EXPERIENCES IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS
INFORMATION SHEET
This research project is designed to assess some of the different ways in which people may
feel about romantic and dating relationships. In order to examine these issues, the following survey
asks about a variety of different feelings and experiences. These include your feelings towards
previous romantic partners, beliefs about yourself, and your attitudes towards sex. The anonymous
responses you provide will be added to those of other participants, and parts of this data set will also
be analysed by Students in PSYC325 (‘Advanced Research methods’) for their lab report.
Before you take part in this study, please feel free to ask any questions that you may have.
Your participation is completely voluntary, and you may withdraw from the study at any time
without having to give reasons. All completed questionnaires will be stored in a locked cabinet in
Dr. Marc Wilson’s office for at least five years following publication and then destroyed. Dr. Marc
Wilson and Chris Sibley will have access to the data, and parts of the data will be made available to
students in PSYC325. A copy of the ANONYMOUS data may be shared with other competent
professionals on a case-by-case basis, and may also be used in other similar research.
Detailed information on the theoretical rationale and expected results will be provided after
data collection has been completed.
This research project is anonymous, and you will be asked to place your survey in a locked
cabinet at the end of the research session. Please do not tell us your name or your student ID
number. Your completion of the survey implies your consent.
Thank you for your help and cooperation.
Dr. Marc Wilson
Senior Lecturer
School of Psychology/Te Kura Maatai Hinengaro
Victoria University of Wellington
Email: Marc.Wilson@vuw.ac.nz.
Chris Sibley
Research assistant
1
Please try to answer the questions in this survey as honestly as possible. The survey is
completely anonymous, and we will ask you to place the survey in a locked cabinet
once you have finished so that you may never be identified. Please DO NOT write
your name or student ID on this survey.
Section one: Experiences in close relationships
Instructions: The following statements concern how you feel in romantic/love relationships. We are
interested in how you generally experience relationships, not just what is happening in your current
relationship. Please each of the following items and then indicate the extent to which each one
describes your overall experiences in romantic/love relationships (Note: The terms "close" and
"intimate" refer to psychological or emotional closeness, not necessarily to sexual intimacy).
Strongly
Disagree
1. I prefer not to show a partner how I feel deep down.

Neutral

0
1
2
3
4
2. I worry about being abandoned.
0
1
2
3
3. I need a lot of reassurance that my partner loves me.
0
1
2
4. I am very comfortable being close to romantic partners.
0
1
5. My desire to be very close sometimes scares people away.
0
6. Just when a romantic partner starts to get close to me, I find myself pulling away.
Strongly
Agree

5
6
4
5
6
3
4
5
6
2
3
4
5
6
1
2
3
4
5
6
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7. I often want to merge completely with romantic partners, and this sometimes
scares them away.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
8. I worry a lot about relationships.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
9. I get uncomfortable when a romantic partner wants to get very close.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
10. Sometimes I feel that I force my partner to show more feeling, more commitment.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
11. I don’t feel comfortable opening up to romantic partners.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
12. I worry a fair amount about losing my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
13. I often wish that my partner’s feelings for me were as strong as my feelings for
him/her.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
14. I want to get close to my partner but I keep pulling back.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
15. I worry that romantic partners won’t care about me as much as I care about them.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
16. I am nervous when partners get too close to me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
17. I worry about being alone.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
19. I feel comfortable sharing my private thoughts and feelings with my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
20. When I show my feelings for romantic partners I’m afraid they won’t feel the
same way about me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
21. I try to avoid getting too close to my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
22. When my partner is out of sight, I worry that he or she might become interested
in someone else.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
23. I find it relatively easy to get close to my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
2
Strongly
Disagree

