Birmingham, Sandringham
and here Egganham.
She can stop for 5 minutes.
Perfect for a photo opportunity.
Jolly good. When?
Here are the figures.
Her popularity has been falling
for eight months. November.
The fall began
eight months ago.
We must do something
by the end of June.
On June 20th
she is visiting Birmingham.
June 20th it is then.
What's Egganham like?
How long have you been
collecting pennies, barman?
How long would it be, Mr. B?
- Must be nearly a year now.
So it's almost ready then?
We'll keep going for another
month or two, I think.
I'll put
another one on while the Queen's head
is still on it.
Soon we'll be using
those eury things.
Hello, Clive. Nobby here.
This is the place.
It's called...
What is this place called?
- The Queen's Head.
The Queen's Head
in Egganham.
Don't worry, I'll make
the arrangements.
Repainting already, Jules?
1
It's only a couple of years
since you did it last time.
Haven't you heard?
The queen's coming.
What? To Eggenham?
Nobody tells me anything. I'm
always the last one to know.
I bet the queen thinks
the whole world smells of paint.
Everywhere she goes,
someone's just painted it.
Why do we need a queen?
What does she do for a living?
She reigns, doesn't she?
Well, she does
and she doesn't.
What are doing? You don't think
the queen's going to come here?
She's hardly going to pop in
for a packet of cigarettes.
You never know, mum.
- She doesn't smoke.
How do you know? - She doesn't
smoke in public anyway.
She doesn't go to the toilet in
public either. She still goes.
You're a silly billy.
I'll have to buy more gin.
And dog biscuits.
For the corgis.
What if she wants to use the
toilet? - I met the queen once.
Oh yes, Mr. B. Did she invite
you back to her palace?
No, but she did speak to me.
It was at Ascot races.
What did she say?
- "Get out of my way".
2
Your attention please,
ladies and gentlemen.
Can I have your attention?
As you all know the queen will be visiting
Egganham on June 20th.
She will be visiting the
Queen's Head public house.
We will be having a
rehearsal at seven o'clockthis evening
in the Queen's Head.
And there will be plenty
of time for questions then.
But now there is one thing
we must do.
We must choose someone to
be the queen at our rehearsal.
Norman Bates. He even
looks like the queen.
I think this lady in the front
row would be most suitable.
Oh, I couldn't!
Can I help you?
- Well, actually...
I'm looking for a crown.
Mum, have we got
any crowns?
Yes, I think I got one left.
Just one minute, please.
You'll make a lovely
queen, Mrs. Brown.
What's wrong, Sharon?
I can't go the rehearsal now,
can I? Mersey's ill.
No, I suppose not.
Sometimes you could stay
and give me a chance to go out.
But I've got to go, Sharon.
3
It's for the queen.
I think you love the royal
family more than your own.
Don't be silly.
You stand up
at the football match and sing "God Save The Queen".
You're such a monarchist.
- I'm not a bloody monarchist.
Pardon my French.
But what are you then?
I support Manchester
United, don't I?
In that case I hope Tottenham
beats them next time.
Sharon, that's the worst.
I'm going out.
You make sure you wash your
mouth out with soap and water.
I'll give you Manchester United.
You wait and see, Eric Oldham.
Please, everybody. We must be
serious. Now line up here.
Dear, don't you be a stranger.
You remember me?
For the men a short bow
of the head will be enough.
From the neck. Like this.
And for the ladies... - Here's
your daughter, Eric Oldham.
For the ladies a small curtsy
is enough. Like this.
If the queen offers her hand you take it gently
but do not shake it.
And do not speak
to the queen unless she speaks
to you first.
4
And what do you do?
- I'm the vicar, Mrs. Brown.
Your Majesty.
- Oh, how interesting.
I've always wanted
to meet a vicar.
And what do you do?
I'm afraid I can't remember,
your Majesty.
Oh, how interesting. I've
always wanted to meet somebody who couldn't
remember what he does.
And what do you do?
- Philosophy.
And how about you, queenie?
What do you do for a living?
I reign.
And what about you?
I'm an American, your Queen.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Oh, look the pennies!
The queen will make
a short speech and push over
the pile of pennies.
Well, I hope she's bringing
a really big hammer.
Why? - Your Majesty,
it's as solid as a rock.
Don't worry.
We'll take care of all that.
You start at the outside and then
you take one over here...
Yes, Norman. I know.
Wouldn't it be nice to be
the queen? I mean really.
Not just some nobody from
5
Egganham that nobody loves.
Come on, love.
It's not that bad.
We love you.
You're my queen anyway.
6