1
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
MANIFESTO
{Fanzine}
(UNFINISHED)
{As if it could be anything else}
Copyright: copy + paste and all the unknown contributors
Right at the centre is a cube.
The cube is grey and translucent.
The lighting casts long shadows.
In the centre of this cube are two angry people,
fighting furiously.
They are fighting until they die.
They are spitting and growling and staring intently.
In one corner of the cube is a boy, laughing, his
legs against the wall, leaning forward.
In the opposite corner is an old man, crying, back
against the wall, trying not to look at this scene in
front of him.
When the fight is over, no person currently
inside the cube will be inside the cube any more.
They will be outside the cube.
They do not know what is outside the cube.
The old man knows that he does not know, and
he finds himself thinking more of what might be, than
what he can see.
The boy does not know that he does not know,
and so he does not care.
There is a smiley face on the outside of the box, so
people smile at it.
2
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
What happens if people in the future can
live for 500 years? {quiz}
"As we journey through life, discarding baggage along the way, we
should keep an iron grip, to the very end, on the capacity for
silliness. It preserves the soul from desiccation."
" je ne regrette rien"
"Existence well what does it matter?
I exist on the best terms I can."
"But at my back I always hear/ Time's winged chariot
hurrying near"
"Can you imagine what having badly sterilized monkeys running
around will do to the levels of aggression?"
"Life is full of hard bits, but in between the hard
bits there are lots of lovely bits."
"The passing of time, and all of its crimes, is making me sad
again"
"You know, that might be the answer - to act boastfully about
something we ought to be ashamed of. That's a trick that never
seems to fail."
"Droll thing life is — that mysterious arrangement of
merciless logic for a futile purpose. The most you can hope
from it is some knowledge of yourself"
"Life's ups and downs are just like television drama."
(Answers: joyridesjoyrides@gmail.com)
3
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
UNFINISHED SONG NUMBER 456,789: STAMFORD CHIMP ATTACK
Oh Stamford
Oh Stanford
It’s been a bad week
It’s been a bit week for you
You mauled her face off
You’re the disgrace for sure
Monetarily too
STAMFORD ChiMP ATTACK
Your friends will hurt you
Stamford chimp attack
The world will hurt you
Now you tried to made off
Don’t get angry
You want attention
Bullet in your torso
Twenty twenty
You heard you gotta fight
You tried to buy your way
But you died but you died
You tried to bite your way
With off-shore and on-shore banking interests,
the Texan billionaire Sir Allen Stanford was a prominent financial figure
not just in Antigua
but around the world.
4
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
The Franco-British Council together with Prospect Magazine and Eurostar announces
the second year of its short story prize. The competition aims to encourage more students
to learn French and about French culture.
This is an opportunity for francophiles to write a 1,500 word story about France, French
people or any other topic or setting French-related. This competition is supported by
crime writer Ian Rankin. Ian has expressed his support for the prize as follows: ‘It's
crucial that kids in Britain continue
It is a rare thing, to see the choice you might have made played out
in front of you. And when it is a choice you almost certainly would
have made, had you known what you now know, well then it’s no
fun at all.
And if drink wasn’t such an amnesiac,,,,,,,,,,,,
And if we’d only said, before it was too late
And if things had been different,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
And if………………………….
I hadn’t forgotten that actions speak louder than words…….,,,,,,,,,
Zadig has all the virtues and none of the vices – but stil is not happy
Text continues after ending three balnk dots, like blank book
Incomplete texts danger to life // But text is incompllete
BUT RATHER LIFE ITSself is an incomplete text, history itself is a book, and it
comes in 2 halves, past future, Jesrad has read both halfs, zadig jus one (his
past) //Book divied into two
Mis en abyme ???//Uses example to win him over Zadig takes up problem of
literary persuasion
Ploy with sons – actions speak louder than words. Assimilates and disarms
prejudice//Impression of only half th stoy
ShRE V’S SCPETICISM
The mor v
Shows we don’t know
5
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
Weird shit off the internet:
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I
was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML
oday, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time. When I was on top of her, she asked
me if it was in yet. I said yes. She sighed. FML
#62071 (45) - 02/17/2009 at 6:00pm by ramenluver - sex - I agree, your life is f***ed
(21552) - you deserved that one (1956)
ShareThis
Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken,
my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was
sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML
#61591 (18) - 02/17/2009 at 4:54pm by jons - health - I agree, your life is f***ed (14769)
- you deserved that one (735)
Small girl (seeing a drunken man reeling down the street): Daddy,
what???s wrong with that man?"