Neutral

Strongly
Agree

24. I find that my partner(s) don’t want to get as close as I would like.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
25. I find it difficult to allow myself to depend on romantic partners.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
26. It’s easy for me to be affectionate with my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
27. I tell my partner just about everything.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
28. I do not often worry about being abandoned.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
29. If I can’t get my partner to show interest in me, I get upset or angry.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
30. I usually discuss my problems and concerns with my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
31. Sometimes romantic partners change their feelings about me for no apparent
reason.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
32. I’m afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know me, he or she won’t like
who I really am.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
33. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
34. I feel comfortable depending on romantic partners.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
35. I often worry that my partner will not want to stay with me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
36. I don’t mind asking romantic partners for comfort, advice, or help.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
37. I’m afraid that I will lose my partner’s love.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
38. I rarely worry about my partner leaving me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
39. My romantic partner makes me doubt myself.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
40. It helps to turn to my romantic partner in times of need.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
41. My partner really understands me and my needs.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
42. I turn to my partner for many things, including comfort and reassurance.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
43. I resent it when my partner spends time away from me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
44. I prefer not to be too close to romantic partners.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
45. It makes me mad that I don’t get the affection and support I need from my
partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
46. When romantic partners disapprove of me, I feel really bad about myself.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
47. It’s not difficult for me to get close to my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
48. I get frustrated if romantic partners are not available when I need them.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
49. I talk things over with my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
50. I worry that I won’t measure up to other people.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
51. I get frustrated when my partner is not around as much as I would like.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
52. I find it easy to depend on romantic partners.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
53. When I’m not involved in a relationship I feel somewhat anxious and insecure.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
54. My partner only seems to notice when I’m angry.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
3
Instructions: Now please rate how well each of the following more general descriptions describes
your overall experiences in romantic/love relationships.
Strongly
Disagree
1. It is easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on
others and having others depend on me. I don't worry about being alone or having others
not accept me.
Neutral

2. I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel
independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend
on me.
3. I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are
reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close
relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.
4. I am uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I
find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I worry that I will be hurt if I
allow myself to become too close to others.
Strongly
Agree


0
1
2
3
4
5
6
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
Instructions: The following statements concern how you feel in your current romantic/love
relationship. If you are not currently in a romantic relationship, then please fill these items out with
your most recent serious relationship in mind.
Strongly
Disagree

Neutral

Strongly
Agree

1. When I’m not feeling well I really need to be touched by my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
2. I wish my partner were as receptive to my touch as I am to his or her touch.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
3. I wish that my partner would just hold me for hours.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
4. My partner continually complains that I don’t touch him or her enough.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
5. Even when angry with my partner, I still want to be touched by him or her.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
6. Even in private, I often can’t get my partner to touch me enough.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7. Sometimes, for no particular reason, I love to just hold my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
8. I have considered ending my relationship because of my partner’s discomfort with
touching and being touched.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
9. I often have to remind my partner to stop touching me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
10. I often touch my partner as a way to express my feelings for him or her.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
11. When I’m distressed or ill, I prefer not to be touched by my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
12. Sometimes I wish my partner were more comfortable with being touched by me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
4
Strongly
Disagree

Neutral

Strongly
Agree

13. I like my partner to hold my hand in order to demonstrate his or her
affection for me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
14. I am not always sure when I want my partner to touch me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
15. I avoid touching my partner when he or she is distressed or ill.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
16. Sometimes I am not very happy with the level of touch in my relationship, and
wish it could be higher.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
17. After a sexual interaction, I really enjoy being held by my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
18. I generally don’t like my partner to touch me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
19. I usually hug my partner to show how happy I am to see him or her.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
20. If my partner and I have to be apart, it often takes me a while to get used to his or
her touch again.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
21. When I’m upset with my partner I still need physical reassurance from him or her.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
22. I sometimes wish my partner would touch me more.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
23. I like to hold my partner’s hand in order to demonstrate affection for him or her.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
24. I am always glad to have my partner touch me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
25. When I am facing a difficult situation, I like being touched by my partner.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
26. Sometimes I find my partner’s touch really annoying.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
27. Sometimes my partner goes out of the way to avoid being touched by me.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
28. My partner’s touch makes me feel loved.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
29. My partner often complains that I don’t touch him or her enough.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
30. When my partner is feeling under the weather, my first reaction is to
touch him or her.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
31. It makes me sad that my partner won’t or can’t touch me as much as I’d like
to be touched.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
32. If my partner were willing I could just caress him or her for hours on end.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
33. I sometimes find my partners touch intolerable.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
5
Section two: Personality
Instructions: The following phrases describe people's behaviors. Please rate how accurately each
statement describes you. Describe yourself as you generally are now, not as you wish to be in the
future. Describe yourself as you honestly see yourself, in relation to other people you know of the
same gender as you are, and roughly your same age. So that you can describe yourself in an honest
manner, your responses will be kept in absolute confidence. Please read each statement carefully,
and then circle the number that best describes that accuracy of each statement.
1. Am the life of the party.
Very
Inaccurate
Very
Accurate


