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“Alice in Wonderland”
by Lewis Carroll
adapted for the stage by
Caren Graham, Eva La Gallienne and Andre Gregory
Scene One
(Alice, sitting next to her sister, who is standing down stage right,
reading a book)
NARRATOR ONE: ( standing at music stand down stage left) Alice! A
childish story take and with a gentle hand lay it, where childhood
dreams are twined in memory’s mystic band…like a pilgrim withered
wreath of flowers plucked in a far off land.
NARRATOR TWO: (Down left) (HOLDS up a sign that says: “Alice in
Wonderland” places it on stand)
ALICE: What use is a book, without pictures or conversations?
NARRATOR TWO: So, was Alice considering in her own mind, sitting on
the bank, with her sister, beginning to get rather tired. (Alice falls asleep
against her sister…slowly awakens as the following begins to happen)
NARRATOR TWO: (holds up a sign that says: “Jabberwocky”)
NARRATOR THREE: (Enter cross to center stage and take position in
frozen tableau)
Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe; all
mimsy were the brogroves, and the mome raths outgrage…
NARRATOR FOUR: (Join tableau down center with sword)
Beware the jabberwock, my son. The jaws that bite, the claws that
catch; beware the jubjub bird, and shun the fumious bandersnatch…
NARRATOR FIVE: He took his vorpal sword in hand, long time…long
time.
NARRATOR FOUR: The manxome foe he sought.
NARRATOR NINE: (joins group down left of center): So rested he by a
tumtum tree, and stood awhile in thought.
NARRATOR THREE: And as in uffish thought he stood, the Jabberwock
with eyes of flame, came whiffing throught the tulgey wood and burbled
as it came.
ALL NARRATORS: One, two. One two. (as they sword play) And
through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack.
NARRATOR SIX: And hast thou slain, the jabberwock? O frabjous day!
Callooh, Callay!! He chortled in his joy!!
All NARRATORS: (as they create a circle down center and freeze) – in
quiet voices)
Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe: all
mimsy were the borogroves and the mome raths ougrabe.
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ALICE: (to the audience) It sounds very pretty, but it is hard to
understand.
NARRATOR TEN: When suddenly a white rabbit with pink eyes ran
right by Alice.
WHITE RABBIT: ( enters from lower door stage left crosses stage comes
up on stage passes Alices falls into the circle and exits up center through
the curtains as they close) Oh Dear!! Oh Dear!! Oh my ears and
whiskers… Oh my ears and whiskers, I shall be late!
NARRATOR TWO: (holds up a sign that says; The White Rabbit and
the Hole)
NARRATOR SIX; (at music stand) Alice, had never seen a rabbit with a
waistcoat and watch before, burning with curiosity she ran across the
field, just in time to see it pop down a rabbit hole and in another
moment, down she went after it.
ALICE: Oh!!!!!!!!!Well…after such a Fall as this, I shall think nothing of
tumbling down stairs. How brave they will think of me!!
NARRATOR TWO: Down, down, down she went. There was nothing else
to do so Alice soon began talking again.
ALICE: I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth? How curious that
would be. (move around the circle)
(someone hands her Orange Marmalade) – Orange Marmalade, oh but it
is empty! Oh, I miss my dear cat, Dinah, I hope they’ll remember to give
her a saucer of milk. I wish you were here with me!
NARRATOR THREE: When Suddenly thump!
ALL: Thump, Thump!! (clap hands and sit down)All exit up center as
they say: oh my ears and whiskers…oh my ears and whiskers
(Curtains Close)
NARRATOR THREE; (at music stand) Down she came on a bed of sticks
and dry leaves and the fall was over.(Narrators exit, except Four and
Five)
NARRATOR FIVE: (becoming one side of a door—up center):
She found herself in a long, low mysterious hall.
NARRATOR FOUR: There were doors all around the hall and all of them
were locked! (making the other side of a door and holds a key)
ALICE: OH! How curious! (tries the key and the door gets bigger, she
squeezes through). Everything is so out of the way here I believe I could if
I only knew how to begin.
(curtains open to reveal table—with bottle “Drink Me” on it)
Alice: Surely this was not here before! “Drink Me”, but I’ ll look first and
see if you are marked poison or not. For if a little girl drinks from a
bottle marked poison, it is most certain to disagree with her.
It must be alright. What a curious feeling. (the table grows, making her
small)..oh my, the key, oh dear! Come there is no use crying…I must
stop!! (sees a cupcake) Eat me? (takes a bite)
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Curiouser and Curiouser!! I should be ashamed of myself to cry this way!
NARRATOR FOUR AND FIVE: Alice picks up a key and tries the garden
door, which is now so small she can’t get through.
ALICE: If you please sir…Dear! How queer everything is today! I wonder
if I’ve changed in a night. Let me think: was I the same when I got up
this morning? I almost think I can rememer feeling a little different.
But If I am not the same, who in the world am I?
I will try to see if I know the things I used to know.
How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the water of the Nile
On every golden scale.
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws.
Oh dear, I am sure those are not the right words. There’s not more than
three inches left of me. That was a narrow escape. (the table vanishes)
Things are worse than ever.
Scene Two
(Narrators enter: three, six, seven & eight pick up blue cloth
and become the pool)
ALICE: I wish I hadn’t cried so much.
NARRATOR THREE: (holds up a sign that says: POOL OF TEARS)
Alice didn’t know what to make of her getting bigger and smaller, but she
went on crying all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a
large pool all around her. Suddenly the white rabbit reappears.
WHITE RABBIT: OH, the Duchess, the Duchess!! Oh, won’t she be
savage if I’ve kept her waiting. (he drops a glove and a fan).
ALICE: If you please sir!
(White Rabbit screams and mumbles off left: “oh my ears, and whiskers”)
(Enter Mouse swimming on from right, swims past Alice)
Would it be any use to speak to this Mouse? O Mouse, do you know the
way out of this pool? I am sure that is the best way to speak to a mouse.