Father: "I think he???s just had a bit too much beer."
Small girl: "Hannah???s daddy likes beer."
Father: "Yes, but if you drink too much of it, it can make you fall
down."
Small girl: "We should tell him!"
Father: "He probably knows."
Small girl: "He might not!"
Homeless guy: "Could you spare a little change?"
Young Suit: "Change comes from within!"
6
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
Rappel: reminder.
website: /joyrides
[Emo(tions) Page]
At the moment a lot of interesting things are going on. It would not be correct to
say that it is the most interesting time in my life, but then there is no need to
continually try and contextualise things.
I’m not even sure I like her.
Well I like her, I am probably confusing friend and sex love.
I am learning about people. This swhole situation will make a
wonderful story one day. Almost farcical at times. Compromise, love
(?) rejection subplots, the walking home all together scene
Friends
Hope you Understand that I can have feelings for you, whilst being fine with being your friend.
But your friends with *****. And now you’re going out with him. But happy to stop – presumably go back
to being friends.
It’s because it’s **** that fucks me up – cos I’m a bit like, oh mayve it could have
Don’t understand why you were willing to sacrifice (or not) that friendship, but not ours..
In a way I’d be happy to hear that it’s because
a) our firendship’s a lot more
You just don’t fancy me – however cos of what you have said I feeel this might not be reality
<<I am almost certain that this will not work, and expect it to be received with
either a polite refusal or a complete blanking. I will not be disheartened, because
it was worth a try - I am not her friend, have few mutuals friends and so will not
lose much. Again I reiterate that it is a bit of a long shot and rejection will not
mean I am a bad person or a scumbag.
"He who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very long time."
I don't even like roast duck.
******** xx>>
7
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
Clear Chat History
Couldn't retrieve chat history
3:52amDan
yo
3:52amKieran
website: /joyrides
mate
i'm truly sorry but it soudns iek a
wonderful thing
3:53amDan
yoyoyo
wht does
3:54amKieran
yo
mate idunno
im pretty fuckin fucked
3:52amDan
it's a lyircs
it's a lyircs
you cunt
mate im too drunk
you mugged me off
3:52amKieran
i will spea kto you in the mornign
why
im sorry
when
no intention ment
3:54amDan
how
WHY exactyl
3:52amDan
you got some answering to do
3:55amKieran
WHAT
you just left
3:52amKieran
Nahman
i was just a pawn in soberer peoples
games
moasico
3:55amDan
i had no control
you,rich, michael and jenny
nor
3:53amDan
you all mugged me off
3:55amKieran
fuck lff
3:53amKieran
it was michale ideas
3:55amDan
awareness of peoples locatiotions
after i got you all in for frree
3:55amKieran
fuck iff
8
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
i thought you were with
website: /joyrides
i think i jsut wneth ome with my hosue
3:58amDan
Jess
3:55amDan
mate
no
you need to find me who this amy girl is
illet you
it aint any of those
off
try again
3:58amKieran
if you can tell me the surname of tjat
amy bird
3:56amKieran
Amy Periam
i dunno who amy is
3:58amDan
well think
3:58amKieran
?
i have no idea of whoyyou are sayin
Amy Kristina Nickel
g
?
3:57amDan
okay man
il try the first one
3:57amKieran
im gonna sleep
3:59amDan
cool
you arent fot shit
im gonna sleepl
you mugged me off
3:59amKieran
I am FUCKED as a
haha
slag
i well didd not
nighth
and that
in time ouylll see the trth
4:00amDan
sorry for any offene caused
i wont for shit
no offence mentant
you muggged me off
9
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
TAKE ME ON A JOURNEY
WE’lll RUN AWAY
All day long he sits, searching, searching for what he might be,
searching for who he is.
Thirty years of cold and painful hands
I’m glad that’s not me, maybe one day it will be.
“Grandad, tell me a story.”
I remember it now, granddad, wispy haired, with graceful wrinkles
that made him seem the very definition of wise, me on the floor,
young, credulous, curious.
“It came, one day, from where no one knew, nor why, no one knew
that, but come it did. An incredible light, almost unbearable,
lighter than the sun, it pierced every gap in every curtain, and lit
up where shadows had previously ruled.
The first few days were okay, the novelty had not yet worn off
Those were times where strange things happened, not like today.
Those were the special times.
Whatever that means,,”
10
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
This led to developers cutting down the 300 year-old red gums. In 2000 the octogenarian Wattle Park resident Joan
Keightley brought things to a head by threatening or actually chaining herself (it is not clear which) to one of these
trees. As a result, the laws were tightened and developers learnt to build around the trees.
