If You Really Knew Me
Breaking Boundaries, Clearing Cliques and Hachnassat Orchim
USY Fall Board Weekend 2010
35
*USY Central staff to be assigned to break out groups*
Goals:
 USYers will recognize the importance of minimizing cliques and breaking
down social barriers through the context of Hachnasat Orchim.
 USYers will be able to recognize empathy as an essential leadership
characteristic
 USYers will learn how they as leaders, must act as dugma’ot to minimize
cliques and create an open and friendly atmosphere at chapter and
regional events.
Objectives:
 USYers will understand the importance of breaking down social barriers
(cliques) through the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim
 USYers will understand the importance of empathy and openness as
essential leadership characteristics
 USYers will understand their responsibility as leaders to be inviting and
open to all potential members and friends
Step 1: Hook/Grabber
Ask for 3 volunteers and give each one, an episode summaries/character cards
of MTV’s “If You Really Knew Me” (the episode summaries describe some
stereotypical teenage social groups in first person accounts).
Pull the three people aside and explain to them that they are going to act out a
“character” from the MTV show “If You Really Knew Me” and should read their
sheet aloud and try to make it as realistically emotional as possible.
After each person has described “themselves,” read the short episode/high
school description of the issues of the high school under each character card.
Step 2: Discuss the hook activity
 Do you know anyone similar to the characters represented here?
 Could any of these people be representative of kids in your high school?
 What do their self-descriptions tell you about them?
[possible responses- what you see isn’t always what you get, people are the
way they are for underlying reasons, if we “really knew” someone, we
would better understand their behavior, etc.]
Explain the source of the character descriptions; ask if anyone has ever seen
this show and if they can explain the premise.
For anyone who has seen it: What are the “Big Ideas” or major lessons teens
featured in this show recognize by the end of the episode? What’s the
premise/point of the series?
If no one has seen it, explain to the group:
This show focuses on typical cliques and social groups in American high schools
and how social status and social differentiation can make or break a teen’s high
school life. Each character featured belongs to a particular social group or
clique such as the “goofs/class clowns,” “jocks,” “snobby, princess-types,”
techies, etc. The show attempts to break down cliques and social stigma by
forcing groups to interact in a day long program called “Challenge Day.”
Challenge Day offers students an opportunity to look beyond the outside of the
“outsider” and see each person for who/what he/she truly is.
Step 3: Integrate Hook Activity and Discussion
Explain: The value of this show, why it’s worth presenting here, is that its
purpose is to teach students (and viewers!) empathy and understanding. By
breaking down social barriers and cliques, students are able to recognize their
peers as “real people” and not just as “the geek” or the “princess” or the
“clown,” but for who they really are.
Making it relevant to USY Hadracha: Many potential members are turned off
of USY because they claim it is “too cliquey.” High school cliques carry over
into USY and as leaders, it is your responsibility to practice empathy and
understanding and make USY a place for everyone to feel like others “really
know them” and truly care. We can practice and promote this through the
mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim or being welcoming.
Step 4: Teach Concept of Hachnasat Orchim
Hand out Jewish texts.
Instructions: Ask them to read through each text in partners, discuss some of
the questions provided and think of a situation they have experienced that
applies to this text. Why is this text relevant in our lives?
After 10 minutes, ask partner pairs to share their responses/experiences.
Step 5: Apply Learned Concepts
Split the group into 4 smaller groups. Assign a staff person to oversee each
group and give the staff person an instruction sheet/high school profiles
featured at the beginning of the sicha. Have them follow the instructions on
the sheet provided.
Explain/Instruct: You have each been assigned to a high school and character
introduced at the beginning of the session. Imagine you were coordinating
Challenge Day at the high school described on your sheet.
Think of an activity you would have the students do to get to know each other
and understand each other beyond what they see on the surface. What would
you have them to do to teach empathy and understanding among members of
different social groups and encourage them to collaborate, cooperate and
connect to break boundaries and get to know each other beyond the
stereotypes?
With the mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim as the foundation of the activity, and
the ideas described in the texts, come up with an activity you would run in
each school to handle the different clique represented by the character card
and teach these teens the significance of Hachnasat Orchim and being welcome
to others.
Step 6: Present “Challenge Day” Assignments/activities.