(mouse doesn’t say anything). Perhaps it doesn’t understand English.
Maybe it’s a French Mouse: “Ou est ma chatte?”
(Mouse shakes all over in fright) Oh, I beg your pardon. I quite forgot
you don’t like cats.
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MOUSE: (in a very shrill voice) Would you like cats, if you were me?
ALICE: Oh perhaps not. No need to be angry. I wish you could meet my
cat Dinah. She is such a dear quiet thing. And is brilliant at catching
mice—oh I am so sorry.
MOUSE: We indeed!! As if I would talk on this subject. Our family
always hated cats: nasty, low, vulgar, things—ooooooh!
ALICE: Do you like dogs?
MOUSE: (screams and starts to swim off)
ALICE: Mouse come back – we won’t talk about cats or dogs!
MOUSE: Let us get to shore and I will tell you my story.
NARRATOR SEVEN: As Alice and the Mouse swim to shore, they are
joined by Duck, Dodo, Lory , Eaglet and Crab, who gather round to hear
the tale. (NARRATOR EIGHT places a card which says: “The Caucus
Race”)
(Characters adlib here and scold Alice for getting them wet)
MOUSE: NOW SIT DOWN, ALL OF YOU!! And listen to me! I will soon
make you dry, this is the driest tale I know…ahem..Silence all round.
William the Conqueror, whose cause was favored by the Pope and
was sent to the King by the English who wanted leaders, who had
of late been accustomed to hostile takeovers amd conquest. Edwin
and the Earls of…
LORY: Ugh…this is… (yawning)
MOUSE: what did you say?
LORY: oh nothing…nothing (all innocent)
MOUSE: I thought you did…now as I was saying
ALL YAWN: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
MOUSE: (very loud) I proceed!!…..the earls of Norththumbria declared
for him to the patriotic archibishop of Canterbury, and he found it
advisable…
DUCK: Found what??? (like it is the most confusing thing in the world!!)
MOUSE: Found it!! Of course you know what “it” means.
DUCK: I know what “it” means well enough. When I find a thing, it’s
usually a frog or a worm. The question is what did the archbishop find!!
CRAB: I agree, I don’t know what you are taking about.Blah, Blah, Blah,
This is a waste of time, I might as well go bury my head in the sand…
MOUSE: AHEM…he found it advisable to go with Edgar and William
and offer him the crown… (to Alice) How are getting on my dear?
ALICE: Just as wet as ever.
ALL: (Everyone comes in with their opinion loudly) Yes, I am wet
too….how about a better story….I have one…have you heard about the
…..(ad libs)
Eaglet: (YELLING) SPEAK ENGLISH!! I don’t know the meaning of half
of those long words and what’s more I don’t believe you do either.
ALL: (general adlibs) Yes, that is true, what is Mouse talking about? We
are all still wet.
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CRAB: He is the one that is all wet!!! (all laugh)
LORY: It doesn’t seem to me dry at all.
DODO: In that case I move that the meeting be adjourned for the
immediate adoption of more energetic remedies.
DUCK: SAY WHAT?
DODO: The best thing to get us dry is a Caucus Race.
ALL: What is that…yes…tell us….(everyone adlibs loud!).
DODO: The best way to explain it-- is to do it!
(The Dodo has everyone get up and run from where ever they are
onstage—bumping into each other, they make a circle when the Dodo
does a ballet pirouette—then they change direction)
DODO: The race is over!
LORY: But who has won?
DODO: Everybody has won, and all must have prizes.
ALL: Prizes, Prizes!!
CRAB: But who is to give the prizes?
DODO: Why, she is, of course.
MOUSE: But she must have a prize herself, you know.
LORY: Of course. What else have you got in your pocket.
ALICE: Only some comfits, small candies.
DODO: Hand it over here. (Alice gives out the candies)
EAGLET: We beg your acceptance of this elegant candy.
ALICE (to Mouse): You promised to tell me why it is you hate cats and
dogs.(she whispers cats and dogs)
MOUSE: Mine is a long sad tale.
LORY: I think it time to come home for some nice hot chocolate and a
nap!
ALL: Aye, that it is…ah..ugh…blah…blah…(everyone starts off
MOUSE: (Reads his tale…) And the Fury said to the mouse…
(Lights fade to black and everyone exits.) Black-Out (Lights Out)
Scene Three: “The Duchess’ Kitchen”
(curtains open to two actors, Cards: Vivy and Gillian creating two sides
of a door)
Narrator #seven Maya: is holding a card that says: “The Duchess’
Kitchen”:
Alice looks around her to see a door and a Frog Footman sitting nearby.
Running from the wood, another Fish Footman comes to the door,
producing a huge letter.
(FROG- FOOTMAN enters by door: ( stands by the door)
FISH FOOTMAN enters from right, Alice sees him and scared crosses the
stage to watch him.)
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FISH FOOTMAN: (hands the other footman huge letter) For the
Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet.
FROG FOOTMAN: From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to
play croquet. (They bow very low almost getting entangled) (Alice goes up
to the door and knocks)
There’s no use in knocking, and that is for two reasons. First, because
I’m on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because ther’re
making such a noise inside no one could possibly hear you. (Noises from
within)
ALICE: Please then, how am I to get in?
FROG-FOOTMAN: (thinking, looking up at the sky) There might be some
sense in your knocking, if we had the door between us. For instance, if
you were inside you might knock and I could let you out, you know.
FISH-FOOTMAN: Well now, why would you want to do that, she could
just leave, but if the door were locked, well then, indeed, you might need
to let her out.
Alice: Excuse me but how am to get IN!!
Frog-Footman: I shall sit here until tomorrow. (humming)
(Doors open a plate comes out and then the doors shut again quickly)
Frog-Footman: ARE you to get in at all? That’s the first question you
know.
Fish-Footman: Is is that really the true question? Are you sure?
