!
Every day in UK 450 children start smoking.
Smoking causes almost 90% of deaths from lung cancer.
Smoking costs the NHS 2.7 billion pounds a year for treating smoking related illnesses.
There is no doubt that these worrying statistics show that the cost of smoking in personal
terms and to society as a whole is a very high one. And one that is, in my opinion, too high. It
is time now for the government to increase the tax on tobacco to put up the price of
cigarettes. The result of this action would bring immense benefits to society in terms of
health and economics.
Comment [d1]: Effective title makes the subject and writer’s view
clear/creative use of punctuation –
dash, exclamation, capitalisation - for
emphasis and intensity of feeling
about the issue
Comment [d2]: Statistics to
reinforce argument/
knowledge/research/provoke
emotional reaction - shock
Comment [d3]: Persuasive language
Comment [d4]: Transitional
expression – linking to create flow
But why is it important to increase the tax on tobacco? The organisation, Action on
Smoking and Health (ASH), has made it clear that, "The price of cigarettes has a major
effect on cigarette consumption". If this is the case then clearly there would be a significant
improvement in personal health because the link between smoking and a range of diseases is
now widely accepted by all.
Comment [d5]: Emotive language
Consider the frightening statistics on these smoking related diseases. About 100,000 people
in the UK die each year from smoking. These smoking-related deaths are mainly due to
cancers and heart disease. Heart disease is the biggest killer illness in the UK and about 1 in
7 of those with this condition die because of their smoking. 80% of deaths from bronchitis
and emphysema are also caused by smoking cigarettes. Consider, too, the health of the
unborn child. Smoking in pregnancy increases the risk of miscarriage, and the risk of stillbirth
or death within the first week of life is increased by about one-third. A reduction in demand
for cigarettes by increasing the tax on them would significantly reduce the personal misery each one of these statistics is a real person’s experience - that these figures so clearly show.
Comment [d9]: Statement from
knowledgeable organisation/expert
reinforces the point and shows
evidence of research
A real person who suffered from a smoking related disease was my aunt who died in 2008
of lung cancer. She was addicted to smoking, addicted to the nicotine in tobacco. Nicotine
creates a chemical dependency, so that the body develops a need for a certain level of it at
all times. I know she was addicted because she tried many times to give up and always failed.
Comment [d6]: Takes ownership
Comment [d7]: Minor sentence
stylish
Comment [d8]: Asks a question and
answers it.
Comment [d10]: Emotive expression
to shock
Comment [d11]: Transitional
expression to create flow
Comment [d12]: Statistics shows
knowledge of the issue, evidence of
research and reinforce the point
She never managed to overcome the withdrawal symptoms - headache, anxiety, nausea and a
craving for more tobacco . A day did not go by when she did not regret starting to smoke.
Of course, it is not just smokers who are risking themselves. Those around them are
presented with health problems, too. Exposure to other people’s tobacco smoke has been
shown to cause lung cancer and heart disease in adult non-smokers as well as irritation of
the eye, nose and throat. Secondhand smoke exposure also harms babies and children, with
an increased risk of respiratory infections, increased severity of asthma symptoms, more
frequent occurrence of chronic coughs, phlegm and wheezing, and an increased risk of cot
death and glue ear. How can we relieve this situation? One way is to increase the tax on
tobacco.
We now know much more about these consequences on our health so there is no excuse for
not taking drastic action. Before the 1950s there was no serious research into the health
effects of smoking and so the governments of the time could not be blamed for not taking
action to improve the nation’s health but now that we know of the harmful effects are we
doing enough to heed them? I do not think we are. The costs of the current levels of
smoking are not just to us as individuals. There are costs to us as members of society, too,
in particular, to the NHS and to the government.
How significant are the costs of smoking to the NHS and the government? Very
significant. Smoking costs the National Health Service (NHS) approximately £2.7 billion a
year for treating smoking related diseases. This includes the costs of hospital admissions,
GP consultations and prescriptions. If smoking related diseases are reduced by an in
increase in tax then the benefits are obvious: vast sums of money can be transferred to
address pressing NHS needs, with, of course, greater opportunities to develop research.
