Sleep overs – Exposed
An Article for Parents and Guardians
“Can I go for a sleep over at my friend’s house?”
“Which friend is this?”
“Mom, you know them. It is Maggie the daughter of your chamaa’s
chairlady.”
“Who else will be there?”
“Most of the people will be children of the chamaa families. They are kids
you know. We just gonna have fun and watch some movies”
“Ok then. What time should I drop and pick you?”
“7.00pm dropping and 10.00am picking is fine”.
“I hope you won’t try anything stupid.”
“Mom, you know me very well. I won’t.”
“Get ready then. I have serious work issues to attend to.”
NB: What the daughter never told the mom was that Maggie’s parents would be
away on a business trip. No adult would be in the house. She also never
mentioned that her secret admiration Johnnie would attend.
The above scenario is common in many homes especially where there are
teenagers. It is either a house party, birthday bash, or a sleep over. Something
“good” is always happening in a teen’s life.
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Many parents graciously allow their children to attend these parties and sleep
overs without bothering to know all the details. Unlike before when the parties
were just a time of clean fun and socialization, they have gradually become a hub
for sexperimentation, alcohol, and drug abuse.
Evidently, it is not all parties that entertain the vices and not all teenagers who
attend such engage in sex, drugs, and alcohol but the trend is the norm other
than exception. Even the innocent ones over time condone the practice by
covering up for their friends or take measures to ensure they are not discovered
e.g. using condoms, taking E-pills in case condom fails, sleeping at a friend’s house
until they sober up, coming back home when no one is there, or having sexual
activities without sexual intercourse.
It is a common practice for young people to create and enjoy friendships. No
parent desires to lock up the teenager in the guise of protection. It is important
however, for parents to understand that such parties have a tendency of
becoming wild as sex, booze, and drugs take a central role.
Besides this, some teens carry date-rape drugs that are used to spike drinks and
victims are either robbed or sexually assorted. It is not uncommon for hard drugs
like cocaine and heroin to be available in such parties although weed—bhang is
the drug of choice.
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What happens in such parties?
Many parents have no idea that the parties have teenage boys and girls attending
and it is not surprising that most if not all pair up—a boy and a girl. Of course,
many teenagers may avoid letting you know opposite sex members will be there
since you might deny them permission to attend. In some cases, some bribe
watchmen to be allowed in or sneak in through unmanned entrances.
The host in conjunction with trusted friends will ensure that drugs and alcohol are
slipped into the house. To avoid “accidents”, some of the teenagers will bring
condoms along just in case an opportunity arises. It is noteworthy that, no adult is
welcome to these parties and some teens are shrewd enough to organize them
when parents are away from home. The party may generally follow the schedule
below:
Level i – Knowing each other
 Breaking ice – introductions, food, and music
 Games, jokes, and sizing up each other
 Movie – just a background to hoodwink any adults around
 Teasing which gradually takes a sexual dimension
 Clandestine sharing of alcohol
 Sipping a concoction of drugs dissolved in water—pharm party
 Wild dancing accompanied by lewd dancing and making out
 Sexting – sharing sexual images/texts via mobile phones
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Level ii – Wild atmosphere
 Dimmed lights
 Pairing up starts or continues
 More daring acts like French kisses, lap dancing, and dirty music
 Open sharing of drugs and alcohol
 Pairs isolate themselves from others and engage in heavy petting
 Pairs leave to another room or cars for sex
 Sexual aggression which may result into rape
Level iii – Aftermath
 Tired kids sleeping anywhere in the house
 Girls waking up in boy’s beds
 Rape victims
 Counter blames
 Break-ups
 Dash to chemists to pick emergency pills
 Sexually transmitted infections
 Semi-nude or nude photos and videos on Facebook
 Sober ones cover up for their friends

Abortions
 Enhanced sexual activities-porn, masturbation, and promiscuity
I can guess most parents reading this article are exclaiming, “No way, that is not
my child. My son would never attend such parties. My daughter would have told
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me what happened in the party.” It is possible that your view is 100% correct but I
dare say that you could also be a 100% wrong.
It is agreeable that not all sleep overs, house parties, and birthday bashes take the
above flow but there is an increment such tendencies. Every parent must be
aware that in an environment where no supervision is offered, teenagers with
“blazing” hormones may be greatly tempted to engage in reckless
experimentations.
 Is denying your child a chance to socialize the answer? No.
 Is accompanying your child to the party an answer? No.
 Is sneaking at the party when you are not expected an answer? No.
 Is buying condoms and contraceptives for the teens an answer? No.
What should a parent do?
i.
Teach and model to your child values that will build his/her character
ii.
Offer unconditional love and acceptance
iii.
Encourage your teenager and show open appreciation to him/her
iv.
Wisely discuss the vices that are propagated in such parties
v.
Demand to know if any adults shall be present or nearby when the parties
happen and contact such families to confirm the party
vi.
Get to know exactly which friends shall be attending
vii.
Invite such friends to your home and wisely share life skills with them
viii.
Familiarize yourself with symptoms that indicate drugs and alcohol abuse
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ix.
Befriend your child and her friends on Facebook so you can know what is
happening
x.
Pray for your child.
To love a child is not equivalent to offer unbridled freedom to engage in
everything he/she wants. It is tragic that many parents forget that although
teenagers look like they can lead themselves, they are still children who need
guidance. Love must be accompanied by discipline. If you must deny them
permission to attend such parties, explain clearly the reasons behind your
decision. Agree with the teenager on the expected behavior when attending such
parties.
They want you to lead but not stifle them. They want freedom but not
abandonment. They want your concern not complaining.
Be open to discuss and caution your child on incidences that might lead to
unwanted sexual pressure:
 Sex and love are not synonymous
 Safe sex is a myth
 Giving in to sexual demands does not make one popular
 Sex does not improve someone’s self-image
 Drugs and alcohol highly increase chances of sexual aggression/assault
 Boys may interpret flirting and seduction as invitation for sexual intercourse
 Cautiously take drinks and be wary of spiking
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 Say an unapologetic no to all sexual advances
 Leave or call for help when values and beliefs are violated.
So the next time your teenager wants to go for a sleep over, pray that God will
give you the wisdom on how to respond. Your child may be well-behaved and has
never messed up in life but remember that if continually exposed to vices, he/she
will might develop a subtle acceptance or admiration of the same. Better be safe
than sorry.
Ensure that he/she is equipped with:
 The Word
 Values – strong will, healthy self-image, and self-leadership
 Credit to call back if need arises
 Taxi contacts and cash for quick exit
The next time a conversation on a sleep over, house party, or birthday arises,
remember there could be sex, booze, and drugs on offer. Keep the
communication lines open. Be quick to listen, slow to talk, and slow to anger.
Leo Kinuthia is a Senior Associate Pastor at International Christian Center and has
worked with minors and young people for over 10 years. He is married to Dr.
Rossie Kinuthia and together, they have two sons.
©2013
All rights reserved.
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