(argument between them)
Alice: It’s really dreadful the way these creatures argue. It’s enough to
drive one mad!!
Frog-Footman: I shall sit here on and off for days and days.
Alice: But what am I to do?
Fish-Footman: Anything you like.
Alice: Oh, there’s no use in talking to them. They are perfectly idiotic!
I will just go in on my own.
Both Footman (to each other) That’s a brave girl!
Alice: Oh bother!
(She enters through the door, the cards exit and the Curtains open to
reveal the Duchess Kitchen)
(Elizabeth puts out a sign that says: PIG AND PEPPER)
(Lights come up on the Duchess’ Kitchen) Cook is at a large pot, cooking,
Duchess center stage on stool with BABY/PIG wrapped up and crying)
Cook keeps putting pepper crazily into the soup, from a very large pepper
shaker. (And she throws things around) Sitting on the floor by the cook,
is the Cheshire Cat—smiling broadly.
ALICE: There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup. (she sneezes.)
Please, would you tell me why your cat grins like that?
DUCHESS: It’s a Cheshire Cat and that’s why. PIG!!
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ALICE: I didn’t know that Cheshire Cats always grinned. In fact, I didn’t
know that cats could grin.
DUCHESS: They all can and most of them do.
ALICE: I don’t know of any that do.
DUCHESS: You don’t know much and that’s a fact.
(Cook begins to throw utensils at the Duchess)
ALICE: Oh please mind what you are doing. Oh dear! Mind his nose.
DUCHESS: If everybody minded their own business the world would go
around a deal faster than it does.
ALICE: Which would not be an advantage. You see , the earth takes
twenty-four hours to turn around on its axis from day to night,
DUCHESS: Talking of axes—Chop off her head!! (Alice looks nervously at
the cook—who ignores her cooking—Alice starts to speak)
Oh don’t bother me! I never could never adide figures.
(sings to baby in crabby voice)
Speak roughly to your little boy
And beat him when he sneezes,
He only does it to annoy
Because he know it teases.
(Cards and Narrators onstage) say: Whaa Whaa Whaa!
(Duchess throws the baby to Alice)
You may feed it a bit if you like. I must go and get ready to play croquet
with the Queen.
ALICE: (to audience) If I don’t take this child away they will surely kill
it.
(baby grunts) Don’t grunt, that is not a proper way to express yourself.
(grunts again) If you’re going to turn into a pig, my dear. I’ll have nothing
more to do with you! (realizes it is a pig)
Oh, you would have grown up to be a dreadfully ugly child, but you
make a rather handsome pig. (Alice, cards exit)
Scene Four: Cheshire Cat
NARRATOR # TWO: So she set the little creature down, and felt quite
relieved to see it trot away quietly into the wood. Alice was alittle startled
by seeing a Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off.
NARRATOR# THREE: The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice, it looked
good-natured. But still, it had very long claws, and a great many teeth!!
(Cards # step forward and become the tree with tree branch props)
ALICE: Cheshire Puss, Would you tell me please, which way I ought to
walk from here?
CHESHIRE CAT: That depends a good deal on where you want to go to.
ALICE: I don’t much care where…
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CHESHIRE CAT: Then it doesn’t matter which way you walk.
ALICE: So long as I get somewhere!
CHESHIRE CAT: Oh, you’re sure to do that if you only walk long
enough.
Alice: What sort of people live about here?
CHESHIRE CAT: To the right lives a Hatter. To the left lifes a March
Hare. Visit either you like. They’re both mad.
ALICE: But I don’t want to go among mad people.
CHESHIRE CAT: You can’t help that We’re all mad here. I’m MAD!! (big
laugh)
ALICE: How do you know that I’m mad?
CHESHIRE CAT: You must be or wouldn’ have come here. Do you play
croquet with the Queen today?
ALICE: I should like it very much but I haven’t been invited yet.
CHESHIRE CAT: You’ll see me there.
NARRATOR#9: Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting
used to queer things happening. Suddenly, the CAT appeared again.
CHESHIRE CAT: BY the by—what happened to the baby. I nearly had
forgotten to ask.
ALICE: It turned into a pig.
CHESHIRE CAT: I thought it would (big laugh…laugh off while you exit)
ALICE: I wish that cat would stop appearing and vanishing so
suddenly—I feel giddy. (to the audience) Well, I ‘ve often seen a cat
without a grin, but a grin with out a cat –that is very curious.
Scene Five: The Catepillar
NARRATOR ONE: Alice looked around at the flowers and the blades of
grass, and thought that she could just grow to her right size again,
perhaps she might find her way into that lovely garden.
NARRATOR SIX: There was a large mushroom growing near her, about
the same height as herself, it occurred to Alice that she might as well
look and see what was on top of it.
(NARRATOR FIVE: Hold up sign: “ADVICE FROM THE CATERPILLAR”)
CATERPILLAR sitting on top of a mushroom, blowing bubbles and
working on yoga postures)
CATERPILLAR: WHOOOOO are you?
ALICE: I—hardly know, just at present, At least I know who I was when I
got up this morning, but I must have changed several times since then.
CATERPILLAR: What do you mean by that? Explain yourself.
ALICE: I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, sir, because I’m not myself, you
see.
CATERPILLAR: I don’t see.
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ALICE: I’m afraid I can’t put it any more clearly, for I can’t understand it
myself to being with, and being so many different sizes in a day is very
confusing.
CATERPILLAR: It isn’t.
ALICE: Well, perhaps you haven’t found it so yet. But when you have to
turn into a chrysalis—you will someday, you know and then after that
into a butterfly, I should think you’ll feel it a little queer, won’t you?
CATERPILLAR: NOT A BIT.
ALICE: Well, perhaps your feelings may be different. All I know is, it
feels very strange to me.
CATERPILLAR: YOU!! Who are you?
ALICE: I think you ought to tell me who you are first.