0
1
2
3
4
5
6
2. Feel little concern for others.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
3. Am always prepared.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
4. Get stressed out easily.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
5. Have a rich vocabulary.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
6. Don't talk a lot.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7. Am interested in people.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
8. Leave my belongings around.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
9. Am relaxed most of the time.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
10. Have difficulty understanding abstract ideas.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
11. Feel comfortable around people.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
12. Insult people.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
13. Pay attention to details.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
14. Worry about things.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
15. Have a vivid imagination.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
16. Keep in the background.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
17. Sympathize with others' feelings.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
18. Make a mess of things.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
19. Seldom feel blue.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
20. Am not interested in abstract ideas.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
21. Start conversations.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
22. Am not interested in other people's problems.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
23. Get chores done right away.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
24. Am easily disturbed.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
25. Have excellent ideas.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
26. Have little to say.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
27. Have a soft heart.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
6
28. Often forget to put things back in their proper place.
Very
Inaccurate
Very
Accurate


0
1
2
3
4
5
6
29. Get upset easily.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
30. Do not have a good imagination.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
31. Talk to a lot of different people at parties.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
32. Am not really interested in others.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
33. Like order.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
34. Change my mood a lot.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
35. Am quick to understand things.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
36. Don't like to draw attention to myself.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
37. Take time out for others.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
38. Shirk my duties.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
39. Have frequent mood swings.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
40. Use difficult words.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
41. Don't mind being the centre of attention.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
42. Feel others' emotions.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
43. Follow a schedule.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
44. Get irritated easily.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
45. Spend time reflecting on things.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
46. Am quiet around strangers.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
47. Make people feel at ease.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
48. Am exacting in my work.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
49. Often feel blue.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
50. Am full of ideas.
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
Instructions. Below is a set of statements that could be used to describe you.



Please read each one carefully, and circle a number from ‘0’ to '6', which represents the extent
to which these statements are true for you.
Like opinions, some of these statements may seem contradictory - this is not a trick - it's the
way the world is.
There are no trick questions or right or wrong answers - just give your opinion.
Not
True
Somewhat
True


Very
True

1. My first impressions of people usually turn out to be right
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
2. I have received too much change from a salesperson without telling him or her
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
3. It would be hard for me to break any of my bad habits
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
4. I always declare everything at customs
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
5. I don't care to know what other people really think of me
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
6. When I was young I sometimes stole things
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7. I have not always been honest with myself
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
8. I have never dropped litter on the street
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
9. I always know why I like things
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
10. I sometimes drive faster than the speed limit
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
11. When my emotions are aroused, it biases my thinking
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
12. I never read sexy books or magazines
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
13. Once I've made up my mind, other people can seldom change my opinion
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
14. I have done things that I don't tell other people about
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
15. I am not a safe driver when I exceed the speed limit
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
16. I never take things that don't belong to me
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
17. I am fully in control of my own fate
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
18. I have taken sick-leave from work or school even though I wasn't really sick
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
19. It's hard for me to shut off a disturbing thought
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
20. I have never damaged a library book or store merchandise without reporting it
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
21. I never regret my decisions
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
22. I have some pretty awful habits
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
23. I sometimes lose out on things because I can't make up my mind soon enough
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
24. I don't gossip about other people's business
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
25. The reason I vote is because my vote can make a difference
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
26. My parents were not always fair when they punished me
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
27. I am a completely rational person
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
8
Not
True
Somewhat
True