Reassemble as a large group. Ask each group to describe their high school
profile and challenge day activity. Ask the group presenting to explain why
they chose that activity and the goals of it.
Step 7: Discussion
How does each idea reflect the mitzvah of hachnasat orchim? Which text does
it relate to? How does it attempt to break down social barriers, cliques and
encourage empathy, cooperation and understanding?
Why is empathy an essential leadership characteristic, especially in USY?
Apply to USY Leadership:
 What did you learn from this activity? How can the mitzvah of Hachnasat
Orchim make or break a potential member’s experience?
 How do you think this relates to USY? To your role as leaders?
 What do you think is your responsibility as a leader in terms of breaking
down barriers and clearing cliques so that everyone feels welcome?
 How can we overcome cliquey behavior in USY and see beyond
stereotypes to create a more welcoming environment?
 How can you as a leader be a dugma in terms of welcoming others and
eliminating cliques?
Sikkum:
Each person who walks through your chapter/regional door has a story to tell.
Each person has more to him/her than what you initially notice. Each person
deserves to be welcomed into your chapter/region and not feel excluded,
isolated or rejected. We all experience enough of that in the hallways of our
schools. USY should be a place where Hachnasat Orchim is a top priority, where
anyone and everyone can find a place to belong. And it is up to you as leaders,
as dugma’ot, to ensure that this happens.
Follow Up Activity/Taking it Home: We have copies of an “If You Really Knew
Me” getting-to-know you activity. Please grab one if you’re interested.
If You Really Knew Me: Breaking Boundaries, Clearing Cliques and
Hachnasat Orchim
Explain/Instruct: You have each been assigned to a high school and character
introduced at the beginning of the session. Imagine you were coordinating
Challenge Day at the high school described on your sheet.
Have one person read the “If You Really Knew Me” High School
profile to the group:
1. FEMALE (shy, quiet, artsy type)
My name is Ashley White. I’m a sophomore at Riverside High in West Virgina. I’m an
artist and I’m happiest painting in my bedroom at home. I guess I’m kinda shy so its
not easy for me to fit in or make new friends. I feel like I’m different so people don’t
really want to be friends with me. I like dressing with expression although some of the
people, I guess you would say the “cool girls” laugh at my colorful outfit choices and
call me “Rainbow Bright” and other mean names. Whatever! They are look the same in
their trendy yoga pants and skinny jeans. If you really knew me, you’d see that I’m
down to earth and a really interesting person, with a dark and painful past.
High School Profile: The girls at Riverside High have a passion for
fashion and fashion trends determine who’s cool from day to day.
But when a self-described "weirdo" reveals her painful past, the
entire school aims to change her life.
EXPLAIN ACTIVITY: Think of an activity, with the mitzvah and texts of
Hachnasat Orchim as the foundation, that you would have the students do to
get to know each other and understand each other beyond what they see on
the surface. What would you have them to do to teach empathy and
understanding among members of different social groups and encourage them
to collaborate, cooperate and connect to break boundaries and move beyond
stereotypes?
If You Really Knew Me: Breaking Boundaries, Clearing Cliques and
Hachnasat Orchim
Explain/Instruct: You have each been assigned to a high school and character
introduced at the beginning of the session. Imagine you were coordinating
Challenge Day at the high school described on your sheet.
Have one person read the “If You Really Knew Me” High School
profile to the group:
2. MALE (cool, cocky, confident)
I’m a jock. I play basketball, football and run track for my school. I’m a senior at
Freedom High School and I rule the school. I don’t need to “make friends,” people just
wanna be my friend because I’m just that awesome. But if you really knew me, you’d
see that school is my escape. My mom is a single mother trying to raise my 4 brothers
and I and we’re always struggling to get by. Being the oldest, sometimes, I feel like
the entire weight of the world is on my shoulders.
High School Profile: Freedom High School Episode 100- Freedom
High is having growing pains. The kids separate by race and are also
extremely cliquey - Jocks hold the social power, Leadership takes
charge of events, and everybody looks down on the black-clad
"freaks" who hang out in A-quad.
EXPLAIN ACTIVITY: Think of an activity, with the mitzvah and texts of
Hachnasat Orchim as the foundation, that you would have the students do to
get to know each other and understand each other beyond what they see on
the surface. What would you have them to do to teach empathy and
understanding among members of different social groups and encourage them
to collaborate, cooperate and connect to break boundaries and move beyond
stereotypes?