CATERPILLAR: Why? (Alice starts to leave) Come Back! (Alice turns
back) I have something important to say! Keep your temper!
(Caterpillar starts to move off the platform)
(“Hailey” Alice enters and switches with “Cory” Alice in slow motion
CATERPILLAR: So you think you have changed, do you?
NEW ALICE: I’m afraid I have as I can’t remember things as I used to,
and I don’t keep the same size for ten minutes together.
CATERPILLAR: What size do you want to be?
ALICE: Oh, I’m not particular as to size. Only one doesn’t like changing
so often, you know.
CATERPILLAR: Oh you will get used to it in time.One side will make you
grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter.
ALICE: One side of what? The other side of what?
CATERPILLAR: Of the mushroom…(as the Caterpillar crawls off up left)
ALICE: Now which is which? It is all so very curious? Everyone seems
mad here?
(Muscial Interlude while Technicians set up the Tea Party)
Scene Six: THE TEA PARTY
NARRATOR# TEN: And with that Alice nibbled on her piece of
mushroom and as she walked further into the wood, she had not gone
much farther when she caught sight of the house of the March Hare.
NARRATOR #EIGHT: (Places sign that says: The Tea Party)
She saw a table set out under a tree and the March Hare and the Mad
Hatter were having tea at it, a Dormouse sitting between them fast
asleep.
ALICE: It must be very uncomfortable for the Dormouse, only as it’s
asleep, I suppose it doesn’t mind.
MARCH AND MAD HATTER: NO ROOM—no room!!!!
ALICE: There’s plenty of room! ( she finds a seat at the table)
MARCH HARE: Have some wine.
ALICE: I don’t see any wine.
MARCH HARE: There isn’t any!!
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ALICE: Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it.
MARCH HARE: It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without being
invited.
ALICE: I didn’t know it was your table. It’s laid for a great many more
than three.
MAD HATTER: Your hair needs cutting.
ALICE: You should learn not to make personal remarks.
It’s very rude.
MAD HATTER: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
ALICE: Come, we shall have some fun now. I’m glad they’ve begun
asking riddles. I believe I can guess that.
MAD HATTER: Do you mean you think you could find out the answer to
it?
ALICE: Exactly so.
MARCH HARE: Then why don’t you say what you mean?
ALICE: I do. At least—at least I mean what I say. That’s the same thing,
you know.
MAD HATTER: Not the same thing a bit. Why, you might just as well say
that “I see what eat” is the same thing as “I eat what I see”.
MARCH HARE: You might just as well say that “I like what I get” is the
same thing as “I get what I like”.
DORMOUSE: You might just as well say that “I breathe when I sleep” is
the same thing as “I sleep when I breathe.”
MAD HATTER: It is the same thing with you. (a pause…Mad Hatter
takes out his watch and shakes it, Dormouse sleeps and Hare nibbles on
bread) What day of the month is it?
ALICE: The fourth.
MAD HATTER: Two days wrong! I told you butter wouldn’t suit the
works.
MARCH HARE: It was the best butter.
MAD HATTER: Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well. You
should not have put it in with the bread knife.
MARCH HARE: It was the bessst butter.
ALICE: What a funny watch. It tells the days of the month and doesn’t
tell what o’clock it is.
MAD HATTER: Why should it? Does your watch tell what year it is?
ALICE: Of course not. But that’s because it stays the same for such a
very long time.
MAD HATTER: Which is just the case with mine.
ALICE: I don’t quite understand you.
MAD HATTER: The dormouse is asleep again.
DORMOUSE: Of course, of course. Just what I was going to remark
myself.
MAD HATTER: Have you guessed the riddle yet?
ALICE: No I give up. What’s the answer?
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MAD HATTER: I haven’t the slightest idea.
MARCH HARE: Nor I.
ALICE: I should think you would have better things to do with your time
than wasting it asking riddles with no answers.
MAD HATTER: If you knew time as well as I do, you wouldn’t talk about
wasting it, it’s him.
ALICE: I don’t know what you mean.
MAD HATTER: Of course you don’t. (getting up on the table) I daresay
you never even spoke to TIME!!
ALICE: Perhaps not. But I know I have to beat time when I learn music.
MAD HATTER: AH! That accounts for it. He won’t stand for beating.
If you were on good terms with him, he’d do almost anything you like
with the clocks.
We quarreled last March—just before he went mad, you know (pointing
the the hare with his teaspoon.)
It was as the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to
sing:
Twinkle, Twinkle, little bat,
How I wonder what you’re at.
You know the song, perhaps.
ALICE: I’ve heard something like it.
MAD HATTER: It goes on you know, in this way—
“Up above the world you fly
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Twinkle, Twinkle
DORMOUSE: (singing in his sleep)
Twinkle, twinkle twinkle, twinkle (continues until a roll is put in her
mouth)
I had hardly finished the verse when the Queen bawled out—“He’s
murdering Time! Off with his head!!!”
ALICE: How dreadfully savage!
MAD HATTER: And ever since that he won’t do a thing I ask. It’s always
six o’clock now.
ALICE: Is that the reason so many tea things are put out here?
MAD HATTER: Yes, that’s it. It’s always tea time and we’ve not time to
wash the things between whiles.
MARCH HARE: Suppose we change the subject. I vote the lady tells us a
story.
ALICE: I am afraid I don’t know one.
MAD HATTER AND MARCH HARE: Then the Dormouse shall. WAKE
UP!!
DORMOUSE: I wasn’t asleep. I heard every word you fellows were
saying. (starts to fall asleep again)
(MAD HATTER AND MARCH HATTER: (grabbing Dormouse her under
the arms and walk her around quickly to try to wake her up) Tell us a
story! And be quick about it, or you will be asleep again.
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DORMOUSE: Once upon a time there were three sisters, Elsie, Lacie and
Tillie and they lived at the bottom of a well.
ALICE: What did they live on.
DORMOUSE: They lived on treacle.