Very
True

28. I rarely appreciate criticism
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
29. I am very confident of my own judgements
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
30. I have sometimes doubted my ability as a lover
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
31. It's all right with me if some people happen to dislike me
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
32. I don't always know the reasons why I do things
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
33. I sometimes tell lies if I have to
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
34. I never cover up my mistakes
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
35. There have been occasions when I have taken advantage of someone
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
36. I never swear
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
37. I sometimes try to get even rather than forgive and forget
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
38. I always obey laws, even if I'm unlikely to get caught
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
39. I have said something bad about a friend behind his or her back
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
40. When I hear people talking privately, I avoid listening
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
Demographic information
1. Are you male or female?
2. What is your age?
 Male
________
3. What is your current relationship
status?
 Female
(please tick  one)
(years)
 Romantically involved
 Single
 Married
 Other (please specify) ________________________________
4. How long have you been in your relationship (estimate the number of months)
months
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Section three: Sexual attitudes and behavior
Instructions: Although we would appreciate your responses to the following questions for research
purposes, you are not obligated to respond if you feel uncomfortable doing so. We would also like
to reemphasize that your answers are anonymous, and your responses can never be linked to you
personally as you will be asked to place this entire survey in a locked cabinet at the end of the
session.
1. With how many different partners have you had sex (sexual intercourse) within the last
year? ____________
2. How many different partners do you foresee yourself having sex with during the next five
years? (please give a specific, realistic estimate)._____________
3. With how many different partners have you had sex on one and only one occasion?
______________
4. How often do you fantasize about having sex?
(If you are in a relationship this excludes fantasizing about your current partner)
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
never
once every two or three months
once a month
once every two weeks
once a week
a few times each week
nearly every day
at least once a day
5. Sex without love is OK.
strongly disagree
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
strongly agree
6. I can imagine myself being comfortable and enjoying ‘casual’ sex with different partners.
strongly disagree
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
strongly agree
7. I would have to be closely attached to someone (both emotionally and psychologically)
before I could feel comfortable and fully enjoy having sex with him or her.
strongly disagree
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
strongly agree
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EXPERIENCES IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS
DEBRIEFING
Thank you for completing this survey.
Some of the questions in this survey measured people’s attachment styles in their romantic
relationships.
The attachment measure that we used is relatively new, and we do not know much about
how well this scale works. The present research therefore aimed to examine the validity of this
scale. In other words we sought to try and examine whether this scale is indeed measuring what it is
supposed to – that is: Does the scale actually assess romantic attachment, and not some other similar
personality trait?
To answer this question we can test two different aspects of our attachment scale. We can
firstly test whether the attachment scale relates to other measures that it should theoretically be
related to, such as touch in romantic relationships. Psychologists call this a test of convergent
validity. Put more formally, the second year PSYC 232 Research Methods text book defines
convergent validity as the “assessment of the validity of a measure by demonstrating that the
measure is related to other variables in predicted ways” (Cozby, 2001, p. 346).
We can also test whether the attachment scale is unrelated to other measures that it should
not be related to, such as measures of social desirability. Psychologists call this a test of
discriminant validity. Stated formally, discriminant validity may be defined as the “assessment of
the validity of a measure by demonstrating that the measure is not related to other variables that is
theoretically should not be related to” (Cozby, 2001, p. 346).
If you have any additional questions please feel free to contact Dr. Marc Wilson at:
Marc.Wilson@vuw.ac.nz.
Thank you again for your time.
Dr. Marc Wilson
Senior Lecturer
School of Psychology/Te Kura Maatai Hinengaro
Victoria University of Wellington
Chris Sibley, Research assistant.
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