Luke 1
Stephanie Luke
Professor Mills
College English 1
March 11, 2011
Breastfeeding: Publicly Indecent or Publicly Accepted
Nourishing babies is the main purpose of breasts, but is it a public indecency or a natural
occurrence to witness this situation in public? {Thesis statement} In the cartoon a man is sitting
next to a woman who is breastfeeding her child. He asserts that he is offended by her actions in
the public place in which they are sitting; meanwhile, there are posters of women in the
background who are revealing more skin than the nursing mother is. The cartoonist implies that
the women who are using their bodies to market products are more offensive than the woman
who is feeding her baby with hers. {This statement is contradicting. You talk about people
being offended by breast feeding in public; however, you state that the author is implying
that people are more offended by pictures that contain some nudity. This is a better
statement, “In the illustration, the cartoonist implies that people are more offended by
women breast feeding in public than women who use their bodies to market products.}
There are many people who feel that breastfeeding should not be witnessed in public, but in all
honesty it is not always convenient for a mother to run and hide when it’s time to feed her baby;
a woman does not make the decision to breastfeed based on public opinion, or convenience.
{Your idea is good, but the thesis is not fully developed through your body paragraphs. The
first sentence in your introduction would be a better thesis statement because it is
supported by the body paragraphs. This could also be used as your opening statement. It
gives a general idea what the essay is about. }
Luke 2
There are many people who strongly believe that breastfeeding in the open is
unacceptable. {Topic sentence} Many perceive breasts as strictly sexual objects; therefore,
viewing breastfeeding in public as vulgar. {Great example because you answer why people
strongly believe it is unacceptable.} Adults with this viewpoint have expressed concerns
regarding how their children may be impacted. For example, witnessing a breastfeeding mother
and have even encouraged laws against breastfeeding in public. {This sentence doesn’t make
sense. You need to answer how they will be impacted.} Some believe that breastfeeding
should never take place other than in the privacy of ones own home. There are some who think
the mother should excuse herself to the bathroom; others believe it is okay to nurse in public as
long as the session is concealed by a blanket, or cover of some sort. {I don’t think this example
fits well with this paragraph because the topic sentence states you are discussing why it is
unacceptable.}
It is not always convenient for a mother to seek out privacy for breastfeeding; {Topic
sentence} when a baby is hungry, the baby needs to be fed { You are restating yourself here.
The reader knows if a baby is hungry, it is feeding time; instead, you can say, “When it is
feeding time for the baby, and sometimes the mother does not have access to a bathroom, or
private area. It is understandable why some women choose not to cover the their feeding
sessions with a blanket when breastfeeding. {Readers know you are talking about breast
feeding. Use a transitional word here such as for example, or for instance.} Transitional
word, the mother needs to make sure the baby is latched on properly and is not sleeping. If the
baby is not latched on properly or is sleeping If this is not being executed, it may throw off the
babies baby’s feeding schedule, or may lead to the mother becoming engorged. It also becomes
very hot for a mother and baby, in the summer, when covered by a blanket, even a thin one.
Luke 3
{This sentence needs to be arranged. For example, also in the summer, it is very hot for a
mother and baby when using a blanket.} {The highlighted portion above doesn’t really
standout to your topic sentence of why it is not convenient. I think you should keep the
same idea because it is good; however, you should elaborate more to why it is not
convenient.} If an adult is concerned about what his, or her child witnesses, the adult should take
the time to explain his, or her opinion regarding as to why the action it is, or is not
acceptable.{This sentence is grammatically correct; however, it seems a little confusing
when one first reads it.} Some have said that a woman who breastfeeds in public is only trying
to get attention. {This does not have any support, or have anything to do with being
inconvenient to seek out privacy.}
A mother who decides she is going to breastfeed exclusively does not make this decision
as a way of getting attention in public; instead, she makes this decision based on what is best for
her and her baby.{Topic sentence} She considers that along with sustaining the baby’s health
that it also benefits herself.{The mother not only considers the baby’s health, but also
considers her benefits as well. This is a more understandable statement.} For instance, it
reduces the risk of certain cancers, promotes postpartum weight loss, and it is an inexpensive
alternative to buying formula.{The area highlighted is a great example which correlates with
your topic sentence.} Although breast milk has been scientifically proven to be healthier for
babies, breastfeeding is not for everyone. Some women are not able to produce enough milk,
some babies don’t latch on properly, and some mothers are uncomfortable with the idea. Most
the women who are uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding feel that way due to the how it
is viewed in the public eye because the public view that is portrayed toward them. {Although
this paragraph has some great examples, the topic is not stated in your thesis.}
Luke 4
When it is widely viewed as vulgar, it could be said that some women are discouraged to
breastfeed. {Your thesis statement should be restated at the beginning of your conclusion.}
The present day society can and should encourage breastfeeding by leaving the decision to nurse
in public, or not up to the mother.{This sentence is very confusing.} If one wishes not to
witness this natural occurrence, one should excuse him/herself and understand how inconvenient
it may be for the breastfeeding mother to do so. A woman should not be ashamed of her decision
to do what has been medically proven to be the most healthful option for herself, and her baby.
If half naked men and women posing provocatively on billboards, magazine covers, and
television are publicly acceptable then without a doubt breastfeeding in public should not be
considered vulgar. {This is a great argument!}
OTHER COMMENTS
Although your sentences are well developed, you barely use any transitional words.
This will make your examples and sentences flow throughout your paragraph. You also
overuse semi-colons throughout your essay. Spice up your sentence variety. Also, make
sure your topic sentences and examples all relate back to your thesis. This is a very good
essay; however, the project was based on the editorial cartoon which was only talked about
in the introduction and conclusion. You should incorporate it more throughout your essay.
Great essay Stephanie!
Luke 5
{If it is under the title, it allows the reader to analyze the cartoon his/herself and then agree, or
disagree with your statements.}
Works cited:
“Escaping To My Happy Place: World Breastfeeding Week 2009: Cartoons.” 2009. Web. 10
March 2011.
According to MLA format, work cited should be on a separate page. Also the second
line should be indented ½. Works cited is double spaced.
Example:
“Escaping To My Happy Place: World Breastfeeding Week 2009: Cartoons.” 2009. Web. 10
March 2011.