ALICE: Oh that would be dreadful, it would make you ill.
DORMOUSE: So they were—very ill.
ALICE: Why did they live at the bottom of a well.
MARCH HARE: Take some more tea.
ALICE: I’ve had nothing yet, so I can’t take more.
MAD HATTER: You mean you can’t take less. It’s very easy to take more
than nothing.
ALICE: Nobody asked your opinion.
MAD HATTER: Who’s making personal remarks now?
DORMOUSE: Ahem…they lived at the bottom of a treacle well.
Treacle is quite sweet, a syrupy, “molasses-like goo”…
ALICE: But…
MARCH HARE AND MAD HATTER: SHHHHHHHH!!
DORMOUSE: So the three sisters were learning to draw…
MARCH HARE AND MAD HATTER: We want a clean cup.
Let’s all move one place.
(run around the table to exchange places)
ALICE: So want did the sisters draw?
DORMOUSE: They drew treacle of course.
They drew everything with an M—such as mouse-traps, and the moon
and muchness—did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a
muchness.
ALICE: Really, now you ask me,--I don’t think-MAD HATTER: Then you shouldn’t talk.
ALICE (gets up in great disgust) I ‘ll never go there again. It’s the silliest
tea party I was ever at in all my life.
(Lights go to Black-Out) (Music to change the scenery)
Scene SEVEN
(Narrator# Four enters and hold up a card that says:
CROQUET IN THE GARDEN)
NARRATOR # Nine: At last Alice reached the beautiful garden and as she
looked around she saw several gardeners busily painting some roses red.
TWO OF SPADES: Look out now, Five. Don’t go splashing paint over me
like that.
FIVE OF SPADES: I couldn’t help it. Seven jogged my elbow.
SEVEN OF SPADES: That’s right, Five. Always lay the blame on others.
FIVE OF SPADES: You’d better not talk. I heard the Queen say only
yesterday you deserved to be beheaded.
13
TWO OF SPADES: What for?
SEVEN OF SPADES: That’s none of your business.
FIVE OF SPADES: Yes, it is his business, and I’ll tell him. It was for
bringing the cook tulip roots instead of onions.
SEVEN OF SPADES: Well, of all the unjust things!
ALICE: Would you tell me, please, why you are painting those roses?
TWO OF SPADES: Why, the fact is, you, Miss, this here ought to have
been a red rose tree and we put in a white one by mistake, and if the
Queen was to find out, we’d all have our heads cut off, you know.
(trumpet sounds)
FIVE OF SPADES: The Queen! The Queen!!
(The gardeners run left, run right, bump into each other and then throw
themselves onto the ground down stage right--another trumpet call brings
on the Queen’s procession. First come clubs, then the hearts, then the
Knave of Hearts, then the King and the Queen of HEARTS with the White
Rabbit hurrying up onstage and takes position next to the Knave)
QUEEN: (saying to the Knave about Alice) Who is this?
(Knave tries to think, but doesn’t know) Off with your head (to the
Knave) who hires these people!! What’s your name child!?
ALICE: My name is Alice, so please your Majesty. Why, they’re only a
pack of cards, after all. I needn’t be afraid of them!
RED QUEEN:
Where do you come from? Where are you going? Look up—Speak when
you are spoken to and don’t twiddle your thumbs all the time!
Curtsy while you’re thinking—its saves time. Time for you to answer.
And always say: Your Majesty. But you make no remark?
ALICE: I didn’t know I needed to make one just then.
RED QUEEN: You were supposed to say how it was nice it was for me to
tell you these things. But no matter.
(she crosses to gardeners, nudges with her foot) And who are these?
ALICE: How should I know? It’s no business of mine.
QUEEN: WHAT did you say? OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!!!
ALICE: Nonsense.
ALL: ooooohhhhhh--then (everyone is silent)
QUEEN: OFF…
KING OF HEARTS: Consider, my dear, she is only a child.
QUEEN: ummpf!! (to Knave about the gardeners, and Knave follows
orders) Turn them over. (they rise up to their knees and bow three
times to her) Get UP! (more bowing) Leave off that!! You make me
giddy! What have you been doing here?
TWO OF HEARTS: May it please your Majesty, they were trying to –
QUEEN: I SEE!! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!! (to Alice) Do you play
croquet?
ALICE: Yes.
14
QUEEN: Come on then! (She starts a march) All mark time in a grand
processional) (drummers tap out a beat)
WHITE RABBIT (Alice steps up to White Rabbit) It’s a fine day.
ALICE: Very. Where’s the Duchess?
RABBIT: Hush, hush, (whispering) She is under sentence of execution.
ALICE: What for?
WHITE RABBIT: She boxed the Queen’s ears. (Alice bursts out laughing)
QUEEN: Get to your places.
(Strange croquet game goes on during this section:
Cards run about in different directions, two of hearts brings Alice a
Flamingo to use as a croquet mallet, cards become wicket and one small
card becomes a croquet ball. A quarrel begins and everyone is trying to
play at the same time. When the Kings starts to dance with Alice, the
Queen goes into a rage and screams)
QUEEN: Off with his head. Off with his head!! Come, let’s go on with
the game!
(Queen moves the game with the cards in a blustery hurry) (Alice is left
center stage with Flamingo)
(Duchess enters with the Cheshire Cat, and come up to Alice who is
looking offstage at would be the croquet game still going on)
DUCHESS: You can’t think how glad I am to see you again, you dear
thing. Cat got your tongue (she laughs)…you are thinking of something
and that makes you forget to talk. There is a moral in that.
ALICE: Hmm? The game is going rather better now.
DUCHESS: Tis so…and the moral of that is: “O, tis love that makes the
world go ‘round.”
ALICE: (to audience) How fond she is of making morals of things.
DUCHESS: I am rather doubtful of the temper of your flamingo.
ALICE: It might bite.
DUCHESS: Quite true. Flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the
moral of that is, “Birds of a feather flock together”.