He knew the painters Picasso, Juan Gris, Sonia and Robert Delaunay and the poets Valéry Larbaud and Max Jacob.
Despite this impressive record he did not have as much fortune in the national squad, winning only four caps, and
scoring one goal.
Vellaunus is a Celtic god known from only two inscriptions. The first, found at Caerwent is the base of a state
recording the dedication of the statue to:
"To the god Mars Lenus, otherwise known as Ocelus Vellaunus and to the Imperial numen".
Above this base there survives only a pair of human feet and those of a goose. The dedication dates to AD 152.
Patterns of Global Terrorism is a report published each year on or before April 30 by the United States Department of
State. The Secretary of State is required by Congress to produce detailed assessments about
n June 10, 2004, a few weeks after challenges from two professors (Alan Krueger of Princeton University and David
Laitin of Stanford University) and Congressman Henry Waxman, the State Department announced that the report
previously issued for 2003 was incomplete and incorrect in part. The revisions issued twelve days later included
significant changes, including a doubling of the number of killed and wounded mentioned in the April 2004 version.
Here are examples from the section "The Year in Review":
April 29th version June 22nd version
There were 190 acts of international terrorism in 2003, a slight decrease from the 198 attacks that occurred in
2002, and a drop of 45 % from the level in 2001 of 346 attacks. The figure in 2003 represents the lowest annual
total of international terrorist attacks since 1969.
There were 208 acts of international terrorism in 2003, a
slight increase from the most recently published figure of 198* attacks in 2002, and a 42 % drop from the level in
2001 of 355 attacks.
The work analyzes, in detail, why and how beings' interests should be weighed. He states that a being's interests
should always be weighed according to that being's concrete properties, and not according to its belonging to some
abstract group.
As a teenager, Kim Deal formed a folk rock band named The Breeders with her sister. She then became a prolific
songwriter, as she found it easier to write songs than cover them. Deal later commented on her songwriting output: "I
got like a hundred songs when I was like 16, 17. [...] The music is pretty good, but the lyrics are just like, OH MY
GOD. We were just trying to figure out how blue rhymes with you. When I was writing 'em, they didn't have anything to
do with who I was."[5] The Deals bought microphones, an eight-track tape player, mixing boards, speakers and amps
for a bedroom studio; according to Kelley, they "had the whole thing set up by the time we were 17". They later
bought a drum machine "so it would feel like we were more in a band".[6]
11
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
An explosion set a restaurant and a two storey building ablaze
Explosion burns down restaurant and two-storey building
One man burnt to death, three injured, yesterday at Mulhouse.
A 61 year old man, Mr Justin Meyer, burnt to death and three people injured, one
seriously - such was the sad outcome of a very violent fire which, following on from a
major gas explosion, completely ravaged a restaurant – La Romantica - and the three
storey building which housed it, yesterday afternoon on Hugwald Street in Mulhouse. An
outcome to which must be added four firemen poisoned by fumes, (not seriously in the
end), and the terrible heat which they faced.
A neighbour, on the doorstep of the drama - 500 metres from his house - which played
itself out over just a few moments at around 4.30pm, told us:
“I heard a powerful but deafening explosion, then a crash, and the sound of shattering
glass. I looked outside and already all of the ground floor of La Romantica was in flames!
By now the flames were coming out of all the windows! Ten seconds later, the firemen
were alerted”
This dramatic fire destroyed the two-storey building situated on the corner of Hugwald
Street at Shuman street, exactly opposite Mulhouse Slaughterhouse.
Extract from L’Alsace, Mondays
Theresa had just left the library when she looked up. There, hurtling across the road, was
a man
With a sudden crash, John landed on the desk.
I don’t know if he’d ever really considered doing anything
And as they closed in, I knew he was done for, and he was no longer just my brother, he
was....
“And I’m so involved with nothing that it’s very hard to care about anything. I
seem to have cultivated the image of ****** **** as tortured soul, to an extent.
“A man engages in his own life, draws his own portrait, there is nothing more.”
But it is only reality that counts, not dreams, expectations or hopes.
I am addicted to the internet. Am I addicted to the infite promise it holds, the
infinite amount of information? This thirst for knowledge, this endless curiousity
could be a good thing, but when it is mixed with the laziness and distraction that
have come to define me, then there is a problem.”
12
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
It’s night. I am young. There’s so much to do these days, it’ hard to find the right
path.
I like what I remember. But I can’t recall it all
I feel like there is no excuse not to gain all the knowledge of all time, but then
there is no reason to, perhaps.