If You Really Knew Me: Breaking Boundaries, Clearing Cliques and
Hachnasat Orchim
Explain/Instruct: You have each been assigned to a high school and character
introduced at the beginning of the session.
Have one person read the “If You Really Knew Me” High School
profile to the group:
3. MALE (jokester, class clown, silly and goofy)
I’m a junior at Anthony Wayne High School. I guess people would call me the “class
clown.” (make silly expressions). Everyone loves me at school because I’m funny and I
make the kids in my class laugh. I like the attention I get when I do something silly or
make a joke. It makes my day more tolerable. See, I have a learning disability and
really hate school. Being silly and goofy shows ensures that they laugh with me, not at
me, that my stupidity is in my actions, not my (dis) abilities. If you really knew me,
you’d see that my “stage” is just a “mask,” covering the pain I feel in trying to get by
each day academically.
High School Profile: Anthony Wayne High School Episode 101- A
mostly-affluent high school, Anthony Wayne still has its problems,
and most of them start online. A small rumor passed during the day
blows up overnight though Facebook and texting. And students
admit that most of the stuff they say online they would NEVER say
to a kid's face.
EXPLAIN ACTIVITY: Imagine you were coordinating Challenge Day at the high
school described.
Think of an activity, with the mitzvah and texts of Hachnasat Orchim as the
foundation, that you would have the students do to get to know each other and
understand each other beyond what they see on the surface. What would you
have them to do to teach empathy and understanding among members of
different social groups and encourage them to collaborate, cooperate and
connect to break boundaries and move beyond stereotypes?
Jewish Texts on Welcoming –
‫הכנסת אֹורחים‬
1. Why be welcoming? We know how it feels to be new or different:
Shemot 23:9
‫ יְ ַדעְ ֶּתם‬,‫ ל ֹא ִתל ְָחץ; וְ ַא ֶּתם‬,‫ ט וְ גֵר‬9 And a stranger shall you not oppress; for you
,‫יתם‬
ֶּ ִ‫ג ִֵרים הֱ י‬-‫כִ י‬--‫ ֶּנפֶּׁש ַהגֵר‬-‫ ֶּאת‬know the heart of a stranger, seeing you were
.‫ְב ֶּא ֶּרץ ִמ ְצ ָר ִים‬
strangers in the land of Egypt.
Vayikra 19:33-34
‫ל ֹא‬--‫ ְב ַא ְר ְצכֶּ ם‬,‫יָגּור ִא ְתָך גֵר‬-‫ לג וְ כִ י‬33 And if a stranger resides with you in your land,
.‫ אֹתֹו‬,‫ תֹונּו‬you shall not do him wrong.
‫ לד כְ ֶּאזְ ָרח ִמכֶּם י ְִהיֶּה ָלכֶּם ַהגֵר ַהגָר‬34 The stranger that resides with you shall be
‫ג ִֵרים‬-‫כִ י‬--‫ וְ ָא ַה ְב ָת לֹו ָכמֹוָך‬,‫ ִא ְתכֶּם‬unto you as one of your citizens; you shall love
‫ יְהוָ ה‬,‫ אֲ נִי‬:‫ ְב ֶּא ֶּרץ ִמ ְצ ָריִם‬,‫ִיתם‬
ֶּ ‫הֱ י‬
.‫ֹלהי ֶּכם‬
ֵ ֱ‫ א‬him as yourself; for you were strangers in the land
of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.
 Why is it important to practice empathy…to remember that we were once
in that situation? Do you think you understand someone’s feelings more if
you were in their shoes at once point? Do you become too comfortable as a
USY leader and sometimes forget what it feels like to be new?
2. Babylonian Talmud Shabbat 27b:
Welcoming guests vs. the study of Torah: Rabbi Yochanan said, "Welcoming
guests is as great as rising early to go to the Beit Midrash (communal study
hall), as it is taught in the Mishnah: "[in order to make room] for guests [on
Shabbat] and to [prevent people] from leaving the Beit Midrash." Rabbi Dimi
from Nahardea said, "Welcoming guests is greater, because the Mishna teaches
it first and then talks about making room for students."