ALICE: But mustard isn’t a bird.
DUCHESS: Right as usual. And the moral of that is: Be what you
would seem to be” Or never imagine yourself to be otherwise than what it
might appear to others that what you were or might have been…”
ALICE: Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any longer.
QUEEN: (coming up from behind them) Ahem!
DUCHESS: A fine day your majesty!
QUEEN: Now I give your fair warning either you or your head must be
off, and that in about half no time. Take your choice!
(Duchess exits off with the Cheshire Cat in quite a hurry)
(to Alice) Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?
ALICE: I don’t even know what a Mock Turtle is?
15
QUEEN: It is the thing that Mock Turtle Soup is made from.
ALICE: I never saw or heard of one.
QUEEN: (taking Alice’s flamingo) Come on then, and he shall tell you his
history. Gryphon!! (no answer) Gryphon! (she exits with her entourage)
KING: (as they leave) You are all pardoned. Come that’s a good thing!!
Scene EIGHT: The Gryphon and the Mock Turtle
NARRATOR #7 (ENTERS FROM DOWN RIGHT places the sign: The
Gryphon and the Mock Turtle) Alice approaches a different place in
the wood, she sees a Gryphon lying by a rock. A Gryphon for those who
do not know is a mythical creature, half-lion and half- hawk. A very
wise, but stuffy sort of character.
(Gryphon enters from Down left and sinks down by the downleft stairs)
GRYPHON: What fun!
ALICE: What is fun?
GRYPHON: Why she? The Queen! It’s all her fancy, all that—she never
executes nobody, you know. Come on! (He crosses to Alice)
ALICE: (to the audience) I never was so ordered about in all my life,
never!
(Alice crosses down to the Gryphon)
(Mock Turtle enters from Down Left door comes up and crosses to center
where a Narrator has placed a cube which becomes rock—he sits and
sighs loudly, as if he was the world was “ending”)
ALICE: What is his sorrow?
GRYPHON: It’s all his fancy, that he hasn’t got no sorrow, you know.
(they cross over to the Mock Turtle) This here young lady, she want to
know your history, she do.
MOCK TURTLE: ( in a deep, hollow voice) Sit down all of you, and don’t
speak a word till I’ve finished. Once—(sigh), I was a real turtle. When we
ere little, we to school in the sea. The master was an old turtle, we used
to call him Tortoise.
ALICE: Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn’t one.
MOCK TURTLE: Because he “taught us” (make it sound like Tortoise)!!?
GRYPHON: (to Alice) Don’t ask such silly questions. (To Mock Turtle)
Drive on old fella, we haven’t all day.
MOCK TURTLE: Yes, we went to school in the sea, (sarcastically to Alice)
)athough you may not believe it.
ALICE: I never said I didn’t.
MOCK TURTLE: YOU DID!
GRYPHON: HOLD YOUR TONGUE!
MOCK TURTLE: We had the best education—in fact we went to school
every day.
ALICE: I’ve been to school too—
16
MOCK TURTLE: With extras!
ALICE: Yes, French and Music!
MOCK TURTLE: And Washing?
ALICE: Certainly not!
MOCK TURTLE: Ah ha! Then yours wasn’t a really good school!
ALICE: You couldn’t have wanted it much, living at the bottom of the
sea. How many hours a day did you do lessons?
MOCK TURTLE: Ten hours the first day, nine the next and so on.
ALICE: Curious!
MOCK TURTLE: That is the reason they are called lessons, because they
lessen from day to day.
ALICE: Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday.
MOCK TURTLE:
Of course it was. (very sad and sighing) You may not have lived under
the sea.
ALICE: I haven’t.
MOCK TURTLE: And perhaps you were never introduced to a Lobster.
ALICE: I once tasted—uh, no never!!
MOCK TURTLE: So you have no idea what a delightful thing a Lobster
Quadrille is.
ALICE: No indeed.
MOCK TURTLE: Would you like see alittle of the dance?
I can do the first figure without the Lobsters.
(gestures to Gryphon to join him)
GRYPHON: Oh, you sing, I’ve forgotten the words.
MOCK TURTLE: ( with fun dance movements)
“Will you walk a little faster!” said the whiting to a snail.
“There’s a porpoise close behind us, and he’s treading on my tail”.
“See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!”
They are waiting on the shingle—will you come and join the dance?
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?
(takes Alice and swings her around)
“YOU can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!!
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you won’t you join the dance?
ALICE: Thank you, it was a very interesting dance and a curious song.
GRYPHON: Would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?
(maybe a verse of “Beautiful Soup” with the Mock Turtle here)
(GRYPHON AND THE MOCK TURTLE sing off down left through the
doors)
17
Scene NINE
NARRATOR # 10 And Vivy (put out a sign that says: TweedleDum and
TweedleDee)
And as sure as the ever strange Gryphon and Mock Turtle has gone off
into the wood, Alice encountered two rather odd characters standing next
to a tree.
(Enter Dee and Dum from Down right Door Entrance and – they stand
perfectly still with their arms on each other’s shoulders).
TWEEDLEDUM: If you think we’re was-works, you oght to pay, you
know. Wax-works aren’t made to be looked at for nothing—nohow!
TWEEDLEDEE: Contrariwise, if you think we’re alive, you ought to
speak.
ALICE: I’m sure I’m very sorry. (She remembers this poem to tell them)
Tweedeldum and Tweedeldee
Agreed to have a battle
For Tweedeldum and Tweedeldee
Had spoiled his nice new rattle
Just then flew down a monstrous crow
As black as a tar barrel
Which frightened both the heroes so,
They quite forgot the quarrel.
DUM: It isn’t so, nohow.
DEE: Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be and if it were so, it wouldn’t
be, but as it isn’t it ain’t. That’s logic.
ALICE: I was thinking. Which is the best way out of this wood? It’s
getting so dark. Would you please tell me.