Whati s this terrible affliction which ttwists my mind into plsces I don’t want to
go which fools my brain, my heart, my body into situations I could not be
.
It’s incredibleeddddddx but it fucks me up big time.
<<And it’s all written there in black and scarring grey.>>
It’s hard to write how I feel right now. I do feel as though I am in contrl of
something far greater than I can possibly control. I have tried to look at
everything, to gain all knowledge, and I have been rewarded with the chance of all
knowledge, but with the proviso that I must seek and consume all knowledge. But
I know that this will never happen.
“Needlessly aggressive”
Statement from swedish police//Sven Svenskasson
I can confirm that our officers, Bjorn and Andreas arrested two young men “one seemed to be doing
an impression of one or both of the gallagher brothers, both in vocabulary and mannerisms – worried
about possible copyright infringement. Upon searching the two assailants,
found on their person were Table lamps, matches, petrol, And bath products. ”
Also a “love your pig book.”
Apparently their investigation is being hampered by language barriers, though the Swedish officers do
speak perfect English. They are denying that they have made a pigs ear of the investigation.
The accussed have thus far not commented, though witnesses did hear, Sheffield born tom mumbling
“there’s snout better than a nice juicy pig.” The witness was initially confused as Tom is of course a
famous vegetarian.
Jonny’s publicist has so far released one statement “ normally wherever EGOs, I follow, but to be
honest I am quite please to be rid of him. “
13
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
PROOF OF THE EXISTENCE OF GOD
Story:
Sebastian sat down, shaking. The train started to pull out
of the station, he sunk into his chair, face red from the
exertion he had just put himself through. Had he done it?
Was he free? He scarcely dared believe it, and peered up
and down the near-deserted carriage, half expecting to see
someone coming after him. He supposed that meant he was
half not expecting it either. He never could decide if he
was a pessimist or an optimist.
How far could he get before he dared trust someone enough
to tell the truth? He pondered, and decided: a lot further.
He hoped there would be no ticket inspector, but began to
concoct anyway, trying to imagine what they’d make of him.
He was dressed terrifically inappropriately for the
weather- white plimsolls, white baggy trousers that weren’t
too far away from pajama bottoms, and a grey skinny T
shirt, that Sebastian speculated was once white too, in its
long gone pomp. Outside was the finest sprinkling of snow,
the clear blue sky disguising a bitterly cold day, a biting
wind that snapped at any exposed skin with ferocious
tenacity. Later on in the journey, as his nerves began to
subside, Sebastian supposed he would have found that
freshness exhilarating, had he not first been almost
battered by the cold and then been sprinting his lungs out,
frantic and straining to get away from where he’d been
kept. He thought too of what a new sensation this cold felt
like; where he’d just come from there had been nothing like
it. He allowed himself to think of how remarkable it was
that the weather was now something he could remark upon,
having spent so long indoors. Or at least ponder in his
head – he had not spoken for so long, and anyway, there was
no one to talk to in this carriage. He heard someone
chatting a few seats back on their phone, and a bit further
down was an red jumpered old lady, but Sebastian could
remember enough of society’s convention that he was really
in no position to initiate conversation.
But at the beginning he was still nothing but cold and
exhausted, scared and paranoid, determined to keep a low
profile, whatever hindrance his appearance would provide.
As it was he got lucky and there no ticket inspector turned
up.
Sebastian thought back to what he’d been through,
14
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
The lazier a
man is, the
more he
plans to do
tomorrow.
15
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
Too many
young people
itch for what
they want
without
scratching for
it.
16
manifesto, the joy-rides fanzine
website: /joyrides
IN your quest for unconventionality you have fallen into the very trap that you would
despise should you take a step back and look at yourself. You are nothing but a
conventional nonentity, brazen in your discarding of choices and chances for their
conventionality and dreariness, leaving you with only ennui and inertia for company.
You desire to criticise and question has left you with nothing valuable, and nothing
sincere.
http://www.intiwarayassi.org/articles/volunteer_animal_refuge/questions_answered_abou
t_volunteering.html
http://www.karumbe.org/web/volunteer.htm
http://www.utila-iguana.de/en_frame_volo.html
http://www.intercambioperu.org/3-what-are-the-costs-and-why/
http://www.amazoniarescue.org/en/project.php
http://www.santamartharescue.org/en/index.html
http://www.travellingbug.com/Parents.html
http://www.fundecoipa.com
http://www.merazonia.org/drupal/?q=animal
http://www.rancho.esperanza.bvg3.com/volunteering
http://www.rancho.esperanza.bvg3.com/accomodations