...Rabbi Yehuda said in the name of Rav, "Welcoming guests is greater than
receiving the face of the Shechina (the Divine presence) as it is written, [about
Abraham, Beresheit 18] "My lords, if it please you do not go on past your
servant. Let a little water be brought..."
 What is the relationship between studying Torah in the Beit Midrash and
being hospitable? Do you agree with Rabbi Dimi? What about Rabbi Yehuda?
Is being welcoming a holy act? How or why?
.
3. Vayikra 19:18 ‫ יְהוָה‬,‫ אֲ נִי‬:‫וְ ָאהַ בְ ָת ל ְֵרעֲָך כָמֹוָך‬
“Love thy neighbor as thyself”
A classic rule for living: treat others as you would want to be treated yourself.
4. Abraham and the angels:
‫ ְב ֵאֹלנֵי ַמ ְמ ֵרא; וְ הּוא י ֵֹׁשב‬,‫ א ַוי ֵָרא ֵא ָליו יְ הוָ ה‬1 And the LORD appeared unto him by
.‫ כְ חֹם ַהיֹום‬,‫הָ א ֶֹּהל‬-‫ פ ֶַּתח‬the terebinths of Mamre, as he sat in
the tent door in the heat of the day;
‫ נִ צָ ִבים‬,‫ֹלׁשה אֲ נ ִָׁשים‬
ָ ‫ וְ ִהנֵה ְׁש‬,‫ ַוי ְַרא‬,‫ ב ַו ִישָ א עֵ ינָיו‬2 and he lifted up his eyes and looked,
,‫אתם ִמ ֶּפ ַתח ָהא ֶֹּהל‬
ָ ‫ ַוי ָָרץ ל ְִק ָר‬,‫ עָ לָיו; ַוי ְַרא‬and, lo, three men stood over against
.‫ ָא ְרצָ ה‬,‫ַו ִי ְׁש ַתחּו‬
him; and when he saw them, he ran to
meet them from the tent door, and
bowed down to the earth,
-‫ ַאל‬--‫אתי ֵחן ְבעֵ ינֶּיָך‬
ִ ָ‫נָא ָמצ‬-‫ ִאם‬,‫ אֲ ֹדנָי‬:‫ ג וַי ֹאמַ ר‬3 and said: 'My lord, if now I have
.‫ ֵמעַ ל עַ ְב ֶּדָך‬,‫ נָא ַת ֲעבֹר‬found favour in thy sight, pass not
away, I pray thee, from thy servant.
,‫ וְ ַרחֲ צּו ַרגְ לֵי ֶּכם; וְ ִה ָשעֲנּו‬,‫ ַמיִם‬-‫נָא ְמעַ ט‬-‫ ד י ַֻקח‬4 Let now a little water be fetched,
.‫ ַתחַ ת הָ עֵ ץ‬and wash your feet, and recline
yourselves under the tree.
--‫ ַא ַחר ַת ֲעבֹרּו‬,‫ל ֶֶּּחם וְ ַסעֲדּו לִ ְבכֶּם‬-‫ ה וְ ֶּא ְק ָחה ַפת‬5 And I will fetch a morsel of bread,
‫ כֵ ן ַתע ֲֶּשה‬,‫ֹאמרּו‬
ְ ‫עַ ְב ְד ֶּכם; וַי‬-‫ עַ ל‬,‫כֵן עֲבַ ְר ֶּתם‬-‫עַ ל‬-‫ כִ י‬and stay ye your heart; after that ye
.‫כַאֲ ׁשֶּ ר ִדבַ ְר ָת‬
shall pass on; forasmuch as ye are
come to your servant.' And they said:
'So do, as thou hast said.'
,‫ֹאמר‬
ֶּ ‫ ָש ָרה; ַוי‬-‫ ֶּאל‬,‫ ו ַויְמַ הֵ ר ַא ְב ָר ָהם ָהאֹהֱ לָה‬6 And Abraham hastened into the tent
.‫ ַוע ֲִשי עֻגֹות‬,‫לּוׁשי‬
ִ --‫ס ֶּלת‬
ֹ ‫ מַ הֲ ִרי ְׁשֹלׁש ְס ִאים ֶּק ַמח‬unto Sarah, and said: 'Make ready
quickly three measures of fine meal,
knead it, and make cakes.'