DUM: You’ve begun wrong! The first thing in a visit is to say “how do you
do?” and shake hands.
(Dum and Dee hug, then hold out their free hands to Alice to shake.
She gives each of them one of her hands. Dee and Dum pull her into
circle dance.)
Here we go round the mulberry bush
The muberry bush the mulberry bush
Here we go round the mulberry bush
Early in the morning.!
(Dance ends….everyone shakes hands with each other)
DUM: Round and round is enough for one dance.
ALICE: I hope you aren’t much tired.
DUM: Nohow. And thank you very much for asking.
DEE: Very much obliged. You like poetry.
ALICE: UH—very well. Some poetry. But, would you tell me which road
leads out of the wood.
18
DEE AND DUM: “The Walrus and the Carpenter” is the longest.
DEE: “The sun was shining—“
ALICE: If it’s very long, would you please tell me which road—
(Narrators enter and begin to act this poem out)
DEE: Shining with all its might
DUM: He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright
DEE: And this was odd
Because it was
DUM AND DEE: It was the middle of the night.
DEE: The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hands
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
DUM: “If this were only cleared away.”
DEE: They said,
DEE and DUM: “It would be grand”.
DUM: “oyster, come and walk with us!”
The walrus did beseech
A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach,
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.”
DEE: Four young oysters hurried up
All eager for the treat,
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn’t any feet.
Four other oysters followed them,
And yet another four,
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more and more
All hopping thought the frothy waves and scrambling to the shore.
DUM:
The walrus and the carpenter
Walked on a mile or so
And then they rested on a rack
Conveniently low
And all the little oysters stood
And waited in a row.
The time as come the walrus said,
“To talk of many things
19
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax
And cabbages and kings,
And why the sea is boiling hot,
And whether pigs have wings.”
A loaf of bread the walrus said,
Is what we chiefly need,
Peppper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed—
Now if you’re ready, oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.
“But not on us!” The oysters cried
turning a little blue
after such kindness, that would be
a dismal thing to do
the night is fine the walrus said,
do you enjoy the view?
It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice.
The carpenter said nothing but
Cut us another slice!
I wish you were not quite so deaf:
I’ve had to ask you twice.
It seems a shame the walrus said,
To play them such a trick,
After we’ve brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick,
The carpenter said nothing but
“the butter’s spread too thick”.
“I weep for you”, the walrus said,
I deeply sympathize.
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the longest size
Holding his pocket handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
“O oyster”, said the carpenter,
“You’ve had a pleasant run!”
Shall we be trotting home again?
But answer came there none—
And this was scarcely odd, because
20
They’d eaten every one.
ALICE: I like the walrus best. He was a little sorry for the oysters.
DEE: He ate more than the carpenter though
ALICE: Well…they were both very unpleasant characters! But at any
rate, I had better be getting out of this wood?
Do you think it is going to rain?
WHITE RABBIT (runs on, BREATHLESS and says): The trial is beginning,
the trial is beginning!! Come on! (He places the card that says: The
Trial)
(Lights: Black-out)
Scene Eleven—THE TRIAL
Lights up Alice and Gryphon enter to the following tableau:
Courtroom is as follows; KING AND QUEEN OF HEART, on near center
platform on thrones, with the WHITE RABBIT by them. .Next to throne at
left on table: Cheshire Cat.with Mock Turtle and Gryphon. Crowd to the
right: on bench and standing as the Jury Box: Birds, Dodo, Lory, Mouse,
Eaglet, Duck, Crab, DUM and DEE, Frog and Fish Footman on either side
of Jury box.
In the Spectator’s Box sit Alice, the Duchess and her Cook.
Down Right and Down Left in two Groups are the Cards guarding the
Trial. Mad Hatter and Dormouse sit on downstage BENCH watching and
sipping tea.
Several Cards bring the Knave to the center stage to witness spot. Alice
spies a plate of tarts,that are labeled; “Exhibit A” she says:
ALICE: Ooooh!! What lovely tarts! I wish they would get the trial done,
and it was time for refreshments,
EVERYBODY: Shhhh! (general adlibs)
ALICE : That’s the Judge because of the great wig. And that’s the jurybox. And I suppose those creatures are the jurors. What are they doing?
They can’t have anything to put down yet before the trial’s begun.
GRYPHON: They’re putting down their names for fear they should forget
them before the end of the trial.
ALICE: Stupid things! (she says out loud and then gasps)
WHITE RABBIT: Silence in the Court!!
KING: Young lady, just look along the road and tell me whom you see.
ALICE: I see nobody on the road.
KING: I only wish I had such eyes. To be able to see nobody and at such
a distance too. It is all I can do to see real people by this light.
ALICE: I see someone now, he comes slowly and with curious attitudes.
21
KING: Not at all. He is an Anglo-Saxon Messenger, and only does those
when he’s happy. He’s name is Haigha (like Mayor).
ALICE: (reciting a poem she remembers) I love my love with an H-because he is happy. I hate him with an H because he is Hideous. I feed
him with Ham-Sandwiches, and---Hay.
KING: The other messenger is called Hatta, I have one to come, and one
to go.
ALICE: I beg your pardon?
KING: It isn’t respectable to beg!
(The MARCH HARE enters out of breath, making huge gestures to the
King, he carries a huge bag on his shoulder—and then to the March Hare
after a moment) The young lady loves you with an H-- Give me a Ham
sandwich! (March Hare does this) Another!
MARCH HARE: There’s nothing left but Hay!
KING: Hay then! (eats some hay!) Who did you pass on the road?
MARCH HARE: Nobody.
KING: Quite right. This young lady saw him too.Of course, nobody
walks slower than you. Now that you have your breath, you may say
what they are saying in town.
MARCH HARE: I’ll whisper it!! (shouts) THE TRIAL OUGHT TO BEGIN!
KING: (Jumping violently) You call that a whisper?
Do that again, I’ll have you buttered! Sit down! Herald, read the
accusation!!