The benefits to the government of an increase in tax would also be significant, both in
increased revenue but also in a reduction in benefits paid out. The government, for example,
pays for sickness/invalidity benefits, widows’ pensions and other social security benefits
for dependants – all paid out as a consequence of smoking related disease. If cigarette
consumption was reduced because of an increase in price the benefit payouts would, in turn,
be greatly reduced because fewer people would be smoking. Productivity, too, suffers. In
the workplace smoking breaks and increased absenteeism amongst smokers due to ill-health
costs about 34 million lost days each year in England and Wales alone. We simply cannot let
this situation continue.
For me, though, the worst part of the whole smoking issue is the influence that those who
smoke have on children and a significant increase in the tax on tobacco would address this
effectively. Every day in the UK 450 children start smoking. Research findings in a report
by Cancer Research UK stated that children whose parents both smoked were almost nine
times as likely to be exposed to passive smoking and children whose parents or brothers
and sisters smoked were also 90 per cent more likely to grow up to become smokers
themselves. The report calls for tobacco price increases as a way of addressing the
problem and I completely agree. The Royal College of Nursing Director, Janet Davies, said:
"The report should come as a stark warning to anyone who smokes around babies and
Comment [d13]: Personal
experience to show knowledge of the
issue and to reinforce the point
Comment [d14]: Transitional
expression to link paragraphs
Comment [d15]: Asks a question
and answers it to emphasise the point
Comment [d16]: Shows knowledge
of the history of the issue and uses
the knowledge to reinforce the point
Comment [d17]: Takes
ownership
Comment [d18]: Asks a question
and answers it
Comment [d19]: Statistics show
knowledge of the issue, evidence of
research and reinforce the point
Comment [d20]: Short sentence,
assertive – the language of persuasion
Comment [d21]: Takes ownership
children. The alarming evidence in the report makes it a moral duty to protect young
people's health from the dangers of passive smoking." Who could argue with that?
Opponents will say that increasing the tobacco tax and reducing demand for cigarettes
will lead to unemployment in what is a multi million pound industry – 8000 workers in the UK
alone. In terms of productivity would it not be much more worthwhile, though, for the
talents of people working in the tobacco industry to be used in constructive ways, for
example, in worthwhile manufacturing industries? Others may argue that it is wrong to
increase taxation on people who are addicted to nicotine. My answer to this is that there are
very effective NHS services available now for any smoker seriously wanting to stop. Part
of the therapy includes doing physical exercise, for example, jogging, or less strenuous
activities like yoga, and these bring immense health benefits.
Finally, then, when we think of tobacco we think of the smoking related diseases and our
thoughts go to the families and individuals who suffer. We think of the drain on the NHS
which is starved of funds to do everything we would want at the best of time: £2.7 billion
spent on smoking-related diseases. We think of the costs to the government in the payment
of smoking related benefits. We think of the 450 children who start smoking in the UK
every day.
We think, too, that the time has come to raise the tax on tobacco.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Comment [d22]: Statement from an
“authority” figure
Comment [d23]: Rhetorical question
to emphasise the point
Comment [d24]: Emotive language
Comment [d25]: Repetition to
emphasise the point
Comment [d26]: Repetition to
emphasise the point
Comment [d27]: Repetition to
emphasise the point
Comment [d28]: First person to
involve the reader
Comment [d29]: Point of view
restated with one sentence
paragraph, for emphasis
Comment [d30]: Bibliography shows
research/knowledge of issue
Snell, Clete Peddling Poison– The Tobacco Industry and Kids Greenwood Press (30 July 2005)
Action on Smoking and Health (ASH) Smoking: Fact Sheets, http://www.ash.org.uk/information/facts-andstats/fact-sheets (Accessed on 7 November 2011)
Kids’ Health: Smoking Stinks! article, http://kidshealth.org/kid/watch/house/smoking.html
Notes from interviews of two smokers