‫בָ ָקר ַרְך‬-‫ ָרץ ַא ְב ָרהָ ם; ַויִ ַקח בֶּ ן‬,‫הַ בָ ָקר‬-‫ ז וְ ֶּאל‬7 And Abraham ran unto the herd, and
.‫ ַלעֲשֹות אֹתֹו‬,‫ ַוי ְַמ ֵהר‬,‫ ַהנַעַ ר‬-‫יִתן ֶּאל‬
ֵ ַ‫ ו‬,‫ וָטֹוב‬fetched a calf tender and good, and
gave it unto the servant; and he
hastened to dress it.
,‫יִתן‬
ֵ ַ‫ ו‬,‫ ַהבָ ָקר אֲ ׁשֶּ ר עָ ָשה‬-‫ ּובֶּ ן‬,‫ ח וַ י ִַקח חֶּ ְמ ָאה וְ חָ לָ ב‬8 And he took curd, and milk, and the
.‫ וַי ֹאכֵ לּו‬,‫יהם ַת ַחת ָהעֵ ץ‬
ֶּ ֵ‫ע ֵֹמד עֲל‬-‫ לִפְ נֵיהֶּ ם; וְ הּוא‬calf which he had dressed, and set it
before them; and he stood by them
under the tree, and they did eat.
What specifically does Avraham DO? How do actions make people feel
welcome? What can you do as a leader to make USYers feel welcome?
Think about it:
Imagine being a new person in USY, how would it feel to come to your first
program or convention? Do you remember how it felt for you? How could you
help welcome someone and make their experience memorable so that they
would want to be hooked for life? What are some things you can do to make
others feel included or welcome? Is it your responsibility to do so as a USY
leader?
If You Really Knew Me Character Cards:
FEMALE (shy, quiet, artsy type)
My name is Ashley White. I’m a sophomore at Riverside High in West
Virgina. I’m an artist and I’m happiest painting in my bedroom at
home. I guess I’m kinda shy so its not easy for me to fit in or make
new friends. I feel like I’m different so people don’t really want to
be friends with me. I like dressing with expression although some of
the people, I guess you would say the “cool girls” laugh at my
colorful outfit choices and call me “Rainbow Bright” and other
mean names. Whatever! They are look the same in their trendy
yoga pants and skinny jeans. If you really knew me, you’d see that
I’m down to earth and a really interesting person, with a dark and
painful past.
High School Profile: The girls at Riverside High have a passion for fashion and
fashion trends determine who’s cool from day to day. But when a self-described
"weirdo" reveals her painful past, the entire school aims to change her life.
2. MALE (cool, cocky, confident)
I’m a jock. I play basketball, football and run track for my school.
I’m a senior at Freedom High School and I rule the school. I don’t
need to “make friends,” people just wanna be my friend because
I’m just that awesome. [get quiet] But if you really knew me, you’d
see that school is my escape. My mom is a single mother trying to
raise my 4 brothers and I and we’re always struggling to get by.
Being the oldest, sometimes, I feel like the entire weight of the
world is on my shoulders.
High School Profile: Freedom High School Episode 100- Freedom High is having
growing pains. The kids separate by race and are also extremely cliquey - Jocks hold
the social power, Leadership takes charge of events, and everybody looks down on the
black-clad "freaks" who hang out in A-quad.
3. MALE (jokester, class clown, silly and goofy)
I’m a junior at Anthony Wayne High School. I guess people would
call me the “class clown.” (make silly expressions). Everyone loves
me at school because I’m funny and I make the kids in my class
laugh. I like the attention I get when I do something silly or make a
joke. It makes my day more tolerable. See, I have a learning
disability and really hate school. Being silly and goofy shows ensures
that they laugh with me, not at me, that my stupidity is in my
actions, not my (dis) abilities. If you really knew me, you’d see that
my “stage” is just a “mask,” covering the pain I feel in trying to get
by each day academically.
High School Profile: Anthony Wayne High School Episode 101- A mostly-affluent high
school, Anthony Wayne still has its problems, and most of them start online. A small
rumor passed during the day blows up overnight though Facebook and texting. And
students admit that most of the stuff they say online they would NEVER say to a kid's
face.