(Trumpet roll)
WHITE RABBIT: “The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
All on a summer’s day:
The Knave of Hearts, she stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!!
KING(to the jury) Consider your verdict!
WHITE RABBIT: Not yet, not yet! There’s a great deal more to come!
KING: Call the first witness!
TWO OF HEARTS: (shouts) Call the first witness!
WHITE RABBIT: (trumpet blast) First witness!
MAD HATTER: I beg pardon, Majesty, for bringing these in: I hadn’t
quite finished my tea—
KING: When did you begin?
MAD HATTER: Fourteenth of March, I think it was.
MARCH HARE: Fifteenth.
DORMOUSE: Sixteenth.
KING: JURY! Write that down! (they busily do so)
(to the Mad Hatter) Take off your hat!
MAD HATTER: It isn’t mine! (very sarcastic)
KING: Stolen
EVERBODY: Ohhhhhh!!! (adlibs and writing about the Mad Hatter
stealing this hat)
MAD HATTER: I keep them to sell. I’ve none of my own. I’m a hatter.
22
(The Queen comes over and gives him the once-over, making him fidgety)
KING: Give us your evidence.
QUEEN: Yes, and don’t be nervous, or we’ll have you executed on the
spot.
MAD HATTER: It was not a week ago, I had just begun my tea, and with
the bread and butter getting so thin, and the twinkling of the tea—
KING: The twinkling of the what?
MAD HATTER: It began with tea.
KING: OF course twinkling begins with a T—what do you take me for?
You may stand down.
MAD HATTER: I can’t go no lower. I’m on the floor as it is.
I’d like to finish my tea.
KING: YOU MAY GO!
QUEEN: JUST TAKE OFF HIS HEAD!
KING: Consider your verdict!!
EVERYBODY: Oh well …we will…ah ha..ohhhhhhh!!
WHITE RABBIT: More evidence, your Majesty. It’s a set of verses.
QUEEN: Are they in the prisoner’s handwriting?
EVERYBODY: (All lean in together saying: ) Hmmmmm?
WHITE RABBIT: No they are not --very curious indeed.
EVERYBODY: (Lean back and say: ) AAAHHHHHHHHH!!
KNAVE: Please your majesty, I didn’t write it. And there is no name
signed at the end.
KING: If you didn’t sign it, that only makes matters worse, you must
have meant some mischief, or you would have signed your name, like an
honest knave. ( Everybody claps their hands at this news)
ALICE: It proves nothing of the sort? You don’t know what they’re
about!
KING: READ the Verses!
WHITE RABBIT:
They told me you had been to her,
And mentioned me to him’
She gave me a good character,
But said I could not swim.
He sent them word I had not gone
We know it to be true.
If she should push the matter on,
What would become of you?
I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine, before.
My notion was that you had been
23
Before she had this fit
An obstacle that came between
Him and ourselves and it.
Don’t let him know she liked him best
For this must ever be
A secret, kept from all the rest,
Between yourself and me.
KING: (rubbing his hands in glee)
That’s the more important piece of evidence yet!
ALICE: (Coming down center to the audience—like a lawyer)
If any of them can explain it, I will give them a sixpence. I don’t believe
there’s an atom of meaning in it.
JURY: (sounding out every syllable) She—doesn’t be-lieve there’s—an
atom of meaning—in it.
KING: (big announcement) Well then, that just saves us all a world of
trouble. (looking at the verses) I seem to see some meaning in them
after all, “I said I could not swim” –can you?
KNAVE: (exasperated) Oh—do I look like it?
KING: All right so far.
“We know it to be true” --ah that is the jury of course.”I gave her one,
they gave us two”—why, that must be what he did with the tarts.
ALICE: But it goes on, “They all returned from him to you”.
KING: Why, there they are! Nothing can be clearer than that. (Jury
cheers) But the again, it says: Before she had this fit—
(to Queen) You never had any fits, my dear, have you?
(all is very quiet they look around the sky, ground--just not at the Queen)
QUEEN: Never! (very angry)
KING: Then the words don’t fit you.
(dead silence) It’s a pun….!!!(Everybody laughs)
ALICE: It’s a lie.
KING What do you know of this business.
ALICE: Nothing.
KING: Nothing whatever?
ALICE: Nothing whatever.
KING: That’s very important.
JURY: Ahhh!!! Very Important!! (they write furiously)
KING: (to White Rabbit) Consider your verdict!
TWO OF HEARTS: (to Jury) CONSIDER YOUR VERDICT!
QUEEN: No, No!! Sentence first, verdict afterwards.
ALICE: Stuff and Nonsense! The idea of having the sentence first.
You are all nothing but a pack of cards.
QUEEN: HOLD YOUR TONGUE!!
24
OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!
EVERYBODY: OFF WITH YOUR HEAD…OFF WITH YOUR HEAD.
(chant: Alice, Alice. –very loud to very soft)
The Action for this ending:
A strobe light comes on as the cast moves into SLOW MOTION.
Everyone starts to look as though they are moving forward, closing in on
Alice. The whole group freezes when as Alice moves down center,
pretending to run in place –she turns to see her Sister as in the opening
tableau. She crosses to her sister, sits down as in the opening.
Ending Monologue:
ALICE’S SISTER: Alice! Alice, dear. Wake up, Wake up dear!
(Alice rejoins her sister)
ALICE: “Oh, I have had such a curious dream!”
ALICE’S SISTER: I’m sure it was a curious dream dear, but now it is time
to go in and have our tea; it’s getting late.” (freeze in tableau)
“I began to picture to myself how this same sister of mine, might become
in an after time, being herself a grown-up woman. And how she would
keep the simple and loving heart of her childhood: and how she might
gather about her little children, and make their eyes bright and eager
with many a strange tale, perhaps with the dreams of Wonderland of
long-ago – and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows and
pleasures in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and
the happy summer days.”
End of Play
Curtain Call